olympics intimacy ban, intimacy after having a baby and other advice you asked for
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- Опубліковано 28 кві 2024
- This episode is sponsored by Better Help ▶ Visit www.BetterHelp.com/eastfam today to get 10% off your first month.
We’re back with another advice episode but this time we’re one child wiser so let’s just say we felt a little more confident sharing words of wisdom with you all ;) Thanks to everyone who sent in topics they wanted advice on and if you missed it, be sure to follow our instagram over at @CoupleThingsPod so you can send in a question next time! Although we probably aren’t the best people to be giving advice on all these topics, we love pretending like we know what we’re talking about and our goal is to hopefully provide helpful insights and second opinions for you! Thanks for trusting us to give you advice and we hope you have fun listening to this one 🙂
Love you guys!
Shawn and Andrew
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I so appreciate how you unapologetically reference God and biblical truth. You are honest, vulnerable and lean on your faith to drive how you show up with one another, your children and your family and friends. You admit that you have challenges, but you just keep it real. Loved this!
That’s so cool that Andrew is getting his PhD in Psychology!!! I really appreciate how you talk about God and aren’t afraid of losing followers for doing so.
I think it would be interesting for you to have someone who has been single for a while on. I feel like people who married young don’t understand the reality of a person who has been single for a long time and aches for a spouse. You guys are amazing and I love all the good that you’re doing!
You both communicate better then couples I know that have been married close to 50 years. Way to go
I love your answers. Especially when you talk about God and Church. Life is so much better with Salvation. ❤❤
I find their conversations so interesting. I’m not married nor do I have children but your topics confort me and make me see things in a different light or just hear what I think put into words. Thanks!
I’m a mom of a three year old and four month old twins. We are in the thick of it. This conversation was helpful and made me feel so seen! Thank you!
Andrew,love the word extrapolate! So seldom we hear that word and I personally had to call my English major mother the definition! You guys are awsome and I have passed your link on to my family as my niece is a potential Olympic gymnast. I am so proud of her. She is now 12 and placed 3 in the upper division of her bracket and is intensly determined to be the absolute best.... You Shawn are the epitome of the journey and commitment to the sport you loved and committed yourself to. I hope that she turns out half as well as you in your Olympic medals. She has the determination and the stamina to succeed. You guys are simply the most straightforward and awsome reality that life isn't Always perfect. But you nurture each other as well as children and truly put your hearts out there for others to learn and emulate from. God bless you guys. And best of luck and wishes for your new journey as a family of 5.
Happy Easter!
You guys do such a great job with this. It's so incredibly helpful. Thank you
I'm really enjoying this episode and I appreciate you two being vulnerable. Similarly to what Shawn said (this too shall pass, don't miss it), in some of my hardest postpartum moments I tried to come back to the mantra, "This is the show." Meaning I'm not waiting to buy tickets to some other magnificent show of life, it's happening right now and I'm fortunate to experience it. It helped me, I hope it helps others!
I don't have kids yet, but I learn so much with you guys. Thank you for being so open about everything!!
I love working g out with friends and strangers alike. It is wonderful to share those experiences and joy
I love what y’all said about a new baby in the house and paying attention to the older child! Spot on!!
Recently started listening, I think you guys are really cool. Shawn I loved your religious biblical answer about identity ! You are so right! Celebrating 5 years of marriage tomorrow with my hubby we have 2 under 2! Love y’all’s content!
Not becoming defensive towards your spouse - feel like that can also be found in the Bible! - a soft answer turns away wrath etc…
Thank you. It was encouraging.
I need to find my interests as now my kids and young adults. They need me in a different way. I realize that I need to try new adventures and hobbies.
I like the 5-minute journal! This is really good.
I agree with Shawn on the intimacy topic!
Oooo this was a good episode. I’ve actually heard some really good advice to not talk to anyone about your spouse that wouldn’t defend them. So you could go to your parents if they would defend your spouse! and especially don’t confide in a friend who complains about their spouse a lot. Another thing is my husband is from California and I’m from Philly. It is the hardest decision ever 😅
Yes, I had a counselor tell me even if your mad in the moment, if its something you are gonna get over/forgive them for then dont tell your momma/dad as parents never forget that and its harder for them to look over vs something you forgave them for
My mom told me this when I started dating!
I’m also 3 months postpartum (first time mom) and really enjoyed your perspectives! Game night suggestion is Anomia!! One of my favorites for our game nights.
Mrs. East is spot on, get to a point of peace in yourself whether you get married or not. Mt. East is spot on, it is going to be OK. I hope you do get married, but you should know marriage can be more unhappy and painful than being alone sometimes or all the time if you marry an abusive spouse.
I can relate to Shawn’s experience with sister in laws, growing up as an only child! Super well beautifully said ❤️
Needed this one!! 🙏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
After watching Shawn yawn all the way through the video, I need a nap! I'm yawning every time she yawns. 😂😂 Shawn, I hope you get a nap!
And the lunch Mr. East promised first ❤. Good for Mr. East picking that up so naturally.
I have done the Gratitude Journal each day or 5 Minute Journal for several years. It has focused my life. I am now more aware of how life comes together with others and Spirit. I look forward to it each day. I do skip once in a while. I miss it when I do. I think I am a better person today than before that time.
This was a particularly good episode!
Always always always make time for each other. If you have a good spouse, the “naked time” only gets better.😊
Love love love that some how you touch a little on what i personally am going through in life and giving great advice how to move forward. Marriage is tough but also so am I (and so is my husband) will be working harder on OUR marriage not mine. So Thank you.
Andrew is so special, always brings me to church 🫶
I love the recommendation about asking favors to build relationships! In the last year or so I’ve tried to make a better effort at asking a real person in my life for help instead of Google or UA-cam. It makes such a big difference!
I think its so great that you two are trying to help, etc. With so much on your own plates, it is special to watch!!. Being young, with 3 lils, is so difficult all on its own too. Kudos, keep shining your light!... Prayers to you and yours ❤
Very thoughtful answers. Loved this.
Shawn, I agree with what you said about the awkward postpartum period (when talking about sex life). You are so right...there is a "mom and dad" role that happens and it seems like the "husband and wife" role gets overshadowed. Speaking from my own experience (mom of three...age 6, 4 and 4 months), I find it hard to break through that barrier because routine becomes so ingrained. Right now my husband leaves at 5am and is home at 5pm or later M-F. I am exhausted when he gets home, and I know he is too. If "all the stars align" (as we say jokingly ha)...Kids asleep and baby asleep, we try to have our naked time...but sometimes we are too tired. Does anyone else have this issue? Spontaneity is something we try to embrace on weekends if we can...but I do miss having more time together. On another note, it's hard to feel "sexy" in your body after baby...and I agree with the sacrificial thing you said. As a woman, I feel sexy when my partner really takes time to talk to me and spend time with me. I don't think it's so much about love languages as it is about feeling heard and seen as more than "mom". Sorry this is so long. Great episode. Please do more about postpartum and finding or reconnecting with yourself after kids.
U have done a great job, as usual. Thank u
I love listening to these podcast I would like to add for couples sometimes high expectations without even tell our partner to can sometimes cause problem in our marriages for example if you come home and you expect something from your partner and she didn't even know and you get upset because it was different than you expect that means you're holding something against your partner what they don't even know did you expect.
love spoons..i've played that game with family & friends for 20 years!
RE not being defensive, my tips are to ask more questions than say statements, never say “ you”, only speak for oneself “I”, and the hardest mind-shift but most important - assume you both have the same goal in the exchange, neither means harm, and that being “ right” or “ wrong” is 100% not the goal. The goal is always to understand the other person’s reaction, their desired outcome, and how that meshes with your own.
You guys are amazing 💗💗💗
Just something I have been thinking a lot about as my kids are almost all out of our house and I was a stay at home mom of 3. I did give a lot of myself. I often think I would do it all again and recreate myself now (like I am doing) because I would never want to look back and think I didn’t give my everything to raising my kids. Also, I am different now and continuing to recreate as I aged and the kids grew sounds exhausting. 😅
Great Job!❤❤
Re: starter pack teeth, it can be more complicated than that. My sil had a pacifier through age 3 and had permanent changes to the roof of her mouth which caused a permanent speech impediment lol it can happen ❤
I'm working on my doctorate degree, and I feel even more unqualified 😅. The more I know the more I realize I don't know lol
Absolutely LOVE what Andrew said (when answering the question about where a couple should move when choosing between two families) about how you should move where the parent who primarily takes care of the kids feels most supported. Luckily, my husband and I live in MN and both our families live about 20 minutes away from each other in CO, but after having kids and becoming a stay at home mom, we've had multiple conversations about moving back to CO to be closer to family and so I can have more support through family and friends. Very insightful Andrew!
I’m trying to to talk my wife in to moving away ! So we have our own private life together! We lived next to my parents over 24 years! Plus where right next door! And renting off them!
I’m new to your channel! I’am so thankful 🙏 I found you. Both! I enjoy everything you two talk about! What you do together! You bring up religion! How you both treat each other with respect! Kindness! I enjoy listening to how you bring intimacy in your marriage! You do dates! My wife and I will be celebrating our 33 year anniversary next month! This month it’ll be 35 years! We also do dates ! Where planning on going to our favorite country place in Pennsylvania for our anniversary! We’re leaving our girls home with my parents! We adopted too girls as babies! I tell my wife everyday how beautiful she is! How beautiful she looks! I even put out a washcloth and towel every morning for her shower’ even on our trips! I even offer to dry her back and backside! We both enjoy that! I look forward to your vedio’s! Your amazing topic! Shane I enjoyed watching you in your amazing days in Olympics! Thank you both for sharing your stories in your beautiful life together! My wife and I already looking for our 35 th anniversary in 2026 where planning a cruise!!
I love what Shawn said "this too shall pass but don't miss it". Postpartum with my first was so difficult emotionally and hormonally and I don't even really remember the first 6-7 months of her life. I spent so much time wishing it away as a coping strategy to get through each day. Now that she's just over 1, I really realize how fast it goes, the snuggles you'll never get back, the newborn scrunch, each first milestone that they achieve.. it's all so hard but so so incredible at the same time. Now having my second (and last) child in a couple of months, I've really been focusing on trying to be intentionally in the moment and wanting to see the beauty in every difficult moment rather than just wishing it away. Also have been way more intentional with my toddler in her last couple of months with my complete and undivided attention.
Your podcasts help me with parenthood SO much in every aspect.
Shawn, never apologize for speaking about your faith. The world wants believers to be silent. Thank you for speaking up.
I’m a dental hygienist and the “starter pack teeth” cracks me up 😂😂 gonna use that one
Guys! You should try a spin on the spoons game! We did this and it’s hilarious! You have one person hide the spoons around the home you’re playing in. Different rooms makes it so fun!!! People scatter and run looking for them and it just cracks everyone up! You have to bring the spoons back to the table you all start at. 😂
Regarding the question you had about dealing with being single, check out the book, Only a Single Life to Live by Hannah Schermerhorn. Wonderful perspective from a Christian woman.
I was in a bad relationship (DV) and I am terrified to meet someone now. I’m not a religious person (I believe in God) so church isn’t a thing for me. I don’t have a lot of friends my age where I live or a friend in the same situation as me so it’s hard to go out and meet people. I really want to meet someone but it’s been difficult for me. Past relationships have scarred me so it has made it a scary thing to go on a dating app to meet someone. Dating in todays world is hard.
Wow. Fresh off the press ❤❤❤.
Postpartum in one word for husband and wife is patience! The second word would be understanding!
If I’m watching on you tube, how do I rate your podcasts. I ‘like’ all the time but that’s all I see to do?
Something that has helped me to not become defensive in an argument is to imagine their inner child speaking to me. Specially if they’re screaming at me. I imagine that their inner child is feeling so unheard and that’s why they have to scream. That instantly lets me put my guard down and instead lean in, like I would with a child.
When I am attuned to how they’re feeling, I am willing to listen more to what they’re really trying to tell me in their hurt rather than just hear what they are saying. Another thing that helps me is voicing out that their tone is hurtful and that I need a change of tone to continue. Hope this is helpful 🫶🏻🌸
I love your perspective, thank you for sharing!
You might be surprised that there are young adults that had to have there childhood blanket and they suck there thumb while at the hospital having a baby. Ex nurse of 25y in OB/PP/WBN. I was fortunate that my Son never took a pacifier, the bottle was gone on his 1st birthday and he learned to take the sippy cup. I truly have been blessed he has made patenting a breeze compared to what I know so many kids are going.
'.. _their_ ..'
Good ol Pictonary is fun lol 😂 ❤ and Scattergories! 👏🏼😁
TCM ,Herbal medicine traditions from indigenous tribes north and south americas, and abroad India Ayurveda is definitely not “woo woo” and there are peer reviewing articles to support this knowledge and traditional teaching . There are many scholars that study these topics. I am in grad school as well and one book that is a. Critical read is Decolonizing therapy
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience" - Oscar Wilde
Thank you for sharing.
Andrew - should there be no intimacy in sports, for example, pro football players - no intimacy during the season? Is that different than during the olympics? Both are sports.
Could you link the books you referenced please?
I thought the no nookie ban was bc of COVID. I don’t think it was a cultural thing, just a safety of the athletes thing.
EXACTLY. it was. And for good reason. They couldn’t participate if they tested positive. I think COVID is still an issue - losing thousands a week just in this country - and who wants to work their whole life to get to the Olympics only to be unable to compete
Being a grandparent, you might not be able to show up. Work health, etc..
Believe me, we want to be there.
But! As grandparents, we are not the parents. We dont make the rules. We are not raising them. Follow the parents' rules. Even if you dont agree. Times change. How we raised you might not be how they chose to raise their kids.
If you want access to your grandkids, follow the parents' rules. It is that simple.
My rule#1: stand up for yourself. My mother in law had 2 kids, my hubby and his sister. We had 2 kids, she had 3. In laws live in our town but how sister lived 4 hours away. On weekends, i literally had to beg my MIL to watch our 2 kids - she always claimed "2 is too much, i can't handle them both!" So MY mom would always step up and take them so we could have an evening out. But... when the sister would come visit and drop off all THREE of her kids with MIL, she would call ME wanting me to bring over my kids.... Basically just to entertain and occupy my SILs kids. MIL always, ALWAYS would keep her 3 kids the whole weekend, but would expect me to come over with my 2 kids (which, of course, i always ended up watching ALL the kids). I finally learned to say NO... And my MIL actually called and cussed me out when i refused to bring my kids to her house. She never would keep my 2 kids at the same time, yet she would keep SILS 3 kids all at once, and for the whole weekend... Sometimes for weeks!!!
I think that there's so many condoms given out at any event is GREAT - less risk of disease and unplanned pregnancy! And, it's no one's business, not that banning intimacy would stop it having anyway!!!
In 2020 there was also Covid. They could have been concerned about contagion, at the Olympics.
I need advise on the opposite of grandparents not showing up. My parents want to be there for everything. They did not seem to enjoy being there with their own kids but want to do it for their grandchildren- which is great but they completely take over to the point where I could leave and no one would notice. It has always been important to me to be there and be extremely involved in Christmas morning and Easter and everyday with my kids... I get Birthdays all prepped and decorated and clean and then they come, pick up the babies, are in every picture and then leave me to clean up.
I agree with Shawn on the intimacy topic and the Olympics.
Why does anyone care?
I agree. Who cares what people are doing in their lives . If they want to have baked time with someone then so be it.
You asked for advice, here is mine. Two words. Safe word. In 11 years we haven't gotten into a real argument because when we start to disagree we have a safe word, ours is "foxtrot." What that means is when one of us says foxtrot we take off the "me" hat in the argument and put on the "defending friend" hat. Kinda what Shawn was saying but a step further. Come at the argument as if you were defending them to another person. As if you were at a bar and someone started talking crap to them, and then you step in and you start arguing for them. Shawn said, "You should be the other person's number one. Their confidant, teammate, hype-man, cheerleader, supporter. You should be the person they are leaning on." So in the middle of a disagreement that is the hat you put on. Defend them, not yourself. It may sound like you may not get a chance to get your point across, but in 11 years, during every "foxtrot" conversation, my or his point always comes out - it just does for some reason. Also, during our safe word sessions, we can say anything even if it's a bad word against the other person and we can't hold it against each other later. Not that we ever have but it's there in case we need it. It gives a safe time to say stuff that we might not say otherwise. Kinda like you were saying about the parent situation. Don't talk crap about your spouse to your parent. If you're going to talk crap to your partner it should be to them not to others. The safe word time gives an opportunity to have that difficult conversation with them. We've also learned that these safe word conversations actually are productive conversations instead of ones-sided arguments where we don't listen to each other. Sometimes during an argument it can take hours to get to a place where you can finally say the actual truth. Having a safe word allows you to jump in and out of deep conversations quickly. So when you say the safe word, you bring to the table all the other conversations you've had in the past. You get to that deep part of the conversation quicker. I hope I've made sense. I know people sometimes say they don't fight and then behind closed doors it's the opposite, but I promise we don't. We acknowledge from the start that we are really on their side and they are being heard.
Please excuse my grammar, I'm tired. :) Love your episodes.
Lol, gratitude journalling isn't a "woo-woo" thing. Since you like to read, read "The Gratitude Diaries." It actually rewires the brain.
Watching from Indiana 😝
Grandparents should just want to be there. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK!!! I work full time and my grands live in another parish. I will work all day and drive almost an hour and attend a sport function they are involved in. My daughter and son in law never have to ask me. I don’t understand why you would have to ask a grandparent ever!! Makes my heart sad that you have to ask. 🥺
I agree!!!
I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t think it’s fair to say ‘you should not have to ask’ as that’s only your opinion, based on your experience. Everyone is different. For me, my parents are the most generous and thoughtful people but are contentious of overstepping or intruding and so would not simply show up without being asked. This does not make them any less supportive or less of a grandparent in any way. Everyone is different, I think it’s only fair to at least give that consideration. What works for one night not work for others.
@@louisecollins1938I agree my mom was amazing and she worked very very hard so she was tired. My kids were In everything no way she could show up for everything. So she left it for me to invite her to the most important things.
You’re the exception. It’s so different now and days .
I’m guessing the ban meant no intimacy “in public”…It’s Japan, they don’t do PDA. How could they possibly enforce or track something that happens behind closed doors?
It was because of COVID
@@urjathakkar _'It was because of'_ *hysteria*
Haven’t been getting notifications
Catch Phrase, Mad Gabs
Andrew should have a solo podcast. Like, talk about men and what they go through, their thoughts, and how their mind works. And fatherhood. We don't get to hear about that a lot. Especially dads' perspectives. That would be cool. Maybe after his Phd., perhaps?
Timothy Keller is the 💣
I feel that we shouldn’t have to invite family over. I would love to tell you my families story. If I can private message you please let me know how I can. You can tell the story.
Was the Tokyo intimacy ban purely covid related? Like maybe they had to put that in place to ensure the Olympics could happen in Japan? 🤔
What is on Andrew’s hand?
How about living where your occupation sends you? Most don't have a choice.
That "ill will" thing isn't true. My sister came to our parents over a fight she had with her husband once and they basically told her she was an idiot and to go home LOL (it was over something stupid and it WAS her fault)
I really see where she’s coming from because it’s been a year with such a dry sex life and it now feels awkward ….. like almost like I’m not even into him sexually ? Idk I’m having a hard time even seeing past this hard time / thick clouds to get us back to our past life sex. Sadly
What consenting adults do behind closed doors is no ones business. I would hope they'd wait till after they compete to let there hair down lol but not sure how they would enforce this anyways smh.
😣 P R O M O S M
My babies have had pacifiers until 3 as well. And even at like 1/18mos people gave me crap about it. Like mind your business why do you care honestly. 😅
If I go on vacation with my husband and it’s a conservative country I’m still having naked time lol 😅 sorry.. nobody would know if you’re in your private hotel room or whatever it shouldn’t matter.
You seem a bit disjointed as a couple this podcast
Shawn should not be yawning throughout this. It’s not a good look
Shawn maybe should take a nap before taping ... the yawning doesn't come across as positive intention ... imho
She has a newborn, a lack of sleep is normal. Naps? LOL She has two other children. Just because, she may need a nap, or, may want a nap, doesn't mean it's obtainable.
Spoons is so frickin fun at game night!
Serran wrap ball.
Pictionary
Taboo