THE TRUTH ABOUT MY STRUGGLE WITH POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION | Birth Story
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- Опубліковано 18 кві 2023
- Hey everyone,
This has been the hardest video I have had to film to date. I had this video filmed for over a month and could never bring myself to get the courage to finally post it. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and scared of the comments people would make, or potential attacks I would get while being in such a vulnerable space. After thinking about it, and constantly having it hang over my head I had to realize why I have this platform, and what this video could do to help another struggling mother. That thought alone pushed me into finally editing and posting the video and sharing my real and raw experience from the bottom of my heart.
I only want to be real and authentic with all of my followers, and have you see the true ME. I fully believe sometimes we are given struggles by God to lean closer to him as well as share and help others during the process. This has been heavy on my heart and I feel really good sharing my story to you all.
Thank you to those who have been following me from our wedding, before pregnancy, and then during my entire pregnancy and birth. It is such a special feeling to have such an amazing support system (who are all of you), hoping and wishing Matt and I well. This is just a small chapter in my book, and one that I will overcome! Thank you for standing with me :). I love you all!
If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression and mental illness please reach out. The Crisis Text Line is (text BRAVE to 741741) or by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK).
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You are such a great Mom. I love you ❤
I love you so much ❤🥰 You have been the best
Love this! This video was done perfectly & you expressed your experience that sooo many women can relate to. I'm in MA and I definitely agree with getting out of the house. It's sooo hard during the winter months where we live. I remember getting my kids who are 2 years apart, I'd put them in the car and just go grab an iced coffee from dunks & go for a long drive. Becoming a mother or a parent for that matter is life changing. Such an important message! It helped me and I'm now in the lovely teenage stage. Great video Alexa!
It's not easy when your hormones are all over the place, and you feel out of control. Alexa should feel so proud for recording this because it will help many other women. Matt, what a wonderful and understanding husband and gentleman you are for helping her through her struggles. Love you both!
Your a great father
Your the best sweet girl! It is tough, first pregnancy is tough and so are first babies.
Alexa, you're a new paradigm for a problem that is as old as Motherhood itself. Another beautiful, sensitive, brave, and forthcoming model/actress, named Brooke Shields, wrote an incredible, important book about post-partum depression called, "Down Came The Rain". Like you, she was a gorgeous, vivacious woman who was "the face" of her generation. Your Mom and Mom-Angela will remember her. Thank you for your courage, authenticity, and honesty! God Bless you, Matt, and Royce-a-Roni! They're so LUCKY to call you their Wife and Mother! And we're so lucky to call you "Sister"❤❤❤❤
Omg yes!! She was one of the celebrities where I heard her story and took a little sigh of relief! She’s beautiful and a great Mom, but she made me feel very normal! Thank you for mentioning this ❤
I feel like one of the main reasons mamas don't talk about this subject is the fear of being mom shamed. There's already an anxiety with being a new mama, people don't need to add to it. I'm proud of you for being so brave to talk about such a sensitive subject. Keep your chin up!
I relate wholeheartedly with this. I had twins (my only kids) and was learning how to be a single mama.
BTW Thank you so much for the subtitles! It's very much appreciated.
I had a vaginal birth, I was also scared of labor. The father ran off before I had our kid. I'm glad my sister was there for me. The birth was awful, 16 hours of virtually no pain meds, got ripped from one end to the other. Struggled with postpartum for at least two years. I think being a single mom and feeling like I didn't have much support made things worse.
Thank you for talking about this issue! I had PPD with our youngest son. Not only did I have PPD, I was also dealing with his death at the same time. Back 21 years ago I was told to get a grip and deal with it. In my husband's culture a death a baby was NEVER talked about it, nor did you mention the baby. I am glad that my husband saw the signs and got me help. Love and peace I am sending your way, and any other Momma dealing with PPD.
I hope it's getting better for you, and I know how you feel, except for my babies have passed away while still inside of me.,at 4 to 5 months pregnant and then out of nowhere the babies had no heart beat at all, so I had to go through a dnc to have them literally sucked out of my body! It hurts and it still hurts me so much to this day! I'm probably never going to get over it either.... So I believe there's no time frame to grieve the loss of your babies., Just like with losing a loved one unexpectedly, there's never a time to get over it! Us women don't get over it, but we work through it! That's my story
@@jennymiller7071 you are seen and heard! I am so sorry that you also have gone through this experience, it sucks and hurts. With my Anthony George I was 25 weeks pregnant when we found out that he passed. I will proudly say his name and remember him. As long as I am alive I will always remember my son. It took me 7 years before I could even say his name without crying. I am comforted knowing that one day we will be together again. I am sure that my Anthony and your babies are watching over us until we are together again. Sending you love and healing ❤️🩹
Aww Sweetie, nothing to be ashamed of. Motherhood is such a blessing but also so very overwhelming, especially with your first baby and also needing to have a C section .
You're so brave to talk about what you've been through. I am sure this will help other moms.
Bless you.
I'm 57 Alexa,
I had my first son c-section also 4 weeks early in May, 1992.
I had never had one surgery up to Carsons birth, and the c-section put me down at least 6 weeks after is birth. I also was so medicated, I couldn't remember Carsons birth. I also got a kidney infection after the c-section and wound up in the hospital from his birthday May 22, 1992 until June 2, 1992.
I could not dress myself, I struggled at home caring for Carson. My husband was a Police Officer so he went back to work 4 days after Carsons birth. My Mom had died in 1990 in front of me ( age 23) and my sister ( age 18) at our home in the family den. So, not having my MOM there made me very angry.
Luckily , my sister lived next door and she came by frequently to see Carson on work breaks and the evenings.
My Cop husband was a horrible parent. All he did was his 8 hour patrol job, then straight to off duty jobs. I caught him cheating on me red-handed when Carson was 18 months old. He abandoned me and Carson 2 days before Christmas, 1993.
Thankfully, the Lord had my back and I met my 2nd husband Keith at our church singles group.
I remarried 6 months after my divorce and my ex married 1 day after our divorce was final.
My second husband was total opposite of first! He was kind, caring, showed unconditional love ❤️ to both me and Carson.
2nd pregnancy was awesome! My mild , calm second son was born 10 minutes before my 30th Birthday.
And I was doing a V-BAC after c-section. Caleb also weighed 8 pounds , 6 ounces and Carson was only 5 pounds with c - section.The vaginal birth after section was very very difficult! The scarring from previous section made it difficult for me to push during Caleb's birth.
I was in labor 12 hours and kept trying to hold him inside to be born on my birthday! No can do! My OB/GYN told me to push or we were going into emergency c-section.
Caleb was born at 11:50 pm November 12, 1995. 10 minutes from my November 13th Birthday!
That 30th Birthday 🎂 will never be forgotten celebrating both of us.
3rd baby Ashelyn also 5 pounds born by c - section August 7, 2000.
I wouldn't trade my 3 kids for anything! God knew I would need them.
Keith, my husband was dx stage 4 colorectal cancer in June, 2014. He was given a death sentence 9 months to live. Keith fought valiantly and made it 3 1/2 years. He passed in late 2017.I was WIDOWED at age 50.
Note to Mom's: NEVER TAKE YOUR SPOUSE FOR GRANTED!
THIS video is sooo important! Thank you for being so honest about this topic. My kids are teens now but I can go back to these feelings like it was yesterday. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You're a very brave and honest woman! Thank you for sharing. I remember how I hated if someone hold "my" baby and the first time I was alone with him I was so scared!
Blessings to you and your baby! 🙏💕
Alexa, thank you for sharing your story. I feel like no one prepares new moms for the feelings after birth and then we can feel so very much alone. You are a great Mom, Royce is thriving and happy, and you were made to be his Mommy! I’m happy to hear you are almost at 100%.
Oh how I wish there was youtube and stuff when I had this 43 years ago. I had the same thing after my babies. The worst was my third baby. It was very hard. I made it thru but it was a big struggle. I feel you Alexa. It's amazing you are talking about it. That helps yourself and others. You are amazing! Love you. 💖
Hey, life is scary and mostly not what you might expect - but look how strong you are and how much you are loved … it’ll be better going forward - your time schedule is uniquely yours … birth is such an invasive thing (to your soul!) … don’t rush your process❣️ Prayers for you, Sweetie- you’re a phenomiMom!
This breaks my heart. Good for you for sharing your story so that other women won't feel so alone. Hormones can literally make us crazy... I know women that still feel bad 30 years later that they never had a baby vaginally. Your feelings are completely valid. We can be so hard on ourselves...
Thank you for posting this. This is a lot more common than most people think
Once I went through it and researched I realized that! It’s crazy that it can blind you into thinking you are all alone
Grief is such an unexpected emotion after having a baby. There's so much focus on the pregnancy that once the baby is here, it can be a let down as you enter an entirely different phase. We become so attached to the pregnancy that once the baby separates from our bodies, the grieving begins. I was a postpartum nurse for 22 yrs and realized that the babies go through a separation from mom as well. They were held so tightly for nine months and suddenly they're hearing completely different sounds and they're no longer in that snug place. They cry for what appears to be no reason, but they just need to hear us and feel that snug place.
I really relate to feeling like I just wanted to leave the house without all the baggage and loading it every time. I remember feeling like I wanted to give him up for adoption one day!!! I was just so overwhelmed.
Look up the stages of grief. There are charts where you can see where you are on the graph. What you're feeling is so normal and you'll find yourself bouncing back and forth between the stages at times. I hope you work your way thru this process soon. It just takes time. ❤️
I think sharing vulnerability always does well. Honest and relatable.
Well done Alexa for being so honest and so real! Alexa you did us women proud for speaking out! As it's hard enough being a woman, you go through so many emotions, emotions are feelings in motion, emotions. This let's a sigh of relief for most women if not more who go through what you have been through, I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby, you do hit a dip, you question yourself and we treat ourselves badly, please be kind to yourself! Once you understand what your going through is normal for women, then it takes a weight off of you. And it's crazy you give birth, and then what 🤷🏼♂️ I remember thinking.......now what am I supposed to do with my baby, 🤷🏼there's no instructions leaflet! Baby blues / postnatal depression is a real thing, you wonder if your good enough or worry about them constantly, are they breathing, however you can get a machine that goes under the mattress and if there's no heartbeat it alarms you! By the time you have had the 2nd baby, it will be so much easier as you know what to expect! You don't necessarily get it with every baby! Peace, love and light, God bless you all. ❤🙏❤xxxxx xxx
Thank you for sharing...I've had 3 kids and never had this happen to me..but know many people that have been through it and my heart goes out to you all 💜
Thank you for your honesty. It’s refreshing and allows people to release any internalized shame. It’s so much worse when people gloss over any of these things so people feel these are ‘individual’ problems rather than byproducts of such a huge shift in life, physical trauma, grief, and finding ways to navigate those rivers. (Particularly since y’all are in the public eye it would be easy to pretend although this is private).
You’ve got this! I appreciate your vulnerability and bringing those challenges to the light 🌼
Yes, I suffered with this for the first year of my baby's life. I'm so glad you shared this topic with us.
Alexa I think it’s wonderful you have the courage to discuss this. 41 years ago I had the same exact feeling. It took me some time to get over this hurdle. It does get better trust me. I see how you and Matt are caring and loving to each other and Royce. You are a great mom. Just give it time for your hormones to adjust.
Aww bless you Alexa. Being a first time mum is an anxious time and overwhelming at times. Everything is new and you want to do everything right. Emotions a
re all over the place too. Sorry to hear you suffered from depression but this is very common. Yes, you definitely need initial time alone as a family and find a bit of a routine before welcoming all the excited visitors. Glad you got support and help and you are feeling better in yourself. You are a lovely mum and Matt is a lovely dad. Royce is very lucky and he's growing up a treat. Love to you all ❤️
❤❤❤Warriors are created by life challenges. You're a warrior. Much love and support from me and all who support women and our powers. 😊. You're doing amazing!!
It's more normal about than people realize. I had it with my first son and not with my second. We love you and hope you are doing better now. If not once your hormones go back to normal you will feel better 🙏❤️
Oh wow!! I am really hoping I don’t have it again when we have a second, your comment gives me hope thank you 🥰
Becoming a mother is a huge transition and brings up all that you mentioned in huge ways! We get through it but it’s easier each child - there nothing like your first born anxiety where life feels unstable ..
Beautiful Alexa, thank you for posting your story for all the new Moms who are going through this. You are very brave and an amazing Mom and Royce is such a sweet baby boy. You brought me to tears with explaining how you struggled and suffered. I’m a 68 year old Grandma of five and I was very lucky not to have gone through this with my two children back in the 80’s when I gave birth. I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in my life though due to having thyroid surgery when I turned 40 and I can relate to that. I have worked through it and am much better now. The struggle is very real and I’m so sorry you went through all you have gone through. You have helped many new Moms who are suffering from Post Partum by sharing your story. Thank you! ❤️
Wow Alexa! That was raw and real !cheers to you for making somebody else feel validated with their feelings and who struggle with postpartum depression. my sister also struggled with postpartum depression and it wasn’t very common to open up about it 19 years ago. I can totally relate to the part you talked about separation between you and your baby. I barely let people be near my baby for more than five minutes I just wanted to be always holding them and really enjoyed my bonding time alone it was important to me, so I understand . self-care and self-love like you said is very important getting your nails done …getting out of the house …even if it be for 20 minutes quick coffee going out for a walk.It’s all worth it. It’s a little things. And I’m positive someone on here today needed to hear this and made them feel good about you being so honest. Love you and can’t wait till we see you again hopefully soon.❤🇨🇦
I had it with my 2 lb’er in the 80s. Never held her for months. We never bonded. I wanted to love her but I didn’t have those feelings. I felt like a caregiver. I cried for many months, I still cry wanting to have had a beautiful experience but I was majorly depressed, sad, felt robbed. I tried being that awesome mom, wanted something emotional in return, but we both were just there. As she became an adult, this continued. She basically hated me as we didn’t have that movie scenario life. I’m still sad and it’s now funneled down to her turning my grandkids against me. I’m still depressed and a shell of nothingness. Then she died in her 30s…
Thank you so much for making this video ❤ when I was experiencing PPD and PP Anxiety every time I hit the internet I found horror stories about it. And not the same feelings I was having. I felt the exact same way you did. I too, had a c-section. The other part was I knew my son was going to be my only biological child. I was told from a young age i wouldn't have children, and then at 34 *surprise * It was the the greatest gift and blessing ever! It was all i ever wanted! And then he came, and I was terrified. I was controlling, didnt think anyone else could handle it or "do it right" but at the same time I thought I was doing everything wrong. I thought I was hindering him by being too protective. I was terrified of even taking him grocery shopping. The feeling you described of being in a glass house screaming and everyone around you thinking everything is fine, I could never figure out how to describe it but that description is perfect. Thank you so much for the validation. I gotta admit, my Landon just turned 5 and there are times I still struggle. I think if i would have been able to have more children maybe it would be different. But I'm so grateful to be a mom and I'm learning and healing everyday. ❤ Thank you!!
I had ppd really bad with my 2nd daughter and with my 1st daughter I hemorrhaged after her birth and was rushed to the OR while my daughter was rushed to NICU with fluid on her lungs, I still remember 16 years later crying my eyes out while they were taking me to the OR.
Please don't feel ashamed. You had a traumatic birth since Royce came early. You are a great mother, don't doubt yourself. We all need to normalize ppd/ppp. People should be supportive and more understanding of new mothers and their mental health.
I had a bad case of ppd when I had my first daughter in 2005 and 2009 . I was very angry at the baby but I was also was very protective and mad at the people handling the baby . It was a very very dark and tough period which thankfully , I have come out of . My girls are now 18 and 13. Honor students , very polite , well spoken , super smart and confidence young women . So to all moms out there , just hang on and trudge on .
Thank you for this video. It is going to help new moms. I have two wonderful adult children. After my second was born in 1996, I had my tubes tied. About a week later I regretted it. I realized that I was never going to be able to have any more babies , which was my decision. But I got very depressed. It lasted about 2 weeks. But I did exactly what you said go out and do something for yourself. And it passed. Baby Royce is so handsome.
This was amazing and I think it’s wonderful that you shared your story. You definitely make an impact on others
Sending much love to you and your family
My daughter went through this heartbreaking as a mother to see her going through this 💔
mental health stigma needs to be abolished. Mental health care IS HEALTH CARE. Please take care of yourself. We love you. ❤
Alexa dont be so hard on yourself, never feel ashamed or embarrassed youve made a very honest vlog on your struggle with postpartum depression which is very brave to let people into that vulnerable position, but by doing so youve more than likely helped at least someone out there going through it, gone through it etc. After birth a womans body is recovering in more ways that one, labour can be emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting, I think because Royce was earlier than you both expected, Matt was away working and with the rush for the emergency c-section your own plans got thrown in the air and cicumstances took over and with your hormones thrown into the mix its alot for the mind and body to process. I wish you well and hope your hormones settle and youre feeling alot better in yourself in general, take help when you feel you need help and even though youre a mom now dont lose yourself. I have 4 children and you need to take 5 mins for yourself sometimes just to recharge your mind and soul. Lots of love from the UK xx
Oh Alexa you explained yourself perfectly. You are so beautiful inside and out, and yes you are normal with this journey of being a first time Mother. I had this too with my first born but not with my second. Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience! Wishing you love and light sweetheart ❤ xoxo
I am so sorry people would say such horrible things to you. Having a baby is not easy no matter how it goes. You will be a great mom. Please get a therapist to help you if needed. You are beautiful and that baby is adorable.
Thanks for Sharing. ❤️ I'm 2 1/2 years out and still struggling. Beautiful baby boy. Both of us so Blessed. Emergency blood transfusion before the C-section. Could have been a fatal situation. So Grateful we both made it out OK. Even through Gratefulness there is still struggling with PPD and PPA. I totally felt everything you said. I pray for your full recovery with these difficulties. God Bless you and your Beautiful family. 😊❤️
Thanks for such a transparent and honest video. You've helped so many people with this video. Both of my daughter's birth were traumatic and not what I had planned. I hemorrhaged with both, but second was worse. I was losing consciousness because I had lost so much blood. Doctor had left and there was a nurse shortage. My husband had to search the hospital for the nurse. They frantically worked on me. He and I are still traumatized when we talk about what a close call it was.
The blessing from this is that you can help so many others that are going through the same.. a blessing.. a great mum and a great human ❤
Thank you for telling your truth Alexa. ❤️ The more we can make all of what women experience recognized as normal, the better it is for all of us!
The birth of my first child led me into a depression. The birth of my second child brought me out of the depression. Because of the two birth I can say that the birth experience and sleep play a major role. Take care of yourself just like you take care of your son.❤
Thanking you for sharing. Post pregnancy hormones mess with your head. I had my severe depression when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child. Never want to feel like that empty, dark feeling again. I subsequently went for my third even after that experience. Stay strong, it does pass. Medication helps.
Beautifully said Alexa, I applaud you for your Bravery, strength, compassion & honesty sharing what you been through & bringing awareness to many new mothers that are experiencing this. I’m happy to hear you are feeling much better, & you have Matt as your rock. You are such an Amazing Loving Mom, wife, & Woman please don’t let the haters discourage you. We love in care about you so much & are always here to support you in standing by your side. Sending Love, Blessings, & Big Hugs to you, Matt, & Baby Royce🙏💝🌷💝😘XoXo
Thanks for sharing your story. I too went through something similar with my second sons birth. You are definitely not alone and it is perfectly normal to feel this way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so glad you are getting out of it and can now enjoy doing things with your beautiful baby Royce and Husband. ❤❤❤
Alexa darling.
I too had PPD after my 3rd child. I struggled not knowing what it was, what was wrong with me and so on.
Sometimes it's a struggle to still think about it as I felt like I was rejecting myself above anything else. I doubted myself, questioned myself and it was weeks before I spoke to anyone about my situation and head space.
This is a topic that is not talked about often enough so I thank you for being Brave talking about your situation.
Remember that noone can predict what will happen in Birth, but one thing you need to know you are an Amazing Mummy, Wife and friend from far for many of us who follow you.
I just love your little family, sending you lots of love from Australia ❤❤❤❤
I had it with my first as well it was about 3 or 4 weeks out and one day I just wasn’t myself . I knew something was wrong and I called my doctor right away and he just called me in something and I was so thankful for that. I remember I got mad at the smallest thing and just would throw things and that wasn’t me and then I would start crying out of nowhere. I really believe it’s such a change to our mental health the first time it’s a shock to the body to go through all this I was very thankful my first was such a good baby.
Alexa, Thanks for sharing your journey of motherhood and postpartum. I'm proud of you for sharing and admire your strength. Many of blessings and prayers to you and family 🙏❤
I'm sorry you have had to experience this. Your advice was on point about getting out of your surroundings. Change things up. Do something special. Even something small like getting a cup of coffee away from home. Going for a walk with your baby and hearing the birds sing. Just change your environment. Most of all, realize that you are not alone.
Alexa you are an amazing woman. Thank you for this video, I relate to so many things you raised although I am now on a different side and becoming a grandmother for the first time. This video will not only help my daughter with her first baby but so many other women and not forgetting the men who will learn so much. I’ve followed you throughout your whole journey and love how down your earth you are. Blessings and love to you, Matt and Royce. 💕
Thank you for all your pure honestly 🙏🏼
The online course :
INNER BONDING completely shifted the energy you describe . I had that after my first son and would wish this course for every mother! It is online and is an incredible podcast too .
So much love beautiful mom ! U r amazing . ♥️ all 3 of u .
You’re so sweet. It takes courage to reveal your emotions in front of the world. I’m very proud of your courage ❤❤❤
So proud of you for making this video. The very next day of my sons birth I ended back the hospital with pulmonary embolism aka blood clots in the lungs. I spend a month there and it was the most horrible feeling to know that you might not live yo see your baby grow up. I felt so much anger also I had a 10 yr old son that I couldn’t speak to due to the lack of oxygen 😢 it’s the worst thing any mother can go through I was blessed to have my mother and my sister help with my baby and my 10 yr old I went from planning our future to saying good bye But God has a plan for me that even the doctors were in shock of how I survived that severe pulmonary embolism. So again thank you for sharing I now feel like those feelings were normal God bless you and your family always ❤
Great talk very proud of you for your honesty, I am sure this will help many people
I appreciate your vulnerability, thank you so much for this.
Your a beautiful person, and a wonderful mom and wife. It is ok how you were feeling. It's normal and your not alone. Thank you for trusting your followers and those of us who enjoy you , Matt and Royce. I love seeing the videos and what you share with us. Your just going through something lots of women go through. Everything will be ok. We love you, Matt and Royce. We are here for you anytime you need us. We do understand. Thank you for sharing this for all those who may be going through it too. It's good to talk about things. We do understand. We love you❤
Love your honestly and so glad your ok ❤️ lots of love xx
Well done Alexa, this was very brave of you and it will definitely help so many new Mums, God Bless.
I'm 68, I had one son also had by c-section I was an only child who was not exposed to any baby's never had taken care of one before and I was 33yrs old when I got pregnant thinking that I could now handle becoming a mother because of my age. Well not really cause when I got hit with the baby blues (that's what they called it then.) I felt every single emotion you just said. I didn't know what that even meant. I never talked to anyone about it. I just blamed it on lack of experience feeling like other women seemed to be so good at motherhood and feeling like I just wasn't equipped to handle it. It wore off after maybe 6 months or so. Later I taught way didn't my doctor tell me that this can happen cause if I had known that before maybe I could have got a handle on it. It's so important for women to help other women by talking about it without feeling guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about something that comes naturally to some women. So start researching Menopause now to prepare for it, cause that one's a real dewsy LOL(don't worry you'll handle it.)
Bless you Alexa. You’re an amazing woman.
You are very brave woman God bless you.
Aww thank you very much ❤️ I want my experience to help others
Alexa, thank you for sharing your story.
I too had a traumatic emergency C-section 14 years ago.
I thought I was going to lose my baby.
I too went through some detachment issues and nightmares of horrible things happening to my baby.
It lasted for only a few weeks but it was awful.
14 years later and we are as happy as can be😊
Thank you so much for this video. I have my story as well, and I totally felt everything you said straight to my core. You are a very beautiful, strong, and brave woman to share your life with us.
Never feel like you are judged, embarrassed or ashamed hun. Us mommas whom have gone through postpartum depression know. If a person has not gone through it.. I guess it could be hard to understand something you have never witnessed. It is okay to grieve not having the birth you hoped for hun. It isn't wrong to feel that way. But in no way shape or form was it your fault or something you did wrong. The priority is having a safe baby and momma. Your feelings are your feelings and they are valid!! I wish you would have felt safe to come to us mommas that understand and we could have helped you to atleast not feel alone sweetheart. No one thinks they will have these crazy thoughts and feelings high jack your body. I understand how hard it is to explain how you feel and then to feel stupid for your thoughts. It is a helpless feeling not being able to control your feelings, anxiety and thoughts. My husband and I laugh about it now after 4 boys and 23 years after our first baby. Learning to rely on others and asking for help is the hardest part. Again your feelings are and were valid sweetie. Our bodies go into a trance to get through the birth vaginally or c section. After 4 deliveries I have realized later I think back and have so much memories that come back and haunt us. How did I do that.. how did I get through that. Honey, God did not give us a manual on how to do everything the right way. You learn by making mistakes and trial n error. For me.. I wouldn't even let my husband hold the baby often or take care of him. He was upset but he understood I had no control over how I felt. I myself found it more helpful to communicate my feelings noatter how crazy they felt or sounded. It helped our relationship to involve him in why I was acting the way I did. It is ok to grieve your expectations of delivery and being a mom. Your feelings are valid. If you are reading this.. I want you to know it wasn't like that for all 4 of my boys. It helps to understand what is happening. I learned after my first baby to have your small village you trust with your life and let them help you. Getting sleep and taking care of yourself helped me tremendously. It was hard but I felt so much better after forcing yourself to allow mom, dad or siblings help you. I hope your video helps many other women feel validated. Validation helps too. You can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself hun ❤ as a nurse and a momma of 4 I validate your feelings. You are not crazy. You have no need to be embarrassed or ashamed. Please take care of you momma ❤
THIS!!! So amazing of you to talk about this to us. You are reaching to so many people out there. It’s OKAY to feel this way. We are all adjusting to this. Hang in there ❤
Thank you for being honest, this happens to a lot of women and need this information. ❤️ you have such a beautiful heart to be able to speak freely. A lot of women don't have the family or anyone to help them. GOD Bless you. 🙌
Bless you Alexa. You’re doing great truly ! God Bless 🙏💙😇🕊🌏
Such an incredible video Alexa. So proud of you. This video will help so many women who are or may suffer the way you have. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Bless you! Much love.
Thanks so much for sharing your sorry it’s so important that women see this happens so often
Do not ever be embarrassed or upset
This is very normal most of us moms have gone thru this
Just because it does not happen to everyone it does happen to a lot of us
We do the best we can
You are a beautiful wonderful loving mom
To gorgeous baby Royce
Thank you for sharing ❤️
You are amazing. Thank you for sharing! ❤❤❤
❤ so proud of you ❤ year's ago people didn't talk about it, and it so good to hear from you. You are doing such a great job with Royce and yes it's OK to feel your feelings ❤.
Alexa thann you so much for sharing. I know many of us were worried about you. This is real, you are not alone, everything you said is so important and should be spoken about more. I am so happy you are doing better. Royce and Matt are lucky to have you. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story in hopes to help others. You have a huge heart 🦋🥰
I am so proud of you for doing this video. I am way past child bearing but this video I’m sure will help many women. God bless.
I know you want to have another one soon so they are close in age and that worries me for you. I would hate to see you do it before your body is ready and go into a very dark place. ❤❤❤
You’re an amazing young beautiful women!
This will help so many women (& men!)
Bless you!🙏🏼❤️
I knew you had it because you were so over the moon happy about the pregnancy and once he was here we barely saw you with the baby, it's ok you are not alone, many women get this. I'm glad you are talking about it publicly so maybe you can heal now. Matt did great, and I'm sure you did as well as you could under the anxiety you were feeling. No guilt, it happens, it's not your fault!!!
It doesn't happen with every pregnancy, so don't let this keep you from getting pregnant again someday in the future! Continue to heal, we love you guys!
Thank you for sharing I thought I was the only one as everyone around me didn't make me feel it was normal ✨️🙏🏻🫶🏼❤️✨️my second pregnancy was harder for me mentally and physically. I feel the changes to my body made me feel not so good about myself.
Perfect explanation and you will help SO many people. May God bless you and baby Royce and the entire family.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your struggles with us. 🙏 This is very thoughtful & will definitely help others. It takes strength to cope, and even more so, to talk about your feelings & emotions openly. We’re always there to cheer you on, Alexa. And of course, we absolutely love you & your beautiful family. 😍❤
thank you Alexa for sharing. this was very enlightening as i had post partum but very mild according to what you are describing. you are such an inspiration to your viewers. hormones are what the problem is & agree everyone is different & no one should be telling you how you should feel. You enjoy your new family & do whatever you need to to get back to your journey of raising your family
I love you for always being so real and sweet and positive xoxo
Dear Alexa
Thank you so much for sharing.
You are a beautiful brave soul.
Sending you all the very best wishes. 🫂
Awwww you poor thing. PPD is a terrible thing to get through. Many many prayers for your continued healing. Stay strong and it shall pass. God hears your struggles, he will carry you through. Lots of luck your a great person. Love, hugs and kisses. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
It's so very normal sweetheart. Talking about it is part of the healing. We can't prepare for motherhood no matter how much we read, how much people tell us, once you hold your baby it's amazing but then it becomes overwhelming, lots of second guessing ourselves, so many expectations of ourselves. Hormones kick in. You are right it is not spoken about enough. It doesn't matter how our babies arrive as long as they are healthy that's all that matters hun. I felt so much guilt because I couldn't breasteed my first baby, my milk never came in as I had a postpartum haemorrhage. Royce is beautiful, healthy, happy, testament to a wonderful mum and dad. You are doing so well, a wonderful mumma. Baby blues are normal when the milk comes in, post partum depression is when it doesn't go away. It's because we want to do everything right, we don't know what to do when our baby cries, they rely on us for everything. Sleep deprivation is torture, we worry about everything. We worry about if they are hot, cold, getting sick, it's constant. It doesn't necessarily happen with every pregnancy sweetheart. You have done so well. I remember being angry then crying because I felt guilty for being angry. You have done everything right darling girl and you are on the road to recovery now. Thankyou for speaking up, you are awesome, your body has created a perfect human. Pain makes everything so much more difficult. My first baby was a forceps delivery, my tailbone broke, I had 100 stitches, I had no family except my hubby, it was awful, when I was pregnant with my 2nd baby I had PTSD when it was time to push my biggest fear was my tailbone breaking again the fear is real, it didn't happen but I was so scared. You are normal, you love Royce so much, it's out of love darling. God Bless you, you are a fabulous, fabulous mum and wife darling. You will get through this, you are a warrior hun. Xxx❤️❤️
You are so inspirational!
U are such an Angel
And wonderful beautiful mother
This is such a powerful video
Brave to share ❤
Sending so much love Alexa. I too struggled after my first child, mostly with extreme anxiety. I was much more relaxed and happy after my second child's birth. It was only when I reached out and told a friend that she let me know that most of her friends with a child under age 1 were on anti depressants. I veered away from them at first but did use them short-term in the end. They helped my anxiety and then I could enjoy motherhood more.
Alexa- thank you for being you, honest and real!! I am 4 months into my journey of motherhood and it isn’t for the faint of heart.
New moms- know that it DOES get easier! I remember I wouldn’t want to take my baby out because I was afraid of him crying and disturbing others. My husbands family caught on to this anxiety and reminded me babies cry. Plain and simple! No one will judge or be bothered by a baby crying. I say this to encourage moms to get out!!! The more you do it the easier it is (besides all the bags you now have to pack and bring 😂)
Sending you a big hug!! XOXO
You’re beautiful. Thank you for sharing. My baby is 22. Wish I heard this then.
Thank you for sharing you experience. I am sure, that was a Very hard video to make. I am Sure this will help a lot of Mom's!
God Bless you Alexa❤You are a Beautiful Person and an Absolute Fantastic Mother❤ I am So sorry for all that you went through. My heart goes out to you! You are an inspiration for Mom's going through Post Partum Depression. It was not easy at all! You give them hope! That things will be ok. Very Inspiring! I am Very Happy that you are feeling better now. It is so important what you had said, sleep and taking time out for you. I wish you, Matt and Royce the Best❤ Beautiful Family ❤
You are so brave to discuss this Alexa and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Thankfully, you have Matt. I think the two of you will work this out together. I think your body also needs time to adjust with baby Royce now out of your body. God bless you for discussing this and may God bless you on this journey.
Thank you for your honesty you will be so inspiring for sharing your story you are such a strong amazing person 👍🏻❤️❤️
Sweetheart, so brave to share the struggle, and you are not alone. I went through post-partum depression 20 years ago and so many people just kicked me when I was down. Taboo around mental illness kept me from seeking medical help for 2 years after my first child. Medication saved me and helped me get my joy back. My second child, I began the medication right away when I saw the warning signs. I was able to enjoy my baby from the get-go. So few people talk openly about this and it can feel so confusing. Even though I always wanted a baby, I was so sad afterward and just couldn't snap out of it.
I think this was a very brave share and important one. I hope that you feel better, especially knowing that you have helped others knowing they are not alone. Being a labor / delivery nurse, I try to be very mindful of my patients and their feelings during the birth journey. It is very traumatic when things don't go as planned and sometimes , as you expressed, you don't realise how traumatic it was until after some time has passed. As a mother, my first experience ended up being so overwhelming and I felt guilty because here I was an L/D nurse, I wanted to be a mom so badly, we did IVF - so why couldn't I shake the overwhelming feelings I felt at times? It wasn't until my 2nd son that I did get some help, and it took time, but with time, REST, medication and support, I was able to become more balanced in my new role and new life. Never doubt that you are a great mother, and strong and capable. It truly is a whole new life and we need to know that it takes time to figure out the new role, and yes even the relationship is challenged. I hate to say this, but it is my truth. I am not the same person my husband married before children. After becoming a mom, things changed mentally for me, not badly, just different. Even with the most supportive spouse, it still is hard at times. I was very committed to breast feeding, if I could have changed one thing, I would have pumped a bit more to give me a break, allow my husband to feed baby and have that much needed rest. Now here I am with my gorgeous 15 and 17 year old ( how am I a teen mom??!!) and life is good. As you navigate this journey of motherhood, self care is very important and we as women tend to care for others by nature, but we must also care for ourselves. Hugs to you beautiful momma, may you continue to heal and know that you got this. Also, I do want to thank you for being so descriptive about your emotions about having a cesarean birth. I had 2 cesarean because both babies were breech, and it didn't phase me one bit. Your sharing your thoughts on this is a good reminder as a RN, is to be very mindful that some will struggle with this, more than others. Peace to you.
Good for you! I had great pregnancies too - I only has post pardon depression after my first child.God's grace got me through it. You look and are amazing!
Bless you sweetie. So happy you are able to talk about this. You are a beautiful wife and mother.
Thank you so much for being so raw and real, Alexa. To echo the rest of us, SO UNDERSTANDABLE! We were not in your shoes, and we are not you, but you are not alone and definitely not “wrong” for feeling ANY of this.
Alexa, you're such a brave and strong Mama for sharing this video. I can relate to you on so many levels. For me, around the time my daughter was 2, I began having extreme anxiety about sending her off to school. Here's another topic that's not talked about too often but I know many parents struggle with sending their children away for 40hrs/week. I had the worst thoughts and imagined all the possibilities that could happen to her. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was homeschooling. I never imagined I would be home educating her. Shes 8 1/2 now and together we rock the homeschool life! It never gets easier, we just get stronger. 😀 Sending you, Royce, and Matt tons of love and blessings. 🤍