It's not shots fired to from my perspective.. a challenge is always fun. I personally approach conflict and running from it would bother me. Conflicts can sometimes create goals for me. I identify as an 8w7
I laughed out loud when you said that 8s find something they really like and will buy the whole stock in the store and eat it all in one day. That’s so my father in law! It’s awesome being on the inside of his fort!
Perhaps us 8's are drawn to and want to protect vulnerability because nobody was there to protect it for us. We want others to have what we wish we had, that vulnerability, so we try and guard it for them so they can keep it.
Drawn to innocence and vulnerability; puppy dogs, babies and old people... Didn't think about it, but I guess it's true. I'm a social 8 that is a nurse and I want to be your strength when you have none.
@@bonniewinfield3148 Because learning to laugh at your 8 is a coping mechanism. "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane." -- Jimmy Buffett. But yes, I get it, 8s can be hurtful in their criticism. My husband is an 8s. On the up side, I've developed tough skin and the confidence to say, whatever, I don't always need to be approved by you.
I am definitely not this guy's typical viewer. To start: I am 13, and to continue, I barely know anything about the Enneagram other than what this man has taught me and that I am an 8w9. But I love listening to him ramble on about something passionately while I do something else like clean the dishes, or take part in recreationally activities. It's oddly calming.
I'm an 8w9 and I had to laugh several times throughout this video. Other times I was a amazed at how spot on this is. Especially the "drawn to innocence and vulnerability. Puppies, babies and old people!" I'm a NICU nurse and I love my babies! The whole "there's two types of people. Strong and weak....and I'm not going to be weak" had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I've said that to my mom, multiple times. This was great.
I believe my husband is an 8w9. He refuses to take this test because he thinks stuff like this is just something dumb off the internet. We just finished a conversation about his dislike and disinterest toward this test and how he doesn’t want to talk about his personality type. I kid you not, in conversation he goes, “there’s 2 types of people in this world: winners and losers” I just HAD to tell him that that’s such an 8 thing to say 😂
I’m a 4 and I’m married to an 8! Very soft inside, but hard for them to be vulnerable so it’s always important to be gentle with them despite their toughness.
As a type 8, I found myself watching this and shouting “yes!!” while clapping my hands too many times to count. Amazing video and so spot on! Can’t wait to show my type 7 husband.
This video is great. My husband is an 8 ( and he didn’t like the Enneagram result first because he wanted to be a 3:) I’ve laughed through most of the video because it describes him, his needs, wants, action for the most part. I am a 9w8 which may sound like a terrible relationship at first as 9’s shy away from conflict. His lets-do-it and the sky- is-the-limit attitude attracted me. It ‘only’ took him 10 years to finally let me see his soft core and trusting me with his vulnerabilities. But hey, 9’s are patient, right? Now, I am his rock, making him see that other people have valid opinions too and mellowing him just a tiny bit to stop and ‘smell the flowers’ and don’t move the goal post before he reached it. His personality helped me to be more assertive and not shying away from conflicts as often. Its a win-win. Thanks for the video Dr Tom.
My husband also is an 8, who had a 3 as his “second” number. He said he liked the description of the 3 more. 😂🤦♀️ I said, “Well it’s pretty clear to me that you’re an 8 as the person who lives with you.”
I don't know about other eights, but I am an 8w7 and exercise + meditation keeps me sane. Weight lifting helps me blow off steam and pause instead of bulldozing people and situations out of passion, anger, or my need for justice. My 9 partner is a diffuser. He's consistent, reliable, and steady. If we get into a little skirmish he'll give me a hug or make a joke, or smile and we'll start laughing.
"Going toe to toe is like taking their hand and wanting to be friends" is PERFECTION for this 8w7!! This is spot on information! I am about to take my enneagram coaching assessment to coach. I look forward to the light bulb moments that others will have with this kind of self reflection.
I'm an 8w7. When you said the word "tender" I actually physically cringed and then the next second you said we probably hate that word! 😂 I've enjoyed your channel and how you relate and teach with a biblical mindset of growing and using what God has gifted us with. Thanks for the encouragement!
As an 8, I agree with all of this except on some things - no, I don’t want you to tell me your viewpoint. I just want you to agree because I’ve already done the research and I am right. On subjects I’m not well versed in though, yea, tell me and I may be completely enlightened.
54 years as a nine married to an eight! Thank goodness I found the Enneagram over 25 years ago. And I continue to grow and learn by watching ALL your videos. A year ago, after my 98 year-old mother survived COVID in an assisted living home, I “talked” my husband into letting me move her into our home. She had lived with us before for several years and begged me to get her out of there. I knew what I would be facing as she and my husband have many of the same traits, and as I suspected, I find myself smack dab in the middle of them pretty consistently. Both are incredible people who I dearly love. And I just want to take this time to thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. You continue giving me the tools I need to help me in my relationships with my sweet mom and a husband I love dearly. I will continue to be his sparring partner! Blessings to you!
Any advice for us 8's - I am working with my wife to show her the 8 information and MBTI INTJ info to help her understand my ways. We have been together 20 years, married 11. You must be some woman to manage an 8 for that long! I salute you!
@@kh2716 the advice I have is for your wife to watch every video that Tom has on the 8. But if she’s not familiar with or interested in the Enneagram it’s not going to be very helpful. We also have lots of conversations prior to visiting with family or friends where I ask him to please refrain from certain topics! Sometimes it works. And then again…. But this man has had my back from day one and I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
@@barbaralynette4244 thank you for your response. What an absolute sweetheart you are. I am sharing info with my wife who has always found my ‘quirks’ a positive. But I will work to show her more of this material, as you say, its so good it must be shared! 🙌🏽
@@barbaralynette4244 I hear you! I also have to remind my husband to be less polarizing and avoid certain topics in public. I love when he makes that grumpy ‘ hmmpf’ face though. ;). And yes, they have our back!!
The laugh and face of Lahue when he says, “you’re overweight.” Omg. I laughed out loud and had to watch it again. I can just see him seeing that play out and the quirkiness of the 8 and their blunt force trauma they can deliver in a couple words. Ohhh, thank you… that was gold. Sincerely - an 8w7
I am an 8w7 am when you said" A 7 wants a travel companion...what does an 8 want"? I immediately said:"A sparring partner". I hadn't thought of that before.....incredible! I would have liked to hear about the more than average health 8 though. . Thank you for your work!
Wow! Spot on. I am an 8 dating a 5 man. He is currently in hiding and I’ve already threatened him twice this week to crawl out of the shell!! Haha Offcourse, I picked a fight with him over some nonsense I don’t even remember! Haha! Seems like I have to send him this video as a “peace offering”. Great video! Makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
Same.....almost 18 years in :) its a good match strangely....5s and 8s really understand each other and allow each other to be our unique quirky selves
My bf is an 8 and I'm a 5. Since I'm so detached and I can literally get absorbed into anything I'm researching atm, sometimes I feel like he's feeling kind of vulnerable from my isolation / absence moments, meaning that deep down he's feeling hurt in some way, but he'd rather die before admitting he's feeling this way about something within the relationship. So he just tells me the relationship is unbalanced (which is in fact, truth, and I gotta get my work done by being more present and conscious about him, myself and our relationship needs, which I tend to loose sight of, specially when it comes to communication). Still it's curious, many would thing of 8s not being emotionally triggered by anything and that's tricky to handle in a relationship
When you talked about how 8s change fear and anxiety into anger to confront a situation that makes them fearful or anxious, and how that fear is childlike, I felt seen. These are still emotions I grapple with expressing properly. For me anger has always been a natural motive force for action (vs the fear which freezes and entraps).
Dr Tom, I’m in a relationship with an 8 and this video blew the lids off our brains. So many things make sense and this is helping immensely to help our communication. Thank you!
How did you get yours to watch it? I’ve been dying for my boyfriend to watch it for the past two weeks but tonight he said he doesn’t want to watch it because it feels like “fucking homework.”
@@vixen7774 if you are struggling to type yourself in MBTI then you need to learn more about cognitive functions. In Meyers Briggs the cognitive functions are the real juice. I was often testing INFJ or INFP, but once I dove into the cognitive functions I realized how completely different these two types are. They do not share any functions. I am definitely an INFP and a 9w1. Best wishes!
I love the concept of a fort! I’ve heard you use it before but it is very true. I have a boss currently that I told I was dealing with anger issues and I would address something later on when I can be calm. He didn’t like that. I threw him OUT of my fort. No longer will I express my needs or wants to him. We can have a work relationship but he doesn’t get anything else from me.
This is so useful! I know an eight, and I have felt like I spend most of my time misunderstanding him. It's nice to hear an explanation of why he does what he does.
I cannot tell you how many epiphanies I've had in this single hour. I'm a 5w6 (edit: halfheartedly) attempting to stave off the advances of someone I believe to be an 8. My efforts are both failing and succeeding in a heretofore unseen fashion and this video perfectly explains why this is the case. Thank you so much!
As an 8w7 female+mother, I am "hearing" myself in your (healthy 8) descriptions and laughing out loud! I'm a New Yorker currently living in the south and my life here is the funniest thing to watch. While my tongue is often bloody, I have learned to say..."Bless Your Heart!"
It’s not that we believe people can’t handle the truth, it’s that because we believe people don’t know the truth, we can’t allow those people to make decisions for us (control) us. We don’t have to drive the car, actually would prefer not to drive but it becomes extremely difficult to be a passenger if the driver doesn’t have a working gps OR doesn’t have the experience and the know how to get to the destination which is evident by “checkpoints “ on the trip. And again, we don’t have to drive, just don’t come back for me when I jump out. Good luck on your journey, I’m cool walking, alone. Also, imo sparring isn’t a goal. I think a relationship goal is to be with someone you actually don’t have to sparr with because you do it all day. As an 8, my biggest want in a relationship would be to rest. In order for that to happen I need to trust. I won’t sparr if I trust you ( your character/principles/motivation). Of course, we have healthy and unhealthy versions so 🤷🏾♀️
I agree. I sparr with a potential Partner in the beginning...maybe as a test of his strength...if he is reliable and strong enough to withstand my strength. Then- when let into the Fort- I don't want to sparr. I want calm and strength.
Hubby is an 8 wing 9. Controlling his environment looks a LOT like controlling sound. He doesn't want to be in a room where someone's on the phone or has something playing on their phone.
I'm the same way. If my spouse is watching something on the TV I don't want to watch, I put in my earbuds so I can have control over the the sound. - 8w9 ENTJ
37:03 "If you can show an 8 why you stand where you stand...they might go 100% for it, to 100% against it". EXACTLY, and Thank you! So many people don't understand that a big part of why I'm pushing is to get you to engage my ideas with your own, with the potential of changing MY mind. If You are right, we're All gonna do it your way. I always wanted my employees to fight for their ideas! And I'M NOT ANGRY! ;)
No, they shouldn't work to change your mind they should work to validate their opinions. They are different. But, it sounds like we wont agree on this due to what we are! haha
Definitely agree! I push people to prove their beliefs quite frequently. It is fun to get new perspectives. No anger, though occasionally I might forget to monitor my decibel levels in my excitement. 😅
“Glory Glory Hallelujah! His truth is marching onnnn!” I don’t understand why so many people hate 8s. We are freedom fighters. Sure we may badger people to get what we want. Maybe we don’t understand everything. It’s because we are independent and we don’t want to be controlled because we control ourselves. But I wish people can understand that we are angry because we have been betrayed in the past.
Don’t you know! So well said. Yes, as a child I remember marching to the front of the line in preschool. I remember feeling like an eight. Then my life turned upside down. My innocence was stolen. But now I am an eight (AND ALWAYS WAS) hear me roar! I love it. I watch the whole video laughing and crying and weeping. It was truly a cathartic experience.
I am a recently discovered 8 and couldn’t help but chuckle at some of the examples of this type. It really was so close to describing me, it is almost scary. I found the video very interesting and enlightening. Thanks Dr T.
Hey. I have a BF type 8 . So i am hardly want to talk with some one type 8 to know more about him . I have never seen any one type 8 befor in my life . Can u help me
I’m a 4 about a third of the way through this. I must have a little 8 in me somewhere because so far I’m feeling strongly that an 8 man and I could be a great fit. Even the negatives being described here are either things I see in myself, or things I’m well equipped to work with. The sparring aspect is something I would LOVE!
Lol!!!! This is somewhat related:! This is why I get so drained when I go to special get together’s. If I don’t see the point or I don’t feel like I can contribute, it’s a total waste of time and I get bored. It’s all I can do to stay until the end.
I listened to this twice. I felt seen and roasted. Especially about work. I said to my manager yesterday, "Thank you for leaving me alone to do my job."
Only 8 minutes in .. love it ! Yes to show my vulnerability which means my emotions in the moment and not my past ones because I've process them and can expose easily to help others.. is huge and if you betray me or reject me... 😬 I keep listen
I am an 8w7 hard-core wife, and my sweet husband is a 9. It has been some challenging almost 6 years of marriage, but we have been learning more and growing since knowing about the Enneagram more.
It is amazing how well your videos explain my real feelings to myself. Its incredible!! I never encountered another description that fit me so damn well 8w7
@twlahue I have watched several of your videos now and continue to find them extremely helpful in becoming more self aware. I am learning to be more vulnerable in relationships due to the information you've shared. I am learning to accept myself and others as complex, unique human beings. I am at my best when I am empowering others without judging their process of individuation. I have learned that it is normal to allow those we love to influence us. A relationship takes compromise and placing the connection above self. I am pretty sure my BFF is a 2 because he has helped to soften me so much. 😊
😂 I laughed through most of this. I am a 9 and my husband is an 8 and this is so accurate! The first time I heard about 8s I automatically knew that was my husband and my father in law.
This is excellent! I'm a fantasy writer trying to get into the head of my 'war lord' who is an 8 on the enneagram and this really helps me understand him and write his character arc. My character is really very soft deep down, and drawn to a 2-type princess because of her innocence, but he's a powerful leader struggling with control issues and loses her until he evolves as a person. His character arc is: 'from power to glory.' Eventually he learns to becomes an inspiration for peace, empowering others to join him. :-)
I am an 8 with balanced wings. I am overly considerate of people and their stuff. I won't move or throw away your stuff. I HATE when my stuff is moved out touched. I LOL several times.
Loved this. I think I'm a pretty healthy ENTP (8)-7-2, and I think being aware of myself in many cases, especially after I've had time to think and learn, especially from others, keeps me balanced and open to seeing other sides, as intense as I often come across I'm always willing to change my mind. I think I can come across as a bit spiky but it really is just because I want what's maybe best for the most people possible around me. I can be stubborn but I am certainly not rigid hahah
Yayyyyy Finally.... the 9 in relationships video is coming next! Sorry 8’s... but I’ve been waiting patiently for the 9 video to come out. Lmao! Thank you Dr. Your videos are the best enneagram videos on UA-cam hands down!
I had to pause at the part around the 8 minute mark, talking about someone proactively donating my stuff (books no less!) to the Salvation Army without my consent. I got irrationally mad. Give me a sec and I'll continue.
Holy smokes. I’m 23 minutes in and every single thing in here is gospel. I’m an 8 in a relationship with another 8... someone needs to make a video for us lol!!
@@kh2716 I love it for the most part! I have a lot of respect for him because he is a strong leader, and I am not attracted to men I see as “weak”. It’s a lot of fire though that’s for sure!! Haha
@@mariahdavies4232 Hey, I bet you guys aren't lacking passion! That's for sure!! When I meet suspected other 8s or read posts or the many YT videos of 8s / INTJs they make me cringe. That said, I think a lot of YT'ers like to think they're these personality types as they are seen as cool and people ant to know more. If anything, they are tough personalities to be! Hard to fit in, can be lonely and if you're like me you write off 80% of humanity before you even start! :-D
@@kh2716 no lack of passion!! And yeah that funny you say that because my boyfriend and I see people thinking they are 8s all the time, but since we are truth-seekers, we see right through it. Especially the ones who think they’re tough by putting someone else down. We will always stand up to the bullies.
I'm a 6 and my boyfriend is an 8 wing 9. he sometimes says or does things that I will take personally (and I react and point out the thing he says or does that was wrong) and it confuses and annoys him because he doesn't think I'm being reasonable. And he says I lecture him about the thing he says or does that was hurtful. But he just says I get worked up for nothing. I don't know how to fix it lol. I'm too sensitive and I wish I wasn't Ps: I'd love for someone to offer advice if possible 🤗
I don't think it's always, this thing can be used against me, but rather, I'm powerful, and I can't do anything about it, and I'm more powerful than you, so how can me sharing this vulnerability with you help me in anyway? I don't remember what it's called, but there's some science behind venting, and with people really in the fort it did help me feel better, but it was not a cure. I still had to figure everything out and fix the issues. The release of the pressure did help though.
Goodness! Would be nice to finally find someone who has more good things to say about an 8 than bad. Kept waiting to hear the good but as soon as it was said the bad followed.
My first 8 "go for it" moment was when I was maybe 3 and I walked out into the garden at my grandma's home and threw my milk bottle away, because apparently I decided that I wasn't a baby anymore XD
“Enter into it.” I have always been confused and bothered by why the 8s in my life always have something to fight about. I’m going to give this a try, and I’ll let you know how it goes. Sincerely, a 1 wanting to do what’s right. 😂
I am a 5 my son is an 8 who I adore. He is a wonderful human being and is 23,I don't think we spar except when I tried to make him eat veggies when he was younger. And once I rearranged his room as a surprise when he was 17 or 18 and he hit the floor screaming why why??? Till I put it back and I know better than to throw anything out of his without asking.
How are you so perfect with this? And yes when you do speak and feel that eight factor, we too feel it. It's almost as if you are an 8 too. I am an 8. An INFJ-A sigma too. Am yet to know my wing in being an 8
With my Batchlors' Transcript in hand, 24 hours after my Friday, 4 PM last Final Exam, I was on a Silver Bird to Quantico VA & OCS at 19 years of age for my Butter Bars. Needless to say as a Military Brat early on in the 2nd grade I realized covering my six o'clock in combat was job one from then on. That is... if it was gonna get done at all. Who do I make this check out to now@ your base camp, now that I'm 74 years old! You are spot on at a thousand yards without a good Marine Spotter feeding ya range cross windage & coordinates! Excellent Com-Net! -- VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPERABIT -- 14*
Thank you so much, so much fascinating and useful content. I've been in a relationship with an 8 for 3 years and it's hard! So much anger which I now know isn't really anger. I'm a 6w7 and am having to learn to stand up for myself and my beliefs which is difficult but a great opportunity to push myself. What is a good resource for learning how to live with an 8 so we can understand each other better and communicate more effectively? He knows nothing of the enneagram and would probably poo poo it 🙄
I’m supposed to be a 2 that integrated into a 4. My friend is a super 8 and we have bounded into very heated conversations. In the beginning our relationship we fought very strongly and then, we continued to be friends as if nothing. He definitely has expressed many times that I disrespect him for things that I was thinking were loving… I’ve felt hurt for those things but I understand that he is just expressing himself and letting me know how he feels…I accept him as he is and I feel I know how to handle him so we don’t get into fights that much anymore. He tries to be nice at me… Well, learning to fit into each other… 😊
“They don’t want to have to lead incompetent people they have to hand hold..” YES 😅😅😅 I even do this in my hiring of musicians to work with in Church… I have to know and trust them to be good, or have a very good reference, or I’ll keep looking. I can’t get someone in who doesn’t know what’s happening.
If I can make a suggestion for a video.. I have never seen that before.. women 8 and 8 with a childhood where they couldn't express their total self. I have spent most my teenagers and 20s being closer to a 4 ( if you know about the tritrype theory ) because I couldn't be my 8 it would be too dangerous. If I watched videos of myself before my.. 8 or 9 years old i was an 8, 100%. After a long journey of personal healing I re-became my true 8 nature when I was about 33 and I am still learning about myself. Some of my reactions are so far from what I was in my 20s and teenagers years but its so natural.. its like I'm 2 diff people. It's not like an integration of a type its a complete different type. My question here is.. as a women and an abused child.. can some of these traits be more settle and even put on the back burner. If that makes sense.
It's very common for 4s to take on other identities throughout their lives. An 8 isn't going to get on UA-cam and talk about being an abused child. I strongly urge you to revisit the 4 and how this may just be envy coming up in you wanting to be more like an 8
@@addyandbabypollyaddy6926 I've been studying it and seeing specialist for more than 20 years. I am an 8 and not a 4. Look up tritype theory from Katherine you'll get what I'm saying. Thanks though
@@addyandbabypollyaddy6926 BTW don't forget the level of integration. Only less integrated 8 will hide. I share a story here I'm not crying my life out. And also it's about motivation, passion, fear and not action. So do not judge a type by what a person does.
I completely understand. I was born a true 8. My whole family will tell you that I’m an 8. But I also suffered emotional abuse as a child and showed tons of a 3. I needed to be that way to be accepted. Just because we are 8, doesn’t mean that we won’t admit vulnerabilities. I admit everything but I’m not weak about it. I state it very matter of fact and you won’t see me crying over it to other people.
I completely understand. I took the inventory recently and my friends are shocked. But when I watch this video and I laugh and cry buckets I know that it is true. I totally am an eight. But I am very careful not to hurt my friends with the things that come into my mind. I have conformed. As a young child I was abused terribly and it scarred me for life. I am actively seeking healing for it. I live with a nine husband end it feels excruciatingly painful when he withdraws. He even yells at me and it hurts me deeply. But then he points out to me that I have been yelling. He takes my passionate elevated expressions as yelling and I suppose it is. I guess I just want someone to jump in with me and be as passionate about something as I am even if they disagree. But he was Holtz and he curbs information and he refuses to share his heart and I think I have really hurt him. We have a long way to go. 😳😢🥺🥺🥺
Dr. Tom! I’ve been following your channel for several years now… If you are ever interested in interviewing two married Enneagram eights - that could be fun! I’m a social 8w7and my husband is a self-preservation 8w9. Just thought I’d throw that out there!
I’m a 8 with a little brother (20 months apart) who is also an 8. It has been hard for me to grasp that most people don’t see that engaging in a spirited debate is the highest level of compliment because it means that I think you are smart and I’m interested in your view but the black and white delivery absolutely knocks some people out.
I highly relate to most characteristics of an 8. EXCEPT the problem with vulnerability. I can easily express my fears and trust others. Authenticity is really important to me so I don’t hide. What dis mean?
Hey. I have a BF type 8 . So i am hardly want to talk with some one type 8 to know more about him . I have never seen any one type 8 befor in my life . Can u help me
I am still learning about this. Just found out this last weekend that I am an eight and have had doubts. I tend to be very kind to others but when I am home it’s like eight unleashed! I realize that I have had to curb my reactions Also, it is good to note that if one is an eight as a child and then is violated, it can take a while to get back to Center if you know what I mean. I think in all of my healing, I have become more of my true self but my nine husband has a tough time. And it’s no wonder! He probably thought he was marrying a six or seven or something I don’t know. Also, I’m being treated for borderline because of Trauma. I don’t say this to get sympathy but I just think it’s worth considering for any type that if you have abuse in your background it’s going to make it very difficult to be the person that God made you to be. But I know there is truth spoken and that I am an eight because I would not have laughed and cried through this presentation. It really set me free to understand myself and to even curb my intentions to be less adversarial and more kindly engaging so that I can stay connected w hubby since it is important to me. Thank you so much for all the insight. I look forward to understanding myself and the other personalities better so that I don’t steam roll over people. It was never my intention to do so. I actually really love people but they’re really hard to love at the same time. 😱 did I just say that?
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“Conflict with an eight is inevitable.” Shots fired. Great video!
Not me... I only read it in a book ;-)
Better than unresolved issues, right?
Im an 8 and I don’t take that as a shot... it makes me laugh because I thrive on it! Lol
Let's go🔫 vermos a disparar
It's not shots fired to from my perspective.. a challenge is always fun. I personally approach conflict and running from it would bother me. Conflicts can sometimes create goals for me. I identify as an 8w7
I laughed out loud when you said that 8s find something they really like and will buy the whole stock in the store and eat it all in one day. That’s so my father in law! It’s awesome being on the inside of his fort!
I'm an 8. I want a partner "for the end of the world". Someone I can trust my life in
Perhaps us 8's are drawn to and want to protect vulnerability because nobody was there to protect it for us. We want others to have what we wish we had, that vulnerability, so we try and guard it for them so they can keep it.
ABSOLUTELY
Drawn to innocence and vulnerability; puppy dogs, babies and old people... Didn't think about it, but I guess it's true. I'm a social 8 that is a nurse and I want to be your strength when you have none.
The eights I know push everyone away constantly then say “Where’d you go? Get back here so I can pick at your flaws some more.” So fun!
Sorry…and true. YET I DO LOVE YOU
Omg yes. My brother is an 8 and he has pushed everyone away.
Why is this fun? Why does this merit a smile? Good heavens! Enough!
@@bonniewinfield3148 Because learning to laugh at your 8 is a coping mechanism. "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane." -- Jimmy Buffett. But yes, I get it, 8s can be hurtful in their criticism. My husband is an 8s. On the up side, I've developed tough skin and the confidence to say, whatever, I don't always need to be approved by you.
@@triciamoss9074 same I'm a 9w1 becoming more balanced with my 8w because of my 8 husband lol
I am a 6 with an 8 daughter. I can honestly say she has always scared me. This helps me understand. Thank you so much.
Really? :) I can relate to her since I am an 8.
Dang!
I am definitely not this guy's typical viewer. To start: I am 13, and to continue, I barely know anything about the Enneagram other than what this man has taught me and that I am an 8w9. But I love listening to him ramble on about something passionately while I do something else like clean the dishes, or take part in recreationally activities. It's oddly calming.
I got into the Enneagram when I was 15 (29 now). You sound very intelligent.
I was literally wrapping presents and cleaning house during the 2 videos I watched... Get er dun!!
Funny how you call him passionate...his type is 7, aka "The enthusiast".
+@@andrewwabik5125 how? For washing dishes and having a mild passive interest?
How lucky to discover the Enneagram at such a young age!!!! Wish I had.
I'm an 8w9 and I had to laugh several times throughout this video. Other times I was a amazed at how spot on this is. Especially the "drawn to innocence and vulnerability. Puppies, babies and old people!" I'm a NICU nurse and I love my babies! The whole "there's two types of people. Strong and weak....and I'm not going to be weak" had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I've said that to my mom, multiple times. This was great.
I believe my husband is an 8w9. He refuses to take this test because he thinks stuff like this is just something dumb off the internet. We just finished a conversation about his dislike and disinterest toward this test and how he doesn’t want to talk about his personality type. I kid you not, in conversation he goes, “there’s 2 types of people in this world: winners and losers” I just HAD to tell him that that’s such an 8 thing to say 😂
Met an 8 and he’s actually the sweetest inside. Soft and kind. I’m a 4 :)
A type 4 _would_ say that....
I’m a 4 and I’m married to an 8! Very soft inside, but hard for them to be vulnerable so it’s always important to be gentle with them despite their toughness.
As a 4 I think the same about them 😊
I’m an 8w7 and I love this. Makes me giggle to hear others talk about 8’s and our personalities. Is there any other way to be?! Haha 😛
8w7 here too 🙋🏼♀️ and I literally giggled at some of his points too.
Yes there really is. You're nightmares
NO. Of course there isn't.
Hahah word
Yes! Yes, there is another way to be! Only an 8 would ask the question. 🤣
As a type 8, I found myself watching this and shouting “yes!!” while clapping my hands too many times to count. Amazing video and so spot on! Can’t wait to show my type 7 husband.
Same I want to show my 9 husband lol
This video is great. My husband is an 8 ( and he didn’t like the Enneagram result first because he wanted to be a 3:) I’ve laughed through most of the video because it describes him, his needs, wants, action for the most part. I am a 9w8 which may sound like a terrible relationship at first as 9’s shy away from conflict. His lets-do-it and the sky- is-the-limit attitude attracted me. It ‘only’ took him 10 years to finally let me see his soft core and trusting me with his vulnerabilities. But hey, 9’s are patient, right? Now, I am his rock, making him see that other people have valid opinions too and mellowing him just a tiny bit to stop and ‘smell the flowers’ and don’t move the goal post before he reached it. His personality helped me to be more assertive and not shying away from conflicts as often. Its a win-win. Thanks for the video Dr Tom.
My husband also is an 8, who had a 3 as his “second” number. He said he liked the description of the 3 more. 😂🤦♀️ I said, “Well it’s pretty clear to me that you’re an 8 as the person who lives with you.”
I don't know about other eights, but I am an 8w7 and exercise + meditation keeps me sane. Weight lifting helps me blow off steam and pause instead of bulldozing people and situations out of passion, anger, or my need for justice. My 9 partner is a diffuser. He's consistent, reliable, and steady. If we get into a little skirmish he'll give me a hug or make a joke, or smile and we'll start laughing.
Christina-I also have a 9. Unfortunately he withdraws and blames me for his addictions at times
@@tazmrm0373 Run.
"Going toe to toe is like taking their hand and wanting to be friends" is PERFECTION for this 8w7!! This is spot on information! I am about to take my enneagram coaching assessment to coach. I look forward to the light bulb moments that others will have with this kind of self reflection.
I'm an 8w7. When you said the word "tender" I actually physically cringed and then the next second you said we probably hate that word! 😂 I've enjoyed your channel and how you relate and teach with a biblical mindset of growing and using what God has gifted us with. Thanks for the encouragement!
“Why am I having this argument with a wimp” lol!!
;-)
as an 8 I have literally stopped seeing ppl I was dating after I had this exact thought yikes drag me
ughh i hate people who can't defend their opinions
As an 8, I agree with all of this except on some things - no, I don’t want you to tell me your viewpoint. I just want you to agree because I’ve already done the research and I am right. On subjects I’m not well versed in though, yea, tell me and I may be completely enlightened.
Yep 💯 💪🎁🎁🎁
54 years as a nine married to an eight! Thank goodness I found the Enneagram over 25 years ago. And I continue to grow and learn by watching ALL your videos. A year ago, after my 98 year-old mother survived COVID in an assisted living home, I “talked” my husband into letting me move her into our home. She had lived with us before for several years and begged me to get her out of there. I knew what I would be facing as she and my husband have many of the same traits, and as I suspected, I find myself smack dab in the middle of them pretty consistently. Both are incredible people who I dearly love. And I just want to take this time to thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. You continue giving me the tools I need to help me in my relationships with my sweet mom and a husband I love dearly. I will continue to be his sparring partner! Blessings to you!
Any advice for us 8's - I am working with my wife to show her the 8 information and MBTI INTJ info to help her understand my ways. We have been together 20 years, married 11. You must be some woman to manage an 8 for that long! I salute you!
@@kh2716 the advice I have is for your wife to watch every video that Tom has on the 8. But if she’s not familiar with or interested in the Enneagram it’s not going to be very helpful. We also have lots of conversations prior to visiting with family or friends where I ask him to please refrain from certain topics! Sometimes it works. And then again…. But this man has had my back from day one and I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
@@barbaralynette4244 thank you for your response. What an absolute sweetheart you are. I am sharing info with my wife who has always found my ‘quirks’ a positive. But I will work to show her more of this material, as you say, its so good it must be shared! 🙌🏽
@@barbaralynette4244 I hear you! I also have to remind my husband to be less polarizing and avoid certain topics in public. I love when he makes that grumpy ‘ hmmpf’ face though. ;). And yes, they have our back!!
@@SoleilylaLuna absolutely!. Having the wisdom of the enneagram has certainly made our journey a whole lot easier.
The laugh and face of Lahue when he says, “you’re overweight.” Omg. I laughed out loud and had to watch it again. I can just see him seeing that play out and the quirkiness of the 8 and their blunt force trauma they can deliver in a couple words. Ohhh, thank you… that was gold. Sincerely - an 8w7
I am an 8w7 am when you said" A 7 wants a travel companion...what does an 8 want"? I immediately said:"A sparring partner". I hadn't thought of that before.....incredible! I would have liked to hear about the more than average health 8 though. . Thank you for your work!
That is really cool.
Wow! Spot on. I am an 8 dating a 5 man. He is currently in hiding and I’ve already threatened him twice this week to crawl out of the shell!! Haha Offcourse, I picked a fight with him over some nonsense I don’t even remember! Haha! Seems like I have to send him this video as a “peace offering”. Great video! Makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
I'm 8w7(3) and dating a 5. I may be tiny bit pushy at times. 🤔😉
Same.....almost 18 years in :) its a good match strangely....5s and 8s really understand each other and allow each other to be our unique quirky selves
My bf is an 8 and I'm a 5. Since I'm so detached and I can literally get absorbed into anything I'm researching atm, sometimes I feel like he's feeling kind of vulnerable from my isolation / absence moments, meaning that deep down he's feeling hurt in some way, but he'd rather die before admitting he's feeling this way about something within the relationship. So he just tells me the relationship is unbalanced (which is in fact, truth, and I gotta get my work done by being more present and conscious about him, myself and our relationship needs, which I tend to loose sight of, specially when it comes to communication). Still it's curious, many would thing of 8s not being emotionally triggered by anything and that's tricky to handle in a relationship
When you talked about how 8s change fear and anxiety into anger to confront a situation that makes them fearful or anxious, and how that fear is childlike, I felt seen. These are still emotions I grapple with expressing properly. For me anger has always been a natural motive force for action (vs the fear which freezes and entraps).
Dr Tom, I’m in a relationship with an 8 and this video blew the lids off our brains. So many things make sense and this is helping immensely to help our communication. Thank you!
I am glad to help. Thanks.
How did you get yours to watch it? I’ve been dying for my boyfriend to watch it for the past two weeks but tonight he said he doesn’t want to watch it because it feels like “fucking homework.”
Been waiting a month for this. I am a 8w9 INTP and my wife is a 2w3 ENFP.
My calm diplomatic 9 wing balances out my constant anger and rage.
Can I ask a question ? how to do guys differ and how are you similar because I’ve been struggling to know my MBTI type.
@@vixen7774 if you are struggling to type yourself in MBTI then you need to learn more about cognitive functions. In Meyers Briggs the cognitive functions are the real juice. I was often testing INFJ or INFP, but once I dove into the cognitive functions I realized how completely different these two types are. They do not share any functions. I am definitely an INFP and a 9w1. Best wishes!
Thanks Dr. Tom. That's me. I am 8w7 and ENFJ. Not easy most of the time for women...as I see it...
same here!
What a beautiful combination...
@@happilyeverafter1528 thanks
Sams here 😊
Me too girlll ayyyy
I love the concept of a fort! I’ve heard you use it before but it is very true. I have a boss currently that I told I was dealing with anger issues and I would address something later on when I can be calm. He didn’t like that. I threw him OUT of my fort. No longer will I express my needs or wants to him. We can have a work relationship but he doesn’t get anything else from me.
This is so useful! I know an eight, and I have felt like I spend most of my time misunderstanding him. It's nice to hear an explanation of why he does what he does.
Glad it was helpful!
I cannot tell you how many epiphanies I've had in this single hour. I'm a 5w6 (edit: halfheartedly) attempting to stave off the advances of someone I believe to be an 8. My efforts are both failing and succeeding in a heretofore unseen fashion and this video perfectly explains why this is the case. Thank you so much!
As an 8w7 female+mother, I am "hearing" myself in your (healthy 8) descriptions and laughing out loud! I'm a New Yorker currently living in the south and my life here is the funniest thing to watch. While my tongue is often bloody, I have learned to say..."Bless Your Heart!"
It’s not that we believe people can’t handle the truth, it’s that because we believe people don’t know the truth, we can’t allow those people to make decisions for us (control) us. We don’t have to drive the car, actually would prefer not to drive but it becomes extremely difficult to be a passenger if the driver doesn’t have a working gps OR doesn’t have the experience and the know how to get to the destination which is evident by “checkpoints “ on the trip. And again, we don’t have to drive, just don’t come back for me when I jump out. Good luck on your journey, I’m cool walking, alone. Also, imo sparring isn’t a goal. I think a relationship goal is to be with someone you actually don’t have to sparr with because you do it all day. As an 8, my biggest want in a relationship would be to rest. In order for that to happen I need to trust. I won’t sparr if I trust you ( your character/principles/motivation). Of course, we have healthy and unhealthy versions so 🤷🏾♀️
I agree. I sparr with a potential Partner in the beginning...maybe as a test of his strength...if he is reliable and strong enough to withstand my strength. Then- when let into the Fort- I don't want to sparr. I want calm and strength.
@@ronjar.747 bingo
I agree 100 percent.
Yep yep yep
I'm an 8w7 and i reservedly aprove of this message.
I'm a 6, hubs is an 8. This has me laughing it's so true! I love my crusty burnt marshmallow. 😄❤
This video was like a free therapy session. Thanks!
-ESTP 8w7
Hubby is an 8 wing 9. Controlling his environment looks a LOT like controlling sound. He doesn't want to be in a room where someone's on the phone or has something playing on their phone.
I'm the same way. If my spouse is watching something on the TV I don't want to watch, I put in my earbuds so I can have control over the the sound. - 8w9 ENTJ
37:03 "If you can show an 8 why you stand where you stand...they might go 100% for it, to 100% against it". EXACTLY, and Thank you! So many people don't understand that a big part of why I'm pushing is to get you to engage my ideas with your own, with the potential of changing MY mind. If You are right, we're All gonna do it your way. I always wanted my employees to fight for their ideas!
And I'M NOT ANGRY! ;)
No, they shouldn't work to change your mind they should work to validate their opinions. They are different. But, it sounds like we wont agree on this due to what we are! haha
And I AM NOT ANGRy!!!! So true
Definitely agree! I push people to prove their beliefs quite frequently. It is fun to get new perspectives. No anger, though occasionally I might forget to monitor my decibel levels in my excitement. 😅
“Glory Glory Hallelujah! His truth is marching onnnn!” I don’t understand why so many people hate 8s. We are freedom fighters. Sure we may badger people to get what we want. Maybe we don’t understand everything. It’s because we are independent and we don’t want to be controlled because we control ourselves. But I wish people can understand that we are angry because we have been betrayed in the past.
Don’t you know! So well said. Yes, as a child I remember marching to the front of the line in preschool. I remember feeling like an eight. Then my life turned upside down. My innocence was stolen. But now I am an eight (AND ALWAYS WAS) hear me roar! I love it. I watch the whole video laughing and crying and weeping. It was truly a cathartic experience.
OMG, you just described my career. Own my own business now because I check out when nothing happens at a corporation.
Yes. Thanks.
I am a recently discovered 8 and couldn’t help but chuckle at some of the examples of this type. It really was so close to describing me, it is almost scary. I found the video very interesting and enlightening. Thanks Dr T.
I laughed so much because it's all SOO TRUE. I'm a 9 married to an 8 for about three years now and I'm glad I found this video
Hey. I have a BF type 8 .
So i am hardly want to talk with some one type 8 to know more about him .
I have never seen any one type 8 befor in my life .
Can u help me
I’m a 4 about a third of the way through this.
I must have a little 8 in me somewhere because so far I’m feeling strongly that an 8 man and I could be a great fit.
Even the negatives being described here are either things I see in myself, or things I’m well equipped to work with. The sparring aspect is something I would LOVE!
I have an 8 man and I'm a 4w5 and it is the most amazing relationship most of the time but the fights are oh my God
MY JAW DROPPED WHEN YOU SAID YOU CALLED SALVATION ARMY- 😂😂
Very much haha. "I'm the boss or I'm fucking out."
Lol!!!! This is somewhat related:! This is why I get so drained when I go to special get together’s. If I don’t see the point or I don’t feel like I can contribute, it’s a total waste of time and I get bored. It’s all I can do to stay until the end.
I listened to this twice. I felt seen and roasted. Especially about work. I said to my manager yesterday, "Thank you for leaving me alone to do my job."
As a woman it is difficult because you can become codependent not because of helpfulness but because of the need to control
I am a man that fell into this, too.
Only 8 minutes in .. love it ! Yes to show my vulnerability which means my emotions in the moment and not my past ones because I've process them and can expose easily to help others.. is huge and if you betray me or reject me... 😬 I keep listen
8 are on or off. 🙌
I'm an 8 wing 9. I laughed and winced all the way through this.
I am an 8w7 hard-core wife, and my sweet husband is a 9. It has been some challenging almost 6 years of marriage, but we have been learning more and growing since knowing about the Enneagram more.
Im an 8 you are a 👍 father educating your kids on human nature. Parents are the true teachers. Schools just try to confuse the future
It is amazing how well your videos explain my real feelings to myself. Its incredible!! I never encountered another description that fit me so damn well
8w7
Seriously, that’s awesome! It’s wild to think my ramblings can connect with your vibes like that! Keep watching!
@twlahue I have watched several of your videos now and continue to find them extremely helpful in becoming more self aware.
I am learning to be more vulnerable in relationships due to the information you've shared.
I am learning to accept myself and others as complex, unique human beings.
I am at my best when I am empowering others without judging their process of individuation.
I have learned that it is normal to allow those we love to influence us. A relationship takes compromise and placing the connection above self.
I am pretty sure my BFF is a 2 because he has helped to soften me so much. 😊
😂 I laughed through most of this. I am a 9 and my husband is an 8 and this is so accurate! The first time I heard about 8s I automatically knew that was my husband and my father in law.
This is excellent! I'm a fantasy writer trying to get into the head of my 'war lord' who is an 8 on the enneagram and this really helps me understand him and write his character arc. My character is really very soft deep down, and drawn to a 2-type princess because of her innocence, but he's a powerful leader struggling with control issues and loses her until he evolves as a person. His character arc is: 'from power to glory.' Eventually he learns to becomes an inspiration for peace, empowering others to join him. :-)
I am laughing so hard- you’ve quoted me verbatim more times than I can count so far. I can’t wait to show this to my boyfriend.
All about EFFICIENCY
At all times!
YES, YES, YES
I am an 8 with balanced wings. I am overly considerate of people and their stuff. I won't move or throw away your stuff. I HATE when my stuff is moved out touched. I LOL several times.
Loved this. I think I'm a pretty healthy ENTP (8)-7-2, and I think being aware of myself in many cases, especially after I've had time to think and learn, especially from others, keeps me balanced and open to seeing other sides, as intense as I often come across I'm always willing to change my mind. I think I can come across as a bit spiky but it really is just because I want what's maybe best for the most people possible around me. I can be stubborn but I am certainly not rigid hahah
Yayyyyy Finally.... the 9 in relationships video is coming next! Sorry 8’s... but I’ve been waiting patiently for the 9 video to come out. Lmao! Thank you Dr. Your videos are the best enneagram videos on UA-cam hands down!
Thank you so much.
I had to pause at the part around the 8 minute mark, talking about someone proactively donating my stuff (books no less!) to the Salvation Army without my consent. I got irrationally mad. Give me a sec and I'll continue.
15:30+, I'm being called out here again!
Haha - I'm a 9 and my 8 wing flared up when I heard that too! Nobody better mess with my things - ESPECIALLY my books! Lol
Holy smokes. I’m 23 minutes in and every single thing in here is gospel. I’m an 8 in a relationship with another 8... someone needs to make a video for us lol!!
A relationship with another 8? I would rather crap in my hands and clap! That must be tough! INTJs or 8's I find them annoying. :-D
@@kh2716 I love it for the most part! I have a lot of respect for him because he is a strong leader, and I am not attracted to men I see as “weak”. It’s a lot of fire though that’s for sure!! Haha
@@mariahdavies4232 Hey, I bet you guys aren't lacking passion! That's for sure!! When I meet suspected other 8s or read posts or the many YT videos of 8s / INTJs they make me cringe. That said, I think a lot of YT'ers like to think they're these personality types as they are seen as cool and people ant to know more. If anything, they are tough personalities to be! Hard to fit in, can be lonely and if you're like me you write off 80% of humanity before you even start! :-D
@@kh2716 no lack of passion!! And yeah that funny you say that because my boyfriend and I see people thinking they are 8s all the time, but since we are truth-seekers, we see right through it. Especially the ones who think they’re tough by putting someone else down. We will always stand up to the bullies.
When he says 8s bend the rules that don’t work to their advantage. Omg 😂
😂
Shhhh... pretend you didn't hear that. 😉
I haven't watched the video but can't believe it is over an hour long. That alone deserves a thumbs up. Steady on!
Hi Dr Tom! Will the 9 video be coming? Just checking in 😌 Hope everything is well!!
I'm a 6 and my boyfriend is an 8 wing 9. he sometimes says or does things that I will take personally (and I react and point out the thing he says or does that was wrong) and it confuses and annoys him because he doesn't think I'm being reasonable. And he says I lecture him about the thing he says or does that was hurtful. But he just says I get worked up for nothing. I don't know how to fix it lol. I'm too sensitive and I wish I wasn't
Ps: I'd love for someone to offer advice if possible 🤗
I don't think it's always, this thing can be used against me, but rather, I'm powerful, and I can't do anything about it, and I'm more powerful than you, so how can me sharing this vulnerability with you help me in anyway?
I don't remember what it's called, but there's some science behind venting, and with people really in the fort it did help me feel better, but it was not a cure. I still had to figure everything out and fix the issues. The release of the pressure did help though.
My wife and I had that very same "fight" over the brand of ketchup we bought.
This explains so much with my 8 sister and me a 9! Wow I am in awe of the information. Thank you!
Goodness! Would be nice to finally find someone who has more good things to say about an 8 than bad. Kept waiting to hear the good but as soon as it was said the bad followed.
This was SO helpful!! Things I have struggled with with the 8 in my life for years now make sense! And I know how to better respond. Bless you-
My first 8 "go for it" moment was when I was maybe 3 and I walked out into the garden at my grandma's home and threw my milk bottle away, because apparently I decided that I wasn't a baby anymore XD
“Enter into it.” I have always been confused and bothered by why the 8s in my life always have something to fight about. I’m going to give this a try, and I’ll let you know how it goes. Sincerely, a 1 wanting to do what’s right. 😂
This is such a parent's POV on the 8 lol. Love it.
I am a 5 my son is an 8 who I adore. He is a wonderful human being and is 23,I don't think we spar except when I tried to make him eat veggies when he was younger. And once I rearranged his room as a surprise when he was 17 or 18 and he hit the floor screaming why why??? Till I put it back and I know better than to throw anything out of his without asking.
Yep, Yeah, Yes Sir! 💪🏾 In a nutshell this elaborates one of my mantras, "Steel sharpens steel."
so right on! I'm a 9/1 and was in a relationship with an 8 for yrs with alot of conflict. I wish I had known all this back then Its literally spot on
How are you so perfect with this? And yes when you do speak and feel that eight factor, we too feel it. It's almost as if you are an 8 too. I am an 8. An INFJ-A sigma too. Am yet to know my wing in being an 8
With my Batchlors' Transcript in hand, 24 hours after my Friday, 4 PM last Final Exam, I was on a Silver Bird to Quantico VA & OCS at 19 years of age for my Butter Bars. Needless to say as a Military Brat early on in the 2nd grade I realized covering my six o'clock in combat was job one from then on. That is... if it was gonna get done at all. Who do I make this check out to now@ your base camp, now that I'm 74 years old! You are spot on at a thousand yards without a good Marine Spotter feeding ya range cross windage & coordinates! Excellent Com-Net! -- VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPERABIT -- 14*
Thank you so much, so much fascinating and useful content.
I've been in a relationship with an 8 for 3 years and it's hard! So much anger which I now know isn't really anger.
I'm a 6w7 and am having to learn to stand up for myself and my beliefs which is difficult but a great opportunity to push myself.
What is a good resource for learning how to live with an 8 so we can understand each other better and communicate more effectively? He knows nothing of the enneagram and would probably poo poo it 🙄
I’m supposed to be a 2 that integrated into a 4. My friend is a super 8 and we have bounded into very heated conversations. In the beginning our relationship we fought very strongly and then, we continued to be friends as if nothing. He definitely has expressed many times that I disrespect him for things that I was thinking were loving… I’ve felt hurt for those things but I understand that he is just expressing himself and letting me know how he feels…I accept him as he is and I feel I know how to handle him so we don’t get into fights that much anymore. He tries to be nice at me… Well, learning to fit into each other… 😊
“They don’t want to have to lead incompetent people they have to hand hold..” YES 😅😅😅 I even do this in my hiring of musicians to work with in Church… I have to know and trust them to be good, or have a very good reference, or I’ll keep looking. I can’t get someone in who doesn’t know what’s happening.
If I can make a suggestion for a video.. I have never seen that before.. women 8 and 8 with a childhood where they couldn't express their total self. I have spent most my teenagers and 20s being closer to a 4 ( if you know about the tritrype theory ) because I couldn't be my 8 it would be too dangerous. If I watched videos of myself before my.. 8 or 9 years old i was an 8, 100%. After a long journey of personal healing I re-became my true 8 nature when I was about 33 and I am still learning about myself. Some of my reactions are so far from what I was in my 20s and teenagers years but its so natural.. its like I'm 2 diff people. It's not like an integration of a type its a complete different type. My question here is.. as a women and an abused child.. can some of these traits be more settle and even put on the back burner. If that makes sense.
It's very common for 4s to take on other identities throughout their lives. An 8 isn't going to get on UA-cam and talk about being an abused child. I strongly urge you to revisit the 4 and how this may just be envy coming up in you wanting to be more like an 8
@@addyandbabypollyaddy6926 I've been studying it and seeing specialist for more than 20 years. I am an 8 and not a 4. Look up tritype theory from Katherine you'll get what I'm saying. Thanks though
@@addyandbabypollyaddy6926 BTW don't forget the level of integration. Only less integrated 8 will hide. I share a story here I'm not crying my life out. And also it's about motivation, passion, fear and not action. So do not judge a type by what a person does.
I completely understand. I was born a true 8. My whole family will tell you that I’m an 8. But I also suffered emotional abuse as a child and showed tons of a 3. I needed to be that way to be accepted. Just because we are 8, doesn’t mean that we won’t admit vulnerabilities. I admit everything but I’m not weak about it. I state it very matter of fact and you won’t see me crying over it to other people.
I completely understand. I took the inventory recently and my friends are shocked. But when I watch this video and I laugh and cry buckets I know that it is true. I totally am an eight. But I am very careful not to hurt my friends with the things that come into my mind. I have conformed. As a young child I was abused terribly and it scarred me for life. I am actively seeking healing for it. I live with a nine husband end it feels excruciatingly painful when he withdraws. He even yells at me and it hurts me deeply. But then he points out to me that I have been yelling. He takes my passionate elevated expressions as yelling and I suppose it is. I guess I just want someone to jump in with me and be as passionate about something as I am even if they disagree. But he was Holtz and he curbs information and he refuses to share his heart and I think I have really hurt him. We have a long way to go. 😳😢🥺🥺🥺
wanted to run away when I was in kindergarten, had all my meals planned in prep... no idea why! but wow, never put that together!
I did run away from pre kindergarten which was the next street over. This was in the 80s lol…..I’m an 8
I was unsure whether or not I was a five or an eight until I listened to this. I am definitely an 8. Thank You!
Did you just just call me a hypocrite? 😫😂😂😂😫😫 omg so true sometimes lol
Right? We all have our hypocritical moments! Just part of being human, I guess! 😄
Dr. Tom! I’ve been following your channel for several years now… If you are ever interested in interviewing two married Enneagram eights - that could be fun! I’m a social 8w7and my husband is a self-preservation 8w9. Just thought I’d throw that out there!
Generals George Smith Patton and William Tecumseh Sherman as well as Leon Trotsky apparently were 8s. They were my childhood role models.
And Donald Trump I heard 😂
Fantastic! As an 8, I can say this is spot on.
Omg cant wait for type 9 !! When are you planning to uplode it ? 😍
Sorry, I had to travel to attend a family funeral, then last week was on vacation. It will be coming out next week.
@@twlahue thank you!
@@twlahue thank you !
my condolences⚘
He is speaking to me directly! Especially the over stressed me
This is incredibly on point. This hit on every single point.
Will type 9 come out soon? 🙏
I love that I discovered the enneagram! My hubs and I did the test, he is an 8. This was so helpful, thank you for the info!
Yes! I feel so heard right now, thank you!
I’m a 8 with a little brother (20 months apart) who is also an 8. It has been hard for me to grasp that most people don’t see that engaging in a spirited debate is the highest level of compliment because it means that I think you are smart and I’m interested in your view but the black and white delivery absolutely knocks some people out.
You say 8s don't like to be on teams, and you are so right. Even that video conferencing program called "Teams" makes me cringe.
I highly relate to most characteristics of an 8. EXCEPT the problem with vulnerability. I can easily express my fears and trust others. Authenticity is really important to me so I don’t hide. What dis mean?
15:15 Woah! Literally my entire career trajectory, really working on that rn 😫
the Heinze commercial that kept playing for me during this video was priceless 🤣
It’s annoying how much this is like me. Real talk, I’m an 8w7 and I love Dearly when I love, but it does tend to cost me.
Hey. I have a BF type 8 .
So i am hardly want to talk with some one type 8 to know more about him .
I have never seen any one type 8 befor in my life .
Can u help me
Dinner with the Johnsons..., I felt the rage😆
Oh God, the boxes in the garage!😤
I am still learning about this. Just found out this last weekend that I am an eight and have had doubts. I tend to be very kind to others but when I am home it’s like eight unleashed! I realize that I have had to curb my reactions
Also, it is good to note that if one is an eight as a child and then is violated, it can take a while to get back to Center if you know what I mean. I think in all of my healing, I have become more of my true self but my nine husband has a tough time. And it’s no wonder! He probably thought he was marrying a six or seven or something I don’t know. Also, I’m being treated for borderline because of Trauma. I don’t say this to get sympathy but I just think it’s worth considering for any type that if you have abuse in your background it’s going to make it very difficult to be the person that God made you to be. But I know there is truth spoken and that I am an eight because I would not have laughed and cried through this presentation. It really set me free to understand myself and to even curb my intentions to be less adversarial and more kindly engaging so that I can stay connected w hubby since it is important to me. Thank you so much for all the insight. I look forward to understanding myself and the other personalities better so that I don’t steam roll over people. It was never my intention to do so. I actually really love people but they’re really hard to love at the same time. 😱 did I just say that?