John Mulaney: “Canceling Plans Is Like Heroin”
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2020
- John Mulaney describes the instant joy of breaking off plans and wonders why people treat ordering fries like it’s an adventure.
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John Mulaney always looks like an innocent 1950s time-traveller and then he comes out with sentences like "I started smoking age 13"
To be fair, it was pretty easy for 13 year olds to get cigarettes in the 1950s. I'd guess a lot of them took up smoking then.
@@deathbatgirlxxx I think they meant that it - him smoking at age 13 - proves he's a 1950s time traveller. But I may be wrong.
@@learukemisu5961 that's what I got out of it
so like, five hargreeves?
as if 13 year olds didn’t smoke back then
"Yeah the kids don't wanna work either"
"GOOD."
*drinks air wine*
Hmmm, air wine..
Nick the most exquisite choice of fine wines.
@@greggreg9451 lmao
I was thinking tequila...
Very good observation Sherlock
John Mulaney has never more looked like a kid wearing an adult suit than on this show
It's an old set, hear his voice and cadence... he didn't had his suit game on point at that time... probably around the "Mulaney" show "era"
It may help if he got his suits or a least jacket, tailored.
@@oliviamyers2165 barely even tailored....just bringing in the sides of the jacket, shoulders, and hemming the pants so they dont break so much.
He looks like the flash
SteamGearsTears - what show/special was this from?
One of my friends said to me recently, "I can't out-drink my wife. She was a schoolteacher in Louisiana."
It all makes sense now!
Mean Bean Productions I was a schoolteacher in Louisiana and I feel this
im a public school student in la... the teachers really are bad
Oh yeah. It's all coming together
Everyone down here in Louisiana has issues tbh
@@coope-3537 Hey if that's what makes your food taste so damn good, I'm all for it.
John Mulaney is my favorite asian-american woman.
Did you see him in the SNL skit about the Cha-Cha Slide? He's also black.
He was assigned Caucasian at birth, but now identifies as "Other".
He is asian?
@@stelladallasAlabama a tiger mom
Stella Dallas no but his childhood beat friend thought he was asian. Lol. This is part of his joke.
Best way to make plans is to silently hope the other person cancels.
Devin Wilkerson Like my ego and id
Sometimes it truly be like that ...
Truee
Whats wrong with you people......
@@markelkhatib2524 we're just anti social. Nothing right with it.
He’s been smoking since 13? How does he still have such baby-clear skin?
Anna Ferrara yeah fr
Fucking magic.
Bold of you to assume he is bound by such mortal problems
He's 14 now. He's just a tall child that looks terrible.
He smoked crack, and heroin, he has incredible genes
Him finishing this joke in 2024:
“Canceling plans is like heroin, and trust me, I would know”
*thunderous applause*
Jokes not clear: Got addicted to heroin
Sky Luke hahahahahahahahahahahahah
I hope this meme format makes a comeback
@@mrevilducky Better than the most shitty ones nowadays
autoplay played this video as i was snorting a couple lines of smack lol
@@anthony639 may or may not have been smokin on some fent when I clicked on this lol
School teachers are always at bars. Make sense though.
....Stevie Wonder?
I see
What up Stevie?Even though youre blind,u can still LISTEN to my 2nd OPEN MIC.
I'm a teacher and I enjoy a drink, but I got to tell you that I can't stand teachers who act like they're too good for their job, or always complaining about their jobs or their students. It's one of the best and most rewarding jobs out there and the kids deserve better than lazy teachers!
@@KaninTuzi thank you! I work as office support for a school for developmentally disabled adults. Sadly we are underfunded (taxpayer dollars so I get it) and we can barely pay minimum wage. But still our staff enjoy their job, some have been doing it for decades and truly love our clients. It is emotionally rewarding which helps compensate for the low wage.
I can’t breathe “tots are angels who haven’t died yet”
If canceling plans is like heroin then we all must be high as f right now
No....kidding. Getting real serious here. Very very very serious. As in scary serious. sigh....
@@avedic Just when you thought things couldn't get any scarier the world is literally on fire now!
Have you heard this song called RX?
Jokes on you: I have no friends so the only plans I can cancel are the ones I plan with myself. 😏
>Never made plans
>Couldnt cancel them
>Not high
> :(
Once you have kids it's like having a dealer for excuses to get out of plans.
Sure, but then there are kids to deal with, so it’s kinda a wash.
And getting out of work early
Lie about having kids haha
Travis Jordan far worse than a wash
the EXACT same reason i dont hang out with my friends that had kids; they use to not hang out with me too:D its a beautiful world!
There's something clean and classy about him, like he came out of the 50s or something
@z g yeah, I think so, but also his actual look, his hair and face.
It's the tone of his voice
@@ccassidy9090 yes , it's also that!
His vocabulary
Cept less racism, sexism, and homophobia
I'm from NY where " let me call you later " translates to " enjoy the rest of your day " 99% of the time
À la Chandler ❣️
I was able to kick my heroic addiction by constantly canceling plans, I dont have friends now, but totally worth it
But your friends were the people giving you heroin! Win win!
So glad you were able to cut your addiction. Heroics are no joke. It's killer on the knees!
thedorks123 good for You! And it's very much totally worth it! I have a close friend who died of a heroin overdose (3 years ago) and all he had to do was say no,but thought it would be a good way to be "a cool kid" peer pressure is horrible
Well, if your plans were to get high, cancelling those plans is paramount for kicking the addiction.
Whoah…. I just figured it out, the key to kicking any habit/drug:
Plan to do it, put it on your calendar, think about it, then right before you use, cancel your plans! then you’ll get high off the relief of canceling instead of getting high off the drugs.
"How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan?"
God bless you John Mulaney.
Yes, I literally laughed out loud which I rarely do, followed immediately by the thought "I need to remember this one so I can tell it at work Monday."
@@ddebenedictis utdtreusd dcg dcgf
I don't get it. Does cosmopolitan have another meaning?
@@samirwit3263 Cosmopolitan is a drink, but it is also the name of a magazine.
God bless you Chuck Mulaney :P
The bit about how great doing nothing feels as an adult is like one of the top 5 things a stand-up comedian has said that I identify most with.
😆Lets make a deal.I GUARANTEE you will LAUGH at least once and if u do,Comment and Like.If u dont laugh.....well,ur missing a funny bone.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and let me know what u think.Thanks.
What were the other 4 for you?
@@itzzbowserjr I haven't made a list - this might actually be number one - but the others that come to mind are Marc Maron on why he doesn't like to prepare for stuff, Mark Normand on what an honest job interview would be like and on why “just be yourself” isn’t always good advice, and Patton Oswalt on how he can't help but be a nerd about the stuff his daughter likes.
@@bluesdjben in other words: you've decided to come out of the closet.
Know this is pointless and/or annoying
But I just find it amusing that I’m 499
I JUST REALIZED: HE STANDS LIKE A CHARACTER FROM
DOCTOR SEUSS!!!!
The Onceler?? Huh, that explains it.
cannot unsee. send for help
And he talks almost in iambic pentameter
oh my god
Can’t believe this man did hardcore drugs a few years before this
yeah some of the funniest people have had hard lives
Right? He’s GLOWING ✨
Wait what
Really? 👀
This did not age well
"I know you'll have fries" will forever be joke with all my friend groups.
Pretty sure he has at least 2.
efrain saucedo YASSS
@Emma Boyd from the "one thing" right?
Ha my friend group has this as well. For us it’s South Park, Chappell
Him and Drew gooden radiate the same energy
Drews a bit funnier imo
NO INTERNET CONNECTION I was just thinking that. They kinda have the same style.
Their delivery is very similar
Drew Gooden isnt funny though...
almost like drew stole his schtick from this long-established comedian
Dude, it's not just adults whose faces light up when they do nothing... It's the same for teenagers, like from age sixteen and up. I'm saying this from experience.
Tbh when I was in high school/college I;d be pretty bummed out if I ended up not doing anything on the weekend, which waned more and more as I went into my 20's. Now at 30, I LOVE doing nothing, and honestly don't feel the need to go out at all now
I’m only 13 and it’s still amazing
I’m only 10 and it’s the same
It varies,
When I was 15/16+ it was AMAZING doing nothing. I loved it.
It only gets better with age, but also I dread doing things.
February 2020: Cancelling plans is like heroin
March 2020: Ahh another nice relaxing evening at home
April 2020: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME DO SOMETHING
Edit November 2020: this comment isn't even funny anymore and everything sucks.
Edit again May 2021: we have vaccines and we know how to contain covid. Stop whining and get back to your normal life. Or stay in your house for the next year if you're that worried about it.
May isn't any better
May 2020: Another day in isolation. I fear I may never see other people again
wolverinefangowings
may 2020: so.... this is what it’s gonna be like for the rest of my life....
June 2020 in the United States: Forget quarantine. More important things to do. We're all outside again now. Covid has been almost completely forgotten about.
@@lonelypotato238 the United states government is falling apart tbh
I don't like when I order fries and people think it's for the table 🤣
Especially when they are sweet potato fries. There is something about sweet potato fries that makes people think they are public property. Guard your fries, Koi.
ddebenedictis this is one of the best replies to comments I’ve ever seen
@@abri7606 you have good taste 😊 and thanks for your kind comment. Have a wonderful sweet life.
Koi Bee People lose fingers that way 🤷🏻♂️
That's why I order 2 plates.
I hear everything he says in spider ham voice.
Makes sense. John did voice him
@@popfrog13 thanks, captain obvious.
SAMMEEE lol 😂
Erudite Sourav I hear him as Andrew from Big Mouth lol
@@southpark645 dude me 2
4:34 this aged well 💀
"Nobody has said bozo in a 1000 years" proof John Mulaney is immortal.
It took me a while to realise there is bonus content in here. At first I thought maybe I forgot a few jokes but then I realised it was not possible because I watch this special like every other Thursday.
Yes, the UA-cam algorithm is a fickle master.
Huh? All this jokes are in the special. Aren’t they?
Thats a badass name man!! Gautham
What are you talking about? I just rewatched this special on Netflix and there’s no new content in this video. This clip starts at around the 20 minute mark on the special and ends somewhere around 27:30, which is the same amount of time on this video, minus the end slates.
@@jstar121298 i watched the version that originally aired on tv and it doesn't have this bit.
"Either you're a Tot, or you're an Angel."
So my biology teacher lied???
I wanna like it but it's at 69 likes
What's a tot ?
@@elriane94 basically a small child
@@elriane94 an angel who hasn't died yet
John Mulaney: *Insults the New York Post*
Alexander Hamilton: Lemme at him-
Eliza: No-
A FELLOW HAMILFAN
Found the Hamilfan 😂
I was gonna comment the same thing😂😂😂😂
He was satisfied until now
Back then, it was probably normal.
"a hero is any man who does his job" oh my fucking god i love him
John is that funny kid in class who we just stuck in a mostly fitting suit and is now doing stand up
DOH!
Now it’s perfect
4:29
This aged like fine milk 🤣
I was looking for this comment lmao
Oooooooooooooo. Yikes lol
Especially because “bozo” is semi common internet slang compared to when this was made.
I don't understand
@@GypsyEncounters he cheated on his wife
At least he's telling this joke knowing about the drug and canceling plans. Love how he did that for research
He prefered cocaine tough 😅
anyone here after hearing about his reoccuring addiction🥺 glad he’s getting help tho
"Hey Madge..give us the scoop.." "She told him to beat it bozo!" LOL
you're not fooling anyone Barry Allen!
C Coop bro mind 🤯 I knew he look familiar😂
Looks like a combination of matpat and barry allen
I WAS LIKE WHO TF DOES HE REMIND ME OF!!!
THANK YOUUU
Dammit Barry!!!
Icarus me too
His references to drugs are even funnier now.
I distinctly remember a day in my life when I was like 5 years old and I had a play date but I was busy doing literally nothing in particular so I didn't want to do it. I remember telling my mom and feeling really bad about cancelling, almost to the point where I didn't want to out of pure kindness for their sake. My mom helped me out and told me to tell them I wasn't feeling well and that it technically wasn't really a lie since that was how I was feeling. So I called him up and told him I wasn't feeling well. That's like my superhero origins story only my superpower is being addicted to not doing things.
Your mom has her superpower in rationalizing lies. Cool.
This is my favorite thing I've ever read on UA-cam. ❤
This man made my laugh at dead children. Legendary
Tots are angels who haven’t died yet is an amazing line
John says he's sorry, but Annemarie says "Beat it, Bozo."
😭😭😭😭😭
The ripping apart of the New York Post was so hilariously accurate.
"How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan" had me rolling
“Beat it, Bozo!” gets me every time and I don’t know why 😂
same, its the impersonation and the imagery.
5:33 Massage Therapist here: Funny enough, we have the same joke.
"The less amount of time you live. The better- according to The Post"
The less characters you print the better according to the post. Bozo Tot Thought Fall Would Make Him an Angel , says Mom.
I discovered this guy a couple years back and ever since he's been my favorite comedian. I'm 28 and do love all comedy, especially dark or twisted humor but was ecstatic because I could show my parents and know they would share my love for him. What I absolutely treasure about him and his comedy is that it's as hilarious as anything but his sets are confined to wholesome and non controversial topics which doesn't come close to any sort of stab at a particular race, sex, nationality, w/e. He's just funny, plain and simple. Also, he embraces the fact that his appearance and way he speaks is very much the way many homosexual guys tend to be with a joke that he completely owns 😂
And New York post left the audience..
you know i heard he went to rehab for cancelling plans
All these drug jokes hit different now
John mulaney is hilarious, but he did not have to call me out like that in the part about ordering fries 😂
John Mulaney looks like a default 1980s commercial man
Any joke he does about coke feels DIFFERENT now
Love John's stand up!
He's a huge inspiration of mine!
Hi Matt.😅Im a new comic. Check out my 2nd OPEN MIC. and please SHARE if u LIKE.Thanks.
@@JeffWarren47 I've been doing stand up for 4 years. I can assure you that you SECOND ever open mic is not worth promoting. That being said..... ua-cam.com/video/jYrI6xKe99U/v-deo.html
This is my favorite comedian, I love his relatable jokes and in my own small career of stand up, I take inspiration from him. I love how he changes his voice at different parts: especially when he is talking about a letter from college and he says "how did they phrase it? ah yes... GIVE ME MONEY. WE WOULD LIKE A GIFT BUT ONLY IF IT'S MONEY." so funny keep up the good work!
John seems to have been flash frozen in 1955 and recently de-thawed.
This hits different in quarantine but in a worse way
Listen, I find John Mulaney SO funny but the power of him saying “A hero is any man that does his job” is honestly just...incredible.
He is def telling the truth about finally doing nothing over the weekend 😂😂😂🤦🏾♀️😩
I always do nothing on the weekend. And I work weekends.
@@rowynnecrowley1689 😆😆😆😆😆🤦🏾♀️
I cancelled a trip to the store today, then had to lie down for a couple of hours to ride out there ensuing high.
Knowing he had to go to recovery for drugs and now rewatching his stand up makes so much sense. I hope a great recovery for him and future!
Love reading comments of people who don't understand John Mulaney trying to watch his content. Ha ha. He's so good live. I saw his latest tour Kid Gorgeous and it was great. Other guys wore suits and he called them out. And his jokes aren't racist, homophobic or sexist either. Maybe that's why some people don't like him but that's their opinion and there's plenty other comedians for them to watch then.
Racist, homophobic, sexist comedians really aren't comedians. they're just assholes, pretty big difference.
The fries joke is so on point Nobody wants to waste good money spent on Fries
Maaaaan, as someone who has taught elementary school, before, I felt that teacher joke in my soul. I perfectly understand what that teacher was feeling.
Cut to him whiping off his shirt for doctor Micheal
"I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be"
-Peter Gibbons from Office Space
This lad is on point.
He really did take an order of crack for the table.
i love how he just transitions from his old lady smoker voice to “i’m feeling good tonight, i got a massage” by pausing for a second
This plays differently now that we know what was going on in his life.
I use his stand-up comedy for practicing my listening lol. His words is clear yet entertaining
"Tots are angels that haven't died yet." Gotta say that one did it for me
My fav kid comedian. That Asian soccer mom is the bomb!
6:55
Is no one going to talk about how John considers going to the bathroom an active day.
I was lightly chucking here or there until "How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan?" ... my mother came to check if I was breathing
his little chuckle at 4:05 is the cutest goddamn thing ive seen all day >_
John Mulaney is absolutely the best. I’ve heard many of his stand ups tons of times, since XM has such a tiny repertoire of comedy (apparently). Dude makes me cry almost every time.
I find mariachi bands DELIGHTFUL. Public transportation, on the other hand...
well, he would know I suppose
That moment when you didn't consent to cancelling plans bc of COVID-19
This aged well
4:01 the way John says "yeah" is like how pete davidson would say "yeah".... no wonder theyre besties.
So many drug references… it all makes sense now
i saw this as an ad and i 200% know that i’ve seen this bit approximately 900,000 times but i still watched it all the way through
what do we call that, ladies and gentlemen?
*dedication*
Whoah…. I just figured it out, the key to kicking any habit/drug:
Plan to do it, put it on your calendar, think about it, then right before you use, cancel your plans! then you’ll get high off the relief of canceling instead of getting high off the drugs.
omw to cancel my plans of going to rehab
@@spagsauce and therein lies the problem in planning on going to rehab; you get the relief of canceling that plan coupled with the high of the drug you use, it’s an irresistible cocktail…
Quarantine has turned us all into children wanting to do things
Speak for yourself. The only thing I'm anxious about is going into work. The staying at home part is preferable to me, but bills need to get paid regardless of a pandemic or not.
Not for me!
I think I finally understand why Jerry Seinfeld was such a hit in the eighties and nineties
Best New York Post headline: Tiger is a Cheetah
John Mulaney and James Corden are the gayest straight men on television 😂😂😂
Mateo Banda exactly
Mateo Banda except Mulaney is talented
One of them is not straight.
Shirtless Lager who?
@@SunglassesGirl-mv3te Sunglasses Girl who?
This kind of comedy is timeless 😂
rewatched this bit like 10 times and its still funny for some reason. impressive stuff mulaney
Every year this resonates with me more and more
His demeanor reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld, especially during that fries joke
Was looking for a comment like this. Felt the same way as he asked his friends if they'd share an order of cocaine
ive seen new in town so many times this part of the show is just engraved into my brain
i’m watching john mulaney content all over again love himm
It doesn't have to be right, it just has to be short is an underrated line
This man gives me seretonin
A plate of fries for the table? Y’all, I’m ordering fries for me and only me.