You split and feel like you’re going crazy which causes you to do things you still regret because it only adds to the fear if abandonment, “oh god, I lashed out the relationship is going to go downhill, they’re gonna resent me now” mindset and it leaves me feeling unstable. It’s like you know you’re being irrational but you still hold the mindsets.
I really appreciate your video. I'm a grandma with a 20 year old granddaughter that has BPD. She lives 1500 miles away and is in a horrendous situation right now. I know this is playing great havoc with the BPD. I'm just learning of this mental illness and am educating myself so I can support her from afar. Your video has been immensely helpful. Thank you.
@@tanishabuchanan6396I think it might be when you suddenly feel you can't trust the person you are sat with and start inwardly freaking out but try to hide it, or end up having a row with them
@@tanishabuchanan6396 Splitting in BPD is when you go from idealizing or loving a person to completely hating them/detatching from them over something that may typically be perceived as “small” or forgivable to someone without BPD. It is a protective/defense mechanism for the person with BPD. It is *not* switching personalities like you see in DID(aka Multiple or Split personality disorder) which it is commonly confused with.
The way you describe how it feels when you push people away is how I try to explain it too! When you are arguing you know you shouldn't say or do things but you just can't stop yourself, like you are trapped behind the glass! It's so hard explain and I feel it always sounds like an excuse or that I am making it up but knowing it's not just me me does help a little.
Oh. My. Gawd. I’m in tears. I was diagnosed 20 years ago and refused to acknowledge this, but I can no longer deny this because it is and has always been what has destroyed my life. There have been SO many times I’ve said I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. When you said you wanted to rip it off I just started crying. I cannot express enough gratitude for you sharing this. I’m scared because I have so much shame. I need to know I’m not the only one so I can learn from others. Thank you 😢
You are amazing, you’ve made it so far in life!!! You should be so endlessly proud of that alone! It’s okay to hide, you weren’t ready and you can’t do anything when you’re not ready! Baby steps for now 🩷 the way I started was by analysing everything I did. Why did I say that? Think that? React like that? Why do I wanna do that? After a while it’ll become a habit and then you can monitor triggers! 🩷
Soo relatable, my relationships go from perfect to disastrous, I have no control over my emotions that sometimes they get soo overwhelming that I have psychotic out bursts , I smoke weed and drink alcohol to numb everything
Thank you for sharing this. It really helps me understand what my ex-wife and mother of my children goes through when she splits. I am literally in tears right now thinking of the hel she goes through and knowing I was completely clueless. Thank you so much!!
It’s extremely hard for someone to understand when they haven’t experienced it themselves, it took my a while to learn about it myself and I have it! Don’t be hard on yourself, I’m so happy I could help you!!
I like your frosted glass analogy. I usually say its like watching a train wreck in slow-mo. You see it happening, you know what's coming, and you can yell and scream and think of ways to try to avoid it, but its already in motion and there is f*ck all you can do to stop it. the logical part is the part watching while the emotional part is the one driving the train.
The way you describe how your inner experiences/emotions perceive threats and then impact your behaviors truly truly suggest your on the good and healthy path. I seldom ever hear individuals with BDP with this level of awareness. I wish you all the best. I’m on my own journey to being more healthy
I love this so much. I have recently felt like there is something wrong with me and that I need help and I don’t know how to explain it but you just did for me. My mom has BPD and i’m too young to be diagnosed and I feel like I found the answer. I’m not trying to self diagnose but I do really feel like this is exactly what I experience. You are so strong to explain how you feel cause it IS SO HARD. You are so brave 🫶
You are so beautiful, and it was really brave of you to be vulnerable to the rest of the world. Growing up with a narcissistic parent or in a relationship with a narcissistic partner will mess anyone up. It’s not your fault, always remember that. I’ll be praying for you to continue to heal on this journey of yours. 🙏
Awesome video on splitting - love how you address being stable for awhile & experiencing set backs- important for others to hear b/c I've spent a lot of time worrying about feeling like a failure after coping well & then having a setbacks where symptoms flare up
Is so difficult, but we make it through! It’s just hard to see past the storm when you’re in it for the first time in a while. Thank you for supporting me 🧡
Thanks for sharing. It's so difficult to articulate splitting. When I'm splitting I have very little control over my thoughts and then outward behaviour. The only thing I can do is prewarn people 🤷🏼♀️. Even with self awareness, it's so powerful, the mind takes over. Best of luck with your recovery ❤
babygirl... THANK YOU for making this channel! I KNOW THIS WAS NOT EASY FOR YOU TO DO SO FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THN YOU!!!! I stumbled across you by accident while continuing to educate myself on BPD. You see someone that I love more than life itself has BPD and I have had to sit and watch as it has slowly eroded our relationship away to nothing. BPD and Bipolar disorder along with some other cluster B personality disorders (IMO) have slowly taken the woman that I love more than life itself away from me. It has robbed me of my soul mate and of my wife of over 5 years now, it's the worst pain I have ever felt in my life! She is experiencing so many of the things that you speak of and is convinced she is dying of some mystery terminal disease that has nd to see her suffer like she does and I need her to come back to me, I actually was recently diagnosed with a terminal lung disease and I just want to live the rest of my life loving that girl with all of my heart just like it was supposed to be. I truly feel like your content is going to be the thing that leads my Natalie back to me... i sure hope so anyways. Sabrina Austin
Going through the same thing right now. She was my whole world and suddenly she is gone. No real reason or explanation. Can't even talk to her. Worst pain I have ever experienced my whole life and im 48. Your not alone.
I feel this so much. I relate a lot more to you sharing than some other who live with BPD. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing to let us know we aren’t alone either. ❤
You are so strong for doing this. Thank you for being vulnerable. People might see us as crazy but I swear you seem the most normal to me because I'm just like you. I never really watch bpd videos but omg I need to because I relate soooo much. It makes me feel a little better. Update us. Hope you find something that works.
My brain is on fire and I feel like I’m in the middle of an episode right now. I only got diagnosed last week. I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve been cutting everybody off. Thank you for making this video so I can be more aware of my behavior. It hurts.
So grateful to have found this a year after you made it. I have been struggling with splitting and honestly everything I find is from the pov of someone living with someone with bpd and quite scathing. Nevermind how torturous it is for us to be banging on that glass. THANK YOU ❤️
I've had a couple of splits and it left me wondering and confused what i was saying and even doing to other people. Then i had apparently lost who i used to be and i found it. But recently i've had recent episodes worse than the previous ones and im seeking for therapy. I pray for everyone who has had similar experiences, keep moving foward and don't let it stop you.
12:00 really resonates with me, I get stuck in my head during arguments. Like my partner will say something about how I did something goofy in the kitchen (putting a spoon in the sink we still need so I end up using more dishes) and I take it SOOOOOOOOO personally. So much so that I just want to lash out and attack them for no reason. So I think I dissociate to protect them. And I get stuck in this place where inside my mind I'm SCREAMING. So many things I want to say. But I know if I open my mouth I'll say something hurtful or stupid because I am so fucked up in the moment. Like sure, 10 out of 100 things are good and should be said. They should know I'm struggling. They should know I took it the wrong way and didn't mean it. But now I'm stuck, saying nothing. And they HATE when I shut down. So they just get more and more upset with me. Which triggers me even more and more. I know they hate it. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to be quiet. I just want to say the 10 things and not the 90 other things and move on with our day but I can't. And so I go further and further into my head. It's usually at this point I go to self harm, things like pinching my skin or pulling my hair to keep me from exploding (or hitting myself in the head which I know I shouldn't do). Exploding into tears? Rage? Who knows. I certainly don't know how I'll react if I let the emotions out. Eventually one of us walks away. Usually me. But they FUCKING HATE that. So if I remove myself to allow my emotions to cool it just makes things worse. So I stay there standing in the shit storm being berated, talked down to, being told how awful I make them feel, and I just stand there. In one ear and out the other as much as possible because I can't let myself hear those things or I'll feel even worse and dissociate even more. And this whole time I feel like the real me is there inside my head SCREAMING for help. Trying to say something, anything at all, and I just can't. Fun times. Makes me feel suicidal because I fucking hate myself and I hate my brain.
Hey, I just wanna say I was going through this with my partner &,,, communication helps a ton dude. Ik it seems hopeless but don’t underestimate how much your partner can help & understand you. It’s unfair for you to be putting them through this with no knowledge of what’s wrong. I suggest you raise a time & place to open up to them abt why you shut down. All problems won’t be fixed but they’ll be a hell of a lot easier. Just be brutally honest bc if you keep living like that that’s gonna kill ur relationship faster than being honest will. Good luck dude
Dear girl, listening to you helps me understand how my son feels. You are so beautiful and my son is handsome, why sushi a beautifully people are suffering oh God help you and other,who is suffering like that. I am crying, please stay alive, you will be happy, in future. This is not permanent, you will come out of this condition that's for sure.
I was recently (1 week ago) diagnosed with bpd and i haven't drank since June, 3 months ago. 😊👍I've replaced it with buying Barbies. I can see how the Barbies are filling the same void. A lot more expensive, but at least re-sellable one day. 👍 I think healthier. Sort of a means of self exploration as well. What am I? What do I want to be? Square one, back to Barbies.
I threw away all my childhood photos. All. Your video helps me feel that my condition is real.It validates me. Thank you. Most people, even therapists, treat-me like I’m stupid.
I'm so proud of you for speaking out and sharing your story. You'll be helping so many people with videos like this. Keep being the amazing person you are ❤️
I totally understand. Sometimes I feel like taring my flesh from my bones when I get so upset. When I feel like my emotions and reality feel so far apart. I just have to leave the situation and be alone. Even then I cry and and rock and laugh until it’s over.
You are BEAUTIFUL . Thank you for your vulnerability!!! Love yourself & have self compassion . I know , its hard . I was raised by a malignant narcissist who im back living with . Im 45 . I have pretty much been isolating myself as i have no support system & very few friends . I cannot talk to ppl about my life or how i feel/what i deal with as they don't & can't understand. This SPLITTING subject is new to me . I need to research more - is that what i do?? I think so ... Thank you for your bravery ❤
Omg my mood no joke can change in a matter of seconds… last Monday I went to bed fine watching my videos as usual.. then, the draws was throw over I was smashing my arm & head on the draws then I ran outside in my nighty with no socks or shoes on to bang my head out there, I was about to run off too, I went back out again rolling in rain laughing & crying at same time trying bang my head of concreate. Literally sooo hard to deal with… everything is in black & white to me you either love me or hate me & im same I love or hate every single person
I relate so much to that description of wanting to rip your skin off or however you desribed that feeling at the beginning.. I feel it on a level of both self loathing and also that my emotion takes up so much space that I want to just release it, and it makes me feel like I don't want myself contained and my skin is really the only thing keeping me in one piece... I want to destroy it and it feels like it Should be destroyed.. mood drops also come so fast, and they can be out of nowhere and it feels so extremely unnatural and to me, feel disgusting, it sometimes causes an involuntary shudder. My therapist told me this past week that when I have a legitimate reason to be upset about something, like even when my emotion actually does match the reality, I communicate it from my trauma. I never realized that, but it's true. I am not convinced I can do it any different despite the fact that DBT helps, I have been at this too long for it to change, I think. I wish when I was much younger, I knew what BPD was so I could have worked on all of this. People who are young are lucky to be able to start with the mindfulness thing, because after so many years of dissocciating and allowing rage to take over, it is something else to try to unlearn that. I sit there as I am splitting and letting out my rage is the only thing that makes me feel like I am am not going to be overtaken by grief or sadness or something weird like that. Any other approach in that instance does not feel possible, and when forced, I almost feel like I don't exist in that transition between rage and letting the underlying emotion that led to it pass. And it also makes me feel like it is not fair that I am having to not allow the rage to come out, because I can swear whenever I do let it pass, it seems more intense the next time I feel it. Like that emotion does not pass, I don't really believe that. And yeah maybe I am not "processing" it properly, but I am sick of all the rules.
Your sharing and vulnerability gives others the permission to love themselves even though they have struggles as well. Thank you for the transparency. 🙏💜
Thank you so much for your videos. I've been with a boyfriend for a year, who was diagnosed BPD last week. IT's been a rollercoaster in the last 4 months, which I now, respectfully, can understand better. He'd send me cruel texts which I never understood the reason for such anger. Now I understand. There is no judgement, on the contrary, I am so in love with this man...I just hope he starts treatment because he is suffering. And I am suffering due to his pushing me away for so long, that our relationship is over. Bless you :)
Some Of this is caused by abusive parents in childhood not all of course etc and I really feel for those of us who these is we gotta really got back and see our worth and heal no idea how long or if it possible.
Hi, I think your videos help so many of us who are caregivers of people with BPD to “get” it. There’s so much to learn. I never knew what splitting was but now understand more. I’d like to know how as a caregiver do I help the person? What could someone do to help you not to split or is it something that just happens, that you have no control over such as the vomiting? Please keep us updated. We’re all just doing our best. You too. Thanks so much for sharing.
It’s very hard to control, I think it’s something that just happens. Everybody is different but in my experience, now I know how to cope better I can feel the changes in mood, but I don’t think it’s possible to stop the splitting when it comes. I found it’s very patient and creeps up on you and before you know it you’re in it. Ask your loved one what they need from you when they’re splitting, showing empathy when we feel unlovable is something that can calm me down really quickly. I’ll keep you updated for sure :)
Thank you for making this video....I know this was made 3 years ago but this really helped me. I totally felt everything you said and felt and I experienced the same thing and am currently dealing with it. But the battle between logic and emotion is real! Thanks again!!!
I don't have bpd but I understand the wanting to drink/use to..well you said not anything to numb emotions but I have felt that..anything.. that's why I used h3roin for nearly 20 years. I hated my life and being myself, I can understand wanting to rip yourself off of yourself and out of your head. I've used everything I could think of but h3roin was the one. I'm sorry that you're dealing with addiction but glad that you were able to set it down and keep it there. Edited for typos
I just got out of a relationship with a girl originally diagnosed with BPD and then ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade. But eventually plunged it down the toilet and pretended I was normal. Anyway, I felt such a deep connection and empathy with her, but she said and did some fucked up things to me that didn't make sense. I walked away from her while she laid in her yard talking about killing herself, and how she would rather be doing that than spend another day at my house. She always complained about my house being a bachelor pad that didn't feel like a home. Along with other things that seemed insignificant to me. I spent some days with her, she spent some days with me. I didn't want to walk away, but I didn't know what to do because she said I was throwing her off balance and shouldn't be there, then she made me feel terrible for leaving. I eventually reached out to her mother with info about a DBT counselor. We have known each other for 20 years. But were never close enough for me to know what she was going through. She was always quiet and sweet around me. She moved on to another relationship very quickly and it's still fucking me up. I just found out from a mutual friend that she just got diagnosed with autism. I've been spending the last month researching BPD and autism trying to figure out where I may have gone wrong in handling and communicating with her. Even after all the chaos I still have very deep feelings for her and hope she continues therapy. Because she's really a very beautiful person. I'm rattling on, but I want to say that I appreciate your courage to be so forthcoming about your own struggles. It's not only helpful for other neurodivergents, but helpful for neurotypicals to understand what is going on. I have learned so much from your videos. It helps me to not just understand where I could have done better, but it helps me to forgive myself for my ignorance, and to forgive her for her actions. I wish the best for you and hope your trajectory remains on the up overall.
Her determination to get help, her bluntness about my ADHD, and your own determination have inspired to go get the treatment I need for my ADHD. Who knows, maybe they will find that I'm on the spectrum too. I have certainly never felt like a normal person.
Thank you for sharing. Splitting is what happens in response to something traumatic. Seems pretty logical to me. So many symptoms of BPD overlap with C-PTSD… I’ve shifted from feeling heartbroken about my diagnosis to feeling rage now .
I do meditation. I'm straight edge. And I do exercises and read so much. My hiperfocus is power. Really it's not bad just not focus ..I'm sick too. My advice. Do art. Love ur splitting..I do ..really...it's a hard sickness but I'm doing my life. Now at my 40 really...I hope to find more friends. But I listen this videos I feel very thankful.
I hate splitting. When it happens I feel like there is so much negative emotion, I feel like I'm going to explode. That's when self-harm usually happens because it's like I need to both distract myself and externalize the pain
Thank you for sharing this video! I’m so sorry you have to go threw this. My granddaughter has been diagnosed with the same thing. Your a beautiful girl and the fact your sharing helps others! It’s helping me gain some understanding of what my granddaughter is going through. Thank you!
thank you so much. i’ve never been able to grasp the words to explain without intense emotions… you’ve given me the words to talk to my family and friends to finally get help i need. you don’t understand how much this helps. thank you again for sharing.
@GLO’s Life I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year(November 2019). I was also raised by narcissists, I love your channel you're so relatable. Sadly the same week I was diagnosed with BPD I attempted suicide & had a dissociation. Its reassuring for me to know there are others coping with the same condition & helpful to know what helps them cope with the condition. You're doing great its ok not to be ok, don't feel pressured by other people's expectations, do what you can handle. 🙂
Hi Gio, thank you so much for taking a leap of faith and show a small piece of who you are. I see a young woman who is vibrant and very creative. I learned from listening to you. Thanks
Thank you for leaving your videos up. There's not really any content creators I've discovered that are so open about BPD. I can relate so much to you and it's a comfort knowing that there really are others that understand what I'm going through.
thank you for this video its opening to see we have the same trust and issues, remember there is always a group you can speak to on the NHS depending on ur past i wont go into that but the charity group is called Safeline. you can refer your self there is a bit of a wait but they are really amazing people and i can’t praise them enough. if you every feel like a chat or anything be more than happy to bec of my ex i’ve isolated myself completely and also for other health issues so i don’t have friends to chat with so im more than happy to chat. im also sorry ur not feeling so good at the moment and i hope the doctors appointment is as helpful as you need it to be. cheers for reading budding survivor and friend lee
Glo, thank you very much for the honesty and transparency at accurately explaining what life is like in these emotionally unstable moments. I feel seen. And, yeah, I think you're doing a great job with your videos and just in life in general (it's amazing your knowledge about your own internal processes).
I found out last year i have BPD and i am 39, so thank u for ur videos because i am trying to work on myself.... I have pushed people away unintentionally all the time, but my brain will say if ur in a bad way pushing them away is to protect them from seeing me like this. I am in uk and i have a therapist at Hestia a seevice provided in the UK
Very brave of you to do this video and there is nothing wrong to show your weak points, we all have pluses and minuses. You explain how you feel. I would have given a lot if my ex-gf would have spoken openly about how the symptoms of the BPD-sickness feel to her. Sadly she did not. Today I know there never was any stable ground for the relationship. But I am pretty sure being able to talk openly about a part of the problems which the BPD-sickness creates, it makes a big difference. Your videos also help me to see my past experiences from a different point of view. - KUDOS….
@@GLOsLife you are not alone! Whilst i personally don't have BPD, i have been around it and i loved how your honest and true video allows those with less understanding, see and understand how the person has no control of their actions at times....i applaud you and look forward to more videos x
Thank you for that video, it was very informative on splitting. I hope things go well for you and the new meds help. I wish you the best for the future.
8:13 Now that I've come to know my condition of Autism/BPD I realize I'm not just "moody". It feels like extremely strong emotions hijacking your logic and preventing you from processing further and seeing situations from another person's perspective. Then you just latch onto that bad experience over and over, potentially for your entire life. Your logic knows it is irrational madness, but you cannot help the emotions pouring in from unresolved traumas.
From i found out about myself, when im having an episode like that its kinda like an emotional age regression back to my young self which was helpless and terrible overburdened for that young age. But the good thing now is i can identify that and use self developed Self Soothing techniques which i can use without anyone noticing the shift. But that could be because im pretty much overcontrolled now which is a bit of a problem in and of itself. But oh well at least i think about suicide only once a week instead of daily or rather hourly on particular bad stretches in my life.
another thing i do in episodes is i grow my facial hair so im not the same person grow side burns, beard, shave my head bald, ect it helps for a few days
I miss my own self when I split And The older I get the more often it happens. I've gotten so that being happy is no longer even a goal or appealing. Because it always goes straight back to this Ty for videos I'm considering doing them since I don't see older people putting info out there But I'm afraid I won't be able to take the comments or criticisms (?) How do you deal with that? Be careful
I have BPD & I'm the maddest f**head I know. I'm literally nuts, frustrated, angry, over-excited, violent every morning I wake, it doesn't matter if I meditated the day before or read positive affirmations, my default mood is I'm "Mad as a Hatter" even if I say nothing my mind is thinking 1 million things! I hate myself so much but at the same time I wish other's were nice because I believe I'm a nice person but I'm damaged af! I have never had a real friend, I am my own worst enemy & I hate being alive because all this is SH*T!!
11:19 when I isolate now it’s because I know I’m off, so I don’t spread the misery. I also try to communicate that to my friends, so they know I’ll be back when I’m not feeling so volatile.
this is so considerate of you:) i have bpd and so did one of my old friends and they would go ghost to self soothe but i would perceive it at abandonment! ofc i understand both point of views
Hey I hope your appointment helps and you can find some more balance💛 please give updates. I have bpd, I didn’t know what splitting was though, thank you for educating me, I’ve been struggling the past year or so and I think That’s a lot of what’s been going on. I wish you well and hope you can find balance for yourself 💛💛💛
Thank you so much for your kind words! It truly means the world to me that I’ve helped you to understand a bit better, when you know the problem it makes it easier to try and fix! It’s a long hard journey but us BPD people are strong as heck! I wish you all the best 🥰🧡
An ex-friend of mine with BPD self-medicates through weed. I don't know if that has to do with her mood, but whenever she wasn't at work, she is constantly high. Sometimes it's other shit, but it's primarily weed she gets high on. Pretty sure she's also been splitting towards things that happened between me & her. To the point where she ultimately ghosted me & thinks me a terrible person.
Your ex sounds like me. I have BPD and these are my tendancies. I'm sorry you're experiencing it. I feel terrible knowing I'm hurting people. I want to stop. It feels like an automated defence mechanism. I push amazing people away. Please don't take what your ex did too personally.
One of my girlfriends was diagnosed with schizoaffective and BPD. One guy who worked in mental health once referred to her as "the PMS poster girl." She told me about one time when she was psychotic, she thought she was turning into Pepsi cola. "Help! I'm turning into Pepsi cola!" Another girlfriend said "I'm melting" after I was through going down on her. I guess that's kind of like "I am splitting" only different. Maybe it was the opposite of splitting.
I’m sorry you deal with this to Luv. It’s wearing me out too. I wish my brain would stop. I pray it someday stops for you. My family did leave me after doctors stopped my medication I was on 12 years kolonopin. It made me insane. SI attempts went through the roof. I’m now living in my car with no family and they took my cats. Fucking doctors and narc spouse. Group therapy saved my life I wish I could still do it.I’m about to give in and go back or I’m not going to make it. Don’t ever take a benzo or it’ll be your worst nightmare.
You split and feel like you’re going crazy which causes you to do things you still regret because it only adds to the fear if abandonment, “oh god, I lashed out the relationship is going to go downhill, they’re gonna resent me now” mindset and it leaves me feeling unstable. It’s like you know you’re being irrational but you still hold the mindsets.
Literally this. And, on top of this, I DO have a dissociative disorder. It’s exhausting. And it never stops. 😢
I really appreciate your video. I'm a grandma with a 20 year old granddaughter that has BPD. She lives 1500 miles away and is in a horrendous situation right now. I know this is playing great havoc with the BPD. I'm just learning of this mental illness and am educating myself so I can support her from afar. Your video has been immensely helpful. Thank you.
You're an amazing person. The world would be close to perfect with more people like you in it
Sge is so lucky you care
What a wonderful grandma. ♥️
I wish you were my grandma.
@@kittee6409right 😭
I have BPD and I split almost daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. I hate it so much and it feels like I can't control it at all.
Yeah I’m often a different person throughout the day lol
What is splitting
@@tanishabuchanan6396it is when you have multiple personalities, and you are switching from one to the other.
@@tanishabuchanan6396I think it might be when you suddenly feel you can't trust the person you are sat with and start inwardly freaking out but try to hide it, or end up having a row with them
@@tanishabuchanan6396 Splitting in BPD is when you go from idealizing or loving a person to completely hating them/detatching from them over something that may typically be perceived as “small” or forgivable to someone without BPD. It is a protective/defense mechanism for the person with BPD.
It is *not* switching personalities like you see in DID(aka Multiple or Split personality disorder) which it is commonly confused with.
The way you describe how it feels when you push people away is how I try to explain it too! When you are arguing you know you shouldn't say or do things but you just can't stop yourself, like you are trapped behind the glass! It's so hard explain and I feel it always sounds like an excuse or that I am making it up but knowing it's not just me me does help a little.
took me years of Meditation and Self Reflection to get that under controll. still is a daily strugle :D
Oh. My. Gawd. I’m in tears. I was diagnosed 20 years ago and refused to acknowledge this, but I can no longer deny this because it is and has always been what has destroyed my life. There have been SO many times I’ve said I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. When you said you wanted to rip it off I just started crying. I cannot express enough gratitude for you sharing this. I’m scared because I have so much shame. I need to know I’m not the only one so I can learn from others. Thank you 😢
You are amazing, you’ve made it so far in life!!! You should be so endlessly proud of that alone! It’s okay to hide, you weren’t ready and you can’t do anything when you’re not ready! Baby steps for now 🩷 the way I started was by analysing everything I did. Why did I say that? Think that? React like that? Why do I wanna do that? After a while it’ll become a habit and then you can monitor triggers! 🩷
I love the empathy you showed your viewers by giving the trigger warning.
Soo relatable, my relationships go from perfect to disastrous, I have no control over my emotions that sometimes they get soo overwhelming that I have psychotic out bursts , I smoke weed and drink alcohol to numb everything
“After causing chaos everywhere...
That’s when I noticed it wasn’t going so great”
Felt that one.
Hope you’re doing okay, great video, helpful AF 💚
Thank you for sharing this. It really helps me understand what my ex-wife and mother of my children goes through when she splits. I am literally in tears right now thinking of the hel she goes through and knowing I was completely clueless. Thank you so much!!
It’s extremely hard for someone to understand when they haven’t experienced it themselves, it took my a while to learn about it myself and I have it! Don’t be hard on yourself, I’m so happy I could help you!!
Thank you so much for this. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. You are so eloquent and honest. Its nice to know that I'm not alone in this.
Hey you, I was diagnosed a month ago. How is your process? Are you any better?
Splitting is so tough, you articulate your experience with it so well. I'm really appreciating these videos xx
I like your frosted glass analogy. I usually say its like watching a train wreck in slow-mo. You see it happening, you know what's coming, and you can yell and scream and think of ways to try to avoid it, but its already in motion and there is f*ck all you can do to stop it. the logical part is the part watching while the emotional part is the one driving the train.
Interestingly enough that's very similar to what the person on the other end of the splitting feels like, certainly in my case as a non BPD.
The way you describe how your inner experiences/emotions perceive threats and then impact your behaviors truly truly suggest your on the good and healthy path. I seldom ever hear individuals with BDP with this level of awareness. I wish you all the best. I’m on my own journey to being more healthy
I love this so much. I have recently felt like there is something wrong with me and that I need help and I don’t know how to explain it but you just did for me. My mom has BPD and i’m too young to be diagnosed and I feel like I found the answer. I’m not trying to self diagnose but I do really feel like this is exactly what I experience. You are so strong to explain how you feel cause it IS SO HARD. You are so brave 🫶
You are so beautiful, and it was really brave of you to be vulnerable to the rest of the world. Growing up with a narcissistic parent or in a relationship with a narcissistic partner will mess anyone up. It’s not your fault, always remember that. I’ll be praying for you to continue to heal on this journey of yours. 🙏
Thank you so much for your comment 🥹🩷
Awesome video on splitting - love how you address being stable for awhile & experiencing set backs- important for others to hear b/c I've spent a lot of time worrying about feeling like a failure after coping well & then having a setbacks where symptoms flare up
Is so difficult, but we make it through! It’s just hard to see past the storm when you’re in it for the first time in a while. Thank you for supporting me 🧡
@GLOs Life luv the vlogs . Thank you for blogging this as it shows different things to make people aware
Thanks for sharing. It's so difficult to articulate splitting. When I'm splitting I have very little control over my thoughts and then outward behaviour. The only thing I can do is prewarn people 🤷🏼♀️. Even with self awareness, it's so powerful, the mind takes over. Best of luck with your recovery ❤
babygirl... THANK YOU for making this channel! I KNOW THIS WAS NOT EASY FOR YOU TO DO SO FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THN YOU!!!! I stumbled across you by accident while continuing to educate myself on BPD. You see someone that I love more than life itself has BPD and I have had to sit and watch as it has slowly eroded our relationship away to nothing. BPD and Bipolar disorder along with some other cluster B personality disorders (IMO) have slowly taken the woman that I love more than life itself away from me. It has robbed me of my soul mate and of my wife of over 5 years now, it's the worst pain I have ever felt in my life! She is experiencing so many of the things that you speak of and is convinced she is dying of some mystery terminal disease that has nd to see her suffer like she does and I need her to come back to me, I actually was recently diagnosed with a terminal lung disease and I just want to live the rest of my life loving that girl with all of my heart just like it was supposed to be. I truly feel like your content is going to be the thing that leads my Natalie back to me... i sure hope so anyways. Sabrina Austin
Going through the same thing right now. She was my whole world and suddenly she is gone. No real reason or explanation. Can't even talk to her. Worst pain I have ever experienced my whole life and im 48. Your not alone.
I feel this so much. I relate a lot more to you sharing than some other who live with BPD. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing to let us know we aren’t alone either. ❤
You are so strong for doing this. Thank you for being vulnerable. People might see us as crazy but I swear you seem the most normal to me because I'm just like you. I never really watch bpd videos but omg I need to because I relate soooo much. It makes me feel a little better. Update us. Hope you find something that works.
My brain is on fire and I feel like I’m in the middle of an episode right now. I only got diagnosed last week. I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve been cutting everybody off. Thank you for making this video so I can be more aware of my behavior. It hurts.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m at a loss for words nowadays and this helps piece things together, tremendously. ❤❤❤
So grateful to have found this a year after you made it. I have been struggling with splitting and honestly everything I find is from the pov of someone living with someone with bpd and quite scathing. Nevermind how torturous it is for us to be banging on that glass. THANK YOU ❤️
I've had a couple of splits and it left me wondering and confused what i was saying and even doing to other people. Then i had apparently lost who i used to be and i found it. But recently i've had recent episodes worse than the previous ones and im seeking for therapy. I pray for everyone who has had similar experiences, keep moving foward and don't let it stop you.
Not doing great is okay here!! Every word you say is a comfort because it shows I’m not alone. Wishing much happiness
I'm splitting all the time.iv pushed almost everyone away 😔
12:00 really resonates with me, I get stuck in my head during arguments. Like my partner will say something about how I did something goofy in the kitchen (putting a spoon in the sink we still need so I end up using more dishes) and I take it SOOOOOOOOO personally. So much so that I just want to lash out and attack them for no reason. So I think I dissociate to protect them. And I get stuck in this place where inside my mind I'm SCREAMING. So many things I want to say. But I know if I open my mouth I'll say something hurtful or stupid because I am so fucked up in the moment. Like sure, 10 out of 100 things are good and should be said. They should know I'm struggling. They should know I took it the wrong way and didn't mean it. But now I'm stuck, saying nothing. And they HATE when I shut down. So they just get more and more upset with me. Which triggers me even more and more. I know they hate it. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to be quiet. I just want to say the 10 things and not the 90 other things and move on with our day but I can't. And so I go further and further into my head. It's usually at this point I go to self harm, things like pinching my skin or pulling my hair to keep me from exploding (or hitting myself in the head which I know I shouldn't do). Exploding into tears? Rage? Who knows. I certainly don't know how I'll react if I let the emotions out. Eventually one of us walks away. Usually me. But they FUCKING HATE that. So if I remove myself to allow my emotions to cool it just makes things worse. So I stay there standing in the shit storm being berated, talked down to, being told how awful I make them feel, and I just stand there. In one ear and out the other as much as possible because I can't let myself hear those things or I'll feel even worse and dissociate even more. And this whole time I feel like the real me is there inside my head SCREAMING for help. Trying to say something, anything at all, and I just can't. Fun times. Makes me feel suicidal because I fucking hate myself and I hate my brain.
Hey, I just wanna say I was going through this with my partner &,,, communication helps a ton dude. Ik it seems hopeless but don’t underestimate how much your partner can help & understand you. It’s unfair for you to be putting them through this with no knowledge of what’s wrong. I suggest you raise a time & place to open up to them abt why you shut down. All problems won’t be fixed but they’ll be a hell of a lot easier. Just be brutally honest bc if you keep living like that that’s gonna kill ur relationship faster than being honest will. Good luck dude
Dear girl, listening to you helps me understand how my son feels. You are so beautiful and my son is handsome, why sushi a beautifully people are suffering oh God help you and other,who is suffering like that. I am crying, please stay alive, you will be happy, in future. This is not permanent, you will come out of this condition that's for sure.
I was recently (1 week ago) diagnosed with bpd and i haven't drank since June, 3 months ago. 😊👍I've replaced it with buying Barbies. I can see how the Barbies are filling the same void. A lot more expensive, but at least re-sellable one day. 👍 I think healthier. Sort of a means of self exploration as well. What am I? What do I want to be? Square one, back to Barbies.
Love this!!! You’re doing amazing! 🩷
I threw away all my childhood photos. All.
Your video helps me feel that my condition is real.It validates me. Thank you. Most people, even therapists, treat-me like I’m stupid.
I'm so proud of you for speaking out and sharing your story. You'll be helping so many people with videos like this. Keep being the amazing person you are ❤️
🧡🧡🧡
ABSOLUTELY!!!!!
I totally understand. Sometimes I feel like taring my flesh from my bones when I get so upset. When I feel like my emotions and reality feel so far apart. I just have to leave the situation and be alone. Even then I cry and and rock and laugh until it’s over.
You are BEAUTIFUL . Thank you for your vulnerability!!!
Love yourself & have self compassion . I know , its hard .
I was raised by a malignant narcissist who im back living with . Im 45 . I have pretty much been isolating myself as i have no support system & very few friends . I cannot talk to ppl about my life or how i feel/what i deal with as they don't & can't understand.
This SPLITTING subject is new to me . I need to research more - is that what i do?? I think so ...
Thank you for your bravery ❤
Omg my mood no joke can change in a matter of seconds… last Monday I went to bed fine watching my videos as usual.. then, the draws was throw over I was smashing my arm & head on the draws then I ran outside in my nighty with no socks or shoes on to bang my head out there, I was about to run off too, I went back out again rolling in rain laughing & crying at same time trying bang my head of concreate. Literally sooo hard to deal with… everything is in black & white to me you either love me or hate me & im same I love or hate every single person
I relate so much to that description of wanting to rip your skin off or however you desribed that feeling at the beginning.. I feel it on a level of both self loathing and also that my emotion takes up so much space that I want to just release it, and it makes me feel like I don't want myself contained and my skin is really the only thing keeping me in one piece... I want to destroy it and it feels like it Should be destroyed.. mood drops also come so fast, and they can be out of nowhere and it feels so extremely unnatural and to me, feel disgusting, it sometimes causes an involuntary shudder.
My therapist told me this past week that when I have a legitimate reason to be upset about something, like even when my emotion actually does match the reality, I communicate it from my trauma. I never realized that, but it's true. I am not convinced I can do it any different despite the fact that DBT helps, I have been at this too long for it to change, I think. I wish when I was much younger, I knew what BPD was so I could have worked on all of this. People who are young are lucky to be able to start with the mindfulness thing, because after so many years of dissocciating and allowing rage to take over, it is something else to try to unlearn that.
I sit there as I am splitting and letting out my rage is the only thing that makes me feel like I am am not going to be overtaken by grief or sadness or something weird like that. Any other approach in that instance does not feel possible, and when forced, I almost feel like I don't exist in that transition between rage and letting the underlying emotion that led to it pass. And it also makes me feel like it is not fair that I am having to not allow the rage to come out, because I can swear whenever I do let it pass, it seems more intense the next time I feel it. Like that emotion does not pass, I don't really believe that. And yeah maybe I am not "processing" it properly, but I am sick of all the rules.
This helped me today.
Your sharing and vulnerability gives others the permission to love themselves even though they have struggles as well. Thank you for the transparency. 🙏💜
Thank you so much for your videos. I've been with a boyfriend for a year, who was diagnosed BPD last week. IT's been a rollercoaster in the last 4 months, which I now, respectfully, can understand better. He'd send me cruel texts which I never understood the reason for such anger. Now I understand. There is no judgement, on the contrary, I am so in love with this man...I just hope he starts treatment because he is suffering. And I am suffering due to his pushing me away for so long, that our relationship is over. Bless you :)
Some Of this is caused by abusive parents in childhood not all of course etc and I really feel for those of us who these is we gotta really got back and see our worth and heal no idea how long or if it possible.
I’ve never heard somebody explain what I deal with day-to-day this perfectly.
Hi, I think your videos help so many of us who are caregivers of people with BPD to “get” it. There’s so much to learn. I never knew what splitting was but now understand more. I’d like to know how as a caregiver do I help the person? What could someone do to help you not to split or is it something that just happens, that you have no control over such as the vomiting?
Please keep us updated. We’re all just doing our best. You too. Thanks so much for sharing.
It’s very hard to control, I think it’s something that just happens. Everybody is different but in my experience, now I know how to cope better I can feel the changes in mood, but I don’t think it’s possible to stop the splitting when it comes. I found it’s very patient and creeps up on you and before you know it you’re in it. Ask your loved one what they need from you when they’re splitting, showing empathy when we feel unlovable is something that can calm me down really quickly. I’ll keep you updated for sure :)
Thank you for making this video....I know this was made 3 years ago but this really helped me. I totally felt everything you said and felt and I experienced the same thing and am currently dealing with it. But the battle between logic and emotion is real! Thanks again!!!
I don't have bpd but I understand the wanting to drink/use to..well you said not anything to numb emotions but I have felt that..anything.. that's why I used h3roin for nearly 20 years. I hated my life and being myself, I can understand wanting to rip yourself off of yourself and out of your head. I've used everything I could think of but h3roin was the one. I'm sorry that you're dealing with addiction but glad that you were able to set it down and keep it there.
Edited for typos
I just got out of a relationship with a girl originally diagnosed with BPD and then ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade. But eventually plunged it down the toilet and pretended I was normal. Anyway, I felt such a deep connection and empathy with her, but she said and did some fucked up things to me that didn't make sense. I walked away from her while she laid in her yard talking about killing herself, and how she would rather be doing that than spend another day at my house. She always complained about my house being a bachelor pad that didn't feel like a home. Along with other things that seemed insignificant to me. I spent some days with her, she spent some days with me. I didn't want to walk away, but I didn't know what to do because she said I was throwing her off balance and shouldn't be there, then she made me feel terrible for leaving. I eventually reached out to her mother with info about a DBT counselor. We have known each other for 20 years. But were never close enough for me to know what she was going through. She was always quiet and sweet around me. She moved on to another relationship very quickly and it's still fucking me up. I just found out from a mutual friend that she just got diagnosed with autism. I've been spending the last month researching BPD and autism trying to figure out where I may have gone wrong in handling and communicating with her. Even after all the chaos I still have very deep feelings for her and hope she continues therapy. Because she's really a very beautiful person. I'm rattling on, but I want to say that I appreciate your courage to be so forthcoming about your own struggles. It's not only helpful for other neurodivergents, but helpful for neurotypicals to understand what is going on. I have learned so much from your videos. It helps me to not just understand where I could have done better, but it helps me to forgive myself for my ignorance, and to forgive her for her actions. I wish the best for you and hope your trajectory remains on the up overall.
Her determination to get help, her bluntness about my ADHD, and your own determination have inspired to go get the treatment I need for my ADHD. Who knows, maybe they will find that I'm on the spectrum too. I have certainly never felt like a normal person.
@@kylecampbell881You may be both neurodivergent, stop searching for what you should've done so you will be able to move on and heal.
❤
thanks for your real-talk content. To opt out drinking is so helpful mid- to longterm! Wish you all the best on your healing journey.
You're so cute. I hope you're better these days. ♡
Thank you for sharing. Splitting is what happens in response to something traumatic. Seems pretty logical to me. So many symptoms of BPD overlap with C-PTSD… I’ve shifted from feeling heartbroken about my diagnosis to feeling rage now .
I do meditation. I'm straight edge. And I do exercises and read so much. My hiperfocus is power. Really it's not bad just not focus ..I'm sick too. My advice. Do art. Love ur splitting..I do ..really...it's a hard sickness but I'm doing my life. Now at my 40 really...I hope to find more friends. But I listen this videos I feel very thankful.
This is the most genuin vid. Its hard to be honest about splitting thank you for your vunerability
It's ok I completely understand, drastic swings in emotion and thought all expressed out loud.
This is a good video. I’m a therapist, appreciate this honest, open vid.
Your not weak :) you’ve been thru a lot and am still here. Your strong for that
I hate splitting. When it happens I feel like there is so much negative emotion, I feel like I'm going to explode. That's when self-harm usually happens because it's like I need to both distract myself and externalize the pain
Thank you for sharing this video! I’m so sorry you have to go threw this. My granddaughter has been diagnosed with the same thing. Your a beautiful girl and the fact your sharing helps others! It’s helping me gain some understanding of what my granddaughter is going through. Thank you!
This video explains a splitting episode pretty much perfectly, for me anyway
thank you so much. i’ve never been able to grasp the words to explain without intense emotions… you’ve given me the words to talk to my family and friends to finally get help i need. you don’t understand how much this helps. thank you again for sharing.
@GLO’s Life
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year(November 2019). I was also raised by narcissists, I love your channel you're so relatable. Sadly the same week I was diagnosed with BPD I attempted suicide & had a dissociation. Its reassuring for me to know there are others coping with the same condition & helpful to know what helps them cope with the condition. You're doing great its ok not to be ok, don't feel pressured by other people's expectations, do what you can handle. 🙂
Hi Gio, thank you so much for taking a leap of faith and show a small piece of who you are. I see a young woman who is vibrant and very creative. I learned from listening to you. Thanks
I feel so understood. Thank you!!! Please keep on making videos. They help ❤️
Thank you for leaving your videos up. There's not really any content creators I've discovered that are so open about BPD. I can relate so much to you and it's a comfort knowing that there really are others that understand what I'm going through.
thank you for this video its opening to see we have the same trust and issues, remember there is always a group you can speak to on the NHS depending on ur past i wont go into that but the charity group is called Safeline. you can refer your self there is a bit of a wait but they are really amazing people and i can’t praise them enough. if you every feel like a chat or anything be more than happy to bec of my ex i’ve isolated myself completely and also for other health issues so i don’t have friends to chat with so im more than happy to chat. im also sorry ur not feeling so good at the moment and i hope the doctors appointment is as helpful as you need it to be. cheers for reading budding survivor and friend lee
Thank you. I’ve felt so alone, for so long. 💜✨
Glo, thank you very much for the honesty and transparency at accurately explaining what life is like in these emotionally unstable moments. I feel seen.
And, yeah, I think you're doing a great job with your videos and just in life in general (it's amazing your knowledge about your own internal processes).
I found out last year i have BPD and i am 39, so thank u for ur videos because i am trying to work on myself....
I have pushed people away unintentionally all the time, but my brain will say if ur in a bad way pushing them away is to protect them from seeing me like this. I am in uk and i have a therapist at Hestia a seevice provided in the UK
Thank you for sharing this, help me understand more what someone I know is going through ❤
Good to see for self-reflection. Thank you, dearest. Thumbs up for yellow!
Thank you - for saying everything and for the opportunity to listen, I'm trying to understand myself better and everything sounded so familiar 💚🌷
I split daily on everyone that I think is bad lol and I think everything is bad but I wish I didn't I split mostly with my partner
Very brave of you to do this video and there is nothing wrong to show your weak points, we all have pluses and minuses. You explain how you feel. I would have given a lot if my ex-gf would have spoken openly about how the symptoms of the BPD-sickness feel to her. Sadly she did not. Today I know there never was any stable ground for the relationship. But I am pretty sure being able to talk openly about a part of the problems which the BPD-sickness creates, it makes a big difference. Your videos also help me to see my past experiences from a different point of view. - KUDOS….
Bless you ❤ Alcohol and drugs don't mix well with MH problems, speaking from experience.
So proud of you for this video, very brave! Thank you, you are helping others and yourself! All the best, have a lovely day Queen xxx
Same but when it's so hard like in it nothing else is known but the facts no other feeling exists
Thank you for filming this I'm very grateful
Thankyou so much for taking the time to share! Very insightful....keep fighting girl! You've got this xx
Thank you so much xx
@@GLOsLife you are not alone! Whilst i personally don't have BPD, i have been around it and i loved how your honest and true video allows those with less understanding, see and understand how the person has no control of their actions at times....i applaud you and look forward to more videos x
Well done, being crazy would be not talking about it.
If I stay away from people and the phone I feel better like stress oh people set it off
Great video. My 17yo BPDD is the same way! Keep us updated.
Thank you so much for this video and your explanation. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Thank you for that video, it was very informative on splitting. I hope things go well for you and the new meds help. I wish you the best for the future.
8:13 Now that I've come to know my condition of Autism/BPD I realize I'm not just "moody". It feels like extremely strong emotions hijacking your logic and preventing you from processing further and seeing situations from another person's perspective. Then you just latch onto that bad experience over and over, potentially for your entire life. Your logic knows it is irrational madness, but you cannot help the emotions pouring in from unresolved traumas.
From i found out about myself, when im having an episode like that its kinda like an emotional age regression back to my young self which was helpless and terrible overburdened for that young age. But the good thing now is i can identify that and use self developed Self Soothing techniques which i can use without anyone noticing the shift. But that could be because im pretty much overcontrolled now which is a bit of a problem in and of itself. But oh well at least i think about suicide only once a week instead of daily or rather hourly on particular bad stretches in my life.
Thanks I so needed this. You have described exactly what I go through and I have not being to put it togther. Please keep posti g
its brave of u for sayiing all this so thank u
It’s sad that for me splitting and dissociating is just normal to me…
another thing i do in episodes is i grow my facial hair so im not the same person grow side burns, beard, shave my head bald, ect it helps for a few days
I miss my own self when I split
And
The older I get the more often it happens.
I've gotten so that being happy is no longer even a goal or appealing.
Because it always goes straight back to this
Ty for videos
I'm considering doing them since I don't see older people putting info out there
But I'm afraid I won't be able to take the comments or criticisms
(?)
How do you deal with that?
Be careful
I have BPD & I'm the maddest f**head I know.
I'm literally nuts, frustrated, angry, over-excited, violent every morning I wake, it doesn't matter if I meditated the day before or read positive affirmations, my default mood is I'm "Mad as a Hatter" even if I say nothing my mind is thinking 1 million things! I hate myself so much but at the same time I wish other's were nice because I believe I'm a nice person but I'm damaged af! I have never had a real friend, I am my own worst enemy & I hate being alive because all this is SH*T!!
11:19 when I isolate now it’s because I know I’m off, so I don’t spread the misery. I also try to communicate that to my friends, so they know I’ll be back when I’m not feeling so volatile.
this is so considerate of you:) i have bpd and so did one of my old friends and they would go ghost to self soothe but i would perceive it at abandonment! ofc i understand both point of views
@@isapink555 thankfully the friends I have all do kinda the same thing I do, but sometimes we’ll reach out for some contact.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. You described it so well.. and I felt everything. ❤️✨
Thank u. So much this resonates with me so much. Sending u love and strength
Can you please make a follow-up video about group therapy? If you gave it a go and if it worked for you
hello. I just subscribed. I split a lot so can relate to what youre saying
Thank you for subscribing, I hope you’re well xxx
Thanks for being you and helping me .. xx
This is so sweet 🥺 thank you
Hey I hope your appointment helps and you can find some more balance💛 please give updates. I have bpd, I didn’t know what splitting was though, thank you for educating me, I’ve been struggling the past year or so and I think That’s a lot of what’s been going on. I wish you well and hope you can find balance for yourself 💛💛💛
Thank you so much for your kind words! It truly means the world to me that I’ve helped you to understand a bit better, when you know the problem it makes it easier to try and fix! It’s a long hard journey but us BPD people are strong as heck! I wish you all the best 🥰🧡
I know just how you were feeling when you recorded this.
Love your channel, wanna understand this disorder more.
An ex-friend of mine with BPD self-medicates through weed. I don't know if that has to do with her mood, but whenever she wasn't at work, she is constantly high. Sometimes it's other shit, but it's primarily weed she gets high on.
Pretty sure she's also been splitting towards things that happened between me & her. To the point where she ultimately ghosted me & thinks me a terrible person.
Your ex sounds like me. I have BPD and these are my tendancies. I'm sorry you're experiencing it. I feel terrible knowing I'm hurting people. I want to stop. It feels like an automated defence mechanism. I push amazing people away. Please don't take what your ex did too personally.
@@origi.não Thing is, the ex-friend is also someone who likes to cause drama, so I think she has worse mental problems than I initially thought.
One of my girlfriends was diagnosed with schizoaffective and BPD. One guy who worked in mental health once referred to her as "the PMS poster girl."
She told me about one time when she was psychotic, she thought she was turning into Pepsi cola. "Help! I'm turning into Pepsi cola!"
Another girlfriend said "I'm melting" after I was through going down on her.
I guess that's kind of like "I am splitting" only different. Maybe it was the opposite of splitting.
I’m sorry you deal with this to Luv. It’s wearing me out too. I wish my brain would stop. I pray it someday stops for you. My family did leave me after doctors stopped my medication I was on 12 years kolonopin. It made me insane. SI attempts went through the roof. I’m now living in my car with no family and they took my cats. Fucking doctors and narc spouse. Group therapy saved my life I wish I could still do it.I’m about to give in and go back or I’m not going to make it. Don’t ever take a benzo or it’ll be your worst nightmare.
How are you doing today ??!
I'm so sorry for what you've been through . ❤
Thanks for sharing this, Stay strong!🍀