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My last relationship was the worst thing ever in my life, I regret why I didnt walk earlier.. Then I lost my self when we were together. Now, I get my life back and I say goodbye to him, forever.
@@HongFeiBai You weren't hubby material for her, just a friend who occasionally is there for her. Not trying to be an A-hole, just the truth. You want more? Don't audition for the role of being her friend or the friend of a girl besides her. Simple enough. I am not saying you should audition to be an A-hole or a f*ckboy, but if you start counselling a girl you've just met, you've dug your own grave with your own shovel.
You mean insecure people. By what you are describing. There are nice and not so nice insecure people in this world. A nice woman is not insecure. She knows what she wants. She just chooses to treat people with respect and genuinely care about others feelings. She is not afraid to accommodate sometimes or please another person. That to me is strength. You do it out of the goodness of your heart not because you have to do it. Being nice in this world is a choice. And if someone takes that for granted then the one who has the problem is the taker not the giver.
Disagree. Being nice is overrated. It’s just another form of avoiding confrontations and conflicts. No point being agreeable if your boundaries being crossed because it’s not your job to make sure people not feeling hurt. Moreover, everyone has their own definition of “nice”, every century has different definition of being “nice” as well. Every culture has different definition of “nice”. It’s inefficient. Imao what’s important is practicing kindness, show your empathy towards people and acting civilized. That’s different from being nice. If you disagreed with me because you have different definition of being nice, then i stand by my points :)
I'm like that and every guy I ever liked and told that I like them have ghosted me or doesn't talk to me anymore. I guess I'm destined to be alone forever. Its ok I'm guessing no.
Guys who ghost good girls/women simply means those guys don’t deserve them and most likely he’s a dusty, player, fkbois and all those shiz and she’s not willing to put up with his bs.
@@bebop8329 Nah, that's something else. Has to be someone who's *always* neglecting someone they're potentially with, or even worst on their part if they're actually romantically with said person & are still neglecting them. Means they truly don't deserve their partner, or potential love interest from the get-go beginning.
I'm a nice girl who gets ghosted. I'm not being nice because I think their happiness is my responsibility, I'm nice because I'm nice. Obviously guys don't want that which I guess means some of us are not meant to be in a relationship.
Men LOVE to dump their responsibility off from their shoulders to the women's. If I don't love you - it's your fault, if I don't want you - it's your fault, and me is an angel.
Exactly. Blame shifting is al toxic. A guy ghosted me and returned. I had some choice words to say and told him to leave and he blamed me for things. It was bit my fault. Blocked him.
Had a guy said I should’ve asked him if he was off work instead of asking if we were still in for the plans we made for that evening at 6:30...so at 6:30 I texted him are we still on?? But it’s my fault cause I should’ve asked this or done that...NOPE NOPE NOPE. Honey YOU need to communicate. Lol I ignored him for a day and he went off via text saying he didn’t want to keep talking. BLOCKED, didn’t even respond
And both genders ‘LOVE’ to generalize every person into a single gender. Seriously, is there no difference between all men or all women now? Almost infinite possibilities exist for both genders. Some common ones are culture, how people were raised, educated, their experiences, maybe insecurities, even mental conditions. And an extra side note for cocky men AND women: People who believe they have nothing more to learn have the most to.
I have always thought that if I gave so much love to him, and he would have realized that i truly love him. But all wrong, more attention i gave to him, more feelings i shared with him, and more i catering to his needs, less respect he gave to me.
Exactly what has happened to me...gave 1000% of my love my time my resources and it wasnt enough to make him see ...2 yrs later I just broke it off cold and he insulted me accused me of many awful things yet i gave always...im heartbroken 🖤🥀💔
I would bend backwards just to make him happy and that made me feel depressed overtime. Left him for good, after having enough of his crap. Now he's begging to come back. Uhuh! No thanks! I am better without him. Thanks for the videos,Geert
That happened to me me too. I woke up one day and said it was enough. Feeling so much better! He is of course, messaging me twice per week...just being selfish...
Fax. I’m done with all these vids on what to do and what not to do and games and shit. I’ll just be myself and if someone doesn’t appreciate it, okay whatever, next.
@@annefloorfooij7432 lol. Exactly what I said. Just be you. If you have to play games to figure someone out or win them then maybe they’re aren’t for you.
I'm kicking myself for allowing a guy to breadcrumb me for almost 2 years. 😭 A young doctor I met while overseas. He got his VISA and promised to come visit me in the states, but has not. Lately he has been saying, "I'll call you tomorrow" but never does. I wasted hours daydreaming what it would be like to live overseas with him, what our kids' names would be, etc... I finally decided about 2 weeks ago, I was DONE. When I reminded myself that every other guy I message responds within 3 hours and he rarely actually ever responds, I really decided I was done with the game.
Ugh, you deserve respect and the doctor wasn't giving it to you. You're way better off without him. God bless you. You will find the right man. But keep hoping!
I have always been the polite, sweet, and nice girl. It has rarely served me well in life, especially with men. I have always been passed over for another woman or taken advantage of by narcs and players. I am tired of being nice all the time and losing.
3:15 🤣😂😭 this is so repelling lol 💯 true. If u try to please the other person too much u loose yourself and your self worth, and that's how others will treat u too - second to none
Kind vs nice. I'm kind, open, honest and emotionally available. Have boundaries is a must. The men that run away have issues within themselves or not emotionally available.
There is nothing wrong with showing a little humility and discretion especially in our close relationships but he's right, if you find yourself obsessing over his feelings or obligated to make him happy then you're doing it wrong.
My recent ex of 5 years told me today that one of my best qualities is I'm very nice and kind....one of my worst qualities is I'm TOO NICE. 🙄 I'm convinced you have to kind of treat them like shit now.
I swear to all that is good, I will kick my wall as hard as I can if I see “Edit: oOoOoO Why didn’t he want to be with mEeEe all I did was use him as a rug!?!?!”. There is indeed a medium between treating people like rugs and giving them too much attention. You know you’ve crossed into the ‘rug’ territory when you believe in “All [Your Gender] are Queens/Kings, treat them like that!” and you’ve obviously started over draining yourself into a relationships when both your male and female friends are telling you so. Thank you. Sorry if this is long, but I’m tired of both genders being sexist. Thank you again.
You have to really study people. There are some bad guys who act like they care. Only to get what they want, and its over. We can't be naive when it comes to matters of the heart.
What a Treasure! I am this type of woman when dating who tries to please him instead of being myself. Every word in this video is like a message from God! I greatly appreciate your videos. THANK YOU BRIAN!!
This is so true. I recently rekindled an old romance, only to discover that the guy became a raging alcoholic, was practically homeless, and had not been with a woman in over 10 years. And even HE told me, "stop being so good to me" and "make me chase you". P.S. no I did not want to be with him once I discovered all these things, but I cared about him and felt the urge to nurture him. It is just not in a man's nature to have a woman go overboard in caring for him.
I have only just realised that my exs feelings are not my fault or my responsibility I suffered for months but it was all one sided I tried to make it work but he just used me for money and other things
If this is actually true, good job. However, not all of everything the person in your relationship is like ISNT your responsibility, and it’s a toxic thought to think which can easily corrode a relationship, and worse, it’ll be your fault.
a therapist once said to me.... if you decide to be your grown-up self, then there is no longer a being "nice"... there is a being "respectful and friendly"... (hope you get it in english...) but it's not so easy to change and not only a point of decision making... because being nice can be a very strong pattern (that was very useful once as a child) ...
I ghosted a girl recently. We met on a party and we made a deal to go out for drinks. The next day I got a message from friend saying she is asking why didnt I contact her. I got the message in less than 5 hours since we have seen each other, that was weird. After that we started texting and I told her that I dont want to text a lot because I want to leave get to knowing each other for live meeting. She said she likes texting and I would have to deal with it. After that she said she would go out with me only if I take her for dinner and not drinks which seemed a bit rude for me. She said by taking her to dinner I would prove I have serious intensions. And my opinion was how can I have serious intensions with you when I met you once in person. So she was texting a lot and I didnt know how to tell her I dont want to go out with you anymore, I have lost interest. So I was thinking how to write that and on the end I didnt write anything. So I am a jerk, I know it. I was ghosted also once, and I know it is not nice. So my opinion is if a guy ghosted you he doesn't like you or doesn't see future with you. Maybe you are too religious and he finds that weird or you don't believe in God and he is religious. If you swear a lot he may find that attractive or really ugly. And the real truth is: If someone is really into you it is really hard to scare them away. Also if someone isn't into you there is no advice someone can give you that will make someone want you.
That girl deserves a better man than you. For sure you wanted sex, she was honest and made her intentions clear. Usually guys asking going for drinks are not serious. They want sex, and then go with the flow.
That is truth... I made that mistake in the past. No matter how hard I tried I was worst than better for him every next meeting. If he don't like a real me it is just a wasting time... Hard but real. Better understand this faster than later. When we love someone we are blind. We want be loved so much too. But we forget respect themselves.
I was writing paragraphs of text about my anger at you, but I just realized your soulless, brainless self would brush it off due to lack of cognitive function.
Yes! It just takes patience and discipline not to waste energy on men who don’t have the same vision for their life or their relationship with you. You will find your person! I despise online dating and shockingly met my fiancé using Match.com. I’m very with him but it took a lot of broken hearts and tough lessons before I find my person. Good luck 🍀
I been watching videos about relationships. I haven't seen what I've done. When this man approached me. I told him right away. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband. And told him all my flaws. The following day we were dating and he's now my husband.
It was great when you gave the practical examples of how unatractive it is a man acting like a woman pleaser on a date, helps not only understand but also feel the will to reject that!
Everything you have said has hit the nail on the head for me as always.. You need to just be yourself no matter what, you can't push someone to like you or fallen in love with.. & unfortunately it's hard to be in a relationship like this. Ladies be who you truly are it has taken me a while to realize this I was in one of those relationships for 14yrs but now I feel so much better just being myself if no one likes you the way you are it doesn't matter you also can't please everyone in your life, be proud of you & shine for all to see also love yourself before anyone else 😉☺💜
I was always a loving giving person and I am an empath . My boyfriend try to ghost me twice . I then moved on and got married to another man but I married a narcissist and my life became like hell.
Funni…I was ghosted by a man I really fell for bc he felt overwhelmed being in love. Those feelings triggered uncertainty and he went into anxiety, pushing and pulling, worrying that I didn’t like him and that I’d leave him. I felt tested all the time by things he’d say to me that pushed me away. I think Dr Jordan Peterson is right in that a man’s fear of rejection is equal to his feelings for you. To your point, Brian, Dr P also says you must pair up with someone you can contend with. It’s important that the relationship isn’t lopsided. It’s the King Lear story where the king loved his youngest of 3 bc she stood up to him, unlike her “yes” sisters. You have to have trust, too, which takes time.
All the years of being patient and nice you get used but in the end we get our good karma. In the end they get what they deserve for mistreating good people.
I have been like that in the past. Sometimes I wonder why, but a lot of it in life we want love. Hope others can find love in themselves and then others.
You are truly a gift from God. Your insights help us women to regain what we have loss to a certain man who doesn't deserves us in the first place. I hope everyone will find peace and real love ❤coz, thats how it should be. It hurts, yes! But lets not forget that self-respect and self-love must comes first. ✨💗 HEALING FOR EVERYONE. 🙏🏻 Empowered woman on its way. 😘😉
The nice guy you were portraying at 3:05 really reminds me of my boyfriend when we were still dating, he was so nervous and wanted to make sure I felt comfortable. Bless him we are still going strong after 5 years.
One thing Life has taught me is that the old saying "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" is ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Men CAN NOT handle a woman who is good to them - but let them pair up with a woman who doesn't give a flying 'f' about them, treats them like cr**, spends all their money, coercively controls him etc and he'll worship the ground she walks on! Brian is so right ladies - don't worry about what a man thinks, feels , wants or needs - just do you and let things flow. If he stays he's a keeper, if not you haven't lost anything, have you?
"... And then still didn't see your greatness!" and he will never do. And the reason is he is NOT for you. Don't waste your time. It hearts I know but every wound can be healed with the time.
Thanks Brian, this video is really useful. When I bring up about things that doesn’t align with me, a guy who I used to like always give an excuses that I hurt his feelings.
Listen to every word this man says. I love Brian's videos. His words are absolutely true. Self love and putting yourself first will make your guy prioritize you. Who cares what your bf's doing. Give him freedom, be free and do you. Men are hunters by nature and will only appreciate what they work for. Be a lady and let them come for you.
Yes girl!!! You’re right! He will only appreciate if they work for it!!! He has to feel needed and useful!!! One bf of me said that he didn’t feel useful with me and he said if you pay for everything and do everything I won’t feel useful he was broke at that time I’m from wealthier family and it didn’t work out because he didn’t feel manly enough
During the 22 years I was married to my former husband, I had bent backwards all the time to please him and make him happy. That was a wasted effort as nothing I ever did made much of a difference. He would always find something to complain about. At the end, I came to the realization without a doubt in my mind, that we were wrong for each other and asked him for a divorce. That was the best decision I ever made, as since the marriage ended in 1996, we both have been much happier and on better terms with each other than ever before.
I just love the way u speak and ur subtle humour.. u remind me of Chandler from Friends!! ❤️ Most of ur female subscribers probably have a crush on u!!
This is amazing advice! I’m in a long distance relation and this adapts well to the fact that we want overcompensate for the distance. I will love for you to talk more about long distance relationships and wrong and good behavior to keep him or her interested. Thank you for your input in helping the world of relationships!!
This resonated with my experience sooooooo much!! Both my past and present situation!! Being secure & true to myself is the first key of any relationship before offering your heart to anyone.
Thanks a mill, this was very encouraging, informative and funny ... being able to break it to someone in a humorous and respectful way is truely a gift because a lot of women and men went through hard times that made them become pleasers (including me) without even realising it. It is amazing to finally be aware and change for the better 😉
Love is a 2 way street. Doesn't matter how much you love someone, if they aren't giving back as much as your giving them, then it might be time to move on. If he does really care about you, he'll fight for you. Make sure he's not fighting for the things he's getting from you, make sure he's fighting for you specifically. People stay in relationships for the things they get from them. Like a roof over their head, if your paying the bills, and so forth. They need that stuff, they don't really need you personally. Don't let yourself be used. The one that loves you most in life, should never have you questioning if they love you or not. Just asking that question, tells you the answer. It's hard to find the One. You're likely to hit and miss a few times, before you find the right combination of things, that fit you, and you them. Trying to force a key into a lock that doesn't belong, will never really end well. It should be a smooth, perfect fit, and well oil mechanism. You should never have to fight it to get it to work.
Brian Brian Brian...oh meeeen....you have NO idea of how much in good timing this video reach out. Thank you brother, you launched it exactly when and for what I needed to hear it. By the way, from all the coaches I am following on UA-cam, you and your style of passing a message, is really one of my favorites. Very grounded, very wise and authentic.
I don’t usually remember to leave a like on a video, but your camera presence and sense of courtesy is noted from how you thanked the audience for watching until the end and the fact that you express genuine gratitude just for that made me want to give back in any way I can. Just a random thought 💭
True. You're taught should accomodate him, make him happy, care for him, etc.. But in reality most of guys will just see that and take you for granted. You should play hard to get at the beginning, I think 😅 and after you're both emotionally connected, then you can start be the caring person that you really are. Imo.
If he wanted to, he would. If I don't get a text or a call within 4 days after the date, he doesn't want to see me again. He isn't a "hell yes." He's a luke warm "no." Do I want to continue with that? Absolutely not. I don't pursue, I don't chase. That's the man's job. I would rather be a little bothered by this for 4 days than waste 6 months of my life getting declining treatment starting with the bar being set in hell. Believe me... if it's a luke warm "no" after the first date, it'll only get worse. What lady wants to be tolerated?
Since when is 'being a nice' girl/boy good? All those I've found are actually quite manipulative, even if they themselves don't realize. As Brian says, you're just being nice because you want to get something out of it. A nice person will have values and treat people right but not with the aim of making someone fall for them, but because that's just the way they are. You can definitely own yourself, have boundaries, and be nice.
I agree. "Nice" is vague and weak. Genuine kindness is in. A kind person knows how to be kind to others and themselves. A kind person sets boundaries in an honest and straightforward manner without games.
Funny video, Brian! You can't "make" a man do anything! You gotta love and be yourself first. If he's right for you, he'll be interested. Ninety-nine percent of the dudes out there will NOT be right for you...and that's OK. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs!
"I will rather lose him than myself"... I had to learn this one the hard way, but hopefully never again
Me too😂never again
💯
Same here! Never ever again!
My last relationship was the worst thing ever in my life, I regret why I didnt walk earlier.. Then I lost my self when we were together. Now, I get my life back and I say goodbye to him, forever.
Yes Sometimes me too😂🤗
I actually want a nice guy who cares about me and my feelings. I don't like selfish, unapologetic men.
thank you!
I cared about my female friend's feelings. Until I got friendship ghosted.
@@HongFeiBai You weren't hubby material for her, just a friend who occasionally is there for her. Not trying to be an A-hole, just the truth. You want more? Don't audition for the role of being her friend or the friend of a girl besides her. Simple enough. I am not saying you should audition to be an A-hole or a f*ckboy, but if you start counselling a girl you've just met, you've dug your own grave with your own shovel.
Same I was thinking the same thing when he said that stuff
Me too
You mean insecure people. By what you are describing. There are nice and not so nice insecure people in this world. A nice woman is not insecure. She knows what she wants. She just chooses to treat people with respect and genuinely care about others feelings. She is not afraid to accommodate sometimes or please another person. That to me is strength. You do it out of the goodness of your heart not because you have to do it. Being nice in this world is a choice. And if someone takes that for granted then the one who has the problem is the taker not the giver.
Agree 100%.
Disagree. Being nice is overrated. It’s just another form of avoiding confrontations and conflicts. No point being agreeable if your boundaries being crossed because it’s not your job to make sure people not feeling hurt. Moreover, everyone has their own definition of “nice”, every century has different definition of being “nice” as well. Every culture has different definition of “nice”. It’s inefficient. Imao what’s important is practicing kindness, show your empathy towards people and acting civilized. That’s different from being nice. If you disagreed with me because you have different definition of being nice, then i stand by my points :)
So true
I'm like that and every guy I ever liked and told that I like them have ghosted me or doesn't talk to me anymore. I guess I'm destined to be alone forever. Its ok I'm guessing no.
That is who I'm
I’m a naturally sweet and loving person. It’s just who I am. The man for me will appreciate and value me for who I am.
Guys who ghost good girls/women simply means those guys don’t deserve them and most likely he’s a dusty, player, fkbois and all those shiz and she’s not willing to put up with his bs.
what if there at there job
😂😂💯💯 Exactly!
@@bebop8329 Nah, that's something else. Has to be someone who's *always* neglecting someone they're potentially with, or even worst on their part if they're actually romantically with said person & are still neglecting them. Means they truly don't deserve their partner, or potential love interest from the get-go beginning.
I'm a nice girl who gets ghosted. I'm not being nice because I think their happiness is my responsibility, I'm nice because I'm nice. Obviously guys don't want that which I guess means some of us are not meant to be in a relationship.
The same is true from the nice guy's perspective.
Ditto. See my comment.
Exactly facts sis❤
Men LOVE to dump their responsibility off from their shoulders to the women's. If I don't love you - it's your fault, if I don't want you - it's your fault, and me is an angel.
Exactly. Blame shifting is al toxic. A guy ghosted me and returned. I had some choice words to say and told him to leave and he blamed me for things. It was bit my fault. Blocked him.
Had a guy said I should’ve asked him if he was off work instead of asking if we were still in for the plans we made for that evening at 6:30...so at 6:30 I texted him are we still on?? But it’s my fault cause I should’ve asked this or done that...NOPE NOPE NOPE. Honey YOU need to communicate. Lol I ignored him for a day and he went off via text saying he didn’t want to keep talking. BLOCKED, didn’t even respond
@@kaydykes9916 exactly like learn to communicate like an adult you entitled prick, ugh... it baffles me how much of a child some people can still be
This is toxic and wrong, clearly.
And both genders ‘LOVE’ to generalize every person into a single gender. Seriously, is there no difference between all men or all women now? Almost infinite possibilities exist for both genders. Some common ones are culture, how people were raised, educated, their experiences, maybe insecurities, even mental conditions.
And an extra side note for cocky men AND women: People who believe they have nothing more to learn have the most to.
I have always thought that if I gave so much love to him, and he would have realized that i truly love him. But all wrong, more attention i gave to him, more feelings i shared with him, and more i catering to his needs, less respect he gave to me.
Couldn't agree more
Exactly what has happened to me...gave 1000% of my love my time my resources and it wasnt enough to make him see ...2 yrs later I just broke it off cold and he insulted me accused me of many awful things yet i gave always...im heartbroken 🖤🥀💔
100% true.. Don't give n show your all love to someone. If you stop giving attention Then he will automatically chase you. This is key
Give all your love to yourself in every way and he will want to join in.
chickenflavoredwaffle 😈Lovin Lucifer look for God
I would bend backwards just to make him happy and that made me feel depressed overtime. Left him for good, after having enough of his crap. Now he's begging to come back. Uhuh! No thanks! I am better without him. Thanks for the videos,Geert
That happened to me me too. I woke up one day and said it was enough. Feeling so much better! He is of course, messaging me twice per week...just being selfish...
I'm just gonna be myself and that's that, I'm tired to be honest.
Same.
Fax. I’m done with all these vids on what to do and what not to do and games and shit. I’ll just be myself and if someone doesn’t appreciate it, okay whatever, next.
Same.
Thank you. Yes
@@annefloorfooij7432 lol. Exactly what I said. Just be you. If you have to play games to figure someone out or win them then maybe they’re aren’t for you.
I'm kicking myself for allowing a guy to breadcrumb me for almost 2 years. 😭
A young doctor I met while overseas. He got his VISA and promised to come visit me in the states, but has not. Lately he has been saying, "I'll call you tomorrow" but never does. I wasted hours daydreaming what it would be like to live overseas with him, what our kids' names would be, etc... I finally decided about 2 weeks ago, I was DONE. When I reminded myself that every other guy I message responds within 3 hours and he rarely actually ever responds, I really decided I was done with the game.
Same here
Good for you! Stay strong! 💪
I guess the " I'll call you tomorrow" these days doesnt actually mean tomorrow 😀😀...it means i'll call you when I want to 😤
Ugh, you deserve respect and the doctor wasn't giving it to you. You're way better off without him. God bless you. You will find the right man. But keep hoping!
He’s shiz and doesn’t deserve you! Move on to better ones you’re a strong woman!
I have always been the polite, sweet, and nice girl. It has rarely served me well in life, especially with men. I have always been passed over for another woman or taken advantage of by narcs and players.
I am tired of being nice all the time and losing.
Sounds like you would be a perfect fit with a nice guy. Alas, everybody knows that nice guys aren't wanted by women.
Good girls and bad girls get ghosted! Everyone is ghosted at some point
3:15 🤣😂😭 this is so repelling lol 💯 true. If u try to please the other person too much u loose yourself and your self worth, and that's how others will treat u too - second to none
Hahaha "would you like to see his goldfish then"?
@@rebeccajones8628 🤣🤣🤣
Kind vs nice. I'm kind, open, honest and emotionally available. Have boundaries is a must. The men that run away have issues within themselves or not emotionally available.
There is nothing wrong with showing a little humility and discretion especially in our close relationships but he's right, if you find yourself obsessing over his feelings or obligated to make him happy then you're doing it wrong.
My recent ex of 5 years told me today that one of my best qualities is I'm very nice and kind....one of my worst qualities is I'm TOO NICE. 🙄 I'm convinced you have to kind of treat them like shit now.
Yup they do
I swear to all that is good, I will kick my wall as hard as I can if I see “Edit: oOoOoO Why didn’t he want to be with mEeEe all I did was use him as a rug!?!?!”. There is indeed a medium between treating people like rugs and giving them too much attention. You know you’ve crossed into the ‘rug’ territory when you believe in “All [Your Gender] are Queens/Kings, treat them like that!” and you’ve obviously started over draining yourself into a relationships when both your male and female friends are telling you so. Thank you.
Sorry if this is long, but I’m tired of both genders being sexist. Thank you again.
You have to really study people. There are some bad guys who act like they care. Only to get what they want, and its over. We can't be naive when it comes to matters of the heart.
Very true!
What a Treasure! I am this type of woman when dating who tries to please him instead of being myself. Every word in this video is like a message from God! I greatly appreciate your videos. THANK YOU BRIAN!!
As a chronic people pleaser, this feels like the wake-up slap I much needed! Thanks!
Same here! Hurts to hear, but it's truth.
Exactly
This is so true. I recently rekindled an old romance, only to discover that the guy became a raging alcoholic, was practically homeless, and had not been with a woman in over 10 years. And even HE told me, "stop being so good to me" and "make me chase you". P.S. no I did not want to be with him once I discovered all these things, but I cared about him and felt the urge to nurture him. It is just not in a man's nature to have a woman go overboard in caring for him.
I have only just realised that my exs feelings are not my fault or my responsibility I suffered for months but it was all one sided I tried to make it work but he just used me for money and other things
(Chloe ) period
If this is actually true, good job.
However, not all of everything the person in your relationship is like ISNT your responsibility, and it’s a toxic thought to think which can easily corrode a relationship, and worse, it’ll be your fault.
a therapist once said to me.... if you decide to be your grown-up self, then there is no longer a being "nice"... there is a being "respectful and friendly"... (hope you get it in english...)
but it's not so easy to change and not only a point of decision making... because being nice can be a very strong pattern (that was very useful once as a child) ...
I furloughed dating for the rest of 2020
😂🙏Love it
Lol amen
I watch your channel lol that’s how I feel about 2021
I ghosted a girl recently. We met on a party and we made a deal to go out for drinks. The next day I got a message from friend saying she is asking why didnt I contact her. I got the message in less than 5 hours since we have seen each other, that was weird. After that we started texting and I told her that I dont want to text a lot because I want to leave get to knowing each other for live meeting. She said she likes texting and I would have to deal with it. After that she said she would go out with me only if I take her for dinner and not drinks which seemed a bit rude for me. She said by taking her to dinner I would prove I have serious intensions. And my opinion was how can I have serious intensions with you when I met you once in person. So she was texting a lot and I didnt know how to tell her I dont want to go out with you anymore, I have lost interest. So I was thinking how to write that and on the end I didnt write anything. So I am a jerk, I know it. I was ghosted also once, and I know it is not nice.
So my opinion is if a guy ghosted you he doesn't like you or doesn't see future with you. Maybe you are too religious and he finds that weird or you don't believe in God and he is religious. If you swear a lot he may find that attractive or really ugly.
And the real truth is: If someone is really into you it is really hard to scare them away. Also if someone isn't into you there is no advice someone can give you that will make someone want you.
True
Thank you for your honesty
thank You Now i Understand
That girl deserves a better man than you. For sure you wanted sex, she was honest and made her intentions clear. Usually guys asking going for drinks are not serious. They want sex, and then go with the flow.
Excellent! Exactly! Thank you for your example! Superb! 👍
If you do mot know my worth I will walk. I have learned the hard way to love myself first.
That is truth... I made that mistake in the past. No matter how hard I tried I was worst than better for him every next meeting. If he don't like a real me it is just a wasting time... Hard but real. Better understand this faster than later. When we love someone we are blind. We want be loved so much too. But we forget respect themselves.
This video came just in time. I set boundaries and let it sit and felt so bad for him and wondered if i should cheer him up now...
I just did too. I didn’t cave in. And I’m glad I set my boundaries. Someone who truly cares for you should not be upset with your boundaries.
Nooooo! Don't do it. He is also responsible and able to cheer himself up. Don't waste your time.
Don’t do it I did that mistake when I was stupid and naive
If setting boundaries upsets him, don’t walk, RUN out of that relationship!🏃♀️
Don't do that, girl! Let him cheer himself up with another woman!
The hell with his feelings!
They have no feelings
MADD Art44 TRUTH
Lol 😂
I was writing paragraphs of text about my anger at you, but I just realized your soulless, brainless self would brush it off due to lack of cognitive function.
Damn. Is there any guys want to get married these days? I give up. 😭😭😭
Yes! It just takes patience and discipline not to waste energy on men who don’t have the same vision for their life or their relationship with you. You will find your person! I despise online dating and shockingly met my fiancé using Match.com. I’m very with him but it took a lot of broken hearts and tough lessons before I find my person. Good luck 🍀
@@maragirl1658 That's surprising because women have far more options in online dating than men do.
I won’t tolerate a relationship that feels like a job. I like fun, fun, fun!
It is true that nice girls finish last. Thank you, Brian.
I been watching videos about relationships. I haven't seen what I've done. When this man approached me. I told him right away. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband. And told him all my flaws. The following day we were dating and he's now my husband.
It was great when you gave the practical examples of how unatractive it is a man acting like a woman pleaser on a date, helps not only understand but also feel the will to reject that!
“Stupid neurotransmitters and neurons of love” ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💝💝💝💝
Everything you have said has hit the nail on the head for me as always.. You need to just be yourself no matter what, you can't push someone to like you or fallen in love with.. & unfortunately it's hard to be in a relationship like this. Ladies be who you truly are it has taken me a while to realize this I was in one of those relationships for 14yrs but now I feel so much better just being myself if no one likes you the way you are it doesn't matter you also can't please everyone in your life, be proud of you & shine for all to see also love yourself before anyone else 😉☺💜
I was always a loving giving person and I am an empath . My boyfriend try to ghost me twice . I then moved on and got married to another man but I married a narcissist and my life became like hell.
Funni…I was ghosted by a man I really fell for bc he felt overwhelmed being in love. Those feelings triggered uncertainty and he went into anxiety, pushing and pulling, worrying that I didn’t like him and that I’d leave him. I felt tested all the time by things he’d say to me that pushed me away. I think Dr Jordan Peterson is right in that a man’s fear of rejection is equal to his feelings for you. To your point, Brian, Dr P also says you must pair up with someone you can contend with. It’s important that the relationship isn’t lopsided. It’s the King Lear story where the king loved his youngest of 3 bc she stood up to him, unlike her “yes” sisters. You have to have trust, too, which takes time.
All the years of being patient and nice you get used but in the end we get our good karma. In the end they get what they deserve for mistreating good people.
Love your sense of humor and the way you use it for impact. You make me laugh and think at the same time.
I have been like that in the past. Sometimes I wonder why, but a lot of it in life we want love. Hope others can find love in themselves and then others.
I got your point..being good is boring..that is very sad
Just do your own thing for distraction! For example I cook. Distract yourself 🤗
You are truly a gift from God. Your insights help us women to regain what we have loss to a certain man who doesn't deserves us in the first place. I hope everyone will find peace and real love ❤coz, thats how it should be. It hurts, yes! But lets not forget that self-respect and self-love must comes first. ✨💗
HEALING FOR EVERYONE. 🙏🏻 Empowered woman on its way. 😘😉
Yeyyyyyy rawrrr 🦋❤
❤️
The nice guy you were portraying at 3:05 really reminds me of my boyfriend when we were still dating, he was so nervous and wanted to make sure I felt comfortable. Bless him we are still going strong after 5 years.
One thing Life has taught me is that the old saying "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" is ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Men CAN NOT handle a woman who is good to them - but let them pair up with a woman who doesn't give a flying 'f' about them, treats them like cr**, spends all their money, coercively controls him etc and he'll worship the ground she walks on! Brian is so right ladies - don't worry about what a man thinks, feels , wants or needs - just do you and let things flow. If he stays he's a keeper, if not you haven't lost anything, have you?
You video is just in time. Its like God is guiding to get back on the right path. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
"... And then still didn't see your greatness!" and he will never do. And the reason is he is NOT for you. Don't waste your time. It hearts I know but every wound can be healed with the time.
Thanks Brian, this video is really useful. When I bring up about things that doesn’t align with me, a guy who I used to like always give an excuses that I hurt his feelings.
Cuz bad guys can't act too long to be good lol
Nice girls deserve the best of all mankind on earth🎉🎉🎉🎉
Listen to every word this man says. I love Brian's videos. His words are absolutely true. Self love and putting yourself first will make your guy prioritize you. Who cares what your bf's doing. Give him freedom, be free and do you. Men are hunters by nature and will only appreciate what they work for. Be a lady and let them come for you.
Yes girl!!! You’re right! He will only appreciate if they work for it!!! He has to feel needed and useful!!! One bf of me said that he didn’t feel useful with me and he said if you pay for everything and do everything I won’t feel useful he was broke at that time I’m from wealthier family and it didn’t work out because he didn’t feel manly enough
During the 22 years I was married to my former husband, I had bent backwards all the time to please him and make him happy. That was a wasted effort as nothing I ever did made much of a difference. He would always find something to complain about. At the end, I came to the realization without a doubt in my mind, that we were wrong for each other and asked him for a divorce. That was the best decision I ever made, as since the marriage ended in 1996, we both have been much happier and on better terms with each other than ever before.
OMG! You are spot on.
Had to listen to it twice just to remind myself of what I already knew but keeping refusing to face head on.
There's a difference between being nice and being insecure, awkward, and clumsy.
I just love the way u speak and ur subtle humour.. u remind me of Chandler from Friends!! ❤️ Most of ur female subscribers probably have a crush on u!!
This is amazing advice! I’m in a long distance relation and this adapts well to the fact that we want overcompensate for the distance. I will love for you to talk more about long distance relationships and wrong and good behavior to keep him or her interested. Thank you for your input in helping the world of relationships!!
This resonated with my experience sooooooo much!! Both my past and present situation!! Being secure & true to myself is the first key of any relationship before offering your heart to anyone.
Thanks a mill, this was very encouraging, informative and funny ... being able to break it to someone in a humorous and respectful way is truely a gift because a lot of women and men went through hard times that made them become pleasers (including me) without even realising it. It is amazing to finally be aware and change for the better 😉
Love is a 2 way street. Doesn't matter how much you love someone, if they aren't giving back as much as your giving them, then it might be time to move on. If he does really care about you, he'll fight for you. Make sure he's not fighting for the things he's getting from you, make sure he's fighting for you specifically. People stay in relationships for the things they get from them. Like a roof over their head, if your paying the bills, and so forth. They need that stuff, they don't really need you personally. Don't let yourself be used.
The one that loves you most in life, should never have you questioning if they love you or not. Just asking that question, tells you the answer.
It's hard to find the One. You're likely to hit and miss a few times, before you find the right combination of things, that fit you, and you them. Trying to force a key into a lock that doesn't belong, will never really end well. It should be a smooth, perfect fit, and well oil mechanism. You should never have to fight it to get it to work.
Brian Brian Brian...oh meeeen....you have NO idea of how much in good timing this video reach out. Thank you brother, you launched it exactly when and for what I needed to hear it. By the way, from all the coaches I am following on UA-cam, you and your style of passing a message, is really one of my favorites. Very grounded, very wise and authentic.
LOVE your videos! Always so helpful and fun. PLEASE post more often!💕
Thank you, "Brian Nox". Enough is enough! I was happier before and will be again only being responsible for myself.
10/10 Brian!! Thank you!!! I admire the quality of the information and presentation of your videos !! Thank you for speaking the truth!
Thank you so much for this information. I needed to hear this. You speak truth.
I don’t usually remember to leave a like on a video, but your camera presence and sense of courtesy is noted from how you thanked the audience for watching until the end and the fact that you express genuine gratitude just for that made me want to give back in any way I can. Just a random thought 💭
As always, a pleasure listening to your videos. Thanks so much 🦋
Thank you Brian!! Awesome advice as always!!
Kindness is the #1 quality men want in a woman. Overly nice is not necessarily kind. Kind is being true to herself while being respectful to others.
That's what I needed today!
Yes but for many centuries women were educate for being the reason for happiness of man
Not where I’m from
@@StephanieTumba I'm pretty sure this is universal. Women have always been the "traditional" care taker. That's what she means.
We know better, we do better.
I bet those people don't believe in a god.
True. You're taught should accomodate him, make him happy, care for him, etc.. But in reality most of guys will just see that and take you for granted.
You should play hard to get at the beginning, I think 😅 and after you're both emotionally connected, then you can start be the caring person that you really are. Imo.
Wow! You just made me realise many things...
Thanks for pointing out everything. This comes just in time for me.
Needed this! Thank you ☺
If he wanted to, he would. If I don't get a text or a call within 4 days after the date, he doesn't want to see me again. He isn't a "hell yes." He's a luke warm "no." Do I want to continue with that? Absolutely not. I don't pursue, I don't chase. That's the man's job. I would rather be a little bothered by this for 4 days than waste 6 months of my life getting declining treatment starting with the bar being set in hell. Believe me... if it's a luke warm "no" after the first date, it'll only get worse. What lady wants to be tolerated?
Wow. This video is more spot on than I ever though possible. Thank you!!
I felt and learned a value to myself while you are discussing this to us. Thank you..
Thank you so much for sharing this, Brian! Watching this video will definitely help lots of women.
why relationship is so complicated sigh
Nicely said! Thank you!
Since when is 'being a nice' girl/boy good? All those I've found are actually quite manipulative, even if they themselves don't realize. As Brian says, you're just being nice because you want to get something out of it. A nice person will have values and treat people right but not with the aim of making someone fall for them, but because that's just the way they are. You can definitely own yourself, have boundaries, and be nice.
I agree. "Nice" is vague and weak. Genuine kindness is in. A kind person knows how to be kind to others and themselves. A kind person sets boundaries in an honest and straightforward manner without games.
Absolutely agree with you! Thank you!
Thank you very much Brian!😀❤❤❤❤
This makes a lot of sense, thanks very much for explaining so well 🌟
Funny video, Brian! You can't "make" a man do anything! You gotta love and be yourself first. If he's right for you, he'll be interested. Ninety-nine percent of the dudes out there will NOT be right for you...and that's OK. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs!
Great advice. I needed to hear this today. Thank you!
Great point, as usual, Brian!
Pisces feel so responsible of how ppl can feel
Not a Pisces but I am a Pisces moon..so I do understand.
I can definitely relate to that
Its so out of our control lol
We suck
Wow this blew my mind. Nobody loves pleasers...Mind reprogramming in process...
I love the way how you explain... It's very clear bro
Omg, you are adorable how you explain these situations😂😂😂😂😂 But really I agree with you. Each one of us is responsible for its own happiness
Hi Brian, I was really missing you and your video - so glad you put it up 💐
Truly be ourselves....very good advice 👏. Your way of explaining is very simple to understand 👌
Emotional intelligence vs. mind games... what a struggle...
Wise words...thanks!
What an eye opener !! Thank you !!
It is Not my Responsibility !!!
Great message!
This is so important. Thanks❤
Great restaurant monologue!
Thanks for sharing this!