“Narcissism isn’t about control, it’s about self esteem regulation.” Such a simple thing to say, but wow that puts things into perspective!! Thanks Jacob!!!!
@@HiddenGodful What keeping someone from sleeping does for a narcissist is keep that person centered around them. They might not get out of their own sleep to do so. But if a narcissist is awake they can't stand a source of supply turning away and shutting down the attention by falling asleep before them, or while they are not, or simply having some rest. Preventing someone from falling asleep, staying asleep or even just taking a nap doesn't require effort or manipulation. A simple cough or abrupt movement one doesn't need to be conscious of will do. Otherwise, narcissists can't stand someone being at peace and will disrupt closed ones' quiet at all times with as a result anxiety levels that do the waking up or keeping up while the narcissist is sleeping...
If my narc felt insulted (and anything would trigger this feeling at some point), then he would spend all night "talking" about it. It was torture and he would not stop. He was unable to calm down and let me sleep until I completely begged hip to forgive me and promised never to do it again.
This kind of person would likely have ASPD and/or be a malignant sadistic narcissist or even a psychopath rather than a typical narcissist. People are misusing the term narcissist.
In my experience, his self-serving behavior - staying out late in bars, cheating on me, etc. would keep me awake in anxiety and also him coming home so late would disturb me and my kid's sleep. I think this is the reality of BEING with narc. I literally slept so much when I left to ease the anxiety and catch up on all the hours of sleep I lost just being married to this loser.
Man I relate to this. Mine does the same things. Or he will pick a big fight right before bed so I can’t sleep from being so upset. Or he will be out late and send me an alarming text that wakes me up and keeps me up. I haven’t gotten a good night sleep in months.
We have to remember that narcissists are self-serving, but not usually malicious. Even then, some are about as self-serving as a small child who has yet to figure out how to consider others' feelings.
Jacob, I love that you are breaking down these common video topics, please do more. I think it's possible that narcissists are doing things that disrupt other people's sleep without even realizing it. Then you get a bunch of people together who have experienced it and think it's a planned control tactic, when it could really be more of a clueless selfishness on the narcissist's part. Not saying that there aren't people who deliberately do it, but I have BPD and I know I've done it completely by accident, wanting to work something out with a partner, or wanting them to know they did something that hurt me or ticked me off, not realizing they have an important thing to do the next day. Then I will feel like total garbage when I see it on the calendar, or they remind me they can't talk because they have to study, then I'm like "Oh crap, I'm so sorry." It's not premeditated, but every once in a while it happened and I tried to make up for it by making sure they had breakfast ready to go, or plenty of energy drinks and stuff for their test study week. I get lost in my own crappy little world a lot and forget what other people have going on. When I have an issue with someone, I want to work it out immediately. If someone does something that ticks me off, I want them to know about it immediately. It was never about wearing them down with sleep deprivation. I have been kept up a long time by a narcissistic person, a lot, but I think they did it mostly because they didn't want to be alone when I went to bed. There is a selfish element in that, but I don't think they had sadistic intent.
I know you are addressing Jacob, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this. Its insightful, helps others understand what is truly going through your mind (instead of projections created by those external to you) and its also refreshing to read your self awareness. It gives hope on subjects we once thought were hopeless🙏
@@elisabetponce6675 It's important to give a honest view of a situation, or there will always be something missing. It's why I watch his stuff. Thanks for being open minded 🖤
Pop culture right now is just equating "narcissism" to all kinds of abusive or malicious behaviors, regardless of the actual pathology that's going on. Hopefully your channel is helping people realize it's not this blanket negative term to keep throwing around.
I was kept up or woken up at times but I think he needed company to be honest. In fact if we were arguing at night he would go silent on me and I was the one staying awake trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Other things such as making me late for important appointments or family gatherings he absolutely did purposefully.
17 years of sleep deprivation because my ex narc decided that 1 a.m. was a good time to argue. It's been 5 years since I went no contact but I still have a lot of hate towards these soul crushing vampires.
@@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe I was with my ex for 2 years and I am convinced I got away just in time. My ex really enjoyed watching me in pain and loved my suffering. He kicked me out of the house once and it was 32 degrees out. The husky wanted to go with me and he said, “don’t take the dog it’s too cold for her!” So, at that moment he made me lower than a dog. He put me through some crazy trials but I have to stay positive and know there’s a reason. It sounds cliche but if not for his disgusting treatment of me, I wouldn’t had worked on healing some past trauma. I will say I have moments of revenge fantasizing lol… but I don’t want to have even a thought of him near me.
@@Chronically_Misunderstood You definitely for the most part dodged a bullet. I committed and had no clue what a narcissist was and then had a son and a daughter. It took me a good 12-14 years before I was at the point where I felt that I needed to identify the cause of so much negativity, anger, hatred and abuse. Then, it took me another 3 years to make the decision to leave. I hung in there for my kids but looking back, I would advise anyone in the same situation to leave and go no contact because being around a narc is not healthy for any family and especially the kids. Glad to hear that you were able to avoid what could have been a decade or two of much worse.
@@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe yes! I’m glad you were able to leave and get away from the darkness. It’s miserable and definitely bad af for your health. After two years I was getting body pain! It’s gone… it’s amazing what stress and anxiety can do to you. I went through a period of thinking it was my karma to be in this situation but never did anything that was outright shitty to deserve it. Although, I still think that sometimes. It is a total mind f**k and I think the hardest part of it was leaving. I left him before I lost all of myself but the pieces are hard to put back together still.
@@Chronically_Misunderstood Yes, it's not easy to reassemble all of the pieces after being with a narc for years thats for sure and thank you. I wish you success .
I Live w/ a Diagnosed, Covert, Passive Aggressive, Narcissist. It's Been 20+ Years Now & I Have Developed High Blood Pressure Problems From the Stress of Living w/ Her. I Had Strict Written Instructions From My P Doc to Rest & Not to Engage w/ Her For 24 Hours. The Person That Drove Me Home Read the Instructions Out Loud to Her From the Note. He Specifically Repeated Slowly Which Was: Do Not Engage w/ Him ( My Name Here ) For 24 Hours & Under No Circumstances Can You Speak w/ Him for 24 Hours, His PB is Dangerously High. Well, She Did--Multiple Times. Almost Every Time She is Told Not to Do Something She Violates My Boundaries. That's How My Narcissist Keeps Me From Sleeping. ( Violating My Boundaries )
The problem is that you relate everything to youself. Some narcissist will wake you up at night, some not. It doesn't really matter, because this is just one behaviour that can be cause by anything.
When I was a kid, whenever I shared a bed with my mom, I would have to be stock still. I couldn't turn over slightly, I couldn't breathe too loud, I couldn't make small adjustments. If I did, she would snap at me for disturbing her, until it grew too bothersome for her and she would kick me out of the bed or leave. My heart rate would skyrocket and I couldn't go to sleep because I couldn't get comfortable, and I was afraid of being yelled at or abandoned. Her ability to sleep always felt prioritized over mine. Even if we weren't in the same bed, it was still a problem. If I had a nightmare and walked into her room for comfort, she would scream because she thought I was a hobgoblin come to kill her, and my dad would comfort her while I went back to bed alone. If I was sick or had a migraine, I had to lay there for hours because I couldn't wake anyone for pain medication. I was utterly terrified of disturbing my parents in any way, and that fear follows me in other relationships to this day I understand that my mother wasn't malicious in her behaviour, but it did feel like a general disregard for my own wellbeing.
Exactly I had one ex call me or keep me up late despite knowing I had work etc it was bad then I got with new partner who tried same stunt and I said no sir no calls passed 830 pm and I put my phone on DND so I don’t hear you . I had to put boundaries or else I was getting late night calls again and I have a kid I’m taking care of and need sleep for! I learned my lesson and see it as so Inconsiderate now and a red flag!
As somebody said - Your success invalidates them. They will never be happy for you, it is all about them, them, them.... their needs, their needs. They don't even see you, nor think of you. You are reflection to reflect their greatness. Find somebody to be in a happy marriage and leave them to their misery. The essence of a relationship is to be happy for somebody else on a consistent basis. (We can do that it is engraved in our brain) They can not feel connected to us in any way, it is only them and we are their enemy ( most of the time) Sam Vaknin - "Self Loathing Narcisist can not love you".
It's about what it'll do FOR the narcissist to actively keep someone up, yes. But also what it'll do TO the narcissist if a closed one falls asleep. In my experience, a narcissist, by virtue of being narcissistic, can't stand someone close being at peace, getting some rest, shutting down their attention, recentering on themselves, and will do whatever little gesture or cause whatever stress they can to disrupt it.
My ex had comorbid conditions that made it difficult for him to sleep, so he would try and force me to stay up as well. I never got the impression it was about control. He felt unsafe when he was alone, and when I was sleeping he felt alone. There was no nefarious masterplan.
A common tactic of cult leaders is to wake their followers up and prevent them from having a good nights sleep. This destabilizes people and makes them more vulnerable and pliable.
I thought this was an odd topic. Glad I was right. Haha my immediate thought was, 🤨 “whyyy would they not let you sleep?” My ex had just started a new rant right as I was going to bed. I told him, “I’m sorry, but I have to be up early tomorrow. You can rant and get it all out of your system, but just don’t expect a response.” I turned over and got comfy and he stood silently where he was for about 30 seconds and then just joined me in bed. Bam. Done. No drama. The most random behaviors always get labeled “narcissism.” People need to calm down with throwing that word out there for every ex they have a grudge against.
Hi there, husband is a narcissist… but he learned early on not to interrupt my sleep. Interrupting my sleep, results in a full rage/acid tongued soul sacrifice, my brain figures if I am not able to peacefully nap/sleep, then there will be no peace at all. BPD here with ADHD.
My ex wife would often wake me up at night, but not because she was trying to hurt me, she just had insomnia and didn't seem to understand how much I needed her to not let her insomnia keep both of us awake.
I was hoping you would be talking about them waking you up every weekend morning no matter how late you stayed up the previous night and despite you repeating so many times youve lost count that youre always tired and you need more sleep than they do. I think he genuinely cant resist because he hates being alone and the empathy isnt up to the levels it should be
I'd like to say some things related to this topic. I'm having trouble finding ways I could put my words into thoughts that would be receptive to you... I hope you're in therapy and making progress. Progress>Perfection is a lesson I find myself needing to remind myself of over and over. Also... COME BACK TO NYC TO VISIT AND DO A VIDEO ABOUT IT! I really have so much to say but I'm aware that this is a parasocial relationship in the sense that, you deal with so many interactions online and can't deal with too many individuals after a certain point past a certain level. And people can be real assholes online and not realize how rude their comments are or how they constantly make things about themselves by going on long paragraphs. Don't you ever think about how that comes off as super narcissistic too? I do know you usually read some of these comments though. Sending good vibes and best wishes...your channel is growing!
It was annoying as all hell!!!id be sleeping(I work full time)and he’d wake me up when he got home at 2:15 am and keep me up with him until he went to sleep, it drove me insane thanks for this it makes more sense now
So far beyond narcissism. Experienced a lot of this growing up. We'd be woken up after long days. Going to sleep secure and waking up to someone throwing water, and the glass it's in, at your face out of nowhere.
I know this isn't you but my (NPD) mum used to wake me up in the middle of the night when I was a teenager, and my stepdad said she would purposefully keep him awake too. We both used to feel so angry, and now I have a trauma response if someone wakes me which was so hard when I had my own child, because my first reaction would be to scream at him. It took years of mindfulness and practicing non reactivity so I didn't do that to him. anyway its highly possible my mum is a sociopath or something too though cause when I was suicidal from her abuse and told her about it she had a huge smile spread across her face. I still get flashbacks about that moment sometimes. Creepy creepy thing to witness from your own mother.
It was the norm for me to be called up at 2am regulary until I eventually snaped and told him off about it. I guess that was shaming. I don't think it was entirely to keep me awake. It was the lonely time at night when he has had too much alcohol and time to think. And i had to answer at 2am or the abuse for not answering was a lot worse. I think it was a test of my loyalty to drop everything and answer the phone at any time to take his abuse to mold me into a better man The abuse was definitely narcissistic flavoured. When i wanted to bring it up in the day in person. he was sweet and nice and i didn't know how to bring it up. He has remembered those times from many years ago and attempted a hoover at 2am just last week coincidentally
This is great content. I think these things are in an abusers toolkit who has lost control and is angry. This is exactly why the content on narcissism that is all over is skewed and inaccurate. Narcissists are not all abusers and not all abusers are narcissists. There are so many content creators that won’t admit they’ve got it wrong because of their own egos. Victims that want to hang onto the answer they thought they had. The only thing I’d add is that for arguments sake and based on personal experience:- Imagine a successful narcissist or normie arsehole with a lot of face to lose if the marriage ends. The victim has spent their lives giving juice and the unintentional behaviour has made them stop loving and broken the connection. In this instance both partners are upstanding people in some way with a “perfect” life. The victim rips the juice away, maybe grey rock or become toxic themselves. They are the abusers main source of connection and there is the abusers fear of losing it, the reputation, the money, the loss of love of their children show. They’re as stuck in the cycle as the victim. They don’t have a full set of emotions so all they have is anger. They know what they’ve done and will go to whatever length to prevent being mortified for want of a better expression. The fact that you don’t get it is heart warming. Sorry but this is proof your pie chart has plenty of good whether you feel it or not.
It was for self esteem because he would keep me awake to be around him. He would only sleep 3-5 hours, streaks of mania and insomnia. He couldnt be alone. It was better when he cheated on me because he had other supplies. Hed never tell me i couldnt sleep but hed push and push boundaries and guilt trip me or gas light me so much that by the end o put more energy into acting in a way where he'd let me get my basic needs than the energy i was into my job or college classes.if staying up 24 hrs for something he wanted meant hed be nicer to me foe a few hours id do it. Then hed tell me how exhausted. I looked and help me get basic self care things so I'd believe he was helping me. Beliving he was Helping others was a huge part his codependency and insecurities.
Well, if the narcissist thinks that keeping you from sleeping will stop you from achieving something that would affect their sense of self esteem negatively, then yes, sleep deprivation is a type of manipulation the narc would engage in. There are worse narcissists than you out there.
My narcissist would ignore me all night and I would be so desperate for connection, I would wait and we’d not get a lot of sleep. He later played the victim and started manipulating me about this. After he knew he wasn’t going to get what he wanted through me, he played the card against me and said I wouldn’t let him sleep because he was trying to prove that I was harming him. I would try to do right and intentionally leave him alone for sleep and he’d provoke and blame me for being the one intentionally depriving him. It was his pouting about not getting the reward he expected for his good deeds. He never was pleased to please for the sake of pleasing. Everything was linked to an expectation that he had but never declared.
He couldn’t sleep….he didn’t know that I don’t sleep either. It became a thing for him to see how long I could go without sleeping or eating. By the third week he was vomiting violently. By the the fifth week he ran out of ideas. Then the devalue began. I wish I knew what that was all about. I should have put up boundaries. I just loved him so much.
Narcs don’t kill animals for attention or revenge. Psychopaths do that. Psychopaths are narcissistic but narcs are not all psychopaths. Most narcs aren’t psychopaths they are regular assholes. If they kill your animals they are probably psycho not narcs.
If narcissism is a personality style , then surely this style suffuses the individual and bleeds into all areas of their behaviour , thoughts , actions, motivations?
In the case of my ex, he did wake me up when he came to be many nights at 2 am. He made popcorn and the smell would wake me up. Only a person who feels their right to do whatever they want whenever they want would act like this and blame the other person whose sleep was being disturbed!
Hey ! The only way that I could see this thing going on and being interpreted like this is... They're in a narcissistic maniacal state ... or in short can not sleep and they feel stupid staying alone because their self esteem is in a low... they feel ashamed because they don't have a job to wake up for ... so why sleep ... and that pushes them lower... so they can't sleep and they keep you up to cry it out with you ... But they cover it up by saying hey lets play this game or that ... lets do something that I like to do and you do too... c'mon, I know you like it too. And the person goes with their hype for a while... and before you know it you're 4 hours into it and late to bed and the narc feels more and more ashamed... and it sucks. I've been with a narc for years into this cycle when one of us had a job, the other didn't and was naively sabotaging the other because of their shame and inferiority.. and the next day we were having this argument of ... you kept me up late knowing that I will have to go to work ... and now I am a wreck... they weren't happy about it, just farther shamed and felt stupid for it. And they actually tried to give in to my need the next night and stay up till later in the kitchen to make sure that I got sleep. So... there might be some truth to that but I think it has more to do with insomnia, anxiety, shame and impulsiveness and childishness in a sense... avoiding consequences and putting their needs first.
I agree with you I married a malignant narc very sadistic would wake me up through me out the bed put the light on calling me every bad name going kept me on floor kicking me swearing. Blame me for everything he waS doing to me to me. I never thought this nightmare. The violence rages Rob me Pure evil he was there's nothing he wouldn't do to me . Yes I left he stalked wouldn't sign papers . Malignant are pure evil
i think generally narcissism is more about controlling your image but i think some narcissists who are more desperate and have less options do try to control their partner coercive control is trying to make the abuse the victims idea> they try to get you to bend to their will without actually asking outright they want their needs meet at any cost without consideration of the victim
Concordo com ele. Nem sempre um narcisista vai maquinar o mal!! Maioria de seus abusos são instintivos e não calculados. E a maneira como a sociedade encherga um narcisista não levará eles p a terapia nunca!!! Cada vez eles irão se esconder mais.
Mine would call me in the middle of the night. I don't believe it came from a malicious place. She would need validation and comfort due to feeling down or anxious about some random thing that happened that day that was making her angry/sad/vengeful and needed me to help regulate her. It wasn't my favorite thing as I enjoy being able to sleep, but I always wanted to try to make her calm and put her in a better headspace so that she could rest (it was interesting that this never happened when I was actually sleeping beside her though. I would hold her close all night to give her a sense of safety and warmth). As he had mentioned in this video, she also would randomly jerk during sleep. Not once did I feel this was with malintent either. She was just subconsciously releasing tension throughout the night. She was plenty evil, deceitful and manipulative, but I don't think either of these examples came from that place.
My mother intentionally woke me up at night and cut my long fingernails because she had none, when I was young, she also woke me up when I had off from school at about 5 in the morning because she had to do the housework, so I shouldn't sleep. My Ex dropped the toilet lid really hard every fckg night, when things got really bad and I was about to leave the traumabond, we visited his sister and he added another bang that even woke his sister's husband up (he doesn't like his in law, btw). He kept on making these two loud noises when we were back at mine. I split up after enduring this for another two nights. But I'm sure not saying that you did this. But the two covert Narcs I know definitely did. The overt ones and the vulnerable Narcs I know, never did. Both these coverts are really malignant, which you don't seem to be, at all.. My mother got me suicidal for decades and my Ex added another big pile to it.
I am realizing that most narcissists are rebellious contrarians, much like cats. They will do the exact opposite of what you ask or tell them to do, so you have to work that to your advantage, if you even have to deal with one. My ex-narc fiancé used to keep me awake at night consciously and subconsciously. Plus, he was ex military so yeahhh, there is probably some sociopathic tendencies going on there plus PTSD. I’m sure that he’s managed to snow job his current therapist into believing that he’s a great guy and the downfall of the relationship is all my fault. I’m at the point where ID really GAS though.
Let's say, for the sake of argument, that a Narcissist does deprive someone of sleep but the common interpretation of why is in error. What if....the motivation is the attention and priority the narcissist is given by the person losing sleep. My wife was frequently jealous of my time. She was jealous that I went to work, jealous when I had to take my dad to appointments and jealous of any time spent away from her. If I would lose sleep to give her attention or let her bait me into an argument at bedtime, would it make sense that she craves that focus at the expense of my deprivation? Honest Question
My cat is like this. She won't let me sleep, knocks off objects in my room ont9 the floor at 2 am, henrietta hassles me for food and to let her out..Then makes me wait for two hours to let her back in.
Well I did experience that I felt sleep was taking my attention towards myself and completely off of that person/this people. And I felt guilty. Sleeping longer in the morning and laying down during the day were obstructed For Sure. So I felt, and still feel, in the morning as if I have to shoot out of bed to cater to someone, or lay down when there is nothing to be done. Check my messages that sort. Otherwise the other said to feel neglected, they have to be the one ‘doing Everything’, while they sleep and take plenty of rest. So it created insomnia in me, I started feeling unsafe sleeping. That is, in effect, depriving someone of good rest and sleep. I am not here to cater to you, making sure you don’t feel like I don’t think about your needs 24/7. You’re not a baby, i’m not your mother. And even then you can ask for help so you can take a nap/rest, that’s called co-parenting. And I can live my own life, pursue my own dreams and goals eh. That’s not a slap in your face. That’s me having talent and enjoying the benefits of that. The latter is what is prohibited by having to focus on someone all the time. So, you probably won’t want to hear that. But taking rest for sure is selfish in your peoples eyes. And may lead to reflection, processing, healing. And that’s not what you want now is it.
But, the other person has to realize this on their own. I.e. Just don’t do your thing too much, speak up, shine, be happy with others, have needs and express them. So hyper vigilance is created and in effect costs the other their recovery, rest, and sleep. So yes, you do sleep deprive. Perhaps by preventing naps, letting the other person be and be themselves, so they can mind wonder and feel safe focusing inward and letting GO of you and your dominance hierarchy.
So I watched a few videos on Heal NPD, and the topic of your video reminded me of a video which included mentions about sleep anxiety (how the person with NPD feels FOMO about sleeping, which absolutely the person I know experiences regularly, but there were also some other factors which caused her to have trauma around sleeping in addition to this, unrelated to NPD). I would often stay up with her quite late until she fell asleep, though it tended to not be the best for me since my internal clock is quite strict. I don't consider her to have done it out of malice, though; she just wanted my comfort. What is your opinion about this as it relates to yourself, IE do you experience sleep like this, and so on? I wish I could remember what video it was; I kinda feel like I just imagined it now, but I distinctly recall hearing something about the FOMO thing.
He used to wake me up 1am in the morning screaming get up slag. Throwing me on the floor screaming not letting me sleep calling me all the slags going it was fucking crazy.
Omg it's 12am and listening to this I thought I'd taken my Ambien!! But I hadn't!! Sheesh! No wonder Im so easily gaslighted by my narc! I was actually starting to believe you were misdiagnosed and WEREN'T really a narcissist, until I got to the "would I kill a dog," soliloquy. It was like your narcissistic internal dialogue played out in real time in front of me! "Would I kill a dog! Absolutely NOT! Why? You're not that important. Well then again, maybe I would if I had to, but then again I doubt it bc it would make ME look like a complete dufus!" All while flipping your hair bc you can't stand what it looks like in your reflection! Nope! You definitely ARE a narcissist, and I learned that I can still be baffooned by a charming personality. You're ok buddy, you're ok, and so am I. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 We all got problems. Good luck to you.
I dont think your wrong Jacob , my ex was more sadistic probably antisocial , he would keep me on phone yelling or arguing while drinking , despite me saying I’m too tired to do this it wouldn’t stop, but he was actively awake , he wasn’t doing this when he was asleep , when he was asleep he made very weird snore sounds and looked very tense even in sleep , I felt bad like he could never “relax” , I’m sure he has PTSD he agreed when I asked him but he was cruel , maybe he learned that from his parents but looking back I could tell he either wanted reactions by fighting or just to make me be too tired for work or mess up at work ? I don’t think keeping you up is from just narcissism I think it’s more of a form of torture and sadistic. The RUN of the mill narcissist -isn’t sadistic or psychopathic is what I think you’re saying -and yes my ex threatened to butcher my dog and cut off my legs too. He also stalked me and still does . I don’t think he was just a “narcissist “ . I think threats were motivated by his psychopathy. The Control aspect , but I think narcissism can lead someone down the dark path but ultimately dark traits are their own wavelength, I think narcissism can make someone susceptible to dark behavior but at same time those choices are up to someone and they have to feel comfortable doing or choosing that behavior , and only people comfortable with violence or hurting or killing is usually more psychopathic people.
Ok I need an answer please then… my narc put a beeping device behind the TV for two nights that beeped loudly to keep me up. He said he did it “to drive me crazy” if this isn’t narcissistic what is this then??
I don’t usually keep people up at night to control them as a narcissist, but instead to sleep since I need someone else there to keep from the loneliness.
Lol gosh he keot me awake once fir 55 hrs to. Get me yo get his lady to get him bk lol after realising hec changed his mind as he had staliked me then he woukdnt go then he changed his mind and gish i coukdnt sleep
Narcissists are very very cruel. I have not met one who isn’t or hasn’t been cruel, they have no remorse. My sister was hateful and evil - treated me like shit and even attacked me physically.. she hated me because I was supposedly better looking than she was, so I had to suffer because of it, not because I did anything wrong. They are soul sucking monsters. Narcissistic people are really terrible people, sorry to break it to you.
Yes. Thé Guy who was doing this to me, I suspect, was possible sociopathic and narcissistic. Maybe worst? Anyway, I got the best revenge ever on that one. It was absolutely lovely ❤🎉
What? Why would sleep deprivation be a "narcissistic abuse" tactic? People make up the weirdest things. There's no way that's tied to narcissism. - Tristan
When you're exhausted, you're more easily triggered... and they can claim reactive abuse and flip the narcissistic abuse narrative onto you, even create a record in the system against you from your simply being exhausted and sleep deprived, even food deprived... that's only one scenario... dark triads are more like this than narcissists... the kind that laugh in your face at your crying after they let your pet die of starvation, like was done to me multiple times...
@@ayochayce8185 there may be a degree of sociopathy involved, yes... usually the dark triad is narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism... sociopathy overlaps these and is learned behavior as opposed to psychopathy.
@@ayochayce8185 Dr. Ramani is far better at explaining the differences between psychopath and sociopath and the overlaps better than I ever could. If you're interested, you might like her channel as well... she excellent at teaching these complex subjects. This channel is helping me understand things from a narcissist's perspective, having survived two of them. One was overt and the other was fragile. Then a dark triad one who was molded by the overt narc I survived... so its been pretty crazy to say the least. I appreciate how he speaks up as far as what he knows he is capable of doing and what goes beyond him and beyond his narcissism, because I have always sensed this in other narcissists I have encountered. All narcissists are not created equal (it appears to be a spectrum much like autism- I am high functioning) and I can sense that some can change if they'd just wanted to... they would not go nearly as far as the dark triad person who abused me... that I have seen as a consistent pattern... That kind of evil is far beyond just narcissism and just like aspergers get narcissism projected onto them because they can be blunt (but not insensitive) I have seen dark triad and sociopathy projected onto narcissists that are not truly opperating that way if you know what I mean. The corraling of very different individuals under one diagnosis and judging all as the same borders on intellectual laziness if one does not strive to know them at an individual level and discern their own unique manifestation of the disorder.
“Narcissism isn’t about control, it’s about self esteem regulation.” Such a simple thing to say, but wow that puts things into perspective!! Thanks Jacob!!!!
their self esteem regulation comes from their ability to control you. it's basically the same thing
@@HiddenGodful What keeping someone from sleeping does for a narcissist is keep that person centered around them. They might not get out of their own sleep to do so. But if a narcissist is awake they can't stand a source of supply turning away and shutting down the attention by falling asleep before them, or while they are not, or simply having some rest. Preventing someone from falling asleep, staying asleep or even just taking a nap doesn't require effort or manipulation. A simple cough or abrupt movement one doesn't need to be conscious of will do. Otherwise, narcissists can't stand someone being at peace and will disrupt closed ones' quiet at all times with as a result anxiety levels that do the waking up or keeping up while the narcissist is sleeping...
If my narc felt insulted (and anything would trigger this feeling at some point), then he would spend all night "talking" about it. It was torture and he would not stop. He was unable to calm down and let me sleep until I completely begged hip to forgive me and promised never to do it again.
This kind of person would likely have ASPD and/or be a malignant sadistic narcissist or even a psychopath rather than a typical narcissist. People are misusing the term narcissist.
It’s still narcissist. You even put the word malignant narcissist.
My ex was all the above all psychopaths are narcissists but all not narcissists are psychopaths
@@veebliss1266 Not true
Yeah I had that thought; sometimes people may misuse the term narcissist to just mean anyone with any kind of personality pathology.
My ex husband was a malignant narcissist.!
In my experience, his self-serving behavior - staying out late in bars, cheating on me, etc. would keep me awake in anxiety and also him coming home so late would disturb me and my kid's sleep. I think this is the reality of BEING with narc. I literally slept so much when I left to ease the anxiety and catch up on all the hours of sleep I lost just being married to this loser.
Man I relate to this. Mine does the same things. Or he will pick a big fight right before bed so I can’t sleep from being so upset. Or he will be out late and send me an alarming text that wakes me up and keeps me up. I haven’t gotten a good night sleep in months.
We have to remember that narcissists are self-serving, but not usually malicious. Even then, some are about as self-serving as a small child who has yet to figure out how to consider others' feelings.
so good
👏🏼
Malicious narcissists are called malignant narcissists and they are out there.
You think narcissists are not malicious? You certainly have very limited experience with npd
Jacob, I love that you are breaking down these common video topics, please do more.
I think it's possible that narcissists are doing things that disrupt other people's sleep without even realizing it. Then you get a bunch of people together who have experienced it and think it's a planned control tactic, when it could really be more of a clueless selfishness on the narcissist's part. Not saying that there aren't people who deliberately do it, but I have BPD and I know I've done it completely by accident, wanting to work something out with a partner, or wanting them to know they did something that hurt me or ticked me off, not realizing they have an important thing to do the next day. Then I will feel like total garbage when I see it on the calendar, or they remind me they can't talk because they have to study, then I'm like "Oh crap, I'm so sorry."
It's not premeditated, but every once in a while it happened and I tried to make up for it by making sure they had breakfast ready to go, or plenty of energy drinks and stuff for their test study week. I get lost in my own crappy little world a lot and forget what other people have going on. When I have an issue with someone, I want to work it out immediately. If someone does something that ticks me off, I want them to know about it immediately. It was never about wearing them down with sleep deprivation.
I have been kept up a long time by a narcissistic person, a lot, but I think they did it mostly because they didn't want to be alone when I went to bed. There is a selfish element in that, but I don't think they had sadistic intent.
I know you are addressing Jacob, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this. Its insightful, helps others understand what is truly going through your mind (instead of projections created by those external to you) and its also refreshing to read your self awareness. It gives hope on subjects we once thought were hopeless🙏
@@elisabetponce6675 It's important to give a honest view of a situation, or there will always be something missing. It's why I watch his stuff. Thanks for being open minded 🖤
Self esteem regulations
Just watching you help understand why narcissist are so fascinating. It’s all about the intensity, the smartness, the expression. My ex was like that.
The narcissist wakes you because he is not tired.
Pop culture right now is just equating "narcissism" to all kinds of abusive or malicious behaviors, regardless of the actual pathology that's going on.
Hopefully your channel is helping people realize it's not this blanket negative term to keep throwing around.
Watching a narcissist talking to a camera feels like a mindf*ck already… I’m glad I was born with an antenna.
I was kept up or woken up at times but I think he needed company to be honest. In fact if we were arguing at night he would go silent on me and I was the one staying awake trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Other things such as making me late for important appointments or family gatherings he absolutely did purposefully.
17 years of sleep deprivation because my ex narc decided that 1 a.m. was a good time to argue. It's been 5 years since I went no contact but I still have a lot of hate towards these soul crushing vampires.
@@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe I was with my ex for 2 years and I am convinced I got away just in time. My ex really enjoyed watching me in pain and loved my suffering. He kicked me out of the house once and it was 32 degrees out. The husky wanted to go with me and he said, “don’t take the dog it’s too cold for her!” So, at that moment he made me lower than a dog. He put me through some crazy trials but I have to stay positive and know there’s a reason. It sounds cliche but if not for his disgusting treatment of me, I wouldn’t had worked on healing some past trauma. I will say I have moments of revenge fantasizing lol… but I don’t want to have even a thought of him near me.
@@Chronically_Misunderstood You definitely for the most part dodged a bullet. I committed and had no clue what a narcissist was and then had a son and a daughter. It took me a good 12-14 years before I was at the point where I felt that I needed to identify the cause of so much negativity, anger, hatred and abuse. Then, it took me another 3 years to make the decision to leave. I hung in there for my kids but looking back, I would advise anyone in the same situation to leave and go no contact because being around a narc is not healthy for any family and especially the kids. Glad to hear that you were able to avoid what could have been a decade or two of much worse.
@@RobertMcGuckin-ws6pe yes! I’m glad you were able to leave and get away from the darkness. It’s miserable and definitely bad af for your health. After two years I was getting body pain! It’s gone… it’s amazing what stress and anxiety can do to you. I went through a period of thinking it was my karma to be in this situation but never did anything that was outright shitty to deserve it. Although, I still think that sometimes. It is a total mind f**k and I think the hardest part of it was leaving. I left him before I lost all of myself but the pieces are hard to put back together still.
@@Chronically_Misunderstood Yes, it's not easy to reassemble all of the pieces after being with a narc for years thats for sure and thank you. I wish you success .
I Live w/ a Diagnosed, Covert, Passive Aggressive, Narcissist.
It's Been 20+ Years Now & I Have Developed High Blood Pressure Problems From the Stress of Living w/ Her.
I Had Strict Written Instructions From My P Doc to Rest & Not to Engage w/ Her For 24 Hours.
The Person That Drove Me Home Read the Instructions Out Loud to Her From the Note.
He Specifically Repeated Slowly Which Was: Do Not Engage w/ Him ( My Name Here ) For 24 Hours & Under No Circumstances Can You Speak w/ Him for 24 Hours, His PB is Dangerously High.
Well, She Did--Multiple Times. Almost Every Time She is Told Not to Do Something She Violates My Boundaries.
That's How My Narcissist Keeps Me From Sleeping. ( Violating My Boundaries )
The problem is that you relate everything to youself. Some narcissist will wake you up at night, some not. It doesn't really matter, because this is just one behaviour that can be cause by anything.
Isn't he a narcissist, relating everything to himself... Great point you made. :)
When I was a kid, whenever I shared a bed with my mom, I would have to be stock still. I couldn't turn over slightly, I couldn't breathe too loud, I couldn't make small adjustments. If I did, she would snap at me for disturbing her, until it grew too bothersome for her and she would kick me out of the bed or leave. My heart rate would skyrocket and I couldn't go to sleep because I couldn't get comfortable, and I was afraid of being yelled at or abandoned. Her ability to sleep always felt prioritized over mine. Even if we weren't in the same bed, it was still a problem. If I had a nightmare and walked into her room for comfort, she would scream because she thought I was a hobgoblin come to kill her, and my dad would comfort her while I went back to bed alone. If I was sick or had a migraine, I had to lay there for hours because I couldn't wake anyone for pain medication. I was utterly terrified of disturbing my parents in any way, and that fear follows me in other relationships to this day
I understand that my mother wasn't malicious in her behaviour, but it did feel like a general disregard for my own wellbeing.
My partner has to let me sleep... sleep deprivation brings out my worst side, no one wants to see that
Exactly I had one ex call me or keep me up late despite knowing I had work etc it was bad then I got with new partner who tried same stunt and I said no sir no calls passed 830 pm and I put my phone on DND so I don’t hear you . I had to put boundaries or else I was getting late night calls again and I have a kid I’m taking care of and need sleep for! I learned my lesson and see it as so Inconsiderate now and a red flag!
As somebody said - Your success invalidates them.
They will never be happy for you, it is all about them, them, them.... their needs, their needs.
They don't even see you, nor think of you.
You are reflection to reflect their greatness.
Find somebody to be in a happy marriage and leave them to their misery.
The essence of a relationship is to be happy for somebody else on a consistent basis.
(We can do that it is engraved in our brain) They can not feel connected to us in any way, it is only them and we are their enemy ( most of the time)
Sam Vaknin - "Self Loathing Narcisist can not love you".
It's about what it'll do FOR the narcissist to actively keep someone up, yes. But also what it'll do TO the narcissist if a closed one falls asleep. In my experience, a narcissist, by virtue of being narcissistic, can't stand someone close being at peace, getting some rest, shutting down their attention, recentering on themselves, and will do whatever little gesture or cause whatever stress they can to disrupt it.
My ex had comorbid conditions that made it difficult for him to sleep, so he would try and force me to stay up as well. I never got the impression it was about control. He felt unsafe when he was alone, and when I was sleeping he felt alone. There was no nefarious masterplan.
A common tactic of cult leaders is to wake their followers up and prevent them from having a good nights sleep. This destabilizes people and makes them more vulnerable and pliable.
Even on their deathbed, a narcissist will try to control everything around them.
You've said that you've felt that people who betrayed you "need to be punished."
There are so many people with phds who will disagree with you that narcissism is about control.
Yes. And control is power. NPDs love power. Having it fuels the ego.
I thought this was an odd topic. Glad I was right. Haha my immediate thought was, 🤨 “whyyy would they not let you sleep?”
My ex had just started a new rant right as I was going to bed. I told him, “I’m sorry, but I have to be up early tomorrow. You can rant and get it all out of your system, but just don’t expect a response.” I turned over and got comfy and he stood silently where he was for about 30 seconds and then just joined me in bed. Bam. Done. No drama.
The most random behaviors always get labeled “narcissism.” People need to calm down with throwing that word out there for every ex they have a grudge against.
Well played 😎
@@dogtrainingmexico Takes two to tango, right? 😉
If I said that to mine he would’ve ragggeeddd the f out. He didn’t let me sleep either.
Hi there, husband is a narcissist… but he learned early on not to interrupt my sleep. Interrupting my sleep, results in a full rage/acid tongued soul sacrifice, my brain figures if I am not able to peacefully nap/sleep, then there will be no peace at all. BPD here with ADHD.
Brilliant video as always, Jacob! Nothing else to add
My ex wife would often wake me up at night, but not because she was trying to hurt me, she just had insomnia and didn't seem to understand how much I needed her to not let her insomnia keep both of us awake.
I was hoping you would be talking about them waking you up every weekend morning no matter how late you stayed up the previous night and despite you repeating so many times youve lost count that youre always tired and you need more sleep than they do. I think he genuinely cant resist because he hates being alone and the empathy isnt up to the levels it should be
I'd like to say some things related to this topic. I'm having trouble finding ways I could put my words into thoughts that would be receptive to you... I hope you're in therapy and making progress. Progress>Perfection is a lesson I find myself needing to remind myself of over and over. Also... COME BACK TO NYC TO VISIT AND DO A VIDEO ABOUT IT! I really have so much to say but I'm aware that this is a parasocial relationship in the sense that, you deal with so many interactions online and can't deal with too many individuals after a certain point past a certain level. And people can be real assholes online and not realize how rude their comments are or how they constantly make things about themselves by going on long paragraphs. Don't you ever think about how that comes off as super narcissistic too? I do know you usually read some of these comments though. Sending good vibes and best wishes...your channel is growing!
It was annoying as all hell!!!id be sleeping(I work full time)and he’d wake me up when he got home at 2:15 am and keep me up with him until he went to sleep, it drove me insane thanks for this it makes more sense now
So far beyond narcissism. Experienced a lot of this growing up. We'd be woken up after long days. Going to sleep secure and waking up to someone throwing water, and the glass it's in, at your face out of nowhere.
That's horrible 💔
My narc snored REALLY bad but was adamant that we still shared a bed. Yet he got up after a full nights deep sleep !!!!
I have heard of BPD person waking their partner up repeatedly every night with anxious thoughts. Including fights.
I know this isn't you but my (NPD) mum used to wake me up in the middle of the night when I was a teenager, and my stepdad said she would purposefully keep him awake too. We both used to feel so angry, and now I have a trauma response if someone wakes me which was so hard when I had my own child, because my first reaction would be to scream at him. It took years of mindfulness and practicing non reactivity so I didn't do that to him.
anyway its highly possible my mum is a sociopath or something too though cause when I was suicidal from her abuse and told her about it she had a huge smile spread across her face. I still get flashbacks about that moment sometimes. Creepy creepy thing to witness from your own mother.
It was the norm for me to be called up at 2am regulary until I eventually snaped and told him off about it. I guess that was shaming. I don't think it was entirely to keep me awake. It was the lonely time at night when he has had too much alcohol and time to think. And i had to answer at 2am or the abuse for not answering was a lot worse. I think it was a test of my loyalty to drop everything and answer the phone at any time to take his abuse to mold me into a better man
The abuse was definitely narcissistic flavoured.
When i wanted to bring it up in the day in person. he was sweet and nice and i didn't know how to bring it up.
He has remembered those times from many years ago and attempted a hoover at 2am just last week coincidentally
So it wasn't just to have company and it was intended as a break of your sleep.
This is great content. I think these things are in an abusers toolkit who has lost control and is angry. This is exactly why the content on narcissism that is all over is skewed and inaccurate. Narcissists are not all abusers and not all abusers are narcissists. There are so many content creators that won’t admit they’ve got it wrong because of their own egos. Victims that want to hang onto the answer they thought they had.
The only thing I’d add is that for arguments sake and based on personal experience:- Imagine a successful narcissist or normie arsehole with a lot of face to lose if the marriage ends. The victim has spent their lives giving juice and the unintentional behaviour has made them stop loving and broken the connection. In this instance both partners are upstanding people in some way with a “perfect” life. The victim rips the juice away, maybe grey rock or become toxic themselves. They are the abusers main source of connection and there is the abusers fear of losing it, the reputation, the money, the loss of love of their children show. They’re as stuck in the cycle as the victim. They don’t have a full set of emotions so all they have is anger. They know what they’ve done and will go to whatever length to prevent being mortified for want of a better expression.
The fact that you don’t get it is heart warming. Sorry but this is proof your pie chart has plenty of good whether you feel it or not.
I totally agree with you about the sleep. There is more to it than NPD.
It was for self esteem because he would keep me awake to be around him. He would only sleep 3-5 hours, streaks of mania and insomnia. He couldnt be alone. It was better when he cheated on me because he had other supplies. Hed never tell me i couldnt sleep but hed push and push boundaries and guilt trip me or gas light me so much that by the end o put more energy into acting in a way where he'd let me get my basic needs than the energy i was into my job or college classes.if staying up 24 hrs for something he wanted meant hed be nicer to me foe a few hours id do it. Then hed tell me how exhausted. I looked and help me get basic self care things so I'd believe he was helping me. Beliving he was Helping others was a huge part his codependency and insecurities.
Well, if the narcissist thinks that keeping you from sleeping will stop you from achieving something that would affect their sense of self esteem negatively, then yes, sleep deprivation is a type of manipulation the narc would engage in. There are worse narcissists than you out there.
This is such a good video. Really interesting. Thank you
My narcissist would ignore me all night and I would be so desperate for connection, I would wait and we’d not get a lot of sleep. He later played the victim and started manipulating me about this. After he knew he wasn’t going to get what he wanted through me, he played the card against me and said I wouldn’t let him sleep because he was trying to prove that I was harming him. I would try to do right and intentionally leave him alone for sleep and he’d provoke and blame me for being the one intentionally depriving him. It was his pouting about not getting the reward he expected for his good deeds. He never was pleased to please for the sake of pleasing. Everything was linked to an expectation that he had but never declared.
He couldn’t sleep….he didn’t know that I don’t sleep either. It became a thing for him to see how long I could go without sleeping or eating. By the third week he was vomiting violently. By the the fifth week he ran out of ideas. Then the devalue began. I wish I knew what that was all about. I should have put up boundaries. I just loved him so much.
Narcs don’t kill animals for attention or revenge. Psychopaths do that. Psychopaths are narcissistic but narcs are not all psychopaths. Most narcs aren’t psychopaths they are regular assholes. If they kill your animals they are probably psycho not narcs.
If narcissism is a personality style , then surely this style suffuses the individual and bleeds into all areas of their behaviour , thoughts , actions, motivations?
I really like your sincerity, I came through Taryana Rocha's channel, hugs from Brazil!
Aw she's great!! Thanks so much!
Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate hearing your point of view. 😮
In the case of my ex, he did wake me up when he came to be many nights at 2 am. He made popcorn and the smell would wake me up. Only a person who feels their right to do whatever they want whenever they want would act like this and blame the other person whose sleep was being disturbed!
Hey ! The only way that I could see this thing going on and being interpreted like this is... They're in a narcissistic maniacal state ... or in short can not sleep and they feel stupid staying alone because their self esteem is in a low... they feel ashamed because they don't have a job to wake up for ... so why sleep ... and that pushes them lower... so they can't sleep and they keep you up to cry it out with you ... But they cover it up by saying hey lets play this game or that ... lets do something that I like to do and you do too... c'mon, I know you like it too. And the person goes with their hype for a while... and before you know it you're 4 hours into it and late to bed and the narc feels more and more ashamed... and it sucks. I've been with a narc for years into this cycle when one of us had a job, the other didn't and was naively sabotaging the other because of their shame and inferiority.. and the next day we were having this argument of ... you kept me up late knowing that I will have to go to work ... and now I am a wreck... they weren't happy about it, just farther shamed and felt stupid for it. And they actually tried to give in to my need the next night and stay up till later in the kitchen to make sure that I got sleep. So... there might be some truth to that but I think it has more to do with insomnia, anxiety, shame and impulsiveness and childishness in a sense... avoiding consequences and putting their needs first.
I agree with you I married a malignant narc very sadistic would wake me up through me out the bed put the light on calling me every bad name going kept me on floor kicking me swearing.
Blame me for everything he waS doing to me to me. I never thought this nightmare. The violence rages Rob me
Pure evil he was there's nothing he wouldn't do to me .
Yes I left he stalked wouldn't sign papers . Malignant are pure evil
i think generally narcissism is more about controlling your image but i think some narcissists who are more desperate and have less options do try to control their partner coercive control is trying to make the abuse the victims idea> they try to get you to bend to their will without actually asking outright they want their needs meet at any cost without consideration of the victim
Concordo com ele. Nem sempre um narcisista vai maquinar o mal!! Maioria de seus abusos são instintivos e não calculados. E a maneira como a sociedade encherga um narcisista não levará eles p a terapia nunca!!! Cada vez eles irão se esconder mais.
I’m glad you did a video on this.
Mine would call me in the middle of the night. I don't believe it came from a malicious place. She would need validation and comfort due to feeling down or anxious about some random thing that happened that day that was making her angry/sad/vengeful and needed me to help regulate her. It wasn't my favorite thing as I enjoy being able to sleep, but I always wanted to try to make her calm and put her in a better headspace so that she could rest (it was interesting that this never happened when I was actually sleeping beside her though. I would hold her close all night to give her a sense of safety and warmth).
As he had mentioned in this video, she also would randomly jerk during sleep. Not once did I feel this was with malintent either. She was just subconsciously releasing tension throughout the night. She was plenty evil, deceitful and manipulative, but I don't think either of these examples came from that place.
I love you Jacob. Keep up your awesome content ♥️
My mother intentionally woke me up at night and cut my long fingernails because she had none, when I was young, she also woke me up when I had off from school at about 5 in the morning because she had to do the housework, so I shouldn't sleep. My Ex dropped the toilet lid really hard every fckg night, when things got really bad and I was about to leave the traumabond, we visited his sister and he added another bang that even woke his sister's husband up (he doesn't like his in law, btw). He kept on making these two loud noises when we were back at mine. I split up after enduring this for another two nights. But I'm sure not saying that you did this. But the two covert Narcs I know definitely did. The overt ones and the vulnerable Narcs I know, never did. Both these coverts are really malignant, which you don't seem to be, at all.. My mother got me suicidal for decades and my Ex added another big pile to it.
I had a bf who was a monster. Seriously abusive. I agree.
My husband did this for a long time. It was awful. He’s a bit better. If they do this to you, be assertive folks.
I am realizing that most narcissists are rebellious contrarians, much like cats. They will do the exact opposite of what you ask or tell them to do, so you have to work that to your advantage, if you even have to deal with one. My ex-narc fiancé used to keep me awake at night consciously and subconsciously. Plus, he was ex military so yeahhh, there is probably some sociopathic tendencies going on there plus PTSD. I’m sure that he’s managed to snow job his current therapist into believing that he’s a great guy and the downfall of the relationship is all my fault. I’m at the point where ID really GAS though.
GREAT VIDEO WATCHING ON THE BIG SCREEN 📺 KEEP IT UP
Let's say, for the sake of argument, that a Narcissist does deprive someone of sleep but the common interpretation of why is in error.
What if....the motivation is the attention and priority the narcissist is given by the person losing sleep. My wife was frequently jealous of my time. She was jealous that I went to work, jealous when I had to take my dad to appointments and jealous of any time spent away from her. If I would lose sleep to give her attention or let her bait me into an argument at bedtime, would it make sense that she craves that focus at the expense of my deprivation?
Honest Question
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense.
My cat is like this. She won't let me sleep, knocks off objects in my room ont9 the floor at 2 am, henrietta hassles me for food and to let her out..Then makes me wait for two hours to let her back in.
Narcicat
Well I did experience that I felt sleep was taking my attention towards myself and completely off of that person/this people. And I felt guilty. Sleeping longer in the morning and laying down during the day were obstructed For Sure. So I felt, and still feel, in the morning as if I have to shoot out of bed to cater to someone, or lay down when there is nothing to be done. Check my messages that sort. Otherwise the other said to feel neglected, they have to be the one ‘doing Everything’, while they sleep and take plenty of rest. So it created insomnia in me, I started feeling unsafe sleeping. That is, in effect, depriving someone of good rest and sleep. I am not here to cater to you, making sure you don’t feel like I don’t think about your needs 24/7. You’re not a baby, i’m not your mother. And even then you can ask for help so you can take a nap/rest, that’s called co-parenting. And I can live my own life, pursue my own dreams and goals eh. That’s not a slap in your face. That’s me having talent and enjoying the benefits of that. The latter is what is prohibited by having to focus on someone all the time. So, you probably won’t want to hear that. But taking rest for sure is selfish in your peoples eyes. And may lead to reflection, processing, healing. And that’s not what you want now is it.
But, the other person has to realize this on their own. I.e. Just don’t do your thing too much, speak up, shine, be happy with others, have needs and express them. So hyper vigilance is created and in effect costs the other their recovery, rest, and sleep. So yes, you do sleep deprive. Perhaps by preventing naps, letting the other person be and be themselves, so they can mind wonder and feel safe focusing inward and letting GO of you and your dominance hierarchy.
So I watched a few videos on Heal NPD, and the topic of your video reminded me of a video which included mentions about sleep anxiety (how the person with NPD feels FOMO about sleeping, which absolutely the person I know experiences regularly, but there were also some other factors which caused her to have trauma around sleeping in addition to this, unrelated to NPD). I would often stay up with her quite late until she fell asleep, though it tended to not be the best for me since my internal clock is quite strict. I don't consider her to have done it out of malice, though; she just wanted my comfort. What is your opinion about this as it relates to yourself, IE do you experience sleep like this, and so on?
I wish I could remember what video it was; I kinda feel like I just imagined it now, but I distinctly recall hearing something about the FOMO thing.
My husband never lets me sleep. Now I’m wondering what IS wrong with him. He’s very controlling.
He used to wake me up 1am in the morning screaming get up slag. Throwing me on the floor screaming not letting me sleep calling me all the slags going it was fucking crazy.
Omg it's 12am and listening to this I thought I'd taken my Ambien!! But I hadn't!! Sheesh! No wonder Im so easily gaslighted by my narc! I was actually starting to believe you were misdiagnosed and WEREN'T really a narcissist, until I got to the "would I kill a dog," soliloquy. It was like your narcissistic internal dialogue played out in real time in front of me! "Would I kill a dog! Absolutely NOT! Why? You're not that important. Well then again, maybe I would if I had to, but then again I doubt it bc it would make ME look like a complete dufus!" All while flipping your hair bc you can't stand what it looks like in your reflection! Nope! You definitely ARE a narcissist, and I learned that I can still be baffooned by a charming personality. You're ok buddy, you're ok, and so am I. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 We all got problems. Good luck to you.
I dont think your wrong Jacob , my ex was more sadistic probably antisocial , he would keep me on phone yelling or arguing while drinking , despite me saying I’m too tired to do this it wouldn’t stop, but he was actively awake , he wasn’t doing this when he was asleep , when he was asleep he made very weird snore sounds and looked very tense even in sleep , I felt bad like he could never “relax” , I’m sure he has PTSD he agreed when I asked him but he was cruel , maybe he learned that from his parents but looking back I could tell he either wanted reactions by fighting or just to make me be too tired for work or mess up at work ? I don’t think keeping you up is from just narcissism I think it’s more of a form of torture and sadistic. The RUN of the mill narcissist -isn’t sadistic or psychopathic is what I think you’re saying -and yes my ex threatened to butcher my dog and cut off my legs too. He also stalked me and still does . I don’t think he was just a “narcissist “ . I think threats were motivated by his psychopathy. The Control aspect , but I think narcissism can lead someone down the dark path but ultimately dark traits are their own wavelength, I think narcissism can make someone susceptible to dark behavior but at same time those choices are up to someone and they have to feel comfortable doing or choosing that behavior , and only people comfortable with violence or hurting or killing is usually more psychopathic people.
Lol😂 yall got to stop that shit 😂
I totally agree.. What made you want to acknowledge your ways?
❤ Dang kid I hear your pain
Ok I need an answer please then… my narc put a beeping device behind the TV for two nights that beeped loudly to keep me up. He said he did it “to drive me crazy” if this isn’t narcissistic what is this then??
it's sadistic. I hope you are in a healthier relationship now
Well, my ex must have a lot extra issues then.
I cant fall asleep watching your videos. 😂
Facts!!!
I don’t usually keep people up at night to control them as a narcissist, but instead to sleep since I need someone else there to keep from the loneliness.
Lol gosh he keot me awake once fir 55 hrs to. Get me yo get his lady to get him bk lol after realising hec changed his mind as he had staliked me then he woukdnt go then he changed his mind and gish i coukdnt sleep
Yes it’s beyond narcissistic personality disorder
Lol no yall stalk 🤣
Narcissists are very very cruel. I have not met one who isn’t or hasn’t been cruel, they have no remorse. My sister was hateful and evil - treated me like shit and even attacked me physically.. she hated me because I was supposedly better looking than she was, so I had to suffer because of it, not because I did anything wrong. They are soul sucking monsters. Narcissistic people are really terrible people, sorry to break it to you.
Yes. Thé Guy who was doing this to me, I suspect, was possible sociopathic and narcissistic. Maybe worst? Anyway, I got the best revenge ever on that one. It was absolutely lovely ❤🎉
the lady's love narcissists though. so you got that going for you
Not trying to sound messed-up, but sometimes it's OK to put away the DSM book for a minute. No, really. No really. it's cool.
Why though? With all the misinformation out there, it's time more people learned what actual pathological NPD is. Not what pop culture tells us.
What? Why would sleep deprivation be a "narcissistic abuse" tactic? People make up the weirdest things. There's no way that's tied to narcissism.
- Tristan
When you're exhausted, you're more easily triggered... and they can claim reactive abuse and flip the narcissistic abuse narrative onto you, even create a record in the system against you from your simply being exhausted and sleep deprived, even food deprived... that's only one scenario... dark triads are more like this than narcissists... the kind that laugh in your face at your crying after they let your pet die of starvation, like was done to me multiple times...
@@elisabetponce6675 So a Sociopath
@@ayochayce8185 there may be a degree of sociopathy involved, yes... usually the dark triad is narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism... sociopathy overlaps these and is learned behavior as opposed to psychopathy.
@@ayochayce8185 Dr. Ramani is far better at explaining the differences between psychopath and sociopath and the overlaps better than I ever could. If you're interested, you might like her channel as well... she excellent at teaching these complex subjects.
This channel is helping me understand things from a narcissist's perspective, having survived two of them. One was overt and the other was fragile. Then a dark triad one who was molded by the overt narc I survived... so its been pretty crazy to say the least.
I appreciate how he speaks up as far as what he knows he is capable of doing and what goes beyond him and beyond his narcissism, because I have always sensed this in other narcissists I have encountered. All narcissists are not created equal (it appears to be a spectrum much like autism- I am high functioning) and I can sense that some can change if they'd just wanted to... they would not go nearly as far as the dark triad person who abused me... that I have seen as a consistent pattern...
That kind of evil is far beyond just narcissism and just like aspergers get narcissism projected onto them because they can be blunt (but not insensitive) I have seen dark triad and sociopathy projected onto narcissists that are not truly opperating that way if you know what I mean. The corraling of very different individuals under one diagnosis and judging all as the same borders on intellectual laziness if one does not strive to know them at an individual level and discern their own unique manifestation of the disorder.
@@elisabetponce6675 sometimes I wonder how people met 0.5% of a population (as a person with aspergers)
My ex tried and succeeded to touch me sexually. He of course denied it.