I think Dr. Peterson should not speak for women. He’s merely giving his analysis of women and he’s annoyingly arrogant. He thinks he has the answers for all of life’s problems and instead he’s creating more. He’s unbelievably immature and narcissistic! I’ve had respect for Dr. Peterson, but this is certainly not his finest moment.
When we both worked, we had a routine after dinner. We would sit on the love seat and told each other what good or bad or funny happened at work. We unloaded work days on each other. Then, feeling psychologically “cleansed” we had a nice evening together. Now we are retired and tell each other what we see around our neighborhood. Your spouse should be your best friend. Sorry for my grammar!
Talking about my work day is annoying. If anything about it were cool or interesting, I'd do it for free. I have no idea why anyone would want to know about it. Like...I'm glad I'm not there, yet you want me to bring it up. Why?
@@papabird4425 Ah, we loved our jobs but we wanted to help each other to distress. There is always some stress that comes with every job. We always had some interesting things to talk about. If I may, please find out who you really are (and this is not easy), find a job that suits your personality (you might have to go back to school for that or learn as much as you can for free online), and find some happiness in your life. You sound very sad right now. Life is hard. Fight for your happiness. There is a job for you somewhere out there and a person to cherish you too. Good luck!
I crave a man’s touch, I crave his attention , communicating with me , his care, provision in return I take care of his needs I’ve been married 53 yrs am 71 ❤
Brilliant! "people put their partner in a box and they get bored after a while" WOW. Marriage is about developing together, so wonderfully explained. ❤
"Marriage is about developing together..." No, I disagree. Marriage is simply a contract that formalizes a non-binding voluntary union on paper. Marriage symbolizes that union, a pledge on paper before God and witnesses. A pledge & union that devotes trust, support, provision, fostering and security in the union. Has nothing much to do with "developing" together, but more to do with developing ones self independently upon a stronger foundation of self-esteem. With my wife of 10 years there is no mutual developing, or a dependency on each other to develop within the union, but develop in becoming better listeners. We are very independent in self, yet are very close with communication. The most important facet of our marriage is avoiding distancing ourselves between each other and avoid silence, anger, feeling distrust or suspicion. A marriage gels or it does not. I don't believe in "working" on a marriage because it's not a crap-shoot where your emotions and heart leads you by the nose into matrimony and "death do us part" nonsense... and you wake up one morning feeling duped and a stranger has now manifested itself next to you. I believe in having integrity in pledge and promise backed by my rational brain before I consider saying "I Do." After all... I am committing myself to a well thought out life-long union(commitment) that joins us both at the hip. I take such a promise very seriously having first shed all reservations and saw no red-flags that we are incompatible under the same roof. I try not to be feel the potential to be blind-sided before I commit... and I expect her to have went through the same thought process before she commits. "Follow your brain because your heart is an idiot."
@@leonb.709"Follow your heart because your brain will leave you in the right, but also cold and lonely". Of course you should use BOTH, before you get into any longterm relationship. When you're that technical about what marriage is to the law, why are you at the same time so strict in "being tied to the hip"?? Why the NEED to promise each other anything?? People grow, develope, change, learn, see things differently than before, go through suffering that changes them or loss. When you have a tight and trusting relationship, you have to go through such things together. So yes, I believe that JP is right to say: when you communicate in a way that's relateble for the partner, you develope together. My personal problem always was: I invest 100% and couldn't combine work and the sort of relationship that takes time and effort, and I always felt that I was coming up short in one of the two.
@@leonb.709 .....so transactional.... Speaking abt my marriage of 25y to the day, we both developed together; life is more than tasks and more than emotions. If this is what I see, and others dont, makes me believe (true or not) I got the jackpot and others didnt. Fine. Enjoy. Appreciate.
I've learned to call my wife while commuting home from work. I just let her talk the whole time. She vents out every problem she's worried about. Then by the time I get home, she's way more relaxed and I can go do the stuff I want to do. Most of it is her just expressing her concerns and she just needs to know that I'm aware of these things. She doesn't necessarily need me to solve it.
That’s great. Only reason I’m not on board with this, my wife will tell me all this stuff on the phone, and I gotta hear it all again when she gets home. 😂😂😂
my dental hygienist is a mormon and she told me that mormon married couples are supposed to set aside 1 hour a week just to talk. Each person gets 30 mins to talk and the other is not allowed to interrupt.
Not necessarily a Mormon teaching, but sounds like some good advice that one Mormon must’ve shared with other Mormons, which became a practice they chose to continue, and suggest to others. Good advice for any married couple. We need more communication and less division in this world. ❤
This is absolutely true. I find that if I listen to my wife, things work much better. I just listen. I say, yeah, and uh-huh, and ask clarifying questions. I say "that must be painful or frustrating or embarrassing, etc. I fully listen. Then she feels better.
That's very sweet, to say that. But it also sounds, like you found a new trick to train your dog. What do YOU get out of it? Do you also feel better? And not for the fact that she's feeling better now, but do you have the feeling, you understand her thought processes better, and now are closer to each other? Is your sexlife better for it? Especially because you ask clarifying questions? Do the answers clarify enough? THATS what I'd like to know...
@@smoly37 Well, it turns out she says smart and interesting things. But I start out listening as a favor to her. Yes, it indirectly helps our sex life. Yes, we are closer. I do seek to understand by asking clarifying questions, and they usually help clarify things.
@@smoly37 Well because it's not all about you & what you're getting out of it. It's like what we do for each other is give the other person attention while they muddle about their thoughts & problems & comiserate with them & be present for them. That's it. & yes, sex life will be better if a woman feels emotionally listened to, guaranteed less divorce.
Peterson isn't saying anything crazy or any different than what a therapist would say. This is a problem when society no longer can recogize what it means to have a marriage worth fighting for.
Not to mention men and women mess it up, women becasue most of them crave drama and find it hard to connect due to their past choices, plus men because they would rather watch corn and lower himself.
The current social contract isn't worth participating in. Many of us aren't going to make slaves for the masters. So marriage is a pointless endeavor. You'll still be able to steal from us to raise your young ones, so you'll be fine.
He is right about women in general having a sharper threat detection capability, and men should take this seriously. However, the main problem is that even after listening to a woman at length regarding such a concern, often times the man isn't trusted enough to actually respond in a productive manner. For a woman to expect a man to listen to her deeply and yet not accept his counsel following is not only a waste of time but also a sign of disrespect.
I would like to add to that. First of all many women who are Dismissive Avoident for instance will not share. They have learned in childhood that it isn't safe to share. They stay in their own heads and some how expect the partner to be able to determine what she is thinking. Next is the current soctial shift where women seem to feel that they are being held down for being women, like men have designed the master plan that they should give birth and lactate and miss out on some grand life that they were destined to live. Increasingly men are being kicked around as the perpetrators of this. I agree with what he says but in reality a woman has to want to participate. Our dimming DNA programming as men had us defending the family. Now If we make a decision it is seen as bullying. Always unhappy with the present but no clear solution for men's role.
She may not accept his counsel. He may not be right. But she should consider it. Unfortunately a set time 90 mins a week is not as lucrative, relationship wise, some time daily & especially when the woman is upset or needing to discuss something. I was never upset if my husband didn't have the answers but I felt cherished that he always listened. It meant he cared. It meant there was an us. It meant I was a priority.
In my experience in earnestly listening/communicating with women about a problem is that you listen for 10 or 20 minutes, tell them your sorry, make minor suggestions without being over bearing, they then get angrier and louder. It can go on for hours and hours with no solution. The only logic to it is they have some bad hormones in their brain at the moment and those hormones apparently demand that the man is sufficiently hurt and beaten down, as that's the only thing that will give them satisfaction. At some point you just have to say we've been through this 10 times already, here's what I'm going to do to make you happier, I still love you, this is long enough to argue, I have something to do, I'll check back on you in a little while.
@@cifeyyou don't sound like an earnest listener. You sound like someone who is quick to blame her hormones and tell her what to do and then when she doesn't listen quickly enough to your counsel, you get up and leave feeling like you just wasted her time.
YES! Thank you, may every man hear this. May every woman remember how difficult it may be for men to listen. May both develop patience and understanding.
Women like to vocalize a problem or concern to share the idea. A man wants to solve the problem. The man might say, What do you want me to do about it? The woman might answer, Nothing, I just wanted to tell you.
@@danduntz2539this is sexist. As a woman I am thinking to fins solutions also and pray for solutions. If a woman had to be independent from an early age and look after herself, she would be trained in this way. God would help her deal with problems. In the end the solution comes from the Lord and a man can only help.
@@ana-maria448 It’s not sexist. Men are wired to immediately find solutions to problems, sometimes automatically. It’s part of their biological makeup. It’s not to say women can’t, I’m only speaking to a behavior commonly occurring in men. Men in relationships tend to contribute to arguments because they misinterpret when his girlfriend/spouse wanted him to simply listen. I see it happen over and over in couple relationships each day, and I’ve yet to see this semi-automatic behavior happen in women as it’s not a common, biological trait.
@@ana-maria448 imagine immediately claiming something is sexist. I’m not going to say you are The problem, but You are a perfect example of part of the problem.
I love the deeper thinking we are lured to do whenever listening to this caring and scholarly man. Thank you Jordan, for never taking the road of less effort in understanding ourselves and the world around us.
1. In these observations, he is totally correct. 2.. I may not have seen or spoken to my girlfriend for 1/2 day. The first thing I say is: "tell me about your day". Some of the things, I may have heard multiple times, but I am listening . . . for the changes. 3. I don't solve her problems, tell her what to do or give advice. She is perfectly capable of making sound decisions. She simply needs time. . . for me to listen.
@@mangore623 Lol. Bro seriously. If this is what female nature is about then I totally understand why men are checking out of relationships with them despite every fiber of their physical being telling them to pursue women. Everything that's being said here is all about men listening to women talk about much of nothing as if they're listening to a child talk randomly about whatever crosses their mind. smh It's almost as if women's brains can't even support the weight of their own thoughts so women need to burden men by offloading some of that weight just so they can appear to be reasonably stable adults. This must be what all that "mental load" b.s. is that women are always complaining about. But the funny and sad thing about this is that women are getting mad at *men* for not allowing women to vomit all their unnecessary mental b.s. on them. lol How crazy is that?! Man I don't know how these guys do it but more power to them cuz it couldn't be me. If you can't handle the weight or frequency of your own thoughts then take that up with God ma'am. Honestly at times I swear it sounds like having a woman's chaotic and noisy mind almost sounds like a curse that they & men who deal with them are saddled with. Hell naw, you can keep that evil Ricky Bobby. That's a hard pass for me. You deal with your mental demons on your own. But good luck to you because it sounds like you're gonna need it.
This advice is spot on! What happens to us in close relationships and marriages is that we tend to give our strongest, most awake and aware energies to our external worlds, the one which exists outside of the sanctuary of our front doors. So by the time we're back home in our sanctuaries, our spouse or partner usually gets our tired energies, our tired minds and bodies, our exhausted creativity,. We don't want to be home and solving problems if we've already been doing this all day in our external worlds. We want to tone down and switch off. So that important 90 mins minimum per week becomes elusive and gets put off. And off and off and off. And then one day you come home and that issue which used to be small has developed into a mountain! You and me and everyone else, we don't merely want to be heard and listened to and express ourselves, we NEED to. If this need gets really ignored or stifled or dismissed, we suffer and so do there around us. Sometimes, simply taking the time, making the effort to talk and listen resolves the problem. Because, the actual " problem" was not being listened to or acknowledged or freely expressed. THIS actually is THUH PROBLEM.
Almost lost my marriage long ago. I looked in the mirror and said pull your head out of your ass, you are about to lose the most beautiful woman that chose you. I got my mind right and have been married 35 years.
Once I asked a divorce attorney why women initiate most divorces. He said, simply because they have less to lose. As long as they are not a drug addict, they'll get custody of the children as well as child support. Unless there was a pre-nuptial agreement, they'll get half of all the marital assets and they will often be able to live in the house as well. I had to agree with the lawyer as I knew what he said was true.
Since most men work outside the home women have a whole second income to lose. And sometimes they are stay at home moms and have a whole provider to lose. And women lose half their net worth too obviously! Women are statistically financially worse off than men after divorce and more likely to go into poverty, look it up. Woman file more anyway because they have a deep need to be in a good loving relationship, while men can ignore that the relationship is bad and men are more focused on not splitting half the money. That’s one big reason women file more.
@@user-sz5oc1qz3b I stated what I heard from a divorce attorney. He does this for a living. While there is, IMHO, some merit to what you say, I'm going to side with a divorce lawyer.
@@user-sz5oc1qz3b Right and it's not like most men really want custody, they don't want to have to drive the kids everywhere and be hands-on nurturing for hours each day. They just make it sound like women are stealing their children when actually the women are offering to do more than half the division of labor.
@@worstknightmayor4439 you know the problem with you peterson groupies?that you think that because people dont like that happens to be right wing, that means those people must be left wing. buddy, use your brain more. that is just lazy thinking. and my point stands true. peterson lives in books instead of living in the real world. he is a lil boy trapped in an old man's body because the man never had any real experience. stop worshipping the boomer.
Peterson would call you a Peter Pan baby boy bitch if he heard you talking like that. Being married and having kids rules if you take it seriously and don't fuck it up.
JP's advice is second handed. If you understand YOURSELF, you can remain consistent, and note how you attracted her in the first place with your consistency. You do not need to understand women. Don't even bother. Understand that your type is what likes YOU. All the other types are a waste of your time and resources.
I hope i live long enough to see JPs comments about his first grandchild. His wisdom is awesome., as a grandfather with 4 grandsons, its a new level of awareness.
Even as a woman I feel I learned from this video. I spent my whole life feeling like I had to suppress my overthinking mind so that I don’t become the typical female archetype that everyone seems to resent. Naturally, this lead to a lot of anxiety. But these thoughts don’t need to be suppressed, they just need to be expressed in a healthy and safe environment with someone who will help you sort through what truly is and isn’t a threat. With the right partner, the over anxious mind can give the gift of forewarning and the ability to deal with problems before they materialize to their full capacity.
No they don't. You're wasting everyones time with drivel. Nobody wants to waste time on your garbage, especially once you're longer young and pretty. Learn to be a better person, who doesn't eat up other people's valuable emotional and time resources and who can solve their own issues without making everyone else a dumping ground for emotional waste
I think I heard of a study that said women who had regular sex with their (male) partners were extremely less anxious than women who don’t have partners. Some might think it’s the ‘regular sex’ that is causing this, but to go a bit further, if a woman is having regular sex with her partners she probably has a very good strong relationship with him where he is listening to her, is attentive and communicative in a positive way.
@@sonofhibbs4425 I imagine that’s only true if she wants to have sex with her husband. Female sex drive is often complicated. A woman wanting sex with her husband regularly typically implies she is healthy of mind & body, that she is supported, has a husband that is desirable and that she has a good relationship with her husband. If she doesn’t want to have sex, regular sex out of obligation will probably just feed her anxiety.
Tor Norretranders' book "The user illusion : cutting consciousness down to size" as been very useful in my marriage. It gives a couple language for discussing important issues. I think this is what Dr Peterson refers to, that we tend to speak from an other consciousness level than we reflect on. Reflecting that it is possible to understand these statements from an experienced reality: "I speak to hear what my feelings are." "Excuse me - I didn't mean to offend anybody!" "That word, suspicion, was just a slip of the tongue, the word I searched for was actually 'doubt'." Our mind's normal "computer-speed" is enormously much faster, than the speed of our revising capacity.
I believe that the amount of time that women devote to talking about problems is exhausting for men who generally want to solve problems quickly and without covering the same ground relentlessly and hearing questions that aren't really looking for answers.
@@CharybdismoonYeah sure, and you just sit and listen don't you. And get under the car or on the roof to help fix things? Yeah no you don't! You talk for hours about crap and when he spends 5 minutes telling you about his car, you bitch and moan. We've all seen this
Problem is when you want to solve problem quickly you usually choose bad solution- without understanding fully where problem is. So this is good when two people cooperate- one can look at the issue form many angles and identify a root cause of it and the second who will be able to keep it on track and cut off bullshit.
Listening to women for prolonged periods of time is like having your brain scooped out with a rusty spoon. Takes a lot of willpower and fortitude. And I've been married for over a decade.
Wow, this segment is a true gem! Been watching both these men in there journey since their UA-cam outbreak, but this, this is priceless! A real treasure, thank you both :)
I remember my parents complaining about the introduction of the dish washer into their household, because now they missed those 30 or so minutes of talking about their days whilst doing the dishes.
Men and women are so different. I think the problem with many couples is that men want their wife to think, act and respond as they would, and women want men to be like them. We are meant to learn from each other, to become one, and to become better because we’re together. If a woman needs a man to listen, it’s not bad, it’s just how she’s wired. If a man needs a woman to respect him, it’s not bad, it’s just how he’s wired. Differences aren’t bad. They’re learning opportunities.
I probably shouldn’t disagree with Jordan but I’ve found that when my wife presents a situation or problem she’s very interested in my advice with regards to suggested solutions as soon as possible.I asked her why she wanted to hear my suggested solutions so quickly and she reassured me it was to help her rule out really stupid ideas as fast as possible.
Really love the way that Dr. Jordan Peterson reflects - he makes pauses etc. that is a rare thing these days when you see You tubers simply reading and teleprompting via a script. And Salut that the Danish author Tor Nørretranders is mentioned appx 6:50, amongst several books he got one that is named: "....The Generous Man: How Helping Others is the Sexiest Thing You Can Do...
Im 33yrs old, married 10 going on 11 years. We were both USAF SF and got to see it all good bad and shitty. The thing that made our bond stronger then our coffee, was our need to vent just how shit our command was to each other and the codependency that formed with all the time spent next to each other outside the wire. Rip FOB Slapjack: 2012-2015 Lost to bureaucrats and left behind.
He nails it. Women never feel ‘heard out’ fully before their significant other ‘compartmentalizes’ their concerns. And then neatly solves their dilemma and hands them back the ‘not really solved’ solution and then heads off to the hobby of their choice. With that ‘solved that’ egomaniac assumption. As she calls a gf with her topic of the moment ‘issue’ to further root out the true more satisfying resolution. Hence the famously echoed exasperated statement from women to husbands…’I’m not asking for a solution. I’m just wanting you to hear me out’ to which many men realize then…damn, now I’m going to have to cancel my golf game, tennis match and damn, have to act interested.
As the psychologist at PsycHacks channel puts it, 'Modern relationships/marriages are out of step with historical ones where men mostly associated with men and women associated with women. Traditionally the partner was never 'everything' the other partner needed/wanted ['you complete me']. A good portion of those needs were met by others who were of the same mindset which tends to coincide with same sex. Modern personal relationships are an aberration. ~ProfessorOfLogic~
@@nadahere Your logic is sound. Making a relationship takes two people, if one or the other decides it’s over, it’s very hard to solve or resolve. You need to be committed to make it work out.
Being happy is a personal responsibility. You will never find someone who is able to fulfill all of your needs. Find happiness within yourself and bring the best of yourself into your relationship and you will have a happy marriage.
While you are right, I think it is worth pointing out that there is no "right" way to communicate and as he points out, it is really fustrating for men to have to listen through and give a woman time to go through that approach. I work in engineering which is still a male dominated field and are able to work together, share really complicated information and solve all sorts of issues. So it is logical for me to use the exact same approach in my relatonships as that is what works in my professional life. While I agree with what he says in this video about men needing to sit down with their partners, I think that it is a two way street and women need to also be mindful that men communicate in a different way to them and that method is just as valid.
Married 54 years ,mostly happy and maturing. I remember going out on the back porch to talk every day after husband came home from work. The 4children would be sitting at the glass door wanting to come out and we said no this is our time. Also going to breakfast on Saturday alone. Just an hour but alone I determined to put our marriage first in my mind even if other matters had to be first at times I have a lot of words and had to learn to let him talk and not always chime in. Lol
100% agree that it's best when dealing with the wife (or most females) is to be patient, calm, listen, show understanding and empathy and keep digging for more concerns before jumping straight to solutions. Great insights and advice from JP as usual.
I love you Jordon. Thank you 💖 This is why woman are so tender when criticized even if it's warranted... The propensity towards negative emotion already part.
Me and my good friend (who i consider a brother) spend our weekends clearing land and "tearing things up" as we call it. He has a reliable wife and she understands why we need to get away on the weekends. It's our outlet. We destroy stuff, clean up our mess, then go hunting afterwards.
How do I listen to my partner without investing DOZENS of hours every week talking about a whole host of fears that have a very low chance of manifesting? I don't have the emotional bandwidth after a very long week at work to sit through another part time job's worth of inefficient "venting" Where do I find a woman who doesn't require me to take a second full time job acting as her therapist and helping her figure out what exactly is bothering her?!
All I want is occasional emotional support when tough things happen like losing a family member or getting fired and some physical intimacy in return. All of those things require less than 10 hours a week from my partner.
Exactly! It’s utterly exhausting living with someone whose distress tolerance is set at “spiders” and whose innumerable threat assessments are so multi dimensional and groundless that addressing them all would be impossible. They require so much investment in time and energy that it isn’t long before you think, “Christ, where’s the f*ing exit?!” The thought that to keep the relationship afloat you have to listen to their interminable whinging is too burdensome to bear, and god forbid that your mind drifts during their flights of fancy! Honestly, it’s too one-sided, and not worth a curse.
I am the sounding board, but not an equal part of the relationship. I have learned to be quieter. A friend to him... I speak to my friends when I need to show up in this world. That's the typical example of marriage I have witnessed.
It was the other way around with the us of 27 years - I did eventually learn that my Ex didn’t want me to solve his problems but just wanted to talk the issues through and I was the sound board. That was OK mostly , however it wasn’t reciprocated, and I just spent 27 year chatting to myself and solving my concerns. Topics that were really important just got a flat silence and were ignored. And I did get exhausted of the what eventually just seemed like drama for dramas sake - so I probably had shot myself in the foot being too conscientious and agreeable as JP might say. And I eventually had no identity in the relationship other than a servant?! Maybe 🤔
@@Mirro6112Maddening is a woman talking a man's ear off about a "problem" that'd take 2 minutes to solve, yet expecting him to sit there & listen to her carry on about it for hours. Are women adults or children? Seriously. smh
What would Dr Peterson say to those of us women who were never admired by our own age group, have had to try to find our other half amongst different age groups and/or nationalities, and ended up being alone for years ? In my experience men simply do not like women who like to talk about the more interesting things, the sort of women with a more powerful animus as Jung would have called it. When I have tried to talk with them like that, they just switch off or change the subject to talk about themselves. To be honest, women don't like women like me either, so it becomes impossible to make proper friends too. The art of good conversation is dying out sadly but Dr Peterson is always interesting to listen to. He must have been a great clinical psychologist, how sad that he is not allowed to practise in Canada now. I carry a torch for this man who is a shining light in a dark and troubled world. It is astonishing how much he has achieved in his life and his wife Tammy must have played a huge part in this, behind the scenes so to speak. Behind every great man is a great woman. The world is a better place with Jordan Peterson in it.
"In my experience men simply do not like women who like to talk about the more interesting things" -- Find better men. Seriously. This is like a man saying "all women talk about is shopping and babies and reality TV shows". You need a more intellectual and more sophisticated circle of friends.
Jordan, I find it interesting to read the comments. It appears to me that many people would prefer to reject other ideas then to seek understanding. "I'd rather stay the way I am because I am superior to all others!"
I have my doubts. Don't get me wrong - as much as I like the idea of having an intellectual for a president; it takes a bit more - many other things, like temperament, emotional intelligence, etc. will play into it. Jordan's surely a very smart fellow ( despite what some of his detractors may claim), with what seems to be a good degree of compassion, and an excellent psychologist as I believe this video demonstrates. I especially like his Jungian analyses of mythology and Biblical scripture, but the stuff I've seen where he gets into politics I was less impressed by - this is where it's become clear to me he overextends himself and says some patently absurd things that perhaps reflect a bit of projection. It doesn't take away from where he does shine. I'm a fairly scholarly guy myself, I have moral integrity and I do take politics seriously and realize we must all do our part, but I don't think I'd ever want run for office. Having a high IQ, high ideals, compassion, great teaching skills, etc don't translate into excellent, or even just effective political leadership; these things are all necessary, but politics is quite a different game..in fact, while most everyone can agree (except for maybe some snobby colleagues that are as well versed in the same areas ) that he is an outstanding scholar and teacher; politics is unforgiving, even for highly effective politicians. Unless the politician in question is so blatantly flawed in some way (eg. full of himself, much more divisive than uniting, tells their base only what they want to hear, great at making the other person look bad without proving their own worth, etc. History has provided many good examples of what to look out for) even reasonably effective leaders, who are morally strong and care deeply for their subjects won't appeal to everyone - perhaps only slightly more than half their subjects if that even, as many will disagree about their political ideals or their general effectiveness. There isn't a fixed scale for measuring 'general effectiveness' that exist; any attempts will attract people who've made it their life's mission to point out someone's weaknesses (generally without offering a better alternative), and even some of the worst leaders, weren't 100% bad -- they may be credited with some good things, but unfortunately these tend to get overshadowed by the areas where they clearly blundered or did intentional harm. And some great leaders who were also great intellectuals, Marcus Aurelius, for instance, weren't great in every respect; He was perhaps the closest thing to Plato's ideal philosopher-king that the ancient world ever produced, and yet made the tragically foolish mistake of appointing his depraved son Commodus his successor; we love our children and its human nature to want to prioritize them, but it very often clouds our judgement. He may have been thinking to himself: "well, he's inherited some of me, perhaps we just need to give him time and he'll start to see the light". Oh Marcus, how wrong you were, and so you were the last of the 5 great emperors, your legacy now badly marred (even if your great words live on and continue to inspire people). The first of the 5, Hadrian was also widely considered an effective leader, but he was virulently antisemitic, hammering the final nail in Israel's coffin for the next 1900 years. But in those days, just like in the 1930s, most Gentile nation didn't give a damn the Jews, so this was easy to overlook. Here in the US, we've had very smart presidents who blundered spectacularly. Nixon is an obvious example; Carter did some good, and is a wonderful man, also highly intelligent, but as a president, he was a mixed bag. Russia had Lenin, strong as an intellectual, promising as a leader, but we've all witnessed the horrific outcome of some of his decisions. Einstein was even asked by a newly re-formed Israel if he'd be interested in occupying the country's highest administrative office. Morally speaking, he would certainly be a better leader that what they have right now, but even he knew that his great intellect wasn't enough to prepare him for the job. In fact, it was rather politically naive of Israel to ask him that, probably because he was at the time the world's most famous Jew, and by most accounts a man of great moral integrity. But he knew he wasn't up for the job; aside from that, trying to drive a country would take him away from what he loved doing most; figuring out what drives the universe; and his intellectual pursuits would probably hamper his performance. Jordan Peterson is a man of ideas too, and I could see this posing a problem for him; something that might sound good in theory at first, doesn't present itself this way on the world's stage. It's too easy to slip from ideas into ideology, if one is especially attracted to an idea one is also more likely to succumb to confirmation bias(as thinkers tend to be without empirical standards) . We should certainly be picky about our presidents. It certainly doesn't hurt when they have a higher degree, unless it makes them so arrogant, no one can get them to acknowledge there might be flaws in their thinking. You want confidence, but you definitely don't want a leader who thinks he's always right. But the takeaway is that no matter how well-qualified that person is to lead a nation, there will always be unsatisfied subjects. There will always be detractors looking for flaws- anything to bring down someone they don't approve of ideologically; kind of like what happened with Clinton; his being a crappy husband did not mean in any way that he was a crappy president. I think the mistake that we make is to expect any political leader to come and fix all the problems, to be some kind of wonder-worker who comes to save everyone and their grandmother's day. We expect them to be better than us, the highest place on the scale that we evaluate ourselves by but not inaccessibly so - if they're too removed, they may seem to us indifferent, unable to hear the lamentations of the everyman or woman; even so, such a scale can be ridiculously myopic. If we haven't gotten to know the different ways people think, evaluate, perceive themselves in relation to the world, etc.. we are automatically handicapped when it comes to choosing a leader. We want them to defend our interests, sure - but we don't know all the things that have to balance out; all the wildcards, and local variations even within a single nation, let alone the world. Educating ourselves is the first step towards knowing what makes a good leader; and no matter how much we like them, it is up to us, the people, to hold them accountable, especially once they're given the helm. This means fact checking what they have to say, debating with both friends and strangers in a (civil way)not merely accepting it because it's what we want to hear. We can't afford to be lazy; this is what opens the door to authoritarianism and absolutism. The candidate we'll hear this and think "Oh, you want me to take over and fix all your problems for you. I'm more than happy to do just that...in this way, that and the other way" They know exactly just how to answer, or where to put the blame in a concrete way. They present themselves as the only one that understands our problem. And that's what makes them such effective scammers and con artists.
Huh... 6:00 I just figured out how exhausting negotiating one's identity can be in a marriage. I don't know what to do with that information, but I believe it means going forward I should keep that in mind when evaluating a potential partner.
Women file for divorce 75% of the time... If they perceive problems early, then why don't they figure out how to fix the problem(s) or discuss this with her husband instead of wanting him to read her mind. So, instead of trying to save the marriage the women file for divorce because it's no fault court system for women and they have nothing to lose but everything to gain, house, kids, alimony, child support, half of everything and the man gets screwed over, with sometimes devastating consequences to the man.
They do but men do listen but do not act. if she says I want better communication and he direct communicate she will eventually end the relationship. I've seen it with my friends putting in effort is all the required.
@@cha9165 --- thanks for your reply to my comment. I appreciate you for taking time to reply. You are not wrong, but you're reply and example are one of the very smallest reasons and still a sorry excuse for women to do what they do to men, as you even pointed out the man tried his best, most do and it's never enough because she's had her mind made up already for months and thinking about it for years most likely. There is nothing a man can do to make things better at that point. She's usually disgusted by the mere sight of him and hates how he breaths and eats and sleeps. It isn't him, it's her. She thinks she still has something some guy with more money and has fun conversations with wants besides sex. That he actually wants to take her on weekend getaways and entertain her. But it's a delusion she has created in her head because this guy is playing her and the talks seem so nice because they don't talk like a couple about bills and car breaking down and kids school grades and real life shit. She lives in a fantasy land and she divorces the man who loves her and sacrificed everything he wanted to do in his life to make her happy and she spits in his face and takes half or more and the kids. Then dude she's been sleeping with stops calling her. And she realizes at her age men don't want her but dudes and boys will use her and ghost her. Women want what they can't have or what other women have and everyone's life seems so much better than hers but it's not real. Women need to understand that she should be happy with what she has. But they talk themselves into believing the lies she's been told about how she deserves everything and she's gonna be happier without her husband.
@@cha9165 That may be true in some cases, but as prevalent as divorce is these days, and the fact that women initiate most divorces, you would have to accept the bogus premise that a majority of men are simply bad relationship partners. The reality is that many modern women just aren't mentally or emotionally equipped for marriage... feminism saw to that.
I have a friend who is in the minority, he initiated divorce to his stay at home ex-wife. So, he did have to pay alimony and child support for 2 kids for many, many years. Because of this he thinks he had to work 15 years longer. His mistake was marrying someone without career or educational aspirations.
@@barrettorth8413 ...seems modern men are not equipped for modern marriage...which requires a "partnership" in every area of the marriage. In my experience, men don't want to share in the housework of marriage.
But ultimately women and men too rarely appreciate the tangled emotional depths of their selves. "Know thyself" was inscribed on lintels above the Delphic temple entrance; an invitation to enlighten and illuminate oneself.
I am always evolving so it’s important to be heard. My ex husband just didn’t want to communicate to know me and he didn’t want me to leave the “ box” he had in his thinking of me. Changing things up is really living life and getting to know more about yourself and others around you. It is good to change and exciting too to try new things in life.
This is genuis. That's also the key. You dull a conciousness to autopilot micro steps. Then subdue it when they have a moment of choice.... Niw what chems n what doeses would depend on the individual.
Anything worthwhile in life is hard work. Education, fitness, health , relationships , work etc if you have high standards and want the rewards. Married nearly 35 years to the kind and intelligent guy who I met at 19 . Its worth it.
You work on your own mental and physical fortitude, build a stable life outside a relationship. A relationship is not something you should see as some godlike thing, I feel that sets it up for failure.
@@DianneMarshall-o6j Hmmm, happy for you both. My own parents had a happy marriage. But you misunderstand me. I didn't say marriage sounds like hard work. I said that marriage sounds like WAY TOO MUCH hard work. Been happily single for 35-ish years, except for short relationships approx once per year. Not everyone needs to get married - and not everyone SHOULD get married. Despite seeing many positive examples of married couples, marriage is definitely not for me. WAY too much hard work.
@DianneMarshall-o6j There are distinct benefits from investing in physical fitness, education, work, friendships, etc., but none of the latter comes close to the degree of work required to keep a western female’s sensibilities placated if you’re an average male. I’ve yet to encounter a partner who didn’t make me think at some point, “…and I’m getting what out of this precisely?” At present, women are responsible for ~ 75% of divorces, and over 50% of marriages fail within 5-7 years. It’s fairly obvious from these statistics which sex now has ridiculous relationship investment standards, and which doesn’t.
The problem with Jordan is he’s too willing to forgive women for their bad behaviour at times. Sometimes women end marriages because they get bored or they think they can do better. Those are pretty terrible reasons for leaving someone who’s given their blood, sweat and tears to them for a long time.
I try not to laugh when I read your comment. That may be true in some cases but not in mine. Women also divorce because their husbands have lied, cheated and betrayed their wives beyond repair. The sweet man I thought I was marrying was all an illusion. He was selfish and depraved. After faithfully being a good wife to him for over half of my adult life I was rewarded with infidelity and ridicule with no remorse or conscience. There were blood, sweat, and tears. They were all mine! The innocent wife who loved and trusted a bad man. I'm thankful to hear Jordan Peterson explain to the world that women deserve respect. Most men dont get that. Sounds like we both were betrayed. It happens both ways you know.
So sad you feel that way. Im the one who's been betrayed and have given all the blood, sweat and tears to a man with no remorse and no integrity. It happens both ways.
Never had a close relationship. I tried to engage, but he wasn't interested. I was married to him, had his 5 kids. When I divorced him, one day, I looked at a family photo and said, out loud, " I never knew you and you certainly didn't know me. Nor did you ever know yourself."
My wife a school teacher. When she gets home she hasn’t an ounce of energy to discuss ANYTHING with me, she’s too tired on the weekends SO We discuss as NOTHING. There is never any “play”. It’s rather pathetic. I assume full responsibility because I didn’t act on these red flags from the beginning.
My wife often tells me her feelings about things she thinks will go wrong. She doesn't want me to just listen, she wants an answer. But she doesn't always want a definite plan. Usually she just wants me to tell her everything's goIing to be fine. I have noticed though when I express my feelings to her, she's often not listening to word I say, I think because her own thoughts are going through her head about something. But I don't mind, we've been married for 25 years. We joke around a lot, that's key.
Not to sound rude but i think when Mr Peterson was younger life and realionships was different, Mr Peterson might find it hard to date if he was in his 'peak' today, simply because both men and women are different in todays world and not in a good way.
John, I am a wife in that situation. No not getting divorce, but yeah, now even when he supposedly wants to talk, I am still "off". I have learnt in our case it is very very very very seldom an actual conversaton, or a discovereing of what is importnat to the other person. Usually a list of 'you' statements, pontificating, and negating my feelings. Telling me I am wrong to feel whatever way. We're going 23 years. Looking bleak.
Perhaps similar to my wife, who I do actually love and care for. She has a tongue like a rusty razor blade, and behaves like a very stubborn mule when it suits her and will not pull her weight. She will eat and sleep and go for long walks daily but cooperation around household endeavours is a minefield.
How many times did she ask you to talk or listen to her. It's could be the case you wanted to talk when she was eventually tired of asking and she had already left the relationship. A woman Duane wake up and refuse to talk to you, she does that after 18 years of getting to get you to listen and understand her needs my man
If enough time passes that a female repeats herself and is ignored, or not heard, she WILL shut down. No amount of talking will fix it. She will already have checked out of the relationship. All the while she stopped "complaining", and you THOUGHT everything was fantastic.
@@mirldzi4913And there's no way you can make him understand this?? I mean: me and my bf of 15 years split up, because there was no talking to this man at all, because he had specific problems, so I know where you're coming from- but I keep hoping that other men WILL pick up on this important message that Peterson gives. Communication is EVERYTHING!!
@@DavidSmith-xr8jsmore hiveminded for example they vote for what “sounds good” liberal. If one gets a tattoo they all do. Now they don’t agree with their husband because they are in open rebellion to God and therefore their husbands as well. Just see Adam and Eve in the Bible.
when we used to be in tribes, women doing the food, kids, homes together and men doing the protection and and and...then they had women as confidants and who understood them more than men....and the men came home in time to give them all a break from each other.
1:08 Another likely reason why women are more sensitive to threat: All social animals have some mechanism for preventing inbreeding. Pre-industrial human societies typically practice patrilocal exogamy, whereby men stay in the tribe of their birth while women are married off to another tribe, where she can no longer rely on the protection of her relatives but has to navigate on her own and build new alliances. Meanwhile, the men would be more socially secure, being surrounded by their uncles, brothers and cousins. This has probably been going on for tens of thousands of generations because we see it not only in almost all pre-industrial cultures as well as in chimpanzees and bonobos, but also in early humans. A genetic study of 12 H. heidelbergensis that all died together in a cave collapse 500k years ago found that the men were closely related, while the women were unrelated to each other. If it has been going on for that long it must have affected our evolution, and could potentially help to explain a lot of the behavioral differences we see between men and women, such as agreeableness, as men and women would have had to deal not only with different biological challenges (physical strength, reproduction) but also different social challenges (staying with your family vs having to join a new family).
When you're old and frail it will be lonely and sad.God created Adam and saw that he was lonely so he took a rib and created Eve as a help mate. Going through life alone is okay until you start to lose friends and parents as you age and then you truly are alone. I delivered mail for over thirty years and the saddest most despairing customers were seniors who never married with no children and friends that had already passed away. The happiest seniors were the married ones.
What do you think about Jordan Peterson's advice?
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The short version of what he said is, "Women be crazy."
No she was just the better bureaucrat? What?
I think Dr. Peterson should not speak for women. He’s merely giving his analysis of women and he’s annoyingly arrogant. He thinks he has the answers for all of life’s problems and instead he’s creating more.
He’s unbelievably immature and narcissistic!
I’ve had respect for Dr. Peterson, but this is certainly not his finest moment.
@@JulienArbor You just showed yourself to be the kind of woman that make men's butt tired. Go see Matt Walsh's movie.
I think all the crazy things that *THEY* want are no longer relevant.
When we both worked, we had a routine after dinner. We would sit on the love seat and told each other what good or bad or funny happened at work. We unloaded work days on each other. Then, feeling psychologically “cleansed” we had a nice evening together. Now we are retired and tell each other what we see around our neighborhood. Your spouse should be your best friend. Sorry for my grammar!
Talking about my work day is annoying. If anything about it were cool or interesting, I'd do it for free. I have no idea why anyone would want to know about it. Like...I'm glad I'm not there, yet you want me to bring it up. Why?
@@papabird4425 Ah, we loved our jobs but we wanted to help each other to distress. There is always some stress that comes with every job. We always had some interesting things to talk about. If I may, please find out who you really are (and this is not easy), find a job that suits your personality (you might have to go back to school for that or learn as much as you can for free online), and find some happiness in your life. You sound very sad right now. Life is hard. Fight for your happiness. There is a job for you somewhere out there and a person to cherish you too. Good luck!
Gossips😂
Right? You feel cleansed by unloading your day but it doesn't bother you to talk about everyone in the neighborhood?@happyapple4269
What is wrong with being interested in what is going on with people in the neighborhood. Guess we are to be ostriches?
When only one wins, both lose. Thanks Jordan.
My ex said “I must win at all costs”.
She was wrong.
@@smoly37lol that's what he said to her😂 how do u think she became his ex in the 1st place🙃
Thanks man I needed to hear it, she lost a man that truly loved her, and I lost the guy I was before her
One of the biggest causes of divorcees is because people "Heal" apart:)
I crave a man’s touch, I crave his attention , communicating with me , his care, provision in return I take care of his needs I’ve been married 53 yrs am 71 ❤
Your a rarity and need to be studied in greater depth to understand how or what lead you to this ideal position.
Good for you, sweety.
Good on you....I mean that in a positive way👍
I crave those things but can’t find anyone
@@trish87563You say that while literally being surrounded by 4+ BILLION someones. smh What a joke some of you people are.
Brilliant!
"people put their partner in a box and they get bored after a while" WOW. Marriage is about developing together, so wonderfully explained. ❤
"Marriage is about developing together..."
No, I disagree. Marriage is simply a contract that formalizes a non-binding voluntary union on paper. Marriage symbolizes that union, a pledge on paper before God and witnesses. A pledge & union that devotes trust, support, provision, fostering and security in the union. Has nothing much to do with "developing" together, but more to do with developing ones self independently upon a stronger foundation of self-esteem.
With my wife of 10 years there is no mutual developing, or a dependency on each other to develop within the union, but develop in becoming better listeners. We are very independent in self, yet are very close with communication. The most important facet of our marriage is avoiding distancing ourselves between each other and avoid silence, anger, feeling distrust or suspicion. A marriage gels or it does not. I don't believe in "working" on a marriage because it's not a crap-shoot where your emotions and heart leads you by the nose into matrimony and "death do us part" nonsense... and you wake up one morning feeling duped and a stranger has now manifested itself next to you.
I believe in having integrity in pledge and promise backed by my rational brain before I consider saying "I Do." After all... I am committing myself to a well thought out life-long union(commitment) that joins us both at the hip. I take such a promise very seriously having first shed all reservations and saw no red-flags that we are incompatible under the same roof. I try not to be feel the potential to be blind-sided before I commit... and I expect her to have went through the same thought process before she commits.
"Follow your brain because your heart is an idiot."
@@leonb.709"Follow your heart because your brain will leave you in the right, but also cold and lonely".
Of course you should use BOTH, before you get into any longterm relationship.
When you're that technical about what marriage is to the law, why are you at the same time so strict in "being tied to the hip"?? Why the NEED to promise each other anything?? People grow, develope, change, learn, see things differently than before, go through suffering that changes them or loss. When you have a tight and trusting relationship, you have to go through such things together. So yes, I believe that JP is right to say: when you communicate in a way that's relateble for the partner, you develope together.
My personal problem always was: I invest 100% and couldn't combine work and the sort of relationship that takes time and effort, and I always felt that I was coming up short in one of the two.
@@leonb.709 .....so transactional....
Speaking abt my marriage of 25y to the day, we both developed together; life is more than tasks and more than emotions. If this is what I see, and others dont, makes me believe (true or not) I got the jackpot and others didnt. Fine. Enjoy. Appreciate.
I've learned to call my wife while commuting home from work. I just let her talk the whole time. She vents out every problem she's worried about. Then by the time I get home, she's way more relaxed and I can go do the stuff I want to do. Most of it is her just expressing her concerns and she just needs to know that I'm aware of these things. She doesn't necessarily need me to solve it.
Are these real problems? You have to do this every day?
That’s great. Only reason I’m not on board with this, my wife will tell me all this stuff on the phone, and I gotta hear it all again when she gets home. 😂😂😂
@@kaiserpuppydog7174that's the kicker. When do I get to talk about my problems when all I do is listen to hers
my dental hygienist is a mormon and she told me that mormon married couples are supposed to set aside 1 hour a week just to talk. Each person gets 30 mins to talk and the other is not allowed to interrupt.
That’s very practical!
Not necessarily a Mormon teaching, but sounds like some good advice that one Mormon must’ve shared with other Mormons, which became a practice they chose to continue, and suggest to others. Good advice for any married couple. We need more communication and less division in this world. ❤
I couldn't talk for 30 mins straight.
Not a Mormon thing
@@elizabeetle13-k4z same like how
Listening is such a treasure
This is absolutely true. I find that if I listen to my wife, things work much better. I just listen. I say, yeah, and uh-huh, and ask clarifying questions. I say "that must be painful or frustrating or embarrassing, etc. I fully listen. Then she feels better.
That's very sweet, to say that. But it also sounds, like you found a new trick to train your dog.
What do YOU get out of it? Do you also feel better? And not for the fact that she's feeling better now, but do you have the feeling, you understand her thought processes better, and now are closer to each other? Is your sexlife better for it? Especially because you ask clarifying questions? Do the answers clarify enough?
THATS what I'd like to know...
@@smoly37 Well, it turns out she says smart and interesting things. But I start out listening as a favor to her. Yes, it indirectly helps our sex life. Yes, we are closer. I do seek to understand by asking clarifying questions, and they usually help clarify things.
@@smoly37 Well because it's not all about you & what you're getting out of it. It's like what we do for each other is give the other person attention while they muddle about their thoughts & problems & comiserate with them & be present for them. That's it. & yes, sex life will be better if a woman feels emotionally listened to, guaranteed less divorce.
Peterson isn't saying anything crazy or any different than what a therapist would say. This is a problem when society no longer can recogize what it means to have a marriage worth fighting for.
Not to mention men and women mess it up, women becasue most of them crave drama and find it hard to connect due to their past choices, plus men because they would rather watch corn and lower himself.
The current social contract isn't worth participating in. Many of us aren't going to make slaves for the masters. So marriage is a pointless endeavor. You'll still be able to steal from us to raise your young ones, so you'll be fine.
@@BelieverInLife-i9xI like that you see both genders have their issues. They both have different issues.
It is tbh. Im so glad ive met my wife a long time ago and dont have to date in these days.
Marriage is too dangerous for men. Just pump and dump suits me fine now that I've finished raising my kids as a single dad
He is right about women in general having a sharper threat detection capability, and men should take this seriously. However, the main problem is that even after listening to a woman at length regarding such a concern, often times the man isn't trusted enough to actually respond in a productive manner. For a woman to expect a man to listen to her deeply and yet not accept his counsel following is not only a waste of time but also a sign of disrespect.
I would like to add to that. First of all many women who are Dismissive Avoident for instance will not share. They have learned in childhood that it isn't safe to share. They stay in their own heads and some how expect the partner to be able to determine what she is thinking. Next is the current soctial shift where women seem to feel that they are being held down for being women, like men have designed the master plan that they should give birth and lactate and miss out on some grand life that they were destined to live. Increasingly men are being kicked around as the perpetrators of this. I agree with what he says but in reality a woman has to want to participate. Our dimming DNA programming as men had us defending the family. Now If we make a decision it is seen as bullying. Always unhappy with the present but no clear solution for men's role.
If a woman doesn't trust a guy enough to give her a good response, she doesn't trust him period. Relationship is DOA.
She may not accept his counsel. He may not be right. But she should consider it. Unfortunately a set time 90 mins a week is not as lucrative, relationship wise, some time daily & especially when the woman is upset or needing to discuss something. I was never upset if my husband didn't have the answers but I felt cherished that he always listened. It meant he cared. It meant there was an us. It meant I was a priority.
In my experience in earnestly listening/communicating with women about a problem is that you listen for 10 or 20 minutes, tell them your sorry, make minor suggestions without being over bearing, they then get angrier and louder. It can go on for hours and hours with no solution. The only logic to it is they have some bad hormones in their brain at the moment and those hormones apparently demand that the man is sufficiently hurt and beaten down, as that's the only thing that will give them satisfaction. At some point you just have to say we've been through this 10 times already, here's what I'm going to do to make you happier, I still love you, this is long enough to argue, I have something to do, I'll check back on you in a little while.
@@cifeyyou don't sound like an earnest listener. You sound like someone who is quick to blame her hormones and tell her what to do and then when she doesn't listen quickly enough to your counsel, you get up and leave feeling like you just wasted her time.
YES! Thank you, may every man hear this. May every woman remember how difficult it may be for men to listen. May both develop patience and understanding.
Men DON'T listen. Thats why it's a waste of time trying to talk to them.
Women like to vocalize a problem or concern to share the idea. A man wants to solve the problem. The man might say, What do you want me to do about it? The woman might answer, Nothing, I just wanted to tell you.
Exactly. Most men think about six different options to fix the problem while listening to the problem itself.
@@danduntz2539this is sexist. As a woman I am thinking to fins solutions also and pray for solutions. If a woman had to be independent from an early age and look after herself, she would be trained in this way. God would help her deal with problems. In the end the solution comes from the Lord and a man can only help.
@@ana-maria448 It’s not sexist. Men are wired to immediately find solutions to problems, sometimes automatically. It’s part of their biological makeup. It’s not to say women can’t, I’m only speaking to a behavior commonly occurring in men. Men in relationships tend to contribute to arguments because they misinterpret when his girlfriend/spouse wanted him to simply listen. I see it happen over and over in couple relationships each day, and I’ve yet to see this semi-automatic behavior happen in women as it’s not a common, biological trait.
@@ana-maria448 imagine immediately claiming something is sexist. I’m not going to say you are The problem, but You are a perfect example of part of the problem.
@@ana-maria448 OR the whole world isn't about you. Something not being focussed on you or what you think isn't necessarily sexist.
I love the deeper thinking we are lured to do whenever listening to this caring and scholarly man. Thank you Jordan, for never taking the road of less effort in understanding ourselves and the world around us.
This changed my thinking. This just changed my Life. Thank you. Truly good advice for every man. Be well guys 🙏
1. In these observations, he is totally correct.
2.. I may not have seen or spoken to my girlfriend for 1/2 day. The first thing I say is: "tell me about your day". Some of the things, I may have heard multiple times, but I am listening . . . for the changes.
3. I don't solve her problems, tell her what to do or give advice. She is perfectly capable of making sound decisions. She simply needs time. . . for me to listen.
You sound like an incredible person
So simple and half these assholes in the comments won't get it. They wanna give advice then be mad when SHE doesn't "listen."
It sounds like the perfect way to deal with this. Beautiful and very understanding on your part.
@turbulentadventurer9709 He sounds like a simp/doormat in a one-sided relationship.
@@mangore623 Lol. Bro seriously. If this is what female nature is about then I totally understand why men are checking out of relationships with them despite every fiber of their physical being telling them to pursue women.
Everything that's being said here is all about men listening to women talk about much of nothing as if they're listening to a child talk randomly about whatever crosses their mind. smh
It's almost as if women's brains can't even support the weight of their own thoughts so women need to burden men by offloading some of that weight just so they can appear to be reasonably stable adults.
This must be what all that "mental load" b.s. is that women are always complaining about. But the funny and sad thing about this is that women are getting mad at *men* for not allowing women to vomit all their unnecessary mental b.s. on them. lol How crazy is that?!
Man I don't know how these guys do it but more power to them cuz it couldn't be me. If you can't handle the weight or frequency of your own thoughts then take that up with God ma'am.
Honestly at times I swear it sounds like having a woman's chaotic and noisy mind almost sounds like a curse that they & men who deal with them are saddled with.
Hell naw, you can keep that evil Ricky Bobby. That's a hard pass for me. You deal with your mental demons on your own. But good luck to you because it sounds like you're gonna need it.
This advice is spot on! What happens to us in close relationships and marriages is that we tend to give our strongest, most awake and aware energies to our external worlds, the one which exists outside of the sanctuary of our front doors.
So by the time we're back home in our sanctuaries, our spouse or partner usually gets our tired energies, our tired minds and bodies, our exhausted creativity,. We don't want to be home and solving problems if we've already been doing this all day in our external worlds. We want to tone down and switch off. So that important 90 mins minimum per week becomes elusive and gets put off. And off and off and off. And then one day you come home and that issue which used to be small has developed into a mountain! You and me and everyone else, we don't merely want to be heard and listened to and express ourselves, we NEED to. If this need gets really ignored or stifled or dismissed, we suffer and so do there around us. Sometimes, simply taking the time, making the effort to talk and listen resolves the problem. Because, the actual " problem" was not being listened to or acknowledged or freely expressed. THIS actually is THUH PROBLEM.
“You can get to a very bad place one idiot step at a time.” Sage words, there.
Almost lost my marriage long ago. I looked in the mirror and said pull your head out of your ass, you are about to lose the most beautiful woman that chose you. I got my mind right and have been married 35 years.
Once I asked a divorce attorney why women initiate most divorces. He said, simply because they have less to lose. As long as they are not
a drug addict, they'll get custody of the children as well as child support. Unless there was a pre-nuptial agreement, they'll get half of all
the marital assets and they will often be able to live in the house as well. I had to agree with the lawyer as I knew what he said was true.
Since most men work outside the home women have a whole second income to lose.
And sometimes they are stay at home moms and have a whole provider to lose. And women lose half their net worth too obviously! Women are statistically financially worse off than men after divorce and more likely to go into poverty, look it up. Woman file more anyway because they have a deep need to be in a good loving relationship, while men can ignore that the relationship is bad and men are more focused on not splitting half the money. That’s one big reason women file more.
@@user-sz5oc1qz3b I stated what I heard from a divorce attorney. He does this for a living. While there is, IMHO, some merit
to what you say, I'm going to side with a divorce lawyer.
And because they already have a Plan B guy in the wings.
Not all of them dude. You met the worst and made up your mind. 😊
@@user-sz5oc1qz3b Right and it's not like most men really want custody, they don't want to have to drive the kids everywhere and be hands-on nurturing for hours each day. They just make it sound like women are stealing their children when actually the women are offering to do more than half the division of labor.
Great advice! I like that Peterson unpacks the psychology behind the advice and how it impacts on intimacy. Interesting!
that boomer doesnt know anything about life dude. he lives in books.
@@susanwjoh0re735are you mad because he won't use your pronouns?
@@worstknightmayor4439 you know the problem with you peterson groupies?that you think that because people dont like that happens to be right wing, that means those people must be left wing. buddy, use your brain more. that is just lazy thinking.
and my point stands true. peterson lives in books instead of living in the real world. he is a lil boy trapped in an old man's body because the man never had any real experience. stop worshipping the boomer.
@@susanwjoh0re735 it must be wonderful to be all knowing...and such a burden.
@@winx4930 taht is definitely not jordan peterson.
Possible tactics:
1. 90 minutes a week to talking to your spouse about the domestic situation.
2. Don't get married.
Guess which is most effective.
As a woman I wholeheartedly agree.
The best lifestyle choice is to stay single.
The second best lifestyle choice is to find a good, traditional woman and stay single.
Peterson would call you a Peter Pan baby boy bitch if he heard you talking like that. Being married and having kids rules if you take it seriously and don't fuck it up.
If a good, traditional woman is truly that, she will not want to stay single.
JP's advice is second handed. If you understand YOURSELF, you can remain consistent, and note how you attracted her in the first place with your consistency. You do not need to understand women. Don't even bother. Understand that your type is what likes YOU. All the other types are a waste of your time and resources.
I hope i live long enough to see JPs comments about his first grandchild. His wisdom is awesome., as a grandfather with 4 grandsons, its a new level of awareness.
Even as a woman I feel I learned from this video.
I spent my whole life feeling like I had to suppress my overthinking mind so that I don’t become the typical female archetype that everyone seems to resent. Naturally, this lead to a lot of anxiety. But these thoughts don’t need to be suppressed, they just need to be expressed in a healthy and safe environment with someone who will help you sort through what truly is and isn’t a threat.
With the right partner, the over anxious mind can give the gift of forewarning and the ability to deal with problems before they materialize to their full capacity.
No they don't. You're wasting everyones time with drivel. Nobody wants to waste time on your garbage, especially once you're longer young and pretty.
Learn to be a better person, who doesn't eat up other people's valuable emotional and time resources and who can solve their own issues without making everyone else a dumping ground for emotional waste
I think I heard of a study that said women who had regular sex with their (male) partners were extremely less anxious than women who don’t have partners. Some might think it’s the ‘regular sex’ that is causing this, but to go a bit further, if a woman is having regular sex with her partners she probably has a very good strong relationship with him where he is listening to her, is attentive and communicative in a positive way.
@@sonofhibbs4425 I imagine that’s only true if she wants to have sex with her husband. Female sex drive is often complicated. A woman wanting sex with her husband regularly typically implies she is healthy of mind & body, that she is supported, has a husband that is desirable and that she has a good relationship with her husband.
If she doesn’t want to have sex, regular sex out of obligation will probably just feed her anxiety.
Why do you say, "even as a woman?" Most of the video was addressed to both men and women.
@@UnAnonKnownsex out of obligation is mere steps from catastrophe. That has to be fixed to save your marriage.
Tor Norretranders' book "The user illusion : cutting consciousness down to size" as been very useful in my marriage. It gives a couple language for discussing important issues. I think this is what Dr Peterson refers to, that we tend to speak from an other consciousness level than we reflect on. Reflecting that it is possible to understand these statements from an experienced reality: "I speak to hear what my feelings are." "Excuse me - I didn't mean to offend anybody!" "That word, suspicion, was just a slip of the tongue, the word I searched for was actually 'doubt'." Our mind's normal "computer-speed" is enormously much faster, than the speed of our revising capacity.
I believe that the amount of time that women devote to talking about problems is exhausting for men who generally want to solve problems quickly and without covering the same ground relentlessly and hearing questions that aren't really looking for answers.
@@Charybdismoon Interesting! Thanks for your perspective.
@@CharybdismoonYeah sure, and you just sit and listen don't you. And get under the car or on the roof to help fix things?
Yeah no you don't!
You talk for hours about crap and when he spends 5 minutes telling you about his car, you bitch and moan.
We've all seen this
Problem is when you want to solve problem quickly you usually choose bad solution- without understanding fully where problem is. So this is good when two people cooperate- one can look at the issue form many angles and identify a root cause of it and the second who will be able to keep it on track and cut off bullshit.
Agree.
I wish Jordan Peterson was better at helping to address PTSD in men and women, and how hard it can be to have relationships
Listening to women for prolonged periods of time is like having your brain scooped out with a rusty spoon. Takes a lot of willpower and fortitude.
And I've been married for over a decade.
Given that your username is basically a serial number I'm gonna guess this is a bot comment
@@AmiiboDoctor nope. Anything of substance you'd like to add?
@MisanThrope-cu1mw7fj3p I think the video gave far more than enough, thank you for offering.
Now that made me laugh 😃
Are you saying Less than 15 mins a day is prolonged period of time ? ...well yeah, you are absolutely right 👍
Wow, this segment is a true gem! Been watching both these men in there journey since their UA-cam outbreak, but this, this is priceless! A real treasure, thank you both :)
I remember my parents complaining about the introduction of the dish washer into their household, because now they missed those 30 or so minutes of talking about their days whilst doing the dishes.
This explains why sometimes, when I've had problems, I was confused🙌🙌
His marriage.. has to be very, highly, successful ❤
Men and women are so different. I think the problem with many couples is that men want their wife to think, act and respond as they would, and women want men to be like them. We are meant to learn from each other, to become one, and to become better because we’re together. If a woman needs a man to listen, it’s not bad, it’s just how she’s wired. If a man needs a woman to respect him, it’s not bad, it’s just how he’s wired. Differences aren’t bad. They’re learning opportunities.
The problem is never the problem.
U forgot to add- "with women"🙃😂
@@abhikaran1661 Bam!
I love this stuff. It is good stuff. Wish I knew it before my late wife died from cancer, but it makes lots of sense to make the relationship better.
I probably shouldn’t disagree with Jordan but I’ve found that when my wife presents a situation or problem she’s very interested in my advice with regards to suggested solutions as soon as possible.I asked her why she wanted to hear my suggested solutions so quickly and she reassured me it was to help her rule out really stupid ideas as fast as possible.
@@Charybdismoon Yeah,I think that was Jordan’s point.
@@Charybdismoon Actually that was intended to be humorous.
Ouch...😂
she sounds like a rarity, lucky for you
Really love the way that Dr. Jordan Peterson reflects - he makes pauses etc. that is a rare thing these days when you see You tubers simply reading and teleprompting via a script. And Salut that the Danish author Tor Nørretranders is mentioned appx 6:50, amongst several books he got one that is named: "....The Generous Man: How Helping Others is the Sexiest Thing You Can Do...
Im 33yrs old, married 10 going on 11 years. We were both USAF SF and got to see it all good bad and shitty. The thing that made our bond stronger then our coffee, was our need to vent just how shit our command was to each other and the codependency that formed with all the time spent next to each other outside the wire.
Rip FOB Slapjack: 2012-2015
Lost to bureaucrats and left behind.
Very good analysis!
The subtitle overpowers the actual human emphasis.
He nails it. Women never feel ‘heard out’ fully before their significant other ‘compartmentalizes’ their concerns. And then neatly solves their dilemma and hands them back the ‘not really solved’ solution and then heads off to the hobby of their choice. With that ‘solved that’ egomaniac assumption. As she calls a gf with her topic of the moment ‘issue’ to further root out the true more satisfying resolution. Hence the famously echoed exasperated statement from women to husbands…’I’m not asking for a solution. I’m just wanting you to hear me out’ to which many men realize then…damn, now I’m going to have to cancel my golf game, tennis match and damn, have to act interested.
As the psychologist at PsycHacks channel puts it, 'Modern relationships/marriages are out of step with historical ones where men mostly associated with men and women associated with women. Traditionally the partner was never 'everything' the other partner needed/wanted ['you complete me']. A good portion of those needs were met by others who were of the same mindset which tends to coincide with same sex. Modern personal relationships are an aberration.
~ProfessorOfLogic~
@@nadahere
Your logic is sound. Making a relationship takes two people, if one or the other decides it’s over, it’s very hard to solve or resolve. You need to be committed to make it work out.
@@nadahere Therefore let your woman talk to other women about her issues.
Being happy is a personal responsibility. You will never find someone who is able to fulfill all of your needs. Find happiness within yourself and bring the best of yourself into your relationship and you will have a happy marriage.
While you are right, I think it is worth pointing out that there is no "right" way to communicate and as he points out, it is really fustrating for men to have to listen through and give a woman time to go through that approach. I work in engineering which is still a male dominated field and are able to work together, share really complicated information and solve all sorts of issues. So it is logical for me to use the exact same approach in my relatonships as that is what works in my professional life. While I agree with what he says in this video about men needing to sit down with their partners, I think that it is a two way street and women need to also be mindful that men communicate in a different way to them and that method is just as valid.
Married 54 years ,mostly happy and maturing. I remember going out on the back porch to talk every day after husband came home from work. The 4children would be sitting at the glass door wanting to come out and we said no this is our time. Also going to breakfast on Saturday alone. Just an hour but alone I determined to put our marriage first in my mind even if other matters had to be first at times I have a lot of words and had to learn to let him talk and not always chime in. Lol
🙄
100% agree that it's best when dealing with the wife (or most females) is to be patient, calm, listen, show understanding and empathy and keep digging for more concerns before jumping straight to solutions. Great insights and advice from JP as usual.
I love you Jordon. Thank you 💖
This is why woman are so tender when criticized even if it's warranted... The propensity towards negative emotion already part.
"It" being money and attention.
Me and my good friend (who i consider a brother) spend our weekends clearing land and "tearing things up" as we call it. He has a reliable wife and she understands why we need to get away on the weekends. It's our outlet. We destroy stuff, clean up our mess, then go hunting afterwards.
How do I listen to my partner without investing DOZENS of hours every week talking about a whole host of fears that have a very low chance of manifesting? I don't have the emotional bandwidth after a very long week at work to sit through another part time job's worth of inefficient "venting"
Where do I find a woman who doesn't require me to take a second full time job acting as her therapist and helping her figure out what exactly is bothering her?!
All I want is occasional emotional support when tough things happen like losing a family member or getting fired and some physical intimacy in return. All of those things require less than 10 hours a week from my partner.
Exactly! It’s utterly exhausting living with someone whose distress tolerance is set at “spiders” and whose innumerable threat assessments are so multi dimensional and groundless that addressing them all would be impossible. They require so much investment in time and energy that it isn’t long before you think, “Christ, where’s the f*ing exit?!” The thought that to keep the relationship afloat you have to listen to their interminable whinging is too burdensome to bear, and god forbid that your mind drifts during their flights of fancy! Honestly, it’s too one-sided, and not worth a curse.
@@mangore623Are you married? If so, why?
@@mangore623 Bam!!!! Too often, it's one-way traffic. No thank you.
If women don’t talk but accuse? They stick to their opinions and don’t listen to facts. It’s not worth the drama.
I am the sounding board, but not an equal part of the relationship. I have learned to be quieter. A friend to him... I speak to my friends when I need to show up in this world. That's the typical example of marriage I have witnessed.
It was the other way around with the us of 27 years - I did eventually learn that my Ex didn’t want me to solve his problems but just wanted to talk the issues through and I was the sound board. That was OK mostly , however it wasn’t reciprocated, and I just spent 27 year chatting to myself and solving my concerns. Topics that were really important just got a flat silence and were ignored. And I did get exhausted of the what eventually just seemed like drama for dramas sake - so I probably had shot myself in the foot being too conscientious and agreeable as JP might say. And I eventually had no identity in the relationship other than a servant?! Maybe 🤔
Thank you gentlemen!
How do you approach your wife...
You Listen.
Mic breaks. Show ends.
Commenters: Guys this is the most well informed podcast ever! It really works!
As a woman, it’s maddening.
@@Mirro6112Maddening is a woman talking a man's ear off about a "problem" that'd take 2 minutes to solve, yet expecting him to sit there & listen to her carry on about it for hours. Are women adults or children? Seriously. smh
@@Aspire705 It's unfortunately the case that generations of dominance and control have infantilised many women and stunted their emotional growth.
Good stuff! Absolutely correct.
What would Dr Peterson say to those of us women who were never admired by our own age group, have had to try to find our other half amongst different age groups and/or nationalities, and ended up being alone for years ? In my experience men simply do not like women who like to talk about the more interesting things, the sort of women with a more powerful animus as Jung would have called it. When I have tried to talk with them like that, they just switch off or change the subject to talk about themselves. To be honest, women don't like women like me either, so it becomes impossible to make proper friends too. The art of good conversation is dying out sadly but Dr Peterson is always interesting to listen to. He must have been a great clinical psychologist, how sad that he is not allowed to practise in Canada now. I carry a torch for this man who is a shining light in a dark and troubled world. It is astonishing how much he has achieved in his life and his wife Tammy must have played a huge part in this, behind the scenes so to speak. Behind every great man is a great woman. The world is a better place with Jordan Peterson in it.
"In my experience men simply do not like women who like to talk about the more interesting things" -- Find better men. Seriously. This is like a man saying "all women talk about is shopping and babies and reality TV shows". You need a more intellectual and more sophisticated circle of friends.
Jordan, I find it interesting to read the comments. It appears to me that many people would prefer to reject other ideas then to seek understanding. "I'd rather stay the way I am because I am superior to all others!"
When will Dr. Peterson run to be elected a Canadian Prime Minister and have his own cabinet?
I have my doubts. Don't get me wrong - as much as I like the idea of having an intellectual for a president; it takes a bit more - many other things, like temperament, emotional intelligence, etc. will play into it. Jordan's surely a very smart fellow ( despite what some of his detractors may claim), with what seems to be a good degree of compassion, and an excellent psychologist as I believe this video demonstrates. I especially like his Jungian analyses of mythology and Biblical scripture, but the stuff I've seen where he gets into politics I was less impressed by - this is where it's become clear to me he overextends himself and says some patently absurd things that perhaps reflect a bit of projection. It doesn't take away from where he does shine. I'm a fairly scholarly guy myself, I have moral integrity and I do take politics seriously and realize we must all do our part, but I don't think I'd ever want run for office.
Having a high IQ, high ideals, compassion, great teaching skills, etc don't translate into excellent, or even just effective political leadership; these things are all necessary, but politics is quite a different game..in fact, while most everyone can agree (except for maybe some snobby colleagues that are as well versed in the same areas ) that he is an outstanding scholar and teacher; politics is unforgiving, even for highly effective politicians. Unless the politician in question is so blatantly flawed in some way (eg. full of himself, much more divisive than uniting, tells their base only what they want to hear, great at making the other person look bad without proving their own worth, etc. History has provided many good examples of what to look out for) even reasonably effective leaders, who are morally strong and care deeply for their subjects won't appeal to everyone - perhaps only slightly more than half their subjects if that even, as many will disagree about their political ideals or their general effectiveness.
There isn't a fixed scale for measuring 'general effectiveness' that exist; any attempts will attract people who've made it their life's mission to point out someone's weaknesses (generally without offering a better alternative), and even some of the worst leaders, weren't 100% bad -- they may be credited with some good things, but unfortunately these tend to get overshadowed by the areas where they clearly blundered or did intentional harm. And some great leaders who were also great intellectuals, Marcus Aurelius, for instance, weren't great in every respect; He was perhaps the closest thing to Plato's ideal philosopher-king that the ancient world ever produced, and yet made the tragically foolish mistake of appointing his depraved son Commodus his successor; we love our children and its human nature to want to prioritize them, but it very often clouds our judgement. He may have been thinking to himself: "well, he's inherited some of me, perhaps we just need to give him time and he'll start to see the light". Oh Marcus, how wrong you were, and so you were the last of the 5 great emperors, your legacy now badly marred (even if your great words live on and continue to inspire people). The first of the 5, Hadrian was also widely considered an effective leader, but he was virulently antisemitic, hammering the final nail in Israel's coffin for the next 1900 years. But in those days, just like in the 1930s, most Gentile nation didn't give a damn the Jews, so this was easy to overlook.
Here in the US, we've had very smart presidents who blundered spectacularly. Nixon is an obvious example; Carter did some good, and is a wonderful man, also highly intelligent, but as a president, he was a mixed bag. Russia had Lenin, strong as an intellectual, promising as a leader, but we've all witnessed the horrific outcome of some of his decisions.
Einstein was even asked by a newly re-formed Israel if he'd be interested in occupying the country's highest administrative office. Morally speaking, he would certainly be a better leader that what they have right now, but even he knew that his great intellect wasn't enough to prepare him for the job. In fact, it was rather politically naive of Israel to ask him that, probably because he was at the time the world's most famous Jew, and by most accounts a man of great moral integrity. But he knew he wasn't up for the job; aside from that, trying to drive a country would take him away from what he loved doing most; figuring out what drives the universe; and his intellectual pursuits would probably hamper his performance. Jordan Peterson is a man of ideas too, and I could see this posing a problem for him; something that might sound good in theory at first, doesn't present itself this way on the world's stage. It's too easy to slip from ideas into ideology, if one is especially attracted to an idea one is also more likely to succumb to confirmation bias(as thinkers tend to be without empirical standards) .
We should certainly be picky about our presidents. It certainly doesn't hurt when they have a higher degree, unless it makes them so arrogant, no one can get them to acknowledge there might be flaws in their thinking. You want confidence, but you definitely don't want a leader who thinks he's always right. But the takeaway is that no matter how well-qualified that person is to lead a nation, there will always be unsatisfied subjects. There will always be detractors looking for flaws- anything to bring down someone they don't approve of ideologically; kind of like what happened with Clinton; his being a crappy husband did not mean in any way that he was a crappy president.
I think the mistake that we make is to expect any political leader to come and fix all the problems, to be some kind of wonder-worker who comes to save everyone and their grandmother's day. We expect them to be better than us, the highest place on the scale that we evaluate ourselves by but not inaccessibly so - if they're too removed, they may seem to us indifferent, unable to hear the lamentations of the everyman or woman; even so, such a scale can be ridiculously myopic. If we haven't gotten to know the different ways people think, evaluate, perceive themselves in relation to the world, etc.. we are automatically handicapped when it comes to choosing a leader. We want them to defend our interests, sure - but we don't know all the things that have to balance out; all the wildcards, and local variations even within a single nation, let alone the world.
Educating ourselves is the first step towards knowing what makes a good leader; and no matter how much we like them, it is up to us, the people, to hold them accountable, especially once they're given the helm. This means fact checking what they have to say, debating with both friends and strangers in a (civil way)not merely accepting it because it's what we want to hear. We can't afford to be lazy; this is what opens the door to authoritarianism and absolutism. The candidate we'll hear this and think "Oh, you want me to take over and fix all your problems for you. I'm more than happy to do just that...in this way, that and the other way" They know exactly just how to answer, or where to put the blame in a concrete way. They present themselves as the only one that understands our problem. And that's what makes them such effective scammers and con artists.
He's said before that he won't run for any kind of political office. He is highly agreeable and that would be incredibly difficult for him.
The MSM prefer a clown, Justin. Allons y Brandeau.
Huh... 6:00 I just figured out how exhausting negotiating one's identity can be in a marriage. I don't know what to do with that information, but I believe it means going forward I should keep that in mind when evaluating a potential partner.
"you have to listen to them" if you want them to empty your sack
So true...n we ain't talkin firewood😂
If you ignore her? She will empty someone else's sack.. 💥
You're a pre teen
Jordan Peterson is an insightful kind of a guy.
Peterson and Ryan, was nit expecting this combo!
Women file for divorce 75% of the time...
If they perceive problems early, then why don't they figure out how to fix the problem(s) or discuss this with her husband instead of wanting him to read her mind.
So, instead of trying to save the marriage the women file for divorce because it's no fault court system for women and they have nothing to lose but everything to gain, house, kids, alimony, child support, half of everything and the man gets screwed over, with sometimes devastating consequences to the man.
They do but men do listen but do not act. if she says I want better communication and he direct communicate she will eventually end the relationship. I've seen it with my friends putting in effort is all the required.
@@cha9165 --- thanks for your reply to my comment. I appreciate you for taking time to reply.
You are not wrong, but you're reply and example are one of the very smallest reasons and still a sorry excuse for women to do what they do to men, as you even pointed out the man tried his best, most do and it's never enough because she's had her mind made up already for months and thinking about it for years most likely.
There is nothing a man can do to make things better at that point. She's usually disgusted by the mere sight of him and hates how he breaths and eats and sleeps.
It isn't him, it's her. She thinks she still has something some guy with more money and has fun conversations with wants besides sex. That he actually wants to take her on weekend getaways and entertain her. But it's a delusion she has created in her head because this guy is playing her and the talks seem so nice because they don't talk like a couple about bills and car breaking down and kids school grades and real life shit. She lives in a fantasy land and she divorces the man who loves her and sacrificed everything he wanted to do in his life to make her happy and she spits in his face and takes half or more and the kids. Then dude she's been sleeping with stops calling her. And she realizes at her age men don't want her but dudes and boys will use her and ghost her.
Women want what they can't have or what other women have and everyone's life seems so much better than hers but it's not real.
Women need to understand that she should be happy with what she has. But they talk themselves into believing the lies she's been told about how she deserves everything and she's gonna be happier without her husband.
@@cha9165 That may be true in some cases, but as prevalent as divorce is these days, and the fact that women initiate most divorces, you would have to accept the bogus premise that a majority of men are simply bad relationship partners. The reality is that many modern women just aren't mentally or emotionally equipped for marriage... feminism saw to that.
I have a friend who is in the minority, he initiated divorce to his stay at home ex-wife. So, he did have to pay alimony and child support for 2 kids for many, many years. Because of this he thinks he had to work 15 years longer. His mistake was marrying someone without career or educational aspirations.
@@barrettorth8413 ...seems modern men are not equipped for modern marriage...which requires a "partnership" in every area of the marriage. In my experience, men don't want to share in the housework of marriage.
I have always thought that marriage and family were like a business. Mine went under. He is totally accurate.
But ultimately women and men too rarely appreciate the tangled emotional depths of their selves. "Know thyself" was inscribed on lintels above the Delphic temple entrance; an invitation to enlighten and illuminate oneself.
Peterson is so smart!!!
He’s skillful at effectively communicating the triad of thoughts, feelings and behavior
I am always evolving so it’s important to be heard. My ex husband just didn’t want to communicate to know me and he didn’t want me to leave the “ box” he had in his thinking of me. Changing things up is really living life and getting to know more about yourself and others around you. It is good to change and exciting too to try new things in life.
This is genuis.
That's also the key. You dull a conciousness to autopilot micro steps. Then subdue it when they have a moment of choice....
Niw what chems n what doeses would depend on the individual.
Marriage just sounds like WAY too much hard work.
Anything worthwhile in life is hard work. Education, fitness, health , relationships , work etc if you have high standards and want the rewards. Married nearly 35 years to the kind and intelligent guy who I met at 19 . Its worth it.
You work on your own mental and physical fortitude, build a stable life outside a relationship.
A relationship is not something you should see as some godlike thing, I feel that sets it up for failure.
Lol. Just wrote the samething. Better stay single
@@DianneMarshall-o6j Hmmm, happy for you both. My own parents had a happy marriage.
But you misunderstand me. I didn't say marriage sounds like hard work. I said that marriage sounds like WAY TOO MUCH hard work. Been happily single for 35-ish years, except for short relationships approx once per year. Not everyone needs to get married - and not everyone SHOULD get married. Despite seeing many positive examples of married couples, marriage is definitely not for me. WAY too much hard work.
@DianneMarshall-o6j There are distinct benefits from investing in physical fitness, education, work, friendships, etc., but none of the latter comes close to the degree of work required to keep a western female’s sensibilities placated if you’re an average male. I’ve yet to encounter a partner who didn’t make me think at some point, “…and I’m getting what out of this precisely?” At present, women are responsible for ~ 75% of divorces, and over 50% of marriages fail within 5-7 years. It’s fairly obvious from these statistics which sex now has ridiculous relationship investment standards, and which doesn’t.
He's right.
Try dealing with the illogical thoughts and complaints of a OCD woman going through menopause.
Fantastic generalizations ✅😎👍
The problem with Jordan is he’s too willing to forgive women for their bad behaviour at times. Sometimes women end marriages because they get bored or they think they can do better. Those are pretty terrible reasons for leaving someone who’s given their blood, sweat and tears to them for a long time.
I try not to laugh when I read your comment. That may be true in some cases but not in mine. Women also divorce because their husbands have lied, cheated and betrayed their wives beyond repair. The sweet man I thought I was marrying was all an illusion. He was selfish and depraved. After faithfully being a good wife to him for over half of my adult life I was rewarded with infidelity and ridicule with no remorse or conscience. There were blood, sweat, and tears. They were all mine! The innocent wife who loved and trusted a bad man. I'm thankful to hear Jordan Peterson explain to the world that women deserve respect. Most men dont get that. Sounds like we both were betrayed. It happens both ways you know.
So sad you feel that way. Im the one who's been betrayed and have given all the blood, sweat and tears to a man with no remorse and no integrity. It happens both ways.
If people ask me how we have stayed married so long i just say we just keep talking to each other - always have. It's simple really.
90 min huh? Then everyone should have Sunday's off.
Well, they should, yes.
Never had a close relationship. I tried to engage, but he wasn't interested. I was married to him, had his 5 kids. When I divorced him, one day, I looked at a family photo and said, out loud, " I never knew you and you certainly didn't know me. Nor did you ever know yourself."
Tragic, if true. I wonder what his side of the story would be.
If nothing I say matters, I don’t matter and I have no purpose here.
Bye
My wife a school teacher. When she gets home she hasn’t an ounce of energy to discuss ANYTHING with me, she’s too tired on the weekends SO We discuss as NOTHING. There is never any “play”. It’s rather pathetic. I assume full responsibility because I didn’t act on these red flags from the beginning.
Life would be so much easier if Men were actually as _telepathic_ as Women are with each other?!?
Or if women weren't irrational, chaotic, neurotic, needy creatures. 🤷♂️
My wife often tells me her feelings about things she thinks will go wrong. She doesn't want me to just listen, she wants an answer. But she doesn't always want a definite plan. Usually she just wants me to tell her everything's goIing to be fine. I have noticed though when I express my feelings to her, she's often not listening to word I say, I think because her own thoughts are going through her head about something. But I don't mind, we've been married for 25 years. We joke around a lot, that's key.
Not to sound rude but i think when Mr Peterson was younger life and realionships was different, Mr Peterson might find it hard to date if he was in his 'peak' today, simply because both men and women are different in todays world and not in a good way.
Yes, Ive thought that, he’s had the same good relationship for decades, so he’s coming from a purely theory based opinion.
I disagree because he has helped people in a clinical setting working with people through their relationships and time.
Never saw a women that want a solution from his husband. So not sure what he is talking about
@@JonathanVachon777exactly about it 😂😂😂.
This is not his anecdotal experience. He is a dead serious objective researcher
Excellent advice
Women aren’t worth that kind of stress especially when up front you know your marriage only has a 50/50 chance at surviving.
I find it hard to understand that people don't know this.
My wife before the divorce, wouldn't even talk to me, even if i asked her to. 18 years up in flames.
John, I am a wife in that situation. No not getting divorce, but yeah, now even when he supposedly wants to talk, I am still "off". I have learnt in our case it is very very very very seldom an actual conversaton, or a discovereing of what is importnat to the other person. Usually a list of 'you' statements, pontificating, and negating my feelings. Telling me I am wrong to feel whatever way. We're going 23 years. Looking bleak.
Perhaps similar to my wife, who I do actually love and care for.
She has a tongue like a rusty razor blade, and behaves like a very stubborn mule when it suits her and will not pull her weight.
She will eat and sleep and go for long walks daily but cooperation around household endeavours is a minefield.
How many times did she ask you to talk or listen to her. It's could be the case you wanted to talk when she was eventually tired of asking and she had already left the relationship. A woman Duane wake up and refuse to talk to you, she does that after 18 years of getting to get you to listen and understand her needs my man
If enough time passes that a female repeats herself and is ignored, or not heard, she WILL shut down. No amount of talking will fix it. She will already have checked out of the relationship. All the while she stopped "complaining", and you THOUGHT everything was fantastic.
@@mirldzi4913And there's no way you can make him understand this?? I mean: me and my bf of 15 years split up, because there was no talking to this man at all, because he had specific problems, so I know where you're coming from- but I keep hoping that other men WILL pick up on this important message that Peterson gives. Communication is EVERYTHING!!
I like & relate to what you said....jolliet..
FREE MONEY AND ZERO ACCOUNTIBILITY
SMACKIN SLAPPIN IN MY FIVE HUNNID💯🔥 Nefy keepin it lit!!
This was great.
Women are more agreeable?
Come on Jordan!
Aint buying it.
He’s referring to the Big 5 trait called ‘Agreeableness’. Different than being ‘agreeable’.
@davelarsen21 I understand. But not sure about that either. But I agree with most of what Jordan says!
@@DavidSmith-xr8jsmore hiveminded for example they vote for what “sounds good” liberal. If one gets a tattoo they all do. Now they don’t agree with their husband because they are in open rebellion to God and therefore their husbands as well. Just see Adam and Eve in the Bible.
We’re literally TAUGHT to be agreeable. Our life can depend on it
on average
This guy's presentation is a riot.
when we used to be in tribes, women doing the food, kids, homes together and men doing the protection and and and...then they had women as confidants and who understood them more than men....and the men came home in time to give them all a break from each other.
🤣It probably did go down like that for hundreds of thousands of years
Where did you get this BS from 🤣 as if men gave women in those days any breaks
This is where JP shines
1:08 Another likely reason why women are more sensitive to threat: All social animals have some mechanism for preventing inbreeding. Pre-industrial human societies typically practice patrilocal exogamy, whereby men stay in the tribe of their birth while women are married off to another tribe, where she can no longer rely on the protection of her relatives but has to navigate on her own and build new alliances. Meanwhile, the men would be more socially secure, being surrounded by their uncles, brothers and cousins.
This has probably been going on for tens of thousands of generations because we see it not only in almost all pre-industrial cultures as well as in chimpanzees and bonobos, but also in early humans. A genetic study of 12 H. heidelbergensis that all died together in a cave collapse 500k years ago found that the men were closely related, while the women were unrelated to each other.
If it has been going on for that long it must have affected our evolution, and could potentially help to explain a lot of the behavioral differences we see between men and women, such as agreeableness, as men and women would have had to deal not only with different biological challenges (physical strength, reproduction) but also different social challenges (staying with your family vs having to join a new family).
Very interesting. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I like that ending .
If you can spend 3 hours a day on juvenile fantasy anime and video games, you can spend half that time every 7 days tending to his family landscape.
What a wise man.❤
Tried marriage for three years, got the hell outta thete as soon as possible. Happy Happy Happy
When you're old and frail it will be lonely and sad.God created Adam and saw that he was lonely so he took a rib and created Eve as a help mate. Going through life alone is okay until you start to lose friends and parents as you age and then you truly are alone. I delivered mail for over thirty years and the saddest most despairing customers were seniors who never married with no children and friends that had already passed away. The happiest seniors were the married ones.
@@musicgroopie1
And Eve ended up ruining paradise for Adam by eating the forbidden fruit.
So why did you marry her. She didn't just turn into this person. Issue is you.
He is the man I listen to.. 🤞🤞
Im not the agreeable type. Im an INTJ. 🙁 If my voice isnt being heard ill stop talking to him.
Or you can tell him what you just told us, as many times as it takes.
@@derrickrr5516 im forever single so it really doesnt matter what i say.
@@derrickrr5516 No dude. We’re not torturing ourselves waiting to be heard like our mothers and grandmothers.
Very interesting !
This is why I’am still single! Marriage is just too much work!. “Happy Wife Happy Life!” -
(F.U.)
Single is fun in your youth and lonely in your golden years.
@@musicgroopie1 Fortunately My Golden years are 40 years ahead of me so there is still some hope…
@@musicgroopie1 Not for introverts. We are single, content, and NOT lonely.
Bam!