How to break the emotional ties that prevent you from decluttering
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- My youngest son struggled last week to get rid of a worn-out coat, and I thought I would share how he worked through it.
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I asked my mom to put a new zipper on my coat, and she added a new zipper, hood, and extended the sleeves a little using a neon green jacket. It’s pretty unique now I think. :) I didn’t want to get rid of a $50 jacket, so it’s nice that it was salvageable.
My husband surprised me the other day. I suggested he move his library to an upstairs room. He started boxing up books to move and after her was done he presented 485 books to place in small book houses around town. He had been holding on to books from his early years and realized that he would never read them again.
We very much enjoyed your conversations with Paul!! Delightful way to walk the path to God ... what a spiritual lesson for all !! Thank you So Much !! xo xo
So true. I am the only one who gets to decide on what we keep and what we do with whatever it is. Sometimes its just so freeing to realize that.
I love the way you take the time to listen to your children's feelings about things and help them work through their emotions.
Love that fabric!! 😍 Not only did you help me with decluttering sentimental items, which are the hardest to let go of, but you also taught me how to, recover seat pads. ❤
Oh good! 😁
I asked my now adult daughter how she feels about her 'stuff', if she thinks any of it has feelings. She immediately responded with 'Yes!' and then went on to explain that a lot of autistic people feel this way. That is why it's so hard for her to get rid of things. Oh, the deals I would have to make with her when she was little (and not little!) to pass along stuff animals or trinkets. She also said that it's even harder to get rid of her things when it goes into the trash. She would just think of it all covered with dirt and it would make her sad. I just did not understand why it was so hard. Until now. Thanks for the video!
that makes so much sense. one of my first memories was crying bc my socks had to be thrown out and I believed they had feelings. Thank you for this comment!
I still remember my father telling me, a rather emotional child, that feelings are not the truth, just something to work through.
That's so helpful! ❤️
Oh Angela! Thank you for sharing that. I will write that down.
This resonated so deeply with me. My stuff should only SERVE me, not boss me to care for it, clean it, properly store it, etc, when I know I’m never going to actually use these things. I still suffer with some fantasy self items, but so many other things, esp clothes, I have been hanging onto for “just in case”. I think I’m going to turn them over to God now. I need my closet space for my current stage of life. 🥰
Excellent video!! You have a great way of boiling hard things down to just the important message!! I love remembering that, "I am the boss!".
Great job with your son as well... you are a fantastic roll model!
Blessings....
I teach parenting and support parents in various roles and I’m always so inspired and encouraged by such sensitive and affirming parenting. Way to go showing people not just how to declutter what doesn’t serve them but how to be gentle with themselves and others.
I just LOVE Paul's sensitive and inquisitive spirit! I think I'm going to take note of that lesson and give more of my clutter to God to take care of. 😊❤
Y'all know you can get a tailor or alterations person to replace a zipper, right?
I like your channel & love the bench fabric.
It didn't cross my mind, I bought the first coat from the thrift store, and I bought the replacement from the thrift store. But we wouldn't have been able to wait for them to repair it without buying another coat anyway.
I love the way you do something while you're talking. It's always so interesting to see what you create! And I always look forward to hearing your thoughts around decluttering so many different categories of things. I love your focus on God. He has given you such wisdom in communicating to your family & getting them through different issues, and indirectly, us. Thank you for all the work you do Rachel!
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This totally helped me, that story really explains my FOTO (fear of throwing out) !
Foto!!😂 stealing that one!!
You were such a wise mom the way you handled Paul's coat dilemma🎉. BTW, ❤ the colorful bench fabric!
Thank you! ❤️
I've only just started watching your channel but from what I've seen, I enjoy your style of working at a project while chatting with us. It's like you're working alongside us as we work and teaching us what you know. Thank you
First time a decluttering video made me cry. How sensitive you are and a reminder that we need to really consider the feelings of others in our family as we declutter. Listening and caring is so important. Our goal isn’t just clean and simple, it’s peace and harmony. Thank you for sharing this.
Rachel, this was beautiful. I have a very sentimental child. She has had to deal with our family drama (her half siblings had a very traumatic situation that has cut ties.) Anyway, she is very sentimental. I have allowed her a few "memory shelves" in her room. Whatever is on the shelves stays. Sometimes it makes sense, some times it doesn't. I want to handle things in a positive way while still leading her security to Christ. I don't know why, but this video really touched me - how we need to be unhurried enough to actually listen to our children and not make assumptions in how they feel (or why they feel a certain way) ... And how we have to have the wisdom to navigate them to a mature place of growth.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
That's a really sweet story about Paul. I felt just the same when I was a child, especially if things were animal-shaped in some way.
As a child I had a beloved baby doll...rag body with plastic head, arms & legs. It got worn out & my mom threw it in the trash. Apparently I couldn't sleep without it, nor could I stop crying. My mom then decided to sew a new body for her that night & bring her to me. I am 62 & no longer have my mom, but I do still have that doll. The trauma of seeing her in the trash & the joy of my mom fixing her are as clear today as way back then. I've been minimalizing for over a year now...thanks to you & your videos, but I guess the doll is still in control. Which now that I just wrote that is much creepier than a coat🫣🤔
Fantasy me likes to bake. Real me rarely bakes. So I’m finally decluttering angel food cake pan. I’ll let someone else enjoy making angel food cakes.
Marie Kondo talks to her house and thanks her possessions as she parts with them. As a Christian, I thank God for my house and ask Him to give me wisdom and help me declutter. If I choose to part with an item, I thank God for bringing it to me and pray that it will bless someone else if I donate it.
You’re tougher than I. I think I may be a closet animist - I probably would have gone searching for a new zipper…😂 Why my house still has stuff. 🙄
I know my limits - zippers are so hard to replace, which means it would have sat waiting for forever and never get done. I used to tell the kids I would fix things, but I never fixed them, so I learned to not make promises I wouldn't keep. ❤️ 😊
I love this conversation. I would have thought I was "supposed" to buy a new zipper. I can't do zippers so I would have eventually bought a coat. But the broken one would linger in a closet, reminding me of what I couldn't do.
Thank you
@@Nourishingminimalism Totally agree. I would get the zipper for emotional reasons, and the new coat for practical reasons, and the guilt for not getting around to the zipper…well at least now I recognize what’s happening? Baby steps. 😂
I totally understand about the coat...My winter coat that I wear all the time, wore it to work, wear it to shovel snow, etc., is probably close to 30 years old..The zipper pull broke off last year...I glued it with Weld-it and it lasted the season. This year, I just used it as is, grasping it with my fingers to pull it up..Just now, I poked some craft wire through the tiny hole and fastened the pull with the wire...It works!! I love that coat! It shows almost no wear. PS: I like the fabric, too...
My parka is 31 years old this year & still going strong. It's the best coat I've ever had for our really cold winters in Saskatchewan. The top zipper pull broke off about 5 years ago. I replaced it with a large paperclip and used it that way until this year. Just the other day I glued some leather around it & now it looks better than new...and I don't catch my gloves on it anymore. I should have thought of the leather 5 years ago!
@@mudguppy7810 Ha! Familiar story! Those darn zipper pulls!
Depending on the size of the hole in the pull and how much looks matter, I've used twist-ties, zip-ties, and key rings as well.
Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this story. You are a such a wonderful mother for helping him work through his emotions and make this a teachable moment. I am currently going through clothes and purses and items that I have attachment to after going through the things that don’t and I’m struggling a bit to let go. So thank you. I know in the end it will be worth it when those items are no longer bossing me around to make use of them when I don’t love them anymore :)
I also am having a problem with releasing a coat with a broken zipper. My son gave it to me and it is a beautiful leather coat and it still fits me and I like it but I never wear it because it has broken zipper. I am going to give us some more thought after seeing this video. I mostly want to keep it because my son gave it to me and that makes it special to me, especially because he bought it for me and this was one of the nicest things I had. Also he was just starting out himself, in the world, and neither of us had much money, so this, at that time was an expensive purchase. It was just so thoughtful and caring of him. It’s hard to part with emotionally connected things. Anyway, something to ponder, again. Thanks for your video.
Have you looked into having the zipper repaired or replaced?
Honestly, in this case I would either replace the zipper or take it somewhere to have it done. If it's in nice shape & still fits you, and you like it, it's much cheaper to replace a broken zipper than it is to buy another coat. If you have lots of coats & want to declutter some, maybe there's another one that you don't like quite as much...just my 2 cents worth. :)
@@mudguppy7810 yes, you are right. I think I will get it fixed. Thanks for this suggestion
@@patriciam3079 good idea. I think I will look for somewhere that can fix this actually yeah that’s a really good idea
You can find zipper repair kits online, depending on what is broken. And there are many diys online showing how-to hacks for zipper repairs. Good luck! I totally understand your feelings about this coat! ❤
Inspiring, thanks, Rachel. I’m having trouble getting rid of some old things that should have been tossed out years ago, like a couple of plastic cups that belonged to my children when they were little. The ‘children’ are both 40+ now. I have been doing lots of journaling, as you suggested in an earlier video, and today I’m going to put these little cups in the bin. I feel sad, but that’s okay. 😢
I love your new/old bench! It looks exactly like my mother's sewing machine bench, right down to the shape of the legs! (Way back in the 50s & 60s.) I've been on the look-out for one exactly like that for my sewing machine table.
I'm 86 years old and have always had a piano in my home. Even uprights like yours. I don't mean to contradict you, but piano benches always have a full length hinge on one long edge, if they hold storage. Hence the name "piano hinge" in hardware stores. Sewing benches do not. They are like yours. Completely removable. You did a great job re-covering this bench. May you and Paul enjoy it in good health, every day! ❤😊
Hello! I just found your channel recently, and I’ve listen to lots of videos. You are really helping me with my mindset on decluttering and thank you! By the way, that stool came with a sewing table, not a piano. I have one exactly like it. Maybe someone else already commented that. Thanks again for all your help.
Thanks, for sharing. I would of fixed the zipper ;)
This is fab! I love how you helped Paul and. All of us to recognize our feelings and get past it. I'm the boss nor my stuff
Tell Paul I’ve had similar feelings about sweaters I’ve loved and ruined by staining them - maybe because I felt guilt for being careless. But I eventually get over it too.
PTL Rachel…thank you for sharing. I’m doing decluttering tomorrow with my niece because I was stuck; this helped💯💌!
❤️ Glad to hear it Charlene!
I'll say it again: I love how you are doing projects while you chat with us!! I have a bench just like that--it came with the sewing machine table. Now I know how to recover it! Thanks! (I also struggle with some of "my things having feelings" and I'm 60...so this chat with Paul has been helpful for me, as well!) God Bless!! 🌿 M
Good! Thank you! A few people said it came with a sewing table, I thought for sure it was a piano bench, so that's interesting. 😊
someone may have said it already, but that is the same bench my mother in law had for a sewing cabinet. :-)
As you are fixing the bench....I wondered why you did not have Paul was the coat and put it in a thrift store...for some one else to fix or wear as without a zipper?
I have repaired two coats with broken zippers. One belonged to a friend. It was a new coat so I got a replacement zipper. It took me about two weeks, but I took out the broken zipper and sewed in the new one. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t perfect, but it worked after that.
The other coat belongs to a family member. I added heavy duty snaps and it didn’t take very long.
At first I thought what in the world is she doing? Then I thought what a neat idea to CAMLY doing an activity as you CAMLY chat to us. You are a blessing. No screaming at us to " YOU CAN DO A WHOLE HOUSE IN AN HOUR!!"😡 which makes me insane🥺 and brings my ADHD to a 10!😱! or LOUD MUSIC where you can barely hear the u tuber speak.🤯 THANK YOU!! Y'all have a blessed day!🥰
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There’s a verse in the Bible that says something about you’re treasures are in heaven and you shouldn’t put you’re treasure mind in earthly things. Paul appeared to put the coat over everything his whole focus - sometimes we can get so focused in on something it’s like blinders - and it takes our focus off God and the thing becomes like a god til we get rid of it -
I’m now being “ forced” to get rid of things - I can get rid of things ok bye bye go to goodwill ( or charity shop) and be free give joy to someone- but I’m wanting to move / needing to move and it’s budget mainly housing / inflation/ interest rates good houses with simple storage I need ( linen closet place to put vacume if has carpet enough kitchen space) is gonna take a God miracle but feel “ forced” to settle / downsize even more than I want and oh the emotions it’s bringing which is why straight to trash or donate .
I love that you mentioned this B - Paul actually brought this up several days later, and said he was glad he had to get rid of his coat, as he was valuing the coat more than God. What's that phrase about truth from the mouth of babes? It was a blessing to hear him talk about it.
Those times when we're forced into doing things (or letting things go) is so hard, but in the end, we can look back and see how God was right beside us and being gentle with us. ❤️
That was such a sweet, real life decluttering success story! I was watching Melinda Plain and Simple go through and declutter Easter decor and it got me thinking about my own. I brought the last remaining bag of Easter stuff out of the basement and went through it in the kitchen. A sentimental item, my childhood Easter basket, was included. I felt the need to talk through the decluttering process with my partner. I needed to state my reasonings out loud and didn't want to just talk to myself! Things like: I never decorate for Easter; the basket was mass-produced and is nothing special; I have all the special memories in my head and can recall them every year when Easter rolls around. My partner suggested I take a photo and that helped with letting it go too. I no longer have any Easter-themed items and neither does he!
A thousand thumbs up. So very grateful for you today❤
Why not replace the zipper?
I know my limits - zippers are so hard to replace, which means it would have sat waiting for forever and never get done, and I didn't think of calling a tailor, but it would have been the same issue - I used to tell the kids I would fix things, but I never fixed them, so I learned to not make promises I wouldn't keep. ❤️ 😊
@@Nourishingminimalism I'm sure the tailor would've cost more than the "new" coat.
Thank you for being an inspiration, Rachel.
🥰
wow great talk what a way to help your son and I had to laugh at my self because when you mentioned how your son felt his jacket had feeling I feel the same way about things so now Im gonna do the same thing i dont want my items to boss me around any longer thank you for this video and love the material that you put on the stool and what a great talk you had with your son your a great mom
You really are nourishing. Love how you handled a child struggling to get rid of his coat.
Was there a purpose for turning the fabric slightly for the cushion or was that just a design choice in terms of patterning?
Just design - it was too symmetrical at first. 😊
@@Nourishingminimalism thanks! I've only ever done stripes, so symetrical was a good thing. 🤣
Amen Great way you handled the issue with his coat!
Helped me also. Let God take be in charge of my stuff 🙏🏼
Love that fabric. I have some similar to it. What a great idea!
1st time watching you. Really enjoyed your story and your project. 🥰
I've recovered many a piano bench in my day!! I'll be back for more. 😁
Having parents decide what stays and what goes for me , made me mad. We had to two house fires and I lost all to fires.So I never thought about my clothes were talking to me at that time. I was about his age. . Thanks for sharing Paul’s feelings.
That chair is really nice!
He gave me some inspiration. I have some frames that aren’t being used. I might take some holiday paper and frame those. Interesting, holiday decorations.
God says it doesn't fit and the zip's broken. Satan, you have it.
I have changed the zip in my favourite jacket twice.😂😂
My mother had a bench exactly like that! It went with her Singer cabinet sewing machine.
Oh cool!
@@Nourishingminimalism Yes, was thinking the same when I saw the bench. That was the bench from my mom's sewing machine. Exactly the same!
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so sweet, thank you for sharing this :) is is true how can children can inspire us ;)
My dearest Rachel you are such a talented person!As always thank you very much for entertaining us.Stay blessed
Excellent☀️
Love that fabric. I actually made myself some kitchen curtains and cushions for the kitchen chairs out of that same fabric a couple of years ago. It’s so bright and happy.
💜 loved this!
Nice job mom!
I would have replaced the zipper.
Love the conversations you and Paul had about his coat.. I know how I missed it on Patron! I was looking at your chairs, and totally missed the lesson! 🤦🏻♀️🌻💜🌻💜🌻💜
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I love that flowery fabric!
I found a solidly made oak chair for my sewing desk. The one I had did not fit, it worked, but not well. So, now the old one is ready for the thrift store and the new one is ready to be used at the sewing desk. And I got it for $2 because it was 1/2 off week at the thrift store!! - Enjoyed the coat story.
Awww, so sweet❤
Wow, that makes so much sense.
Very cute. And I love the seat cover. Pretty
You're a good mom.
“And he was like Yeah”, that made me giggle 🤭
😂
What a lovely and gentle way to teach your son. Please remember that textiles should be recycled and not put in the trash. It’s not always easy to find a textile recycler, but please google for places in your area. Minimalism is good for the landfill, too!
Wow! I was glad to hear this story. I have 2.5 year old so I know these conversations are coming in the future. It’s good to know us moms can be on the same side as our child and have patience and compassion when decluttering! It doesn’t have to be an us vs them battle.
Yes!
I just recovered some stools in that same fabric. It's such a happy pattern, makes me smile!
🥰👏🏼🙏🏼
Lovely thought provoking video ..enjoyed it !
Oh my! I was trying to declutter some clothes the other day and the first bin I opened had the dress I wore to my mother’s funeral on top… There were so many feelings it brought up! My mother - how I wore it to look good and fashionable because she always did…how I felt pretty in it … how she never got to know that I married the long-term boyfriend the next year that she liked and brought me to the funeral … how she was so old only us kids and one special friend of hers was there - who complimented how I looked (I attributed this to that dress)… How I bought the dress on a whim because I liked it and it fit just right and the price was low for silk- never imagining it would be for mothers funeral because I had to travel far and no time to shop again. I thought I’d have her another 10 years - like her mother. I put the lid back on that bin and said to myself - I do t have time for all these feelings now - maybe after I move or retire or have less projects. Personally - I would have taken the coat to a seamstress to replace the zipper for him to wear as an alternate or as long as he wanted… that costs $20. Clothes don’t have feelings - but the feelings they evoke when you wear them - maybe he felt
like the king of the world in that coat- need to be acknowledged too.
Great inspiration! Thank you!
Give your sweet boy a hug.❤
🙋🏻♀️