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6 Types of Gaslighting To Beware Of
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- Опубліковано 8 сер 2024
- Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse that can make others feel crazy or surreal experiences. This can be detrimental to the health of others. Gaslighting can be a weapon used by many for psychological manipulation. After all, if you can’t believe yourself, who can you believe?
To help you stay safe from gaslighting and manipulation, here’s 6 types of gaslighting to be aware of. Awareness is key!
Disclaimer: But please do note, if you can relate to any of these signs, please do not take this feedback as an attack on your character. We here at Psych2Go believe that there is room for growth and improvement for everyone, and we wish to spread awareness about potentially harmful behavior in relation to gaslighting for this article.
We also made a video on the common phases used by people who may just be gaslighting you and manipulate you into doing something they want: • 7 Phrases People Who G...
Writer: Max Cabrera
Script Editor: Vanessa Tao & Dawn Tan
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Julie Ma (new animator)
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Abramson, K. (2014). TURNING UP THE LIGHTS ON GASLIGHTING. Philosophical Perspectives, 28, 1-30. www.jstor.org/stable/26614542
Arabi, S. (2017, November 9). 50 shades of gaslighting: Disturbing signs an abuser is twisting your reality [2020 updated]. Thought Catalog. Retrieved from thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2017/11/50-shades-of-gaslighting-the-disturbing-signs-an-abuser-is-twisting-your-reality/
Chloe. (2021, March 20). 7 Phrases Gaslighters Often Use. Psych2Go. Retrieved from psych2go.net/7-phrases-gaslighters-often-use/
Hightower, E. (2017). An exploratory study of personality factors related to psychological abuse and gaslighting (Doctoral dissertation, William James College).
Merino , A. (n.d.). Gaslighting: What You Need to Know . UTEP. Retrieved from www.utep.edu/healthy-mind/articles/gaslightning.html
Psych2Go. (2021). 10 Examples of What Gaslighting Sounds Like. UA-cam. Retrieved from • 10 Examples of What Ga... .
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The Sociology of Gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875. doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843
1. Questions your mental health
2. Playing the victim
3. Re- Writing Your Memory
4. I'm the only person you can "trust"
5. Minimizing your feelings
6. Redirects Blame on to YOU
Timestamps
1). Questioning your mental well-being 0:49
2). Playing the victim 1:32
3). Rewriting your memory 2:23
4). I'm the only one you can trust 3:25
5). Minimizing feeling/issues 4:22
6). Redirecting blame onto you 5:21
Hope this helps you out .
Thanks!
Re-confirming what I already knew about my marriage, since it had all six signs in spades. For 9 years. Glad I divorced him.
Thank you🙏
Thanks!
I’ve experienced all 6 of these from different people 😞
This clump of moss hopes everyone is having a nice day 🥺
Awh thx, I truly appreciate it.
thankyou moss
thank you, moss! :D
Thank you moss❤️
irl i sure hope you dont refer to yrself as a clump of moss.
you seem very kind and deserve to be kind to yourself aswell.
hugs m.
The fact I’ve dealt with people who did all of these to me, I feel like my memory is so fucked up because of how much I’ve been gaslighted.
I feel really bad for you , my condolences 💐 that this happened hope you feel better
me too 😭
It's painfully relatable
The guy who bullied me for 1-2 years asked me "so... what was your problem with me last year?". I was so shocked (i was only 13 and unfamiliar with the idea of gaslightning) and I said "what I had with you?..." and he kept telling me that I was being so mean to him for no reason. I started questioning myself and wondering if it's my fault for the bullying. Awful times.
My “best friend” would tell me all the time “dude it’s not a big deal”
I fucking hate gaslighting, it pisses me off to such great extent. I’m so sorry you had to deal w this and I’m happy it seems you’ve been able to move on. I’m also glad you didn’t give in to the questioning, as it wasn’t your fault. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
My ex recently broke up with me and I was so depressed and sad but she’d tell me things like “You’re being overdramatic” and “You’re acting like I ruined your life” I’m able to realize now how toxic our relationship was… thank you Psych2Go
@@FireRams_arisinglion Looking at ur comments on this channel I think it’s a good note to not really take you seriously
Same. Broke with her long ago. She ruined me. My life was nearly ruined. I am way better now and no longer depressed which is something surprising to me. But I really just ended up destroyed. Watching this video made me feel stress. and sad.
I loved her a lot It was the first time I fell in love for someone and not for looks. And she nearly left me with traumas. I struggle to believe that I can love someone again and that I can be as dedicated again with someone.
It will all be okay all right? Look at me. Im okay. I will definetly be even better in the future. Don't let all of this let you down. You're a very valuable person and you deserve the best. It wasn't your fault:'3
@@hsmreu Thank you so much, I needed this
Sending you good wishes hun I hope that you’re doing better!
I was experiencing gaslight from my boyfriend for three years. The first two years I couldn't recognize it, I didn't even know the term gaslight and what it means. All of the signs in the video were there and most prominently the fact that he would always shift the blame on me. For something he wasn't doing right, when I mentioned it he always said that I was too aggressive and I didn't say it in the correct *cute* way. Instead of receiving an apology, I would always end up feeling that I did something wrong and I deserved it. In the third year, I realized that I actually wasn't doing anything wrong and he was using fixed phrases to put the blame on me. Gaslighting is dangerous and can seriously impair someone's mental health, especially if they have already experienced previous trauma. I'm so glad that he's not in my life anymore and by watching this video I feel that everything I knew was wrong, was actually valid and I wasn't insane. Beautifully made video and definitely accurate, I can (sadly) relate to all of the signs. Thank you for sharing this!
Sadly, I once again I find my self seeing some of these traits in myself. Sometimes it’s hard to watch these videos because it makes me see myself honestly. But doing so gives me the opportunity to make changes. Thank you for sharing these videos.
It’s good that at least You’re taking accountability, and trying ti change ! Wish the best for you and hope you become a better being
Maybe if I show these to my mother she might change?
@@hirahiro2331 How it went?
@@wandakoman7381 well after the worst argument and results, we reconciled and she started watching a show where it shows different types of styles of parenting and how it effects the children. She asks us questions to get our perspective and actually follows through.
@@hirahiro2331 that's great. Not a fight obviously, but the aftermath. I'm glad it worked out for you
Happened with a girl in a friends group.
She literally gaslightes everyone by default, every time I tried to directly speak to her on her behavior she always put it in such words that you feel guilty or misunderstand yourself.
One time she crossed a line that I could just tell her to fudge off.
Best feeling ever.
Fight your gaslighers, they are not worth interacting with.
Yes when I confronted my gaslighting dad with no intention to yield or ignore him for once we were close to, well, literally fighting.
So I looked directly in his eyes and asked in the most calm and assured tone I was able to at this moment, if he was going to hit me. Said I won't ever retaliate with my fists but he better be prepared for the implications. He knew I wasn't bluffing and left saying something along the line of "I'll remember that" (yes you'll probably return in the sequel to threaten the world again and be stopped by a crew of teenager wearing bright colors and making weird kung-fu moves 🙄).
I thought he was a mountain but he was more like a baloon, full of air and nothing ...
Thx
What if you’re gaslighters are your parents? Because that’s what’s happening to me, and I’m only 13
@@alittlechese2567 @alittlechese unfortunately it's not because I lived through this with my so called father that I can call myself a specialist ... So do not take all my advices as an absolute truth.
After all I'm just a stranger from the internet and I don't know you or anything from your life. I can just say what (kinda) worked for me. Think of it as a condensed summary of what happened my situation.
First, try to communicate. Maybe they don't see how their actions affects you, maybe they're not good with people when they're not light relationships, maybe they gaslight unconsciously ... And maybe they will make promises to change that they'll never follow. But communication first, better than assuming their thoughts as with any relationship. It's worth a shot, but if you already tried it ...
When you're facing gaslighters who owns a lot of power over you don't be emotional (I know easier said that done), just say facts and stay firm and consistent with what you say, don't be aggressive or too insistent, they will try and take the tiniest breach in your logic or memories. Also poker face.
Gaslighters parents own a lot of power over you especially when you're a minor or when you don't have a stable situation when you're 20ish years old or so ... So I'd say try to get breaks from them as you can (sport, activities, friends) and find other, hopefully less toxic, friend circles. Try to find someone you can trust (and really trust, not some other deceptive gaslighter) for me my mother and sister were a huge help thankfully. I also have a true friend who helped me a lot. Gaslighters tend to isolate you from others, and you're left with just the overwhelming them in your life. My cat was there for me when I needed it also, he's my best bro even if he sometime pees in the house.
You can seek a psychologist aid if you can (it's free in my country) but because you're a minor, I don't know how that works. Might be a bit weird or frightening but don't believe people who thinks that you only go to a psy when you're crazy (after all you don't only go to the dentist when your teeth are falling from your mouth, you just do regular health checkups throughout your life).
It was a huge help for me because as I needed people to vent I also needed someone to help me organise my thoughts. Think of it as trying to put order in an archive room with just piles of unmarked boxes and all the shelves have collapsed. That was my thoughts, feelings and memories as I see them now as they were ... You need an expert archivist in this case.
And lastly, try to build an exit plan. Ask some people about their jobs, find what you want to do later. I was 27 when I lived this two years ago (some kind of highlight from my life with him) with already a project to build. So I was already an adult, but you what do you want to do in the future ? When you'll have your life, built with some (or a lot of) distance from them you'll be thankful.
Again, do not take what I'm saying as absolute truth. If you have to keep one thing out of all that, it is that you cannot and you absolutely don't have to put up with this all by yourself.
Sometimes my brain goes to a dark place from elementary school, someone there pretty much scared me for life, this channel is helping me get over it a but, and shows me signs to not fall for it again, thank you.
Happy that you're healing. 💚
you cut ties each other.she thinks you dont want or ull come back and begging to her saying sorry bc they dont really want there victims go away..she expects you to return but she didnt really realize that you dont want to be in expectations i know that..what you did is the right thing then she will suffer until she finds another victim
So....When you're reality often doesn't align with the reality of the other person, how do you know you're not the one gaslighting or twisting things... I've been told that by at least 3 people in my life and although I'm pretty sure that I'm not the one that's twisting because there are other signs like calling me names and trying to hurt my feeling and self esteem or saying like I don't have the right to feel a certain way, there is this doubt that I just can't get rid of.
Omg. My brain has also gone into a dark place from elementary school. I’m Autistic and was in special ed and I had two really bad special ed teachers who gaslit me. One of them was particularly bad because I remember I would just be talking and trying to be friendly with others but then that lunatic would come over and start yelling at me and telling me that everyone would just prefer it if I would just be quiet and only talk about school related stuff “like everyone else was,” so I acted like she wanted me to for YEARS and it was exhausting and damaging to my mental health. When I first started acting exactly as she wanted me to, she started bothering me during recess about how I was keeping to myself and not playing with other friends, but she was the one who made me feel like I couldn’t do that. Other than that, I remember that during reading time, we were supposed to read silently, which I did exactly like everyone else was, but the lunatic decided out of nowhere that I wasn’t reading like I was supposed to and made me read out loud with her while everyone else read silently. That was basically public humiliation and I don’t even see her logic in deciding that I wasn’t reading cuz my movements were exactly the same as everyone else’s, so how were they reading and I wasn’t. Thankfully, those days are far behind me and I’ve realized that I was never the problem all along. I was just dealing with really bad people who had twisted realities. But before I close this comment, I wanna tell you that I saw the lunatic that I was just talking about at the store recently and my parents told me that I should say hi to her but of course I refused given my history with her. I’m so glad they didn’t force me to. And the woman also had someone helping her, possibly cuz she went blind, so I guess she got her karma.
my teacher did this, it was horrible
I have been gas lighted in all of the above by my uncle and my aunt. They raised me for a year and a half. I was always the scape goat, blamed for a dog doing something or cousins breaking something. Had my anxiety meds taken away, mentally abused by them, and then was shamed I have anxiety and currently working through my CPTSD due to their bad choices. I’ve been going to therapy because of the trama, and they tell me it’s my fault. This video is so accurate. ❤
Sorry you went through that, but glad you now recognize those abusive toxic traits so you can heal & avoid going through the same in the future🙂
That’s rough, just wondering what are the chances of someone gaslighting someone else with a situation that they’re also gaslighting their self.
Ex: two friends are have a big argument one is also demanding to the other and is a bit physical friend one is the one being demanded to do or go somewhere a third friend hears it all and is concerned and freaks out and friend 1 tells friend 3 that they dreamt it. And it’s happened a few times where they couldn’t have done so…
The worst type of gaslighting is being called a narcissist by a person who exhibits the actual traits/persona of one. For years, I had worked on myself to heal from any form of gaslighting my ex spewed on me. It wasn't until later I realized that me taking accountability, wanting to right my wrongs and doing what I can to be a better person shows that... man, maybe I have nothing to worry about.
I think the hardest part is being left with no closure,
someone who leaves to have their fun and continue to treat other people like me terribly, while we are left behind to clean up the mess.
Sometimes, their mess.
I've been kept in silence about my side of the story because everyone believes that person. No one asked me what really went down.
Life can be too exhausting now,
knowing someone got away with most of yours.
If anyone has a similar story, I want you to know that each day I've thought about you. That I wake up to fight when you feel like you can't.
You are not alone and you will never be alone.
Much love to all of you here.
I kinda related to this , I just want say that you are very strong and amazing person
That was exactly like mine. Kudos for you for still surviving to this day 😄
I relate to this 100%. Ive been gaslighted many times. Until the very end when hel left bec of petty jealousy thats even not intentional. And then told his family lies about me to justify his actions of leaving me. Ive been very quiet. Didnt try to explain my side of the story. Kust silently repairing myself of being left off just like that. He also called me a narc when he has all the 9 traits of a covert. Its hard to heal seriously. Everyday was a battle. Hope ill be okay soon. Its been 18days and its still a serious struggle.😢
I knew my grandma gaslights me but this video really described it very well. I always question my mental state, sometimes even my mental health. Since this behavior has been going on, I started doing the same thing towards other people which can be bad. I am currently working on it myself by talking to a close friend of mine who is also a mentor to me :) For those who go through this, don't ever question yourself or actions of what you did. We make mistakes but not everything you do is a mistake you are just suffering and need the help.
Edit: I still live with my grandma though since my mother kicked me out of the house at the age of 11 but I'm doing fine despite all this
Omg why did you get kicked out of the House by your own mother ? And you move out of your Grandmothers mom , my condolences 💐 feel bad that this happened to you
Omg that's dreadful!
It takes amazing self awareness to understand and realise you were doing this to others. Takes courage. Wishing you the best.
🌕🍂🌱🌿☘️
This described what my whole life was like growing up with a single narcissistic mother... which I only figured out recently thanks to this channel
My condolences 💐. Both of mine and the sibling are.
@@USNBLUE Thanks 🙏 I'm just glad I figured out what was happening, where all the depression & low self worth was stemming from. I finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me, it was my mother & now I have more peace. Hope you're doing well also having this issue with several family members 😕
Maybe you should get away from your mother , Growing up with a Narcissistic mother is really bad . I give you my condolences hopefully you feel better
@@lunawolf6288 Oh I have. I'm a grown man & haven't lived with her for several years but of course I tried to maintain a mother & son relationship, yet I always wondered why I could never feel a close bond with my mother. I wondered why I never felt supported or heard. Like I said, I thought it was ME my whole life. I realized SHE is the one with issues & once I learned what I was dealing with, I distanced myself from her. I don't communicate with her much anymore...and it's interesting how she doesn't make much effort to reach out to me, which proves to me her love was always conditional😕 It's a bittersweet situation but I do have more peace now & am happier 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts
@@jemz4555 I didn’t figure it out til about 10 years ago at the end of a very bad marriage. I married one as well. Although I kept a distance since I was a teenager from them because of the toxicity. It’s been a struggle for sure. Now I am just alone trying to remain hidden from their awful hateful outbursts against me especially on the text. I did have to recently block that person. The last incident 2 years ago and I am just done. It’s sad because I wish I new when I was in my 20’s. I view everyone with suspicion and stay alone. It sucks on somedays. But I really don’t want anyone near me after a lifetime of it.
Gaslighting and manipulation is so scary because it makes you question your own memory and sanity, it’s one of the reasons why I’m very afraid of not being able to remember things well. I’ve experienced all of these types personally, but most often Questioning Mental Well-being and Minimizing Feelings/Issues, they’ve probably had the biggest effect on me. It’s crazy to look back on myself using terms like this in the past, whether I knew what I was doing or not, I really appreciate videos that talk about this sort of thing. Examples are super helpful for me to understand things better.
I hope this channel never ends and keep spreading happiness ❤️
Same bruva
same
Stop spamming
this channel is meant to educate people not spreading happiness. get ur facts up
ok
It’s so sad how real this actually is, I’m literally leaving from a situation like this just to come home and see this video, protect y’all well being because people really don’t care about how other people feel
And this is why... no ones can be trusted.
I didn't realize that was what my caregiver/mother in-law has been doing. Thank you for helping me to identify the difference between a conditioning (generational issue of what is brought up with), a glitch in my own make up, and things actually being what they feel like, appear as, or seem to be. Forever questioning my reality, self worth, decisions, reason for exiting, and more; because of a life long fight in a world of continual abuse conscious of it or not. Thank you for helping me define my thoughts and understandings better!
Thank you for spreading gaslighting awareness. I had an ex who did all of these to me for nearly three years. I blamed myself for every problem in our relationship. He’d even go as far as to claim I was his girlfriend after I tried to break things off several times. Gaslight me into taking him back. Haven’t had to deal with gaslighters since then until a potential “friend” did this to me recently. I recognized it right away and kicked her out of my house for it. It STUNG, but it’s so worth cutting these type of people out of your life instead of wasting your time and sanity for them.
Oh my gosh, I was messed up. Long time friend (13 years) used heavy gaslighting and manipulation in the later years of our friendship. I know now that I was gaslighted but I didn't realize to what extent. That "friend" exhibited nearly all these behaviors, with their most prominent being victumizing, minimizing my problems, and making me feel like they were the only person I could trust. It's a downright scary thing to go through, feeling like you can't trust anyone. Even yourself. And it's so so hard to spot when you're right in the middle of it. I hadn't realized until months after our inevitable break up. Emotional abuse is a serious issue and I am SO grateful to psych2go for posting these kinds of videos. Helped me a lot through that time. Keep doing what you're doing ❤️. Wishing well to anyone who has also been or in this type of situation. The most powerful thing to remember is you are NOT alone, no matter how much this person says/does otherwise
I get told to “calm down” and “relax” all the time. Makes me feel belittled.
Nowadays, my relationship with my mother has somewhat normalised but both she and my late father gaslighted the hell out of me. My father was direct and aggressive in his approach, my mother was and is far more delicate in her approach and I don't think both ever realized the damaged they did to me since my childhood until I finally moved away back to my home country to gain some distance and finally get therapy myself (CPTSD and PTSD). That makes it extra hard to approach in conversation. My father would react harshly and my mother would and will try to flip it back at me.... she was abused as a child but refuses to this day to have therapy. My father suffered from similar problems. My only hope is that if I'm ever given the privilege of being a husband and father, I want to make sure my mental health does not negatively affect and traumatize my kids, not matter if I'm aware of it or not.
2, 4, 5, and 6 hit hard. this is exactly the 7 year experience that people expect me to get better from in 2 years. i hope that you continue spreading awareness over loads of psychology information ❤
My condolences 💐 hopefully you feel better
@@FireRams_arisinglioni'm not making it up and i didn't ask you about whether i did or not either so uh thanks?
EDIT: you don't even know me in real life, why would you know if anyone did anything to me-
@@lunawolf6288 thanks 🌼
@@FireRams_arisinglion for your unrequested comment of course?
Thank you so much for spreading awareness of gaslighting. Your channel is a pure joy.
This made me realize my mother has been gaslighting me since birth. Now I never know who to trust or what to say, I struggle to get a job despite my work being exceptional for my skill level, and I get hit with PTSD more often since I’ve moved away. Recently, I told my mother I no longer trusted her due to financially crippling me (and I’m still tryna recover) for getting a car…with my name on it…that I’m paying for. She was upset because she wasn’t on the phone during the process and for that I had a week to get my rent money which there was none due to being ripped off but whatever.
She got mad that I couldn’t go home as if it was my fault that I’m financially ruined. To present day, I told incidents where I needed her most and she wasn’t there. I gave her credit when she was there but it wasn’t often enough for me to let go. She denied it ever happening and said I dreamt it all. I felt offended because she constantly told me my childhood wasn’t bad it’s just all in my head when literally I remember her making me drink car temperature milk even I didn’t think I should and I was 5-7years old. She threatened me, I drank it, I threw up and she said nothing. I apologized to her for throwing up.
She continued to deny everything I told her then tried shutting it down with “I’m your mother!” But I countered it with “I’m a person and you constantly negate that I am! I’m not allowed to express my feelings without being treated yet I have watch out for yours!”
All my life, I tried ti show my mother that I loved by going above and beyond (if I could) and try let the past go, but she always opens those scars and the forces me to close em back up then ends the misery with “I love you.” I slowly stopped saying that to her and she realized it. I don’t hate her, I just want her to stop being so damn prideful and see the full picture instead of creating a delusion that she’s doing good!
My boss was gassing me yesterday. I pulled him aside later and said u have been making me feel like im stupid! He said how! -I have been at my job 25 yrs. him 1yr
My mom and dad fit these eerily well. Especially the "minimizing feelings" and "rewriting memory" ones.
**Vent Time**
I'm still struggling with feeling like my emotions are valid. Most of the time, I feel like any negative emotion I have is just me being overreactive. I still have trouble with trusting my memory because of them. I swear, I could plug my phone up to charge, and then have to check it 40+ times just to make sure I actually did that. Even when I triple-check, I still get bad anxiety over whether or not my memory is actually trustworthy. The amount of bad childhood experiences I have that I'm still questioning due to my parents telling me that it "wasn't real" or that I was "being dramatic" is appalling. My parents have also threatened to leave the family and even kill themselves, my pets, or my siblings whenever they were upset or things didn't go their way. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells whenever I was around them (especially my mom). They convinced me as a child that CPS were evil people who would take me away from my family and that my extended family (who worried about me and my siblings) were the gaslighters and abusers. But then my parents would be caring and sweet, and I would forgive EVERYTHING they did. I could go on and on about all the crap they have done, but I would be here for hours. I can't wait until the day I can cut them off completely. They are some of the most toxic people I know to date.
Thank you so much for your videos. I've experienced gaslighting in friendship that continued for about 3 years, and by the time I cut all connections with this person in this June I really felt like I have no sense of myself anymore. All this time I've been doubting every little thought I had, it felt like I was someone dumb and the other person always knew better than me. I felt like I was in some kind of fog, like I always misunderstood things and couldn't remember anything clearly. It built up so much frustration inside. And it felt so much different when I started to get to know other people who really respected my feelings and thoughts, it was like I got into another world. I'm still in the process of healing and I still experience the aftermath of that friendship, but my therapist and the information in your channel help with that. Thank you ❤️
I experienced the 2nd and 6th type of gaslighting in my previous relationship. It was nothing short of torture. I'm glad I took the initiative to leave.
I am too!!! For you!!!
Yes I’m glad for you too
my mom in a nutshell:
The one that talks about the gaslighter saying that you are oversensitive and questioning how you feel that way and invalidating your feelings is my whole life. Because my parents do this, I'm starting to see myself do some of this and it terrifies me
I know. I was gaslighted and manipulated by my ex girlfriend. I was destroyed.
Destroyed. I also thought. That i would end up being a bad person which was my biggest fear ever and still is.
But i am better now. i am no longer depressed, and i believe i can still be a good person..
Its okay man, dont let all of this let u down... It will all be okay, you will be better in the future even if u live beside ur parents, dont hear what they say... it will be hard, but dont give up k?:'3
I am so glas this channel exist. Not only do they spread awarness about sirieus topics but people who are in toxic situations can maybe reconise things and relise that their situation is toxic and seek help. I know this channel has opend my eyes on some of the behaviour of people around me and I am in a better mental state because of it. Thank you psycho2Go
You guys just helped me realize I’m being gaslight by someone I called my bestest friend
pretty recently someone put blame on my sister and pretend to be the victim she made my sister feel really bad about it even though she had nothing to feel bad about. I have realized this before but I forgive her because we're all good friends. thank you for this video it was great.
My ex husband hit all the examples you listed during our relationship. He uses that whole list on everyone around him. If I didn’t have the friends I have, I may very well have fallen victim to his toxicity again
Happened to me, they would play victim and make me feel terrible. When I would try to talk about out relationship, or about why they are angry they would completely ignore me
never knew but now i know
I just started watching you but you really helped me detect things I couldn’t on my own. You really helped my mental state and what to tell from good to bad. I thank you very much. If everyone watched you everyone will be happier! I hope you have the most amazing day ever!
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as manipulating someone so as to make them question their own reality.The term derives from the title of the 1944 film Gaslight, though the term did not gain popular currency in English until the mid-2010s. The term may also be used to describe a person (a "gaslighter") who presents a false narrative to another group or person, thereby leading them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed. Oftentimes this is for the gaslighter's own benefit. Normally, this dynamic is possible only when the audience is vulnerable, such as in unequal power relationships, or fearful of the losses associated with challenging the false narrative. Gaslighting is not necessarily malicious or intentional, although in some cases it is.
I went thru 1,3,4,5 & 6 and I’m still standing. Sometimes I’m shaking, but I’m still standing 🙏🏼 try to keep going to anyone struggling. I hope you get thru to the other side of your situation. ☮️☯️
I love this channel SM ❤️
Thank you so much. My father was really good at this, most used tools against me and my mother (every day): minimizing my feelings, redirecting blame, playing the victim. I was manipulated into feeling responsible for any bad mood of my parents.
Ooh this is one I can’t miss
thank you for making this video! it's easy to listen to and explained in such an easy way
I just want to share. That person I think gaslighted me have isolated me from two friends of mine in the worst way I could imagine. I finally grew closer to two guys who were really kind to me, later on I discovered that they had a tiny crush on me. Btw, some time before I came out to this person as pansexual and I guess she was jealous of me having other friends that I appreciated more than her because, knowing this two friends of mine were homofobic, she decided to out me without telling me and then pushing the blame on me and playing dumb like she wasn't the only person I came out with. I still feel hurt even tho it's been a year and a half.
Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell.
For everyone
This was such an insightful watch.. I’ve realised my mum has been doing this all my life and I just became aware, those tendencies have rubbed off on me too. I feel like I’m a gaslighter and I didn’t even know 😢 but lesson well and truly learned!!
My mom could be gaslighting me, but she doesn’t mean to. She just wants me to learn and be prepared if that makes sense. I’m not sure how to approach this. Parents be parents though.
Toxic is toxic, family or not
@@alexdaisy9016 bingo. Her mom is gaslighting her and she doesn't know the difference.
In my case it is also my mom. It is hatd to realize but this is no "preparing" if it is only hurting you. Now that I realized how she has beem to me i wish i would have known sooner it was deeply toxic. Because i wouls have believed less of her words and would be much less insecure now.
@@kathysue9890 ima boy, 💀
Don’t worry she’s not abusive, or a manipulator. It’s just she’s a workaholic so she tends to prioritize success over emotions.
Experienced all of them at my previous job -- still trying to unpack it all, but fortunately got away from that situation. Thanks for the video!
Hey Psych2go I want to say Thank You! You've helped me so much so thank u 💓❤☺
I have experienced some of these.
Playing the victim, minimising how I feel (the “your overreacting, I didn’t hurt you that much” one) and the threatening to do something one (and I think a few more) were all played out by the same person for me, I don’t know how to get him out of my life. Apparently the threat was a “joke” but he was trying to manipulate me. Thanks for this video!
I've experienced most, if not all of these, with my friend of 3 years... :(
@@TsukiKitten i’m so sorry to hear that :(
Seems like you gonna hit 10M by tomorrow, So congrats on your attainment
My sister always tells me I'm remembering something wrong so she can steal my stuff but I know damn whats mine and what's hers
My brother does all of these and has caused me depression I did not realize it until my mom brought it up she is an addiction therapist
Hi psych2go! ❤ i’ve been a fan of your channel for a bit now, and recently i’ve been struggling with trying to figure out if i’m the problem or if my mom gas lights me and this video really helped. often times when i am struggling with an issue about my mom and i speak to her about it, i leave the room feeling like it’s all my fault, everyone hates me, i’m over reacting, i’m a horrible daughter, and such. often when i am upset she doesn’t bother to comfort me, there are many times she just walks by as i’m crying. If i confront her about whatever i’m feeling, she turns it back on me and laughs at my problem, either i’m the problem or i’m over reacting and often it’s both. i don’t talk to anyone about my problems anymore in worry they willl shut me down just as my mother does, even writing this paragraph makes me feel guilty and that i’m just spoiled. i think this applies to 1, 5, and 6. i believe my mother has a few narcissistic tendencies and i am not sure how to proceed. Any words of advice or encouragement would be just amazing.
i love the channel! keep it up ❤❤
Both my parents have narcissistic tendencies as well. Neither are full blown narcissistic, but I think there is emotional manipulation and possibly some gaslighting going on that maybe they're not aware of? The worst part of it is them raising me I recognized that I was starting to be the same way, because that's all I knew.
Im currently in the process of reparenting my inner child, and trying to get back in touch with my "over dramatic" repressed emotions. Also working on self confidence and such.
Had a panic attack after trying to confront my father about my thoughts and feelings. The worst one I've ever had. Major difficulty breathing. I just became so irate with his attempts to invalidate my feelings. Was screaming angrily in the shower just before my panic attack trying to process everything in the argument.
I wish I had advice for you but this is some very difficult stuff to understand for me. My biological father was an outright narcissist and my biological mother and adopted father saved me from him.
Idk sometimes I just feel like I'm way too screwed up to be functional anymore so like how can I trust what I think I've experienced? How do I know I'm not actually the problem?
It's been difficult but Ive been trying to just build more confidence in myself little by little when I'm alone. Trying to analyze things as logically as I can, trying to remove myself and vicariously my self doubt from the equation, and watching videos like this to try and piece everything together.
Idk if that helps at all and by now (9 months after your comment) you might've figured things out better than I have and might be able to give me some better advice than I can give you.
Sorry for trauma dumping and I hope things have gotten better for you even if only to a small degree. 🙏
@@neowolf09 sad to say that I haven’t figured anything out, though I agree I worry I’m finding myself doing the exact same things my mother does. I over analyze and psycho analyze everything I think, as to pick apart why I’m thinking it. Unfortunately due to this I spend most of my time emotionless almost, and I don’t care much about anything. I repress everything because I’m worried I’m overreacting. I’ve spoken to my sister about it, she’s 25 so she’s had to deal with my mom a lot longer than I have, andd she says that my mom “is bad with emotions” I believe that my mother might have experienced what I’m experiencing, causing her to shut down and stop feeling anything for herself or anyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom actually upset, other than angry (I do believe she has anger issues and she scares me a lot whenever she’s angry) I have also had similar times when one of my parents push me to a point of not being able to breathe, but even then it feels like they don’t care.
Recently I’ve been shutting down immensely because mt best friend doesn’t help me. He just says “that sucks man” and then “idk what to tell you” I’m bottling up a lot. I wish I could get a therapist but when I asked my mom she said I’d have to find one that would tell her what I say. Obviously I’m upset by this because legally they can’t even do that and also because if I wanted to tell her, I’d tell her. I don’t feel like I have anyone I can trust atp.
Anyway it seems like we have a lot of similar problems, I wish I could help you but I honestly feel like I’m making everything up so if I were to help you I’d feel guilty that I’m lying. I’m also trying to validate my problems which I have a problem with, and it seems like you might have a similar issue. From what I’m hearing, you’re very valid, and even if they’re not self aware, it shouldn’t mean you can’t be aware. If I ever find out what’s going on with me and my life, maybe I can help you out but just know you’re clearly not alone ❤️❤️❤️
A subcategory of "I'm the only one you can trust" is when they make you believe everyone else is against you as well, I had a person gaslight me once by saying that the people I went to for help never believed a single thing I told them and that I was just lying to "get my way." That made me question everyone around me and gave me trust issues for years.
After watching this, I have concluded that my best friend IS gaslighting me. For context, I've been feeling left out and sort of like a "last option". Like from group conversations or hang outs she doesnt give me an equal amount of attention. I never directly told her this, I had my and her friend tell her for me, since it was hard to explain in my own words. Something similar happened a few weeks ago but she sorta just brushed it off and acted like nothing happened. I needed closure but it wasn't there, I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to ruin things. Here comes the part where she gaslights me, she texted them "oh how was I supposed to know if he never told me 💀" and "he hates me right? hahaha" She kept adding "haha" and "lol" to the end of her texts and it just hurt me how it seemed like she didn't even care about my problems and treats it like a joke. Oh and she also said that she tried to talk with me but I "ignored her" I didn't, ok maybe I did at first but that's because I couldn't get it out of myself. She's playing victim when in reality I'm the one who needs my problems fixed. It wasn't always like this and I wish things could go back to normal. We haven't talked in 3 days, we've been ignoring and avoiding each other, not even bothering to look at each others faces. I'm scared that our friendship is going to end soon. :(
Almost at 10 million... congratulations♡
Congratulations on 500 subscribers
My last bf did all of these things on a regular basis. I've been free of him for 6 years now, and keeping him at a longer arm's length all the time, though he keeps trying to insert himself back into my life. He is actually one of the many reasons I find this channel so useful-- thank you, Psych2Go, for helping me improve myself!
These kind of situations magnify my anxiety and makes me gaslight myself
I remember one of my old friends from elementary used to do this, playing victim, directing blame, and "I'm the only one you should trust". He was EXTREMELY possessive of me and got extremely angry if I decided to play with someone else rather than him "You choose THEM over ME?" I had him with me EVERY SINGLE CLASS up to 4th. I moved away before 4th grade started; I never saw him again. My cousin always said that he said hi or something, of course I told her to tell him I said hi back, but I never got over how toxic he was to me. He was also really dense like he never really took the hint of a specific thing I wanted to play.
I’ve watched all of your gaslighting videos and after looking into it. I confidently believe (which is the first time in forever) that I was gaslit by an ex friend. I only began to realise after that friendship was over and they were doing it to my friend (who was their then gf which a few months later turned into exes). The friend kept making excuses for it and it was so hard to witness because I once did it myself. We both learned to self respect ourselves after him. He tried to sabotage our friendship multiple times, more severely each time. But me and his ex are good friends and she has now a healthy relationship with a different dude.
I will never be friends with him again. The pain he put me and especially my friend through is unforgivable to me. I did introduce them to each other but both my friend and I know it ain’t my fault that his sketchy behaviour wasn’t surface level for us to see.
Yes, yes, yes.. totally with the "they grasp for straws to put you down to avoid responsibility".. 💯💯
I was with someone that gaslighted me, they would often play the victim and redirect blame on me whenever I tried speaking out about a problem. I'm no longer in that relationship anymore, thankfully.
I’m so glad for you
4:59 hit me hard, I've always wondered if my parents were gaslighting me, now I have proof. Nice Omori drawing in the background, by the way!
its really helping ♥️
First: I DO see a licensed therapist every week, youtube is NOT my only outlet. Now, my experience. This is quite personal, so please do NOT joke about it, mock me, or belittle me for the years I experienced this.
My biological father did a lot of these. He played the victim all the time, he constantly told me and implied that I'm not normal, and he frequently told me that I "remembered x wrong". He also called me "too sensitive" and in every argument, he insisted that I had simply "misinterpreted" everything he said.
As someone with high-fuctioning autism, I can sometimes misinterpret social situations, but such misinterpretations are not NEARLY as common as my bio father led me to believe. He has never once truly apologized to me for anything, despite the mental harm he caused.
If any of this sounds familiar, I URGE you to get away from the person doing this to you, and seek professional help.
I should be doing my overdues and sleeping rn get here I am 33s early
I work for a mental health charity which has sacrificed some of its own peers so they keep their biggest contract supplier sweet. The peers are there for their life experience and if they start asking questions or pointing out what everyone could see then they were singled out and sidelined. This added greatly to their already existing health issues and made them illegal so they just left and stopped being a problem. Because the organisation is a charity and "helps people" they portray themselves as the goid guys but seriously damage those they're primarily meant to protect
Happened constantly at college and I'm glad I offended them instead of doing what they said.
Ayoo early here!
I was gaslit once when I was getting scolded by my sister for not doing my school assignments and when I tried to state about my problem, she gaslit me thinking my it was just an excuse, and then left me contemplating about how I am going to survive in this world and sometime later, I go back to carrying the burden of the so-called responsibilities with absolutely no support.
If we feel like the responsibility is too much for us, we sometimes wanted to run away from it,
but we are being forced to face it...
There's something worse than bad habits that affect us and our futures.
- Yani P.
it's just crazy how far some people would go treat strangers, friends badly. become bad habits
Interesting. Thanks
I love this channel it really makes me feel like there are still good people in this world
I kind of feel this with my mum 😕
Phrases like “don’t be so sensitive”, “it was just a comment, you don’t need to take it that personal”, “I don’t remember it that way” or “oh, now I’m the bad one?” were the daily basis.
I’m now a big introvert and hide my feelings at all cost. I’m just realizing now that that may be the reason why…
I got "Stop playing delinquent husbands! and "stop playing the victim"
Happy birthday to your channel.
Thank you for the video. My manager has attempted to use some of these psychological tactics..... with no success.
I had a few situations with a very young new “pastor” at a multi campus church (she’s only 20 & I’m 33 & have been serving at the location the last 6 years). The first issue: she said “you can add one of these songs to a set if you want” on a Tuesday morning. I did. At rehearsal on the Tuesday night, she said “I need to check this off with my upline, I’ll let you know tomorrow if you need to change it”. I tell her if I need to change it, I will change the whole set, as I built the set around this song. No message. The song gets posted from the upline’s location onto social media. She knew I had a 3am finish with my youth kids writing up an incident report on Friday night & I’m moving on the Saturday. She texts me at 7am Saturday, when I’m already out to coffee dealing with the incident before a busy day saying I can’t do the song. I left it because it upset me that she’d taken so long to communicate this & knew what kind of day I had planned. At 12:30 when I’m having my lunch I send her a new set list as I said I would. She veto’s it because she doesn’t know 2 of the songs. I leave it until I cool down again, because I’m very cautious of how I write messages as I hate conflict. 5:30pm I message her back, using lots of emojis & doing my best to show kindness saying “it’s ok, I’ll pick a 3rd set lol” really choosing words to show it’s not a problem. She comes back saying she doesn’t like my tone & that she would like to have a chat about how its come across in the morning. 8:30pm - I check if she knows a song & then send a final set list & apologize if anything has come across in a way that makes me seem upset. I remind her I had issues with previous leadership (as I’ve already discussed this with her) that would do this to me on a consistent basis. Next morning she refuses to look me in the eye until “sitting me down to talk” after the service. She proceeds to say that she feels disrespected & dishonored by me, she’s frustrated I didn’t just change it to the song that she wanted (even though it was my duty to pick the set for the week, not hers as I was leading the songs & id done that song every week that I could remember in the last 3 months) & then asks me what I could do better. I re-iterate the issue, that she didn’t tell me on the Wednesday that I couldn’t do the song. She brushes over it, doesn’t apologize & continues to cut me down until I cry. Then she asks me again what I can do better. I tell her I won’t reply if I feel “upset” at a situation so that it doesn’t come across without tone over text. She agrees & says this is the best way forward. She continues to text me demanding different things. I’m overly cautious in having her double check things to ensure that she has nothing to change last minute, but it means I’m often “late” choosing my sets, so I assume they’re actually set for a different day to upload. She demands I do a song & I don’t text her back because it triggers me. I’ve talked to her about this trigger 4 + times at this point. She doesn’t seem to care, because she wants me to do it. I don’t reply & refuse to reply. I feel to allow her to have control, I need to remove myself. I text on the Saturday night, at 8:30 that I won’t be there the next day (she’d picked her own set anyway). They try to force me to go but I turn my phone on airplane mode. I approach her the following Sunday to apologize & ask if I can talk to her & her husband together about the situation. I remind her she asked me not to text her when I was triggered. She gets upset at me & begins trying to cut me down again & I say, “I’m not comfortable having this conversation with you alone and I want to have it with your husband present.” She says out of nowhere sets need to be in on Sunday, even though she’d been texting me requests Monday-Thursday. I also state I would like to talk about the request she’d made as she had not been following it herself. This set her off. I again stated I would not be continuing the conversation without her husband. I met with them tried to bring up some of these issues & then they said “we can’t trust you”. I told them I was done & gave them an end date. She sat in silence the entire time, not even speaking a word. Her husband spoke for her. It was literally so heart breaking to me. I’ve seen everyone but 5 people leave the church because of how she treated people during the transition with the old pastors. I’ve tried warning people about her, but they’re all “yes” people & don’t see it.
I realized (and i was shocked) that i have been in a relationship with the most toxic and gaslighting person i have ever been with. Im so sad to realize how lost i was, each time when i try to escape from this toxic behavior but it always been to fall in that trap again and again until i lost my self trust and lost my awareness of the reality of my feelings. So sad to know that i was lost for over a 4 years that ended with the second depression wave that drowned me. I really need help 😶
My EX husband and EX boyfriend were like this I stayed for so long because of the saying you will Never Find Someone else Better than Me But guess what I did and he's amazing and loving and loves me just the way I am and I love him so much to
Same. ❤
That one “I’m the only one you trust” one was one that my toxic ex used on me to manipulate me the most during 2020 very dark times The thing is with all this it is very common I try to be the best person I can be but I feel like one or two of them I’m guilty for and that was not even me realizing it or yet alone knowing which is why I always say I gotta be accountable for my actions and what I say.
Rewriting memory is a big one, then placing blame... For even the smallest thing
Oh God, I just realized. I've been through (I think) narcissistic abuse and when I watched your video about it and heard about gaslighting I was like "Noooo that couldn't have happened to me" and only now I'm noticing how I experienced it on a daily basis... Wow I guess I should really go to therapy
Trauma based therapy saved my life. EMDR is amazing!! You’re not alone Elisa. It’s not your fault. I’ve been there. Hugs ❤
thanks for the tips i'm getting better at this👍
The gaslighting I've experienced was victim cards, feigning ignorance, dismissing things, aggression, blame shifting, projecting and twisting facts and stories. It's why I get scared of saying things like "do you hear yourself when you talk" or "are you out of your mind" because I've been told that stuff (though I've said those things before when someone was abusive to me).
Sadly I had experiences the point 5 and 6 and those aren't good experiences. I think those last two points can be the most powerful and destructive from all. I hadn't even known about a term called "gaslighting" before I even met this chanel. Thank you for making such a important and a valuable episode dear psych2go.
All of them I can recognize had happened to me but the last one is truly the most common in my case. It feels like I am constantly hearing that things are my fault...
Lila from Miraculous Ladybug:"Thanks for the guide! 10 outta 10! Would Gaslight again."
My dad tries to gaslight me on occasion. He's one of those perpetually miserable narcissists who tries to feel in control by making the people around him feel miserable when something makes him feel insecure. He really had me messed up when I was a kid, but now that I've learned what he is and how to deal with him I can turn the tables on him and drive him up the wall pretty consistently. You just have to give up on having a rational conversation with him (since he's not arguing in good faith anyway), be dismissive and unimpressed with all of his accusations and personal attacks, say little things to antagonize him, and visibly look like you're having fun with the conversation. Then sit back and watch him do the rest of the work for you as he winds himself up into a rage. Some of the things that come out of his mouth in that state are gold.
Since school starts my friends does'nt hang out a lot sometimes we only hang out 1 time in 2 weeks and one of my "Friend" always says to me when i laugh she says "your laugh sound so fake" and it made me feel offended
There’s a gaslight tactic u should also look for the “u owe me” one of these forms I call the therapist gaslighter where they wait till you get into an argument of any kind with someone else then try and be the person you vent to only to turn it around and use it against you and say “I listened to you and sided with you so you have to side with me”
I was in a relationship where I was unhappy and feeling like I was messing everything up all the time. In reality she was just uncomfortable taking responsability for her actions and instead made excuses or would go as far as to blame me for what happened. Being somone who takes self improvment very seriously I always took it to heart and tried so hard to"fix myself". Unfortunately it took her doing somthing very drastic for me to finally leave.
Wow, I was actually with someone who used all the above mentioned methods. Watching the video now brought many memories when such scenarios happened.
my friend follows 5 of these signs, questioning my mental wellbeing,playing victim,rewrighting my memory, minimize my feelings and redirecting blame, but i dont know how to stop being there friend or approach them and talk this out
thank you psych2go. I sadly learned that i have experienced every type of gaslightning by my step father and my "friend". I dont know how to cut my friend off tho... But thanks!!
Thank you
Huh. I guess I always knew something wasn’t right with the interactions with my dad and I have even verbally described #6 to others (shifting the blame onto you), but I never really knew it was gaslighting