LOL 😅😆😆 THAT IS SO TRUE, NARCISSIST REFUSE TO ADMIT REALITY IS REAL, EVEN WHEN YOU ACCUSE THEM OF WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS TO BE THE TRUTH!! ESPECIALLY A SELFISH EMOTIONAL IMMATURE, GOLD DIGGING NARCISSIST, ANOTHER SISTER OF MINE TYPED OUT A NEW WILL HAD MY DAD SIGN IT, THE NIGHT BEFORE 4 WAY HEART BYPASS, AND TOLD HIM IN FRONT OF: ME, HIS LAWYER, HIS BEST FRIEND, MY MOM,( OH JUST SIGN IT DAD ITS A NEW APPOROXY MAKING ME IN CHARGE OF YOUR HEALTH CARE DECISIONS INSTEAD OF MOM, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT GOING ON BETTER, IT IS JUST A HEALTH CARE APPROXY!!) LOL DENIGH DENIAL, SHE HAD HIM SIGN AN ENTIRE NEW WILL AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TAKE MY DAD OFF DIALYSIS SND LIFE SUPPORT, WITHIN ,,24 HOURS. SHE MADE GAIN 50 POUNDS IN LESS THAN A DAY, WITH LIW BLOOD PRESSURE SHE IGNORED, MY NARCISSIST SISTER INSISTED THE NURSES TAKE MY DAD OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DYLYSIS IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS AFTER OPEN HEART SURGERY, AND NEVER ALLOWED MY DAD'S HEART TO HEAL, BY ALLOWING HIM TO HAVE THE DYLYSIS MACHINE, HE SAID HE NEEDED AS WELL AS OXYGEN AND LIFE SUPPORT UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECOVER PROPERY..SHE KILLED MY DAD, SHE TOOK HIM OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT ALL THE NURSES AND DR'S SAID HE NEEDED TO RECOVER, AND LIVE AFTER HAVING A 4 WAY OPEN HEART SURGERY!! THEN SHE KIDNAPED MY MOM TO HER HOUSE, TOOK HER OFF ALL HER CARDIO PILLS, AND POURED MORPHINE AND ATTAVAN DOWN MY MOMS THROAT WHILE SHE WAS UNCONSCIOUS , AND CAUSED HER TO DIE IF DEHYDRATION AFTER 7 DAYS!! SHE DENIGHED ME AFFECTION AND LIVE FROM MT PARENTS KILLING THEM BOTH!! MY ADVICE( DONT EVER MAKE ANYONE YOUR APPROXY!!! THEY WILL KILL YOU!! )
😂 it's sounds so stupid but it's so true. A professional narcissist tries to turn it on you when you realize who they are and you just want to laugh. I have been on social media scrolling but denying all these signs that I'm dealing with a narcissist then more come. I wanted to bring a recorder into it last month and she said not to. I'm a virgin narcissist victim sry lmfao
Yes!! My husband denies his own lies, denies that he gaslights me, denies the impact that his begrudging has on me. He denies that his pedophilic friend behaved inappropriately around our 12 year old daughter and the impact that it had on me and on her. He can just proceed to deny watching me walk out the door.
I have situations like this all the time where my wife denies saying something I know she said, but there have been times where she tells me I said something, and my daughter, whom I trust, backs her up. Very confusing for me.
I actually bought a recorder to record my narcissistic ex. Got divorced 14 years ago then found an awesome woman who I've been with for 8 years now. Life is so much better without having to deal with toxic people.
She is giving the correct meaning of the word. Gaslighting is not just lying. It's lying PLUS trying to make you feel crazy or oversensitive for not co-signing the lie.
@@spaceghost8995 😂😂😂 The left always accuses the right of what they themselves are doing. Think about this. Who said Trump will get us in WW3? Look at where we are today. Seriously think about that.
@@krisluvsutube2684 1trick is to ask them a "yes" or "no" question don't let them steer, spit hairs, deflect or ask u questions over yours the lie will usually fall apart immediately I know more tricks used by the F.B.I C.I.A and detectives but that'll cost ya 😹
I started to record him. When he denied what he said, I played the recording. His response went from denying to “so what? Do you have a problem with me saying that? And why do you record everything?”
Typical Narcissisit always got answer for everthing,always have to have the last say in everything and they will turn it on you and say your the one that always has the last say.
So true. Oh man, I have said that very thing about my mother who acts like she's above reproach, is never wrong, never at fault and always has a defense/deflection mechanism on the ready. The woman irks the sh*t out of me, so I've made her feel my distance. She hates it. I love it. 🧘♀️🙏😌
@@JaquelineGoodspeedthe only time I’ve found myself agreeing with transgender people: some women are just birthers > zero when it comes to nurturing, so many lives destroyed by the very birther demanding respect for her Motherhood Badge. You sound like my professional career criminal drug addict life long friend/sister who demands the children respect the mother no matter what… never mind they don’t respect laws or others property… yeah no free pass for those that try to hide behind the I am a mother therefore respect me! 😢
@@chinnjm exactly! It’s like you cannot say anything without it going left. You could be discussing the most benign topic and it will just go off the rails. There’s no preventing it because you don’t know what will set them off
Just got out of a relationship with a woman who was doing this to me. Crazy thing is that she is a therapist, and truly believes she is correct 100% of the time. Telling me that I said and asked things that I would never ever say
Yep. I had a boss who was narcissist gaslighted everyone. She eventually was charged with stealing hundreds of thousands $$ from the company. Then tried to blame people who she fired or quit years before. Stupidity is their middle name. They can't remember all their lies & always get caught.
I had a boss like that! I reported her to HR. I had been in a gas explosion. I had a TBI. She put me on disability. HR said she could not do that! I can come back. However, they will do everything to get fired. She would say mean things to me. I am a Certified Medical Coder with Associates. I just said, "I will stay in Long Term Disability."
That's exactly what I am doing just now with the mother of my daughter. She's unbelievable denial ignoring me Absolute 100% will never acknowledge anything I say to her. Recording conversations is something I've already had to do
I did the same but let him write it down. but that never helped either when I showed him te evidence when he denied he just said but I didn't mean it so it doesn't count. They will always denie.
The narcissist was my own Mom. It took me most of my life to realize that my Mom's behavior towards me was a direct result of the fact that she was a narcissist. She purposely went out of her way and said some awful things to hurt me. She was also very jealous of me. She also enjoyed turning her children against each other. She had no friends either and she always judged people who she didn't even know. She worked for the local Post Office and everyone(even some of my friends), thought that my Mom was the nicest woman...that's because she was putting on an act. Nobody knew what she was really like when it came down to her children and her siblings. The saddest part was when she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and passed away last year. She was always a narcissist before she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. I literally had to move away from her abusive behavior. She never apologized to me and she never admitted that she said the horrible things to me or anyone else that that she hurt.
I didn't get brave enough to start recording conversations until it was too late. It was literally the days that led up to me escaping. But by then he figured out that's what I was doing, and he changed from screaming to crying and seeming like a victim. These people are so good at their craft
I had a family member like this. I believed their accusations and tried to fix myself for months. Then one day they blew up at me for something that was so far out of left field, I snapped out of it and realized their accusation wasn't based in reality. I went no contact that day. Still messed with my head even months later as I tried to sort through what was real and my fault and what was not. I'm thankful to be in a healthier place now with a wonderful husband who showed me you can actually work through conflict without drama, blame, and grudges.
Yes and no. It is invalidation (dismissal), yes, but it goes beyond that. "You have no right to feel that way" is telling the person that not only is their emotional communication getting dismissed, but that _they themselves_ should _dismiss their own emotion._ That's what makes it also gaslighting. It's denying them their own reality (their emotions).
@@seajelly2421 It's not gaslighting as it does not seek to make the person question the reality of whether or not they feel that way. It acknowledges the reality that they do feel that way.
So true!! It happens gradually I didn’t understand why or what was happening for almost a year. Lots of crying, hurt & confusion before I wised up. Began to educate myself on this horrible type of abuse. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with and doesn’t happen quickly but the good news is no one can ever do that to me again. People will try and I will have no problem walking away.
He made me question my memory ALL the time. I began recording our discussions and listening to them later I finally realized how he would spin his words and try to twist my emotions in such a way that so that he would be the " " winner" and it was a huge affirmation that leaving him was the right thing to do.
Gaslighting people by accusing them of having gaslighted you has also become very common. It makes pushing back against actual gaslighting a lot harder.
Wow. That's horrible. I would find and work with a licensed therapist, one who is very familiar with narcissism; be prudent in researching them first by learning about narcissism, this way you can find a therapist who isn't pushing for clients based on psychological & social media pop culture "buzzwords", of claiming they're specialized in dealing with narcissism when, in fact, they're just looking for clients based on trendy labels. You pay them, you spill all to someone, so make sure that someone can actually help you, please. Good luck!
That's why it's best not to use buzzwords. Using the vocabulary to understand what you're going through is good around safe people. I caution against using the terms with a manipulative person and try describing the details of the conflict directly. You can use your knowledge of gaslighting by describing the definition through their actions. That way there's no weaseling out. You have a problem with their bad behavior, not with "gaslighting". Narcs are really bad at connecting their own actions to larger concepts, so you have to spoonfeed everything to them
I had chronic pain and was on pain meds for a misdiagnosed broken ankle. My ex constantly told me I said and did things I didn't do. I thought I might have been confused due to the drugs. Got surgery and no more meds. Figured out she was a lying narcissist. She's gone and I've found the woman of my dreams. The good thing is you appreciate a good spouse more after living through that hell!
@@JDforeveraloneAltho I got it in the interview or whatever, your comment was Funny! Appreciate that! Thx! -Azariah (The LORD GOD HELPS) PSALM 20:1, 6-8; PROVERBS 16:25; ISAIAH 43; MATTHEW 24; DANIEL 3; JOHN 3:15-21; JOHN 14-21; ISAIAH 30:18-22; ACTS 1-3; REV 2:9; 3:9; GENESIS 6-9; PSALM 9:10
She hit that spot on. The voice memo was the trick. I never thought it would come to that but it was always already that way. The voice memo was for me to actually believe I was told those things. It helped me get away. Pay attention.
I thought if they heard themselves they would see what I was seeing. I never did record the conversations but told them it would be helpful if we had recorded conversations. They just gaslight you and accuse you of being the bad person. This seems to he a new development for some. Long term relationships have ended this way and I'm still confused as to why.
@hustlecrowe845I'm so very sorry for your experience. But, the best recommendation from you. It is 1 MILLONTH times better being homeless than being trapped in a house with that! Protect/ Guard 💂 y/our Peace! It's priceless!
It’s so annoying for someone to look you in the face and say they never said something YOU KNOW they said . Then they try to use “ how are you going to tell me what I said “ which is valid but STILL I KNOW for a fact what I heard you say. You said it ! 😭
Yes, but it's a specific form of lying. Simply accusing someone of lying is vague, and they can just as easily turn it on you and accuse you of lying. Knowing what these specific terms are and what they mean is helpful in the long term.
Sounds like you 2 are in agreement so after 53 of a hellish marriage to an ADD nutcase I suggest you go. I didn’t because I had no way to support me and my 2 children, which he didn’t really want, and being from a very religious family and unsupportive parents I had no money, no support and no where to go. Tonight I found out he stole my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. It makes you want to die.
Re: "I never said that." ..with a self righteous attitude. Thank You. I used to question myself. No longer *Crazy how they end up alone or with someone lonely or sick and that person "needs" them.
I lived with a roommate who was a major narcissist a few years ago. I'm glad he's gone now because I had to do that exact thing when talking to him, which I thought was just ridiculous. Needless to say, I feel MUCH better now, with no roommates at all, especially him!
Love hearing beautiful stories like this! Mine melted down right before my eyes, then I moved out, hit her with divorce papers, and she moved over 1,200 miles away. My dog was her replacement... Way more loyal.
@@moregrouchy Lies. Truth is truth. There is no "your" truth. There is only truth. Gender means sex. It is not an abstract construct of society. Get out of here with your Marxist groupthink.
16 yrs of me saying sorry and going to counseling because i was continually told im the reason that our marriage was not working..now 8yrs divorced and no antidepressants, no counseling, no stress, no gaslighting...Im very happy and live an almost stress free life...its wonderful and i now know im good enough and never needed her acceptance or approval to have happiness
Love it I went 25 years I was pretty damn stupid but I had kids and didn’t want them to grow up without a father in the house. And both of my kids grew up to be great people so it was worth it.
@@gregmedlin5274 Same situation. Hung on as long as i could. Zero honesty. Zero accountability. Absolutely unbelievable the extent of the abuse & resultant trauma.
It only gets worse with them as they age, belligerent MF'ers sorry, I'm telling their truth. He doesn't know I record his nasty verbal abuse probably 10 nasty recordings of his rants and rage. He also antagonizes physically, watch a pissed off kangaroo! They puff out their chest, fling their arms out wide, giving them an appearance of larger than what they are. This one puts his hands on his hips while chest puffing, extending his elbows so if I walk by I hit his arm, his wingspan is blocking a doorway, he's not a mother flucker AT ALL. If you want to laugh, Google kangaroo tangles with a human. (I used to like those cute little joeys, no more, nasty like a narc!!!)
I had to be out of the house to see it. I needed the kids at my place (a few months after we had separated) because school was starting the next day. He said school doesn’t start tomorrow. Everybody knows it starts Wednesday! School starts every year on Wednesday! It was even in this week’s paper! You’re so ridiculous! School did start the next day. I was right and all of a sudden I realized he’d been doing this to me for years and making me feel stupid all that time! My decision to leave has been reinforced so many times over!
Excellent advice. Not that all narcissists will gaslight you. Some are just passive/aggressive or will walk away and leave you hanging. That's your clue to leave them. Honest relationships with them are impossible.
There are ways and Dr Ramani has many videos to help you, plus sometimes there’s even helpful advice and support in the comments section of her videos. Good luck and I hope you find some peace. 🙏🏽
That’s what I was gonna say!! It’s my MOM that’s the problem!! & a narcissist can’t even be helped, cause they will NEVER admit they even have a problem in the first place! 🥺😢💔I’m beyond frustrated!!
When you start having to screenshot convos bc they keep saying "i never promised that" "i never said id be there" etc. Its not denying your reality, its showing they dont feel promises or their words mean anything binding. Words are just tools for the moment to get what they want.
I switched and made all serious conversations to either text or email. She would still gaslight and deny what she said even when it was in writing. The sheer insane pathetic nature of them is quite sad and ridiculous once you truly see it for what it is.
Yeah a narcissist guy I know said that I told him something over a text that I know I didn't say and was planning on finding that text for proof. I was like good luck finding that text because I know that it doesn't exist. I did find the text he was thinking about and it actually proves that he lied lol I know myself enough to know that there are some things I would never feel comfortable saying.
I recorded them to show myself after a couple days of no contact when i start to miss them. To show how horrid they are and to not forget. That's not love.
That is, in fact, addiction. When you become so used to the abusive mind games that have become your normal that you seek to fill the soundtrack in your mind when the voice is absent..... it was a horrible way to live. I was crying to get out, but out of what?? Nobody knew the extent of my trap, that place where I lived in my mind. 😢 Hell.
Using a tape recorder is definitely not so you can play it back to the narcissist (covert or overt)---- anyone who's tried this knows (1) the narcissist will still find a way to deflect/argue/gaslight, even if you've heard the convo word-for-word repeatedly and know otherwise, and (2) you *never* show the narcissist the tape recorder, because (at the very least) their "hurt" and "outrage" will overshadow any point one could make with info gleaned from said recordings, and once they know theyre being recorded they get even more manipulative and slippery
Not to mention the accusations of you trying to manipulate them and going out of your way to try to hurt or attack them or to use it as a weapon against them to make you feel guilty for doing it.
Don’t forget 13 states require two party consent before recording conversations; big players include CA, FL, PA, MI, MD, WA. This law applies to public as well as private property and requires any video to delete sound and/or the topic of the conversation.
I've had multiple narcissistic, abusive bosses but one of the last ones targeted me to a point where I did record him & reported him to hr. The crap he did & said was so bizarre & over the top he made other employees afraid for their jobs as well as their lives. In the end, the company owner, hr & a GM had a meeting with me & tried gaslighting me over his horrible behavior. Your videos helped me understand what was going on. I'm still suffering from PTSD from the non-stop abuse - I can't work for anyone anymore but, at least, I can see the behavior more clearly now.
IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM I TOLD THEM I JEPT FALLING DOEN EVERYTIME MY SISTER STARTED SCREAMING AT ME AND I TOLD THE DR. MY ARMS JEEP MOVING UP AND DOWN WHEN I TRYING TO SLEEP AND MY ENTIRE TORSO MOVES UP AND DOWN IN THE BED, AND SHAKES LIKE IM HAVING SEIZURES, I CANT STOP IT EVERY NIGHT WHILE IM TRYING TO SLEEP AND EVERY MORNING I WOKE UP GAGGING AT 6 AM TO 12 NOON NOT BE ABLE TO STOP AND HE SAID YOU DEVELOPED P.T. S.D. SEVERE HIGH BLOID PRESSURE 200/ 90 ECT DAY AFTER DAY FOR 45 PLUS DAYS IT ROOK WEEKS OF BEING NURTURED AND SWEET TALKED TO BY MY LIVING NEICE TO MAKE ME FEEL SAFE, SECURE, LOVED, AGAIN, ENOUGH FOR THE NIGHT SEIZURES TO FINALLY STOP, AND THE MORNING SEVERE REFLUXING FROM P.T S.D. BUT I STILL CANT FALL ASLEEP AFTER WORKING 10 PLUS HOURS UNTIL 1 OR 2 AM THEN I NEED. TO GET UP BY 8 AM UGH!! P.T.S.D. FOR LIFE SUCKS!! EVERY MILITARY MAN HAS IT, BUT OUR GOVERNMENT WOULD GO BANKRUPT IF THEY DIAGNOSED AND TREATED EVERY ONE OF OUR BRAVE SELFLESS SOLDIERS, THE IS A REASON WHY DR 'S REFUSE TO GIVE PATIENTS REFERRALS!!! ALL EVIL STARTS AND ENDS WITH MONEY AS A MOTIVE!!!
IM SO SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU AND SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEING ABUSED, AND TAUNTED/ MADE FUN OF/ MADE LIGHT OF THE MATTER OF THE VICTIMS BECOMING ILL, EMOTIONALLY, AND PHYICALLY, BY SELFISH, ABUSIVE NARCISSIST IN THIS WORLD!!! GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVING KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD AND PROTECT THEM FROM ALL NARCISSIST AMEN!!! / SO BE IT!!
When we have Wisdom, which is a Gift from the Holy Spirit… We can watch for the ‘Red Flags,’ of Narcissism! When you apply all of the knowledge of not being involved, you can CHOOSE to stay off of the Narcissist’s Hit List! Dr. Ramani explains the Acronym D.E.E.P. ~ Don’t Deny… ~ Don’t Explain… ~ Don’t ENGAGE… ~ Don’t Personalize! Because these Demon People WILL WIN! They use Tactics that ALL Good People Do Not Know… It’s like Showing up to an Auction, w/ ZERO Money… Dinner, w/o Food, a Test w/o Studying~ Good People should not Wrestle w/Pigs in the Mud! You will only LOSE & Get up Muddy! So, when you have a “Demon Narc Person-BOSS’ you have to allow them to Always take Center Stage, while you, stay Silent. If it is a Job… This will allow you to keep your Head & Emotions long enough TO LOOK FOR A NEW JOB if the Narc Targets You! I have studied thousands of hours… The More Emotionally Mature & Happy we are with our Own Life, the Easier it is to … “WALK AWAY” w/o Wasting any Energy! It made me Sad when you said that you couldn’t work with others… The Narcs are only 20 ~ 25% of the World… Which means, the majority 75-80 of people ARE NORMAL, ie. “GOOD PEOPLE!” GOD would have us develop Wisdom from our Hard Experiences & Not Isolate & Allow the Bad people to Dictate our Lives into Isolation! 🙏🏻WE CAN CHOOSE to BE BEAVE & CHOOSE LIFE! CHOOSE WHOM YOU WILL ASSOCIATE WITH & WHOM YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM! WE CAN DO THIS, by Watching for the Signs! 🙏🏻Blessings! 🕊🍃
Stay the course. I encourage you and everyone else to keep on #movingforward . 1️⃣step then the next. That's it! Let's Meet with others at the front line of Survivors! Next🆙Let's move beyond that! Transformation of our self is the best gift 💝 to humanity! Finish line 🏁 ❤
Maybe stop clinging to being a victim like a wet blanket and grow up. Very few people in the west are true "victims" of any kind of oppression or traumatic event.
Yeah, I am with a gaslighter and a never-ending talker, married for 21 years. I know that, and I just don't listen to that nonsense. But I didn't have a happy life for 20 years, and we have three children. Now I am waiting for the last one, which is 17, y/o get a license, and car, and set into college. Then I am planning to be free and happy!
53 years! Why didn’t I just up and leave. I came from a religious home and hyper and angry mother. Divorce was considered evil and I couldn’t go back to my parents. I had no money,no support, few friends and a baby. Who could I have left her with?? I couldn’t afford a babysitter and never heard of welfare. So I stuck it out. Turns out I finally took him to one of Dr. Amens clinics and found out he and my child both have ADHD. Now he’s going almost totally deaf and acts so self righteous and holy it makes me want to die. Tonight I found out he took my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. In all these years I never argued about money but this is more than I can bear. Time to send him to the old folks joint. Trouble is he is very strong and at 75 still works long hours on his precious farm. About 10 friends of mine have died. We live out in the sticks and Iam isolated. Sorry for complaining and thanks for listening. Oh by the way councelling did nothing because he knows better. UA-cam is my companion. Any other old women out there who understand my fate??
So TRUE! With my Ex for 17yrs. Always denied he said things, I started writing them on the calendar. He got so mad at this and tore it down!!! Go figure!
I find it amazing that so many people are talking about narcissists. From 2008 to 2016 (with a 3 year break) I was with one and NOONE was talking about it. I didn't know what I was up against and didn't know what was happening. I finally got out after stumbling on a website. She spoke of similar scenerios that I went through. But the genius of her realization was one question she repeatedly asked herself and I often would ask myself. And the ultimate question you find yourseld asking yourself when you are with a narcissist is this, "Am I Crazy"? This means you are with a narcissist. RUN!
To some people it seems like a fad, but the absolute selfishness of a narcissist so fits the descriptions that people talk about. I guess this is a period of time when this sort of thing just has to be dealt with. For me it's been a blessing to have to stay in and focus on the internet. C19 got me in the Long Haul, for a year and a half I didn't leave the front sidewalk. I'm no contact with most of the people in my life who fit the description. Minimal contact with one, not sure how far I can get away from this one. I'm still recovering from so much. But so glad this all is being talked about, and I was prepared for it.
Exactly!!! When I started asking myself "Am I crazy?" It took me a second and then I realized, crazy people don't know they are crazy and would never ask themselves that question.
100% true. He denied so much that I had to tape him just to play I back when he called me a liar. And yes, not too long after I had to leave No contact - the peace I gained afterwards is priceless.
Literally after an argument where he went into a rage which did not meet the level of conflict we were engaged in... - I started writing, "I'm writing about this interaction immediately afterwards, because I feel as if I've been gaslit before so I want to make sure my whole truth is written down in the moment." 🤦🏼♀️
This is exactly how I feel. I just got married a little over six months ago and I definitely don’t have any respect for him. But to be honest, I don’t think I did even before getting married.
@@OaklandRed If you don’t respect each other, there is no basis on which to build a lifelong loving relationship. Better to divorce now than to continue. If this true, you are worth more than ‘settling’.
My sister is a monster and manipulates the family. She was dumb enough to gaslight me through texts a couple times. I finally waited for the family to try and brow beat me about forgiving her. I asked if I could show them a couple things instead of just getting triggered. They finally believed me. What she lied about was horrible. Even just the stuff I had in texts. Nobody is confronting her. They just understand what I am dealing w now. I prefer it this way. No more drama. I am free. 🎉
When confronted, they just lie and start weaving worse webs and try to retaliate and make up a new story. Make plans to help you get away from her and her supporters if that happens. With real narcs, that's what they do, they get worse and sneakier.
mine would say "that's not the word I used, I wouldn't have used that word" so any discussion of what I was upset about would never happen. I would say, "so, unless I carry around a tape recorder to get what you say on tape, we can never discuss it. I can't believe I stayed.
@@420Mrgreenkush Be kind to yourself, you are staying right now because It is VERY VERY difficult to get away. But you can do it. Just start thinking about it. Don't let him know anything you are thinking. Don't let him know anything.
@@420Mrgreenkush I left a very bad marriage 20 years ago abruptly. No plan. For me that was the best way by surprise. I am very happy now. God bless.❤ You have lots of resources now. Look into them but not on your gadgets. On others. Get assistance. 👍
I know someone who does this all the time, I would cut the conversation totally and tell him I won't continue dealing with you any further unless you admit your actions so we can work on fixing them. And then he would try manipulating me by mentioning how his father was the same towards him and blah blah blah.. which I would reply to with you already have the awareness so why aren't you actually trying to be a better human being.. I'm not dealing with you according to your past, it's your present and future choices that I care about. But, oh lord they are really frustrating and keep repeating their bs over and over using different words 🤦🏻♀️😂.
I think this is why i dont talk to a lot of people.i cannot recall how many times ive been told "thats not what i meant" or just simply "you dont understand/you took it the wrong way"
My 100% vulnerable narcissist girlfriend would make me sit through endless were-not-connected conversations every day. I was never caring enough, good enough. The conversations were really long. She would then start recording it without telling me. She sounded crazy reasonable and I was put as the crazy one. Doubted myself a lot. She said I was narcissistic all the time.
The really intelligent ones will say "you're denying my reality!" Right back and its like you can't even combat that because their reality is literally distorted so they literally do view you as the one gaslighting them too but you are living in TRUTH. My ex was so good at manipulation he would tell me "you don't realize do you? You're completely gaslighting me and you don't even know it, listen to yourself Amanda!" I'd lay in bed all night wracking my brain wondering what in the world just happened. Then I finally became grounded in reality and facts enough to say stop... I know what you are doing, I am trying to come up with a mutually loving and beneficial solution for us both while you steer the entire conversation in a direction that puts me down and makes me doubt the actual truth. That's of course when he started raging because he knew I broke free of his spell so to speak.
It’s even more frustrating when the narc knows this. Because they will blatantly lie that you said something or did something and then you find yourself saying exactly that, and they will gaslight you by saying your memory is bad and theirs are spot on. 😔
Recently, my eyes have been opened to the truth! My mom and my sister are both narcissists. My mom also is an enabler to my sister’s vulnerable narcissism. It all makes so much sense now. The gaslighting done by these two is absolutely disgusting.
I totally agree with everything this woman says. She hit the nail on the head with me. I had to figure out for myself the person I was talking to for a few years. We became close (no intimacy). Then after a while I noticed if we had disagreements he'd be the first to try to make me doubt what I said. Saying you're hearing me wrong, or you're the one with the problem or you have issues. When I'd call him out and pin point him down in a calm manor.. he'd keep quiet for a few seconds so would I. Then he'd say, I think we need a break. Meaning time away from each other. I guess he thought I'd be devastated by what he said. He waited for my response and I just said when I hang up the phone it will be the end of you. You're a narcissist, I'm not playing your games I know all about you. He then said, "wait" maybe we can , then he said I'm sorry which he found it hard to say at anytime to me. He started to go on talking while I quietly hung up the phone on him. Later the next morning at 5am I received this long text message from him. You know what ? I didn't even read it. I was DONE with him. I deleted the text and was so happy I did. I told him in an email his text was deleted. I blocked him on email, texting and blocked his calls. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders ! It feels so good. Well guess what, I found out he's in a relationship with someone who is a complete narcissist omg. How do too narcissists make it together unless he simps down to her, I would totally disrespect that in him. Let him be someone else's problem.
Haha! That’s the truth. I was married for 19 years and got fed up with having to record every conversation it’s psychotic. It’s been 6 years of complete joy now. 😊
In addition to what she here describes- imagine telling your spouse, "I felt really hurt when you, (did or said this or that)" - only to have them say, "NO, you didn't!" This man not only tries to re-write our history, but he tries to tell me how I feel or don't feel! GTFOH! I know my own mind all too well to fall for that crap. I also got tired of hearing him say, "You shouldn't feel that way." whenever I tried to come to an understanding between us. No one has the right, nor insight into your soul to tell you what you should, or should not feel. However- after all the BS he put me through- I now see him as being unworthy of any more effort on my part. How about that? For your exit from the madness- ALLOW RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION (aka- anger) TO WORK FOR YOU!
@@TinySnek Meanwhile they live their whole life in the past! They live their trauma out daily and abuse others, instead of FACING THEIR PAST. THEY ARE COWARDS.
Oh wow. I would share when a close one did something hurtful and they would respond with no care or empathy and if I got upset they would turn it on me and my reaction and call my upset with them, abuse. When I was angry about their pattern of poor treatment.
Yesssss, my mother always made me feel guilty for my feelings and was always saying "if you feel or think that way you are mean and selfish, you need to correct the way to feel or think." And she was also telling who I had to love, which was a waste of time cause she could never control that. I cannot control who I love, nevermind others!
Ohhhh man!! I'm so happy that you are saying this! I did exactly what you said. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years and he started making me feel like I was "crazy" or losing my mind. But, I did exactly what you are talking about about. I set up a few recorders that he wasn't aware of in the house that he wasn't aware of. EVERYTHING towards the very end....a few weeks before I left. It was the most liberating feeling knowing that I actually wasn't "crazy and insane.". I had solid and undeniable proof of the stuff that he was REALLY saying and doing and I left and never looked back. It's so funny...not really, but still today he denies that he has said or did anything behind my back.. Which a few of his "friends" have come to me and told me things that he has said about me and have even done to me.... which just happens to match the stuff he says about me behind my back...like in the other room, or under his breath....or does behind my back, .which makes me giggle now bc little does he know........
This on average is a mental programming that many people fail to realize they are operating under and some just deny it. Personal development work resolves several internal conflicts that we may have. One great method to reprogram our mind for new programming beliefs is through audio subliminals. Consistent usage of them creates new beliefs that then create new thoughts, new understanding, perceptions, and new behavior.
Very well said! Unbelievable, how there are so many people like that! And yes, if you do not have children walk away always! I feel terrible for children who are involved in the middle of these psychos!
They don't just deny YOUR reality - they deny REALITIES reality.
LOL 😅😆😆 THAT IS SO TRUE, NARCISSIST REFUSE TO ADMIT REALITY IS REAL, EVEN WHEN YOU ACCUSE THEM OF WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS TO BE THE TRUTH!! ESPECIALLY A SELFISH EMOTIONAL IMMATURE, GOLD DIGGING NARCISSIST, ANOTHER SISTER OF MINE TYPED OUT A NEW WILL HAD MY DAD SIGN IT, THE NIGHT BEFORE 4 WAY HEART BYPASS, AND TOLD HIM IN FRONT OF: ME, HIS LAWYER, HIS BEST FRIEND, MY MOM,( OH JUST SIGN IT DAD ITS A NEW APPOROXY MAKING ME IN CHARGE OF YOUR HEALTH CARE DECISIONS INSTEAD OF MOM, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT GOING ON BETTER, IT IS JUST A HEALTH CARE APPROXY!!) LOL DENIGH DENIAL, SHE HAD HIM SIGN AN ENTIRE NEW WILL AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TAKE MY DAD OFF DIALYSIS SND LIFE SUPPORT, WITHIN ,,24 HOURS. SHE MADE GAIN 50 POUNDS IN LESS THAN A DAY, WITH LIW BLOOD PRESSURE SHE IGNORED, MY NARCISSIST SISTER INSISTED THE NURSES TAKE MY DAD OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DYLYSIS IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS AFTER OPEN HEART SURGERY, AND NEVER ALLOWED MY DAD'S HEART TO HEAL, BY ALLOWING HIM TO HAVE THE DYLYSIS MACHINE, HE SAID HE NEEDED AS WELL AS OXYGEN AND LIFE SUPPORT UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECOVER PROPERY..SHE KILLED MY DAD, SHE TOOK HIM OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT ALL THE NURSES AND DR'S SAID HE NEEDED TO RECOVER, AND LIVE AFTER HAVING A 4 WAY OPEN HEART SURGERY!! THEN SHE KIDNAPED MY MOM TO HER HOUSE, TOOK HER OFF ALL HER CARDIO PILLS, AND POURED MORPHINE AND ATTAVAN DOWN MY MOMS THROAT WHILE SHE WAS UNCONSCIOUS , AND CAUSED HER TO DIE IF DEHYDRATION AFTER 7 DAYS!! SHE DENIGHED ME AFFECTION AND LIVE FROM MT PARENTS KILLING THEM BOTH!! MY ADVICE( DONT EVER MAKE ANYONE YOUR APPROXY!!! THEY WILL KILL YOU!! )
😂 it's sounds so stupid but it's so true. A professional narcissist tries to turn it on you when you realize who they are and you just want to laugh.
I have been on social media scrolling but denying all these signs that I'm dealing with a narcissist then more come. I wanted to bring a recorder into it last month and she said not to.
I'm a virgin narcissist victim sry lmfao
What's up with the weird clip? The camera cutting away showing only a corner of a chair? 🤔 Fabulous information Dr. Rami! ❤️
That is good one wow
Yes!! My husband denies his own lies, denies that he gaslights me, denies the impact that his begrudging has on me. He denies that his pedophilic friend behaved inappropriately around our 12 year old daughter and the impact that it had on me and on her. He can just proceed to deny watching me walk out the door.
If somebody says they never said that when they did, it is the end of conversation and respect
I agree 100% !!
Yes. And any relationship as well. I will be respected, not asking, I'm telling you.
When they say they didn't say that, they are not gaslighting but lying.
I have situations like this all the time where my wife denies saying something I know she said, but there have been times where she tells me I said something, and my daughter, whom I trust, backs her up.
Very confusing for me.
Then I wonder if they forgot or I didn’t say that actually
I actually bought a recorder to record my narcissistic ex. Got divorced 14 years ago then found an awesome woman who I've been with for 8 years now. Life is so much better without having to deal with toxic people.
God bless you. This is what I’m praying for.
Same thing happened to me buddy. My current gf is awesome!
@@kennethspencer8379 I bet you feel so light, almost like you had wings. 😅
Women are narcissists by nurture , so please understand the difference between being toxic and being narcissistic 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@TalentedMisterHeat8 Women aren't narcissists by nature.
She is giving the correct meaning of the word. Gaslighting is not just lying. It's lying PLUS trying to make you feel crazy or oversensitive for not co-signing the lie.
yes. well said.
Gaslighting involves guilt tripping, playing victim, denying, and manipulating
They also calls it crazy making,bcs the Narcissist want's the target to question their own sanity.
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
The "I never said that" really ticks me off
Or they try to repeat what they "did say" but change a few words to make it fit the narrative they're trying to spin...
Especially when you know they did. You're not that crazy and your memory is not that fickle.
I wish I could spend time with this woman because she been though samething very tough because what she chose to be it has alot to do with her past.
They never said that, nevrr did that, that's not true!! Every singke day! 😊
Also they accuse you of doing exactly what they are doing and then act as if you actually did something
It's called Deflection & it's all part of the behaviour
@@spaceghost8995😂😂😂😂😂 TDS is real.
@@michie0587 You can't gaslight me.
@@spaceghost8995 😂😂😂 The left always accuses the right of what they themselves are doing. Think about this. Who said Trump will get us in WW3? Look at where we are today. Seriously think about that.
@@michie0587 I never heard leftists say that.
They deliberately lie about their lie.
if you wanna catch a liar just remember they have to tell more lies to cover the last lie
the higher they stack; soon the lies fall
@@anonymous111delta4 Very good point.
@@krisluvsutube2684 1trick is to ask them a "yes" or "no" question
don't let them steer, spit hairs, deflect or ask u questions over yours
the lie will usually fall apart immediately
I know more tricks used by the F.B.I C.I.A and detectives but that'll cost ya 😹
@@anonymous111delta4 How much?
I started to record him. When he denied what he said, I played the recording. His response went from denying to “so what? Do you have a problem with me saying that? And why do you record everything?”
I hope he's in your past now.
Typical Narcissisit always got answer for everthing,always have to have the last say in everything and they will turn it on you and say your the one that always has the last say.
Then he probably went and told everyone how crazy you were and blew it out of proportion like you were taping his every move.
Hope you dumped him!!!
They get abusive when you show them up.
Those type of people don’t have “insight”! They can’t recognize their own problems. Instead they blame others!
So true. Oh man, I have said that very thing about my mother who acts like she's above reproach, is never wrong, never at fault and always has a defense/deflection mechanism on the ready. The woman irks the sh*t out of me, so I've made her feel my distance. She hates it. I love it. 🧘♀️🙏😌
This is so true.
@@Krikket-hm6pz
She's your mother. Have a little respect and you don't hurt someone so you can feel good.
@@JaquelineGoodspeedthe only time I’ve found myself agreeing with transgender people: some women are just birthers > zero when it comes to nurturing, so many lives destroyed by the very birther demanding respect for her Motherhood Badge. You sound like my professional career criminal drug addict life long friend/sister who demands the children respect the mother no matter what… never mind they don’t respect laws or others property… yeah no free pass for those that try to hide behind the I am a mother therefore respect me! 😢
I don't think there's very intelligent
When she said when you feel you have to voice record everything really hit home with me
Literally downloaded a recording app just to figure out how our convos go so left every time
Yeah, that really hit home for me as well because it’s gotten there in my marriage too
@@chinnjm exactly! It’s like you cannot say anything without it going left. You could be discussing the most benign topic and it will just go off the rails. There’s no preventing it because you don’t know what will set them off
@@OaklandRed frfr, praying for both of us smh i'm planning my exit after 5 years of misery
@@chinnjm i’m so sorry😢
Facts, and narcissists will always flip it on you. Start to make you think you’re the one tripping.
Indeed, they always tried to pull it with me whenever I caught them in their lies and called them out on it.
Just got out of a relationship with a woman who was doing this to me. Crazy thing is that she is a therapist, and truly believes she is correct 100% of the time. Telling me that I said and asked things that I would never ever say
Exactly, I’d tell him how I felt and he’d turn it around on me and make it about him.
Yep, I have one that is excellent at it❗️
Yes, and it usually works.....sadly!
Yep. I had a boss who was narcissist gaslighted everyone. She eventually was charged with stealing hundreds of thousands $$ from the company. Then tried to blame people who she fired or quit years before. Stupidity is their middle name. They can't remember all their lies & always get caught.
I know addicts do it also
Exactly lol
I had a boss like that! I reported her to HR. I had been in a gas explosion. I had a TBI. She put me on disability. HR said she could not do that! I can come back. However, they will do everything to get fired. She would say mean things to me. I am a Certified Medical Coder with Associates. I just said, "I will stay in Long Term Disability."
like Judge says to lie you have to have a good memory.
We can say "always" when Trump finally is locked up
That was me. I started writing down our conversations in my journal because he would say, “I NEVER said that. You make stuff up!”
I ended up recording myself 24/7.
Found out she was literally trying to make me think I was losing my mind.
Divorced after 22 years cause of that.
That's exactly what I am doing just now with the mother of my daughter.
She's unbelievable denial ignoring me
Absolute 100% will never acknowledge anything I say to her.
Recording conversations is something I've already had to do
Or they will get mad at you because they said they asked you to do something or to not do something but they really didn’t ask you.
I did the same but let him write it down. but that never helped either when I showed him te evidence when he denied he just said but I didn't mean it so it doesn't count. They will always denie.
I have a good memory and I know what happened a narc cannot make me doubt myself! Be mentally strong!!
It's tough when that person is your parent &is now elderly. Boundaries are important & so is therapy (for me)
I was there. Good you are in therapy. sending you compassion. This is a very hard time to get through.
@usualsuspects42 thanks. I feel bad for hoping they don't live to 100 like my grandfather
The narcissist was my own Mom. It took me most of my life to realize that my Mom's behavior towards me was a direct result of the fact that she was a narcissist. She purposely went out of her way and said some awful things to hurt me. She was also very jealous of me. She also enjoyed turning her children against each other. She had no friends either and she always judged people who she didn't even know. She worked for the local Post Office and everyone(even some of my friends), thought that my Mom was the nicest woman...that's because she was putting on an act. Nobody knew what she was really like when it came down to her children and her siblings. The saddest part was when she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and passed away last year. She was always a narcissist before she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. I literally had to move away from her abusive behavior. She never apologized to me and she never admitted that she said the horrible things to me or anyone else that that she hurt.
@@lynnlott315 I'm so sorry you experienced that too. I hope you're able to heal
I didn't get brave enough to start recording conversations until it was too late. It was literally the days that led up to me escaping. But by then he figured out that's what I was doing, and he changed from screaming to crying and seeming like a victim. These people are so good at their craft
I wrote notes to myself. Eye opening at the time. Even better since I've moved on. Gaslight morphs your reality out of shape.
@@leahweinberger583 Yes Keep a diary. That is what I had to so against my gaslighting mother when I was a child.
I had a family member like this. I believed their accusations and tried to fix myself for months. Then one day they blew up at me for something that was so far out of left field, I snapped out of it and realized their accusation wasn't based in reality. I went no contact that day. Still messed with my head even months later as I tried to sort through what was real and my fault and what was not. I'm thankful to be in a healthier place now with a wonderful husband who showed me you can actually work through conflict without drama, blame, and grudges.
Yes they are ❗️👍
Sounds exactly like what my ex-husband used to do!!!!! 😮
the first example is actually "dismissal" of another's emotions.
the second example is actual gaslighting where they deny an actual real event
Or they play dumb and make you look like the stupid one.
Came here to point that out.
Yes and no. It is invalidation (dismissal), yes, but it goes beyond that. "You have no right to feel that way" is telling the person that not only is their emotional communication getting dismissed, but that _they themselves_ should _dismiss their own emotion._ That's what makes it also gaslighting. It's denying them their own reality (their emotions).
@@seajelly2421 It's not gaslighting as it does not seek to make the person question the reality of whether or not they feel that way. It acknowledges the reality that they do feel that way.
@@DadeMurphie but that's exactly what it does.
A lot of relationships doesn’t even understand the concept of gaslighting! This is good!
Right? 😂 I guess my boyfriend is a narcissist 😂
True thank you for explaining
So true!! It happens gradually I didn’t understand why or what was happening for almost a year. Lots of crying, hurt & confusion before I wised up. Began to educate myself on this horrible type of abuse. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with and doesn’t happen quickly but the good news is no one can ever do that to me again. People will try and I will have no problem walking away.
I appreciate this talking couch for putting together this interview for us
I just saw this one the other day. The talking couch. Think I am going to get me some stronger med pills. 😮
@@SherryTomlinson-mk7gmthe gaslighting video has a talking couch. lol😊
“I never said that” is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life
He made me question my memory ALL the time. I began recording our discussions and listening to them later I finally realized how he would spin his words and try to twist my emotions in such a way that so that he would be the " " winner" and it was a huge affirmation that leaving him was the right thing to do.
I'm glad for you
I deem that people nowadays are much more evil than 40 years back especially in the west.
Gaslighting people by accusing them of having gaslighted you has also become very common.
It makes pushing back against actual gaslighting a lot harder.
Wow. That's horrible. I would find and work with a licensed therapist, one who is very familiar with narcissism; be prudent in researching them first by learning about narcissism, this way you can find a therapist who isn't pushing for clients based on psychological & social media pop culture "buzzwords", of claiming they're specialized in dealing with narcissism when, in fact, they're just looking for clients based on trendy labels.
You pay them, you spill all to someone, so make sure that someone can actually help you, please. Good luck!
That's why it's best not to use buzzwords. Using the vocabulary to understand what you're going through is good around safe people. I caution against using the terms with a manipulative person and try describing the details of the conflict directly. You can use your knowledge of gaslighting by describing the definition through their actions. That way there's no weaseling out. You have a problem with their bad behavior, not with "gaslighting". Narcs are really bad at connecting their own actions to larger concepts, so you have to spoonfeed everything to them
@@Parcha64 so true!
The best part is when they accuse you of gaslighting them repeatedly
💯%.
🤔Sounds like the GOP.😅😅😅😅
💯
That's when they bearly learned that word from you calling them that haha they dont have any psychological vocabulary. They get it from their abusers
I had chronic pain and was on pain meds for a misdiagnosed broken ankle. My ex constantly told me I said and did things I didn't do. I thought I might have been confused due to the drugs. Got surgery and no more meds. Figured out she was a lying narcissist. She's gone and I've found the woman of my dreams. The good thing is you appreciate a good spouse more after living through that hell!
That advice needs to be publicized worldwide.
It cutting to the sofa is killing me😂
Me too! I'm like, is she talking to herself?? Are they trying to portray something here with the cameras?
The invisible interviewer.
😂😂 I know! Like when Clint Eastwood talked to the empty chair 😂😂😂
That what puzzled me too 😂!! Thought the furniture is some AI stuff!!
@@JDforeveraloneAltho I got it in the interview or whatever, your comment was Funny! Appreciate that! Thx!
-Azariah (The LORD GOD HELPS)
PSALM 20:1, 6-8; PROVERBS 16:25; ISAIAH 43; MATTHEW 24; DANIEL 3; JOHN 3:15-21; JOHN 14-21; ISAIAH 30:18-22; ACTS 1-3; REV 2:9; 3:9; GENESIS 6-9; PSALM 9:10
She hit that spot on. The voice memo was the trick. I never thought it would come to that but it was always already that way. The voice memo was for me to actually believe I was told those things. It helped me get away. Pay attention.
YES, almost exactly what I did
I voice recorded and got out last weekend. I feel like I broke out of a POW camp, but I am feeling better day by day.
@@betsygarcia4346 Good for you, Betsy! So glad to hear that. I know what you're going through. It gets better 😉
@@betsygarcia4346 Good for you! It's painful but you have to do it for yourself.
I thought if they heard themselves they would see what I was seeing. I never did record the conversations but told them it would be helpful if we had recorded conversations. They just gaslight you and accuse you of being the bad person. This seems to he a new development for some. Long term relationships have ended this way and I'm still confused as to why.
I was once married to a gaslighting narcissistic female! They do exist.
I knew a woman that was gaslighted for years until she found her worth! Now she’s healing !
Most females are.
@hustlecrowe845I’m so sorry you went through that 😢
Yeah, they DO exist! I grew up with one! My middle sister.
I was looking for this comment. Thank you!
@hustlecrowe845I'm so very sorry for your experience.
But, the best recommendation from you. It is 1 MILLONTH times better being homeless than being trapped in a house with that! Protect/ Guard 💂 y/our Peace! It's priceless!
What kills them is when you beat them at their own game. “It takes two to make war but only one to make peace”❤
They aren't denying "YOUR" reality. There are not multiple realities.
What they are denying IS REALITY.
It’s so annoying for someone to look you in the face and say they never said something YOU KNOW they said . Then they try to use “ how are you going to tell me what I said “ which is valid but STILL I KNOW for a fact what I heard you say. You said it ! 😭
Gaslighting is what we used to call lying.
If we just stuck to the old terms I wouldn't have had to sit through this interview 😂
Yes, but it's a specific form of lying. Simply accusing someone of lying is vague, and they can just as easily turn it on you and accuse you of lying. Knowing what these specific terms are and what they mean is helpful in the long term.
It's a bit more than lying on its own... the term refers to a specific technique that liars use.
And lying deliberately is called "bearing false witness against your neighbor".
It's done to disorient the person being gaslit, trying to make the victim feel as though they are disconnected from reality.
It is time for me to get out.
Ditto
Sounds like you 2 are in agreement so after 53 of a hellish marriage to an ADD nutcase I suggest you go. I didn’t because I had no way to support me and my 2 children, which he didn’t really want, and being from a very religious family and unsupportive parents I had no money, no support and no where to go. Tonight I found out he stole my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. It makes you want to die.
Good luck..Life is better without a narcissist.
It's ALWAYS time to leave a narc.
Re: "I never said that." ..with a self righteous attitude.
Thank You.
I used to question myself. No longer
*Crazy how they end up alone or with someone lonely or sick and that person "needs" them.
I lived with a roommate who was a major narcissist a few years ago. I'm glad he's gone now because I had to do that exact thing when talking to him, which I thought was just ridiculous.
Needless to say, I feel MUCH better now, with no roommates at all, especially him!
Listening & learning about narcissists makes me happy and reminds me how blessed I am that mine decided to move 1,000 miles away before he imploded 😂
Love hearing beautiful stories like this! Mine melted down right before my eyes, then I moved out, hit her with divorce papers, and she moved over 1,200 miles away.
My dog was her replacement... Way more loyal.
🤣😂🤣❗️👍
@@SpiderBRidinHope things go well for you from here on😊
Look at that happy smile. Good for you!
Not "your" reality, but REALITY.
Truth is objective.
*_THANK_* you.
Says a lot about which collection of narcissists she is trying to cozy up to.
Facts are objective. Truth is subjective. Your truth is not my truth, that's a fact.
Yea. The ones agreeing w the clip are the gaslight ERS 😂
@@moregrouchy Lies. Truth is truth. There is no "your" truth. There is only truth. Gender means sex. It is not an abstract construct of society. Get out of here with your Marxist groupthink.
mine stopped saying stuff once I started recording conversations.
Wow, she just described my mom. Besides denying anything I know to be true, she has to make comments about what is wrong with me every time I see her.
16 yrs of me saying sorry and going to counseling because i was continually told im the reason that our marriage was not working..now 8yrs divorced and no antidepressants, no counseling, no stress, no gaslighting...Im very happy and live an almost stress free life...its wonderful and i now know im good enough and never needed her acceptance or approval to have happiness
Been there boys. Recovery is long af from the years of abuse.
Love it I went 25 years I was pretty damn stupid but I had kids and didn’t want them to grow up without a father in the house. And both of my kids grew up to be great people so it was worth it.
@@gregmedlin5274 Same situation. Hung on as long as i could.
Zero honesty. Zero accountability.
Absolutely unbelievable the extent of the abuse & resultant trauma.
@@gregmedlin5274 no good deed goes unpunished.
Marriage is a trap
Yep! That's when I realized I was being wrapped in a mind game and the one who was mature enough to stop the relationship.
Run, don't walk away, RUN!
It only gets worse with them as they age, belligerent MF'ers sorry, I'm telling their truth.
He doesn't know I record his nasty verbal abuse probably 10 nasty recordings of his rants and rage. He also antagonizes physically, watch a pissed off kangaroo! They puff out their chest, fling their arms out wide, giving them an appearance of larger than what they are. This one puts his hands on his hips while chest puffing, extending his elbows so if I walk by I hit his arm, his wingspan is blocking a doorway, he's not a mother flucker AT ALL. If you want to laugh, Google kangaroo tangles with a human. (I used to like those cute little joeys, no more, nasty like a narc!!!)
I had to be out of the house to see it. I needed the kids at my place (a few months after we had separated) because school was starting the next day. He said school doesn’t start tomorrow. Everybody knows it starts Wednesday! School starts every year on Wednesday! It was even in this week’s paper! You’re so ridiculous!
School did start the next day. I was right and all of a sudden I realized he’d been doing this to me for years and making me feel stupid all that time!
My decision to leave has been reinforced so many times over!
lol you got a date right and think that invalidates an entire relationship. jesus.
Lol!😂😂😂😅
@@mykeprior3436
She said she realised he'd been doing it before in other cases.
I unfortunately got entangled with a narcissist and it was so crazy-making it’s hard to describe adequately.
Excellent advice.
Not that all narcissists will gaslight you. Some are just passive/aggressive or will walk away and leave you hanging. That's your clue to leave them.
Honest relationships with them are impossible.
“Getting out” of a relationship is not always an option when it’s a close family member…
Dr Ramani has a number of videos describing strategies to use in such a situation. Well worth checking out.
@@vaska1999 can you name them she has so many as I need to watch them too.
Yeah. Like my toxic mother!! I had to marry a foreigner and move to his country to get away from her.
There are ways and Dr Ramani has many videos to help you, plus sometimes there’s even helpful advice and support in the comments section of her videos. Good luck and I hope you find some peace. 🙏🏽
That’s what I was gonna say!! It’s my MOM that’s the problem!! & a narcissist can’t even be helped, cause they will NEVER admit they even have a problem in the first place! 🥺😢💔I’m beyond frustrated!!
They also disappear during a conversation and then reappear
When you start having to screenshot convos bc they keep saying "i never promised that" "i never said id be there" etc.
Its not denying your reality, its showing they dont feel promises or their words mean anything binding. Words are just tools for the moment to get what they want.
It's denying reality, not some private subjective experience.
@@vaska1999😂😂🎉🎉❤❤
I switched and made all serious conversations to either text or email. She would still gaslight and deny what she said even when it was in writing. The sheer insane pathetic nature of them is quite sad and ridiculous once you truly see it for what it is.
Yeah a narcissist guy I know said that I told him something over a text that I know I didn't say and was planning on finding that text for proof. I was like good luck finding that text because I know that it doesn't exist. I did find the text he was thinking about and it actually proves that he lied lol I know myself enough to know that there are some things I would never feel comfortable saying.
Yep had said loads of times " I didn't say that it's your mental health"
I recorded them to show myself after a couple days of no contact when i start to miss them. To show how horrid they are and to not forget. That's not love.
True wisdom 😅
That is, in fact, addiction. When you become so used to the abusive mind games that have become your normal that you seek to fill the soundtrack in your mind when the voice is absent..... it was a horrible way to live. I was crying to get out, but out of what?? Nobody knew the extent of my trap, that place where I lived in my mind. 😢 Hell.
Using a tape recorder is definitely not so you can play it back to the narcissist (covert or overt)---- anyone who's tried this knows (1) the narcissist will still find a way to deflect/argue/gaslight, even if you've heard the convo word-for-word repeatedly and know otherwise, and (2) you *never* show the narcissist the tape recorder, because (at the very least) their "hurt" and "outrage" will overshadow any point one could make with info gleaned from said recordings, and once they know theyre being recorded they get even more manipulative and slippery
Not to mention the accusations of you trying to manipulate them and going out of your way to try to hurt or attack them or to use it as a weapon against them to make you feel guilty for doing it.
ya they refuse to listen to it and hangs up the phone
Don’t forget 13 states require two party consent before recording conversations; big players include CA, FL, PA, MI, MD, WA. This law applies to public as well as private property and requires any video to delete sound and/or the topic of the conversation.
@@Martive_LedI record so that I can validate my own memory so I'm not going crazy. But I do live in one of those states.
@@abost09 If the other party is privy to your ‘personal’ recording, you are still libel for prosecution.
I've had multiple narcissistic, abusive bosses but one of the last ones targeted me to a point where I did record him & reported him to hr. The crap he did & said was so bizarre & over the top he made other employees afraid for their jobs as well as their lives. In the end, the company owner, hr & a GM had a meeting with me & tried gaslighting me over his horrible behavior. Your videos helped me understand what was going on. I'm still suffering from PTSD from the non-stop abuse - I can't work for anyone anymore but, at least, I can see the behavior more clearly now.
IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM I TOLD THEM I JEPT FALLING DOEN EVERYTIME MY SISTER STARTED SCREAMING AT ME AND I TOLD THE DR. MY ARMS JEEP MOVING UP AND DOWN WHEN I TRYING TO SLEEP AND MY ENTIRE TORSO MOVES UP AND DOWN IN THE BED, AND SHAKES LIKE IM HAVING SEIZURES, I CANT STOP IT EVERY NIGHT WHILE IM TRYING TO SLEEP AND EVERY MORNING I WOKE UP GAGGING AT 6 AM TO 12 NOON NOT BE ABLE TO STOP AND HE SAID YOU DEVELOPED P.T. S.D. SEVERE HIGH BLOID PRESSURE 200/ 90 ECT DAY AFTER DAY FOR 45 PLUS DAYS IT ROOK WEEKS OF BEING NURTURED AND SWEET TALKED TO BY MY LIVING NEICE TO MAKE ME FEEL SAFE, SECURE, LOVED, AGAIN, ENOUGH FOR THE NIGHT SEIZURES TO FINALLY STOP, AND THE MORNING SEVERE REFLUXING FROM P.T S.D. BUT I STILL CANT FALL ASLEEP AFTER WORKING 10 PLUS HOURS UNTIL 1 OR 2 AM THEN I NEED. TO GET UP BY 8 AM UGH!! P.T.S.D. FOR LIFE SUCKS!! EVERY MILITARY MAN HAS IT, BUT OUR GOVERNMENT WOULD GO BANKRUPT IF THEY DIAGNOSED AND TREATED EVERY ONE OF OUR BRAVE SELFLESS SOLDIERS, THE IS A REASON WHY DR 'S REFUSE TO GIVE PATIENTS REFERRALS!!! ALL EVIL STARTS AND ENDS WITH MONEY AS A MOTIVE!!!
IM SO SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU AND SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEING ABUSED, AND TAUNTED/ MADE FUN OF/ MADE LIGHT OF THE MATTER OF THE VICTIMS BECOMING ILL, EMOTIONALLY, AND PHYICALLY, BY SELFISH, ABUSIVE NARCISSIST IN THIS WORLD!!! GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVING KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD AND PROTECT THEM FROM ALL NARCISSIST AMEN!!! / SO BE IT!!
@@elainasilva844 Thank you Hit 🎯 on nose
When we have Wisdom, which is a Gift from the Holy Spirit… We can watch for the ‘Red Flags,’ of Narcissism! When you apply all of the knowledge of not being involved, you can CHOOSE to stay off of the Narcissist’s Hit List! Dr. Ramani explains the Acronym D.E.E.P.
~ Don’t Deny…
~ Don’t Explain…
~ Don’t ENGAGE…
~ Don’t Personalize!
Because these Demon People WILL WIN! They use Tactics that ALL Good People Do Not Know… It’s like Showing up to an Auction,
w/ ZERO Money… Dinner, w/o Food, a Test w/o Studying~ Good People should not Wrestle w/Pigs in the Mud! You will only LOSE & Get up Muddy!
So, when you have a “Demon Narc Person-BOSS’ you have to allow them to Always take Center Stage, while you, stay Silent. If it is a Job… This will allow you to keep your Head & Emotions long enough TO LOOK FOR A NEW JOB if the Narc Targets You!
I have studied thousands of hours… The More Emotionally Mature & Happy we are with our Own Life, the Easier it is to … “WALK AWAY” w/o Wasting any Energy!
It made me Sad when you said that you couldn’t work with others… The Narcs are only 20 ~ 25% of the World… Which means, the majority 75-80 of people ARE NORMAL, ie. “GOOD PEOPLE!”
GOD would have us develop Wisdom from our Hard Experiences & Not Isolate & Allow the Bad people to Dictate our Lives into Isolation!
🙏🏻WE CAN CHOOSE to BE BEAVE & CHOOSE LIFE! CHOOSE WHOM YOU WILL ASSOCIATE WITH & WHOM YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM! WE CAN DO THIS, by Watching for the Signs!
🙏🏻Blessings! 🕊🍃
@@elainasilva844❤❤❤
so true! i used to voice record my narc all the time! i have been narc free for 9 years now! never going through that hell again
"I never said that" goes both ways.
I would say to him, “ I WISH we had a recording”.
His response would often be that he had a perfect memory, so we don’t need a recording.
😂😂
Sounds like my dad with my poor mom. :-(
One of my FAVORITE gaslights from a previous relationship: "you're twisting my words"
Wow. I got this. 3x.
“Don’t put words in my Mouth.” SMH.
Me toooooo. He say i am twisting his word. 😮
He would say I was twisting his words all the time. And that I can’t accuse him of things he never said/or did.
Thanks for posting ❤ it’s life changing for us who are victims of narcissists 😢
Stay the course. I encourage you and everyone else to keep on #movingforward .
1️⃣step then the next. That's it! Let's Meet with others at the front line of Survivors!
Next🆙Let's move beyond that!
Transformation of our self is the best gift 💝 to humanity! Finish line 🏁 ❤
Maybe stop clinging to being a victim like a wet blanket and grow up. Very few people in the west are true "victims" of any kind of oppression or traumatic event.
Yes !! This lady knows her stuff !!
She's just exactly right!!
My ex-husband gaslit me constantly. 29 years with my narc! Ugh! I was his empathic dreamgirl. Never again!
Yeah, I am with a gaslighter and a never-ending talker, married for 21 years. I know that, and I just don't listen to that nonsense. But I didn't have a happy life for 20 years, and we have three children. Now I am waiting for the last one, which is 17, y/o get a license, and car, and set into college. Then I am planning to be free and happy!
30 years here.
God bless both of you ❤
Thank you for posting your experience, it means so much.
53 years! Why didn’t I just up and leave. I came from a religious home and hyper and angry mother. Divorce was considered evil and I couldn’t go back to my parents. I had no money,no support, few friends and a baby. Who could I have left her with?? I couldn’t afford a babysitter and never heard of welfare. So I stuck it out. Turns out I finally took him to one of Dr. Amens clinics and found out he and my child both have ADHD. Now he’s going almost totally deaf and acts so self righteous and holy it makes me want to die. Tonight I found out he took my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. In all these years I never argued about money but this is more than I can bear. Time to send him to the old folks joint. Trouble is he is very strong and at 75 still works long hours on his precious farm. About 10 friends of mine have died. We live out in the sticks and Iam isolated. Sorry for complaining and thanks for listening. Oh by the way councelling did nothing because he knows better. UA-cam is my companion. Any other old women out there who understand my fate??
So TRUE! With my Ex for 17yrs. Always denied he said things, I started writing them on the calendar. He got so mad at this and tore it down!!! Go figure!
Yes they hate the truth.
I find it amazing that so many people are talking about narcissists. From 2008 to 2016 (with a 3 year break) I was with one and NOONE was talking about it. I didn't know what I was up against and didn't know what was happening. I finally got out after stumbling on a website. She spoke of similar scenerios that I went through. But the genius of her realization was one question she repeatedly asked herself and I often would ask myself. And the ultimate question you find yourseld asking yourself when you are with a narcissist is this, "Am I Crazy"? This means you are with a narcissist. RUN!
To some people it seems like a fad, but the absolute selfishness of a narcissist so fits the descriptions that people talk about. I guess this is a period of time when this sort of thing just has to be dealt with.
For me it's been a blessing to have to stay in and focus on the internet. C19 got me in the Long Haul, for a year and a half I didn't leave the front sidewalk. I'm no contact with most of the people in my life who fit the description.
Minimal contact with one, not sure how far I can get away from this one. I'm still recovering from so much. But so glad this all is being talked about, and I was prepared for it.
Exactly!!! When I started asking myself "Am I crazy?" It took me a second and then I realized, crazy people don't know they are crazy and would never ask themselves that question.
I kept saying, “Either you’re crazy, or I’m crazy. But one of us are crazy.”
I love Dr. Ramani. She brilliantly explains narcissism in plain English.
100% true. He denied so much that I had to tape him just to play I back when he called me a liar. And yes, not too long after I had to leave No contact - the peace I gained afterwards is priceless.
They usually work “ you’re crazy” into the gaslighting somewhere 🙄🙀
Yep you’re on point.
What about if you are absolutely crazy though?
My answer: Are they a professional that can make that assumption? Because someone who’s using those tactics, will turn a person”cray”Lol.
Gaslighting is the craziest highest level of deflecting
Literally after an argument where he went into a rage which did not meet the level of conflict we were engaged in... - I started writing, "I'm writing about this interaction immediately afterwards, because I feel as if I've been gaslit before so I want to make sure my whole truth is written down in the moment." 🤦🏼♀️
My boss does this to me every day 😂 I probably should start writing it all down.
Please do. And if it escalates don't be afraid to report the person and leave as soon as you can.
Be brave and get out! Don't be like the most of us. 😢
My late husband used to get mad at me for something I did/didn’t do - IN HIS DREAMS! Over time, this erodes trust and respect.
This is exactly how I feel. I just got married a little over six months ago and I definitely don’t have any respect for him. But to be honest, I don’t think I did even before getting married.
@@OaklandRed If you don’t respect each other, there is no basis on which to build a lifelong loving relationship. Better to divorce now than to continue. If this true, you are worth more than ‘settling’.
She is absolutely right .
My sister is a monster and manipulates the family. She was dumb enough to gaslight me through texts a couple times. I finally waited for the family to try and brow beat me about forgiving her. I asked if I could show them a couple things instead of just getting triggered. They finally believed me. What she lied about was horrible. Even just the stuff I had in texts. Nobody is confronting her. They just understand what I am dealing w now. I prefer it this way. No more drama. I am free. 🎉
When confronted, they just lie and start weaving worse webs and try to retaliate and make up a new story.
Make plans to help you get away from her and her supporters if that happens. With real narcs, that's what they do, they get worse and sneakier.
Oh! My elder sister too!! & she has the parents as her flying monkeys!
mine would say "that's not the word I used, I wouldn't have used that word" so any discussion of what I was upset about would never happen. I would say, "so, unless I carry around a tape recorder to get what you say on tape, we can never discuss it. I can't believe I stayed.
I cant believe I staying 😢
@@420Mrgreenkush Be kind to yourself, you are staying right now because It is VERY VERY difficult to get away. But you can do it. Just start thinking about it. Don't let him know anything you are thinking. Don't let him know anything.
@@usualsuspects42exactly
@@420Mrgreenkush I left a very bad marriage 20 years ago abruptly. No plan. For me that was the best way by surprise. I am very happy now. God bless.❤ You have lots of resources now. Look into them but not on your gadgets. On others. Get assistance. 👍
My husband says the same thing. He’ll say I don’t even talk like that. I wouldn’t have said that to something that he literally said.
I know someone who does this all the time, I would cut the conversation totally and tell him I won't continue dealing with you any further unless you admit your actions so we can work on fixing them.
And then he would try manipulating me by mentioning how his father was the same towards him and blah blah blah.. which I would reply to with you already have the awareness so why aren't you actually trying to be a better human being.. I'm not dealing with you according to your past, it's your present and future choices that I care about.
But, oh lord they are really frustrating and keep repeating their bs over and over using different words 🤦🏻♀️😂.
I think this is why i dont talk to a lot of people.i cannot recall how many times ive been told "thats not what i meant" or just simply "you dont understand/you took it the wrong way"
I read a lot and finally I understand it 🙏🏻
My 100% vulnerable narcissist girlfriend would make me sit through endless were-not-connected conversations every day. I was never caring enough, good enough. The conversations were really long. She would then start recording it without telling me. She sounded crazy reasonable and I was put as the crazy one. Doubted myself a lot. She said I was narcissistic all the time.
Narcissists are shame based individuals who projects their own shame to others,a predator needs it's prey....
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
The really intelligent ones will say "you're denying my reality!" Right back and its like you can't even combat that because their reality is literally distorted so they literally do view you as the one gaslighting them too but you are living in TRUTH. My ex was so good at manipulation he would tell me "you don't realize do you? You're completely gaslighting me and you don't even know it, listen to yourself Amanda!" I'd lay in bed all night wracking my brain wondering what in the world just happened. Then I finally became grounded in reality and facts enough to say stop... I know what you are doing, I am trying to come up with a mutually loving and beneficial solution for us both while you steer the entire conversation in a direction that puts me down and makes me doubt the actual truth. That's of course when he started raging because he knew I broke free of his spell so to speak.
I Assume you left because you're still coherent and alive.
sometimes it can take years to wake up to them cause they fail to see the future and once they are expose all hell break lose,
It’s even more frustrating when the narc knows this. Because they will blatantly lie that you said something or did something and then you find yourself saying exactly that, and they will gaslight you by saying your memory is bad and theirs are spot on. 😔
And sometimes they say you said things you in reality never said !
Recently, my eyes have been opened to the truth! My mom and my sister are both narcissists. My mom also is an enabler to my sister’s vulnerable narcissism. It all makes so much sense now. The gaslighting done by these two is absolutely disgusting.
You have opened my eyes to the people in my life. I thought I was nuts.
That explains my first marriage! I never understood WTF was going on, only I was wrong all the time !
Same situation 😢
Yup
I totally agree with everything this woman says. She hit the nail on the head with me. I had to figure out for myself the person I was talking to for a few years. We became close (no intimacy). Then after a while I noticed if we had disagreements he'd be the first to try to make me doubt what I said. Saying you're hearing me wrong, or you're the one with the problem or you have issues.
When I'd call him out and pin point him down in a calm manor.. he'd keep quiet for a few seconds so would I. Then he'd say, I think we need a break. Meaning time away from each other. I guess he thought I'd be devastated by what he said. He waited for my response and I just said when I hang up the phone it will be the end of you. You're a narcissist, I'm not playing your games I know all about you. He then said, "wait"
maybe we can , then he said I'm sorry which he found it hard to say at anytime to me. He started to go on talking while I quietly hung up the phone on him. Later the next morning at 5am I received this long text message from him. You know what ? I didn't even read it.
I was DONE with him. I deleted the text and was so happy I did. I told him in an email his text was deleted. I blocked him on email, texting and blocked his calls. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders ! It feels so good. Well guess what, I found out he's in a relationship with someone who is a complete narcissist omg. How do too narcissists make it together unless he simps down to her, I would totally disrespect that in him.
Let him be someone else's problem.
Haha! That’s the truth. I was married for 19 years and got fed up with having to record every conversation it’s psychotic. It’s been 6 years of complete joy now. 😊
In addition to what she here describes- imagine telling your spouse, "I felt really hurt when you, (did or said this or that)" - only to have them say, "NO, you didn't!"
This man not only tries to re-write our history, but he tries to tell me how I feel or don't feel! GTFOH! I know my own mind all too well to fall for that crap.
I also got tired of hearing him say, "You shouldn't feel that way." whenever I tried to come to an understanding between us. No one has the right, nor insight into your soul to tell you what you should, or should not feel.
However- after all the BS he put me through- I now see him as being unworthy of any more effort on my part. How about that?
For your exit from the madness- ALLOW RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION (aka- anger) TO WORK FOR YOU!
They also say "THAT'S IN THE PAST."
Yes and “you like to live in the past” or “I don’t hold grudges”
@@TinySnek Meanwhile they live their whole life in the past! They live their trauma out daily and abuse others, instead of FACING THEIR PAST. THEY ARE COWARDS.
Mine does too!!😂😂😊
@@vickibazter3446I believe in FACING YOUR PAST. Mine does that also like some playbook, bizarre 😂
Oh wow. I would share when a close one did something hurtful and they would respond with no care or empathy and if I got upset they would turn it on me and my reaction and call my upset with them, abuse. When I was angry about their pattern of poor treatment.
I am so tired of this 😢 Thank you ❤
We all know this lady know what she’s talking about! Spread the word
Leaving my kid's dad was the BEST thing I did for us. Wish these youtubes were around back then. This clip rings so many bells. 😢
Yesssss, my mother always made me feel guilty for my feelings and was always saying "if you feel or think that way you are mean and selfish, you need to correct the way to feel or think." And she was also telling who I had to love, which was a waste of time cause she could never control that. I cannot control who I love, nevermind others!
I'm glad I found these videos. Because It's so true💯%.
Ohhhh man!! I'm so happy that you are saying this! I did exactly what you said. I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years and he started making me feel like I was "crazy" or losing my mind. But, I did exactly what you are talking about about. I set up a few recorders that he wasn't aware of in the house that he wasn't aware of. EVERYTHING towards the very end....a few weeks before I left. It was the most liberating feeling knowing that I actually wasn't "crazy and insane.". I had solid and undeniable proof of the stuff that he was REALLY saying and doing and I left and never looked back. It's so funny...not really, but still today he denies that he has said or did anything behind my back.. Which a few of his "friends" have come to me and told me things that he has said about me and have even done to me.... which just happens to match the stuff he says about me behind my back...like in the other room, or under his breath....or does behind my back, .which makes me giggle now bc little does he know........
Waoow that red highlighted quote brings light into my vision
Most normal people just call it BS
Sentient sofa
Right, that was hilarious! It was like the host was edited out, ha ha. But I could see a small wedge of his arm on the left.
This on average is a mental programming that many people fail to realize they are operating under and some just deny it. Personal development work resolves several internal conflicts that we may have. One great method to reprogram our mind for new programming beliefs is through audio subliminals. Consistent usage of them creates new beliefs that then create new thoughts, new understanding, perceptions, and new behavior.
Very well said! Unbelievable, how there are so many people like that! And yes, if you do not have children walk away always! I feel terrible for children who are involved in the middle of these psychos!