Hi Plam; thank you so much for all the important info you have shared and continue to share about adoption. It has really helped me learn and pushed me to seek out more information from adoptee’s points of view. Idk how common this is for others, but something that I have seen commonly and has been bothering me is this kind of societal view that adoption is a moral obligation that everyone should opt for. And it’s touted as a progressive view by many, and you are seen as selfish, old fashioned, or self indulgent if you choose to have a biological child. For example, I have heard many comments from friends and acquaintances who are concerned about the environment that I am incredibly selfish for considering anything but adoption, and that I don’t actually care about the environment. I think comments like these are so unfair. I know environmentalism is also something you care about, and if you don’t mind me asking, how did you make your decision on having a child? Bc I would like to care for a child one day, but I don’t know if I’d be right for fostering/adopting. Thanks again 🙏🏼
Hi! This is a great point. For me, if you want to look "woke" and truly be progressive, people need to start advocating more for family preservation rather than adoption. Adoption, in its simplist sense, is gaining ownership of a child that isnt yours. It just doesnt make sense to push that as the best option when you put it that way. I think when it comes to overpopulation, birth control, sex education, and reproductive rights should be the solutions we put our energy into. You are absolutely right that environmentalism is very important to me, and overpopulation is a big issue. My choice to have a child (and I would never have more than 2) came down to the fact that i felt i could raise a child that would be a very positive contribution to society, and we know that in order to keep the population going people are going to have to have SOME kids in each generation. I would never (through an agency) adopt because I believe the system is too evil and corrupt to ensure ethical practices are in place. However, when my son is grown, I am planning as of now (and have been for several years) to foster. If the children I foster see me as a mom, I would accept that. If they see me as a guardian, that's okay too. And if I were in an extreme situation where my foster child had no family to take them and were at risk of being rehomed, with their permission, that is the only circumstance I would adopt. If people TRULY want to adopt because they believe they are being selfless, then I would say they should foster/take guardianship instead and not take children away from their bio families. But that means they relinquish the rush of getting all the love and devotion and as pessimistic as this sounds, I dont think many people would be willing to raise other peoples kids without owning them first. Sorry that was so long, I hope I answered your question, you brought up a good point, I wish I put it in my video actually 😂
@@plamondonworks6948 Thank you so much for the really thoughtful and thorough response! 😭 That’s a really good point; focusing on supporting access to birth control, sex ed, and reproductive rights is a good way to combat overpopulation, as opposed to guilting people into adoption when they may not be fit for or informed about it. I have felt guilty and conflicted about balancing my concern for the environment and my consideration of having children and the ethics and realities of adoption for a long time, and your videos/posts have really helped me. I really appreciate it. I also really appreciate your insight on fostering vs adopting; I’m sure would make a very caring and responsible guardian 💜
I think that this is something that need to be talked by people who KNOWS what they're talking about. It's gross how we think of adoptees as people who are saved and need to be forever grateful for it. I learnt so much from this video, you explained everything clearly ✨
The most onest thing one has to admit to yourself is that it's morally wrong to bring other people into this sick world. And that it is never in the interest of a child to exist. It's always for the others.
I get mad when people tell me "why not adopt" like it's simple. I hate when people try to shame people to adopt. Adopting is a personal thing. Adopting is not for everyone. Some people are not fit to adopt.
how about shaming the adopted child....people assume youre a sailors bastard. adoption is so expensive that only rich people can adopt so you become a status symbol, like a fancy car. They make a big deal about telling others youre adopted. Then consider the different race children, its worse for them.
I'm a bio kid with 2 adopted siblings and I 100% agree with your every point. I too was raised Mormon and parenthood is taken way too casually. No one should create or adopt a child on a whim or for any of the reasons you listed. Thank you for being brave enough to make this video.
✋️ I was adopted into a Mormon family as a newborn. It was absolute hell. I won't get into details here, but a summary is simply that I nearly dropped out of high school. I was constantly trying to stay out of my home, and away from these wackos. Fast forward to now, I've had the therapy and now have the tools to regulate my emotions. Although, I have struggled, I learned how to have compassion for myself, patience for myself, and the love for myself that was missing. I learned how to cope, and now I feel I am learning how to thrive even though I'm in my 30s. 😂 I compare myself to no one. I have overcome a lot and am so proud of myself for it! Now, I have a sweet baby that is 6 months. I get to experience now as an adult what family is intended to be. I love my daughter so much. I know what she needs from me. I am excited to be the one to change the direction of my family's well-being by providing the security necessary in childhood. My daughter will walk a million miles more than I was able to go in this life.
Some of what you say definitely applies to birth parents too. Having kids because of some idea of a perfect family and projecting that onto them is so common. I get how some people amplify that with adoption though. Out of curiosity, what do you think adoptive parents & families should do to lessen the pain of adoption for the child? Do you see common factors between the adoption stories from people who were happier in their adopted homes?
definitely! I bring that up briefly in the narcissistic portion, but honestly overall the big reason to not have ANY children is that you want children to DO something for YOU. Children should not be responsible for your happiness. As for what adopted parents can do, I will definitely make a video about this going into depth, but I think the KEY factor in happy/well-adjusted adoptees is that they grew up in an environment where their needs were put above the parents and that communication was very open. Many adoptees don't even realize their trauma until later in life because they never had a chance to talk about their feelings and work through any turmoil they may be feeling. If adopted parents were taught how to properly engage in conversation about adoption and how to validate and support adoptees, I think a lot of the mental illness statistics we currently see with adoption would decrease significantly. That's my hypothesis, at least.
@@plamondonworks6948 That makes sense. I can see how narcissistic adoptive parents would be very controlling and invalidating for adoptees' feelings. Like you said, they want you to only be grateful, so you don't get to have conversations or even feel the feelings you need to. Constantly being denied and gaslit would damage anyone's mental health. I had no ideas that outcomes for people who were adopted were so negative until your video though... so sad. Looking forward to hearing more about this topic in the future.
I really appreciate your videos about adoption. They've helped me more seriously consider the ethics of adoption. Would you ever consider doing a video about good reasons to adopt or good qualities in parents that would make them better parents to their adopted kids?
Adoptive mom here. AWESOME content. This video needs to be posted in every adoption discussion group- and shown at PRIDE training. 💖 Sending love your way.
People look at us "Birth" Parents like we are all druggies and prostitutes! I was 16 and forced by my parents to relinquish my daughter back in 1985! I have so much trauma from the entire experience and I'm 53 yrs old now. We are NOT all druggies and prostitutes,...MOST Mother's were FORCED to relinquish. We may not have had guns pointed at our heads, but were forced nonetheless!! Gaslighted, coercion & flat out lied to about the adoption. If I would have known the trauma that Adoptees and Mothers go through, I might have found some bravery within me and fought back against my parents and the Children's Home!!
@@piero17y65 yes I know where she is now. I had a team of Search Angel's looking and she was found in 2020. I do not know her feelings yet. She is taking time, which is her right. She may hate me, idk 🥺. I understand if she does.
@@melissar.hamptonplymale sorry that person was a disgusting troll. Most children love their parents. I'm sorry for what you've gone through Melissa, you're not alone, especially in that Era. Xox
I was adopted in 85 also, and from what I know my birth mother wasn't drug addicted or anything like that either. I doubt your daughter hates you, even though she experienced trauma as a result of the process. I don't relate to the minority who have resentment towards their birth parents even though I'm totally messed up. Some people just aren't ready or in a position to have children, and back in those days - and even still today, albeit to a lesser extent - the extent to which adoption causes deep psychological trauma wasn't understood. To blame the birth parents, therefore, is irrational.
So why did you relinquish her then? No seriously why? You couldn't get a job with a kid like A LOT of other 16 year old pregnant teens do? DON'T, PLEASE DON'T BLAME OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT YOU. YOU'RE TO BLAME! You're NOT A VICTIM and frankly how long will teenagers 2 years shy of legal age going to use this excuse of "I was just a child myself"? And still having you, a 53 year old OLD WOMAN PLAYING THE VICTIM AT YOUR AGE TELLS ME that your parents were probably right as you are CLEARLY still mentally not strong to accept your own guilt into the mess you made.
Thank you so much for speaking about this! As someone who was adopted just for the attention it brought them, I understand the dark side of adoption. I suffered so much abuse and trauma that now, even as a 24 year old who has been to therapy several times, still has nightmares about it all several times a week. I do not claim those who adopted me as my family. Cutting them out of my life was the best decision I ever made. I will forever yearn for parents, I will forever have a hole in my heart from all the years that were robbed from me. Unfortunately knowing my biological parents isn’t an option. My bio mom passed in a tragic way 2yrs ago and then my bio dad ghosted me when that happened. Thank you for sharing the truth!
I'm so sorry for your losses. Losing your heritage, losing your Hopes, losing your childhood. Adoption is so much loss for so many of us. Keep up the good fight, I get the nightmares too but they are getting less and less 💗
@@plamondonworks6948 I really appreciate that!💜 Spreading awareness to these issues is so important, and it can be so unfair that our voices are drowned out by those who refuse to look at adoption as anything but a “blessing”. I hope that my nightmares will lessen as well, and I wish peace to you for all you’ve endured✨
I’m 33 and decided to push my adopted family away. I honestly feel so present, alive and very good. With more smile on my face. One thing I would say from my lens is you definitely should not adopt if you already have a bio kid(s).
Really interesting video! I've never wanted kids but I've always thought if I were to have kids I would adopt. This really educated me as to why that's such a dangerous mindset for people to have. I feel like that is something that a lot of people have thought too. I have also heard people online trying to defend Barrett as not being a bad person because she 'rescued' her adopted children so I was glad you mentioned that.
Love is biology and science in a way, though. You see animals adopting, even babies of other species. Adoption isn't "unnatural". There are still bonds forming between adopted children and adoptive parents, that you could trace down to hormones and proteins, if you wanted. Also, childbearing might be the most straightforward way to become a parent, but its "naturalness" is overstated. Humans place all sorts of meanings on biological events. Eating is a biological need but it can mean the coziness of a comfort food, the excitement of exotic cuisine, it can be traumatic due to eating disorders or have special cultural significance as part of ritual. Same with bearing a child, and same with adopting a child. There is biology, but how you experience and interpret it is largely socially shaped.
The evidence suggests that children experience trauma being separated from their life giver, regardless of socialization afterwards. But certainly consistent love and patience and safety will give adoptees the best chance at a happy and stable life!
Animals aren't a good comparison because that's adoption out of necessity. They aren't just taking babies of other species because “they don't feel like being pregnant”. The baby was abandoned. Humans are different because we’re choosing to go get a child that's not ours. Willingly putting them through trauma usually for a selfish/misguided reason
I guess the feeling is very personal.. as an adopted person i hardly ever identified myself with the differents points you stated here 😊 but it's interesting to see what as an adopted person you have been through and your thoughts on the subject 😁 great video !
Yes! I forgot to disclose that when I'm talking about my opinion/possible consequence of adoption, not a fact or statistic, of course it doesnt reflect every adoptee experience 🙏
Adoption, like many things in this world, has good and bad qualities attached to it. I’m glad you were able to address your reasons to not adopt in a non-judgmental manner.
Immediately I apologize for poor English, this is not my first language. I always wanted to become a mother, literally from early childhood. And with age, an understanding and knowledge of the reasons why came to me. Now I have realized them and I am trying to change them. I wanted to say that this video seemed to confirm all my thoughts and "predictions". I understood that adoption was not an option for me, but I could not say exactly why. Now I know, thank you so much. It was very interesting to hear the opinion of the adopted child, I would like to hear about good adoption cases, if they really exist. Because here in Russia I have personally met only with dire consequences. I wish you love and health, with best wishes!
Your English is very good! I have an adopted family member in my family that is so far doing very well, as well as you can when dealing with the complexities of adoption. They are bio family though, just not being raised by the parents, so that might make a difference. But I also believe that when adopted parents are well educated, which these adoptive parents are, the child will do so much better. This is primarily why I talk about this topic. But yes, I have heard too many horror stories about Russian adoption, it's very sad. Also thank you for your insights and introspection about this topic. Not everyone is well suited for adoption, and that's okay!
I am an adoptive parent, my daughter is related to my husband and we wanted to provide her with biological connections. She was given to us at 10 months old and it is TO THIS DAY hard to bond with her, she just missed out on some important moments and stuff with us for bonding. It’s hard to explain this to people and I hate the narrative that you will love them as your own. You physically and psychologically cannot love them exactly the same…. I’m not triggered by this it just is what it is.
It IS often hard to bond and you are NOT a bad mother for feeling that way. Like you said, it is what it is. You're making due with a suboptimal situation and that's what matters. When we deny reality and insist on sweeping the ugly aspects under the rug, it hurts EVERY member of the family! *hugs*
I'm not adopted but this video really struck me and opened my eyes a lot, so many factors play apart in adoption I didn't even think about! I just wanted to say what you said at the end is so true, I was born to spite my narcissistic grandmother and honestly it hurts looking back that my mom tried to shape me into the girly girl she had always wanted to be, and always mentioned how much she wished she looked like me when she was young. Self projecting and alcoholic behavior scared me away from ever having children and im traumatized and don't think I can fully recover, it wasn't fair on me and no one deserves to be abused. I just wish more people understood a child isn't a toy biological or not.
Dude!!! I am a fellow adoptee and am so blown away by how elegantly you speak about the reality of the experience. I also know where Plamondon is! My childhood best friends family has a house in Lac La Biche so we've been in the area quite a bit :p cool and honestly very relieving to know someone as self-aware, honest, and passionate as you is living in that area 😂✨🥰 all the best with your pregnancy. You're already sooo much more conscious than so many parents and that is so wonderful for the little one to be 🥰
Awww thank you so much! I'm very happy to hear when other adoptees feel I am adequately explaining things, because I really want to express things accurately. Blessed be 💗
Incredibly informative and very well approached!! I really enjoyed learning about this from you. Thank you for sharing, I know that flashback part of the video must have been a little rough for you. Much love for you, hubbie, and Nugget 💗
A very good video! I still see so many people in my bubble say they‘ll just adopt, because they can’t imagine getting pregnant and I‘m always thinking „That’s not how it works.“. Tbh, my husband and I said we wouldn’t adopt if we’re infertile, because it’s a very different thing and we always got shit for „talking bad about adoption“. Even though we just realistically think we probably are not equipped for the special problems that come with it. So I‘m kinda glad to have a good video to share when people are talking about adopting so lighthearted.
Thanks so much for your video! I am an adoptee who wants to adopt, and this discussions helps me keep myself in check on putting the kid's needs first and making sure I'll be adopting for the right reasons. I had a good upbringing and I love my parents, and though I don't want to reach out to my birth family, I still think that it's messed up my parents just pretend my siblings and I didn't have backgrounds before getting adopted by them. Just because we were adopted as babies doesn't mean we don't have that baggage you talked about. My parents adopted because of infertility reasons, and I don't think my Mom ever got over not being able to have her own kids.... So, there's a bit I still need to come to terms with about my own adoption story, but as a parent of adopted kids I will try to respect their backgrounds and see things from their POV.
Hey, great video! I'm a fellow adoptee from Germany who's trying to figure out a couple of things that made me be the way I am. And adoption is definitely one major piece to the puzzle. I've come to thinking that maybe everyone who wants to have a child (adopted or not) should first go into self-reflection mode and find out who they really are and fix all the broken pieces in their systems. It seems like you're very well aware of who you are (good and bad) and I hope you will grow even further with your new family. Best wishes, Manuel
I totally agree, evaluating our big life choices should be more important in our culture. There's nothing wrong with reflecting and realizing you might not be making a wise choice
Thank you for this content. It seems reason is very rare among people. I had a discussion in a YT comments section with someone infertile who was moaning and weeping over how hard adoption was. It seems that as soon as you’re a (adoptive) parent, you have all the rights in the world to feel or do whatever you want, but children have no right to complain about a parent’s incompetence. I don’t know if I’m fertile or not, but I’ve wanted to adopt since I was 16. People told me I’d change my mind and I never did. All I have to do is accept that an adopted child might prove difficult to raise and might not view me as its parent. Well, too bad. The kid still needs care. Kids need care. That’s why adoption exists. Not to make infertile people - who’d probably cancel the adoption as soon as they fell pregnant anyway - happy.
I have always wanted to adopt since I was a young child. Literally like 5/6 years old, and I remember my parents always saying that I'll change my mind and that it is not that easy. I'm 20 now and I still want to. I can have kids and I'm perfectly healthy but I have never, not once thought about having biological child. I never felt that need that other people do. I hate how people say that adopted kids aren't a real family or that they are too much work and just for that I want to adopt even more. I always knew that I would do everything in my power to give a child the happiest, safest home I could. I would embrace their culture, learn about their families etc. The only thing that ever worried me was that I wouldn't be enough. That they would want their "real" parents. It stressed me out. It still does. But now I have another problem, the more I learn about adoption, the more it seems like the kids hate it and it only brings them pain! It breaks my heart and I want to do the very best for them and it seems like adoption is not really an option. I mean I always knew that I'll had to get a therapist for my child since an early age, that I'll had to work double to earn their love and that there is a chance they'll want to leave when they grew up to find their kin but I didn't think it was quite so bad.
Thank you SO much for talking about the infertility issue. My aunt adopted 3 little girls because her and her husband could not have children and they really were not suited to be parents. They have huge anger issues and leave raising them to my grandparents. They treat the youngest so different from the older children and show favoritism (she was a baby when they adopted while the other two were 4 and 6). If the girls even remotely show any interest in their birth parents they get reprimanded (which hard for them since the two oldest still have faint memory of their bio mother). My mother is very good with children and the two oldest absolutely love her, it broke my heart when at one family party they secretly told my mother that they wish she adopted them instead. My mother wasn't even doing anything remarkable with them.. Thank you for talking about it, not many people are willing to say that they infertile people shouldn't adopt when they don't have the right mindset. They def projected too much on those little girls and when they didn't meet those standards (especially the 2 older children) just dumped them on someone else.
This called me out! Because i (a young student) want to adopt and im also very scared of pregnancy. I think i should educate myself more,i still think i might adopt,but i wanna be prepared better. And i definitly should hear from the adoptees point of view. I dont personally connect alot with the bloodline idea because for example i dont necessarily love my bio family? I feel like im not obligated to love them and what is important is how healthy is the relationship. What other channels do you guys reccomend btw? Or like info
I some what disagree with the infertile argument. I agree with a lot of what you said accept for the part of them fulfilling the role of a biological child. Maybe it would be better to not tell the adopted child that you were infertile. I’ve let go of the idea of having my own biological kids. I don’t want to put myself through the pain and agony of trying to get pregnant knowing that I have an 85% chance of miscarriage. But I don’t want to make an adopted kid “fill that role” of a biological child. I want to give a child a good life and I want my adoption to be completely child centered. Yes, I want to be a mom, but the adoption isn’t for me, it’s for the child to have a good life.
Okay I’m not adopted, but I legitimately didn’t think there’d be so many problems with adopting in general. But now after hearing you and hearing about exploited children on UA-cam channels, it genuinely makes me ask why isn’t this discussed more often or brought up in our school system (Another can of worms that needs to be updated/fixed.) This brought a whole new perspective of how bad adoption can be especially if the adopter is a narcissist. It’s people like that that make me further question if I actually want to have a kid at all someday because above all my other reasons I just don’t want to bring a kid into this dumpster of a planet and make them go through the same crap as everyone else. It always bugs the crap out of me to see the flaws with everything in society but all it seems you can do about it is complain. I’m tired of the world being so easily exploitable.
I personally believe the reason this isnt brought up is because adoption is a VERY booming business. Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry and I believe they purposefully withhold the full picture for profit. Adoption as it stands is a relatively new thing, pretty much a social experiment, that's been operating as it is for less than 100 years. It was founded on stealing children from mothers (if you've ever heard of the baby scoop era). So it makes sense as sick as it is, that people are not aware. With the internet, adoptees are able to gather together and we are realizing that those of us who are messed up or were mistreated due to adoption were not actually outliers, which gives me a lot of hope actually! We are finally getting education out there and I believe over time it will lead to positive changes in the system and public education. As for the world itself, it is really depressing, but for me, I believe in individual ability to make the world better and I also am very hopeful and proud of younger generations and their tenacity. Theres a lot of shit, but honestly it's a good thing were seeing it, before it was all secret, now we can change it!
I still don’t have much hope for public education, the school system has had little to no change in over a hundred years. I’m about to graduate this year and genuinely feel like the school hasn’t taught me anything actually important about the real world. In my situation specifically, I had a financial literacy/ economy class for only one semester while I had to learn about the American Revolution for the fiftieth time in both semesters. I was lucky enough to get a C in that class. Being taught how money works or basic first aid is way more important then taking a test to see if you’re good at taking a test just so the countries can have a pissing contest over whose kids are smarter. I’m glad to see people pointing out how this system doesn’t work anymore but that was years ago and have yet to see any major change. I’m glad to see you’re at least hopeful that change will happen I guess I’m just more pessimistic.
@@Jasonixel I think that yes, school education sucks and it needs to get better and its important, but informal education is better than it ever has been, and I have actually seen more people informed now than before, of course not always with the best or accurate information. But as someone who was a teen in the early 2000s, I see teens now much more emotionally intelligent and even just knowledgeable in many things and skills than my generation. Idk I am not an optimist by any stretch, but I see positives in the future with the negatives
Thank you for putting this video out. I can tell that you have a good heart and are coming from a really good place. I have always wanted to adopt because my mom was adopted and my family was always so good to me. After dealing with infertility the last few years- I've actually started questioning whether or not adoption will be in the cards for us - my husband never thought about adopting previously. I cannot begin to express how hurtful it is when people say oh just adopt as if it's this catch-all solution with zero downsides at all.... When the reality is that it is an entirely different process, an entirely different type of pain. And honestly I have so many fears about adopting now that I have a more realistic idea of what it's like. I have no idea what I'm going to do but thank you for putting out some good info.
Thank you so much for this video. This information is so important for parents in general and to hear a child’s experience from an adults eyes is so absolutely necessary.
"They literally treat us like that" Just because some parents are bad at instilling values such as it doesn't matter what you look or sound like, judge people by their actions not arbitrary factors. It's sad to hear parents not teaching their children basic equality and values, but advocating to keep these children in a system where they will never be instilled these values is just a disgusting mentality to have when were talking about developing minds in the lives of people who are just starting their lives. VERY negative perspectives with no alternatives for the children in the system, which has been studied numerous times to be detrimental to the development of children. BAD PARENTS exist, probably more biological ones than adopted ones, because people seeking to adopt WANT a child, not accidentally knock up their highschool crush and are forced into a life they werent ready for.
I'm advocating for better understanding of adoptees experiences and for better understanding of how to be a good adoptive parent. I'm incapable of making changes to a billion dollar industry or providing a completely new system and I have never and will never postulate that I can.
Girl you make total sense. I really hate to see a comments where people say, “you should adopt a kids because there is a lot of kids in this world that need you to care for them” without knowing shit.
1. Do not adopt if you are afraid of pregnancy/childbirth 2. Do not adopt if you are infertile/unable to have bio children 3. Do not adopt for narcissistic reasons
I'd ammend the second reason. It's not that infertile people shouldn't adopt, but rather adoption shouldn't be to "replace" their biological children they desired. It needs to be a totally new and different plan
Great information and putting it out there is very brave. I also considered adoption after a year of no pregnancy after trying, Information like this is invaluable
Found this video because I’m considering adopting one day in the future, not anytime soon, but it crossed my mind. It kind of strengthened by decision on it to be honest. My boyfriend and I are capable of having biological children, but we simply don’t want to and would rather adopt instead. I can’t speak for him, but I don’t see a good reason to bring a child into this world when so many are already here and struggling. I didn’t feel so strongly about this in the past, but I knew it was what I wanted to do when I learned my grandmother was adopted and horrendously abused by her adoptive mother. Idk if this counts as reason not to adopt number 3, if it does, I’m sorry, but I genuinely believe that the point of having a kid is to give them the best life possible and I would rather do that for a life already in this world. Thank you for bringing up some of the trauma that they would inevitably face, since some of the biological stuff was interesting and I never considered it before.
YES YES YES!!! I HATE when my peers are so flippant when they say “oh man birth looks so painful - I’m just gonna adopt!” And I’m like ???? That’s SUCH a superficial reason, and adoption/adoptees are not a quick and easy solution. This isn’t Amazon, don’t approach adoption like it’s a prepackaged, instant/easy way of getting a kid. Just… no 🤦♀️
I hear your concerns. Thank you for sharing them. I'm wondering if you think that children should never be adopted, and if so, what you would say should be done to care for those children?
Obviously it's necessary! And obviously we can't change things overnight and therefor we need to continue to feed the beast (the adoption industry) at this current point. In my dream world, the billions toward adoption would be going toward family preservation (rehab, family counseling, job centers, food banks, counseling) and the rest of people unwilling to do the work to be good parents would relinquish their kids to a NON PROFIT which would then monitor the safety of these children for at least the first 5 years, including therapy (and of course, on a case by vase level, some kids won't need therapy, others will need extensive). I'd also make it illegal to do closed adoptions and illegal to withhold someone's accurate birth certificate. I mean, I'd do even more but this is the jist
Thank you for your video and speaking a truth about adoption no one really has a clue about. Frankly adopting/fostering scares me, especially after my experience being a social worker. I've seen the extreme behaviors children have after being raised in "the system" and having abusive/neglectful parents. RAD is a real and can be scary for the other members of the household. I know because of my past job, I've mostly seen the extremes, but it's enough to make me shy away from adopting. I hate when people say "adopt,don't pop" or consider those who choose to have bio children "breeders", when they themselves would never adopt or foster.😒 It's like you said, there is a biological difference that no loving, supportive, full of resources adopted parent could totally make go away.
Thank you for someone saying that out loud without feeling ashamed. You explain what I've been thinking all my life! Especially the second reason. It's always bugged me because people treat adoptees like an object and not an individual human being. Even if many adoptive parents would never admit it because they would have to justify themselves. And there is a good reason for this, because people are not objects that are there to fulfill your unfulfilled desire to have children. *That is not the job of a child. You are adults and are responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who defines their entire purpose in life solely in terms of having a child is definitely doing something wrong.* But I also understand why you wouldn't say it openly because you don't want to hurt the child emotionally. Nevertheless, it is more than selfish to adopt the child in order to fulfill YOUR OWN WISH. As hard as that sounds: If it doesn't work out then you also have to have a plan B for your life, without children. Even medicine doesn't make everything possible. As sad as it is, you have to accept that. You can't have everything in life. And that applies to every other situation. I was adopted myself and I know what I'm talking about. I had to justify this view so often because I was often told: "Be grateful to your parents. They didn't have it easy either." That is NOT the problem of the adopted child. What is it supposed to do? Do magic and the adoptive parents will be happy? That's not how the world works. If the only motivation is your own desire to have children, then don't do it. In my opinion, a better motivation would be to give an orphan or a child who has been rejected or abused the chance of a better life. And to make no distinction between the adopted child and existing biological children. In my view, that would be the only sensible motivation for adopting a child and not the usual story: "I can't have a child, so I'll just have to adopt to become a parent." It is shocking that ADULTS often act so immaturely and make decisions for other people (adoptive children) from such a naive point of view. I am not saying that parents who want to adopt because of infertility are fundamentally bad parents. They are not. But you should think about it carefully and question your own motivation. Who am I really doing this for? For myself or for the child? In the case of adoption, the focus is on the child's welfare, NOT the adult's desire to have children. (I have used an electronic translator. If there are errors in the wording, it is because of this)
I want to adopt for 2 reasons. 1. I always wanted more kids. And still do but after having my son it took such a toll on my body I can't physically make another human being without probably dying. 2. Me and my husband sat on adopting for 2 years and both agree having at least one other child in our family is something we want and need. And want to love the crap at of them. And it also helps that my son ants a sibling to (if he changes his mind after having a sibling that's his problem hahah she or he will be stuck with us forever)
I am adopted and from Canada. This video was spot on for my experiences. The other reason I was adopted was because of the money they received. It doesn’t cost anything if you adopt through government foster care, and you can keep receiving the payments the foster care family was receiving. I think that would be a good topic to go over because many people think that adoptive parents pay a lot, but it’s really the opposite. My adoptive parents received $5000 per child to go towards my dental care. Turns out they don’t like the dentist and told us the first month that we would never get braces if we needed them. They spent all of the money on alcohol and parties for their friends. Another good thing to go over is that there’s no monitoring of adopted children, and even if we do complain or make a statement, we are always held to answer the question, “why would they adopt you and then hurt you? It doesn’t make any sense, can you please explain?” It’s a question I don’t think any adoptee can answer and is incredibly innopropriate when people in positions of that power reply with this and won’t make a report because you could be the troubled adopted child.... just pure invalidation for every child who has experienced this.
I've never heard of adopters receiving financial aid for adopting but I know about foster parents being paid and a lot of them take advantage of that. I'd need to look into it a lot more before I made a video because I have no knowledge of that, my adopted parents were not financially compensated for adopting me. I do, however, know that no one checks in or monitors adoptees once we are adopted. I went to my school a couple times for help as a teen and no alarms went off. I personally didnt even try to get help much beyond that but I honestly dont think cops would have done anything since I didnt have bruises or anything like that. Its definitely a big issue with adoption that I was planning on addressing in a video in regards to adoption reformation. Thanks for your insight! I hope you're in a safer environment now
@@plamondonworks6948 I can’t wait to hear more from you! I’m excited that Canadian Adoptees are talking about the hard stuff, finally! Because of my experiences through foster care and being adopted I made it my goal to also help change the laws in any way I can. It’s a lifelong goal but I hope to change the system. We’re a force to be reckoned with. :)
International adoption costs about $40,000 and the social worker checks in every six months to make sure that adoptees are doing well. Parents are required by the Hague Convention to take parenting classes to make them aware of all the issues that this video raised. North American adoptions are different and this video applies more to that type of adoption. Thanks for sharing your story. Blessings for a lovely child of you own. ❤️
Once I was discussing how I wanted kids but didn't want to do the thing that creates them and my friend said "well you can just adopt then" and I wasn't really sure what to say at the time to explain why that was wrong but this video really put it into words. I will definitely share it with them.
I am too young for children (okay, I am 21, I am old enough but do not feel like it) but I never wanted to have my own children. Because there is too much fuckery in my genes. Not like I am inbred, but I am sick. I do have multiple sclerosis, almost non immune system, mental health issues like mild tourettes, severe depression, ocd, there is dementia and schizophrenia going on in my family... So I don't wan't to pass it on someone. To be honest I do not consider having a child at all. I am sick, have no job, didn't go to collage yet, having a problem have the strenght to leave my bed sometimes... So I do not see having kids realistically. BUT if I ever manage to be in a good place, mentally (because physically I can make myself do anything I want to do even it means I have to try harder than anyone else) and financially, in a stable position, I would love to share what I have, give a home to someone who didn't have the luck to keep their own. And it has nothing to do with my infertility (I have pcos, my ovaries looks like tapioca tea, lol) And I am 100% ready to work with the child. To provide them contact with their biological parents. To try to speak out the trauma, to understand the trauma, to let them be themselves but they can still count on me, I got their back. Not to shape them into mini me, to help then understand themselves and find what fulfil them. To help them with school, socialization and everything without shouting and forcing. And I am writting this just because my ocd kicked in and I need assurement if it's a good reason for adoption. This ocd pattern makes me unsure, now I am sure I am pathetic and should never adopt even when I am in better place in life because this is what ocd does (people think it's just about cleaning and organising but hell no)
Thankful for the first reason. I see so many teenagers under the age of 18 (often even under 14) online saying they would never get pregnant because they're scared of the pain just because someone in a video was like "it hurt" or they hear a fact what could potentially happen. And then there are kids being like "no thank you, I don't like pain XD I will adopt" and I'm like "that's not a second hand option." Also, I'm not a Karen that's like "you will change your mind when you're older/ find the right man" when a girl says she doesn't want children. But the way so some really young folks talk about it make me roll my eyes. At a young age you go through so much hormones and feelings and your 20yo self is not the same as your 14 yo self. When I was a teen my mentality was "having children would be nice but it's not necessary" but in my early twenties my hormones started with the good ol' "how bout now, beech?". When I saw babies before I've been like _aww_ but now I'm having times in my cycle where I'm crying just from seeing babies in an add or whatever and sometimes I get overwhelmed with the desire to not only be a mother but also being pregnant. I mean that sounds more dramatic than it is but you'll never know as a child or a teen how you feel about this topic as an actual adult. It could also go the other way around. As a kid having the thought of "I need to be a mommy in the future, that's what my future will be" and as an adult you realise "that's not for me". Or that you don't even like kids. I'm sorry, idk why this comment came out so long😂
Yes, the flippancy people have about deciding to adopt is extremely concerning to me, haha. I totally understand what you're talking about. I filmed a video about pregnancy the other day as well, and in it I talk about the drastic change in my perspective about it as I grew older, so I understand where you're coming from!
I have one kid & don't want more biological children for many reasons (not infertility). But sometimes I think that it would be nice to adopt when she is much older. Mostly because I still have parental love to give & I assumed that unadopted kids would like to have an adoptive parent / family. I can see how the trauma of adoption would be life shattering, and that does make me nervous. Perhaps I should just volunteer with kids / teens in need & be a parental figure in that way.
Well, as someone who has family that has to be taken in or else they will go in the system…I’m in a sad situation. Here I am mothering my children to the best of my ability and helping out with, let’s call him Joe, every chance I get. When suddenly everyone starts saying I should adopt him because he needs it. And he does. The system is overworked and he is an older kid with serious issues who is likely to age out of the system. So, while the fluffy perfect ideas here are great, reality is, all adoptive parents aren’t perfect and they ought i be treated with the same grace and forgiveness and love that you expect as an adoptive child. It isn’t always as easy to love someone who isn’t your own and that’s just the plain old truth of it, which is probably part of why adoptive kids want to go find their bio parents. You want to admit that babies have trauma, but deny the fact that the adoptive parents have trauma as well. Well I think it stinks. Yes there are things that should be. Absolutely true. And I don’t disagree that there are best case scenarios, ideals. But the fact of it is that there are a lot of unwanted children and people have to be willing to lay down their lives for those kids. And so to expect them to be grateful is normal. Just like I do with my bio kids. They sure better be grateful or they can hit the road and find someplace they like better.
I quite literally went over the traumas that adoptive parents go through, it seems you wanted me to center them in the conversation and I will not. It seems your perspective of parenthood is that children should feel indebted to their parents, and I would fundamental disagree. Not only do I think it makes a bad adoptive parent to have conditional love, I think that makes yoh a bad parent period. Ps. As parents we do not need nor should we have as much consideration from our children as we have for them. We chose parenthood. We are the adults. We hold power over these kids. Grow up
I have adopted children twins.Make sure you are prepared for this very important step.Accept there will be challenges Don't expect perfection and greatfulness.Adopt a child from a poor family NOT a drug addict.Adopt a 1 year old to see their development.
Your so right dear , that disgusting couple myka and James stuffer should never have had that we child ,there just so sick I can't believe the Chinese let them take that we boy ,I hope he's safe now he has no siblings where he is they should have left him with his Foster mother no wonder he couldn't take to them ,I think he's very intelligent ,don't underestimate that child im sure he will do well god bless him and thank you for everything u had to say u have more sense than some of those saviours ,I wish u well and your little baby may the Lord bless u
emotional punching bag meaning a person or thing who is severely criticized or punished, as a way for other people to express angry feelings: Government workers have often been the punching bag of politicians, comedians, and the news media.
Really glad I watched this video I’m in college and this made me realize that my desire to go into education kinda correlates with my need to help others to feel wanted. My sense of self worth hasn’t always been the best so I’ve felt that I needed to help others to have some reason to exist here. But that shouldn’t be the case. Helping others should be like a nice bonus to existence not the main thrust. Wouldn’t be surprised if my obsession with superhero media and being raised in a very white saviory religion (Mormonism) played a part in these feelings
People even play favourite between their biological kids so why wouldn’t they play favourite between their adopt kid and biological kids? I heard a lot of story about couple adopt a kid because they couldn’t have kids but after they have their own kids they start to treat their adopt kid different and that just break my heart. Sometime they even believe that you will have kids after adopting a kid. Than some people treat their adopting kids as cash cows.
At this point I'd agree 🙏 my first step toward change is to hopefully change people's minds, I should remake this video with a softer approach now that I'm not hopped up on pregnancy hormones 😂
@@plamondonworks6948 You are doing great! Personally I believe adoption shall remain in the extended family if possible, or at least in the culture of the child, to prevent further trauma.
I think instead we should promote adoption with the right qualification, emotional and psychological material to do so... Not with this fairytale expectancies of this dream family, but we the previous knowledge and facing the fact that we will have this issues that you previously mentioned. Thanks for sharing.
I'd be interested to hear more about your experiences having been adopted, and maybe common themes of what other adopted ppl say in the groups you belong to. You don't have to get too personal at all I know it's hard, I just mean general things you and others have experienced. Just an idea for a vid but up to you ❤❤❤
Appreciate you sharing your perspective and experience as an adoptee. Especially challenging people's motivations being off base. People really have to unpack their trauma before bringing kids into their lives in any capacity. I worry a bit about biological essentialism or biological determinism and using western science to kind of justify them and how that invisibilizes different cultural practices around child rearing. Particularly thinking communal / village models of raising children which place less emphasis on the biological parents than the modern post industrial nuclear family.
I'm a 60 year old adoptee, and I am NOT grateful about it. I would say to my biological mother, one; birth control. two; abortion. three; adoption is not harmless. I would say to my adoptive parents; don't adopt to have farmhands on your farm. Children are not plug and play. Children who have for one reason or another been separated from their mother are NOT OK. They are traumatized, and they are going to need A LOT of extra help to thrive. I wish I had been aborted. Not adopted. Life is suffering.
I can understand you. Everyone sayin abortion is evil but it can usefull for some things Sorry for you my bud I wasnt adpted but my life with bio parents were bad enough Especially cHŕ1şT1@N family who made me ateist with their FAITHFULL PRACTICESES
Hi! Great video! Can I get your opinion on our reasons for wanting to adopt please? We've always planned to have a big family, and I do want to experience pregnancy but I'm not precious about them all being biological. My dad adopted me. Two of my cousins were adopted and I've worked with adopted kids. I've got a realistic idea of what it looks like and the complexities. I was looking at the stats on kids in care in my country and decided to look into it as a possibility for us. We learned more and realised we have the skillset and will to do the work if need be with them and the experience to guide them with many of the challenges they're likely to face. I want to adopt because I want a big family and I want them to be a large chunk of it. I know it comes with different challenges, but I also believe I'm well equipped for those. And in terms of loving them as much as bio kids, I think my autism takes care of that. If they're my child then that's that. But I also am aware we wouldn't be the only parents they've ever had. That said, I think it's another layer, not making the connection less than if that makes sense? What do you reckon? Are we in it for the right reasons? I wouldn't normally state that I want to adopt online etc. but I'd like your viewpoint. Please challenge me if I'm looking at it for the wrong reasons. I want to do right by them. Not set them up for pain.
I'm a bit worried about adopted children being Integrated into a big family as resources will be diluted, most importantly time. Especially if the child has special needs. But ultimately this will all be up to you to decide.
As an adoptee who’s parents were able to have two biological children later on - you are 💯 correct. No one ever talks about this, but this is more common than people realize.
Best thing I've heard about adoption. If I do adopt in the future it will be an 'open adoption'. Would love to hear your thoughts on how this did or could have impacted your life as an adoptive child.
So, adopting children question - explain what adoption is (age appropriate) from when they are young. OR wait to tell them when they are older (18-20). I always grew up with the idea that information is perfected over ignorance always, but I dunno.
I fully believe with all my heart that informing children of their adoption status and giving them age appropriate information about their family is SO important. I knew I was adopted since I was a baby, and my parents didn't have one talk about it, it was just casually known. I also had an open adoption so I knew my bio parents and saw them or talked to them time to time. I truly feel this is a big reason I have adjusted relatively well as an adult vs adults who find out later or where it was taboo to acknowledge their adoption
@@plamondonworks6948 I completely think that informing children that they are adopted in an age appropriate manner should be mandatory. Children are owners of their own stories, not the adoptive parents. An ex boyfriend from high school's parents waited until he was 18 to tell him that who he thought was his bio dad was actually his stepdad; his bio dad had skipped town when he was 1 year old, and so who he thought was his younger bio sister was actually his half sister. He was so pissed (as he had every right to be) and messed up over it because he had been kept in the dark.
yes like you mention it sounds a lot like being the scapegoat in a narcissist family, it was a lot like that for me when my dad remarried to a narcissist woman and they made me the scapegoat
My granddaughter was adopted after being led to believe she was staying with family. She was adopted and birth parents paid $30,000 for her. Private adoption is human trafficking
So... If all the children in this world who need to be adopted.... Shouldn't be adopted according to you... Then where do you propose they go? By encouraging people to not adopt your encouraging less people to help a child in foster care out of a bad life. My adopted children are 100% just as much my children as my biological children are. Just because a child is adopted, does not make them any less loved or apart of the family. Adaptive parents are helping so many children to potentially have better lives and/ or escape dangerous families and situations.
So what's your solution for the children that live in orphanages? Just leave them there because they're traumatised, refuse them like people already do? Nice Idea 💡
Here's my reply from someone else's similar question: Obviously it's necessary! And obviously we can't change things overnight and therefor we need to continue to feed the beast (the adoption industry) at this current point. In my dream world, the billions toward adoption would be going toward family preservation (rehab, family counseling, job centers, food banks, counseling) and the rest of people unwilling to do the work to be good parents would relinquish their kids to a NON PROFIT which would then monitor the safety of these children for at least the first 5 years, including therapy (and of course, on a case by vase level, some kids won't need therapy, others will need extensive). I'd also make it illegal to do closed adoptions and illegal to withhold someone's accurate birth certificate. I mean, I'd do even more but this is the jist
This was a very informative video, I just wanted to say as someone who has always wanted to have a child their entire life, the Infertility portion of the video really hurt to hear but I understand to an extent where you're coming from. I am young, I am only 19 years old, but I was born with a disease that sadly, sadly, makes it to where my body will never be able to carry a child, ever. The only way I will ever be able to have a child is through adoption, and I understand that the system as a whole is absolutely awful, I do, but I just wanted to say that not every birth family will give a child a better life just because they are biologically related to them, love comes in all shapes and sizes and different forms, and whether or not you are biologically related to someone doesn't really matter because there are MANY cases in my own personal life where the people you are blood related to have cause more damage than good but the people that love you for you have and will always be there to lift you up again through your darkest days where the "family" you have blood relation to is the reason you were so down in the first place. One last thing, (sorry if this is a super long comment btw) Anatomy and Biology does (biologically) make someone a parent yes, but there is a difference between creating a child and raising a child, a parent is the person who CHOOSES to raise, love, protect, and be there for a child until the day they can no longer do so. Biology has nothing to do with what a True Parent is. Your biological family and the family you create can and sometimes will be different because at the end of the day, Blood doesn't make family, actions do. Thank you for the video, it was very educational and even though I am still a ways away from being able and committed to raising a child (anyway it happens) I appreciate the views you brought.
I agree with a lot of your ideas, but I’d just clarify that biology isn’t nothing. I have had two biological children so far and the entire pregnancies plus giving birth are by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. Parenting is challenging, but for me, pregnancy and childbirth were much harder. So I guess I’m saying don’t diminish what a biological mother has done for her child. Even if she chooses adoption, she’s already given so much for her child.
I disagree. Biology plays an important part to bonding. It's an unfortunate reality that humans can be very vile and not good parents, but it is always optimal for children to remain with their parents. Now, this isn't always a possibility like i stated above, but understanding your handicaps with adoption is critical to becoming a good adopted parent. You can not replace their original mother. Respect that and move on with that knowledge.
All of these arguments can be applied to biological children. I think if you’re intentions are not to POSSESS a child, you'll be a great parent. But a lot of people...are awful unfortunately. I am not adopted,, but I've experienced a lot of the same things you have. Should've just named the video, don’t be a parent if your a bad person.
I was adopted, and I hate it. my adoptive parents could not have children, and adopted me from my mom's niece, who was divorcing and (messy situation). U would thing that would be fine, but the rest of the family associated me with my birth mother (theri cousin or niece). Then the birth mom did things that drew mass approval from the family, like protest the Viet Nam war, and her political leanings....then I was WATCHED, by the relatives, expecting and gleefully hoping I would mess up and be like her. I was never allowed to just be me. The relatives would still call her my mother, so who was my mother, my great aunt or my birth-mother(now cousin). It was terrible. Mom and dad never understood, and it was a cancer on my soul. This made everything so horrible for me. SHIT on adoption.
This video makes me feel sad and confused 😢 I miscarried and I feel like the trauma from that is real and after that I have this immense fear of pregnancy. I’ve always wanted a family and always felt like I did not need a biological connection to emotionally connect with someone. I thought the bond was something that I could create with patience, hard work, and time. Now I see I’ve only been thinking of myself. I know I’ll never feel safe enough to experience pregnancy (especially in Texas), so I guess I may just have to accept that adoption may not be an option either.
Adoption can still be an option for you, but definitely you need to evaluate the stark difference and challenges that comes with adoption before making that decision. I'm sorry for your loss and the trauma tbat caused xx
Thank you so much for this video! I don't think I will ever want my own kids. I'm 22 now, and will probably get a vasectomy. Only If I feel like I am in a position, where I can actually provide for a kid and give it a proper life.. AFTER I have done my world travels and want to settle down.. then I can maybe see myself adopting. For the reason of giving a kid that was delt a bad hand a nother chance in life.. one in a Safe space living as normal of a life as possible, with the freedom of doing whatever they want with the recourses I can give them. We are already to many people on this planet and it's not getting any better..
As an adoptee, I wonder if an orphanage would have been a better launchpad for life than being adopted. I imagine there are really really bad orphanages, but my question is about an ideal orphanage...what ever that might be.
Personally, I think foreign family units are better for children than an orphanage, but I also think education on how to be an effective adoptive parent is highly lacking
I actually am interested in your thoughts on adopting a child after you already raised a few kids/have started raising kids/have experience raising kids and also Id like to hear your take on adults with certain constitutions like Adhd, Aspergers or Physical Disabilities raising kids with similar/the same issues. Just as a preamble in case you want to answer: I do believe that mentally and/or physically disabled children can TO A DEGREE benefit from having adopted parents with those issues. All within a reasonable frame however.
Raising your own children does not effectively prepare you to raise adopted children, in my opinion, so I do think it COULD help a bit in the sense you are prepared for the normal day-to-day of raising a child, but you are going to be just as blind as someone adopting their first child if you don't have experience/extensive research and resources regarding adoptee related issues. As for disabled or neurological disordered parents parenting kids with the same disorder, I think it all depends on the mental wellbeing and handling of said disorder of the parent. If it was under control, the yes, I do think having a parent with the same condition could be very beneficial. Much like I have mentored my younger brother who is adopted as well as my bio mum in how to deal with adopted related issues. I also have ADHD myself as does my birth mother. She interacts and deals with me much better than my adopted family, and I believe the fact that we have the same disorder is a factor in that. Should my son have ADHD himself, which he has a 50% chance of, I feel like I am going to be more capable of noticing it and helping him than if both my husband and I were neurotypical. I hope that answers your question! 😅
@@plamondonworks6948 Oh it most definitely does!!! I'm super greatful for your answer and thank you a ton for the insights! I'm really looking forward to the counterpart video of this! Have a wonderful day!!:)))
Welp I listened to your video and I hear ya maybe others will share their view points. The ones I know are very thankful they were adopted into a loving fam at birth or as a toddler. Now I don’t like fostering because some children become attach to a good home and have to leave thats heart breaking
Hi Plam; thank you so much for all the important info you have shared and continue to share about adoption. It has really helped me learn and pushed me to seek out more information from adoptee’s points of view.
Idk how common this is for others, but something that I have seen commonly and has been bothering me is this kind of societal view that adoption is a moral obligation that everyone should opt for. And it’s touted as a progressive view by many, and you are seen as selfish, old fashioned, or self indulgent if you choose to have a biological child. For example, I have heard many comments from friends and acquaintances who are concerned about the environment that I am incredibly selfish for considering anything but adoption, and that I don’t actually care about the environment. I think comments like these are so unfair.
I know environmentalism is also something you care about, and if you don’t mind me asking, how did you make your decision on having a child? Bc I would like to care for a child one day, but I don’t know if I’d be right for fostering/adopting. Thanks again 🙏🏼
Hi! This is a great point. For me, if you want to look "woke" and truly be progressive, people need to start advocating more for family preservation rather than adoption. Adoption, in its simplist sense, is gaining ownership of a child that isnt yours. It just doesnt make sense to push that as the best option when you put it that way.
I think when it comes to overpopulation, birth control, sex education, and reproductive rights should be the solutions we put our energy into.
You are absolutely right that environmentalism is very important to me, and overpopulation is a big issue. My choice to have a child (and I would never have more than 2) came down to the fact that i felt i could raise a child that would be a very positive contribution to society, and we know that in order to keep the population going people are going to have to have SOME kids in each generation.
I would never (through an agency) adopt because I believe the system is too evil and corrupt to ensure ethical practices are in place. However, when my son is grown, I am planning as of now (and have been for several years) to foster. If the children I foster see me as a mom, I would accept that. If they see me as a guardian, that's okay too. And if I were in an extreme situation where my foster child had no family to take them and were at risk of being rehomed, with their permission, that is the only circumstance I would adopt.
If people TRULY want to adopt because they believe they are being selfless, then I would say they should foster/take guardianship instead and not take children away from their bio families. But that means they relinquish the rush of getting all the love and devotion and as pessimistic as this sounds, I dont think many people would be willing to raise other peoples kids without owning them first.
Sorry that was so long, I hope I answered your question, you brought up a good point, I wish I put it in my video actually 😂
@@plamondonworks6948 Thank you so much for the really thoughtful and thorough response! 😭
That’s a really good point; focusing on supporting access to birth control, sex ed, and reproductive rights is a good way to combat overpopulation, as opposed to guilting people into adoption when they may not be fit for or informed about it. I have felt guilty and conflicted about balancing my concern for the environment and my consideration of having children and the ethics and realities of adoption for a long time, and your videos/posts have really helped me. I really appreciate it.
I also really appreciate your insight on fostering vs adopting; I’m sure would make a very caring and responsible guardian 💜
I think that this is something that need to be talked by people who KNOWS what they're talking about. It's gross how we think of adoptees as people who are saved and need to be forever grateful for it. I learnt so much from this video, you explained everything clearly ✨
That's true, a lot of people confuse pessimism with realism. The most offensive thing one can say is something honest.
The most onest thing one has to admit to yourself is that it's morally wrong to bring other people into this sick world. And that it is never in the interest of a child to exist. It's always for the others.
@@redneckgoblin936Plus no one is ever able to consent to being born.
There’s a video in the recommended literally being the third example. They adopted 7 kids and made a hour long video- 🤦🏼♀️
not surprised. It's good money to use your adopted kids for clout. But that's none of MY business.
I get mad when people tell me "why not adopt" like it's simple. I hate when people try to shame people to adopt. Adopting is a personal thing. Adopting is not for everyone. Some people are not fit to adopt.
how about shaming the adopted child....people assume youre a sailors bastard. adoption is so expensive that only rich people can adopt so you become a status symbol, like a fancy car. They make a big deal about telling others youre adopted. Then consider the different race children, its worse for them.
most people are not, because most ppl cant afford it
Maybe because there are kids that need homes more than unborn children.
If you're not considered fit to adopt after evaluation, that should tell you how fit you are for parenthood
@@JuiceboxHer0 adopting a child doesn’t make you a “stepparent” it makes you a parent. Goodness..😳
I'm a bio kid with 2 adopted siblings and I 100% agree with your every point. I too was raised Mormon and parenthood is taken way too casually. No one should create or adopt a child on a whim or for any of the reasons you listed. Thank you for being brave enough to make this video.
✋️ I was adopted into a Mormon family as a newborn. It was absolute hell. I won't get into details here, but a summary is simply that I nearly dropped out of high school. I was constantly trying to stay out of my home, and away from these wackos. Fast forward to now, I've had the therapy and now have the tools to regulate my emotions. Although, I have struggled, I learned how to have compassion for myself, patience for myself, and the love for myself that was missing. I learned how to cope, and now I feel I am learning how to thrive even though I'm in my 30s. 😂 I compare myself to no one. I have overcome a lot and am so proud of myself for it! Now, I have a sweet baby that is 6 months. I get to experience now as an adult what family is intended to be. I love my daughter so much. I know what she needs from me. I am excited to be the one to change the direction of my family's well-being by providing the security necessary in childhood. My daughter will walk a million miles more than I was able to go in this life.
@@Ana_Cecilia615 Loved reading this, I wish you all the best.
Some of what you say definitely applies to birth parents too. Having kids because of some idea of a perfect family and projecting that onto them is so common. I get how some people amplify that with adoption though.
Out of curiosity, what do you think adoptive parents & families should do to lessen the pain of adoption for the child? Do you see common factors between the adoption stories from people who were happier in their adopted homes?
definitely! I bring that up briefly in the narcissistic portion, but honestly overall the big reason to not have ANY children is that you want children to DO something for YOU. Children should not be responsible for your happiness.
As for what adopted parents can do, I will definitely make a video about this going into depth, but I think the KEY factor in happy/well-adjusted adoptees is that they grew up in an environment where their needs were put above the parents and that communication was very open. Many adoptees don't even realize their trauma until later in life because they never had a chance to talk about their feelings and work through any turmoil they may be feeling. If adopted parents were taught how to properly engage in conversation about adoption and how to validate and support adoptees, I think a lot of the mental illness statistics we currently see with adoption would decrease significantly. That's my hypothesis, at least.
@@plamondonworks6948 That makes sense. I can see how narcissistic adoptive parents would be very controlling and invalidating for adoptees' feelings. Like you said, they want you to only be grateful, so you don't get to have conversations or even feel the feelings you need to. Constantly being denied and gaslit would damage anyone's mental health. I had no ideas that outcomes for people who were adopted were so negative until your video though... so sad. Looking forward to hearing more about this topic in the future.
I really appreciate your videos about adoption. They've helped me more seriously consider the ethics of adoption. Would you ever consider doing a video about good reasons to adopt or good qualities in parents that would make them better parents to their adopted kids?
Yes, I am planning on doing a counterpart to this video about good reasons to adopt/good qualities in adoptive parents!
What ethics? The only ethic that matters is the needs of a child.
Adoptive mom here. AWESOME content. This video needs to be posted in every adoption discussion group- and shown at PRIDE training. 💖 Sending love your way.
People look at us "Birth" Parents like we are all druggies and prostitutes! I was 16 and forced by my parents to relinquish my daughter back in 1985! I have so much trauma from the entire experience and I'm 53 yrs old now. We are NOT all druggies and prostitutes,...MOST Mother's were FORCED to relinquish. We may not have had guns pointed at our heads, but were forced nonetheless!! Gaslighted, coercion & flat out lied to about the adoption. If I would have known the trauma that Adoptees and Mothers go through, I might have found some bravery within me and fought back against my parents and the Children's Home!!
@@piero17y65 yes I know where she is now. I had a team of Search Angel's looking and she was found in 2020. I do not know her feelings yet. She is taking time, which is her right.
She may hate me, idk 🥺. I understand if she does.
@@melissar.hamptonplymale sorry that person was a disgusting troll. Most children love their parents. I'm sorry for what you've gone through Melissa, you're not alone, especially in that Era. Xox
I’m so sorry this happened to you. No woman should be made to feel like she has to give up her baby.
I was adopted in 85 also, and from what I know my birth mother wasn't drug addicted or anything like that either. I doubt your daughter hates you, even though she experienced trauma as a result of the process. I don't relate to the minority who have resentment towards their birth parents even though I'm totally messed up. Some people just aren't ready or in a position to have children, and back in those days - and even still today, albeit to a lesser extent - the extent to which adoption causes deep psychological trauma wasn't understood. To blame the birth parents, therefore, is irrational.
So why did you relinquish her then?
No seriously why?
You couldn't get a job with a kid like A LOT of other 16 year old pregnant teens do?
DON'T, PLEASE DON'T BLAME OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT YOU.
YOU'RE TO BLAME!
You're NOT A VICTIM and frankly how long will teenagers 2 years shy of legal age going to use this excuse of "I was just a child myself"?
And still having you, a 53 year old OLD WOMAN PLAYING THE VICTIM AT YOUR AGE TELLS ME that your parents were probably right as you are CLEARLY still mentally not strong to accept your own guilt into the mess you made.
Thank you so much for speaking about this! As someone who was adopted just for the attention it brought them, I understand the dark side of adoption. I suffered so much abuse and trauma that now, even as a 24 year old who has been to therapy several times, still has nightmares about it all several times a week. I do not claim those who adopted me as my family. Cutting them out of my life was the best decision I ever made. I will forever yearn for parents, I will forever have a hole in my heart from all the years that were robbed from me. Unfortunately knowing my biological parents isn’t an option. My bio mom passed in a tragic way 2yrs ago and then my bio dad ghosted me when that happened. Thank you for sharing the truth!
I'm so sorry for your losses. Losing your heritage, losing your Hopes, losing your childhood. Adoption is so much loss for so many of us. Keep up the good fight, I get the nightmares too but they are getting less and less 💗
@@plamondonworks6948 I really appreciate that!💜 Spreading awareness to these issues is so important, and it can be so unfair that our voices are drowned out by those who refuse to look at adoption as anything but a “blessing”. I hope that my nightmares will lessen as well, and I wish peace to you for all you’ve endured✨
hello stay strong I'm 32 in the same situation. I love you
I’m 33 and decided to push my adopted family away. I honestly feel so present, alive and very good. With more smile on my face.
One thing I would say from my lens is you definitely should not adopt if you already have a bio kid(s).
Really interesting video! I've never wanted kids but I've always thought if I were to have kids I would adopt. This really educated me as to why that's such a dangerous mindset for people to have. I feel like that is something that a lot of people have thought too. I have also heard people online trying to defend Barrett as not being a bad person because she 'rescued' her adopted children so I was glad you mentioned that.
Love is biology and science in a way, though. You see animals adopting, even babies of other species. Adoption isn't "unnatural". There are still bonds forming between adopted children and adoptive parents, that you could trace down to hormones and proteins, if you wanted. Also, childbearing might be the most straightforward way to become a parent, but its "naturalness" is overstated. Humans place all sorts of meanings on biological events. Eating is a biological need but it can mean the coziness of a comfort food, the excitement of exotic cuisine, it can be traumatic due to eating disorders or have special cultural significance as part of ritual. Same with bearing a child, and same with adopting a child. There is biology, but how you experience and interpret it is largely socially shaped.
The evidence suggests that children experience trauma being separated from their life giver, regardless of socialization afterwards. But certainly consistent love and patience and safety will give adoptees the best chance at a happy and stable life!
Animals aren't a good comparison because that's adoption out of necessity. They aren't just taking babies of other species because “they don't feel like being pregnant”. The baby was abandoned. Humans are different because we’re choosing to go get a child that's not ours. Willingly putting them through trauma usually for a selfish/misguided reason
Its also spiritual...not just plain biology or science.
@@Latte-girly90So when real life cases of abandoned feral children being raised by animals those animals don't want or love them, right?
I guess the feeling is very personal.. as an adopted person i hardly ever identified myself with the differents points you stated here 😊 but it's interesting to see what as an adopted person you have been through and your thoughts on the subject 😁 great video !
Yes! I forgot to disclose that when I'm talking about my opinion/possible consequence of adoption, not a fact or statistic, of course it doesnt reflect every adoptee experience 🙏
@@plamondonworks6948 of course !! 😊
Adoption, like many things in this world, has good and bad qualities attached to it. I’m glad you were able to address your reasons to not adopt in a non-judgmental manner.
Immediately I apologize for poor English, this is not my first language.
I always wanted to become a mother, literally from early childhood. And with age, an understanding and knowledge of the reasons why came to me. Now I have realized them and I am trying to change them.
I wanted to say that this video seemed to confirm all my thoughts and "predictions". I understood that adoption was not an option for me, but I could not say exactly why. Now I know, thank you so much.
It was very interesting to hear the opinion of the adopted child, I would like to hear about good adoption cases, if they really exist. Because here in Russia I have personally met only with dire consequences.
I wish you love and health, with best wishes!
Your English is very good! I have an adopted family member in my family that is so far doing very well, as well as you can when dealing with the complexities of adoption. They are bio family though, just not being raised by the parents, so that might make a difference. But I also believe that when adopted parents are well educated, which these adoptive parents are, the child will do so much better. This is primarily why I talk about this topic. But yes, I have heard too many horror stories about Russian adoption, it's very sad. Also thank you for your insights and introspection about this topic. Not everyone is well suited for adoption, and that's okay!
Do a surrogacy instead
I am an adoptive parent, my daughter is related to my husband and we wanted to provide her with biological connections. She was given to us at 10 months old and it is TO THIS DAY hard to bond with her, she just missed out on some important moments and stuff with us for bonding. It’s hard to explain this to people and I hate the narrative that you will love them as your own. You physically and psychologically cannot love them exactly the same…. I’m not triggered by this it just is what it is.
It IS often hard to bond and you are NOT a bad mother for feeling that way. Like you said, it is what it is. You're making due with a suboptimal situation and that's what matters. When we deny reality and insist on sweeping the ugly aspects under the rug, it hurts EVERY member of the family! *hugs*
I'm not adopted but this video really struck me and opened my eyes a lot, so many factors play apart in adoption I didn't even think about! I just wanted to say what you said at the end is so true, I was born to spite my narcissistic grandmother and honestly it hurts looking back that my mom tried to shape me into the girly girl she had always wanted to be, and always mentioned how much she wished she looked like me when she was young. Self projecting and alcoholic behavior scared me away from ever having children and im traumatized and don't think I can fully recover, it wasn't fair on me and no one deserves to be abused. I just wish more people understood a child isn't a toy biological or not.
Dude!!! I am a fellow adoptee and am so blown away by how elegantly you speak about the reality of the experience. I also know where Plamondon is! My childhood best friends family has a house in Lac La Biche so we've been in the area quite a bit :p cool and honestly very relieving to know someone as self-aware, honest, and passionate as you is living in that area 😂✨🥰 all the best with your pregnancy. You're already sooo much more conscious than so many parents and that is so wonderful for the little one to be 🥰
Awww thank you so much! I'm very happy to hear when other adoptees feel I am adequately explaining things, because I really want to express things accurately. Blessed be 💗
@@plamondonworks6948 I’m adopted. Ur spot on. Thank you.
Thanks for your input! Especially the last reason is very important! I've seen some of those people on social media, hate them just as much as anyone.
Incredibly informative and very well approached!! I really enjoyed learning about this from you. Thank you for sharing, I know that flashback part of the video must have been a little rough for you. Much love for you, hubbie, and Nugget 💗
A very good video! I still see so many people in my bubble say they‘ll just adopt, because they can’t imagine getting pregnant and I‘m always thinking „That’s not how it works.“. Tbh, my husband and I said we wouldn’t adopt if we’re infertile, because it’s a very different thing and we always got shit for „talking bad about adoption“. Even though we just realistically think we probably are not equipped for the special problems that come with it. So I‘m kinda glad to have a good video to share when people are talking about adopting so lighthearted.
Thanks so much for your video! I am an adoptee who wants to adopt, and this discussions helps me keep myself in check on putting the kid's needs first and making sure I'll be adopting for the right reasons. I had a good upbringing and I love my parents, and though I don't want to reach out to my birth family, I still think that it's messed up my parents just pretend my siblings and I didn't have backgrounds before getting adopted by them. Just because we were adopted as babies doesn't mean we don't have that baggage you talked about. My parents adopted because of infertility reasons, and I don't think my Mom ever got over not being able to have her own kids.... So, there's a bit I still need to come to terms with about my own adoption story, but as a parent of adopted kids I will try to respect their backgrounds and see things from their POV.
Hey, great video! I'm a fellow adoptee from Germany who's trying to figure out a couple of things that made me be the way I am. And adoption is definitely one major piece to the puzzle. I've come to thinking that maybe everyone who wants to have a child (adopted or not) should first go into self-reflection mode and find out who they really are and fix all the broken pieces in their systems. It seems like you're very well aware of who you are (good and bad) and I hope you will grow even further with your new family. Best wishes, Manuel
I totally agree, evaluating our big life choices should be more important in our culture. There's nothing wrong with reflecting and realizing you might not be making a wise choice
Thank you for this content. It seems reason is very rare among people.
I had a discussion in a YT comments section with someone infertile who was moaning and weeping over how hard adoption was. It seems that as soon as you’re a (adoptive) parent, you have all the rights in the world to feel or do whatever you want, but children have no right to complain about a parent’s incompetence. I don’t know if I’m fertile or not, but I’ve wanted to adopt since I was 16. People told me I’d change my mind and I never did. All I have to do is accept that an adopted child might prove difficult to raise and might not view me as its parent. Well, too bad. The kid still needs care. Kids need care. That’s why adoption exists. Not to make infertile people - who’d probably cancel the adoption as soon as they fell pregnant anyway - happy.
I have always wanted to adopt since I was a young child. Literally like 5/6 years old, and I remember my parents always saying that I'll change my mind and that it is not that easy. I'm 20 now and I still want to. I can have kids and I'm perfectly healthy but I have never, not once thought about having biological child. I never felt that need that other people do. I hate how people say that adopted kids aren't a real family or that they are too much work and just for that I want to adopt even more. I always knew that I would do everything in my power to give a child the happiest, safest home I could. I would embrace their culture, learn about their families etc.
The only thing that ever worried me was that I wouldn't be enough. That they would want their "real" parents. It stressed me out. It still does.
But now I have another problem, the more I learn about adoption, the more it seems like the kids hate it and it only brings them pain! It breaks my heart and I want to do the very best for them and it seems like adoption is not really an option. I mean I always knew that I'll had to get a therapist for my child since an early age, that I'll had to work double to earn their love and that there is a chance they'll want to leave when they grew up to find their kin but I didn't think it was quite so bad.
Thank you SO much for talking about the infertility issue. My aunt adopted 3 little girls because her and her husband could not have children and they really were not suited to be parents. They have huge anger issues and leave raising them to my grandparents. They treat the youngest so different from the older children and show favoritism (she was a baby when they adopted while the other two were 4 and 6). If the girls even remotely show any interest in their birth parents they get reprimanded (which hard for them since the two oldest still have faint memory of their bio mother). My mother is very good with children and the two oldest absolutely love her, it broke my heart when at one family party they secretly told my mother that they wish she adopted them instead. My mother wasn't even doing anything remarkable with them.. Thank you for talking about it, not many people are willing to say that they infertile people shouldn't adopt when they don't have the right mindset. They def projected too much on those little girls and when they didn't meet those standards (especially the 2 older children) just dumped them on someone else.
This called me out!
Because i (a young student) want to adopt and im also very scared of pregnancy.
I think i should educate myself more,i still think i might adopt,but i wanna be prepared better.
And i definitly should hear from the adoptees point of view.
I dont personally connect alot with the bloodline idea because for example i dont necessarily love my bio family? I feel like im not obligated to love them and what is important is how healthy is the relationship.
What other channels do you guys reccomend btw? Or like info
I some what disagree with the infertile argument. I agree with a lot of what you said accept for the part of them fulfilling the role of a biological child. Maybe it would be better to not tell the adopted child that you were infertile. I’ve let go of the idea of having my own biological kids. I don’t want to put myself through the pain and agony of trying to get pregnant knowing that I have an 85% chance of miscarriage. But I don’t want to make an adopted kid “fill that role” of a biological child. I want to give a child a good life and I want my adoption to be completely child centered. Yes, I want to be a mom, but the adoption isn’t for me, it’s for the child to have a good life.
Okay I’m not adopted, but I legitimately didn’t think there’d be so many problems with adopting in general. But now after hearing you and hearing about exploited children on UA-cam channels, it genuinely makes me ask why isn’t this discussed more often or brought up in our school system (Another can of worms that needs to be updated/fixed.) This brought a whole new perspective of how bad adoption can be especially if the adopter is a narcissist. It’s people like that that make me further question if I actually want to have a kid at all someday because above all my other reasons I just don’t want to bring a kid into this dumpster of a planet and make them go through the same crap as everyone else. It always bugs the crap out of me to see the flaws with everything in society but all it seems you can do about it is complain. I’m tired of the world being so easily exploitable.
I personally believe the reason this isnt brought up is because adoption is a VERY booming business. Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry and I believe they purposefully withhold the full picture for profit. Adoption as it stands is a relatively new thing, pretty much a social experiment, that's been operating as it is for less than 100 years. It was founded on stealing children from mothers (if you've ever heard of the baby scoop era). So it makes sense as sick as it is, that people are not aware. With the internet, adoptees are able to gather together and we are realizing that those of us who are messed up or were mistreated due to adoption were not actually outliers, which gives me a lot of hope actually! We are finally getting education out there and I believe over time it will lead to positive changes in the system and public education. As for the world itself, it is really depressing, but for me, I believe in individual ability to make the world better and I also am very hopeful and proud of younger generations and their tenacity. Theres a lot of shit, but honestly it's a good thing were seeing it, before it was all secret, now we can change it!
I still don’t have much hope for public education, the school system has had little to no change in over a hundred years. I’m about to graduate this year and genuinely feel like the school hasn’t taught me anything actually important about the real world. In my situation specifically, I had a financial literacy/ economy class for only one semester while I had to learn about the American Revolution for the fiftieth time in both semesters. I was lucky enough to get a C in that class. Being taught how money works or basic first aid is way more important then taking a test to see if you’re good at taking a test just so the countries can have a pissing contest over whose kids are smarter. I’m glad to see people pointing out how this system doesn’t work anymore but that was years ago and have yet to see any major change. I’m glad to see you’re at least hopeful that change will happen I guess I’m just more pessimistic.
@@Jasonixel I think that yes, school education sucks and it needs to get better and its important, but informal education is better than it ever has been, and I have actually seen more people informed now than before, of course not always with the best or accurate information. But as someone who was a teen in the early 2000s, I see teens now much more emotionally intelligent and even just knowledgeable in many things and skills than my generation. Idk I am not an optimist by any stretch, but I see positives in the future with the negatives
I didn't know about these issues until recently. I'm really grateful for creators like you who educate the masses
Thank you for putting this video out. I can tell that you have a good heart and are coming from a really good place. I have always wanted to adopt because my mom was adopted and my family was always so good to me. After dealing with infertility the last few years- I've actually started questioning whether or not adoption will be in the cards for us - my husband never thought about adopting previously. I cannot begin to express how hurtful it is when people say oh just adopt as if it's this catch-all solution with zero downsides at all.... When the reality is that it is an entirely different process, an entirely different type of pain. And honestly I have so many fears about adopting now that I have a more realistic idea of what it's like. I have no idea what I'm going to do but thank you for putting out some good info.
Thank you so much for this video. This information is so important for parents in general and to hear a child’s experience from an adults eyes is so absolutely necessary.
I was raised by my bio parents and they outright HATED me. I would rather be unwanted than hated.
How about both? 😂 that was me❤
@@plamondonworks6948 🍪 🏆
"They literally treat us like that"
Just because some parents are bad at instilling values such as it doesn't matter what you look or sound like, judge people by their actions not arbitrary factors.
It's sad to hear parents not teaching their children basic equality and values, but advocating to keep these children in a system where they will never be instilled these values is just a disgusting mentality to have when were talking about developing minds in the lives of people who are just starting their lives.
VERY negative perspectives with no alternatives for the children in the system, which has been studied numerous times to be detrimental to the development of children.
BAD PARENTS exist, probably more biological ones than adopted ones, because people seeking to adopt WANT a child, not accidentally knock up their highschool crush and are forced into a life they werent ready for.
I'm advocating for better understanding of adoptees experiences and for better understanding of how to be a good adoptive parent. I'm incapable of making changes to a billion dollar industry or providing a completely new system and I have never and will never postulate that I can.
Thanks for sharing, this is very interesting. I haven't heard many adoptees talk about this in my life.
Girl you make total sense. I really hate to see a comments where people say, “you should adopt a kids because there is a lot of kids in this world that need you to care for them” without knowing shit.
Oh my goodness!!! You seriously have found your calling!!! I hope this video gets out there for MANY to see. Thank you 🙏
1. Do not adopt if you are afraid of pregnancy/childbirth
2. Do not adopt if you are infertile/unable to have bio children
3. Do not adopt for narcissistic reasons
I'd ammend the second reason. It's not that infertile people shouldn't adopt, but rather adoption shouldn't be to "replace" their biological children they desired. It needs to be a totally new and different plan
Do not adopt if you are gay
Great information and putting it out there is very brave. I also considered adoption after a year of no pregnancy after trying, Information like this is invaluable
Found this video because I’m considering adopting one day in the future, not anytime soon, but it crossed my mind. It kind of strengthened by decision on it to be honest. My boyfriend and I are capable of having biological children, but we simply don’t want to and would rather adopt instead. I can’t speak for him, but I don’t see a good reason to bring a child into this world when so many are already here and struggling. I didn’t feel so strongly about this in the past, but I knew it was what I wanted to do when I learned my grandmother was adopted and horrendously abused by her adoptive mother. Idk if this counts as reason not to adopt number 3, if it does, I’m sorry, but I genuinely believe that the point of having a kid is to give them the best life possible and I would rather do that for a life already in this world. Thank you for bringing up some of the trauma that they would inevitably face, since some of the biological stuff was interesting and I never considered it before.
YES YES YES!!! I HATE when my peers are so flippant when they say “oh man birth looks so painful - I’m just gonna adopt!” And I’m like ???? That’s SUCH a superficial reason, and adoption/adoptees are not a quick and easy solution. This isn’t Amazon, don’t approach adoption like it’s a prepackaged, instant/easy way of getting a kid. Just… no 🤦♀️
I hear your concerns. Thank you for sharing them. I'm wondering if you think that children should never be adopted, and if so, what you would say should be done to care for those children?
Obviously it's necessary! And obviously we can't change things overnight and therefor we need to continue to feed the beast (the adoption industry) at this current point. In my dream world, the billions toward adoption would be going toward family preservation (rehab, family counseling, job centers, food banks, counseling) and the rest of people unwilling to do the work to be good parents would relinquish their kids to a NON PROFIT which would then monitor the safety of these children for at least the first 5 years, including therapy (and of course, on a case by vase level, some kids won't need therapy, others will need extensive). I'd also make it illegal to do closed adoptions and illegal to withhold someone's accurate birth certificate. I mean, I'd do even more but this is the jist
I'm adopted. I hate it.
I hated being adopted too.
Why?
Thank you for your video and speaking a truth about adoption no one really has a clue about. Frankly adopting/fostering scares me, especially after my experience being a social worker. I've seen the extreme behaviors children have after being raised in "the system" and having abusive/neglectful parents. RAD is a real and can be scary for the other members of the household. I know because of my past job, I've mostly seen the extremes, but it's enough to make me shy away from adopting.
I hate when people say "adopt,don't pop" or consider those who choose to have bio children "breeders", when they themselves would never adopt or foster.😒 It's like you said, there is a biological difference that no loving, supportive, full of resources adopted parent could totally make go away.
5 stars for this video! There is nothing hotter than a woman that is in touch with reality. 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for someone saying that out loud without feeling ashamed.
You explain what I've been thinking all my life! Especially the second reason. It's always bugged me because people treat adoptees like an object and not an individual human being. Even if many adoptive parents would never admit it because they would have to justify themselves. And there is a good reason for this, because people are not objects that are there to fulfill your unfulfilled desire to have children. *That is not the job of a child. You are adults and are responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who defines their entire purpose in life solely in terms of having a child is definitely doing something wrong.* But I also understand why you wouldn't say it openly because you don't want to hurt the child emotionally. Nevertheless, it is more than selfish to adopt the child in order to fulfill YOUR OWN WISH. As hard as that sounds: If it doesn't work out then you also have to have a plan B for your life, without children. Even medicine doesn't make everything possible. As sad as it is, you have to accept that.
You can't have everything in life. And that applies to every other situation.
I was adopted myself and I know what I'm talking about. I had to justify this view so often because I was often told: "Be grateful to your parents. They didn't have it easy either."
That is NOT the problem of the adopted child. What is it supposed to do? Do magic and the adoptive parents will be happy? That's not how the world works.
If the only motivation is your own desire to have children, then don't do it.
In my opinion, a better motivation would be to give an orphan or a child who has been rejected or abused the chance of a better life. And to make no distinction between the adopted child and existing biological children.
In my view, that would be the only sensible motivation for adopting a child and not the usual story: "I can't have a child, so I'll just have to adopt to become a parent."
It is shocking that ADULTS often act so immaturely and make decisions for other people (adoptive children) from such a naive point of view.
I am not saying that parents who want to adopt because of infertility are fundamentally bad parents. They are not. But you should think about it carefully and question your own motivation. Who am I really doing this for? For myself or for the child? In the case of adoption, the focus is on the child's welfare, NOT the adult's desire to have children.
(I have used an electronic translator. If there are errors in the wording, it is because of this)
I want to adopt for 2 reasons.
1. I always wanted more kids. And still do but after having my son it took such a toll on my body I can't physically make another human being without probably dying.
2. Me and my husband sat on adopting for 2 years and both agree having at least one other child in our family is something we want and need. And want to love the crap at of them. And it also helps that my son ants a sibling to (if he changes his mind after having a sibling that's his problem hahah she or he will be stuck with us forever)
I am adopted and from Canada. This video was spot on for my experiences. The other reason I was adopted was because of the money they received. It doesn’t cost anything if you adopt through government foster care, and you can keep receiving the payments the foster care family was receiving. I think that would be a good topic to go over because many people think that adoptive parents pay a lot, but it’s really the opposite. My adoptive parents received $5000 per child to go towards my dental care. Turns out they don’t like the dentist and told us the first month that we would never get braces if we needed them. They spent all of the money on alcohol and parties for their friends. Another good thing to go over is that there’s no monitoring of adopted children, and even if we do complain or make a statement, we are always held to answer the question, “why would they adopt you and then hurt you? It doesn’t make any sense, can you please explain?” It’s a question I don’t think any adoptee can answer and is incredibly innopropriate when people in positions of that power reply with this and won’t make a report because you could be the troubled adopted child.... just pure invalidation for every child who has experienced this.
I've never heard of adopters receiving financial aid for adopting but I know about foster parents being paid and a lot of them take advantage of that. I'd need to look into it a lot more before I made a video because I have no knowledge of that, my adopted parents were not financially compensated for adopting me. I do, however, know that no one checks in or monitors adoptees once we are adopted. I went to my school a couple times for help as a teen and no alarms went off. I personally didnt even try to get help much beyond that but I honestly dont think cops would have done anything since I didnt have bruises or anything like that. Its definitely a big issue with adoption that I was planning on addressing in a video in regards to adoption reformation. Thanks for your insight! I hope you're in a safer environment now
@@plamondonworks6948 I can’t wait to hear more from you! I’m excited that Canadian Adoptees are talking about the hard stuff, finally! Because of my experiences through foster care and being adopted I made it my goal to also help change the laws in any way I can. It’s a lifelong goal but I hope to change the system. We’re a force to be reckoned with. :)
5000 dollars a month per child? No wonder they adopt you. They see you as cash cow. And that is so sad. I’m sorry you have to go through that.
International adoption costs about $40,000 and the social worker checks in every six months to make sure that adoptees are doing well. Parents are required by the Hague Convention to take parenting classes to make them aware of all the issues that this video raised. North American adoptions are different and this video applies more to that type of adoption. Thanks for sharing your story. Blessings for a lovely child of you own. ❤️
Once I was discussing how I wanted kids but didn't want to do the thing that creates them and my friend said "well you can just adopt then" and I wasn't really sure what to say at the time to explain why that was wrong but this video really put it into words. I will definitely share it with them.
Thanks for this. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the other side of this issue - how could adoption be done well, if at all?
Thank you for making this video💗💗💗 please keep making these!💗💗💗
I know you had to be brave to make this video. I am currently a single woman considering adoption and your viewpoint is so appreciated.
It's not easy. Neither is your situation. I am wishing you and baby well ❤
I am too young for children (okay, I am 21, I am old enough but do not feel like it) but I never wanted to have my own children. Because there is too much fuckery in my genes. Not like I am inbred, but I am sick. I do have multiple sclerosis, almost non immune system, mental health issues like mild tourettes, severe depression, ocd, there is dementia and schizophrenia going on in my family... So I don't wan't to pass it on someone. To be honest I do not consider having a child at all. I am sick, have no job, didn't go to collage yet, having a problem have the strenght to leave my bed sometimes... So I do not see having kids realistically. BUT if I ever manage to be in a good place, mentally (because physically I can make myself do anything I want to do even it means I have to try harder than anyone else) and financially, in a stable position, I would love to share what I have, give a home to someone who didn't have the luck to keep their own. And it has nothing to do with my infertility (I have pcos, my ovaries looks like tapioca tea, lol) And I am 100% ready to work with the child. To provide them contact with their biological parents. To try to speak out the trauma, to understand the trauma, to let them be themselves but they can still count on me, I got their back. Not to shape them into mini me, to help then understand themselves and find what fulfil them. To help them with school, socialization and everything without shouting and forcing. And I am writting this just because my ocd kicked in and I need assurement if it's a good reason for adoption. This ocd pattern makes me unsure, now I am sure I am pathetic and should never adopt even when I am in better place in life because this is what ocd does (people think it's just about cleaning and organising but hell no)
Thank you so much for your perspective and your story
Thankful for the first reason. I see so many teenagers under the age of 18 (often even under 14) online saying they would never get pregnant because they're scared of the pain just because someone in a video was like "it hurt" or they hear a fact what could potentially happen. And then there are kids being like "no thank you, I don't like pain XD I will adopt" and I'm like "that's not a second hand option."
Also, I'm not a Karen that's like "you will change your mind when you're older/ find the right man" when a girl says she doesn't want children. But the way so some really young folks talk about it make me roll my eyes. At a young age you go through so much hormones and feelings and your 20yo self is not the same as your 14 yo self. When I was a teen my mentality was "having children would be nice but it's not necessary" but in my early twenties my hormones started with the good ol' "how bout now, beech?". When I saw babies before I've been like _aww_ but now I'm having times in my cycle where I'm crying just from seeing babies in an add or whatever and sometimes I get overwhelmed with the desire to not only be a mother but also being pregnant. I mean that sounds more dramatic than it is but you'll never know as a child or a teen how you feel about this topic as an actual adult. It could also go the other way around. As a kid having the thought of "I need to be a mommy in the future, that's what my future will be" and as an adult you realise "that's not for me". Or that you don't even like kids. I'm sorry, idk why this comment came out so long😂
Yes, the flippancy people have about deciding to adopt is extremely concerning to me, haha. I totally understand what you're talking about. I filmed a video about pregnancy the other day as well, and in it I talk about the drastic change in my perspective about it as I grew older, so I understand where you're coming from!
You forgot you're not everyone.
I just stumbled on your channel, I appreciate your straightforward no bull info on the failure of adoption
I agree wholeheartedly with point #3. An adopted child should not be paraded on the media.
I have one kid & don't want more biological children for many reasons (not infertility). But sometimes I think that it would be nice to adopt when she is much older. Mostly because I still have parental love to give & I assumed that unadopted kids would like to have an adoptive parent / family.
I can see how the trauma of adoption would be life shattering, and that does make me nervous. Perhaps I should just volunteer with kids / teens in need & be a parental figure in that way.
Well, as someone who has family that has to be taken in or else they will go in the system…I’m in a sad situation. Here I am mothering my children to the best of my ability and helping out with, let’s call him Joe, every chance I get. When suddenly everyone starts saying I should adopt him because he needs it. And he does. The system is overworked and he is an older kid with serious issues who is likely to age out of the system. So, while the fluffy perfect ideas here are great, reality is, all adoptive parents aren’t perfect and they ought i be treated with the same grace and forgiveness and love that you expect as an adoptive child. It isn’t always as easy to love someone who isn’t your own and that’s just the plain old truth of it, which is probably part of why adoptive kids want to go find their bio parents. You want to admit that babies have trauma, but deny the fact that the adoptive parents have trauma as well. Well I think it stinks. Yes there are things that should be. Absolutely true. And I don’t disagree that there are best case scenarios, ideals. But the fact of it is that there are a lot of unwanted children and people have to be willing to lay down their lives for those kids. And so to expect them to be grateful is normal. Just like I do with my bio kids. They sure better be grateful or they can hit the road and find someplace they like better.
I quite literally went over the traumas that adoptive parents go through, it seems you wanted me to center them in the conversation and I will not. It seems your perspective of parenthood is that children should feel indebted to their parents, and I would fundamental disagree. Not only do I think it makes a bad adoptive parent to have conditional love, I think that makes yoh a bad parent period.
Ps. As parents we do not need nor should we have as much consideration from our children as we have for them. We chose parenthood. We are the adults. We hold power over these kids. Grow up
I am recently infertile and so many people have said this too me as a solution. Your video is so important for people to understand.
I have adopted children twins.Make sure you are prepared for this very important step.Accept there will be challenges
Don't expect perfection and greatfulness.Adopt a child from a poor family NOT a drug addict.Adopt a 1 year old to see their development.
Consider what you're saying when you encourage people to take poor people's children. It sounds incredibly disturbing and elitist
Your so right dear , that disgusting couple myka and James stuffer should never have had that we child ,there just so sick I can't believe the Chinese let them take that we boy ,I hope he's safe now he has no siblings where he is they should have left him with his Foster mother no wonder he couldn't take to them ,I think he's very intelligent ,don't underestimate that child im sure he will do well god bless him and thank you for everything u had to say u have more sense than some of those saviours ,I wish u well and your little baby may the Lord bless u
emotional punching bag meaning
a person or thing who is severely criticized or punished, as a way for other people to express angry feelings: Government workers have often been the punching bag of politicians, comedians, and the news media.
Great job on this video, no one would know more in the subject than you. Glad ur speaking truth to power
Best video-everyone who is thinking of adopting or even step parents should take note!
Really glad I watched this video
I’m in college and this made me realize that my desire to go into education kinda correlates with my need to help others to feel wanted.
My sense of self worth hasn’t always been the best so I’ve felt that I needed to help others to have some reason to exist here.
But that shouldn’t be the case. Helping others should be like a nice bonus to existence not the main thrust.
Wouldn’t be surprised if my obsession with superhero media and being raised in a very white saviory religion (Mormonism) played a part in these feelings
thank you for making this video. you’re great at talking and i loved listening to you. i learned a lot
People even play favourite between their biological kids so why wouldn’t they play favourite between their adopt kid and biological kids? I heard a lot of story about couple adopt a kid because they couldn’t have kids but after they have their own kids they start to treat their adopt kid different and that just break my heart. Sometime they even believe that you will have kids after adopting a kid. Than some people treat their adopting kids as cash cows.
It is sad adoption is so broken, but honestly I do not see any better alternative.
At this point I'd agree 🙏 my first step toward change is to hopefully change people's minds, I should remake this video with a softer approach now that I'm not hopped up on pregnancy hormones 😂
@@plamondonworks6948 You are doing great! Personally I believe adoption shall remain in the extended family if possible, or at least in the culture of the child, to prevent further trauma.
I think instead we should promote adoption with the right qualification, emotional and psychological material to do so... Not with this fairytale expectancies of this dream family, but we the previous knowledge and facing the fact that we will have this issues that you previously mentioned. Thanks for sharing.
I completely agree. I'm simply saying ignorant niavte isn't enough anymore! Adoptees have suffered for it long enough!
I'd be interested to hear more about your experiences having been adopted, and maybe common themes of what other adopted ppl say in the groups you belong to. You don't have to get too personal at all I know it's hard, I just mean general things you and others have experienced. Just an idea for a vid but up to you ❤❤❤
Appreciate you sharing your perspective and experience as an adoptee. Especially challenging people's motivations being off base. People really have to unpack their trauma before bringing kids into their lives in any capacity. I worry a bit about biological essentialism or biological determinism and using western science to kind of justify them and how that invisibilizes different cultural practices around child rearing. Particularly thinking communal / village models of raising children which place less emphasis on the biological parents than the modern post industrial nuclear family.
I'm a 60 year old adoptee, and I am NOT grateful about it.
I would say to my biological mother, one; birth control. two; abortion. three; adoption is not harmless.
I would say to my adoptive parents; don't adopt to have farmhands on your farm.
Children are not plug and play. Children who have for one reason or another been separated from their mother are NOT OK. They are traumatized, and they are going to need A LOT of extra help to thrive.
I wish I had been aborted. Not adopted. Life is suffering.
The age old argument "well, aren't you glad you weren't aborted?" Is so tired and useless. I feel for you.
I can understand you. Everyone sayin abortion is evil but it can usefull for some things
Sorry for you my bud
I wasnt adpted but my life with bio parents were bad enough
Especially cHŕ1şT1@N family who made me ateist with their FAITHFULL PRACTICESES
Hi! Great video! Can I get your opinion on our reasons for wanting to adopt please? We've always planned to have a big family, and I do want to experience pregnancy but I'm not precious about them all being biological. My dad adopted me. Two of my cousins were adopted and I've worked with adopted kids. I've got a realistic idea of what it looks like and the complexities. I was looking at the stats on kids in care in my country and decided to look into it as a possibility for us. We learned more and realised we have the skillset and will to do the work if need be with them and the experience to guide them with many of the challenges they're likely to face. I want to adopt because I want a big family and I want them to be a large chunk of it. I know it comes with different challenges, but I also believe I'm well equipped for those. And in terms of loving them as much as bio kids, I think my autism takes care of that. If they're my child then that's that. But I also am aware we wouldn't be the only parents they've ever had. That said, I think it's another layer, not making the connection less than if that makes sense?
What do you reckon? Are we in it for the right reasons? I wouldn't normally state that I want to adopt online etc. but I'd like your viewpoint. Please challenge me if I'm looking at it for the wrong reasons. I want to do right by them. Not set them up for pain.
I'm a bit worried about adopted children being Integrated into a big family as resources will be diluted, most importantly time. Especially if the child has special needs. But ultimately this will all be up to you to decide.
Thank you
@@plamondonworks6948
damn I never thought about mental issue of adoptees. I only thought about will I be a good parent. this video really gave me wider pov.
She doesn't have any ressources tho
@@BlaBla-ho9iyI have listed sources in my caption
This needs to be heard.
As an adoptee who’s parents were able to have two biological children later on - you are 💯 correct. No one ever talks about this, but this is more common than people realize.
Thanks for your honest voices ❤
Best thing I've heard about adoption. If I do adopt in the future it will be an 'open adoption'. Would love to hear your thoughts on how this did or could have impacted your life as an adoptive child.
So, adopting children question - explain what adoption is (age appropriate) from when they are young. OR wait to tell them when they are older (18-20). I always grew up with the idea that information is perfected over ignorance always, but I dunno.
I fully believe with all my heart that informing children of their adoption status and giving them age appropriate information about their family is SO important.
I knew I was adopted since I was a baby, and my parents didn't have one talk about it, it was just casually known. I also had an open adoption so I knew my bio parents and saw them or talked to them time to time. I truly feel this is a big reason I have adjusted relatively well as an adult vs adults who find out later or where it was taboo to acknowledge their adoption
@@plamondonworks6948 I completely think that informing children that they are adopted in an age appropriate manner should be mandatory. Children are owners of their own stories, not the adoptive parents. An ex boyfriend from high school's parents waited until he was 18 to tell him that who he thought was his bio dad was actually his stepdad; his bio dad had skipped town when he was 1 year old, and so who he thought was his younger bio sister was actually his half sister. He was so pissed (as he had every right to be) and messed up over it because he had been kept in the dark.
So sorry to hear what happened when your adopted dad had his own kid, that's awful.
yes like you mention it sounds a lot like being the scapegoat in a narcissist family, it was a lot like that for me when my dad remarried to a narcissist woman and they made me the scapegoat
Could you make a video about what kind of people should adopt and the mindset you should have?
❤ everything she says is true
My granddaughter was adopted after being led to believe she was staying with family. She was adopted and birth parents paid $30,000 for her. Private adoption is human trafficking
So... If all the children in this world who need to be adopted.... Shouldn't be adopted according to you...
Then where do you propose they go?
By encouraging people to not adopt your encouraging less people to help a child in foster care out of a bad life.
My adopted children are 100% just as much my children as my biological children are.
Just because a child is adopted, does not make them any less loved or apart of the family.
Adaptive parents are helping so many children to potentially have better lives and/ or escape dangerous families and situations.
I think we should bring the orphanages back if that's how this lady feels.
You're not listening to me, maybe watch again trying to understand my perspective
She never said you shouldnt adopt? or that adopted children aren't as important you need to rewatch the video
All I learned. Adoption is real hardcore and brutal. And I need to buy raspberries.
Add on adopted kids are told they should be grateful that someone wanted to take care of you. Gaslighting 101
So what's your solution for the children that live in orphanages? Just leave them there because they're traumatised, refuse them like people already do? Nice Idea 💡
Yes absolutely. Bad hard drives should be left alone
Here's my reply from someone else's similar question:
Obviously it's necessary! And obviously we can't change things overnight and therefor we need to continue to feed the beast (the adoption industry) at this current point. In my dream world, the billions toward adoption would be going toward family preservation (rehab, family counseling, job centers, food banks, counseling) and the rest of people unwilling to do the work to be good parents would relinquish their kids to a NON PROFIT which would then monitor the safety of these children for at least the first 5 years, including therapy (and of course, on a case by vase level, some kids won't need therapy, others will need extensive). I'd also make it illegal to do closed adoptions and illegal to withhold someone's accurate birth certificate. I mean, I'd do even more but this is the jist
@@plamondonworks6948ok but what family preservation exists when the parents are dead? What is there to preserve
Extended family would be the next best case scenario, and if that is not possible, a guardianship by stranger would obviously be necessary.
This was a very informative video, I just wanted to say as someone who has always wanted to have a child their entire life, the Infertility portion of the video really hurt to hear but I understand to an extent where you're coming from. I am young, I am only 19 years old, but I was born with a disease that sadly, sadly, makes it to where my body will never be able to carry a child, ever. The only way I will ever be able to have a child is through adoption, and I understand that the system as a whole is absolutely awful, I do, but I just wanted to say that not every birth family will give a child a better life just because they are biologically related to them, love comes in all shapes and sizes and different forms, and whether or not you are biologically related to someone doesn't really matter because there are MANY cases in my own personal life where the people you are blood related to have cause more damage than good but the people that love you for you have and will always be there to lift you up again through your darkest days where the "family" you have blood relation to is the reason you were so down in the first place. One last thing, (sorry if this is a super long comment btw) Anatomy and Biology does (biologically) make someone a parent yes, but there is a difference between creating a child and raising a child, a parent is the person who CHOOSES to raise, love, protect, and be there for a child until the day they can no longer do so. Biology has nothing to do with what a True Parent is. Your biological family and the family you create can and sometimes will be different because at the end of the day, Blood doesn't make family, actions do. Thank you for the video, it was very educational and even though I am still a ways away from being able and committed to raising a child (anyway it happens) I appreciate the views you brought.
I agree with a lot of your ideas, but I’d just clarify that biology isn’t nothing. I have had two biological children so far and the entire pregnancies plus giving birth are by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. Parenting is challenging, but for me, pregnancy and childbirth were much harder. So I guess I’m saying don’t diminish what a biological mother has done for her child. Even if she chooses adoption, she’s already given so much for her child.
I disagree. Biology plays an important part to bonding. It's an unfortunate reality that humans can be very vile and not good parents, but it is always optimal for children to remain with their parents. Now, this isn't always a possibility like i stated above, but understanding your handicaps with adoption is critical to becoming a good adopted parent. You can not replace their original mother. Respect that and move on with that knowledge.
All of these arguments can be applied to biological children. I think if you’re intentions are not to POSSESS a child, you'll be a great parent. But a lot of people...are awful unfortunately. I am not adopted,, but I've experienced a lot of the same things you have. Should've just named the video, don’t be a parent if your a bad person.
90% of parents in the world think they own the kids and are actually selfish and bad people.
I was adopted, and I hate it. my adoptive parents could not have children, and adopted me from my mom's niece, who was divorcing and (messy situation). U would thing that would be fine, but the rest of the family associated me with my birth mother (theri cousin or niece). Then the birth mom did things that drew mass approval from the family, like protest the Viet Nam war, and her political leanings....then I was WATCHED, by the relatives, expecting and gleefully hoping I would mess up and be like her. I was never allowed to just be me. The relatives would still call her my mother, so who was my mother, my great aunt or my birth-mother(now cousin). It was terrible. Mom and dad never understood, and it was a cancer on my soul. This made everything so horrible for me. SHIT on adoption.
This video makes me feel sad and confused 😢 I miscarried and I feel like the trauma from that is real and after that I have this immense fear of pregnancy. I’ve always wanted a family and always felt like I did not need a biological connection to emotionally connect with someone. I thought the bond was something that I could create with patience, hard work, and time. Now I see I’ve only been thinking of myself. I know I’ll never feel safe enough to experience pregnancy (especially in Texas), so I guess I may just have to accept that adoption may not be an option either.
Adoption can still be an option for you, but definitely you need to evaluate the stark difference and challenges that comes with adoption before making that decision. I'm sorry for your loss and the trauma tbat caused xx
Hi! I’m thinking about adopting in the future. What would you say are some good reasons to adopt?
You gave me a lot to think about. Thanks ❤
Transracial adoptee here, agree with every point. I have stories for daysssss.
I am sorry for the harsh words it's just people saying stuff like that adoption just really makes my bells ring
Explain I don’t understand what you mean like what she says or others say?
Thank you so much for this video!
I don't think I will ever want my own kids. I'm 22 now, and will probably get a vasectomy. Only If I feel like I am in a position, where I can actually provide for a kid and give it a proper life.. AFTER I have done my world travels and want to settle down.. then I can maybe see myself adopting. For the reason of giving a kid that was delt a bad hand a nother chance in life.. one in a Safe space living as normal of a life as possible, with the freedom of doing whatever they want with the recourses I can give them. We are already to many people on this planet and it's not getting any better..
As an adoptee, I wonder if an orphanage would have been a better launchpad for life than being adopted. I imagine there are really really bad orphanages, but my question is about an ideal orphanage...what ever that might be.
Personally, I think foreign family units are better for children than an orphanage, but I also think education on how to be an effective adoptive parent is highly lacking
I actually am interested in your thoughts on adopting a child after you already raised a few kids/have started raising kids/have experience raising kids and also Id like to hear your take on adults with certain constitutions like Adhd, Aspergers or Physical Disabilities raising kids with similar/the same issues.
Just as a preamble in case you want to answer: I do believe that mentally and/or physically disabled children can TO A DEGREE benefit from having adopted parents with those issues. All within a reasonable frame however.
Raising your own children does not effectively prepare you to raise adopted children, in my opinion, so I do think it COULD help a bit in the sense you are prepared for the normal day-to-day of raising a child, but you are going to be just as blind as someone adopting their first child if you don't have experience/extensive research and resources regarding adoptee related issues.
As for disabled or neurological disordered parents parenting kids with the same disorder, I think it all depends on the mental wellbeing and handling of said disorder of the parent. If it was under control, the yes, I do think having a parent with the same condition could be very beneficial. Much like I have mentored my younger brother who is adopted as well as my bio mum in how to deal with adopted related issues.
I also have ADHD myself as does my birth mother. She interacts and deals with me much better than my adopted family, and I believe the fact that we have the same disorder is a factor in that. Should my son have ADHD himself, which he has a 50% chance of, I feel like I am going to be more capable of noticing it and helping him than if both my husband and I were neurotypical. I hope that answers your question! 😅
@@plamondonworks6948 Oh it most definitely does!!! I'm super greatful for your answer and thank you a ton for the insights! I'm really looking forward to the counterpart video of this! Have a wonderful day!!:)))
Welp I listened to your video and I hear ya maybe others will share their view points. The ones I know are very thankful they were adopted into a loving fam at birth or as a toddler. Now I don’t like fostering because some children become attach to a good home and have to leave thats heart breaking