im howling trying to picture a human wolfing down six cabbages in front of another human, watching with no expression, before the first person hands them four saying "I meant to give you ten."
Seth1915 especially when it’s a wood elf who in the elder scrolls only eat meat... Except in actual gameplay because Faendal eats bread because TODD HOWARRRRRD
so in middle school I found out one of my teachers was also an archery instructor, "teach me archery" was about the only thing I ever said to the man until he relented and taught me archery
Jello: literally just trains his archery skill over and over until it's level 50 Also jello: uses warhammers for the entire video and wonders why he's having trouble with fights
@@splitsoul8158 a chef uses knifes and meat tendorizing hammers HUNTERS use bows and they get the meat for you (speaking from skyrim and fantasy logic) but I feel like he should have went full chef because he could have used the duel wielding knife and fork rare special weapons that can be found close to the throat of the world
@@JelloApocalypse I am sad you did not use the fork and knife (actual weapons located close to the throat of the world in the base game) along with the meat tendorizer
In one of my old Skyrim playthroughs Faendal went crazy in Labyrinthion and refused to leave insisting he was home in Riverwood. I brought him food and drinks but one day I became a vampire and was driven out of society on my wedding day (The first time I had ever become a vampire and didn't feed for four days). Eventually I joined the Dark Brotherhood to get my revenge on society (Another story entirely). At some point I ended up in the Solitude catacombs doing the Wolf Queen questline. I became permanently stuck in a rotating door puzzle. No one else knew about Faendal's location or madness. No one would ever come to feed him again. Whenever my immortal argonian pillarman is released Faendal will be a mummified corpse in a long buried ruin. It's truly amazing what interesting stuff you'll make up just to find a lorefriendly reason for a pathing bug.
@@ChangedMyNameFinally69 It was on the console version and I had the bad habit of overrighting my saves. There was no saving Faendal or my character they're doomed to be interred forever in distant nordic ruins
I hope you all enjoy this very contemporary Skyrim content. The game just came out so hopefully not too many people have made videos about it yet. What's YOUR favorite Skyrim meal? Mine is eating three bags of flour.
Misopportunity right there, exactly. Usually it’s sneak and archery that mixed very well, especially the critical damage multiplier. Chef not sneaking at all either. DOUBLE TRIGGERED.
Dear Rat Boy P.S. Also, didn’t even bother to get his Destruction skill perked up. Enchanting his clothes would’ve kept the outfit, including a little bonus at any of the available skills. A chef without cooking his meat!? QUADRA TRIGGERED
Dear Rat Boy Yes I am. Just because I typed “triggered”, I simply meant annoyed. Video frustrates with how they’re not really playing the game that well, other than the funny parts, like the cabbages (which are fine), but everything else it’s not that good. Especially for myself, who has played this game for almost 2,000 hours. Adventures of Shekelstein, however, did it way better from the role playing to overall quality. Sure they have fun, but not so much for the veteran players who’re generally more serious or demanding of decent gameplay.
Jello: *Bleeding from seventy cuts on his body and dying on the floor* Bandit:"I've finally got him!!" Jello:"Wait!" Bandit: *Pauses* Jello: *Pulls out three bags of flour, slowly opens while making direct eye contact with the bandit and shoves fistfuls of flour into his face* Bandit:"...."
fun facts about the chef: -he ate your dog -he hates his best friend pationatly -he is the world best archer, and has never used a bow and arrow, and never will -possibly supernatural origins -draws power from cabbages -in emergensies, he can eat several bags of flour -he is a passable assassin -he has seen holes in the world he calls home, physics beeing ignored, people getting lost, he loves skyrim -he enjoys long walks on the beach
Name: The Chef Epithet: Cabbage Stamina: ** Proficiency:******* Creativity:******* -Very good at archery. Never uses a bow -His Nickelodeon gak is surprisingly tasty, although you’ll regret eating it later -Occasionally swims in mid air. He doesn’t understand it either.
@@ahappyjackolantern Name: Faendal Epithet: Teach Stamina: ***** Proficiency: ** Creativity: * - Trusting to a fault. - Has very warm looking skin. - Always right behind you, even when he isn't.
I think what happened is some variable that controls the vertical axis for objects got messed up. That's why enemies keep falling from the sky, objects rocket in random directions, and whenever I'm near a river the world begins flickering and I start swimming through the air.
@@JelloApocalypse Skyrim's physics engine is based on its frame rate. So if you're computer is literally too good, the physics breaks unless you have a frame rate limiter. I've had exactly whats happening to you happen to me before. Floating enemies swimming when your not, water where it isn't.
The Chef made me the richest Archery tutor of all time.. I think I'll use all of that money I made to open up an archery school in his honour... *reaches in pocket* OH NO! I'VE BEEN ROBBED! .. and my hand is covered on gak.
Faendal: Finally, I've earned enough money teaching archery to open my own archery shop! (Reaches hand into pocked) Faendal: What?! I've been robbed! Also, why is my hand covered in Gak?
Starkami Theater I would be more cautious about ES VI considering all the recent bullshit with Bethesda and the fact they’re still using the same goddamn engine. But who knows, it could be a miracle
After the trainwreck that is Fallout 76 I'm concerned about the future of their games.. I mean, even more concerned. At the same time though as long as they keep the world of Elder Scrolls as vast and interesting as Skyrim it might not be so bad for them to use the same engine.. They really should use a new engine though. One of the main problems with 76 was they tried to change the very things that made their games so incredibly popular. If they just stick to the formula that's worked for them all this time which made their games loved so much they'd be set for many years to come. Also if they don't try to rip off and lie to their bigger fans, that might work too.
Imagine that you are one of the emperors bodyguards and you decide to check up on him. Now imagine walking in to the room to find a guy dressed as a chef singing Ave Maria and arranging cabbages around the emperors corpse.
@@anonymeroverlord I'm not sure whether that's a gift or a curse, it's the glitches that got me interested in playing Skyrim in the first place, and they're what kept me coming back. Nothing's funnier than an unintentionally funny game. I once started a new file and someone from behind kept shooting arrows at the carriage you start off in while the others ramble on about the empire and their executions, the game hadn't even begun yet and I couldn't stop laughing..
most of the bugs he encountered were because he has a higher refresh rate than 60. You actually have to mod the ini files to avoid physics bugs because of that lol
So i have a very long story about how Faendal is actually a trained assassin. One of my very first playthroughs of skyrim I decided to actually side with Sven on that little side quest. A few hours of gameplay later and some weird shit starts to happen. I was attacked by 2 assassins mere moments apart. (Has never happened before or again since.) After i killed them i continued on the path and there was a random farmer. His dialogue was normal but he didn't have the cow he said he was leading to the giants. As i'm talking whit him, two of the cold dwelling frostbite spiders come out of nowhere and start attacking us. I manage to kill them, but now the farmer is hostile. He attacks me with a dagger so i'm able to kill him fairly quickly. However, for no particular reason, (other than to turn him into a pile of ash) i attempt a raise zombie on him. It failed. I figure its some kind of fluke and so i try Reanimate dead. It fails as well. At this point I'm very much freaking out because this all seems way to complex to just be simple RNG. So i start walking again though a bit more cautiously. I come to a fork in the road and on the left side are a bunch of Imperial soldiers. I was heading somewhere and that was the path i needed to go down. I take two steps on the right path and 3 wolves and a sabercat jump us. With the help of the soldiers we kill them with only one person dying. when i go to search him however, he wasn't killed by the animals. There was an arrow in his chest. this arrow would have hit me if the guard hadn't been standing where he was. The animals rushed us. ALL the guards pulled out their swords. SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SHOT ME! At this point i just take a moment to think about the stuff that's happened. 2 assassins, 2 spiders, a crazy farmer, a pack of wild beast and mysterious steel arrows from nowhere. After running through a list of potential people who could have done it only one makes any sense. Faendal. Faendal has decent paying job at the mill, I'm certain that between it and selling pelts from hunting he could make enough to hire an assassin or two. the farmer could be the same story. No simple farmer should require a spell higher than Reanimate dead. Spiders and beasts can all be tamed with the Woodelf skill of calm animal. and Faendal only uses steel arrows by default. It had to be him. I imeadiatly dropped what i was doing, fast traveled to Riverwood, picked open his house and waited. the moment he came home I plunged my sword into his chest. I wasn't satisfied. I loaded my save and waited again. this time i managed to decapitate him. For the rest of the playthough, i had no assassins, no thugs, and standard animal attacks. To this day after i abuse the training, i kill Faendal. He's too dangerous.
I want this to be a thing so so badly and I enjoy the hunt/being hunted but usually set an example by poisoning or just murdering whoever is hunting me
@@mainmenu32 have you ever heard of laziness and suspicion cause ik if i want to do something that would put suspicion on me i would most likely get someone else to do it
when you accidentally eat 6 cabbages when you're trying to give them to your archery instructor (who you have scammed into teaching you archery) #relatetable
I can't believe we had Hoers Devors, an Appetizer, a main Course, but the chef did not get his 'Just Desserts'. How dare you skip the best part of the meal.
Sometime when the Chef goes a’walking He hears a disembodied voice start talking He ignores it, he thinks of the soup Serve the emperor a meal is what he do
They dod and made jokes about it. But they never used it because if a chef had telekinesis then he wouldn't need to be running around the kitchen like a chicken!
I love how all their jitter problems are because their frame rate is too high for skyrim to handle. Basically the PC is too good for Bethesda to handle. Like most things...
The Cabbage Assasin His last act of vengeance was assasinating the emperor with a bowl of cabbage soup and performed some sort of unfinished cabbage ritual on his body Probably to create a minion of some kind but failed miserably That is the story of the Cabbage Assasin a real story from Skyrim *Gets a cabbage soup hat* Huh, must've been the wind
So, I collect cabbages in Skyrim. I've been doing so since I first picked up the game. It feels wrong not to take them now. See a cabbage? Pick it up. A beautiful process. In my current Xbox 360 run, I have 2,050 cabbages. But still, it isn't enough.
Shopkeeper: "That would be $400" Customer: "Okay" Shopkeeper: "Would you like a protection plan on your ps4?" Customer: "No thanks" Shopkeeper: "Okay here you go" Customer: "Oh, thank y-" Shopkeeper: *EATS CONSLE*
0:25 Unassuming 1:00 Can you train me to be better at Archery? 1:43 Salt + Cabbage 2:25 Cabbage for Aventus 2:47 Oh. Potato. 3:18 A plate worth 32 gold 4:45 Bad friendship? 6:02 Jitter Mooses 6:54 Snow Camo 8:21 The gang’s all here! 9:07 Master lock 9:18 Victory Cabbage 9:34 You greedy...! 11:06 “Whoa!” 11:53 A friend’s return 12:20 Uh-oh... 12:40 In the cave, he met the beast! 14:27 Where have you been?! 14:43 Shadowmare’s secret. 16:07 (Cabbage noises) 16:15 The plot twist 17:11 A gift for the Emperor 17:58
The game is running the way that it is because its running higher than 60fps. Bethesda games in the Creation Engine all have this issue, it really is a massive flaw.
@@zelex1456 its not too hard. The game will be 8 years old this year and it wasn't a high spec requirement title when it was released. Nowadays you could play it at 1080p on a Ryzen APU at medium to high and get above 60fps.
Ok ngl, I never realized that you get a plate (typically used for dining) as a reward to foreshadow one of the last missions in the quest line. And I'm 100% it wasn't intentional
My love for this video is 10/10. So funny I'm crying. The accent is perfecto, the glitches, the surprisingly catchy made on the spot music that I thought was going to make me cringe but was really satisfying- *inhale* and lastly because I just love this game so much.
@@williamcolt1073 You would think so, but no, she just picked me up by the scruff of my shirt, told me to do better next time, and threw me across the room.
This is one of my favorite videos on the entire internet. When I first watched it I quoted it so much my family got sick of me. Random lines from it still pop up in my head constantly. I'll hear the word chef in normal conversation and my brain will automatically go "hey everybody it's your friend the chef-"
The fact that he changed from Jello’s normal voice to chef voice has convinced me this is the future where Jello goes mad and become homicidal chef
I almost liked the comment when it was at the internet designated funny number
Damn. I hate it when I accidentally eat 6 cabbages in front of my archery instructor. It's so embarrassing.
im howling trying to picture a human wolfing down six cabbages in front of another human, watching with no expression, before the first person hands them four saying "I meant to give you ten."
Seth1915 especially when it’s a wood elf who in the elder scrolls only eat meat... Except in actual gameplay because Faendal eats bread because TODD HOWARRRRRD
I mean... not all wood elves are part of the green pact... @@taekinuru2
It has happened to me soooo many times and it is so embarrassing
Haha I read this at the point of the video
“I wish Faendal was here to keep me warm. He’s not using his SKIN FOR ANYTHING. You don’t need skin to teach archery.”
-The Chef 2019
Only a book and the inability to hold onto money
I mean.
He doesn’t *need* it
So he’s right
But why?
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER
The chef is getting crazier by the minute
"I wish i had faendal here to keep me warm." Awe. "Hes not using his skin for anything." Oh.
"You don't need skin to teach archery" _Oh god._
This is what happens when you let a crazed bisexual chef go adventure
Awe true to Ceasar
Why does that remind me of Plan to Eredicate Christmas
We visited Santa...
awe
And then we killed him!
Ohhh...
@@runktheruler patrolling the mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
i love the kickball sound effects whenever the cabbages hit anything
Your commitment to that accent should get you some kind of award
_baby boy_
how about a cabbage?
It's a Latvian accent, I don't see how that's related to chefs, but still, it's impressive, I legitimately thought it was Yamiks.
I legit thought it was his accent
Same ^
This looks like what would happen if the Cabbage Guy from Avatar lost his mind
GalacticOreo7 and couldn’t learn archery
LOL
This needs more likes XD
"MY CABBAGES!!!"
MY CABBAGES!!!
Jello just invented a meme... 😑😵😜
so in middle school I found out one of my teachers was also an archery instructor, "teach me archery" was about the only thing I ever said to the man until he relented and taught me archery
did you take tell him to hold your stuff and take the money out of his pockets too? so relatable
Did he step on some kid's cabbage?
Did you award him cabbage and eat it in front of his face instead
you met faendal
faendal jittered out of the multiverse in an attempt to follow chef
Jello: literally just trains his archery skill over and over until it's level 50
Also jello: uses warhammers for the entire video and wonders why he's having trouble with fights
Chefs can't use bows!
But they DO use meat tenderizers.
@@JelloApocalypse if chefs don't use bows then explain where the meat comes from, checkmate chefs.
You dont use bows to kill livestocks you use meat tenderizers
@@splitsoul8158 a chef uses knifes and meat tendorizing hammers HUNTERS use bows and they get the meat for you (speaking from skyrim and fantasy logic) but I feel like he should have went full chef because he could have used the duel wielding knife and fork rare special weapons that can be found close to the throat of the world
@@JelloApocalypse I am sad you did not use the fork and knife (actual weapons located close to the throat of the world in the base game) along with the meat tendorizer
In one of my old Skyrim playthroughs Faendal went crazy in Labyrinthion and refused to leave insisting he was home in Riverwood. I brought him food and drinks but one day I became a vampire and was driven out of society on my wedding day (The first time I had ever become a vampire and didn't feed for four days).
Eventually I joined the Dark Brotherhood to get my revenge on society (Another story entirely).
At some point I ended up in the Solitude catacombs doing the Wolf Queen questline. I became permanently stuck in a rotating door puzzle.
No one else knew about Faendal's location or madness. No one would ever come to feed him again. Whenever my immortal argonian pillarman is released Faendal will be a mummified corpse in a long buried ruin.
It's truly amazing what interesting stuff you'll make up just to find a lorefriendly reason for a pathing bug.
Toggle god mode
That’s quite the story.
@@SoulCore413 I think we all have stories when it comes to Skyrim
@@ChangedMyNameFinally69 It was on the console version and I had the bad habit of overrighting my saves. There was no saving Faendal or my character they're doomed to be interred forever in distant nordic ruins
@@johnwhite1534 Lol a weirdly fitting end to a side character
I hope you all enjoy this very contemporary Skyrim content. The game just came out so hopefully not too many people have made videos about it yet.
What's YOUR favorite Skyrim meal? Mine is eating three bags of flour.
Mines 6 bags
My favourite is dog à l'orange
I'm more a fan of 10 cheese wheels. It's a great way to lose weight.
Now THIS is a video in the year of our lord 2012
69 Sweetrolls
I appreciate the use of "Ave Maria" while carefully placing the vegetables around the emperor.
"Hey, can you train me to be better at archery?"
>can't even use bows
Misopportunity right there, exactly.
Usually it’s sneak and archery that mixed very well, especially the critical damage multiplier.
Chef not sneaking at all either.
DOUBLE TRIGGERED.
Dear Rat Boy
P.S. Also, didn’t even bother to get his Destruction skill perked up.
Enchanting his clothes would’ve kept the outfit, including a little bonus at any of the available skills.
A chef without cooking his meat!?
QUADRA TRIGGERED
@@cherrygrabber7172 are u ok bud?
Dear Rat Boy
Yes I am. Just because I typed “triggered”, I simply meant annoyed.
Video frustrates with how they’re not really playing the game that well, other than the funny parts, like the cabbages (which are fine), but everything else it’s not that good. Especially for myself, who has played this game for almost 2,000 hours.
Adventures of Shekelstein, however, did it way better from the role playing to overall quality.
Sure they have fun, but not so much for the veteran players who’re generally more serious or demanding of decent gameplay.
@@cherrygrabber7172 oh ok. uh. i dont care. bye
“He ate three bags of flour, that’s the least of his worries” I cried oh my god 😂
Jello: *Bleeding from seventy cuts on his body and dying on the floor*
Bandit:"I've finally got him!!"
Jello:"Wait!"
Bandit: *Pauses*
Jello: *Pulls out three bags of flour, slowly opens while making direct eye contact with the bandit and shoves fistfuls of flour into his face*
Bandit:"...."
Honestly that'd be pretty intimidating. I'd just leave.
fun facts about the chef:
-he ate your dog
-he hates his best friend pationatly
-he is the world best archer, and has never used a bow and arrow, and never will
-possibly supernatural origins
-draws power from cabbages
-in emergensies, he can eat several bags of flour
-he is a passable assassin
-he has seen holes in the world he calls home, physics beeing ignored, people getting lost, he loves skyrim
-he enjoys long walks on the beach
He loves Gak
His Calling Card is a Cabbage
He is a possessor of the Power if Jitter
Marriage material
This reads like my dream boyfriend lel
Sounds like an Epithet Erased character.
He commonly wears: A chefs hat/apron, and uncommonly wears: Faendals skin when it's cold.
Ah, my favorite Epihet Erased character:
Murderous Soup Man
Name: The Chef
Epithet: Cabbage
Stamina: **
Proficiency:*******
Creativity:*******
-Very good at archery. Never uses a bow
-His Nickelodeon gak is surprisingly tasty, although you’ll regret eating it later
-Occasionally swims in mid air. He doesn’t understand it either.
@@ahappyjackolantern
Name: Faendal
Epithet: Teach
Stamina: *****
Proficiency: **
Creativity: *
- Trusting to a fault.
- Has very warm looking skin.
- Always right behind you, even when he isn't.
@@ahappyjackolantern also his enemy's fly sometimes they both dont understand this
GEOVANI
Ah yes, Giovanni Potage's dad
I’ve never laughed so consistently on a 20 minute video
Same. Hope you can find one soon
The cabbage sacrament:
"Sweet Father, Sweet Father,
Send your Cabbage unto me
For the foods of the un-gourmet
Must be baptized in
Nickelodeon Gak"
So let thy be consumed by thou legendary cabbage
this will only work if you speak in the Chef's voice
Ah yes, the Gak sacrament
@@evileye3790 Gakrament.
A ritual to Brassica Prime
Faendal is like Perry the Platypus.
"Hey, where's Faendal?"
*hours later*
"Oh, there you are, Faendal!"
Meanwhile Alduin has mysteriously disappeared.
Even better seeing as he was doing what can be interpreted as a Doofenshmirtz impression all the while.
An elf chef?
Faendal the elf chef?
FAENDAL THE ELF?!
An archery teacher?
FAENDAL THE ARCHERY TEACHER?!?
FAENDAL THE BOSMER??!??
Im amazed at how broken your Skyrim is. I literally have never seen anything so broken without mods
I think what happened is some variable that controls the vertical axis for objects got messed up. That's why enemies keep falling from the sky, objects rocket in random directions, and whenever I'm near a river the world begins flickering and I start swimming through the air.
@@JelloApocalypse Skyrim's physics engine is based on its frame rate. So if you're computer is literally too good, the physics breaks unless you have a frame rate limiter. I've had exactly whats happening to you happen to me before. Floating enemies swimming when your not, water where it isn't.
@@DevilishDragonite LOL THAT IS AMAZING
Never seen it so broken with mods.
Mine is pretty bad. Mammoths and other enemies fall out of the sky, once an entire dragon skeleton fell down too.
The funniest Skyrim playthrough I’ve seen ever without any mods... now that’s a good video.
*you don’t need skin to teach archery*
Kodarpy I would like this comment but it’s got 69 likes and I don’t want to ruin it, so I will reply instead.
Aaand it was ruined...
I made it better.
cmon Faendal just give me your skin
**kills THE emperor**
skyrim: 40 bounty added
I killed the Empress, gained 1000 bounty, and a guard approached me and let me pay it off.
Something about the way you say “It’s Udefrykte!” makes me laugh every time I rewatch this.
Are you still sane after being in character for five hours?
He's a little bit tilted now.
>Implying doing that didn't make him more civilised
StoneXL
What character?
@@TheDragonCat99 novtrik is fine :)
Ah, yes.
Being in character for hours at a time definitely does something to ya.
- your friendly neighborhood Dungeon master
The Chef made me the richest Archery tutor of all time.. I think I'll use all of that money I made to open up an archery school in his honour... *reaches in pocket*
OH NO! I'VE BEEN ROBBED! .. and my hand is covered on gak.
I laughed for like a solid minute at your comment, thank you sir.
Me too
>no bows
>taught archery
Perfect
Please make more videos like this. I died laughing and the accent makes it so much better.
*OH, By tHE WAy, Can YOu TrAIn Me TO be BETter At ArCHEry?*
Fourt teen cabbages.
I’ll teach you, if you teach me.
This actually sounds like an insane murderous chef with a voice in his head
The chef sounds like a weird version of Dr Doofenshmirtz
Dr. Foodenshmirtz...
THE CABBAGE-GAK-INATOR!
Fuck I just thought that and scrolled to see this comment
A weirder, younger, and dumber Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
Ah, Faendal, what an unexpected surprise, and by that I mean completely expected!
I have literally never seen Skyrim run this badly before, in my life.
I mean Skyrim is a hot mess but I've never seen it this bad. Its glorious.
His computer is too good. The engine needs a solid frame rate so its just breaking.
"Just a dumb side video" bro this is some quality content right here youve done an amazing job!
Faendal: Finally, I've earned enough money teaching archery to open my own archery shop!
(Reaches hand into pocked)
Faendal: What?! I've been robbed! Also, why is my hand covered in Gak?
"Well you've just been asking me for 'gp' whenever we trained, so I've been paying you in Gak Pieces. Is that not what 'gp' stands for?"
0:25 you look like a disney villain whos tired of getting passed for head chef because the main character sings.
"Faendal better shut his trap...
Otherwise he will take a dirt nap!"
Ah, Faendal, my friend, what are you doing here. No no, you arent barging in on anything, just ignore the dead body...
and all the cabbages
I, for one, am happy that Skyrim is still getting videos about it even after 7 years. It makes the wait for Elder Scrolls 6 less painful.
you mean skyrim 2?
Starkami Theater I would be more cautious about ES VI considering all the recent bullshit with Bethesda and the fact they’re still using the same goddamn engine. But who knows, it could be a miracle
@@sanddry738 My thoughts exactly. Maybe we should start a GoFundMe to get Tod Howard a new engine.
After the trainwreck that is Fallout 76 I'm concerned about the future of their games.. I mean, even more concerned.
At the same time though as long as they keep the world of Elder Scrolls as vast and interesting as Skyrim it might not be so bad for them to use the same engine.. They really should use a new engine though. One of the main problems with 76 was they tried to change the very things that made their games so incredibly popular.
If they just stick to the formula that's worked for them all this time which made their games loved so much they'd be set for many years to come.
Also if they don't try to rip off and lie to their bigger fans, that might work too.
2009Bandman They can finance a new engine well enough without help. It’s just that they’re unwilling to.
Imagine that you are one of the emperors bodyguards and you decide to check up on him. Now imagine walking in to the room to find a guy dressed as a chef singing Ave Maria and arranging cabbages around the emperors corpse.
"I was trying to look unassuming but I absolutely look like I ate your dog" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I have no mods installed or anything. The game is just like that."
This is a Bethesda game, you don't need to prove anything. We know... We know...
It's funny, I've played most Bethesda games and I barely encountered any glitches. I think I am the chosen champion of Todd Howard.
Anonymer Overlord same Skyrim runs perfectly for me
@@anonymeroverlord I'm not sure whether that's a gift or a curse, it's the glitches that got me interested in playing Skyrim in the first place, and they're what kept me coming back.
Nothing's funnier than an unintentionally funny game. I once started a new file and someone from behind kept shooting arrows at the carriage you start off in while the others ramble on about the empire and their executions, the game hadn't even begun yet and I couldn't stop laughing..
most of the bugs he encountered were because he has a higher refresh rate than 60. You actually have to mod the ini files to avoid physics bugs because of that lol
I do in fact have screenshots of flying horkers from this problem
you sound like king candy ate the swedish chef
YES thank you, king candy from Wreck it Wralf, that was bugging me all the time I heard him talk, like from where did I hear this voice?
I can’t even breathe!! 😂😂😂
Idtjdux
Wow
He sounds like doofenshmirtz
Sounds more like Doofenshmirtz to me 😂
Faendal is probably the most popular character in Skyrim.
...just because of that one exploit.
"Hey Faendal, can you train me to be better at A R C H E R Y ?"
I love that he never used archery
But at least hes trained to be better at archery
So i have a very long story about how Faendal is actually a trained assassin.
One of my very first playthroughs of skyrim I decided to actually side with Sven on that little side quest. A few hours of gameplay later and some weird shit starts to happen. I was attacked by 2 assassins mere moments apart. (Has never happened before or again since.) After i killed them i continued on the path and there was a random farmer. His dialogue was normal but he didn't have the cow he said he was leading to the giants. As i'm talking whit him, two of the cold dwelling frostbite spiders come out of nowhere and start attacking us. I manage to kill them, but now the farmer is hostile. He attacks me with a dagger so i'm able to kill him fairly quickly. However, for no particular reason, (other than to turn him into a pile of ash) i attempt a raise zombie on him. It failed.
I figure its some kind of fluke and so i try Reanimate dead. It fails as well. At this point I'm very much freaking out because this all seems way to complex to just be simple RNG. So i start walking again though a bit more cautiously. I come to a fork in the road and on the left side are a bunch of Imperial soldiers. I was heading somewhere and that was the path i needed to go down. I take two steps on the right path and 3 wolves and a sabercat jump us. With the help of the soldiers we kill them with only one person dying. when i go to search him however, he wasn't killed by the animals. There was an arrow in his chest. this arrow would have hit me if the guard hadn't been standing where he was. The animals rushed us. ALL the guards pulled out their swords. SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SHOT ME!
At this point i just take a moment to think about the stuff that's happened. 2 assassins, 2 spiders, a crazy farmer, a pack of wild beast and mysterious steel arrows from nowhere. After running through a list of potential people who could have done it only one makes any sense. Faendal.
Faendal has decent paying job at the mill, I'm certain that between it and selling pelts from hunting he could make enough to hire an assassin or two. the farmer could be the same story. No simple farmer should require a spell higher than Reanimate dead. Spiders and beasts can all be tamed with the Woodelf skill of calm animal. and Faendal only uses steel arrows by default. It had to be him.
I imeadiatly dropped what i was doing, fast traveled to Riverwood, picked open his house and waited. the moment he came home I plunged my sword into his chest. I wasn't satisfied. I loaded my save and waited again. this time i managed to decapitate him. For the rest of the playthough, i had no assassins, no thugs, and standard animal attacks. To this day after i abuse the training, i kill Faendal. He's too dangerous.
@Count Nero BEST. STORY. EVER.
I want this to be a thing so so badly and I enjoy the hunt/being hunted but usually set an example by poisoning or just murdering whoever is hunting me
All I'm saying is, the attacks and assassins stopped after he died.
@@mainmenu32 have you ever heard of laziness and suspicion cause ik if i want to do something that would put suspicion on me i would most likely get someone else to do it
@@mainmenu32 fair enough. I'll call it click bait.
What Fendal does when hes not teaching archery: - Teaches himself archery
Oh cooking a NON-poisoned meal?
How very “bourgeois”
aheh is that N i see as ur profile
when you accidentally eat 6 cabbages when you're trying to give them to your archery instructor (who you have scammed into teaching you archery)
#relatetable
Man, before I saw this video I thought I was the only one. Thanks so much, Jello, for helping me find likeminded, awesome people!
"relate table"
I can't believe we had Hoers Devors, an Appetizer, a main Course, but the chef did not get his 'Just Desserts'. How dare you skip the best part of the meal.
Imagine if you derailed the game and became the emperor's chef taking the identity of the gourmet.
Good luck, Master Chef
“Finish the food”-Master Chef
@@FA-yi1vt do do do doooh do dooooooh
Legend says that, to this day, Faendal is still in the inn wearing the gack hat.
Easily the funniest Skyrim video I've seen in... hell, a year at least.
Obviously you've never seen
Cops: Skyrim
Borrowing a horse
The horse is fine with me
And when I go to cook the horse
The stew will look like pee
Hey everybody it’s your friend the chef
The last time I was here before I left
I killed a lady
And people were mad at me
Someone worked hard on the cabbages.
And now their farm is being ravag-ed by me.
This horse is filled with sand
Sometime when the Chef goes a’walking
He hears a disembodied voice start talking
He ignores it, he thinks of the soup
Serve the emperor a meal is what he do
Would've been amazing if y'all found the Telekinesis spell. You can literally kill people with cabbages via that spell.
They dod and made jokes about it.
But they never used it because if a chef had telekinesis then he wouldn't need to be running around the kitchen like a chicken!
The origin story of the cabbage seller from avatar XD
MY CABBAGES!!
I'm glad people still remember him, he was one of my favorite npcs.
My cabbages!!
@@cybirbandroid5762 Who could forget cabbage man? XD
Town guards chasing him
Chef: Hold on
*eats a buffet*
Chef: ok you can keep attacking now
I can't wait for Cabbage the Assassin to get announced as the next Smash Ultimate newcomer.
the reason why the game kept glitching even without mods is because skyrim's physics is tied to the frame rate, if you go over 60fps things get weird
Whenever someone asks me why I love Skyrim I will point to this video.
Perfection
This voice makes me thinks this is some sort of Magic Brians Bizarre Adventure, with the goal of being a better chef then Takko
@Angela Chaney STIRRING IT UP WITH CABBAGE BRIAN
Oh my god I kinda stopped listening to TAZ lately and now I want to get back to it so much
I love how all their jitter problems are because their frame rate is too high for skyrim to handle.
Basically the PC is too good for Bethesda to handle. Like most things...
SirDiesAlot 29 tru. I have spoons that can run Skyrim.
Luciano's Logic *I HAVE SPOONS THAT CAN RUN*
@Madelynn Booth spoons
@@bakefacep6148 poo
@@Archimonde259 oo
I have no idea what spawned this unholy abomination but i absolutely loved it and hope for more.
Sweet Mother, Sweet Mother, send your Chef unto me. For the appetite of the hungry must be sated with gak and cabbage.
The Cabbage Assasin
His last act of vengeance was assasinating the emperor with a bowl of cabbage soup and performed some sort of unfinished cabbage ritual on his body
Probably to create a minion of some kind but failed miserably
That is the story of the Cabbage Assasin a real story from Skyrim
*Gets a cabbage soup hat*
Huh, must've been the wind
"He's not using his skin for anything"
Tfw you're craving some Filet O' Faendall
"The ride is getting BUOMPY, AND HE IS GETTING QuEAsY!"
So, I collect cabbages in Skyrim.
I've been doing so since I first picked up the game. It feels wrong not to take them now. See a cabbage? Pick it up. A beautiful process.
In my current Xbox 360 run, I have 2,050 cabbages. But still, it isn't enough.
WE DEMAND A UPDATE
Indeed, how many cabbages do you hold now XD
bwink please! Tell us!
We need to know!
NOT MY CABBAGE CORP!
I revisit this after a few months and don’t fail to cry from laughter every time
This was groundbreaking, game breaking, and most of all lore building. I never knew Faendal would be such a character.
Some say if your by the sea of ghosts late at night, you see cabbage...
Mr.Skully Ever heard of the green flash? That’s all the cabbages in the ocean briefly jittering into and out of existence.
The game couldn't handle the power of Cabbages, so it just decided to break entirely.
I feel like Faendal visits his love to have a nice cabbage dinner date when he leaves
I hope this just becomes a series. I’d love to see the Chef again in dragon age or fallout
How has seemingly NO ONE done an animatic of some of these scenes.
Chef Skyrim sucks, he forgot the lamb sauce
stop commenting
@@gligurr no you stop commenting you idiot
*It's flumping raw*
itz raw
baby Kirby no u
It. Just. Works.
Lol
Pls no
Can you go for one comment section without referencing Todd Howard or Jojo?
Pooop
Pooop
Shopkeeper: "That would be $400"
Customer: "Okay"
Shopkeeper: "Would you like a protection plan on your ps4?"
Customer: "No thanks"
Shopkeeper: "Okay here you go"
Customer: "Oh, thank y-"
Shopkeeper: *EATS CONSLE*
Wut
I don't get it ._.
He's making another scenario similar to accidentally eating the cabbages when trying to give it to someone.
This dude in Best buy just ate 4 phones and a laptop
All I wanted was a repair ;-;
This is still my favorite video to come back to every once in a while. It will always get me to laugh so hard I hyperventilate.
0:25 Unassuming
1:00 Can you train me to be better at Archery?
1:43 Salt + Cabbage
2:25 Cabbage for Aventus
2:47 Oh. Potato.
3:18 A plate worth 32 gold
4:45 Bad friendship?
6:02 Jitter Mooses
6:54 Snow Camo
8:21 The gang’s all here!
9:07 Master lock
9:18 Victory Cabbage
9:34 You greedy...!
11:06 “Whoa!”
11:53 A friend’s return
12:20 Uh-oh...
12:40 In the cave, he met the beast!
14:27 Where have you been?!
14:43 Shadowmare’s secret.
16:07 (Cabbage noises)
16:15 The plot twist
17:11 A gift for the Emperor
17:58
All the notable moments
I have watched this video so many times, and the master lock joke never ceases to send me into a laughing fit. Accidental comedic genius
i like how the chef just wanted to learn about archery but never actually used a bow
maybe it was in case he needed to do on-the-go cabbage kebabs
The game is running the way that it is because its running higher than 60fps. Bethesda games in the Creation Engine all have this issue, it really is a massive flaw.
How do you possibly even get it to run over 60 fps??
@@zelex1456 its not too hard. The game will be 8 years old this year and it wasn't a high spec requirement title when it was released. Nowadays you could play it at 1080p on a Ryzen APU at medium to high and get above 60fps.
Of course if you were joking, please disregard that last comment.
@@aswprime I can't afford to upgrade my PC😭😭
@@zelex1456 well its never been a better time. Look at used stuff, don't be scared of it.
Your dedication to the bit is extremely impressive and makes this video 50x more hilarious
Ok ngl, I never realized that you get a plate (typically used for dining) as a reward to foreshadow one of the last missions in the quest line. And I'm 100% it wasn't intentional
I've cooked Mudcrabs tastier than you!
Hahaha
2nd!!!
Pls no
Hey, Justin. I just wanted to say I think you're a cool dude.
Fuck. Now your here as well.
Oh yeah, it's just one of those horses that are filled with SAND.
The words of disaster, "hey, can you train me to be better at archery?"
I never stopped laughing for this entire thing. This was fantastic. My compliments to the Chef!~
Can you imagine getting in a battle with a bandit and being like "hold up man",
and you just lock eyes with him and eat FIFTY POTATOS. I died XD
My love for this video is 10/10. So funny I'm crying. The accent is perfecto, the glitches, the surprisingly catchy made on the spot music that I thought was going to make me cringe but was really satisfying- *inhale* and lastly because I just love this game so much.
19 minutes and 34 seconds later, I was able to breathe again.
damn dude, that's a long time munching carpet. I bet your girlfriend is satisfied.
@@williamcolt1073 You would think so, but no, she just picked me up by the scruff of my shirt, told me to do better next time, and threw me across the room.
I hadn’t laughed this hard at Skyrim in a long time dude you did a great job
This is one of my favorite videos on the entire internet. When I first watched it I quoted it so much my family got sick of me. Random lines from it still pop up in my head constantly. I'll hear the word chef in normal conversation and my brain will automatically go "hey everybody it's your friend the chef-"
Imagine being so committed to a bit that you lose control and eat six cabbages when you intended to give them to someone.
"My Cabbages!" - Cabbage Farmer from Avatar, The Last Airbender.
Me: FINE, UA-cam. I'LL WATCH IT.
Me (19 and a half minutes later): My life is complete now
I love the idea that there is a superpowered murder Chef who isn’t good at assassinating, but everyone is too scared to tell him.
This video deserves so much more love
I think this was actually what finally pushed me to play Skyrim
I wanted to become the best chef in skyrim
The 1 hundred folds in a chef hats stands for the hundred ways to cook an egg.