The Conditions of Love
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- Опубліковано 20 лют 2024
- When looking at the odder aspects of other people’s and our own behaviour, there is one simple-sounding question we should always keep close to the front of our minds: what did you need to do in your family of origin in order to be loved? and might you still, by extension, unconsciously be operating under these conditions.
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“When looking at the odder aspects of other people’s and our own behaviour, there is one simple-sounding question we should always keep close to the front of our minds: what did you need to do in your family of origin in order to get noticed, cared for and loved? What conditions of love did you grow up with - and might you still, by extension, unconsciously therefore be operating under (for it can take our deep minds a very long time indeed to recognise that they are no longer subject to a parental aegis)? …”
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In my childhood, it was important to be invisible. There was nothing to do for me to feel loved. Just be invisible.
And quiet, placid and malleable.
The same was in my home. I was doing my best just to be invisible and to be tolerated by my father. There was no such thing as close bond or good relationship between us. It is superficial and things are ok as long as I fulfill certain standards that he set for me. I am angry that I didn't realize this was not normal when I was younger, I think it would be easier to cope. I'm sending you a hug
@@bojanamarkovic1199a child can't cope with no realising their parent are incapable of loving them, that realisation can only come to an adult.
@@bojanamarkovic1199 thank you. I hug you, too.❤️
Same. ❤
I discovered the other day that empowerment doesn't happen when we grow up, but when we realize we are grown up.
"Do what I tell you to and never question me or our family religion" was a favorite condition of love in our household. Decades later, all of my siblings and I struggle with planning for the future and none of us are comfortable discussing anything controversial with him.
"Of all the Virtues, LOVE is the most conditional."
I've noticed the people that are most confident grew up in an environment without blame and fear. They could speak their minds and felt heard. I wish I had that so much. Unfortunately, parents can be flawed because they are ultimately human. Doesn't take away the sting of rejection though.
I think confidence stems from being ok with it that you are not perfect and flawed yourself, and that you accept yourself how you are. Sure parents and other accepting people can help with this but ultimately everyone can and needs to learn it for themselves to be self accepting.
"Impress the world or I will ignore you" aka people pleasing.
Still suffering from it. Have zero self esteem. Never had money in childhood. When finally got job in adulthood, everyone tried to take it from me, even the rich one. And traumas compounding over time.
Your videos is my window to the reality.
Thank You!
you will definitely succeed. don't give up!
Interesting your interpretation of that phrase. For me it would be more like this:
My mother once told me, that I was learning pretty quick how to do stuff and whenever she wanted to show me off to her friends they used to tell her to stop bragging. I think this is one reason why I feel the need to constantly perform and excell at anything (I'm 21M). What's interesting: Those that do perform very highly in the adult world seem to be those with the worst relationship, at least when it comes to their partners. So I'm asking myself: Why do I do what I do? And should I stop pursuing high goals?
When got money in adulthood everyone tried to take it from me.
Yes, it resonates with me so much just like you.
Is there anything constructive we can do about it to resolve it.
I watched school of life videos past 7 years
Some parents are just diabolical! Every child deserves to have parents but not every parents deserve a child.
Yeah, the world is not just, fair or reasonable. Deal with it.
@@mehowkielan1984 hey man really cool behavioral patterns can I mimic them to pretend to be human?
👁️👄👁️
@@mehowkielan1984 I'm pretty sure this entire channel is devoted to dismantling the "Just get over it" attitude that keeps people locked in their unconscious destructive trauma patterns.
Expressing these things with tact is important to their logical and emotional assimilation after trauma locks down the ability for people to discern what's real and right.
@@Federico-1 freedom is what you do with what others have done to you. Expecting the world to get better is just making you suffer passively identifying as a victim.
@@KevlarKoat sure. And after all that healing you are ready to just get over it. Hopefully. if the healing is right and doesn't get you stuck in reliving the trauma without a positive outcome.
"Either you conform to my idea of you or I will treat you as the most defective human being that ever existed in the planet." It was never overtly told but covertly people keep attacking my sanity or asking if I was sick. They made me belive that who I am was defective and that it is only by pleasing them that I am worthy. Till now I still hear these words and it takes me a great level of patience to not react.
How do you know how I grew up? 🥺
My mom had 3 kids in 2.5 years. She had her hands full. I was not a clingy first born, which was a relief for her. My independence later became problematic because I didn’t listen to her or behave the way she liked. I respect her roll as a mother and i repay her by caring for her (she’s 86) but I don’t count on her to love me. I love me and that’s enough.
Right on
I can relate to this in a similar way. I’m the oldest and was looked at as a second mother basically after my stepdad died when my siblings were young. I didn’t quite get to be independent until I figured it out in my early 30’s and a couple of years later my mom had a stroke and I’m back to being the role of a caregiver only this time with the power of me repeating to myself that I still need space for myself as well.
Lucky
Unconditional love is ultimately a fallacy. However, a good parent gives something very very close indeed, and can provide a core of security and a basis for self love. It doesn't mean the parent is perfect or the childhood will be always happy, or that adulthood will not be difficult (genetics don't always help) and challenging. It takes words and actions, and not shying away from complex and distressing discussions and emotions in the relationship, not just a good example to follow
Dont be needy, your mom is sad and tired dont make her sadder. Your dad is stresses, you can express anything but being an A student all the time. You cant be anything but perfect
Growing up in an alcohol ridden family, I learned that I was on my own from the get-go. 💔
Me too, and I was the adult since I was 5…. I was their parent 🥺
God, I do enjoy and appreciate this channel ❤
❤❤❤
Even I do
The question about what we had to do in our family of origin to get noticed, cared for and loved really hits deep. It?s fascinating yet a bit sad to think that so much of our actions today could be just us trying to fulfill those childhood needs in some form. The idea that we might be unconsciously operating under the conditions of love we grew up with is such a powerful insight. Really eye-opening content that makes us reflect on our own lives and motivations.
Because it all stems from childhood trauma, I pretty much always relate to these excellent vids. That said, I try but I don't seem to change.
I grew up in the household where being incessantly bombarded with disturbing pressure to outperform and outsmart academically as a mean to elevate the family's status. Later, the more I age, the more I staggeringly realize how this narrative had been deeply ingrained and coded in my psyche like a strand of DNA to be impeccable at any coasts. No wonder as I was involuntarily subjected to this condition , I have been struggling with low self-esteem and people pleasing tendency during adulthood.
I am in love with this voice. I don't know if it is an actual human voice or a computer-generated one, but it is so calm, so wise, so cultured, so ageless.
its the voice of the founder of the school of life
Exactly
The "What did I have to do to get noticed and attention" really hit hard😢😢😢. Its given me some food for thoughts for later tonight.
The take away from this is not every person should have beem a parent😢😢😢😢 sad reality!
Please share this video with everyone you know. This is so so so important
We can seek out attention and care for what is in line with our true needs. The privilege of adulthood is to be able to find our way to our own less distorted, less cruel conditions of love.
i feel so guilty for not loving my family, like all my childhood, i was so lonely, i had to learn everything by myself, i always knew that i was gay, never told my family until 2018, because they always said how much they hated lgbt community and listening to this while you are discovering yourself is horrifying. Besides all that, everything done that was not perfect or good sometimes would be okay and sometimes would be the end of the world, like it was so inevitable that i would always feel anxious for dropping a glass, for example. And now that im a adult i just want to get out and be alone, but they dont treat me like that anymore and i dont know why i cant just forget everything and try again and give them another chance, i just feel like an horrible person ungrateful
You're not a bad person. Growing up in fear gives a lot of damage and trauma, and you don't need to forgive and forget if you don't feel like it. If they actually changed and you feel they deserve it, you'll still need time to heal. There's no fixed time for how quickly you should be able to do so, and if it never happens, it was never meant to happen. If you're able, therapy can help you find the real you underneath all the conflicting thoughts.
Talking from a point of view with lots of experience with conflicting and self-sabotaging thoughts XD
Damn that's exactly the story of my life too.
Practice shows that it is rare for parents to change - it takes consciousness and critical self-reflection, which almost all parents lack in parent-child relationships. Parents usually unconsciously replicate the same childhood trauma they got onto their own children. It's up to you whether you want to expose yourself to their toxicity and re-traumatize yourself. And even if they change it may still be hard and triggering to have relationships with them, thanks to lifelong negative history.
Parents are the parent they needed. Not the one you need.
We love you.
... *Society is only just learning now the impact that our upbringing and style of parenting (if any) has had on ALL of us.*
'The Great Parental Lottery' ... how did you fare with the ticket you received?
This was a really good question. I had to pause the clip to have a good thing.
I suppose everything was "okay" when they knew where I was and what I was doing at all times. I used to get a thrill out of being left alone at home. Now I know why.
I guess it squashed the will to be spontaneous and adventurous and discover things on my own.
Rather be at home and in their line of sight than have to thread on eggshells; most of the time not even knowing why.
Thank you for making such profound points in short video.. appreciate this
Recognizing why we are how we are doesn't automatically diminish it
Completely agree. I suppose knowing gives some sort of closure over things, but traits and habits aren't easy to change, and problems don't just go away.
Thank you ❤
I love this channel.
For me it was most important to be low maintainance, or at least financially low maintainance. If I broke something I always got super scared.. nothing happened, other than some scolding... But. Also I knew that money was important, and useful things were important.. "Be useful!" "Don't cost too much money for us!" And such stuff, got burned into my behaviour. And it's important to note that, these are still fears I have in relationships of any kind. I'm always ashamed when someone has to pay for something for me, even if it's not a lot. Meanwhile others can be absolutely shameless about it, no problem. At times I wonder why I care so much. It seems I should just let go of these behaviours.
SAME
Thank you
Needed this one rn
I think if you are screwed up in childhood there is no fixing it if you can’t afford psychotherapy. And most people can’t. That’s the message SOL gives me
Therapy is helpful but not a cure. I've been in therapy for over 20 years and I still have some very big, deep problems that decrease my quality of life.
This video hits hard.
Don't allow yourself to think youre less. We humans always have strenght and brains to improve to the better. You are what you believe about yourself. Don't give up your dream and goals. If you fail you can choose to be proud for at least dearing to try! ❤ Don't focus on the fails, focus on keep on trying! Don't give up on YOU ❤️
I love this, and it's so damn true!
I might've been therapised by this
What did I need to do in my family of origin in order to get noticed, cared for, and loved? I'm 44, and I still can't answer this question. I cannot see any patterns in my past that show me what actions I took that resulted in attention/care/love. It was/is a love/hate, push/pull relationship. My mother is predictably unpredictable. I can excel at doing exactly what she wants me to do, and she ignores me. I can make a very trivial/minor mistake (like using the "swear word" "crap" as a child) and she acts like my actions are going to cause the demise of humanity. I do know that I was/am never good enough, and my actions were/are never good enough. I'm still not good enough. My mother sobbed to me on the phone a year ago and told me she regretted ever having me. I regret it, too. She has been a permanent thorn in my side for my entire life. My ex-MIL treated me the opposite: welcoming, loving, kind, tolerant, normal.....
What do I need to do NOW in my life in order to get noticed, cared for, and loved? I don't know. Many people treat me like I'm invisible. I'm ignored and excluded a lot. People stay in my life for 5-6 years and then let me go. I can see why they do this, but I don't know how to change myself so that people stay. I get the hint. I'm giving up. After decades of trying, I don't have much energy to give anymore. If people want me to be invisible, if people want to continue excluding me, then fine. I'll make it easy for them and just stay away. Being home, alone is less lonely than being around people who continually ignore/exclude me.
The cult I was raised in teaches that love from the cult's deity is entirely conditional. Yay.
If you can't answer the love question, change it to what did you have to do to feel safe.
How people treat you is on them not you. You deserved better than the mother you got. You're so very worthy of love and it was never your fault. If someone can't love, they're at fault not you
In my short experience, life is a never ending journey of self discovery. People who "figured it out" are rare. I'd encourage you to sympathize with your younger self. At that time, you did what you could with what you knew. The information about abuse or whatever else that you know now can't be applied to your decision making then. Maybe it'll help to think about your current self and your younger self as two different people. This could make your opinions about your childhood more objective than reactive, and easier to reason with.
Your role is to play second fiddle to your mother, to always be the lesser so that she feels more important than she is. It's sad when parent's get competitive with their children, but it isn't your fault. As for the friendship and feeling supported, I have found it best to spread my bets and have a few different communal activities/groups on the go at once. Best wishes. I know how you feel from my own experience ❤
@@jellybebe2753 Yes, I know. My mother has made it perfectly clear (in her deep and multi-layered way of manipulating me) that she is #1 and I am lesser. As far as friendships go, I'm giving up trying and therefore I'm giving up the stress. I realized today that any relationships cause me a lot of stress and that the fewer relationships I have, the less stress I have. And this is because of my own brain and how I think. I'm working on accepting what I do have instead of desiring what I don't have.
Hating my mother is one of the heathiest things I decided to do in my adult life. Not ideal but it rescued me to some degree, from putting all the blame on myself perpetually.
I was a healthy child, full of potential of all kinds, and they ruined me. The damage they have done will never be repaired fully.
If there are conditions, then it isn’t love.
And there it is, Sisyphus.
Thanks!
The number of parents that do this, and the number of people who would never do this but in turn have also decided to never have kids, makes me feel like a vast majority of parents are just dysfunctional people. Everyone I know I've eventually found out had a parent give them a wild ultimatum in raising them, like we see in this video. It makes me so sad.
Damn I had an argument with my mother this evening over how cold she was towards me emotionally. She HATED me being sensitive or needing reassurance from her. I swear she doesn't have it to give.I was never really hugged by her either.
I know the word is over used, but everything is about her screams she's a narcissist.
Oh and the punchline is that I'm her carer. Tbh I always have been even as a child one way or the other. And I haven't had children of my own either.
Unconscious programs/patterns are driving our lives, anchored in the past which doesn't exist anymore. Sometimes they give us a lot of power but ultimately they are destructive and out of sync with reality and present context
The deep voice and illustrations you creat your videos with are what makes 90% of your success, other from that the information you share is not really helpful in terms of healing traumas, you might expect that simply by understanding yourself and reflecting, on your past you can manage to be more fulfilled, and yes there's some side to that, but I believe unless you find your life purpose, work hard on it keep healthy...you might never live with love...❤ hope my comment helps someone reading it .
I always drop a like 30 seconds or less into these videos, very well made.
I would like to hear about assessing compatibility. If a couple has been dating for a while, how can they tell if they have a good chance at staying together long term? Could more information on this subject help lower the divorce rate?
to me it sounds like unneccesary overthinking. what will you do with that information? if you are doing just fine in a relationship, and you somehow find out, that you are not compatible enough to stay together long term, are you going to break up immedietaly or worry or what?
Brilliant
I read this beautiful thing in a book called The Power of Now, and it said: "let go of all the negative feelings (from your childhood) that don't serve you." When I read that, I forgave my mom instantly for all her wrongdoings. Staying angry won't change the past, if anything, it'll keep you from growing and breaking free of that mental barrier.
@UlasMT it means that your mother didn't do that much, if you were able to forgive her instantly, either this or you are kidding yourself
It's not that easy.
@@ileanaprofeanu7626not necessarily. Rather than confronting how you can do it, you're attacking them because it worked for them and reducing their achievement. If you really want to do it, you will find a way.
@@ileanaprofeanu7626 Life is about perspective. Perspective gives you new insights, and perspective is something people have to practice. It doesn't come easy, but reading a ton of philosophical books is a good starting point. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Also, you are forgiving her for YOURSELF. I think there's a lot of cultivation needed on your end regarding forgiveness.
My folks always verbally affirmed that their love was/is unconditional, and as an adult I can see that is largely true. Even when my folks were mad at me, or disappointed, I never thought they stopped loving me for it-- though I also never actually felt an emotion I'd call "love" for them. Like literally I remember a scene, from context I had to have been about 5-6yo, where internally I was having the thought, 'what is 'love' supposed to feel like? I say 'love you too' because that's what I'm expected to do, but do I actually love them?' that was nearly thirty years ago, so I don't remember the actual words I'd have used, just the concept xD anyway. Point being that maybe my parents' methods weren't great, but also there is definitely just stuff Up with my brain chemistry & physiology.
"You love me so much you want to keep me in your pocket but there I'll die smothered." (Sons & Lovers, DH Lawrence)
Guys, any advices what to read / watch on the same theme ?
❤
very interesting
Can you do a video on what the point of aspiring to be anything at all is when a nuclear apocalypse could erupt at any moment? I feel like the magnitude of this question is different from "you could die randomly at any moment", and is not dissimilar to Camus' "the only philosophical question is whether or not to commit suicide".
I think I can answer this one, maybe. I used to be really into philosophy until one day some trigger/epiphany happened and I realized that what I thought was me trying to solve unanswered questions of the universe and understand the hidden meanings of things greater than myself turned out all to be a distraction from the real questions I was unconsciously avoiding, mainly to do with myself, my happiness and where I was going in life which at the time I felt like I was on a hamster wheel spinning and going nowhere.
Not trying to discount your words about the apocalypse, but in that case work towards a goal to live in a place where you can live past that point, like take a page from the Amish perhaps and their self sufficiency? And you don't have to go that extreme but maybe grow veggies in mason jars and the self-sufficiency can give you a feeling of accomplishment? As for the suicide thing, one thing I learned is that life is suffering and that theres always going to be more misery than happiness by margins that aren't even close so your question is legitimate as to why not commit suicide, HOWEVER, at least in my experience, for all the misery ive personally suffered the small rays of light in the form of meeting good people briefly who have helped me who are now gone (why is it that only the worst people stick around?), or good memories that have long since passed, etc but when I think back on these small and brief encounters it makes me smile despite the amount of misery around me. The light shines brightest in the darkness, you just have to look around to see it or something, idk. Im sure you have your own memories you can recall and maybe those memories can set you on the right track for self improvement since it can put your mind in a more positive place. Anyway good luck!
The point is it's fun. People are naturally inclined to solve puzzles and your own life is the biggest puzzle there is. The whole point of trying to stop the coming apocalypse is so we can all have more fun, right? Or have I got it wrong?
@@defj660 I don't think you've got it wrong. It's an interesting point to consider, though the extent that meager "fun" is counterbalanced by a humanity ending, mass suffering filled apocalypse, I think is more the point.
There is no balanced scale in this Universe, the greatest pleasure is dwarfed by the greatest of pains and sufferings. Sex, for instance, versus, oh I don't know, I'll pick out of the hat, the ancient Chinese punishment of being hand sawed in half upside down starting *through* your genitals and ending up somewhere inside your stomach before you bleed, or perhaps better yet, stopping a little before you get too far so the prisoner can truly enjoy it.
I think that more than anything, it's not a question of avoiding such a thing to have fun, but is it even worth it in the end? More of the same we fought for? We've done some cool things, but besides this relatively calm era of peace and abundance, it's been quite miserable.
From my POV people do things/anything because its "fun", or more accurately, people do things because they think it will bring them fun. By fun I mean happiness, validation, meaning/understanding, money, closure, etc and some of these things can be to ones detriment. Fun is many things do many people and understanding why one finds a certain activity fun is a huge step into gaining a deeper understanding of the self.
Example: You play games but one day games lose their allue, but you keep playing them even though it just isn't hitting the same as it used to when you were younger but you still play cause its fun enough? Another example which I mentioned is pondering deep philosophical questions. Sure, its fun and a great exercise for the mind in terms of thinking in different points of view but if one either hits a wall, digs into rabbit holes with no end in sight and gets overwhelmed and forlorn can you still say its fun or compulsion?
The dude talks about the apocalypse which is sad to say a valid concern, but rather than focus on the damnation of the world and the people on it, I personally focus on the things I can do and I don't mean start some world-saving group or get into politics. I mean small things like learn to grow food, keep chickens in the backyard for eggs, build a chicken coop (heck, LEARN how to build a chicken coop) and through action one gains a sense of self-sufficency and respect for the self which can give you the confidence to do even more and taking these steps one might see the apocalypse isnt that big a deal since whatever happens you have the skills to ensure you can kinda land on your feet.
We are a consumer society with no skills whatsoever. We buy our processed food and clothes from the store and if something breaks we buy it again cause we don't know how to fix it. Most of us are adult children who don't know how to do anything, too scared to even go into the kitchen to fix a dang salad since its overwhelming for some, and you put that person in the apocalypse? Doomed! IMO the apocalypse is just a place-holder for ones own helplessness
I said a lot about a lot but hopefully something in there makes sense.
@@zoombinifleen9362That was a beautiful response. Though not for me, I truly enjoyed your views.
Self love is like a foreign language if it's not learned at an early age it's difficult to master
💯
I've got to do something about that
whose work is this based on?
Do any (heterosexual) people feel that this may also extend to the child's observations of how their opposite sex parent treated their same sex parent?
Like, for example, if daughter thinks of the ridiculous hoops mum had to jump through and very high perfectionistic standards she had to conform to for the dad to appear pleased with/accepting of mum?
So then as adult woman, you might think "to be loved by a man I need to do X Y and Z and he will be my hardest taskmaster" ?
See- Attachment Theory
💌
"Be the one I want you to be or else you'll only be seen as a failure and a disgrace to everyone".
So you're telling me nothing will change until i move out and i am from a culture where that just doesn't happen
I do understand that I'll have to figure it out though
I can't remember 🤔
"If Israelis don't want to be accused of being like the Nazis, they simply need to stop behaving like Nazis.." ~ Norman Finkelstein
👍👍👍👍👍👍
“The biggest insult to the memory of the Holocaust is not denying it but using it to commit genocide against the Palestinian people.” ~ Norman Finkelstein
Love Stinks!
the J. Geils Band
The conditions of love I faced came only from society, not from my parents.
I don't remember ever getting much attention from my parents, concearn yes; love.! not much.
Emotionally neglected. Plenty of children were, me included.
My parents want me to impress the world. And stay tied to them.
Is this a repost?
They've posted the sane rewritten video on this theme dizens of times.
I don't need anybody's love. Yes it hurts, but at least I'm free.
Oddly, these are all of the things my mother said to me.
They were my third cousins mother's who say these things to me.
@@claymoreth I'm sorry that you experienced that behaviour. The person who believes in conational love often seeks control.
If you still live with your parents, though, then those rules (no matter how unreasonable they are) still apply (at least at home).
Him first hai
Become more successful and score more marks. But still never enough
Aegis
Some videos id like to see made
Cormac McCarthy
Andrei Tarkovsky
David Lynch
H'P Lovecraft
Stephen King
Elgar Poe
i'll not commiserate today, thank you very much
please add spanish subtitles :(
My Mom regrets her abusive marriage and children as a result. She was ashamed she overweight so attempted suicide….so I’ve had an eating disorder and never felt loved in any relationships. I don’t even love myself.
Uhh. 1:12 i bet the theory of "some parents incentivise their children to put on weight to avoid being incestously attracted" should not be confused of that being a common pattern or a somehow logical conclusion. Its a rather arbitrary Freudian insinuation
I don't know if parents explicitly do this, but there are definite links between obesity and childhood sexual trauma.
Get noticed? Some hope my mother like me to be quite almost invisible! Dad wasn't there much but l was quite with both of them.
I'm not disagreeing but... damn o_O
It's money or none! Simple
Please make videos on non suicidal self harm NSSH
So what happens if there is nothing a child can do to get attention? The only lesson taught being that the child has no intrinsic value, how does that translate into adulthood?
This is better than therapy 😢
*Wow, a video on damaged childhoods. That's a topic SoL has never covered, not even once*
whatt??
Or
Oh no, not another psycho-analysis-is-the-key-video! Most of us didn't have a very hard childhood and there is no reason to try remember and dig into distant memories that we can't really trust anyways. I much more appreciate the clear advisory videos from this channel instead of this.
I don't think you have to have had a horrible childhood for things in your early years to still have affected you? Even smaller things from parents who do mean well but aren't perfect: like pressure to succeed or non-matching love languages or bad conflict-resolution skills can have affected you and though a full psycho-analysis might be unnecessary, figuring out what effects those things had on you can still be useful, in my opinion
Many, many humans have, in fact, had horrible childhoods. ALL children have endured trauma at the hands of their parents, to varying degrees. Zero children exist who have not experienced trauma from their parents. Because zero perfect parents exist. If you didn't have a horrible childhood, consider yourself lucky that you cannot comprehend what some of us have been through. Ignorance is bliss.
I struggle with his outlook sometimes... I grew up in the most bland of American suburbs. I don't have many poignant memories, I did the standard things like riding bikes around, playing soccer, it was... I dunno, meh. I never experienced exhilaration as a child, I don't have a memory of inspiration, where I look back and say THAT is what I want to do!
I don't feel I experienced much to sort of shape my personality in a particular direction. I feel like cardboard sometimes. I had so much opportunity, and I did many things, but none of them ever stuck within my heart. I've come to understand that those with the most scars are usually the most interesting, and I'm NOT saying a bad childhood makes you better, obviously not.
But I am saying, this entire topic is just so... nebulous, nonspecific, and case by case, that it's essentially impossible to make any generalizations about it.
Parents are flawed, because they're human. Some parents want their children to do better, because they love their children not in order to love their children. If a parent come from hardship, they're more likely to push their children, because they don't want their children to experience hardship. A child and a parent, are not on the same level, so what the parent perceive as love the child might not.
It’s honestly, and darkly, laughable to think this is even possible with my family.
When your father doesn't let you be better with the ladies, then him
🪐 🎎 💘
Get good grades in school
Welp oof
Looks like this is narcissism and not love.
Love doesnt exist for everyone
Lots of people putting on weight to repel inscetuos advances? Phfft. With two thirds of Americans for example overweight or obese looks like runaway condition. Nonsense.
It's not. There are links between obesity and childhood sexual assault.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 I agree. I saw a feminist statistic that 5 out of every 4 women have been sexually assaulted in their lives. I'm suprised only two thirds are overweight or obese. At least we have narrowed down the cause.
Please like me 😊
I kind of like you already, just for that, in this context
Take a shower first
@@civilservant9528 yes sir
@@jenni4claire like me ❤️ 😁
No.
Interesting
Not very easy to not be under parental rule when u can hardly afford an apartment with 3-5 roommates that can likely be narcissistic thieving etc. people that probably will use u as well while they make u pay for everything instead. Making van camper on-the-go life the only option ie a drifter on wheels