I get angry because I just don't get it. I'm always asking myself what is wrong with me? I've had major trauma most of my life. And now here I am at 63 thinking I should be over it.
I do this a lot too I hope you can see the inner voice/critic/family in the head for what it is. A fallacy. I hope you give yourself compassion for having this negative critic in your head because what I understand from research is that your parents/caregivers are the foundation to this voice being negative or positive in early development. Nothing is “wrong” with you. This style of thinking does (self contempt self loathing) does not help you, it feels good for a little while I suppose especially if you’re feeling guilty about how you handled something but in the long run letting this voice take the front wheel to all your decision making can really bring you down. I empathise with your major trauma, no person should go through any such things in life. I hate hearing that trauma “made me resilient” because I know that’s not the case, I made myself resilient every time I kept telling the family inside the head to keep it down and I found a healthy way to preserve that is growing and learning and even at your age you can still grow and learn too. There is no time limit to get over things, there is no schedule that says you need to be over anything by now. Give yourself some grace Elena, I do not know your story or who you are but I do know what it’s like to constantly ask yourself wtf is wrong with me, why am i like this? how lonely and isolating that feels. How annoyed at yourself you can be for not being where you want yourself to be. Those are those unrealistic and unfair expectations we can put on ourselves and to break free from that give yourself grace, learn to love yourself and keep practicing that. It won’t take it all away, but it will help your relationship with yourself grow and I found that’s where I needed to start with myself before I felt some internal motivation to do positive by me.
I do the same... Yet when I hear others such as yourself I have no judgment against you at all only compassion and respect for the struggle you put up against your traumas... I wish you healing and encourage you to try to treat yourself with the understanding and patience you would no doubt treat others and I will continue to try too. ❤️
@@drewgrant2795 Oh Drew, this is such a wonderful advice, the words " give yourself some grace" just hit me right where the inner critics are destroying me for ever since I can remember and I feel relief, tremendous relief, soothing and relaxing like a lullaby...thx 🥰❤️
I wanted to split with a close friend (not FP) because I realized a few days ago that she was putting a lot of pressure on me to support her thru her grief and it scared me. I care a lot about her and I don't want to see her suffering, so I've been spending a lot of time with her (online). I was so distracted that I forgot to take my meds three times this week. I knew I was in the process of splitting, so I talked to another close friend (not FP) and she really helped me to see that all I needed to do was use healthy boundaries. I didn't need to erase her from my life. So, the past two days I've used boundaries and I feel proud of myself for not spitting. I will have to watch your video a couple more times to fully understand, but it couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you Dr. Fox.
Thank you for this! My husband and daughter are both bpd, and they have this habit behavior between them from years of the same reactive response based on a type of phrase said, or a way a phrase is delivered. One of them will get aggravated or frustrated, and the other can't deal with it and reacts strongly against their frustration (my daughter feels my husband dismisses her feelings on things all the time)... then the first one will heighten their reaction against the second one... and it just escalates from there. It can get very, very ugly. I"ll show them both this video and maybe it'll help :)
Thank you so much for trying to understand your family's minds. I hope they can tackle their issues themselves as well, but having this type of support is wonderful🖤
i've been dealing with a bad situation lately, and the BPD has been having a fun time terrorizing me. i feel trapped in the freak out response. i feel like i can't even control it anymore. this video is exactly what i needed right now.
I was thinking too of your vagus nerve, like it's in the right side of your neck and connects down deep in your body. Putting something cold on it will cause your blood pressure to drop. This is true and easy and if you'll slow that breathing while doing it ... Total success. I'm sorry you're dealing with a bad situation, I hope things look up. My therapist made me make a freak out bag I carry with me. I'm very BPD. I've got essential oils, tiny humidifier, water, neck cooling cloth, these cool Chinese balls that you play with in your hands like a lil distraction and they make bell noises. Anyway, whatever might calm you, you could consider putting your own small bag together to calm down. I don't it keeps me from overreacting sometimes and can keep me from taking the feelings to the max and end up back in my maladaptive behaviors. I'm just trying to stay sober.
I've been dealing with a lot of stress over the past few years. I try to cope. I try not to get angry. I try not to blow up, and for a little while, I find relief after a big meltdown of tears. But, it never lasts for very long. I blame it on old age. I blame it on BPD. I blame it on myself. I have a lot of insight and realize that the biggest problem is me. My brain is crooked and my heart is too sensitive and no one seems to understand the torment I feel inside. I've struggled all my life to just fit in and not feel so socially awkward, even around my family. I know they love me, but I don't feel the connection that everyone else seems to feel so freely. I feel like an outsider looking through a dirty window. Not all the time, but the majority of the time. Just like when I was a kid, everyone loves everyone but me. My brain tells me it's not true, but my anxious heart tells me it is. One thing that helps me is my sense of humor. I can make others laugh while I'm crying inside. Thank you for your videos. I just came across you this morning and have watched three of them so far. I'm looking forward to watching more.
awesome video .... i still struggle to make myself get around peole and mingle ... but i love what you talk about so a big struggle with us and truly what I've bee working on and what has made my life with BPD better biggest moment is learning to be present about my physical ques ... always make an attempt to separate in a heated discussion when these physical ques pop up to prevent a double or triple down event ...... and once you gain a lot of stability in your own life (independence ) you start to not be so triggered by things that once were extreme triggers for you.... like someone not coming home on time ... or noticing your friends or partners daily routine change .... noticing the small things that don't really have true fact based proof of the reason your triggered ..... also why i became athiest ..... as I've learned that fact based decisions are best for someone with my personality trait issues .... thanks for a good vide dr fox.. and remember fellow BPDers we are the ones who ca get ourselves where we want to be .... don't belive the voice that tells you who you are is broken and cant do it without the companionship of another or validation of another .... we are more able then we give ourselves credit for ...
Yea, and the I can get shame for being my myself when others are actually with someone else and enjoying it. Where as, I’m just putting myself out there.
@@chilloften like it's an act, but being withdrawn would be too, there's really no authentic way to act when you don't understand who you are, dependant on where, and when, and with who you are
I have had a few freakouts. Some public some private. Most recent last week was private and I wish my BPD didn't react so strongly when I stress but I think that is the nature of the beast! @Jon B. I understand what you mean when you say "BPD has been having a fun time terrorizing me"! I never thought about it that way but it is true. It terrorize you..hope you get some relief!
Wathing your channel, teaches me so MUCH more about myself and my diagnosis (3 typed of BPD, PTSD, Stress, and cronic anxiety) and explains the illness SO WAY BETTER than any theraphist that I have met here in Denmark has ever been able to. I just want to tell you that this is my favorite channel, and that I appriciate all the work you put in your explaining and your videos so much. I get SO so SO much from this - it's invaluable to me. And you should know that your work here on youtube, helps me out so much over here in Denmark and makes a HUGE difference in my life, and I really wish that we would have theraphists just half as good as you are here. So THANK you Dr Fox, from the bottom of my heart.
I’ve been back in the USA for several months now and it seems nearly most people I know are in therapy to handle their traumas. Some if these traumas seem like simple ‘hard knocks in life’ I can’t grasp that ppl need therapy for issues that a decade ago were simply tough luck and you pick yourself up by your boot straps and move on. Learning from your rough luck or bad judgements.
I like that your videos set out to really help persons with personality disorders. They also help me to understand and forgive a parent who I believe has NPD while maintaining healthy boundaries to protect myself. Thank you 🙏🙂
You mentioned that these feelings of fear or lack of control stem from childhood. Now someone who has cptsd and bpd traits and who has experienced physical violence as an adult and lives as a minority in a community still experiencing targeted violence, isn't it reasonable to still feel fear and having a lack of power? Especially if your abuser is still trying to destroy your life? Isn't it normal to feel hyper vigilance? I am seriously confused about having to feel safe all of the time in an unsafe world. It seems like these personality disorders in the dsm need to be modernized to take into account the reality of living in 2022 or some entitled communities just don't get it because they have never experienced it.
There's another one that no one even talks about yet- maintain. Pretending like everything is perfectly fine. Walking on the broken leg so no one sees you're hurt. This is most animals' trauma response, surprised it hasn't been acknowledged & added by anyone yet.
Finding people to be friends with is the hardest thing. I do need people closer to me so that I can feel more stable and present. I don't like people to see how unpredictable and inconsistent I am so I avoid and it's not good.
I'm totally freaking out. I built a meetup group to meet and do different stuff, but all these people trigger me of caurse and i have gastritis and panic attacks, and flashbacks and think everyone wants something from me, because i'm the organizer of this group. But i dont want to be the organizer! I want to follow, i want to have an anchor. I cant deal. I just cant! I'm taking meds for my inflamed stomach and i cancelled a meetup and also i want to delete the group. Delete everything because i feel so sick and ill and freaking out. Also i didnt eat probably for days because i cant do my dishes and so on. I know, this is not good. I'm hungry all the time and so lonely! Its really bad at the moment.
I'm still trying to figure out why I have BPD. No family history and not any epic childhood trauma. I can say I started showing symptoms when things went sour with my childhood best friend. I'm still not over the loss. Her getting a boyfriend and leaving me in the dust was like a knife to the heart. I don't know if I'll ever be over it and that was over 20 years ago. It was my own personal trauma but my trauma is so small compared to other borderlines.
Try not to get caught up in comparisons and recognize that each person’s process is different. You may still greatly benefit from identifying your core content and surface content to build adaptive strategies to help yourself move forward. I wish you all the best.
Dear Daniel I have been following your channel for a long time. You are the most kind and helpful therapist on this subject. I have a question - I am trying to think of the answers to the questions you're bringing up in this video, however I find it hard to remember how I feel or what I think when I "fight/flight/freeze/freak out". Is there a way we can answer these questions in the moment of these situations happening???
I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to provide the answer, usually our expectation is of the right answer, but I think writing it in your phone or pausing processing and working through the question. A lot of times we get lost with the pressure we put on ourselves to give an answer in that can ignite the fight, flight, freeze, freak out response. I wish you all the best.
My heart gets tight my body burns I start to get hives I've been like this since I was a child and when I say hives I mean in my hair all over my feet all over my body and this started when I was a little girl and this has been going on for 39 years it's heartbreaking and I have a son and I have a man it's hard it's very hard I get to the point where my body shuts down when I say shut down I can't move I'm weak I get real tense in the back of my neck where it's severe pain
I feel that, in some cases, seeking outside validation is not the actual problem, but your own self-concept of lack of worthiness, of being too much hard work for anyone to ever get to know you well enough to see the good in you and love you. To fear abandonment based on your poor self-steem rather than minding what others might think. Therefore, gaining that control that you're talking about becomes a very hard task. I find that even when trying to implement the techniques I've been given to hold impulses back I tend to push people away after going through all those 'what ifs' that I seem to be unable to control. All to avoid the possibility of being hurt. It's utter self-sabotage. The freaking out is also a constant, and over the years instead of reaching my goal (ie making friends, feeling loved etc.) I've ended up isolated and feeling I'll most likely never be able to have significant relationships without messing things up. How can self-steem be built when you contantly fail at building up any type of relationship? It seems a no-win situation to me.
You really do what you are talking about you are correct about all of these things I'm grateful you made these videos I'm hoping I can make then work for me I'm close to get control back but mainly I avoid I want the ability to control way I feel again anyways thank you for the information it definitely made me understand myself use to just believe I was rude or a little crazy
Have people really learned how to control these things again? All this damage is from a severe tbi never had any treatment for this insanity has been going on since 1997 I wasn't even aware that this is what is wrong the impulses I do all the things I've gotten tiny bit better by avoiding or running away but is it possible to gain control again and be normal enough to make friends or relationships to ppl that I won't just become a Nuisance or an aggravation too?? Wow this has been very interesting to learn why I'm so different it makes complete since
I'm so glad to hear that my videos have been helpful to you! It's always great to know that I'm making a positive impact. Keep working on regaining control and remember that you have the power to control how you feel. You're not alone in this journey!
I did all of the above .. I am just tired feeling I am losing the battle. Everytime I am in a romantic relationship is so hard on me, and I do not want my partner to walk on eggshells everytime he cannot text ... 😔 I am doing better though to calm down myself
it is so hard to look back again at the trauma event, frightened, raged, and alone. When the image went thru my head, I try to think abt having people that would help me there but it didn't help bc they can't help me cause they can't be at that moment, then it made me feel alone and very upset, then angry cause one solution failed feel like there is no solution (but I know this is not true).
He talked about being empowered and as an adult having more say, i have very bad experience of this and i am still going through it right now. I was in crisis in January 2022 handed back to the community team in February 2022 to be seen by a doctor asap to sort my medication out. I finally got seen by a Psychiatrist 13th December 2022 to have that doctor write the wrong address in the prescription; so here i am 5th January still no medication. I have contacted private companies but they want to charge £300-£500 per session, i am on state benefit and could not afford that as it would take over half my income per month. I should mention i live in the UK, this isn’t my only experience; no one is listening to me or helping me to the point at the weekend i became suicidal; went to the emergency room was moved 5 times from room to room sat in a chair which became so uncomfortable after 8 hours with Arthritis in my knees and not being seen i left but threatened security staff with my martial arts training to back off and came home less than 2 days later i overdosed. I feel so helpless and wont go out, don’t want to open my curtains, and generally don’t want to be part of society anymore. Sorry for venting I’m trying to watch these videos to help me
BPD- I fight, even when people aren’t attacking me or if something upsets me and I know, or think, its their fault. I’ve gotten better but I still do it. Or if I don’t understand a concept, I withdraw and dissociate, if it’s too emotionally draining, I fall asleep within 30 min. Additionally…. I’m prescribed adderall for ADHD. The amount of fight I have and reaction I have is amplified by the meds. However I cannot stop taking them due to the severity of my adhd.
Dr. Daniel, maybe you can point something out that I'm being nitpicky over. Your video quality is amazing, love the sound, that light on the right is bothering me. Why? I'll talk to my therapist about it, but I can't figure out what is going on. Oh, your lighting on you though has changed. You using a softbox?
Hello Dr. Fox! Im been too occupied to watch your videos lately but you got me subscribing after seeing one of your past videos and because I got you reccomend from another person with BPD :) I'm interested in buying your books, and I wanna share them with my current partner so he can understand me better. The problem is that the book I specifically want is in English and by partner doesn't really know much English. By any chance, are you planning on translating your other books into Spanish? It's just that the information about BPD on Spanish it's very limited, a bit outdated and even kinda biased. The English information that it's available it's good, but I want him to be able to understand everything so we can make this work.
Freeze, and then flight, have been my automatic responses since I was a child. A lot of adults really didn't like that though, and would try to stop me from fleeing or force me out of a freeze. If they kept pushing and pushing, that is when I would suddenly flip to "freak out". Never consciously, but sadly & embarrassingly, externally (like a cornered animal), which led to some very traumatic situations. I've since learned to internalize all freak outs, which at least makes everyone else happy even if it's destroyed me. It's all about the great good though, right? First, do no harm.
How can one know when it one's own issues or someone else's issues? Growing up, I was taught to be codependent and it is difficult to separate myself from other people, and other people's personality issues. I am very empathic and I can take the blame so easily, when it isn't even my fault. Shame is also some part of it.
I wish there was someone in ga like you counsliers I thank keep getting burn out on e I feel like giving up I make my counsliers really angry.i don't no but I feel you no how to handle people like me and you never get angry because you understand we can't help it it's hard for us with the disorder allso
Just The idea of being impulsive made me anxious i don't know how to deal it i try meditation and mindfulness and that help me way alot but still have fear from my fight and anger behaviour in real life.
You forgot fawn… Also… no one talks about how hypervigilance actually causes hallucinations to go bad. Everyone hallucinates. I wish someone would have told me that a long time ago. Everyone sees things out of the corners of their eyes. If you feel safe, your brain will fill in the lack of peripheral vision with objects that are probably there.. If you don’t, you might see shadow figures. It’s a little “crazy”, but if I knew why that was happening, I would have spent a lot less time panicking and wondering if there were demons or I was schizophrenic. Please do a video on this. Other people need to know.
Things keep happening that are real, and have real consequences. Not easy to keep resurfacing to be shot down again & again & again & again. It’s really really hard to dig out. Very brave.
WHY DIDNT I FIND YOU SOONER DR> FOX I WISH I COULD MOVE TO HOSTON TX YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SO MUCH I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH > THIS VIDEO AND MY FAVORITE I GO THROUGH THESE TWO THIS MOST RIGHT NOW MY FRIEND WHO IS A GIRLFRIEND AND I AM SOOOOOOO INTENSE THAT SHE THINKS I AM A LESBIAN AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM TO BUT I GET THIS WAY WITH PEPOLE THAT ARE PRESENT IN MY LIFE > SHE HAS BLOCKED ME AND IT FEELS LIKE A 3RD DEGREE BURNN
When we’re in the mental health system, we often have very little power. I’d argue teens really have little to no control in their environment. In a mental health setting, especially locked ward we can have much less power than the average teenager.
Pregnancy and BPD Are not a good mix, my significant other ended things with me at such a vulnerable moment over our relationship being so confusing because of my bpd and only knowing about it for 2 months now it just frustrates me and I’m trying to get better. It’s just difficult when I feel villanized by my own partner and my family doesn’t understand
I think it is what happens between the trigger and the response. Trigger: she doesn't text me. Priming: your thoughts and images of why that is happening (she hates me, or there has been a horrible accident). Then response: fight flight etcetera...
These are cognitive distortions - is their proof you are not enough. Their are always people who will accept you. If someone says or does something go do something else. "What is " the way back. What could be isn't important. Reality of who you are now.
Thank you. My ex since August had an abused and abandoned childhood. Molested age of 7 then 2 yrs ago, raped by a group of guys at Gay Pride. They put something in his drink. I am older and he's been very entitled and expected too many gifts and asked for money always. He was'nt doing well being a musician. On our last holiday together in London, he asked for a keyboard and designer leather jkt. I had to tell him I cannot afford it and he went beserk and wild yelling at me in front of hundreds. It was horrific, he accused me of using him for sex and that I raped him. Would this be because of his BDP & covert narcissism?
I’ve been back in the USA for several months now and it seems nearly most people I know are in therapy to handle their traumas. Some if these traumas seem like simple ‘hard knocks in life’ I can’t grasp that ppl need therapy for issues that a decade ago were simply tough luck and you pick yourself up by your bbboot straps and move on. Learning from your rough luck or bad judgements.
I bought 176 raid shadow legends accounts on impulses and causes me servere anxiety because I want it so bad then the sense of something I want so bad I bought.
Quick notes WHAT TRIGGERED ME? 01. I felt excluded. 02. I felt powerless. 03. I felt unheard. 04. I felt scolded. 05. Ifelt judged. 06. I felt blamed. 07. I felt disrespected. 08. I felt a lack of affection. 09. I felt uncared for. 10. I felt lonely. 11. I felt ignored. 12. I felt like I couldn't be honest. 13. I felt like the bad guy. 14. I felt forgotten. 15. I felt unsafe. 16. I felt unloved. 17. I felt like that was unfair. 18. I felt frustrated. 19. I felt disconnected. 20. I felt trapped. 21. I felt a lack of passion. 22. I felt like I couldn't speak up. 23. I felt manipulated. 24. I felt controlled. The Gottman Institute mydeeplythoughts See more of mydeeplythoughts's content on AA More like inIs @ pinterest.com < m Quick notes 00 Your boards O Search Notifications Settings
I wish you didn’t miss the FAWN response…as it is the one that turns us into people pleasers.
I get angry because I just don't get it. I'm always asking myself what is wrong with me? I've had major trauma most of my life. And now here I am at 63 thinking I should be over it.
I do this a lot too I hope you can see the inner voice/critic/family in the head for what it is. A fallacy. I hope you give yourself compassion for having this negative critic in your head because what I understand from research is that your parents/caregivers are the foundation to this voice being negative or positive in early development. Nothing is “wrong” with you. This style of thinking does (self contempt self loathing) does not help you, it feels good for a little while I suppose especially if you’re feeling guilty about how you handled something but in the long run letting this voice take the front wheel to all your decision making can really bring you down.
I empathise with your major trauma, no person should go through any such things in life. I hate hearing that trauma “made me resilient” because I know that’s not the case, I made myself resilient every time I kept telling the family inside the head to keep it down and I found a healthy way to preserve that is growing and learning and even at your age you can still grow and learn too.
There is no time limit to get over things, there is no schedule that says you need to be over anything by now. Give yourself some grace Elena, I do not know your story or who you are but I do know what it’s like to constantly ask yourself wtf is wrong with me, why am i like this? how lonely and isolating that feels. How annoyed at yourself you can be for not being where you want yourself to be. Those are those unrealistic and unfair expectations we can put on ourselves and to break free from that give yourself grace, learn to love yourself and keep practicing that. It won’t take it all away, but it will help your relationship with yourself grow and I found that’s where I needed to start with myself before I felt some internal motivation to do positive by me.
I'd like to recommend a book; "Soundtracks" by Jon Acuff.
I do the same... Yet when I hear others such as yourself I have no judgment against you at all only compassion and respect for the struggle you put up against your traumas... I wish you healing and encourage you to try to treat yourself with the understanding and patience you would no doubt treat others and I will continue to try too. ❤️
@@drewgrant2795 Oh Drew, this is such a wonderful advice, the words " give yourself some grace" just hit me right where the inner critics are destroying me for ever since I can remember and I feel relief, tremendous relief, soothing and relaxing like a lullaby...thx 🥰❤️
@@sassyslsgrl Same here! Let's try together! 😀
I wanted to split with a close friend (not FP) because I realized a few days ago that she was putting a lot of pressure on me to support her thru her grief and it scared me. I care a lot about her and I don't want to see her suffering, so I've been spending a lot of time with her (online). I was so distracted that I forgot to take my meds three times this week. I knew I was in the process of splitting, so I talked to another close friend (not FP) and she really helped me to see that all I needed to do was use healthy boundaries. I didn't need to erase her from my life. So, the past two days I've used boundaries and I feel proud of myself for not spitting. I will have to watch your video a couple more times to fully understand, but it couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you Dr. Fox.
Good job 👍🏼
I'm learning to identify my triggers and lessen them to hours and less than entire days as it was in the past!
Thank you Dr Fox...I'm more of a freeze or freak out type of girl...my husband does not understand at all...this video means so much to me right now
Something triggered me last night that caused me to freak out. Thank you, I needed this positive encouragement this morning.
Mornings can be just as tough, I hope your week gets better 🙏
Don’t forget the other F: Fawn. “ Fawning is a trauma response where a person develops people-pleasing behaviors.”
Along with these i have Fawn responses too ..Limerance has taken a few yrs of my life
It can do that, too. Thanks
Thank you for this! My husband and daughter are both bpd, and they have this habit behavior between them from years of the same reactive response based on a type of phrase said, or a way a phrase is delivered. One of them will get aggravated or frustrated, and the other can't deal with it and reacts strongly against their frustration (my daughter feels my husband dismisses her feelings on things all the time)... then the first one will heighten their reaction against the second one... and it just escalates from there. It can get very, very ugly. I"ll show them both this video and maybe it'll help :)
Thank you so much for trying to understand your family's minds. I hope they can tackle their issues themselves as well, but having this type of support is wonderful🖤
i've been dealing with a bad situation lately, and the BPD has been having a fun time terrorizing me. i feel trapped in the freak out response. i feel like i can't even control it anymore. this video is exactly what i needed right now.
Glad it's helpful. Also try ice baths when you feel the freak out coming. They'll help. Be well
I was thinking too of your vagus nerve, like it's in the right side of your neck and connects down deep in your body. Putting something cold on it will cause your blood pressure to drop. This is true and easy and if you'll slow that breathing while doing it ... Total success. I'm sorry you're dealing with a bad situation, I hope things look up.
My therapist made me make a freak out bag I carry with me. I'm very BPD. I've got essential oils, tiny humidifier, water, neck cooling cloth, these cool Chinese balls that you play with in your hands like a lil distraction and they make bell noises. Anyway, whatever might calm you, you could consider putting your own small bag together to calm down. I don't it keeps me from overreacting sometimes and can keep me from taking the feelings to the max and end up back in my maladaptive behaviors. I'm just trying to stay sober.
Nail on the head with these recent uploads, it's like you're on the path with us Dr. Fox 🙏
I've been dealing with a lot of stress over the past few years. I try to cope. I try not to get angry. I try not to blow up, and for a little while, I find relief after a big meltdown of tears. But, it never lasts for very long. I blame it on old age. I blame it on BPD. I blame it on myself. I have a lot of insight and realize that the biggest problem is me. My brain is crooked and my heart is too sensitive and no one seems to understand the torment I feel inside. I've struggled all my life to just fit in and not feel so socially awkward, even around my family. I know they love me, but I don't feel the connection that everyone else seems to feel so freely. I feel like an outsider looking through a dirty window. Not all the time, but the majority of the time. Just like when I was a kid, everyone loves everyone but me. My brain tells me it's not true, but my anxious heart tells me it is. One thing that helps me is my sense of humor. I can make others laugh while I'm crying inside. Thank you for your videos. I just came across you this morning and have watched three of them so far. I'm looking forward to watching more.
Wow, I can relate. I take a screenshot of comments like this so I can maybe share with others who care or want to understand what we're going through.
awesome video .... i still struggle to make myself get around peole and mingle ... but i love what you talk about so a big struggle with us and truly what I've bee working on and what has made my life with BPD better biggest moment is learning to be present about my physical ques ... always make an attempt to separate in a heated discussion when these physical ques pop up to prevent a double or triple down event ...... and once you gain a lot of stability in your own life (independence ) you start to not be so triggered by things that once were extreme triggers for you.... like someone not coming home on time ... or noticing your friends or partners daily routine change .... noticing the small things that don't really have true fact based proof of the reason your triggered ..... also why i became athiest ..... as I've learned that fact based decisions are best for someone with my personality trait issues .... thanks for a good vide dr fox.. and remember fellow BPDers we are the ones who ca get ourselves where we want to be .... don't belive the voice that tells you who you are is broken and cant do it without the companionship of another or validation of another .... we are more able then we give ourselves credit for ...
Another video so soon? You’re spoiling us Dr Fox. Thanks for this. I found it pretty relevant
For me, going to coffee shops or malls by myself to be around people is just being alone with extra steps.
Yea, and the I can get shame for being my myself when others are actually with someone else and enjoying it. Where as, I’m just putting myself out there.
@@chilloften like it's an act, but being withdrawn would be too, there's really no authentic way to act when you don't understand who you are, dependant on where, and when, and with who you are
I have had a few freakouts. Some public some private. Most recent last week was private and I wish my BPD didn't react so strongly when I stress but I think that is the nature of the beast! @Jon B. I understand what you mean when you say "BPD has been having a fun time terrorizing me"! I never thought about it that way but it is true. It terrorize you..hope you get some relief!
Wathing your channel, teaches me so MUCH more about myself and my diagnosis (3 typed of BPD, PTSD, Stress, and cronic anxiety) and explains the illness SO WAY BETTER than any theraphist that I have met here in Denmark has ever been able to. I just want to tell you that this is my favorite channel, and that I appriciate all the work you put in your explaining and your videos so much. I get SO so SO much from this - it's invaluable to me. And you should know that your work here on youtube, helps me out so much over here in Denmark and makes a HUGE difference in my life, and I really wish that we would have theraphists just half as good as you are here. So THANK you Dr Fox, from the bottom of my heart.
You are very welcome. I’m glad that you found the video helpful. I wish you all the best.
I’ve been back in the USA for several months now and it seems nearly most people I know are in therapy to handle their traumas. Some if these traumas seem like simple ‘hard knocks in life’ I can’t grasp that ppl need therapy for issues that a decade ago were simply tough luck and you pick yourself up by your boot straps and move on. Learning from your rough luck or bad judgements.
THANKS DR.FOX🦊🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾GREAT VIDEO ON UNDERSTANDING MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, ADDICTION ADDICTIONS, ETC... DUAL DISORDERS TOO
I’m so glad you found it helpful. I wish you all the best.
I like that your videos set out to really help persons with personality disorders. They also help me to understand and forgive a parent who I believe has NPD while maintaining healthy boundaries to protect myself. Thank you 🙏🙂
You mentioned that these feelings of fear or lack of control stem from childhood. Now someone who has cptsd and bpd traits and who has experienced physical violence as an adult and lives as a minority in a community still experiencing targeted violence, isn't it reasonable to still feel fear and having a lack of power? Especially if your abuser is still trying to destroy your life? Isn't it normal to feel hyper vigilance? I am seriously confused about having to feel safe all of the time in an unsafe world. It seems like these personality disorders in the dsm need to be modernized to take into account the reality of living in 2022 or some entitled communities just don't get it because they have never experienced it.
There's another one that no one even talks about yet- maintain. Pretending like everything is perfectly fine. Walking on the broken leg so no one sees you're hurt. This is most animals' trauma response, surprised it hasn't been acknowledged & added by anyone yet.
I feel that way
Finding people to be friends with is the hardest thing. I do need people closer to me so that I can feel more stable and present. I don't like people to see how unpredictable and inconsistent I am so I avoid and it's not good.
Group therapy may be a really good option for you.
Thank you for this. This “priming” keeps me in so much pain.
You’re very welcome 😊
Good timing Dr Fox!!!
I can’t do freeze. I come unglued & something is going to suffer for it. So far it hasn’t been me. These sorts of videos are quite helpful
I'm totally freaking out. I built a meetup group to meet and do different stuff, but all these people trigger me of caurse and i have gastritis and panic attacks, and flashbacks and think everyone wants something from me, because i'm the organizer of this group. But i dont want to be the organizer! I want to follow, i want to have an anchor. I cant deal. I just cant! I'm taking meds for my inflamed stomach and i cancelled a meetup and also i want to delete the group. Delete everything because i feel so sick and ill and freaking out. Also i didnt eat probably for days because i cant do my dishes and so on. I know, this is not good. I'm hungry all the time and so lonely! Its really bad at the moment.
I'm still trying to figure out why I have BPD. No family history and not any epic childhood trauma. I can say I started showing symptoms when things went sour with my childhood best friend. I'm still not over the loss. Her getting a boyfriend and leaving me in the dust was like a knife to the heart. I don't know if I'll ever be over it and that was over 20 years ago. It was my own personal trauma but my trauma is so small compared to other borderlines.
Try not to get caught up in comparisons and recognize that each person’s process is different. You may still greatly benefit from identifying your core content and surface content to build adaptive strategies to help yourself move forward. I wish you all the best.
@@DrDanielFox thank you ❤️❤️❤️
Dear Daniel I have been following your channel for a long time. You are the most kind and helpful therapist on this subject.
I have a question - I am trying to think of the answers to the questions you're bringing up in this video, however I find it hard to remember how I feel or what I think when I "fight/flight/freeze/freak out". Is there a way we can answer these questions in the moment of these situations happening???
I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to provide the answer, usually our expectation is of the right answer, but I think writing it in your phone or pausing processing and working through the question. A lot of times we get lost with the pressure we put on ourselves to give an answer in that can ignite the fight, flight, freeze, freak out response. I wish you all the best.
Yes doctor I'm flight or flight response 247 frozen at times
Dr, you do online sessions?
My heart gets tight my body burns I start to get hives I've been like this since I was a child and when I say hives I mean in my hair all over my feet all over my body and this started when I was a little girl and this has been going on for 39 years it's heartbreaking and I have a son and I have a man it's hard it's very hard I get to the point where my body shuts down when I say shut down I can't move I'm weak I get real tense in the back of my neck where it's severe pain
These symptoms are an exact mirror of mine. The itch and pain are unbearable
I have a skin diaorder too it hurts youre not alone dermagraic uticartia i think its called the skin writing disease. Chronic hives
Thanks. Your videos really help me :)
THANK YOU so much for THIS particular topic video!!! Very Important & Informative! :)
My hand started sweating and I started feeling nauseous and my stomach started tightening up My heart rate increases as well exponentially
I feel that, in some cases, seeking outside validation is not the actual problem, but your own self-concept of lack of worthiness, of being too much hard work for anyone to ever get to know you well enough to see the good in you and love you. To fear abandonment based on your poor self-steem rather than minding what others might think. Therefore, gaining that control that you're talking about becomes a very hard task. I find that even when trying to implement the techniques I've been given to hold impulses back I tend to push people away after going through all those 'what ifs' that I seem to be unable to control. All to avoid the possibility of being hurt. It's utter self-sabotage. The freaking out is also a constant, and over the years instead of reaching my goal (ie making friends, feeling loved etc.) I've ended up isolated and feeling I'll most likely never be able to have significant relationships without messing things up. How can self-steem be built when you contantly fail at building up any type of relationship? It seems a no-win situation to me.
thanks for sharing some food for thought,, love your content
You really do what you are talking about you are correct about all of these things I'm grateful you made these videos I'm hoping I can make then work for me I'm close to get control back but mainly I avoid I want the ability to control way I feel again anyways thank you for the information it definitely made me understand myself use to just believe I was rude or a little crazy
Have people really learned how to control these things again? All this damage is from a severe tbi never had any treatment for this insanity has been going on since 1997 I wasn't even aware that this is what is wrong the impulses I do all the things I've gotten tiny bit better by avoiding or running away but is it possible to gain control again and be normal enough to make friends or relationships to ppl that I won't just become a Nuisance or an aggravation too?? Wow this has been very interesting to learn why I'm so different it makes complete since
I'm so glad to hear that my videos have been helpful to you! It's always great to know that I'm making a positive impact. Keep working on regaining control and remember that you have the power to control how you feel. You're not alone in this journey!
I did all of the above .. I am just tired feeling I am losing the battle. Everytime I am in a romantic relationship is so hard on me, and I do not want my partner to walk on eggshells everytime he cannot text ... 😔 I am doing better though to calm down myself
it is so hard to look back again at the trauma event, frightened, raged, and alone. When the image went thru my head, I try to think abt having people that would help me there but it didn't help bc they can't help me cause they can't be at that moment, then it made me feel alone and very upset, then angry cause one solution failed feel like there is no solution (but I know this is not true).
He talked about being empowered and as an adult having more say, i have very bad experience of this and i am still going through it right now.
I was in crisis in January 2022 handed back to the community team in February 2022 to be seen by a doctor asap to sort my medication out. I finally got seen by a Psychiatrist 13th December 2022 to have that doctor write the wrong address in the prescription; so here i am 5th January still no medication.
I have contacted private companies but they want to charge £300-£500 per session, i am on state benefit and could not afford that as it would take over half my income per month. I should mention i live in the UK, this isn’t my only experience; no one is listening to me or helping me to the point at the weekend i became suicidal; went to the emergency room was moved 5 times from room to room sat in a chair which became so uncomfortable after 8 hours with Arthritis in my knees and not being seen i left but threatened security staff with my martial arts training to back off and came home less than 2 days later i overdosed.
I feel so helpless and wont go out, don’t want to open my curtains, and generally don’t want to be part of society anymore. Sorry for venting I’m trying to watch these videos to help me
BPD- I fight, even when people aren’t attacking me or if something upsets me and I know, or think, its their fault. I’ve gotten better but I still do it. Or if I don’t understand a concept, I withdraw and dissociate, if it’s too emotionally draining, I fall asleep within 30 min.
Additionally…. I’m prescribed adderall for ADHD. The amount of fight I have and reaction I have is amplified by the meds. However I cannot stop taking them due to the severity of my adhd.
Thank you Dr. Fox, you mentioned when being “primed”, you can be vulnerable. Does being vulnerable lead to being or perceiving you are a victim? 😊
If your automatic thought is that you should be dead how do you turn around that priming situation any suggestions?
Happy holidays Dr fox 😊
Thanks, you too :)
Dr. Daniel, maybe you can point something out that I'm being nitpicky over. Your video quality is amazing, love the sound, that light on the right is bothering me. Why? I'll talk to my therapist about it, but I can't figure out what is going on. Oh, your lighting on you though has changed. You using a softbox?
Hello Dr. Fox! Im been too occupied to watch your videos lately but you got me subscribing after seeing one of your past videos and because I got you reccomend from another person with BPD :)
I'm interested in buying your books, and I wanna share them with my current partner so he can understand me better. The problem is that the book I specifically want is in English and by partner doesn't really know much English. By any chance, are you planning on translating your other books into Spanish? It's just that the information about BPD on Spanish it's very limited, a bit outdated and even kinda biased. The English information that it's available it's good, but I want him to be able to understand everything so we can make this work.
Good video
What about Fawn?
Mainly a flight person - leave good jobs, avoid family etc. Internalise.
Freak out only with my FP, my hubby :(
Insight is a powerful thing. Use it to learn about yourself and to build adaptive strategies to help yourself. Be well.
Freeze, and then flight, have been my automatic responses since I was a child. A lot of adults really didn't like that though, and would try to stop me from fleeing or force me out of a freeze. If they kept pushing and pushing, that is when I would suddenly flip to "freak out". Never consciously, but sadly & embarrassingly, externally (like a cornered animal), which led to some very traumatic situations. I've since learned to internalize all freak outs, which at least makes everyone else happy even if it's destroyed me. It's all about the great good though, right? First, do no harm.
Thank u❤ so helpful
You're welcome 😊
Could you make videos on avoidant personality disorder
Thanks for the request.
@@DrDanielFox You’re welcome. It’d be nice to see videos on AVPD + BPD traits or comorbidity. Please do a few
How can one know when it one's own issues or someone else's issues? Growing up, I was taught to be codependent and it is difficult to separate myself from other people, and other people's personality issues. I am very empathic and I can take the blame so easily, when it isn't even my fault. Shame is also some part of it.
Yep I think the same things all the time
This is me. It makes me tear up.
Can anyone recommend a good video on how to validate
I wish there was someone in ga like you counsliers I thank keep getting burn out on e I feel like giving up I make my counsliers really angry.i don't no but I feel you no how to handle people like me and you never get angry because you understand we can't help it it's hard for us with the disorder allso
Just The idea of being impulsive made me anxious i don't know how to deal it i try meditation and mindfulness and that help me way alot but still have fear from my fight and anger behaviour in real life.
being self aware and promising yourself to be patient and stay motivated is possible :)
good luck on your recovery journey!
@@miafi8340 thx 🙏❤️ alot
You forgot fawn…
Also… no one talks about how hypervigilance actually causes hallucinations to go bad. Everyone hallucinates.
I wish someone would have told me that a long time ago. Everyone sees things out of the corners of their eyes. If you feel safe, your brain will fill in the lack of peripheral vision with objects that are probably there.. If you don’t, you might see shadow figures. It’s a little “crazy”, but if I knew why that was happening, I would have spent a lot less time panicking and wondering if there were demons or I was schizophrenic.
Please do a video on this. Other people need to know.
I had only heard of Fight or Flight before then I learned I'm a freezer .
what is meant by affect regulation
google is your friend
Is the Fawn response relevant to personality disorders in particular?
I’ve added this to my list and will certainly explore it and do a video on it in the future. Thank you.
Things keep happening that are real, and have real consequences. Not easy to keep resurfacing to be shot down again & again & again & again.
It’s really really hard to dig out. Very brave.
Thanks for sharing. Sorry it’s so difficult.
WHY DIDNT I FIND YOU SOONER DR> FOX I WISH I COULD MOVE TO HOSTON TX YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SO MUCH I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH > THIS VIDEO AND MY FAVORITE I GO THROUGH THESE TWO THIS MOST RIGHT NOW MY FRIEND WHO IS A GIRLFRIEND AND I AM SOOOOOOO INTENSE THAT SHE THINKS I AM A LESBIAN AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM TO BUT I GET THIS WAY WITH PEPOLE THAT ARE PRESENT IN MY LIFE > SHE HAS BLOCKED ME AND IT FEELS LIKE A 3RD DEGREE BURNN
I wish you well. Stay strong and you may want to discuss this with a mental health provider.
My trauma has trauma.
Read "Soundtracks" by Jon Acuff. It's life changing and helped me get out of a rut of self-defeating self talk.
Thanks, I'll check it out.
Don't forget Fawn ☮️💟
Thank you!!
When we’re in the mental health system, we often have very little power. I’d argue teens really have little to no control in their environment. In a mental health setting, especially locked ward we can have much less power than the average teenager.
Pregnancy and BPD Are not a good mix, my significant other ended things with me at such a vulnerable moment over our relationship being so confusing because of my bpd and only knowing about it for 2 months now it just frustrates me and I’m trying to get better. It’s just difficult when I feel villanized by my own partner and my family doesn’t understand
Oh yeah that's definitely me
Question. Can you traumatize yourself? Like, you freak out so bad, when you calm down it's almost terror at what you just did?
Yes.
Hi😃. I'm French and don't understand the word "prime" here... Does it mean "to trigger"? Thanks for anyone who will help me with that 🤗
I think it is what happens between the trigger and the response. Trigger: she doesn't text me. Priming: your thoughts and images of why that is happening (she hates me, or there has been a horrible accident). Then response: fight flight etcetera...
I put the definition at the bottom of the screen. It's like prepping, preparing for. Merci
@@DrDanielFox Merci Dr Fox🥰🤗
@@sofie1065 Many thanks for the answer 😃🤗
Intentions! I am so suspicious of Intentions! Everyone Gaslights! Why do I care?
"Freak out Karen's" Unsocial media is full of video's of people who have BPD.
Five Fs of the real cns: fight, flight, *fright*!, freeze, and freak.
Can all of this cross over with C-PTSD?
Every single time i see the person i love. I just get so angry. How coudl she leave me
These are cognitive distortions - is their proof you are not enough.
Their are always people who will accept you. If someone says or does something go do something else. "What is " the way back. What could be isn't important. Reality of who you are now.
Thank you. My ex since August had an abused and abandoned childhood. Molested age of 7 then 2 yrs ago, raped by a group of guys at Gay Pride. They put something in his drink. I am older and he's been very entitled and expected too many gifts and asked for money always. He was'nt doing well being a musician. On our last holiday together in London, he asked for a keyboard and designer leather jkt. I had to tell him I cannot afford it and he went beserk and wild yelling at me in front of hundreds. It was horrific, he accused me of using him for sex and that I raped him. Would this be because of his BDP & covert narcissism?
Im a fight
Just sick of trying
I’ve been back in the USA for several months now and it seems nearly most people I know are in therapy to handle their traumas. Some if these traumas seem like simple ‘hard knocks in life’ I can’t grasp that ppl need therapy for issues that a decade ago were simply tough luck and you pick yourself up by your bbboot straps and move on. Learning from your rough luck or bad judgements.
Oh and fawn, forgot fawn.
The stupid turkey wsz very triggering the xat cried ft hours for the turkey .I love my sister but two hours with her was far beyond what I can take
p♥r♥o♥m♥o♥s♥m 🙋
I froze mom
I bought 176 raid shadow legends accounts on impulses and causes me servere anxiety because I want it so bad then the sense of something I want so bad I bought.
Quick notes
WHAT TRIGGERED ME?
01. I felt excluded.
02. I felt powerless.
03. I felt unheard.
04. I felt scolded.
05. Ifelt judged.
06. I felt blamed.
07. I felt disrespected.
08. I felt a lack of affection.
09. I felt uncared for.
10. I felt lonely.
11. I felt ignored.
12. I felt like I couldn't be honest.
13. I felt like the bad guy.
14. I felt forgotten.
15. I felt unsafe.
16. I felt unloved.
17. I felt like that was unfair.
18. I felt frustrated.
19. I felt disconnected.
20. I felt trapped.
21. I felt a lack of passion.
22. I felt like I couldn't speak up.
23. I felt manipulated.
24. I felt controlled.
The Gottman Institute
mydeeplythoughts
See more of mydeeplythoughts's content on
AA
More like inIs
@ pinterest.com
<
m
Quick notes
00
Your boards
O
Search
Notifications
Settings