I ruined a relationship with someone that cared about me alot and who i cared about too. I became so jealous and had bursts of anger. While my life at home wasnt the best while it was happening and also other situations had me stressed i feel like i acted so dramatically, it was bad and i wish i couldve controlled myself more, sometimes i saw them as the worst for no reason, it was bad. I didnt think i was capable of being so toxic. I called dedperately even after being blocked. Now im left with alot of regret. Watched alot of mebtal health videos trying to understand what happened to me and led me to find this channel, im not diagbosed but i show alot of symptoms of bpd. Thsnk you for making these videos they are helping me understand myself more, even if i dont feel better at all i want to not let my mental health hurt someone again.
A Healthy mental state requires enough healthy connections to blossom. When all your natural connections are non self aware trauma survivors (parents and extended family, aka hurt people), good luck. Having only paid help to connect with isn't what our brains need to regulate. Can't wait to see the way to get out of that trap.
I totally get it. People who are in lives of people with bpd, or bpd trairs are usually themselves not healthy. Or aware. Infact the amount if work people with bpd are willing to do on themselves I rarely see that to be done by others who think they are normal
@@posh5763 cant deny that but thats why its our path to walk and why we are supposed t find our values and beliefs and make choices that atune to them so we don't feel like we are the only ones doing the work lol even with my partner he might not be as ar along as me but he is deff just now starting to do the work ..... too me years to find someone wiling to also ..... but yes most people would benefit form DBT without haveing a personality disorder
I have to say this is a brilliant video! Not only because of the content, which in itself is such a big thing for me, but how you presented it. Your empathy and compassion seemed to jump out at me; perhaps it was just me? The way you structured the whole presentation made a lot of sense to me. This one definitely will be watched more than twice to really sink in. Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox, a great deal of valuable information!
thank you so much for your work! i love when you challenge some bpd thoughts, like at the end when you said i know you have gifts because everybody does. i have felt for years that i have no qualities and only take up space, but definitely have been identifying these and other emotional myths, and been able to regulate myself during an episode :)
Dr. Fox, I love your work, and so appreciate your kindness, understanding, and empathy. I was diagnosed with BPD, in my 40s, and am now 53. I also abuse alcohol, and suspect that I have ADHD. My life is a total mess. I sometimes feel that my situation is hopeless. I truly have nothing, in spite of being very intelligent and also caring. I would love for you to make a video about people who were diagnosed with BPD in middle age, and are still severe. Best to you!
These make me self aware and angry at myself... I have the insight, I know why I do it. But I can't control it. Watching myself knowing myself sabotage myself is just painful each time and I swore I'd do better, but I failed...
Dr. Fox i really appreciate your approach to helping your fellow struggling human. You make me feel seen and heard with your style of relating and educating. Maybe I will coin it “educaring”. From the bottom of my broken heart, I thank you Brother.
This is really excellent. People bounce between getting bullied by their feelings, and getting seduced by them. Only insight can help a person break free of this double-team nemesis. It takes time and practice. So empathy for yourself is also necessary to keep up your motivation to behave better and feel better.
Thank you Dr. Fox. Ever since being diagnosed, I’ve been watching your videos, and they’ve helped me learn so much about myself. I am going through a lot and currently between therapists, so I currently rely so much on your content. Thank you so much
@@DrDanielFox Thank you. I admire your wisdom, given by our precious Lord. I'm grateful for your effort to help us to understand such a terrible mental disorder as BPD is.
1 - “i should never let others know how i feel because they will think i am weak” 2 - “i must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself” 3 - “if i feel something, then it must be true” 4 - “if i feel like doing something, then that must be the right decision for me” 5 - “i shouldn’t try to change the way I feel because that is inauthentic” 6 - “I should feel like everybody else is feeling in the same situation” 7 - “life is boring without drama and extreme emotions” 8 - “when i am impulsive and when i act on my intense emotions, i get more things done”
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's always refreshing to hear different perspectives on emotions and how they impact our lives. Remember, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
Thank you for this Dr Fox! I’ve been working super hard on myself these past few months and completing this myth-buster just proved it to me! I can’t wait to get your workbook. I ordered one off Amazon before Christmas so I could start in the New Year and it was sent to another house accidentally and I got myself really worked up over it - but things happen I’m happy to call it a loss (I already grieved over it anyways😅) so i’ll view it as a gift to myself to buy it again❤
Isn't it an important side note for one that you too believe showing emotions is a weakness? My inpatient DBT trainer said my POV of having this one rather is an interpersonal myth because of my trust in others while I already knew allowing emotions is a strength. I like how you worded 7 though because in the way I got the session they said "Drama is cool", while no one of my therapy group believed in that one while one pointed out that the opposite (the exact way you worded it) was rather true for her and almost every other patient agreed. I really love your explanation of the exercise with the subquestions cause that was missing in the way I got it taught. Could you do a video on how to formulate objections you can believe to break down the myths? And maybe it could be interesting to do a similar video for interpersonal and (self)compassion myths? I just appreciate and am so grateful how you put this content out there so people with BPD who are struggling can already improve their daily life just by watching your videos. I said it quite some times when talking about your channel but you truly are an angel for the BPD community!
I love this video, I have your book too! Curious do you have A pdf summery of any of your videos ? I would love to have a paper written and visual copy of your material to aid with auditority deficits, working memory or mantras. This is a great video. Thank you.
so the one that says i cant change the way i feel cuz i don't want to be inathentic .... i think has more then feelings involved not just form me but a lot of BPD ... I've been working har don this myth as for me its not just about how i feel but my point of view ..... I've been learning that me not getting a chance to state my point of view isent nessaseraly me being in authentic or me not getting to express my feelings/view of the situation .....i see a lot of us with BPD get so hurt when we are having to give our partner or friends or co workers the floor to express how they feel after we hurt them and have had a huge out burst that we tend to focus more on waiting for them to stop to express our point of view /justafaction that we denoice the other persons pain form our actions ..... sometimes we really don't have to say our point of view ... sometimes we are just supposed to say I'm sorry for blank blank blank and i will try to blank blank blank next time and then even let them express there hurt ... without having to express how hurt we were also but making sure they hear our point of view of what happened as a lot of the time our POV denounces our action and for me i fel like I'm being inauthentic if i don't and I've been working hard at not owning that belief ....... sometimes i don't have to say my point of view for me to be valid .... sometimes i donthave to state my point of view and that's not someone preventing me form being in authentic that one is a very big one i see ..... and even now get so saddend when i see my BPD peers so mad at there partner or friend saying there so abusive they wont even let me say how they hurt me and why i did what i did ... when there no justification sometimes for our actions ...... we don't need to make them hear our point of view expecully when we have just spent an hour screaming at the top of our lungs how there evil and narssasitic and abusing and cutting our selfves all the things we do during our outburst ... sometimes whats the best corse of action is to let the person wos not having the outburst feel like you understand why its wrong and why it causes them to be distent ....in time they will start to feel like you are wanting to work with them instead of making them bend for us
Not sharing how I'm feeling FOR ME (not others since we're all different) isn't about looking weak to others. It's due to the way BPD is portrayed in Hollywood and the professionals plus online information that date back to the '70s, as I heard in one of your previous videos. These problems are what keep me from mentioning A LOT of things. That's the first question so I'm not sure what I would put in as an answer.
the myth that "these believes protect me ( are what I need)" is exactly what I want to explore. I don't know how to release it bc I do feel hypervigilant cause the past trauma make me feel unsafe in the world. So if we break it down, those thoughts do help warn us to be cautious but they are not really very helpful bc they hyper focus on the problems or perceived problems instead of generating /pondering on conscious solution and response. So those believes and the actions following are reactive instead of responsive and conscious. and that's why those believes should be reexamined and challenged.
I don't know what to feel others than those around me kind of let me down there is only one of me seven of them I do mybest to beat good person it's been stressful
i said no to everything but here i am 32 years old, and ruined every single relationship i had due to my reactions and emotions :( i have seen 4 professionals who said they can deal with BPD and none of them was able to really help me, as they have never covered a single topic that Dr Fox covers. There is a clear lack of knowledge or specialization on BPD... I spend half the year blaming myself and I am a dysfunctional member of society at this point.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage to recognize these issues, and seeking help is a significant first step. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.
Number 7 is the EXACT belief about the disorder (or traits) that I was talking about for number 1. Nooooo! It's THAT extreme that holds me back from opening up or even letting people know I have this disorder, and it's tiring and frustrating when they come to me with info from the most extreme cases. It's also TERRIFYING that there are PROFESSIONALS out there who are going based off all those decades ago. All this comment = leery so I keep it on the DL as much as possible.
Number 8 ......... can get MALADAPTIVE things done or otherwise if it's healthy ....... not sure the context around this one. YES, I'm probably over-thinking it. It's still important to ask for clarification if needed though.
Could someone kindly and specifically define the term 'friending down'. I'm not from the US, and have never heard the term. I've googled it and found nothing. I'm assuming in this circumstance by using the word 'down', that Dr F means a person befriending someone who is in some way perceived as 'less than' or not 'equal to' or somehow not appropriate to befriend for some reason, but I don't know precisely in what sense, or to what context he is referring. TIA :)
I got no on all eight'; but if you would have asked me the same questions a couple of years ago, before I did a lot of work on myself; I would have had a yes on all of them.
We mustn't mistake abuse for our emotional expressions and disorder though. Sometimes, *more often than not perhaps)WE are the ones who are abused and it is NOT our fault and people take advantage of our vulnerability because of our disorder and our abusers blame our disorder for their disgusting behaviour and deplorable abuse
Am grateful someone would dedicate their professional life for one condition 🙏
Am also so much grateful for all the video's 🙏
He is an expert in all personality disorders
@@feelingfriskyx560 those are few and far between :(
I ruined a relationship with someone that cared about me alot and who i cared about too. I became so jealous and had bursts of anger. While my life at home wasnt the best while it was happening and also other situations had me stressed i feel like i acted so dramatically, it was bad and i wish i couldve controlled myself more, sometimes i saw them as the worst for no reason, it was bad. I didnt think i was capable of being so toxic. I called dedperately even after being blocked. Now im left with alot of regret. Watched alot of mebtal health videos trying to understand what happened to me and led me to find this channel, im not diagbosed but i show alot of symptoms of bpd. Thsnk you for making these videos they are helping me understand myself more, even if i dont feel better at all i want to not let my mental health hurt someone again.
A Healthy mental state requires enough healthy connections to blossom. When all your natural connections are non self aware trauma survivors (parents and extended family, aka hurt people), good luck. Having only paid help to connect with isn't what our brains need to regulate. Can't wait to see the way to get out of that trap.
This.
I totally get it. People who are in lives of people with bpd, or bpd trairs are usually themselves not healthy. Or aware. Infact the amount if work people with bpd are willing to do on themselves I rarely see that to be done by others who think they are normal
@@posh5763 cant deny that but thats why its our path to walk and why we are supposed t find our values and beliefs and make choices that atune to them so we don't feel like we are the only ones doing the work lol even with my partner he might not be as ar along as me but he is deff just now starting to do the work ..... too me years to find someone wiling to also ..... but yes most people would benefit form DBT without haveing a personality disorder
@daniel hernandez I agree too that DBT should be for everyone
I have to say this is a brilliant video! Not only because of the content, which in itself is such a big thing for me, but how you presented it. Your empathy and compassion seemed to jump out at me; perhaps it was just me? The way you structured the whole presentation made a lot of sense to me. This one definitely will be watched more than twice to really sink in. Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox, a great deal of valuable information!
thank you so much for your work! i love when you challenge some bpd thoughts, like at the end when you said i know you have gifts because everybody does. i have felt for years that i have no qualities and only take up space, but definitely have been identifying these and other emotional myths, and been able to regulate myself during an episode :)
Dr. Fox, I love your work, and so appreciate your kindness, understanding, and empathy. I was diagnosed with BPD, in my 40s, and am now 53. I also abuse alcohol, and suspect that I have ADHD. My life is a total mess. I sometimes feel that my situation is hopeless. I truly have nothing, in spite of being very intelligent and also caring. I would love for you to make a video about people who were diagnosed with BPD in middle age, and are still severe. Best to you!
God Blessed You 💞
You don't truly have nothing. You have the ability to write well. And you have insight. Those are valuable traits and skills.
@@kevinhornbuckle Thank you, Kevin. Yes, I need to focus on the good. Hipe you are well!
These make me self aware and angry at myself... I have the insight, I know why I do it. But I can't control it. Watching myself knowing myself sabotage myself is just painful each time and I swore I'd do better, but I failed...
This is the best video I’ve come across about BPD. Thank you soo so much. Defining the emotional myths and BPD comfort zone is incredibly helpful.
You’re very welcome.
Dr. Fox i really appreciate your approach to helping your fellow struggling human. You make me feel seen and heard with your style of relating and educating. Maybe I will coin it “educaring”. From the bottom of my broken heart, I thank you Brother.
This is really excellent. People bounce between getting bullied by their feelings, and getting seduced by them. Only insight can help a person break free of this double-team nemesis. It takes time and practice. So empathy for yourself is also necessary to keep up your motivation to behave better and feel better.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
"Friending down" -- 100% NO idea that was a "thing" with BPD
What does that mean exactly
Refreshing when talking about our gifts. THANK YOU!
You are so welcome!
This a W O W video. I am taking it with me into my new year. Thanks big time.
You are very welcome and I’m glad that you enjoyed it!
I see this content as interchangeable with the cptsd stuff. So good thank you.
Thank you Dr. Fox. Ever since being diagnosed, I’ve been watching your videos, and they’ve helped me learn so much about myself. I am going through a lot and currently between therapists, so I currently rely so much on your content. Thank you so much
I follow your marvelous channel, Dr. Daniel Fox, from Goiatuba-GO, Brazil. All the videos are so much useful, I love them.
I’m so glad that you find my material helpful. I wish you all the best.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you. I admire your wisdom, given by our precious Lord. I'm grateful for your effort to help us to understand such a terrible mental disorder as BPD is.
Need more people to see these videos
1 - “i should never let others know how i feel because they will think i am weak”
2 - “i must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself”
3 - “if i feel something, then it must be true”
4 - “if i feel like doing something, then that must be the right decision for me”
5 - “i shouldn’t try to change the way I feel because that is inauthentic”
6 - “I should feel like everybody else is feeling in the same situation”
7 - “life is boring without drama and extreme emotions”
8 - “when i am impulsive and when i act on my intense emotions, i get more things done”
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's always refreshing to hear different perspectives on emotions and how they impact our lives. Remember, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
I really appreciate the insights that you share with all of us. You do a very good job of being engaging with your presentation
Thank you for this Dr Fox! I’ve been working super hard on myself these past few months and completing this myth-buster just proved it to me!
I can’t wait to get your workbook. I ordered one off Amazon before Christmas so I could start in the New Year and it was sent to another house accidentally and I got myself really worked up over it - but things happen I’m happy to call it a loss (I already grieved over it anyways😅) so i’ll view it as a gift to myself to buy it again❤
You are so smart, insightful and wise
Thank you so much. Wow this has helped me. Thank you
Isn't it an important side note for one that you too believe showing emotions is a weakness? My inpatient DBT trainer said my POV of having this one rather is an interpersonal myth because of my trust in others while I already knew allowing emotions is a strength. I like how you worded 7 though because in the way I got the session they said "Drama is cool", while no one of my therapy group believed in that one while one pointed out that the opposite (the exact way you worded it) was rather true for her and almost every other patient agreed.
I really love your explanation of the exercise with the subquestions cause that was missing in the way I got it taught. Could you do a video on how to formulate objections you can believe to break down the myths? And maybe it could be interesting to do a similar video for interpersonal and (self)compassion myths? I just appreciate and am so grateful how you put this content out there so people with BPD who are struggling can already improve their daily life just by watching your videos. I said it quite some times when talking about your channel but you truly are an angel for the BPD community!
Thank you for doing these they've given me an Insight that I never knew
Thank God for Dr Fox!
I appreciate this so much, thank you.
❤very insightful video
I love this video, I have your book too! Curious do you have A pdf summery of any of your videos ? I would love to have a paper written and visual copy of your material to aid with auditority deficits, working memory or mantras. This is a great video. Thank you.
so the one that says i cant change the way i feel cuz i don't want to be inathentic .... i think has more then feelings involved not just form me but a lot of BPD ... I've been working har don this myth as for me its not just about how i feel but my point of view ..... I've been learning that me not getting a chance to state my point of view isent nessaseraly me being in authentic or me not getting to express my feelings/view of the situation .....i see a lot of us with BPD get so hurt when we are having to give our partner or friends or co workers the floor to express how they feel after we hurt them and have had a huge out burst that we tend to focus more on waiting for them to stop to express our point of view /justafaction that we denoice the other persons pain form our actions ..... sometimes we really don't have to say our point of view ... sometimes we are just supposed to say I'm sorry for blank blank blank and i will try to blank blank blank next time and then even let them express there hurt ... without having to express how hurt we were also but making sure they hear our point of view of what happened as a lot of the time our POV denounces our action and for me i fel like I'm being inauthentic if i don't and I've been working hard at not owning that belief ....... sometimes i don't have to say my point of view for me to be valid .... sometimes i donthave to state my point of view and that's not someone preventing me form being in authentic that one is a very big one i see ..... and even now get so saddend when i see my BPD peers so mad at there partner or friend saying there so abusive they wont even let me say how they hurt me and why i did what i did ... when there no justification sometimes for our actions ...... we don't need to make them hear our point of view expecully when we have just spent an hour screaming at the top of our lungs how there evil and narssasitic and abusing and cutting our selfves all the things we do during our outburst ... sometimes whats the best corse of action is to let the person wos not having the outburst feel like you understand why its wrong and why it causes them to be distent ....in time they will start to feel like you are wanting to work with them instead of making them bend for us
Big Thanks , very helpful
Glad it helped
Thank you for your videos Dr. Fox, they have been immensely helpful.
Not sharing how I'm feeling FOR ME (not others since we're all different) isn't about looking weak to others. It's due to the way BPD is portrayed in Hollywood and the professionals plus online information that date back to the '70s, as I heard in one of your previous videos. These problems are what keep me from mentioning A LOT of things. That's the first question so I'm not sure what I would put in as an answer.
the myth that "these believes protect me ( are what I need)" is exactly what I want to explore. I don't know how to release it bc I do feel hypervigilant cause the past trauma make me feel unsafe in the world. So if we break it down, those thoughts do help warn us to be cautious but they are not really very helpful bc they hyper focus on the problems or perceived problems instead of generating /pondering on conscious solution and response. So those believes and the actions following are reactive instead of responsive and conscious. and that's why those believes should be reexamined and challenged.
1.yes
2.yes
3no
4yes
5no
6no
7no
8no
Yes to all..
Thanks for the video!
You're welcome!
I don't know what to feel others than those around me kind of let me down there is only one of me seven of them I do mybest to beat good person it's been stressful
I’d like to encourage you to stay the course and not let external factors determine who you are but you define who you are. Be well.
i said no to everything but here i am 32 years old, and ruined every single relationship i had due to my reactions and emotions :( i have seen 4 professionals who said they can deal with BPD and none of them was able to really help me, as they have never covered a single topic that Dr Fox covers. There is a clear lack of knowledge or specialization on BPD... I spend half the year blaming myself and I am a dysfunctional member of society at this point.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage to recognize these issues, and seeking help is a significant first step. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.
@@DrDanielFoxthank you for your videos, it gives me hope
Question 5 is kind of in a gray area and don't now how to base the answer. More clarification would be very useful.
Number 7 is the EXACT belief about the disorder (or traits) that I was talking about for number 1. Nooooo! It's THAT extreme that holds me back from opening up or even letting people know I have this disorder, and it's tiring and frustrating when they come to me with info from the most extreme cases. It's also TERRIFYING that there are PROFESSIONALS out there who are going based off all those decades ago. All this comment = leery so I keep it on the DL as much as possible.
Thanks💓
Ah ...this one could be interesting. I’ll have to grab my notebook
I hope you find the video helpful and I wish you all the best
Number 8 ......... can get MALADAPTIVE things done or otherwise if it's healthy ....... not sure the context around this one.
YES, I'm probably over-thinking it. It's still important to ask for clarification if needed though.
Amazing
Thanks
Feelings very called out here 😆
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Could someone kindly and specifically define the term 'friending down'. I'm not from the US, and have never heard the term. I've googled it and found nothing. I'm assuming in this circumstance by using the word 'down', that Dr F means a person befriending someone who is in some way perceived as 'less than' or not 'equal to' or somehow not appropriate to befriend for some reason, but I don't know precisely in what sense, or to what context he is referring. TIA :)
I got no on all eight'; but if you would have asked me the same questions a couple of years ago, before I did a lot of work on myself; I would have had a yes on all of them.
I don't tell people how I feel cause they use it against me
It can be hard to trust others.
I love you bpd sucks it’s ruined my entire life
❤️❤️🙏🏻
Thank you and I wish you all the best.
We mustn't mistake abuse for our emotional expressions and disorder though. Sometimes, *more often than not perhaps)WE are the ones who are abused and it is NOT our fault and people take advantage of our vulnerability because of our disorder and our abusers blame our disorder for their disgusting behaviour and deplorable abuse
thanks a lot @Dr. Daniel Fox you always give us practical tools to make progress with ourselves!
Thank you so much for this. 💚
You're so welcome!