Why An Ex Reaches Out And Then Disappears
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- Опубліковано 23 лип 2024
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A good amount of time has gone by post breakup.
The avoidant ex falls victim to the nostalgia principle
They start daydreaming about your peak moments together
They paint you as the phantom ex, the one that got away
This causes them to reach out to you
But reaching out to you has removed your phantom ex status and they start to fear that they’ll lose whatever distance they had to protect them
Worse, is the more undivided attention they give you and more interest they feel the more they feel that their independence will be threatened
And so they bail and disappear in an attempt to regain their long sought after independence - Навчання та стиль
Getting emotionally attached to an avoidant person is a recipe for constant pain. With these types of people you need to be like a cat. Enjoy them when they're around but don't miss them when they're gone.
Theya r like cats. Anxious is like dogs. When Cat ans dogs go allong eachother.. 😂
Yeah great advice
Funny you say cat... because avoidants are exactly like cats. Easily startled and it has to be THEIR way.
Chris took 12 minutes and 23 seconds to tell me that my ex has issues & trying to make a relationship work is pointless 😂
If it was meant to be we wouldn't be here. End of the story.
nowadays, my ex kept texting me nonstop after breaking up with me about 2 weeks ago. during the first week, i wanted to get back w him and did no contact. yes they alwaydndo come back after that. but im kinda over him and got sick of the constant texts. so i said insults that had been harbouring in my heart for weeks. gosh its so satisfying 🤣 i know people who watch this wanna get their ex back, but remember the reason why they left. its not worth it if they havent changed at all. live your life, do the things you have always wanted to do and glow up for you ❤️
I just experienced that exact cycle. After 2 months of no contact, my ex reached out and asked how i was doing if im still working abroad. I answered and we wrote back and forth the whole night about out time apart from each other, and so on. And the next day i was blocked again.
Same here
@@emilyevelynweber3346 😒
This makes so much sense, thank you!!
This is really very sick how avoidants operate. Really… One can go mad having all this poured on his mind. How do they get married at all, if their tipping point is taking more responsibility upon themselves?
Amazing video, thank you! It helps me to understand quite a lot people.
Hi Chris - great video topic! Reaching out and then retreating again.... it can be confusing right? I am a Clinical Psychologist in Australia and hear this often
Hi Chris, would it be possible if you can do a series or a video about short-term relationships? I recently got out of a short-term relationship and I'm feeling somewhat hung up on it than long-term relationship. I would be interested to hear from your point of view or opinion on it. Thanks.
This video helped a lot
my ex reached out to me just to tell me to move on (while i haven't contacted him for a long time in order to heal) i got mad and told him that we broke up so what is he talkign about and he ignored me ,at this point i just told myself "is that really how you portrayed your soulmate? non" so just decide to give up on him and date out with a guy who woul treat me better even if i still have feeling for my ex,nobody need to be treated like crap.
Can you do a video on co-parenting with an ex you are trying to get back?
They reach out because they're selfish and egoistic. Do not respond. I don't know how many times I have distanced myself from my ex and tried to move on. Just as I've started to feel better he crawls back as if he has some kind of a radar. He pretends to care just enough to stir me up emotionally after which he starts acting as if I am needy! I am so DONE with this bullshit. We need to move on, people. We deserve better than that.
I started off avoidant then tables reversed and he became avoidant - so I’ve managed to work on being secure and feel much stronger and won’t go back if he reaches out otherwise same old story - best to break away unless he works on his stuff if not the it’s Good bye - unlikely though he would work on his stuff
11:54 Coach Corey Wayne said once, you must love in a way that the other person feels free..
But what if a person only wants to talk about themselves and Recents it if anybody else talks about themselves?
My avoidant brutally discarded me Came back 2 years later on the heels of her latest breakup with a vague apology. Had dinner once, feigned enthusiasm then a bunch of rude or superficial texts. Feels like she reached out to me and then a couple weeks later met somebody ultimately, I just think she’s crazy.
So can a person like this ever change and let you in?
Sounds like my Da/FA 🙏🏾
So how do I end the cycle?
So what should we do?
My ex did this he dumped me because he supposedly lost feelings a week after that I started no contact and he called me once every week for 3 weeks straight then I told him i knew about his rebound because i know hes having something with someone else And I sent him a message saying if u ever wanna fix things you know where I live He didn't replied or nothing its been almost a month since then still no contact from him but I know he is still thinking about me I just know it
I think it’s best that you keep to yourself for now. It might get worse if you try harder. Let it level out with no contact.
Advoidant needs Space and Time distance and independent. Independent aka single.
did yours come back?
@@13sprintuser mine came back and the re disappeared. :) :(
@@rebeccajohnson5658 ugh i'm sorry. How long did they come back for? Is there still hope you guys will get back together or are you totally over him?
This all just happened to me.
I reached out to my avoidant ex first after 6 months of no contract. She responded initially to the first message then took 41 days to finally respond to the second one. I completely ignored her then she sent a 2 text trying to get a response out of me. It has now been 25 days since I ghosted her.
I always wanted her in my life to some capacity but I’ve learned to live without her and her unhealthy ways.
Also she lied. The whole year we were together she was in a 4 year relationship with a guy who is constantly cheating on her. I think they are going through another rough patch with him cheating again which is why she sent me 2nd text to use me as a rebound.
I don’t think I could be a true phantom ex to her because she was in a long term relationship while we were together. I know if it were me I’d be thinking about my long term partner and still upset about the relationship to truly think of someone who was like a year long fling.
We spent a lot of time together though last year. I met her friends and family and spent a lot of time with them too. All of our old memories will constantly be resurfacing on her phone over the next 12 months. So that will be interesting. They are appearing on mine.
She’s bad news, sorry she hurt you that way. Hope you find someone better for you
The Phantom Ex aka Ghost. A ghoster.
Can u do a video about how they reach out, cause i doubt they would send a love Letter 😅
99% of the time an avoidant reaches out via text. Avoidant hate confrontation and will go out of their way to . . . you got it . . . avoid it. Most will "dip their toe" into the water to see if it's safe. Simply reply "how have you been" and see how it goes. If they want a conversation, keep it light. Some dating coaches tell you to try to nail down a date to see them at this time. Don't do it, They stepped out of their fear to contact you, don't scare them off again. You are dealing with their fears and fear is what controls them. All you can really do at this point is to wait and see how they behave. Are they making an effort to stay in touch or are they texting and disappearing for weeks at a time? You have to make up your mind if you can live with their hot and cold behavior. If an avoidant will not make an effort to change, this will become your normal.
@@blackwidow2679 🙏🤞
J broke up with mu bf 2 months ago… reason: i got realt sick and boring because of that…. He has a new girl and im still sick at home… it realy hurts!! He wants to be friends but idk i think its because of guiltiness! Im in no contact but he still reaches out to me once in a while! When i respond he ignores me idk why i realy confused
I got diagnosed with cancer and he just wanted to party after the lockdown
@@quintykraayenbrink5101 sorry to hear that sending you love and light. and I understand how you feel,that's also a classic avoidant trait,they distance themselves from you when you need them the most and they blame it on "work"or "being too busy" as a constant excuse...
@@uniquedavenport7232 my ex told me she is always busy lol. But She texts me very other day or every few days and initiates most of it but disappears mid conversation and she doesn’t ask questions.
Looking for love? You mean sex...
a couple days ago, my ex reached out with a song (after 96 days of NC)... wasn't a sappy song or anything. But then disappeared after that.
All answers no solutions.
I guess if this is the case just move on