If I spot an ex on social media and she's happy, I'm happy. Way I see it is I got to create memories with them, fond memories and no one can steal that from me.
It's been a year and a half, and so far I haven't heard from my dismissive-avoidant ex. I haven't reached out either. He knows I love him because I cried, and begged for him not to leave. It was all about him feeling controlled.
Maybe the first time round they will contact you, but the second time they dump you they don’t come back. Currently going through nc second time round. They really don’t love you and they don’t care. Leave them alone. Take it as lesson from me - it’s not worth the pain and hurt. I’m currently learning how to heal my pain. No contact is hard for an anxiously attached person like me and as this video says no contact is easy for DA. They will monkey branch on to the next person while you’re still processing the breakup. They do it for ego until they find someone better than you.
Iam a FA and would never block or ghost anyone I loved. My DA boyfriend had no problem with doing this. He's gone now but, yeah! He's going to miss me and remember me fondly. I don't need another man to move on. I can't ever trust anyone again. I'm not angry, just sad because I believe he was "The one"!
Same feelings here. But me believing she was the one seems like a misunderstanding on my part as more days goes by on NC. She didn't care for my love so now someone more deserving may have it.
Anyone who is an avoidant that "dumps" me better keep it going because I have kept it going. Not their shrink or counsellor...If the person is "secure" their chances of me giving them anothet chance is good. Avoidants its a wrap..❤
It’s been 2 months since my ex dumped me , absolutely no contact from her whatsoever , I do miss her from time to time but most importantly I don’t really care anymore on how she’s doing at the moment
@@d.v.k.6592 we were almost engaged , I was sad at first but since she doesn’t want to be with me anymore , there’s no point being entirely depressed for so long , time to get up and move on with life
@@d.v.k.6592 Of course it was serious … i wouldn’t consider engagement if it wasn’t , it’s ok to cry and be sad once it ended , 2 months is enough for me to know she’s not the one and won’t come back , so why bother being sad and think about it when you can move on
@@d.v.k.6592 I just got dumped 2mo’s ago too, after a 5yr relay.. first major heartbreak for me and will be the last, I was broken, even shed major tears, stress, anxiety was through the roof. She messaged me twice tho to see how I was “doing”, first time I responded, this past Sunday I didn’t. What woke me up was remembering how someone who was once so warm to me flipped and became so cold to me. She was also lowkey setting up a new connection while we were together so all the love I had for her actually turned into resentment. Now If I do think of her it comes with a feeling of disgust. I was gonna just chill out and keep to myself but I went out and met somebody new(same day the ex messaged me). To cut the long story short, at first I felt like I had taken the L, now it will be hers… Don’t lower your value for anyone, know your worth and don’t compromise your standards…
I truly believe deep down they really are because now they are afraid of being on the receiving end of a rejection and this time coming from the person they dumped. Edit: I also think this is why they take a long time to reach out or you don’t hear from them at all. Ex’s would rather not risk heartache or embarrassment.
My avoidant dumped me few months back, it was a disastrous of course because i was anxious mess by then, she's 42 and I'm 31, my life has gotten way better last few months, started my own business which is booming, i have decided that I'll talk to her after 2 months, considering she might not contact me for various such reasons
I had an ex in 2017 that would do wild shit then left me frustrated and wanted to just understand and help her. Fucked up shit where I should’ve walk away. She’d suffered sexual abuse from more than one ex and she clearly hated men. Yet obviously she was in a relationship, she had natural urges to want to be in a relationship and make it work. We broke up after a year. Also a year later, I got a text saying she saw me on social media with someone new and I looked happy and she’d happy for me. I ignored it. I got home a week later after travelling and I had a handwritten letter from the same ex, in the post. She said she was in therapy and said I was the best bf she’d had and gave her 1% more trust in men. She said that she deliberately did all that stuff, to force me in to a situation to break up with her, under something she was controlling the outcome of, because she thought I would only leave her anyway. But I’m anxious preoccupied. I wasn’t leaving shit 😂🤪 haha! But yeah.
This reminds me so much of what happened to me years ago. I was involved with a guy in a long distance relationship who was crazy about me until he suddenly wasn't. I was young and chased him some until finally moving on. 5 years later I was working at an office in Atlanta. Out of the blue he shows up at my office building. We were standing at an elevator and I was with my boss who was talking up a storm. I feel someone out of the corner of my eye staring and I turned and saw him. I was stunned. We all got on the elevator, my boss still chatting away, oblivious to what was happening. We never said a word. He walked out toward the parking lot. I never heard from him or saw him again. And there's no way it was a chance encounter because I could think of absolutely no reason he'd be in that particular nondescript office building. He was from another state.
👋 there, it's happened to me. I only texted my teenage daughter, but my ex avoided me. we separated for 16 years ago, and she remarried And she divoce again, and she's single mum now, but I support my daughter. I wonder if we are all human beings able to understand that She is the dumper, and I Healing for age's just trying to help them.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. She dumped me and blocked 🚫 my cellphone. It's ok. It's has been walking on eggshells with my X. I have upgraded and leveled up. Living the best day's ahead.
I wish i had handled the break-up call better. I didn't handle it badly, but i showed that i was anxious and didn't want it. I THINK now the best thing to do is be cool and be grateful for the "dance" (country song). Meaning nothing lasts forever but be grateful for the memories and wish them well. Say if this is how you feel i guess it is for the best. Take care. That will throw them off and wonder if they are tossing a high value person away. Why is he so secure in this?? Best method. Ill do that if there is a next time. Hopefully find one and keep it going no break up.
Yesterday morning, my ex who dumped me ( since he chose another woman over me) contacted me and he told me " I still want you in my life ". No reply from me until now. Note : almost 2 months NC
I dumped my ex. It was inevitable that I did so. Our relationship just became worse and worse. We both contributed very heavily to the breakdown of our relationship. I called the breakup into action but he gave me lots of reasons to do so. One thing I can say openly is that I make certain that I am the one who breaks up with guys. I’m caught up in a vicious cycle here. I’ve been through too many destructive relationships, hopefully I will get it right and just get with someone who will love me just as I am.
@@valentinadagramo9683 Well my dear as I said, I *used to* be. I didn't know what it was and it is a result of being in a violent family growing up, so I believe I've paid my dues. Wishing ill will to me won't take away your pain. I've experienced heartbreak since, just at like everyone else. Why do you think I watched things like this? I hope you find amazing, healing love.
@@a.d.b535 Nope. It had nothing to do with ego. It comes from early childhood trauma. Once you understand this, everything will make more sense. As I stated twice now, this isn't how I am anymore because I learned and grew. Wishing you the best. The whole thing sucks for sure.
I was the dumper. I dumped my ex because he was taking me for granted and I felt like he was cheating so I went no contact for 45 days...during that time he jumped into a rebound relationship. (He is an anxious avoidant type) Okay now. The 25th of April was 45 days so I reached out in a text and...."Crickets". Nothing..Nada...Still not a word from him. I feel a bit embarresed. I hate I ever reached out to him. I guess after 4 yrs he has decided the rebound relationship he started 2 weeks after I went no contact is what he wants instead of our 4 year relationship. I thought it would make him come back to me if I went no contact but it did not so really think long and hard about it before you go no contact y'all.
@@jinglebells3659 I have listened to him and I thought I was doing a 45 day no contact because he said it is better than a 30 day if your ex is in a rebound relationship. I just dont know anymore..I feel like when he was reaching out to me while I was in the 45 day no contact I should have responded and now he has found someone else and now we are really over...stupid no contact rule😔
@@Jose-zy8zf He probably did. I think back now how he kept texting me and leaving vm's saying how much he loved me and missed me but I was doing"No Contact" so I blew him off and ignored him completely....little did I know...he was hoping I would'nt answer him so he could get someone new. Guess we live and we learn.
@@Jose-zy8zf You're right. It hurts really bad but I'm a strong woman that has been thru alot in my life and I know I can survive this too. Thank you for the encouragement and best of luck to you as well...take care
@@carmillemajors2141 I'm sorry about your sitution. But have you been listening to Coach Lee carefully? He always says you shouldn't ignore your ex when they reach out. Even the first time. Go through his videos again. He mentioned it multiple times. You will know better for the future.
it's been 2 months since we broke up. I begged for a while went NC after that and then broke down again and asked if we could talk about it after a fight. she said I'm annoying and is sick of my BS and to fuck off, she blocked me now on ig. I don't want this to be the end for us, I want to get her back. but is my hopes misplaced? I'm at a point of idk if I should give up or hold on. I love this girl with all my heart and it's killing me. she left me, so I cant reach out again. how likely to reach out now that I've started NC again?
I don’t know when or if she will ever reach out, but you NEED to do no contact and every time you break no contact, it becomes less effective. Stay in no contact and just have the mentality that she won’t come back and then be pleasantly surprised when she does reach out. Use no contact to focus on yourself and improving on whatever it is you want (including your mental health)
It’s been almost 4 months and he still hasn’t contacted me. I still care and really do like him, but once a player always a player. Just hard as I do have to see him at work. I guess he feels awkward towards me and I have a feeling he will come back after he figures out what he had and by that time I’m going to be moved on. I just hate how he thinks I’m stupid as I know he’s seeing someone and he try’s to hide it from me. Again to keep that door open a bit jus in case this one doesn’t work out.
@@michaelvega3669 not happening anymore. Left that workplace and actually before I left I asked another new hire out. He said he was talking to someone but I think there is a little something there as he didn’t say yes or no. But I left to make my life easier. But the ex got another girl pregnant and will be paying child support until he’s like close to retirement age.
My ex broke up with me on 22nd nov 2022 bcz i hurt him..now i am on the 4th day of no contact... Will he miss me... He has a girl best friend... Bestie... But i believe he won't jump to rebound relationship with her... Will he miss me even when she is with him?
@@Dweepian yes... Now he text me... Like a friend.. I trust him.. He will come back soon.. Now he is looking for a job.Atleast i amd him have to secure our career... Now i am okay😇
Man imma be honest……you have to become cold asf go out and hurt a few people yourself and then gather the feelings of being on both ends and forge a personal character from both.
If I spot an ex on social media and she's happy, I'm happy. Way I see it is I got to create memories with them, fond memories and no one can steal that from me.
That's beautiful
@@flowerss.7222 Best way to be imo.
That’s great. Better loved and lost than never loved at all.
What a beautiful way to see things !
Dumpers won't reach out because they don't want to risk being rejected aka getting a taste of their own medicine.
It's been a year and a half, and so far I haven't heard from my dismissive-avoidant ex. I haven't reached out either. He knows I love him because I cried, and begged for him not to leave. It was all about him feeling controlled.
He is just not that into you :-/
Maybe the first time round they will contact you, but the second time they dump you they don’t come back. Currently going through nc second time round. They really don’t love you and they don’t care. Leave them alone. Take it as lesson from me - it’s not worth the pain and hurt. I’m currently learning how to heal my pain. No contact is hard for an anxiously attached person like me and as this video says no contact is easy for DA. They will monkey branch on to the next person while you’re still processing the breakup.
They do it for ego until they find someone better than you.
He will never find someone better than me never
Iam a FA and would never block or ghost anyone I loved.
My DA boyfriend had no problem with doing this. He's gone now but, yeah! He's going to miss me and remember me fondly. I don't need another man to move on. I can't ever trust anyone again. I'm not angry, just sad because I believe he was "The one"!
Same feelings here. But me believing she was the one seems like a misunderstanding on my part as more days goes by on NC. She didn't care for my love so now someone more deserving may have it.
Update ? I’ve been feeling the same way.
If he was the one he wouldn’t have done that
Someone who doesn't treat you well can't be the one , live the deception ok it's valid but don't grieve them as if they were the one they weren't!!!
Thank you for your honesty coach. Praying my avoidant comes back and working on myself 🙏
Anyone who is an avoidant that "dumps" me better keep it going because I have kept it going. Not their shrink or counsellor...If the person is "secure" their chances of me giving them anothet chance is good. Avoidants its a wrap..❤
It’s been 2 months since my ex dumped me , absolutely no contact from her whatsoever , I do miss her from time to time but most importantly I don’t really care anymore on how she’s doing at the moment
@@d.v.k.6592 we were almost engaged , I was sad at first but since she doesn’t want to be with me anymore , there’s no point being entirely depressed for so long , time to get up and move on with life
@@d.v.k.6592 Of course it was serious … i wouldn’t consider engagement if it wasn’t , it’s ok to cry and be sad once it ended , 2 months is enough for me to know she’s not the one and won’t come back , so why bother being sad and think about it when you can move on
@@d.v.k.6592 I just got dumped 2mo’s ago too, after a 5yr relay.. first major heartbreak for me and will be the last, I was broken, even shed major tears, stress, anxiety was through the roof. She messaged me twice tho to see how I was “doing”, first time I responded, this past Sunday I didn’t. What woke me up was remembering how someone who was once so warm to me flipped and became so cold to me. She was also lowkey setting up a new connection while we were together so all the love I had for her actually turned into resentment. Now If I do think of her it comes with a feeling of disgust. I was gonna just chill out and keep to myself but I went out and met somebody new(same day the ex messaged me). To cut the long story short, at first I felt like I had taken the L, now it will be hers…
Don’t lower your value for anyone, know your worth and don’t compromise your standards…
She dumped me and I never look back. I'm one year and going strong 💪
Let her suffer and keep it to herself……
My ex texted me after a year 😂 what ashame, why they always come back these creatures
Creatures🤣🤣🤣
Mine texted me after 21 days of no contact…. Tried to play it cool and panicked when I didn’t reply immediately
Well my ex contacted me after 6 years. He thought we could continue where we left off. As if 😂😂😂
17 months 😂😢
Mine came back after 45 days saying “how are you”?? I replied next day “just say what you want you don’t give a crap how I am let’s be real “
I truly believe deep down they really are because now they are afraid of being on the receiving end of a rejection and this time coming from the person they dumped.
Edit: I also think this is why they take a long time to reach out or you don’t hear from them at all. Ex’s would rather not risk heartache or embarrassment.
Agreed
My avoidant dumped me few months back, it was a disastrous of course because i was anxious mess by then, she's 42 and I'm 31, my life has gotten way better last few months, started my own business which is booming, i have decided that I'll talk to her after 2 months, considering she might not contact me for various such reasons
I had an ex in 2017 that would do wild shit then left me frustrated and wanted to just understand and help her.
Fucked up shit where I should’ve walk away.
She’d suffered sexual abuse from more than one ex and she clearly hated men.
Yet obviously she was in a relationship, she had natural urges to want to be in a relationship and make it work.
We broke up after a year.
Also a year later, I got a text saying she saw me on social media with someone new and I looked happy and she’d happy for me.
I ignored it.
I got home a week later after travelling and I had a handwritten letter from the same ex, in the post.
She said she was in therapy and said I was the best bf she’d had and gave her 1% more trust in men.
She said that she deliberately did all that stuff, to force me in to a situation to break up with her, under something she was controlling the outcome of, because she thought I would only leave her anyway.
But I’m anxious preoccupied. I wasn’t leaving shit 😂🤪 haha! But yeah.
Some avoidants have to much pride and high ego .
Understatement
This reminds me so much of what happened to me years ago. I was involved with a guy in a long distance relationship who was crazy about me until he suddenly wasn't. I was young and chased him some until finally moving on. 5 years later I was working at an office in Atlanta. Out of the blue he shows up at my office building. We were standing at an elevator and I was with my boss who was talking up a storm. I feel someone out of the corner of my eye staring and I turned and saw him. I was stunned. We all got on the elevator, my boss still chatting away, oblivious to what was happening. We never said a word. He walked out toward the parking lot. I never heard from him or saw him again. And there's no way it was a chance encounter because I could think of absolutely no reason he'd be in that particular nondescript office building. He was from another state.
🧢
He can stay gone.
😂
Amen 🙏
👋 there, it's happened to me. I only texted my teenage daughter, but my ex avoided me. we separated for 16 years ago, and she remarried
And she divoce again, and she's single mum now, but I support my daughter. I wonder if we are all human beings able to understand that
She is the dumper, and I
Healing for age's just trying to help them.
well I do not want to hear for them. they wanted to leave. I cannot see the point of contact them.
Not all dampers are avoidants. Some just happened to have enough from the avoidants avoiding their half of the relationship.
My case:(((
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. She dumped me and blocked 🚫 my cellphone. It's ok. It's has been walking on eggshells with my X. I have upgraded and leveled up. Living the best day's ahead.
I wish i had handled the break-up call better. I didn't handle it badly, but i showed that i was anxious and didn't want it. I THINK now the best thing to do is be cool and be grateful for the "dance" (country song). Meaning nothing lasts forever but be grateful for the memories and wish them well. Say if this is how you feel i guess it is for the best. Take care. That will throw them off and wonder if they are tossing a high value person away. Why is he so secure in this?? Best method. Ill do that if there is a next time. Hopefully find one and keep it going no break up.
Thank you for sharing!!
Yesterday morning, my ex who dumped me ( since he chose another woman over me) contacted me and he told me " I still want you in my life ". No reply from me until now.
Note : almost 2 months NC
Nah he wants to hurt you
Perfect 😅
I dumped my ex. It was inevitable that I did so. Our relationship just became worse and worse. We both contributed very heavily to the breakdown of our relationship. I called the breakup into action but he gave me lots of reasons to do so. One thing I can say openly is that I make certain that I am the one who breaks up with guys. I’m caught up in a vicious cycle here. I’ve been through too many destructive relationships, hopefully I will get it right and just get with someone who will love me just as I am.
When I was a true avoidant I never looked back after breaking up with someone. I felt nothing. No nostalgia. It's sad but true.
😢
I hope someone will break your heart such a way you won’t never repair it.
@@valentinadagramo9683 Well my dear as I said, I *used to* be. I didn't know what it was and it is a result of being in a violent family growing up, so I believe I've paid my dues. Wishing ill will to me won't take away your pain. I've experienced heartbreak since, just at like everyone else. Why do you think I watched things like this? I hope you find amazing, healing love.
Ouch! A whole lot of ego?
@@a.d.b535 Nope. It had nothing to do with ego. It comes from early childhood trauma. Once you understand this, everything will make more sense. As I stated twice now, this isn't how I am anymore because I learned and grew. Wishing you the best. The whole thing sucks for sure.
don't have to worry about them thay walk away from you that it. just get on with your life move on forget them.
Not easy
I just realized in the middle of watching this video that my ex contacted me after 2 months of no contact
I was the dumper. I dumped my ex because he was taking me for granted and I felt like he was cheating so I went no contact for 45 days...during that time he jumped into a rebound relationship. (He is an anxious avoidant type) Okay now. The 25th of April was 45 days so I reached out in a text and...."Crickets". Nothing..Nada...Still not a word from him. I feel a bit embarresed. I hate I ever reached out to him. I guess after 4 yrs he has decided the rebound relationship he started 2 weeks after I went no contact is what he wants instead of our 4 year relationship. I thought it would make him come back to me if I went no contact but it did not so really think long and hard about it before you go no contact y'all.
@@jinglebells3659 I have listened to him and I thought I was doing a 45 day no contact because he said it is better than a 30 day if your ex is in a rebound relationship. I just dont know anymore..I feel like when he was reaching out to me while I was in the 45 day no contact I should have responded and now he has found someone else and now we are really over...stupid no contact rule😔
@@d.v.k.6592 Yes I do know now that I stand alone and I'm gonna move forward with my life.
@@Jose-zy8zf He probably did. I think back now how he kept texting me and leaving vm's saying how much he loved me and missed me but I was doing"No Contact"
so I blew him off and ignored him completely....little did I know...he was hoping I would'nt answer him so he could get someone new. Guess we live and we learn.
@@Jose-zy8zf You're right. It hurts really bad but I'm a strong woman that has been thru alot in my life and I know I can survive this too. Thank you for the encouragement and best of luck to you as well...take care
@@carmillemajors2141 I'm sorry about your sitution. But have you been listening to Coach Lee carefully? He always says you shouldn't ignore your ex when they reach out. Even the first time. Go through his videos again. He mentioned it multiple times. You will know better for the future.
it's been 2 months since we broke up. I begged for a while went NC after that and then broke down again and asked if we could talk about it after a fight. she said I'm annoying and is sick of my BS and to fuck off, she blocked me now on ig. I don't want this to be the end for us, I want to get her back. but is my hopes misplaced? I'm at a point of idk if I should give up or hold on. I love this girl with all my heart and it's killing me. she left me, so I cant reach out again. how likely to reach out now that I've started NC again?
What ended up happening? You need to leave her alone…she’s disrespecting you brother.
You love and miss to be her doormat? 🤢🙈
Did she have a legit complaint or saying stuff to create distance?
I don’t know when or if she will ever reach out, but you NEED to do no contact and every time you break no contact, it becomes less effective. Stay in no contact and just have the mentality that she won’t come back and then be pleasantly surprised when she does reach out. Use no contact to focus on yourself and improving on whatever it is you want (including your mental health)
It’s been almost 4 months and he still hasn’t contacted me. I still care and really do like him, but once a player always a player. Just hard as I do have to see him at work. I guess he feels awkward towards me and I have a feeling he will come back after he figures out what he had and by that time I’m going to be moved on. I just hate how he thinks I’m stupid as I know he’s seeing someone and he try’s to hide it from me. Again to keep that door open a bit jus in case this one doesn’t work out.
Update :(?
@@michaelvega3669 not happening anymore. Left that workplace and actually before I left I asked another new hire out. He said he was talking to someone but I think there is a little something there as he didn’t say yes or no. But I left to make my life easier. But the ex got another girl pregnant and will be paying child support until he’s like close to retirement age.
😞it is what it is
Does this include narcissistic individuals??
Bro …. Lol.
What if the dumper was the anxious?
Is peak/end the same as the faded effect bias more less. Where the bad drops off and you think the positive
Do Avoidants tend to have really really high body counts?
Some do but not all as I've discovered
My ex broke up with me on 22nd nov 2022 bcz i hurt him..now i am on the 4th day of no contact... Will he miss me... He has a girl best friend... Bestie... But i believe he won't jump to rebound relationship with her... Will he miss me even when she is with him?
Did he contacted you da??
Did he contacted you da??
@@Dweepian yes... Now he text me... Like a friend.. I trust him.. He will come back soon.. Now he is looking for a job.Atleast i amd him have to secure our career... Now i am okay😇
So what if u tried to cling on for 3 yrs ?
Man imma be honest……you have to become cold asf go out and hurt a few people yourself and then gather the feelings of being on both ends and forge a personal character from both.
All these channels only ever talk about avoidant dumpers
Confusing Video.
🤔
No scaring exes no contacting coz no wana contact or in rltship