Surviving the ICU: My Mental Health Journey || Unbreakable Episode 4
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- Опубліковано 16 лип 2024
- In this episode, I speak candidly about the challenges of mental health while being in the ICU for so long. It's often an overlooked experience of an ICU patient, but is very real and very difficult. I hope that by speaking candidly about my experiences resonates with another ICU trauma survivor and we can together inspire others facing a long recovery.
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Update 12/16/23: Due to so many people sharing their stories and looking for community, I have launched the LTM Network on facebook! If you would like to connect with other people looking for encouragement/support or just want to share your story: facebook.com/groups/ltmnetwork/
I had a heart attack during covid. was admitted in ICU and a tripple bypass was done. I was allowed no visitors at all for the 7 weeks that I stayed in the hospital. 5 weeks in ICU and 2 in a normal ward. The nurses were my family. The worst part of the opp was they removed the ET tube and put the CPAP machine on. I felt as if I was suffocating. that was untill I learned not to work against the cpap machine but with it. I really had a fantastic cardiologist and nurses but a rude cardiac surgeon. I couldnt stand him. Well I am still alive, so he did a good job. That ws 2 years ago. very lonely 7 weeks in my life.
Your recovery is a true miracle. You are alive because you had a mission to heal. Your podcast and UA-cam channel are helping so many I’m sure. Cymbalta is a wonderful drug. I was on it initially for my fibromyalgia and depression. Then my insurance refused to cover it and I couldn’t afford it. Have been on several drugs since then but none as good. I still pray for you and Lee , you are both so strong and loving ❤❤🙏
I’m lucky I didn’t have to go through several drugs and that the cymbalta worked so well for me. That’s horse crap your insurance won’t cover it! 😡
@@littletraumamama I was going to mention, I was getting tickled at Bailey so content behind you , he was falling asleep 😂🦜
I viewed a short you made stating you are atheist...after all you've been through all the miracles how could you say there is no God? I will pray for you
@@debraphilbeck4415the condescension is palpable, and I’ve been dealing with people like you for years. Take a look in the mirror and worry about yourself. You sound like a very unkind, judgmental, bitter woman. You should worry about THAT instead of what I do or don’t believe.
You are very well spoken and much nicer about this horrible trauma than most people would be. I thank you for sharing with us and pray 🙏 for your continued recovery until they find a way to make each day a good one for you. Am allowed to pray for a miracle on your behalf. God bless you and your family
It doesn’t matter how many times I have had you discuss you watching the sunset, every time I see that picture of you and Stacy I tear up. ❤
Your voice is so calming. Your message is reassuring. Your story of recovery is truly remarkable. Prayers for you and your family.❤❤❤
As a former ICU nurse I knew I was right. Back then, early 2000's no one talked about PTSD to the nurses. We did not have the information provided to us. I wish so much that your videos are provided to nurses and other ICU providers. I am glad that I remained as empathetic and patient as I was. Such precious days to help someone stay alive when able. Gosh you are amazing.
You’re so sweet. This was a miracle with all that you’ve been through. The pneumonia and liver infection. The brain swelling. I suffer with autoimmune problems and have chronic pain every day. Your words of encouragement helped me. We certainly don’t suffer with the same physical problems. You are a warrior. Thank you for sharing. ❤
I had some patients who I was so connected to. I worked as a PT at a SNF for many years. I would hate to see my patients come back but I would be so happy to see them. I was always careful to make sure I told them what we were doing and listened to them. It isn't as intense but I can relate.
Girl I know that’s a tough job! PT/CNA’s are so underpaid!
Communication is so very important when you're in pain and/or helpless and something increases that suffering.
Having conditions that make you misunderstand the situation clearly made everything feel so much worse.
In my case, after a knee replacement, being on pain medication that works badly for me (which is the first thing I told the surgeon when we met), made it clear that nurses and PTs have a much better sense of what happens after surgery.
Thank you for being so honest and open! I never thought about how hard it would be to be to have something like this happen.
Thank you for watching and commenting!
Christy, I’ve been watching since you started. I have enjoyed all the videos you have posted. However, these past 4 podcasts have been so informative and focused. You continue to amaze and inspire me. You are so so beautiful and incredibly strong 💪 ❤
Thank you! I just want to try to offer as much perspective as I can since it’s such a unique situation 😕
It is amazing what you can convey on a pod cast Christy. I believe what you've said here could benefit caregivers across the board, especially those who care for people with MN or MD or Dementia. I worked as a nursing assistant for many years and always talked to patients before and during and sometimes after I did anything with them, even patients with dementia need to have these things explained to them. I looked after both my parents who suffered from Alzheimer's and yes, there were times it was immensely frustrating, especially when logic was gone and yes, I sometimes yelled at them and immediately felt guilty for it but it was like a release valve for me and I could then go on to explaining again. I do believe that though it may not always be easy to explain things to patients/loved ones, it is vital to do it and do it in as calm a way as possible and let them feel as though they have some input into their care.
Thank you Christy for sharing this information, I hope that someday soon a TV company will record and broadscast these podcasts. God bless.
Being a caregiver is brutal no matter which way you slice it. I wish there were more resources for caregivers! And thank you for the support!
As I listen and watch your podcasts, I feel as though I am reliving my nightmare years ago. I am grateful for you sharing because there are things that I have never dealt with and you are helping me find the courage to get help for my unresolved trauma. THANK YOU! Sending you continued blessings...
Awww I’m sorry it’s bringing up bad memories for you! I hope talking to someone helps! 😔
@@littletraumamama It's really okay, seriously. It is helping me greatly. The memories are there no matter what, but now I know I have the strength to get help. I appreciate what you are doing and really look forward to hearing more.
"Christy when you share about the most unbelievable pain, the sudden awakening to being violated and having no way to defend or protect yourself, then a 105 temperature, liver draining, and then you say I was in ICU
for 4 weeks. We'll that's when my mind goes WHAT ONLY 4 WEEKS? I was thinking with EVERYTHING You have shared I was positive you would have been in ICU a minimum of 6 months. This to me is miraculous. You heal so very quickly it surely is beyond human comprehension. I am NOT negating the Fierce agonizing experiences you went through.I am just in utter awe of how much healing has happened in just around 2 years. You are a rock star my friend. I so appreciate you sharing in detail the entire night mare. I am disabled and bed-bound and experience severe pain most of the time. So It helps to hear your story. How are you today?
Anything that's hard? Say hi to Lee. See you soon. Happy Camping. ❤
@kavitadeva I hope you get some relatively good days. I thought that Christy’s ICU time was longer, too. I’m glad we all get to watch her videos. 💐
@@Maggies87 hi there. Than You for your lovely reply.
Hey! Sorry I’m just now seeing this. I was in ICU for 8-9 weeks, then in inpatient rehab for 3 weeks. Not sure if I misspoke in the video or what, but that’s how long I was in there for.
@@littletraumamama Christy I hope you took in more from my comment than just how long you were in ICU. 🦋🌞🦋
The bitterness i have felt due to doctor error which almost took my life, has lifted. Thank you so much. I have ICU delirium too and PTSD. My memory, my son and grown granddaughter are my memory and very protective. Thank you dear!
Thank you for your story! As a nurse, I appreciate your perspective and I will most definitely use your experience to improve my care to patients!
Thankyou so much for these wonderful videos. You said you didn't think you had the words to adequately express your appreciation to your caregiver - but you did. You said " that hung the moon for me" - it says it all. Your sharing of your story is going to touch so many people's lives & give them the encouragement to go on. Best wishes from Sydney Australia
I secretly hope I’d be one of your RTs who had the gentlest technique to suction you 😉 I FEEL the neck vulnerability which is why you need someone who pays extra care, time, patience and understanding of what works for you ❤
Hello Christy. I'm a newer subscriber. I've been a nurse for over 22 years and worked in the medical field for over 27 years. My experience is cardiac ICU/CCU, NICU, pre/post op, and renal/dialysis. I can't imagine anyone going through all of what you did, let alone going through it in the middle of covid! I'm SURE this contributed to your icu delirium! I was a pt in icu for just 11 days with a terrible resp virus, and i had high indicators on the icu delirium testing! Being this all happened to you during covid, the staffing shortages, protocol changes, supply shortages, etc. I guess what I'm trying to get to is your emergency airway episode/situation/emergency. I've run across this situation with patients in the past (many that were not in my direct care, i was called to respond to a code situation). Please know that the propofol "running out" was likely purposeful, it was very likely shut off, regardless of what you've told. While waiting for a doctor to figure out your situation, your o2 sats dropping, your breathing was very impaired, and the inability to intubate because of your halo, your blood pressure and heart rate were likely dropping as well. You know all of this happens being you are an emt. The propofol was likely shut off in attempts to keep you alive!!! I'm terribly sorry that you heard and felt everything that you did. Some people's brains in low o2 sat or near death situations don't remember, and some do. I know that right now you still feel the rawness of the situation. No one made a mistake that day, other than not recognizing your hydrocephalus sooner. Everyone saved your life. You were a witness to it all from a different perspective. Stop pointing fingers at the doctors or whomever let the proopfol "run out" because YOU'RE ALIVE to tell the story. Let it go. You heard the sounds and felt the attempts of a life saving event. Once you can let this go, your anxiety will improve. I'm not trying to be rude or hateful, im just an up-front type of person and have watched many of your episodes with you mentioning this specific situation. I know that you dont believe in God, but this situation is specifically a testament to his love and grace keeping you with us still today. God bless you, as well as Lee, your parents, and your children. Again, I can never imagine what you went through, but you're in my thoughts daily.❤😊
As a retired career RN, I am mortified on one hand and validated on the other hand. I am so sorry those fools treated you so disrespectfully. My mom spent a great deal of time in the Units. I was appalled by the callus care she received at the fancy University hospital. You aren´t crazy. Please know that they most certainly should do better. I was never ¨that kind¨of nurse. It´s a choice!
I can't comprehend all that you went through, but I can relate to the feeling of horrific violation and not being able to communicate that violation. I've had many traumatic experiences, but that one is the worst. By far.
❤ your story is amazing I can't imagine hurting and not being able to communicate what I'm feeling I'm glad you recovered and can share your story
We love you Christy!!! I'm so sorry you had such trouble with your mental health but I am glad you seem to be doing better. 💖 you're so strong
Thank you!
I just adore Bailey. We had an African Grey but unfortunately had to rehouse her many years ago. She was magnificent, and freakishly smart.
You are definitely one of God's miracles. I am sure you have touched many people with your knowledge, your kind heart, your attitude and showing that All Things Are Possible with God at your side. Your survival and courage is Amazing. Keep up the the difficult story and your encouraging others that the road is difficult but there is sight at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
What a institution you are! Thank you for sharing and talking about the mental health aspect of your story. I have also gone through a wild ride in my life. Had a psychosis in 2010 and two years almost died from a sudden colon perforation which included many surgeries. This has all lead me to a wonderful spiritual journey I am so great full for. I have also been living a carnivore lifestyle the last 10 months that has been amazing for my physical and mental health. Again thank you for making a difference in this world ❤❤❤❤
I meant to say inspiration lol
Hi, I had a similar experience due to DKA. I didn't know that there was this term about ICU. I felt isolated, alone, I'd watch the clock for the next visitation. I was on a vent, couldn't talk, my hands were tied down (hospital policy if your on a vent) so I had no way to ask for help, I couldn't turn myself and I'd lay in a certain position for hours hurting, but couldn't get a staff memory to help me. I was on & off the vent , coded once when they removed the vent. At one time I was crying, wanted to talk to my husband, anxious, I swear I think they put me back on the vent just to shute off. After hearing your story, I totally can relate and it validates the horror I felt for months. Thank you!!
I’m so sorry and I definitely understand. It’s very distressing and leaves you feeling crazy at best and with significant psychological issues at worst. 😕
You offer such valuable info in your videos. Long may you speak your truths and inspire people to get through what they may feel is impossible.
Thank you so much.
You are such an inspiration! Your story has such an impact! I have PTSD from waking up during 4 different surgeries and thought I was crazy but your story made me not feel so alone with those situations. You are such a miracle, and it shows what a special person you are and what big and awesome heart you have! I just want to thank you for your story and how in depth you explain things to where even I can understand (and that's saying A Lot!🙃)
God Bless You and your continuous healing!🙏 You are such a strong woman and I admire you. One last thing....Hats off to that awesome husband that makes it obvious that you are his world and that kind of love is so hard to find. Sorry for rambling, I just have so much I wanted to say....Torrie Smith 47F Georgia
I just watched several of your blog posts. I can't totally relate to your story, but I can to what your husband went through. I lost my wife to what I consider a medical mistake, and spent the last 10 days of her life beside her in the ICU. I experienced good and not so good staff during her last days. Without going into a lot of detail, I wasn't as assertive as your husband, and I watched her die days later. So, in the Navy we have a saying "Bravo Zulu" that is used to say "Well Done". Please share that with your hubby. Also, thanks for sharing your experience in the ICU. I know that she experienced much of what you went through which while it makes me sad, it also, give me clarity and understanding. I wish you and your family all the best as you continue to get stronger.
Rick
I read this to Lee, and we are both sending you so much love. I am so sorry for what you have been through 💔
You are adorable! I have really enjoyed listening to your story. Thank you for making my day better!
Thank you!
I know when I watch this series on your accident you touch me very deeply even though I thankfully have never experienced anything like what you have, so I can only imagine the importance of these vlogs for those in the middle of something terrifying and their family members. I believe many people have no idea (I didn't) that they have to continually advocate for their loved one and also as much as possible not hold anything back or as you said, ,find some middle ground to try and impart that they are being heard to the best of your ability. I have been a caregiver for long periods of time for loved ones. You will continue to try and take into consideration that you are the person/people who know the patient best and can often imagine what to keep your eyes and ears open for.And Christy, as you said so well, the patient may not understand at the moment or remember later what it is you could help with, but you will know that whatever you do hopefully is from love and kindness.
And as a family member if you are the kind of person who knows that you can be a 'know it all', remember to slow down, listen, learn as much as you can and be part of the team of the good doctors, nurses and medical caregivers.
Christy, I have been recommending your series to many friends and family. I think anyone can benefit from this.😘
There needs to be and maybe there is someone who can vlog about this kind of being there for those with dementia. A different situation but very similar in the ongoing concerns of how to continue to make life a bit better for a loved one.
💞😘👏👏👏
I’ve seen some TikTok accounts of caregivers dealing with a dementia patient, and I definitely think more awareness is needed! Being a caregiver in that situation can be so isolating and being up feelings of shame when you get frustrated with that person and the situation as a whole.
I have enjoyed watching you share your accident and recovery experience. And you explain it so eloquently and professionly. And I hope by you sharing it, that it is not only helping others who may be going through a traumatic experience, but is also helping you as well. Thank you for sharing it. 😊❤.
Thank you so much ☺️
❤️
You Are So Welcome Christy. ❤
I respect You sooooo much! Im so happy to find You on YT!:)
Awww thank you!
Thank you ❤ for sharing ❤
Your team should have recognized your vulnerabilities while also letting you maintain control/autonomy of what you could at the time! At least that would have been my approach… so many healthcare members are rushed to get their work done (often due to workload), they don’t take time to address what each specific patient needs and don’t have time to take the time for each patient. And yes, cooling without sedating is a cruel and inhumane form of torture… same with straight cath
Oh and when I got put on cymbalta I felt so much better as well. I take 60 mg. The doctor accidentally phoned in 30 mg. I didn’t realize it. I just thought the pill looked different cuz of a different manufacturer. Then my mood started to decline. I looked at my prescription bottle and it was only 30mg. That stuff makes a big difference. A lot of medicine has to be tapered down due to withdrawal. But everyone just focus on pain medicine. Always read the inserts about what you’re taking
You are amazing ❤
🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
When I had my spinal fusion I was in the hospital for a month and rehab for 3 weeks because I had blood clots and Ecoli. Its been so much to process. The physical part has been extremely challenging but the mental toll is even worse. You may understand. I'm seeing a counselor and am on medication and doing decent now.
I absolutely understand! How long ago was this? Was it recent? Time and talking about it has definitely helped me process everything.
@@littletraumamama surgery was January 16th of this year and I didn't go home until March. It's weird how you don't have a concept of time during something like that. How is it September already? Lol. I would love to hear about how things went after you got home if you're up for a video talking about that sometime. Like the early days of at home recovery
I’m making a note now to include that in the next episode! I got you!
@@littletraumamama sweet! Thank you! :)
I cannot imagine the effort that you must have made to put all of this into these videos - for the second time!
What do you mean?
@@littletraumamama Good question! I meant that you did videos about what happened to you, what you experienced and some of what Lee experienced, earlier on your channel, and now you are revisiting from a more recent, more healed perspective with more information. I'm impressed at how you put it all together. UA-cam alone takes plenty of work, plus you are working through real trauma (no pun intended).
Thank you, I appreciate that! I wasn’t quite sure what you meant at first 😬
That minor Bailey freak-out was HILARIOUS...you should use the footage to open each (after your intro) segments.
Its so heart warming to see how far you've, how much your nurses did for you, and how "small" things can change so much for a person in such a terrible place... Health care providers really can make or break a situation, and its so good to see how they went out of their way to make you feel better.
Also, at what time did the fat stripper episode happen? 😂 I thought you were gonna talk about that when you mentioned the rehab episode.
The fat stripper was when I was on ketamine in the ICU! 🤣🤣 I don’t remember it, but apparently there was a fat stripper in there and I wanted her OUT!
Love ya Christy
Although physical methods of cooling are the treatment of choice for hyperthermia, their value in the treatment of fever remains uncertain. Methods involving convection and evaporation are more effective than those involving conduction for the treatment of hyperthermia.
- National Health Institute
Just came across this tonight. I live in the area near cheaha. I've seen many motorcycles riding that road. Love cheaha! I had a health issue that put me in the icu for 14 days. Just that short time has given me trauma. The lost time not knowing what was going on. Where I was at. What was reality vs a dream. Wondered if anyone else had these issues. I tried to communicate anyway I could.
18:53 🥲 Okay, who’s cutting onions in here?
Phew! The episode made it through human review. This video made me respect you, all ICU nurses and other staff, and my now retired ICU/CCU RN sister so much more. I remember visiting when my sister came off 7 a.m. shift and said “Bad day…”. We knew what that meant. 🥲 I am so thankful that you described your experiences to us and I’m grateful that when you left the ICU, it was a VERY good day for all.
💛
Hi Christy, Thank you again-I left another longer comment…but I meant to say if no one else has commented that your memory of the breathing tube being black that they pulled out most likely was due to old blood from internal injuries? You mentioned you had bruising on your lungs and broken ribs and internal bleeding along with all the other so likely came from that…or from your big cuts on your mouth? I am guessing once they got it in they did not dare take it out. Definitely curious too as a retired RN…best educated guess…❤
It so weird but I feel like I’m chatting with a dear friend.
Awww I’m glad! The only way I’m able to make these videos is to look at the camera and pretend it’s a friend sitting across from me… a very quiet friend haha!
Also- thank you for becoming a member! I got your gifts and will be using them when Lee and I do a live this Friday! ❤️
Literally, I can visualize you being my patient ♥️
I’m just wondering how the medical personnel brings you down from pain relievers? My health problems was when in 2014 found a benign tumor on my heart which terrified me to say the least & nothing compared to your circumstances but I was in hospital for 11 days & was on medication sedatives all the throughout everything including a pacemaker bc of regulation totally not expecting that. When I got home I couldn’t eat bc of medication/ drugs I had been on all the days. I wanted to eat & get better but it was a great while before I could eat. Just curious abt it. I pray the best for you.
It still astounds me that the hospital almost killed you, improperly anesthetized you and caused you more long term suffering by ignoring your increasing headache.
Bailey come back you crazy bird!!😂❤
He keeps me on my toes!
As a health care provider, you have to realize that what works for one patient, may not work for another. You wanting the staff to tell you what they are doing to you over and over and over again may actually cause another patient extreme anxiety. If patients are unable to communicate, we as health care providers are just doing our best. 🤷♀️