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How Can I Leave My Church Well?
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- Опубліковано 21 січ 2019
- This is a question that I get from time to time (in different variations): "I have come to differ theologically with my church in some significant ways, so should I leave, and if so, how?" This was asked at an Ask Me Anything event in the Philippines, and here's my stab at an answer. (Context: This specific question involved leaving a non-Reformed charismatic church for a non-charismatic Reformed one.)
This subject is literally what ive been praying to God about
Most videos about leaving churches really focus on theological problems. What if the problem isn't theological so much as it is practical, such as the pastors breaking trust with those they counsel or a lack of emphasis on outreach and evangelism, or if the church puts no emphasis on ministry to children?
Is it rude however to just leave quietly and not give a reason? I’m genuinely curious because I’m facing a similar situation atm. And when do you leave? Because you check out a new church doesn’t mean it’s a right one, it can take time. So so many questions I have.
What do u do when a church doesn't act like family? No matter how hard u try to be the "brothers & sisters" in Christ it just doesn't happen. People come to church but just as soon as it's over there up & gone. Any suggestions?
*You* can still be family. Practice hospitality. Plan meal trains. Check in on people. Etc.
@@sfowler1017 good start... But at some stage it has to be reciprocated or you are fostering unhealthy one way relationships where you are in a constant helping role, not equal adult to adult vulnerable relationships.
My current church and now former Church was the same exact way. Most of them were nice but always was rushing to go do something else. The crazy part is that I thought I found the church for me but then I realized this and none of them had any interest in having my number except for 1 church lady in there which I found out she was an opportunist.... She said I could talk to her about anything but as soon as I did it's like she started looking down on me and she couldn't wait to get me off the phone. We never talked again after that and it was Mutual. I saw her at church but sadly I could never see her the same again and that trust was all to gain an opportunity. I noticed that a lot of people in that church also didn't deliver on their promises and the pastor's wife said that she was going to introduce me to someone who was going to be my mentor but she was very standoffish and always acting like she had something else better to do and I went to the church for counseling from the pastor's wife but she suggested that I joined their singles group when I'm not even ready for a relationship..... Deciding to leave that church didn't mean that I lost my faith but simply that I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't the right one for me because I saw the red flags and also reading my Bible AND READING THE BOOK OF MATTHEWS made me realize that they also were only saying positive things which were true but they made being a Christian seem easy when the reality is that it is not easy! Also God does not want me to get baptized there because he gave me a revelation. I do believe in Fellowship and finding a church but what good is it if they only preach a positive gospel but not the Full Gospel and then on top of that they don't practice what they preach, shady and very hypocritical. I hope I don't run into the members of the church but if they ask I'm just going to say that it is just not the right church for me and still be cordial but at the same time I know it is also my own right that if they were to grill me for answers that I would tell them that I don't want to talk about it and if they still Grill me on those answers then simply just walk away. I have compassion and feel Sympathy for the members of the church but the pastor in his staff not so much because they are withholding the true gospel but I hope that they repent of their ways and get right with God. I got way more out of reading my Bible than going to that service for an hour and a half!
I appreciate this content.
Call the city and tell them to put you on tap water. If it's cost prohibitive, ask God for the provisions, and let the congregation know about the need. After some time of prayer and discernment, you may decide to just keep the church on the well.
Should I leave a church if the people there are always ignoring me and pushing me away?
At my local church, everyone has known each other since childhood, and they legitimately treat each other like family. But I've only been going for about 2 year, and in that time they've never treated me like a brother. To them, I'm just the awkward, nerdy guy that they have to be nice to because that's what "good Christians" do.
I've tried to connect with them and make plans, but they always ditch at the last second. This has been going on for almost 2 years. Should I leave, or just suck it up and deal with it?
It has been 5 months so a lot may have changed. How's it going??
I've been in a similar situation . Not to that extreme but where you want to make plans but people were never wanting to hangout or give you the time of day in church. I just recently left my Church during the pandemic and it was so good. God's voice is always best, and in relieved. The one I'd attend is in a different province in Canada, but I find it more loving and caring.
But as good as places can be for preaching, some of these 'churches' have failed leadership. Most people have never seen pastoral care extended to them. I can't say I have over the course of my life. Maybe few and far between, but I know there's a need to move forward from the breaking out the institutional church.
Bro, i want to tell you that I totally understand you. I'm going through the same.
In my case i decided to leave.
I think God didn't create us to live isolated lifes but to be able to connect with other people in the faith.
I would suggest that you ask God to lead you and to show you what you should do. Psalm 32:8
And do not let what other people think about you to control you.
You're not what they say. You're who God says you are.
Unfortunately most christians today don't live Christ in their heart. But keep good courage, it's the dark age of churches, but light comes after.
You'll always be that person who is new. Sorry to break it to you. Christians are very tribal --- and those who were Christians in the womb will ALWAYS look down on you.
Our church started teaching the unscriptural teaching of cessationism. We’re considering leaving now, because it is essential
Cessationism isnt an essential doctrine, its a secondary doctrine. You can still be a Christian and believe in cessationism.
@@taebrown384 cessationism is a redefining of the operation of one of the persons of the godhead.
Here's a question (unrelated to this video). As far as contemporary worship music goes, how do you find doctrinally sound sources of music to listen to?
Compare songs being sung to the Psalms, are they glorifying god and reminding us of his deeds?
If the music you're listening to is against the Word of God. For example: self-seeking, love-focused, hypergrace, self-serving, etc. The Holy Spirit will guide you and convict you too if a certain song does not glorify Jesus Christ.
Where can I find the whole video?
Sounds like im on the phone with the guy
If your pastor or elder is behaving in a sexually inappropriate way towards you or someone else - it's time to go.
If God tells us that his nature is that he cannot lie, then why would it appear he has a revealed will in Scripture (all can come: Jesus will draw all men to Himself; whosoever believes) but He has this secret will that only the elect can come?
In repeatedly saying "Quietly step away and leave" you are advising people not to speak to the pastor and/or elders before leaving? That surprises me.
You can if you're convicted to do that. I have with my pastor, although I won't share what happened from that because I don't want to influence your decision. God bless!
@@evannguyen Yeah we recently did this and it... Didn't go well. But we absolutely felt like we needed to, and are glad we did. I think except maybe in cases where you don't think the pastor/elders are believers, you should as a member under their authority give them proper reasoning, and leave with purpose. Same for friends at the church. When people quietly leave churches gossip unfortunately usually runs rampant.
I wrote a letter to the pastor and just left. Didn't speak to anyone about it. The Pastor had gone nuts and tried to convince people, God would heal without Doctor's, told people not to take medicine or seek medical advice.
I think there's an assumption that these conversations have been had at some level. When you've finally decided to leave, I agree that it is best to do it unambiguously, but without any more drama than necessary. Don't ghost them, but don't "go out in a blaze of glory" either.
@@GailOwens I'm sorry you went through that.
It’s a church of Christ
hahaha I think so too xD
Ohhh.
Why? Is it not grossly negligent to leave a church and not share your convictions about unhealthy ways with your fellow believers there?
Iglesia Ni Cristo xD
Just don't go anymore.
That’s easy just tell them Tim Challies says that all churches and preachers are wrong and are false prophets! Start a new ministry of tearing people down and then say Jesus told me to do that! Attack in the name a righteous insight...judge, condemn, don’t forgive them! Attack them ruin their marriages, and children and grandchildren!
Do you hear that? Listen carefully...it’s the sound of no one caring.
Ps. I didn’t have to explain anything to UA-cam. They didn’t even send me an automated message or anything. Close one, huh? They could’ve sent me to prison...