I left a highly controlling legalistic church that legislated everything we wore, ate or did. It was extremely painful as we had no friends outside this sect. The leader spoke for God and controlled everyone this way. I read the book of Galatians over and over again until I was free. It is so good to breathe again!
I became a Believer in Jesus in such a church, and it was God Almighty in Heaven that showed me it was a CULT! They exhibited all the characteristics of a cult. Actually, after 40 years of abusing little boys and the members protecting him, the pastor went to prison for child sexual abuse! After leaving there I had trouble getting close to people, especially in the church. I left that church 25 years ago, it was so horrific and I have forgiven them, but I still have problems getting close to “church people”.
@beryllaing6992 I've been down that road before. It was exactly like you pointed it out. Everything we wore, ate or did. I got jumped on about wearing sleeveless tshirts, eating pork, catfish, and for watching pro football on TV. I was even castigated for socializing with Caucasian people since I'm African American. You talk about Breathe Again, l call it SPIRITUAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPHYXIATION. Because of that experience, l know how to handle the next Pastor that get in my face trying to tell me what to do, or how to live, rather than just preach. Thanks for your input.
@@gregoryritchie7852 the book of Galatians is so powerful when it comes to getting out of a legalistic church. The apostle Paul calls it being bewitched! Harsh words but necessary as legalism negates everything Jesus did for us on the cross. He took our sins so that we no longer have to work for our salvation. And we live righteously out of pure love for Him and gratitude for this great salvation purchased by the shedding of His blood. No bondage. Pure freedom!
I left atoxic church and 9 years later the pastor was forced to resign over admissions of racist policies. It was in the local and national news...It made me realize that all my concerns about him were valid
Dear Sister Shaneen, I truly appreciated your presentation on "steps to leave a toxic church unscathed". Actually, it was meant for me and my wife! You see, after serving the LORD in this particular Church for over 50 years in various portfolios, we seem to have reached the end of the road after a number of runs-in with some of our leaders. The final straw occurred sometime in 2023 when a new pastor was posted to our congregation. It occurred to me that the man hardly prepared his sermons and mixed up/misrepresented Scripture to suit his agenda! In addition, he proceeded to slander us as trouble makers among the members! When I challenged him of the basis of his innuendos, he reported me to higher offices who came down heavily on us. Worse still, we became anathema to other members of the congregation! In order to avoid further confrontation, we stopped attending church altogether! Meanwhile, the leadership is spreading rumours among congregants that we are attending worship services at some far off place, yet it is false! Thank you once again, may God bless you with long life filled with wisdom and joy!
very similar situation happende to me and my husband. we served for some more than 17 years.. but in between we were so devoted in servis of people and poor. I tought that was enough. but no.. once when this cuple from USA came, they showed great ammount of covert narccissism, devided our friends. luckly that there were sincere friends who didnt belive there lies and accusations . but few did.. now 3 years after we left. there s so much trauma , and hurt that momentaly I just pray to God, but Im not attending any Church.
This is such a good video. I didn't see this before I decided to exit a church I was joining. My mother always told me don't let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. I took a minute and I didn't tell anybody from that church what I was thinking or feeling. I learned while I was in sales that a "no is a chance to overcome objections". So I didn't want to give them that chance. I was guided by the Holy Spirit in leaving.
I made the mistake of discussing with a pastor my concerns about the church I had been a highly active member of for over a decade. He was all about loyalty. Instead of addressing those concerns, I became his enemy, and he destroyed my family by pitting my husband against me. It was a huge sorted mess that I won't give credence to here. Many of his arguments against me were not biblical at all, but at the time this pastor's hardened heart floored me because I knew God had led me there. After I left, many others left also for their own reasons. I know it wasn't just me having concerns. Through the years, I have sought understanding and found biblical principles that also shored up my faith that my concerns were legitimate. I am secure in knowing that God is my head, and pastors are human like we all are. Power in the hands of a hardened heart leads to emotional abuse.
Maybe God lead you there for the purpose of calling the pastor out for his sin and to call him to repentance. I don’t think that you did anything wrong. Trying to work with the leaders and call them out on their sinful behavior in an attempt to lead them to repentance is a noble and godly act. This may be small comfort to you now, but I believe the fact that the devil tried so hard to destroy you is proof that Satan was afraid that your methods would be powerful and effective. I believe that you will be rewarded in Heaven for your suffering in the name of Jesus.
@@randyg22152 Thank You so much for your healing words. Retrospect puts a better light on things, but when a person is living it out the way they should, it sure is hard on one's heart.
I think you were right to do so...so did I. I really can't see the point in fannying around for months in a church were you are being abused and made unhappy
I'm sorry to hear about your experience in leaving a spiritual community. It has also happened to me. After leaving it was confirmed that it was more than I who had issues, and others experienced spiritual abuse and even reported physical abuse / unwanted touching etc. I didn't actually say the words I wanted to in this post - but yes, the things that angered me while I was there were confirmed and even escalated after I left. Churches need solid, unbiased elder boards and by that I don't mean just one or two best friends of the pastor.
@@ShaneenMegji Yes!! ...way too many lap dogs & yes men showing favoritism towards the two faced elders or wolves in Sheppards clothing (gossips) whom happen to be the biggest financial donors inside some churches, which money keeps those elders as top of the heap and keeps others inside church attached to their puppet strings for fear there is too much secondary game the church might lose out on should someone confront the rich elder who makes the most financial contributions.
Yes! Church elders need to be unbiased and not just best friends of the pastor, totally agree. This happens way too many times. Even the Bible says that good friends will hold us accountable. Proverbs 27:17, Galatians 6:1-2.
I am having mixed feelings about a church I am attending. They are very strict about holiness and living a perfect sinless life. I try very hard to live for God, but I mess up sometimes. When I am at home praying and reading the Bible, I feel so close to God, but when I go to church, they make me feel that God is far from me.
That sounds very legalistic and performance based, which is not the Gospel of Grace our Lord, and the Scripture, has taught us to embrace and follow. Seek out a Church that focuses on God's GRACE and Love: - good works will follow after, if our hearts are rooted in grace and love.
I have realized that you can try your best to lead a good Christian life but the leaders at the church will focus on one thing that they perceive that you did wrong and try to belittle you. God knows our heart. He is our only judge, not man.
The church you are attending is likely a cult. Leave this church NOW. Get mental health help from a fully licensed mental health professional who is a member of the International Cultic Studies Association (or similar organization). You are at your most vulnerable when it comes to joining a cult when you just left a cult and haven't gotten professional mental health help from someone expert in mind control / cults / high demand organizations.
We had attended a church for 21+ years, were friends with our pastor, grew in the faith and loved his preaching. During the last 2 years we haven't attended in person because of the mandates put in place by our leaders, but chose to watch and listen to online services. Also during the last 2 years our church dropped the ball in caring for their congregants. There was very little connection. Not a phone call, nor any other reaching out. And our congregation is small. Now with mandates lifted we looked forward to returning in person, only to find out we have been ousted. It didn't matter to them that we had been vocal in our support of the church, and told them we were planning on returning. In their minds we had "deserted" them. We feel very betrayed and hurt. We have been loyal for so long. Instead of shepherding us for the last two years, they have BLAMED us for not receiving the blessing of being shepherded. This is the height of gaslighting. It is bizarre.
Has nothing to do with you their church was their business. You didn’t pay them, they had a lot of debts during the Pandemic. They blamed you because they didn’t really trust in God.
@silentday4503 they were upset with us for not attending physically when the mask mandates were on. Didn't care about our reasons for not attending (I couldn't because I was still very short of breath after having Covid and couldn't wear a mask), nor did they ask us why. Also didn't care to know that we still supported them financially and watched services online (why did they produce online services if they would be upset at people who stayed home to watch online? Didn't make sense. But a lot of their behavior didn't make sense then.) They kept track of any and all who didn't attend physically during that time. And when we returned, every family which didn't attend during mask mandates was cold shouldered and treated like outcasts. At least 5 long term families were affected. Then in the sermons preached following us all leaving the church, the victimhood and blame of us was heightened. Their sense of "betrayal" by us. Even though we did nothing wrong. It was all very bizarre. As far as I know this church was the only one in our city to do this to their congregants. The other churches threw open their doors and welcomed everyone back.
It doesn’t seem like much of a church at all that I would like to attend. If they were true Christian’s, they would welcome you back with opened arms. There are other churches out there that will gladly accept you. Let them go.
A church i was in started during the lockdowns, the bible study leader took an opportune time to go from leader to announcing to everyone he was now the pastor. it just got more and more toxic, the man is incredibly gifted and one of the best teachers I sat under for a long time, BUT he was authoritarian and used mind games constantly to gain control. I knew something was wrong and it took me months to figure it out, trust those convictions if you think something is wrong it probably is. when I finally stopped going they contacted me and everything hit the fan, it was then i saw his true colors, we corresponded for awhile the whole time he said I was in rebellion and my family would likely fall away from the Lord, that was spiritually growing cold because i was no longer in his fellowship, and just the opposite happened. i cant tell you how happy i was to get out of there. I'm helping others as well.
just coming out of a hot mess church now, and ive instinctually followed most of these guidelines, from having been burnt with previous attempts to set things straight and previous churches. cant belive how long i endured being repeatedly thrown under the bus, but i had to make sure that there was no possible chance it was "just me" being entitled etc. but it was so beyong doubt, even from day one looking back now. I call it data. data gathering. i dont need any more data now. everything was messed up and nothing was ever going to change there, or with the pastor/leadership team. great video!
Walking through this now…thank you. It’s earth shattering, a complete redefining of my faith and core beliefs. The dark night of the soul. Number 8 was very insightful. My need for righteous justice has caused me to try to “fight” for others in my situation, suffering in silence, but with the recent events of public shaming, I feel that stepping away, and allowing The battle to be fought by the one Sees all, is what I’m to do now.
@silentday4503YES.....and they love to make true salvation in Jesus Christ & "Christianity" soooo complicated, when, in reality, it is so simple!!!!!!! It's all about power/control, & $$$$$$$$!!!!!!SMH!!!!!💔💔💔🥺🤢🤮🤮
You bless me so much. My experience with a toxic church broke my heart. We’re free. God made a way. Now we’re in transition for God to lead us to our next church.
Thank you!! 😢. Leaving a church can most certainly emotionally destroy a person. Remember God can heal even the most broken of hearts. Personally my entire family was used against me during my departure from a toxic church. My children were even taken unlawfully from me. It can be absolutely disgusting.
We went through this and did almost everything wrong. We tried to work with the leadership. We tried to talk about the things that we saw that were off. We tried to leave in the most honorable way possible and all it did was leave us completely alone and thoroughly broken. I wish I had listened to this video 6 years ago when I first thought about leaving the church we left.
I don’t think that you did anything wrong. Trying to work with the leaders and call them out on their sinful behavior in an attempt to lead them to repentance is a noble and godly act. This may be small comfort to you now, but I believe the fact that the devil tried so hard to destroy you is proof that Satan was afraid that your methods would be powerful and effective. I believe that you will be rewarded in Heaven for your suffering in the name of Jesus.
Excellent very wise advice! I can tell you that because I did not leave my toxic legalistic church the way you advise and reaped horrible consequences. The members are required to be open about their negativity so they can brow beat you into submission. So you feel like you have to be honest and not hide your “sin” otherwise you are being an “Akan”. I reaped major slander, turning my children against me and no support system. It’s true that there is no way to share your concerns and feelings in a toxic environment without being vilified and character assassinated. You can’t change the culture in hopes to make it more healthy. The leaders are only about control and keeping everyone in line so they don’t like anyone who has any differing opinions so you HAVE to leave. If you are miserable the only option is to leave. I wish I would have had this information 3 years ago.
@zahara6355....I'm soooo proud of you, and glad you escaped that satanic, freemasons cult.......praise our *R*E*A*L* Lord, saviour, & creator, Yeshua, & sure hope you're having a great life now!!!!!! Richest blessings!!!!!!!❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️Xo
Thank you Shaneen, I am praying about leaving a church where I sense I am being kept from using my musical talents to serve and bless others in the body, and yes, since I've been sensing this for quite some time, God has already provided another church which may be a healthier environment for me and vice versa. I've been widowed for nine years and as an older saint (72) I sense that part of what I am experiencing my be a bit of "Age Discrimination." Also, this is a PCA Presbyterian Church, filled with many, many very precious people whom I dearly love, but I do have some very real concerns and objections to Calvinism, especially infant baptism, which I don't see as being supported Scripturally (Mark 16:16), Also, like so many churches, there never are any sermons preached addressing the mature and proper use of The Gifts of The Holy Spirit, as taught in 1 Corinthians 12 & 14. Thanks for your good ministry and may God continue blessing both your present and your future. Ted Schempp, Nashville
Know what that's like, I had to leave two churches because of a toxic environment, and unfortunately have lost trust in people generally, and am now very wary of believers, also been in several work environment s where this was going on and moved on from those, Although this happened with the church side of things quite a while ago, it still effects my trust level towards people and I constantly tend to expect the worst from people, I don't trust people on a normal level, and have two friends Jesus, and my sheepdog, This message was good and insightful, am looking to Jesus to bring that healing deep within, and am also looking to make a transition from my home environment as my Dad fully fits the Narcissist covert type, Been through tons more stuff, but by the grace of God have come through literally by my fingernails hanging on, Would appreciate prayer,. And thank you, as I don't mention I'm not in church to most believers as they don't understand and think I'm just rebellious , I'm just very broken, full of wounds, and don't want to pretend with others that everything's alright, Could say a lot more as I have gone through an absolute mountain of stuff over the years, but will come through by the grace of Christ and power to be a stronger spiritual person, hopefully will be able to one day be a blessing to others, and preach the gospel, not just by words but also by demonstration of life, I believe Jesus can and will heal me, thank you for sharing what you've shared as to few people in the body of Christ deal with these issues and speak in them. I will in the future help and defend anyone that goes through these environments to get out regardless of the consequences, and encourage them in Christ.
I'm going thru exactly what you described. And I agree, the best revenge is living well. One thing that I can't seem to let go of is not letting them continue to get away with how they've been doing people. While they hurt 3 and help 10, it's not right. How many more people will get hurt before someone does something about it? I've got a smoking gun. People on record saying certain things that expose real intentions and cover-up. I'm prayerful and I think I'm going to blow the whistle.
Be careful exposing them... Injured Narcs can be very vindictive and relentless in their efforts to smear you name for the rest of your life. They will go to extreme measures to slander you to your employer, friends, family, etc. Keep in mind, Narcs are very charming, convincing, fun loving and can easily influence others to view you in a very negative light, especially if they are a financially powerful influential figure in town. If they have any dirty laundry on you, get ready for a life long, relentless effort on their behalf in completely destroying your life = future job loss, rejection by everyone in society, etc. These kind of people will GOSSIP about you for 20 to 30 years down the road dredging up any dirty laundry you've had in your past and pawning it off to others as if what you've done in your past happened yesterday. I would recommend walking way, rejection them in silence and slip away into the abyss while leaving Vengeance in God's hands. Be very careful and fully understand the life long consequences if you ever expose them. They will track you down and smear your name everywhere you go and in today's society that is very easy to do "on-line". You can't ever escape these sick twisted evil people.
@@jsf8145 Thanks for the warning ⚠️ I've been very prayerful at how to move forward. I keep thinking although many malignant narcissistic traits are prevalent here, and what the devil meant for pure evil, I'm praying God turns it around for the good without letting them get away with anything.
@@candie5150 When dealing with Jezebel Spirits (narcissists), I'd just pray for them and give them over to God. Eventually they will reap what they sow in God's own timing. Even Elijah ran for the hills when he recognized the evil force he was dealing with inside of Jezebel. If you don't know the many details behind the Jezebel Spirit, then I highly recommend watching a video on UA-cam called "Exposing the Jezebel Spirit" by Josh Morgan (part 1 & 2). It's about 3 hrs total. He gives a very good description of the evil spirit of Jezebel and what will happen when exposing it.
Please pray for me. I am in the situation where I am in a toxic church. I'm leaving soon and I ask that you pray for revealing of the church to everybody there and the public.
You're right, these steps can be used to get out of a toxic relationship, too. I planned for 10 months to leave a toxic marriage. Organized my finances, health care and papers. I didn't discuss it with anyone, but my sister. Packed my stuff and my dogs while he was at work and didn't return. No contact. I used to pray for him and restoration. But God released me from that. My life is peaceful and calm, as I let my lawyer handle the details of the divorce. I'm a thousand miles away in more ways than one. Thank you for your wise and godly insight.
Thank you for this video! I have been turned off with church and also religion. I’m literally watching this at 5am and today is my birthday. This helped me a lot and thank you! ❤
i was actually going to a toxic church, although i really didnt know it at the time. i went, and no one said anything to me, i went again, and a staff intercepted me to try to get me plugged in. but something was still off and i knew it... wasnt til a few months in, and headaches later (getting to know people in church should never be like pulling teeth!) the holy spirit reminded me of pauls warnings to timothy to avoid the false teachers, talk about being taken aback! but, heres the thing... we live in a culture where we are harped on to go to church, gotta go to church, gotta make sure we are in church, its like, i dunno, does anyone else pick up on the sense of shame behind such harpings? its like a feeling of not being good enough if we arent in church? anyway, i did meet a friend in that building, and he managed to get out of it too, but it wasnt til about a year later, and a years worth of research, that i realized the church was toxic! i live in omaha nebraska, with toxic churches everywhere. toxic, and let me add, mentally and emotionally neglectful...so, maybe lets at least try to face it... when the current church process is we go, we sit, we listen, and we leave, what can we expect from that? no gospel, no discipleship... what would happen if we got rid of the pulpit, the stage and the pews, brought in some tables, chairs, and shared the good news?
I believe God is restoring true fellowship in the Holy Spirit and simplicity of Christ. 2 or 3 in His name with no pretense or added systems.. a kind warning though too - some home church environments can become unintentionally over controling, elitist, and manipulative. but with Jesus and His Spirit as our guide, He will help us when we encounter these things. peace love and blessings
There was situation in a past 'church experience.' I was asked by a Lady who ran the Pensioner's Group..to help out. One Sunday - I found her crying and pacing up and down at the back of the Church building. The story was; the Group had been given £1,000 for Summer trips, which had gone missing from the Church Office....along with a large amount of new Leaflets for advertising the Group. Also, two members of the worship band were doing a sound check...on the same day as we held the group - and it was making the elderly jump and nervy - and upset the Leader. I wrote an email to a Church Leader about it. The next thing I heard was a phone call from the Group Leader...who had been contacted...basically 'scapegoating me' for trying to support her and the elderly - and reminding me that I was not actually a 'Church Member' ! ( I very rarely...sign on any dotted line, until I 'm sure about the set up. ) On hindsight - I gathered she was the 'flying monkey' for the church Leadership - because I challenged them. I left...in my OWN time.) ;))
I did way you said left quietly last church. Not afraid of church Pastor. Decision was good! There are many pastors think themselves God rather than servent of God.
It is now October 2024 and I need this video to help me get out wisely from a very toxic church community I spent 20 years in. I already wanted to leave several times, but they called me in the name of Jesus Christ not to leave, and when they mentioned the Lord whom I love, I stayed. Now I can't stay anymore, everything is so horrible that I'm disgusted... The Lord showed me a long time ago that this community is not healthy, but I didn't have the strength to leave...
All of your videos are power packed with Wisdom and Scripture. I am having a great time soaking up all the revelations that relate to my destiny and calling for the last 76 years of my life. God bless you exponentially for all the blessings you have poured into others!
I am so grateful for your Videos you have been a big help! I just left a church that I had gone back to a few years ago when I joined. Now when I joined some years back I loved it I did feel a certain kind of way about some things but I just was praying and overlooked it , but when I went back everything was okay but within the 6 months I was there I started picking up on things that We're not in agreeance with the word... And it was a whole lot of contemptuous ways that I noticed..... And it was just things about the church and the minister I didn't care for - the members were nice most of them but I'm transitioning, I didn't give up on God, I didn't give up on the task that God has given me to do! but I was a little hurt by things because I just can't believe how people play with God😢.... God is not to be mocked. I pretty much did everything You said do.... I fasted and the Holy spirit guided me and I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit ministered to me.... But I would like to do your training that you spoke about in your video! Thank you so much for your teachings and your wisdom, I really appreciate you🙂
Please pray for my husband and I. When we started at a church (he is a pastor) which was 85 years old it was with ony around 20 people. We started working and bringing people back and then the "owners" of the church now started complaining (in the beginning it was all love - love bombing) now it has grown they want to appear subtly criticize us and gather their minions and flying monkeys...and I'm so sad with the situation. I'm so sad and I pray for God to prepare another church for us too work in.
Just get up and leave. So sad that people turn their lives over to a church or a pastor. People need to learn that God dwells in them and everything they need is found within!
I left a church today after months of seeing some off signs. I knew it was time to leave as I would have caused division if I spoke my mind. The teaching today 'coincidentally' silenced me when people asked me why I was going. The pastor warned that people who criticise the church cause division. Quoting bible verses to say you won't be blessed. God is watching. The Church is watching. There is only ONE leader and he is who you go to to discuss issues with the church, not anyone else. God does not bless people who speak evil. You reap what you sow etc etc....threatening language to the church but I couldn't help but feel this was for me. Elders and false prophets were the worst. As I left I was accused of being a serial church shopper, having childhood issues, not really hearing God when I said He has been telling me for months to pull out of the church to be close to Him. I didn't say anything against the church. I was too happy to be feeling closer to the Lord than I've felt in a long time and am excited to be free.
I left a church 9 years ago that was exactly like this. I had been there 32 years. I find now I feel like I’m not with a toxic church (they are very nice), but the legalism, bragging, and excessive altar calls are getting to me. I’m in a position there so it makes it harder, too.
Please pray for me. Iv been trying to leave a marriage with a narcissist for 5 years and keep running into dead ends. When we got married I was back sliden from the Lord and I was also a narcissist. 5 years into our relationship I returned to the Lord. Our relationship turned for the worse. I am an orphan and have no one. Every time I try to get help from our local safe house all they have to offer are dead ends and/or no availability. I keep having to return to my marriage and play along or I'll be homeless with my three young daughters in a desolate remote rural area of the USA where winters are long and brutal. It's not possible to be homeless here. We will perish. I watched your video about God allowing this and I knew that to be true long before I heard you say it. No one believed me on that. I know God doesn't owe me but iv been so faithful and diligent in seeking Him for the last 5 years which is why my husband has turned against me. I can't get out, no one underatands. I'm on the edge of reality and our ability to continue living. I mean that literally. I have nothing. Please tell me why God isn't giving me a way out? It feels like God wants to crush me. We found someone who let us stay in their camper over this weekend but that isn't an option long term. I know I'm called to music ministry and I've been training for the last 4 years to the dismay of my husband. Iv tried to find help in all directions. Our area is so small and has become overrun with people moving here. There is no places to live anymore. I mean none. We need to get out of our demon possessed house for good. It's full of toxic demonic Marijuana smoke always. I don't care about what I loose besides my kids dog and music equipment. I just need help. I need a tribe of good people who need someone like me around. I know God released me and healed me of my own narcasism, please God clear our path. We need it right now. It's become an emergency again and we can't go back anymore. Today is the literally the last day. I am not able to wait any longer. As of tomorrow i will be forced to return to our suffocating life if God chooses not to intervene. i will have no choice but to take my life. I'm sorry to say that. I am not suicidal or unstable. Literally at the end of whatever path this is. Please God do not crush me. I believe you can and do. What I see is you won't Lord. Why? No more dead ends no lore dangling carrot. I'm finished.
@@regalchic PRAISE GOD! He indeed showed up for us. It's been a month and a half since we left the toxicity. Its been a wild scary Rollercoaster! We were shuffled around for a few weeks then the safe house became available finally. Then low and behold my soon to be ex husband up and moved out of our house. I don't know where he lives but he is still in our town. God has made a way for us to go back and live in our house. It's taken me a couple weeks to clean it and restore it to normal. We had a sewer gas leak for the last year or more and didn't know it. Its so strong. It's not fixed yet but should be soon. Our car broke down several times due to what we thought was warranty alternators but we finally broke down in a different town and another mechanic was able to diagnose that it was only a $20 sensor although it was $300 in labor which the safe house paid for us. In the meantime some total strangers let us borrow their vehicle which looked almost identical to my vehicle while they were out of town. I'm talking God showed up and did amazing miracles for us in a way that I was needing and didn't think would happen. It has been one miracle after the other since this post. It has become my testimony and there are so many people around me in my town who have been watching it unfold and all the glory goes to God! I could say so much my faith is renewed my hope is restored and all the pain was worth it. My kids and i are healing And looking forward to living and walking in victory! Thank you to anyone who prayed for us. Thank you to God for providing. I will soon host my grand opening and ribbon cutting of my very own salon. I've been a hairdresser for 26 years but this is my 1st salon. I opened in April surprisingly with the help of my husband but I had not been making any profit yet. Im finally past that point and my salon is doing very very well and I can see that we will not be forced into poverty. I've been working all while this is going on trying to get my salon off the ground and it is working. I am a contributing member in my community now and I am getting so much positive feedback about how much people appreciate people my level of work ethic. God is putting me in a position to be The Giver instead of the one always in need. I cannot tell you how huge this is in my life life after the way the last 5 or 6 years have been.
Thank you for this video it was what I needed. The problem I have is my wife brought me to this church more then 8 years ago. I feel there are many Ego and personality problems. Including my wife. What do I do Jesus?
Our last pastor was a narcissist and I just about wanted to leave but God moved him out of our church instead. I was so glad he left. Just be patient, God may move out the pastor.
@silentday4503I think your right because our present pastor seems to be a narcissist and wants workers to do what he says. Pastor don’t believe in working on sundays. Me and my husband worked the sound and video booth for 4 years and stepped down because my husband worked on some sundays and wasn’t faithful enough to sit in front of sound board which don’t need a babysitter. The person working the live (which was me) can do the sound board. Pastor done replaced me but not my husband who he had problem with.
Heres update… pastor changed mind about needing two people to run sound and video. He only got one person to run both since we stepped down. Now pastor says set video and sound and forget it until end of service. 😮 we we’re going to stop going to church after Christmas but suddenly this past Wednesday, my hubby stands in front of church after service dismissed and gave church and pastor a piece of mind. I’m sitting in back freaking out on inside. 😮 No one text or called us yet after my husband did that. My husband now says he wants to go back Sunday to apologize to everyone. We’ve been to that little church faithfully 21 years. We’ve been going to churches since 1985 and we’ve never walked out of church like that. Anytime we left a church is when we moved.
MeToo I escape and toxic institution using religion to operate. There objective was to help street people as they can remain lord of the weak and hire them for there gain later, I turned up there through a past person returning in to my life, From day one I felt God needed me there, and found amazing peace, then pain, from challenging there leadership, I left straight after they betrayed me in front of the congregation, and destroyed my life with lies gossip and unwanted phone calls. After I left about 90% of attendees left aswell, it's a dark ally now, and hope the light can shine on it one day
@@ShaneenMegji before watching your video I never heard of the name transition coach but it makes complete sense to me. The "tansition" period is the door towards freedom and healthy concept of life
I experienced the wrath of "God" (pastor/God of THIS world) for not being FULLY on board with him (thinking for yourself not allowed - groupthink only) and excommunicated in front of the entire church. Feeling abandoned by God. Devastating, endless torment. Decades later, my feeling now is: Jesus yes, the church not only no but HECK no - never again under ANY circumstances.
Where was this (for me) 16 years ago. I had had enough and just left. Then began seeing what I can only describe as some of the most bizarre and dysfunctional behavior I'd ever beheld. The broken remnant of women "flying monkeys" of the pastor and his wife who were clearly being manipulated by them to come after me. Most others, including what few men were there had figured them out and got it earlier. The problem.. the pastor had become embittered against former members who left a long time ago. Bottomline, we all could benefit from counseling and healing. Thus the enemy would be discouraged in weaponizing our unhealed wounds, low self awareness and lack of repentance before God and others as "open doors" to afflict and torment others in an attempt to feel like we're in charge. What a huge waste.
thanks for posting Shaneen. How do I end relationships I had at a cult? I want to be respectful, but they are close relationships that are toxic because of the church teachings they hold. thanks
What to do if the leader is your father and you don’t want to go no contact with him but just not be apart of his church anymore. I love my parents dearly outside of church
My church leaders always plays politics in church they also campaign to vote for their political parties. I really don't belive in politicalizing our Christian faith.
The narc was the son of a pastor and first Lady. Once at dinner the dad mentioned hiw the wife gives him the silent treatment. Its no wonder where the narc learned his behavior from.
How many experiences in these churches which really reflected my upbringing which was in a family of severe alcoholics and drug addicts! I was drawn to church because it was an alcohol free environment. But I ran into some folks
@@GilbertFlemingMaybe you should try a small church that is still growing instead of a bigger more established church because those small churches with a few members seem to be closer to God and His Word most of the time. But yes, pray about it first.
Yes. Pray also for me & for my young daughter and loved ones. The interfering religious spirit has interfered with my introduction of Jesus to Janelle. I also have been feeling ambivolence about various churches of my affiliations.
Thank you Maji for exposing this Bible Truth! Those who are Bible students will understand the difference in the criteria for a true Shepherd, true leaders of the Church of Christ. Jesus warns us in the last days there will be false Shepherds and false teachers, and they are all over the place, they are on TV, the internet, social media etc. The majority of pastors that are preaching have Lucifer's characteristics not Christ's! Pride, ego, Self Worship, caused Lucifer downfall from Grace....So we have these ministers preaching from the pulpits of America about Christ yet their characters are of Satan. And the church is blind, and you have the blind leading the blind. The Lord exposed this in his word to warn us, and yet you have these pastors ministers who surround themselves with flying monkeys who protect them and cover them and excuse their evil behaviors. God help us all to wake up to the signs of the times we are living in. Narcissistic pastors and leaders taking over the churches, and the people are in la la land... Jesus the Creator humbled himself and came to this earth to walk among his creatures to show them who he is and he demonstrated this all the way through Calvary. On the other hand Lucifer exalted himself and continues to lead not only the world to self worship but also the church of Christ... But John in the Book of Revelation speaks of the victors at the end of time. He says "Here are the saints who keep the Commandments of God and have the faith of Jesus"...compared to those who will follow the beast power (a religious political system) and John clearly state that the majority will be on the wrong road (decieved) and only a remnant (few) will make it to Eternal Life...Time to wake up and read our Bibles and obey The Lord out a heart of Love for what He has done to save us all...
based on 95 percent of the churches in todays times id say its not a good idea to go to a church.just read your bible and learn from the book god has given u.
I enjoyed this teaching and agreed with everything but two points and they’re biggies! When you said that it’s OK not to go to Church, immediately the scripture come up in me”do not for sake the assembling of yourselves together as is the manner of some.” it doesn’t even have to be your permanent church but someplace to assemble yourself together with other believers is always important. Then when you said Jesus hated the abusers too. When in fact he love them, prayed for them, minister to them. I will go back and listen again to see if I misunderstood that.
I left a highly controlling legalistic church that legislated everything we wore, ate or did. It was extremely painful as we had no friends outside this sect. The leader spoke for God and controlled everyone this way. I read the book of Galatians over and over again until I was free. It is so good to breathe again!
I became a Believer in Jesus in such a church, and it was God Almighty in Heaven that showed me it was a CULT! They exhibited all the characteristics of a cult. Actually, after 40 years of abusing little boys and the members protecting him, the pastor went to prison for child sexual abuse! After leaving there I had trouble getting close to people, especially in the church. I left that church 25 years ago, it was so horrific and I have forgiven them, but I still have problems getting close to “church people”.
Wow! I'll read Galatians too.
@beryllaing6992 I've been down that road before. It was exactly like you pointed it out. Everything we wore, ate or did. I got jumped on about wearing sleeveless tshirts, eating pork, catfish, and for watching pro football on TV.
I was even castigated for socializing with Caucasian people since I'm African American. You talk about Breathe Again, l call it SPIRITUAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPHYXIATION.
Because of that experience, l know how to handle the next Pastor that get in my face trying to tell me what to do, or how to live, rather than just preach. Thanks for your input.
Yes! The book of Galatians has ministered to me in context of being on toxic church.
@@gregoryritchie7852 the book of Galatians is so powerful when it comes to getting out of a legalistic church. The apostle Paul calls it being bewitched! Harsh words but necessary as legalism negates everything Jesus did for us on the cross. He took our sins so that we no longer have to work for our salvation. And we live righteously out of pure love for Him and gratitude for this great salvation purchased by the shedding of His blood. No bondage. Pure freedom!
I recently left a church with an abusive leader. I haven't regretted it at all because God is still in control.
I left atoxic church and 9 years later the pastor was forced to resign over admissions of racist policies. It was in the local and national news...It made me realize that all my concerns about him were valid
Dear Sister Shaneen, I truly appreciated your presentation on "steps to leave a toxic church unscathed". Actually, it was meant for me and my wife! You see, after serving the LORD in this particular Church for over 50 years in various portfolios, we seem to have reached the end of the road after a number of runs-in with some of our leaders.
The final straw occurred sometime in 2023 when a new pastor was posted to our congregation. It occurred to me that the man hardly prepared his sermons and mixed up/misrepresented Scripture to suit his agenda!
In addition, he proceeded to slander us as trouble makers among the members! When I challenged him of the basis of his innuendos, he reported me to higher offices who came down heavily on us. Worse still, we became anathema to other members of the congregation! In order to avoid further confrontation, we stopped attending church altogether!
Meanwhile, the leadership is spreading rumours among congregants that we are attending worship services at some far off place, yet it is false!
Thank you once again, may God bless you with long life filled with wisdom and joy!
very similar situation happende to me and my husband. we served for some more than 17 years.. but in between we were so devoted in servis of people and poor. I tought that was enough. but no.. once when this cuple from USA came, they showed great ammount of covert narccissism, devided our friends. luckly that there were sincere friends who didnt belive there lies and accusations . but few did.. now 3 years after we left. there s so much trauma , and hurt that momentaly I just pray to God, but Im not attending any Church.
Just know the people you love most WILL betray you in these churches. Family loved ones, best friends etc. you definitely become a “villain”
@chairmomma9198..........*F*A*C*T*S*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!💔🥺💔🥺💔🥺💔
This is such a good video. I didn't see this before I decided to exit a church I was joining. My mother always told me don't let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. I took a minute and I didn't tell anybody from that church what I was thinking or feeling. I learned while I was in sales that a "no is a chance to overcome objections". So I didn't want to give them that chance. I was guided by the Holy Spirit in leaving.
As someone who had to transition a toxic environment, this content is gold. I wish I saw this video then.
Thank you Joe!
@@GMpiece Thank you! ❤️
I made the mistake of discussing with a pastor my concerns about the church I had been a highly active member of for over a decade. He was all about loyalty. Instead of addressing those concerns, I became his enemy, and he destroyed my family by pitting my husband against me. It was a huge sorted mess that I won't give credence to here. Many of his arguments against me were not biblical at all, but at the time this pastor's hardened heart floored me because I knew God had led me there. After I left, many others left also for their own reasons. I know it wasn't just me having concerns. Through the years, I have sought understanding and found biblical principles that also shored up my faith that my concerns were legitimate. I am secure in knowing that God is my head, and pastors are human like we all are. Power in the hands of a hardened heart leads to emotional abuse.
Maybe God lead you there for the purpose of calling the pastor out for his sin and to call him to repentance.
I don’t think that you did anything wrong. Trying to work with the leaders and call them out on their sinful behavior in an attempt to lead them to repentance is a noble and godly act. This may be small comfort to you now, but I believe the fact that the devil tried so hard to destroy you is proof that Satan was afraid that your methods would be powerful and effective. I believe that you will be rewarded in Heaven for your suffering in the name of Jesus.
@@randyg22152 Thank You so much for your healing words. Retrospect puts a better light on things, but when a person is living it out the way they should, it sure is hard on one's heart.
I simply walked out. And that was that.
I think you were right to do so...so did I. I really can't see the point in fannying around for months in a church were you are being abused and made unhappy
We did too. Three weeks ago. Currently looking for a new church home. It will take me years to trust a new Pastor again.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience in leaving a spiritual community. It has also happened to me. After leaving it was confirmed that it was more than I who had issues, and others experienced spiritual abuse and even reported physical abuse / unwanted touching etc. I didn't actually say the words I wanted to in this post - but yes, the things that angered me while I was there were confirmed and even escalated after I left. Churches need solid, unbiased elder boards and by that I don't mean just one or two best friends of the pastor.
Totally agree. The pastors have to be accountable. Seriously 🤦🏿♀️
So true, or atleast trusted advisors who have the freedom to speak truth into the pastor’s life and are not going to be yes-men.
@@ShaneenMegji Yes!! ...way too many lap dogs & yes men showing favoritism towards the two faced elders or wolves in Sheppards clothing (gossips) whom happen to be the biggest financial donors inside some churches, which money keeps those elders as top of the heap and keeps others inside church attached to their puppet strings for fear there is too much secondary game the church might lose out on should someone confront the rich elder who makes the most financial contributions.
Yes! Church elders need to be unbiased and not just best friends of the pastor, totally agree. This happens way too many times. Even the Bible says that good friends will hold us accountable. Proverbs 27:17, Galatians 6:1-2.
I am having mixed feelings about a church I am attending. They are very strict about holiness and living a perfect sinless life. I try very hard to live for God, but I mess up sometimes. When I am at home praying and reading the Bible, I feel so close to God, but when I go to church, they make me feel that God is far from me.
@silentday4503 I go to a Holiness Church.
That sounds very legalistic and performance based, which is not the Gospel of Grace our Lord, and the Scripture, has taught us to embrace and follow. Seek out a Church that focuses on God's GRACE and Love: - good works will follow after, if our hearts are rooted in grace and love.
I have realized that you can try your best to lead a good Christian life but the leaders at the church will focus on one thing that they perceive that you did wrong and try to belittle you. God knows our heart. He is our only judge, not man.
@@glamgalnorth6320 that is true that many do that.
The church you are attending is likely a cult. Leave this church NOW. Get mental health help from a fully licensed mental health professional who is a member of the International Cultic Studies Association (or similar organization). You are at your most vulnerable when it comes to joining a cult when you just left a cult and haven't gotten professional mental health help from someone expert in mind control / cults / high demand organizations.
We had attended a church for 21+ years, were friends with our pastor, grew in the faith and loved his preaching. During the last 2 years we haven't attended in person because of the mandates put in place by our leaders, but chose to watch and listen to online services. Also during the last 2 years our church dropped the ball in caring for their congregants. There was very little connection. Not a phone call, nor any other reaching out. And our congregation is small. Now with mandates lifted we looked forward to returning in person, only to find out we have been ousted. It didn't matter to them that we had been vocal in our support of the church, and told them we were planning on returning. In their minds we had "deserted" them. We feel very betrayed and hurt. We have been loyal for so long. Instead of shepherding us for the last two years, they have BLAMED us for not receiving the blessing of being shepherded. This is the height of gaslighting. It is bizarre.
Has nothing to do with you their church was their business. You didn’t pay them, they had a lot of debts during the Pandemic. They blamed you because they didn’t really trust in God.
@@chaimomma9198 we actually did pay them, all throughout the time. We supported them, and were blacklisted by them in response.
That’s how cults operate, you missed the recent brainwashing (shepherding) so your out.
@silentday4503 they were upset with us for not attending physically when the mask mandates were on. Didn't care about our reasons for not attending (I couldn't because I was still very short of breath after having Covid and couldn't wear a mask), nor did they ask us why. Also didn't care to know that we still supported them financially and watched services online (why did they produce online services if they would be upset at people who stayed home to watch online? Didn't make sense. But a lot of their behavior didn't make sense then.) They kept track of any and all who didn't attend physically during that time. And when we returned, every family which didn't attend during mask mandates was cold shouldered and treated like outcasts. At least 5 long term families were affected. Then in the sermons preached following us all leaving the church, the victimhood and blame of us was heightened. Their sense of "betrayal" by us. Even though we did nothing wrong. It was all very bizarre. As far as I know this church was the only one in our city to do this to their congregants. The other churches threw open their doors and welcomed everyone back.
It doesn’t seem like much of a church at all that I would like to attend. If they were true Christian’s, they would welcome you back with opened arms. There are other churches out there that will gladly accept you. Let them go.
A church i was in started during the lockdowns, the bible study leader took an opportune time to go from leader to announcing to everyone he was now the pastor. it just got more and more toxic, the man is incredibly gifted and one of the best teachers I sat under for a long time, BUT he was authoritarian and used mind games constantly to gain control. I knew something was wrong and it took me months to figure it out, trust those convictions if you think something is wrong it probably is. when I finally stopped going they contacted me and everything hit the fan, it was then i saw his true colors, we corresponded for awhile the whole time he said I was in rebellion and my family would likely fall away from the Lord, that was spiritually growing cold because i was no longer in his fellowship, and just the opposite happened. i cant tell you how happy i was to get out of there. I'm helping others as well.
just coming out of a hot mess church now, and ive instinctually followed most of these guidelines, from having been burnt with previous attempts to set things straight and previous churches. cant belive how long i endured being repeatedly thrown under the bus, but i had to make sure that there was no possible chance it was "just me" being entitled etc. but it was so beyong doubt, even from day one looking back now.
I call it data. data gathering. i dont need any more data now. everything was messed up and nothing was ever going to change there, or with the pastor/leadership team.
great video!
Walking through this now…thank you. It’s earth shattering, a complete redefining of my faith and core beliefs. The dark night of the soul. Number 8 was very insightful. My need for righteous justice has caused me to try to “fight” for others in my situation, suffering in silence, but with the recent events of public shaming, I feel that stepping away, and allowing The battle to be fought by the one
Sees all, is what I’m to do now.
Best wishes to you. You will overcome.
@silentday4503YES.....and they love to make true salvation in Jesus Christ & "Christianity" soooo complicated, when, in reality, it is so simple!!!!!!! It's all about power/control, & $$$$$$$$!!!!!!SMH!!!!!💔💔💔🥺🤢🤮🤮
You bless me so much. My experience with a toxic church broke my heart. We’re free. God made a way. Now we’re in transition for God to lead us to our next church.
I’m so glad to hear that. God bless you. 🙏🏽
Thank you!! 😢. Leaving a church can most certainly emotionally destroy a person.
Remember God can heal even the most broken of hearts.
Personally my entire family was used against me during my departure from a toxic church. My children were even taken unlawfully from me. It can be absolutely disgusting.
We went through this and did almost everything wrong. We tried to work with the leadership. We tried to talk about the things that we saw that were off. We tried to leave in the most honorable way possible and all it did was leave us completely alone and thoroughly broken. I wish I had listened to this video 6 years ago when I first thought about leaving the church we left.
I don’t think that you did anything wrong. Trying to work with the leaders and call them out on their sinful behavior in an attempt to lead them to repentance is a noble and godly act. This may be small comfort to you now, but I believe the fact that the devil tried so hard to destroy you is proof that Satan was afraid that your methods would be powerful and effective. I believe that you will be rewarded in Heaven for your suffering in the name of Jesus.
Excellent very wise advice! I can tell you that because I did not leave my toxic legalistic church the way you advise and reaped horrible consequences. The members are required to be open about their negativity so they can brow beat you into submission. So you feel like you have to be honest and not hide your “sin” otherwise you are being an “Akan”. I reaped major slander, turning my children against me and no support system. It’s true that there is no way to share your concerns and feelings in a toxic environment without being vilified and character assassinated. You can’t change the culture in hopes to make it more healthy. The leaders are only about control and keeping everyone in line so they don’t like anyone who has any differing opinions so you HAVE to leave. If you are miserable the only option is to leave. I wish I would have had this information 3 years ago.
Left a megachurch. They have in-house lawyers who send threatening gag orders to stop me from speaking my truth.
Zahara, I'm so sorry to hear that. Such a huge departure from what true church should be.
Just like Jehovah’s Witnesses
@zahara6355....I'm soooo proud of you, and glad you escaped that satanic, freemasons cult.......praise our *R*E*A*L* Lord, saviour, & creator, Yeshua, & sure hope you're having a great life now!!!!!! Richest blessings!!!!!!!❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️Xo
Thank you Shaneen, I am praying about leaving a church where I sense I am being kept from using my musical talents to serve and bless others in the body, and yes, since I've been sensing this for quite some time, God has already provided another church which may be a healthier environment for me and vice versa. I've been widowed for nine years and as an older saint (72) I sense that part of what I am experiencing my be a bit of "Age Discrimination." Also, this is a PCA Presbyterian Church, filled with many, many very precious people whom I dearly love, but I do have some very real concerns and objections to Calvinism, especially infant baptism, which I don't see as being supported Scripturally (Mark 16:16), Also, like so many churches, there never are any sermons preached addressing the mature and proper use of The Gifts of The Holy Spirit, as taught in 1 Corinthians 12 & 14. Thanks for your good ministry and may God continue blessing both your present and your future. Ted Schempp, Nashville
Know what that's like, I had to leave two churches because of a toxic environment, and unfortunately have lost trust in people generally, and am now very wary of believers, also been in several work environment s where this was going on and moved on from those,
Although this happened with the church side of things quite a while ago, it still effects my trust level towards people and I constantly tend to expect the worst from people, I don't trust people on a normal level, and have two friends Jesus, and my sheepdog,
This message was good and insightful, am looking to Jesus to bring that healing deep within, and am also looking to make a transition from my home environment as my Dad fully fits the Narcissist covert type,
Been through tons more stuff, but by the grace of God have come through literally by my fingernails hanging on,
Would appreciate prayer,. And thank you, as I don't mention I'm not in church to most believers as they don't understand and think I'm just rebellious , I'm just very broken, full of wounds, and don't want to pretend with others that everything's alright,
Could say a lot more as I have gone through an absolute mountain of stuff over the years, but will come through by the grace of Christ and power to be a stronger spiritual person, hopefully will be able to one day be a blessing to others, and preach the gospel, not just by words but also by demonstration of life,
I believe Jesus can and will heal me, thank you for sharing what you've shared as to few people in the body of Christ deal with these issues and speak in them.
I will in the future help and defend anyone that goes through these environments to get out regardless of the consequences, and encourage them in Christ.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve been feeling the same way as well, and I totally get where you’re coming from.
I'm going thru exactly what you described. And I agree, the best revenge is living well. One thing that I can't seem to let go of is not letting them continue to get away with how they've been doing people. While they hurt 3 and help 10, it's not right. How many more people will get hurt before someone does something about it? I've got a smoking gun. People on record saying certain things that expose real intentions and cover-up. I'm prayerful and I think I'm going to blow the whistle.
May God give you wisdom and guidance 🙏🏽
Be careful exposing them...
Injured Narcs can be very vindictive and relentless in their efforts to smear you name for the rest of your life. They will go to extreme measures to slander you to your employer, friends, family, etc.
Keep in mind, Narcs are very charming, convincing, fun loving and can easily influence others to view you in a very negative light, especially if they are a financially powerful influential figure in town. If they have any dirty laundry on you, get ready for a life long, relentless effort on their behalf in completely destroying your life = future job loss, rejection by everyone in society, etc. These kind of people will GOSSIP about you for 20 to 30 years down the road dredging up any dirty laundry you've had in your past and pawning it off to others as if what you've done in your past happened yesterday. I would recommend walking way, rejection them in silence and slip away into the abyss while leaving Vengeance in God's hands. Be very careful and fully understand the life long consequences if you ever expose them. They will track you down and smear your name everywhere you go and in today's society that is very easy to do "on-line". You can't ever escape these sick twisted evil people.
@@jsf8145 Thanks for the warning ⚠️ I've been very prayerful at how to move forward. I keep thinking although many malignant narcissistic traits are prevalent here, and what the devil meant for pure evil, I'm praying God turns it around for the good without letting them get away with anything.
@@candie5150 When dealing with Jezebel Spirits (narcissists), I'd just pray for them and give them over to God. Eventually they will reap what they sow in God's own timing. Even Elijah ran for the hills when he recognized the evil force he was dealing with inside of Jezebel.
If you don't know the many details behind the Jezebel Spirit, then I highly recommend watching a video on UA-cam called "Exposing the Jezebel Spirit" by Josh Morgan (part 1 & 2). It's about 3 hrs total. He gives a very good description of the evil spirit of Jezebel and what will happen when exposing it.
@@jsf8145 I'll definitely check it out. Thanks so much for your input. I appreciate it more than you know.
Thank you for this Sister. Much needed right now. God bless u ❤❤
Please pray for me. I am in the situation where I am in a toxic church. I'm leaving soon and I ask that you pray for revealing of the church to everybody there and the public.
You're right, these steps can be used to get out of a toxic relationship, too. I planned for 10 months to leave a toxic marriage. Organized my finances, health care and papers. I didn't discuss it with anyone, but my sister. Packed my stuff and my dogs while he was at work and didn't return. No contact. I used to pray for him and restoration. But God released me from that. My life is peaceful and calm, as I let my lawyer handle the details of the divorce. I'm a thousand miles away in more ways than one. Thank you for your wise and godly insight.
Thank you very much. You have shared very helpful information. Thank you. We must leave toxic Church environments.
I'm glad it was helpful. Bless you Iza! 🙏🏽💕
Thank you for this video! I have been turned off with church and also religion. I’m literally watching this at 5am and today is my birthday. This helped me a lot and thank you! ❤
I wish i heard this sooner. I’ve just left my church for 20 years and in the middle of transition
I've had to leave three churches. By the third church, I was very direct with them. Now I'm in a larger church and am just a sheep in the crowd.
Exactly what you went through was exactly what I was experiencing at my church thanks for what you said made me feel so much better.
This way you are suggesting works 100% .I am a living witness and example.
Wow, amazing to hear that!
i was actually going to a toxic church, although i really didnt know it at the time. i went, and no one said anything to me, i went again, and a staff intercepted me to try to get me plugged in. but something was still off and i knew it... wasnt til a few months in, and headaches later (getting to know people in church should never be like pulling teeth!) the holy spirit reminded me of pauls warnings to timothy to avoid the false teachers, talk about being taken aback! but, heres the thing... we live in a culture where we are harped on to go to church, gotta go to church, gotta make sure we are in church, its like, i dunno, does anyone else pick up on the sense of shame behind such harpings? its like a feeling of not being good enough if we arent in church? anyway, i did meet a friend in that building, and he managed to get out of it too, but it wasnt til about a year later, and a years worth of research, that i realized the church was toxic! i live in omaha nebraska, with toxic churches everywhere. toxic, and let me add, mentally and emotionally neglectful...so, maybe lets at least try to face it... when the current church process is we go, we sit, we listen, and we leave, what can we expect from that? no gospel, no discipleship... what would happen if we got rid of the pulpit, the stage and the pews, brought in some tables, chairs, and shared the good news?
That is a great question.
I believe God is restoring true fellowship in the Holy Spirit and simplicity of Christ. 2 or 3 in His name with no pretense or added systems.. a kind warning though too - some home church environments can become unintentionally over controling, elitist, and manipulative. but with Jesus and His Spirit as our guide, He will help us when we encounter these things. peace love and blessings
You are a God send. I thank you for your knowledge of the Bible, your divine wisdom and knowledge of Narcissim. You are a blessing!!
In the process of leaving my church of 12 years. I have been implementing all these steps you are recommending, without having seen this video.
There was situation in a past 'church experience.' I was asked by a Lady who ran the Pensioner's Group..to help out. One Sunday - I found her crying and pacing up and down at the back of the Church building. The story was; the Group had been given £1,000 for Summer trips, which had gone missing from the Church Office....along with a large amount of new Leaflets for advertising the Group.
Also, two members of the worship band were doing a sound check...on the same day as we held the group - and it was making the elderly jump and nervy - and upset the Leader.
I wrote an email to a Church Leader about it. The next thing I heard was a phone call from the Group Leader...who had been contacted...basically 'scapegoating me' for trying to support her and the elderly - and reminding me that I was not actually a 'Church Member' !
( I very rarely...sign on any dotted line, until I 'm sure about the set up. )
On hindsight - I gathered she was the 'flying monkey' for the church Leadership - because I challenged them. I left...in my OWN time.) ;))
I did way you said left quietly last church. Not afraid of church Pastor. Decision was good! There are many pastors think themselves God rather than servent of God.
It is now October 2024 and I need this video to help me get out wisely from a very toxic church community I spent 20 years in. I already wanted to leave several times, but they called me in the name of Jesus Christ not to leave, and when they mentioned the Lord whom I love, I stayed. Now I can't stay anymore, everything is so horrible that I'm disgusted... The Lord showed me a long time ago that this community is not healthy, but I didn't have the strength to leave...
BEST advice I have found yet. I feel so stuck and this was very helpful
Thank you this is great council! I will take this advice.
All of your videos are power packed with Wisdom and Scripture. I am having a great time soaking up all the revelations that relate to my destiny and calling for the last 76 years of my life. God bless you exponentially for all the blessings you have poured into others!
Outstanding clarity and wisdom here.
So glad you're doing this. I was told I had the spirit of Jezebel and needed to repent or go to hell. This actually worked for a few years!
Holy smokes, talk about manipulation.
How sad that so many are needing this
Thank you for so much for this. Gosh I wish I had this 20 years ago!
I am so grateful for your Videos you have been a big help!
I just left a church that I had gone back to a few years ago when I joined. Now when I joined some years back I loved it I did feel a certain kind of way about some things but I just was praying and overlooked it , but when I went back everything was okay but within the 6 months I was there I started picking up on things that We're not in agreeance with the word... And it was a whole lot of contemptuous ways that I noticed.....
And it was just things about the church and the minister I didn't care for - the members were nice most of them but I'm transitioning, I didn't give up on God, I didn't give up on the task that God has given me to do! but I was a little hurt by things because I just can't believe how people play with God😢.... God is not to be mocked. I pretty much did everything You said do.... I fasted and the Holy spirit guided me and I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit ministered to me.... But I would like to do your training that you spoke about in your video! Thank you so much for your teachings and your wisdom, I really appreciate you🙂
God bless you for sharing this video, sister! So helpful!
I"m so glad it was helpful! Bless you Jayne. 🙏🏽😊🕊
Please pray for my husband and I. When we started at a church (he is a pastor) which was 85 years old it was with ony around 20 people. We started working and bringing people back and then the "owners" of the church now started complaining (in the beginning it was all love - love bombing) now it has grown they want to appear subtly criticize us and gather their minions and flying monkeys...and I'm so sad with the situation. I'm so sad and I pray for God to prepare another church for us too work in.
Better to just follow Christ than to be a “Christian” , she is brave to address this subject.
Thanks to God for Lifting You and Inspiring Me, that God Lifts Me Too. Love you!
Thanks so much for having the courage to make these videos.
Thank you so much for a wonderful message, left a toxic Church and relationship in the past 5 years
Thank you for this extremely informative and invaluable teaching! I am about to leave just such a para-church! Please pray for me!
Thank you. This was so helpful.
Thanks for Praying for Me, now when I am in A Transition.
Just get up and leave. So sad that people turn their lives over to a church or a pastor. People need to learn that God dwells in them and everything they need is found within!
I left a church today after months of seeing some off signs. I knew it was time to leave as I would have caused division if I spoke my mind. The teaching today 'coincidentally' silenced me when people asked me why I was going. The pastor warned that people who criticise the church cause division. Quoting bible verses to say you won't be blessed. God is watching. The Church is watching. There is only ONE leader and he is who you go to to discuss issues with the church, not anyone else. God does not bless people who speak evil. You reap what you sow etc etc....threatening language to the church but I couldn't help but feel this was for me.
Elders and false prophets were the worst. As I left I was accused of being a serial church shopper, having childhood issues, not really hearing God when I said He has been telling me for months to pull out of the church to be close to Him. I didn't say anything against the church. I was too happy to be feeling closer to the Lord than I've felt in a long time and am excited to be free.
I left a church 9 years ago that was exactly like this. I had been there 32 years. I find now I feel like I’m not with a toxic church (they are very nice), but the legalism, bragging, and excessive altar calls are getting to me. I’m in a position there so it makes it harder, too.
I don't go to church anymore because of judgemental people. I listen to Pastor Andrew Farley online.
This is exactly what I went trough.
Every head bowed…every eye closed. As the pianist plays “I Surrender All”, I encourage everyone to…..FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM!!!!
Please pray for me. Iv been trying to leave a marriage with a narcissist for 5 years and keep running into dead ends.
When we got married I was back sliden from the Lord and I was also a narcissist. 5 years into our relationship I returned to the Lord. Our relationship turned for the worse. I am an orphan and have no one. Every time I try to get help from our local safe house all they have to offer are dead ends and/or no availability. I keep having to return to my marriage and play along or I'll be homeless with my three young daughters in a desolate remote rural area of the USA where winters are long and brutal. It's not possible to be homeless here. We will perish. I watched your video about God allowing this and I knew that to be true long before I heard you say it. No one believed me on that.
I know God doesn't owe me but iv been so faithful and diligent in seeking Him for the last 5 years which is why my husband has turned against me. I can't get out, no one underatands. I'm on the edge of reality and our ability to continue living. I mean that literally. I have nothing. Please tell me why God isn't giving me a way out? It feels like God wants to crush me. We found someone who let us stay in their camper over this weekend but that isn't an option long term. I know I'm called to music ministry and I've been training for the last 4 years to the dismay of my husband. Iv tried to find help in all directions. Our area is so small and has become overrun with people moving here. There is no places to live anymore. I mean none. We need to get out of our demon possessed house for good. It's full of toxic demonic Marijuana smoke always. I don't care about what I loose besides my kids dog and music equipment. I just need help. I need a tribe of good people who need someone like me around. I know God released me and healed me of my own narcasism, please God clear our path. We need it right now. It's become an emergency again and we can't go back anymore.
Today is the literally the last day. I am not able to wait any longer. As of tomorrow i will be forced to return to our suffocating life if God chooses not to intervene. i will have no choice but to take my life. I'm sorry to say that.
I am not suicidal or unstable. Literally at the end of whatever path this is. Please God do not crush me. I believe you can and do. What I see is you won't Lord. Why? No more dead ends no lore dangling carrot. I'm finished.
Hey, have you been able to leave?
@@regalchic PRAISE GOD!
He indeed showed up for us. It's been a month and a half since we left the toxicity. Its been a wild scary Rollercoaster! We were shuffled around for a few weeks then the safe house became available finally. Then low and behold my soon to be ex husband up and moved out of our house. I don't know where he lives but he is still in our town. God has made a way for us to go back and live in our house. It's taken me a couple weeks to clean it and restore it to normal. We had a sewer gas leak for the last year or more and didn't know it. Its so strong. It's not fixed yet but should be soon. Our car broke down several times due to what we thought was warranty alternators but we finally broke down in a different town and another mechanic was able to diagnose that it was only a $20 sensor although it was $300 in labor which the safe house paid for us. In the meantime some total strangers let us borrow their vehicle which looked almost identical to my vehicle while they were out of town. I'm talking God showed up and did amazing miracles for us in a way that I was needing and didn't think would happen.
It has been one miracle after the other since this post. It has become my testimony and there are so many people around me in my town who have been watching it unfold and all the glory goes to God! I could say so much my faith is renewed my hope is restored and all the pain was worth it. My kids and i are healing And looking forward to living and walking in victory! Thank you to anyone who prayed for us. Thank you to God for providing. I will soon host my grand opening and ribbon cutting of my very own salon. I've been a hairdresser for 26 years but this is my 1st salon. I opened in April surprisingly with the help of my husband but I had not been making any profit yet. Im finally past that point and my salon is doing very very well and I can see that we will not be forced into poverty. I've been working all while this is going on trying to get my salon off the ground and it is working. I am a contributing member in my community now and I am getting so much positive feedback about how much people appreciate people my level of work ethic.
God is putting me in a position to be The Giver instead of the one always in need. I cannot tell you how huge this is in my life life after the way the last 5 or 6 years have been.
Thank you for this video it was what I needed. The problem I have is my wife brought me to this church more then 8 years ago. I feel there are many Ego and personality problems. Including my wife. What do I do Jesus?
Our last pastor was a narcissist and I just about wanted to leave but God moved him out of our church instead. I was so glad he left. Just be patient, God may move out the pastor.
@silentday4503I think your right because our present pastor seems to be a narcissist and wants workers to do what he says. Pastor don’t believe in working on sundays. Me and my husband worked the sound and video booth for 4 years and stepped down because my husband worked on some sundays and wasn’t faithful enough to sit in front of sound board which don’t need a babysitter. The person working the live (which was me) can do the sound board. Pastor done replaced me but not my husband who he had problem with.
Heres update… pastor changed mind about needing two people to run sound and video. He only got one person to run both since we stepped down. Now pastor says set video and sound and forget it until end of service. 😮 we we’re going to stop going to church after Christmas but suddenly this past Wednesday, my hubby stands in front of church after service dismissed and gave church and pastor a piece of mind. I’m sitting in back freaking out on inside. 😮 No one text or called us yet after my husband did that. My husband now says he wants to go back Sunday to apologize to everyone. We’ve been to that little church faithfully 21 years. We’ve been going to churches since 1985 and we’ve never walked out of church like that. Anytime we left a church is when we moved.
Have you been In the Way?? You have so much wisdom ❤
MeToo
I escape and toxic institution using religion to operate. There objective was to help street people as they can remain lord of the weak and hire them for there gain later,
I turned up there through a past person returning in to my life,
From day one I felt God needed me there, and found amazing peace, then pain, from challenging there leadership, I left straight after they betrayed me in front of the congregation, and destroyed my life with lies gossip and unwanted phone calls.
After I left about 90% of attendees left aswell, it's a dark ally now, and hope the light can shine on it one day
I needed this in 2016 and 2020 😅
This was so helpful!!!
I'm so glad! God bless you Shirley! 🙏🏽💕
Great video!!! 🙏
Thank you!
@@ShaneenMegji before watching your video I never heard of the name transition coach but it makes complete sense to me. The "tansition" period is the door towards freedom and healthy concept of life
@@thenarcissistguide Yes, "door towards freedom." I like how you said it.
This is so spot on and I’ve shared with several people
@@aztomaz7161 I'm glad you liked it. :-)
I experienced the wrath of "God" (pastor/God of THIS world) for not being FULLY on board with him (thinking for yourself not allowed - groupthink only) and excommunicated in front of the entire church. Feeling abandoned by God. Devastating, endless torment. Decades later, my feeling now is: Jesus yes, the church not only no but HECK no - never again under ANY circumstances.
I love your Channel.
Thank you Lindia!
Where was this (for me) 16 years ago. I had had enough and just left. Then began seeing what I can only describe as some of the most bizarre and dysfunctional behavior I'd ever beheld. The broken remnant of women "flying monkeys" of the pastor and his wife who were clearly being manipulated by them to come after me. Most others, including what few men were there had figured them out and got it earlier. The problem.. the pastor had become embittered against former members who left a long time ago. Bottomline, we all could benefit from counseling and healing. Thus the enemy would be discouraged in weaponizing our unhealed wounds, low self awareness and lack of repentance before God and others as "open doors" to afflict and torment others in an attempt to feel like we're in charge. What a huge waste.
I still love God and Jesus! And expect the Holy Spirit to guide me to the next step.
thanks for posting Shaneen. How do I end relationships I had at a cult? I want to be respectful, but they are close relationships that are toxic because of the church teachings they hold. thanks
God bless you 🙏😭
God bless you too! 🙏🏽😊
I really appreciate... thanks.
Love you sm!!!!
What to do if the leader is your father and you don’t want to go no contact with him but just not be apart of his church anymore. I love my parents dearly outside of church
My church leaders always plays politics in church they also campaign to vote for their political parties. I really don't belive in politicalizing our Christian faith.
@lydiasworld7273..............AMEN.........I stand with you!!!!!!!❤️✝️❤️
The narc was the son of a pastor and first Lady. Once at dinner the dad mentioned hiw the wife gives him the silent treatment. Its no wonder where the narc learned his behavior from.
It happened to me lately at my church.
Would you pray for me. It’s Ben 10 years since I’ve been able to go to church. I had a couple of experiences
How many experiences in these churches which really reflected my upbringing which was in a family of severe alcoholics and drug addicts! I was drawn to church because it was an alcohol free environment. But I ran into some folks
@@GilbertFlemingMaybe you should try a small church that is still growing instead of a bigger more established church because those small churches with a few members seem to be closer to God and His Word most of the time. But yes, pray about it first.
My faisnd I just left a toxic church please ray that we find a new one for God to resort us
🙏
Thanks :)
Please keep watching!!!
*posting
Ohhh ... and punish they do!
Please can you leave by writing a letter to the church
1 step,,, walk out and don't look back
I experienced the same and placed boycotted them
Yes. Pray also for me & for my young daughter and loved ones.
The interfering religious spirit has interfered with my introduction of Jesus to Janelle. I also have been feeling ambivolence about various churches of my affiliations.
Please pray for me 🙏
Please pray For me.
Thank you Maji for exposing this Bible Truth! Those who are Bible students will understand the difference in the criteria for a true Shepherd, true leaders of the Church of Christ. Jesus warns us in the last days there will be false Shepherds and false teachers, and they are all over the place, they are on TV, the internet, social media etc. The majority of pastors that are preaching have Lucifer's characteristics not Christ's! Pride, ego, Self Worship, caused Lucifer downfall from Grace....So we have these ministers preaching from the pulpits of America about Christ yet their characters are of Satan. And the church is blind, and you have the blind leading the blind. The Lord exposed this in his word to warn us, and yet you have these pastors ministers who surround themselves with flying monkeys who protect them and cover them and excuse their evil behaviors. God help us all to wake up to the signs of the times we are living in. Narcissistic pastors and leaders taking over the churches, and the people are in la la land... Jesus the Creator humbled himself and came to this earth to walk among his creatures to show them who he is and he demonstrated this all the way through Calvary. On the other hand Lucifer exalted himself and continues to lead not only the world to self worship but also the church of Christ... But John in the Book of Revelation speaks of the victors at the end of time. He says "Here are the saints who keep the Commandments of God and have the faith of Jesus"...compared to those who will follow the beast power (a religious political system) and John clearly state that the majority will be on the wrong road (decieved) and only a remnant (few) will make it to Eternal Life...Time to wake up and read our Bibles and obey The Lord out a heart of Love for what He has done to save us all...
Amen. 🙏🏽. Well said!
I'm so done with church. Bye.
Please pray for me miss
Do you do 1:1 consults?
If you are in this get out! You can’t fix it!
Then they’ll preach about you that you left “the ark”…
Bye Felicia
Why God puts you in a toxic church
based on 95 percent of the churches in todays times id say its not a good idea to go to a church.just read your bible and learn from the book god has given u.
I enjoyed this teaching and agreed with everything but two points and they’re biggies! When you said that it’s OK not to go to Church, immediately the scripture come up in me”do not for sake the assembling of yourselves together as is the manner of some.” it doesn’t even have to be your permanent church but someplace to assemble yourself together with other believers is always important.
Then when you said Jesus hated the abusers too. When in fact he love them, prayed for them, minister to them. I will go back and listen again to see if I misunderstood that.