Steven Seagal's On Deadly Ground Is So Bad You'll Root For The Oil Spill - Worst Movie Ever
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Steven Seagal's movie On Deadly Ground is a lot like Chernobyl, Deepwater Horizon, and Bubonic Plague only combined and a million times worse. Which is like all Steven Seagal movies, but this one's 10%-15% worse which is more than it sounds.
#stevenseagal #worstmovies #badmovies
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You nailed Michael Caine's emotional state. Not a lot of people know that.
Plz do Glimmer Man? I been waiting for it. 😂
The best value in Patreon history!
Bet you'll never do Above The Law or Hard To Kill
I’m good on tequila thx
"It is T.A.E.M" 🤔
Seagul must've written that part of the script😂
they knew that in 15 years when youtube exists that it's how you farm engagement
He directed it apparently, so that part probably WAS his idea
lmao i was looking for this
hahahah
I had to rewind it😂
When Michael Caine was asked why he did this movie, his response was, "well, I had a mortgage to pay"
Actors are lucky to get any well-paying work, especially in movies. Even great ones like him… though it’s probably easier these days, with like a million streaming services out there
I heard he also took these shity roles so he could see the world together with his family and get paid at the same time😂
My favorite from him was when he was in one of the horrible jaws sequels “I have not seen the film, which by all accounts is horrible, but I have seen the house it built and it’s quite lovely”
@@Guranga93heard something like that. Jaws 4 he took because he got to film in Hawaii.
@@Guranga93I heard the same. This was a paid vacation to the nicest part of Alaska for his family 😆
Any unreinforced ground Segal stands on is deadly ground.
Reinforced ground too
Must be why he's always sitting down.
You don't want to be with Seagal standing on the 3rd floor.
Solid
jet fuel dont melt steel, seagal does
I rented this movie in VHS at the local video store about 30 years ago on a Friday night. The weekend had something unpredictable in it that stopped me from returning the tape in time. On Monday I walked to the rental store expecting to pay a late fee to find the store closed. Permanently. I still have this VHS with me as a symbol of when VHS and that whole culture died. For years my only though was "If I knew I was gonna get to keep it, I'd rented something else".
Jean Claude van Damme's Cyborg or Rutger Hauer's Omega Doom.
@@farkasabel Cyborg is a really good movie.
don't bring van damme into a seagull soundoff
LOL, last sentence! 😂😂😂😂
Oh dear 😂😂
VHS ex-rental tapes are selling for a lot of money on Ebay these days. You might be able to get something for your copy of On Deadly Ground Beef starring Steven Seagal. There must be some Seagal fans out there who'd be willing to pay for it.
This movie had Michael Caine, R. Lee Ermey, John C. McGInley, Billy Bob Thornton, even Bart the Bear and it still sucked!
I actually liked this movie. Still can't believe Michael Caine did it. Same with Tommy Lee Jones doing Under Siege as both movies are below those actors.
@@markk2745 Under siege was a big hit and tommy made alot of money.
Also They both starred in worse movies.
0:33 John C McGinley had me dying
Steven Seagal is a talent black hole: Not only does he not have any, he saps everyone else's
Rest in Peace, Bart.
"I'd fuck anything once." Is The most frightening line Seagal has ever uttered.
Also the most believable.
Particularly if it doesn’t want to.
But it would be quite a waste of money for Seagal.
And it's only a matter of time before Liam Neeson
hunts him down for Taken his daughter.
Given what's going on with Vince McMahon and the way it makes me look at a lot of the pro wrestling storylines that he came up with in a new light + Steve Seagal using these movies as self-insert fan fiction, he's probably breaking the fourth wall with that.
He just hasn’t gotten around to you yet.
I tried to root for the oil spill, but Seagal blew it up in the first scene.
I have never seen anyone stopping oil spill by blowing up the rig - is that how it gets done?
@@arunraju9705I mean the Soviets nuked an oil rig to stop a leak once
@@arunraju9705 actually sometimes. The blast from the explosion is to separate the fire from fuel source. I think explosives have also been used to fight wild fires
A simple answer is the explosives are sometimes used to rob the fire of oxygen, without oxygen there's no fire.
@@arunraju9705 let's ask Steven
I saw this movie for free due to a special event at my theater. I still wanted my money back.
Start a petition, ill be the first to sign it. I hope youre doing ok 😢
Seeing how time IS money they definitely owe you.
😂😂😂 I'm dead 😂
This comment...😂😂😂👍🏽
I was a confused teen and actually rent it on VHS back in the day.
I didn't rewind the tape and left a note in the box to warn the next renter. But it still hurts.
This is my favourite Seagal movie. The lack of self awareness of him creating an ecological disaster while claiming to save the environment and then speeching about it is the most Seagal thing ever.
"He thought you were a bear."
"He is. But not the kind you're thinking."
😂
That line was so amazing. And then he said that shit about mouse and a hawk he thought was gonna sound so deep hahaha
Now turn over and squeal like a pig.😅
Michael Caine said after filming " I'd rather shit in my hand and clap, then star in another Segal movie"
I believe he did exactly that to get out of the sequel
I think he said than. Then would mean he does another
I think you need quotations. Otherwise, your sentence makes no sense. @tonypine3434
" I'd rather shit in my hand and clap, then star in another Segal movie" 🤣😂Oh my days cheers for that! Sorry I just vividly imagined that! 🤣👌👏💩
It was the biggest applause Steven Seagal ever got.
This must be Seagal's only movie where he's not former Spec Ops/CIA/cop etc. Truly an actor of range and trying new things.
And……he gets ragdolled by a bear and an explosion.
He’s one of the best actors of all time for a reason.
You must have missed the part about him being the guy the army calls when they have a mission which cannot fail 😅
Instead, he cosplays as a Native American 😅.
He is in a movie with Kurt Russel and he dies in the first half hour and he is some spec ops operator/ Navy SEAL.
Fun fact: Michael Cain is in this movie because Segal thought the producer asked if he wanted "My Cocaine" for the movie.
🤣🤣🤣
Dammit! That was too funny!
I had to pause this when Michael Cainne came in.
Seagal actually made a movie where he plays a firefighter who shows up to a fire smoking a cigarette, walks across the fire that would melt him and light him up (unless he was hell-spawn) just so he can detonate explosives that were prepared for him after the fire began to explode the fire, to have Michael Cainne dressed as an Oil Tycoon and the father Seagal never had come and complement him to fulfil his unrequired daddy issues...and this is just the beginning of the movie?
Been a while since I watched it but it seems about right!
The show entourage spoofed it too even The German director 😂😂
I can't believe you took the time and effort to edit him saying "it's T.A.E.M", which might fly over people who haven't seen the movie. That's next level dedication right there.
Michael Caine really quit caring for a while, Jaws 3, then this monstrosity. Man must've had some gambling debts 😂
I think he said this gig fixed a few problems for him, and thats why he can't really hate it.
@@Ironman1o1 I remember an interview when he said he has never seen Jaws3 but he really likes the house it built for him
His younger years he's a stud and the older years he's the loving grandfather but the middle ages years were something else
@@idlehands1864I don't even think the editor watched Jaws 3
Damn, I actually saw Jaws 3 in a movie theater. I’ll never get that 2 hours and 6 bucks back… 😞
Watched this on a plane and people still walked out
Ha!!!!!!
🤣
Comment of the day!
That's the best comment I've ever seen. 🎉🎉🎉
😂😂😂
This is when Seagal was going through his "I'm native American now" phase.
My Cocaine did an acceptable job.
He tends to change his race every few years. Hes been through pretty much all of them at this point
Haha true. He was even black at some point. What a complete clown 🤡
@@Krackerjax😂😂
"The native American equivalent of stolen valor." - Robert Evens.
@@Krackerjax his "I'm 1/4 black so killing innocent black people don't make me racist" mid 2000s trying to be hip in black gangsta movies era was The most cringe
“And scored himself a hottie.”
*I fucking LOST it* 😂
When I was a kid, my friends and I played with action figures (GI Joe & Star Wars). We would make up stories and they always started off really strong.
The longer we played, the more convoluted the stories got because we couldn’t remember everything we said already happened.
By the end the whole thing was a mess and that’s when we knew it was time to go play something different.
That’s what I imagine happens with the writing, filming, and editing of these movies.
Space Ice…I applaud you for suffering the pain of watching these movies just so we can have entertaining videos to veg out on. Mad respect!
I actually paid to see this in the theatre back in the day. I had to laugh at the concept of Sensei Seagal saving the environment by blowing it up
Are you black IRL?
Seagal walks mysterious ways....
Avalanche from Final Fantasy 7 is sweating right now 😂
And now I'm laughing because you paid for it. Thank you for that. - Michael Caine
"I had to laugh at the concept of Sensei Seagal saving the environment by blowing it up" Actually it's an economic construct, no kidding, called the "Kuznets Curve" named after the economist Simon Kuznets (he invented or perfected the concept of GNP/GDP btw). It states that to save the environment you must first destroy it. For example, by "drill, drill, drill" you will make so much money that later when the economy is much stronger you can pay for preserving the environment. Don't laugh: the USA/Germany and many other advanced countries did just that by outsourcing their polluting industries (or in the case of Germany nuclear power) to neighboring countries including China and France. Sorry about the long lecture but you can learn more by visiting Wikipedia. Bye.
- blows up an oil rig
- causes massive environmental pollution
- gives a speech, were he demands that we save the environment
- refuses to elaborate
Moves to Russia.
So basically every real life environmentalist
Ya forget, kills a bunch of innocent people/blue collar workers.
He's literally the eco-terrorists from the og Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six book/game lol.
And in the process, kills every honest employee working there.
Classic Seagal.
It's like Nordstream II! :p
Is the Steven Seagal mega blockbuster hit movie where he showed the world…… 😂😂😂 Always makes me laugh
Same here.
Hahahahaha😂 !
Thanks for that Captain Obvious. Guess this bot's comment "does what it's supposed to do".
That 90s movie narrator voice😂
In his autobiography, Micheal Caine introduced this part of his career as 'that the only thing worse than being rung with bad scrips is when no one rings at all'. He hadnt necessarily done anything wrong at the time - he'd just starred in the very successful 'Muppets Christmas Movie', it was an uneventful period in his career. He described whilst the weather was freezing his body, and the script was freezing his brain. He needn't have worried, it certainly wasn't the end of his career.
Thank you Space Ice. I've had a dumpster of a week. I've been really depressed, and stressed constantly.
I pulled up UA-cam, and saw Steven Segal's dumb face, and that was the first time I've smiled in days.
I appreciate yor channel.
Steven Segal saying, "I'd f**k anything once." Is probably the most honest thing he's said in his life.
Steven stole Michael Cain's blacker than black, light absorbing hair dye and is still using it today
You mean a black Edding pen.
The ol' patented Seagal Vantablack dye
Seagal reputation isn't well known in the 90's
Rudy G. should have taken a note. :)
I think it was the other way around this time tbh...
"You only have 10 fingers". 😂😂😂
Imagine only having 10 fingers, 2 eyes, and 1 nose. What a disaster🤣
A Pripyat resident typed this.
@@Stuck_In_The_Ice_Box Lol! 😂
The average number of fingers is less than 10. Less than 2 eyes and less than 1 nose.
@SirDistic yes technically so, as even a single person with a missing appendage drops the number just below, very astute mathematical logic there
I hate it when that happens.
Michael Caine is wishing he was back on the set of Jaws The Revenge, where at least it was warm and the rubber shark was less embarrassing to work with.
The shark was a better actor too
The rubber shark was a better actor as well.
He absolutely blasted this movie in the press.
Michael Caine just wanted to watch the world burn.
@@The_ZeroLine He was right to. I actually paid to see this back in 1994, having enjoyed Out For Justice and Under Siege. On Deadly Ground is one of the worst big studio films I ever saw.
"Now Caine is just drunkenly yelling at the production crew" had me doubled over laughing
Many a truth is spoken in jest.
Michael Kane, Billy Bob and R. Lee Ermy in a Steven seagal flick? This era of Movies was wild 😂😂
Also John C. McGinley who played Dr Cox in scrubs- he did some other roles but they were more TV oriented. I like his roles in scrubs and burn notice. He was also in Platoon.
Seagal’s former agent told a story, that he went over to his house & segal answered the door teary eyed, seagal said” I just read the most beautiful script ever” he was talking about his script he wrote for this movie 😂 ☠️
Lmao that's not the story at all.
Rob Schneider says Seagal told that to him.
@@zombiedodge1426 I get my Seagal stories straight from the most trustworthy source: Rob Schneider.
@@zombiedodge1426 Also it was for a SNL skit because Seagal was hosting LOL
@@tarransanders21 SunnyV2 did a video on it
"Enough dead bodies?!?! You did not just f***king say that!!!"
Thats just a red rag to Seagull's bull, but to be fair, in 1994 the world didn't yet know how bad his serial killing would become over the next 30 years
@@greebj in fact Alaska has more murder rates than average American suburbs.
@@greebj In fairness, Seagall has not *yet* become a Depopulating Machine...but he's working on it!
People say "I don't read. Movie is 2 hours." Space Ice gives us everything in 15 minutes. Plot. Characters. Commentary. Conversations with the actors. Ways to fix errors/suggests other ideas. And our favorite...a deep rooted hatred for Seagal. I'll stick with Space Ice and his totally 100% authentic reviews over anything else.
The best Segal movie is Executive Decision because it stars Kurt Russell and Segal dies before the 30 minute mark.
“He thought you were a bear.”
I laughed so loud, the kids woke up. 😅
"...now roll over and squeal like a pig."
"WEEEEEEEEHH!!!!"
😂😂😂😂
I have lost it for few minutes at that 🤣
thats a pretty funny scene
The editing was a master piece 🤌 😂
Say "my cocaine" out loud.
Congratulations! You just said "Michael Caine" the same way Michael Caine says "Michael Caine".
I actually just did cocaine, i inject it. The start of this video has been a blur 😅 enjoy cocaine freind, we are allowed to! The bible says nothing against it
@@wrtye2069It’s the Pause That Refreshes
@@wrtye2069The prick, the pull; the push, the rush.
Maybe he wasn't saying his name
Fucking Epic. How did I never thought of this damn it.
"...because who else would have looted the microwave?" XD I can´t contain my laughter.
Segal saw Michael canes hair, and knew what his future held.
His future? Seagal’s hairline was on life support way back in Above the Law.
@@captainmidnightgaming details, details. His shit was fading away back then, now it's this burnt tortilla chip shape now.
He's going on a rampage against the elderly 😂😂
WTF?? T-A-E-M???? Did i hear that right?!
he did say T A E M I went back twice thinking i was mishearing it.
@@TheBlackstaffSo did I lol.
McGinley probably purposely said it that way. Part of his charm as an actor.
@@martinrenzhofer8241 ha! You're probably right!
me too , i think it was an attempt at surreal comedy
"There is no I in team. It is T-A-E-M" 😂 3:12
This one is the best part of the video 😅😂
😂😂😂
This was the Steven Seagal Native American phase, right after the italian phase, he couldn't put up with healthy food any longer, then the African American phase entered. Everytime I see Seagull I think of "Kubiak" from Parker Lewis
And now, he’s in his Russian phase
@@fdangleshadang-a-lang7149 mongolian ruzzian
So many arcs.
Nico Tuscani or Nick the Tuscan
I actually unironically love Seagul (I have no idea how) & have my own playlist of all your best reviews of his. They are way too funny!
If only Seagul didn’t take himself so serious & actually started taken advice from other people making throwback martial arts movies (Atkins , Yen & even Johnny Utah) he could possibly make some really good films.
The fight scenes in his earlier movies were awesome & was really unique at the time.
There is a interview on Atkins channel with Seagul & you can see Atkins almost trying to guide him towards his strengths but unfortunately seagul’s undernourished ego just gets in the way of seeing things from a new perspective.
best movie ever. watched it so many times. much better then John wick crap
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
That settles it, Seagal definitely attacked the Deepwater Horizon rig in 2010 in a nostalgia-driven rage. He only got out of it because the investigators talking to him were so confused by his nonsense that they let him go for their own sanity. Since then he's been lying low, trying to keep the demons at bay with his license plate collection.
Ladies & Gentlemen--the movie that started Steven Seagal's downward spiral!
Exactly
I think this is why I’ve always had a soft spot for this film
i think his birth started his downward spiral, dude.
Lmao dude what? He was destined to fail from the get go.
@@ConsistentlyInconsistent21 oh, really? well, i think there is a goverment inside our government. what do you say to that?
MIchael Caine AND Dr Cox AND R. Lee Ermey in a Seagull movie? What has the world come to!?
the check for their beer money got cashed
R Lee Ermey is a true patriot in contrast to Seagal.
@DrakeSmith-tn6ij True, but then Benedict Arnold was a true patriot in contrast to Seagal.
"Fuck it now Seagull has a snowmobile."
Brilliant.
"And Seagal realizes-- 'holy shit, he IS kinda old' -- and murders the fk outta him"
that sent my sides to the moon
John C McGinley was the true hero of the movie.
He's the hero of everything he's in.
@@joelspringman523 Except The Rock. Sean Connery was the true hero in that movie.
I think you mean R Lee Ermy
John Mc Ginley has looked the same age in every single movie and tv show he's been in from the 1980s to the 2010s
@@noncomplier5385
Well, ya.
'You only have 10 fingers'
'What the fuck do you mean "only"?'
That part was great lol
@@AllOfTheHallows yeah, and i think the guy few second later spelled team - T A E M
Seagal's directed this one - as you'd expect, he was unhinged with his "direction".
The weird thing is, i think he directs better than he acts. By that I mean, from a technical standpoint (cinematography, effects, editing, sets) this doesn’t seem to be a badly made movie. Not Award-winning material but not exactly Battlefield Earth either.
He's a Michael Bay fan. Baywatch, if you will.
@@derworfnet The job of a director is basically to sit in a chair and say "that's not good enough."
"cinematography, effects, editing, sets"
These are all jobs done by other people.
This man singlehandedly defined the absolute rock bottom of Hollywood movies during the 80's to the 90's. Nobody has been able to go under that since.
seagal's bloodlust for the elderly... who does not know it
10:09 I love that line. "Anytime the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy." I know it's meant to mean "cannot afford to fail" but the way it's delivered makes it sound like they stroke Seagal's ego, give him the simple jobs and are like "This is a job none of us can do. Only you can. Now go pick up our laundry. Your codename will be Deluxe Doughboy."
Then Seagal goes waddling off with what experts believe to be his face attempting a smile, thinking his crayon written credentials have shown his value once again.
Actually what they're saying is "anytime there's an operation that has no possible way of failing, we call this guy to somehow mess it up"
It is so weird to see how Steven Seagal used to give a damn about his movies back in the 90s. The acting, delivery and even action scenes had some effort put into it. I think everything started to derailed with "Fire Down Below" and after that, the man just found a comfy chair, sit his ass down and never stand up ever again.
Imagine dying your hair between scenes LOL
Hey Space ice... I was surprised u didn't point out that at the 3:16 min mark, he spells "Team" T-A-E-M😅. Your videos are hilarious 😂 maybe that's how Seagal spells it
2:05 scores himself a hottie line had me choking on a Cheeto 😂😂😂😂
We are so thankful knowing somewhere in a Thailand bar , JCVD is having the time of his life 🙌🏽
"He thought you were a bear."
"He is, but not the kind you're thinking of."
🤣
No Seagal isn't manly enough to be the one we are not thinking of. To be sure, I checked with my gay guy friends and they agreed 😅. No Bears run like they took a class on how to run and got a D in the class.😅
He's a pedobear.
@@jasonshaw3605 I think SpaceIce meant not gay bear but Pedobear for Seagal.
@@jasonshaw3605 Doesn't it just mean large and hairy?
Love this movie. The slap game "What does it take for man to change?" "It takes time". Also Michael Caine looks like he is melting.
Glad I'm not the only one that found that entire scene awful.
Worst line of the movie has to be, "This man is not the student, he's the professor!"
We lost it at 8:20. Knowing about Segal bloodlust for the elderly and having fathers themselves. Our heroes make their move.
I bet this is the one film Michael Caine regrets filming in 😂
"There is no "I" in "Team - It is T A E M" .. ..............
This is not only a Seagal movie, this is The Seagal movie; the only high budget mess he ever directed.
During the bar scene, he literally beats a dude into wisdom. He "saves" Alaska by destroying it. And all the spiritual aspects he tried to set up during the first half, get thrown out the window in the second, he pretty much tells the girl the beliefs of her father were useless and dynamite is the way
Philosophizing with a hammer
😂😂 Who else thinks michael caine fired his agent after booking him in this? 😅
He couldn't since the agent knew that Michael had to pay his mortgage 😂
He probbaly threw him out the window, like Putin.
Biggest tragedy in Hollywood letting Steven seagal make movies
Steven "flying eagle" Seagal really leaned into his Native American heritage for this role, in his next movie he leaned into his African American heritage just as hard...so brave.
Holy crap Michael Caine was in a Seagal movie?! And had a successful career after the fact? This is a miracle.
Irrefutable proof that at one point in history, Steven Seagull got close to a real actor
Tbh he's the worthiest part of the movie, even with that ugly black haircut, ever watched Cars 2? It's the closest Michael Caine has ever been of playing 007, even if he's a car (inspired by an Aston Martin DB5 btw).
I wonder if they asked Caine about this movie and Seagal and what does he think of him🤔
Didn't Caine do better stuff after this move too? I wonder what the hell caused him to sing up for this?
@@joeblow9657 Yep, but like another thread noted, this was a period in his career where he was taking jobs simply for the money they were paying.
All Michael Caine said about 'On Deadly Ground' was that he only took the role because he wasn't getting any other offers and he would never do a film on location in any place that didn't have Hot weather.@@jesustovar2549
TAEM WORK MAKES THE DRAEM WORK. 😂
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who caught that, thought my autism was kicking in
NICE!!!
I am also noticed
"It might could be an illusion."
Yep!! thought it was just me as i thought it would have been top of the comments section 🤣🤣
To be fair if I wrote my own scripts I would have a woman driving off and crashing causing an explosion due to her own incompetence in every single movie.😂
"but then they find Seagal hibernating" 🤣🤣
‘And murders him with a continuity error’ 😂😂😂
*Dogs tearing Seagal apart* "They did 30 takes, and that was the best one!" LMFAO!!! Dude I love your vids.
"Roll over and squeal like a pig" 😂😂😂😂😂😂
A childhood guilty pleasure as it's one of the most unintentionally funny movies ever made. The Seagal egotism here is amazing. I have to admit though, I'm only now catching that Dr. Cox can't spell team.
Neither could the director since he didn't bother to reshoot it.
@@ahuras238I wonder if he was so fed up with the entire thing that he did that on purpose knowing that no one would catch it, or if they caught it they wouldn't care. Either validate for him that the entire production is garbage.
@@ahuras238 guys... this is Space Ice edit. I admit I also thought it was like that in the film and it was to make villain look stupid, but in reality he spelled it correctly in the movie.
3:10 "There is no 'I' in TEAM"
"It is T A E M!"
What!???? 😂
You want to down with your ship, that's fine. But I'm not that stupid
Caine: oh yes you are
Space Ice: Fucking got him.
You know Steven was responsible for this movie being made when misspelling team makes the final cut😂
I think it was meant to be a joke since the character is meant t o be a witless goon.
There’s just no pacing, setup or payoff for it to be funny.
The guy who Michael Caine tells to keep his ideas to himself was Irving Kirshner, the director of Empire Strikes Back.
Vader: "Luke, I am your father."
* pulls off his helmet to reveal Seagal *
Luke: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
* immediately exiles himself to Achoo *
Seagal: How much money is enough?
Michael Caine: Ask my realtor.
Billy bob Thornton and Sir Michael Caine in a Seagal movie.
Now we have seen everything.
Remember at that time, Seagal was still big.
On Deadly Ground really isn’t the worst movie ever.
It’s an entertaining flawed action movie that has flaws that are easy to criticize, however it’s still an entertaining poorly made movie much like The Room.
Son Of The Mask is a very awful movie with an unlikable insufferable main protagonist, terrible cgi, and other issues.
"There is no 'i' in 'team'. It is t-a-e-m."
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. He really didn't give a dang and neither did the editor hahahaha.
😂😂😂😂 i remember watching this with my gf at the time and her sister and we thought we misheard him but nope he really said that 😂😂
He kind of moves "fat" whilst not being fat yet.
🤣 his ego weighs heavy upon him
Pitch a movie idea. Figure Seagal touts himself as the greatest CIA, Special Forces, Navy SEAL, Delta operator, sniper, DEA, CIA, FBI, M-O-U-S-E, has more medals than Audie Murphy. Every woman wants him, and every man wants to be him. Now you think, 'That's every Seagal movie.' Here's the kicker, we make it a 'found footage' style movie. Minimal crew. Send Seagal to Kyiv!
He's allowed to choose where he wants to go. Gets a kit that barely fits him. Cradles a weapon that he claims to have taken off a dead Russian. In fact, he borrowed it from one of the guards for the production and it's not even loaded.
He claims to be a top marksman/sniper/spotter/Duck Hunt player, saying, "I hunted Taliban in Afghanistan for ten years as a sniper for a shadow company. Not supposed to talk about it." We see him shoot his rifle at the range, but you don't ever see if he's hitting the targets. When it's time to show the results, he takes someone else's paper and calls it his own. Then he's called out by others at the range, and he's pressured to fire again and he's not only way off, but he also doesn't hit the paper at all.
To the camera Seagal remarks "I trained CIA agents and secret assassins for twenty years." Flash back to old footage showing off his martial arts kills, which is just him standing still and pushing people. In the present time Seagal is pretty much forced to show off his skills. Except this time, he's facing off against trained fighters who won't take dives. In less than ten seconds Seagal is knocked down.
Wandering around Kyiv he comes upon wrecked vehicles. Touting himself as an expert in vehicles, he goes to one and says, "That's a T-80U main battle tank. It has a 125mm gun and two machine guns with a gas-turbine engine. I used to drive those when I was in the Army for thirty years." One of the guides says, "That's a BM-21 truck."
Going from place to place he meets the local people trying to keep going in life. The markets are open. Street cleaners remove debris. Some enterprising people collect the wreckage and sell it on Etsy. As he meets the people, Seagal tries speaking to them in Ukrainian. "In forty years, I've learned how to speak five hundred different languages, including Frog." Except what's coming out of his mouth is gibberish. The people look at him confused but are too polite to say anything.
Lastly, he wants to go to the front. The production takes them as close as they dare without drawing attention. As he stands next to a crater and a wrecked vehicle Seagal explains, "In fifty years I served in Special Forces around the world. Vietnam, Somalia, Afghanistan, Austria, Artic Ocean. You name it, I've been there." That's when the cameraman calls out to Seagal, "Wait. Aren't you a Russian citizen?"
TLDR
Best UA-cam comment ever.
@@felixjones9198 Worst UA-cam comment ever
I had fun reading this
Dude, real lassos are very, very stiff. You absolutey could beat the SHIIIT outta someone with one.
Michael Caine and Steven Seagal starring in the same movie is like a dream I have when I have a fever.
"Even Steven Seagal is amazed he's lowered himself to doing a Steven Seagal movie." Unexpected. Hell of a punch you got.
As an Alaskan, I can confirm this movie is 100% accurate.
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Can also confirm that everyone from my "tribe" is composed of young hotties.
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So Michael Caine couldn’t believably compliment Segal, even when paid. Incredible.
Lmaooo the team "t a e m" Lolol i like how he didn't even comment on it with the narration but still clips it lol
Steven Seagal eat oil from you french fries now!
“There’s no I in team , it’s T A E M!” 😅 Tf 3:11
Is it possible to get tired of these Steven Seagal movies despite I'm not even watching them, because I feel drained from these reviews.😂😂😂
They create a ton of pollution making this movie, then conclude it with a lecture about the environment. smh
R. Lee Ermey, John C. Mcginly, Billy Bob Thornton and Michael Caine were all in this movie.
I am speechless.
wheres BBT?