Steven Seagal's Attrition Is So Bad It Ruined His Career 30 Years Prior - Worst Movie Ever
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- Опубліковано 18 січ 2024
- Attrition is the Steven Seagal movie that came out in 2018, but destroyed his career back in the 80s, before he was famous to begin with. That might sound stupid, but it's Steven Seagal and stupid is all he knows. Every line is a total mystery on what language it will be in, but that doesn't matter because it wouldn't make sense anyways. Also, a guy might be a vampire. Nothing's explained and nobody cares.
#stevenseagal #moviereview #actionmovie - Комедії
Check out my Patreon: www.patreon.com/Space_Ice
Dude, you have to make 12 rounds of JCVD vs NICOLAS CAGE, the most epic battle ever!!!!!! Do it, do it. Do it. (Ben Stiller voice).
(I dare to guess that JCVD will win in end because of his fabulous hair and out of this world dancing)
You are the BEST!!!!!!
3:54 classic tune and perfectly placed, i take it you seen the music vid what goes with the tune, 🤣😂🤣
I love how the production values have stepped up a notch with the sound effects and 100% genuine translations 😂😂😂😂
Can you review Zack Snyder's Rebel Moon?😂
The fact that there is a YT channel majorly dedicated to shitting on Steven Seagal just makes me happy. There are few people alive today that deserve this honor more than him
MANY channels dumping on Sensei Saggyt*ts these days,, Seagull is just the guy EVERYONE loves to hate....
Steven Seagal and Neil Breen should make a movie together.
That would be the perfect mix of action and spirituality.
Recipe for success:
1. Make fun of Steven Seagal
2. See #1
@@MarquisDeSang Don't forget Tommy Wiseau. Those three would make a hell of a film.
@@SilverbackGorilla69 Tommy did nothing, he only wrote the script. The real director was a pro from hollywood.
The fact that Seagal is literally acting like he’s Ip Man is beyond hilarious
And got the actor from the actual Ip Man as a form of ancient Chinese torture method
gImPman.
"No, Donnie Yen plagiarized me, I was the first man to ip." - Steven Seagal shortly before he fell asleep from being forced to sit upright for more than 20 minutes.
You can tell he watched the first IPMan and then made it his persona for a bit.
It makes me want to know what character black guy Seagal is trying to steal@@Cosmicfury100
"Run all you want, there's no escaping the human penguin" 😂
😂😂😂😂
😂
* sound of penguin footsteps * I died 😂
It isn't what he said. It's how he says it that just makes it *chefs kiss*
Fun fact: Steven Seagal has been:
1. Chinese
2. Native American
3. Black
4. Russian
5. Italian
6. Jamaican
7. White
8. Japanese
9. Mongolian
10. Thai
I mean all of those have their own type of foods..
bro 🤣🤣
You forgot Mexican. He played a Mexican drug cartel boss in Machete. 😂
is that his laundry list of foods he eats daily?
He's yet to play a human
I'm not 100% convinced these subtitles were in this Seagal movie.....
That said, I am 100% convinced that these subtitles are better than what was probably in this Seagal movie.
They're better.❤
The real subtitles are just everyone telling Seagal how great he is.
If western localizers can change anime to w.e they want I'm accepting Space Ice subtitles as canon.
Their Chinese are weird. The subtitles are way better.
Maybe they weren't in the movie, but i can believe that's what the people actually said. Seagull wouldn't know ...
As soon as I hear, "MEGA BLOCKBUSTER HIT MOVIE" it's free dopamine. Thanks Space Ice
"WHERE HE SHOWED THE WORLD- What the fuck?"
I love that line
Yeah. That line makes you feel excited
"So he goes for a waddle" that one is great too
I love it too it's so Iconic😂
As a Chinese, i have to say all those scenes of characters speaking Chinese have incredibly stiff, awkward and unnatural delivery. Feels like Seagal wrote their rubbish dialogue, threw it into google translate and made the actors say whatever it produced.
This sounds very plausible. Plus you can't get great actors for crap films 🤣
@@Galfrid I actually feel bad for some of his co stars. Some of them are genuinely great martial artists and often collaborate with Donnie Yen. Like Louis Fan who was fighting the bad henchman in the club while Seagal was gunning down everyone else.
3:33 even the side characters know what they're getting into 🤣
That makes perfect sense, because Seagal’s dialogue in English is stiff, awkward and unnatural.
@@Mutantgamer At the end of the day you gotta put food on the table so I can sympathise with his co-stars.
"Stop asking questions. Just go along with it so he'll leave" 😂🤣💀
Same works with women.
Old man:
_Seven young girls have gone missing_
Seagal:
*I don't answer questions without my attorney present*
Pure gold
I love this post...
To be fair to Seagull, he only signed up because he thought it was called nutrition.
wouldn't that NOT make him sign up?
I wish I could like this 10x.
The word "nutrition" is a bane to Seagal
@@EvertfromNederlandhe thought it was "Anti Nutrition"...
😂
4:54 Why have you come?
"It is you who will come... " LMAO
Bet Seagal felt he was really clever when he...came up with that.
There are actually three things that anyone who's worked with Seagal on set can tell you.
1) He's a creep.
2) He'll likely self-defecate after getting knocked unconscious by his own stuntmen.
3) His footstep sounds when penguin-waddling are identical to Pingu's.
I like to imagine the Squidward walking noise whenever he takes a step lol
"we know you spray your hair", space ice professional chinese translator 👏
caught all the nuances! A+ translation.
"Nobody escapes the human penguin!" 🤣
No visit to a strip club? What kind of Seagal movie is this?
It's set in some rural Asian village, but yeah even still I'm surprised seagal didn't find a way to work it into the script
11:10 "I'm going to wrap myself up as a mummy while riding around on a skateboard and beating the curse on a technicality." 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 MY FAVORITE FORM OF CRAZY!!!
Adding in the squishy step sound effects is a whole new level of Seagal-slandering Space Ice pettiness that I am entirely here for.
_"Slandering"?_ I think you mean "accentuating" or "enhancing"!
It's the law that you can't slander someone's good name when they don't have a good name.
It's hilarious. I hope they are added for every next review :)
"Spec ops waddle man"... he has a golden penguin award for that uniform?
"F*** your head injury, I'm going on break". As someone who works in a hospital, that's the most relatable thing Seagal has ever done
I think I might have actually heard something like this at work today. (I'm a housekeeper at a hospital.)
This is why i don't trust doctors and nurses. Professionalism is dead.
@@SiriusSphynx they go through a lot, probably short staffed, and just had to have their hand up some old persons butt. They are saying that because people like you who think putting off a well deserved break is "unprofessional" lol.
@@SiriusSphynx If people like you learned to drive, crossing streets carefully, wear protective gear when its needed, you know beeing professional when doing things, then doctors would have a lot less to do and could take a break.
@@SiriusSphynx And you probably get all of your medical advice from Facebook. I'll stick with the medical professionals
Love that Darude's "Sandstorm" is playing during the Tide commercial. And as a longtime Simpsons fan, the Burns joke was priceless.
"Mega blockbuster hit movie" never gets old
- “where he showed the world….”
Damn, Attrition is so bad Space Ice had to make ANOTHER video just to reinforce how bad it is
Ahhh I thought some of these scenes looked familiar. I thought Segall just lazily rehashed parts of his other scripts
@@OffeJ83 it might could be an illusion
You win.@@DrZZZee
Damn, I cried from laughter.
The "narration" that you edited for the film was genius. "I know that your films are for laundering money!" 😂
Exactly my comment above, you beat me to it! With creative "Hollywood accounting" actually making a (bad) movie would be a great way to launder mob money. Mel Brooks made a comedy with roughly the same theme of bad is good back in the day.
Most likely the losses are used to avoid high taxes since companies are only taxed on profit not revenue. Movie studios can used the losses to offset the profits of blockbusters thus avoiding maximum taxation. The same trick is used for gambling income too fyi.
"We know you spray paint your hair" 😂😂😂😂
"Why are you trying to make sense of a Seagal movie?" Can't be done.@@SystematikSoundz
@@daleupthegrove6396😂😂😂😂
Fun Fact: Sensei Seagull's friend ''Rikki'', is played by Hong Kong action star Louis Fang.
The guy is a legit martial arts expert, you may know him from Ip Man 1 & 2 and ''The Story of Rikki-Oh'', which is one of the greatest live-action manga adaptions ever. It's so batshit insane, it features a fight scene, where one of the bad guys tries to strangle our protagonist, with his own intestines!
If you haven't seen ''The Story of Rikki-Oh'', do yourself a favor and do it now!
You mean Louis Fan?
Anyway, Seagal gotta thank God it was someone like Dan Inosanto and Louis Fan, who are actually legitimate badasses, to not only play in his movies, but also get their asses kicked by him. Had it been someone like the late Robert Wall, he would have been exposed a little earlier. Not worse than Gene LeBell did Seagal, but most likely earlier to the public.
“Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky” is one of the greatest movies ever made! i’d love to see Space Ice tackle that movie 😂
Master Jin from ip man I knew he looked familiar I just couldn't figure out who he was lol
"He can't talk."
"Why?"
"Because he is from a poor family."
Has me dying 😂😂😂
........................ (I'd respond to that, but I work retail; and therefor, am too poor).
"My father is going to ki** himself!"
"Seagal asks him if he's tried not being poor, and the day is saved"
Best quote 😂😂😂
At this point I cant even tell the difference between Seagal movies. I'm always thinking, "didn't he already do 12 videos about this one?"
This is the one where he plays a former elite special forces operative
@@muskyoxes damn I was mixing it up with the one where he plays the elite special forces operator.
@dash4800 Naw for really mix him up with the one where he played the Elite Special Forces Officer
This was “Attrition” previously he reviewed “Absolution”.
@@docsays should be called atrocious, cause that's what thst is lol
Give this dude a humanitarian achievement award for enabling truckloads of healing laughter far & wide on UA-cam.
Don’t forget suffering through all the Segal movies so we don’t have to 😂 not to mention Uwe Boll and Neil Breen too
More wide than far. It's Seagal we are talking about
@@Vasiliy9hells LMAO
Facts
"Seagull finger-painting the script" is fkin underrated xD
"...is the Steven Seagal, mega block-buster hit movie, where he showed the world" NEVER gets old!
If you ever feel regret for a decision you've made, you can always take comfort in knowing that someone out there right now is financing a Steven Segal movie.
I don't think he's made a movie in a few years now, he's too busy shilling for the Ukraine war
Yeah Steven Seagal
Yeah, like the Gambinos, and probably a bunch of Russian mobsters, lmao!
financing or money laundry?
@@2lobo777definitely the latter. All these movies are either Chinese and/or Russian propaganda in the name of laundering mob and dictatorship $$$.
The subtitles had me dying, bro
“It’s a flying bug. Nobody f**king cares”
“Poisons carry life?? What the f**k does that even mean??”
“Stop asking questions! Just go along with it so he’ll leave!”
😂😂
😂😂😂
*Bro space ice jus doesnt miss*
@9:22 your subtitle " I don't have insurance" was good enough to earn you a new subscriber. love your humor 🤣😂😅😂
Watching Seagal tweak that woman's neck I just kept thinking about his reputation of "hitting his stuntmen for real" and looking at the real pain in that woman's eyes, I suspect Seagal paid her $2 to allow him to tweak her neck Dr. Death style
You surpassed yourself: the actual subtitles, the kanji for "fart", the penguin sound for SS waddling and more 😆!
PLOT TWIST: Space Ice is actually the producer for all of Seagal's movies, just so he can come back and tear them apart MASTERFULLY!
I have thought about that before, I thought he was some kinda of director though
Or Space Ice and Steven Seagal are two parts of the same being, Space Ice being pure good and Steven Seagal being pure evil.
@@hydrocannons7573 I can go for this theory, except seagal would be 75% yin/yang. Because in the words of space ice, SEAGAL DOESNT DO SMALL
@@rob1nsky He does have both light AND darkness within him! 🤣🤣
😂😂😂
I'm so happy you properly translated all of that, I'd be lost in the artistry of a Seagal film and not have context otherwise.
Actually your best edit yet. Great job. Loved the translation joke.
"It starts off in San Francisco" the Tide Commercial and squeaky shoes had me dying🤣😂😅😂🤣😅
What many people don't know, is that have a waddle-specialist in your spec-ops team is an asset. His slow movements confuse, disorient and demoralise the enemy - it is the last thing that they expect. Mr Seagal has brought his many years of real-world expertise in this little known art to the screen so that it gets greater public recognition. Likewise the surprise technique of overwhelming the opposition from the comfort of a chair. They simply don't teach these skills any more and I fear the day when Mr Seagal is no longer with us and they are lost for all time.
I feel your pain :(
Fear not: Word has it that Sensie Segal has passed on his great wisdom and _...unique..._ fighting style to many Sheriff's deputies... His legend shall never die.
How can any expert marksman lead a target that moves so unpredictably, and so rarely? Many have died contemplating this question, some from boredom, others from extreme boredom.
And his slaps are impossible to evade. If you fight Seagal, you will get slapped. I don't care how good you are
It demoralized me, and I'm not even in canon.
5:57 WTF DUDE 💀
I had wondered, "Well, what will Space Ace do when he runs out of Seagal movies?"
...Then I looked at Seagal's filmography. If Ace did 1 film ever 4 weeks, he'd have enough to do 4.6 years of content.
I laughed so hard at those translations from chinese to english xd
Thank you Space Ice for providing the planet with your monthly Seagal "movies"
As always Sensei never dissapoints to dissappint.
This guy will never run out of Sensei Seagal videos to review
omg, the misinterpreted subtitles were a new level of hilarious! Nicely done!
He wants his own ip man so bad 😂
Run all you want... There's no escaping the human penguins😂😂😂
That almost killed me
@@camnorwood157The sound of the footsteps killed me ;p
I had to stop the video@@havocgr1976
I will say this for Attrition: It's one of the VERY few Seagal movies that is actually fun to watch ironically. The vast majority of Seagal movies seem like they might be fun to watch ironically and then are boring as dirt. Attrition is genuinely hilarious.
"Belly of the Beast" is another Seagal movie that can be considered "so bad it's good".
@@negativedumpster9778 true!
One of the best movie ever@@negativedumpster9778
@@negativedumpster9778 Oh yeah! The fight at the end had me rolling!🤣
HAHAHA the "squishy" steps killed me LOL @11:05
6:43 the squishy walk 😂
The squidwerd sound bites as Seagal waddles around is the icing on the cake xD
Cake....Seagal could eat some of that sweet cake.
Those subtitles were drop dead hilarious. Would pay real money to watch an entire movie dubbed by space ice. Make it happen!!!
The squishy sound when Segal walks is a touch of brilliance!
The sound effects and subtitles put this one over the edge. And I didn't think your reviews could get any better. Thank you so much
Still waiting for that Seagal co-starring Breen directed by Uwe Boll movie to come out 😂
The only problem is it wouldn't be fair to all other films and would immediately win every single category in the years Emmy's, Tony's, Grammy's and Academy Awards, becoming the world's only 20-time EGOT winner
It would be a mega-blockbuster-hit-movie 😁@@davidjsaul
We're not ready.
Or worthy.
With guest appearance by Rob Schneider
... and Tommy Wisseau and Kevin James; altogether in the new, mega block-buster, Nobel-Laureate and MOBO award-winning hit movie action film
'The Excrementals' .
It saddens me that one day Space Ice will run out of Seagal movies to annihilate. Thankfully today isn't that day
Dont worry
There are two shows seagull also made with many episodes
There are also a bunch of hilarious seagull interviews
It will take years before we run out of seagull content.
By that point he will have showed the world already.
I doubt it - Space Ice puts more time in the production and writting then any Seagal director... he will never catch-up xD
Nope the old hector ecbusjdvjddj or something was overweight n did some really shit martial arts movies
He can always revisit the entire repertoire and come up with new gags
6:45 "Run all you want, there's no escaping the human penguin!"
Space Ice is awesome
03:29 - i hear what you did there :D
"So he goes for a waddle..." lmao
Steven Seagal is the only actor that has made more movies outside his prime than in it.
He had a prime?
@@Darknight0781 There was Under Siege. Does one movie (which would have been better with Thomas Ian Griffith in the lead) count as a prime?
Cause he won't go away
Jealous?
@@Gee_Morty.. Of his financial success despite his complete and utter lack of talent, definitely. Of anything else about him? No.
I laughed so hard I was crying and couldn’t breathe. Thank you!
5:49 My goodness 👀 That was wild, SpaceIce 🤣🤣☠️
“ run all you want, there’s no escaping the human pingouin” 6:48 then the SpongeBob walking sounds really got me in tears 😂
Ya me too 😊
"Goes for a waddle." Lol. There's one Segal movie where some dude just has magic wall running powers out of nowhere. I don't remember which one it was but like wtf lol.
Yep. That one guy in that one scene only in that movie 😂 I can’t recall which film either - they all blend together (despite Sifu’s masterful writing)
If it's the one Seagull fights sitting down while the guy jumps around the walls, it's called "Out For A Kill" and yeah, it's absolutely hysterical! 😂
@@chaoticallyorganizeddand Space Ice did that one, so have a look & enjoy the commentary!
@@gnipgnop4795 oh I've seen it multiple times, one my favorites from the channel! Lol
Spec ops waddle man 😂😂
This might be your finest work yet. The subtitles are perfection.
Ah Seagal, never fails to FAIL.....
SPECTACULARLY!
😂😂
I laughed out loud with the English subtitles, especially the "this movie must be money-laundering, there's no other explanation" which is a thought that's occurred to me.
Disney is doing money laundry movies too lately.
But whose money is he laundering? Where does it come from?
@@Elyseon The Triad. Did you just fall off the turnip truck?
@@Theodore_Twombly I'm not as aware of his dirty dealings as most people. I just know he's a talentless hack with an inflated ego and a creep.
Going through a hard time right now, youre helping me get through it with some great humor. Love ya bro, I hope all is well on your end
'we know you spray paint your hair' 😂🤣
Seagal doesn't do anything believable for a man at his age🤣 spec ops? Come on sensei
Steven Seagull is such an awesome guy for giving SpaceIce so much material to work with ❤
Whenever I’m feeling down this channel cheers me right up
4:40 - To be fair, Bug nets are a HUGE win when you live in many areas. You've never experienced true frustration until you're trying to sleep, but get interrupted every 15 seconds from giant fucking mosquitos, nats, or horse flies biting the fuck out of you.
Hah yeah that was the only thing realistic in this movie that I think Space Ice should've let go. But it's Seagal who's a major asshole to everyone he "works" with, so he deserves it anyway
Space Ice is a nation treasure and must be kept safe at all cost.
Van Damme has got his back! Spin kicks galore and than a quick trip to Thailand for some R & R! 😂😂❤
Protect him.
He should be walking with an air of confidence rarely seen these days.
International!!! Global! Galactic?!!?!!
National treasure ?
Worldwide treasure
You killed it with the subtitles 😂 no truer translation can be found 😅
Dude, the captions are gold.
the subtitles were killing me man, great job once again 😂
Worst movie also means the most entertaining review from Space Ice that has to be watched with my popcorn to laugh out
Never clicked on anything so fast
Greatest channel on YT.
Thanks for the content. The sound effects and subtitles. Freaking awesome. Much love to you and all.
The captions absolutely crushed it
"How kung fu, very good kung fu" 😂😂🤣🤣
This literally made me say: “Wtf? wtf did he just say?” out loud.
The subtitles and editing on these videos are oscar worthy. I nominate Space Ice. 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
The sound effect when Seagal walks is the best thing ever! 😂😂
“Attrition”
Is this about sensei Segall’s hairline?
That woman @4:21 looks so creeped out.
IKR? That's exactly what I was thinking.
You really raised the bar with this one. Saw it a 2nd time this morning and there are new gags one misses on the first viewing. Congrats! Keep up the good work
The fart sound at 3:29 …… brilliant
3:53 Adding Sandstorm score under that is pure genius.
When I am feeling low and lonely and yet you provided a steven segal review to lift my spirits. Thank you Space Ice.
Loved the subtitles and the sound effects.
the walking sound effects and the subtitles were brilliant :D I'm literally crying
It's impressive I still see people who are fans of this guy. I mean, it's not just about bad acting. He really thinks he is all that he tries to portray
The same can be said about a certain...ahem...Donald.
@@raylopez99 There is literally a mummy giving your taxes to other countries while letting stores be robbed. USA as a whole should cease to exist. Let's just focus on somethng else
Don't start.@@raylopez99
@@raylopez99The same could be said about a child sniffing senile Joe Biden who has no clue where he is most of the time.
Yeah - the man is completely deluded. As for anyone who actually enjoys watching the rubbish he 'stars' in...... 🤦
Just go along with it so he leaves 😂😂😂
"Win, win" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The fart sound effects are perfect! 😂
I died at: "I'm gonna wrap myself up as a mummy, while riding around on a skateboard and beating the curse on a technicality".
These fake subtitles are hilarious! xD
Stevie Seagal seems to have a phobia about making good movies.
This is was the most funniest $*** I've seen Space Ice! Thank you for being part of my TGIF Friday!
BTW can you please review Nicholas Cages Deadfall and Vampires Kiss? I need to torture my boyfriend! 😂
This probably is one of the most hilarious video on Seagull in this channel, I can't stop laughing 🤣 🤣