Why is My Mental Illness So Competitive? | Kati Morton
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- "Kati, why is my depression so so competitive?"
I thought this was a great question because I know we have talked about eating disorders and how they can be competitive, but we haven’t talked about other mental illnesses, and I am going to be honest, I think it has more to do with us and not so much what mental illness we find ourselves struggling with. Now I say that because it’s all about what we tell ourselves about our mental illness, meaning if we feel that we ARE our mental illness, if we see someone else suffering from the same thing we can feel like they are encroaching on our territory. Or if we worry that we aren’t sick enough for help, or have tried to get our parents or someone else in our life to take our struggle seriously, and they don’t, and then we see someone else who appears to be doing “worse” than us, we can be jealous or upset by that. Thinking that we should be that ill and maybe we could get help or be taken seriously.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Just got your book today! Excited to start it :)
preston L Don’t forget to leave positive reviews online! (Written reviews are the best ) 😉Checkout Goodreads.com Amazon.com & give a 👍on Google!!!
I got mine like last week after a lot of Patience (I live in Nigeria so it kinda took a while ) but anyways it was worth it . After I was done a friend borrowed it and loves it . happy reading.
So excited to see where Are u ok? ends up :) Thank you for sharing :)
So many of us are depressed but we believe we are not ‘depressed enough’ to get help.
It’s almost like it’s not bad enough to get the assistance we need 💕
Totally!! But everyone deserve support and help no matter how "sick" we may be :) xoxo
Kati Morton 100 percent agree with you there ❤️
Don't punish yourself any longer, get help for you deserve it....
Such a true statement!!!
And we're not sick enough to go to the doctor. Or in my case, I don't think I'm worth it.
Her “welcome” cures my depression temporarily
🙏🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I thought I was the only one who was jealous of the severity of other’s mental illnesses, and that made me think I was doing it for attention.
This helps out so much!
Laura Maegaard same
SAME TBH
same. im strangely happy im not the only one
Yes
I'm glad I found this video too
WOW I struggle with this all the time!! I always feel like I don't really have a legitimate reason to be anxious, down, or depressed etc. This video was very validating.
That's very interesting. I had never thought about a competitive mental illness.
So glad you enjoyed the video! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
I always get sad when people say that because they have "less suffering than me" they don't deserve help, or people saying "I'm worse than you" because suffering is suffering, we are encouraging to suffer even more which is ridiculous. Be kind to yourself and the others, you know how bad are you feeling and It won't be good to make things worse for you and the others
My depression is so competitive.
It’s hard at school and I feel like I’m always being blamed for who I am. Schools have a problem with encouraging negative stigmas about mental health in the UK and people constantly talk badly about depression (like people make it up) and it makes people like me hate ourselves more. This problem needs to be addressed.
#relateable. I hope You Will get better!
idk why this video got me so emotional but woah
Awe I'm so sorry! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
Kati Morton it was helpful ive started to see a therapist cause of your videos you always inspire me to keep going and help me understand why i’ve been feeling like that 💓
I always feel like I'm not "anxious enough" and that I'm lying about my anxiety and I'm making it up for attention, which in turn just makes me more anxious. Very eye opening video.
The issue you mention about not having a caregiver present to turn to when carrying out independent tasks as a growing child, definitely interrupts the stage and the process of "rapproachment." This is yet just another example of how insufficiency while going through a stage in development can lead to psychological underdevelopment later on, sometimes manifesting as mental illness, and sometimes not. Another great video Kati!!
In a weird way, I feel attached to my depression like it’s who I am and if I’m doing well and someone else is depressed, I then want to cling onto my depression. It’s strange because it makes you feel terrible yet I don’t always feel like I want to ‘get over it’ so to speak
THIS. IS. SO. RELEVANT! Holy shit I have always felt like when I talk about anxiety and depression, anyone else who also deals with this on any spectrum HAS to chime in and offer why "their X or Y" is worse than mine. And you're right people want to feel heard but it's really annoying. I'm glad you're talking about it!
i was just talking about this in therapy yesterday and never thought about “competitive” as being the word for what i was feeling. what a great descriptor!! oftentimes my depression being so competitive leads me to feeling like a fraud, as it’ll often make me feel inadequate and invalid, as if i’m making it all up and its so comforting and validating to know i am not the only one who feels that way
Holy shit, this was a hell of an eye-opener...
I totally agree!!!
Thanks for another great video Kati! I love how you talk about the details that we don’t even recognize.
0:59 -A situation like this happened to my sister and I. For 10 years, I have struggled with my mental health. My family is aware but have never Really listened to what or how it truly affects me every. single. day. My sister had an 'episode', I'll say, where she was completely down and wanting to commit suicide. Everyone came rushing to her side and got her into therapy. I feel so guilty for feeling jealous. I am happy that my sister got help, of course. But it felt like a slap in the face because I have asked and asked for someone to help me and it is just ignored for some reason. I have been open about my suicidal tendencies that I used to have, not anymore, and still nothing! It makes really makes me think how far do I need to go to show that hey ive been suffering for 10 years!!!! I feel like my mental illness is me now. I think my family thinks the same. It's a normal thing now. I don't know me without it.
Thank you for making this video. I used to be so ashamed of having this feeling, because I thought "well what if I don't really have mental illness, what if I'm making this whole scenario up in my head for attention." But another reason I feel this way is when people talk about they hate their life or whatever. For example, one of my friends is having a summer camp that lasts pretty much all summer. Well, she'll text stuff to the group chat like "OMG I hate my life and I don't have a summer!" And it makes me feel really bad because she gets a lot of attention and "oh well it'll get better like you know whatever school's coming in like a month." but me a person who has diagnosed mental illness, whenever I try to talk to people I'm always being showed up by others like if I talk about say wanting to cut again I'll hear people talking about "well I have suicidal thoughts" and they keep on trying to one-up me and it makes me feel like whatever I'm feeling is not valid.
I came across your channel through the anxiety ninja a few days ago and your channel is freaking perfect! Thanks for all the amazing info!
Awe thank you! I am so glad you are finding it helpful :) xoxo
Recently I find myself envious of “normal” people. I see them laughing and smiling and I desperately want to be like them. I struggle with social anxiety, depression and possibly bpd. How can I learn to have self love and self acceptance?
Wow I feel like this is me
This insecure attachment style makes a lot of sense to me.
These are things I worry about but definitely am very ashamed to admit in person because I find that when I want help but can’t articulate it in the space I feel I’m taking things away from others or I need to try and make sure my distress is noticed sometimes even if it’s not in words in order to validate seeking any help.
Great talk Kati!
It's so interesting to hear you talking about this as it's pretty much what I noticed myself doing several months ago. I still feel as though most people in my life have a poor understanding of OCD and don't realise the seriousness of what I've been living through. I've been doing better since I (finally) started therapy a year ago, but OCD has hugely impacted my university studies, my friendships, my physical health, my financial situation, and even almost killed me. The competitiveness comes in when I see a person with an audience, such as a UA-camr, getting so much love and support from their fans and the media for opening up about mental health struggles which I judge as being much less serious than my own. The best way I've found to deal with that jealous feeling is to instead focus on compassion. Firstly, I show compassion to myself by acknowledging that my bitterness is a shield I'm putting up to avoid feeling the sadness of not getting the same love and understanding from people in my life. Secondly, I, of course, show compassion toward the person I'm jealous of by empathizing with their struggles. Perhaps it is even objectively true that their mental health isn't as "bad" as mine, but that doesn't mean they don't also deserve support. It's difficult confessing to competitiveness and jealousy, as I've always been severely turned off by those qualities in others and I feel like a hypocrite, but I guess that's just the OCD in me trying to do the impossible: be perfect.
Great video! Really interesting topic. I think it is easy for us to downplay the issues we are having or feel guilty when we know there are others who are going through something much worse. As you said, we may even feel jealous that our "symptoms" are not as noticeable or severe as someone else. I think we can also be extremely critical of ourselves for feeling the way we do. I'm guilty of doing that, for sure. The important thing to remember, I think, is that what you are going through and feeling is valid. Your story is valid. No matter what someone else is experiencing you need to take care of yourself. As a friend once told me, give yourself the grace to be.
This is such untouched topic. Thanks for putting light on it.
OMG kati, i've been thinking about this for MONTHS and now you're answering it, omg you're such a lifesaver. ILY ❤️
Yay!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
Oh my goodness thank you for making this. I’ve been beating myself up about it and thinking I’m manipulating everyone into thinking I’m struggling but I genuinely am? I think it’s partly because of my ocd but gosh this is so validating and makes so much sense
oh my god katie i'm grateful that i find this video of yours because i've always felt competitive, and then felt greatly guilty and ashamed, and then questioned myself if i really have depression or if i was just 'faking it'. turns out it's because i had always been emotionally neglected (which i already know). thank you katie, i just recommend your channel to my friends. you have been such a big help!
I've struggled so much with this, and even more so after being diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder. I think growing up in a home with a parent who was struggling with similar issues contributes a lot to this competitiveness and self-invalidation that I tend to do. But I am trying to retrain myself to be kinder to myself. Thank you for the reminder, and the confirmation that I'm definitely not the only one who struggles with this.
This is why I started self harm. I saw the other people got more attention than me bc they did it so I started. It wasnt bc I wanted to be the center of attention; I wanted the opposite of tht. But I did want someone to help me, to listen to me, to care and love me.
thank you so much for this. i thought i was the only one feeling this way. i thought i was just a crazy, selfish person for having such thoughts
Wow! this is so fitting to what I’m going through atm. I feel so terrible that I’m so needy all the time and that I’m making it up which then makes me more needy because I feel so alone. doesn’t make any sense I know! Thank you so much for your videos xxx
Wait this helps me so much to hear that, my dad would always tell me I shouldn't be depressed because others had it worse and that only made me feel worse, I think I unconsciously just wanted that help and support from my parents, but them believing I wasn't depressed, made me make myself feel worse, even though I wanted that acceptance, help and support, I'd reject them when they did want me around. Idk if that makes sense but I just wanted to say thank you, that information is really nice to hear and that I wasn't just doing it all for the attention
I think because the words depression and anxiety are thrown around so casually now no one really takes it seriously. People say they're depressed/anxious to describe normal emotions during a bad day. I feel like I end up having to describe how bad my anxiety is to people, and how it's worse than their 'anxiety' to make them realise.
I used to be jealous of the people who were “sick enough” to be believed by their parents.
It took forever for my parents to believe me.
I swear that I live to hear you say "Welcome!"
this was helpful especially because i’m exactly the person that is constantly denial of my mental health and i try to pretend it’s not there and that even when i feel really low, it’s never actually that bad so getting help would be silly cuz there r people way worse than me so anybody i would speak to would tell me to suck it up and to get on with life. i’ve slowly started to come to the realisation that that isn’t true and that if something is bothering u no matter how big or small, you have the right to let it bother you!
Kati!! I love your videos. You educate me so much about mental illness and it honestl helps me so so so much!! Thank you!
Of course!!! You are so welcome :) xoxo
Kati I know your right, positive self talk is so so SO important. But damn, why it gotta be so hard?
Hi Kati, thank you for making this video, I never thought that it was actually a thing. It is sort of a relief to hear someone say that it is something that is linked to depression and self worth and that I'm not just a really horrible person. 🌸
Oh my gosh. It’s like your living in my head with something. Sometimes it’s so hard with my thoughts and looking at others. I just struggle.
I used to relate to this. But ever since i worked on my self-esteem, my confidence & practicing gratitude that alone has changed my mindset about myself and overall made me happier. Research how to be confident and build ur self-esteem and practice gratitude on the daily! Its worth it .
Your words made me cry... It's very hard to admit, but you've just described me. I always underestimate what I feel, because I am convinced that my feelings and my "negative thoughts" are nothing when compared to the difficult situation of other people... Maybe I should stop comparing myself to the others and try to understand what my real value is. Thank you Kati for this video💗. Greetings from Italy🇮🇹💕
Honestly I feel that same issue. Ive been told that my friends have it worse or you have nothing to say. So ive always held it in. To this day I think about whether I should go to counseling or not
I'm glad this is not "just in my mind"!
Krysten K yea if I New this sooner maybe my depression wouldn’t be so bad
This is so coool because we just had the same discussion in class about Attachment Styles related to Mental Illness last Wednesday :)
After that discussion I became more conscious of how I treat my little brother. Eventho I'm not a parent, I think being an older sibling can also affect how he perceives the family environment as far as parental attention is concerned. That's why Mentalization is important. Perception of children can be altered thru this, provided by the parent or caregiver.
This was so eye opening. I always thought I was a bad person for „being jealous“ that other people have it worse than me.
funny, I never felt this competitiveness about my depression. Actually, when I see someone else depressed I feel closer to that person, because I know what they are going through. And if someone is worse off, I will try my best to help them - this is actually something that uplifts me, if I can be of help for someone else.
But a great topic, as always. Your channel has given me so much and I really see it as a great addition to my therapy!
And there's one thing you always mention, that I really want to emphasize: get help, it is no shame to seek help, when you think you have a mental illness!
I have BPD. I was in the mental hospital one time and met another person with BPD. We were talking about the different mental hospitals in our area and about how often we've gone. She told me that this was her second time in a year. I told I've been 5 times in a year. She looked at me and said well I'm worse then you. I wasn't aware it was a competition.
Very relatable.. always thought others have it worse. Without opening up to anyone. Then tend to feel guilty if I have small moments of feeling happy. Anyway.. great video as always!
This sounds so like me.... I didn't get help because I was afraid people would just dismiss me. And now after the worst time is over I kinda miss the bottom, so much. In a way that was all I had, knowing that I have it worse than all these people around me, other than my friend maybe. I lost a lot of weight because I didn't eat, at the time I told myself it's because I don't have appetite, which was true, but I think it was partly intentional. Kinda a way of proving to myself that I'm really hurting. In a way that brings some hope too, because when you are in overwhelming pain the last thing you want is to realize that everyone else is going through the exact same thing and handling it so much better. If the pain is normal and it hurts so much, then there must be something wrong with me, right? That's why I was so happy to get my diagnosis, I could stop blaming myself
1237 Kati has a great video on missing your depression! ua-cam.com/video/MqhcJkamsqU/v-deo.html
I feel like this is a normal part of depression and other mental illnesses and people don’t talk about it enough
I'd never thought of it as being "competitive" but your descriptions made so much sense (put words to) with what I go through sometimes, especially when it comes to seeing others who are struggling with mental health and comparisons.
I definitely struggled with this when I was depressed. Thank you for giving me the answer to a question I had for many years! Love your channel :)
I'm so glad that you've covered this! As someone who has depression and anxiety I always feel awful for feeling the way I do when I see my friend/cousin who is much worse than me and I end up feeling selfish for feeling the way I do :(
❤️I was adopted at age 5 months and in an orphanage and foster care during that time, so I know that I have attachment issues stemming from that. Apparently it’s very common in adopted children. I had no idea of this until my current therapist talked brought it up.
Maybe you could do a video on the long term affects of adoption that can arise later in life, like attachment and abandonment issues? ❤️
The topic isnt relevant to me but when you said "childhood could happen to me all over again" i had shivers and a were little terrified))
Thank you Kati. I'm new to you and really love what you are doing. I have recently started seeing a therapist but have been struggling for 20+ years. You are a huge reason why I finally started therapy and I thank you. It's a slow start for me but I know it is the best thing I have done just for me in a long time.
snozbaries Welcome to the Community! So glad you’re getting the help you need ❤️
Very empowering !!! Thanks for your help Kati!!!
This is so me. My parents did a lot of emotional invalidation and a bit of gaslighting. Then I married a man who became infatuated with my parents and so he dismisses and minimizes my problems I have with them, and/ or pushes message that his parental issues are worse. I seem to be cursed to find people who make me feel my problems are too small to matter. Sometimes my problems ARE smaller than theirs. But that still shouldn’t mean they don’t matter. Other times my problems are pretty much equal but since it’s happening to me and not them, it doesn’t matter so much.
I've experienced the effects of someone competing with my own mental illness (I don't experience this competitiveness myself as far as I know) . About 3 years ago, I was told that clearly my postpartum depression was not as bad as hers by another mother going through postpartum depression at the same time. Previously to that I had a doctor tell me "oh no, you don't have postpartum depression" when in fact I did have it because I later sought help from a mental health agency. Both situations were very invalidating for me. Postpartum depression is different for everyone and clearly not something anyone should compare between people. I've had therapy for my PPD and I'm fine now.
the squeak in your "welcome" is so cute omg
I didn’t know this is a thing but I definitely do struggle with it. I keep finding myself comparing my mental health condition with friends around me, specially with a friend who has severe depression, many different types of depressions overlapping, and severe anxiety.
I always tell myself how my problems are so small and insignificant that I shouldn’t even be sad about it and I’m just making everything up to sound like a poor person when in reality I suffer so much from family issues and academic pressure I could barely hold myself together.
I wanted so badly to see the school counsellor despite some primary considerations, and when I finally gained the courage to get help, I find myself rejecting it. It’s so annoying.
I’m so annoying.
Everyone must be annoyed with me.
Thank you for another great video, they are so useful to me through a difficult time, particularly as I’m about to commence a mental health placement as part of my PA course, so seeing things from both sides! And also, I love your shirt!
Woah so true. You are so good at making things clear Kati
Thank you. I feel like no one can 'understand' or relate to how I feel, like they couldn't possibly survive that suffering almost- and I know other people in my life who feel the same way about their mental illness. It definitely is partially because of what we tell ourselves. If I repeat over and over again that I can't get over my past or it was too bad to ever move forward, then I believe it and act out because of it. It gets so confusing when you're the one hurting yourself
Do you have any videos on running away?
Thank you for this channel. What youre doing is wonderful
Thanks kati I needed this
Your videos make me feel so safe.
I have this exact problem. Every single thing being said is something I deal with constantly
I am so glad that you have made this video!
When I was younger, I was surrounded by people I thought of as 'more sick' than me. They were more depressed, their self-injury was worse and many had attempted suicide. I saw them getting help that wasn't available to me and I started to wish that I could be as sick as them so I could get the support. I never really understood this jealousy up until now and felt shame around it as I 'should' be wishing to get better, not worse!
Thank you for helping me to understand myself better, Kati, this has been incredibly valuable!
I completely cannot wrap my head around this concept. What is so competitive? And most importantly...why? In the last 15 years I’ve dealt with depression, severe anxiety, self harm, and almost 7 yrs of active addiction, which was probably the worst experience of my entire life. I’m also diagnosed with BPD which I find to be completely accurate, and some form of OCD, which I’m honestly not sure about but what do I know? I’m not a doctor. But why would anyone want to compete when it comes to all of these hardships? Going through it was and is enough for me. I just don’t get it.🤷🏼♀️
Your videos help me so much!!
When I finally got up enough courage to tell my brothers that I had mental illnesses they were both incredulous. They both said I was just wanting attention. One of them came around and ended up being very supportive. The other, I am no contact. I feel I have to stay no contact because his dismissiveness affects my desire to get better.
Hey Kati I just got your book today from a local book store and I’m so excited to start reading it tonight!
None of Your business Don’t forget to leave positive reviews online! (Written reviews are the best ) 😉Checkout Goodreads.com Amazon.com & give a 👍on Google!!!
...it’s finally in words
Something ive kind of struggled with with my depression, is it seems like its almost like a “fad” or its “cool” to be depressed. So if i feel comfortable enough around someone and tell them i have depression, its almost never taken seriously because “everyone” is depressed, and theyre like “oh ya me too haha” so its hard for me to know if im depressed enough to go to therapy. Its all just so frustrating
Awesome video Kati! You're positivity makes me so happy
Cute profile pic!
Awe I am so glad!! xoxo
@@christopherpape4823 thanks it's my pet cockatiel
It was very much relatable and helpful! Thanks, Kati!
That's great to hear!! xoxo
This makes perfect sense, you explain it so well. Love your videos Kati! x
Love you, Kati Morton.
You're the bee's knees!
The new editing is on point!
Man, your hair always looks fantastic!
Very interesting. The concept of a competitive quality to mental illness and how that manifests itself is fascinating. Your connection to attachment style (Bowlby) is also helpful. Thank you.
Thank you katie needed this for sure!
Thank you for this. I have yet to get help even though I realize I need it (I don't "feel" as though I need it cause... I'm doing fine and there are other people who's been through worse who are doing fine too so I should too... :P) but watching these videos really help me while I'm slowly trying to build up the "courage" to reach out and get help. It's one of my goals for this year. :)
And this topic really is one that hits close to home - I've been doing this my whole life and realized early on that it's stupid - but that's not enough to stop the behavior. But getting some logic behind it like this, is very helpful.
Thank you so much for all your videos.
Such a great video. I’ve spoken about ed being competitive in therapy before, and it seems that’s a very common feature of them, as it fuels the not good enough thought that gets me stuck. Love hearing your thoughts on this. As always, I liked the video before even watching, because I always like your stuff xx
OMG. I never gave this much thought, but this video made me realize that I tend to get competitive around my fellow mentally ill. And I know how it started! Growing up, my older sister and I both had chronic health problems. She had asthma, severe allergies, and tendonitis in her knees. I had cerebral palsy, hypotonia, and hypochondriasis. We both still have all those things and more, but we're adults now. But as children, when one of us was having issues, both of our parents doted all over the sick one and ignored the healthy one. Now, I am NOT criticizing our parents. I know they did the best they could for both of us, but yeah. We both unintentionally competed for attention, using our ailments as our ammunition. Nowadays, my fiancee and I, who are both mentally ill, tend to compete with each other for leverage in the relationship. One theory I have with THAT competition is we are intending to demonstrate to each other empathy, not competitiveness. We seem to use our own illnesses to let each other know that we are being understood and that we identify with each other. I think this because we're not competing for someone else's attention. Just each others. Does that make sense? What do you all think? Maybe this will be our topic for tonight's vlog on our UA-cam channel... Interesting revelation there. Thanks Kati. You rock!
Oof. This one is me big time. Not about depression, but just in general - about not feeling worthy of care, etc. Thanks for the wise words, Kati!
I know its linked with depression but every now and then I get this painful nostalgia, I reminisce over things years ago, say back in the 90's. It can be triggered by a song or film but leaves me feeling like I've been winded. Have you done any videos addressing this kind of issue?
I always thought my mental health issues wouldn’t be listened to unless I had depression... leading me to develop depression
Wow this makes everything so clear thank you kati you’re a lifesaver
I love the structure of this video, informative at first and a helpful quick tip in the end.
Thank you for your last piece of advice! Saying something good to yourself is the start 💛 how would someone approach a relative who nonstop speaks negatively about life and blames you for refusing to let them be themselves? It really puts me in a negative place
Got diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety yesterday.
Posting this from my 1st day of my IOP!!!! Tired of feeling shitty so I decided to take my own advice. Love the #KINIONS!!!❤️
You got this!! SO proud of you!! xoxo
can you make a video about common side effects of medications
I definitely can, but since I am not a doctor, I would have to get a psychiatrist to be on the channel with me :) xoxo
Hi Kati, thanks for putting out your videos! I started following you after your video with the Try Guys :) I haven't seen a ton of your videos (yet!) But wanted to ask If you've done any videos with therapists of color or of other marginalized communities? Would love to see something like that. I, as well as I'm sure many others, find it so hard to find a therapist who's POC. I am very lucky as I have a POC therapist but I know not all are as lucky as me. Obviously that's a big barrier to some folks getting help, too, their preference in therapists and how they identify. Hope to see more of your videos, you're awesome!!
Fahmina Zaman Welcome to the Community!
Always look forward to a new video 💗💗💗
This was such an eye opener!!