Poob is such a fascinating specimen. It's like he's just human enough to not stand out on the first look, but the more you inspect his behaviour, his little quirks, his reactions, the way he talks, the more you find there's something unsettling underneath.
@@ARGOS-THOR Poob actually included his own sound effects but they were on a separate audio track and I couldn't be fucked to keep an entire audio track around for like two laugh track hits
Sam my man quick question should you get to it, are these two permanent members of this podcast now? If they are you’re probably gonna launch to podcast superstardom.
@@thegreatkhan3191 Well, first of all you don't have any proof, second of all I'm not THAT fucking retarded. Also I didn't moved from Ukraine to whatever, especially to Murica.
Holy shit I feel like the cultural clash between how Nikita lived in Ukraine and how he’s set up his house in the US is so interesting Petition for Nikita on the podcast
I don't mind Bryan as much as I do Poob. Poob's kinda funny, but the cyclical and sometimes nonexistent nature of his jokes and/or dialogue seems off kilter. While Bryan's jokes and bits are cyclical, they're so far out there that I can't help smirking.
My favorite part about the Nikita's house bit is the fact that he puts the TV on two chairs, even though he has a fucking cabinet in front of it that could fit the television that he's using as a table. Slavic people truly are a unique type.
Honestly we need to stop blaming Poob for the dog murder video. Clearly the true dog killer is Aqua. Poob doesn’t know this, but I caught Aqua killing Moe and replacing him with a fake Moe. He does this on a regular basis where Aqua kills a dog and find another identical dog and replaces it. And he keeps doing that over and over without owners knowing. He’s a real monster that needs to be stopped.
5:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 10:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 15:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 20:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 25:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 30:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 35:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 40:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 45:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 50:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 55:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:00:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:05:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:10:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:15:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:20:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:25:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen* 1:30:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
Im not too proud to admit I almost shit myself laughing at the "Change comes from within AHHHH" and the change coming out of his shirt. This is exactly the content I keep coming back for and I love it. Unsubscribed
@@kman1893 well duh. They can only give the advice because that dude is such a lost cause. If you’re decently skilled with women definitely don’t take advice from them
That’s in context though. It makes sense here, “ah, X moment was my favorite, let’s share that sentiment in the comments”. It’s weird when you just say it outside of context
@@Fox_Olive thats true but I see it alot on TV show clips. it makes sense to say it there but often its a 2-5 minute clip and all the lines are the punchlines of the jokes. we all just watched it so restating it is just doing the obvious.
Jesus, Sam talking about his mother going radical after joining Facebook is the exact same fucking thing that happened to my mom. that shit hit close to home lol.
1:01:20 Here is an exchange between an interviewer and Gov. Northam, it seems to suggest that he might support the killing of a baby after it's been born alive if it has some degree of unspecified deformity, as well as support for an abortion/execution performed on a fetus/baby that is in the process of being born. Just because people might be misinformed on details, doesn't mean there isn't some truth to it. Julie Carey: … There was a very contentious committee hearing yesterday when Fairfax County Delegate Kathy Tran made her case for lifting restrictions on third-trimester abortions, as well as other restrictions now in place. And she was pressed by a Republican delegate about whether her bill would permit an abortion even as a woman is, essentially, dilating, ready to give birth. And she answered that it would permit an abortion at that stage of labor. Do you support her measure? And explain her answer. Ralph Northam: You know, I wasn’t there, Julie, and I certainly can’t speak for Delegate Tran, but I would tell you - one, the first thing I would say is this is why decisions such as this should be made by [healthcare] providers, physicians, and the mothers and fathers that are involved. There are - you know when we talk about third-trimester abortions, these are done with the consent of, obviously, the mother, with the consent of the physicians, more than one physician by the way. And it’s done in cases where there may be severe deformities, there may be a fetus that’s non-viable. So in this particular example, if a mother is in labor, I can tell you exactly what would happen. The infant would be delivered, the infant would be kept comfortable, the infant would be resuscitated if that’s what the mother and the family desired, and then a discussion would ensue between the physicians and the mother. So I think this was really blown out of proportion …
That's one of the biggest problems with the current flow of information. By accident or by design, everything is getting sprinkled with misinformation or out right lies till people are either completely lost in and end up believing bullshit or calling everything bullshit. It's now rather difficult and incredibly time consuming to stay accurate with almost anything controversial or complex and people (myself included) are fucking lazy as shit and massively distracted.
By god look at these boys. Sam looks like a good husband and father. Poob looks like he could run a office successfully. Bryan hasn't shown his face and been put on every watch list. They are so different in 2024
It was an early Saturday morning, and the orange glow of the peeking sun flashed streaks of light throughout my Garfield themed bedroom. I sprung from my Garfield sheeted bed (complete with a wooden carved Garfield and Friends backboard) and raced to the kitchen to prepare my daily offering. Fifteen traditional Italian stone ovens greeted me as I ran to the fridge to create a lasagna feast fit for a king. My high paying job allowed me to sacrifice my would-be comfortable life to one that serves my Orange God and all of his desires. Outfitting my home with the most luxurious kitchenware was obviously a must. Hours went by as I crafted a magnificent array of crisp golden treats, and I was starting to squirm with anticipation for what was to come. The cooking was done, and now the final preparations needed to be set. I laid out 40 freshly killed gray cats in a perfect circle. Each deceased cat had nametags stapled to their foreheads that read "Nermal Faggot". After carefully placing the lasagnas in the center of the flesh circle, my work was complete. I sat cross-legged, embraced my handcrafted Garfield plushie (made from my shaved body hair), and prayed for the orange cat's arrival. After an hour of waiting, a blinding flash of white and orange light erupted from the center of the room. The shockwave from the blast sent pieces of my sacrifice flying throughout the room, but their descent stopped midair as a dark plump figure slowly emerged from the light. It was him. My God. My savior. It was Garfield. I immediately removed my custom made Garfield and Friends prayer robes, and eagerly presented my freshly bleached asshole. I heard a soft, but hearty chuckle from behind that could only be described as velvety vocal gold. "Heh, I thought I might mix things up today and try something a little different." Garfield casually mentioned as he picked me up from the ground to face him. My eyes immediately locked to the floor as I dare not make eye contact with such a supreme being. He chuckled again making me slightly whimper with ecstasy. "Do not be afraid to look into my gaze, sweet innocent child." Garfield gently put his hand to my chin and lifted my head. I was met with the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen. The whites of Garfield's eyes softly glowed in the dark room, and his black pupils gave off a sense of warmth and fatherly love. As we looked into one another's eyes for what felt like centuries, I felt a strong warmth pushing against my stomach. I glanced down and my eyes widened. There it was. Garfield's Fat. Juicy. Cock. I looked up to see Garfield smirking. "I want to be inside you, but not in the normal fashion." I was puzzled by what he meant, but before I could ask any questions Garfield was reaching for my un-erect cock while lubing his meaty orange member with lasagna sauce. He drew my penis close to his and he began to separate my urethra apart like a budding flower. I screamed in agony. The pain was unimaginable, but I had to please my king. Garfield bumped his girthy bazooka up against my now foot wide urethra. "Hmm, this is going to be tight fit, but I think we'll manage..." Garfield mumbled as he pushed himself deep inside my forbidden hole. The pain of a thousand needles brushing against the walls of my urethra sent me into complete shock. I could no longer stand on my own, but the supernatural power of Garfield kept my body from crumbling to the ground. Blood started to dribble out of our newly created ravioli hole as Garfield increased the frequency of his pumps. "Garfield, It h-hurts so much... I-I can't-" Garfield placed a thick finger over my lips to silence my begging. "Shhhh, I know, but you will be the bearer of my brood. This pain will be temporary, but your euphoria will be eternal once I plant my corrupted seed." I wept tears of joy and pain as he wrapped his powerful arms securely around me. "This is it, prepare yourself." I felt a massive twitch inside me as Garfield thrusts faster than before. A mass of hot gooey cheese shoots deep inside me. I could feel the cum wiggling it's way deeper inside me to form the AntiChrist. Massive yellow chunks of semen plop to the ground as Garfield removes himself from my destroyed penis. "You have always been a loyal follower, so I have chosen you specifically to grow my offspring. I will be back in nine months for the child, my sweet flower." Garfield quickly snaps his fingers breaking the sound barrier, as the same portal from earlier forms in the center of the room. Walking through the portal, Garfield glances back at me, winks with his classic smirk, and slowly fades away into the bright light. A loud snap echoes throughout the room as the portal blinks out of existence. As I lay alone with my fully prolapsed penis, I softly put a hand against my stomach. A grin forms across my face. He chose ME to be the mother. Thank you, Garfield.
In the thesaurus this text is an example of "wall of text." I couldn't be bothered. Just read the first and last sentences and said "meh", glad I didn't waste any time with that piece of shit.
favorite part of these is Bryan doing visual comedy yet refusing to turn on his camera. presumably because he looks like a endemic john candy moments before the coke exploded his heart
There was also a shortlived bill proposed I believe in Texas to force abortion doctors to not perform life saving surgery on babies that survive abortions.
The move to make Bryan and Poob permanent parts of the cast is the best decision you have ever made. I don't care what else you've done, this is the best thing.
They knew the backlash they'd get from absolutely smashing hat dog down the stairs so they recorded this before hand just in case And here I was thinking that only Aqua could procure such a cunningly cruel plan, I am astounded and appalled Poob, truly disappointed
I got a good hypothetical For 50k every 4 months once a week at random a animal of any species or variety chases you for 5 minutes and it will try to kill you. It could be a bear or a hamster. Edit: to make it fair it couldn’t happen at night because sooner or later it’d happen and you’d be defenseless
“I’m a normal guy. I’m wearing a button-up shirt”
Yeah, indoors like a psycho.
That's what an alien would say.
👀
He has half a Nazi mustache, too, lolol
You don’t wear a button up shirt
I read this 5 seconds before it happened, perfect timing
@@ashenwuss1651 the fuck is a nazi mustache lol and I know what you mean but it has a name and at the very least just say Hitler mustache
I don't trust Bryan, he never blinks
his mouth doesn’t move when he talks either
Why is he standing so still
It's what chads do, jeez maybe you should learn how to mentally project your thoughts while looking fine af.
Bryan’s pic makes me come a lot.
Let’s be honest “Moe” is absolutely adorable
Obviously trying to bite Poob to get away from his sexual abuser, but still adorable.
Poob rides his red rocket, and that's why his dick is bruised
Poob is such a fascinating specimen. It's like he's just human enough to not stand out on the first look, but the more you inspect his behaviour, his little quirks, his reactions, the way he talks, the more you find there's something unsettling underneath.
He has unnatural
It is truly uncanny valley at its finest
We should get him and Aqua in a room together and see if they freak out and start fighting
Lol well that was a creepy inspection of him
this is a great copyppasta
I like how Staltt does none of those sounds or effects.
Literally my favourite part. Staltt doesnt even care and its amazing.
@@ARGOS-THOR Poob actually included his own sound effects but they were on a separate audio track and I couldn't be fucked to keep an entire audio track around for like two laugh track hits
@@Stalltt when are you going to be on the podcast?
@@ARGOS-THOR o
@@Sevren_ they can't have him on the podcast. It's a conflict of interest
this Nikita guy sounds like he's just dracula without the charisma
Dracula's less successful brother, dinkulus
@@taloob493 lmfaoo
What's his twitch username? He streams right?
Sam my man quick question should you get to it, are these two permanent members of this podcast now? If they are you’re probably gonna launch to podcast superstardom.
Yeah he said their now co-host
yisss
@@andreadams6115 oh hell yeah
@@andreadams6115 fuck yea
@@ForeheadFablesPodcast now I am cooming
Moe is recovering very well from his beating. He’s so brave.
S
that dog does look different tho O.o
Stunning, and brave
Brian must have changed his diet cuz he looking different from last episode
This is just how he looks when he's sad.
Bryan *
Bryan's a bit of a shape shifter, but he keeps himself in good shape so you can't really get on his case about it.
Brian is what the giga Chad is based off
I think he just got a haircut
As a Nikita from Ukraine I can say that some people are just weird without dependency on their geolocation.
At the moment of writing my comment I didn't got to the 23:47 point, now I have no doubt in my mind that there is something wrong with that guy.
hmm, interesting.
@@Bruhsty1234 You definitely are that Nikita that they are talking about
@@thegreatkhan3191 Well, first of all you don't have any proof, second of all I'm not THAT fucking retarded. Also I didn't moved from Ukraine to whatever, especially to Murica.
@@Bruhsty1234 that's something that Nikita would say
Every time Poob shouts take a drink.
I don’t want to die
level two is to add bryan
If I wanted to speedrun suicide I'd buy a gun
BD for next episode, Sam!
Edit: Poob and Bryan should stay on as co-host. And all three of them should write questions for you.
you tryna kill us?
Damn Poobs all over these lately, gotta tag me in for another
poob is racist sexist kkk
Cant wait to see the ep bruh
socky
You have to say the N word every 5 minutes to keep Stalt on his toes
Put him in coach.
We need Nikita on as a guest.
I think the amount of bullying here has prevented that
No
It's sad how hard they bullyed him
@@elLocodelsubte no that’s just them
@@elLocodelsubte no it isn’t.
Poob is the ducking best, I’m happy he’s your new cohost, and Brian is just a classic,
Love these two guys and of course you my Diet Coke queen
Someone’s autocorrect kickin in
@@gagekellstrom3978 we’ve all been there once or twice
I forgot how much Brian actually talked when he didn’t use his camera
or how much shit he talked to poob 😭 crazy what showing ur face does to people
Bryan has so much power. they should start pressuring him into lower ranks by making him face cam lol.
You predicted it
If only we could have had bryan and McAfee
Dude.
@@craftycraff7938 McAfee got arrested I think
@@user-vp9lc9up6v You can still get calls from people in prison.
@@youcantbeatk7006 that theres a solution son
Good jerb
@@user-vp9lc9up6v if he can tweet every fucking day from prison, he can video call from prison god dammit
Bryan's comments on the homeless indicate that he has been spending a lot of time with Aqua.
Holy shit I feel like the cultural clash between how Nikita lived in Ukraine and how he’s set up his house in the US is so interesting
Petition for Nikita on the podcast
I second. We could have a subseries of special episodes where the guests are insane people, like when he talked to John mcafee
YESS
@@taloob493 lmao it'd be like the old Metokur internet insanity videos but in podcast/interview form
Thank God stallt finally found a new photo and now Brian's back
im pretty sure Sam is using Madelaine's college fund to pay Poob and Bryan for these episodes.
Dude thats so rude.
It's been gone since Sam discovered Coke and Heroin 2 months ago.
@@gamermoment656 is that how he lost all that weight?
he makes like $0.003 cpm the college fund is like 8 bucks Lmfaoo
I can't believe Poob went to the shelter to replace his dog for cover smh
That was the exact same dog, I don't know what you're talking about
@@UberDubers22 I'm gonna let you figure this joke out on your own
@@lucian5389 ... wsohosohsohosho
@@microsoftwordtm2739 THANK YOU
I like how they fight for Stalltt's attention like children.
I’m actually hype for the Hiking vid ngl it’s would be cool to see like half the wild bunch together with your other friends
😔
This Nikita guy sounds like me if I wasn’t bullied as a child
bullying has given you strength it seems
“Change comes from within”💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😂😂I still laughed hard asf at that
The part where Poob says "Figure it out" and Staltt lays into him SLAYED ME. Great edit Staltt.
Poob lookin like a lil cutie with that beard
He is getting annoying talking about politics tho
He's thinking about leading the nationalist socialist party of america, he's surprisingly charismatic, his speech about Jews was weird tho
@@user-ve3jk4uc3o Sam started it and they’re all right about it
@@user-ve3jk4uc3o The part where he said America would be perfect without the “brown riff-raff” was honestly a bit out of hand
@@Hoffmayne who
"advanced hobo AIDS" possibly the best thing I've ever heard
>in this episode Sam and minions bully an average Ukrainian male
Holy shit usually i listen to this podcast while i work but I couldn't that ukranian dude is too funny
While im glad that they're co hosts now im sad that this probably means theres gonna be no more solo sam podcasts 😔
I don't mind Bryan as much as I do Poob. Poob's kinda funny, but the cyclical and sometimes nonexistent nature of his jokes and/or dialogue seems off kilter. While Bryan's jokes and bits are cyclical, they're so far out there that I can't help smirking.
@@johnlocke2913 cynical
@@godpleasehelpme5336 do u know what cyclical mean
@@chee_wee sorry just actually found out
@@godpleasehelpme5336 its ok bb
I enjoy the new trio, the homeless man filming everything alone was really struggling. Glad these 2 nice young men helped a guy get off the streets.
I like how they just bully this Ukrainian guy for like 20 minutes
I like how they just bully everyone they can think of for like 92 minutes
i have one good hypothetical for Bryan. So,his dad comes back but he turns out to be jeffery epstein.
That’s a W, talk about cash
The halo coast didn't happen
My favorite part about the Nikita's house bit is the fact that he puts the TV on two chairs, even though he has a fucking cabinet in front of it that could fit the television that he's using as a table. Slavic people truly are a unique type.
Honestly we need to stop blaming Poob for the dog murder video. Clearly the true dog killer is Aqua. Poob doesn’t know this, but I caught Aqua killing Moe and replacing him with a fake Moe. He does this on a regular basis where Aqua kills a dog and find another identical dog and replaces it. And he keeps doing that over and over without owners knowing. He’s a real monster that needs to be stopped.
“Moe” is so adorable
It's amazing UA-cam even allows Sam to stay on the site. lmao
This nikita guy sounds like someone you should invite on the podcast
5:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
10:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
15:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
20:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
25:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
30:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
35:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
40:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
45:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
50:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
55:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:00:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:05:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:10:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:15:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:20:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:25:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
1:30:00 *You take a sip from your trusty Vault 13 canteen*
the one guy who dislikes every time has to be sam
No it's me I only got the patron so I could always be the first to dislike each video
@@andreadams6115 great man
@@andreadams6115 you're a Chad, empires rise and fall under your footsteps.
@@andreadams6115 You are a prophet
@@andreadams6115 based
Im not too proud to admit I almost shit myself laughing at the "Change comes from within AHHHH" and the change coming out of his shirt. This is exactly the content I keep coming back for and I love it. Unsubscribed
Bruh how does Bryan sit so still
imagine taking dating advice from these guys....
Lmfao
"Don't be weird" is pretty standard dating advice anybody can give tbh
I mean not having a sofa facing the wall with a rapist chair behind it is somethin i can definitely agree with these guys on
I would be done for 😂
@@kman1893 well duh. They can only give the advice because that dude is such a lost cause. If you’re decently skilled with women definitely don’t take advice from them
Petition to get Nikita on the podcast
\/ (We got this)
I'm glad that now the fans have stopped sending personal questions to not be made fun of they're still being mocked to thousands of people
I was one of them
I thought they were talking about ETF Nikita at first and I was shook lol
Failed appalachian hiking video 3 confirmed
can't wait
I agree my favorite because I’ve been in similar issues before
Listened to this while mowing the lawn. You guys had me losing my shit in the middle of the yard! Keep it up guys!
Sams take on how people aren't funny really shows in yt comments. All these people restating the lines you just watched.
That’s in context though. It makes sense here, “ah, X moment was my favorite, let’s share that sentiment in the comments”. It’s weird when you just say it outside of context
@@Fox_Olive thats true but I see it alot on TV show clips. it makes sense to say it there but often its a 2-5 minute clip and all the lines are the punchlines of the jokes. we all just watched it so restating it is just doing the obvious.
Or the same fucking gag over and over and over again like referencing a shinebox on Sopranos clips
Bryan really does remind me of psychic pebbles, the mini me thing was literally a hypothetical he did on oneyplays
It’s crazy Poob started saying the n word so much that stalt had to bleep him
Jesus, Sam talking about his mother going radical after joining Facebook is the exact same fucking thing that happened to my mom. that shit hit close to home lol.
The absolute giga chad known as Bryan is back bb
Bryan is s small hairy child
you made this comment 5 days before the episode came out?
@@Zero8654his from the future
@@Zero8654 time traveler
i thought you were talkling about EFT Nikita lol
Stalltt killed it with the cutting. It was hilarious
1:01:20 Here is an exchange between an interviewer and Gov. Northam, it seems to suggest that he might support the killing of a baby after it's been born alive if it has some degree of unspecified deformity, as well as support for an abortion/execution performed on a fetus/baby that is in the process of being born. Just because people might be misinformed on details, doesn't mean there isn't some truth to it.
Julie Carey: … There was a very contentious committee hearing yesterday when Fairfax County Delegate Kathy Tran made her case for lifting restrictions on third-trimester abortions, as well as other restrictions now in place. And she was pressed by a Republican delegate about whether her bill would permit an abortion even as a woman is, essentially, dilating, ready to give birth. And she answered that it would permit an abortion at that stage of labor. Do you support her measure? And explain her answer.
Ralph Northam: You know, I wasn’t there, Julie, and I certainly can’t speak for Delegate Tran, but I would tell you - one, the first thing I would say is this is why decisions such as this should be made by [healthcare] providers, physicians, and the mothers and fathers that are involved. There are - you know when we talk about third-trimester abortions, these are done with the consent of, obviously, the mother, with the consent of the physicians, more than one physician by the way. And it’s done in cases where there may be severe deformities, there may be a fetus that’s non-viable. So in this particular example, if a mother is in labor, I can tell you exactly what would happen. The infant would be delivered, the infant would be kept comfortable, the infant would be resuscitated if that’s what the mother and the family desired, and then a discussion would ensue between the physicians and the mother. So I think this was really blown out of proportion …
That's one of the biggest problems with the current flow of information. By accident or by design, everything is getting sprinkled with misinformation or out right lies till people are either completely lost in and end up believing bullshit or calling everything bullshit. It's now rather difficult and incredibly time consuming to stay accurate with almost anything controversial or complex and people (myself included) are fucking lazy as shit and massively distracted.
I ain’t reading all that: sorry/fuck you/i agree/i disagree
@@LetsBeginToFail Lol, no worries. An excellent case in point, so it's appreciated.
Can we get a dedicated "Moe Break" even if poob doesnt wanna grab em, cuz dogs are cool and I wanna see more dogs
Bryan and Poob permanently on the Forehead Fables!?!? Oooooh baby a triple!!
By god look at these boys. Sam looks like a good husband and father. Poob looks like he could run a office successfully. Bryan hasn't shown his face and been put on every watch list. They are so different in 2024
When you gonna do another podcast with your brother, that first one was funny as shit
You guys need to get Nikita on. He sounds like a great addition to the pod.
You guys honestly need to do a podcast weekly with all 3 of you, this is content
I thought the Ukrainian guy worked at like NORAD and you were about to unravel some alien technology.
The couch needs to go to the windowed wall if the light “is to harsh on my eyes”
It was an early Saturday morning, and the orange glow of the peeking sun flashed streaks of light throughout my Garfield themed bedroom. I sprung from my Garfield sheeted bed (complete with a wooden carved Garfield and Friends backboard) and raced to the kitchen to prepare my daily offering. Fifteen traditional Italian stone ovens greeted me as I ran to the fridge to create a lasagna feast fit for a king. My high paying job allowed me to sacrifice my would-be comfortable life to one that serves my Orange God and all of his desires. Outfitting my home with the most luxurious kitchenware was obviously a must. Hours went by as I crafted a magnificent array of crisp golden treats, and I was starting to squirm with anticipation for what was to come. The cooking was done, and now the final preparations needed to be set. I laid out 40 freshly killed gray cats in a perfect circle. Each deceased cat had nametags stapled to their foreheads that read "Nermal Faggot". After carefully placing the lasagnas in the center of the flesh circle, my work was complete. I sat cross-legged, embraced my handcrafted Garfield plushie (made from my shaved body hair), and prayed for the orange cat's arrival. After an hour of waiting, a blinding flash of white and orange light erupted from the center of the room. The shockwave from the blast sent pieces of my sacrifice flying throughout the room, but their descent stopped midair as a dark plump figure slowly emerged from the light. It was him. My God. My savior. It was Garfield. I immediately removed my custom made Garfield and Friends prayer robes, and eagerly presented my freshly bleached asshole. I heard a soft, but hearty chuckle from behind that could only be described as velvety vocal gold. "Heh, I thought I might mix things up today and try something a little different." Garfield casually mentioned as he picked me up from the ground to face him. My eyes immediately locked to the floor as I dare not make eye contact with such a supreme being. He chuckled again making me slightly whimper with ecstasy. "Do not be afraid to look into my gaze, sweet innocent child." Garfield gently put his hand to my chin and lifted my head. I was met with the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen. The whites of Garfield's eyes softly glowed in the dark room, and his black pupils gave off a sense of warmth and fatherly love. As we looked into one another's eyes for what felt like centuries, I felt a strong warmth pushing against my stomach. I glanced down and my eyes widened. There it was. Garfield's Fat. Juicy. Cock. I looked up to see Garfield smirking. "I want to be inside you, but not in the normal fashion." I was puzzled by what he meant, but before I could ask any questions Garfield was reaching for my un-erect cock while lubing his meaty orange member with lasagna sauce. He drew my penis close to his and he began to separate my urethra apart like a budding flower. I screamed in agony. The pain was unimaginable, but I had to please my king. Garfield bumped his girthy bazooka up against my now foot wide urethra. "Hmm, this is going to be tight fit, but I think we'll manage..." Garfield mumbled as he pushed himself deep inside my forbidden hole. The pain of a thousand needles brushing against the walls of my urethra sent me into complete shock. I could no longer stand on my own, but the supernatural power of Garfield kept my body from crumbling to the ground. Blood started to dribble out of our newly created ravioli hole as Garfield increased the frequency of his pumps. "Garfield, It h-hurts so much... I-I can't-" Garfield placed a thick finger over my lips to silence my begging. "Shhhh, I know, but you will be the bearer of my brood. This pain will be temporary, but your euphoria will be eternal once I plant my corrupted seed." I wept tears of joy and pain as he wrapped his powerful arms securely around me. "This is it, prepare yourself." I felt a massive twitch inside me as Garfield thrusts faster than before. A mass of hot gooey cheese shoots deep inside me. I could feel the cum wiggling it's way deeper inside me to form the AntiChrist. Massive yellow chunks of semen plop to the ground as Garfield removes himself from my destroyed penis. "You have always been a loyal follower, so I have chosen you specifically to grow my offspring. I will be back in nine months for the child, my sweet flower." Garfield quickly snaps his fingers breaking the sound barrier, as the same portal from earlier forms in the center of the room. Walking through the portal, Garfield glances back at me, winks with his classic smirk, and slowly fades away into the bright light. A loud snap echoes throughout the room as the portal blinks out of existence. As I lay alone with my fully prolapsed penis, I softly put a hand against my stomach. A grin forms across my face. He chose ME to be the mother. Thank you, Garfield.
In the thesaurus this text is an example of "wall of text." I couldn't be bothered. Just read the first and last sentences and said "meh", glad I didn't waste any time with that piece of shit.
@@SpammerRapist its actually horrifyingly well written
I fucking spit my cereal out laughing so hard at the "REDACTED" segment. Nice editing.
favorite part of these is Bryan doing visual comedy yet refusing to turn on his camera. presumably because he looks like a endemic john candy moments before the coke exploded his heart
the moment brian got a cam he got real quiet
It’s 4 AM, I have class today, I told myself that I would fix my sleep schedule yet here I am
Not even worth it
Subbed
I swear to God, in 20 years we'll see Poob in the news because he's a serial killer or some shit. He's just... too average
This comment aged so well
Considering they’re now constant guests, I think Poob is gonna end up tearing his hair out before episode 45
Sam dude, the postpartum abortion thing was spoken about by some governor. It’s a thing.
There was also a shortlived bill proposed I believe in Texas to force abortion doctors to not perform life saving surgery on babies that survive abortions.
This is literally the only podcast I can consistently find funny every episode.
I will pay good money for an uncensored version
Just noticed that sam has a poster for John Carpenter's The Thing on his wall. Very nice.
i like how they started with "do you wanna talk about the N?" to "so anyways here's nikita's house"
I love how Bryan prompted the mom-speaks-minion-for-$100K and immediately Sam agrees while Poob crumbled with disappointment and so much heartache
Yes it is the ""exact same dog"" lol
Bring your brother along on the hike, need a part 3
Was it just me thinking that he was talking about Nikita Buyanov the whole time?
The move to make Bryan and Poob permanent parts of the cast is the best decision you have ever made. I don't care what else you've done, this is the best thing.
They knew the backlash they'd get from absolutely smashing hat dog down the stairs so they recorded this before hand just in case
And here I was thinking that only Aqua could procure such a cunningly cruel plan, I am astounded and appalled Poob, truly disappointed
If I took a shot every time Poob started shouting, my alcohol problems would be as bad as his are
sams head is so perfectly round and i want to polish it
Gang gang lads, Papa Samuel, feeding us that prime rib this morning lol.
I think Poob's joke was funny
The podcast is literally my favorite thing to listen too your doing a great job
Bryan looks dashing this episode.
He truly does, Crusader.
I’m hyped that Steve is coming on the hike
Poob can really take a beating from y’all and I love it. My Superman
Honestly I've loved watching Sam's rollercoaster of a "career" ; love the ride and KEEP GOING
Wow, audio listeners are gonna hate this episode.
I'm moving today and the drive is like an hour there and back and I'm so glad that you posted this today. Feels good.jpeg
I can only imagine Bryan as having long hair with half of it shaved off with giant lips and smaller facial features
31:56 Dude there's a fucking D&D 5e Dungeon Master's Guide on the floor to the left
"Change comes from within?" So every homeless person has some change in its ass.
these are great, keep cranking them out
Yeah
I got a good hypothetical
For 50k every 4 months once a week at random a animal of any species or variety chases you for 5 minutes and it will try to kill you. It could be a bear or a hamster.
Edit: to make it fair it couldn’t happen at night because sooner or later it’d happen and you’d be defenseless
I'm glad Bryan's stuck around as Sam's companion this whole time