do age gap relationships work?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 20 лип 2022
- Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video! Head to www.squarespace.com/anna to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ANNA
thank you for your support! / annaakana
connect
Instagram: / annaakana
Twitter: / annaakana
Facebook: / annaakana
Spotify: spoti.fi/2MvmYjE
starring -
Melissa Macedo
/ melissamacedom
Michelle Macedo
/ michellemacedom
shot by Auden Bui
/ audenbui
grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee
sound - John Lee
edited by Timothy Hautekiet
/ @timh
Lehmiller, Justin and Agnew, Christopher, "May-December Paradoxes: An Exploration of Age-Gap Relationships in Western Society" (2011). Department of Psychological Sciences Faculty Publications. Paper 27. docs.lib.purdue.edu/psychpubs/27
Skentelbery, & Fowler, D. M. (2016). Attachment Styles of Women-Younger Partners in Age-Gap Relationships. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 10(2), 142-147. doi.org/10.1037/ebs0000064
Lehmiller, & Christopher, R. A. (2008). Commitment in Age-Gap Heterosexual Romantic Relationships: A Test of Evolutionary and Socio-Cultural Predictions. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32(1), 74-82. doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2... - Комедії
I think what makes relationships with age gaps sometimes difficult is the fact that each one is on a different path in life. Sometimes a person wants to already settle down while the other is still pursuing a career, o maybe one has a more stable job and the other person is still figuring out what to do with their life. Of course this can happen without age gaps as well, but I think it's more common when someone has had 10+ more years of experimentation and life to live than the other. I think the key to making relationships with big age gaps work is to make sure that both people are on the same page regarding wants and needs for that relationship and to understand and accommodate the other, taking into account that maybe both are in different stages in life that need different approaches.
This takes two diligent, healthy and generous people with each other in order to build together with prosperity and mutual reliance, else it is a toxic leeching relationshit.
@@WoziduranJahemter relationshit is a new word in my vocabulary now
You take the words out of my mouth, having it experienced first hand.
@@tiny.tinnet5075 have you tried expressing your words instead of relating to people who actually know how to express through them? No person takes your words but is you who is responsible to maybe say more, many experiences can be similar in essence and you gotta learn to don't repress them.
@@WoziduranJahemter Dude. Take it easy. It's just an expression.
I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 31. We grew up basically the same. Our relationship is the healthiest I've had.
Thats no age gap at all
@@Woodsaras 😂
@@Woodsaras he is the same age as sister too
@@mirkwoodsnipe what
@@Woodsaras you said that's no age gap
Had been in a relationship with a guy with an 11 year age difference (me being 27 and him 38), overall one of the best relationships I've ever had. I would say it depends who you vibe well with. Sadly he passed away, couple of months ago.
so sorry for your loss 💛
🥺 hope you're doing well
So sorry for your loss 🥺
Incredibly sorry for your loss 🧡
Im sorry for your loss. I am also experiencing the same thing
My guy is 10 years older than me. We dated when I was 22 and it was a MESS. We split, I got married and divorced, and we met again 13 years later. We got back together in January and we’ve never been happier.
Wow what a story!
Talk about talking to your ex. I knew a chick who became polyamory bcuz her bf/fiance/husband (same guy the whole time) cheated on her chronically. Long story short it was sad to watch unfold and I'm glad she finally divorced him. Obviously he got jealous when she talked to guys
I think all relationships can work given the right circumstances and personalities. Community disapproval and social norms and even judgy ppl can screw off tbh. Remember, only you deal with consequences of your choices and even the consequences of a choice made for you by others. So make your own regrets and lessen their impact. Rather than let others put you through regrets that they aren’t willing to share in.
That is right. Personality, maturity, circumstances. And always the people who criticize have issues themselves. I was dating a girl who was 20 years younger than me. She was having troubles, we started to talk and we got along so well. She moved with me, we spent a year together until she just wanted to move on now that she was doing just fine. My older sister was terrified but my older sister had two divorces already and her third husband was miserable living with her. So... complainers are always complaining about anybody any way.
I personally had a blast with the girl and she grew up as a person with me and she is doing just fine. She regained her confidence, I was just what she needed.
Great comment 🤟🏾
Weirdly enough if we’re gonna go to the root of it all, what was the “social norms” (which can mean it was both looked down upon but also just brushed over but doesn’t make it okay) was allowing these (huge) age gap and clearly power dynamics imbalanced to be legal and just have to be accepted. It’s still considered a modern take for ppl to criticize (when rightfully so) which is what is pretty sad.
@@bgeese1918 The reality with "age gap" is that young girls are tired of dealing with guys who are as feminine as a girl. Plenty of girls are looking for real men and they are not finding them in Zgen or millennials. They go for Xgen. And as a male adult, there is no "power dynamics", is not that the girls are on a leash. On contrary, they are very happy riding on top and feeling secure while they can do whatever they want because older men just do not care, we are all set in life. Young people look in older people the maturity they can not find in their own generation, that gain.. has roaches instead of a brain.
People who rely on others relative opinions instead of their inner voice ends up dissapointed of themselves and obssesionate for the person that got away from them. Is a real threat when people realize their mistake and then trying to force back a relationship that they've ruined because of other approval. Some people need to learn the effects they have propagated to others. Regret is a great teacher for grieving inconsiderates or greedy abusers.
Personally I think after 25 any age gap is game. But I cannot get past men in their late 30s-50s swiping right on 18-23 year olds that havent had the time to find themselves and experience anything about the real world on their own. They know what they’re doing.
I think that’s fair, if the men are specifically going after women that young. If not I don’t really see an issue.
"Find themselves". Fascinating.
@@tramainwhite9338 🚩
@@ISoundMasterBlasterI Quite.
Those guys aren't typically aiming for relationships. Also, most men get so few matches that they mostly just swipe on anyone that isn't ugly and look at things like age after a match. Reading profiles and other details before matching is just a waste of time for men.
I think the bigger issue is older people dating "barely legal" people. 18 years old might be legaly an adult, but our brains don't really finish developing until we're 24 (for neurotypical people), so that age range between 18 and early 20s leave people more vulnerable to being manipulated by older and more mature people. I think once someone reaches maturity on their mid to late 20s, it shouldn't be an issue to date anyone older.
You are right, many relationships that are made between a young and an older folk ends with the older one trying to indulge in the exploitment of the naive one, but the reverse can happen also, people carry traumas and some are greedy from young ages. That's why teens must develop mostly with other teens and grow together. Some people ruin a healthy relationship because of their egos of wanting a different age partner that might be an exploiter leaving them bitter and toxic as they were badly influenced and traumatized by another. Now they gotta grow alone and heal.
There are multiple internal and environmental factors to consider when talking about "maturity". One's ability to have a well developed prefrontal cortex by 25 will depend on many things: how young and how often you've consumed alcohol and drugs (hard drugs will obviously make things worse), if you grew up in a safe or unsafe environment (economic stability plays a huge factor too), mental illness, who your role models are, how well you learn from experience, etc. I have had short term relationships with 2 10+ older guys before I was 24, one didn't end well, the other did. I do not regret my choices, since I grew up in a relatively safe environment and I've been able to learn a lot from those experiences, while also struggling with mental health issues. The world we live in today is a clear example that we don't mature in a linear way. My dad is 54 and thinks he is stuck living with this mega toxic woman (around his age), who is the complete opposite of my mom. I would argue MEN take longer to mature mentally than women do, with some studies having found evidence to support that. So many of us regress and change in ways we couldn't imagine when we are faced with challenges. So, once a person turns 18 and is considered a legal adult, we cannot accurately determine how "mature" they are in their choice of partners/hookups/etc. if we consider absolutely everything that has happened to them before they turned 18. Safe sex plays a part in that, too.
I recently dated 2 girls age 20/21, i was the one manipulated even though i was 26/27, the older, more mature and financially stable, HA what a joke.
@@MaxIronsThird there is no age for vile misbehaviour.
@@MaxIronsThird Right?! I am terrible at lying and "playing games", and I've been played many times by younger people.
I’m a guy and I remember when I was 20 I was asked out by this guy and I didn’t ask his age till the 2nd date and he said he was 35.
Now I was lucky I never felt uncomfortable while being with him but it definitely put other things into perspective. He just knew more about the world y’a know and I needed more time to find myself so we broke it off in good terms.
I used to think about the bias with the older person having the “advantage” over the younger person in the relationship but this is usually not the case at all because anyone can be manipulated.
My friend is dating someone who is 10 years older now and they get along well, I’m happy for her and I trust her to do what’s best for her.
Because anyone can be manipulated doesn't change the existence of power dynamics in relationship that can be really dangerous!
It's the opposite : imbalance due to power dynamics that leads to toxic relationship *is* the usual case, even though there is obviously exceptions to this
@@DrAbadie so true Phie 👍🏾
@@DrAbadie I think people are missing your point
@@DrAbadie definitely underrated comment.
@@DrAbadie The problem is the only power that seem to ever be talked about is the power of the stereotypical man who is 30+ has gotten divorced and starts dating a 21-24 year old woman. The power that woman holds is never even considered.
Far as I'm concerned, as long as both people in the relationship are (1) consenting adults, (2) have good chemistry, and (3) genuinely care for one another and neither is being harmed by the other in any way, then it's all good, let other people live the life that's best for them!
Agreed!
@Rusty Dusty wich eu country consents it?
They are 16 to 17. 12 in brazil n turkey
@@wzroq Italy
@@ghevisartor6005 so, one of many eu countries.
@@wzroq i think Germany is 13. You asked where.
My family is one of that one percent!
My father was 12 years younger than my mother. They stayed together until she passed. They used to joke at their 21st anniversary that they were old enough to drink now 🤣
Love that! As I’m 12 years older than my bf too 😂
That's sad man. May your mother rest in peace. I send you much love
That is very rare combination for age gap rationship. How didyourpparents meet?
That's adorable! Humor is definitely the right way to handle an unorthodox situation. As long as it's healthy and happy ❤
My wife is 10 years older than me. We'll be celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary next month. And she's still hot.
14 years gap with my wife, my wife is older. Fall into that successful 1%, took a lot of hard work to make our relationship work but we decided when our relationship just about hit rock bottom to work on it, improve and stay together. Nearing our 7th year married now. We're an interracial couple (she's south korean and I'm Asian Australian (anglo-indian spanish and filipino mix), but we're very much a like and both worked hard to learn each other's language so that things are quite happy and productive these days. We almost never argue at all now, maybe the rare small thing but usually sort it out quite fast :).
Funny how many women in the comments are misandrist. They always mentioned men who mary younger but never mentioned women who are mary younger. There are female teacher whose having an affair with their student, yet those women didn't mention a thing
What helps you here is that she is Asian to be honest (these women are more traditional). Wish you good luck by the real trial comes at 10 years of the relationship.
@@NeoKurow Isn't that a bit predjudice, they could like be both born in Australia, USA or so even if the household is (strict)er to their orignal culture it doesn't mean they're minds aren't aware of westernized thinking?
Love this 👏🏻❤️
@@nani_bow3489 They don't recognize that power dynamics happen in all relationships. Anna A. is conscious of the actual research, but these SJW trolls only know hatred for other demographic groups.
I was a widower in my mid fifties when I married a woman from a third world country 25 years younger. While our marriage ended after 10 years, we raised 2 children who are quite successful. I put my ex through law school and she is a successful attorney. Both of us are still friends and agree our relationship "worked" because we both accomplished a lot.
My partner is 25 years older than me, I was 29 when we started dating. We've had our ups and downs and there are definitely some unique issues that I think most closer-aged couples don't have. It has helped us both grow immensely though, and we'll be celebrating 10 years together this year.
Congratulations 🎊
That’s is great! My partner is also 25 years older than me, but I have 20. Do you have any tips that could help me with this process? He has two children, we love them very much but I always want to be better with him
Oh boy, my wife and I have 15 years difference. We started dating when i was 22 and she was 37. The beginning was quite rough since i had a lot of growing up to do and she was going through a career change, but through ups and downs, we managed to make it work. We have now been together for 11 years and have a growing family
Weird.
I'd like to imagine if i, a girl, were 22, and were to be romantically pursued by a 37 year old man, this would be concerning. power to you though, if it works it works. (having biological kids in your mid to late 30s as a woman is more risky, so keep that in mind)
@@emily_kim I think it would be concerning if there as a power dynamic at play within the relationship.
And there were risks in having children so late (she 45 yo when kid was born) but it coucht us by surprised since we had seen an specialist and said we had a 2% chance of getting pregnant and even less of that baby being born, and just like nature daes, it just sort of happen without really trying. She did have gestational diabetes and developed HELLP syndrome when the baby was born. So we were in all aspects lucky!
I’m glad for you man, keep going strong
@@emily_kim Double Standards. We also need to act like THEY DON'T exist for MEN.
Age gap surely works. My wife is 15 yrs older than me.
And i am very happy.
Just don't ever hide anything.
Sit together and Talk over the problems. Both should have clear picture.
I'm a 29 year old woman and a 23 year old guy asked me on a date.
I said yes and we got dinner once a month for about 6 months.
He was really sweet but he just seemed so young to me.
I told him he's fantastic and is going to make someone else very happy some day (which I 100% know he will) and we stopped meeting up.
Fast Forward 1 month and I took a college course for my job and guess what? I met a lot of young people including a 22 year old guy and didn't think anything of it we were school friends and that was it. Then after the course ended this past May I left the college and he graduated and I thought we would stop talking but the exact opposite happened, we became even better friends who cracked up texting each other all day.
It turns out we just click and it certainly feels I'm talking to my equal with him but I'm keeping him as strictly a friend because the 7 years age difference is just too much for me. I was thinking to myself when he's 25 he'll have enough life experience that I could be open to a romantic relationship but until then it just seems confusing to me and I can't be questioning something like this.
I also prefer men a few years older so it's just kind of "funny" how life throws curve balls at you. Funny and a total pain.
@@lydiahiksan1232 that's right.
It seemed overwhelming for me at the beginning. But that's just a matter of time but it's not that hard.
If it is going to break someday, remember, most break ups occur in same age gap couples as it includes a good level of ego and competition.
That's my opinion.
Else, wish you all the very best
@@dannyhsn119 So you're saying there's less ego and competition in an age gap relationship.
For example, if I have my own apartment and he lives with 3 other guys in a 2 bedroom apartment he will not try to "compete" with me financially?
That was one of the things I was concerned about was him feeling "less than" because I have more money since he is a "broke" 22 year old like we all once were, I know I certainly was. It's a right of passage when you're that age and it's what I would expect.
I think this would be one of those things where we would have to come together and respect that we have different things and it is this way because we are 7 years apart.
I would want to share things with him I just hope he wouldn't get in his head about it. And I would steer away from purchasing things for him because I know that changes dynamics and I want things to be balanced.
For example, I think if I cook food and always have that at my apartment he can have whatever food he wants there because that is sharing but I wouldn't go out with him and buy him something at a store because that would not be sharing it would just be showing he can't afford something that I can.
So if ego and competition were out of it then it seems to me it would work.
@@lydiahiksan1232 Tbh, I was also broke when I met her. And she did helped me a lot (even she paid my college fee). Even though I felt very bad for myself that all was truly unconditional. She literally pushed me in my hard times and always supported me.
That thing made me fall for her. I wasn't financially strong but I was always available for her for any kind of help she needed.
Because I felt it my first priority.
Time flew and 8 years passed.
I got a good job and became financially well .
And all of this was because of her.
When I found myself in the right circumstance I proposed her and she agreed.
I never ever had any sense of ego, competition etc with her as she was the one always there to motivate me.
And now I am very very happy in my life and I love her very much.
@@dannyhsn119 Oh my goodness this is SO BEAUTIFUL. And I am very happy for you two.
It's comforting to hear as well, that you work so well together.
I want to support him in every way I can as well.
Also if you don't mind answering, do you two have children? And if so when in the relationship did you have them.
I feel as tho in age gap relationships this is another topic I am curious about.
💜💜💜
I mean... do non-age gap relationships work? Above 50% divorce rate of marriage. And probably above 90% dating failure rate. I think relationship success depends on both parties being conscious that this is going to be the only relationship for the rest of their lives, and to work on that goal together.
Exactly there’s no formula to this love thing
A successful relationship should in no way depend on a couple being exclusive for the rest of their lives. If would rather judge success by how/if separation occurs and by how good the relationship is for the members.
For instance: a relationship of 20 years where they raised kids in a stable and happy home. Then separated amicably is 100% a success.
Couples who hate eachother but never call off the relationship are not successful no matter how long they last.
Imo for all this. Especially the "just this one person forever" bugs me because my most stable relationships have been after I dropped monogamomy. Obviously, it works for some people but like you said varries person to person
age is still just a number and COMPATIBILITY still VARIES ALL in ALL SERIOUSLY why wouldn't it ESPECIALLY since we PROBABLY still got about 7.2 BILLION people in the ENTIRE world
I'm married to a woman who is 18 years older than I am ... We've been together for 26 years.
Great point
My partner is 40 while I'm 32. I believe 8 years doesn't matter now, but if we met when I was 22 and he was 30 that would be a completely different story. It all depends on the stage in life and in general, how aligned are we. Do we have same goals in life at the moment? Do we have same priorities and world view? Hence often the older we get, the less it matters. I can't imagine someone 18/19 in high school/collage having a healthy relationship with someone who's done studying. While assuming everyone is of similar health, I don't see anything werid with 60 and 80 dating each other.
You can be finished studying college at 23, so you cant imagine a relationship between 19 and 23?
It doesn’t matter regardless of if you are 32 or were 22 because relationships aren’t affected like that by age gap when the men is older, for it to be different it would be to the women to act differently whether she want a carrier or a family, but the age gap itself doesn’t matter if it’s now or before. It’s highly recommended for women to date older men for a reason so even if she still in college and he works that would still work regardless of their social class.
@hey hey yeah exactly smh
Disagree
I agree. Because when I was 18(f) dating a 27(m) yr old, comparing to it now that I'm 25. I am COMPLETELY different as far as what I want in the future. I also had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of reflecting time from the outside looking in. I think that finding a relationship in your mid 20s is beneficial rather than marrying a hs sweet heart. Also age difference doesn't seem so weird because they are technically a developed adult. Rather than becoming an adult.
One thing I've never seen people talk about age gap relationship is that when it does work, at the end of the older partners life, the younger one ends up as their caretaker, and it can became their full responsibility to care for them as otherwise their children or nurses would've done.
I've seen this in a couple of people in my life, in all cases their partners just kind of didn't have their own life anymore, they couldn't do the same activities together anymore, and in all cases I saw that the younger partner always adjusted their life to the older person.
And with the few where the older partner died, it was very lonely for the one left, and weird to adjust to just your own life again, to date again, and still have quite a long time ahead. I've seen how the young partner start to behave old because of their partner, and when their partner died, to realize they weren't that old yet.
It's definitely not something that should stop people from starting relationships with an age gap, but it's something I wish more people talked about.
age gap relationships are only about reducing women to sexual objects
@@fatimahanwaar306 But The Shape of Water, where a woman bangs a fishman thing that seems to be little more intelligent than a dog, is a beautiful romance, right? Forest Gump, where a woman beds a guy whose brain is so underdeveloped his favorite book is Curious George, that's also beautiful, right?
Which is better: Older man provides most all needed things to younger lover/spouse and she takes care of him in his last two years and then has the house and remaining wealth; or there is little age gap and they both get very old and have no one to take care of them?
I feel like self reporting on how your relationship is when you're being studied doesn't work.
My partner is 11 years older than me and I’ve definitely felt that anxiety over what people might think. I even went as far as hiding my personal life to avoid bringing up my partner over it. Telling myself “oh stop, nobody cares” did not help. Encouraging and challenging myself to be more open regardless of the outcome is what did it. After 6 years that anxiety has completely dissipated and it’s so freeing and my relationships feel so much more authentic. Personal growth will not and does not happen overnight.
My wife and I are have 7 years between us. We have been happily together for over 23 years now and have 2 wonderful children together. The thing that has kept us together so well is honest communication. We love and respect each other and don't hide our thoughts from each other.
The wall comes for all, and now it has come for you
My wife was 20, and I was 27 when we met. That's a seven-year age gap with a woman much younger than 25. Was there a power imbalance? Probably some. I was mature enough to know what I wanted and to make it clear where my boundaries were. She hadn't even thought about boundaries. But I told her she should think carefully about her boundaries and if hers and mine didn't match up, we should go our separate ways. She decided there was enough overlap, and we stayed together. Now I'm 57 and she's 50. That 7 year gap seems almost meaningless now. I don't think someone under 25 is inherently incapable of knowing themselves or that dating a person that young is necessarily going to exploit them. A lot depends on the people. My biggest concern about the age gap now is that women live longer than men, so a younger woman who marries an older man is at higher risk of spending many of the last years of her life alone. I think that's a legitimate concern for young women to think about. And I think a guy who gets serious with someone many years younger than he is needs to be willing to take damn good care of his health so he's around for his life partner as long as he can be.
Most reasonable response I’ve seen so far
My girlfriend was 17 and I was 24 when we started talking. Few weeks after she turned 18, she confessed her love to me. She turned 20 this year and I will turn 28 next month. I share a similar mindset as you and I became more serious about my health, so that I can make sure I am there for a long time. These women pushing for higher age gap are always women above a certain age, who know they are becoming less desireable.
This power imbalance stuff is non-sense, just an excuse for Pride Flag wavers to vilify people for being icky and creepy without admitting they are hypocrites who don't really believe "love is love." I've been seriously manipulated in my life twice, once in Middle School by someone my age, once at 26 in a financial scam that cost me thousands of dollars. The ability to manipulate people is very personal and has very little to do with age.
If your daughter was an airhead and she brought the class valedictorian home for dinner, you wouldn't think 'Oh noes! He's smarter than her! Power imbalance!!!" You'd think "Great, someone smart who can keep her out of trouble."
7 years is standard not an age gap at all, age gap starts when it is like 10 years apart
@@stephskeeper6161no it’s not
Age may just be a number but life isn’t. You can get along with someone; speak a common language; have similar values; be commonly resolute; share interests; but perhaps, their taste in movies is abysmal and they think the same of you. How important is a decade-plus age gap in deciding whether or not to date them? Conversely, everything can just be horribly off when it comes to how you two compare. Do you still date just because you’re the same age?
yeah people tend to think the internet knows best, but sometimes age gaps aren't a bad thing. Hell they've been around longer than all of us and today we have the internet, weird world.
I dont like people who are similar to me because people who are similar to me are miserable and awful. People who are different and alien to me are kinder and sweeter and I know that.
There’s age gaps and then theres taking advantage of the age gap.
any woman upset about anything above the age of 18 is disguising her jealousy of younger women--competition, in her mind--as "righteous indignation about predatory behavior."
A naive or overly trusting young man who has a lot of money can be preyed on by women, but you never seem feminists concerned about that. They only believe in "power dynamics" when women somehow benefit from analyzing power dynamics.
Youngster: I want to go to war on the orders of a 50 year old man!
Society: Go get 'em, tiger!
Youngster: I want to vote for a 50 year old man into the highest office of the world.
Society: God bless America!
Youngster: I want to take out a $200,000 loan from a 50 year old banker a Gender Studies degree.
Society: Well, you're an adult, it's your choice, go for it!
Youngster: I want to date a 50 year old m-
Society: OMG no! He's using his mind control powers over you! He'll make you into his puppet! Run away!
Most of us ladies are disgusted because we remember being preyed on and manipulated at a ripe age of 18
@@alyssatopping8039
Yeah, but there's a clear-cut difference between predators and men who want to get married and start a family.
@@nikolavojnovic6552 Say that to me who has trust issues ON ALL HUMANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the age gap or muh power dynamics argument is pure nonsense
if we're going to be primitive here, a human male, regardless of financial or social laws, can easily overpower and overcome a women with sheer strength alone, they why aren't they advocating for laws agaisnt marriage or partnership?
For another example. I have absolute dominance over my pet, why am I allowed to keep one given that it's life is basically in the palm of my hands?
Men are attracted to youth, femininity, and basically everything that isn't an old wrinkled hag with loose folds and a bodycount stretching beyond the one hundreds, and social-coditioning and brainwashing can, and will never, win over this biological fact.
I'll just note that my wife and I had an extremely happy marriage for 30 years until her death (from cancer + vascular dementia). We married when I was 25 and she was 47. A very equal relationship too. So they can work very well.
please accept my condolences and it's nice to hear these positive details and age is still just a number PERIOD
the problem isnt so much only on the literal mathematical difference between two people’s ages (tho it can still be a factor) but the power dynamics. also you cant just mention that person a is 10 years younger/older than person b. the important detail that is unfortunately usually left out is when those two ppl (or when the poly couple) started dating. When a 19 yr old and 25 year old (6 year gap, not at all very big, literally less than 10) start dating, that is not the same thing when a 25 year old dates a 31 year old. 19 is still a teen and barely an adult. And yeah this leaving out of that detail happens a lot especially in conversations regarding this topic which is really sad.
You're automatically assuming a power dynamic, just because of a difference in number.
While one partner may be more mature. That doesn't mean they're going to want to or be able to force things out of the other partner
@@flakgun153 I’m not assuming. Power dynamics is the term describing the terms of a relationship. It’s not a good or bad thing. What is the bad thing is when it’s not balanced. That’s the thing tho. It’s not just the difference in number. An example. A 25 year old new employee and their 30 year old boss-not an age gap problem but the fact that one is a new employee and the other is the boss. Technically it’s the boss that has the authority and more power here as a boss. That’s just describing the facts of the matter. Doesn’t mean anything yet.
Also mature is a vague/relative word. Just cause someone is like 30s doesn’t automatically mean they’re more mature than someone who is younger. Assuming that is what you mean by mature. If not and instead, then using the example of someone who is the employee and manager/boss that is not immediately an imbalanced power dynamics but when that boss abuses their position then there it is, the unfairness. I’m not saying that when one is more mature than their partner that immediately means that they are going to want to force things. Why would someone mature (referring to someone who is responsible and grown up kind of definition, regardless of age) want to force on someone? I was referring to ppl that force/encourage an inappropriate relationship or when it’s clear that the other person doesn’t consent are the immature ones. Mature isn’t what i meant to describe that type of horrible person. By mature, I’m not using the definition of like what demographic they’re a part of in terms of like age but rather the choice they make.
Sorry i’m like scattered and redundant but I hope I clarified on what I meant.
I really just need the age of consent to go up to 25 because these discussions about age gaps are incredibly arbitrary and grow quite tiring to read.
@@AntiSoraXVI in our country age of consent is 20/21 (for marriage)
@@AntiSoraXVI age of consent for what exactly? I thought 25 was referring to the age at which you might have better odds with an age gap
My husband is 22 years older than me. I’m in my 40s, so it’s not really a deal. I’m not exactly young either 😂
Yup. My wife is 15 yrs my senior. We have been together now for 40 yrs. Common law, not even married. She is, without a doubt the love of my life. I can't imagine life without her.
Hahahah I'm a 1% er... I feel very special! haha. :-)
Lucky man. Count your blessings.
That’s so interesting that only 1% of men are in an age gap relationship with an older woman. *My partner is 8.5 years older than I am, so I found that statistic really shocking* 😅😳
Yeah I thought it would be more common! My husband is 2 1/2 years younger than me, not the biggest gap but still means he got married young compared to his friends
@@joyoriordan that’s cool. How did you guys meet? 😊
@@djvelocity Through Christian Union at Uni. We weren’t in the same year but had mutual friends
@@joyoriordan that’s awesome. My experience was similar, I met my spouse when I was a student on my practicum as she was working at that same facility (we were both nurses at the time). I wish you a long and prosperous relationship with your spouse 😊🙌
Yeah myself included but there are a lot of us commenting it seems.
I also experienced this. Dated someone just 6 years younger and all their friends thought I was too old. They were older than I was on the inside but we broke up due to external pressure. The issue wasn't a generational one but there was a difference in how we were raised. They were very sheltered, as were her friends, and I was not even cared after in any appreciable degree by my parents. I think the 'community disapproval' sublimated the real problem though, which was the bubble of exclusion their parents instituted and that they continued.
I don't know how I feel about the "satisfaction" study. From my observations, people in age gap relationships are used to having to justify it to others, so I would imagine this would bleed into any studies they take part in. If I was used to being hounded for dating an older person, I would have that bias going into the test to want to prove everyone wrong. I would want the result to be overwhelmingly positive for my own validation.
Older men are less likely to make the mistakes that they made when they were younger, so everything from sharing household chores to arguing less often over silly things, to not emotionally manipulating their partners, and just being a lot more reasonable would make older men easier to live with; provided they are truly in love with their younger partner.
This would make almost every single study about relationships absolutely useless. You have no choice but to accept the study at face value, because a study based on feeling will always have bias
Which meant no such studies of true satisfaction can be done since it would always be biased one way or another
@@rafaeterna1081 Not necessarily. It depends on how the study is done. In quite a few studies, if the participants are allowed to remain annonymous (not give their real names and if it's online not even any other info they don't feel like adding, either). In annonymous studies - predictably - you get some pretty honest answers that often gel with other self-reported statistics on the same subjects.
@@tidbit1877 ehhhh I dunno how much that really correlates with age. Or gender. It also suggests that the inverse (older woman, younger man) is more likely to be unhealthy.
oh boy, I've been waiting for this one for SO long
I'm in my 30s. I've dated both older and younger women. (I have limits with how big of an age gap I'll go with both though). From my experience there are pros and cons to dating both older and younger.
On the one hand: as a single man with with no kids younger women get a big point because they are less likely to already have kids. They're also less likely to rush into starting a family where women around my age or older who are childless might want to push things past my comfort zone because their "clock is ticking". As someone who wants to take his time getting to know someone before committing to a relationship and wants to achieve a few more life goals before talking about having kids, thats a big advantage for younger women.
On the other hand: older women (or around my age) are more likely to know what they want in life, don't play as much games with you and can be more mature. Personally for me, this is very attractive. In fact my strongest romances were with older women and a lot of that played into it. Younger women (especially if they're really young) are still trying to figure out who they are, play games and can be very black & white in how they think. Many of them are still in a mind set I've grown out of, which can be a big turn off.
no disrespect but as a straight male with the UNITED STATES LAWS romantically i'm still interested in females ages 18 through 122 with all-time AND current attractive faces
@@youtuber3328 18 through 122, huh?
yeah ONLY if they have all-time or current attractive faces
I’m never dating an older man ever again. I wasted majority of my 20s and now I’m a single mother. I was 24 when I met him at 43. He’s still a frivolous partier hitting bars and clubs up. Had the time of his life while I was pregnant and I just felt like I wasted so much time and regret going into parenthood with someone like him.
Yhhh I never recommend age gap relationships especially while young. It feels wrong and the majority of the time it’s exploitative when you’re young. Dw though. You still have *so* much time 🥰
@@potato1084 i mean after 20 it's about your mindset which makes you mature,not age.
Many people especially after 20 get super mature while many even after 30s stay immature
@@Wealthismybirthrightage gap as in younger age for guys could be great though, because younger guys comparatively wouldn't or couldn't manupulate or do something awful as compared to older men.
Imo younger man older woman relationship works much better and has much better connection as compared to older men younger woman, cause older woman tend to satisfy their ego by controlling younger woman,but younger men probably wouldn't do that and most likely could open up and could have better sense of emotional security to a older woman,and if the younger guy is nice and serious about the relationship,he could also be trustworthy
The hiccup is not the age but the type of man that is fallen for
If both persons are in their 20s it can still be a disaster (and usually is)
The whole point of being with someone older (10-15 gap etc) is to accept a stable, responsible person that is ready for a life long commitment.
Regardless of the same or older if the person is ready to settle down, and has that kind, patient, adaptable character, they are a win 🏆
Right because no 20 year old would ever act like that.
I love that I’m early but I’m too early to read all the funny stories and comments to come 😭
Same
Same
I maybe old schooled in my thinking, but if a couple with a considerable age gap is living happily and doing fine then it honestly isn’t my business to question it whatsoever. The problem would arise if it’s some adults dating someone below 18, but besides that I just don’t care about the age gap and I think it is pretty much a non issue for the most part.
Regardless of age, trust is the most important aspect of a relationship
I wish there wasn't that much stigma against men that date or are married to women older than them.
There is stigma against men dating older women and women typically don’t find younger men attractive due to immaturity among other things .
My maternal grandmother was 6 years older than my maternal grandfather. Not technically an age gap relationship ( less than 10years of a difference), but she was older than him all the same.
You’ll be stigmatized no matter who you date
@@vladislavkozlov4978 every woman I know fends young men attractive but they’d get shamed if they admit it or pursue a younger man
Roastie hits the wall. Now mad. Many such cases.
Don't you love the 'as long as they're over 25, because consent is important' comment? Yep, now the age of consent is 25.
When you both consent but +30 grandma doesn't
Roosite getting toasty
I'm in a substantial age gap relationship and have found an interesting dynamic in our modern world. With the advent of "Nerd Culture" two people can be decades apart and passionate about the same movies, books, games, memes, music, etc. It really busts down one of the main inconveniences of being in an age gap partnership. Another aspect is the prevalence of good psychological information. People are unpacking their baggage much faster which brings the "maturity" level much closer together much sooner.
❤️❤️✨Thank you for watching and commenting, Congratulations You have been selected among my draw 🎉 winners should text on telegram to claim their prize"🎁
This is the impression I have too!!
Age-gap relationships usually refer to an age difference of at least 10 years between partners. In general, the definition of age-gap relationships and what is and is not acceptable varies based on a person's sex, age, and cultural norms.
Me and my boyfriend have an age gap 23 years, I was 23 when I met him and started dating when I was 24 we've been together 5 years.
He looks a lot younger than his age, so I didn't realise how much older he was and how large the age gap was until a few dates in.
Before we met, I'd lost both my parents and lived alone and supported myself for several years.
So I don't really know if we automatically mature at 25, I had to grow up fast and I didn't relate to people my own age.
Beware of the scammer 😮💨 good Gosh
you'll find others in a similar situation as you if you keep looking. They're out there.
Your case is underlining that every situation is unique and can't always be thrown on a pile.
Be safe friend.
@@aydadae7337 misandrist are offended hahahahah. If a women is older than the guy, bet those women didn't bat an eye
These videos makes our days better
My parents are 10 years apart mom was 19 and dad was 29 than they married and still happy married childhood sweethearts
you're naive stop pretending like you're living in some fantasy world
10 years is the oldest I can go. I tried to date a man who was 20 years my senior and.. the difference in our maturity and general outlook was startling.
As long as it's not abusive, I don't see what the problem is. I also wish people would stop immediately assuming that every age-gap relationship is abusive. Lastly, most of the issues people have with age-gap relationships are factors that are basically prevalent in EVERY single relationship. Abuse and power dynamics aren't merely present in age-gap couples, so trying to pass that off as a reason against it is pretty ignorant. A woman who chooses to be with a rich guy is perfectly fine... but if he's 10 years older, THAT'S what determines she's being taken advantage of?!
Actually every power dynamics should be taken into account : age, class, gender race, disability, etc.
They all are very important and inescapable parameters of a relationship.
It's not about if it's fine or right or allowed or legal but about balance
Relationship, even fueled with love, can be the most dangerous jail to the vulnerable.
👏👏👏👏👏
@@DrAbadie or you could stop over analysing every aspect of your relationship and just be happy with someone? Don't get me wrong, if there is clear abuse happening then that is unacceptable, but some people like to be looked after or be the provider, or don't care about societal power dynamics when being in a relationship. If you meet someone and fall in love and are happy, who cares about who's older, what race people are, or anything else? Just seems like trying to find reasons to not be happy with someone.
@@DrAbadie top quality debating right there
Personally it's not about age gap but more on the partners consciousness level and awareness.
Someone can be in their 50s with a consciousness level of someone in their 30s.
So age really doesn't matter as we move from one consciousness level to another.
I find it a bit odd to not include statistics about young adults. I think they make up a lot of age gap relationships
❤️❤️✨Thank you for watching and commenting, Congratulations You have been selected among my draw 🎉 winners should text on telegram to claim their prize" 🎁
Are you in a relationship, ma'am?
She's single lol.
The wall, lol, lmao.
My late father was between 10 & 11 years older than my mother
My husband is between 13 & 14 years older than myself.
I think both partners need certain personality traits for a substantial age gap relationship to be what’s best for both partners in both the short term and long term ❤️
One thing I think about on this subject are the consequences to the younger partner having to watch the older partner age, become frail and die.
Don't think I would like to subject someone I love to that.
The couples that I know with an age gap that’s a non-issue .
This is the main reason I would find dating someone more than 10 years younger than myself immoral. They'd lose me early on.
@@Dennis-nc3vw I don't think people mate for life anymore. When you die they'll be sad for a while, then they'll move on and find someone else.
Many things in a loving union will be a trade-off. The older spouse may offer material and wisdom advantages the other can use early in the relationship while when the older may become more dependent for the final couple years, now the younger is capable and willing to provide special care. When a same age couple reaches the age of dependency, as much as they may love to care for their spouse, they may have their own health needs that prevent them.
This is my greatest concern in my relationship as well, being 9 years older than my wife. Men already tend to die younger.
That being said, in our case...None of my grandparents died before 80, and I'm working very hard to be healthy for her, so maybe it's less of a concern than it may seem.
I dated a guy that was 46 when I was was 23 years old. I was with him for 7 years. It was very mentally abusive. He manipulated and gas lit me all the time. It took me so many years to figure out that it wasn’t me that was the problem but him. He called me psychotic because I have anxiety disorder and depression. I don’t think it’s a great thing. Their is always a power dynamic and your experiences are barely relatable.
One of the reasons why a lot of older men prefer younger women is because they know that some older women have psychological issues that stem from relationships they had with older men when they were younger.
It’s a sick cycle.
I’m sorry you experienced those horrible things. I hope you’re in therapy.
@@niks1life I wish I knew then what I know now. Yes I am in therapy, and I’m happily married to someone only 2 years older than me. What a huge difference it makes when you’re with someone that actually respects you, loves you, and sees you as an equal.
@@niks1life most older women have psychological issues that stem from relationships they had with bad men when they were younger.
That kind of thing happens all the time in relationships that are close in age, you just don't have an age gap to blame.
@@chaoticoverdrive27 I’m sorry what u been through but I hope u don’t start discriminating older dating younger women , otherwise we will call u out on ur bullshit
I mean Anna and Daddy Squarespace has made it work so anything is possible 🙂#LoveisLove
Thank you for the great content!!
Thee lower the age, the lower the body count
Sounds like someone is hitting the wall...
Citing Nigerian studies.... Astrology... Calls Square Space, Daddy. This person is very smart.
im always amazed with your acting skills, your face expressions are so on point its incredible very very good
I'm impressed by how much ground you covered in this topic.
As women get older, their brains magically figure out things aren't forever. Curious.
what kind of misandrist hell have i stumbled in to
My nan and grandad first got together when she was 31 and he was 19. They were happily married for 53 years soooooo... the 'rules' are less important than the individuals. If you are in love, happy, and it's all legal, then screw what anyone else thinks.
I'm 37 and bf is 58. Best relationship, better than the marriage I had who was my age
Hehhehheh
👍
I'm in an age gap relationship, and when I told my friends and family about it, they were all at least slightly concerned and some even claimed I was being manipulated (as i am younger person in the couple). However after they met my partner those opinions completely shifted, despite being older he has young mannerisms and also looks a lot younger. I don't know if it's the fact that he seems younger than he is that makes it easier for people to accept, but at the end of the day I'm in a happy, loving relationship and I only ever notice the age difference when other people bring it up.
U from?
@@ab-jc8nv I'm from the Uk
@@rubymoon3182 oh nice, I m Asian, u like forest life?
@@rubymoon3182 hey
@@rubymoon3182 u there?
To me it depends on two things: How old was the youngest when they met/started dating, and is the older person consistently going after young people.
❤️❤️✨Thank you for watching and commenting, Congratulations You have been selected among my draw 🎉 winners should text on telegram to claim their prize"🎁
I mean there are often times when people knew each other long before but dated much later
I'm 36 and my husband is 19 years older but it works well, most likely due to us having similar life experiences and interests/goals. I also hate the "old soul" thing...but really, I've been told that I' am an "old soul" by many people throughout my adulthood. We honestly forget about our age gap because we work so well. That being said, I dated someone older before and there was a weird dynamic going on where I was definitely being controlled and treated as a child. And when I say "weird", I mean...it was really WEIRD. It's cringey to think about even now. lol But, in my opinion, it really depends on the couple, as well as the individul people and their intentions, just like any relationship.
I think the "old soul" thing isn't nearly as cringey as "you're mature for your age" because the implications of the latter being the older person is "immature" for their age. Happy that you have a great relationship with your husband and thank you for sharing your other experience. as well because people love generalizing when it really is a case by case thing.
@@tanvirashahid5483 good point!!! That IS super cringey!!! And you're welcome! Yes, it's too easy to generalize in any case for sure!
Thank you for sharing. I also am starting to talk with a woman who is younger than me. Like described here. I am watching more videos like this, hopefully I get more educated on this subject.
My nan was 31 with 4 children when she got together with my grandad who was 19. They were happily married for 53 years. He adopted my father and his brothers and they had another daughter. He was a loving father to all of them for his entire life. Don't let anyone tell you what is or isn't right for you. Good luck to you both and I hope you have a very happy life together.
roastie roastie whatchu gonna do
whatchu gonna do when the WALL come for u?
When you realize you've wasted your youth and find yourself without a partner in your 30's, and now you must drag everyone along in your misery so you can have company.
I think when you have taken OUT the relationships where the woman in under 25, you've removed most of the problem.
Adult men getting with women fresh out of highschool IS predatory.
Only if they’re specifically seeking out women that age.
The way I see it, if an older man/woman is seeking out girls/boys who just turned 18, they are actually pedophiles who simply aren't willing to risk legal consequences. So they go as close as they can get. Absolutely predatory.
same with older women seeking out younger men. It might happen less often but it is still just as problematic. Especially as predatory women often are not recognized as such.
Depends on how much of a gap were talking. 25F and 50M feels a bit stretched
Above 22 is fine tho. You think 23 yo aren't mature?
I dated someone 17 years older. I felt objectified the entire time and didn't like it at all. I know some people have good relationships but I don't find that to be the norm and I didn't like the experience and felt I was being taken advantage of. I would have preferred that person properly acknowledge our age gap and stop trying to downplay it and run away from the truths, then I think there could have been a possibility of it actually working. Every relationship has flaws and I'd rather face them head on and discuss them, talk about how I feel, how they feel, and how to face it rather than just pretend it's all fine and dandy.
Yeah, you see this is the issue. So many comments are talking about how they had happy age gap relationships but a lot of men in particular objectify younger women and that’s just toxic and slimy.
Ohhhhh what a surprise. A 37 year old man likes a 20 year old woman not for her "personality". We develop a lot through our teens and 20s. At 28, I am different from who I was at 18. Most of the big age gap success stories are men and women over their 30s who have life experiences and enough maturity to understand and communicate likes, dislikes, interests, disapproval.
You felt objectified because you are an object.
That’s ur fault then
Haven't been recommended any of your videos (by UA-cam) in so long. Now There is so much to watch :)
There's a 10 years age gab between me and my bf, we have been together for 5 years now and we are sometimes extremely creepy in likeness.
I have a big sister his age so luckily im not out of touch with his growing years, i was pretty much brought up in the way with the same influences somehow because of my big sis.
The thing that makes it work for us is that i have been and still are more mature than others my age (im 26 rn) and he might act a little younger at times than his peers, but he can also be serious when needed. We have many of the same interests and his friends like me and took me in quickly and my friends did the same with him.
We had to support each other a lot from the very beginning as he was in the middle of his Bachelor education and I had to pause my life to sort out my mental health.
Support, understanding, being open, communication, and common interests is the fundamental bricks to our relationship.
We both forget how old we are when we are together c:
I feel likse this is Anna trying to convince herself that its ok to have a crush/date someone older than her. Which is ok btw, its just funny the way it comes across reminds me of arming myself with a bunch of studies about positive impacts of socializing with pets when I was trying to get my parents to let us adopt a dog, it worked btw
I found you today! Your videos are really short, sweet and interesting! Really easy and pleasant to watch :)
Why do you always post videos on topic about my life at the right time. 🥰🥰🥰
I lost friends in their 20ies and 30ies. So who is to say that the older partner in an age gap relationship is to die or get sick first. Maybe she lives to a 100 and he dies 84 or visa versa. If there is love, that is what matters. Blessing to all who have found love and are in a healthy relationship. Good for you 💚
you have such a soothing voice. I love listening to your videos.
I could listen to Anna all day!!!
My grandparents have a decade gap between them ,my granda was in his twenties and on there first night out together he asked her to marry him,she said “ask me when your not drunk “ and so the morning after the first thing he said was “will you marry me now “, I’m glad this worked I wouldn’t be here otherwise
2:15 One study gets a special disclaimer about where it took place
2:21 No disclaimer about where this study originated
Learn2cope
I think that the whole raising women to want a well together man also plays largely in this because how many 20-something year old hold the same status, money, maturity, power etc as a 40-50 yr old?
Old woman telling young women not to date. Hmmmmmmmmmm
Tale as old as time. Watch Cinderella.
No thanks to the lengthy age-gap relationships. Not only do I prefer date down to earth, wholesome, and loving/caring women, but I also wanna be the same exact age as her!
She'll still leave you for an older guy fyi
You’re just closing yourself off to opportunities. Dating is already a difficult thing. Why make it harder for yourself?
@@akabuki100 I never got a gf in high school. Why else do you think I have the "same age" mentality? Plus I specifically said, I want a girl who's my age, but who's also genuinely loving, patient, and caring! But if she were to leave me for an older guy, then whatever. 'Cause honestly I'm used to vibing out on my own without even thinking about it.
Well then when you both get old and frail, as much as you would love to care for each other, neither of you will have the strength to follow your heart and make the necessary sacrifice to show your love for the other.
Works. We all learn from each other
A few years make much more of a difference for younger people than older people. A relationship between an 18yr and a 14yr is much more likely to have a weird power dynamic than a 40yr and a 50yr imo
both are the same stop being narrow minded
My wife and I are 14 years apart but she's older, we fall in the 1%. Our relationship is strong, been together almost 10 yrs and married for 6 yrs. I wouldn't change it for anything.
I'm 20 (female) and my bf is 37, different cultural background, and we are on a LDR. Haha, sounds like a nightmare and impossible, I know. Yes we are on a different stage of life and ngl we had lots of disagreements and misunderstandings at first but once we know each other's communication style and how we judge things that's when things start to get better. We are both broke tho lol, so money is definitely out of the picture. We realize we don't always have to agree on the same thing and disagreements don't always be the end of the relationship. We just focus on what could bring us together. He's struggling with mid-life crisis and I am still anxiously discovering things and exploring myself. He's a lot more calmer than me so it's kinda neutralize my anxious self, and I am generally a lot more energic than him so he's more inspired to try things out of his usual habit. We don't put a high expectation on each other and just take things slowly. We have a goal to meet up in the next 2 years and until that we just try to focus on improving ourselves and support each other. As the younger person in this relationship, I have never found him being manipulative or controlling to me. He is far from being restrictive. He never told me to do this or do that, he just let me be me and make my own decisions. He only gives advices when I ask him to and never forced me to follow his advices. Compared to my past relationship (my ex is the same age as me), this one honestly feels healthier. Then again, we haven't known yet if we would actually work out together in real life or not but so far I have a positive feeling about this as we have been talking to each other online for a year. If we ever don't work out in real life, at least we have tried and I don't think there would be any regrets.
Where you bf from😊
My parents are 10 and a half years apart (Dad being older). They've been married for 30 years and it's one of the best relationships I've ever seen.
That's great! How old were they when they met each other?
@@selohcin My Dad was 34 and my mom was 24. She'd just finished college.
I’m not sure if these relationships are gonna work
>women over 30 seething
I remember seeing somewhere that the percentage gap makes rhe difference. I can't remember the exact maths but it was something along the lines of a 20 year old having less life experience than a 30 year old - like we think there's quite a difference between those ages. (And there is tbh)
Whereas a 30 year old and a 40 year old kinda have the same level of life experiences, although obv differing factors and stuff...
Might be talking out my arse but it's out there somewhere!
Yeah, age gaps become less of a big deal when people get older. Playboy had a "hilarious" rule of half your age plus 7 being the golden ratio
It worked for my uncles who were in their early 40s got their wives who were in their mid to late 20s, now I have 5 younger cousins lol
“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill,...
In general there can be good and there can be bad age gap relationships, depends on the individuals. Good luck to people who have successful relationships whatever their ages.
Exactly thank you! There’s no formula to this love thing