@@ari-athbadminton0301 We don't actually know if Jen was any of those things by this story. She was a dynamic character -- intelligent, cunning, confident, etc. Some good, some bad.
@@time2livelife Also Jen was incredibly young. 😂 I had underestimated how messed up I was when I was a teen, just from a sheer amount of trauma I didn’t know I endured and how little I knew. I think compassion for people who are still learning can be very helpful.
This is Childish Nonsense. Talent wasted on superficial Thoughts during COVID. Only Geeks that have Thier Food Delivered to Thier Overpriced Ikea Furnished Apts. Understand this White/ Asian Only Rules For life Crap. Does she Get a Kpop award from The WEF!? Bill Gates would love her or Bill Clinton would present Her with the Misdirection Award for Dirty Work. Distractions are Needed to keep you on your phones at all time. So, stay in Your Boxes , you Robots!
"Two reasons People in relationships fail to communicate are fear of rejection and concern they will do or say something to upset their partner. While the latter sentiment is noteworthy, not telling your partner what you need keeps the relationship from changing and growing. A healthy communication style will make stronger partnerships." ❤️
It's easy to trust when you feel like you have power and the other person is harmless. Not that we can fully understand their relationship from this brief story, but it's clear that Jen was intelligent and manipulative so the kindness she showed her weaker friend was useful to keep her in check. The way Anna describes it, it was more of a pet relationship than a human one.
@@RecklessFables I don't disagree with the pet relationship, but that doesn't mean Jen did not deeply love Anna as a friend she trusted. Also, it is not necessarily the case that Anna was viewed as harmless in Jen's eyes. Jen could have seen her as formidable had Anna been an actual opponent, but since Anna had shown genuine loyalty and affection to her at some point, she was not seen as a threat any longer. Why would anyone if your friend is a generally sweet person? Jen is also not entirely lacking in positive human emotions. Kindness can be shown to those we feel are extensions of ourselves, even when they are being treated more like pets or objects rather than actual people.
Jen is the most interesting/ confusing character in this storyline 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Was she ACTUAL mean? Just purely nosey? Emotionally advanced beyond everyone else and simply pulling strings to try and help her friend Anna develop her emotional capacity, KNOWING that aforementioned Anna would be unable to accurately process the intention behind her actions thus viewing Jen as the villain when in reality she was the misunderstood hero? We must know more. Also, I'd ABSOLUTELY have cut you out of my life if you stole my Billabong Sweater (or any other sweater for that matter) and no we would not have talked about it 😂😂😂😂😂😂 You know what you did.
To me it seems like Jen just thought the norm was walking all over your friends. She was ok with people stealing her clothes bit by bit and she thought it was funny when Anna was mean. I wonder if that was just her personality or if she was just used that being the case in her relationships.
Maybe real people are more than purely good or bad? Someone can be great in some cases and not care enough about others in some other cases. People are complex and messy.
What hurts is when you try to have that honest conversation, and they’re not willing to talk about it. I was developing what I thought was a close friendship with a coworker: we called each other every day after work, shared personal stuff about our pasts, and hung out on our free time. One day after work while we were chatting by phone, he made an off-handed joke about wanting to get cancer and dying. We often made macabre jokes about wanting to die cause we work at a tough job that is sorely underpaid. But my throat immediately clenched, because I had told him about how my mom passed away from cancer not long ago. I couldn’t believe he would forget something so personal, and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. So rather than cry, I hung up. The next day I tried talking to him before work, to explain why I was upset. I told him I knew he wouldn’t have made that joke if he remembered about my mom, but that it hurt that he didn’t. His response? “Why would I remember that? I try to forget bad things.” So naturally I hurried away and tried to hide my tears. Two days of silence later, I reach out by text. I ask him to avoid making jokes about dying of cancer, and I’ll be fine. This person who I thought was my friend said that he couldn’t take back his words and that he was truly sorry, but that we should go our separate ways and just be coworkers. That hurts the most. He would rather never talk to me again than to have that difficult conversation.
@appa L You’re probably right 😔He technically apologized for the joke, but it feels meaningless given that he doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. A true friend wouldn’t leave if they were really regretful
Jen seems really cool, like that antagonist who isn't really a bad person, she's selfish and does things for herself and doesn't see how it affects others in the moment but when someone else does something selfish like steal her clothes she gets it since she is selfish too like any other human and forgives them, it seems like she actually can be really understanding and if you did talk to her she would have completely understood where you were coming from
I recently ended a 2 year relationship with someone that I grew to resent deeply. On the outside, I thought our relationship was healthy because we never fought, we never had difficult conversations, etc. I realized later on that the reason for this is because I was never talking about my needs. Whenever I did tell him what I needed, he never changed. Or sometimes the tough conversations I wanted to have were not taken seriously by him and I would be left having to comfort myself after being so vulnerable.
I had to do the same thing last Wednesday. Anytime I would mention something I'd like out of the relationship or differences between us, she'd clam up, get upset at mentioning it, and pretend it was never mentioned ever again. When I finally told her that I was leaving and why, she only responded to one of the issues we've had (I don't have family/friends to share with her) and not the lack of interests/passions, communication, etc. But hopefully, we both got to learn, grow, and will be able to pick up on the 'less communicative' folk out there x)
@@foxdevilsadvocate8567 thank you for sharing your story! when i ended my relationship, my ex was completely blindsided but the truth is, he wasn’t paying attention. he told me “i never knew there was a problem” after countless conversations where I’d be left crying and he didn’t know why. It got to the point where I was no longer attracted to him and something as simple as a kiss repulsed me. I felt invisible and you can only live that way for so long. I’m also working on speaking up for myself and asking for what I need :) my new partner is awesome and is willing to have those tough conversations with me
@@yeseniacontreras3287 Same here! Said the same thing as well when I've had said to her about having more conversations than just "Netflix and Chill" (Don't get me wrong, I love those moments but that was in excess). Plus the way she saw how if I asked her to remind me, just a message if I practiced the language she'd like me to learn, she wanted me to do that myself, not to be a "child" but an adult. Once she mentioned about moving in sometime this year, I had to make the break. I couldn't continue; I couldn't give her that false hope and I couldn't continue on living that life. But yay! New partner! Glad you were able to find someone for those conversations. I'm not dating for sometime ':) at least, I won't go looking through...the apps... But yeah, this is a new year, lots of change. Let's continue going towards a more aligned year for us ^^
@@foxdevilsadvocate8567 sorry, my friend, but if someone agreed to learn a language I want to speak with them (I speak three), I’d expect them to care enough to remember and not have me do the emotional labor for them. I’d feel like they don’t even care enough to set a reminder on their own phone, which is a pretty simple task to do for themselves as, yes, fully developed adults. I am aware that I don’t have the full picture here, but taking only what you said, I want to offer another perspective, because I don’t feel like she was wrong on this one and maybe you could use a little perspective. Again, I don’t know the full story and I’m only filling in the blanks of what you’ve stated, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt.
Although sometimes you do try and have the conversations and the pattern doesn't change. I'm a supporter of slow ghosting when you've tried and it hasn't work.
Honestly I think if you aren't able to have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with your partner, then you're not even in a relationship anymore. If there's something you want to tell your partner, and they aren't even a little bit curious as to what it might be about, then what's even the point? It's over. My heart goes out to married couples in a situation like this. 😊
Haha, the, "ooh, i like sleeping with my ex!" as the example for incompatible sleeping positions made me laugh out loud 😂 Also, damn, Jen! She is diabolical! Love the voice changer and Jen's outfit!!!
this called me out when i needed it most. i’ve always been bad at communication, because i haven’t seen healthy communication without argument before, but i’m in a relationship now and i want to try my best for him, especially on communication. my first instinct is to not tell him and bother him with my emotions, but he says that he wants me to tell him things like this, because it affects him too. this vid hit on every point!
My ex fiance could not communicate. She dumped me out of the blue and mentioned some things that she never talked to me about. They were things i would have been more than happy to resolve with her but because she never talked to me, she let it build up until it was too late
As soon as Anna said "communication/being able to have a heart-to-heart with someone", I started to bob my head back and forth so hard that I almost hit my head on the window!
One of your best videos in a while. The way Jen's diabolical scheming reflected onto your breakup plans is also a great example of learned behavior. Such a good story
the reason i struggle with this is that when i was with my ex, they actively shut down all communication between me & them. if i told them how something they said or did made me feel, they'd call it "guilt tripping". they basically said that me being open and honest with my feelings was a form of manipulation to them. now i can't tell anyone how i feel in my daily life cause i'm worried they'll think of it as manipulative...
Speaking from experience, a heart to heart talk is not just about something or things that bother you or your spouse. If you struggle to talk with your spouse about the future, finances, hopes and dreams, etc the relationship wouldn't last.
This is what makes my husband and me such a great team. Literally unlike any relationship I’ve ever had. It makes me wonder if I would of just spoke up, how my relationships would of been.
@@franciscomiranda6882 Yes! And plenty of emotionally charged fight. We could talk our minds openly and pretty much do what Anna and her current friends do; communicating, being vulnerable, and know that we want each other in our lives.
This description of Jen reminds me of a breakdown I heard of Regina George, actually! Someone who's actually very smart and understands systems, but is working them in the only ones available to a teen girl.... which turns out to not be the healthiest. So she's a top performer in everything teen girls were told to be by the world around them, but also kind of hated for it because what we tell people to be isn't necessarily what we actually want them to be (culturally).
This explains all of my "friendships" in high school to a T. I ended up having a falling out with my main friend group and on the last day of senior year, I realized if I had just had a conversation with them about being hurt, things would have been different. But it was too late.
My partner did something a year ago that I couldn’t get over but never brought up and then recently I had a drunk breakdown about it and we both cried and then… it was fine lmao. We just needed to talk about it.
@@ryanciani3324 sorry in the future I will clarify. My partner in life, my sweetheart, el amor de mi vida, etc etc. I forget that basic context clues are difficult for some people.
This is so true, however in my experience, very often when I express my feelings people will push back and I'm so I'll equipped to respond to that, that I usually end up just feeling bad and struggling even more to express myself the next time.
All my life when I tried to speak up about things people would get upset and tell me how horrible I am or annoying for ever accusing them or bringing that up. It's not like I lack tact, in fact because of those people I learned to be extremely tactful to not upset them. But now I just stopped talking about stuff. I hope to meet someone I can talk with to learn how to communicate again.
I've always felt that exact same way, and thought that it's better to not say anything in order to avoid it backfiring. However, I've recently learned through therapy that I have to speak up anyway. Say your piece even though the other person might get upset, and stand your ground. Some people can't handle being criticised in any way, even if it is put nicely, and they will either realise their mistake later on or not at all, but either way you stayed true to yourself and respected your own boundaries.
@@AnaStanojevic I tip I can give you is once you state your point, don't argue with their arguing, just restate what you said at the beggining, they're trying to shift the conversation to something else, but bring it back to where it is. And after doing that one time go away, stop talking. I'm a pro I have so many other tips and tricks. Ideally you want to avoid those people. And make sure you yourself can handle criticisms.
Once, a girl I knew did something that made me feel disrespected. I didn't hate her or not want to ever be her friend again, but it did make me dread hanging out with her again. A long time went by. After I hadn't heard from her in a while, she reached out to me asking if we could meet up. I told her I was busy at the time, which was true, but I definitely still felt that bit of resentment, enough that I didn't respond to her message saying that she would really appreciate it if we had even a short hangout. I resolved that when I had time again, I would make an effort to see her again and then maybe that would erase the resentment. A couple months later, I had a little more free time...and I found out she passed away. I have never before wished so bad that I could go back in time and warn myself. You always think there'll be time.
one of my most honest, open and communicative friendships I’ve ever had in my life recently ended when my now ex best friend couldn’t face me with a conversation about their feelings being hurt (I can only assume), so they decided to never speak to me again. I think eventually I’ll forgive them for being too afraid (again assuming) and choosing to do the equivalent to stealing someone’s closet to make them go away, but it may take a few years
I once got entangled with an avoidant. I really cared for her but the stonewalling got old fast whenever there was a problem or disagreement. Never again. Hard pass.
@Wise Acres I don't think that's fair. It seems to me that you're claiming to fully understand my entire character based off of a single UA-cam comment, as well as the situation I was in, even though I did not provide any context. That's jumping to conclusions a little quickly, I do think. I am far from perfect but I can sympathize with your pain, as you've probably had experiences where people treated you poorly in the past as well, causing you to have such beliefs. Hopefully things are better for you now.
Anna, I love that you have a such a unique way of giving interesting & useful life advice, while telling hilarious little anecdotes at the same time! That is a gift!
Love love love this Jen story. The imagery of you stashing clothes had me rolling. So relatable how we conjure up ways NOT to say how we really feel only making things worse. Great food for thought!
I think the only problem I've encountered with speaking up with friends, is that they get super defensive and turn the blame around on me. Blame me for being offended, or they get offended for pointing something out as if I'm attacking their character. Sometimes, even gaslignting I guess... It's those friendships that don't last long-term, for a reason.
Soooooo true. That's why it didn't work for me. My ex was extremely uncomfortable with tough conversation when I brought it up. But if it was his turn to communicate something he isn't liking in the relationship, I'd be receptive. This lack of communication two way and his complete disregard for when and how to bring things up even though he knew what was going on with me, was a huge red flag. That's why it had to end. Sometimes even if you communicate if the other person is incapable to be mature enough to offer you the same , it's time to end it
I love you Anna! You're the reason why I feel so strong as a woman living in America. I make sure my 5 foot 5 filipino husband does what I tell him to do and if he doesn't do it, I won't give it up to him.
Good communication is definitely key to maintaining relationships. I learnt it the hard way through my last breakup and I regret not speaking up a lot earlier before it was too late to save the relationship.
Am I the only one whos dying to know where she got all her clothes from? I AM LITERALLLYYY Loving everything shes wearing.!!!! and that FLOWER choker?!?!? WOW
I love your videos, Anna, they're very inspiring. Communication is definitely the key to successful relationships and friendships, and I'm trying to work on honest conversations with my loved ones.
I have been in both type of friendships!! The ones like Jen's and the one w the hard conversation. Tbh the Jen one lasted for awhile (6 years) but I always knew that someday it was going to end. The ones I have now is going super strong (almost 10 years) we talk everything out in a respectful manner and respect each other's feelings. Also I've ended friendship/relationship where I had the hard conversations, but they didn't change or they'd just take it as me attacking them for them being "themselves" or them telling me how weak I am to be hurt by what they did. But I'm glad it ended, I'm totally happy the way I am right now
I too struggle with hard conversations to the point I ghosted someone. Cause for every opportunity I try to initiate a hard conversation that person keeps reasoning out on my irrationality to the point I had enough.
Yep. That's what tore apart some once-long-lived childhood friendships in my life. I admit I'm guiltier of it than my former friends, but I'm not currently too overcome with depression at the moment to take all the blame.
Also a big part of communication that a lot of people don’t talk about is actively listening to the person on both sides. That means listen to what they are saying, think about it, and then respond. I see so many people who come up with a response before the person has even stopped talking and that’s not listening that’s selective hearing.
I thank you Sasha Waybright, for giving me an advice to not be afraid to talk how I felt, because that would lead to resentment. I know that feeling to well, and I wish someone would tell me about that, but you brought that good advice. And I will cherished that.
So what does one do when one attempts to have these conversations and the other person either shrug the issue off as "not being that deep" or just flat-out ignores it? I've been in this situation a few times, and it's so painful when you attempt to have that vulnerability, but yet you can't actually get through to them because they don't see the issue. More often than not, that's where the relationship ends, but I feel like there can be another way. There has to be.
It’s so hard when you love the person and you see all the good in them, but there’s clearly something going on and they won’t open up to you. I wonder if it was my fault, maybe I wasn’t a good enough listener or maybe they didn’t feel they could trust me to open up. Maybe I’ll never know. It’s just such a shame.
I'm begging you, drop the fits in the descriptions of these because I need an extra therapy shopping session after these videos and your style is on POINT and I can't "borrow one by one" 😂
I 100% agree. The relationships in my life that have withstood the test of time are because I expressed my feelings instead of letting resentment build up. The people that have stayed in my life are the ones that actually talked it out with me while the ones that avoided or continued to disregard my feelings are no longer in my life. Oddly enough, I avoid speaking my mind more when it comes to my jobs because I didn't want to have that tough conversation with my bosses. If I was unhappy with my job I would go late all the time or just stop going entirely because I was overwhelmed and afraid to talk to them. I hadn't recognized my pattern of behavior till back in July 2022. Luckily I've been taking a lot of steps to change my avoidant behavior and I'm getting better all the time. 😄
I completely agree, but I also feel like when you *do* have open, hard conversations and state your needs so you can ultimately have transparent and sustainable relationships people freak out about you being controlling or making ultimatums. A lot of the rhetoric around communication styles actively discourages advocating for yourself and ultimately working at relationships instead of just resenting and blindsiding people.
Holding on to the lies rather than telling the truth with someone are almost like putting a bandaid on the situation of not telling the truth. But once you're ready to tell the truth, attempting to pull it off then it's painful and then the injury is exposed that person. Then he/she is seeing the physical effect it has been doing to you.
I had a neighbor across the street that treat me like I was less than him growing up also sometimes I stood up for myself but I wish I did more….most of the time when people treat me any kind of way is because I got too comfortable or too helpful
I just tried to do this today. I never had someone I enjoy talking to but suddenly that person changed. After listening to this I felt like I should do it and I had this calm confidence. But that person werent present today. So I sent that person a chat about how I appreciated the connection and that I was ruminating on why our relationship suddenly got cold(This is platonic) and after sending that message my mind is like floating in the air. I feel like what if I look like a clingy disgusting ill person
Speaking my truth, always leads to rejections. Most people in this world doesn’t know how to agree to disagree. Instead they resent me for telling how I feel about them or a situation in particular. They make it all about them and start judging me. Either way I will continue to speak my truth because I am the one responsible for my own happiness.
I am lucky in that I am also very direct, to the point that I will start a difficult conversation by saying 'You're probably not going to enjoy this, but I'm bringing it up anyway "
Lmao, you know, knowing you're that direct gives me an excellent boundary, and makes me feel a lot better. Hilarious story, thanks for the time and effort you put into your work! Have a good day!
Yeaaa....I have a conversation with my really good friend that I need to have. But he is so toxic and loves to gaslight people I'm waffling about whether it's an important conversation to have. But as it stands,I'm literally done with him if I can't have this conversation. I know how the conversation is gonna go which is why I don't wanna have it though. But pretending to be asleep every time he comes home,or running away from our mutual workout friend when he arrives isn't helpful either. 😮💨
Anna... I feel so seen. Never gone as far as committing a crime but 😂 I've definitely ended friendships instead of just having a goddamned conversation, and this is literally something I am struggling with right now in my relationship so the timing is amazing. Plus the hilarious delivery of that story means this should be a message I don't forget for a while hahaha.
I guess this explains a lot of the relationships than transition from friendship to bullying. It's hard for the other person to make any sense of, they'd never guess that you've avoided talking to them when they are easy to talk to and you've done meaner stuff.
Jen’s level of confidence is terrifying but also enviable.
I don't envy sociopaths , narcissists or evils. There are fallen souls who lost touch of what bad and good is and think vicious choices are ok.
low key kinda love Jen in this story
@@ari-athbadminton0301 We don't actually know if Jen was any of those things by this story. She was a dynamic character -- intelligent, cunning, confident, etc. Some good, some bad.
@@time2livelife Also Jen was incredibly young. 😂 I had underestimated how messed up I was when I was a teen, just from a sheer amount of trauma I didn’t know I endured and how little I knew. I think compassion for people who are still learning can be very helpful.
This is Childish Nonsense.
Talent wasted on superficial
Thoughts during COVID.
Only Geeks that have Thier
Food Delivered to Thier
Overpriced Ikea Furnished
Apts. Understand this
White/ Asian Only Rules
For life Crap. Does she
Get a Kpop award from
The WEF!? Bill Gates
would love her or Bill
Clinton would present
Her with the Misdirection
Award for Dirty Work.
Distractions are Needed
to keep you on your phones
at all time. So, stay in
Your Boxes , you Robots!
Jen had one of the most interesting character arcs of all time
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
G.B Shaw
"Two reasons People in relationships fail to communicate are fear of rejection and concern they will do or say something to upset their partner. While the latter sentiment is noteworthy, not telling your partner what you need keeps the relationship from changing and growing. A healthy communication style will make stronger partnerships." ❤️
Jen really did love you as a friend. Despite everything heinous she did to amuse herself, she trusted you deeply.
It's easy to trust when you feel like you have power and the other person is harmless. Not that we can fully understand their relationship from this brief story, but it's clear that Jen was intelligent and manipulative so the kindness she showed her weaker friend was useful to keep her in check. The way Anna describes it, it was more of a pet relationship than a human one.
@@RecklessFables I don't disagree with the pet relationship, but that doesn't mean Jen did not deeply love Anna as a friend she trusted. Also, it is not necessarily the case that Anna was viewed as harmless in Jen's eyes. Jen could have seen her as formidable had Anna been an actual opponent, but since Anna had shown genuine loyalty and affection to her at some point, she was not seen as a threat any longer. Why would anyone if your friend is a generally sweet person? Jen is also not entirely lacking in positive human emotions. Kindness can be shown to those we feel are extensions of ourselves, even when they are being treated more like pets or objects rather than actual people.
but she is controlling, and maybe a lil bit narcissistic...
Jen is the most interesting/ confusing character in this storyline 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Was she ACTUAL mean? Just purely nosey? Emotionally advanced beyond everyone else and simply pulling strings to try and help her friend Anna develop her emotional capacity, KNOWING that aforementioned Anna would be unable to accurately process the intention behind her actions thus viewing Jen as the villain when in reality she was the misunderstood hero? We must know more.
Also, I'd ABSOLUTELY have cut you out of my life if you stole my Billabong Sweater (or any other sweater for that matter) and no we would not have talked about it 😂😂😂😂😂😂 You know what you did.
Seems to me like she had good intentions but was simply oblivious to the way her actions came across to Anna.
I think she's a narcissist who once you threaten to leave them she becomes all kind.
To me it seems like Jen just thought the norm was walking all over your friends. She was ok with people stealing her clothes bit by bit and she thought it was funny when Anna was mean. I wonder if that was just her personality or if she was just used that being the case in her relationships.
Yes, narcissism really is interesting when you see the different ways it makes people “interesting”
Maybe real people are more than purely good or bad? Someone can be great in some cases and not care enough about others in some other cases. People are complex and messy.
What hurts is when you try to have that honest conversation, and they’re not willing to talk about it. I was developing what I thought was a close friendship with a coworker: we called each other every day after work, shared personal stuff about our pasts, and hung out on our free time. One day after work while we were chatting by phone, he made an off-handed joke about wanting to get cancer and dying. We often made macabre jokes about wanting to die cause we work at a tough job that is sorely underpaid. But my throat immediately clenched, because I had told him about how my mom passed away from cancer not long ago. I couldn’t believe he would forget something so personal, and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. So rather than cry, I hung up. The next day I tried talking to him before work, to explain why I was upset. I told him I knew he wouldn’t have made that joke if he remembered about my mom, but that it hurt that he didn’t. His response? “Why would I remember that? I try to forget bad things.” So naturally I hurried away and tried to hide my tears. Two days of silence later, I reach out by text. I ask him to avoid making jokes about dying of cancer, and I’ll be fine. This person who I thought was my friend said that he couldn’t take back his words and that he was truly sorry, but that we should go our separate ways and just be coworkers. That hurts the most. He would rather never talk to me again than to have that difficult conversation.
@appa L You’re probably right 😔He technically apologized for the joke, but it feels meaningless given that he doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. A true friend wouldn’t leave if they were really regretful
Jen seems really cool, like that antagonist who isn't really a bad person, she's selfish and does things for herself and doesn't see how it affects others in the moment but when someone else does something selfish like steal her clothes she gets it since she is selfish too like any other human and forgives them, it seems like she actually can be really understanding and if you did talk to her she would have completely understood where you were coming from
I recently ended a 2 year relationship with someone that I grew to resent deeply. On the outside, I thought our relationship was healthy because we never fought, we never had difficult conversations, etc. I realized later on that the reason for this is because I was never talking about my needs. Whenever I did tell him what I needed, he never changed. Or sometimes the tough conversations I wanted to have were not taken seriously by him and I would be left having to comfort myself after being so vulnerable.
I had to do the same thing last Wednesday. Anytime I would mention something I'd like out of the relationship or differences between us, she'd clam up, get upset at mentioning it, and pretend it was never mentioned ever again. When I finally told her that I was leaving and why, she only responded to one of the issues we've had (I don't have family/friends to share with her) and not the lack of interests/passions, communication, etc.
But hopefully, we both got to learn, grow, and will be able to pick up on the 'less communicative' folk out there x)
@@foxdevilsadvocate8567 thank you for sharing your story! when i ended my relationship, my ex was completely blindsided but the truth is, he wasn’t paying attention. he told me “i never knew there was a problem” after countless conversations where I’d be left crying and he didn’t know why. It got to the point where I was no longer attracted to him and something as simple as a kiss repulsed me. I felt invisible and you can only live that way for so long. I’m also working on speaking up for myself and asking for what I need :) my new partner is awesome and is willing to have those tough conversations with me
@@foxdevilsadvocate8567 congrats on your new beginning. Breaking up with someone isn’t easy and it’s just as painful.
@@yeseniacontreras3287 Same here! Said the same thing as well when I've had said to her about having more conversations than just "Netflix and Chill" (Don't get me wrong, I love those moments but that was in excess). Plus the way she saw how if I asked her to remind me, just a message if I practiced the language she'd like me to learn, she wanted me to do that myself, not to be a "child" but an adult.
Once she mentioned about moving in sometime this year, I had to make the break. I couldn't continue; I couldn't give her that false hope and I couldn't continue on living that life.
But yay! New partner! Glad you were able to find someone for those conversations. I'm not dating for sometime ':) at least, I won't go looking through...the apps...
But yeah, this is a new year, lots of change. Let's continue going towards a more aligned year for us ^^
@@foxdevilsadvocate8567 sorry, my friend, but if someone agreed to learn a language I want to speak with them (I speak three), I’d expect them to care enough to remember and not have me do the emotional labor for them. I’d feel like they don’t even care enough to set a reminder on their own phone, which is a pretty simple task to do for themselves as, yes, fully developed adults.
I am aware that I don’t have the full picture here, but taking only what you said, I want to offer another perspective, because I don’t feel like she was wrong on this one and maybe you could use a little perspective. Again, I don’t know the full story and I’m only filling in the blanks of what you’ve stated, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt.
Most of the people I've tried to have honest conversations with have simply decided to slowly distance themselves rather than to just talk it out
Facts
Although sometimes you do try and have the conversations and the pattern doesn't change. I'm a supporter of slow ghosting when you've tried and it hasn't work.
Honestly I think if you aren't able to have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with your partner, then you're not even in a relationship anymore.
If there's something you want to tell your partner, and they aren't even a little bit curious as to what it might be about, then what's even the point? It's over.
My heart goes out to married couples in a situation like this. 😊
If you're going to steal somebody's clothes, you should steal so much that they can't leave the house.
The talk at the end literally made me tear up. This is what it looks like when you love someone
Haha, the, "ooh, i like sleeping with my ex!" as the example for incompatible sleeping positions made me laugh out loud 😂
Also, damn, Jen! She is diabolical! Love the voice changer and Jen's outfit!!!
haha I thought she meant "axe" but "ex" makes sense
@@NerdyNerdUHeard Yeah i also heard axe
this called me out when i needed it most. i’ve always been bad at communication, because i haven’t seen healthy communication without argument before, but i’m in a relationship now and i want to try my best for him, especially on communication. my first instinct is to not tell him and bother him with my emotions, but he says that he wants me to tell him things like this, because it affects him too. this vid hit on every point!
My ex fiance could not communicate. She dumped me out of the blue and mentioned some things that she never talked to me about. They were things i would have been more than happy to resolve with her but because she never talked to me, she let it build up until it was too late
This is like my ex best friend of 9 years. I'm still bitter about it
As soon as Anna said "communication/being able to have a heart-to-heart with someone", I started to bob my head back and forth so hard that I almost hit my head on the window!
It's your body teliing you it needs a heavy metal concert
@@oponomo Have it everyday in my shower 🤣🫣
One of your best videos in a while. The way Jen's diabolical scheming reflected onto your breakup plans is also a great example of learned behavior. Such a good story
the reason i struggle with this is that when i was with my ex, they actively shut down all communication between me & them. if i told them how something they said or did made me feel, they'd call it "guilt tripping". they basically said that me being open and honest with my feelings was a form of manipulation to them.
now i can't tell anyone how i feel in my daily life cause i'm worried they'll think of it as manipulative...
if they call it manipulative perhaps they are the ones who like to manipulate (projection)
Your ex was actually the one doing the manipulating. Normal people don’t say stuff like that. If they do, it’s a red flag.
having hard conversations is one of my love languages, it is one of the ways i express my love, respect and involvement in our relationship!
Speaking from experience, a heart to heart talk is not just about something or things that bother you or your spouse. If you struggle to talk with your spouse about the future, finances, hopes and dreams, etc the relationship wouldn't last.
True
This is what makes my husband and me such a great team. Literally unlike any relationship I’ve ever had. It makes me wonder if I would of just spoke up, how my relationships would of been.
Would’ve just spoke up*
@@franciscomiranda6882 thanks, i figured it out but was a bit confused what she meant
Preach. I literally decided to meet with someone on a dating app because he wrote, “If we have problems, let’s solve it together. Let’s talk.”
@@MagisterialVoyager did you solve problems together?
@@franciscomiranda6882 Yes! And plenty of emotionally charged fight. We could talk our minds openly and pretty much do what Anna and her current friends do; communicating, being vulnerable, and know that we want each other in our lives.
Our society churns us into people pleasers and afraid of confrontations.
the worst are people who demand the truth and can’t take it
It’d be funny if that Jen girl sees this, realize what’d happened, then be all “Oh word, what…..?”
This description of Jen reminds me of a breakdown I heard of Regina George, actually! Someone who's actually very smart and understands systems, but is working them in the only ones available to a teen girl.... which turns out to not be the healthiest. So she's a top performer in everything teen girls were told to be by the world around them, but also kind of hated for it because what we tell people to be isn't necessarily what we actually want them to be (culturally).
Whenever me and my SO have hard conversations, we do it by text since it's sometimes hard to say things when we are upset. It works so far
This explains all of my "friendships" in high school to a T. I ended up having a falling out with my main friend group and on the last day of senior year, I realized if I had just had a conversation with them about being hurt, things would have been different. But it was too late.
My partner did something a year ago that I couldn’t get over but never brought up and then recently I had a drunk breakdown about it and we both cried and then… it was fine lmao. We just needed to talk about it.
what does a partner have to do with anything?
@@ryanciani3324 sorry in the future I will clarify. My partner in life, my sweetheart, el amor de mi vida, etc etc. I forget that basic context clues are difficult for some people.
This is so true, however in my experience, very often when I express my feelings people will push back and I'm so I'll equipped to respond to that, that I usually end up just feeling bad and struggling even more to express myself the next time.
All my life when I tried to speak up about things people would get upset and tell me how horrible I am or annoying for ever accusing them or bringing that up. It's not like I lack tact, in fact because of those people I learned to be extremely tactful to not upset them. But now I just stopped talking about stuff. I hope to meet someone I can talk with to learn how to communicate again.
I've always felt that exact same way, and thought that it's better to not say anything in order to avoid it backfiring. However, I've recently learned through therapy that I have to speak up anyway. Say your piece even though the other person might get upset, and stand your ground. Some people can't handle being criticised in any way, even if it is put nicely, and they will either realise their mistake later on or not at all, but either way you stayed true to yourself and respected your own boundaries.
@@AnaStanojevic I tip I can give you is once you state your point, don't argue with their arguing, just restate what you said at the beggining, they're trying to shift the conversation to something else, but bring it back to where it is. And after doing that one time go away, stop talking. I'm a pro I have so many other tips and tricks. Ideally you want to avoid those people. And make sure you yourself can handle criticisms.
I guess, we shall say "Thanks Jen for awakening the interest in psychology in Anna!"
Once, a girl I knew did something that made me feel disrespected. I didn't hate her or not want to ever be her friend again, but it did make me dread hanging out with her again. A long time went by. After I hadn't heard from her in a while, she reached out to me asking if we could meet up. I told her I was busy at the time, which was true, but I definitely still felt that bit of resentment, enough that I didn't respond to her message saying that she would really appreciate it if we had even a short hangout. I resolved that when I had time again, I would make an effort to see her again and then maybe that would erase the resentment. A couple months later, I had a little more free time...and I found out she passed away. I have never before wished so bad that I could go back in time and warn myself. You always think there'll be time.
one of my most honest, open and communicative friendships I’ve ever had in my life recently ended when my now ex best friend couldn’t face me with a conversation about their feelings being hurt (I can only assume), so they decided to never speak to me again. I think eventually I’ll forgive them for being too afraid (again assuming) and choosing to do the equivalent to stealing someone’s closet to make them go away, but it may take a few years
I once got entangled with an avoidant. I really cared for her but the stonewalling got old fast whenever there was a problem or disagreement.
Never again. Hard pass.
@Wise Acres I don't think that's fair. It seems to me that you're claiming to fully understand my entire character based off of a single UA-cam comment, as well as the situation I was in, even though I did not provide any context. That's jumping to conclusions a little quickly, I do think.
I am far from perfect but I can sympathize with your pain, as you've probably had experiences where people treated you poorly in the past as well, causing you to have such beliefs. Hopefully things are better for you now.
Anna, I love that you have a such a unique way of giving interesting & useful life advice, while telling hilarious little anecdotes at the same time! That is a gift!
Love love love this Jen story. The imagery of you stashing clothes had me rolling. So relatable how we conjure up ways NOT to say how we really feel only making things worse. Great food for thought!
My friends just get defensive and gaslight me whenever I say something. Only my bestie has this kind of self reflection.
What a great (and funny and sad) personal story by which to illustrate the principle! Well done!
I have been Jen before 😔 so I appreciate this one. It’s why I’m so wary of the “toxic” label when really it’s lack of communication.
I think the only problem I've encountered with speaking up with friends, is that they get super defensive and turn the blame around on me. Blame me for being offended, or they get offended for pointing something out as if I'm attacking their character. Sometimes, even gaslignting I guess... It's those friendships that don't last long-term, for a reason.
You should tag all your clothes too!! Love the corsets!
literally no one I called a friend before had that kind of response before, I didn’t think people like that existed in real life
Soooooo true.
That's why it didn't work for me. My ex was extremely uncomfortable with tough conversation when I brought it up. But if it was his turn to communicate something he isn't liking in the relationship, I'd be receptive. This lack of communication two way and his complete disregard for when and how to bring things up even though he knew what was going on with me, was a huge red flag. That's why it had to end.
Sometimes even if you communicate if the other person is incapable to be mature enough to offer you the same , it's time to end it
I love you Anna! You're the reason why I feel so strong as a woman living in America. I make sure my 5 foot 5 filipino husband does what I tell him to do and if he doesn't do it, I won't give it up to him.
I have a hard time talking about this stuff too, heart to heart conversation without seemingly attacking the other person
Good communication is definitely key to maintaining relationships. I learnt it the hard way through my last breakup and I regret not speaking up a lot earlier before it was too late to save the relationship.
Am I the only one whos dying to know where she got all her clothes from? I AM LITERALLLYYY Loving everything shes wearing.!!!! and that FLOWER choker?!?!? WOW
I love your videos, Anna, they're very inspiring. Communication is definitely the key to successful relationships and friendships, and I'm trying to work on honest conversations with my loved ones.
Yup, so guilty of this, but I felt that no matter what I said they wouldn't care.
Most people refuse to change...that is the problem of having one of those conversations, they won't care.
Let's be honest Anna, some people are legitimately crap inside and other people aren't. And no matter what you do, this won't change.
Two wrongs don't make a right , stealing from friends is going to make things worser
I have been in both type of friendships!! The ones like Jen's and the one w the hard conversation. Tbh the Jen one lasted for awhile (6 years) but I always knew that someday it was going to end. The ones I have now is going super strong (almost 10 years) we talk everything out in a respectful manner and respect each other's feelings.
Also I've ended friendship/relationship where I had the hard conversations, but they didn't change or they'd just take it as me attacking them for them being "themselves" or them telling me how weak I am to be hurt by what they did. But I'm glad it ended, I'm totally happy the way I am right now
I too struggle with hard conversations to the point I ghosted someone. Cause for every opportunity I try to initiate a hard conversation that person keeps reasoning out on my irrationality to the point I had enough.
Yep. That's what tore apart some once-long-lived childhood friendships in my life. I admit I'm guiltier of it than my former friends, but I'm not currently too overcome with depression at the moment to take all the blame.
Also a big part of communication that a lot of people don’t talk about is actively listening to the person on both sides. That means listen to what they are saying, think about it, and then respond. I see so many people who come up with a response before the person has even stopped talking and that’s not listening that’s selective hearing.
I thank you Sasha Waybright, for giving me an advice to not be afraid to talk how I felt, because that would lead to resentment. I know that feeling to well, and I wish someone would tell me about that, but you brought that good advice. And I will cherished that.
Your outfit looks amazing.
So what does one do when one attempts to have these conversations and the other person either shrug the issue off as "not being that deep" or just flat-out ignores it?
I've been in this situation a few times, and it's so painful when you attempt to have that vulnerability, but yet you can't actually get through to them because they don't see the issue. More often than not, that's where the relationship ends, but I feel like there can be another way. There has to be.
I think the best advice is to end it if you have tried to communicate multiple times and its been ignored.
You say byeeeeee 👋
It’s so hard when you love the person and you see all the good in them, but there’s clearly something going on and they won’t open up to you. I wonder if it was my fault, maybe I wasn’t a good enough listener or maybe they didn’t feel they could trust me to open up. Maybe I’ll never know. It’s just such a shame.
I'm begging you, drop the fits in the descriptions of these because I need an extra therapy shopping session after these videos and your style is on POINT and I can't "borrow one by one" 😂
Literally exactly what I needed to hear right now. THE TIMINGGGG
I 100% agree. The relationships in my life that have withstood the test of time are because I expressed my feelings instead of letting resentment build up. The people that have stayed in my life are the ones that actually talked it out with me while the ones that avoided or continued to disregard my feelings are no longer in my life. Oddly enough, I avoid speaking my mind more when it comes to my jobs because I didn't want to have that tough conversation with my bosses. If I was unhappy with my job I would go late all the time or just stop going entirely because I was overwhelmed and afraid to talk to them. I hadn't recognized my pattern of behavior till back in July 2022. Luckily I've been taking a lot of steps to change my avoidant behavior and I'm getting better all the time. 😄
I completely agree, but I also feel like when you *do* have open, hard conversations and state your needs so you can ultimately have transparent and sustainable relationships people freak out about you being controlling or making ultimatums. A lot of the rhetoric around communication styles actively discourages advocating for yourself and ultimately working at relationships instead of just resenting and blindsiding people.
Holding on to the lies rather than telling the truth with someone are almost like putting a bandaid on the situation of not telling the truth. But once you're ready to tell the truth, attempting to pull it off then it's painful and then the injury is exposed that person. Then he/she is seeing the physical effect it has been doing to you.
0:31 bruhhhh, the sleeping position 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I had a neighbor across the street that treat me like I was less than him growing up also sometimes I stood up for myself but I wish I did more….most of the time when people treat me any kind of way is because I got too comfortable or too helpful
The anxiety of conversation leads to dark decisions. Just talk about it.. it'll be over SOOO much sooner 💯
I just tried to do this today.
I never had someone I enjoy talking to but suddenly that person changed.
After listening to this I felt like I should do it and I had this calm confidence.
But that person werent present today.
So I sent that person a chat about how I appreciated the connection and that I was ruminating on why our relationship suddenly got cold(This is platonic)
and after sending that message my mind is like floating in the air. I feel like what if I look like a clingy disgusting ill person
"Now be quiet" - I absolutely adored this lol. Aren't you actually one of my homeboys just wearing a makeup so that I don't recognize you?
I am sorry of your loss.
I would like to be brave and sincere as you.
I don't believe that making conversation with others was terrifying to you cause you are expressing your story humorous and smoothly and vividly.
Hey Anna, thank you very much for doing these videos, I hope to you all good
Speaking my truth, always leads to rejections. Most people in this world doesn’t know how to agree to disagree. Instead they resent me for telling how I feel about them or a situation in particular. They make it all about them and start judging me. Either way I will continue to speak my truth because I am the one responsible for my own happiness.
I'm super intrigued for Jen!!! I need more about her!
I am lucky in that I am also very direct, to the point that I will start a difficult conversation by saying 'You're probably not going to enjoy this, but I'm bringing it up anyway "
You are amazing, Anna! Really needed this. ❤
Wait. Are you..JEN?
@@selohcin haha funny. Unfortunately im not that cool
Lmao, you know, knowing you're that direct gives me an excellent boundary, and makes me feel a lot better. Hilarious story, thanks for the time and effort you put into your work! Have a good day!
Insulting each other is the number one relationship destroyer.
Yeah you are right but i love your corset 😍
I know this is a cautionary tale, but honestly Anna, goals.
Is crazy how u are the most beautiful woman i ever seen, smart as hell and charismatic af, good for u!
I would love for Jen to be Anna's fan. I'm for the full circle wholesome.
Jen = Queen bee with a heart ❤️
That Jen Story was everything!
Anna where do you buy your corset tops from please ? You're serving looks.
PLS I NEED TO KNOW TOO
Anna your fashion is just impeccable
I full on agree with you.. Hard Communications Are soooo important
I have been rewatching this all day for validation 🙏👏
Jen is a vibe!
Love the massage!!! And I love, Love, LOVE!!!! All the looks!!!
Yeaaa....I have a conversation with my really good friend that I need to have. But he is so toxic and loves to gaslight people I'm waffling about whether it's an important conversation to have. But as it stands,I'm literally done with him if I can't have this conversation. I know how the conversation is gonna go which is why I don't wanna have it though. But pretending to be asleep every time he comes home,or running away from our mutual workout friend when he arrives isn't helpful either. 😮💨
Ugh that wallpaper makes me feel awesome.
Anna... I feel so seen. Never gone as far as committing a crime but 😂 I've definitely ended friendships instead of just having a goddamned conversation, and this is literally something I am struggling with right now in my relationship so the timing is amazing. Plus the hilarious delivery of that story means this should be a message I don't forget for a while hahaha.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and being vulnerable with us 🤗
I guess this explains a lot of the relationships than transition from friendship to bullying. It's hard for the other person to make any sense of, they'd never guess that you've avoided talking to them when they are easy to talk to and you've done meaner stuff.
I love you Anna! And this story was WoW.
Jen is more confident than pre arc Sasha
That is an amphibia reference baybee, (because y'know, anna voiced sasha)
This has become one of my favorite videos ever!
Thank you. Communication is everything!