Speaking from the point of view of an alcoholic who has been sober for 5 years (which is not super long and not exactly what you speak of I know) abstinence has been the only way for me. The people I’ve seen dabble in moderation usually do wind up having trouble getting back and staying away from the shame spiral. It’s really a key quality of addiction. I’m not implying anything about you and addiction I’m just saying not to feel bad l as the framework for these endeavors is pretty solid and similar for a lot of people.
@nicolesandsmark2975 for you and @creativeksbeauty …. Many thanks to both of you for putting yourselves out here and making life more real. I applaud you both for your post. I call myself doing a no buy year but my rules maybe give me too much leeway. I bought a machine for making soy milk because I learned I could make my own it made thicker yogurt and I could even make my own tofu with the higher protein milk. I have allowances for food and health but did I really need this $200 machine, no, do I love it. Absolutely. You … all three of you make me question myself and my allowances and I thank you for that. 💖💖💖
@nicolesandsmark2975 When you are breaking an addiction or compulsion, it is a forever struggle because you are going against what is a fundamental coping mechanism. Not an addict but having a way of working in the world that does not always fit with how the world works, I know how difficult it can be when tired or stressed not to take the path of least resistance, just this once.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you described the stroppy teenager wanting their own way. It sounds like the inner child was feeling neglected and, as always happens eventually, demanded attention. This happens to me when I’ve been adulting too much and not given myself enough time to ‘play’ - that is, to be myself away from the demands and expectations of others. Alongside asking yourself whether the thing you want to shop for can wait, you might also want to ask yourself what message your inner child is sending you - which of your needs are you neglecting, and can you meet them in a way that is healthier than shopping?
@@HannahLouisePostonif this idea resonates with you and you haven’t read it, “you are the one you’ve been waiting for” has been quite impactful for me and my internal relationship
I love this! It also reminds me of Internal Family Systems work and how our internal protectors will take a firehose to put out a candle flame... those inner selves can be loud af! And they stay loud until we listen to what they need us to hear. 💗
Speaking from a shopaholic point of view (I've gone through these), I'd say there's two phases. The first, as you pointed out, is total abstinence - you realise things are crisis-mode, and the fear of that sobers you up into total abstinence. That can go along well, as long as the crisis mode and resultant fear persists, you and abstinence can play well together. The second is post-crisis mode. You are now out of the crisis mode (financial or so ial or personal), your abstinence has pulled you through, and as a result, your fear is gone, or greatly lessened. Now, you try to relax the rules, instead of continuing to abstain, because despite your fear during crisis-mode, it was never your intention to abstain for life, only till the crisis passed. And this is when the slip-up happens. The fear that was keeping you in check is no longer doing its job. There is nothing to stop you from sliding, except your rules - which is not sufficient motivation - because the rules are logical and your mind isn't always listening to logic. Your mind is especially chaotic when it is highly stressed. There is only two things that can happen now - you continue to slip up now and then, until crisis-mode returns again, or you figure out what is stressing you so much that you have to figure out an escape from it via mindless activity. Whether you buy less or more isn't really the issue (until crisis mode of course), but addressing the cause of stress really is the issue. It's different for everyone, so you're right in not sharing it to the world. But for yourself, until and unless that cause is met, understood and dealt with, nothing can change. For me, it was being in the wrong field of work which was meaningless to me. For some one else, it might be a toxic family relationship, for a third one, it could be lack of meaningful relationships. Some of us are incredibly good at crisis-mode handling, and that's a survival skill - we perform better under threat. But it's the post-crisis phase that is sneaky - when our will-power has no fear to drive it from behind. Post-crisis mode will work only on reward-driven will power. Those rewards have to be powerful - magnificent ideas that pull your will-power to work. I won't go into what they are - they are really individual, and different for each. If anyone still thinks the shopping itself is the issue, that's just the crisis-mode thinking. That is a hard one, but what comes after is much harder. You can figure it out though. Yes, it's a process, you are right. The process has to be driven by an idea of yourself that's big - much bigger than what has been used so far.
Great comment, so spot on!!! You are right, the real problem is the post crisis mode. Like you described, the acut danger is over, you were strong enough to manage it and then slowly slowly you allow yourself to fall back in some bad old habbits and routines in a slimmed down version, because you have proven yourself you can do it if you have to. And that's your new excuse. Probably it's in our DNA or a legacy from prehistoric humans. Take what you can get in bad/problematic times or save it for bad times......or something like that.
This reminds me of a meditation practice. The point isn't not focusing, emptiness, or lack of distractions. The point is REfocusing amidst distractions, REemptying amidst clutter. It's the bringing the mind back that builds the strength. With no outside (or inside) temptations & distractions, the meditation practice wouldn't be strengthening us and giving us the benefits we seek.
I confirm myself as a fan of this channel due to the mix and perfect balance in content between beauty, aesthetics, emotions and human behavior, balance between the superficial and the deep. And more than the videos themselves, I would like to say that I love coming to read the comments. What a beautiful community you have created, full of sensitive and intelligent people. What a treat. Un abrazo con cariño desde Guadalajara ❤
My mom has this saying and I find it always allows me to forgive myself when I go back to something I’m trying to leave or quit: sometimes you have to go back to find out why you left.
I took DBT classes which is a type therapy. What you described (the teenager taking the wheel) we call Willfulness. It’s like a “f*ck it” reflex kicks in and we refuse to consider obeying the grown up inside of us. I have been on a no buy since the beginning of the year and I too have fallen off the wagon due to this Willfulness. Good thing we can start over whenever we want, and for me that time is today. Here’s wishing willingness to you, my friend 💛
As someone who has 20 yrs of sobriety this coming August, I feel like I'm somewhat qualified to speak on the topic of addiction struggles. For me, compulsive shopping is 100% an addiction. It's the "rush" that I get. I have successfully done a no buy (with replacements only) twice now. One from Sept 2020- Feb 2021 & most recently from Oct 2022 - Feb 2024! Notice a pattern with Feb being when I break it? My birth month. I end up with the urge around my birthday because what better time? 😅 it's a trap I'm trying to coax myself out of! I recognize it & that is the first step. I'm back on my no buy... For now. I try to be gentle with myself & also proud of myself for recognizing the issue.
I have almost 9 years sobriety and I am totally addicted to shopping. I actually treat it EXACTLY like my alcoholism. Hiding receipts and bags, lying about where I got something or if it’s new. Total shame and regret. Congrats on your sobriety and your no buy streaks, I’m proud of you
Hi Hannah! I’m a psychotherapist, and I’m loving this description you’re sharing of your inner world. The teenage part that just wants their way and wants relief, the wise adult who wants to follow through on this commitment to yourself-it’s beautiful, really cool stuff. Are you familiar with Internal Family Systems (IFS)? It’s a modality of therapy that facilities conversations and connections between all of the different parts of one’s self. I share this because it makes me so curious about that teenage part you’re describing, and sounds like you’re already doing some of this work intuitively (-: Really enjoying this series! ❤️
I love the parts lens way of reflecting on behaviour. I have the firefighting shopper in my bus of parts also. I’d be curious for Hannah what similarities may exist between now and what she was experiencing at that teenage time she was referring to. ❤
Hi Hannah, thanks for sharing this vulnerable experience. ❤ having shopping parts of my own, I would love to see more around taking more time to listen to the voice of she who wants to shop, along with the manager part that creates a system for not shopping. Heaping some love on these parts, in my experience, can help me to understand what drives them in a way that restricting them cannot.
I was coming to say something very similar! I've worked with the IFS modality as a patient for years and Hannah's conversations often echo those lessons for me.
My therapist pointed out recently that we often default to the familiar when we are stressed by change. Recently I was neglecting a lot of responsibilities and things i do that I know are good for me and had that inner teenager saying i just wanted to do what I felt would make me happy in the short-term. She recommended to switch the framing away from "i need to X" or "I have the rule to X" to "its better when I X " so that i don't trigger that rejection. It reminds me that ultimately I'm doing those things to take care of myself, and that will bring me long-term joy and fulfillment.
I really appreciate you posting this. It gets me when I feel I have too much that I’m not choosing to do but must be done for the purposes of adulting. Lately I have been having the teen “I just don’t wanna” mindset in response too. I usually have good success reframing thought patterns but this one has been kicking my behind lately without a specific way to reframe.
Fell off the wagon too, 11 days ago and spent over 300 bucks that took me many months to save 😢 Today is day 2 of being back on the wagon, and yikes it’s HARD (Doing a no-buy to beat a shopping addiction)
“This is a good time to start again.” I love this. I was on a no-buy/low-buy this year and totally broke my rules this past month. I know why I did it. It was the teenager coming out just wanting things to make up for feeling a lack of love and belonging. I felt that rush of excitement when I purchased a luxury bag I’d been eyeing but decided this wasn’t the year to get it. The anticipation built and built, I told myself I’d add to cart but not purchase it but before I knew it, I watched my disembodied thumb click “submit order”. I immediately felt such a sense of relief, peace, and calm, almost as if I had just done something good that I could be proud of (similar to the feeling I’ve had when I’ve summited literal mountains). I found that interesting - it was so hard to buy the thing because of my rules, that actually accomplishing the buying felt like a genuine accomplishment! Even though it broke my rules. I no longer feel that sense of peace and calm, but also don’t feel regret or guilt. I feel a bit devoid of any feeling. So I’m sitting with that and looking forward to starting again.
“I wanted things to make up for the the feeling of lack of love and belonging.” This is SO insightful. I think it underlies so many acts of “getting”. To “ride out” that feeling of lack - without judging -is a way to healing.
I've been in a depressive episode after I two deaths in the family on the same weekend 3 weeks ago. I ended up purchasing 2 pieces of makeup and some expensive acrylic paints from a specialty manufacturer- a fairly large overspend for me - Once the no-buy was broken, it was easier to continue to break it. I'm changing my habits so my life and relationship with money can be healthier. That's worth the effort to get back on track
I'm sorry for your loss. Feeling on track with money definitely makes one feel more powerful and in control of one's life. Hope you have some easy, happy days ahead.🐞🏵
I’m so sorry for the losses you have experienced, and I hope that you find the comfort you need as you navigate your grief! Sending encouragement your way
You're wondering if falling of the wagon is part of the process when one is making changes. The answer is: yes, it very much is! Change is very much a circular process, that begins with contemplation and can end with maintenance, but more often than not finishes with relapse and continues back into contemplation (according to Prochaska and Diclemente's model of the stages of change). We use this at the forensic psychiatric hospital i worked at (as a nurse), most of the patients were battling addictions. The key is, we never expected the patients to just decide, quit and then maintain, because that's an oversimplification of what can sometimes be a lifelong cycle of quitting and relapsing. The important part is forgiving and learning, so it seems youre already doing very well. Stay compassionate and go easy on yourself, it's all part of the process!
Really appreciate the transparency in this video. Online shopping and its addictive qualities are so taboo. Thanks for being so honest about your struggles with it.
Hmm, generally, behavior is communication; communication with ourselves, with others, or both. So, as a retired therapist, I would ask, "What does your teenager part need?" What is it trying to communicate? When you did a "no-buy" year, it was just a year. But you're now trying to change a behavior on a more permanent basis; I do hope you consider the deeper roots of the shopping behavior. In doing so, you may create a greater chance for success. Best wishes
My inner teenager and adult have come to an agreement that yes you can have the thing but as the adult currently living in the present of this body, you will have to work more or be deprived of leisure time in order to have it dear teenager. So then my teenager has to make the decision. Do they want to work more and possibly be triggered by increased work in order to have the new thing? This has been working fairly well as someone who grew up with a great deal of trauma and didn’t get to fan out and buy sparkly shiny things sometimes I do feel deprived so I am very lenient and gentle with myself, however, I am loving this new balance of understanding that my budget does have a cap and to do impulsive things like that requires more work and sacrifice.
I've broken a short but pretty tight no-buy streak recently as well. However, I think being as strong as I can be for as long as I can be, and only intermittently snapping because I'm only human is still better than just being lax with shopping all the time.
I love that you are combining self awareness with grace. Growth doesn’t happen in our place of comfort, it comes from stepping away from that and moving towards discomfort. I appreciate your honesty with yourself and with your viewers on your growth journey and demonstrating that growth is not linear. ❤
I admire you for even trying to incorporate something with any kind of rules in this stage of your life. You are first time mum and most certainly sleep deprived. My child is now 4 years old and my husband and I are just now returning to normal sleep routine, having time for gym, having a lunch out here and there…. I remember us in the first and second year, it was survival mode. We had pandemic, lack of sleep, global recession, people around us getting sick, loosing jobs… and we just hoped to get through it. No strickt rules. Don’t be hard on yourself. This is probably very challenging time in your life. Give yourself permission to sometimes be distracted. It is not always indication of bigger issue. Actually, for me, your videos are source of distraction which I find helpful.
I totally had similar thoughts. And, what went through my mind is, that for me (and maybe for you, Hannah too) the hunting&shopping is in some way a coping mechanism for me. And when i take it from me, sometimes i cannot cope with some stressful events in my life until i am ready too really look and deal with them. Maybe it could be a possible thing to activly search for another form of coping. And growing a child from baby to adult neeeeeeds a lot of coping because you have to function in ever changing timeplans, environments, requirements without enough time to really adapt. Children grow so much faster than adults in body and mind, you just cannot keep up. You adapted to babys sleeping schedule - great, it changes the next day. You adapted to your child liking Broccoli but hating rice? Great, tomorrow will be different. 😂😂 Sometimes theres nothing left in life but coping. When you are living in constant chaos, then mother gets sick/ grandfather dies/ elections in politics right around the corner come on top - adult life is difficult. We have to be soft on ourselves ❤ Love for everyone. May you have a good day today!
There's something powerful, I've found, in going back to old habits after switching to healthy ones and realizing how *bad* they make me feel. When I'm in the bad habit, I can't always see it; and when I'm in the healthy habit, there's this way that it can disappear and become the new normal, and then you're left saying "what was *really* so bad about that old habit, it's fine isn't it?" Mostly I'm thinking of this in terms of food, like sugar and alcohol, but it's also been true for me with phone games and spending too much time on UA-cam. I easily forget how down and bad I felt when engaging in mindless scrolling or eating lots of sugar until I've taken some time away and get the shock of 20-30 minutes on my phone or eating handfuls of jellybeans and looking up with the stark realization, "wow, I feel terrible!" In that way, there's nothing quite as motivating for me as falling off the wagon. Wishing you luck as you restart your project!
About to start a no-buy due to external forces so I'm hoping that a little community will help! I appreciate you forming these videos and playlists. Good luck to other no-buy and low-buyers, Godspeed soldiers!
It helps me to have alternatives planned in case I’m tempted (call a friend or get a coffee). Sometimes I can bargain: you can shop for an hour if you take a walk first. I also broke my lust for makeup by switching to art classes because I love color and at my age it doesn’t really improve my face. 😂. I love design but I have too many clothes. Gotta figure that out. Anyway the replacement idea works for me along with writing down the consequences of doing the bad thing.
I've had a lot of growth in the past year around mental health, and specifically around quick dopamine fixes. I've become hyper aware of what makes me feel mucky, as you very aptly put it. I quit scrolling short form content, I've reduced how often I indulge in little treats like shopping or mindlessly procrastinating, and I'm finding that my capacity for sitting with my thoughts and feelings without feeling unmoored has greatly increased. I really appreciate you talking about this idea of failing and starting again without shame. The part of my brain that thinks those things will make me feel better is slowly getting quieter but when I'm really stressed, it's very loud. But I never actually feel better, and so I'm getting much better at knowing what is an actual need for my mental health and what is an empty promise that will actually make me feel worse in the long run. It might be coincidence, but this increased mental clarity and focus on eliminating the noise so I can truly understand what I'm thinking and feeling started in my first year of motherhood. I had done work on this kind of thing before that, but I feel like I've made huge leaps forward since around the 9 month post partum mark. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for it and grateful for other people sharing their stories as well.
Hannah, I'm so glad you made this video. Background: I did a low-buy year in 2023 and accumulated a nice wish list for 2024. Came Jan 2024, I bought some of the items in the list and put off others for later, 2025 maybe. Like you, during the low-buy, I did a lot of browsing well into 2024. Coinciding with an overseas job application, I made a perfect sense to me that those hours of browsing should have been spent on reading, note-taking and writing. I love the 'Shopping Less' video so much that I started the project of browsing only on the weekend about a month ago. The first week went very well - no browsing, no purchase. I spent my time during that week so productively that I finished the first drafts of an article and a proposal for a grant application. Then the second week on a Tuesday, while my brain was so overload, I stopped and browsed for an hour (no inner conflict present!) - totally bad! On Wednesday, the same thing happened - this time with a purchase. This was followed by no browsing nor purchase on Thursday and Friday. On the weekend, I was binge-browsing like there's no tomorrow, but it wasn't at all fun. I was browsing for a camel jumper but I didn't find what I liked. It felt like a waste of time. On that weekend, I made a purchase of a skincare item that was just run out. I repeated this pattern in the third week. This time I took note on what I did in my Calendar. I put emojis 😬 on the day I browsed and 😶🌫 on the day I purchased something. I didn't buy anything that weekend because I felt bored of binge-browsing 😆The following week was no browse, no purchase because I needed to meet the submission deadlines for the article and grant application. Something interesting happened last weekend. It was after submissions and I decided to treat myself by purchasing something. I browsed (but not binged) and found the new Chanel Nuit Blanche Luminous Matte Lip Colour which I love all the shades! Instead of buying, I read more reviews and started to narrow down desirable shades to two. I'm going to narrow it down to one, but I still haven't bought it yet. I want to see if I still desire it next week. As the late Queen Elizabeth II said, 'something that is supposed to be yours won't just pass you by." I'll see how I go. This week, after Easter, I'm getting back on the wagon and starting all over again. I'm glad you said it that this weekend-only browsing project is like an exercise in moderation. It reminds me of a dance workshop I did with choreographer Meg Stuart. What I remember most from her workshop is when she gave us instruction to 'delay the impulse.' In the workshop, it's the impulse to move, which can apply to my shopping habit too. I thought I want to share my experience after following your channel for about a year now... Thank you so much Hannah ❣
Black Friday shopping for my Christmas gifts from my husband turned out to be the portal to Hell … and I stayed off the wagon until now, 5 months later!!! Shopping, like drinking, is a socially acceptable addiction which makes it harder to quit!! We need to give ourselves grace while at the same time shutting and locking the door to shopping!!
⚠️ Warning ED talk warning ⚠️ Hi Hannah! This new path you are walking really really mirrors my path with healing my relationship with food. My natural relationship with food didn't break out of nowhere, there were reasons... some of those reasons no longer apply because they were purely enviromental and I have been lucky enough to be able to leave that environment and that has really really expedited my healing. Some of them still apply to my new environment so they are still tormenting me although now I recognise they are environmental rather than my own. Some of them are just me, my thoughts and health and coping mechanisms and my natural proclivities to find solace in food and perhaps more importantly control. I overate to fill the void, I underate to punish myself for not fitting in, I restricted for years until I broke trying to appear normal and healthy but it was just another control tactic, I stopped trying anything for a couple of years and just did what my feelings told me... this was probably the closest to a normal relationship with food I have ever had. My weight didn't fluctuate as wildly as before and every single change is directly traceable to a change in my environment. My weight stabilized sure, but it stabilized in a place that although not as excessive as before it definitely isn't good healthwise for me, mainly because of my other health issues and family medical history. My appetite didn't stabilise at all though, far from it. Those years of learning to let go of my obsessiveness with food and body image did help me heal to a certain extent but the fact that I am an emotional eater and that negative emotions will multiply my daily food intake tenfold and that I internalise shame as punishment i.e hunger hasn't changed. My mind had not healed. Right now I am trying to listen to my body and only eat when it tells me to eat and as much as it tells me to eat. Not when I societally should eat, not when I feel emotionally bad, not when I am bored, not when someone is pressuring me. Eating is a normal natural thing that everyone has to do do and my body has a integrated system that, even if it has gotten kinda fucked up by how I have been handling it, knows much better than my brain when, what and how much to eat. I just have been living with it on mute. The hardest thing for me about learning moderation is that our idea of it is this perfect balanced thing. But such a thing can only exist in a perfect world with people living perfect lives. I wouldn't get mad at a tool, let's say a construction leveler, that can't get an accurate reading in the middle of and earthquake. But that's what I have been doing. My life has been an earthquake and I chose to distrust the leveler (my body) and it's capacity to asses the realities of the world than to look around and confront my own reality. It's the curse of the hyper focus. Sometimes if the world is in chaos and everything is shaking the natural thing isn't to stay still but to shake too.
Hi, this sounds SUPER familiar to me. I'm also slowly healing from a similar ED and (no pressure but jic it's helpful) but the tool that helped me the most was the body trust, they have a book and a website and I think people you can work with, I did a couple of their online courses and it really helped me. If nothing else google the binge cycle (basically the idea that we overeat as a coping mechanism/feel shame/ promise ourselves we'll be different to overcome that shame/ create a restrictive eating plan / fail because the plan is too restricted/ over eat and feel shame etc etc). It sounds like you are doing all the best things, just listening to the body. Food is so hard because we cant go 100% abstinence... Body acceptance is also SO hard. One of the many reasons I love HLP is her size and body inclusivity. Sending love on your journey.
I’ve found that when I’ve tried to break dysfunctional patterns that I have, it’s almost crucial to make the same mistake again. You learn guideposts of where you might fall off again, what triggered it, what was the result, what was I thinking during the process. When you go into the bad habit with a little more awareness, you come out ten times more aware in the end.
I broke my no-buy until July. I have started up again this weeks. I feel bad but embracing the "no shame" Thanks for the support. We're all in this together.
I needed this as I completely fell off the wagon last month during my Low Buy. Work was extremely stressful and we kept having OT, and I was like “let me just purchase a couple cheer up items and … crap”. I’ve also discovered there’s a weird correlation that when I don’t bring my lunch to work I’m more likely to spend money in other places as well because I’ve allowed myself to whip out my card during lunch. So now to begin again.
Those moments when I find myself sitting on the road, watching the wagon trundling away, I always hear my inner Vincent Gambini voice mocking me - "You were serious about that?!" The no shame in starting again, self-kindness you're modeling here is a real service for all of us working on building that better life.
Hannah, I totally relate to this. I am on a replacement only no buy in most areas of my life, with some very minor exceptions. I was enjoying the forced creativity and simplification, but I feel like it's starting to chafe. There's a totally different strength required to reorient myself and recommit to that way of living-even though I haven't actually broken my rules! Thank you as always for your thoughtful reflection.
I also fell off the wagon last month resulting in overspending in the clothing department. But I was actually just journaling about this same concept the other day, that building any kind of skill is not a straight upwards trajectory. It is up and down- there are good days and bad days, good months and bad months. I likened it to the new hobbies I’ve taken up recently, pole and snowboarding. Some sessions I can feel myself actively improving, the next it feels like I’ve slid back two levels from before and it’ll baffle & frustrate me. But Continuing to show up through those bad days ultimately results in my exponential progress in the craft. I’m beginning to see my journey with strong spending (feeling sound in my spending decisions) this same way. It’s a journey that I’ve been on my whole adult life and still find myself sliding back to old habits and old crutches, but I can see that they’re happening less and less over time and it’s easier to get it under control than it was before. We just continue to show up and strengthen the muscle.
you are such a help to me I’ve had a shopping addiction. Most of my life cosmetics is one of my biggies, and I’m always trying to think of ways to change my habits whether it’s going out for a walk or calling somebody on the phone or taking a nap, I’m 70 and I feel like I’ve never stopped trying to improve myself. I would love to lead a minimalistic life but it’s such a huge effort to get to that point anyway thank you for your videos. They are extremely helpful.
“Not overwhelmed with shame, because I’m not about that life.” ❤️ Disappointment has certainly been something I’ve found under experiences of my own sadness - hard as it was to admit. I greatly appreciate your intentionality as well as your acceptance of how life’s demands intersected with your level of self-resourcing into a “fail”, which ultimately reinvigorated your interest/commitment to this project. Much love & peace to you and yours.
Hi Hannah- I have been a subscriber since early in your No Buy Year. I am currently 2 months into my own no buy year! I still watch your older videos for inspiration! I am glad that you are still talking about your shopping behavior and struggles. Your last video was fun but also concerned me a little!
Yes, If you want to control your behaviour you need to know what to do, when you relapse. Doesnt matter if you want to stay clean off something or just minimizing, eventho minimizing is harder, as you need to count in everthing that makes your will worn out on a daily basis. I have the same issue with food - you can do it just keep in doing it
I so appreciate how you describe things; not from the broken self image, but from the strong person progressing toward a goal. It’s kind and self loving. And something I need more of in my self talk. And is it important to have an ER plan; something to do when life is getting really overwhelming? Well, I’ll keep the focus on myself…I need an ER plan. Sometimes life includes more than my emotional bandwidth capacity. Which is before me…a period of time that’s pretty stretchy. I need a healthy thing that soothes. So I’m realizing that my impulse to comment was more a need for thinking aloud where the topic was already being raised. I think I’ll leave it though, in case another might get something out of it. I really appreciate who you are!❤
Taking this video as a sign/reminder that it’s time to start a gentle “Use What I Have” month. Starting today rather than waiting until the first of the month which was my former approach. Being stunned by a credit card statement yesterday and then hearing your wise thoughts brought me back to reality. Whew. Thank you! ✨💖✨
I wonder if the dramatically different circumstances of your life and the somewhat lower stakes make this different from your no buy? It’s pretty incredible that you have bandwidth for a project like this with a tiny baby and your career doing amazing things! My youngest is 2.5 and I’m just regaining that space. It is nonstop learning and mental practice all day, as you showed with the pie chart in the first video of your time. It’s not just time it’s brain work. Your mind needs a break and it makes sense it’s looking for it in the easier places, because developing new habits of rest takes work.
OK so I watched this, went away and thought about it, and decided to do a no-buy for April and perhaps May as well. And lo a great calm has descended on my cortex because I made the decision. I don't have to make any choices about what consume, because I'll be shopping my stash exclusively. So thank you so much for posting this thoughtful piece!
I love that you recognize the benefits of strengthening all of the new muscles that come from things like sticking to your boundaries and falling down, but choosing to get up again. Also, it’s wise of you to have the support and accountability of your UA-cam and personal community. Obviously these principals apply to so many areas of life. Once you’ve focused on one of the pain points, you’ll be much better prepared to make the choice that’s right for you next time. Thanks also for letting this be a safe and relatable space to be human. Great job! 👏
Yes! Love this exposition on human behavior. A quarterly or even monthly review/reset is a wonderful idea as a way to keep tabs on my inner selves. And I especially appreciate the part about no shame - “I’m not about that life.” Permission granted. Me, either. Thanks, Hannah, for this work. It’s some of my very favorite on your channel and in the world. 🕊🌿🌷✨
March was month five of my no-buy and I also slipped in March. The no-buy re-started me on my path in therapy and together with Julia’s work, I have been really excavating and working through my reasons behind the impulsive shopping. It’s been hard, but amazing and I’m so happy I’m doing it. Last Friday I started EMDR with my therapist and you either start with the first trauma you experienced (earliest) or the worst. We dove right into the worst and it dug up the most tender-to-touch parts of my past. All this to say I bought myself a beautiful plant and I went into that purchase completely clear eyed of what it meant. I watched myself do it and was ok with it because of what it meant to me to take care of myself having just gone through what I went through. I recorded it as “not sanctioned” in my no-buy spreadsheet and closed out the month. I’m starting again today. I’ve already learned so much and I literally feel my brain being rewired from the project. Thanks for the update and transparency ♥️. Here’s to starting again ♥️.
I've been finding your addressing of shopping behaviors interesting, because I think that's such a big part of the addiction. Unless some breaks or tears, I don't find myself purchasing anything or searching for things on most days of the month. I don't think about buying sweaters or looking for them because I already have one. But these videos are enlightening because we all have our own version of this. So while shopping isn't something I personally struggle with, something else might fit the same bill for me.
Regarding re-starting: It’s a matter of avoidance vs resistance. Avoidance - you avoid the vice the first time, which is relatively easy. You haven’t partaken in that thing so you still have good strength and discipline. Resistance - once you have already partaken in the vice, something in your brain says “well I already did it so one more won’t hurt,” so it’s much harder to stop yourself. You can probably put that into words more eloquently, but hopefully you get the point.
These types of videos you do have helped me become so aware of how and why I might be considering making a purchase. There have been quite a few times I’ve had that excited, panicked feeling in my stomach thinking about making a purchase quickly (in a moment) and I think of you reminding me that that feeling is an indication that I definitely need to calm down and NOT spend my money in that moment. It has saved me over and over again! My husband also loves you for it haha.
Thank you for this video. I love seeing the realistic side of this type of project. Thank you for not painting you and your life as perfect ❤😊 Also, a technique that I use when I have those I intrusive thoughts about shopping while I am trying to focus and do other things: I right down what’s on my mind (white knit cardigan with long sleeves, ….) in a to do and schedule for a reminder in one week (in your case in the weekend) and let it go cause I know it is filed away. It stops taking up space in my mind and I am free again. Another benefit is that in one week time I might not even want that anymore. 😅 I know that your focus is on the time browsing not on the shopping per say, but I still think like this technique can help! 😊good luck 🍀 ❤
this reminds me so much of how i stopped smoking! after going cold turkey successfully before, only to come back to it months later when this exact "i neeeed it now" moment hit me - actually it turned into a "i DESERVE/EARNED it" really quickly - in a particularly stressful moment that had caught me out of nowhere and deeply upset me. i didn't even regret it days after, when my body had immediately started the cravings again. i just realised that i can't stop that way and that was that (or maybe telling myself that was the shame i didn't allow myself to feel? anyways). the way i actually did stop in 2021 was how i least expected it to work. first of all it was just luck, because the pandemic took away two of the biggest reasons for me to smoke - social connection and combating sensory overload - to only leave me with half or a third of the total addiction to work out. so i think if i wanted to quit something else in the same way, i'd have to figure out a significant reduction of external motivation too, for starters. because it kind of happened to me, as in i didn't plan it but one day i was having a nice little cigarette break on the balcony and just noticed out of the blue, that i didn't actually want to smoke the whole thing. that i'd been smoking less because those other occasions hadn't happened for months and that this sneaky reduction had helped my body to re-active a slight distaste to being poisoned! so when i realised that this was a chance i might not get again in my whole life, decided to give it another go "for science". the hope to get back to the point where even one draw could give me instant nausea, was awakened. so i decided to do it with radical acceptance this time and just gently ask myself "can you wait 5 more minutes before you light it?" and "are you sure that those last few draws are really necessary, or can you put it out now?" - and actually forgive myself whenever the answer was "no i can't wait" or "no i want the whole thing and then another". which did happen about every other time for about a month, but after that i really noticed a difference. i think my subconscious had started to believe that i really wasn't trying to put it down or just make it do whatever i wanted, but i really was here with good intentions, willing to listen and give trust in order to earn trust. and that's when it stopped the sabotage and started cooperating towards getting our health back. i was at half the amount of tobacco in another month with ease and then took my sweet time to really say goodbye to the ritual of it, the feeling of self care it gave me, without any judgement or pressure (because i knew i would not start again) and then the most beautiful thing ever happened: i just forgot to smoke at all. suddenly one day i had gone over two weeks without even thinking of smoking once. i still can't believe it today, because this myth of "mind ruling body" is soooo deeply ingrained in our whole culture, but doesn't actually make any sense! like what an outrageous assumption to think that nature would not outfit our bodies with the will and ways of being/staying healthy! like of course there are many circumstances where we can't remove the barriers that society creates between us and better (mental) health, but blaming, punishing and fighting ourselves for it doesn't seem rational to me anymore.
Speaking for the sulky teenager because I am nineteen, I just want to thank you for sharing this. It inspired me to start budgeting and really keep track of what I do, and I feel really bad when I don’t stick to my budget. It’s hard, but hearing someone else make a similar mistake makes me feel better, so thank you!!
There are deep reasons why we find browsing/shopping soothing, what part of us does it feed? But I think it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, you have to find a way to lose interest in material things in a way. I find it helped me what at some point, I really realised, in almost a physical way, that material things do not matter (or rather I remembered), I do not need to own everything I like or find beautiful. Consuming is not the way to go forward. If you need stg fine, but there's always going to be more that you'll want, and obviously it is a vicious circle and a race (can I recommend Alan Watts?) Now I also try and think that my bank account matters more than the object I may want. I do not really allow myself to browse for the sake of it anymore, that is just asking for trouble. It is a self destructive habit, and pretty much nothing good will come out of it. Probably a useless comment but you never know. All the best Hannah, much love ❤❤
Great accountability. I’ve realised this year that I likely need to stick with a no-buy. When things get hard, the distraction of browsing and dopamine hits of online shopping are too tempting, and my goal is to sit with the discomfort instead of distracting from it. If there’s any leeway, my sulky teenager definitely takes over. Good luck 💜
I'm doing my first no buy - I'm aiming for three months and I'm one month in. Im finding its been really helpful for me to dive into panning content on social media vs new release because i have been inspired even more to use what i already have. So far I've done really well and emptied out several products that were languishing in my collection previously 😊
I started a no buy this year for lent, lost my job in March so it's continuing just out of practicality haha. The previous times I did a no buy, it was so difficult! I definitely felt like a sulky teenager and there was always some new collection or whatever that I would want so badly. This time I still felt the inner teenager at the beginning but it was a lot easier to start working my no buy muscles. Now I'm more so in the groove and although there are some purchases that would be non-frivolous, I know it's better for my long term future to save now. I'm still going out and eating out though. I've found that spending money while having quality time with friends is doing much more for my mental health than shopping would. It's new for me because much of my adultlife has been during the pandemic where shopping was the comforting thing because I was isolated. Now that the world is open, I'm experiencing better things to spend on and save money for
I am definitely late to seeing this video, but HANNAH. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reflections. I am not on a no buy but could relate to your experiences- I started my masters in January and had been struggling with managing my time when it felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day to study, take physical and emotional care of myself, and do everything else life requires. I decided two weeks ago to start sticking to a very strict schedule every day, waking up earlier, going to bed at a consistent time, etc. I fell off the wagon this weekend by staying up and sleeping late. Your video and my own recent feelings about breaking my rules has made me think a lot about discipline. I always feel like I can never stick to my goals, but I realize it’s because in those moments without discipline and remembering what is most important to me in the long run, I slip into moments of doom scrolling on social media and unnecessarily shopping and researching things to buy. Before I know it, 2 hours have passed and I’ve wasted valuable time. I’m glad I watched your video today- it helped me find my footing and grounded me in a time of feeling frustrated by my own bad habits. A gentle reminder that it’s ok to fall off the wagon sometimes, but I have to rediscover my own self resolve if I want to maintain consistency with my goals. Your ability to articulate emotion and self reflection always amazes me, and I find so much comfort in your words when you share them on this platform!
I appreciate the check-ins about this project! I like your points about the difficulties of restarting again after a slip up - I think it's important for everyone to remember to give themselves grace when they are working on any sort of life changing project. I'm on a full no-buy this year for makeup, replacements only for skincare, and more of a loose no-buy for clothing and accessories and it's been going very well! Last year I was probably buying a couple of items every week, so this has been such a relief. My no-buy is about having less stuff and (thankfully) not about spending more than I can afford, so I have been abusing a loophole in my rules by being extra generous for birthdays/holidays this year (though still not buying any makeup for anyone, I don't even want to crack that door open!)
I think for shopping addictions & retail therapy sessions, it's not an easy road- especially trying to avoid it completely. Ads are everywhere & I even get mobile notifications on sales, it's very hard to resist. I think the best things to do are to never keep anything in a cart for later, clear browsing history, don't keep bookmarks, turn off mobile notifications (text, sephora, ulta, etc), & remove all unnecessary reminders from your life. I think saying financially it's okay to spend is a coping mechanism because if you unleashed it fully financially it would cripple most people buying daily. I play gacha games & it's very hard to deal with the constant events and Twitter or UA-cam updates for the games. I quit one game to play 2 others, but I still want to spend because I feel depressed not treating myself to something occasionally... but that's a broken thought. Real commitment would be me deleting the apps I don't want to spend on, and reinstalling if I want to play. But addiction is lifelong, it will always be inside you... but not having it at all in my life feels like a void. But that's addiction at its finest. That high when you buy something... it's a struggle for real.
Another brilliant video Hannah!! I think we all go through this but nobody usually speaks about it and it’s so easy that it can happen. ❤ You’ve just had a baby, sometimes that warrants some self love and treats, whether you need them or not. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I really love the perspective of "it's almost harder to budget than to do a no-buy", and that restarting can be trickier than sticking to a plan. . . as someone with ADHD and a chronic illness, this resonates. It's harder to restart something than to keep up momentum (I fall off the wagon all the time, due to executive dysfunction or just life). And I just came out of a year-long chronic illness flare where I just had energy for the basics of survival. . . and now that I have some actual energy to spare, I have to relearn all the ways I get stuff done. I have to relearn scheduling, rest, balancing energy spoons, everything.
I’m trying to not buy most non-disposable things this year and was doing well… until today when I bought some clothes. So I’m in the process of trying to tell myself that buying some clothes today doesn’t kill my whole goal for the year, that I’ve done well so far and need to get back on plan. It’s tough.
Just make sure that you are still building something into your life that is your "relaxation," even if you are removing this particular thing. Not every second of everyday can be devoted to productivity. That is a recipe for failure, as well. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to rest.
I decided this year that anything I wanted had to go on a list before I could buy it. As a result, every time I feel an impulse, I see all the things I want and can decide what I want more. It has significantly dropped my spending the first three months
Exactly this! November and December last year I did a nobuy and put all the things I want on a wishlist. When my boyfriend offered to buy me something from that list for Christmas I shocked myself. What I picked was not jewellery, clothes or shoes - I asked for a fancy collection of different spices and curry powders 😁 It was the perfect wish! I realised I want to put desires and purchases into perspective and in a context within my life and my circumstances. So the question should not end at: what is the most beautiful top at that website? But rather: what item of clothing do I need/compliments my wardrobe, how often will I wear it, how much money do I have, what other things do I need in other areas of my life? I get a lot of joy out of using things and interacting with things. But it's not necessarily the things that I had the greatest urge to buy.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us! This brought up something interesting for me- my relationship with valuing my time. While I am an advocate against hustle culture and making the most effective use of our time constantly and am all about redefining what productivity looks like, I also find myself questioning if I don’t value my time enough. I’m throwing this out here just to see what insights and relationships other folks have with this dynamic.
Thank you for sharing your experience 🎉 I’m “falling off the wagon” for some habit building that I’ve been working on as well and I commonly fall into the shame spiral when it happens and it makes the small blip turn into a full blown slip. It’s refreshing and inspiring for me to hear your reflection and supportive self-talk!
I think a big part of habits slipping the last couple of weeks is also related to daylight savings. That time adjustment is really hard on us all. I know I wasn't my best for the first couple of weeks after.
I started watching your videos a few weeks ago (after I started watching fashion content again while I’ve been updating my wardrobe: weight gain related) and I was drawn to your content because we have similar coloring and choose similar colors for our wardrobe. I’ve come to really appreciate how you talk about things. I love how thoughtful and mindful you are and I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing how you’ve slid back into old patterns. That is so relatable. I hope whatever is causing you slide back resolves or gets more manageable and things get easier soon but I appreciate that you took the time to share and be honest about your journey.
I find scroll-shopping incredibly relaxing. When I have no energy and no bandwidth to even watch a video or read a book, scrolling a store all is so mindless I can actually do it. Honestly I should probably just close my eyes and take nap.
My year is interesting so far. I started it out as a nobuy year and the first 3 months were ok. I engaged a lot with my existing clothes and learned to style them in new ways. Then I fell off the wagon and bought a few items, two are great and I wear them, the others were instant regrets. With this video I pulled myself back together and it was fine again. I focused my money and energy on categories I excluded from the nobuy like good fitting sportswear and underwear. Such a life changeer! I also realised I was saving a lot of money that I could focus on other things like new furniture, new duvets, bicycle bags... A few weeks ago I made an informed exception from my nobuy. I went by a store that had a new collection of summer linen clothing. I spontaneously went inside and tried on lots of different things in different colours and bought a pair of pants and a shirt. I love them! Both were missing from my wardrobe for years, they fit great and I already wore the pants two times and the shirt around 5 times. But now I put the summer clothes back into my wardrobe and feel overwhelmed. It is so much for me. So I won't have the capacity to crave new stuff before I haven't worn all these "new" things at least once. Beginning with a monochromatic green outfit that I will combine with brown sandals and a brown coat.
Engaging with my summer wardrobe has been so much fun! I wear different clothes in different styles in summer. In winter I love big chunky knits and corduroy > thick, warm or stretchy textures. In summer I almost exclusively wear light breezy textures > linen, fine cotton, woven fabrics. I bought a few pieces. All informed decisions that I waited weeks to order. But it started to check in on some websites regularly and now I start to want things just because they are there, not because I really need them. No I wishlist and wait. (And do laundry tomorrow, so I can wear and appreciate the new pieces as fast as possible.)
I so needed this today, thank you Hannah. I am well off the wagon with my low buy and spent the morning trying to convince myself to make a big purchase on credit that only last week I had decided could wait. I am so easily tempted to break my own rules that it’s a constant task to try to keep myself on track. Climbing back on the wagon as we speak! Also, love love love the up-do
I feel this exact same way about the meditation course offered by our friend Julia Frodahl this January. I was dojng so well, felt all the benefits, and then blam! Fell right off the wagon. You are 100% right that the muscle to begin again is different than the one used to keep going. Id love to hear more of what you think about this specific topic as I struggle to get back on the wagon for things I know I enjoyed. Much love to you!
I had some thoughts: For me personally i use "hunting&shopping" as a coping mechanism when i just cannot deal with some feelings or issues just yet. So: growing a child from baby to an adult is a crazy chaos with ever changing requirements, structures, thoughts etc. We as adults grow wayyy slowlier than children. So we dont have enough time to really adapt to the situations and we feel overwhelmed and chaos. You adapted to your babies sleeping schedule? Great, tomorrow it will change again. You adapted to your child loving broccoli and hating wearing socks? Great, tomorrow it will change. You adapted to being a toddler mom? Great, in a blink of an eye your child will be a preschooler and then a teenager. So, this is a big base of chaos and ever changing life circumstances. Then the other adult-struggles come on top: Losing loved ones. Dealing with inflation and politics. Dealing with climate change. Dealing with changing relationships. Dealing with our own changing bodies and minds. We all have too much to deal with and to process. And we are so hard on ourselves. So so hard. Maybe, trying to get control over one coping mechanism is not the answer. Maybe we have to find another coping mechanism to get the first unloved mechanism under control. But maybe we have to really be soft on ourselves where we think we should be hard. Just thoughts. I dont have any real answers yet. I struggle so much, my perfectionism and me being hard on myself is not healthy and i try to change something about that. Maybe i dont have to change something about my shopping in the first place but on my appreciation of myself. ❤
Great comment! I hear you. You're right. The only constant in life is change and so you always have to adapt and cope with it. To alleviate the stress, I sometimes allow myself to go a little overboard and not live up to expectations. But within a healthy framework. That has a healing effect on me..... 😊 I can also be a perfectionist, but only in areas that mean something to me. What also helps me is very simple, it's just having time for myself...... Be gentle with yourself! ❤
In medicine we describe addiction as a relapsing remitting type of disease. And I would include impulse shopping and browsing as a form of addiction as well. Relapse is unfortunately part of the cycle but it isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Just need to keep trying until something works. For most, what works best is to not dabble with the addictive behavior. But that doesn’t mean you have to be ready to do that today or ever.
As someone with almost 9 years sober from alcohol and everything else,I am on a 365 no buy meaning only buying experiences, bills and necessary food. I have basically traded one addiction for the other. Instead of binge drinking I was noticing binge shopping. Really out of control shopping and feeling the exact same feelings I would feel after an alcohol binge. For me I need to do a year of total abstinence and then see where I go from there. Maybe only replacing necessities.
I’ve been unsubscribing from brand text messages over the past couple days & it’s really helped me realize how much time clicking through those links was sucking up. I feel refreshed in a way. Like … NO you don’t tell me what to buy or how to spend my time. 😅🎉 I feel free.
As someone who is an a period of stress my sulky teenager has definitely been begging the adult self to have a day off and treat myself but I am trying to reason with her to make both parties happy. Part of me needs to heal my scarcity mentality and tell her “yes we have good money now, but we still have to make smart decisions”. I will say I have gotten better at giving her grace when she does fall off the wagon. Its not about the fall, its about the way you recover ❤
I’ve recently been cutting back on my screen time because I’ve been really depressed and unmotivated as my screen time increased. As I’m stepping back from screen time I’m realizing a lot of that time was me browsing and researching purchases! So I’m on a parallel journey right now. It is definitely helping with my mental health so far!
You are so well spoken and articulate your thoughts so well. I feel like your next book should definitely be about this concept since you’ve spent so much time on it over the last few years. You could be the new Marie Kondo.❤
Your points resonant with my goal this year to actually manage my stress, and I find that having strong time management, and a consistent routine that has time for me to tidy, be it my physical or digital space, is so helpful with that. Your point about how if having a bit a leeway, can be hard to manage that sulky teenager within you, was great to hear because I am finishing up a diploma right now, and then will be job searching. And I have already been thinking about how to manage my time so I can do what I love, while keeping job searching as the priority. I am saving this video so I can come back to it in the coming weeks for when I need help getting my focus back.
This video speaks to the biggest life lesson. Gosh it made me tear up because it’s so wonderful seeing you give yourself so much grace and also believing in and recommitting to yourself. Self improvement when it’s not life or death is such a wonderful struggle.
thank you so much for talking about this and for being forgiving and kind to yourself. this is what im currently struggling with and the kind of honest talk therapy I needed. 💛
Reading the comments many of us fell off our projects/no buys, including me. I was good for 9 weeks then rolled off the wagon. Getting back on it in April. I needed this pep talk.
"The cleansing fire of total abstinence." Only on Hannah's channel will one hear a turn of phrase like this in relation to beauty and fashion 😂❤❤
This is why we subscribe!
I literally have a playlist solely for saving HLP turns of phrase and pearls of wisdom.
@@shmachable is it a public playlist?? I require
It makes sense that she's a poet
Speaking from the point of view of an alcoholic who has been sober for 5 years (which is not super long and not exactly what you speak of I know) abstinence has been the only way for me. The people I’ve seen dabble in moderation usually do wind up having trouble getting back and staying away from the shame spiral. It’s really a key quality of addiction. I’m not implying anything about you and addiction I’m just saying not to feel bad l as the framework for these endeavors is pretty solid and similar for a lot of people.
@nicolesandsmark2975 for you and @creativeksbeauty …. Many thanks to both of you for putting yourselves out here and making life more real. I applaud you both for your post. I call myself doing a no buy year but my rules maybe give me too much leeway. I bought a machine for making soy milk because I learned I could make my own it made thicker yogurt and I could even make my own tofu with the higher protein milk. I have allowances for food and health but did I really need this $200 machine, no, do I love it. Absolutely.
You … all three of you make me question myself and my allowances and I thank you for that. 💖💖💖
Be proud of 5 years, be proud of 1 year, be proud of 1 day!! It’s all amazing and an accomplishment knowing you needed to start and have!
@@emilys1045heck, be proud of ten minutes. You have to make the choice to stop before you can and some people never even get that far, unfortunately.
@nicolesandsmark2975 When you are breaking an addiction or compulsion, it is a forever struggle because you are going against what is a fundamental coping mechanism. Not an addict but having a way of working in the world that does not always fit with how the world works, I know how difficult it can be when tired or stressed not to take the path of least resistance, just this once.
5 years is long. Don’t discount even a moment of success ❤. Proud of you
I think you hit the nail on the head when you described the stroppy teenager wanting their own way. It sounds like the inner child was feeling neglected and, as always happens eventually, demanded attention. This happens to me when I’ve been adulting too much and not given myself enough time to ‘play’ - that is, to be myself away from the demands and expectations of others. Alongside asking yourself whether the thing you want to shop for can wait, you might also want to ask yourself what message your inner child is sending you - which of your needs are you neglecting, and can you meet them in a way that is healthier than shopping?
omg I LOVE this and it's totally accurate. thank you
ASTUTE AF.
Yes!!! I get the “I don’t wanna” voice in my head when I haven’t been able to give myself as much care or take care of myself as I’d like.
@@HannahLouisePostonif this idea resonates with you and you haven’t read it, “you are the one you’ve been waiting for” has been quite impactful for me and my internal relationship
I love this! It also reminds me of Internal Family Systems work and how our internal protectors will take a firehose to put out a candle flame... those inner selves can be loud af! And they stay loud until we listen to what they need us to hear. 💗
Speaking from a shopaholic point of view (I've gone through these), I'd say there's two phases. The first, as you pointed out, is total abstinence - you realise things are crisis-mode, and the fear of that sobers you up into total abstinence. That can go along well, as long as the crisis mode and resultant fear persists, you and abstinence can play well together.
The second is post-crisis mode. You are now out of the crisis mode (financial or so ial or personal), your abstinence has pulled you through, and as a result, your fear is gone, or greatly lessened. Now, you try to relax the rules, instead of continuing to abstain, because despite your fear during crisis-mode, it was never your intention to abstain for life, only till the crisis passed.
And this is when the slip-up happens. The fear that was keeping you in check is no longer doing its job. There is nothing to stop you from sliding, except your rules - which is not sufficient motivation - because the rules are logical and your mind isn't always listening to logic. Your mind is especially chaotic when it is highly stressed. There is only two things that can happen now - you continue to slip up now and then, until crisis-mode returns again, or you figure out what is stressing you so much that you have to figure out an escape from it via mindless activity. Whether you buy less or more isn't really the issue (until crisis mode of course), but addressing the cause of stress really is the issue. It's different for everyone, so you're right in not sharing it to the world. But for yourself, until and unless that cause is met, understood and dealt with, nothing can change. For me, it was being in the wrong field of work which was meaningless to me. For some one else, it might be a toxic family relationship, for a third one, it could be lack of meaningful relationships.
Some of us are incredibly good at crisis-mode handling, and that's a survival skill - we perform better under threat.
But it's the post-crisis phase that is sneaky - when our will-power has no fear to drive it from behind.
Post-crisis mode will work only on reward-driven will power. Those rewards have to be powerful - magnificent ideas that pull your will-power to work. I won't go into what they are - they are really individual, and different for each.
If anyone still thinks the shopping itself is the issue, that's just the crisis-mode thinking. That is a hard one, but what comes after is much harder.
You can figure it out though. Yes, it's a process, you are right. The process has to be driven by an idea of yourself that's big - much bigger than what has been used so far.
Underrated comment! Up!
Profound
Great comment, so spot on!!! You are right,
the real problem is the post crisis mode. Like you described, the acut danger is over, you were strong enough to manage it and then slowly slowly you allow yourself to fall back in some bad old habbits and routines in a slimmed down version, because you have proven yourself you can do it if you have to.
And that's your new excuse.
Probably it's in our DNA or a legacy from prehistoric humans. Take what you can get in bad/problematic times or save it for bad times......or something like that.
Wonderful insight, thank you!
WOW🤯🤯🤯❤
LOL: "But Tuesday is kind of like Friday, right?" OH HOW I'VE BEEN THERE!
You can make an excuse work if you want it to, I’ve been there too😢
This reminds me of a meditation practice. The point isn't not focusing, emptiness, or lack of distractions. The point is REfocusing amidst distractions, REemptying amidst clutter. It's the bringing the mind back that builds the strength. With no outside (or inside) temptations & distractions, the meditation practice wouldn't be strengthening us and giving us the benefits we seek.
Great description
Yes! The returning is the practice 🙏
I love this framing!
This is exceptionally important and so overlooked in our culture. Thank you!❤
Brilliant ❤
I confirm myself as a fan of this channel due to the mix and perfect balance in content between beauty, aesthetics, emotions and human behavior, balance between the superficial and the deep. And more than the videos themselves, I would like to say that I love coming to read the comments. What a beautiful community you have created, full of sensitive and intelligent people. What a treat. Un abrazo con cariño desde Guadalajara ❤
I agree!! I love my comments and commenters!!
My mom has this saying and I find it always allows me to forgive myself when I go back to something I’m trying to leave or quit: sometimes you have to go back to find out why you left.
thank you for this!
@@DuvaLH3 you’re welcome. It’s a very forgiving thought process.
copying this onto a sticky note as a daily reminder to myself!!
I took DBT classes which is a type therapy. What you described (the teenager taking the wheel) we call Willfulness. It’s like a “f*ck it” reflex kicks in and we refuse to consider obeying the grown up inside of us. I have been on a no buy since the beginning of the year and I too have fallen off the wagon due to this Willfulness. Good thing we can start over whenever we want, and for me that time is today. Here’s wishing willingness to you, my friend 💛
I'm making "willing hands" after typing to remind myself of this practice!
@@KarenDugas perfect! Me too 🙌
i was literally journaling about alternate rebellion today to help me with my own no buy/no spend project. yasss to dbt
As someone who has 20 yrs of sobriety this coming August, I feel like I'm somewhat qualified to speak on the topic of addiction struggles. For me, compulsive shopping is 100% an addiction. It's the "rush" that I get. I have successfully done a no buy (with replacements only) twice now. One from Sept 2020- Feb 2021 & most recently from Oct 2022 - Feb 2024! Notice a pattern with Feb being when I break it? My birth month. I end up with the urge around my birthday because what better time? 😅 it's a trap I'm trying to coax myself out of! I recognize it & that is the first step. I'm back on my no buy... For now. I try to be gentle with myself & also proud of myself for recognizing the issue.
I have almost 9 years sobriety and I am totally addicted to shopping. I actually treat it EXACTLY like my alcoholism. Hiding receipts and bags, lying about where I got something or if it’s new. Total shame and regret. Congrats on your sobriety and your no buy streaks, I’m proud of you
Hi Hannah! I’m a psychotherapist, and I’m loving this description you’re sharing of your inner world. The teenage part that just wants their way and wants relief, the wise adult who wants to follow through on this commitment to yourself-it’s beautiful, really cool stuff. Are you familiar with Internal Family Systems (IFS)? It’s a modality of therapy that facilities conversations and connections between all of the different parts of one’s self. I share this because it makes me so curious about that teenage part you’re describing, and sounds like you’re already doing some of this work intuitively (-: Really enjoying this series! ❤️
I love the parts lens way of reflecting on behaviour. I have the firefighting shopper in my bus of parts also. I’d be curious for Hannah what similarities may exist between now and what she was experiencing at that teenage time she was referring to. ❤
Hi Hannah, thanks for sharing this vulnerable experience. ❤ having shopping parts of my own, I would love to see more around taking more time to listen to the voice of she who wants to shop, along with the manager part that creates a system for not shopping. Heaping some love on these parts, in my experience, can help me to understand what drives them in a way that restricting them cannot.
I was coming to say something very similar! I've worked with the IFS modality as a patient for years and Hannah's conversations often echo those lessons for me.
My therapist pointed out recently that we often default to the familiar when we are stressed by change. Recently I was neglecting a lot of responsibilities and things i do that I know are good for me and had that inner teenager saying i just wanted to do what I felt would make me happy in the short-term. She recommended to switch the framing away from "i need to X" or "I have the rule to X" to "its better when I X " so that i don't trigger that rejection. It reminds me that ultimately I'm doing those things to take care of myself, and that will bring me long-term joy and fulfillment.
This is really helpful. Thank you for sharing. 🫶🏻
I really appreciate you posting this. It gets me when I feel I have too much that I’m not choosing to do but must be done for the purposes of adulting. Lately I have been having the teen “I just don’t wanna” mindset in response too. I usually have good success reframing thought patterns but this one has been kicking my behind lately without a specific way to reframe.
Thank you for this advice ! I struggle a lot with that knee jerk reaction of " I don't wanna !"
As someone who really hates small talk. I LOVE your channel! Thank you for speaking about deep, meaningful things.
This messy bun is messy bunning! Love the entire look and vibe here
I'd love a tutorial on this bun!
Fell off the wagon too, 11 days ago and spent over 300 bucks that took me many months to save 😢 Today is day 2 of being back on the wagon, and yikes it’s HARD
(Doing a no-buy to beat a shopping addiction)
“This is a good time to start again.” I love this. I was on a no-buy/low-buy this year and totally broke my rules this past month. I know why I did it. It was the teenager coming out just wanting things to make up for feeling a lack of love and belonging. I felt that rush of excitement when I purchased a luxury bag I’d been eyeing but decided this wasn’t the year to get it. The anticipation built and built, I told myself I’d add to cart but not purchase it but before I knew it, I watched my disembodied thumb click “submit order”. I immediately felt such a sense of relief, peace, and calm, almost as if I had just done something good that I could be proud of (similar to the feeling I’ve had when I’ve summited literal mountains). I found that interesting - it was so hard to buy the thing because of my rules, that actually accomplishing the buying felt like a genuine accomplishment! Even though it broke my rules. I no longer feel that sense of peace and calm, but also don’t feel regret or guilt. I feel a bit devoid of any feeling. So I’m sitting with that and looking forward to starting again.
“I wanted things to make up for the the feeling of lack of love and belonging.”
This is SO insightful. I think it underlies so many acts of “getting”.
To “ride out” that feeling of lack - without judging -is a way to healing.
I've been in a depressive episode after I two deaths in the family on the same weekend 3 weeks ago. I ended up purchasing 2 pieces of makeup and some expensive acrylic paints from a specialty manufacturer- a fairly large overspend for me -
Once the no-buy was broken, it was easier to continue to break it. I'm changing my habits so my life and relationship with money can be healthier. That's worth the effort to get back on track
I'm sorry for your loss. Feeling on track with money definitely makes one feel more powerful and in control of one's life. Hope you have some easy, happy days ahead.🐞🏵
I’m so sorry for the losses you have experienced, and I hope that you find the comfort you need as you navigate your grief! Sending encouragement your way
sending big hugs ❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry for your loss 😢
Sending love 💗
You're wondering if falling of the wagon is part of the process when one is making changes. The answer is: yes, it very much is!
Change is very much a circular process, that begins with contemplation and can end with maintenance, but more often than not finishes with relapse and continues back into contemplation (according to Prochaska and Diclemente's model of the stages of change).
We use this at the forensic psychiatric hospital i worked at (as a nurse), most of the patients were battling addictions. The key is, we never expected the patients to just decide, quit and then maintain, because that's an oversimplification of what can sometimes be a lifelong cycle of quitting and relapsing. The important part is forgiving and learning, so it seems youre already doing very well.
Stay compassionate and go easy on yourself, it's all part of the process!
Thank you for emphasizing the Begin Again aspect. We all falter, but we only fail when we don't begin again.
Absolutely. It’s like a diet you have a bad eat day. Tomorrow is a new day
Really appreciate the transparency in this video. Online shopping and its addictive qualities are so taboo. Thanks for being so honest about your struggles with it.
Hmm, generally, behavior is communication; communication with ourselves, with others, or both. So, as a retired therapist, I would ask, "What does your teenager part need?" What is it trying to communicate? When you did a "no-buy" year, it was just a year. But you're now trying to change a behavior on a more permanent basis; I do hope you consider the deeper roots of the shopping behavior. In doing so, you may create a greater chance for success. Best wishes
My inner teenager and adult have come to an agreement that yes you can have the thing but as the adult currently living in the present of this body, you will have to work more or be deprived of leisure time in order to have it dear teenager. So then my teenager has to make the decision. Do they want to work more and possibly be triggered by increased work in order to have the new thing? This has been working fairly well as someone who grew up with a great deal of trauma and didn’t get to fan out and buy sparkly shiny things sometimes I do feel deprived so I am very lenient and gentle with myself, however, I am loving this new balance of understanding that my budget does have a cap and to do impulsive things like that requires more work and sacrifice.
I've broken a short but pretty tight no-buy streak recently as well. However, I think being as strong as I can be for as long as I can be, and only intermittently snapping because I'm only human is still better than just being lax with shopping all the time.
I love that you are combining self awareness with grace. Growth doesn’t happen in our place of comfort, it comes from stepping away from that and moving towards discomfort. I appreciate your honesty with yourself and with your viewers on your growth journey and demonstrating that growth is not linear. ❤
I admire you for even trying to incorporate something with any kind of rules in this stage of your life. You are first time mum and most certainly sleep deprived. My child is now 4 years old and my husband and I are just now returning to normal sleep routine, having time for gym, having a lunch out here and there…. I remember us in the first and second year, it was survival mode. We had pandemic, lack of sleep, global recession, people around us getting sick, loosing jobs… and we just hoped to get through it. No strickt rules.
Don’t be hard on yourself. This is probably very challenging time in your life. Give yourself permission to sometimes be distracted. It is not always indication of bigger issue. Actually, for me, your videos are source of distraction which I find helpful.
I totally had similar thoughts. And, what went through my mind is, that for me (and maybe for you, Hannah too) the hunting&shopping is in some way a coping mechanism for me. And when i take it from me, sometimes i cannot cope with some stressful events in my life until i am ready too really look and deal with them. Maybe it could be a possible thing to activly search for another form of coping. And growing a child from baby to adult neeeeeeds a lot of coping because you have to function in ever changing timeplans, environments, requirements without enough time to really adapt. Children grow so much faster than adults in body and mind, you just cannot keep up. You adapted to babys sleeping schedule - great, it changes the next day. You adapted to your child liking Broccoli but hating rice? Great, tomorrow will be different. 😂😂 Sometimes theres nothing left in life but coping. When you are living in constant chaos, then mother gets sick/ grandfather dies/ elections in politics right around the corner come on top - adult life is difficult. We have to be soft on ourselves ❤ Love for everyone. May you have a good day today!
There's something powerful, I've found, in going back to old habits after switching to healthy ones and realizing how *bad* they make me feel. When I'm in the bad habit, I can't always see it; and when I'm in the healthy habit, there's this way that it can disappear and become the new normal, and then you're left saying "what was *really* so bad about that old habit, it's fine isn't it?" Mostly I'm thinking of this in terms of food, like sugar and alcohol, but it's also been true for me with phone games and spending too much time on UA-cam. I easily forget how down and bad I felt when engaging in mindless scrolling or eating lots of sugar until I've taken some time away and get the shock of 20-30 minutes on my phone or eating handfuls of jellybeans and looking up with the stark realization, "wow, I feel terrible!" In that way, there's nothing quite as motivating for me as falling off the wagon. Wishing you luck as you restart your project!
About to start a no-buy due to external forces so I'm hoping that a little community will help! I appreciate you forming these videos and playlists. Good luck to other no-buy and low-buyers, Godspeed soldiers!
It helps me to have alternatives planned in case I’m tempted (call a friend or get a coffee). Sometimes I can bargain: you can shop for an hour if you take a walk first. I also broke my lust for makeup by switching to art classes because I love color and at my age it doesn’t really improve my face. 😂. I love design but I have too many clothes. Gotta figure that out. Anyway the replacement idea works for me along with writing down the consequences of doing the bad thing.
I've had a lot of growth in the past year around mental health, and specifically around quick dopamine fixes. I've become hyper aware of what makes me feel mucky, as you very aptly put it. I quit scrolling short form content, I've reduced how often I indulge in little treats like shopping or mindlessly procrastinating, and I'm finding that my capacity for sitting with my thoughts and feelings without feeling unmoored has greatly increased.
I really appreciate you talking about this idea of failing and starting again without shame. The part of my brain that thinks those things will make me feel better is slowly getting quieter but when I'm really stressed, it's very loud. But I never actually feel better, and so I'm getting much better at knowing what is an actual need for my mental health and what is an empty promise that will actually make me feel worse in the long run.
It might be coincidence, but this increased mental clarity and focus on eliminating the noise so I can truly understand what I'm thinking and feeling started in my first year of motherhood. I had done work on this kind of thing before that, but I feel like I've made huge leaps forward since around the 9 month post partum mark. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for it and grateful for other people sharing their stories as well.
Hannah, I'm so glad you made this video. Background: I did a low-buy year in 2023 and accumulated a nice wish list for 2024. Came Jan 2024, I bought some of the items in the list and put off others for later, 2025 maybe. Like you, during the low-buy, I did a lot of browsing well into 2024. Coinciding with an overseas job application, I made a perfect sense to me that those hours of browsing should have been spent on reading, note-taking and writing. I love the 'Shopping Less' video so much that I started the project of browsing only on the weekend about a month ago.
The first week went very well - no browsing, no purchase. I spent my time during that week so productively that I finished the first drafts of an article and a proposal for a grant application. Then the second week on a Tuesday, while my brain was so overload, I stopped and browsed for an hour (no inner conflict present!) - totally bad! On Wednesday, the same thing happened - this time with a purchase. This was followed by no browsing nor purchase on Thursday and Friday. On the weekend, I was binge-browsing like there's no tomorrow, but it wasn't at all fun. I was browsing for a camel jumper but I didn't find what I liked. It felt like a waste of time. On that weekend, I made a purchase of a skincare item that was just run out.
I repeated this pattern in the third week. This time I took note on what I did in my Calendar. I put emojis 😬 on the day I browsed and 😶🌫 on the day I purchased something. I didn't buy anything that weekend because I felt bored of binge-browsing 😆The following week was no browse, no purchase because I needed to meet the submission deadlines for the article and grant application.
Something interesting happened last weekend. It was after submissions and I decided to treat myself by purchasing something. I browsed (but not binged) and found the new Chanel Nuit Blanche Luminous Matte Lip Colour which I love all the shades! Instead of buying, I read more reviews and started to narrow down desirable shades to two. I'm going to narrow it down to one, but I still haven't bought it yet. I want to see if I still desire it next week. As the late Queen Elizabeth II said, 'something that is supposed to be yours won't just pass you by." I'll see how I go. This week, after Easter, I'm getting back on the wagon and starting all over again.
I'm glad you said it that this weekend-only browsing project is like an exercise in moderation. It reminds me of a dance workshop I did with choreographer Meg Stuart. What I remember most from her workshop is when she gave us instruction to 'delay the impulse.' In the workshop, it's the impulse to move, which can apply to my shopping habit too.
I thought I want to share my experience after following your channel for about a year now... Thank you so much Hannah ❣
Black Friday shopping for my Christmas gifts from my husband turned out to be the portal to Hell … and I stayed off the wagon until now, 5 months later!!! Shopping, like drinking, is a socially acceptable addiction which makes it harder to quit!! We need to give ourselves grace while at the same time shutting and locking the door to shopping!!
⚠️ Warning ED talk warning ⚠️
Hi Hannah! This new path you are walking really really mirrors my path with healing my relationship with food. My natural relationship with food didn't break out of nowhere, there were reasons... some of those reasons no longer apply because they were purely enviromental and I have been lucky enough to be able to leave that environment and that has really really expedited my healing. Some of them still apply to my new environment so they are still tormenting me although now I recognise they are environmental rather than my own. Some of them are just me, my thoughts and health and coping mechanisms and my natural proclivities to find solace in food and perhaps more importantly control. I overate to fill the void, I underate to punish myself for not fitting in, I restricted for years until I broke trying to appear normal and healthy but it was just another control tactic, I stopped trying anything for a couple of years and just did what my feelings told me... this was probably the closest to a normal relationship with food I have ever had. My weight didn't fluctuate as wildly as before and every single change is directly traceable to a change in my environment. My weight stabilized sure, but it stabilized in a place that although not as excessive as before it definitely isn't good healthwise for me, mainly because of my other health issues and family medical history. My appetite didn't stabilise at all though, far from it. Those years of learning to let go of my obsessiveness with food and body image did help me heal to a certain extent but the fact that I am an emotional eater and that negative emotions will multiply my daily food intake tenfold and that I internalise shame as punishment i.e hunger hasn't changed. My mind had not healed. Right now I am trying to listen to my body and only eat when it tells me to eat and as much as it tells me to eat. Not when I societally should eat, not when I feel emotionally bad, not when I am bored, not when someone is pressuring me. Eating is a normal natural thing that everyone has to do do and my body has a integrated system that, even if it has gotten kinda fucked up by how I have been handling it, knows much better than my brain when, what and how much to eat. I just have been living with it on mute. The hardest thing for me about learning moderation is that our idea of it is this perfect balanced thing. But such a thing can only exist in a perfect world with people living perfect lives. I wouldn't get mad at a tool, let's say a construction leveler, that can't get an accurate reading in the middle of and earthquake. But that's what I have been doing. My life has been an earthquake and I chose to distrust the leveler (my body) and it's capacity to asses the realities of the world than to look around and confront my own reality. It's the curse of the hyper focus. Sometimes if the world is in chaos and everything is shaking the natural thing isn't to stay still but to shake too.
Hi, this sounds SUPER familiar to me. I'm also slowly healing from a similar ED and (no pressure but jic it's helpful) but the tool that helped me the most was the body trust, they have a book and a website and I think people you can work with, I did a couple of their online courses and it really helped me. If nothing else google the binge cycle (basically the idea that we overeat as a coping mechanism/feel shame/ promise ourselves we'll be different to overcome that shame/ create a restrictive eating plan / fail because the plan is too restricted/ over eat and feel shame etc etc). It sounds like you are doing all the best things, just listening to the body. Food is so hard because we cant go 100% abstinence... Body acceptance is also SO hard. One of the many reasons I love HLP is her size and body inclusivity. Sending love on your journey.
I’ve found that when I’ve tried to break dysfunctional patterns that I have, it’s almost crucial to make the same mistake again. You learn guideposts of where you might fall off again, what triggered it, what was the result, what was I thinking during the process. When you go into the bad habit with a little more awareness, you come out ten times more aware in the end.
I broke my no-buy until July. I have started up again this weeks. I feel bad but embracing the "no shame" Thanks for the support. We're all in this together.
I needed this as I completely fell off the wagon last month during my Low Buy. Work was extremely stressful and we kept having OT, and I was like “let me just purchase a couple cheer up items and … crap”. I’ve also discovered there’s a weird correlation that when I don’t bring my lunch to work I’m more likely to spend money in other places as well because I’ve allowed myself to whip out my card during lunch.
So now to begin again.
wow and interesting and an important thing you noticed about yourself. thanks for sharing!
Shopping for the things you need and or want in your life is such an emotionally complicated in this society. I have so many mixed feelings about it.
Those moments when I find myself sitting on the road, watching the wagon trundling away, I always hear my inner Vincent Gambini voice mocking me - "You were serious about that?!" The no shame in starting again, self-kindness you're modeling here is a real service for all of us working on building that better life.
Your skin is absolutely glowing! I would love to see how you got this look!
Hannah, I totally relate to this. I am on a replacement only no buy in most areas of my life, with some very minor exceptions. I was enjoying the forced creativity and simplification, but I feel like it's starting to chafe. There's a totally different strength required to reorient myself and recommit to that way of living-even though I haven't actually broken my rules! Thank you as always for your thoughtful reflection.
I also fell off the wagon last month resulting in overspending in the clothing department. But I was actually just journaling about this same concept the other day, that building any kind of skill is not a straight upwards trajectory. It is up and down- there are good days and bad days, good months and bad months. I likened it to the new hobbies I’ve taken up recently, pole and snowboarding. Some sessions I can feel myself actively improving, the next it feels like I’ve slid back two levels from before and it’ll baffle & frustrate me. But Continuing to show up through those bad days ultimately results in my exponential progress in the craft. I’m beginning to see my journey with strong spending (feeling sound in my spending decisions) this same way. It’s a journey that I’ve been on my whole adult life and still find myself sliding back to old habits and old crutches, but I can see that they’re happening less and less over time and it’s easier to get it under control than it was before. We just continue to show up and strengthen the muscle.
Overwhelm is such a huge factor. ♥️♥️♥️
you are such a help to me I’ve had a shopping addiction. Most of my life cosmetics is one of my biggies, and I’m always trying to think of ways to change my habits whether it’s going out for a walk or calling somebody on the phone or taking a nap, I’m 70 and I feel like I’ve never stopped trying to improve myself. I would love to lead a minimalistic life but it’s such a huge effort to get to that point anyway thank you for your videos. They are extremely helpful.
“Not overwhelmed with shame, because I’m not about that life.” ❤️ Disappointment has certainly been something I’ve found under experiences of my own sadness - hard as it was to admit. I greatly appreciate your intentionality as well as your acceptance of how life’s demands intersected with your level of self-resourcing into a “fail”, which ultimately reinvigorated your interest/commitment to this project.
Much love & peace to you and yours.
6 views and 12 likes. You’ve obviously won the UA-cam game! ❤
I was rewatching this series just last night! It feels like having prepped for a surprise exam!
Hi Hannah- I have been a subscriber since early in your No Buy Year. I am currently 2 months into my own no buy year! I still watch your older videos for inspiration! I am glad that you are still talking about your shopping behavior and struggles. Your last video was fun but also concerned me a little!
Yes, If you want to control your behaviour you need to know what to do, when you relapse. Doesnt matter if you want to stay clean off something or just minimizing, eventho minimizing is harder, as you need to count in everthing that makes your will worn out on a daily basis. I have the same issue with food - you can do it just keep in doing it
I so appreciate how you describe things; not from the broken self image, but from the strong person progressing toward a goal. It’s kind and self loving. And something I need more of in my self talk. And is it important to have an ER plan; something to do when life is getting really overwhelming? Well, I’ll keep the focus on myself…I need an ER plan. Sometimes life includes more than my emotional bandwidth capacity. Which is before me…a period of time that’s pretty stretchy. I need a healthy thing that soothes. So I’m realizing that my impulse to comment was more a need for thinking aloud where the topic was already being raised. I think I’ll leave it though, in case another might get something out of it. I really appreciate who you are!❤
Taking this video as a sign/reminder that it’s time to start a gentle “Use What I Have” month. Starting today rather than waiting until the first of the month which was my former approach. Being stunned by a credit card statement yesterday and then hearing your wise thoughts brought me back to reality. Whew. Thank you! ✨💖✨
I wonder if the dramatically different circumstances of your life and the somewhat lower stakes make this different from your no buy? It’s pretty incredible that you have bandwidth for a project like this with a tiny baby and your career doing amazing things! My youngest is 2.5 and I’m just regaining that space. It is nonstop learning and mental practice all day, as you showed with the pie chart in the first video of your time. It’s not just time it’s brain work. Your mind needs a break and it makes sense it’s looking for it in the easier places, because developing new habits of rest takes work.
OK so I watched this, went away and thought about it, and decided to do a no-buy for April and perhaps May as well. And lo a great calm has descended on my cortex because I made the decision. I don't have to make any choices about what consume, because I'll be shopping my stash exclusively. So thank you so much for posting this thoughtful piece!
I love that you recognize the benefits of strengthening all of the new muscles that come from things like sticking to your boundaries and falling down, but choosing to get up again. Also, it’s wise of you to have the support and accountability of your UA-cam and personal community.
Obviously these principals apply to so many areas of life. Once you’ve focused on one of the pain points, you’ll be much better prepared to make the choice that’s right for you next time. Thanks also for letting this be a safe and relatable space to be human.
Great job! 👏
Yes! Love this exposition on human behavior. A quarterly or even monthly review/reset is a wonderful idea as a way to keep tabs on my inner selves. And I especially appreciate the part about no shame - “I’m not about that life.” Permission granted. Me, either. Thanks, Hannah, for this work. It’s some of my very favorite on your channel and in the world. 🕊🌿🌷✨
March was month five of my no-buy and I also slipped in March. The no-buy re-started me on my path in therapy and together with Julia’s work, I have been really excavating and working through my reasons behind the impulsive shopping. It’s been hard, but amazing and I’m so happy I’m doing it. Last Friday I started EMDR with my therapist and you either start with the first trauma you experienced (earliest) or the worst. We dove right into the worst and it dug up the most tender-to-touch parts of my past. All this to say I bought myself a beautiful plant and I went into that purchase completely clear eyed of what it meant. I watched myself do it and was ok with it because of what it meant to me to take care of myself having just gone through what I went through. I recorded it as “not sanctioned” in my no-buy spreadsheet and closed out the month. I’m starting again today. I’ve already learned so much and I literally feel my brain being rewired from the project. Thanks for the update and transparency ♥️. Here’s to starting again ♥️.
I've been finding your addressing of shopping behaviors interesting, because I think that's such a big part of the addiction. Unless some breaks or tears, I don't find myself purchasing anything or searching for things on most days of the month. I don't think about buying sweaters or looking for them because I already have one. But these videos are enlightening because we all have our own version of this. So while shopping isn't something I personally struggle with, something else might fit the same bill for me.
Regarding re-starting:
It’s a matter of avoidance vs resistance.
Avoidance - you avoid the vice the first time, which is relatively easy. You haven’t partaken in that thing so you still have good strength and discipline.
Resistance - once you have already partaken in the vice, something in your brain says “well I already did it so one more won’t hurt,” so it’s much harder to stop yourself.
You can probably put that into words more eloquently, but hopefully you get the point.
These types of videos you do have helped me become so aware of how and why I might be considering making a purchase. There have been quite a few times I’ve had that excited, panicked feeling in my stomach thinking about making a purchase quickly (in a moment) and I think of you reminding me that that feeling is an indication that I definitely need to calm down and NOT spend my money in that moment. It has saved me over and over again! My husband also loves you for it haha.
Thank you for this video. I love seeing the realistic side of this type of project. Thank you for not painting you and your life as perfect ❤😊 Also, a technique that I use when I have those I intrusive thoughts about shopping while I am trying to focus and do other things: I right down what’s on my mind (white knit cardigan with long sleeves, ….) in a to do and schedule for a reminder in one week (in your case in the weekend) and let it go cause I know it is filed away. It stops taking up space in my mind and I am free again. Another benefit is that in one week time I might not even want that anymore. 😅 I know that your focus is on the time browsing not on the shopping per say, but I still think like this technique can help! 😊good luck 🍀 ❤
this reminds me so much of how i stopped smoking! after going cold turkey successfully before, only to come back to it months later when this exact "i neeeed it now" moment hit me - actually it turned into a "i DESERVE/EARNED it" really quickly - in a particularly stressful moment that had caught me out of nowhere and deeply upset me. i didn't even regret it days after, when my body had immediately started the cravings again. i just realised that i can't stop that way and that was that (or maybe telling myself that was the shame i didn't allow myself to feel? anyways). the way i actually did stop in 2021 was how i least expected it to work. first of all it was just luck, because the pandemic took away two of the biggest reasons for me to smoke - social connection and combating sensory overload - to only leave me with half or a third of the total addiction to work out. so i think if i wanted to quit something else in the same way, i'd have to figure out a significant reduction of external motivation too, for starters. because it kind of happened to me, as in i didn't plan it but one day i was having a nice little cigarette break on the balcony and just noticed out of the blue, that i didn't actually want to smoke the whole thing. that i'd been smoking less because those other occasions hadn't happened for months and that this sneaky reduction had helped my body to re-active a slight distaste to being poisoned! so when i realised that this was a chance i might not get again in my whole life, decided to give it another go "for science". the hope to get back to the point where even one draw could give me instant nausea, was awakened. so i decided to do it with radical acceptance this time and just gently ask myself "can you wait 5 more minutes before you light it?" and "are you sure that those last few draws are really necessary, or can you put it out now?" - and actually forgive myself whenever the answer was "no i can't wait" or "no i want the whole thing and then another". which did happen about every other time for about a month, but after that i really noticed a difference. i think my subconscious had started to believe that i really wasn't trying to put it down or just make it do whatever i wanted, but i really was here with good intentions, willing to listen and give trust in order to earn trust. and that's when it stopped the sabotage and started cooperating towards getting our health back. i was at half the amount of tobacco in another month with ease and then took my sweet time to really say goodbye to the ritual of it, the feeling of self care it gave me, without any judgement or pressure (because i knew i would not start again) and then the most beautiful thing ever happened: i just forgot to smoke at all. suddenly one day i had gone over two weeks without even thinking of smoking once. i still can't believe it today, because this myth of "mind ruling body" is soooo deeply ingrained in our whole culture, but doesn't actually make any sense! like what an outrageous assumption to think that nature would not outfit our bodies with the will and ways of being/staying healthy! like of course there are many circumstances where we can't remove the barriers that society creates between us and better (mental) health, but blaming, punishing and fighting ourselves for it doesn't seem rational to me anymore.
Speaking for the sulky teenager because I am nineteen, I just want to thank you for sharing this. It inspired me to start budgeting and really keep track of what I do, and I feel really bad when I don’t stick to my budget. It’s hard, but hearing someone else make a similar mistake makes me feel better, so thank you!!
You look so pretty! I’m saving for a home and need to implement this level of mindfulness
There are deep reasons why we find browsing/shopping soothing, what part of us does it feed? But I think it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, you have to find a way to lose interest in material things in a way. I find it helped me what at some point, I really realised, in almost a physical way, that material things do not matter (or rather I remembered), I do not need to own everything I like or find beautiful. Consuming is not the way to go forward. If you need stg fine, but there's always going to be more that you'll want, and obviously it is a vicious circle and a race (can I recommend Alan Watts?) Now I also try and think that my bank account matters more than the object I may want. I do not really allow myself to browse for the sake of it anymore, that is just asking for trouble. It is a self destructive habit, and pretty much nothing good will come out of it. Probably a useless comment but you never know. All the best Hannah, much love ❤❤
Great accountability. I’ve realised this year that I likely need to stick with a no-buy. When things get hard, the distraction of browsing and dopamine hits of online shopping are too tempting, and my goal is to sit with the discomfort instead of distracting from it. If there’s any leeway, my sulky teenager definitely takes over. Good luck 💜
I'm doing my first no buy - I'm aiming for three months and I'm one month in. Im finding its been really helpful for me to dive into panning content on social media vs new release because i have been inspired even more to use what i already have. So far I've done really well and emptied out several products that were languishing in my collection previously 😊
I started a no buy this year for lent, lost my job in March so it's continuing just out of practicality haha. The previous times I did a no buy, it was so difficult! I definitely felt like a sulky teenager and there was always some new collection or whatever that I would want so badly. This time I still felt the inner teenager at the beginning but it was a lot easier to start working my no buy muscles. Now I'm more so in the groove and although there are some purchases that would be non-frivolous, I know it's better for my long term future to save now. I'm still going out and eating out though. I've found that spending money while having quality time with friends is doing much more for my mental health than shopping would. It's new for me because much of my adultlife has been during the pandemic where shopping was the comforting thing because I was isolated. Now that the world is open, I'm experiencing better things to spend on and save money for
I am definitely late to seeing this video, but HANNAH. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reflections. I am not on a no buy but could relate to your experiences- I started my masters in January and had been struggling with managing my time when it felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day to study, take physical and emotional care of myself, and do everything else life requires. I decided two weeks ago to start sticking to a very strict schedule every day, waking up earlier, going to bed at a consistent time, etc. I fell off the wagon this weekend by staying up and sleeping late. Your video and my own recent feelings about breaking my rules has made me think a lot about discipline. I always feel like I can never stick to my goals, but I realize it’s because in those moments without discipline and remembering what is most important to me in the long run, I slip into moments of doom scrolling on social media and unnecessarily shopping and researching things to buy. Before I know it, 2 hours have passed and I’ve wasted valuable time. I’m glad I watched your video today- it helped me find my footing and grounded me in a time of feeling frustrated by my own bad habits. A gentle reminder that it’s ok to fall off the wagon sometimes, but I have to rediscover my own self resolve if I want to maintain consistency with my goals. Your ability to articulate emotion and self reflection always amazes me, and I find so much comfort in your words when you share them on this platform!
I appreciate the check-ins about this project! I like your points about the difficulties of restarting again after a slip up - I think it's important for everyone to remember to give themselves grace when they are working on any sort of life changing project. I'm on a full no-buy this year for makeup, replacements only for skincare, and more of a loose no-buy for clothing and accessories and it's been going very well! Last year I was probably buying a couple of items every week, so this has been such a relief. My no-buy is about having less stuff and (thankfully) not about spending more than I can afford, so I have been abusing a loophole in my rules by being extra generous for birthdays/holidays this year (though still not buying any makeup for anyone, I don't even want to crack that door open!)
I think for shopping addictions & retail therapy sessions, it's not an easy road- especially trying to avoid it completely. Ads are everywhere & I even get mobile notifications on sales, it's very hard to resist. I think the best things to do are to never keep anything in a cart for later, clear browsing history, don't keep bookmarks, turn off mobile notifications (text, sephora, ulta, etc), & remove all unnecessary reminders from your life. I think saying financially it's okay to spend is a coping mechanism because if you unleashed it fully financially it would cripple most people buying daily.
I play gacha games & it's very hard to deal with the constant events and Twitter or UA-cam updates for the games. I quit one game to play 2 others, but I still want to spend because I feel depressed not treating myself to something occasionally... but that's a broken thought. Real commitment would be me deleting the apps I don't want to spend on, and reinstalling if I want to play. But addiction is lifelong, it will always be inside you... but not having it at all in my life feels like a void. But that's addiction at its finest. That high when you buy something... it's a struggle for real.
Another brilliant video Hannah!! I think we all go through this but nobody usually speaks about it and it’s so easy that it can happen. ❤
You’ve just had a baby, sometimes that warrants some self love and treats, whether you need them or not. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I really love the perspective of "it's almost harder to budget than to do a no-buy", and that restarting can be trickier than sticking to a plan. . . as someone with ADHD and a chronic illness, this resonates. It's harder to restart something than to keep up momentum (I fall off the wagon all the time, due to executive dysfunction or just life). And I just came out of a year-long chronic illness flare where I just had energy for the basics of survival. . . and now that I have some actual energy to spare, I have to relearn all the ways I get stuff done. I have to relearn scheduling, rest, balancing energy spoons, everything.
I’m trying to not buy most non-disposable things this year and was doing well… until today when I bought some clothes. So I’m in the process of trying to tell myself that buying some clothes today doesn’t kill my whole goal for the year, that I’ve done well so far and need to get back on plan. It’s tough.
There is no UA-camr who is worth my time anymore except HLP, I love this woman! Please keep it coming
Just make sure that you are still building something into your life that is your "relaxation," even if you are removing this particular thing. Not every second of everyday can be devoted to productivity. That is a recipe for failure, as well. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to rest.
I decided this year that anything I wanted had to go on a list before I could buy it. As a result, every time I feel an impulse, I see all the things I want and can decide what I want more. It has significantly dropped my spending the first three months
Exactly this!
November and December last year I did a nobuy and put all the things I want on a wishlist. When my boyfriend offered to buy me something from that list for Christmas I shocked myself. What I picked was not jewellery, clothes or shoes - I asked for a fancy collection of different spices and curry powders 😁
It was the perfect wish!
I realised I want to put desires and purchases into perspective and in a context within my life and my circumstances.
So the question should not end at: what is the most beautiful top at that website? But rather: what item of clothing do I need/compliments my wardrobe, how often will I wear it, how much money do I have, what other things do I need in other areas of my life?
I get a lot of joy out of using things and interacting with things. But it's not necessarily the things that I had the greatest urge to buy.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us!
This brought up something interesting for me- my relationship with valuing my time. While I am an advocate against hustle culture and making the most effective use of our time constantly and am all about redefining what productivity looks like, I also find myself questioning if I don’t value my time enough. I’m throwing this out here just to see what insights and relationships other folks have with this dynamic.
This Inner battle is so real! Thank you for sharing ❤ it is such a spiritual battle good vs bad! Always going on!What an example of this
Thank you for sharing your experience 🎉 I’m “falling off the wagon” for some habit building that I’ve been working on as well and I commonly fall into the shame spiral when it happens and it makes the small blip turn into a full blown slip. It’s refreshing and inspiring for me to hear your reflection and supportive self-talk!
I think a big part of habits slipping the last couple of weeks is also related to daylight savings. That time adjustment is really hard on us all. I know I wasn't my best for the first couple of weeks after.
I started watching your videos a few weeks ago (after I started watching fashion content again while I’ve been updating my wardrobe: weight gain related) and I was drawn to your content because we have similar coloring and choose similar colors for our wardrobe. I’ve come to really appreciate how you talk about things. I love how thoughtful and mindful you are and I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing how you’ve slid back into old patterns. That is so relatable. I hope whatever is causing you slide back resolves or gets more manageable and things get easier soon but I appreciate that you took the time to share and be honest about your journey.
You're so good at articulating the feelings that arise around all of this. You seem very self aware.
I find scroll-shopping incredibly relaxing. When I have no energy and no bandwidth to even watch a video or read a book, scrolling a store all is so mindless I can actually do it. Honestly I should probably just close my eyes and take nap.
Agh I feel so humbled!! I too have fallen off the wagon in the last couple of weeks. I’ve been battling a thrift store trip today.
My year is interesting so far. I started it out as a nobuy year and the first 3 months were ok. I engaged a lot with my existing clothes and learned to style them in new ways. Then I fell off the wagon and bought a few items, two are great and I wear them, the others were instant regrets.
With this video I pulled myself back together and it was fine again.
I focused my money and energy on categories I excluded from the nobuy like good fitting sportswear and underwear. Such a life changeer!
I also realised I was saving a lot of money that I could focus on other things like new furniture, new duvets, bicycle bags...
A few weeks ago I made an informed exception from my nobuy. I went by a store that had a new collection of summer linen clothing. I spontaneously went inside and tried on lots of different things in different colours and bought a pair of pants and a shirt. I love them! Both were missing from my wardrobe for years, they fit great and I already wore the pants two times and the shirt around 5 times.
But now I put the summer clothes back into my wardrobe and feel overwhelmed. It is so much for me. So I won't have the capacity to crave new stuff before I haven't worn all these "new" things at least once.
Beginning with a monochromatic green outfit that I will combine with brown sandals and a brown coat.
Engaging with my summer wardrobe has been so much fun! I wear different clothes in different styles in summer.
In winter I love big chunky knits and corduroy > thick, warm or stretchy textures. In summer I almost exclusively wear light breezy textures > linen, fine cotton, woven fabrics.
I bought a few pieces. All informed decisions that I waited weeks to order.
But it started to check in on some websites regularly and now I start to want things just because they are there, not because I really need them.
No I wishlist and wait.
(And do laundry tomorrow, so I can wear and appreciate the new pieces as fast as possible.)
You were describing my typical binge eating episode. If you’ll be able to figure out the way of dealing with it, I will be forever grateful 👸🏼
I so needed this today, thank you Hannah. I am well off the wagon with my low buy and spent the morning trying to convince myself to make a big purchase on credit that only last week I had decided could wait. I am so easily tempted to break my own rules that it’s a constant task to try to keep myself on track. Climbing back on the wagon as we speak! Also, love love love the up-do
I feel this exact same way about the meditation course offered by our friend Julia Frodahl this January. I was dojng so well, felt all the benefits, and then blam! Fell right off the wagon. You are 100% right that the muscle to begin again is different than the one used to keep going. Id love to hear more of what you think about this specific topic as I struggle to get back on the wagon for things I know I enjoyed. Much love to you!
I had some thoughts:
For me personally i use "hunting&shopping" as a coping mechanism when i just cannot deal with some feelings or issues just yet.
So: growing a child from baby to an adult is a crazy chaos with ever changing requirements, structures, thoughts etc.
We as adults grow wayyy slowlier than children. So we dont have enough time to really adapt to the situations and we feel overwhelmed and chaos.
You adapted to your babies sleeping schedule? Great, tomorrow it will change again.
You adapted to your child loving broccoli and hating wearing socks? Great, tomorrow it will change.
You adapted to being a toddler mom? Great, in a blink of an eye your child will be a preschooler and then a teenager.
So, this is a big base of chaos and ever changing life circumstances.
Then the other adult-struggles come on top:
Losing loved ones. Dealing with inflation and politics. Dealing with climate change. Dealing with changing relationships. Dealing with our own changing bodies and minds.
We all have too much to deal with and to process.
And we are so hard on ourselves. So so hard.
Maybe, trying to get control over one coping mechanism is not the answer.
Maybe we have to find another coping mechanism to get the first unloved mechanism under control.
But maybe we have to really be soft on ourselves where we think we should be hard.
Just thoughts. I dont have any real answers yet.
I struggle so much, my perfectionism and me being hard on myself is not healthy and i try to change something about that.
Maybe i dont have to change something about my shopping in the first place but on my appreciation of myself.
❤
Great comment! I hear you.
You're right. The only constant in life is change and so you always have to adapt and cope with it.
To alleviate the stress,
I sometimes allow myself to go a little overboard and not live up to expectations. But within a healthy framework. That has a healing effect on me..... 😊
I can also be a perfectionist, but only in areas that mean something to me.
What also helps me is very simple, it's just having time for myself......
Be gentle with yourself! ❤
In medicine we describe addiction as a relapsing remitting type of disease. And I would include impulse shopping and browsing as a form of addiction as well. Relapse is unfortunately part of the cycle but it isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Just need to keep trying until something works. For most, what works best is to not dabble with the addictive behavior. But that doesn’t mean you have to be ready to do that today or ever.
As someone with almost 9 years sober from alcohol and everything else,I am on a 365 no buy meaning only buying experiences, bills and necessary food. I have basically traded one addiction for the other. Instead of binge drinking I was noticing binge shopping. Really out of control shopping and feeling the exact same feelings I would feel after an alcohol binge. For me I need to do a year of total abstinence and then see where I go from there. Maybe only replacing necessities.
"What a week, huh?"
"Lemon, it's Wednesday."
A joke my teacher friends and I make regularly.
I’ve been unsubscribing from brand text messages over the past couple days & it’s really helped me realize how much time clicking through those links was sucking up. I feel refreshed in a way. Like … NO you don’t tell me what to buy or how to spend my time. 😅🎉
I feel free.
“how else can i self-sooth?” has been my most important question to ask, when i feel i’m falling away from my plan.
I have a list up on my wall.
As someone who is an a period of stress my sulky teenager has definitely been begging the adult self to have a day off and treat myself but I am trying to reason with her to make both parties happy.
Part of me needs to heal my scarcity mentality and tell her “yes we have good money now, but we still have to make smart decisions”. I will say I have gotten better at giving her grace when she does fall off the wagon. Its not about the fall, its about the way you recover ❤
I’ve recently been cutting back on my screen time because I’ve been really depressed and unmotivated as my screen time increased. As I’m stepping back from screen time I’m realizing a lot of that time was me browsing and researching purchases! So I’m on a parallel journey right now. It is definitely helping with my mental health so far!
You are so well spoken and articulate your thoughts so well. I feel like your next book should definitely be about this concept since you’ve spent so much time on it over the last few years. You could be the new Marie Kondo.❤
Your points resonant with my goal this year to actually manage my stress, and I find that having strong time management, and a consistent routine that has time for me to tidy, be it my physical or digital space, is so helpful with that. Your point about how if having a bit a leeway, can be hard to manage that sulky teenager within you, was great to hear because I am finishing up a diploma right now, and then will be job searching. And I have already been thinking about how to manage my time so I can do what I love, while keeping job searching as the priority. I am saving this video so I can come back to it in the coming weeks for when I need help getting my focus back.
This video speaks to the biggest life lesson. Gosh it made me tear up because it’s so wonderful seeing you give yourself so much grace and also believing in and recommitting to yourself. Self improvement when it’s not life or death is such a wonderful struggle.
thank you so much for talking about this and for being forgiving and kind to yourself. this is what im currently struggling with and the kind of honest talk therapy I needed. 💛
On a no-buy for makeup and it’s been pretty mellow. I haven’t wanted any because of some health stuff I’m going through.
Reading the comments many of us fell off our projects/no buys, including me. I was good for 9 weeks then rolled off the wagon. Getting back on it in April. I needed this pep talk.