Life of a Junior Doctor on Surgical Night Shifts

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  • Опубліковано 19 тра 2024
  • 👋🏻 Hey everyone! In this video I take you a long with me on a string of four surgical night shifts as a Junior Doctor 👨🏻‍⚕️I hope these videos can provide some insight into the life of a Junior Doctor and give you a better perspective on what we see and do in the hospital 🏥
    Thank you so much for watching, let me know what you think in the comments down below and I'll see you in the next one ✌🏻
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    🙋🏻‍♂️ My name is Nasir Kharma and I am a doctor living and working in London. This channel is dedicated to helping students pursue a career in medicine and giving them an accurate insight into what life is like as a doctor. I hope you find my videos valuable.
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    Subscriber Count: 1,070,000
    Disclaimer
    -The content of this video is of my personal experience, thoughts, and feelings and does not represent those of my employer or the medical field more broadly.
    -Information on this channel is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
    -The information published or made available through this channel is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a doctor-patient relationship.
    -Anything blurred out or censored is to prevent disclosure of my place of work (as per hospital social media guidelines).
    -Any footage resembling a clinical area/scenario is taken from stock footage and does not include real staff or patients.
    TIMESTAMPS:
    00:00 - 00:52 Night 0
    00:52 - 07:24 Night 1
    07:24 - 14:23 Night 2
    14:23 - 23:34 Night 3
    23:34 - 29:10 Night 4

КОМЕНТАРІ • 699

  • @KharmaMedic
    @KharmaMedic  Рік тому +326

    Hey guys! Just got back from a very busy shift to all these wonderful comments - thank you 🧡 Thank you for continuing to support this channel and watching even after so long. It feels good to be back. I’m reading through all the comments but it’s taking me ages, I’ll get there eventually! Have a great day and I’ll see you in the next one :)

    • @hewadahmadzai4700
      @hewadahmadzai4700 Рік тому

      What type of doctor are you Dr. Nasir?

    • @jubinsaharia931
      @jubinsaharia931 8 місяців тому

      Hey what car do you use? Is it a Mercedes A class hatchback?

    • @michaelskuce3677
      @michaelskuce3677 6 місяців тому

      bless ya so much hard work to become an dr I'm sure in end your get there i hope one day to help teach medical students as one of there body donors as I'm thermally ill young man so decided to give consent to body donation in hope to help teach medical students Anatomy i wish all well in there studies and pray you carry on to become great dr take care

  • @MrManultra
    @MrManultra Рік тому +875

    You can just feel the vibes being different being a doctor from being a med student. Exams aside, being a student is the best thing in the world but you only REALLY notice once the stress of real life begins.

    • @medicalh7990
      @medicalh7990 Рік тому +27

      Me who studies and work for tuition fees at the same time and getting depressed while thinking about money problems at bed.

    • @medicalh7990
      @medicalh7990 Рік тому +2

      My stress is beyond anyone else's

    • @MrManultra
      @MrManultra Рік тому +14

      @@medicalh7990 had 2 jobs during my last semester. But the stress of Having to show up each day to perform perfectly is a whole other level. At uni, each day you chose to go there. And you have way more freedom to plan your time.

    • @medicalh7990
      @medicalh7990 Рік тому +3

      @@MrManultra I had to show up there and perform perfectly to get some scholarship otherwise I wouldnt have enough budget for uni. It is goddamn expensive

    • @skittles696
      @skittles696 Рік тому +2

      ​@@MrManultra I wouldn't say you have more freedom to plan your own time if you are work full time throughout, meanwhile after graduating you are able to chose where to work, hours (when signing contracts) and you dont have to juggle your degree and working for a living (plus that extra money doesnt hurt)

  • @jimib3
    @jimib3 Рік тому +397

    I’ve gotta say, I was worried what the transition from med school to being a doctor meant for the channel, but your videos now feel like they have such a greater degree of depth as we see you struggle with real REAL world stuff in medicine. Your continued dedication to upload as you transition into your new phase of life is inspiring.

    • @dinaisakov
      @dinaisakov Рік тому +1

      Love this comment, seriously thank you for brining us along every step of the way. It's very insightful and we appreciate the realness.

  • @aardverak5297
    @aardverak5297 Рік тому +247

    i started watching your videos when i was in year 9 and now i’ve just got an offer for medicine at uni !!! thank u for still making videos and motivating me in my pursuit of medicine! all the best in your career

  • @sebafranklin8774
    @sebafranklin8774 Рік тому +150

    It's been a long time....... Wellcome back kharma

  • @harshadkale6245
    @harshadkale6245 Рік тому +68

    The ability of doctors to deal with such severe conditions yet continue on their job makes them special! And I guess you are one of them!!

  • @OldManMedicine
    @OldManMedicine Рік тому +87

    Going through the same pain we all do when starting nights, it's just a matter of finding your own system that works for you. Good job bro.

  • @ilianavoutou7367
    @ilianavoutou7367 Рік тому +16

    Watching your study with me videos and following along with you, makes me so happy to see that your hard job has payed off. 🙏

  • @fernandafuentes1594
    @fernandafuentes1594 Рік тому +29

    It's amazing to see how far you've come! So proud of you ⚡

  • @jofereday7213
    @jofereday7213 Рік тому +20

    Hi, my niece qualified at Kings just over 3 years ago, first job has a junior doctor was at Pinderfields, Wakefield, on the covid ward! She’s now doing surgery at York hospital & is absolutely flying, we are so proud of her, such an amazing young woman, who is going to be a fantastic surgeon ♥️ so proud of you all, doing amazing work 🥰

  • @Amelia.foster22
    @Amelia.foster22 Рік тому +26

    i loved it when you spoke about how you just switch off after a cardiac arrest, especially when the patient has passed away, and move on with the next job or task. I am a third year student nurse on placement in A+E and saw a cardiac arrest (using a LUCAS-2 CPR machine) and unfortunately the patient passed. The moment for me of "so I'm just going to go back now" and returned to the busyness of the department felt very unreal and a bit odd. Not one patient i spoke to or cared for knew of what i just saw and that i was just my usual bubbly self. It is a very strange experience to have especially in learning how to give yourself that time to understand and acknowledge what just went on.

    • @cccccccccccc242
      @cccccccccccc242 Рік тому +6

      Although I'm not a Nurse, I can relate to feeling that same odd and unreal feeling. I was a home health aide before Covid came around. I was on my way to a clients house but when I went in, I unfortunately found them dead on their living room floor. She was young so it was quite the shock. I still think about it today😔 After calling an ambulance and going through a series of questions with my company and paramedics, I had to go to my next client. I felt like I wasn't attached to my body. The only thing I can compare it to is the out of body experience.
      Anyways, I appreciate all of your hardwork and dedication. You guys do so much for others. You truly are a hero ❤

    • @Amelia.foster22
      @Amelia.foster22 Рік тому +2

      @@cccccccccccc242 I am so sorry you had to walk in on what is a traumatising situation and lose someone that way. These memories never truly leave you even when you do indeed have to quickly push it away and carry on, but our resilience is also what makes them. The whole experience is such an interesting thing in that there isn't a particular word or way to describe them.
      Buuut on the other hand, thank you so much for your kind words 🥺they really help keep me loving what i do ❤

    • @Amelia.foster22
      @Amelia.foster22 Рік тому +4

      @@YourEverydayDeveloper you are so so right. In the moment it's so hard to know how you should be thinking or feeling. Am I feeling enough? Am I not caring enough? How should i feel right now? This doesn't feel right. Is this normal?
      So that moment of carrying on like normal almost feels wrong, because of the heaviness of such circumstances, that it not only might feel inhuman but just rude too. Everyone's experience of it is so different which is also what makes it human.

    • @petertownley7296
      @petertownley7296 Рік тому

      yes you become bery hardened to emotion because if you dont your critical thinking goes out the window & you loose focus sadly you learn to turn it off on emotions like a switch have the baility to talk to client one minute next passed away & having to move on wihtout a thought til end of shift but thier will always be cases you will always remember & never forget

    • @haylynshon7514
      @haylynshon7514 Рік тому

      The fact that doctors or anyone in health care have to see someone struggling to be alive but then after that having to move on with your tasks like you didn’t just see someone dying few moments ago. Like that doesn’t sound like something normal but sadly for people in this field it would become kind or a norm😢 hats off to yall

  • @anuradha-js6uw
    @anuradha-js6uw Рік тому +31

    a couple years back I watched your videos, and studied along with your study with me videos as a premed, now watching this as a medical student about to finish first year, I see how far we've come and it really feels so good. Thanks for creating such content, it is truly inspiring❤

  • @xchurricane
    @xchurricane Рік тому +41

    So happy to see this video! I'm not in medicine but actually a meteorologist, and I love seeing night shift vlogs because I work rotating shifts too, and it's so nice to not feel alone. Everything you mentioned that sucks about night shifts is SPOT ON haha. Wish I could say it gets easier, but being able to commiserate with others and loving what you do helps!

  • @melisaaraujo2604
    @melisaaraujo2604 Рік тому +22

    I just started my night shifts and I felt so understood by this video. First night was awful. I then decided I wouldn’t let it be that awful… it’s getting better every day.
    Nassir i would love to listen to you talk about when you don’t know what to do, or the difficulties of dealing with specialists

  • @johnkarvouniaris7153
    @johnkarvouniaris7153 Рік тому +7

    I started clapping at the end of the speech , we need the full video.
    Great to have you back!⚡

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. Рік тому +177

    The wait was definitely worth it because you’re killing it with the video quality and interesting use of B-Roll.
    P.S. More cooking vlogs please. Also, you were great on the stage btw.

  • @_anna.
    @_anna. Рік тому +5

    I am not a medical student but your videos are just so surreal and a breath of fresh air, good to see you back

  • @chelseawilliams6046
    @chelseawilliams6046 Рік тому +4

    Just subscribed to your channel, what a lovely guy, and great Dr!
    Before I became disabled I worked full time night shifts as a SCA in a care home.
    No real breaks or downtime, every moment we weren’t dealing with residents, it was cleaning schedules and care plans.
    Those in the NHS certainly deserve your down time, your an asset however I wish those in other aspects of the care sector could be looked after as well.
    Can’t wait for your next video x

  • @shreyahpaul6476
    @shreyahpaul6476 Рік тому +4

    Oh my god I love you! I can't get enough. Personally I loved my labour room night shift. It was so unpredictable but so rewarding when you finally get the babies out! I can't to hear more!

  • @cynthiar7350
    @cynthiar7350 Рік тому +4

    Retired RN here (ICU/Surgical Recovery) at a large charity hospital in New Orleans in the 70’s. Nights for me were always brutal & could get very busy, especially when we acted as overflow for
    the ER during disasters. I got physically ill & always slept deeply for 12 hours+ just to function another night. Don’t like chocolate much either & so happy to hear someone else say so! Enjoy your videos; they bring me back to a difficult yet fabulous time in my life. You seem a great doc & a gentleman & of course handsome. (I might be an oldy but goody, but not blind!) New sub 😊

  • @booksandboardgames6776
    @booksandboardgames6776 Рік тому +1

    Yes!! I've been re-watching your other videos these last couple of weeks, hoping you'd upload a new one and it's finally here!!! Thank you so much!! ⚡️⚡️⚡️
    Love from Greece 🇬🇷

  • @panos2739
    @panos2739 Рік тому +13

    So happy to watch you pursuing and achieving more and more. You deserve evey bit of this

  • @queenmahima
    @queenmahima Рік тому +1

    Wow I'm so happy that you posted!!!
    Your older videos have been motivating me a lot nowadays... Thanks 🌹

  • @denisaleonora5126
    @denisaleonora5126 Рік тому +7

    Feels really great to watch a video of yours on a Thursday morning. Welcome back doctor K. 🎉🎉

  • @user-br4jt2oy2k
    @user-br4jt2oy2k Рік тому

    Man, I really appreciate your work, as a med stud. your videos are kind of a guide and testimony about the profession. Thank you for sharing!

  • @CanalCienciaForte
    @CanalCienciaForte 8 місяців тому +3

    Hey, dude. How are you doing?
    I've been following you here on UA-cam since you were a medical student. At the time, I wasn't even a medical student yet, but I was already watching and inspired by you a lot. I'm currently a medical student and I'm really enjoying your routine as a doctor. Every day I'm more sure that's what I want for my life. Congratulations for your work.
    Hope you and all your loved ones be safe and well. Sending all my good vibes from Brazil 🇧🇷

  • @TheMarmite09
    @TheMarmite09 10 місяців тому +3

    Keep going Karim! you're doing an amazing job! I can't imagine how hard and stressful your job is especially working for the NHS but think about all the people you're helping at the same time.

  • @applejuice8751
    @applejuice8751 Рік тому +10

    Words cant describe how happy I am to see you again! :) You're doing great! ⚡

  • @mahlasarhadi7480
    @mahlasarhadi7480 Рік тому +5

    Hi Nasir, I am that high school student applying for medschool and ur videos have been absolutely inpirational for me so i thank you for doing such a great job handling your very much busy life along posting these videos for us I look forward to each and every following video of yours in these 5 or so months that i have left until my entrance exam!
    Thanks once again for being such a wonderful inspiration for people like me.
    Keep going and I wish you the greatest of memories and opportunities in this beautiful journey:)

  • @iscodisco9134
    @iscodisco9134 Рік тому

    This is literally amazing, I just wanted to rewatch your vids for my upcoming exam. Thank u for uploading

  • @nick_0046
    @nick_0046 Рік тому +10

    as a pharmacy student on rotations in the hospital with abunch of medical residents, its so fascinating to just listen and learn about so many new things. such a cool experiecne.

  • @wijdanalmaymuny6617
    @wijdanalmaymuny6617 Рік тому

    The vlog was so fun to see! Thank you for sharing 🤩🤩 also you killed it in that speech 👏👏👏

  • @joshuasingh696
    @joshuasingh696 7 місяців тому +1

    Great video bro!! You're truly an inspiration in my medical journey, now that I am a medical student. It's more heart-comforting to see that these videos are amazing. Please continue the inspiration.

  • @Fahad_Moayed
    @Fahad_Moayed Рік тому +5

    I’m so happy to watch you again and feel that energy😂

  • @yeemingchu4168
    @yeemingchu4168 Рік тому +22

    OMG we missed you Nasir, I always use your study with me videos as a motivation to my own studying. Hope you're doing very well as a doctor. Congratsss and have a great day aheadd 💖

  • @raiyan8978
    @raiyan8978 Рік тому +1

    Finally🎉🎉🎉Missed this man, great to see you back

  • @curryboy6826
    @curryboy6826 Рік тому +1

    i have been waiting for the day in a life for so long love this guy so inspiring

  • @anoushkagarg3645
    @anoushkagarg3645 Рік тому +4

    Hey Dr. Kharma, you're AMAZING! Your videos just motivate me so so much even though I am not a medical student. Love your content man ⚡⚡

  • @BioTheo
    @BioTheo Рік тому

    Great seeing you again on YT ! And was definitely worth the wait !

  • @begoawadlobato
    @begoawadlobato Рік тому

    Definitely worth waiting for this! Thanks and I hope you do film and upload more vids, we missed you! ⚡️⚡️⚡️

  • @nacchann
    @nacchann Рік тому

    i just talked about your channel to my lnterpreter friend today, saying it's so fun and informative but may have stopped uploading after becoming the doctor, then found your update today! so happy to find you back and doing great! look forward to more updates going forward😃

  • @Daniel-fe4kp
    @Daniel-fe4kp Рік тому +2

    new banger video after 4 months. I am very excited! I missed you NASIR!!

  • @valeriam7656
    @valeriam7656 Рік тому +2

    I'm glad you're back! Such a good video and thanks for sharing this with us 🙌 welcome back Dr.Kharma

  • @davidgarciaparra
    @davidgarciaparra Рік тому

    You killed that talk! Glad to have you back!

  • @masodior8076
    @masodior8076 Рік тому

    this video really reminded me how much I love you’re UA-cam videos, please don’t ever stop making these videos i love them!

  • @abbyvera44
    @abbyvera44 Рік тому

    FINALLYYY I needed this for extra motivation~~

  • @richardan2640
    @richardan2640 Рік тому

    Really Great to see your video again Doc! Always Inspiring!

  • @shrutisharma2325
    @shrutisharma2325 Рік тому +2

    Woah! Welcome back Dr .Nasir!! It was absolutely lovely watching you with another impeccable vlog! Keep going dear!🙌🙌

  • @mtahausman
    @mtahausman Рік тому

    So happy to have you back man!!

  • @arirose8796
    @arirose8796 Рік тому

    Thank you so much for posting again. I love your videos so much and you are a big inspiration for me 🥺🙏🏼

  • @somiekast4219
    @somiekast4219 Рік тому +2

    Thanks for this video.
    I was talking to my mum earlier about the shifts I want and I said "mornings" but was so uncertain because waking up early isn't my thing. But watching this video has cleared a lot of doubts in my head ...so thank you so much. God bless💯
    Btw.. I'm definitely recommending this video to my friends.😌

  • @fardinfarhat
    @fardinfarhat Рік тому +5

    Finally, after a long time, it's great to see you back again🎉🥳

  • @Mr__habibi
    @Mr__habibi Рік тому +2

    Welcome back Nassir. I really like your vlogs, it gives me motivation during medschool seeing all your efforts are paying off as a doctor. I wish you the best of luck.

  • @drlevi3652
    @drlevi3652 Рік тому

    Been following you for years now , you're my inspiration 🙏

  • @ilove.gg14
    @ilove.gg14 9 місяців тому

    Thank you for all you do 🙏 all doctors etc 🙏 ❤

  • @mikeconnor4906
    @mikeconnor4906 7 місяців тому

    Fabulous video. He could examine me anytime😂.
    Thank you so much.

  • @gauravchhikara1507
    @gauravchhikara1507 Рік тому +1

    Oh man, I have waited so long for this!!

  • @divyanshjadon3703
    @divyanshjadon3703 Рік тому

    It's always a pleasure to watch you.
    Thanks for uploading ⚡

  • @mewkim2580
    @mewkim2580 Рік тому +2

    the editing is crazy good man

  • @daivikdoshi5307
    @daivikdoshi5307 Рік тому +1

    Yes, Keep it going! We love your content!

  • @tatianak47
    @tatianak47 Рік тому

    I was super excited to watch this video Nasir! Thank you! I love your content🎉

  • @faizabatool2443
    @faizabatool2443 Рік тому

    It is really good watching you as a responsible doctor and human.Your night shifts were great I feel .

  • @brittanykasten
    @brittanykasten Рік тому +1

    What an amazing video!!! Was worth the wait 😊

  • @joshua_daniel2785
    @joshua_daniel2785 Рік тому +1

    Keep going Nasir. You're absolutely amazing. Thank you for the content you put out in your YT channel. Good luck on your future videos and shifts :)

  • @nyx246
    @nyx246 Рік тому

    omg i'm so glad to see your video's notification finally pop up! i miss your study content but i'm all for the doctor diaries :)

  • @fatemetoliat7222
    @fatemetoliat7222 Рік тому

    It's soo good to have you back. But please take care and stay healthy, that is all that matters.

  • @CRUZADO2711
    @CRUZADO2711 Рік тому +1

    Te extrañabamos amigo
    pero nos alegra que todo esté marchando bien
    Saludos y buen video! (como siempre)👌

  • @_Musclemeds_
    @_Musclemeds_ Рік тому

    Welcome back man , great to see you back 🤙

  • @DxrkestMatter
    @DxrkestMatter Рік тому

    (Re)applying to med school this year (GEM) and your videos have really helped me. Thank you for the insight!

  • @prsp5585
    @prsp5585 Рік тому

    Wow I was really looking forward to this. Would you consider making a video on on calls and what to expect, common scenarios etc? Thanks!!!!!

  • @taliaaustin9818
    @taliaaustin9818 Рік тому

    Feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this yay I’m so happy thanks for another wonderful video 🎉

  • @b2c481
    @b2c481 Рік тому

    Great video, looking forward to the next one (as always)!

  • @Dominicmlowe
    @Dominicmlowe Рік тому +28

    Nasir, it sounds like you did incredible! Nights are tough and variable, getting through your first set is a true milestone! Welcome to the crew!
    From an aged SHO in the north

  • @anomittrobanik7055
    @anomittrobanik7055 Рік тому

    Finally! The wait is over. I missed your videos so much, man. Hopefully, you are doing amazing. Shine On! ❤️🧿💥

  • @paullai8089
    @paullai8089 7 місяців тому

    Thank u doctor for your service.

  • @kashishverma127
    @kashishverma127 Рік тому +1

    Nasir !! bro I literally prayed for this video

  • @LeahJian
    @LeahJian Рік тому

    ahhhhh thank you sooooo much for coming back!!! I recently prepare for a big exam and gain so much power from your previous videos!!! Thanks again tho you may not see this❤Have a good day mannnn

  • @Ioneladelgado
    @Ioneladelgado Рік тому

    Glad to have you back!

  • @daynewilliams9433
    @daynewilliams9433 Рік тому +25

    Great video. If I could give some advice, I would say be wary of the caffeine trap. When I did internship, we would do regular working day hours plus 24 hours if on call (usually every 3rd day). Yes the math is scary. But I ended up surviving on back to back caffeine hits, and eventually developed SVT's and really bad insomnia. What seems like a short term band-aid fix early on, can become a difficult to break habit in the end.

  • @architagautam6714
    @architagautam6714 Рік тому

    The talk looks fun and i'm sure you did a great job!

  • @SaqibKhan-cq8mi
    @SaqibKhan-cq8mi Рік тому

    brooo good to see you back, was waiting for your video for such a long time.

  • @megan8375
    @megan8375 8 місяців тому

    This dude popped up in my feed and he is 🔥🔥 I hope my doctor looks like him 🌻

  • @GoldenTime_
    @GoldenTime_ Рік тому

    Welcome back! I’m a law student in the Netherlands:) Your videos inspired me to start my own channel! Keep up the good work✨

  • @devangichawla4910
    @devangichawla4910 Рік тому

    so good to have you back!⚡

  • @uwishedbanjo6581
    @uwishedbanjo6581 Рік тому +1

    Ahh finally I’ve been saved from my need for your videos loved the vlog ⚡️

  • @francescahadley1927
    @francescahadley1927 Рік тому

    aww, I'm humbled. Great video

  • @tarunnambiar5463
    @tarunnambiar5463 Рік тому

    keep it up my g! you motivate me to be a better person everyday

  • @kajalchoudhary5502
    @kajalchoudhary5502 Рік тому

    It's really good to see you again Nasir. I was missing your blogs ❤️

  • @leesoo-yeon9933
    @leesoo-yeon9933 Рік тому

    Omg Nasir! Really missed your videos! Glad to see your videos again!

  • @shenhu695
    @shenhu695 Рік тому

    happy to see you back on UA-cam!!!

  • @okImjustsaying
    @okImjustsaying Рік тому +8

    Just discovered your channel. I'm premed, awaiting to hear back post interview decisions. It's nice to see that even once practicing medicine there is struggle and the way you keep calm and positive is so inspiring. I hope to maintain that similar attitude as a doctor
    Also you look like my PCP but you seem way nicer lol

  • @warven1659
    @warven1659 Рік тому +2

    Good job on those shifts! ⚡

  • @onsmekni4115
    @onsmekni4115 Рік тому

    i cried when he got in north london and i cried again today fr im so happy for him accomplishing his dreams he deserves it

  • @lilydarson3810
    @lilydarson3810 Рік тому

    Loved the video!! Stay strong and awesome and keep doing the amazing work as you challenge yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable to only help you in the end to be a better version of yourself. ⚡

  • @Letik3x
    @Letik3x Рік тому

    ThNk you for finding the ti,e to upload; I have been looking forward for the next time you upload.

  • @michelleleite338
    @michelleleite338 Рік тому

    I was missing so much your videos!! I'm starting doing some night shifts, but I loved!!! 😂

  • @sashafrostbite1395
    @sashafrostbite1395 Рік тому

    I have been waiting for your next video. Took you sooo long but i am happy you are back! I have been subscribing ever since you entered the uni and now you are a doctor. I feel like i am also part of your journey.

  • @user-uk7tl4ip3m
    @user-uk7tl4ip3m 8 місяців тому

    Oh the dreaded night shift,i remember it well. I was exhausted after 3 nights back to back but 4 well hats off to you.

  • @karthikeyandiary4181
    @karthikeyandiary4181 Рік тому

    I have been thriving for ur videos and finally ♥️

  • @leonduplessis
    @leonduplessis Рік тому

    Thank you for this video, it shows me how hard you people are the medical fieldwork. I think you people need to be treated with a lot more respect, especially from the government. I worked in the medical field here in Canada when I was in my twenties and found that I could not handle the work especially the deaths in the wards and then telling their loved ones how sorry I am.