My Story of Religious Trauma | A Christian Intervention
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- Опубліковано 23 вер 2024
- Need resources for religious trauma? Visit Recovering From Religion | www.recovering...
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Outro Music | "Pixels" by Jeff Kaale
tags | Ex christian, deconstructing christianity, exvangelical, former fundie, leaving christianity, gospels, jesus, bible, god, christian, evangelism, apologist, atheist vs christian, agnostic, recovering from religion
A BIG thank you to everyone who has donated to recoveringfromreligion.org from this video!!! We have raised over $400 in just 3 hours!!! That's amazing!
Your support and willingness to help make a difference warms my heart. And it makes me so happy i shared this difficult story with you. It makes it all worth it! THANK YOU!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hey there! I have been watching you for a long time! I am so proud of you for standing up and putting your story out there! Do you have an email address that you can be contacted at? I would love to share what I’ve gone through (currently being shunned) with you and try to start getting my story out there to help people as well.
In addition - thank you so much for posting that link! I am heading to that website right now!
Jesus is Lord
If you ask anyone if I'm lying, they will say I'm not lying. Jesus is lord
@@lalo2641 Quite the mean-spirited thing to say in this context!
"Often the church hurt comes AFTER you start questioning your faith"
especially if you do it in any way NOT "private". they are notorious for "outing" publicly, which is meant to also humiliate anyone who considers doing likewise.
Yes, because while you are in it you justify all pain as “testing- to make you more like Christ” - you justify all forms of emotional and psychological abuse from authorities as they are speaking fir God to transform you. The more you grovel and apologise for being yourself, the more power they have and the happier they are.
@@tracyavent-costanza346 Absolutely. Wokes and PCers get _highly_ offended and will cancel you for that --- or worse.
Yes! That’s when the claws come out
Mine came before, and I'm still keeping it quiet. I just stopped going to church.
In my experience, if you hear "but" during an apology, then you're not hearing an apology.
Unless they explained what was going through their head at the time, while acknowledging "but that's no excuse."
As someone put it to me a while ago, 'what comes before the but is sh*t'
That is exactly right. Take off every word before the "but" and you will have their real, intended message.
Then "nevertheless" is fine?
@@stephenhowe4107 I am reminded of yet another saying, this time something I read. "No matter what you call a donkey, it still remains an ass". Since we're talking about but here, I felt this the right way to phrase it. There are many words you can use. However, the meaning and intention behind it doesn't change. But is just easier for one liners.
I love my Mother so much
On Memorial Day as we were visiting graves she turned to me and said "Are you still an atheist?"
I tensed and said "Yes"
She said "I love you" and it ended with that
Dammit I'm crying. Real men aren't afraid to cry. Bite me.
I love your mom too 😭❤️ you're lucky to have her.
If you don’t cry I would suspect something wasn’t right with you. The fact she loved you even though you were honest with her made me feel good because my mother never adjusted to that reality.
Religious trauma is a big big reason why we need less religious influence in the world. Love your videos, kristi. Wishing you the best
Agreed. Thanks so much! wishing the best back to you, too
Actually, we need more religious influence, just not these fear based religions. Less fear based manipulation generally, no, a complete rejection of fear based manipulation regardless of source.
@@nonyadamnbusiness9887 we don't religion inflicting more trauma religion is based on fear
@@nonyadamnbusiness9887 Don't you recognise your own hypocrisy? Religion is all about fear... and fear-based manipulation. What part of that 'heaven and hell'/'carrot and stick' manipulation didn't you get? Or are you still under the spell of that manipulation? 🤔
@@jezebelvibesIsaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I understand where youre coming from. When i was 12, my mom turned to me in the car after church and yelled that i was "too old to not be saved". I knew if i didnt "walk down the aisle and accept Jesus" that she would make my life a living hell. So i did, and got baptized even though i didnt mean it. I was in essence forced to "believe". Thank you Kristi for sharing your story, i know a lot of us can relate. ❤
I'm so sorry that was forced on you. There is so much lasting damage from things like that. Wishing you all the peace and healing on your journey
@@jezebelvibes thank you so much! ❤
Baptism is nothing.
@@areuaware6842 I know! Bc as soon as the baptism was over, I asked myself "do I feel like my "sins" are washed away? Has anything changed?" I answered myself with a resounding "No!"
@@graveyardghost2603 , The whole baptism thing is a false narrative.
The Israelites were required to ritually wash all the time by their religion back then, they even had to pay the Temple to wash before entering the temple. It was big business.
So Jesus came along and said you can wash the Temple and the god of Abraham (religion) off of you. Of course it was symbolic but the idea that you could wash off the god of Abraham was a big problem back then.
But over time the church twisted baptism to mean the opposite of washing off of a religion and false god and turned it into the religion covering you, a contract with religion.
The rest is history as they say.
A friend of mine who is gay, was kicked out of his home when he was 15 by his Christian parents. I was 18 at the time and had my own place to live, and I basically told him he could stay with me. Me, not being christian, went to their house and gave them what I consider to be a "piece of my mind", and told them that given the fact that their OWN son was under age, they were lucky that I didn't call law enforcement on them, and that their son was staying with me and would continue to do so, and if they came near him, I would have them arrested for assaulting a minor. My friend later told me that he had been sexually abused by another person in the family and that his parents did nothing but pray over him...ANYWAY, I have NO (ZERO) compassion for my friends parents. And this is against my own nature as a caring person, but I think I did the right thing.
Thank you for caring enough to help that 15yr old. You most likely saved his life from the streets. There are some families that should be investigated and charged for abuses of various kinds, sexual, physical, and mental. And the churches should be forced to pay taxes. Jesus told peter to pay taxes, so why dont they? They claim to follow, but in fact are 100 % hypocrites.
Being a caring person also materalizes in giving a piece of your mind to careless people.
To be caring for the innocent, you must be strong against the abusers. Thank you for taking care of someone in an actual christly way... if only his fan club actually could be anything like him.
It's ironic that you followed Jesus' teachings than your friend's Christian parents (particularly the parables of The Good Samaritan and The Sheep and the Goats)
@@felixchaplin 💪❤️
I’m a middle aged man and still deal with religious trauma.
Wishing you so much healing
Were it not for all the bullying and violence, religion would be a laughable joke.
*Joshua 10.12-13; 20* “On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord: 'Sun, *STAND STILL* over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.' So the *Sun* _STOOD STILL,_ and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies . . . So Joshua and the Israelites *defeated* them completely, but a few _survivors_ managed to reach their fortified cities.”
*Qur'an 31:29* “Do you not see that Allah has subjected the sun and the moon, _each_ ORBITING for an appointed term, and that Allah is All-Aware of what you do?”
*Qur’an 36.38* “The _sun_ TRAVELS for its fixed term. That is the design of the Almighty, All-Knowing.”
*Qur'an 13:3* “It is He who spread the Earth…”
*Qur'an 15:19* “The Earth, we have spread it…”
*Qur'an 20:53* “Who has made for you the Earth as a bed...”
*Qur'an 43:10* “made the earth as a bed . . .”
*Qur'an 50:7* “The Earth, we spread it out . . .”
*Qur'an 3:151* “We will cast t____r into the hearts of those who *deny* the TRUTH”
I'm sorry you had to go through that, you'll find your happiness and peace through whatever path you choose
@@casper-z9rkls6gl heavy sigh.
I do note the irony that christian-nationalists in the USA are very fond of islam-bashing, which they portray as profoundly violent.
but christianity of 900 years ago (roughly the difference in age of the two major movements) was also notoriously violent
and some subcultures within it, still apparently are so. so much for the implied moral superiority.
Turn it into rage and activism. I would love to use the word I intensely feel - "hatred" - but UA-cam will censor the opinion if I am honest about how religion has messed up my life.
I was raised Catholic by a devout woman who believed the Jesus story with every fiber of her being.
It wasn't until I left home that I was allowed to examine my questions and doubts which gradually led to the awakening of my critical thinking.
At 76 I am still taking out the religious garbage.
Wow, ungrateful much?
@@billyhw5492 WTF!
Examine the (kjv, rv, or esv) bible; this is the source - pure no garbage; n allow deep examination- hope u find what that devout lady had
@@prof_xhew2929 Yes, including why Satan was trusted with more knowledge, than Eve.
Despite his copious design flaws...
@@chrissonofpear1384 Yes but we all including eve have / had enough knowledge to defeat / overcome him; But can we overcome our desire n psychology to do so; Or if we know we have it to do so n are careful with it (example host n her friends are careless w bible n knowlege)
The famous _'Pascal's wager'_ falsely claims that believing in Christianity doesn’t cause harm. Your video is proof that those who falsely believe that they need to save others from eternal torment are capable of causing A LOT of harm!
Yes, religion poisons everything. As Hitchens would say back in the days.
I’m only 27 minutes in and I need to pause. This breaks my heart.
Thanks for being here
@@jezebelvibes 🫶🏼
Yeah this is truly an insane experience to go through. I would have exploded and probably not talked to my family for years. I'm glad you're overcoming all of this, may peace be with you, Kristi
It took me a long time to get through this one for the same reasons. I'm glad I watched all of it, but it took me a while.
Just wow! So many of your boundaries violated. Abuse in the name of 'concern'. The computer surveillance is over the top. 😮🧡 Glad you escaped that situation.
Okay, this is petty and meant as a joke....I hope whoever bought the stolen laptop had some interesting internet habits that a good baptist family would break their strands of pearls.
I love the end where she said, be proud and have compassion for yourself for breaking the cycle.
When I was 16, I was assigned a school project to elaborate a story and make a presentation with reenactments of the story but I made it like a short film. I played a warlock that used a spell book to curse his bullies. I had a blast doing the project with my teammates, it was a success, my class mates loved it, and my teacher was really proud. I showed it to my family pretty proud of the result but I was taken to the pastor. The following Sunday. I was lectured on how that corrupted my soul, I was shamed for it, how I wasn’t giving a good example and how I was tainting my testimony because I was part of the worship dance group. I left church feeling awful with myself and thinking I deserved punishment. I’m glad I left that place because they made me feel like my creativity was an abomination, I felt humiliated, and that I was condemning myself. In my church, many parents used to do similar internet activities printed out to show others what a teenage member was doing, wearing or saying to do such interventions. I had many similar incidents, and many of my friends back then probably went through worse cases than myself. We were a pretty tight group of friends but these interventions ended separating us. I do still have nightmares that I am arguing intensely with family members over my existence.
That is terrible! I’m so sorry that happened to you 😢
They're just *jealous* because wizards...warlocks...sorcerers...witches are COOL, whereas they aren't...
*Exodus 20:5* "I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me, for I the Lord thy God am a *JEALOUS* God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the *children* unto the third and fourth _generation_ of them that hate me."
*Leviticus 20:27* "A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to d_____. You were to sto____ them; their bl____d will be on their own heads."
*Exodus 22:18:* "Thou shalt not allow a witch or sorceress to live."
Did you believe that a warlock was able to curse other people with spells from a book? Or was it just a play, a take off of an TV series or did you actually believe it?
The church didn't traumatize me nearly so much as my mother did. There wasn't one big event, it was just an entire childhood full of disturbing moments. She had like a kink for the Abraham Isaac sacrifice story, so I got a lot of "I would kill you if God told me to." That kind of thing repeatedly through your formative years will F you up pretty good. You never feel safe.
your mother was a child abuser.
Nobody deserves that kind of treatment from their mother. I hope you're finding so much peace and healing
That is really twisted, sick
You’re the most unique voice on the skeptical UA-cam scene. It helps other people if you say what you can as long as you can, but don’t traumatize yourself doing it. You’re important to this community but you’re more important to yourself and your family
Thank you so much for the support and encouragement. It means a lot!
jezebel is opening doors for others to speak their piece. really sort of a post-christianity "me-too" event. I hope it provides a chance for wounded people to start some healing.
Even now I Am The Lord of Satan, and no one knows it, that even Kristi is a Lord of Satan who may not realize.
@@IAMTHELORDOFLUCIFER You do you, I guess? But it may not serve you to believe that you can ascribe such things to others.
@@xmillion1704 He sounds like a loser. According to the Bible, God’s body count is 2,821,364 (24,994,828 if
The Great Deluge is included). Satan’s is a mere 10 (Job's children).
That means God beat Satan by 249,948,180%, putting Him in league with Mao, Stalin, but still beating H____.
Your story is another example that Jesus and Christianity doesn’t actually change anyone, it’s just a mental construct people use to justify their own beliefs and actions.
Thank you for sharing! I admire your bravery 🥲
Speak for yourself. So many peoples lives and selves have been transformed for the better including myself and i was not raised religious what so ever. I chose Jesus out of my own accord, no one forced me too or cornered me with bibles. I was a tarot card, new ager who always took an interest in witchcraft and the spiritual side of things. I denounced all that before i turned 17 and got baptised. I am 39 and my faith in Jesus never wavered and it never will
@@JoanneArc-or9srin your comments you state that we have to obey God, why on Earth is that not abuse and why would i believe you that you choose to believe that is a good thing to believe.
I Do not buy your Routine.
Be healthy.
@@JoanneArc-or9srgreat man… as an ex christian myself, it’s really sad to see this honestly. Especially knowing how different my life could have been, how much more joy i could’ve had , my most formative years of my life ripped away from me. (I was indoctrinated from birth, so basically the opposite of your situation, however I have to wonder how you fell for it after your critical thinking skills developed…) I just hope your happy, and never know the pain of realizing it’s all for nothing and you’ve wasted your life living in a way you never would have otherwise, as myself and many a modern atheist has. (Most atheists in America at least used to be religious)
Stealing all your belongings is just.. that's beyond messed up. Ambushing you later manages to be even worse.
People do really irrational things when they are acting from a place of fear
@@jezebelvibes I couldn't agree more.
It's amazing both how easy it is to get people on board and how terrible people can treat others when you control the levers of their fears.
And what may be worst of all is the people who deliberately create those fears in us that they also exploit later.
@@jezebelvibes Just got up to where you described meeting your now husband. First of all, congratulations! I'm so glad you found someone who is good for you after all that crap happening to you.
Second, 15 years? I really thought you were in your 20s.
Third, and most important, I hope you can heal more over time after these betrayals by those you should have been able to trust.
Thank you! I have done a lot of healing in the past 15 years. I'm definitely in a much better place than I was. Best wishes to you
@@jezebelvibes And you!
My wife and I really enjoy your videos. We both relate to this story very much. My wife was raised southern Baptist, I was raised in the Salbation Army. When I told my parents that I no longer belived - the death of our youngest child was the last straw for us - they tried the whole "intervention" thing with me, but I wasn't receptive to their overtures. My parents essentially disowned me at that point and never spoke to either of us or their grandchildren again. My parents are long dead now, but I cannot forgive them for ignoring their grandchildren for years.
"I don't have faith in faith
I don't believe in belief
You can call me faithless
But I still cling to hope
And I believe in love
And that's faith enough for me"
(From the song "Faithless" by Rush)
Lyric by Neil Peart (1952-2020)
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. And then dealing with religious interventions alongside that. I hope you have found so much peace and love and healing. My heart is with you
Gotta love Neil. Long shall he be missed. The words are strictly on-point.
While I've lost many friends and family I cant imagine loosing a child and am sorry for your loss. After listening to Anita Moorjani's NDE my journey of critical thinking began, because I also lived that beautiful beginning christians call death. I was pronounced dead in a 12 car pile up but here I am. Whatever level of consciousness I reached- it was beautiful/pure love & I didnt leave my loved ones. I believe you will feel, hear or see evidences of your sons energy & love. Small miracles and synchroneities are often overlooked. Christians will discount it but his love is with you. "Believe in Love"
Allison DuBois wrote a book "We are their Heaven" The memories keep that energy alive, happy and with us. Your parents (as mine did) surrendered that with you & your kids. That would be a hell in itself. My parents are also gone & such strict mormons that they didnt allow my kids in their hearts. I've taught my kids love and creating memories- Not for facebook! smh- But rather to create their heaven here on earth~ Namaste
Thank you so much for sharing. I was beat as a child, along with my sisters. Dad made a 'swat chart' that roughly mirrored the ten commandments. Ten rules, if we broke one we'd get an equivalent number of 'swats' on our bare bottoms with dad's belt. I don't remember them all, but I think rule 6 was do not swear, number 7 was do not lie, number 8 or 9 was honor your mother and father (which is vague enough to cover any disrespectful looks), and number 10 was saying god's name in vain. We were literally beaten into submission. And they did it out of love, thinking they were saving our souls. It was incredibly traumatizing. It took me years to lose my faith. I'm 37 now and that's far in the past, but it still impacts me, you know? I deconstructed long ago. But trauma stays with us, always.
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
*Mark 2:3-5* "Some men came, bringing to Him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they _made_ an opening in the roof above Jesus by *digging* through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on.
When Jesus saw their _faith,_ he said to the paralyzed man, “'Son, your sins are _forgiven.'”_
I never consider an apology with a “but” a real apology. I have been on the receiving end of an apology from a Christian where the main line of the apology was, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Pushes the blame back on the other person. It’s worse than saying nothing at all.
We teach kids that they have to apologize when they've done something wrong, without giving a lot of consideration to whether or not they genuinely feel sorry. This leads to your issue -- people think that throwing around the "I'm sorry" is what an apology is. Apology should be an act of contrition -- an unqualified "I accept that what I did was wrong and that it caused you harm".
It leads to another problem -- adults who think that once they say "I'm sorry", it erases any negativity. You can't bring it up again. "I SAID I WAS SORRY!" as if that wipes away the hurt and resentment.
As a society we need to learn how to genuinely apologize.
@@Queenread82 Apologize by Apostatizing, and then going on the offensive.
@@casper-z9rkls6gl 👿
@@Queenread82I agree.
This is the kind of anti-religion content that we need. Not people endlessly arguing over whether God exists. Thank you for sharing.
I'd say both contents are needed because both sides of the coin are real. For those who have a more logical inclination, from all religious backgrounds (not just the craziest end) the logical inconsistencies which are blatant in all religions, feed the cognitive dissonance that normally already exists. So they are needed. But of course this will not wake up everyone. Especially in the USA religious landscape. These stories show them that they are not alone and that we atheists are just normal people, who often had roughy journeys.
I agree. This is the relatable stuff which needs to be shared with other Christians because they either have no idea it’s happening, or they don’t realize how wrong it is.
God certainly _does_ exist . . . the question is, do you succumb to His blackmail and threats, and ultimately sell your soul --- I mean pay protection money --- to the Mafia Boss?
Whether YHWH exists, @@user-97n0xg.d6gfh, is an open question.
If it does, it most certainly is no more God than Zeus is.
@@mainecoonmami Yeah, we don't victims, poor us!
Christians don’t pray, they prey. So sorry this happened to you and glad you had support from your now husband and are on the road to recovery. Fellow religious trauma sufferer who has spent thousands on therapy in recent years.
Yes, especially when it's friendship evangelism. It is not real friendship, but the target thinks it is until it's too late.
even from a theological standpoint, why would an allegedly omnipotent/omniscient god, need to be told by mortal humans WHAT TO DO.
@lemsip207 As an Ex Evangelical myself who left The Christian Faith during Covid. Because The Covid Mandates and The Churches total embrace of The Mandates completely opened my eyes to the fact that The Christian Faith is a Slave Doctrine. I can say as someone who has been on both sides of Evangelical Friendship The person doing The Evangelizing often thinks that that they are being a friend. Of course there are Christians who just see Evangelism sa Sales for their Congregation. I never liked Street Evangelism Friendship Evangelism is more palatable. I see it all as a FARCE now.
Captain Cassidy wrote about her experiences of that in school. She was a military kid, so she moved around a lot with her family and was often the new girl in school. That made her a vulnerable target to pushy evangelical Christians who invited her to a pizza blast. She went as she wasn't desperate for pizza but for a social life and friends. Then, after conversion, she was dropped like a hot brick by the popular girl who invited her. These popular kids don't invite their actual friends outside the church as they risk losing them, but only ones they don't know very well or even like as people because they don't care about risking losing them as potential friends.
@@lemsip207 These proselytizers operate in counter-intuitive ways. Among any given crowd at train stations, parks or downtowns, they NEVER, ever approach _cool_ people with their friends, or couples.
Instead, they ALWAYS single out and pounce on lonely, single, wimpy, nerdy, naïve-looking individuals . . . Come to think of it, that's exactly how wolf packs operate as documented on Animal Planet.
I felt palpable anger after watching this. I’m so sorry you went through this. I empathize with the hurt caused by this sick cult. Wishing you peace, love, and healing.
@gregoryminton, peace, love, and healing is in heaven with Jesus.
@@whiskeredtuna Matthew 15:24
@@whiskeredtuna Sin, strife and war began in heaven...
@whiskeredtuna in words only in actions it's shame abuse and fear
@@whiskeredtuna Amen Praise God
Did anyone else see how her eyes lit up when she talked about her husband? Kristi please tell him thanks from all of us, for being there for you, so that you can share your courage and story with all of us!
I shared this with him ❤️❤️❤️
@@jezebelvibes Thank you! In my own journey, I have found there to be guideposts along the way... people or events, or sometimes a UA-camr who I didn't know I needed until I found her story; interactions that I've gathered meaning from, and which clarified my choices for the next steps along that journey. It sounds like your husband is one of those for you. May you continue to be that for each other!
Absolutely 100% correct. I am also a former Southern Baptist Christian who went through some very hellish experiences when my parents found out I was gay. Would love to share my story with you sometime. Keep doing what you are doing. People need to understand the consequences when these insidious ideas and ideologies become embedded in well-meaning people. ❤❤ much love to you. Thank you for what you do .
My son too is gay and he struggled so much with his experience in the Baptist church we went to. Everyone loved him there. As long as he kept quiet about being gay. Everyone knew it. Well, except my husband apparently (another story!). Now, my son is agnostic at the very least. He does not attend any church and that is the church's loss, let me tell you that. He was always there, always volunteering and always had a smile for everyone!
@@Fair-to-Middling so sorry to hear that. I went through a period of agnosticism and atheism also. I am still a person of faith, just an entirely different system : Hellenic polytheism in the Julian tradition that emphasizes the philosophy of Plato, Socrates, Iamblichus, etc. I have many wonderful atheist friends and agnostic as well as other faith adherents. The bottom line for me is that everyone deserves to be able to question what they believe, and that whether a person believes in something or not is irrelevant. It is how we treat one another, and how we apply our beliefs, if any, in our day to day lives. We also must question everything that is told to us as a matter of fact. Atheists in general are some of the most wonderfully moral people I have ever had the chance to get to know, and channels like this are desperately needed to educate and reduce the damage caused by harmful ideologies.
@@Fair-to-Middlingkeep being there for your son, and never think for a moment that just because he is agnostic he is somehow at a disadvantage. Sounds like you did a wonderful job raising him, and the amazing person he is will always shine through because no matter where he is spiritually or otherwise, the basic principles you instilled in him will continue throughout his life. Love truly does win. Never forget that ❤❤
I'm also a gay former Southern Baptist who had his fair share of hellish experiences. I'm glad you made it out and hope you were able to heal.
Hugs! I'm feeling your trama! Wowowow! I knew deep down there must have been a story behind this gals change of heart! I'm trying to get over your story...I'm even shaking!!!! I've seen this intervention gone wrong many times!!! In the 70's/80's/90's they had camps that parents would have trap there kids and "reform" them! Police, church, courts said they were out of control! You were a sweet gal out of what your parents only thought was "belief" control and you certainly didn't deserve to be treated like that! But please forgive me in saying that God was watching out for your well being by having your future "husband" bump into you! That was amazing!!! Give your "Hero" husband a big hug!
One of my friends who was a good kid and never caused problems had a "rude" experience...His parents said they would go to his high school graduation and be a little late! So he went with friends! After he graduated, couldn't find his parents, so he got a ride with some friends! So when he got home he couldn't open the door to the house! The locks were changed! A neighbor came around and told him that his parents had sold the house and moved out! This trauma caused him to become atheist! There are a lot of stories like this! I hope you can get counseling from time to time to get over all of this! Please forgive them and don't hold a grudge! This will only make you sick, and we need you!
Fellow survivor, we won't turn our backs on you! We will stand with you as a community!
I was raised as an evangelical holiness church pastor's kid.... and what you experienced was a form of abuse that so many of us went through. It is absolutely borne of fear... they simply cannot face any sort of world where their faith doesn't rule everything. I remember such 'freak out' moments... one when I tried to share my own biblical research with family members and they just lost it and screamed that I was full of the devil. I scared them because I hinted at this whole other world where everything they believed and spent their lives following was a lie or an absurdity. What stunned me was the pure irrational nature and almost childlike quality of their fear... and how absolutely horrified they were at any sort of religious study outside of their controlled environment. I'm sure you had to sit through 'A Thief in the Night' or other such films where they mentally abused children with horror stories about what happens to those who 'backslide' or leave the fold. That constant cycle of fear, loathing, unworthiness, guilt, and repression of all natural urges was very unhealthy to all those subjected to it, many of which never escape. I realised later that in seeking knowledge I was reenacting the original sin... and that is something they just can't handle on any level. The despicable bullying tactics of pastors, youth group leaders, elders.... ganging up on people for daring to form any sort of critical thought or independent searching is something I couldn't countenance for long. Everything, and I mean everything, is about coercion and force... even the timing of the church organ music at the alter call... it's nauseating. Despite the pain and the PTSD you face... the best thing is to forever walk away, It is a negative and dark death cult that tries to teach you that everything natural in you is evil... and that this life is to be surrendered to a despotic god bent on eternal adoration. The whole blood sacrifice motif is an ancient and ugly bronze age notion that the human race should have outgrown by now... what a horrible way to live life... such mental slavery....and there is absolutely no genuine love in any of it. As with you, the best thing I did was to leave it all behind and become free of such a dark neurosis. I'm glad to see so many on the chat threads finding liberation from the religion they were shackled with at birth. Keep speaking your truth... there is so much more light in the gnosis of self-learning and exploration.
What a wonderful, truth-filled comment. My dad was a Church of Christ preacher and looking back I now realize everything was about control, my dad even tried to control me when I was in my 30s, married on my own. Yes, they think they are right even when you prove them wrong. I enjoy seeing so many share their stories,there are so many of us. I have only been deconstructing for 2 1/2 years,it took me so long to get out of that environment, it's so harmful.
That train analogy, the Christians aren't realising that the train is their god. They're trying to "save you" from their own god.
You aren't wrong about that!
Oh and even if you had pushed that relative who was refusing to let go while half-sitting on you and "praying" (panicking you), that couldn't be your fault. It's literally self-defence, even if proving that would have been difficult, and provocation. They had come into your room, trapping you, verbally attacking you, assaulting you. Just.. unjustifiable. And only forgivable if YOU chose to do so.
I don't think the train is their God, but themselves...
@@SlimShady51 Therein lies their confusion...
@@SlimShady51 never mind that a god actually worthy of admiration, would never need to resort to tactics like that.
nor of course, the other violent shit that "followers" have been doing for 1800 years or more.
As a Dutch 4th generation atheist from my father's side, I have no experience with this kind of religious abuse. We do have a family story how my greatgrandfather threw their former pastor out of the house straight into a ditch, because he came to demand they came back to the church if my grandfather wanted to go to the (then) religious regional university. He was forced to go to trade school, they didn't have the money to send my grandfather halfway across the country. I appreciate how you talk about this. Thanks.
at least the USA of current day, does not seem to allow "church" officials to blithely assume political positions.
But if we are collectively unwise enough to put donald trump back in the white house (instead of prison) who knows what comes next in the way of regressive developments.
The religious right in my country would likely be quite emboldened in the above case, which is all the more reason to strongly oppose him and his minions assuming legal powers.
Your greatgrandfather was a fantastic man. I wish my family had someone like him. Even I haven't yet thrown a pastor into the ditch. Sadly, none visit my house, and I don't have a nearby ditch. I do frighten with Jehovah Witnesses though, but that's the best I can do.
I've met numerous Dutch people. They say their country is largely post-Christian and irreligious. Indeed those who come knocking on their front doors are all Korean or Korean-American.
@@cherryjuice9946 to be fair. It wasn't his plan to throw him into the ditch, just out of the door.
@@casper-z9rkls6gl I haven't heard of the Koreans in the Netherlands. We do have a bible belt. But overall people are irreligious.
A short version of my trauma.
I was a member of a pentacostal church for around 5 years starting in college (a couple Baptist-like churches going back to middle school before that). I felt really good there, and it seemed like people saw me as family. A few years into my time there, my partner had broken up with me, which completely devastated my world. She was supposed to be the one, God-ordained, etc. I went from being at the church any time the doors were open to disappearing for a few weeks.
I sat in my house hating life and feeling so cut off from everything. During that time, NO ONE, including the pastor or his wife, both of which gave me hugs every Sunday reached out. Complete radio silence. I eventually went back, and later asked the pastor about it. He said he figured I didn't want to be bothered.
It's crazy - I didn't want to be there anymore, but I felt trapped, obligated to keep going like a good little christian. It's part of why I moved out of state. A side note, which adds to this: during a time when I thought I was a "normal" cisgender heterosexual person, I would often hear queerphobic messages from this same pastor at the pulpit that made me feel uncomfortable. It was dressed up in religiosity, but sounded like hate. Later, I figured out that he was (unknowingly for both of us) talking about me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you 😢. Our stories are so similar except I was Pentecostal and saw hundreds of exorcisms by my teen years. I’ve been on both sides of those “interventions”. It is absolutely fear based! Fearing god was my fuel for every decision! My mom will die afraid because I am not convinced her god is real. It’s so sad. 😢. I have real peace for the first time in my life, because I’m an atheist. My kids will not experience what we did!! I saved their critical thinking skills! YOU HAVE HELPED ME WITH THAT!! Thank you 🙏🏻. So many anxiety disorders come from this type of religious abuse.
Your kids are very lucky you got out and broke that cycle for them
@@jezebelvibes Thank you love ❤️. I’d love to share my story with you on your channel. Maybe the only place I feel safe to do so. Your name is common one referenced in my deconstruction journey. 🥰🥰🥰
I recently had an aha m moment realizing and remembering another event that spurred my deconversion. My firstborn getting saved and baptized triggered me. I hadn't realized how traumatic my religious upbringing had been until I deconverted.
I'm sorry you're dealing with religious trauma. Please check out recoveringfromreligion.org for resources! they can help
That was beyond moving... And oh, so relatable. When I was 7 years old, I accidentally watched an old black & white movie called "Dante's Inferno". I was so traumatized because it showed masses of people in agony, in Hell. Combined with my Baptist upbringing and an ultra-judgmental home life, I was having a mental breakdown with no one to help me for years to come... My road to recovery (not yet 100%) could fill a book or two it seems, but for now I will just simply say - Thank you for sharing this, dear Kristi.
Wow... It's funny what causes trauma, isn't it?
When I was 8 or 9, it was still the dark days of the cold war. A documentary came on TV, going into detail about what would happen if the Soviets and yanks ever got into it and exchanged nukes. The vivid, detailed explanations of what a post-nuclear holocaust world would be like... It broke me.
so sorry to hear you went through that, but so happy you're recovering
I'm glad you got out that toxic cult ❤️❤️
Thank you so much!
EVIL CULT
DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS THAT MADE THSI WORLD, IT IS AN EVIL PSYCHO
So GALD I am a LONER, and have no friends at all, and no family that is part of THIS EVIL PEDO RAPE GENOCIDE SLAVERY CULT
took me 1/2 hours christendumb2 video to show me EVIL BOOK has Contradictions, Plagiarism, LIES
and CAN'T HAVE ONE OF THEM, AS EVIL YWH WRITE IN HIS BOOK
THAT' S IT. I BAILED
AND SO LOVE PEOPLE TO EXPOSE THSI EVIL CULT
I live in Stockton, central California. They say North ☝️ is up and south is down 👇. Heaven is above and hell is below. North of my city is the Trinity National Forest (Father Son Holy Spirit) above the city of Paradise. South of my city is a small city of Firebaugh 🔥🔥 Los Angeles Lakers, Death Valley, things written down there that reminded me of hell: Fire, fallen angels thrown in a lake of fire, death. That freaked me out and since then I've been doing my best to head up north to the Trinity National Forest and the city of Paradise if you see what I'm saying. 😬🤯 There is a mountain called Diablo (devil) west of my city and a small city called Angels Camp to the east. I was just like you until I started noticing the subliminal message around my city. Hope that helps you out. ✌️
@@nate666 so entire city made into a subliminal message to push chrstanity
I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you to make this video. Thank you for bearing witness to the kind of experiences that many of us have shared. We who have deconverted and regrounded ourselves need to do more to help those who are still trapped, closeted, or just afraid to leave their faith.
Thank you for another outstanding video!
Thanks so much for your kindness 😊
7:25 And here we get to the real crux of what this was about: control. Kids are more often than not (especially to religious parents) a status symbol and a legacy project to shape/mold into the "perfect representative of the family" rather than being seen as a living being with totally separate desires, needs and wants of their own.
Uh . . . but parents have no _direct_ control over their children's fate and destiny . . .
*Exodus 20:5* "I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me, for I the Lord thy God am a *JEALOUS* God,* punishing* the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,"
*Exodus 34:7* "Maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he *punishes* the _children,_ and their children for the sins of the parents to the third and fourth generation."
THANK YOU for sharing Kristi! My deconstruction was much easier, and I have NO DOUBTS testimonies such as yours will benefit others immensely who are struggling with it. And remember…. “Religion poisons everything” - Christopher Hitchens
i do tend to agree with hitch's views on a lot of things.
Generally it would appear that humans have a huge capacity to develop elaborate mythologies to justify their antisocial behaviors.
Hence when you are a violent person, you can come up with all kinds of excuses that make it okay in your own brain apparently.
“Thank God” the ambush intervention wasn’t a “loving tactic” in the 80’s, when I went through the same life crises. I was purposely set up with different individuals during that time, but at least it was a one on one or two on one at a time.
Thank you for sharing, and stressing the dangers when anyone puts God above family.
You’re such a kind empathetic voice in our community, as I try to be.
“For they know we are not Christians by our love”.
Love that last line
Coming from a Christian family, my 7yr old is terrified of going to Hell. I told him God would never send him somewhere horrible like that. I struggle with how to discuss with my children because I haven't "come out" of the proverbial religious closet. Your stories and videos have really helped me have confidence in not LYING when my family asks me about what I believe to keep the peace.
I admire you so much. You’ve helped me deconstruct this past year and accept life for what it is.
Wishing you so much peace and healing on your journey
Keep up the good work ,it can be very difficult leaving a religion but love will make you see real truth ,don't be afraid peace and joy will always guide you away from the prison of religious delusion,
That's what so scary about religious people.. They'll go through horrific extremes and think nothing of it because "it's in the name of the lord" or whatever.. I'm so sorry you had to go through this... At the hands of your own parents no less.
So true….
You're so right when you said that you don't get to choose what traumatizes you. Its not religious trauma, but in middle school, some girls that I thought were my friends all agreed that I was like a mosquito because I "sucked the fun out of everything." This has stuck with me to this day, more than 10 years later and affects my relationship with other people and my self-esteem. My mom thinks that it is silly that I still let something that silly preteen girls said, she would've gotten over it because she knows that their opinions didn't matter. But to the neurodivergent (adhd) little girl that I was, it was heartbreaking.
You definitely were traumatized. I'm sorry you went through that. You've been able to use it to your advantage, although the scars won't ever go away.
Thanks for your help in my deconstruction.
Kristi,
This was one of the most raw videos I have ever seen. PTSD may be lifelong, but your ability to tell this part of your life shows your tremendous strength.
I'm glad you were able to find your husband and find support when everything was pulled away from you.
I wish you all the best. ❤
My religious trauma was not as bad as yours. But as a Latino raised in an evangelical home, I was often told my depression and anxiety were consequences of sin in my life, even though I followed every commandment and was baptized at 14. I had grown adults tell me to stop being so quiet, it makes you look gay and no girl wants to be with that. I saw inappropriate and suggestive conversations between youth group leaders and minors, and then was met with hostility when I tried to call them out. A friend of mine who grew up in the same church came out as gay and was kicked out of the house by his parents. I watched in helpless disgust as the pastor justified this decision by citing Satan’s influence on my friend.
The result was years of untreated generalized anxiety disorder and helplessness that I only recently, at age 30, have started to seek help for. I am still dealing with deep seated hatred for religion in general because of my experiences.
Anyways thank you for sharing your story with us. You’re awesome for providing us with a soothing safe space for those of us with religious trauma.
My heart goes out to you. You may not realize just how many children you just saved today & tomorrow from trauma with many young parents who listened to your story.
My heart breaks for children also.
Thank you Kristi for sharing your story ❤
I was in the cult for 35 years. And yes, it 100% is a cult.
My dad did something extremely similar when I left christianity. He donated all of my sentimental childhood belongings to Goodwill. I've never forgiven him for that.
Forgive him. He was also a victim of the cult.
@@DM-zq8qy Nah he's an adult responsible for his own shitty choices. Being a gullible simpleton doesn't absolve him.
@@adamplentl5588 Agreed. Forgiveness is for the person who is “looking past” the ignorance or mental illness of others. This type of forgiveness is not absolving, forgetting, or removing the consequences of past behaviors.
However, empathy and forgiveness is often the first step to creating an environment that can foster education, understanding, and improvement in behavior for the FUTURE.
I cant resist speaking up. First, you have great courage to do this, I thought about making videos and I just cant. I am also a former Baptist and have trauma as well. My Parents yelled at me in same fashion in 2012 and made me go to church and gave me evil eyes when i refused to get saved. Then in 2015 I did give in and they were only nice to me in life because of my beliefs. I went to a christian counselor that really messed me up for awhile and I had the most hardest time being a christian, it felt so wrong to me on every level, znd I kept pushing it back until it destroyed my health and I realized it played a big part in that so this past February, I dropped it finally. I still feel weird but finally more.like myself. You deserve an award for your courage.
give yourself time, and give yourself compassion. remember, YOU SURVIVED this ordeal.
Thank you!
This was never your fault or making.
What's crazy is that they thought you were doing something wrong, but they lied to people to get them into the house to have an intervention for you. Your grandmother, who was praying so hard for you, sinned when she threw herself on the floor and had you falsely accused of pushing her. Why do these so-called Christians not notice their own sin?
They much rather look at the splinters in someone else's eye than notice the plank in front of their own face.
I thought about that stuff, too. What a bunch of liars!
10:14 hit me like a ton of bricks. I had completely forgotten (or blocked from my mind, more likely) until now, my parents did something similar. I wasn't 18 yet, probably more like 16, but it was still traumatizing af. Fortunately it wasn't an intervention with lots of other people, but there's something so decimating to finding out someone you trust has been studying every text message, email, all your activity and using it to build a case against you.
I rededicated my life to Christ, and I was fully bougut-in for another 10-15 years. Honestly, looking into evangelism and apologetics is what eventually led me away from faith, because the more I learned about the Bible the less I could believe it. Now, my wife and I are fully deconverted but we've never told our families because honestly it's easier to just pretend we still believe it than to deal with the potential fallout.
Idk if I'll ever be able to tell my parents that while my mom was going through breast cancer and praying for a miracle, I was in the middle of deconstructing my belief. She's doing great now, thanks to doctors and medical science, and her own will to fight. Some invisible man in the sky had nothing to do with it.
OH MY GOD your family sounds exactly like mine!!! I haven’t talked to my parents in over a year and I don’t think I ever will again theyve convinced my younger siblings not to talk to me too. They kicked me and my son out last year. I’m 40 and disabled and a single mother and I was living at home because I was in and out the hospital a lot but as I started getting better and wanting to date and be a normal person the shit hit the fan. My mother has always been super religious and strict but her beliefs became even more extreme over the years and I just couldn’t do it anymore and I just didn’t believe in this evil book and didn’t want my son growing up like that. She flipped and started taking my things like makeup, jewelry, flat iron and hair things, she tried to ban me from dating, she started telling me I had to dress a certain way, I couldn’t have friends or eat what i wanted and the list goes on, and mind you I WAS FUCKING 39 at the time!!!!!! She would even try to turn my son against me and pay him to read the bible but he hated it. She stopped giving me rides knowing I didn’t have a car and hadn’t driven in almost 10yrs and my hands don’t work right. She just became so mean and nasty to my son and I. We even have a similar story where she was accusing my son of pushing her🙄
but anyways she kicked us out (I was looking for a place anyway but she didn’t know it) right before she kicked us out I bought a car and taught myself how to drive again with an assistive device because of my hands, she was PISSED. Btw what mother would be pissed that their disabled daughter who hadn’t driven in years finally gets the courage to teach themselves how to drive😒. Then I found a place for my son and I and we’ve been soooooo happy! Finally we have peace, I have an amazing man now too that also doesn’t believe even though he went to catholic school all his life and I love it! He treats me better than people I’ve dated in the past that call themselves believers!
I am so glad you and your son are doing so much better! ❤
You mom sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists feel threatened when the people around them are successful and happy, because they interpret it as a criticism of their own imperfection.
here is detailed testimony about profoundly broken "boundaries". I am inclined to guess that this crap is done more often to girls and women than guys in my country, but it is deplorable in any case.
Also, I came out when I was 19. I am 45 now and still continue to have nightmares of suffering in hell and with unnecessary guilt. I have been married to a wonderful man for 7 years now who has helped me in ways that the church or faith could NEVER do. I have been able to heal in many ways, but still struggle with things, especially from my position in life now. People must understand that the truth will indeed set you free, but not before shattering all of your preconceived notions and childhood indoctrinations. Only then can you rise from the ashes and ruins and press onward for real TRUTH, which is no respector of any religion, ideology, or false concept of life.
I have a gay friend who went through the same, and he's kinder, smarter, and more noble than any religious fruitcake who said he was "sinning" and that he was going to hell. I'm glad you could find your own path of happiness and peace, may it continue to flourish and may you heal completely!
@@rivkatraum and elsewhere it is a common statement from a GLBT person that they are still gay even if not in a relationship or basically choose to be celibate.
@@tracyavent-costanza346 exactly, if you want to have a traditional marriage go and do it, nobody's judging you, but you shouldn't force others to choose that too
I love your phrasing.
My wife and I have been together for 14 years, 10 of those married. She has recently "returned" to this world of everything Jesus; sadly it has already caused some separation of our relationship; not to the point that we are going to separate or consider divorce, yet, I am wrong, and should just believe. Of course, I can not do that. At one point in my life - while in the military, I did (with whole heart) feel that such was the way, I accepted him, I got baptized, and I was even considering going to a Christian college, not to become a minster or such, just that such a school was better than anything else. Yep, during this time (1979/80) after returning to the lower states from an overseas tour, I went to "the church" - to join and continue. First thing, I got scolded for not having enough money for the plate, then after the first, and only service I wanted to partake in the BBQ, $5.00 entrance fee, I was refused as I just did not have said amount. It was there that I left the church entirely. So, back to the present day, I just try to stay quiet, let my wife "do her thing".
This is my first Kristi video. I discovered you on Mindshift’s podcast. What a story. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.
I was raised in Transcendental Meditation from the time I was 10 and stayed in the movement/cult for a long time. I was paralyzed by a missed infection at one point. Hindus believe in karma. A lot of the ppl in the movement stopped talking to me after I was hurt bc they figured if something that terrible happened to me, I must have horrible karma(be a horrible person). Fundamentalism hurts in any religion
Your last line is so true!
You're absolutely right - fundamentalism hurts no matter the religion. Hope you've found a beautiful, peaceful life apart from that!
@@jezebelvibes I’ve done the best I can I guess. Love your username!
I am glad you mentioned how you don't get to choose what traumatizes you. My own guilt and contempt at myself for feeling trauma when other people have it worse has made my depression far worse.
I've been through this cycle so much. We're often told to suck it up and move on. Not just in religious circles, but in our societies as well. I'm not sure if you live in the US, but we have a very "fix it and get over it" mentality in the states.
One really important lesson I've learned is that by acknowledging my pain and giving myself compassion through the healing process, it opens my heart to understand and empathize with the pain of others. We are often taught in churches that if we look at ourselves we are selfish and sinful. But when we examine ourselves and practice self love and compassion, we become more compassionate toward others ❤️ don't diminish your own pain. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve love and healing.
Miguel, I wish you healing and peace.
I can really relate to this.
One of the things Gabor Mate says about trauma is that the trauma isn't the event that happens outside you; it's the event that happens *inside* you. For instance as a child my sister was traumatized by having a black widow pointed out to her, while I was just impressed. On the other hand, I was sensitive to things she was not. I think it really helps to get out of the hierarchy game, where everything has to have some kind of a rating, including trauma.
@@jezebelvibes I am grateful for the people in my life who have helped me to get over the last few years. The tendency to invalidate the pain of others is secular, as well as religious. However, it's the religious who claim to be the compassionate elite, which hurts. I'm still trying to intentionally build compassion for my own feelings. My therapist works on this with me weekly.
As an African American female, trying to figure out where I stand in my faith, I appreciate you so much. I watch all of your videos and admire your strength to speak openly about your thoughts on religion. Christianity is huge in my family and in the black community as a whole. My husband is the only one who knows of my doubts about God. He is a believer wholeheartedly, but he respects me trying to figure things out. He attends church and takes our kids, which I’m fine with. I have told my kids when they are older that they are free to believe as they please. I don’t trust the Bible at all and that’s where I get hung up because is it even possible to separate God from the Bible? I identify as an “in the closet” agnostic. I don’t know if I will get to full blown atheism, but I can’t force faith that I simply don’t have. It’s a very difficult journey. Thanks so much for sharing Kristi.
I was born and raised Catholic in South Philly in the 70s. In Catholic school kindergarten, we had a children's Bible we were free to view. Almost every day I looked through it and turned to the page where Abraham was holding the knife over Issac. My mother was a religious crazy and I lived in fear that God would ask her to do the same but in my case, would allow her to follow through. I asked too many questions but learned to shut up. At 18, I admitted I was an atheist. My mother said I was one with Satan and I was thrown out of the house. Thank you so much for your channel Kristi. I never really had to deconstruct but it's refreshing knowing there are other thinkers out there.
Growing up Protestant, I had a book of bible stories that also featured a picture of Abraham ready to kill his son. I remember asking my mother how that was a good thing-- I guess that was my first lesson in apologetics, it was supposed to be wonderful that god came and stopped the sacrifice. It wasn't until decades later that I realized how cruel a god had to be to create this scenario.
And it wasn't until I started looking at deconversion sites that I realized how many people had been terrified by their parents' answer to the story of Abraham and his willingness to kill his son because god said to; that they'd be willing to do the same. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.
something resembling that, apparently happened between my mom and her mom. Maybe it is time I dragged that story out of her, since it is legitimate family history.
You were right to fear your mom would go Abraham on you. Several times a year, I read another story about a parent who killed their kid (almost always with the help of their cult) by doing some kid of exorcism on them. Most recently, some poor girl got smothered to death because they bound her up tight in some kind of blankets or sleeping bag and trapped her in with pressure. They were driving the demons out. Other times, I read about how a parent killed their kid simply by denying medical treatment and praying over them instead.
You were right to keep an alert eye on her. Her actions when you turned 18 shows how deeply she's into her delusion.
@cherryjuice9946 That's terrible 😕 I was fortunate that I had a good dad. But he allowed my mother to throw me out. He said it was best for all. Took years for me to get on my feet. But I did and I'm alive. I'm grateful to have found a community of people who feel as I do. I have Christian friends and have been fortunate that we agree to disagree. But there's so much religious harm out there.
'They often think it's the church trauma that causes people to lose faith.' I've noticed this, too. Too bad they aren't trying to be better stewards of God's church. Too bad God never seems to have a problem with their stewardship (evinced by Their silence).
One of the things I'm most tired of, is Chrustians feeling bad because they assume I left Christianity because of other Christians.
That actually wasn't the reason, because I'm able to separate the way humans act, from the mindset itself, and I left because the mindset itself wasn't working, and wasn't true.
So it kind of insults my intelligence when they think I got disillusioned merely because of people 😅🤣
@@alethiacharis2480 I feel the same way!
@@alethiacharis2480 I stopped believing about the same time I had an epiphany about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy. This was later scientifically proven by some taboo history books I read about the persecution of Galileo Galilei because he had contradicted . . .
*Joshua 10.12-13; 20* “On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord: 'Sun, *STAND STILL* over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.' So the *Sun* _STOOD STILL,_ and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies . . . So Joshua and the Israelites *defeated* them completely, but a few _survivors_ managed to reach their fortified cities.”
And by extension . . . *Qur'an 31:29* “Do you not see that Allah has subjected the sun and the moon, _each_ ORBITING for an appointed term, and that Allah is All-Aware of what you do?”
*Qur’an 36.38* “The _sun_ TRAVELS for its fixed term. That is the design of the Almighty, All-Knowing.”
*Qur'an 13:3* “It is He who spread the Earth…”
*Qur'an 15:19* “The Earth, we have spread it…”
*Qur'an 20:53* “Who has made for you the Earth as a bed...”
*Qur'an 43:10* “made the earth as a bed . . .”
*Qur'an 50:7* “The Earth, we spread it out . . .”
*Qur'an 51:48* “And we have spread out the Earth...”
*Qur'an 78:6* “Have we not made the Earth a bed?”
*Qur'an 79:30* “After that, He Spread the Earth.”
*Qur'an 3:151* “We will cast t____r into the hearts of those who *deny* the TRUTH”
@@alethiacharis2480 yep I can totally see that.:
EITHER CASE could be a legit motive to leave the "village".
If the behavior of the humans is not enough, the obvious INACTION BY GOD is the rest of the reason to walk away.
Their god is not one I would even admire, let alone eternally adore.
@@BeccaYoley awwww☺️😘🥰
Thank you so much for sharing this. As someone who grew up in an African evangelical family this experience has been my entire life. None of my friends have been through what I've been through so often I can feel like no one understands. This video has helped me feel much less alone. ❤❤
you're definitely not alone
Thanks for sharing your story Kristi. Takes a lot of courage. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.
Thank you
@@jezebelvibes Definitely. I hope you continue to heal. You got this. 👍❤️
The narcissistic pogroms of many religious groups and families would be judged as ongoing criminal enterprises, if not under the umbrella of religion. With my radical believers
in family, I gradually realized that their own fears and doubts about their vengeful God and what he would do to them, caused a lot of the terrors we children had to live through.
why the capital G for their vengeful god? Are you still afraid?
Thank you, Ms Burke, for sharing your story. You are a smart, strong and brave young woman, and an inspiration to many. (In those ways you remind me of my own daughter.) My own path out of Christian Fundamentalism started fifty years ago. It had less trauma, but maybe not less pain, probably as many lost friends, maybe as much family alienation. There's no easy path out of harmful religion. I wish you all the best, in your work and your life.
Man, I thought my pastor and his wife were out of pocket for inviting me to lunch at their house after church, only to tell me off for missing too much church over the summer (I missed 2 or 3 Sundays because I got involved in a new hobby), but this is next level!
I left that church soon after, am now an atheist (took 8 years of deconstructing), but am still doing my hobby!
I found that if you skipped church once or twice, it would be difficult to return because you were told that you should be there every Sunday. I used to go to church even with a cold or headache. Had I had flu, though, I wouldn't have gone to church. I used to go through phases of only going to Sunday evening services, and I would be questioned about not being in the morning service. In some churches, the evening service is the main service, so they don't question people who weren't in the morning service.
I found that you couldn't decide to go to church every other Sunday or once a month that you could with a lot of other things. It had to be all or nothing.
@@lemsip207 it's no wonder that the right wing religious community in the USA was engulfed with COVID-19 cases. they refused to do any of the anti-viral-spread advisories. I presume a lot of them are dead now and discovering that their eschatology wasn't right either.
Not only is the train imagined, but trains haven't even been invented, nor the tracks they are supposedly pushing you off. Thank you for sharing your story! I love how brave you are! You are taking your religious training and now utilizing it to spread light and truth! Keep it up and continue to smile!
P.S. I am a former practicing ultra Orthodox rabbi and happy to be almost 8 years in my journey from servitude to freedom.
I hope (if you haven't already) you tell your story at some point. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would be interested to hear it.
so is your ken of the world still influenced by cultural judaism, even if not rabbinic/zionist ideology?
I wonder how you see that entire equation.
29:31 The train isn't invisible; there simply is no train. Hell, as we think of it, is a post-biblical invention meant to keep peasants from revolting.
If religions are true, why do they need cosmic blackmail like hell (if hell were real) ?
I experienced brainwashing at a Bible camp at age 13 and the trauma lasted years but I broke free when I began to think critically. I see those that do that to children as perpetrators and victims.
Kristi, you really are a great communicator! Whenever I start listening to you I can’t stop-thanks for being here.
@Kristi Burke, I am anti-theist because of the harm that theism causes, but too many anti-theists attack theists for their beliefs. To me, that's like attacking people who get cancer. I love your compassion and understanding, and thank you for all you do.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Kristi and I also would like to thank you for having this channel, because when I took the decision to leave Catholicism you was the first video that I saw and as someone that literally just leave his religion at first I watched you doubting myself if this was right, but after watching every video on your channel I changed a started to get better, it has been a little over a year since I stop believing in religion and you helped me a lot and still helps, because I just started to heal from a 28 years of Catholicism'm life, living in a country where the 64% of people are Catholic and over 30% are evangelical and I just started the healing process, but will need some time, but I'm already far better than I was a year ago, because now I'm starting to get the feeling of freedom.
give yourself time. the path is neither straight nor smooth. and doubting yourself is not WEAKNESS, it is internal honesty.
I'm so happy you've found your way out. The journey is tough but worth it!
Thank you so much for being that vulnerable with us. It gives me courage to keep going trough my deconversion which is a really hard process. I admire you courage!!
Thanks so much - I appreciate you! Keep going, and give yourself plenty of room to heal. You've got this!
I haven't told myself I believe in Christianity in over a decade, and I never truly believed any of it to begin with. I STILL have to fight the anxiety and fear it gave me multiple times every single day. It literally shaped me into the person I am, and in the worst ways. At my core, I was raised to be judgemental, anxious, and full of self deprecation.
I grew up in Southern baptism too and still live in an area dominated by it. It's exhausting to constantly fight the fear I instinctively feel every day. There are signs, billboards, people handing you pamphlets at Walmart, etc.. constant things that make me feel shame, guilt, and fear because I was raised that way by the culture I grew up in. I don't even believe in hell or God but I'm absolutely terrified of them. I have to remind myself constantly of what I truly believe and why I don't need to be afraid anymore or feel shame for being alive. But all the logic in the world just isn't strong enough most of the time, and those emotions drain me nonetheless.
Christianity is truly such an evil, toxic belief system. No child deserves to grow up being taught that they're evil, worthless, and deserve to be tortured forever. No adult should be too afraid to question things or think critically. It's just an awful religion and I want it to go away. We can be better than this. I don't want anyone to feel the way I do. Christians mean well, they really do, and I wish they were being guided by a belief system that brought out the best in them instead of making them so afraid and angry.
Thank you for sharing this.
I see a lot of parallels with people’s accounts of coming out of the closet as LGBTQ and the trauma they experience from their family/community.
The horrendous treatment that you suffered at the hands of your family reminds me of the quote:
“With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil - that takes religion.”
amen to that.
Thank you for sharing this very personal story, Kristi. Christians like myself need to listen to you and to learn from your story and to do better. Your parents hurt you in an incredibly severe and long-lasting way. I hope any Christian who watches this video and had previously been planning a similar "intervention" now rejects that idea. If our approach to try to make people follow Jesus ends with those people getting PTSD, we clearly need to change what we are doing.
Thank you for always having an open heart. Your comments are always welcome! And it shows we can disagree and still see each other as humans ❤️
@@jezebelvibes Thank you for your incredibly kind words, Kristi.
even from an arguably "christian" perspective, if you don't trust that god will ultimately re-attract, MAYBE THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING DEFECTIVE IN YOUR IDEOLOGY.
So instead, profoundly manipulative tactics are the standard routine for an apparently apostate. WHERE IS THE TRUST THAT GOD IS DRIVING THE BUS THEN?
@@PolymorphicPenguin that would be CREDIBLY KIND (just to be technically accurate)
@@PolymorphicPenguinwishing you all the best! From an ex-christian of 50 years, now a happy Atheist. 😊
I wasn't brought up as a Fundamentalist or Southern Baptist Christian, but had an uncle who became that way. I understand and relate to the kinds of things you talked about in this post. I am glad I am a part of church where I can struggle and question. The passage you shared about Jesus saying he would cause families to go against each other can be troubling. I believe, because of the many teachings in the Gospels, that what Jesus was saying here was that following his way of love, forgiveness, and justice would break families apart. That his introduction of these very radical concepts would bring strife to a household. I have three wonderful adult children who have their own beliefs, and I love them and don't hate them for it. Religious beliefs or non-belief is a personal thing and can't be forced or mandated. I am a believer (in spite of my Uncle's fundamentalism). Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you peace and happiness.
I have a friend who quit religion because he's gay and the community tried to "reform" and "save" him, his life really went down because of it. Another was a girl who had always wanted to be a scientist and the community rejected that, they told her to dedicate her life to her (future) husband and kids, that she should be a homemaker and submit to her (future) husband. Today she's a biochemist and has a smart, very supportive husband, and she wants to have kids in the future
Your background sounds very much like mine. I was raised Southern Baptist. Church was literally the first place I went after coming home from the hospital as a newborn. My parents dedicated me to God as an infant. We were in church every time the doors were open. My dad was/is a Southern Baptist pastor, so things were not easier at home. My sister and I were barred from television, movies, music, etc. that was secular. We were expected to always dress modestly. We were not allowed to dance or do many of the things our peers were able to. Like you, I was "saved" at 5, though I "rededicated" my life to God numerous times. I planned on becoming a missionary. I was the good girl who won all the Bible drills, and knew all the scriptures, and sang all the songs. As an adult, I worked in church ministry. That world was my life. Until it wasn't. I can't even pinpoint when or how it happened, but somewhere along the way, it all started unraveling. I don't think I even initiated that, it just seemed to happen organically. For a couple of years I was a minister with serious doubts and questions. I ended up being devastated by a betrayal by the pastor of the church where I worked, but I still tried desperately to hold on to the beliefs I had known all my life. Still, over time, through a lot of research and soul-searching, those beliefs unraveled and fell away. It was a long process and I'm not nearly finished yet. I haven't been to church in years. My dad knows this and has expressed concern, but I have not fully "come out" to him yet. I have a feeling he will not take it well. All that to say this, thank you for sharing. Your videos have been so helpful to me on my own journey. I'm sorry you went through such a traumatic event, but I'm glad to see how you're using that event to help others. You are a light. Keep up the amazing work!
it is those now apostate who know the entire litany, which terrify those still "inside" the most.
I gather some have tried to re-convert Kristi too.
Not out of generosity but rather because they are petrified that anyone can be OUT "OUT" and living a vastly better life.
There’s truly no hate like christain love.
Sorry you had your go through all that.
I was raised in an environment similar to yours and I have some similar experiences. I still process my separation from that culture and I’m 69 years old.
It's a lifelong journey, for sure. Anyone who tells us we have to just get over it doesn't understand the lasting effects of religious trauma. Best wishes to you on your jouney.
I'm always amazed at the terrible things people are willing to do in the name of their religion and/or god. This is helpful, for me, on so many levels and probably many others. I'm grateful you are here sharing your story Kristi. I thank you for that!
Oh, Kristi, I'm so sorry that happened to you. One can hear the pain in your voice as you relive those moments. No one should have to go through that, but, despite the marks it's left, I'm glad you're in such a better place today, to the point you're helping people who went through the same things... I appreciate that so deeply. So thank you for this video and for everything you do here.
I’m glad you persevered. You really are a strong woman, and I like the person you have become.
i couldn't bring myself to watch this video in its entirety, but it's sadly comforting to know that i'm not the only one with trauma like this. thank you so much for making this video, i know that you know how much this means to your viewers. you're so strong, and you make it just a little bit easier for us to be strong too.
know that your pain matters.
We love you Kristi. I am also working through the trauma of almost forty years as a Christian, most of which was in ministry. Thank you for your content, and for the grace you carry. It is obvious that you are authentic and full of compassion .
The audacity of telling you that you were making bad choices after they put spyware on your computer.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kristi.
At 7 years old I was fortunate enough to receive a crash course on Christian craziness. Being the only kid out of a group of about 40, I was singled-out, screamed at by the pastor who told me that I was going to Hell. Why? Because I was lip-syncing the hymns. I was super shy and uncomfortable around so many strangers, and the only reason I was even there was because I was forced to go. No, "Pretending to sing for God is a lie, and you are going to Hell for lying to God!" His face was so contorted and beet-red in anger... I just hope that he damaged one of the other kids' views of religion at the same time. I was 7. Isn't that their God's number? Seems somehow extra wrong.
What a coward that Pastor was to scream at a 7 year old. My best wishes to you. ❤
@@katherineg9396 Not just a coward-- a person who clearly has no say over his emotions, and is willing to let them run him. And this is supposed to be godly?
Thank you for having the courage to bring it to light. I’m so sorry 😔
Don't be sorry! I'm okay
Thank you for using your unique voice, intellect and compassion to fight this good fight.
I have always liked how your videos have never been judgemental, but encouraging, supportive, understanding, etc.
I really like Kristi's mind and her pleasant demeanor. My religious trauma was being kicked out of my church and having the Police called on me because I questioned the dogma. I wasn't trying to cause problems. I was just inquiring about things and it get me in trouble with the church.
❤
They called the police because you questioned the doctrine?
@@RTTruth Yeah, I said that the Bible isn't perfect, God had a wife named Sophia and other things. I should have kept my mouth shut.
@@TheMarreekarr were you arrested?
@@jefft4586 Yes I was arrested for trespassing. An officer drove me to another church and told me not to go back to the first one.
Thank you for sharing💕 I'm sorry you had to go through that. I spent the first half of my childhood in a Bible Chapel and the second half in a southern baptist church. Hearing your story brought back a lot of anxious feelings for me. I was homeschooled , not allowed to watch tv, or listen to secular music, and my parents monitored my bank account well past the age of 18. I am also adopted from an indigenous community in northern Canada, so there's a lot of unresolved hurt there too. I have had to do a lot of healing unlearning the religious bringing I had. I find your videos really helpful, so thank you again and keep being you✌️😊
wow your story sounds very complicated. tell, tell...
Violating a person's privacy like that is uncalled for. So much for Christian parents and grandparents.
My parents would give a local church my address to make a visit to me when I moved away from my parents at the age of 19. It happened at 2 locations. I am 74 now and am still an atheist.
Thank you for all you do on here Kristi. 👍
Religious trauma (or post-deconversion trauma) is a huge issue for people like us. It's certainly had a massive impact on my life.
I grew up an atheist. I lost count the number of time so-called "good, caring Christians" told me that me and my family would be punished for eternity because we didn't believe in their imaginary friend. I'm not even religious and I have religious trauma.
Kristi, I'm so grateful to you for sharing your trauma-filled personal story here on your channel. Undoubtedly, you're helping to ease the trauma of others by making it very clear that they are not alone and that there is help out there. Thank you, Kristi, for your incredibly valuable insights.
What I don't like are the people who try and force others to be in their religion 😭
Religion should be a personal choice and it's upto the individual if they accept or not
Well done on raising awareness and for being strong and leaving, a lot of people stay because bought up in the religion and never question it 😔
Hope you stay safe and happy ❤
I knew someone in the Jesus Army who was on two charity user panels, which he used as his mission fields. The problem was that nobody stood up to him. I made complaints about him to paid staff which were brushed off. He attended spiritual and alternative health workshops so he could object to them instead of avoiding them. The panel manager tried to tactfully reason with him. That didn't work. So one panel user eventually said "Shut up, you silly man."
@@lemsip207 That's a great example!
Religion relies on ignorance and not asking questions just have faith
The moment you start asking questions it falls apart, that's why they get all testy and mind when ask things or what to clarify things further as they know it will fall apart, so to keep their numbers going and keep people in religion they start telling you to not question or get aggressive and campaign against you like they do with poor Kristie here :((
Also I like your username as when I get poorly I have Lemsip 😬
I totally agree that religion should be a personal choice. In the Bible, Jesus never forced anyone to follow him. Instead Jesus spent more time talking about who shouldn't follow him: anyone who loves their relatives more than Jesus and anyone who wasn't willing to die for Jesus.
Religion should not be a choice. Marxism should not be a choice. Fake news should not be a choice. Gender confusion should not be a choice. Being a brain rapist should not be a choice. The wisdom in the few needs to be dominant force to protect the children.
@@PolymorphicPenguinyou accept a sick philosophy based on a fictional character invented to enslave the minds of nations captured by Rome.
The truth would never need to bully nor traumatize nor threaten people.
You say that now until someone tells a truth that offends you.
What do you mean by that@@mightiestalone9851
Even just listening makes me cold sweat, can't imagine how it was to live through this 😖 good on you for leaving