The Autistic Need for Precise  Communication
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- For most autistic people, direct communication is extremely helpful.
However, for many autistic individuals, when being direct isn’t enough…it’s important that we be PRECISE with our language to give folks the best chance of understanding. 💖
#autism #autistic #autismawareness #neurodivergent #psychology #therapy #aba #appliedbehavioranalysis #autismacceptance #adhd - Домашні улюбленці та дикі тварини
As a child I was asked to get the "music maker" from another classroom. I went and asked for the "music maker", and the class laughed. The teacher had no idea what I meant. Turns out my teacher meant "cd player". Im still mad about that, decades later
Well how were you supposed to know? That was the teacher's fault, entirely
@yippee8570 yeah right? It's difficult to pick up on context clues for me. What likely happened is he couldn't remember the term, and expected me to translate it. At the time I was like "oh okay, the other classroom might have something called a music maker".
The big consistently annoying thing is getting asked like "can you go get X from the blue bag in the corner?" What corner? What blue bag? Then IIIIIII feel like an idiot for not being able to fulfill the task. It's some BS!
Anyone could find themselves in a similar situation. Don't know about being mad about it decades later though
@ananousous I dunno! I'm not anyone else!
@Barryislarge teacher coulda been on the spectrum too, it's up to you to move on, not everything done is done with malicious intent
I have autism, she’s spot on. Direct and specific is best. “Can you go clean up that mess?” Vs. “I spilled some coffee in the living room can you get some Lysol wipes and wipe it up for me?” My sense of awareness and spatial awareness is delayed bigtime
This is so fair, because sometimes I feel like I don't know where or how to start something without direction, and it can feel overwhelming (for me, at least)
Yes!!!
"Can you go clean up that mess"
If you ask me that, I'll tell you very factually that yes I can clean that up, or no I don't know how to do that. And I will be convinced that I answered your question correctly.
But I get your point.
Some autistic kids are simply overwhelmed by the information and by the time you get to the actual question they have either forgotten what you said at the beginning and can't figure out what the question is, or they are still; working out what why you were drinking coffee in the living room because you normally drink tea.
I personally don't like it when people slow everything down for me like that. Not all autistic people want or need that.
Personally I’m already annoyed you didn’t tell me where I can find the Lysol wipes……I’m joking but if this was a real world scenario I would have thrown a tantrum after looking in 3 places including the place where the Lysol wipes are supposed to be and still not finding them.
When someone asked "why would you do that??" And they didn't give me enough time to gather all of my thoughts as to why I did something and just punish me anyway??
I'm now realizing I had delayed processing and a freeze response to loud voices. So many times I KNEW I was being punished unfairly, but was never given time to explain myself. It made me think that "i should've known better" or "its my fault for being too dumb to understand the rules"
It always frustrates me when I see other adults ask kids (of any neurotype) that question. They’re a kid! They probably had some misunderstanding that led them to do the undesired thing, or they were just curious and couldn’t help themselves, or they were bored and started making mischief - and none of those situations are resolved by asking the kid to “explain themselves.” Declarative language would be so much more useful: “Oh, wow, we’ve got a bit of a mess here. I wonder what you were trying to do? If we do it this other way going forward, it might not be so messy. I wonder if you could try that next time.”
@@Julia.echternach I honestly I usually did have an explanation for why I did things. And I would try to explain myself but get accused of talking back. Then I didn't understand rhetorical questions and generalizations and stuff so I'd say I'm explaining myself because you asked. Or they'd say I "have an excuse for everything" and matter of factly I'd tell them I would never do something without a reason so yes of course I have a reason for why I do things. And once again get in MORE trouble.
This hit too close to home for me. The only thing different in my experience is that I don't internalize that it's my fault anymore, I just think "Wow. You sure do like rhetorical questions, I don't think I can hang out with you anymore.". I should probably take more time to explain why I'm so slow though, because to them it genuinely felt like I was ignoring them and instead letting them say something.
Or worse, you begin to believe you're a bad kid.
I got spanked all the time as a child and had no idea why. Instead of "learning a lesson" I just got angry at the injustice.
I struggle with vague time references in conversation. Example, my husband tends to say “in a little bit…” referring to when he’s going to do something. How long is a little bit? Sometimes he does the thing almost immediately, sometimes it’s an hour later. I’m slowly getting better at reminding him to give me more precise time estimates, like “in 5 minutes “ or even “after lunch” is helpful.
My partner and I have very different definitions of „in a little bit“. If I say that it could mean anything between 5 and 30 minutes. If HE says it it’s between right now and maximum 5 minutes, rather 3. We used to get hung up on that. Now, if it’s not clear, we’ll ask „My ‚in a little bit‘ our your ‚in a little bit‘?“ to specify which timesframe we can expect.
"In a bit" means he is not committing to a specific time according to your schedule.
If he does it within an hour that's great. "In a bit" can also mean remind me in 3 weeks.
My boyfriend came over and asked if the building next to my house was "like, a church or something." I blanked out and told him it isn't LIKE a church, it IS a church.
I think that's the moment he fell in love with me.
Fair, the moment I mightve fell in love with my bf was when he asked me to run into him at the library, later I was telling My math/advisory teacher about it and ut was like
Him: what you guys do?
Me: we ran into eachother
Him: Oh so you jsut both happened to be there
Me:....no, we ran into eachother
Him: huh?
Me: pyschially
One of the most powerful phrases I have learned, when I have a sensory or linguistic disconnect:
"Could you rephrase that? (I didnt catch your meaning.)"
AMAZING. People intent on communicating with you, want you to understand, and this gives them a chance to approach the perspective from a slightly different angle.
I like the multiple perspectives, so I can triangulate an average 😃
Yes! Sometimes my auditory processing errors mean I either didn't understand sounds as words or I didn't process the sounds to the correct word. Other times I didn't process some hidden, indirect meaning. Still other times I just need them to be more specific. Asking them to say it in a different way often helps with all three of these issues. When prompted like this many people will naturally be more direct and specific. Plus, I hear it said using different words that I can then compare with the words/sounds I heard previously, which often helps me to understand even if I have processing errors in the new phrase.
I started telling my mum things along the lines of "I don't understand the way you phrased that" or "I don't know what those words mean" as a teenager and she would say okay then break it down for me.
I applaud you for being articulate 👏 and finding a "winning path".
I’m so interested in how this might apply to other languages! I’m a language abled autistic person and also , a simultaneous bilingual ( I’m Cuban/Colombian so I learned English and Spanish at the same time going to school in the US and learning Spanish at home). What I’ve learned as a bilingual teacher and multilingual person is that different languages / cultures view directness or precicness in communicating differently. Sometimes it even just falls down on the languages’ conventions! Spanish for example is a wordy and indirect language by nature. This different between direct and precise language is for sure something I’ll pay attention to as I work with my bilingual and ND students (bc not only monolingual white kids are autistic!!) and I’ll keep thinking about how to work this around linguistic and cultural diversity. Thanks again for your videos!!! ❤❤❤
That's really interesting!
I'm from Belgium, and we speak Dutch. So do the people from the Netherlands, who are actually called 'the Dutch' :)
Yet, time and time again, I've noticed (and with me countless other Belgians & Dutch ppl) that Dutch people are by nature *much* more direct than Belgian Dutch speakers.
So even within a language, there can be such differences regionally! Have you noticed this with Spanish?
That is so true about languages themselves being more ore less direct. I am learning Ukrainian, and it has a tendency to describe things in a round about way, such as saying "someone" did something when in fact a specific person is being referred to, or just generally phrasing things in a way that listener is left to follow an implication. As an autist that can be challenging.
not exactly what you were talking about, but today instead of saying "i know you need a new swimsuit, i am at the store with a coupon, would you like to come try on some swimsuits?" my mother instead chose to say "i have a coupon. the store sells swimsuits," and continue standing in the store for another hour
Oh my. I definitely would have been like "Oh okay" to that. Maybe I after a while I'd wonder if *I* should have ASKED if she could get me a swimsuit then but that doesn't necessarily mean I'd actually ask in the moment.
As far as I know, I do not have autism, but I would have been confused by your mother’s communication as well.
I hate that kinda stuff
the way i simply tried to ask my mom her opinion on a garment i saw online and she just... bought it??? i didnt want that? i asked her what she thought of it (paraphrasing) not "can you please purchase this" it was so odd to me
she didnt even know my size lol. i said ty but i need to alter it
Dude, the amount of times I would be in the grocery store... I would ask if we had room to hypothetically buy something, ask someone to look at it probably because the label was funny or the flavor was so strange, or just pick something up to LOOK at it on my own... and my parents take ALL of that as me wanting to buy it, to which they VERY quickly say "Did you bring your money?" implying they're not paying for it, or "You are NOT getting that. It's unhealthy/too expensive.". When I ask a question, it is NEVER loaded with something else.
People jump to conclusions much too quickly for me. Maybe if I were normal it would be a very efficient form of communication, but no... I always end up having to correct them before we finish any sort of dialogue :(
Language impaired ✋🏻 My mind just goes blank. It’s quite embarrassing. I always called it “stage fright”. I gave up on attempting to explain myself, as an adolescent. Thank you Kaelynn.
I'm not language impaired, but I learned from an early age most people don't care about your explanation.
@@smol-one It depends how detailed it is. I can ask my husband a question and I'm expecting a ten second answer, but he will continue for five minutes, and although I love him and will listen to him (because I find it charming) my family roll their eyes and then avoid asking him questions in the future. It's a bit like the social 'how are you' and the expected answer is a sentence or two, at most.
I've been calling it "brain lag" lol
@@JaneAustenAteMyCat and that's hard too, because I also freeze at that question. As a kid when asked those types of questions I would say "normal" (like how are you or how was school and stuff). But people laugh when I say that and I didn't understand why. Good implied above average, but if I'm not doing poorly I won't say bad because it wasn't good. Most days are average and normal, that's what those words mean. So yeah most of the time you ask me, I'll be the same I've always been unless something specific happens. And when I explain this if they ask what "normal" means they laugh more.
@@LangkeeLongkee True. My son's reply is usually 'ok' which seems to satisfy
Metaphor and sarcasm aren't the only ways allistics are indirect. Because it's like the air you breath, it's a native language, you don't even realise that everything about your whole method of communication is indirect. Metaphor and sarcasm are actually the simpler examples because they're intentionally obvious as being indirect, they are authentic in their indirectness. But allistic language is built entirely around indirectness because, what I've learnt, is that's how allistic people make space for eachother emotionally - their sentences always have an "out" so no one needs to acknowledge how they feel or acknowledge their behaviours. The way autistic people make space for other people's emotions is by being openly okay with those emotions or discussing behaviours from a standpoint where the person themselves isn't devalued, just expected more of.
This causes trouble because the autistic assumption of mutual trust and a helping hand is a world view, so we never demonstrate it in our language - fewer qualifying statements, decorative language or demonstably nonthreatening nonverbal cues. It's not that we all can't physically do those things, it's that we don't have reason to because autistic culture tends not to assume ill intent in ambiguous situations. We speak matter of factly because a person's capability, value, and rights to help are universal truths to us (I believe even with people with higher support needs this difference in worldview due to different processing is one of the mechanisms making them unable to give "appropriate" non-verbal cure etc, the effects of cultural difference are massively undervalued). We don't assume the other person would even think we would mean to hurt them because that would be preposterous, horrible and bizzare as a choice. And too our perception of normality, so uncommon it's not worth thinking about. But this clashes with allistic communication which provides indirectness as a way of reducing the sense of threat someone experiences when they're in trouble for something, because allistics don't seem to have the same hivemind assumption of mutual trust and dependence. That creates a need for active displays of non-threat, such as qualifying statements, positive non-verbal ques etc which we don't have a reason to make, and when the receiver sees no displays like that they perceive directness as far more negative than its inherently neutral value. The allistic assumption in ambiguous situations is to be on high alert for ill will. This creates reactivity and the autistic person is sitting there like... "I have stated anything mean or taken any negative actions towards them yet they are comfortable punishing me".
Autistic people will also assume ill will and be overly sensitive in this way if they're acting from a traumatised space, but not because of a boring and easy to fix linguistic and cultural difference.
Other situations of subtle constant indirectness is the ubiquitous avoidance of asking questions. Even questions even where it's essential to the situation. Allistics seem to view questions - ANY questions - as either uncool (too ernest and lacking self awareness), rude (trying to trap someone in a way that suggests they're incompetent, or alternatively emotionally invalidating), or like it will make them look stupid especially at work (rather than indicating and interest in doing the task well). This is indirect because it avoids being open about the desire for information.
An even more subtle version of indirectness caused me to loose a friendship recently. I asked a friend to help me with something that made me too overwhelmed and emotional. She then made about 8 different suggestions about ways I should go about it, which I thought was quite boundary crossing having explained how difficult this was for me, but ignored that. With every suggestion I then had to explain why that wouldn't work (I'd already thought them all through). She then said okay she would do it, and I said it doesn't seem like you feel comfortable to, it seems like you need to just set a boundary. This went on for ages with me literally saying about 10 times I think she needed to just set a boundary with this, and it didn't proceed. The following day she was angry because she believed I'd not listened to her boundaries. I repeated that I'd been the one to suggest to her 10 times that it wasn't a good idea to proceed and she should set a boundary and not do something she didn't seem to want to. That didn't compute because although it had occurred it was in contradiction to how she was strongly feeling and she wouldn't pause to process the possibility that feelings aren't always a direct representation of reality. This anger went on for days and it took me months to eventually work out that she thought I was ignoring her boundary because I responded to her repeated suggestions about how I should proceed with reasons I didn't want to do those things. That was her version of boundary setting and my emotional response to that wasn't affirming because I was put in the position of explaining why I didn't want to follow those suggestions (repeating my own boundary from the start which she had infact been the one to ignore and try to push me passed hence my negating suggestions she wanted me to respond positively to). It should be noted she's non-autitic adhd, so not neurotypical, but still allistic/indirect communicator/guess culture. People seem to assume adhders and autistic people have the same communication problems but we actually have opposite problems when it comes to communication. Adhders only process the emotional information completely detached from what's being said and autistic people only process the information in what's being said, above the emotional tone. Both these tendencies get stronger in conflict, widening the gap. So while this seems like an extreme example it's something very common in neurotypical people too, but it may not be related to emotional dysregulation, rather to assuming accuracy in interpreting what someone is saying correctly without effort due to living in the majority.
The culture is a huge factor! Lots of people I've met hate "wishy washy" language that gives them an out! I think the trust you describe is so important. I think people with any kind of communication disorder learn fast to trust that people are trying to communicate in good faith, and when there's stuff like a language barrier or culture shock going on, that also challenges you to think that way, where you need to assume people are doing their best out of necessity. Anything that makes communication so hard affects how you see the world. One way I like thinking about indirect language is how fast and efficient it is! Allistics can often say more with a word and a significant look than they could say with 1000 words. Plus the words aren't always there in their minds to say because they don't need to be. If people don't spell something out about how they are feeling, even after you explicitly ask, it's often because they don't know. It helped my relationships so much when I realized that everyone has blind spots in their own head, so words just don't always work. Even allistic instincts don't fully make up the gap, not even close. They just help. Trust has to make up the gap.
I work with autistic adults, and this is beyond helpful. I’m an incredibly indirect communicator, I use metaphor and sarcasm without thought, and it’s something I’ve had to consciously work on
I'm an Autistic adult whose whole family is sarcastic as hell, so I HAD to learn it to survive. Lol
@@kristinpraus1600 ah dawg I’m glad you were able to adapt👊
@the.dirt.man. my mom is more thrilled by the fact that sometimes I manage to sass back that she just tells me "good one" instead of me winding up in trouble.
@@kristinpraus1600 My husband grew up in a similar family. But he adapted well… Too well I’d say, since he doesn’t really get the difference between sarcasm and being insulting, which is somewhat fine when he ate enough. But once he is hungry (which he also can’t read beyond a feeling of being stressed and/or stomachache), he becomes really mean.
@@kristinpraus1600I'm suspecting it. Growing up, sarcasm was quite prevalent, so I used it frequently. However, when I would use it outside of the house (on the occasion that I would have a friend to talk to) no one would understand me. I've gotten into many embarrassing situations because of inaccurate tone of voice. I thought people were just not funny 😭
Combine this with other kinds of indirect communication, gaslighting, "attacks"... and it quickly becomes hell.
The communication in this video was an example of direct communication and then precise communication to follow it up, it wasn’t indirect. Right?
@@corvacopia I didn't understand the video but indirect communication uses metaphors, allegories, ...
@@corvacopiahe was just describing that’s if you become indirect with an autistic person it becomes hell
This is hell.
@@njrom2975 It's worse than it looks.
"Because it's the weather" solid argument, rain is the weather but I like rain
I hate the weather, nit rain, not sun, just the weather
As an ESL teacher this looks a lot like what I do for students who are struggling to answer questions. Sometimes you just need to rephrase things for people.
I work with kids with autism. I frequently have had to teach parents to try saying things differently when their child isn't responding the way they expect. Instead of saying "are you hungry?" Maybe try, "would you like some food?" Or "do you want Mac n cheese or chicken nuggets?" I don't know about it necessarily being about being more precise as much as using words that particular child knows or understand in that context. I've seen kids respond to far more vague requests simply because that's the language they're accustomed to and they know what it means to them. Always try didn't l different words, phrases, or sentence structures. You'll be surprised at the responses you get! Also pay attention to what the kid is paying attention to. They might be repeating a phrase in a movie because they see a connection between your question and that answer, even if it's not obvious to you what that connection is. And they might be seeing something you aren't in their environment. The other day I met with a group of friends with a 5 year old child who is autistic. She asked us to come see something. Everything thought she was being a silly kid, making stuff up. I went over. She had her stuffed animals lined up with toys for instruments to perform a song. I had to explain what she was trying to show everyone else. But they were still dismissive of her, even after I told them what she wanted. 🤦🏼♀️ The entire evening was a series of miscommunications like that when anyone tried to interact with her. There was little I could do to help on that occasion. But I will tell anyone willing to listen: PLEASE pay attention to details and try to understand what an autistic person is trying to convey. Not just their exact words, but what they intend based on context and everything. They may be speaking plain English. But those words may mean something entirely different to them.
I am on the autism spectrum & people get mad at me as I struggle to be concise. Either nothing or too much on tangents.
i think wordy and specific is better than short winded and vague BY FAR
@@kukachoo42 I have been criticised my entire life over my speaking. Not speaking, too quiet, too loud, too fast, "stuck on loops", "rabbiting on", sound like an "intelligent scatterbrain", "rude" etc
Right it’s always either say nothing or spew out mass amounts of information that nobody asked for 😭💀
The average person is conditioned for conciseness at the expense of clarity.
@@Solscapes. I try to be clear. That is not the same as concise.
I noticed that my language ability is sort of semi-non-intuitive and i end up expressing myself in ways other people dont understand when i am not at full energy. Like I'd say things in a way that make sense to me and in the current state of my mind but that sound like random strings of words to others. Glued together phrases.
This was very useful to see. Thank you
this helps me realize things about myself again. ive figured out om my own that once I have the words for something, i can use them, and connect them to other things. but i struggle to generalize, and often need to be taught those new words for specific contexts. my natural experience of the world is feeling. to me language is translating that natural experience. im this scenario, id first only know it feels icky, before having help narrowing it down. now i know to that the darkness of the cloudy sky bothers me, and getting wet triggers my fight or slight and sensory overwhelm.
That's amazing! My son has to do exactly the same
I heard someone once explain their frustration with recipes and cooking for the same reason. "Dice onions"="how small is that?" Or "bake until light brown"="wtf does that mean?"
A friend got me one of those "meals in a shaker cup" powders a few years ago and I get the appeal; "two scoops of powder plus 22oz of water and drink." No ambiguity.
I don't have trouble understanding the questions in this video. But I've noticed that I'm often able to answer only precise questions. I'm 50 years old, I was diagnosed with Asperger about 10 years ago, and I've been to all kinds of therapy almost all my adult life. Very often they start by asking something like "so how have you been this past week?" Usually I just shrug, because I don't understand what exactly they want to know. The question is too broad. They should ask me something much more specific, like "have you been eating regularly this week", or "have you been able to sleep this week", or "have you done any physical exercise this week". Then I'm able to answer the question, often very specifically. Maybe more specifically than they want to know.
I have become aware of this only during the recent years. I've noticed that one big problem in the past has been that often one of the questions I'm asked is "what kind of help do you need". I don't have any idea what help I need. Then I've spent ages going to therapy that wasn't in any way useful. I should have been asked about it in some different way, but I'm not able to say myself what the correct questions should have been.
thank you for making my life easier living with autism. You are the best autism advocate. you are my favorite blogger.
I am a language abled autistic adult who works with other autistic adults who need high supprt and most of whom are quite language impaired. This was helpful! I learn so much from your videos, both things that help me in my own life and things to help me with the women i support. I also share your tips with my non-autistic coworkers so they can work better with our clients too.
You have a very high level of consciousness. You are very aware of how you and your body works. I envy your high level of self understanding.
Well said.
0:28 contrary to some of your previous videos, it was easier in this video to catch which character is autistic (white shirt) and who tries to communicate with the autistic person (orange shirt).
Great job!
Your hand gestures of basically zooming in on specific points of communication make so much sense.
I like the way you mediate conversation. It is a true talent.
This is everything to me. I love this channel. It helps explain everything I experience and feel in a way that I can comprehend, and realize. I know my experiences, I know how I function but I don't know how other people function. Being able to know exactly how to explain stuff like this means everything, because I don't even really realize its a barrier until I see stuff like this and suddenly everything makes sense. The amount of disconnect, confusion, and just "are we talking about the same thing?" Sometimes is crazy, so everytime I see a video like this I feel like Im one step closer to understanding how to better interact with the world around me. Thank you.
I love that you exist as a guiding hand for people like me
My brother has some form of this I think. As a child he was so literal that If we said punch the button, he would literally make a fist and punch the button. We learned very early to say exactly what we mean, like, gently press the button for a second.
This is still me in my 30s honestly, and when I get corrected I have to treat it as a translation. "Okay when Specific Person says X they want you to do Y even though that's not what they said."
I think with the sports question what happens is you're not sure how to answer because you don't know if you think he knows a lot or not. Instead of saying you don't know you stumble and say something like "The truth is...Carter."
A month ago, my partner (who is also likely on the spectrum) said he wanted a plum jam sandwich and then was baffled when I handed him a sandwich with only jam on it. Apparently he meant peanut butter and jelly. 🤷🏻♀️
Very helpful! Definitely something I have struggled to wrap my head around
This is very helpful! Thank you for explaining the distinction between "direct" and "precise" speaking and the importance of precision. My nephew who is 5 is autistic and he has been getting better at being able to speak in sentences and learning new words all the time! I want to learn how to speak in a way that is clear and precise so when I talk to him what I'm saying makes sense to him. I have always considered myself capable of being very direct and clear when speaking to others, but I notice sometimes people don't know exactly what I mean. But I wasn't sure how what I needed to improve on so that I could be more easily understood. This has been especially important at work when I need to give instructions or delegate tasks to others. Some people get what I am saying immediately, while with others I can tell by their expression that they are confused. I try to give more details, and figure out which part of what I said is confusing to them, but I am not sure it's really helpful to them. It doesn't help that I have ADHD and am often mentally foggy and struggle to stay focused and keep track of what I'm saying sometimes. Anyways! Thanks for explaining the positive impact being precise can have when speaking.
This sounds a bit like my 4.5yo autistic daughter. I am also autistic but went undiagnosed and unhelped as I went under the radar. I really really appreciate videos like this, it helps me think about how to hep her communicate in novel ways, so please do keep it up if you have more to share.
I love this! I have had to learn this over the past two decades with my son, but now I reckon I'm an expert. I always try, now, in *all* my communication, to be precise and direct. This is a real skill and one which is frankly underappreciated.
Thank you. That was very informative. Also I was not previously aware of the term "language-abled." I'm going to have to look into that. 💜
As a child (8 years old) I got my eye sight tested.
While I was looking through the refractometer (?) the optometrist asked me to close my left eye and read the letters on the board out loud. After that he asked me to close my right eye and read the letters on the board.
"I can't" I replied.
He was confused. So was I... about his reaction...
He asked me again, to tell him what I see.
"Nothing" I said slowly getting annoyed.
Then he got nervous because in the beginning he told us that his equipment was brand new.
He took the refractometer away from my face and for a moment there was silence. Then he and my mum started laughing and the optometrist said: "oh, you're so funny."
I thought he was trying to be funny by asking me such a ridiculous question two times. So I opened my eyes and looked at him.
My mum asked if I had my eyes closed all the time.
I told her: "No," rolling my eyes😅
"Since when did you have both of your eyes closed then?"
"When he asked me to close my right eye, both of my eyes where closed of course" was my reply.
They started laughing even more.
I remember feeling very insecure about the world and how reliable this test could be with 8 year old me beeing the only reasonable person in the room.
I really took words literally and thought the two of them were playing pranks on me.
On our way home my mum wanted to know why I did not open my left eye when he told me to close my right eye. I was a bit shocked by her question but told her that he did not tell me to do so. Right before the test she also told me to do exactly what he says. So that's what I did.
Ever since then my mum was convinced I was autistic but she never got me tested.
I may use this with a friend I'm autistic I believe he is to. I like how the incorrect response still got validated before going back to the proper question.
I don’t know if this makes sense, but based on what you are describing I think I’m kind of in between language abled and language disabled? To explain, I am hyperlexic, which means I started reading writing and speaking early and with a vocabulary way beyond my peers. For this reason I was also misunderstood verbally by my peers a lot because they didn’t speak the same way that i did, but my ability by definition is not only language abled, but is a higher language capacity than I was expected to have at my age level. I am also a published author and autism advocate, and am very good at speeches etc. Anybody would look at me and say that I am language abled.
*At the same time,* i very very often have to ask classifying questions in order to answer other peoples questions or to understand what they are saying, and need to dig for meaning because I often don’t understand things right away. I do know how to ask those questions myself so I am self-accommodating for that problem, but it is definitely *there.* I definitely misunderstand and clarify more than most. To use one of the examples in this video, if someone asked me “do you think that’s true?” Then I may have asked “are you asking if I think that it’s true that he knows absolutely everything about dinosaurs, or if I think that the things he knows about them are true?” Or something like that.
And that definitely looks like language disabled because a disability means needing accommodations in order to function at the same level as society, and while I can provide those accommodations myself in this area by asking the clarifying questions, I do need them in order to communicate. I do understand that there are sometimes nuances in meaning, but can be very bad at deciphering which meaning is being used, and sometimes cause problems for other people with *my own* wordings of things.
So I don’t know how to describe that weird juxtaposition of ability? I think i king of relate to different aspects of both? In terms of vocabulary, I’m more language abled than the average allistic. But my communication is definitely obstructed.
But whatever the case, I would be curious whether there are other people out there that experience this or something similar.
I have always felt awkward among people. Like something is off, but I don't know exactly what. For almost forty years now. I feel safe only when I'm alone. Probably it is not how it suppose to be. The misunderstanding problem hits hard when people cut corners in dialogs omitting some "obvious" parts of a sentence they are trying to build.
I love learning about autism
Great Lession! Kaelynn you're a wonderful teacher.
what the that's actually kinda me, in the sense that i often need specific questions and stuff to be able to give a good answer to something
Ive had to use this on both neurotypical and neurodivergent people. Its just helpful and important skill to clarify if theres confusion even if its not for the same reason that some autistic people may need it
My son speaks exactly like this- having trouble describing and answering questions. Thanks for this.
I feel like this helps me and I don’t think/don’t know if I even interact with any autistic folks in my everyday life. Thanks!
I think I may fall on the spectrum somewhere but I’m old now so it doesn’t matter anymore if I do or dont
Im language - abled, and very good at it. However, i have some degree of delayed auditory processing, and a lit of my processing takes place nonverbally. It takes WORK for me to assess the nuances of anything im asked, and the more it taps into ny emotions the harder it is to get it out coherently and completely.
Thank you for your consistent communication of things I might not realize. I think in these examples, I would figure out what is needed in the communication, but I have seen situations you present, that were outside my scope of "quickly catching on" to until someone (you) explained it in a way that clicked.
I love that woman (for doing what she does)
I find myself saying "what do you mean by that?" a lot to bewildered faces 😅🤦🏽♀️
Being around super clear communication is helpful to learning how to be clear yourself. My high school band director was great at communication, and passively learning that skill helped me a lot in college with engineering communication.
I am not sure if I’m autistic or not, but even though I am language-abled, I still struggle with organizing my thoughts into a comprehensible sentence, especially when there are other things going on at the same time, like noises in the background. Sometimes, I think this makes people think that I’m judging them, when really I’m just buffering on what to say and how to say it. So many times, people will apologize to me for random things that I wasn’t even remotely mad at them for, just because I glanced up at them or because I paused when they said something that made me conflicted in how to respond. This is even worse in my second language, Spanish. When I speak to native speakers, they’ve sometimes told me that I speak “poquito español” even though I’ve been studying it for about ten years. Other native speakers will say my Spanish is very good. It depends on the day, the situation, and how much I’m buffering. It’s really frustrating to not be able to speak smoothly and coherently when there’s too much going on
I have been learning so much from you
Precise language is in my wheelhouse. My mom learned this in dealing with the engineers where she worked at and, by extension, me. You couldn't just tell them to "Jump!," you had to be precise in how high, any horizontal movement, any kind of body movement, etc.
I also use this when any answer I give can be interpreted in various ways. If it gets interpreted in a way I wasn't intending, I switch to precision mode to get my intent across
Thanks for the info
I wish more people would try to understand. My childhood would have been a lot easier if you'd been around to coach my parents.
This is very helpful for me
I often try to rephrase what I said to make it more clear for the other person.
The English language must be an unqualified nightmare for someone with this condition. Full of Euphenisms, metaphors and words with multiple meanings that can only be interpreted by context.
That’s exactly right!
@@Kaelynnism like when myself and parents were in a public house in Scotland. My dad came back with drinks and commented "there was a guy at the bar dressed in a monkey suit looking like a fish out of water".
"Looking like a fish out of water" I understood. But I wondered...... I had a picture in my head of a guy dressed as a primate, standing with one elbow on the bar, one leg casually crossed over the other sipping a pint glass of beer.
After enquiring "monkey suit?" I find out that it is slang for a tuxedo. So he's probably over-dressed for the situation and maybe feeling self-conscious.
To use one of my favourite metaphors, I think my dad could "smell the cogs burning" as if my brain was a clockwork computer with the mechanism inside going faster and faster in order to try and reach a sensible conclusion - the burning smell coming from heat caused by the friction of the cogs against each other. (Over-long explanation, but I like lucid explanations of my mental pictures). 🙂
my boss drives me insane with his "big picture" "general terms"
My mom speaks very passively because she says she doesn’t want to sound like she’s shouting orders, but I need clarity and precise parameters to know what her expectations are so I don’t let her down or make a mistake. It’s very frustrating. For example, she will say “the pile of bowls on my desk can be loaded straight into the washer” and leave me guessing: does she want _me_ to load the bowls? does she want me to load the bowls _now_ or later? does she want me to take the bowls down to the washer?
This is interesting. All of the time my partner will ask me something like "Do you want to eat ice-cream or chocolate for desert?" and i'll naturally reply "Yes". She thinks I do it on purpose to annoy her. I really just hear either one or the other, and say 'yes' in response to which one I've heard. I don't know how to change this response.
Thank you! This is super helpful and I learned a lot in a short video!!!
Force. When being direct isn't enough, force.
Like Spice Girls sang, "Say what you mean, what you reeally really mean (...)"
I am an aspy and I remember one day my mother told to put a bag of sausage links in a freezer bag. "She said to the put the sausages into the freezer bag." Me being very literal minded took it as dumping all of the sausages into the bag and not just putting the bag into the bag. She was surprised by what I did, but not upset. Jesus loves you!
I'm autistic and non precise communication is a pet peeve of mine...
Thank you
Because we are tired of being burned for not knowing assumed information.
Why is that Unicode character not loading? Is it an emoji that UA-cam is flattening into U+FFFC because it doesn't understand the code point? What is everyone else seeing between "precise" and "communication"?
I'm wondering if the joke is that the unicode data can't be properly communicated or something?
Or is this just a case of a hilarious happenstance?
Kaelynn: ... use precise language to say what that means.
Next video: This is a bed lump.
😂😂😂😂
Fyi video: Undertale, but I'm a bed lump... (GiblesGD)
I’m a language abled autistic person. I have trouble explaining what is exactly wrong for example I get upset and I can’t say exactly why. Can you help me to figure out how to have peers or family help?
When you're in a calm environment think about what you like. Think about times you were stressed or having sensory issues - what sense was triggered? Let your family know what makes you more comfortable and what stresses you out. When you appear distressed, ask them to find somewhere quieter to talk to you and suggests claiming technique
Apparently I'm so autistic that I'm not sure in your demonstrations which person is supposed to be the autistic one.
so asking "why do YOU feel that way?" or "why do YOU think that?" of a person with autism will help them narrow down their answer and give a more clear answer?
Yup. You either gotta be precise, or let us interpretate your incorrectly made sentence.
Maybe. But sometimes people have a hard time answering “why” questions.
“Why” can be vague. Sometimes asking “what happened” or “tell me about the problem” can be an easier ways to narrow down what information you’re actually looking for.
Thanks guyzzz❤
for me that's too vague. "what are some of the things that bother you about that?" would be more helpful
@@KaelynnismI like your hair
Can someone help me out? I got a job as a data analyst and it’s my first job I’ve had (I’m 16) I don’t have any diagnosis but I believe to be on the spectrum. Anyways I’m really anxious for the job because I struggle with tasks sometimes and I worry that I’m going to have a hard time with this job and over all I’m just super worried. I know it’s unrealistic to know how to do a job I’ve never done before and everyone I’ve talked to has told me that it’s ok to be nervous and to not know what I’m doing yet and all that but I can’t help it. I’m always anxious and I overthink a lot so does anyone have any tips or advice to help a friend out? I start in two days.
If the person training you is kind and understanding, maybe ask them to *show* you how to do a task when they train you about your different job tasks, rather than just *telling* you how to do the task? I found that very helpful when I was being trained in my current job. I also asked a lot of questions whenever I wasn’t totally clear about a task I needed to do and luckily my supervisor who was training me told me there were no stupid questions. I don’t know if this will help you, but I can relate with overthinking and feeling overwhelmed when starting a new job.
They know your skills and experience, they don’t expect you to know everything on day one. Focus on being able to receive new information - anxiety makes it hard to hear new things, so whatever you can do to dial down the anxiety and dial up the curiosity is great. Write everything down and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t apologise for asking questions or say, I have a dumb question, that doesn’t serve you. You’re nervous because this is new to you but honestly, this is a totally appropriate reaction for a new job. I feel the same way every time and I’m 42 and a career professional. Just be kind - to yourself, about yourself and to others you meet. Good luck!
@@whovian906 I’ll try it out, thanks! 💚
@@kitm141 thank you, you people are so sweet and kind 🤍
I do not have additional advice but I want to say good luck and hope your first day goes well!
I bet ur a delight to hang with❤️
I have hyperlexia so my experience is very weird.
I really admire the vocabulary of the late William F Buckley - I research not just the meanings, but also the nuances of the words he used (that I don't know).
It's possible that I'm completely "off point" but maybe this inspires positively.
I was at a place to test if I have a mental disability and when the lady asked me to describe something, I didn't know how to and she was like ".... autism -"
Your teacher knew what she was sending you to do so the teachers had something to talk about during lunch. Being bullied comes with this crap.
I don‘t get these examples😕
Can someone help?
Is this a Tip for autistic people how to get the answer they wanted or for regulars wo want to improve their communication with first ones?
Who depicts the autistic side here?
Is the „child“ autistic and it‘s answer comes delayed because if can‘t guess what the „right“ anwer woukd be, or is it the questionair who did not get a processable answer.??
This is what I have to do with my autistic girlfriend but only if she’s had 3+ glasses of wine
How do I explain to my autistic daughter what why means? When I ask her why, she either gets mad and tells me to go away, or ecoalia kicks in. She has no idea how to answer why. She has very limited verbal skills, cannot have a conversation
It’s less of an explanation and more of a restructuring of the sentence. Instead of “why are you upset” you can say “tell me what happened”
You may need to practice with questions that YOU already know the answer to so you can help guide her response so you can teach her what it would sound like to answer the question.
For example, if you saw her trip over a toy, you might say “what happened” and point to the toy so she can practice making that connection using her language
Thanks for the reply! I have so many questions. My daughter turned 17 and has blossomed, but there a few bad habits we just can't seem to redirect.
Anyway, I love watching you, and the information you share is invaluable.
I feel like i kind of understand what is going on but i either need more examples or i just don't follow.
On the a Sopranos, the psychologist interviewing Tony Soprano's son shows him a picture of an unadorned horse and Tony's son says something like "because there's no guy"... What would you think he meant by that exactly?
Because there's no saddle or adornments, it means that there's no humans using the horse for riding or showing off, so therefore "there is no guy" (my interpretation).
I love Sopranos, but AJ wasn't autistic. He had ADHD, though.
what in the world would allistics do without us ?!
I laugh like hell every time I hear "hot in here", specifically the backing vocal:
"I am getting so hot, I will take my clothes off". Like no contractions or anything, just a very flat statement of intent.
I guess it's "wanna" not will which is less funny but still it kind of sounds autisty to me.
me send to my partner now😭
Do you swear to tell the Carter, the whole Carter and nothing but the Carter so help you God?
haven't seen that episode but I can tell it's funny without having done so.
You are villager from animal crossing 💯percent
So they're dumb...
I struggle with vague time references in conversation. Example, my husband tends to say “in a little bit…” referring to when he’s going to do something. How long is a little bit? Sometimes he does the thing almost immediately, sometimes it’s an hour later. I’m slowly getting better at reminding him to give me more precise time estimates, like “in 5 minutes “ or even “after lunch” is helpful.
I love that woman (for doing what she does)