5 Things to Know Before You “Netflix and Chill” With Someone
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
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You’ve been on a date or two with someone and things are going pretty well. Then suddenly they ask you, “Wanna come over to my place and watch a movie tonight?”
Is it too soon? What if you like this person but you feel it’s moving a little too fast? In today’s video, I share 5 things you need to know before you “Netflix and chill” if you want more than just a casual hookup.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:48 - It’s Out!
1:48 - 2:43 - “Netflix & Chill” on a Second Date?
2:43 - 3:14 - Aligning With the Results You Want
3:14 - 3:52 - #1 You Set the Pace
3:52 - 6:19 - #2 Decide Your Boundaries Ahead of Time
6:19 - 7:05 - #3 When Familiarity Tricks You
7:05 - 7:39 - #4 Don’t Change Your Behavior Just Because of This
7:39 - 8:55 - #5 Setting a Precedent When It Comes to Effort
8:55 - 9:47 - A Word on Safety
9:47 - 10:38 - A Whirlwind of a Week + A Heartfelt Thank You
10:38 - 11:18 - Find Your Person
As a relationship coach - I would never advise a woman to go to a man’s home or allow him to come to yours until you know him better. You MUST use wisdom and keep yourself safe!
What if the want to go on an international trip and I only met them on this app ..
@@aena5995 if you feel any anxiety about it.. trust that,.. that anxiety is telling you that you have a question about it…a type of fear / apprehension… get the answer to that first question before you attempt to do anything. Then if the answer leads you to not feel anxious .. … well I believe you won’t choose to go .. I think the answer will be not to go because it’s just not right.. is it? Mentally morally and for Your * Safety * . Love yourself first then you are able to give to others and bring to your life happiness… no fear.. peace within.
Even if you have family member or a trusted friend going with you.. there’s no guarantee you all will be safe. What if you get on that flight and You see/feel you don’t want to be in that situation? You’ll be stuck there . Get that validating question answered !
APP’s today are too riddled with bad intentions to confuse and steel from you anything they can get.
@aena5995 um that's a bit too soon don't you think? Lol
@@meia002 lol Ikr 😂😭 and there is a power dynamic as he is older with a better passport and is older then me by like 4 years but they said if we talk everyday for three months then u can trus time like ok bro lmao I told him I ain't doing that kinda stuff until I am married and he respects that and didn't try to say weird sexual stuff it's me trying to do that llol💀💀💀
Stating the bleedin' obvious!!!!
The first time I had my now wife over to my place was unplanned. We'd planned on meeting at a park for a picnic, but it was raining, so I called an audible, pushed the furniture in my living room to the side, spread out the blanket, and we had the picnic on my living room floor. I'd still made the food (salad, garlic bread, fettucini alfredo(I think it was chicken but it might have been shrimp) and strawberry cheesecake for dessert (yes, I cook and bake)
My wife said she was so impressed by the effort I put into not giving up on the picnic atmosphere that it made her like me that much more.
So yeah, what he said here is absolutely critical. Don't reduce the effort you put into making sure you both enjoy your time together. My wife and I still plan regular dates. That's important.
BTW, we celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary last October, so take it for what it's worth.
These kinda videos make us not able to trust men in general like u never know what someone's intentions are..
That so sweet!
Finding a real one is so valuable. For both.
3 cheers for you
I'm happy for the both of you. Congrats.
@@aena5995 Watching Dateline makes you not know what their intentions are...
Just know that the right man would never suggest that kind of plan in a second date...and know that any man that suggest that is not respecting you or looking for a true relationship... Men know very well what is acceptable and what is not...and believe me, a man that is really interested in you wouldn't risk loosing you suggesting that kind of second date... it's only a recipe to heartbreak... "situationships, friends with beneficts or ghosting after that" ...respect yourself and say is a too intimate plan for a second date for you and if he doesnt want other kind of date in public, you will know you saved yourself from heartbrake.. take care of your heart, you only have one my sister🙏💖
You are so right! I dated a guy for couple of months. I remember when we were on our first date, he suggested to come over to his apartment. I declined it. There were other red flags all along that I blindly ignored. Always trust your guts. Breaking up with him didn’t really hurt me that much, but this lesson is definitely learned
Ladies please don't do that with someone you have only known for one date. Desperate behavior does set a precedent .... For you and others... And leads to desperate situations and undesirable results. If you want to be loved and cared for, this is a Red flag.Tell him you're not ready. If he reacts negatively, that's all you need to know about his character. Move on. You've just saved yourself.
🙏💖🌍🕊️
You had me tearing up a bit at the end when I realised you were telling us all to know our boundaries and stick to them. My ex of 30+yrs trampled over my boundaries from the beginning but my Mum made me trauma bond to a nasty sister and to be a people pleaser so my boundaries were lines in the sand. I’ve been separated for 2.5yrs and divorced for 6 months that I initiated and I still don’t feel single (there’s no contact). I’ve done 7yrs of healing and now have boundaries but not ready to be anything other than single even though I’d love to be held. Thank you for telling me it’s ok to take my time and value my boundaries.
Sending love and virtual hugs. I feel you sister!❤
@@Dmo12618 Thank you, take care of your heart too!
Netflix and chill IS code for sex! 😂 And of course it's a MASSIVE red flag. Why put yourself in the vulnerable position of being alone in a random man's house?! First dates should be quick and easy and in a public place, like coffee
@the.toxic.pheonix Matthew did not say the First date. He said that for the Second date.
The second date is still like a first date. You don't know them at all.
@@thebirdclan I agree. I wouldn't be going to anyone's house until you've known them quite a while
@@girlygirl1890 basically the same imo. I wouldn't be going to someone's house until I'd known them quite a while, weeks
And be prepared for the other person to stop "dating" you if you don't go over to theirs.
I wish I knew myself enough to not go all the way with people too soon. I thought I just wanted the physical relationship but when they pulled away I always felt used. It took me years to realize that it's not prudish to take things slow if you feel dejected after casual sex.
I enforced those boundaries last week with someone and he seemed kind of disappointed that we didn't take things further, and gave up all effort to have another date. I was wise enough to not ask for one.
Obviously, I am a bit angry at the amount of people who will get to know someone only to get them to bed and then dump them if it's not mind-blowingly amazing. Pretty much every person I have met over the past few years has only wanted that, and it really sucks, so be prepared to get ditched if you are looking for something "real".
Nothing to do with being mind blowing amazing ... just available
Check out the Burned Haystack Dating Method if you become more selective before you even start messaging with them, and keep a close eye for red flags, you can weed out the hay. Unfortunately, there aren't many good ones, but better to focus on a few good ones than wade through a pile of the awful ones. Therapy helps too. I was drawn to similar because I'd grown up with toxic parents and lack of male affection and it was incredible when I left home and had a lot of it. But ultimately, it was empty validation as, despite them pushing for the intimacy and being angry or "giving up" and calling us names if we don't give it up early, as soon as they've had it, most will move onto the next.
Idk why im watching this, i never want to netflix with other ppl. 😂
Same but I like how Matthew Hussey speaks
I'm glad you're reminding everyone that they shouldn't feel pressured to do the Netflix & Chill, and that being alone with someone really is risky. And you're right - it's not about being a prude, it's about being prudent. If a guy gave me shit about turning down an offer of Netflix & Chill, I'd write him off as sketchy. For the life of me, every time I hear about a woman who's gone missing or been murdered & find out she was on a "date" with a stranger that nobody in her life knew about, it boggles my mind.
PLUS - if we take the time to get comfortable with each other, trust me, there will be Netflix & Chill. I know I'll enjoy it more, and if I do, so will he. It's a domino effect.
I say don't go to their house until you've gone on 8 SOLID and awesome dates with your love interest, and even then, don't give in to sex on that ninth date!! Too many women these days give it up way too quickly and this is TERRIBLE. Women, please value yourselves, no matter how old you are, and also be SAFE in every sense of the word!!
In life if you only follow your emotions you will endup sad,you have to have a plan.
I love Matthew I wish he was my brother,he' has so much integrity.
Congratulations! You sure are a gentleman, kind and wise! Keep up your work! Thank you
Glad you mentioned safety. Just remember that video of the girl and her date taking the elevator up to his apartment on the first date.. and then we see him leave … with her dead body inside a suitcase.
The one from the Hinge or Tinder date? In Australia? 😢😢😢
@@jenn8179Yes
@@jenn8179 this girl from new Zealand
@@jenn8179 dunno it’s just a video of the two of them after a date, riding the elevator. Then the next footage is just of him with a suitcase and it turns out her body is in the suitcase. And you see him get in the elevator with the suitcase chill as
ua-cam.com/video/qJbWdrZNH9o/v-deo.htmlsi=N7hvsP2r1x43iSW1
Yeah. It’s called a situationship and I can’t make him see me differently now ☹️
Yep. Been there, and it sucks.
Matthew, your advice is on point, as always!!
"Don't do anything with someone in their home that you wouldn't do if you were on a date at an outdoor movie theater."
Which actually means, don’t go to their house. Lol there’s no way you’re going to conduct yourself the same. Just not realistic. Be wise.
God bless 🔥
Just got your book the day after release, can’t wait to dive into it! Thanks for all your advice!
Thank you for the clear wisdom and helpful advice!!
I loved you touched the keeping safe sentence, we must remember this. Thank you very much Matt.
Despite everything, still showing up for us. Thank you so much.
Congratulations Matthew got both from Amazon listening to your audio book tonight really helpful
Congratulations Matthew! You are such a friend/bro/therapist/nice guy. Sending love to you and Audrey 🥰
I read about you in the Sunday Times this morning and then checked your videos and interviews on You Tube with your good mate Lewis and by noon I'd bought your book! And I'm showing my 19 year old lad your vids too. He was very impressed. You make so much sense and I come from an adoption / social services background, so have learned the child dev behavioural, effects of abuse, neuroscience etc. So glad you refer to these things that inform our behaviour and feelings.
I'm impressive with all this advices you gave. Really. It's sooo deep to feel you advice about security, vission, compassion and all the value things in a relationship. This is the kind of content that teenagers should see and I'll advice my teen boy on it. Thanks Mathew. God bless you ❤❤
That's what I said! I wish I would have seen this in my 20's! For sure the cozy feeling of having pizza on the couch in my comfy clothes feels like a relationship! They gotta earn that! Don't be fooled on the 2nd date!
❤Makes so much sense. Sound advice!
Yes, your video/content has helped me 7yrs ago when I was going through a divorce. Thank you Matthew sincerely. I have ordered your book through Amazon, glad they deliver it to Taiwan, can't wait to read it :) I admire how you have been so persistent. Wish you all the success.
How I wish to know this many years ago!! Feels like I spend half of my life ignoring my boundaries and the hardest part to admit is that even put myself in dangerous situations as I didn’t know the basics of protecting and giving value to myself…❤️🩹
Hope someday I can overcome and heal all the bad feelings.
Thank you Matthew🙏 you are a blessing to this world!!
I wish people could want to watch tv together without it being a red flag. I just like to watch tv or movies together with friends and people.
‘Netflix & chill’ has become urban slang for sex
@@CarrieTraversie in man's mind it always is.
Matthew is so sweet! You can tell he really just loves people and wants the best for everyone.
Congratulations 🎉 sounds like you have an amazing next chapter of life starting. How exciting 🥳
Amazing. Thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for this.
My copy arrived today! Very excited 😊
Great work
Every single time a man asked me to his house for a date, he was very pushy about sex. He
even said he wasn't about that, to get me there, and then could not keep their hands to themselves.
I have bought the book already, looking forward to reading 📚 it😊
Matthew I have pre ordered from France your book in December. I am looking forward to get it in my hands 😍
I've just received a copy of your book this afternoon. I can't wait to get stuck in
Life saving video ❤️🔥
I saw you on a podcast with Sahara. Just ordered your new book and subscribed 😊
Thank you so much for addressing the need for safety from a woman's perspective.
Congratulations 🎉
I usually agree with a lot of what you have to say, but I believe this one is bad advice. Too much can go wrong here. Your advice seems to involve too much thinking. Once you’re IN this setting, being at someone’s house, all that thinking and planning and boundary setting is going to go out of the window & u know that’s the truth. It’s just not realistic. The teaching *sounds* nice, but it’s not practical. Ask anyone who’s been there done that. Behind closed doors is where all the stuff you thought you’d never do goes down. It’s smart to keep getting to know someone by meeting up in public places. Keeps everyone safe and filters out the ones with bad intentions. 🙏🏽
@jaetracie Very very very well said. Did I say "Very well said" (lol). Thank you for saying that because people NEED to know.🙏
@jaetracie Just a question for your advice...How many dates, or how long would YOU personally, go out with them before you visit their house, or let them go to yours? Like, just an estimation. You seem to have such a good head on your shoulders, that I figured I'd ask (lol).
@@girlygirl1890you have to be officially a couple.Preferably his friends saw and know you’re a couple, same with his parents.
I'm so happy for you, Matt
so happy when I got the email that my audiobook has been "delivered" :D
Fantastic Advice again Matthew! I wouldnt trust myself completely being alone with them at all. Little things lead up to bigger things. Dont even allow the opportunity to present itself "Do not give the Devil an opportunity" Ephesians 4:27
Me. Encanta tu contenido ❤
1st date is introductions, 2nd date is to go for the kiss, 3rd date is heavy kissing, "snogging" as the English say. I use that guideline, but it tends to be sex on the 2nd going by her pace.
Got my book the other day and just started reading it last night. Excited to get into it! If I really wanted to do the Netflix and Chill date I would probably invite him to my house where I have a roommate...my 25 y.o. daughter lives with me so there would be no opportunity for breaking boundaries as we would have a chaperone...haha. But, only after I'm sure he's safe to be with in my home.
Young and so wise!!
My previous (pseudo)relationship also was basically just seeing my ex once a week at his place, wathching a movie and some intimacy. Other times we only went to restaurants and that's it. It became repetitive and boring, because it all happened so fast
Spot on especially on the safety and boundary issues. Matthew I 🩷 the way you cover a subject with common sense and intellectual backing. Your down to earth and sensible advice is amazing and very much appreciated. Best of luck with your book! Can’t wait to read it as your last book was fabulous and so full of truly exceptional advice.
FFS DON'T GO TO A BLOKES HOUSE OR LET HIM KNOW YOUR ADDRESS OR INVITE HIM IN ... COMM9N SENSE !!
🤣
Another thought: "Netflix & Chill" means they're not learning about YOU & vice versa. You are passively watching something and not getting to know one another. & yes they're a stranger until you've known them for months.
LOVED the video!! Great advice!!! And YES....I will definitely purchase your book! I want to show my support for you. Because you have helped me so much in my dating life and you continue to do so!! YOU ARE A GIFT TO ALL OF US!!! ❤
Book purchased ❤
I've known women that think they can just have a guy over to cuddle. I was like uh, don't be naive, they are going to want and expect more. You'd think these things are common knowledge by now.
I'm 15 and I met this guy who is 9 years older the day we met he forced me to kiss him I kept telling him our age gap was too big and it was illegal but he convinced me age is just a number now he is asking me for Netflix and chill
A good guy would be taking you out. Not asking you to come over second date.
First saw Matthew on the modern wisdom podcast and found his conversation really interesting. You should do Rogan Matt
First book ad! 🤑
Motivation
Can you please do a video on long distance dating?
needed this video about 2 weeks ago
Me emocionó cada vez q veo un video nuevo... pero no entiendo nada porq no se otro idioma y el libro también esta en otro idioma 😢😅😢
I fell in this trap on the 3rd date and the next 5 months felt like we we were already in a long term relationship... and then it ended. To much, too too... and I'll never make that mistake again
I’m teaching my kids that a male and a female should actually never be alone together unless they are TOGETHER. Too much potential REAL danger for both parties! Someone can assault you, easily drug you, heavily pressure you, even LIE on you and falsely accuse you, and it’ll just be your word against theirs. It’s NOT WISE at all. Save s*x for marriage - after you TRULY know someone and have exchanged test result papers. THAT’S WISDOM.
God bless! 🦋
What kind of low effort dating idea? “Netflix and chill” lol 😂. I can Netflix and chill alone in my own bed with my dogs.
Yeah, except "Netflix and Chill" is code for sex.
First I tried getting it and because I live in a rural area I couldn't get it. Right now I'm sitting on the patio roof of my house. Lol I really want it. Also, I'm a breast cancer survivor and other issues but I won't quit,! I'm 58 years young n I'm getting back to the dating world. What do I do if he stopped texting n calling. He responded to a thank you DM only!!! HELP from Texas ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😂
Move on !
I’m first here
Sorry sweetie! Nobody is getting the password to my Netflix account before marriage. Heehee!
😢😢😢😭😭☹️ I wish I saw this video and the love bombing video sooner! Thanks for answering this question.
I wonder, how can you date multiple people in a healthy slow pace, without putting all of your eggs in one basket & also not get shamed as you get to know them?
Remind them they need to put effort in. 8:28
👍roger
Imagine your are telling this to someone you care fir. Like a bother or best friend you really don’t want to see hurt and want them to really succeed and be happy, long term.
Don’t think of yourself or your life. This is the stuff you would do to if you operated perfectly. The advice you would get from with truely your best outcome at heart
As humbly and no judgmentally and as kindly as possible can i please ask. If he needs to put in effort and that is an expectation.
How does a womans part look like?
Do you/they/them choose tge most engaging offer. Thats your part. To receive offers? (I might well be. I’m asking. Nothing more)
Or is there something that i/we can or should expect too.?
Is an audiobook coming out?
It's already available on Audible at LoveLifeBook.com 🧡 -Bianca, MH team
For a second date, I would say sounds like a great idea, I look forward to a rain check for a nice home cooked meal. But since we are getting to know each other better, let’s do something out in the world 😉😊
@tallspicy that sounds PERFECT!
Do not make a promise that you'll go to their house. I'd you have asked that so early, you'd already moving too fast.
What if you have been in a situation where you had sex a few times? Because the attraction was mega. But now you want to leave that context and start outdoor dating again. How do you do that? Is that even possible?
I would say - don't hang out at home until you're official, he asked you t be his gf and you have been that for at least 4 months, men might fake relationship, a player will not last longer than that usually. I have been asked for that for 3rd date. A guy lives in another country - maybe he has a wife, gf or something, maybe it's not even his real name. I don't even know his insta (he pretends not to be on social media), his surname, his friends, no "what are we" talk, he doesn't ask me questions, we sit in silence unless I ask him questions etc. Seems he just wants to use me for one thing only.
There are people in the world who have never heard of you?! They must have been living under a rock! 😂
I'm a bit sad that sex early is enough for some people to see less value in another human being. That idea is not based on real intelligent thought. I can go years without sleeping with someone but when I know I want to - I want to. The idea anyone would not see it as both a compliment and a privilege to be valued.... Seems to come from religion / society. The opposite could be that I use men by expecting them to pay for expensive meals etc and judge them based on how much money they make. Which is really more genuine behavior? Still I agree we live in a dangerous world and I wouldn't feel comfortable going to someone's home if I hadn't known them for a while - at least been in the same social circles.
You don’t value yourself if you give your body away to a man who put no effort in to get it.
Netflix and often means Netflix and spill... Your seed.
🧡🧡🧡
I wish I would have seen this video in my 20's 😂❤
it is in fact, a far feched senerio. i sit in my house all day, do online school. i dont even know how to talk to people... anyway proseed...
Sad that Mr Hussey has to remind women to keep safe. We just don’t seem to get it yet, despite the amount of True Crime episodes we watch.
I'm really sad I can't join on May 4th, I have my cousin's wedding to go to!
Such a great book! We loved having Matthew on our show!
ua-cam.com/video/IPftG3of5WE/v-deo.html
Wise advice here… unlike a therapist I recently heard tell women on social media “it doesn’t matter if you have sex on the first date, a relationship will happen regardless”.
Yea it matters when you have sex. Do you want your life partner thinking you have sex with everyone you dated right away? Ick
You can skip the video, I know from personal experience: they are cheap and creepy. No joke. Ghost them. Anyone can be amazing on a first date.
To clarify: by cheap I mean stingy with time, effort, investment, and money. And this has happened to me every single time a guy has asked this as a first or second date, without fail, and I have gone on a LOT of first dates. Never a netflix and chill first date. Even if after asking to Netflix and chill on the first or second date and I said no and they agreed to do something else like get dinner, even a nice dinner, the stinginess and non-committal nature of the guy ALWAYS comes out, luckily early on, and it does not go away. These guys are always busy or broke or heartbroken or all of the above, but really....they're just lazy, and don't really care about investing in you. So yes, universally I would always recommend ghosting, blocking or unmatching, and to keep moving forward.
A quick thought: Saying ‘’That sounds fun but I’m just not comfortable with that at this stage’’ could backfire. The guy man not be interested in sex with you yet and that phrase implies you think he is 100%. May come across as arrogant, like when you are talking to someone and they immediately start telling you they are married 😂 like who cares. Maybe better to just make an excuse thats more relaxed? just a thought. ‘not comfortable yet’ sounds like the type of thing Meghan Markle would say because she thinks everyone loves her. Said with jest and kindness. Love your videos ❤
Mmmmm....respectfully, if a man is inviting you to his house, in the evening, he is hoping for more. If he doesn't like your use of "I'm not comfortable", then he's not the one for you.
@@jenn8179exactly this. Like have you dealt with a man before 😂😂😂 it’s literally nothing else
If you were worried about sounding cocky, surely you could say you don’t feel comfortable visiting anyone’s home till you know them better. If a man was put off by you wanting to be safe, you’re best off without him.
If you were worried about sounding cocky, surely you could say you don’t feel comfortable visiting anyone’s home till you know them better. If a man was put off by you wanting to be safe, you’re best off without him.
@@jenn8179 of course, they will then need to find a man who is comfortable with a woman always not being comfortable. Different strokes for different folks.
I own the rights to netflix and chill. If you could contact me I would greatly appreciate it.