A Divorce Attorney's Thoughts On Love and Marriage-James Sexton
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 сер 2023
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of James Sexton, a divorce attorney in New York City. His books, How To Stay In Love:Practical Advice From An Unexpected Source and If You’re In My Office It’s Already Too Late:A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide To Staying Together are available on Amazon.
For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the Soft White Underbelly subscription channel at softwhiteunderbelly.com. It's $10 a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.
Here's a link to a GoFundMe campaign to help some of the people seen in SWU interviews: gofund.me/9ebad507
Here's how to purchase the Soft White Underbelly book: softwhiteunderbelly.org - Фільми й анімація
Strange times when a divorce lawyer is the best marriage counselor you've ever seen.
Seriously
makes sense though as he's seen everything people shouldn't do
Best comment
As a licensed therapist myself, I couldn’t agree more.
It is not strange at all. It’s honestly the most obvious thing. You only understand the concept of things when you have seen the worst. You then begin to understand the underlying fundamentals to get through it.
"If you can't talk about hard things you have no business getting married" Wise words to be married by.
So true!
Truth
I say that about ALL relationships..friends, boyfriends and absolutely marriage.
Yes!! That part!
There's most definitely some underlying misogyny that influenced this conversation.
¨Whoever discovered water, wasn´t a fish. When we are in a thing, we don´t see it¨. Damn, incredibly profound statement.
"Tiptoeing through life so you can arrive safely at death." - brilliant!!! Love this guy!!
0:15 0:16
@@Mrimperfectt😂 you f'n got me 😂
I turned 50 recently, and I've been thinking the same thing!! My whole life was "safe"...and now I'm closer to death (natural/statistically) I'm thinking..."WHAT THE HELL.....GO OUT GO NUTS!"
This guy was born to be attorney. The right amount of mental fortitude, grace and harsh truth in a human
It feels like he has been through a lot of shit to grow into what he is today.
@@ww3032no shit sherlock
Or maybe he's been an attorney for 20 years lmao
@@kalicperry6940or he's been watching MGTOW and manosphere videos
Facts!!!
"people will lie to their therapist but they won't lie to their divorce lawyer", one of like 40 gems in this video
Depending on what it is, you can still get into serious trouble if you reveal certain things to your therapist.
You hypothetically have more legal safety with your lawyer than your therapist.
@@GrubKiller436 Yes, you need to lie to your therapist until you know you can trust them. And that may be never. They will take what you say and report you and it could be groundless.
My ex is still not honest to his lawyer, doubt he is honest to his therapist.
I'm making that my Facebook headline
That's funny, the longer I work as a lawyer the more I get surprised how stupid people are with withholding essential information from me when all I do is try to help them
Love his take on social media causing general unhappiness in comparing yourself to others... "you're looking at everyone's greatest hits while you're living your gag reel."
😂
59:00
These topics are often overlooked but are essential for understanding each other. Kudos to the interviewer for addressing all the real issues from social media to finance nothing was left un-turned.
Many people find themselves re-evaluating their financial priorities after a divorce. mine ended leaving me with minimal retirement savings and health issues limited my ability to work. This prompted me to start investing. Now, two years later, I've managed to save over $2 million, edging closer to my $3 million goal by age 60
You're lucky to have made such a turnaround
I'll attribute that to my research that led me to Emily Ava Milligan, a top fund manager, rather than luck. Going from only 300 grand to this was certainly her consistency, not luck
My journey resonates with yours. After a divorce settlement left me with just $700k, I turned to investments. Thanks to my savvy fund manager, I've grown that to $2.5 million in just two years. Now, I'm considering buying some countryside properties for retirement. The peace and quiet seem just right for me
I copied her name and pasted it into my browser, her website came up. Thanks for the share. your experience is worth noting
I NEVER thought I'd listen to a divorce attorney for an hour, but Jim's societal insights are fascinating! Great interview, please have him back.
Agree!
Jim is a very smart, cool dude. My dad was a divorce lawyer for 30 years. Its a tough job
Totally agree 😂❤
I like this guy! He’s super real. Thanks Mark!
Same here
Felt like every other sentence was worth writing down… incredible interview!!
You're speaking the truth im on my 5Th playback
Does every stock lose value if you hold it too long ? No
lol, that's what you got from this?!?!? hahahahah....@@johnb6850
Yes, so much so that I actually paused the video to get a pen and paper! Ha!
@johnb6850 yeah. Not every stock loses value if you hold it too long. And?
please give this man a TED talk, so much wisdom
Feminists hates this one trick!
OMG please
this guy is SUCH a loser! why do men who don’t understand women worship the LOSERS???
@@goblinsRule feminists just hate in general lol
😂😂😂 facts! 💯@@DownHillgamer
Just Wow, I'm 34 and have never been married and never plan to be. I have gone so many years of my life letting society make me feel like the outcast for not wanting this and I truly believed in my heart of hearts that theres definitely something wrong with me. This interview has completely healed me and I will continue to look for love in life but I'll walk through my life with so much more respect and confidence in who I am because of my choices. Thank you for this interview.
You only need to look at youtube and social media and see all the garbage stories of people who married and got burnt. It's enough for me to say that my decision to be celibate for the rest of my life I'd the best decision I will ever make in my life. Of course men will disagree with me because they want to use a women's body and get her knocked up for their own selfish reasons and that right there is there answer as to why a women should never get married.
Never got married, and I am 54 🎉🎉🎉 best decision.
You dodged a bullet
Not everyone is called to be married, ya know? Boo on society for making people feel that way. Singlehood is amazing in its own right!
I wish somebody would have told me this when I was young ... FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
This divorce attorney needs his own UA-cam channel or podcast, his personality had me glued to the screen, what a real dude
Yep. Agreed. He was hypnotic to listen to!! And not hard on the eyes either 😂
He has a IG acc But I can't remember the @
Found it! It's @nycdivorcelawyer
I thought so too. You can't make these things up
He does
The “I’m not happy why should you be happy” was powerful. The entire interview was phenomenal
I literally watch this dynamic play out with my brother and his wife almost every time I visit. It's wild.
that's such a sad way to live and i don't understand why people act that way. my ex wife was that way and it made things so hard
@@stella-vu8vh Because there's no one else to talk to. In marriage, you're expected to bring all your vents and frustrations to your significant other but when you do, they take it personally even though you were just trying to work through your emotions to figure out where they were coming from and how to move past them. This is why he's spot on that no single other person can be the 'everything' to another. Sometimes, you just need to vent in order to figure out how you truly feel about something but if you only have the subject of the venting to vent to, too many negative emotions start to entangle into everything and it can become near impossible to disentangle.
@@KetoFattywhat does that mean
Not every woman is like tjis just so you know. I continued to do sweet things for him.. small gifts, notes, kindness.. as he did less and less. It broke my heart. It was not even about material things.. just sleep next to me or hold my hand, but no. He slept on the couch, would not hold my hand.. oh well
“I don’t think I can learn everything about myself from myself”perfect!
"the skill set for a father is completely different to the skill set of a husband" this man nailed it
In my opinion, America has produced and is in the process of producing abject losers as fathers.
I disagree. Doing the right thing even when it's hard or not what you want to do, putting in time and effort to show love, consideration for how your choices affect those you love, prioritizing their happiness and safety, not holding onto resentment... The skill set is the same. It's just effected very differently.
@@juless7807As a man I don’t think you are talking about the same thing that he was implying in his male brain. If I am correct; because I agree 100% with his comment and what it means to me is that as a father who is a a full time single dad of a son I got custody of 5 years ago. (Me and his mom dated in college, split when he was 6mo old). I got him every other weekend. He is my 1 true love. Business owner who worked 100 hours per week even while I had custody, but covid came and destroyed that business and so I created a different business. These small things are important to the context, and I’m getting to it. When I got custody of him, I completely stopped dating. And the reason I stopped dating is a woman takes so much time, money and effort. And that’s not a bad thing, if you love her you love her. But as a father, my priority is my child, above everything else. Above a woman, and even myself. But as a man, it’s important to be happy with yourself and your accomplishments before you invest in a wife. If you do not, it’s going to fail. Because no man will ever be secure enough, to ge happy enough, and trust enough. Regardless of what you look like. Men are not women. To men, our looks mean absolutely nothing. We play very different games in life, and most girls don’t realize it, and many feminist would love to deny it. But it’s true. A man’s value is in his status and resources, and woman’s is in her looks. It’s been this way since the dawn of mankind. All the proof you need is to look up who owns the most yachts, and it’s men. Yet, you see far more women on yachts on social Media, why is that? You never see the men. The reason is, these types of girls don’t want to show the man. Because everyone knows that’s not her yacht, and everyone knows what she’s had to do to be on that yacht popping $500 bottles. And it was being born beautiful. That’s it. She probably doesn’t even have a job. Because men do not give a shit about a woman’s wealth or status, we only care about her looks it’s the opposite for woman. This is why is said a man must be secure in himself and happy with where he is in life regardless of how good looking He is. His looks will
Get him laid, but his status is what will make him secure and happy to be able to be a good husband emotionally later. But we already have the skill set to be a father, it’s a genetic thing all fathers that are “good dads” have for their kids. We are willing to put everything in our lives on old in order to provide them the best life and get them raised and we will worry about our Dating life and marriage later. I realize this is not the norm, and that’s the problem. Most men are miserable and most men will never be where they want to be because of these choices and wasting time with women. So it takes a emotionally skill set to be able to work 100 hours per week, still show up for your kids school activities and raise them. There is no room for the skill set it takes to be a good husband at this point. A new study realized show that single father households do just as good as two parents households and single women households have nightmare statistics attached to them. It’s because men and women are very different, and we are good at different things. Single moms who although may be raising their kids, maybe 1% of them would stop dating to focus solely on their kids and they end up just sleeping with tons of men chasing happiness they will never find. Because men and women value different things. Men are going to sleep with her. But men don’t want the single mom who has 3 kids and 2 baby daddies. Women make very poor choices in this part of life because women are creatures of emotion and men are creatures of logic and ambition. And the ambitious women are feminist all trying to compete with men, when men don’t even think of things like this and we damn sure don’t want to have a marriage with those women. So men and women are very different in how we think and the truth about our lives being very different can always come down to the yacht. A hot woman can be on a yacht anytime by spreading her legs, but a man has to buy that yacht to be on it. So because of this, it’s easy for us to use our skills as being a father vs our skills at being a husband. We can’t do both until we are happy with ourselves.
In a sane society, the being a husband essentially _IS_ being a father. You protect, provide for, and preside over a woman like her father did and she accepts your patriarchy. The only real differences are intimacy and parenting. Why do you think girls who have great relationships with their fathers get guys like their fathers? Why do you think girls who had bad relationships and are starved for the imposition of wise authority mean _"DADDY!"_ during shrekx? The problem is that we've been taught to treat them like equal partners when we never evolved to be that liberal democratic fantasy.
@@Viktor_vonthe_Rhaefnhyrst Sorry, you don't own your wife. Those women were not protected, they were slaves. They were (and in many ways/places still are) expected to be an on-demand s3x toy, cook, maid, sole caregiver, waitress, hostess, and PR rep. And, if they didn't, they were beaten, stoned, killed, etc. If they didn't do it with a smile on their faces, they were told there's something wrong with them, and then probably beaten. They did not accept patriarchy- they had no choice. You can't choose something you are not given a choice in. GTFO
At 21 years of marriage, my wife inherited a substantial amount of money and within a month left me for a guy she met at the gym. We avoided a divorce attorney because I wanted to spare our children a nasty divorce. She was at least reasonable in the divorce, mostly because she knew she was stabbing me in the back. Being tossed aside like that was the most painful experience of my life. To this day, if something reminds me of that time, I feel it all over again. I've moved past my ex, but the pain is there, always waiting to pop its ugly head out.
Lesson of the day: Hit the gym more often.
Is she still with him? How long ago was this? I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, and I hope your life is going better now, and that you meet your person when you are ready
She was banging him all along dude
Shoulda sued her
I am sorry for your upset. hitting the gym is a symptom she's going to be single.
“Falling feels like flying for a little while until you hit the ground” ONE OF THE RAWEST INTERVIEWS IVE SEEN
'Falling isn't bad. It's that sudden stop at the end." - Indiana Jones
No fr! I replayed that back like 4 more times😂
Rawfully true, I might add.
@@NotSuperwomannice username.
frr
I feel like I won the lottery in finding my husband. I got teary eyed listening to him describe the miracle couple that has been married for over 20 years. Great interview.
the thing he is saying also with all he is saying: falling in love/ getting married is not the purpose of life, neither the 1st prize. i needed that.
Incredible conversation. We all just got $500-1000/hr. worth of advice for free. One of the best things you can do for marital health is listen to guys like this. It’s just as important to know how marriages turn bad as how they stay strong.
💯
You broke that down nicely 100%. Made me realize it that was as well thank you. This is truly a gem here..
Well said bro. Priceless experience here
This was an hour consultation for free 🔥
Seriously! Where's the "Buy Me a Coffee" link? 😁
Sadly its a price on everything
Man that first story about the 92 year old man leaving his wife after 60 plus years of marriage is actually heartbreaking I actually got upset 😔
Just goes to show he was always trash.
One where I used to live shot his wife same age 😔
@@timhensley3695 Thank you for sharing. I think we all need a reality check. My eyes have been wide open since I was six years old when I saw what marriage meant. The best thing I ever decided was to stay single.
@@paintingwithrosev741 I agree unless you win the lottery. It does exist.
Ugh that man’s poor wife. She shared her life with the man she thought would be there for her always. Oh that breaks my heart to pieces. He’ll regret it when he realizes he threw away the best thing in his life. Loyalty and Love. 😢
This is why I hesitate to fully love. I’m better off riding the line rather than making the step over and risking my heart.
I’m such a romantic but it’s hard to believe in true love anymore. I’ll stick to my rescue dogs. Always loyal and unconditional love.
I love this guy. 100% on point. Married once, divorced 9 years, have a beautiful 7yo daughter, and I'm never getting married again.
Divorced for 9 years and have a 7 yr old daughter..and married only once...,🤔
Who did you have your daughter with?
Many couples have sex after they split up or divorce. 🤷🏻♀️
Same. Never again
@@rangaprasad951people can have children before they are married
I sent this to most of my married friends both male/female and most of them said they started it but “had to turn it off” because they were afraid to face the truth regarding marriage. That tells you so much abt marriage…..
I am married and actually loved the interview and it's because I am of that opinion about almost all his points. But I don't think like most people. Like I am married, but also polyamorous and got other partners.
This is the EXACT guy you want to be drinking whiskey with in a dark quiet bar. I could listen to his stories for days.
But you would never have him as opposing council in your divorce 😂😂😂
Paul Auster? 😏
This is one of the best interviews I have even watched.
He would probably start talking sh*t after a couple shots. :P
The valuable knowledge that he has will save a lot of men
“Marriage is an inherently negligent activity. It’s like owning a lion.” This man picked the right career. It’s like working in the funeral or the liquor business. It will go on.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is.
Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely to be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse.
Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Romantic relationships are pointless, while platonic relationships are not.
@@icysnow57cold64 you make a fine point. I really appreciate this perspective.
It's hard to remember to not bang your friends
Whatever works.
That's where you're wrong, marriage is coming to an end. Marriage rates are declining rapidly. In 10 years, he may have to switch his legal focus to something else.
So sharp, intelligent, and witty. This guy is a dot connector, and a damn good story teller.
I just watched the video again. PLEASE interview him again, because he has so much more wisdom to share. I missed the statement he said at the end last time “They said “for better or worse” they didn’t say “for lunch””, that one made me chuckle because he has a point.
"Whoever came up with the word Soulmate, we divorce lawyers should be paying that person dividends." Pure Gold!!!
Some people do find Soul mates but it 1percent.
@@ClarisNdoroRealEstateWrong. Given the total number of people in the world, the chances your soulmate happens to live in the same city or work at the same company are zero. It’s a nonsensical term invented for romance novels and movies.
Off topic ... he resembles Robert Dinero.
Yes, 100%. And later, he expands on that point a little bit, and it totally is that idea that one person is going to be EVERYTHING for you. It's ridiculous. I am married to a woman from a more "traditional" culture, let's say, and the most remarkable difference is the expectations. I'm not expected to want to go dress up in pink and watch the Barbie movie, and she's not expected to be interested in my sports. We're allowed to be our own people, unapologetically.
I believe soulmates are made, not born. I know my best friend for 14 years, good times and troubles, we share the exact same brain at this point. That's what I call a soulmate.
“I don’t envy people being married for a long time because that’s not the goal. The goal is to be HAPPILY married.” So true. I wasn’t expecting to listen for an entire hour but he is charismatic, informative, and honest ❤
To me it’s no way in hell any man who’s married is happy.Having sex with the same woman year after year is atrocious.
@@getmoneychill6462 and the same for goes for her having the same man, such is life…
@getmoneychill6462 I'm sorry you feel that way. You're probably trolling, but hopefully you find true love someday.
I completely agree. Whenever people just blindly applaud couples who have been married forever, I kinda don’t get it. They could be in a horrible relationship. It’s really not the quantity of years but the quality
@@srm0520but isn't Married like a wave of happiness and sad,just like any other things in life.
This arguably the best interview I have ever heard or seen. As a recently divorced man with a kid. This touched my soul.
This is probably one of the most important videos on UA-cam.
I don't know when was the last time I saw such a vibrant and energetic combination of teaching, consulting, coaching and stand-up comedy. Thanks Mark for this one. This man got me back on my feet after so many sex offenders and victims, addicts, prostitutes and all the other poor and broken people I met through your videos. A necessary counterbalance. Excellent!
This descriptive is ON POINT! Excellent!
That's exactly what I waa thinking!
I had to click right away when i saw how different the one getting interviewed in the video. such a fresh story, something different but still hits home
Agreed!! I was going down the dark rabbit hole too much!
@@TheRoseAnthology I agree completely. Most of Mark's videos are like training for empathy with the working title "Faith - saddle on the horse of life between good and evil". This video is like a bottle of cold clear water handed to you by a nice waiter while saying "Brain!...come on!...turn your head on!"
This man needs to 1000% write literature on marriage. He is so brutally honest and open. Got me sitting here single feeling lucky lol
I believe he's written a couple books! The descriptions mentions some of his work :)
Lucky? That’s dark. I’m sorry you haven’t found someone to share in the amazing milestones and challenges throughout life.
Like this man said 76% of marriages will end before the actual end (of life).
@@itskeagan3004 haha lol 😂 lmao 🤣 even
His knowledge will save a lot of men from horrible wom3nn
Probably the most insightful human I’ve ever heard.
This is GOLD life advice every engaged couple should see. The longer I'm alive the more I see such disjointed expectations in people's view of their partners & what marriage means, makes me so pleased to be happily & consciously solo.
“Falling feels like flying…until you hit the ground.”
Fabulous quote!
"falling feels like flying until bones crush" ~ Taylor Swift
Have you seen Crazy Heart yet?
Not sure if I agree with that. Flying is against gravity and failing is the opposite
100%
it's been quoted by other people and in songs before, he's not the original source
“I would love to see what it looked like when these people loved each other” such a heart-trending quote
When he said that I just automatically knew it was the complete opposite going on. It's like they hate each other now. But it's good that even as a divorce attorney he knows that they did love each other at some point.
He did say that he believes in love, so It makes sense for him to say that.@@dominiquemcclaney128
@@dominiquemcclaney128they were in love... maybe not loved each other
@@dominiquemcclaney128I'll be the unpopular opinion here and say they never loved each other. They just loved what each other did at one point and got tired of it. True love doesn't dissolve like that. It was mostly lust and a shallow version of happiness that most couples experience.
@@chitlinjuiceI agree. When he said you didn’t sleep with your husband for 6 years. What did you think would happen. There was no conversation over Six years at all about why sex wasn’t occurring. That’s insane. Was she sick, was their sexual assault trauma? Was he a jerk to her emotionally? Was she cheating? Like what in the world. Marriage is complex and not the source of our happiness. Jesus is.
This man is a legend. Crazy that this information is free. A lot of people don't want to believe all of this, but there is such a hard truth to what this man is saying.
Why you say that?
Such a fantastic interview. This guy needs a podcast. His way of explaining things, telling stories and just plain expressing himself is amazing. He has a lot of knowledge and wisdom and a captivating way of sharing that wisdom and knowledge, sprinkled with humor.
"We are prehistoric creatures living in medieval institutions with God-like technology" Damn, that one floored me.
One of the best SWU interviews by far
I agree. Paraphrased or original, the thinking is solid.
That is the best description for us that I've ever heard.
Profound. Have to remember that.
@@stephaniehayesbusinessIt is a paraphrased from a quote by Edward O. Wilson, “the problem of humanity is the following: We have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions and godlike technology.”
Give this man a show! His way of expressing himself is captivating.
Why white rich men are so ignorant about other people culture and religion? In Saudi, we have high increase divorce last ten years! In Islam we don't have this nonsense about marriage like Catholic marriage or Alimony!
Foreal he is entertaining 😅 He said I'll f*** that guy for 200 million dollars 😂
yeah. He's hilarious.
Yes, he is. But most intelligent, educated, successful and thoughtful people are similar in my experience.
@dougb4956
Those 4 qualities are very different though&often mutually exclusive tbh.
Educated and successful do not even sit in the same category as intelligence, which largely refers to emotional and social intelligence, which is often ironically lacking amongst those in highest levels of education or ‘success’. Success through money doesn’t lead to buying class, personality emotional intelligence or what i would consider the true things that make u rich- loved ones who care about u and good health!
Just my random thoughts
Everything M. Sexton says is so deeply anchored in universal truths that we so easily to forget in this day and age and transparency that it makes the interview so riveting. He is absolutely, completely and entirely right on every single assertion that he makes.
I rewatch this episode. He gives me so much hope and wisdom that's real. I very much appreciate his time to give the true advice to hear
This man cut through all of our societal presuppositions and traditions like a hot knife. Extremely insightful.
Our traditions were demolished a long time ago. He’s commenting on the rubble.
Marriage is a religious institution older than human history. Maybe if non-believers stopped highjacking a religion they’re not part of it would stop blowing up in their faces.
@@lookoutforchris Our legal system doesn't reflect what marriage is from a traditional or religious standpoint.
@@lookoutforchris
Marriage is a government institution and wealth extraction.
@@KINGAMIIAMKINGtoday it is but the heart of marriage is god, that's why you get married in a church or a synagogue/mosque etc. People took God out of the equation which makes their vows easier to break.
@@KINGAMIIAMKING That doesn't disprove what he said
As a fellow divorce attorney, his statements are 100% accurate! Loved listening to him.
Then u know y most men r walking away from marriage
@@KD400_ Women are walking away from marriage, also. Whether guy or girl, treat them well or they will find someone who will.
@@FreeSpirit47 judging by ur profile picture I'm sure u had tons of offers but u chose to walk away. It's not positive btw.
@@FreeSpirit47 WHY is it always tit for tat wit women
@@Dewane1511 Nothing is always anything. Tit for tat is an aspect of life. Cause & effect. Light & dark. It's a balance present all through life.
This is where the disconnect begins-->
The little things that we do on a constant basis--> but we stop for whatever reason… love is great… kindness…. respect… the negative vibe is TOO exhausting… it takes work and patience and patience and positive vibes❤🖤🖤🖤
Omg I love EVERYTHING he’s saying about prenups and talking about having the awkward conversations! LOVE IT!
If you're a divorce attorney, be a divorce attorney. But it's very clear that this guy is actually a talented marriage counselor who missed his calling.
More money in being a lawyer.
What makes you say this?
tho it took his current career to gain this insight
To be fair, by the time you’re in a marriage counselor office the union is already doomed. And if he wasn’t a divorce attorney he’d never have gained all this insight.
Couldn't agree more.
I can't begin to express how much I wish I'd seen this 20 years ago. It should be required watching for everyone in today's society.
Are there some insights coming then? Because 12 minutes in and his demeanour is getting on my nerves.
@@jesperburns cant handle the authenticity or what? this dude is awesome
@@jesperburnsHe’s being real. His demeanor presents 0 fakeness. Probably why it gets on your nerves. No catering.
@@brennenbisme his information is real but there's very few people alive faker than him
What have you learned from it? That men think with their di** till late retirement age?
Dear SWU this interview was such a relief to see as a counterpoint to the three other interviews about love I’ve seen on this channel. Thank you for a variety of perspective.
Absolute amazing interview, one of the best ever. I could listen to this attorney for hours. So insightful and so full of knowledge. Mark you hit a home run with this one
Marriage meets the legal standards for negligence. That's pure gold.
Indeed.
Its more Insanity actually , because youre in love its messing with your brain.
Marriage is not negligence 🙄 The dumb dumbs who never should have gotten married in the first place are the ones being negligent, not the concept of marriage itself. These comments make me feel incredibly lucky to be married to someone who actually loves me. Dang.
“It’s like owning a lion!”
marriage is like owning a lion 🤣😂🤣
I know a lot of us, sometimes myself included, think that attorneys are scumbags but this guy is spot on! He should be a marriage counselor as well.
True especially the end.
They’re predatory scumbags the lot of them
He should be a youth counselor.
In presales...
at the end I was: "I still wanna play in the lottery" hahahaha
That was probably my favorite interview on this channel. Great insight and life experience
This guy is the real deal. Harsh, truthful, well spoken.
The purpose of marriage isn't to be happy, it's to grow together. Happiness is a byproduct of a well maintained marriage. Whether you're single or married happiness flows in and out like the tide for all humans.
You phrased this beautiful 🤍
Absolutely
you should be "growing together" even before marriage .. marriage should literally serve no purpose besides being mere celebration of togetherness
Well said my friend
No, the purpose of marriage was to tie one man to one woman, who could then support the children that were called urchins or sold at markets, females getting pregnant and all property owned by males makes it hard to support children on your own, an incredibly tough time to be female. Child Support originated from this.
Crazy that this interview is free tbh. This is pure gold
yeah. People might pay his hourly rate as a lawyer just to hear him do standup comedy or do a TED-style talk one on one in his office.
Stop watching cable/tik tok
Yup
Every interview is free lol
You’re the person that fucks it up for all of us
One of the best interviews I have ever watched! Thank you.
This video changed my life, honestly.
Wow,this guy speaks for about an hour and he is not boring at all
He's a lawyer, remember? 😊
@@wiedadewi8575 I heard a lawyer talk for 5 min, 5 minute of boring bs make me want to sleep
I’m so glad he brought up social media. People don’t realize how “dangerous” it can be for relationships. He explained it perfectly, it’s an entry point
True! But here he has forgotten to mention the influence of digital p***ography / OF / IG / Dating apps for casual pleasure plus
the whole issue of addiction.
It's brutally devastating for relationships and society...
I guess finding "old friends" on Facebook is here the smallest part.
It's a good idea for married couples to share a joint account instead of having separate accounts on social media.
totally agree, social media is a temptation. @@TheSpringMood
@@TheSpringMood
What kind of foundation of trust is this for a relationship? 🤔
@@beatewagner7.2934 Nice question. I believe trust is vital in marriage but a healthy married couple should have many of the same friends and share experiences together therefore separate accounts aren't needed unless you have something to hide.
He's so passionate about this topic. And what he learned about love and marriage and divorce over the years, it's so profound. Thank you for sharing this. I learned a lot. I might need to watch this again if I ever have a partner in the future.
I just read through 50-60 comments to see if what I was going to post had already been said, and it had.
This guy dropped some pearls. Many I've heard before ("Whoever discovered water wasn't a fish"; "tiptoeing through life";), and many added to the collection.
Thanks, Jim and Mark.
36:45 - "How are you going to be married to someone, have children with someone, and you can't talk about hard things such as a prenup? How are you going to navigate life together and not be able to talk about hard things? If you can't then don't get married". So very true. Hit the nail on the head.
Prenups should be mandatory, then no difficult conversations will need to be had!
@@Bubbles-od2tv That will most likely never happen unfortunately.
This guy needs to write a book! He's factual, concise and incredibly incisive.
he has written a book! 'If you're in my office it's too late'
@fangirlgeek1553 Thanks.. saw that in the description text afterwards 🙂
@@Daveunave Thanks.. I saw that in the description after I posted my comment.
Or maybe a reality type show
"Blowjobs and Granola: The Keys to Marriage Success" would be a great title
I could listen to him all day. His delivery is so good. I am clearly getting the message.
Omg I’m just now seeing this for the first time. I’m cracking up 15 seconds in! 😂 This guy is so interesting! I saw the list of videos and noticed 2 other interviews with people sharing their thoughts on love and marriage. I went straight for this one. I’m looking forward to hearing those too, but I definitely want to hear from a divorce attorney first. Thank you so much for conducting this interview, Mark!
This guy deserves his own podcast, talk show, or UA-cam channel. He is infinitely charismatic and entertaining. Most of these interviews are so depressing. It's nice to watch one with a guest who is smart, insightful, interesting, informative and funny as hell. Love this one!
I agree, more of this is needed. Alcoholics and fentanyl addicts aren't very interesting, on average.
hell Yeah.a lot more of these types
@@eugenealymov2723 True. Would have liked to have heard this 36 years ago ! He has a very realistic take on life and marriage
He sounds like a fake ass mayor carcetti from the wire
He is famous actually! He has been invited by a lot of tv talkshows, podcasts etc. Yea but none of his own show
That story about the granola was both so sweet and heartbreaking. The husband cared enough about his wife being happy and having something she likes. When he stopped caring about her, he stopped buying the granola.
No BJ = No G Bars
Relationships can go bad sometimes, it doesnt mean you stopped caring though. Life is complicated.
@@vapourkl5324nah fr she probably stopped the bjs first
I get the principle of the story, but cranola and bjs are not on an equal scale 😂
The BJ's go away after a while
Was sent this after I got dumped by the woman I was "supposed to marry". During "the talk" my most recent tab on my browser was how to discretely size out a ring. This perspective really helped soothe the burn. Found out last night there was someone else towards the end. This guy really reframed what I thought I wanted with someone.
I had only seen brief clips of this guy before now - I'm glad I got a whole hour of him here! 😊
"I don't think I can learn everything about myself from myself, I need someone who can see my blind spots" ❤ I love that!
I concur.
I read this comment the exact moment he said it.
The best marriage advice I have ever gotten was “seek first to understand, then be understood” It’s not easy. We are so caught up in the way we feel all the time, but this will get you through a lot.
100%
St Francis of Assissi
Your marriage will end in divorce.
First understand yourself, understand your needs, your boundaries, understand how to discern red flags, understand how to communicate clearly, calmly, and directly. Understand your biases, your core wounds, your cognitive distortions, your maladaptive patterns. Understand your attachment style.
Self understanding is paramount to being able to connect to and understand another human. We cannot seek to understand anyone, when we haven't cleared out our own stuff.
Then, yes, seek to understand...before demanding someone understand you. However, if it's not reciprocal, know that it won't work.
Yeah, for the man to try and understand and apologize and admit he is wrong while women are never wrong as they are too used to being told everything they do is empowering even when using men for selfish means.
This is one of the best interviews of all time
Moral of the story, western women are poisoned mind controlled femenists and the only option is to go overseas for a good wife like the Passport Bro movement recommends until then remain celibate, no western women respects men so don't give them no seed, no time, no energy, no attention, no social media likes, let the lampreys starve of energy until they they adapt or their gene seed perishes, they wont always be viable for children they know their biological clock is ticking and at some point they will get the hormone to reproduce before their eggs expire.
Learn how they operate in mind, body and spirit and you can control the game.
This whole interview was just epic. Word to word.. amazing. Thank you for this !!
My mother was married and divorced four times before I was 25. I saw what it does to people up close and personal. Before I got married I sat down with future spouse and created a prenup, and 10.5 years later when we decided to call it quits we sat down and split everything just like Jim said, yours, mine and ours. We never fought over anything and 23 years later we're still friends. I 100% agree with Jim's take on marriage. Another outstanding interview Mark!!
This is a fine example of how it should be done. You have my respect.
4 times in 7 years… dang man mom was a mess
Same. I still haven't been married. Lol
Do you regret the marriage
@@RetireandGoyou need to think about what it’ll be like for a kid to grow up with older parent(s)
"People lie to their therapist, but they won't lie to their divorce lawyer." Wow! I'm blown away. I want to read Sexton's books.
It doesn't benefit you to lie to your lawyer - some form of the truth will eventually come out in the wash. I don't understand why people would want to lie to their therapist if they actually wanted help either but that's another story.
He has published books about marriage? I'm not surprised.
Therapy works when you work it. People don’t want to do the work, which is what he’s saying. The uncomfortable conversations in the beginning for the prenup… if you can’t do that, then you shouldn’t be getting married.
One of my absolute favorite interviews on this channel.
One of the best I've ever experienced in this channel. Well done
This is one of the best episodes produced! Highly insightful from many perspectives. The irony of it is that he gave the literal solutions for a successful marriage: 1) Don't compare. 2) Don't be selfish. 3) Feed the marriage. 4) Keep holding hands 5) Become the best version of yourself. A successful marriage isn't winning the lottery. It's a mutual willingness to do the work necessary to create happiness.
YES
Yes! I totally agree! This was thr best episode for me so far. This man is just so incredibly on the ball. Amazing stuff, and what you say is true about the points to a successful marriage 💑
I mean thats what he means i think finding someone with that mutual willingness to make it work is kinda like winning the lottery
Most of all historically marriage is covenant to raise children. Or heirs to the farm, cattle, patch of land. It was never intended for mutual
Happiness.
I believe he could write a fantastic book about this subject
Every person on earth needs to watch this interview. Gather in groups. Play it on planes. Show it in theaters. This. Is. Gold.
guy seems like a total jerkoff
Well said
This really should be playing in theaters
I agree, I will make sure my 21 yr old son watches this too. I can remember "my thing" , she never had a thing, she said she always knew we would divorce...
agree
WOW!! So many gems thrown out in that interview. I truly enjoyed James, and everything that he shared.
This is by far the most informative video I’ve ever seen on YT. Every man should watch this & take notes 💯
My wife and I have the kind of "truly happy marriage" that James talks about at the end, and its eerie how well he described the factors that contribute to a happy marriage. Especially in regard to "talking ahead of time about how you fight" and being grateful with what you have by looking at the way things "could be", otherwise. I think a happy marriage is much more possibly than we realize, but we put absolutely 0 effort educating ourselves in how to be successful beyond just "fall in love with someone," which is terrible advice if you want to have a happy marriage.
I personally think relationship education is just as important as sex education
If I had good education in each, I would have been saved a lot of pain.
If effort required is not put in the marriage then someone will steal your place even with a minimal effort like a wink 😅
The lottery ticket bit?
It's a self awareness issue. Some people are just impossible to reason with no matter what.
0 education in marriage.🎯
"You're going to die, does that undermine your life?" Is such a great way to look at this whole thing, honestly. This was a very good conversation to have.
It’s the 1 thing you can count on 😂
In divorce your waman will take at least half of your money and property, your children too more importantly. You will loose your friends and family who will almost certainly not be on your side. Death is preferable for many who go trough this.
@@bone6495yup, divorce is not something you want.
Ok, I’m just halfway through this interview but gotta say this lawyer is absolutely brilliant!
Captivating, brutally honest and very inspiring!
Excellent interview! The reality of spending our lives together depends on our ability to communicate well & constructively.
“Falling feels like flying, at least for a little while”.
Exceptional interview. This guy needs a publishing deal.Signed, a happily married woman who still gets butterflies after 23 years.
Same! Married 22 years, we are the lucky ones ❤
29 so far.....❤
42 years with two wonderful children and three beautiful grandchildren.
We are the 44%💕. While not all of the 44% are happy, the 56% are not all happy as well!
"It's not how you fall, it's how you land" - French proverb.
"I wanna see how it looked like when these people loved each other." Genuinely made me tear up, what a beautiful sentiment.
i wonder how many people actually loved each other, or got married for other reasons like societal expectations (have to be married by x age, otherwise people will think i'm x,y,z so i'll just settle down with this person) or finances (if we get married we'll pay less taxes). or how many marriages are actually deeply connected.. most people aren't deep, most people haven't done the internal work to be able to actually connect with their spouse or even themselves.
😅 0:41 😅😅 0:41 😅😅😅 1:06
Their toxic side isn't revealed yet in the honeymoon stage.
This is one of the best interviews I've ever seen. I learned SO much.
Wow, this is one of the most compelling interview I’ve seen. Bravo.
can we have more soft white underbelly interviews like this with super educated people and hear their opinions? I love it so fascinating
In a way, the soft white underbelly of marriage is divorce.
This man just outclassed every relationship counselor, clergy, psychologist out there. Wow. Amazing stuff. I feel privileged to have listened. Thank you for this one!
Really? Nihilism is clever? It’s not, and it’s not new.
Decorate this house?
*YES* !!!!!!!!👏👍👏👍👏👍
I agree.
He's a lawyer. Many underestimate the financial pressure on today's middle classes ability to afford kids. Kids were an aspiration that helped keep families together, right or wrong. I'm afraid that won't improve.
My husband and I watched this together. We have been happily married for 37 yrs. We are both retired from law enforcement, we beat the marriage odds there too. Hubby is 58 and I will be 56. We spend most days and every night together. We have our own hobbies. We hit the marriage lottery.
My ten year anniversary is coming up. My husband's 33 and I'm 35. We're going strong. And have all intentions of keeping our vows. I feel lucky too. Happy for you guys!
This is what marriage about conversations and hobbies and just enjoying each other company 🎉❤🎉🎉
probably the best talk/lecture/podcast on relationships that I have seen ❤
If you find your soulmate and true love, marriage is Heaven on Earth. My husband and I were blessed with that kind of love for 52 years (married for 51 years 4 months and 21 days,) He's in Heaven now, waiting for me. I miss him beyond measure.
This is so precious
I'm really sorry for the loss ❤️
Wow. It's does exist. Is it possible to find it before divorce?
@@TOMMY-WANT-WINGY😂😂😂
@@jessebaseal6577 Thank you. Whenever I am depressed about being without him, I have to remind myself I was very blessed to have shared his life and love for all those years, and we'll be together again.
Love this guy! A divorce lawyer who is a romantic at heart after seeing the worst of people.
Well said!
Love this description. Sounds like a good idea for a tv series.
@@jsanabria yes! I really enjoyed this interview, so many great points he made! Very well done 👍🏻
I need more videos from this man, the insights and experiences he shared hit a resounding tone with me. I love how raw and unfiltered the video and his responses are, there's no BS or sugar coating, its reality.
Easily the best interview on this channel!!! (So far) Good stuff!!