I'm sorry you feel that way. It's true that the focus is usually on women being abused because it's more common. But, yes. Men are also abused and we do care if you're in this situation. You also deserve to be safe.
Sometimes we are so trapped in a metal fog caused by daily navigating an emotionally and mentally volatile environment that we need a fresh perspective and an outside voice to help us see the truth and the reality.
Thank you so much for this video! Perfect timing. God is using you Leslie. I am a Christian wife who struggles with this. I have been with my mentally ill, bipolar, fly off the handle spouse since 1983. I am so tired. He needs to get into counseling with me if we are to have a healthy marriage. All of the years of solo counseling can only do so much. I am praying for him. I do believe he deals with demons. He has said so himself.
Thank you Leslie for all that you are teaching me. I'm growing stronger every day. I'm on my way to respecting myself while being compassionate and empathic toward my husband who is so wounded. My boundaries are being set! You are so helpful to so many. I am grateful!
I have struggled to leave my wife for many years after her abuse, even though it stems from an undiagnosed mental illness. But I finally realized I can't fix her.
thank you for validating what I have been suffering through ,recent I left my husband who has bi-polar disorder ,increasingly became more and more aggressive and unstable to the point of my needing to get a restraining order.He still blames me for everything ,even though I was the backbone of the family ,doing everything and being a faithful wife ! I am still praying for him to get help,but he refuses to get treatment and now his life is spiralling out of control,facing 10 years in jail due to his manic episodes.Please pray for his healing !
This is so true. This is a really great video. It's really hard to live with mental illness. My wife has NO compassion for my mental illness issues. I was diagnosed with ADHD just a few years ago and I'm still learning how to manage it properly. And I freely admit that I really struggle living with ADHD and it would be hard for my wife. But I've done so much in the way of trying to get help for myself by going to therapy, regularly seeing the doctor, regularly seeing my psychiatrist. But my wife had shown NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER in this. NONE. ZILCH. All she does is complain about how I ruin everything. I feel so terrible and so remorseful when I do something wrong. But I keep trying to do better and I have been doing better. A lot better. But no matter what I do she will not let go of the past and nothing is ever good enough. She never encouraged me or supported me in my battle with mental illness. All she did was complain. She constantly says "I'm not responsible for your happiness" but she doesn't even understand what this saying actually means. She thinks that this means she has a free pass to treat me like shit and say horrible things to me and if I become unhappy that she does these things to me then she thinks she's not responsible for that. But for the past year my wife has been suffering from post natal depression but she doesn't do ANYTHING to help herself. She puts it ALL on me. I have to BEG her just to see a psychologist. I make appointments for her but she will threaten to not go to see the psychologist whenever we get into an argument just to try upset me. She was on medication for a while and she was doing so much better but she stopped taking it. I honestly think she stopped taking it just to annoy me. She says she doesn't need medication like I do because she has the "will" to overcome it. But she doesn't. Depression doesn't work like that but she doesn't listen to anything I have to say. She's so fixated on the past and so hyper aware of when someone has done something to upset her that she's completely oblivious to the things she's doing to hurt everyone else. I don't know what to do. I really feel compassion for her because I know what it's like to live with mental illness but she just refuses to help herself and refuses to do anything to help our relationship. She just expects everyone else to accommodate her and work around her but she doesn't want to accommodate or encourage anyone else or do any work herself. Our relationship has really been on the rocks for over a year now and I've BEGGED her to come see a marriage counselor to work on our relationship but she won't do it. I asked if she would like to go on a marriage retreat but she won't do it. She won't go on medication, she won't see a psychologist, she won't come see a marriage counselor, she won't try to solve our issues she just complains about our issues. I'm at my wits end. Anything positive I suggest to her to help she shoots it down. All she wants to do is complain. This situation has now deteriorated my mental health to the point where I'm suffering from suicidal ideation and I feel there's just no hope for the future. How much longer should I put up with this?
This video is amazing thankyou!! I need a professional on our team. Thankyou!! I can sit here for a year going over what to do but you wrapped it up into a 3 minute video. Thankyou!!
Finally.... Some who called a spade.. A spade. Because of her issues I'm the punching bag. I've had enough. She hits me.. I hear man up. If I man up ill break bones. Going to Divorce
I’m with you man. As I write this becomes more of an accepted reality because she won’t accept that she or “we” (egg shells) Need to go talk to someone. It has been 10 years progressively getting worse to the point where I feel like a professional would say we should’ve been seeking and getting help years ago due to the possible permanent mental damage if not treated
Great vid, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm new to youtube and making vids about mental health and similar stuff, and it's awesome to see what other people are sharing. Thanks again.
Me and the kids are living with my dad and have been for 5 months. I left due to emotional abuse, lying and a possible affair. My husband says he will do anything, even goes to therapy but the behavior continues off and on. He’s pressured and demanded that I move back home. Forcing me into conversations I don’t want to have. Threatened divorce if I don’t, so I accepted that. He got furious. He pretends to be nice but then is abusive again. I hold my boundaries and distance myself. Then I get sucked back into conversations with promises and crying and telling me I am abandoning him. He manipulates me, plays the victim and acts like I’ve wronged him by establishing boundaries that he doesn’t respect, only pretends to sometimes to get what he wants. He is threatening and scares me. He keeps sucking me back into these circular exhausting conversations. I tell him I have to go and he keeps calling over and over. He’s telling family and friends that he is doing everything he can and everything I’ve asked of him, but he hasn’t. He doesn’t have a repentant or humble heart. Now at the last hour when he finally thinks I’m done, he starts saying all the right things but if I don’t immediately want to spend time with him or have sex with him he gets angry. I don’t feel safe with him. I need to break off all contact but he isn’t going to let me do that. He showed up here and tried to rip open the back door to get inside. Since we’ve been separated the abuse has gotten worse. He professes love but it doesn’t feel like love, it feels like control. How long do I have to live this way waiting for him to “see the light?” I’ve bought him books, I’ve shared scripture, I’ve prayed, and he acts like he is open to these things, but I don’t think he really is but he is learning some better wording to manipulate me with. He is pulling out the big guns now falling on the sword so to speak but it doesn’t feel right. My inner alarms are blaring. When does it cross that threshold that I can get out and end my suffering? How many times do I have to hear that he’s going to do whatever it takes to be a better man? It feels like he is just making it look that way to suck me back in. He keeps doing this and expects me to hang my hope on that.
Is it ok for your husband to threaten you with divorce the day after your grandmother dies because he doesn't believe she's dead and he thinks he's an expert on death because he's an army veteran. He just sits and calls me names and criticized my speaking to my brother about funeral plans before I had to go to work. I feel like he's being very selfish and I feel alone. At this point I almost feel like I'd be better off if he'd just leave so I don't have to hear his constant threats and crazy accusations. He refuses to leave though saying I need to leave and be locked away because he thinks I'm crazy being upset with him. I work full time but can't afford all the bills alone.
Oh man girl. I'm in the same boat. Husband picks on me when I work calling me a slave to society while he drank. He's always been a little narcissist but it's gotten worse the last 12 years. Plus he is now delusional. You'll have to leave for your own sanity. If you're a child of God he'll be with you and make a way. I separated from my husband a few times and after a while took him back. God always provided for me and 3 children. With his current behaviour I'll have to separate again.
I had a mental breakdown and acted very unreasonable. But ive completely changed its been 7 months and she still wants nothing to do with me,do i deserve this or is she being unreasonable, advice would be appreciated, thanks
Thanks Leslie. I struggle with my wife schizophrenia. I tried counselling and seeing what we could do to get help. My wife refuse and I get emotionally abused. She now kicked me out of the marital home and I can't fix her. Am I responsible for my wife wanting to divorce me because u can't control my wife emotion and decision?
I'm so sorry to read about your wife's schizophrenia. I don't know enough about your situation to speak directly to it. In general, you are responsible for your own actions, your own thoughts, and your own feelings. Has she expressed things to you as to why she's wanting a divorce and have you been willing to hear and pray about what she's said? Is there any truth there? Take these things before the Lord and I pray he gives you guidance and peace.
@@leslievernick We don't have kids. She wants a divorce cause we don't' agree on kids and she did not like the idea I was looking for ways to adopt/ have God kids / considered sperm donor (not actioned) after she said she refuse to have any sex with me anymore. Because of my stance in wanting kids which we initially agreed before and during the 7 years of marriage. She did not like my decision and decide it was best to divorce me. I have constantly seek counselling and encourage her to do the same with me. I was not successful. She wanted a marriage to have separate lives and sleep separately. It was painful everyday as I live with a very cold roommate who does not care about me.
No but a wife can separate from her husband and remain separate or reconcile. I've lived with a narcissist for over 25 years and he only gets worse every year. I can deal with the drinking, pot smoking, and refusal to work. I can't deal with being told I'm Satan, that Jesus is a liar, the bible is false, it's all my fault, day after day after day til I want to run away. No thanks.
@@twiceadopted7147 Hi there! Its like copypaste of my situation! But I am very bad wife, I can't deal with refusal to work, pot smoking, sitting around all day, having no money, and spending those few bucks on cigarets, not supporting his bio son properly, listening to crap things about God and that Jesus does not know me, eating out my kid's food and victimizing himself, everything being my fault, and wanting to live above standards wheb the only thing i want is him having some side job here and there to only see him at least trying a bit and not feeling like a slave..this is a nightmare literally..I am not tolerant at all bc I can't deal with anything of that!
No, but abuse is. And man deliberately refusing to work, sitting around all day, spending only money on his cigaretes, not helping with anything, not wanting and trying to get any help and move somewhere is abusive in my eyes. Would like to know so badly what is God's point of view on this..
Oh yes you can , if they knowing marry you and not say they have a mental problem is abuse. Give the person a choice if they want or can tolerate this . “ Cast not your pearls before the swine “ !
The bible is clear on self control. When a person has a mental health issue they are prone to anger violence abuse and these things have been stated as issues to avoid in people
So good! This was a lightbulb, “Even though your husband has been abused doesn’t give him permission to be an abuser.” Wow. So good
Also here is he him. My wife has severe mental issues. So much so I don't feel safe. But when you're the man in this situation no one gives a crap
Im in this situation. It is destroying my life.
I'm sorry you feel that way. It's true that the focus is usually on women being abused because it's more common. But, yes. Men are also abused and we do care if you're in this situation. You also deserve to be safe.
@@timc7846me too. I’m a shell of how I used to be. And if I leave I know I’m the monster.
Sometimes we are so trapped in a metal fog caused by daily navigating an emotionally and mentally volatile environment that we need a fresh perspective and an outside voice to help us see the truth and the reality.
Thank you so much for this video! Perfect timing. God is using you Leslie. I am a Christian wife who struggles with this. I have been with my mentally ill, bipolar, fly off the handle spouse since 1983. I am so tired. He needs to get into counseling with me if we are to have a healthy marriage. All of the years of solo counseling can only do so much. I am praying for him. I do believe he deals with demons. He has said so himself.
I can understand your pain Sunshine. Be strong always and know you have the power through the Holy Spirit to get through it.
Hi, I'm going through this now. Do you mind me asking if he sought help and whether or where yall are at now in the marriage
Thank you Leslie for all that you are teaching me. I'm growing stronger every day. I'm on my way to respecting myself while being compassionate and empathic toward my husband who is so wounded. My boundaries are being set! You are so helpful to so many. I am grateful!
Do you mind me asking how things are now that you set your boundaries?
I have struggled to leave my wife for many years after her abuse, even though it stems from an undiagnosed mental illness. But I finally realized I can't fix her.
thank you for validating what I have been suffering through ,recent I left my husband who has bi-polar disorder ,increasingly became more and more aggressive and unstable to the point of my needing to get a restraining order.He still blames me for everything ,even though I was the backbone of the family ,doing everything and being a faithful wife ! I am still praying for him to get help,but he refuses to get treatment and now his life is spiralling out of control,facing 10 years in jail due to his manic episodes.Please pray for his healing !
OMG! I literally had to double check and make sure this wasn’t my comment. This is my exact story. I just haven’t left yet! Good for you!!!!
This is so true. This is a really great video. It's really hard to live with mental illness. My wife has NO compassion for my mental illness issues. I was diagnosed with ADHD just a few years ago and I'm still learning how to manage it properly. And I freely admit that I really struggle living with ADHD and it would be hard for my wife. But I've done so much in the way of trying to get help for myself by going to therapy, regularly seeing the doctor, regularly seeing my psychiatrist. But my wife had shown NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER in this. NONE. ZILCH. All she does is complain about how I ruin everything. I feel so terrible and so remorseful when I do something wrong. But I keep trying to do better and I have been doing better. A lot better. But no matter what I do she will not let go of the past and nothing is ever good enough. She never encouraged me or supported me in my battle with mental illness. All she did was complain.
She constantly says "I'm not responsible for your happiness" but she doesn't even understand what this saying actually means. She thinks that this means she has a free pass to treat me like shit and say horrible things to me and if I become unhappy that she does these things to me then she thinks she's not responsible for that.
But for the past year my wife has been suffering from post natal depression but she doesn't do ANYTHING to help herself. She puts it ALL on me. I have to BEG her just to see a psychologist. I make appointments for her but she will threaten to not go to see the psychologist whenever we get into an argument just to try upset me. She was on medication for a while and she was doing so much better but she stopped taking it. I honestly think she stopped taking it just to annoy me. She says she doesn't need medication like I do because she has the "will" to overcome it. But she doesn't. Depression doesn't work like that but she doesn't listen to anything I have to say.
She's so fixated on the past and so hyper aware of when someone has done something to upset her that she's completely oblivious to the things she's doing to hurt everyone else.
I don't know what to do. I really feel compassion for her because I know what it's like to live with mental illness but she just refuses to help herself and refuses to do anything to help our relationship. She just expects everyone else to accommodate her and work around her but she doesn't want to accommodate or encourage anyone else or do any work herself. Our relationship has really been on the rocks for over a year now and I've BEGGED her to come see a marriage counselor to work on our relationship but she won't do it. I asked if she would like to go on a marriage retreat but she won't do it. She won't go on medication, she won't see a psychologist, she won't come see a marriage counselor, she won't try to solve our issues she just complains about our issues.
I'm at my wits end. Anything positive I suggest to her to help she shoots it down. All she wants to do is complain. This situation has now deteriorated my mental health to the point where I'm suffering from suicidal ideation and I feel there's just no hope for the future.
How much longer should I put up with this?
Take care of yourself man
This video is amazing thankyou!! I need a professional on our team. Thankyou!! I can sit here for a year going over what to do but you wrapped it up into a 3 minute video. Thankyou!!
Thank you so much for this validation.
Absolutely agree. Especially for your own mental health
Finally.... Some who called a spade.. A spade.
Because of her issues I'm the punching bag.
I've had enough.
She hits me.. I hear man up.
If I man up ill break bones.
Going to Divorce
I’m with you man. As I write this becomes more of an accepted reality because she won’t accept that she or “we” (egg shells) Need to go talk to someone. It has been 10 years progressively getting worse to the point where I feel like a professional would say we should’ve been seeking and getting help years ago due to the possible permanent mental damage if not treated
Give an update please. This is difficult.
Great vid, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm new to youtube and making vids about mental health and similar stuff, and it's awesome to see what other people are sharing. Thanks again.
Me and the kids are living with my dad and have been for 5 months. I left due to emotional abuse, lying and a possible affair. My husband says he will do anything, even goes to therapy but the behavior continues off and on. He’s pressured and demanded that I move back home. Forcing me into conversations I don’t want to have. Threatened divorce if I don’t, so I accepted that. He got furious. He pretends to be nice but then is abusive again. I hold my boundaries and distance myself. Then I get sucked back into conversations with promises and crying and telling me I am abandoning him. He manipulates me, plays the victim and acts like I’ve wronged him by establishing boundaries that he doesn’t respect, only pretends to sometimes to get what he wants. He is threatening and scares me. He keeps sucking me back into these circular exhausting conversations. I tell him I have to go and he keeps calling over and over. He’s telling family and friends that he is doing everything he can and everything I’ve asked of him, but he hasn’t. He doesn’t have a repentant or humble heart. Now at the last hour when he finally thinks I’m done, he starts saying all the right things but if I don’t immediately want to spend time with him or have sex with him he gets angry. I don’t feel safe with him. I need to break off all contact but he isn’t going to let me do that. He showed up here and tried to rip open the back door to get inside. Since we’ve been separated the abuse has gotten worse. He professes love but it doesn’t feel like love, it feels like control. How long do I have to live this way waiting for him to “see the light?” I’ve bought him books, I’ve shared scripture, I’ve prayed, and he acts like he is open to these things, but I don’t think he really is but he is learning some better wording to manipulate me with. He is pulling out the big guns now falling on the sword so to speak but it doesn’t feel right. My inner alarms are blaring. When does it cross that threshold that I can get out and end my suffering? How many times do I have to hear that he’s going to do whatever it takes to be a better man? It feels like he is just making it look that way to suck me back in. He keeps doing this and expects me to hang my hope on that.
He is telling you loud and clear with his actions where his heart is. How long do you want to wait until you believe him?
Thanks for this video. I needed to hear this.
Come on now! You’re absolutely right!
How about a wife that has lots of childhood trauma but takes it out on me and the kids??? I need help
My health is way my important
Is it ok for your husband to threaten you with divorce the day after your grandmother dies because he doesn't believe she's dead and he thinks he's an expert on death because he's an army veteran. He just sits and calls me names and criticized my speaking to my brother about funeral plans before I had to go to work. I feel like he's being very selfish and I feel alone. At this point I almost feel like I'd be better off if he'd just leave so I don't have to hear his constant threats and crazy accusations. He refuses to leave though saying I need to leave and be locked away because he thinks I'm crazy being upset with him. I work full time but can't afford all the bills alone.
Oh man girl. I'm in the same boat. Husband picks on me when I work calling me a slave to society while he drank. He's always been a little narcissist but it's gotten worse the last 12 years. Plus he is now delusional. You'll have to leave for your own sanity. If you're a child of God he'll be with you and make a way. I separated from my husband a few times and after a while took him back. God always provided for me and 3 children. With his current behaviour I'll have to separate again.
I hope both of you ladies left these r/ships for your sake ,x
My Husband has narcissistic personlaity disorder, I was so confuse how to help him but I have reached the brink of our marriage
Thank you! I really needed this
I had a mental breakdown and acted very unreasonable. But ive completely changed its been 7 months and she still wants nothing to do with me,do i deserve this or is she being unreasonable, advice would be appreciated, thanks
Another great video!!
No its not wrong its your only move
Thanks Leslie. I struggle with my wife schizophrenia. I tried counselling and seeing what we could do to get help. My wife refuse and I get emotionally abused. She now kicked me out of the marital home and I can't fix her.
Am I responsible for my wife wanting to divorce me because u can't control my wife emotion and decision?
I'm so sorry to read about your wife's schizophrenia. I don't know enough about your situation to speak directly to it. In general, you are responsible for your own actions, your own thoughts, and your own feelings. Has she expressed things to you as to why she's wanting a divorce and have you been willing to hear and pray about what she's said? Is there any truth there?
Take these things before the Lord and I pray he gives you guidance and peace.
@@leslievernick We don't have kids. She wants a divorce cause we don't' agree on kids and she did not like the idea I was looking for ways to adopt/ have God kids / considered sperm donor (not actioned) after she said she refuse to have any sex with me anymore. Because of my stance in wanting kids which we initially agreed before and during the 7 years of marriage. She did not like my decision and decide it was best to divorce me. I have constantly seek counselling and encourage her to do the same with me. I was not successful. She wanted a marriage to have separate lives and sleep separately. It was painful everyday as I live with a very cold roommate who does not care about me.
@@clee266 I am so sorry. I think you will now have to decide what you want at this point.
@leslievernick I just let her do what she wants to do. I can't stop her. However I know I have to live a lonely life as Iam abandon by my wife.
So can you divorce?
Thank you 💯💯💯
Amen - yes
Husband or wife
Thank you!
Thank you.
mental issues do not constitute a Biblical reason, for divorce, and remarriage...
No but a wife can separate from her husband and remain separate or reconcile. I've lived with a narcissist for over 25 years and he only gets worse every year. I can deal with the drinking, pot smoking, and refusal to work. I can't deal with being told I'm Satan, that Jesus is a liar, the bible is false, it's all my fault, day after day after day til I want to run away. No thanks.
@@twiceadopted7147 Hi there! Its like copypaste of my situation! But I am very bad wife, I can't deal with refusal to work, pot smoking, sitting around all day, having no money, and spending those few bucks on cigarets, not supporting his bio son properly, listening to crap things about God and that Jesus does not know me, eating out my kid's food and victimizing himself, everything being my fault, and wanting to live above standards wheb the only thing i want is him having some side job here and there to only see him at least trying a bit and not feeling like a slave..this is a nightmare literally..I am not tolerant at all bc I can't deal with anything of that!
No, but abuse is. And man deliberately refusing to work, sitting around all day, spending only money on his cigaretes, not helping with anything, not wanting and trying to get any help and move somewhere is abusive in my eyes. Would like to know so badly what is God's point of view on this..
@@twiceadopted7147Why do you stay with this demon ?
Oh yes you can , if they knowing marry you and not say they have a mental problem is abuse. Give the person a choice if they want or can tolerate this . “ Cast not your pearls before the swine “ !
show a Biblical verse that supports your position...
The bible is clear on self control. When a person has a mental health issue they are prone to anger violence abuse and these things have been stated as issues to avoid in people
yup.A prudent man sees danger and hides him/herself.and the children involved in these situations are innocent and deserve protection.@@africanqueenmo