You’re absolutely right that we auties have big empathy. The people saying autistic people are “low empathy” made more sense when I found out studies used the term empathy to mean “good at guessing what other people are thinking” rather than what I see as empathy - caring about the wellbeing of people and animals, and feeling sad when others are suffering.
I was told I was a difficult child. The more and more I learn, the more I realize my mom just didn't pay attention to what was going on with me, and didn't seek out the help that I needed.
healthcare was weak in the 80s and 90s....the late 90s and 2000s was unreal for pharma companies....had every friend on riddilin or adderol or thorazine 😂 🤷♂️ my diagnosis was labled "adjustment disorder" 😂❤ 1999
Ah yes falsely believing everyone is truthful. So that is a qualitative function you've derived from your personality? If this is true then how can you possibly see real truth anywhere?
C-PTSD is not officially DSM-5 but it's good that it's already officially in ICD-11 since 2022, so in many countries around the world psychiatrists are now obligated to validate our C-PTSD experiences without gaslighting us that this term doesn't exist.
Yeah I was shocked that the mental health professional I spoke to didn't know about CPTSD. I've learned about it a bunch for a while already it feels like to me
My dr gaslit my autism and only pointed at cptsd. Wasting so much time proving my autism too a therapist that I'm finally scheduled for. No help being in shut down when I can barely feed myself or take care of other stuff. So no access to the help I really need. Yes cptsd is valid, but if I weren't so stubborn I'd be dead 100x since I started going. They just want to drug me, and thats why I have cptsd. Wasted 20mn of my shrink eval quoting his books about cptsd instead of asking me the questions that matter. I hate talking to people in their egos built on others observations insted of knowing what to ask to get to the bottom of things. 54yrs of this. Is there any hope for them? Or me? ❤😢
Spot on! I'm finding that if I stop and see how my body is responding, it's so much better for me. Especially with people. If they're making me smile, but my stomach feels like cardboard, that's a hard "no."
Grew up being taught that I need to be learn responsibility for myself. Grew up in an ideology of self-sacrifice is the greatest good to be praised (selfless kindness was my greatest source of self-esteem). Realize now that I don't have the ability to do it all myself. Realize that I don't trust myself to the system that ignored my autistic traits when trying to make me continue living. Realize that I can't afford a personal life without the job that saps all my energy. Realize my job is suffering from my having no balance... I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this. I was in the same boat until i started practicing taking care of myself first by doing little things for myself that made me happy. Ask yourself what you would really like to do with life and then take small steps toward that while you're working. This is true taking responsibility for yourself - taking good care of yourself, making sure you are safe, feeling out energy that feels better versus putting up with energy that doesn't. At first these will feel like selfish acts and they are but they are good selfish acts. They are acts of self-care and like anything they take practice so be gentle and kind with yourself as you learn new habits. It's not easy work in a world that doesn't support it but it's worth it in the long run. Sending you all my best. You got this!!
Another personality disorder to be aware of is BPD. My wife didn't fit the important parts of NPD, but I was still being gaslit. Only when I learned about BPD did everything make sense. Only then was I able to feel validated, even though I had proof that I was being manipulated and alienated.
Thank you. The way you talked about empathy, complex PTSD, examples of trauma that we're more susceptible to (I know it, I have the PTSD+fibromyalgia winning combo) I have also found that I've attracted NPD partners and my mom fits that picture, too. Thank you so much, Taylor. I'm going to share this with my sister.
Thank you for this! I lay in the bedroom to read a book yesterday and I ended up still and quiet and listened to my body for the first time in I don't know how long (years?) and it was quite a shock - I had no idea my muscles / joints were SO sore and tired. I've just been plodding on all this time, not really thinking about it and not having the opportunity to think (or feel) about it.
Definitely can relate to this. I've put my own needs aside all my life, especially since having a child with high support needs. Now I'm getting sick or getting minor injuries. Today is my first day of PT. Part of me keeps saying, "I'm fine, I don't need this." I know I do though. Great video! 💞
Taylor, I love you so much! I love actual rain while I’m sleeping but most white noise rain infuriates me too! I can detect the loop right away and it keeps me up. Everyone tells me I’m crazy, no one can track that. Well, we’re ND and not “everyone”. 🙏
oh you just described perfectly what I've been feeling! love sleeping listening to cars driving by, but sleeping listening to videos with that same sound is just not the same and doesn't work at all
As someone who is autistic and has CPTSD, I’ve been told a lot of things. “You’re just being a baby. Suck it up. Nobody else behaves or acts like that. You’re just being weak, you’re such a wimp.” I now bottle my feelings up, and if something is causing me sensory overload, I just push the feelings down and tell myself to deal with it, get over it, and that I’m not allowed to feel that way because I have no right to. I’m learning that just because I have intense emotions doesn’t make me a simp. Just because I have flashbacks doesn’t make me a baby.
I feel things so much that my empathy can overwhelm me at times and so I don’t know how to outwardly show it, because I’m trying to not feel the extreme feelings.
Finding ourselves in relationships with narcissistic and manipulative people? Ding ding ding! That's me! Taylor, thank you for what you said about the intention not to villainize narcissists and to recognize that they are real people who had reasons those characteristics developed. I have certainly fallen into my own trap of painting those in my own relationships in a bad light. I am 46 and I've been in two consecutive long term relationships with BPD women, and was married to a controlling narcissist before that. Thank you so much for researching this, I can't wait to hear what you find!
It's definitely a connection I've been very interested in for a while now. It's very complicated, because one might deeply love and care for a narcissistic person who is loving them back in the only way they know how, albeit imperfectly and even many times in a way that causes harm. People with narcissistic tendencies are human beings as well (obviously) and deserve kindness and empathy, but not at the cost of our own well-being and intuitive inclinations. It can be extremely difficult to start setting boundaries with a narcissist when you may love them and not know what your life looks like without them. And also, they might push back and things can sometimes escalate when you set boundaries and start taking care of yourself. It's a tricky dynamic to navigate, and both sides of the relationship deserve empathy. Thanks for your comment!
@@MomontheSpectrumit’s that pushback from them that is so heartbreaking and disregulating. I kind of can’t stop believing that, if I just manage to fully explain what does and doesn’t work for me, while reassuring him that I see him and I care about him, that he will be able to hear me without twisting my self-advocacy into some story about how I don’t love him. Him accusing me of that isn’t logical though. It’s a trauma response from his brain-damagingly traumatic childhood and adolescence. Knowing that he is on some level stuck there is so so heartbreaking. It’s also heartbreaking to constantly be on the receiving end of his dysfunction, either by caregiving for it or by getting accused of being a cold uncaring selfish person when I make the mistake bringing my needs to the table. It’s so sad. We’re both so sad. I am so grateful to be able to see what’s happening, but I hate that that means I’m the one who has to do something about it. Especially knowing exactly how much it will hurt him l, and the hurtful shit he will sling back at me in response. I don’t feel like I’ll ever have enough energy to face that, but I also don’t have the energy to do this for another 6 years let alone forever. I just feel so stuck. Sorry for the trauma dump. TLDR, this is my saddest and most personal hyper-fixation, and I’m so glad you’re researching this! Never clicked a video so fast 🩷
@@isabelleduniway2943I deeply relate to this comment. My last relationship was a friendship (I guess we will call it that) for about a year and a half and then long distance dating for about 6 months before it imploded. I knew what was happening and I couldn’t sustain being accused of things that are really inconsistent with my character because I do take feedback seriously and I self-reflect. He would find ways for me to doubt myself even when I advocated for me. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to advocate for myself, though. It’s exhausting. And I hear you. We can care so deeply and feel so much empathy for our partners but it feels like a one-sided thing to me. Since my previous partners wouldn’t have any accountability hardly. Maybe a little from the last guy. He pretty much spelled it out for me that he is a narcissist. Or maybe a psychopath even. Someone revoke my dating rights. 😅
You mentioned the comparison with an overloaded computer crashing. On of the best ways to describe my ADHD issues to other people is the input filter for a computer. A neurotypical person is able to prioritize all the stimuli that impinge on the senses, keeping the number of stimuli that need to be processed to a very manageable level. But in a neurodiverse person that input filter does not work as it should, and the Central Processing Unit (also known as “The Brain”) gets overloaded and crashes as a result. For example, in a social gathering I hear what the person in front of me says, but I also hear what the person behind me says, what the person to my left says in their group, what the person to my right says to their group conversation. And since my input filter is not working correctly, I have a very hard time paying attention to my conversation with the person in front of me. It is literally physically tiring for me! Social gathering leave me absolutely exhausted and drained! I learned about ADHD about 25 years ago. It was a huge “Eureka” moment for me, and it explained so much of the struggle I had all through my school years. But I also realized very soon, that ADHD still left a lot to be explained. And it has only been in the last few years that I have come to recognize a lot of autistic symptoms. So now in my mid fifties I am pursuing a formal assessment for both ADHD and Autism.
Oof I clicked SO FAST. I especially had to learn to trust myself again when it came to MEN. I was always told I was “too picky” (implying that I’m lucky anybody likes me and I should take what I can get). But I am completely allergic to men’s bullshit 😂 but I also have been misunderstood so many times I will see every way I could be misunderstanding someone, and so hyperempathetic that I don’t want to hurt anybody by asserting my needs. But I have had to learn to. I had to learn that just because I can understand where bad behaviour comes from doesn’t mean it’s my job to put up with it. I can wish them well, but wish them well the hell away from me.
I'm a guy, people say that about me with women too. I really expect a lot from a woman (compared to USA social standards) because I put a lot of effort in.
When you mentioned the nervous system being on high alert, I have been overwhelmed and when someone touched me in the past I would jump away and the person would say wow, that was an overreaction. I have severe scoliosis as well. I thought that was the cause and it might be related, but it is more than just my curved spine. It is actually my nervous system, not my skeletal or muscle system. I have followed you videos for a couple of years now. My son was officially diagnosed Thursday with level 1. I felt validated and had a since for a long time. Thank you, Taylor.
The breathing into areas of stress is something I have found helpful - I get headaches that result in neck pain and it was always something I tried to protect because I didn't want to have more pain there. I've heard this called "muscle guarding" and it can result in a lot of tension in our bodies.
I hold myself so rigidly in the protective stance that I'm always doing my PT exercises and stretches to try to undo the pain and stiffness. My muscle tension is involuntary and constant and so painfully sore all the time. (don't worry about me though, I have all my marching orders on how to deal with it)
I love the "it's not super spiritual or woowoo..." This video was perfect timing for me as I navigate an undiagnosed autistic male partner who is what I'm realizing is a narcissistic personality at times who just hurt me quite recently (last night). So thank you. Thank you, universe, for people like Mom on the Spectrum lm, who share their experiences with others in an effort to create a sense of belonging among a community of people just trying to get through this life! ❤😊
Hey, MotS, your videos are very healing. I learn so much, I cant tell you how priceless are the tools and language you give us. The discussion I find here is safe and easy to dive into/contribute to. This is one of my comfort channels. Your videos are perfect for when I feel like a lonely astronaut. its like your videos are sent to my computer in my little spaceship and Im immediately reminded of my place on earth. Speaking for myself, youve restored a sense of human dignity. I feel at peace with myself for the first time in 32 years. Im sure its not easy running your business and doing what you do, but know that the effort is appreciated and that youve radically changed at least one life. My life has changed for the better since finding your voice out there. Im so much kinder to myself, Ive evicted my Father’s impatient tone from my mind, I have relaxed. Masking is a gentle compromise on my terms instead of a compelled distortion of my being. Im finally enough when I enter a room. I take breaks and excuse myself, I stand up for myself in my family, I voice my limits and preferences. I dont feel guilty for being different. I am joyful. Et alia… No pressure to respond if you see this, (Im serious and literal about the no pressure, some creators burn out trying to do more than hearting the discussions) I just had to express my gratitude.
🥹 thank you so much for this heartfelt comment. It made my day! I’m so glad the channel has brought you comfort and healing. It’s messages like yours that fuel me! 🙏🏼 so glad you’re here
I have implemented something I created on my own, called the Top of the Hour rule. This has been working very well for me. As an autistic person, who also might be ADHD and OCD, it feels like my mind and body are going in different directions. I'm sure many of you can relate. As you were saying, Taylor, this is why it is so crucial that we check in with our mind and body. With my Top of the Hour rule, I stop what I'm doing at the beginning of each waking hour, give and take a few minutes, and just let my mind and body talk to me. How am I feeling? What sensory needs do I have to meet? Do I have to do something more intellectually stimulating, like a puzzle, or read a few articles? When it feels like there are contradictory forces inside your mind and body, you have to be sure all of your needs are being met throughout the day.
Wow. Had an "ah-ha!" moment watching this video. So grateful for all of the videos by the way. Anyway, about the epiphany... I have been exploring internally and subsequently uncovered that I've been subconsciously using different "modes" to navigate life. Kind of like your reference to flexible mode and (forget the other one ... but basically internal thinking mode). Also realizing that I have modes within modes and some modes developed for specific situations ( I have one I've called mission mode even before my diagnosis). The thing that your video triggered for me was that I have never been able to be in a mode in which I can feel my feelings and one in which I can evaluate and name those feelings at the same time (or at least I this feels accurate). Which might be a part of the reason I have such delayed processing of feelings. It's almost as if I have to alternate between feeling then considering what it was then rinse repeat a few times. Most times it takes me over night before I know what I felt the previous day, especially if it was intense. It also made it plain to see how it was so easy for some to de-validate and hijack my intuition from the single digit years. Incidentally, I have found that music does seem to bridge the gap between feelings and understanding them... sometimes... if it's the right music. It's almost as if I were "mind-doubling" using the musician or singer to lead the way mentally for my feelings to find their way toward cognition. ... Or maybe the music is just another stim that helps me think (lol). Its definitely one or the other.
Great topic. This is actually something I've become aware of in myself recently, and that a combination of severe trauma and the struggles of autism in general have left me completely disconnected with my inner self. I realised that, I don't even know who I am. And so I have begun a slow and painful process of discovery. Learning who the true "me" is without masking. Being true to my inner voice, putting my own needs first, and learning to trust that intuition that has been so blunted. It's been quite amazing so far. It's interesting what becomes clear. And how profoundly life changing it be when we finally start hearing what our inner voice has been screaming at us for so long. It hasn't been easy, but totally worth it so far.
It’s tough to get in touch with what your body is telling you when you live with chronic pain and doctors literally tell you to ignore what you’re feeling. But love the advice to do more of what feels good and less of what doesn’t, that’s going to change my life.
Thank you so much for bringing to the discussion the possibility that autistic people are actually much more empathetic than they seem. I drown in immense pain for others, yet I barely care for myself. Another topic I'd be interested in is the complete and life-long inability to understand and deception and lies.
I’ve been on high alert for what feels like my whole life. It takes so much more energy than I ever realized. Been in the process of moving and that has completely sucked all of the energy out of me. I’m trying to give myself grace as I go through this process. But it is a challenge to accept that I don’t bounce back like others seem to. This video is a great reminder to me to accept myself as I am! Thanks, Taylor!!!!!❤❤❤
ooooh yes! I found myself an alarm clock that has all the sounds and stuff on it - and the led light for the clock area is DIMMABLE - you can even turn it off which is amazing. I wake up to birds every day and it wakes me up just fine!
I got to say that i was diagnostic this week and yours videos have help SO MUCH to understand myself and stop me from gaslit myself into think that i was not autistic ❤❤❤❤ you really help during all the process and all the tests and understand myself better I could bring more responses to the tests and being diagnostic better
THANK YOU! I’ve spent soo much time trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, trying desperately to just be good enough and wondering why am I like this, What’s wrong with me. I’ve hated myself since middle school, I’ve experienced traumatic and abusive situations. I’ve always felt so lost and alone so to hear you talk about the feelings, behaviors, annoyances, and experiences that I’ve always struggled with alone in my head is extraordinary to me. Like I finally make sense to me!
I’m currently gaslighting myself into saying ”I shouldn’t be feeling this” when my supervisor is adding to me feeling unsafe and my spidey senses are going off like alarm bells. Am reading ” You are the Mountain” and in it the author says that you shouldn’t take part in your own mistreatment, which resonated so much. I’ve now scheduled time to end the supervision relationship and I really don’t know how to feel about it. Am I over reacting? Am I the drama? Should I just be able to take the abuse? Am I being ungrateful? So confusing and troubling. And am really scared of the consequences of basically saying “no more”. 😢
This video helped me a lot. I always feel misunderstood and not heard. Your videos help me to articulate to others what I’m feeling and experiencing, so thank you! And yes the slow change thing is true! I actually did start working out a year ago, and now I have a new job and had to take time to readjust so that I can keep my workout routine around my work. I was afraid I’d stop working out when I started work, but I was so depressed about missing my “special interest” that I had to make myself sleep more so I’d have energy to do the things I want to do. It was a slow life change and it stuck even when life changed. Now I gotta go exercise before I go to work! You guys, go to Pamela Reifs channel if you’re interested, seriously I almost have abs now after using her videos! So much fun 🤗🤗
I love your videos, they're so relatable, plus I love listening to your voice, there's something very soothing about it. Thank you for all the help and advice ❤
People put me down, I destroyed myself in my mind because others did I followed what was routine. when people tell me they think am such a nice person or I was good at my job I don't believe them I think their just coming from where the bullies did and just looking to emotionally tear me apart and laugh at me. I know am different my ADHD and Autisic brain won't allow me to settle. I believe am a freak and I validate this by the fact am 44, Male and brought up not to show emotion and all I am is emotional now through my hurts I let down my up bringing, I have an eating disorder, ADHD and Autistic. Am sorry I have been to open but going to post this anyway cause I wish to ask does anyone feel or go through this to
Oh my goodness, I love the sound machine! I had a different kind a few years ago for my senior pitbull who developed Sundowner Syndrome. It was great for her but not for me. Thanks!
I am currently in therapy for cPTSS. Almost 2 years now. For the next grouptherapy I need a diagnose for a personality disorder. (Something about that cPTSS isn’t in the dsm5 stuff… The hole program stopt) I did the test to see wich diagnoses I had, and now I started the process to see if autism/adhd/audhd is the real diagnose. I said this for years, but nobody believed me. High masking is not fun (don’t want to say bad words…) I so so don’t want to feel like crap and excausted anymore. I want to feel like I am just me and I don’t have to be like others to be good and enough.
I want yo check out the sound machine. Mine is so old and sounds staticky and is super touchy if the cord gets bumped it disconnects. We have a train nearby and it doesnt blow the horn but it still makes alot of noise.
Rejection, burnout, prevention and or recovery is a thing that I am very special interested in as a mom on the spectrum and who feels unsupported in our local community. I’m looking to collaborate with others to form a LEGO online community, possibly LEGO fan media. I’m getting very clear on the direction and purpose to design and develop this . Focusing in on Neuro diversity and sustainability. From the dirt to the soil with I’m thinking to create a photo book with worms and sunflowers and turn it into a recipe book with LEGO graphics, illustrations and easy read format, plain language. Incorporating color theory mindfulness IFS act with LEGO therapy or sustainability whatever you feel comfortable calling it. The science engineering architectural bits also including technology and mathematics . Let’s talk about spoons, forks, knives, other tableware, and how each one’s table may be different . Let’s add them into the play and works as well. Sustainability Agents of change amoeba mapping
my dad was autistic, hè didnt know, but for us Kids this was traumatic. He blew up after many days at work. Being angry and frustrated.. For me now people that are aitorithian arise this trauma respons
I know it was a part of the ad but I also have problems with fake rain sounds and the video by The Relaxing Town "Rain On Window with Thunder Sounds - Rain in Forest at Night - 10 Hours Relaxation and Sleep" has been the only one I could listen to. Otherwise I just have normal UA-camrs playing. Even the other The Relaxing Town videos aren't as good as that one for me if you wanted to try another one.
I have severe trust issues. Reading the comment below, I would consider myself to be very empathetic. I can feel other's emotions fairly easily . I also attract narcissists. Unfortunately, there are several in my family.
Is it possible if like, if its pointed out to you a lot, what your body is doing before you see and understand it's happening to you? And then you feel embarrassed?
I have felt alien/weird/different my whole life. I was late diagnosed a year ago. I have met other ASD individuals and I thought I would connect more, find my tribe so to speak. Any other ASD individuals feel that way? Still looking for your tribe?
Don't say you sound old for wanting phone-free/wifi-free/charger-free tech. I am in the digital minimalism subreddit and there are frequently young people posting begging for insight into how to live life if you want to minimize phone/screen usage. This is an all ages issue and we all deserve access to choosing a lifestyle with less phone/wifi requirements if we want it. ❤
The worst piece of advice I ever got, which still affects how I perceive things 20+ years later, is that when I experience an emotional disconnect, it's my conscience telling me I'm doing something wrong. So, my programmed instinct is to shun things I enjoy when I start feeling depressed and/or anxious. I've even thrown away irreplaceable collections of things that I still miss now.
I am being more electrified by your loquacious pseudo-intellectual rant than being gaslit. You tend to dumb down things down a lot about something that doesn't exist only in the minds of people who are not authentic and in touch with their true emotions. I prefer levels of emotional intelligence, childhood background, life experiences, and using transactional analysis as way of helping people to self improvement. A guide to positive psychological well being is more productive than seeking out less important issues in life..
Rejection, burnout, prevention and or recovery is a thing that I am very special interested in as a mom on the spectrum and who feels unsupported in our local community. I’m looking to collaborate with others to form a LEGO online community, possibly LEGO fan media. I’m getting very clear on the direction and purpose to design and develop this . Focusing in on Neuro diversity and sustainability. From the dirt to the soil with I’m thinking to create a photo book with worms and sunflowers and turn it into a recipe book with LEGO graphics, illustrations and easy read format, plain language. Incorporating color theory mindfulness IFS act with LEGO therapy or sustainability whatever you feel comfortable calling it. The science engineering architectural bits also including technology and mathematics . Let’s talk about spoons, forks, knives, other tableware, and how each one’s table may be different . Let’s add them into the play and works as well. Sustainability Agents of change amoeba mapping
You’re absolutely right that we auties have big empathy. The people saying autistic people are “low empathy” made more sense when I found out studies used the term empathy to mean “good at guessing what other people are thinking” rather than what I see as empathy - caring about the wellbeing of people and animals, and feeling sad when others are suffering.
That difference is empathy vs sympathy. It's a pretty common mix up.
There is intellectual empathy and emotional empathy. Intellectual empathy is often found in psychopaths lacking emotional empathy.
I was told I was a difficult child. The more and more I learn, the more I realize my mom just didn't pay attention to what was going on with me, and didn't seek out the help that I needed.
Same. And also she didn't seek out the help that SHE needed.
@pi2080 true. She would've had a much easier time raising me if she had admitted to herself that there was something wrong with me.
healthcare was weak in the 80s and 90s....the late 90s and 2000s was unreal for pharma companies....had every friend on riddilin or adderol or thorazine 😂 🤷♂️
my diagnosis was labled "adjustment disorder" 😂❤ 1999
@@Rezin_8 you aint kidding.
Same. Same.
I am completely 100% exhausted. In my opinion I believe this happens because we say the truth and falsely believe everyone is truthful.
Then on being reminded others lie constantly, having to constantly doubt and check everything while assuming the worst isn't a great solution either.
Ah yes falsely believing everyone is truthful. So that is a qualitative function you've derived from your personality? If this is true then how can you possibly see real truth anywhere?
C-PTSD is not officially DSM-5 but it's good that it's already officially in ICD-11 since 2022, so in many countries around the world psychiatrists are now obligated to validate our C-PTSD experiences without gaslighting us that this term doesn't exist.
Yep, got gaslit on it, too. Hope it will be part of DSM soon!
Yeah I was shocked that the mental health professional I spoke to didn't know about CPTSD. I've learned about it a bunch for a while already it feels like to me
My dr gaslit my autism and only pointed at cptsd. Wasting so much time proving my autism too a therapist that I'm finally scheduled for. No help being in shut down when I can barely feed myself or take care of other stuff. So no access to the help I really need. Yes cptsd is valid, but if I weren't so stubborn I'd be dead 100x since I started going. They just want to drug me, and thats why I have cptsd. Wasted 20mn of my shrink eval quoting his books about cptsd instead of asking me the questions that matter. I hate talking to people in their egos built on others observations insted of knowing what to ask to get to the bottom of things. 54yrs of this. Is there any hope for them? Or me? ❤😢
Spot on! I'm finding that if I stop and see how my body is responding, it's so much better for me. Especially with people. If they're making me smile, but my stomach feels like cardboard, that's a hard "no."
Grew up being taught that I need to be learn responsibility for myself. Grew up in an ideology of self-sacrifice is the greatest good to be praised (selfless kindness was my greatest source of self-esteem). Realize now that I don't have the ability to do it all myself. Realize that I don't trust myself to the system that ignored my autistic traits when trying to make me continue living. Realize that I can't afford a personal life without the job that saps all my energy. Realize my job is suffering from my having no balance... I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this. I was in the same boat until i started practicing taking care of myself first by doing little things for myself that made me happy. Ask yourself what you would really like to do with life and then take small steps toward that while you're working. This is true taking responsibility for yourself - taking good care of yourself, making sure you are safe, feeling out energy that feels better versus putting up with energy that doesn't. At first these will feel like selfish acts and they are but they are good selfish acts. They are acts of self-care and like anything they take practice so be gentle and kind with yourself as you learn new habits. It's not easy work in a world that doesn't support it but it's worth it in the long run. Sending you all my best. You got this!!
@didgegirl6 thank you for the kind words
@@Armament0fJustice You're welcome! 🙂
Another personality disorder to be aware of is BPD. My wife didn't fit the important parts of NPD, but I was still being gaslit. Only when I learned about BPD did everything make sense. Only then was I able to feel validated, even though I had proof that I was being manipulated and alienated.
Thank you. The way you talked about empathy, complex PTSD, examples of trauma that we're more susceptible to (I know it, I have the PTSD+fibromyalgia winning combo)
I have also found that I've attracted NPD partners and my mom fits that picture, too. Thank you so much, Taylor. I'm going to share this with my sister.
I’m so glad it was helpful to you and you’re welcome. Thank you for your comment. 🙏🏼
Thank you for this! I lay in the bedroom to read a book yesterday and I ended up still and quiet and listened to my body for the first time in I don't know how long (years?) and it was quite a shock - I had no idea my muscles / joints were SO sore and tired. I've just been plodding on all this time, not really thinking about it and not having the opportunity to think (or feel) about it.
Yes!! This is exactly what I’m talking about. This simple practice can be life changing.
Definitely can relate to this. I've put my own needs aside all my life, especially since having a child with high support needs. Now I'm getting sick or getting minor injuries. Today is my first day of PT. Part of me keeps saying, "I'm fine, I don't need this." I know I do though. Great video! 💞
I hope you'll stick with it, Whitney! You are SO worthy of health and wholeness, and your family will be better off for it, as well.
❤
Taylor, I love you so much! I love actual rain while I’m sleeping but most white noise rain infuriates me too! I can detect the loop right away and it keeps me up. Everyone tells me I’m crazy, no one can track that. Well, we’re ND and not “everyone”. 🙏
💓
oh you just described perfectly what I've been feeling! love sleeping listening to cars driving by, but sleeping listening to videos with that same sound is just not the same and doesn't work at all
As someone who is autistic and has CPTSD, I’ve been told a lot of things. “You’re just being a baby. Suck it up. Nobody else behaves or acts like that. You’re just being weak, you’re such a wimp.” I now bottle my feelings up, and if something is causing me sensory overload, I just push the feelings down and tell myself to deal with it, get over it, and that I’m not allowed to feel that way because I have no right to. I’m learning that just because I have intense emotions doesn’t make me a simp. Just because I have flashbacks doesn’t make me a baby.
❤
I feel things so much that my empathy can overwhelm me at times and so I don’t know how to outwardly show it, because I’m trying to not feel the extreme feelings.
Finding ourselves in relationships with narcissistic and manipulative people? Ding ding ding! That's me! Taylor, thank you for what you said about the intention not to villainize narcissists and to recognize that they are real people who had reasons those characteristics developed. I have certainly fallen into my own trap of painting those in my own relationships in a bad light. I am 46 and I've been in two consecutive long term relationships with BPD women, and was married to a controlling narcissist before that. Thank you so much for researching this, I can't wait to hear what you find!
It's definitely a connection I've been very interested in for a while now. It's very complicated, because one might deeply love and care for a narcissistic person who is loving them back in the only way they know how, albeit imperfectly and even many times in a way that causes harm. People with narcissistic tendencies are human beings as well (obviously) and deserve kindness and empathy, but not at the cost of our own well-being and intuitive inclinations. It can be extremely difficult to start setting boundaries with a narcissist when you may love them and not know what your life looks like without them. And also, they might push back and things can sometimes escalate when you set boundaries and start taking care of yourself. It's a tricky dynamic to navigate, and both sides of the relationship deserve empathy. Thanks for your comment!
Narcissists choose their behaviours.@@MomontheSpectrum
@@MomontheSpectrumit’s that pushback from them that is so heartbreaking and disregulating. I kind of can’t stop believing that, if I just manage to fully explain what does and doesn’t work for me, while reassuring him that I see him and I care about him, that he will be able to hear me without twisting my self-advocacy into some story about how I don’t love him. Him accusing me of that isn’t logical though. It’s a trauma response from his brain-damagingly traumatic childhood and adolescence. Knowing that he is on some level stuck there is so so heartbreaking. It’s also heartbreaking to constantly be on the receiving end of his dysfunction, either by caregiving for it or by getting accused of being a cold uncaring selfish person when I make the mistake bringing my needs to the table. It’s so sad. We’re both so sad. I am so grateful to be able to see what’s happening, but I hate that that means I’m the one who has to do something about it. Especially knowing exactly how much it will hurt him l, and the hurtful shit he will sling back at me in response. I don’t feel like I’ll ever have enough energy to face that, but I also don’t have the energy to do this for another 6 years let alone forever. I just feel so stuck. Sorry for the trauma dump. TLDR, this is my saddest and most personal hyper-fixation, and I’m so glad you’re researching this! Never clicked a video so fast 🩷
@@isabelleduniway2943I deeply relate to this comment. My last relationship was a friendship (I guess we will call it that) for about a year and a half and then long distance dating for about 6 months before it imploded. I knew what was happening and I couldn’t sustain being accused of things that are really inconsistent with my character because I do take feedback seriously and I self-reflect. He would find ways for me to doubt myself even when I advocated for me. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to advocate for myself, though. It’s exhausting. And I hear you. We can care so deeply and feel so much empathy for our partners but it feels like a one-sided thing to me. Since my previous partners wouldn’t have any accountability hardly. Maybe a little from the last guy. He pretty much spelled it out for me that he is a narcissist. Or maybe a psychopath even. Someone revoke my dating rights. 😅
I needed this video so bad. I’ve been told I’m overreacting and over sensitive constantly. “It’s not that itchy/bright/loud/bad”
You mentioned the comparison with an overloaded computer crashing. On of the best ways to describe my ADHD issues to other people is the input filter for a computer. A neurotypical person is able to prioritize all the stimuli that impinge on the senses, keeping the number of stimuli that need to be processed to a very manageable level. But in a neurodiverse person that input filter does not work as it should, and the Central Processing Unit (also known as “The Brain”) gets overloaded and crashes as a result.
For example, in a social gathering I hear what the person in front of me says, but I also hear what the person behind me says, what the person to my left says in their group, what the person to my right says to their group conversation. And since my input filter is not working correctly, I have a very hard time paying attention to my conversation with the person in front of me. It is literally physically tiring for me! Social gathering leave me absolutely exhausted and drained!
I learned about ADHD about 25 years ago. It was a huge “Eureka” moment for me, and it explained so much of the struggle I had all through my school years. But I also realized very soon, that ADHD still left a lot to be explained. And it has only been in the last few years that I have come to recognize a lot of autistic symptoms. So now in my mid fifties I am pursuing a formal assessment for both ADHD and Autism.
Oof I clicked SO FAST. I especially had to learn to trust myself again when it came to MEN. I was always told I was “too picky” (implying that I’m lucky anybody likes me and I should take what I can get). But I am completely allergic to men’s bullshit 😂 but I also have been misunderstood so many times I will see every way I could be misunderstanding someone, and so hyperempathetic that I don’t want to hurt anybody by asserting my needs. But I have had to learn to. I had to learn that just because I can understand where bad behaviour comes from doesn’t mean it’s my job to put up with it. I can wish them well, but wish them well the hell away from me.
I'm a guy, people say that about me with women too. I really expect a lot from a woman (compared to USA social standards) because I put a lot of effort in.
When you mentioned the nervous system being on high alert, I have been overwhelmed and when someone touched me in the past I would jump away and the person would say wow, that was an overreaction. I have severe scoliosis as well. I thought that was the cause and it might be related, but it is more than just my curved spine. It is actually my nervous system, not my skeletal or muscle system. I have followed you videos for a couple of years now. My son was officially diagnosed Thursday with level 1. I felt validated and had a since for a long time.
Thank you, Taylor.
The breathing into areas of stress is something I have found helpful - I get headaches that result in neck pain and it was always something I tried to protect because I didn't want to have more pain there. I've heard this called "muscle guarding" and it can result in a lot of tension in our bodies.
I hold myself so rigidly in the protective stance that I'm always doing my PT exercises and stretches to try to undo the pain and stiffness. My muscle tension is involuntary and constant and so painfully sore all the time. (don't worry about me though, I have all my marching orders on how to deal with it)
“It makes sense that I feel this way.”
That’s a good one. I really need to hear this sometimes.
It works wonders for me. Instantly a bit calming.
I love the "it's not super spiritual or woowoo..." This video was perfect timing for me as I navigate an undiagnosed autistic male partner who is what I'm realizing is a narcissistic personality at times who just hurt me quite recently (last night). So thank you. Thank you, universe, for people like Mom on the Spectrum lm, who share their experiences with others in an effort to create a sense of belonging among a community of people just trying to get through this life! ❤😊
Hey, MotS, your videos are very healing. I learn so much, I cant tell you how priceless are the tools and language you give us.
The discussion I find here is safe and easy to dive into/contribute to.
This is one of my comfort channels. Your videos are perfect for when I feel like a lonely astronaut.
its like your videos are sent to my computer in my little spaceship and Im immediately reminded of my place on earth. Speaking for myself, youve restored a sense of human dignity. I feel at peace with myself for the first time in 32 years.
Im sure its not easy running your business and doing what you do, but know that the effort is appreciated and that youve radically changed at least one life. My life has changed for the better since finding your voice out there. Im so much kinder to myself, Ive evicted my Father’s impatient tone from my mind, I have relaxed. Masking is a gentle compromise on my terms instead of a compelled distortion of my being.
Im finally enough when I enter a room. I take breaks and excuse myself, I stand up for myself in my family, I voice my limits and preferences. I dont feel guilty for being different. I am joyful.
Et alia…
No pressure to respond if you see this, (Im serious and literal about the no pressure, some creators burn out trying to do more than hearting the discussions) I just had to express my gratitude.
🥹 thank you so much for this heartfelt comment. It made my day! I’m so glad the channel has brought you comfort and healing. It’s messages like yours that fuel me! 🙏🏼 so glad you’re here
I have implemented something I created on my own, called the Top of the Hour rule. This has been working very well for me. As an autistic person, who also might be ADHD and OCD, it feels like my mind and body are going in different directions. I'm sure many of you can relate. As you were saying, Taylor, this is why it is so crucial that we check in with our mind and body.
With my Top of the Hour rule, I stop what I'm doing at the beginning of each waking hour, give and take a few minutes, and just let my mind and body talk to me. How am I feeling? What sensory needs do I have to meet? Do I have to do something more intellectually stimulating, like a puzzle, or read a few articles?
When it feels like there are contradictory forces inside your mind and body, you have to be sure all of your needs are being met throughout the day.
Wow. Had an "ah-ha!" moment watching this video. So grateful for all of the videos by the way. Anyway, about the epiphany... I have been exploring internally and subsequently uncovered that I've been subconsciously using different "modes" to navigate life. Kind of like your reference to flexible mode and (forget the other one ... but basically internal thinking mode). Also realizing that I have modes within modes and some modes developed for specific situations ( I have one I've called mission mode even before my diagnosis). The thing that your video triggered for me was that I have never been able to be in a mode in which I can feel my feelings and one in which I can evaluate and name those feelings at the same time (or at least I this feels accurate). Which might be a part of the reason I have such delayed processing of feelings. It's almost as if I have to alternate between feeling then considering what it was then rinse repeat a few times. Most times it takes me over night before I know what I felt the previous day, especially if it was intense. It also made it plain to see how it was so easy for some to de-validate and hijack my intuition from the single digit years.
Incidentally, I have found that music does seem to bridge the gap between feelings and understanding them... sometimes... if it's the right music. It's almost as if I were "mind-doubling" using the musician or singer to lead the way mentally for my feelings to find their way toward cognition. ... Or maybe the music is just another stim that helps me think (lol). Its definitely one or the other.
OMG Thank you so much. This has just started a new view on my life
Not sure if I like it but it has just connected so many puzzle pieces
Great topic. This is actually something I've become aware of in myself recently, and that a combination of severe trauma and the struggles of autism in general have left me completely disconnected with my inner self.
I realised that, I don't even know who I am. And so I have begun a slow and painful process of discovery. Learning who the true "me" is without masking. Being true to my inner voice, putting my own needs first, and learning to trust that intuition that has been so blunted.
It's been quite amazing so far. It's interesting what becomes clear. And how profoundly life changing it be when we finally start hearing what our inner voice has been screaming at us for so long.
It hasn't been easy, but totally worth it so far.
It’s tough to get in touch with what your body is telling you when you live with chronic pain and doctors literally tell you to ignore what you’re feeling. But love the advice to do more of what feels good and less of what doesn’t, that’s going to change my life.
Thank you so much for bringing to the discussion the possibility that autistic people are actually much more empathetic than they seem. I drown in immense pain for others, yet I barely care for myself. Another topic I'd be interested in is the complete and life-long inability to understand and deception and lies.
I’ve been on high alert for what feels like my whole life. It takes so much more energy than I ever realized. Been in the process of moving and that has completely sucked all of the energy out of me. I’m trying to give myself grace as I go through this process. But it is a challenge to accept that I don’t bounce back like others seem to. This video is a great reminder to me to accept myself as I am! Thanks, Taylor!!!!!❤❤❤
ooooh yes! I found myself an alarm clock that has all the sounds and stuff on it - and the led light for the clock area is DIMMABLE - you can even turn it off which is amazing. I wake up to birds every day and it wakes me up just fine!
I got to say that i was diagnostic this week and yours videos have help SO MUCH to understand myself and stop me from gaslit myself into think that i was not autistic ❤❤❤❤ you really help during all the process and all the tests and understand myself better I could bring more responses to the tests and being diagnostic better
THANK YOU! I’ve spent soo much time trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, trying desperately to just be good enough and wondering why am I like this, What’s wrong with me. I’ve hated myself since middle school, I’ve experienced traumatic and abusive situations. I’ve always felt so lost and alone so to hear you talk about the feelings, behaviors, annoyances, and experiences that I’ve always struggled with alone in my head is extraordinary to me. Like I finally make sense to me!
Thank you, Taylor. 😊
I’m currently gaslighting myself into saying ”I shouldn’t be feeling this” when my supervisor is adding to me feeling unsafe and my spidey senses are going off like alarm bells. Am reading ” You are the Mountain” and in it the author says that you shouldn’t take part in your own mistreatment, which resonated so much. I’ve now scheduled time to end the supervision relationship and I really don’t know how to feel about it. Am I over reacting? Am I the drama? Should I just be able to take the abuse? Am I being ungrateful? So confusing and troubling. And am really scared of the consequences of basically saying “no more”. 😢
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! ♥️♥️♥️
Do more of what feels good, do less of what doesn't. Such an excellent, clear, useful instruction. Thank you.
Thank you for this. Right place, right time
You’re welcome.
When you listen to that little voice in you it ends up talking to you more 😊
It makes sense that i feel this way.
😂 I'm the same with rain and thunder sounds, it makes me angry
It also makes me want to pee.
Slow and steady wins the race
This is perfect ❤
Kokoro has been my most recent inspiration to help me find a balance between Mind, Body, and Spirit
This is so important, Taylor. Thanks for all you do! xo
Thank you ❤❤❤❤
I am feeling like this a lot, relating when the process is described!
Thanks
This video helped me a lot. I always feel misunderstood and not heard. Your videos help me to articulate to others what I’m feeling and experiencing, so thank you! And yes the slow change thing is true! I actually did start working out a year ago, and now I have a new job and had to take time to readjust so that I can keep my workout routine around my work. I was afraid I’d stop working out when I started work, but I was so depressed about missing my “special interest” that I had to make myself sleep more so I’d have energy to do the things I want to do. It was a slow life change and it stuck even when life changed. Now I gotta go exercise before I go to work!
You guys, go to Pamela Reifs channel if you’re interested, seriously I almost have abs now after using her videos! So much fun 🤗🤗
I love your videos, they're so relatable, plus I love listening to your voice, there's something very soothing about it. Thank you for all the help and advice ❤
Thank you SO much for this video. It was one of the most affirming videos I have ever seen. It's nice to understand. Your work is great. Thank you
People put me down, I destroyed myself in my mind because others did I followed what was routine. when people tell me they think am such a nice person or I was good at my job I don't believe them I think their just coming from where the bullies did and just looking to emotionally tear me apart and laugh at me. I know am different my ADHD and Autisic brain won't allow me to settle. I believe am a freak and I validate this by the fact am 44, Male and brought up not to show emotion and all I am is emotional now through my hurts I let down my up bringing, I have an eating disorder, ADHD and Autistic. Am sorry I have been to open but going to post this anyway cause I wish to ask does anyone feel or go through this to
Omg the rain sounds thing! I hate them but I love the sound of water in real life
I’m so glad I’m not the only one! 😅
thank you so much for this video I really needed this 🥺✨
Really appreciate your videos, huge help thank you
Thank you
Super helpful video as alway Taylor !
Exactly! I am highly empathic aswell...which caused me lot of abuse from covered narcistic ex-partner...
Thank youuuuuu!! ❤❤❤
I love that you said fake rain sounds make you mad, cuz I totally get it 🤣🤣🤣
Amazing context....like your vids...speed em up to 1.5x 🎉😂😳
Ive told MANY PEOPLE THAT EMPATHY is the worlds most rare and valuable resource 🌐🙏
I wish I felt that it did some good for me and not just helping other people. If that makes sense.
Oh my goodness, I love the sound machine! I had a different kind a few years ago for my senior pitbull who developed Sundowner Syndrome. It was great for her but not for me. Thanks!
I know I have it as a comorbid condition and I’m sick of people bullying me to work when I can’t
I am currently in therapy for cPTSS. Almost 2 years now. For the next grouptherapy I need a diagnose for a personality disorder. (Something about that cPTSS isn’t in the dsm5 stuff… The hole program stopt) I did the test to see wich diagnoses I had, and now I started the process to see if autism/adhd/audhd is the real diagnose. I said this for years, but nobody believed me. High masking is not fun (don’t want to say bad words…)
I so so don’t want to feel like crap and excausted anymore. I want to feel like I am just me and I don’t have to be like others to be good and enough.
I really don't know who am I, everything justcrumbled. also I feel these is invisible barrier between me and what I want to do!
❤
I am 5 years into studying the autistic individual abused by NPD/ BOD/ ASPD phenoma… can you please share any resources you find. 🙏
* BPD
Is there a place we can suggest ideas for future videos?
Sure! Feel free to send me an email. Info@momonthespectrum.life
I want yo check out the sound machine. Mine is so old and sounds staticky and is super touchy if the cord gets bumped it disconnects. We have a train nearby and it doesnt blow the horn but it still makes alot of noise.
Rejection, burnout, prevention and or recovery is a thing that I am very special interested in as a mom on the spectrum and who feels unsupported in our local community.
I’m looking to collaborate with others to form a LEGO online community, possibly LEGO fan media.
I’m getting very clear on the direction and purpose to design and develop this .
Focusing in on Neuro diversity and sustainability.
From the dirt to the soil with I’m thinking to create a photo book with worms and sunflowers and turn it into a recipe book with LEGO graphics, illustrations and easy read format, plain language.
Incorporating color theory mindfulness IFS act with LEGO therapy or sustainability whatever you feel comfortable calling it.
The science engineering architectural bits also including technology and mathematics .
Let’s talk about spoons, forks, knives, other tableware, and how each one’s table may be different . Let’s add them into the play and works as well.
Sustainability Agents of change amoeba mapping
Most experts on narcissism say these people 100 percent cannot be helped and should be avoided.
Constantly get feedback and input that leaves me feeling like I am just too much…for everyone.
my dad was autistic, hè didnt know, but for us Kids this was traumatic. He blew up after many days at work. Being angry and frustrated.. For me now people that are aitorithian arise this trauma respons
I know it was a part of the ad but I also have problems with fake rain sounds and the video by The Relaxing Town "Rain On Window with Thunder Sounds - Rain in Forest at Night - 10 Hours Relaxation and Sleep" has been the only one I could listen to. Otherwise I just have normal UA-camrs playing. Even the other The Relaxing Town videos aren't as good as that one for me if you wanted to try another one.
No app, no LED lights involved? I may have swooned 😊
I have severe trust issues. Reading the comment below, I would consider myself to be very empathetic. I can feel other's emotions fairly easily . I also attract narcissists. Unfortunately, there are several in my family.
random question...did you set a weird setting that yt automatically turns on captions on your videos? It´s only on yours and it´s driving me insane
Is it possible if like, if its pointed out to you a lot, what your body is doing before you see and understand it's happening to you? And then you feel embarrassed?
Your closer to the cosmos than you know
I have felt alien/weird/different my whole life. I was late diagnosed a year ago. I have met other ASD individuals and I thought I would connect more, find my tribe so to speak. Any other ASD individuals feel that way? Still looking for your tribe?
Don't say you sound old for wanting phone-free/wifi-free/charger-free tech. I am in the digital minimalism subreddit and there are frequently young people posting begging for insight into how to live life if you want to minimize phone/screen usage. This is an all ages issue and we all deserve access to choosing a lifestyle with less phone/wifi requirements if we want it. ❤
The worst piece of advice I ever got, which still affects how I perceive things 20+ years later, is that when I experience an emotional disconnect, it's my conscience telling me I'm doing something wrong. So, my programmed instinct is to shun things I enjoy when I start feeling depressed and/or anxious. I've even thrown away irreplaceable collections of things that I still miss now.
H❤
🧡🫶
I was massaged and spoiled without giving sex.
You're talking about my ex
I am being more electrified by your loquacious pseudo-intellectual rant than being gaslit. You tend to dumb down things down a lot about something that doesn't exist only in the minds of people who are not authentic and in touch with their true emotions. I prefer levels of emotional intelligence, childhood background, life experiences, and using transactional analysis as way of helping people to self improvement. A guide to positive psychological well being is more productive than seeking out less important issues in life..
drug addict lezbo check mate Yosef lol
Crying in the club rn 😭🥹 thank you!!
🙏🏼 hope all is well in the club! 😎 🪩 😭
💖
Rejection, burnout, prevention and or recovery is a thing that I am very special interested in as a mom on the spectrum and who feels unsupported in our local community.
I’m looking to collaborate with others to form a LEGO online community, possibly LEGO fan media.
I’m getting very clear on the direction and purpose to design and develop this .
Focusing in on Neuro diversity and sustainability.
From the dirt to the soil with I’m thinking to create a photo book with worms and sunflowers and turn it into a recipe book with LEGO graphics, illustrations and easy read format, plain language.
Incorporating color theory mindfulness IFS act with LEGO therapy or sustainability whatever you feel comfortable calling it.
The science engineering architectural bits also including technology and mathematics .
Let’s talk about spoons, forks, knives, other tableware, and how each one’s table may be different . Let’s add them into the play and works as well.
Sustainability Agents of change amoeba mapping
💚