Resentment: A Trigger for CPTSD and Dysregulation
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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What's the difference between anger and resentment in Childhood PTSD? Is it really so wrong to be resentful? Isn't there a risk of becoming a forgiving "doormat" if you lose the resentment you carry against those who wronged you?
In this video I explain the everyday toxicity of resentful thoughts, and how to use my Daily Practice to release resentment and fear, and gain more clarity, and more power to make choices in life.
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All I can say is, "where have you been all my life?" I am nearly 57 years old and have never come to terms with my childhood trauma. When all the uncertainty of the current pandemic and its repercussions really started to trigger me, I came across your videos. PTSD?! What? Everything you talk about resonates with me. All these self-limiting, self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors that I NEVER associated with my past trauma are exactly the things you describe. Dysregulation. BINGO! It's not laziness or procrastination to the point of death by impending deadline because I am an adrenaline junkie. Now I find out that my resentment issues are also a part of the whole mixture? After two days of literally self-combusting from resentment because my kids who are both living in other states did not send me a card on the first Mother's Day neither was at home. Spiraling straight down that rabbit hole that starts with they are ungrateful after everything I do to make them feel special and loved and ends with I am not really a good mother and I am not worthy of their love and respect. I can not wait to start your writing exercises and work through your other videos. 57 is not too old to finally have clarity! Thank you for all that you do!
Thank you!
i am noticing a lot of us 50s plussers finally found our group! hallelujah. happy new year and many thanks to CCF!
OMG...I am 64 and am just finding this group! I started binge watching a few days ago and feel more healing than ever before. Anna, you are amazing, a true gift. Thank you for helping me on this wonderful healing journey! I can’t wait to go through all of your materials and resources. Thank you!!
55 and had my eyes opened these last two years. CPTSD, uncaring, unsupporying family who abandoned me when I faced the family perpetrator. I've lost everything slowly my whole adult life. Allowed to be abused & used and wrung out till I'm empty then abaonded by partners, family, friends. Now full of resentment of a life lost.
It's a very difficult time, depression, poverty and daily stresses are all from the terrible decisions I've made whilst having lifelong CPTSD.
@@FirehorseG Anna's teaching has helped me, at 58 yrs old. I hope same for you.
I feel like ive been waiting my whole life to get better, thank you for paving the way to healing
My entire adult life - working to overcome this. I'm 75
Me too! You called it!
Amen! 40 years!
0⁰
36 years.
Makes me so sad, I was raised by a very narcissistic alcoholic mom and around the age of 6 I can actually remember a conversation with myself that I had inside my head while she was having one of her "episodes". I realized in that moment that I needed to be a chameleon and mold myself to her unstable emotional needs otherwise I would be abandoned. There was no other way. This has followed me into my late 20s, in dating, I find it very hard to be my authentic self, constantly feel judged, feel crazy for no reason, a little too agreeable and I find myself getting cheated on a lot. This year has been a breakthrough for me, I can see the pattern for what it is. The pain helped too, when you get tired of being kicked, you stand up. Sometimes I find myself having phantom arguments with my mom inside my head, but then I catch myself and stop. She has never admitted to or acknowledged any of my pain. The closest she ever got to an apology was when she said, "I dunno, maybe it's because my mom left me." I felt sympathy for her, but also anger for doing the same thing to me.
You are not alone
August, I'm right there with you. Mine was much more abusive (physically, sexually and mentally) in a lot of covert ways. Truly psychotic and did not have episodes, she very carefully planned what she was going to do. Extreme sickness. I was 40 before I could even remember my childhood. Ive been no contact for 7 years now. She destroyed my whole life and it has not been easy to pick myself up but I have to. Otherwise she gets exactly what she wanted. I've always had a good heart full of love and compassion for others. She hated that about me the most. Now my life is mine and it's about me and my story, however I decide to live it. I'm living it well, without fear and trauma. They can't see how they hurt others because then they would have to take blame and some people just can't handle that. My best to you and I'll remember you in my prayers.
@August I hope you'll check out the dating and relationships course I'm about to release. it's really normal for folks like us to be attracted to unavailable/inappropriate people. It doesn't have to be this way forever. If you add your e-mail address here I'll send you a notification as soon as it's out: crappychildhoodfairy.lpages.co/dating-course-interest-sign-up
This is exactly what happened to me in 9th grade after another episode of being gas lighted by my mom. I went into my room and told myself that I needed to let go of who I knew I really was, in order to protect myself, and that I would one day be out of her house and could rejoin with my soul. I remember that exact moment and 15 years later have never been able to reconnect with the person I used to be.
@@Charlotte_2648 I'm so sorry Sarah. I remember who I used to be too, around the age of 13 is when I lost myself. I was all smiles and very outgoing, despite my mother. After that age, is when her mental episodes got extremely bad and I lost myself completely. I miss who I used to be, but I am slowly uncovering the dirt, revealing who I really am + the lessons I have learned which has ripened me like a fruit. Everything happens for a reason.
Thank you. I noticed my problem, educated myself about it, but you are the first one giving a practical solution. I can not write on paper because of fear somebody might read it, so I write on my whiteboard whileI talk into my phone. Just offering a solution for those that fear leaving paper trail too.Thank you again.
Nice tip. For you and everyone -- there is no paper trail because we destroy the writing s soon as it's complete. This is NOT a journal. It's "sweeping the floor" and goes right into the trash.
I also do a quick burning ceremony. It feels good to watch it transform into smoke & ash.
ok...genius!!!
Cathartic to write down and then burn while releasing energy to the ash
Me too! My husband read what I wrote and I felt really stupid
I would say that the worst part is the nerves, being hyperalert 24 hours a day, waiting for the next explosion.
Sorry. That sounds hard.
Steinman Happens every day between 3-5 o'clock in the afternoon. Makes me feel like throwing up and heart beats so fast. Have tried therapy, psycologist , pills.. doesn't work! Hang in there! ♡
@@gretebremseth1622 Thanks, You too
Same here. Starts as soon as I wake up
BOY - do I know THIS one! Meditation and prayer are the things that help me with the hypervigilence. In one of her other videos, she talks about meditation, which has always been helpful to me. I was very lucky to become attracted to meditation 37 years ago and went into it "full time" as a Vedanta nun. I didn't realize that PTSD was partially incentivizing my push toward it, however. Now that I know that, however, I can use it in an even more intentional way to bring me peace. Even if you aren't religious and are not interested in taking part in a religion-based meditation, there are many non-religious meditation practices. I wish I could remember which of this lady's videos talks about it, but I'm sure you could find it.
Thank you for that exercise! When I started writing down my resentments I was able to recognise that they were all based in fear. That shifted the energy immediately. Instead of feeling frustrated that others were withholding what I needed and deserved, suddenly I could see that all the underlying fears that cumulatively had me frozen, were all either nothings or at least manageable. I feel primed for action now. That such a simple exercise could produce such a sudden shift is a beautiful gift!
Ah! you've taken to it like a fish to water. It is not always so easy to grasp for each person, but yes, you've got it exactly!
Every time I feel low, dysregulated, lost and confused, I watched a video of yours and get a sense of clarity, understanding and empowerment. Thank you
So appreciate that you shared that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
YES, I doubt myself constantly...I go through life not being able to rely on my emotions of being of accuracy. I’ve been dealing with this so long but I’ve just recently come to the conclusion that this is what I’ve been dealing with & your videos help confirm it. You’re so insightful & helpful & im going to try writing down my fears and resentments. THANK YOU! You’re amazing! 🙏🏼
Thank you @Haley Bounds! I'm so glad it's helping. Sometimes one step forward is all we need.
It does work! I am 3 days into writing down my fears and resentments every morning and if I feel the need to throughout the day and before bed and I feel much more regulated! I’m truly amazed at how well this works, I am forever grateful, thank you!!
How are you doing with it now?
Thank you, how does one identify justified anger vs resentment....especially dealing with perpetrators that helped create the childhood trauma? Thank you again for your generosity of knowledge and reasoning
Hi Brian, I think it's hard for any one of us to discern anger from resentment all by ourselves, every time. It really helps to have a mentor or someone I trust to help me determine that. But generally, I consider anger to be a flash emotion, and it's there to guide me into action, self-expression, safety, or resolution (with the option to not react, of course). Resentment is rumination. Repetition of the the thought is a hallmark. Unreasonableness is a clue. I sometimes can't tell I'm being unreasonable until I'm writing my fears and resentments, or more accurately, reading them to my trusty person. I feel it rushing over me like a wave, that I'm having some distorted thinking.
I think one way to tell is to evaluate what you want done about the situation AND how realistic that desire is. It's said "the only person's behavior you have control over is your own", so if you want the other party to take certain actions or behave in certain ways that they haven't shown the ability to do then you're likely in a state of resentment rather than reasonable anger. The question to ask is what can YOU do about the trauma you were put through, not what can anyone else do for you. (aside from, like, professional counselors or support groups and such which are there explicitly to do some things for/with you)
Oh, and don't get caught up in ideas about how you would only be well if X person would do Y thing - - I got caught up in that for years and realized I wasn't living the life I wanted to live because I was waiting for people to catch up with and start catering to my needs, when really the person I needed to start caring for me was myself.
@@whifflingtit9240 thank you thats so helpful
Oh, wow. Resent=
Re (again) -sent (sentient/ to feel). 🤯
Yes, we need *awareness* and even sometimes anger, but we don't need to feel it again and again and again.
"You with less resentment, that's you with more clarity, and more clarity means more choices about how you want to proceed."
THANK YOU SO MUCH for explaining it this way! 💝
Congratulations on reaching over 3,000 subscribers! I think your channel is going to grow fast. 🤗
Thank you! There is nothing more wonderful than finding one's tribe. I really appreciate when people like you take the time to write.
Crappy Childhood Fairy - you really resonate with me, and obviously with the other subscribers, I listen to what you say, and I just end up nodding and reflecting how I have the exact same issues you've faced. You really explain everything in a warm and funny way, and use similes like the wet leaves, that make your concepts more accessible & easier to understand. And you give me hope, because you have clearly got your cptsd under control, which gives me hope that I will also finally be able to. Your channel is going to get really big & you deserve that success!
I am very grateful for finding your channel. I find such recognition in your wisdom and own experience. Thank you.
You are so welcome
Anna I did the fear/ resentments for a second time and this time it was powerful. This video gave me permission to go down the rabbit hole of my fears relating to a resentment and "my god" they run deep! I feel something important happened within as I came to see the activating event causing this resentment is not what is keeping the resentment going. My fears from childhood keep it going. My fear I am inadequate to life and unable to keep myself safe are what really keep them going. Sheww! Hard to see but empowering compared to endless resentments and hurt feelings!
Yes!!! It is very powerful when we are open enough to examine the resentments and fears that keep us stuck. When we feel that loosen, even a little tiny bit, it is hugely empowering!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I just did my third list and noticed something interesting. I wasn't sure the first time if it was a fluke. When I really get honest, wish I hadn't of written that kind of honest. My next feeling is a deep relief. The exact opposite of what I feared would happen. I feared writing the ugly truth of my fears would bring shame. Instead it is the keeping them inside that create shame. Well I hope this is how it works! I have alot of fears and shame to release.
I started doing this yesterday. I was dysregulated this morning. Bad start to a day and I did this practice and afterward meditated and then also did some stretching. Huge difference in the time it took to get reregulated.
Thank you for this. And thanks for going over it again in a few videos. I had not done the I feel resentment because I have fear part. I was just writing the statements separately. It's helped anyway, but I'll try it this way now.
So glad you are giving it a try. Let me know if you have questions or need any help with it. crappychildhoodfairy@gmail.com
Thank you for your videos! You explain so much that most people, including therapists and psychiatrists, have no idea about. Thank you for your help!
Anna mentioned writing and journaling - they truly work and have helped me. Anyone dealing with childhood trauma and neglect should consider trying these methods. The key is to be consistent and keep practicing. I also recommend the book by Kamal Ravikant, “ Love yourself like your life depends on it” for anyone like me who struggle with self-love.
Thank you for this recommendation. Have you read “Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz?
Thank you. There is also a 12-step resentment inventory that is helpful, there's pdf's online
I feel like this will really help me to stop ruminating all the time. I love the analogy of trying to find what tree the leaves came from. I TOTALLY do that! Then I feel guilty for loosing so much of my day to internal stress...which stresses me out lol. Hang in there everyone ! It’s a process. 💜
Thanks Anna for 'cracking open' how resentments work.
You are an emotional gold mine.
Years of therapy and I am still struggling. Someppl don't realize the damage these so called parents do.
I love this; a practical, straight forward & achieveable practice to help me on my journey to healing, much gratitude X
i especially struggle with..."just pray for them" or "try being kind to them" regarding the narc doin hurtful unapologetic bs to me or others for that matter!
That’s because it’s gaslighting, trying to be kinder to them just gave them an excuse to carry on in my case to the point where I resent my kindness, I think the correct response is to be kinder to yourself, not them.
@@milkandblue thank you , so appreciate your understanding. /hug
@@jtrose6995 you’re welcome, hope you’re doing okay, sending love, I know how hard it is to go through this 💗💗💗
This vid showed up in my youtube feeds just now, it was exactly what I needed. The way you explained the difference between anger and re-sentment really hit home for me, I have been confusing them both. In my daily practice I now realise some of the things I have written as being a resentment was actually only anger. Thank you so much Anna.
Glad you're here!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy - Anna Bootcamp is a 'godsend' to me, I am so glad I am here too.
I am so very glad that i somehow found THE CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY! I really needed to hear all this at this time, and I SO agree that giving up resentments is very important. Having been emotionally savaged as a child (with an ACES score of 10 out of 10), I had lots of deep resentments against my mother which were mirrored onto OTHER people as well, but as part of my religious practice, I had to find a way to "forgive" her. Talk therapy just triggered me and made peace more difficult to obtain.
I really like the mental image in this video of fears and resentments being leaves on the car's window. We need to see clearly and can't, as long as the leaves remain. So we have to sweep them away. I have been working on this for years, and these videos appeared in my suggested UA-cam stuff JUST at the right time to help me further understand my CPTSD and also to give me strong clues as to where my practice is going right and where it is failing me. I very much appreciate these.
I would like to contribute to the conversation on this topic by adding that developing short SCRIPTS to use when faced with difficult triggering circumstances has been VERY helpful for me personally. When the resentments against parents arise, I sweep the leaves off the windshield by saying to myself "Everyone does the best they can, and none of it is good enough." Obviously, this is a true statement, and the degree to which it is true varies WIDELY. It lets me off the hook, emotionally, for my failings as a mother just as much as it 'forgives' my narcissistic, cruel and crazy mother who tortured me as a kid. Maybe this wouldn't "do it" for everyone - but this is the way I have developed for myself, personally, as a way to NOT get bogged down into the memories, and the whys and wherefores, and who "should have" done this or that.
Of course, both of my parents are dead and I never have to face whether or not this forgiveness would make me feel obligated to have some sort of contact with them. I DO have a sister who participated in the torture, both in childhood and in our adult lives, and I do not have any contact with her at all, though I opened to it about 10 years ago and it was a mistake. I got hurt in the process, so I decided not to go near her again. (She had only contacted me so she could steal my portion of our inheritance.)
Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy for all the work you've done on these videos! It's just what I needed and is very compatible with the path I'm on now.
"Emotionally savaged" - love
Hey silver I appreciate all you wrote. I didn't know it was called a script but I seem to have one myself. Took along time to get it but it helps alot. After reading talking with friends etc I came to understand that only a truly hurt and broken human being could have treated a child the way my mother treated me. It takes the personal out of her hatred and rejection and gives me compassion for her pain as well. All the same, I stopped calling her 13 years ago and she has never called. Doubt I will ever see her again. Honestly don't want too. Compassion or not she horrifies me.
Everything that happens big or small is devastating in a PTSD mind and immediately sets me back. Just now getting back to who I am. It takes time, patience and understanding with yourself. You have to love yourself the way you never were in childhood, not selfishly and spoiled but with tender, gentle mercy. Never give up, don't ever stop healing learning and growing! God bless and much love. I love your videos and they have helped so so much! Thank you!
@dack hacksaw Yes, I'm so grateful for the work of those guys. Thanks for writing!
@liza thanks for this kind message! I appreciate your comment.
@Dack Hacksaw yes, I have seizures from PNES (psychogenic non epileptic seizures) when something triggers me. I guess my brain plays dead! I haven't had one in a year and a half. The last one was bad, traumatic and a trip to the ER. It scared me and made me realize that I had to take better care of myself and lighten up on myself. God bless and prayers for all with PTSD. We all feel so alone but realizing sadly that there are so very many of us. We have to encourage one another and try to heal, many do not have much encouragement or emotional support. We have to learn to be that for ourselves and others.
@Dack Hacksaw I just want to encourage you. It is getting better, more people are talking about it. I have had horrible therapists and yes they do so much damage. I gave up on them. Her videos are usually pretty short which is good, I can't concentrate for long periods of time, she is straight to the point and logical. I tend to get triggered by overly excitable rambling. She has helped so much. Give yourself time, realize you will have good days and bad days, allow yourself to have bad days but don't obsessively think about negative or triggering things. That's not always easy for me but I am getting much better. I will be praying for you. Comfort and peace brother, you are not alone! Try not to be too hard on yourself or others. Be good to yourself and see your worth and value.
So true, it's so overwhelming at times. And no one around your realizes how hard things are hitting you. It's just like a warzone in our minds and everyone is oblivious and just take, take, taking what they need.
I believe healing from CPTSD is very much like cleaning a dirty toilet and learning to do it with a smile and not dread it.
Ha ha! I like the analogy.
Previous employers and friends would all comment on my cynicism and I’d catch myself being resentful but not know where it was coming from. I understand now that I was acting on my PTSD from childhood trauma. I’ve gone back and looked closely at the way my mother treated me and used that to strengthen myself as an adult.
Resentment is so sneaky! Great you are able to see where it shows up!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Great video!!!😊
I also lived many years with the feeling i lost my self, i dont know at what age, but there was a moment to moment abuse. Reading the coments here, i am seeing for the first time, that many people go thruogh this...
You're not alone.
I find with clarity I often have so many other distractions or conflated feelings I don’t actually know what I think or how to express it. That I get so far away from whatever was bothering me that I can’t bring it up honestly and this isn’t over anything small, but really big stuff and often seems like I’d rather keep peace and suppress wounds just not to be completely alone. I don’t feel that it’s even easy to call the feelings up when journaling except in deeply traumatic states. For instance, recently I went through some very terrible things and the effects haven’t gone away, but my mind wouldn’t let me bring anything to the surface even though it’s only been a couple weeks. At the same time my problems tend to be ignored by people around me, no matter how severe or sometimes I just don’t want to bring others into that sort of mess even if they were part of it as it doesn’t seem like any love or empathy will exist around voicing any problem. An example would be my first girlfriend when I was much younger date raped me when we met, what did I do? I dated her for over a year. I even got back with her for a short while. I never said anything to her. Even now I don’t feel resentment. I feel some resentments now over more recent awful things and I know how I feel, but it doesn’t take away the resentments even if I can’t help but get them off my chest when I’m alone. Right now I don’t feel I can really forgive anyone anymore, even though I truly want to. I feel like I will never feel the same about some of the people who hurt me ever again and that feels very lonely when you rely on some of those people as a support system. I feel alone with them and even when it seems like I’m not, it’s usually just me pretending so that life wont feel worse than it has to. I don’t really know that it’s healthy, but without the connections I have I would have nothing. Mostly I just dream of finding a way to different people and a different life and total self reliance, but I don’t hate anyone I resent. I love them… so…
The power. That's the word that takes over my life. I feel that I have no power. None. So everyone, EVERYONE, controls my life. I have no control. I can't seem to get mastery. I am so tired of trying to get back on the horse.
When are those close to me going to care enough to try to understand....just me.
They don't want to hear it.
I am a doormat. Always have, always will. Can't change it.
I encourage you to stop putting any hope in other people's help or response, or blaming them for control. You may not be using your own power to control your life, and yes, that leaves a vacuum others can't help but fill -- but the solution is to stop being a doormat and own your own healing!
You have to change the mindset that there is no hope,often when we "predict" a certain outcome,and keep rehearsing that same outcome,it will often happen that way. Tell yourself daily in your mirror that I am powerful,I am learning to own my power,I am in charge of my life,I can do what I choose to,I deserve happiness,I am a great person,etc. It takes time to have a negative pattern of thinking,and it will take time to change it to a positive one,but it can be done!!!The hardest things in life are the most rewarding!!Best wishes!!!
Totally get it😕
This helps me to live my second childhood. 🥛🍪🐛🦋
very helpful video. the constant emotional intensity that is felt, i wonder if that is what made me turn grey so early? anyone else find that? This video really helps to verbalize the white heat of emotions. thank you.
Thank you @Tan Hue, I'm glad you're here!
I liked learning how to address and release resentment and that there is a difference between anger and resentment.
Oh good! Liking it is a good sign!
lm very glad l found you!
Hey, me too!
Great points. Thank you!🌺✨☺️
Thank YOU for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Is there a social group for cPTSD people to chat and discuss their issues? This could be helpful for mutual support. If you know of such a group - please let me know.
Many Thanks
Susie
~~~~
Hi Susanna, people who have registered for my Healing Childhood PTSD course share a private Facebook group. If you're interested in the course, you can register here: crappychildhoodfairy.lpages.co/fairy-course-from-youtube
I'd love that
ACA/ACoA is another support group that helps with CPTSD
Thank you so much !!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽♥️
You are so welcome
I am totally going to try this. Writing it down in the moment. Thank you for this channel!
You're welcome! Let me know how it goes.
I'm so resentful that we who have suffered so enormously get ruined lives and relationships while narcs go on in family activities and a whirlwind of no problems job promos, support n reveled by community and friends and love.
So angry about how inverted this world is.
That resentment can go!!! You can get free of it!
I did not come out of childhood scarless, and I'm so glad to have found the fairy, who's advises resonate with me so well.
But I also think narcs must have an awful life, which might be less fixable then ours.
Thank you for helping me understand
So glad you can relate. Thanks for you comment.
i hate cptsd. ive had multiple abuse tramua's sexual,mental, abandonment and neglect, physical punishment. its ultimately turned into a very fragile confidence around woman. i can be very confident but its like glass on the inside. i have to tread very carefully because if i dont it can lead to flashback flooding that triggers fybromyalgia that is very very very very painful. ive shortened the episodes down over time. but i was foolish in my 20's and tried pickup game which just sent me in to a world i should never have explored. after asking out thousands of woman, i think i just put off a vibe so i always get rejection 100% of the time which ultimately just strengthened the bad thoughts. lots of psycological damage and extra abuse just got piled onto and added to that older ball of pain. i had a cool lesbro i was hoping to overcome those neurological pathways i new that was the key from the start. but i wanted a cuddly relationship, but she was just a user and wanted me for my stuff. when she got everything she wanted from me. she got a GF and ditched me ,to have me live in a even greater pit of fear of woman.(saying stuff like she never care or loved me and it was a game) i told her please dont but it was 4 yrs and she was bored. its sad because it was going away. now it feels like its back and worse then before. a thing i was terrified would happen. i realise many people dont understand the horrors of cptsd and fybromyalgia. and woman practice psychological violence which im weak against and if your weak they seem to seek you out to do there worst. ive just accepted im broken so bad, no woman can look at me and not just hate me. female kindness to me is a myth ive never really seen it. i dont think they will allow it. well for me it feels.
Hmmm, I do usually look at the leaves on my car to determine what they are and how bad the black fungus spots are, then hate myself for spreading them around the area (because everything is all my fault lol).
Fungus is natural and normal, ESPECIALLY on shed leaves. Once a tree is done with its leaves it's essential that nature's clean up crew start to work on converting that biomass into usable forms of nutrients for other lifeforms. Those spots of fungus are far from a problem, they're busy at work prepping the nutrients for next year's growth.
If it wasn't for the decomposition work that funguses do we would be buried in detritus; in fact, there was a period in earth's history where woody plants first developed and there were no decomposers with the ability to break down the new cellulose these plants had developed. The "carcasses" of these plants built up on top of one another during what is known as the carboniferous period, and their graveyards became the oil and coal deposits we mine for fuel today. Eventually decomposers (primarily funguses) figured out how to break down cellulose into usable forms and woody plant matter stopped building up in huge quantities.
Most funguses are harmless and have important ecological roles to play. Leave them be; and don't trick yourself into thinking you're doing anything "bad" by spreading funguses. They already know how to spread themselves perfectly fine, whatever you happen to incidentally carry around can NOT compare to the quantity of spores they intentionally release themselves into the air to spread.
So, takeaways:
1) Basically you're having next to no impact on the spread of funguses; they do that on their own through the wind or crawling through soil
2) The spread of funguses isn't bad; they're essential decomposers who cycle nutrients through the ecosystem and without them we wouldn't be doing well
3) Harmful funguses are rare and their effects are usually pretty obvious, and a fungus eating a shed leaf is doing exactly what it's meant to be and is FAR from harmful
(There is the exception of transplanting funguses from wildly different environments. A cave diver transplanted a European cave fungus into a North American cave and that resulted in a massive and devastating bat die-off from White Nose Disease, something like 70% of bats in North America died and it was fucking brutal for our ecosystems. Essentially, if you're crossing an ocean or huuuuge amounts of land then you might want to consider worrying about carrying fungus with you; if you're visiting rare and isolated or delicate ecosystems that are far apart from each other, like caves, then definitely sanitize between destinations.)
I didn't know I had a Claudia until today LOL! So glad I'm not alone with these resentments 💜
Not alone! Glad you're here :)
Talk about Misogyny. I continue to have men cut me off when I speak (though I have had a successful career in many ways, and continue to educate myself and move on into new endeavors), at a dinner party, family, work, and at home. I continue to learn about myself and know this comes from not being heard and the fact that I am not respected. I will go out of my way to stay away from these people. I feel horrible embarrassing them and saying..."I am going to continue what I was saying when you interrupted me." I am in my late 50's and hang out with people older than me. They should have learned to be polite by this point. I am learning to not resent, but just know that is something for them to deal with. I can confront them later in private and most times I get gas lit. That never happened...until I show them how it actually happened and they will then say, "It's not that big of a deal." UGH!!! It's just plain Rude.
Thank you so much for these videos. For years, various treatment modalities never really hit the mark of why certain feelings and thoughts would always return. Your valuable insights opened a new awareness that totally resonated with my own personal childhood abuse and lifelong repercussions I have carried silently. What a relief on many levels.
I am almost 64 and the disreg stuff reverberates. Fear and resentment over 98.5% of my life, yep.
Ouch, hope you stick around and start getting that resentment & fear removed :)
As I ..l hope your back more
Summer slow down, but I'm back!
is it a curse to get bad people take advantage of me at jobs and ended up losing the jobs due to PTSD? and began to doubt my ability to work at all and losing courage to ever work again.
Thanks. Will give it a go x
Thank you! ♥
Thank you so much! You are beautiful! Congratulations!
I'm glad you said that. Being in videos can make a person get a little too self-conscious. Feels great to be useful.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy don't worry, you're amazing!😊😊😊❤❤❤
👍💖Thank you Anna, very helpful. The explanation of what resentment is an how you explained it is so very helpful for me as I do have difficulty with understanding and describing or knowing how best work with emotions 🤗
Thank you. I want to work on my resentment. This is very helpful. It's the first time I hear about resentment being fear. I want to learn more!
Great! You can learn my techniques in a free online mini-course I offer called The Daily Practice. It's on my courses page: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Hi! Is anyone else having issues w the links to the daily practices? Actually tried all links and it goes to Google & just white screen.... it might be Operator Error! (Me ;) soooooo thankful Anna Runkle!! 🙏 beyond words 💖💝
Hi -- maybe we can help -- try using another browser. If you still encounter a problem, please reach out to my team at support@crappycchildhoodfairy.com
Dear CCF, After creating a meditation schedule for myself, I came to realize RESENTMENT was a singular paralyzing force in my life since my own crappy childhood - and we are looking at half a century. This one video has moved me so far forward that I watch it repeatedly, making sure I use your 2xDaily writing exercise (FIVE STAR rating on that too). That, technique has made a huge difference in my regulation of approach and lifelong resentment at my parents for creating a sense in me that I was reared by wolves (no discredit to wolves intended). Now, using the writing wherever and whenever I notice my resentment, it is a relief to have a tool in my pocket (I carry a small spiral notebook so I can rip out the pages and toss). Thank you so very much!
It is the fears that are so deep and elusive to the conscious that need be abstractedly brought to vision through perseverance and fortitude of the self within. This is the journey. It hardly becomes known to us.
And yet, its manifestation is the journey.
Beautiful, thank you!
@@lizadolittle6736 i thank you
@run with the wind, I think I see it similarly. I notice that whatever fears are still inside driving things, tend to manifest as experiences. E.g., fear of abandonment results in getting abandoned. Hard to ever know exactly how or why. But as I always say, all that matters is that we do now.
👍Yes, this is the journey, the healing path, not a destination 💕
...I wish I found this three years ago 😂
Now is good too!
Im struggling with your examples of resentment. They seem more like ruinations over the “Claudia” event, and less of resentment towards “her”.
Examples of resentment in my life that I cant get over are, my ex wife and her privilege allowing her to recover and live and be happy and follow her dreams, and my wasted hopeless life as a trucker who rarely gets to see his daughter,...cause her daddy buys her houses. And the resentment of getting the short end of so many sticks in life. These are decades old resentments. I feel hopeless and powerless to process them away. Seems like avoiding society and connection so Im not reminded of the inequalities of the world is the best I can do, but I know that just leaves me alone.
Try this free course for clear instruction on how to get rid of resentment bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think I might be able to relate a little. My resentment is about events in life that also made me feel like getting the short end of many sticks. I've been hurt so much in life. The first time I watched this video I also had this feeling of "not useful, my resentment is nothing like that". I often feel angry at everyone who hurt me (intentionally or not). Watching the video again gave me some idea: a fear could be "What if I never manage to fix myself/my life?". Or the fear "What if there are more things like this coming my way?". I can't think of others now but I did help me to see that my resentment contained at least some fears. There is also a sense of "having to keep score" like keeping a list of wrongdoings in my head like a shield to keep me safe from being hurt again... I guess that's the fear again. Don't know if this helps..
Thank you, honesty opens hearts.
What I experienced this week.. I ended up in the ER overnight due to Disregulation....
Hope you're okay now
i feel guilty about my passive agressive resentment and avoiding people. right now i am tired and lonely.
Small steps - you could start here bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
It accidentally says C-P*ST*D.
(I don't want your searchability to be inhibitted.
I caught that a couple hours ago. Are you seeing the correction? Maybe refresh browser?
Good to know
I didn't know how to recover from my crappy childhood....until now. I'm seeing my comment from 2 years ago! I guess I wasn't able to recover until now.
Cheering for you as you continue to heal! - Ashley, Team Fairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much 💖
I appreciate your videos and efforts ❤️
Thank you @Sejuti!
Thank you so much for the honesty, and can-do approach. Everyday I wade through many videos that seem to want to share THEIR specialized knowledge as my only hope.
Reminds me of 12 step programs. Excellent!
Yes, a sober alcoholic woman taught me the techniques that I've learned are so regulating for my CPTSD symptoms.
where are these instructions I'm struggling finding them and trying not to get angry about it
Description section under all videos. The Daily Practice.
So heavy part.
Was pretty much in denial of this before paying attention and putting some focus on it.
I think it's Pete Walker calls "The Outer Critic" .It's like some dreadful voice criticizing and raging over poeple endlessy from some wounded place.
Thank you so much for your videos
Why does resentment have to be tied to fear?
We posit that all resentment is driven by fear. This is distinct from anger, which is a reaction to an actual event, and which passes because either we resolved it somehow or we moved on. Resentment is anger turned rotten and lingering, and it does this because we have fear -- fear people don't like us, fear we'll end alone, fear we're about to die, or whatever it is. Fear is human, but it can get out of hand. We refer to any angry though bothering us as resentment, and any anxious thought as fear, just for good measure. There's no need to identify which thought are true or worthy. It all goes on the paper.
Thanks. I have a lot of resentment with caring for elderly parents. Sad but true.
Of course you would! Writing it out in the Daily Practice format is a safe way to get it out without taking it out on someone :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I used to journal, it helped a lot. But a "friend" found the journals and used them against me and my family. The thought of writing my feelings anywhere now is traumatic in itself
I recommend in the training video that you rip them up afterwards bit.ly/3608opl
Use a whiteboard and erase immediately. ❤
I am holding in my resentment towards my house painter trying to hustle me.
Instead of addressing it, I am becoming disregulated.
Arg!!!
It sounds stupid but I'm afraid I'm going to lose my shit on this guy.
You're reading my mind!!!! Fear of not standing up for myself. Fear of losing my temper. Fear this guy thinks I'm stupid and that he can hustle me.
I wrote all this stuff down.
after listening to this video, I sent him a text message, calm and organized. Hands no longer shaking.
This works.
i feel so much resentment towards someone who i thought was my best friend. i jusy dont know what to do with it. i feel very hurt and bewildered by her.
Writing it is the only way I know how to get rid of resentment crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thankyou. i will write it all out like i used to do. but u stopped doing it in the fear of that it will be confirming and manifesting more of it if i put it to paper
Another stellar video!
Thanks!
OHMYGAWD I have denied this my whole life...I just now(Thank you CCF!) realized how profuse my resentments are, and the relief of writing them down/just the words without embellishment and know they're released. You are a genius, dear Anna!
So glad you have found this!
I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much. Your videos are more helpful than almost 10 years of therapy. Please keep going ;)
More coming!
I humbly thank you for your work. I pray you have peace and prosperity for your generosity.
Thank you so much, and thanks for watching!
Thank you for doing this. Thanking God I found your channel. ❤🙏
Welcome! Please subscribe and stick with our amazing community :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have so much resentment and anger,towards my adopted mum,to every one who caused me,i get into the victim mind. Its hard to live with the hurt pain,its horrible x
Loved it!
🥰💖😘✨
I've started the daily practice and it's awesome. I still need to add more time to my meditation 🧘♀️ and it will be even better
Wonderful!
What about people that should have a reason??! ie being emotionally abused😢
Anna, I love you! Thank you for all your very helpful content. You’re doing great work in the world. I personally have found your channel to be a huge source of support.
You are so welcome!
Does anyone else get triggered by having move out of a house or apartment? Nothing makes all my memories and resentments come out like packing and moving
Totally!
-Cara@TeamFairy
can adult get cpdst?
I mean if you had truma in adulthood
Yes, PTSD common in adults too.
Is annoyance similar to resentment??i tend to be annoyed by everything and everyone:( 🙄
Thank you. You've made me realize something. It is such a big thing I can't speak about it yet, but thank you.
Wonderful. Please tell us when you can!
This is great! Thanks 🧚♀️
You're so welcome!
Thank you for sharing that. I will absolutely try that. It's like I doubt I will be able to do it. I have been writing , a lot, but right now you give me a structure for it. I can't wait to share it with my therapist. My dysregulation need to stop. I lost my children in court , that's why. I will write about how resentful I am for dysregulation. The narcissists knows how to push my bottons.
Thanks CCF. I got used to waking up with a “bad attitude “ (resentment!!!) and having to talk back to it almost every day. Now Im age 60 and finally feel in charge of my life. A couple of years back I went through a period of anger over realizing that I was in charge all along but didnt know it! Had to let go of that.....
Thanks for all you do for people. You've helped me understand me and my SO and improving. You are a beautiful human being.
People pop up over my shoulder during my whole shift, and it is needful. I have fear that people will read what I write even if I scribble it. On some days when I just want to scream or blurt out inappropriately and dysregulated, I take a sticky note and quickly write the first letter of every word I want to spew out of my mouth. I have not put this one down, but if I wanted to blurt out in irritation " Does she have to repeat the same thing over and over all day?" I would jot down...dahtrtstoaoad. This releases a lot of tension. I feel like I got it out, but no one knew it or could make any sense of it. I might start off a daily practice technique at my desk starting with IHFO (I have fear of) and then use my same first letter system. At home I can fully write things out. I am starting to become more regulated at work. I just got a really good review. I always had really bad marks on my whole emotional mess I could be. My boss is seeing improvement and knows I am actively working on my mental health. She is being very encouraging. I hope to soon become a full member and go deeper.
You are on the right track. You can write illegibly -- I do. A friend writes in what looks like endless cursive letter "L"s . Move the hand with the pen, think the words. No one will ever be able to read (though it does look a bit nutty!)
More clarity means more choices.
Yes.
Thank you for this
Thank YOU for watching :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am so amazed!!