The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show
Вставка
- Опубліковано 29 лип 2022
- Tim goes wild during an ad read, explains why Americans are moving to Mexico in droves, an educational active shooter video, and Zelensky's Vogue cover shoot.
Bonus episodes every week:
▶▶ / thetimdillonshow
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:
HELIX BED
▶▶ www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows
WATCHES
▶▶ for 20% off go to www.vincerocollective.com/tim...
🔒 VPN:
Get three months free
▶▶ www.expressvpn.com/timdillon
📦 BOX OF AWESOME
▶▶ boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off
CRYPTO
▶▶ exodus.com/tim to start free. Over 4 million people trust Exodus to manage their crypto. Join the movement away from traditional finance by downloading Exodus.
ONNIT
▶▶ Go to onnit.com/tim for 10% off
EVERY MAN JACK
▶▶ www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON
🎧 HEADPHONES:
For 15% off!
▶▶ www.buyraycon.com/tim
👨🦱 HAIR LOSS:
▶▶ www.keeps.com/TimDillon
💆THERAPY
▶▶ www.betterhelp.com/TIMD
BIRD DOGS!
▶▶ www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLON
ATHLETIC GREENS
▶▶ athleticgreens.com/timdillon
MASTERWORKS
▶▶ masterworks.art/tim
SIMPLI SAFE
▶▶ simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20%
MUD\WTR
▶▶ mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off
STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy!
▶▶ startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year!
Watch SteveWillDoIt's Channel:
/ channel
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃:
📸 Instagram:
/ timjdillon
🐦 Twitter:
/ timjdillon
🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!:
timdilloncomedy.com/#shows
📹 Subscribe to the channel:
/ @timdillonshow
Listen on Spotify!
open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
▶▶ Ed McMahon
benavery33@gmail.com
/ benaveryisgood
/ benaveryisgood
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#TheTimDillonShow - Комедії
Tim’s fan base is the only thing holding this country together
We're the only ones that still work.
@@blindthrall doing fake business?
the schizos
imo the active shooters are what's keeping the USA a great place to live. It's exciting. It's like how Israeli's feel great about life because they constantly know they could die at any moment - the Iron Dome's manufacturer unfortunately can only make the missile defense system 90% effective at interception after all.
There's nothign I love more than other people listening in when I'm listening to his podcast and they don't get it. I had 3 people outraged at the episode where he was screaming about kids needing to not be home schooled because they not only won't be trained properly if there is an active shooter, but also these kids will miss out on school shootings, that are a vital and important part of the education process.
Ben shying away from eye contact to try not to laugh while Tim stares him deep in the soul during the mud water ad is fucking hilarious.
Time stamp?
@@chrisE815 around 17:00
I jus seeen ahahhaha
Autism is a helluva drug
love on the spectrum
Ben looks like he should be in a public library, slowly rocking and humming while he watches old baseball highlights.
And that's why we love him
Wow, such an exact description
That is so true lol
*shotput highlights*
I love Ben...but, this is gold lol
When Tim is truly riffing on this podcast he's funnier than any recent stand up special.
Great rambling podcasts like these start to make me feel like stand up specials are an antiquated form of comedy
@@chrisjten9239 I can’t really find any substantial stand up comedy of TD on UA-cam , so I have no idea what he’s like, but I love his podcast. Maybe his strength actually is in this format. You know, a loose agenda with extreme ad libbing.
@@vanessa1569 definitely is. I saw him live a couple months ago and it wasn't anywhere near as good as this imo. He's really good at improvising funny shit on the spot. Maybe just watching comedy isn't my thing anyway
The podcast world is Tim's sweet spot. I saw some clip of his stand up special he recently filmed and it was nothing like how he is on his podcast. It was not funny and not him.
@@vanessa1569 There's a reason for that. Tim is intelligent enough to know what makes him $ and what doesn't. Deep down he knows he's not Burr at Standup, unlike the Ego's of other comics. He also knows he's the best rambling podcast out there. So there's no upside in releasing meh standup when you grow organically by doing what you're good at.
Thanks for making this pod tim, im a doordash driver- my typical day is spent considering methods of suicide while im out delivering chicken nuggets and large sodas, its nice to take a break and listen to this instead.
Hey, life in the big city 🌇 🚬🍷
You deliver food. You wanna kill yourself because you've realized the minisculity of your practical skills. You probably don't earn enough money bc you dont listen to pods while working hahaha you just said you take breaks delivering food, in a vehicle!
DD drivers are keeping me from the noose
@@RLybarger1986 and your keeping us from homelessness
Stay up
I met Ben in Texas 2 weeks ago.
I live in a pretty exclusive gated community outside Houston, my daughter goes to a horse riding school there every Saturday morning. Pretty waspy and snobby blue blood families but it keeps my kid happy. Anyways, I met Ben there 2 weeks ago, turns out his uncle actually owns the place. Big Jack is what the locals call him. I walked up and introduced myself to Ben after seeing him hangin around alone down by the stables pacing back and forth smoking a cigarette.
I said "excuse me are you Ben from the Tim Dillon show I'm a big fan.." and before I could say another word he put his index finger on my lips and said "shhhh, easy tiger" in a cartoonishly affected southern accent. Quite bizarre, but I thought hey, maybe he's just doing a bit and so I laughed. He flicked his cigarette at my chest and said "do you wanna fuckin go right here right now varmint" in a somehow even more ridiculous southern accent.
At this stage I'm in shock, standing there speechless as he lifts his shirt to reveal a completely solid gold plated revolver, something a Mexican cartel member would carry. He stared directly into my eyes and said "I ain't one for partying but I'd sure like to watch you dance boy" as he slowly pointed his six shooter at my feet.
The most insanely deranged and distorted smile creeps onto his face as I watch his finger stroke the cold steel trigger of his gun. I could feel my heart beating so hard that I felt like I might pass out at any second.
There's dead silence for what felt like an eternity as I slowly realise I'm staring down the barrel of a gun handled by an absolute maniac.
He begins breathing very heavily and I can see he has now become aroused and I feel physically sick in the presence of such evil.
Just before I vomit right there onto the well trampled dirt baked under a hot texas sun I hear big Jack calling out for Ben.
"Ben? Ben? You out here son?" Big Jack's calls get louder and louder as he draws nearer to the stables. Ben quickly stuffs his pistol back into his jeans and hides it with his shirt, which I only now notice has the nipples cut out.
Big Jack corners the stables and says "Ben your wife is here to pick you up." Ben looks at me with the most subtle quizzical smirk and says "it's always nice to meet a friendly fan, thanks for your support Sebastian", my name isn't Sebastian, he then shakes my trembling sweaty hand with a death grip as I stand there frozen stiff with fear and wide eyed as a rabbit in headlights.
As him and big Jack walk back to the ranch house I can hear big Jack ask Ben "that guy seemed a bit strange, he ok?" there was a 5 second pause and Ben said "yeah, niggas be starstruck when they meet ya boy, y'heard"
My daughters on the swim team now.
Too little lube, am in hospital now
👏👏👏
@@elektrotehnik94 Remember that you can only get so hard next time
god bless this masterpiece
"my name isn't Sébastien" killed me lol
"... my father worked at a bank, and my mother sat in the kitchen and took pills." love this guy so much
"you people come here and work hard, we go there and don't work" 🇲🇽🇺🇸🤝 36:14
love hearing Ben's little chuckles. I am in hospital and everyone is asleep, so I understand him and his quietness
heal up soon puppr
Get well soon!
Lucky 69 now.
Why is half of the people that watch this show in the hospital…
@@rachelhall124 the padded room kind for sure.
Why the hell is Ben dressed like he spends all of his free time building model airplanes and trains?
He probably does conduct tims trains
the tism
… because he does
Because he has the glazed expression of a rubber cement addict.
After Boy Scouts and getting an A in history
Tim and Ben's chemistry is unmatched, but Ben, don't think that means your job is safe. You'll be right on the street.
It's unmatched because it doesn't exist.
@Ricky Miller i feel like it’s better to have it be 99% Tim 1% submissive Ben
Ben should be replaced by Duncan. I would say Oscar, but he doesn't have time for this triviality.
id pay my lifes savings to see lee syatt sit in that chair ben is infesting rn, for a whole episode. as for what'll happen of my future kids dont worry ill feed em rice tomato sauce and cheese
Put him in the pot
Tim needs to open his own comedy club in Mexico City, called gringos. English only comedy and menus...
Gringos Limpios
"Police are minutes away"... unless you are a second grader in Uvalde or a shopper at kangz supers in Boulder, then they stand outside for an hour. Perfect Tim.
“Kangz" market
We wuz Kangz
The crime scene set department has really gone downhill. They really put on a clinic in Vegas.
To be fair Boulder doesn’t want police officers, they’d rather have junkies on the street
Unsure whether to apply black and or Asian racism
Ben Avery life coached me right into a dog cage. Thanks Ben
🤣😂😂😂
Ben made my wife cheat on me. He turned her lesbian now she's in the desert doing the pow wow
Guy’s terrible. Tim really shouldn’t have to deal with this.
46:50 The Sarah Lipton, career coach bit is legit some of Tim’s best stuff ever LMAOOOOO 😂😂😂😂
“May I introduce you to the concept of ‘manifesting’?”
I agree, I shared that time stamp with several people
Thanks for this timestamp
When the girl smiled about the sh00ting I choked on my drink😂
"NOT TRAFFIACABLE"....I learned a new and very useful phrase today.... Thank-you Uncle Tim...
From this thumbnail i believe that Ben received a severe & horrific beating... i support & encourage this fully. Maybe this will improve his morale? Probably not though.its Ben after all.😒
It looks more like Tim is running some kind of charity/fundraiser scam with Ben as the Gypsy Rose character and I fully support this.
as funny as tim*
Well we all know how the Gypsy Rose story went. 😂
@@Togmot 🤝🍻☘🤡🌎
He ran into a umm.... Door.
“It’s a big algorithm and you ain’t in it” one of Ben Avery’s greatest quotes
greatest and it’s not even close…one of the best of the pod as a whole
I listen to Tim when I am doing room cleaning because I can still hear his voice over the sound of the vacuum cleaner 🤣
Ben is a real life Russian bot, trying to ruin this great American podcast
lollllll
He’s been activated.
We know the truth Ben.
@@stubstunner MKULTRA is really scraping the bottom of the barrel with him.
Ben is the comedy
Ben wearing a Lacoste hat you'd find at an outlet mall
Don’t tell Ben he paid 7,000 ethereum for it
It helps keep the cocaine out of your eyes.
Dying over here! 🤣 Flipping pancakes, listening to Dillon, just makes my morning so happy. Love this guy!
You sound like an active shooter.
You need to diversify your income just like airbnd 😂 they getting into trafficking business lmaoo
This is becoming the highlight of all our miserable lives' weeks. We need to sustain this man at all costs.
Timothy eats enough. He'll be fine😅
@@huntforberries hahahahah
Actually imagine where this show would be without Ben. Tim uses him as a crutch so perfectly. The mellow quirkiness alignes with the unhinged havoc so well
Everyone jokes, we know this.
Ben needs the pot
Wtf is an ilignes? Don't forget Kump. Few things bring as much joy as Tim's impersonating Kump.
Tim would be bigger than Joe Rogan without Ben. Ben needs a neighbor to tell him he shouldve kept his mouth shut!
Please don't encourage him even more
Tim Dillon- the only man who could teach Andrew Tate to more perfectly understand women.
lolol
Is Tate even worthy of being a guest on the show?
@@TheThriftShopSampler only if Tim makes him his bitch.
@@TheThriftShopSampler yes or yes
Who is Andrew Tate?
Tim Dillon is the best life coach
Chris Distefano saw it as an interview
Tim Dillon saw it as a date
Chrissy Cozy Cheeks will fold for three White Claws and a line of talcum powder he can pretend is coke.
I will wait for this to air until I die which will be never
If this isn't your best episode yet I'll make someone at buzzfeed write about your endless plethora of housing complexes
FYI - that aircraft wreckage is of the Antonov AN-225, the world's largest aircraft. It was parked in a hanger for maintenance and destroyed in the first days of the war by an airstrike
The video of it all is around for sure.
also, the drone of the strike
Tim D needs to be on the radio in GTA 6
Oh hell yea
For all the shit I give you Ben, you do a better job of not absolutely losing it while Tim soliloquies. Great podcast again boys. It's a real knife fight in the air bnb trafficking business.
Seriously. If I were in Ben's position, I'd be way too much of a distraction from Tim's rants. I couldn't contain my belly laughing seizure fits into the subdued nasal giggle of Mr. Avery. He has the perfect amount of reaction to add to the rants without taking away from them. When he does actually lose it, it just adds to it and he's able to reign it back in really quick.
I pair this with my saturday late night laundry run at my apartments. its great to hear Tim talk about the animals while I'm surrounded by the animals
That description of the life coach was gold.
Glad to see Ben is still okay. Hadn’t seen him at the Klan meet up for the last two weeks.
My life goal is to see my reflection in Tim's designer sunglasses and hate myself - it's just a step up from my mirror covered in my own tears, blood and vomit
JRR Tolkien, best purveyor of Fantasy. Tim Dillon, best purveyor of Reality.
Red Pill Pharmacist
Hidden reply above
Steven Erikson*
I like ben wurring his hat all ignant like that
If a sentence ever starts with “here’s the deal, and I know I might get in trouble for saying this” just know it’s good
Within 10 mins Ben will ruin this episode.
Ben is actually dumb and slow though. And his annoying laugh into the mic after every thing Tim says.
I heard that guy sucks at golf and always blows it. 20+ handicap
Holy shit. 😂
That's a 100/1 shot, more likely within 2
At least there's no guests, where does Tim find those losers?
Man i cant imagine how boring my life would have been without tim dillon. This podcast is only thing i look for every week.
That shooter survival video was great. I remember doing intruder drills in grade school and they always boiled down to remaining in place until you are killed or the shooting ends.
Tim next week somewhere in Hollywood: "Here is the pitch, folks. It is "Keeping up with the Zelinskys". There I said. I have secured the rights for it. I just need 20mil upfront, 5 points on merchandise and 3 points on licensing/international sales. Are we doing business or what?"
The Real Housewives of Kiev
Yes or yes?
We could put them in a big pot
Ben wears his cap like my dad does
U think bens got the new balance’s on as well?
@@DawnWillDoIt 100% 😂
@@DawnWillDoIt once you go New Balance you'll understand manhood. Mike Tyson's favorite shoes.
havent listened yet but i hope ben is still saying "mmmhmm" into the mic after everything tim says and laughing like chanel west coast..... just never gets old
Sweet, another free Tim Dillon episode. I’d count that as a blessing.
I was at Timmy's show Thursday in San Jose. Absolutely hilarious. Cherry on top he came out with his fly down ,and fixed it 20 minutes in . Probably of a tip from a waitress. Perfect
That’s awesome. I was supposed to go to his show in Baltimore and ended up not going. It’s the greatest regret of my life. At this point I’ll go to any show on east coast or almost anywhere is usa
@@julianbluefeather8491 he will definitely be back around
damn i’m right by sj and i missed that shit :(
And the twink that forgot to zip up The Pig's trousers following the preshow BJ was summarily executed, I can only assume.
Can't catch fish if you don't throw bait out.
Tim Dillon, you make living in this nightmare a little more enjoyable. Thank you and Ben ❤️❤️
Sheesh
@@ZodaPoppin ?
@@JeniOnly hold it down.
@@ZodaPoppin what?
@@JeniOnly hold it down. Life is a ride
Life coach lesson #1. Cycle between drugs so you don't get too addicted to anything. Quit drinking with cocaine, quit cocaine with adderall, quit adderall with drinking (it's been awhile so your not as addicted now) then finally quit drinking with weed
does this work? asking for a friend
The Final Redpill
😂
Great program, I’m on my 5th cycle and my biological aging exceeds my years on earth by 50
or just take a quarter of mushrooms and trip your balls off
The ending is pure gold… the loud gun shots with Tim’s commentary is pure gold
"Use cover, something that will stop a bullet. And concealment, something that at least keeps you out of sight."
Hides behind clear water bottles
Water bottles is lowkey smart because the water actually slows and redirects the bullets
From the thumbnail this is gonna be a great rant, or Ben finally pushed Tim over the edge
We can only hope that's the case
The image was when Ben asked for an extra day off.
@@dancehallvibes42 stop it Tim
"TYPE FASTER"
54:10 😂 I always wondered if the cacti were real or fake.
Ben is great. These two are a team. Great show, tonight!
Yeah I'm a Benhead, ill admit it
Get out
Clearly Ben on sock accounts
Just found you from Joe saying on Lex's show that your comedy has meaning. Tim, this show is great! Love it!
Tim Dillon got the sunglasses of the 80s Arcade NARC videogame characters
They cost 120k
@@plnkfloydian7814 They cost more than 2 houses and multiple cars in several emergent countries
Tim is pretty much is an 80s video game character in real life I'd expect nothing less
They’re actually 250k
@@mikeadams3305 actually they were 1.2 million
I don't know why but Tim reminds me of all those talk radio hosts that my dad use to listen to on the drive into work.
life coach part of this - comedic gold
When Tim breaks into character I forget I'm listening to the podcast in the world and I realize that I'm actually listening to the greatest actor in the world 😂
Tim is a nonstop madman & i love it.
I wanted to listen to a show but I’ve heard all the newer ones so I went back in the library and found one called “I love my family” it does not disappoint
The Louis “lose” section is some of the best satire I’ve heard in a long time. Timmy on fire
i pursued a PhD in mathematics. 28 months before i wouldve handed in my doctoral thesis, i was offered $250k/yr by a major insurance company. 10 years later i make $450k/yr, own 3 multi-million dollar homes, and have no debt besides my mortgages. 2 of my homes make enough money to pay the mortgages of all 3. i use statistical analysis to determine what claims we accept and how much we pay out. i listen to tim everyday, he keeps me from blowing my brains out.
#LifeInTheBigCity
I wish him well
28 months 😂
Tim is by far the most hilarious person on earth…
This has probably been my favorite episode. When tim & ben watch the shooter video is hilarious
SHE’S SMILING !! 😂
"A bucket of chocolate sauce for the kids." 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This episode was absolute 🔥 Tim was on a roll with this one.
The problem with trying to design something completely fool proof, is underestimating the ingenuity of complete fools. Cheers!
i like this! i'm stealing it.
You just have to make sure your test sample size covers enough of the bell curve sweet spot
You can always try to make things idiotproof but they'll just keep making better idiots
Ben Avery. you are talking about ben right?
12:32 - love that Tim uses British phrases like 'daft' 😂
Air bnb A company Which I love and respect has to be the funniest line in this whole Episode
I hope Tim makes Ben go outside and pick his own switch when he messes up and earns a whoopin'... Like our grandparents did in the good ol' days.
RELEASE THE TAPES BEN
His wife won’t even let him watch the tapes unless he’s good
Lol I love the little wind farm he has in the background.
Tim please come to Vancouver BC there’s a huge fan base for you here
This is one of Tim's better podcasts as of late.
Just great. I'm a huge fan of the "America to me" and the 4th of July episodes, which are back to back I think? This guy is crushing it
I always thought Ben was on the spectrum. His wardrobe leaves no doubt.
The only podcast where I don't skip the ads because Tim always delivers a quality pitch 😂
need me some mudwater!
Ben looks like he sneaks onto sail boats and pretends they're his..
Tim is the medicinal balm that we need in our lives. I don’t think we could keep our sanity without him. He’s keeping us all from falling apart like like a house of Jenga blocks . Tim keeps the scary voices away. Lol 😂
Life coach: “I’m learning your language and I’m telling you how to live”
Ben looks like a professional golfer who also has to caddy himself
Morning mass with Fr.Tim Dillon and Deacon Ben. Thank u for ur words of wisdom. 🙏🙏🙏😇😇😇
Tim should try to check in with that kid he got to call in from the Ukraine.
Oh that dude didn't make it
Tim looks like the cool mom that would drive a minivan.
The play by play of the shooting tutorial might be the best thing on UA-cam right now. Also more instructive than the actual video.
Did anyone else get Rod Farva vibes when he pushed Ben's hand away and said I DONT WANT IT! 🤣
Congrats on the Air BnB thing. Sometimes one that you really want gets pitched to you underhand. Speaking of baseball- I fancied myself a baseball expert at one time, began to bet on games, and for a time was "up." It wasn't long after that, a couple of used car salesman were chasing me around with a baseball bat. And it happens fast...
life in the big city
What’s the over under on the Astros this week….sike I’m actually a Volvo dealer who’s gonna find you
That life coach bit was brilliant
24:50 ben's metamorphasis into Beavis in nearly complete! 🤣 luvya guys
Luz and life coach needs to be a new series. This is pure gold
Yes!!! Back to the no guest format. Just classic TD&Ben. 😎🤓 keep it up guys.
This makes the Saturday night better
I just discovered this podcast from listening to 2 bears. I love your take on topics! New subscriber!!
Best episode in awhile. Between Tim throwing the cactus and screaming about using Door Dash all the time and losing his shit over the black girl smiling in the shooting video, I was rolling on the floor howling. Hilarious.
If you're not drunk(or on other drugs), in a manic episode pacing around holding a loaded gun while listening to Tim, you're not doing it right.
A nice mellow unvacced covid fever also does it 👍🏻
All depends on how the week is going
Wait you mean to tell me thats not how everyone listens?
Tim Dillon keeps me from throwing myself in the wood chipper
This was a particularly brilliant one. I get all my news from Tim D.
The workplace video narration was fantastic.
Tim has taught Ben to rub the lotion on it's skin
.....unprompted.