Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCEP160DS Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I'm watching/listening to your videos and taking notes. They are helping, and I'm learning a lot! I do have a question about boundaries, though. I grew up in church and was taught about the importance of very conversative boundaries concerning opposite-sex friendships because, if there are marital problems, we might have inappropriate conversations that could lead to an affair (my wife always disagreed with this, but reluctantly agreed to go along with it -- and she HONORED this agreement until she emotionally checked out.) Please understand that I like this boundary, not just for my wife, but for myself, too. I believe temptation comes whenever we're the most vulnerable. I agree with you that, if there's emotional safety, there's almost a 0% chance of a woman cheating. In my case, I DID NOT provide safety, and my wife did have an emotional affair along with a little bit of sexting. We split up, but we are sort of "dating" now with no guarantees about the future. However, her views concerning boundaries are still much more liberal than mine -- even AFTER her actions. I get it that she had her reasons for the affair due to lack of safety leading to a Catch 22, and she likes to have and make new "guy friends" -- so I don't want to view it as a character flaw. However, that's hard. Had I been the one to have an affair, I feel like I'd be more considerate of her feelings. Is it possible that she and I just aren't compatible? Also, I just listened to a video last night, and the guy you were interviewing suggested that his wife go Christmas shopping with the guy she'd cheated with. While I get it that a woman would be "intrigued" by that sort of confidence, I just found it to be a bit...well...weird lol. Not saying that you're saying this, but do we have to do EVERYTHING that our partner(s) want, or are there times where we would ever stand up for ourselves?
Geoffrey is right. Contact does come eventually. Going on 10 months separated, went through the start of a fake reconciliation, and now she is actually legitimately opening up and speaking. Just a couple days ago we got to speak for an hour or so about some of the ways she was hurt. We laughed together and lately she is willing to facetime again. But I stopped having the expectations because I love how brightly she is shining now It isn't all roses an rainbows, but it is a start. Note that we never discussed these things they just happened naturally, just like when the relationship began. And honestly, I am happy with just that, I am ashamed that we have a deeper mental connection now than when we were together 4 years. What a joke the old me was. My advice to people is don't give up. Realize it will get worse before it gets better. And put in the work...real work. Over and out for now, thanks!
I’m so thankful I have found your videos. I have been watching a lot and trying to join the class. Your messages are so powerful not even in a relationship way but way of thinking for everyday life. I am so excited to continue to work on myself
I’m 110% blocked. Blocked on all social media. She filed divorce and requested I don’t talk to her family or friends. It’s nice to know she’s probably watching. I need to be ready when/if she does makes contact
My situation is similar although no divorce filed. I have been blocked 110% by spouse and her family. I don't know how she could be watching (I don't have FB anymore) but I'll have to wait and see!
In the end all humans lean towards the sunk cost fallacy, the idea of wanting something to workout or happen just because you’ve already put in so much effort . That is why your partner will always have an eye on you. Imagine you’re like an engineer who spent years working on a machine only for it to fail in the end , in the back of your mind you’ll always be thinking about it wishing it had worked out etc or what not your relationship is like that machine. Besides even if let’s say she isn’t watching, what’s focusing on something out of your control going to do ? Even if there’s a chance in the slightest you maybe wrong you owe it to yourself to put in the work. There’s no better use of your time than bettering yourself and this program is the way for that . Life is short which is why we should strive to become as best a version of ourselves as possible. We’re all gonna go one day why not go out on top
Right - The whole sunk cost fallacy thing doesn't apply if you are hell bent on improving yourself to the max, with or without your partner anyway :) But like we always say, if the only reason you want to do the work to grow is to get an outcome, whatever "work" you do will seem in-genuine and you ironically will get FURTHER away from the outcome. Which is why we stress untethering - and ironically, only when we learn to love the process intrinsically regardless of outcomes, do our changes seem more genuine, and we get closer to the outcome.
The part about it was thinking about tbu even 1% was brilliant. I sometimes used to think to myself in some moments oh it’s just a few minutes a day or think victim based thoughts when a sad song is playing(cuz I wont lie it feels kinda nice when the song is sad) but instead if I use that time to cement my shifts how much better I could be over the course of a year or two year it’s simple math . Loved it great video. Also been meaning to ask when the podcast is releasing?
@@imagegotbeats @toothybj My wife calls me Godfrey when she is mad at me sometimes. So as long as it's not that, I am good! My clients give me all sorts of nicknames. It's all in good fun!
@@SDSwampert I wish we have a good answer here mate, but this is why the community is such a massive part of our clients’ successes. Sparring with the right people who can guide and give you feedback with the right principles is crucial.
Hello Geoffery, I hope you see this message. Its been 6 months since my breakup and I was trying to force contact as you mentioned in the video but now I am improving myself. My question is her birthday is on December and I am confused should I try to contact her and wish her or I should not try to force contact and respect her boundaries? I am in dilemma as I think it is a very special day. Any help will be thankful
My wife is planning on filing for divorce and hasn’t because of residency restrictions. If I file for divorce first would that destroy any chances of being with her in the future? We have two kids and she’s been planning on divorce for months now
If my ex is pushing for separation agreements, sale of the home, custody arrangements, and this is creating lots of stress on her and myself. I don't want to support this because it's not in my beliefs but she says I haven't changed because I'm not giving her what she wants. What do you recommend? Should I be giving her everything she wants?
That's a tough one. I'm no expert, but what I believe I've heard Geoffrey say from the videos is that you don't have to agree with or do everything they believe, but you're supposed to listen and repeat back to them what they just said, not like a parrot, but paraphrase and then empathize by letting her know, based on how you were, that you understand why she feels the way she feels. Tell her you aren't ready to give up custody of the kids, etc. because you feel differently. If she keeps on and on about it, just keep your cool and keep letting her know you get where she is coming from and how hard/frustrating it must be for her, and let her know you're processing her feelings as well as your own. That'll be a great way to show her you've changed. Hopefully, within time, she's see it. (If you haven't yet, sign up for Geoffrey's FREE Master Class in the link above.)
@@MattBlogna Yes, but let’s not take it out of context :) As I said in this video and the one linked, If they are not reaching out, then you should not focus on reaching out. There is a reason why they do not want to talk to you. Our clients instead work on their internal shifts, TTH and Frameworks, so that when their partner eventually reaches out, they aren’t caught with their pants down. Ironically, when you master your internal shifts, TTH and Frameworks, and when you stop trying to manufacture contact and make your reasons for changing genuine… That’s when partner reaches back out. But if you keep wanting to manufacture contact, and if your reasons for changing is just to get an outcome, whatever changes you make will seem ingenuine, and she won’t be likely to reach out.
MANY of my clients hear the same after just a few weeks in the program. But when they make the RIGHT changes and become objectively irreplaceable in the way they can create the 5 pillars, it’s funny how they don’t hear that anymore :) There is a vast distance between allowing your partner to SEE your changes, vs. allowing them to deeply FEEL your changes.
Final question from me for you to think about - How sure are you that you are trying hard and running fast in the correct direction? Any doubts that you could be trying hard in the wrong direction? Of the 1,000+ clients we enroll per year, how many do you think start off thinking that they tried everything, only to realize that they tried in the wrong direction?
@gefforeysetiawan : First of all a very big thanks to providing us with a lot of needed stuff cutting of the bs advise around the topic. Your videos gas helped me alott in the past 2 months and still is very helpful. Im in a stage where my partner is stonewalling me now and with this video i found out that how blind was i towards the urgency illusion of manufacturing contact again and again.😂 I feel much hopeful right now as ive avoided one of the major pitfalls that i might've fallen into. At first i was rushing the content of internal shifts and was trying to make contact again within a month or so. I wondered that im very fast at learning LOL. 😂 NOW i realize that how dumb was that idea was . 😅 At the same time now i have the right mindset of FIRST : making insane changes from my identity So that it becomes my default and then to incorporate the frameworks. I had alot of struggle to find the frameworks but now i think it was a good thing to not have at that "urgency illusion times ". I have a request that to make a seperate series of frameworks too . 😊. I currently cannot afford the course. And what advise would you like to give me? If this comment reaches you , thank you for your precious time. ❤
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCEP160DS
Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I'm watching/listening to your videos and taking notes. They are helping, and I'm learning a lot!
I do have a question about boundaries, though. I grew up in church and was taught about the importance of very conversative boundaries concerning opposite-sex friendships because, if there are marital problems, we might have inappropriate conversations that could lead to an affair (my wife always disagreed with this, but reluctantly agreed to go along with it -- and she HONORED this agreement until she emotionally checked out.) Please understand that I like this boundary, not just for my wife, but for myself, too. I believe temptation comes whenever we're the most vulnerable.
I agree with you that, if there's emotional safety, there's almost a 0% chance of a woman cheating. In my case, I DID NOT provide safety, and my wife did have an emotional affair along with a little bit of sexting. We split up, but we are sort of "dating" now with no guarantees about the future. However, her views concerning boundaries are still much more liberal than mine -- even AFTER her actions. I get it that she had her reasons for the affair due to lack of safety leading to a Catch 22, and she likes to have and make new "guy friends" -- so I don't want to view it as a character flaw. However, that's hard. Had I been the one to have an affair, I feel like I'd be more considerate of her feelings. Is it possible that she and I just aren't compatible?
Also, I just listened to a video last night, and the guy you were interviewing suggested that his wife go Christmas shopping with the guy she'd cheated with. While I get it that a woman would be "intrigued" by that sort of confidence, I just found it to be a bit...well...weird lol. Not saying that you're saying this, but do we have to do EVERYTHING that our partner(s) want, or are there times where we would ever stand up for ourselves?
@GeoffreySetiawan I will say this: If I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, then placement of "conservative boundaries" is a moot point. :)
Geoffrey is right. Contact does come eventually. Going on 10 months separated, went through the start of a fake reconciliation, and now she is actually legitimately opening up and speaking. Just a couple days ago we got to speak for an hour or so about some of the ways she was hurt. We laughed together and lately she is willing to facetime again. But I stopped having the expectations because I love how brightly she is shining now
It isn't all roses an rainbows, but it is a start. Note that we never discussed these things they just happened naturally, just like when the relationship began. And honestly, I am happy with just that, I am ashamed that we have a deeper mental connection now than when we were together 4 years. What a joke the old me was.
My advice to people is don't give up. Realize it will get worse before it gets better. And put in the work...real work.
Over and out for now, thanks!
Yup! Interesting how this happens :) It's almost like we know what we are talking about because we've seen this thousands of times over! 😂Keep rising!
@@GeoffreySetiawan Haha right? Yet you guys still get the very common questions based from the unique circumstance illusion.
Geoffrey, you are very smart....I wish I had found you long ago before my marriage fell apart
I’m so thankful I have found your videos. I have been watching a lot and trying to join the class. Your messages are so powerful not even in a relationship way but way of thinking for everyday life. I am so excited to continue to work on myself
I’m 110% blocked. Blocked on all social media. She filed divorce and requested I don’t talk to her family or friends. It’s nice to know she’s probably watching. I need to be ready when/if she does makes contact
Hang in there!
My situation is similar although no divorce filed. I have been blocked 110% by spouse and her family. I don't know how she could be watching (I don't have FB anymore) but I'll have to wait and see!
In the end all humans lean towards the sunk cost fallacy, the idea of wanting something to workout or happen just because you’ve already put in so much effort . That is why your partner will always have an eye on you. Imagine you’re like an engineer who spent years working on a machine only for it to fail in the end , in the back of your mind you’ll always be thinking about it wishing it had worked out etc or what not your relationship is like that machine. Besides even if let’s say she isn’t watching, what’s focusing on something out of your control going to do ? Even if there’s a chance in the slightest you maybe wrong you owe it to yourself to put in the work. There’s no better use of your time than bettering yourself and this program is the way for that . Life is short which is why we should strive to become as best a version of ourselves as possible. We’re all gonna go one day why not go out on top
Right - The whole sunk cost fallacy thing doesn't apply if you are hell bent on improving yourself to the max, with or without your partner anyway :)
But like we always say, if the only reason you want to do the work to grow is to get an outcome, whatever "work" you do will seem in-genuine and you ironically will get FURTHER away from the outcome.
Which is why we stress untethering - and ironically, only when we learn to love the process intrinsically regardless of outcomes, do our changes seem more genuine, and we get closer to the outcome.
The part about it was thinking about tbu even 1% was brilliant. I sometimes used to think to myself in some moments oh it’s just a few minutes a day or think victim based thoughts when a sad song is playing(cuz I wont lie it feels kinda nice when the song is sad) but instead if I use that time to cement my shifts how much better I could be over the course of a year or two year it’s simple math . Loved it great video. Also been meaning to ask when the podcast is releasing?
Yup! You got it - it's the secret of most of the self-made successes I've come to know in my own life, and in the lives of the people I admire.
“Some people pants are so far down and their head is so up in their ass…” 🤣🤣🤣 I very much appreciate straight talking Geoffrey.
@@MK-zb5nm 🤣🤣 2025 - I promised my wife I would be more unfiltered and saying what needs to be said regardless of how people feel about it :)
and that’s great. Stop beating around the bushes. We need that straight talk!
Overall this video is exceptional and excellent. Greetings from 🇬🇧
@@MK-zb5nm Wife and I are in the Cotswolds right now. So greetings back!
My bro Geoffrey with the heat!! Keep it coming bro!! Make sure you all hit that like button and subscribe 🔥💯
You spelled his name wrong….
@ 😂😂 thanks typing fast and didn’t pay attention! I fixed it 🤝
@@imagegotbeats @toothybj My wife calls me Godfrey when she is mad at me sometimes. So as long as it's not that, I am good! My clients give me all sorts of nicknames. It's all in good fun!
@@GeoffreySetiawancute,When’s the podcast coming
@@GeoffreySetiawan oh my Imma remember that to the next GC lmao
I’m hopeless and pain filled and ready to give up
dont but grow and move on
Hey Geoffrey, how are we supposed to practice if we have no contact? With whom?
@@SDSwampert I wish we have a good answer here mate, but this is why the community is such a massive part of our clients’ successes. Sparring with the right people who can guide and give you feedback with the right principles is crucial.
Hello Geoffery, I hope you see this message. Its been 6 months since my breakup and I was trying to force contact as you mentioned in the video but now I am improving myself. My question is her birthday is on December and I am confused should I try to contact her and wish her or I should not try to force contact and respect her boundaries? I am in dilemma as I think it is a very special day. Any help will be thankful
My wife is planning on filing for divorce and hasn’t because of residency restrictions. If I file for divorce first would that destroy any chances of being with her in the future? We have two kids and she’s been planning on divorce for months now
not if you want to be with her
😭😭😭😭😭😭
If my ex is pushing for separation agreements, sale of the home, custody arrangements, and this is creating lots of stress on her and myself. I don't want to support this because it's not in my beliefs but she says I haven't changed because I'm not giving her what she wants. What do you recommend? Should I be giving her everything she wants?
That's a tough one. I'm no expert, but what I believe I've heard Geoffrey say from the videos is that you don't have to agree with or do everything they believe, but you're supposed to listen and repeat back to them what they just said, not like a parrot, but paraphrase and then empathize by letting her know, based on how you were, that you understand why she feels the way she feels. Tell her you aren't ready to give up custody of the kids, etc. because you feel differently. If she keeps on and on about it, just keep your cool and keep letting her know you get where she is coming from and how hard/frustrating it must be for her, and let her know you're processing her feelings as well as your own. That'll be a great way to show her you've changed. Hopefully, within time, she's see it. (If you haven't yet, sign up for Geoffrey's FREE Master Class in the link above.)
I personally need your help sir before I loose my mind kindly tell me how to one on one reach you kindly
Have you considered joining the masterclass and applying for the program?
@GeoffreySetiawan I will join the masterclass but I still need your one on one help.
So don't reach out if they don't?
@@MattBlogna Yes, but let’s not take it out of context :)
As I said in this video and the one linked, If they are not reaching out, then you should not focus on reaching out. There is a reason why they do not want to talk to you.
Our clients instead work on their internal shifts, TTH and Frameworks, so that when their partner eventually reaches out, they aren’t caught with their pants down.
Ironically, when you master your internal shifts, TTH and Frameworks, and when you stop trying to manufacture contact and make your reasons for changing genuine…
That’s when partner reaches back out.
But if you keep wanting to manufacture contact, and if your reasons for changing is just to get an outcome, whatever changes you make will seem ingenuine, and she won’t be likely to reach out.
@GeoffreySetiawan it's been 12 months she said she sees my changes but it's to late like a said before
MANY of my clients hear the same after just a few weeks in the program. But when they make the RIGHT changes and become objectively irreplaceable in the way they can create the 5 pillars, it’s funny how they don’t hear that anymore :)
There is a vast distance between allowing your partner to SEE your changes, vs. allowing them to deeply FEEL your changes.
@GeoffreySetiawan I'm trying hard I'm a much better man and father than I was but still nothing from her
Final question from me for you to think about - How sure are you that you are trying hard and running fast in the correct direction? Any doubts that you could be trying hard in the wrong direction?
Of the 1,000+ clients we enroll per year, how many do you think start off thinking that they tried everything, only to realize that they tried in the wrong direction?
@gefforeysetiawan : First of all a very big thanks to providing us with a lot of needed stuff cutting of the bs advise around the topic.
Your videos gas helped me alott in the past 2 months and still is very helpful.
Im in a stage where my partner is stonewalling me now and with this video i found out that how blind was i towards the urgency illusion of manufacturing contact again and again.😂
I feel much hopeful right now as ive avoided one of the major pitfalls that i might've fallen into.
At first i was rushing the content of internal shifts and was trying to make contact again within a month or so.
I wondered that im very fast at learning LOL. 😂
NOW i realize that how dumb was that idea was . 😅
At the same time now i have the right mindset of
FIRST : making insane changes from my identity So that it becomes my default
and then to incorporate the frameworks.
I had alot of struggle to find the frameworks but now i think it was a good thing to not have at that "urgency illusion times ".
I have a request that to make a seperate series of frameworks too . 😊.
I currently cannot afford the course.
And what advise would you like to give me?
If this comment reaches you , thank you for your precious time. ❤
@GeoffreySetiawan