Have We Given Up On Love? Misery, Hopelessness & Failing Relationships
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- Опубліковано 12 лис 2022
- A viral tweet of a woman sharing how much she loves spending time with her husband over coffee in the morning sent the internet into a frenzy and has led the sisters to ask, have we as a generation given up on love? Why have so many people become resistant to positive representations of relationships? And how do we overcome this hopelessness?
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I have taken a step back from "love" and dating in general. The older I get the more I realize that I don't know what I want in a romantic partner. So I'm healing myself, learning myself and focusing on growing with therapy... I also thought the tweet was sweet.
“People find comfort in the misery but misery doesn’t comfort.” Comfort you really hit the nail on the head with this one. This conversation bleeds into influencers being “relatable”, society has evolved (dare I say, “devolved”) to the point where we only “relate” to that which is negative, and never to positivity. Those who are “positive” as you said, are seen as naive, and people are often waiting on the “reality” to “hit” them instead of providing practical ways in which that person can reach their goals. For example the TikTok trend about being “delusional”, if we take a step back is really desiring the basic good things/circumstances for ourselves, however because these things are seen as anomalies we have to be “delusional” in order to achieve basic things. Our society has become so far removed from happiness, love and joy. With the absence of hard work, and “the manifestation rhetoric” at an all time high, I think many of us are sitting in pride with the idea that things should just come to us, and when they do not or when we have to work/be more strategic people are left only to project instead of really being reflective.
"Peoples perspective towards their own lives is what causes the misery." THIS!!!!!!
The comment Courtney made about " not wanting to share the happiness because then you are viewed as naive" is so true!
I just celebrated my 33rd, and I was very careful on social media, to be very vague about what I was thankful for.
I just think we live in a time, where you can easily be judged as " showing off" and many people may be privately struggling. Those people automatically take offense to the highlight reels, without even potentially realizing that you may be celebrating the parts of your life that are actually going right.
I was actually telling my husband that I feel like I have to be extra sensitive to others' situations, by really taming things down-I think its just the wiser way to keep a "Drama free" social media presence, lol.
Listening to this I remembered growing up and an aunt of mine making me feel like, as a black African girl, it's naive to dream of a healthy marriage - where I am not a slave and my husband is helpful around the house. She would and still continues to say that I'll marry a white man.
This coupled with the fact that I grew up less domesticated than many of my cousins, always made me feel that I am not black woman enough.
Honestly, I still struggle with this insecurity and can't picture myself in a happy relationship with a black man. Does anyone else feel this way?
"It's not naive to desire something healthy it's not naive to desire love" - thanks TMS, I'll have to keep reminding myself 😘.
After a bad relationship started my youtube channel so that I'd be motivated to complete the activities that I was too depressed to do. To cultivate the community as I try to rebuild myself as a healthier person. It’s been very hard, sorta lonely in an unexpected at but I know im on the path to begin authentic and who I am internally.
I think it comes back to misery loving company. When you are sad and lonely and have been that way for so long it’s easy to stay in that cycle of sadness, and to perpetuate that out. You lost hope of finding your ‘one’, and unfortunately you end up in the self fulfilling prophecy of loneliness. I have to check myself unfortunately cause I have been single for so long and everyone around me has someone, and I end up getting stuck in this “when will it be MY turn” though process, luckily I am able to snap out of it but it’s hard out here
Another take on this would be that when “normal people” share their good experiences it further exposes people’s “perceived” inadequacies, because then there are no excuses because a person who looks like you, a regular person is able to achieve certain happinesses. When celebrities do certain things, we are able to avoid these triggers because being a celebrity is a “anomaly”, or someone born into a wealthy family is considered born with a “silver spoon”. But when the barrier/bridge is shorter it exposes people’s inadequacies which leads to people being triggered.
We have allowed social media to detach and disconnect us so much from each other, the outside world, and even ourselves. A tool created that is essentially using us and not the other way around.
I have to go on hiatus from social platforms so I’m not over consuming so much content/information.
I definitely felt naive for wanting and desiring to cultivate a healthy romantic relationship. But later had to question why, it makes sense now, my conflicting thoughts about wanting it is partly influenced by media’s glorification of struggle love and bitter ppl
This is why I stopped posting on Facebook. Now I enjoy my blessings in peace.
Great discussion. How you think is how you live. Your thoughts will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
its all just jealousy lest be honest. no one is jealous of people who are depressed. we need to heal and pray against jealousy and envy. these are natural feelings but they aren't productive when used to fuel negativity. jealousy can be used as fuel to improve but people like stewing in their misery so...
we also need to learn to filter our feeds (fyp or whatever). A lot of things on social media we don't need to know.
I think it’s envy, because deep down we all crave that too. And it’s takes a positive hopeful mindset to navigate this dating climate. But if it feels like it may never happen you resort to resenting lovely tweets such as that one. I too being someone who is grasping to keep the hope (the flame) alive.
Also, I don’t think we don’t want to be happy. It just isn’t as easy for everyone to have those romantic intimate connections these days.
Insanity is knowing that viewing other peoples accomplishments on social media makes them upset, yet not removing themselves from the social media platform. That’s always an option 🤷🏾♀️ But people are so addicted to it smh.
Stoppp why was I about to write in a dilemma similar to this. Now I have something to listen to on my commute tomorrow morning😊
At 35 I'm already give it, focus on myself, work and family. The dating streets I just can't, it's messy and trash that sometimes I don't even reply to those messages.
Sadly there are alot of bitter and petty people in the world.
I'm glad you posted this video on this topic. On Friday I actually made the decision to give up dating, I have been hurt too much and I was done. My hope was gone.
I'm not sure if this video is a sign but it gave me a different perspective
When I had my lil breakdown last night and am now seeing this video today 🙃 lol y’all are always right on time 😂
For dating while studying abroad please be careful because dating culture varies everywhere and a lot, not all, American college guys want to stay single while in college and just casually date around. I studied abroad as a black woman in Australia right before the pandemic and was pressured by another student on a public bus to let him buy me a drink and food and I was so uncomfortable that I didn’t want him to wait for the train with me to get back to my dorm and ended up calling an Uber because he was trying to get me to go back to his dorm. Some people have good intentions but not everyone and they will lie about it. I can still be fun to date at this age but make sure you establish boundaries early
WOW. This episode. Wow. I have to do a reaction video on this!! Really all I can say for now is wow. This was so good. So good.
Congratulations on the book ladies, yes!!!!!
Shamelessly Earrlyyyy!! Straight outta Jamdung 🇯🇲
We know that’s right! 🥰🥰
Having a live show and still managing to upload an episode the following day, thats whats up🤗
We appreciate it so much! Thank you ❤️
Bravo for the book!!!
Congratulations on the book I can’t wait 🎉🎉🎉
so glad I found y'all! Love your chemistry and perspective
Pre ordered my audiobook! Can’t wait
Congrats to you both ❤
I think giving up sometimes is needed.If comes when you least expect.
Yeah congratulations 👏🏾 👏🏾am off to pre order mine and yesterday was amazing .I love you both ❤❤Thanks to all the people that attended may God bless all your fans
Thank you so much! Love you! ❤️❤️
I recently (like literally yesterday) decided to go to therapy which was a big big decision for me. Thank you for your BetterHelp code for making it more accessible for me :)
Hey ladies, Congrats on the live show! It was great. I definitely agree with people projecting their misery. I’m not on twitter or insta so heard about the tweet on Tik Tok which also spoke about the viral backlash. I find the backlash incredibly sad but it is an indication of where we are as a society and what is lacking. I do think that the original tweet was sweet and not an issue at all however being able to have that experience is definitely a privilege. There is a recent survey (The American Time use Survey) which shows who Americans are spending time with across their lifespan and unsurprisingly indicates far mor time being spent with co workers than family.
can’t wait to listen because the comments look very good and informing!
Hope you enjoy! ❤️
Congratulations 👏🏾💜
Thank you! 🥹🫶🏽
I absolutely love you guys, but what did Renee mean from 30:54 when she said that people shouldn’t aspire to your friendship and that friendship is just the base? I feel like this is some people’s goals in life to have a friendship like yours and it’s completely valid to desire that.
Is the US. Waiting on my preorder link miss ma'am's 🙆🏾♀️❤️
We need to bring back shame 😂
I will be Frank. People are miserable and they want to revel in their misery and want others to do so as well. People need to get invested in their real lives and stop fantasizing over 30 second reels online. Great content as always guys🫶🏾
Jealousy is the beginning of witchcraft - Robert Mugabe
I'm sorry, but I think you missed the mark. This was more about socioeconomic class, race, and privilege in the U.S. than it was about love. And I think you looked at this merely from a British perspective (and even the dating experience of BW in the UK is VERY different than in the US). This woman is Caucasian (higher likelihood of marriage in the U.S.) and is a homeowner in Sacramento, California at the age of 24 where the median home price is $500-600K. Where did a 24 year old get the cash to purchase a home? Most people cannot afford a home in the U.S. until their 40s. A garden is a luxury in the U.S. The husband works in yoga and skateboarding while the wife is essentially a housewife so very low stress jobs with flexible work hours which allows them to do coffee mornings in the garden. I can understand why people (especially women) who have to commute for work, drink coffee on the subway, pay back thousands of dollars in student loans, eat quick/unhealthy meals, struggle to afford childcare, are bankrupted by healthcare costs, have unpaid maternity leave, etc. were snarky. None of this is cheap or subsidized in the U.S. Daycare can be more expensive than rent, and our government is fighting now to get a portion of our exorbitant student loans forgiven. You missed the mark.
This isn’t a about ‘missing the mark’ or not understanding the complexities of various experiences across the globe. In fact, there’s a lot about your response here that has ‘missed the mark’ in dismissing the experiences and opinions of women from outside of the United States. We may have different experiences, but we and many other women around the WORLD experience racial, class and social economic injustices, and it’s dangerous for you or others to invalidate the reality of these experiences from women from other countries. We respect (and highlight) the nuances and reality of our experiences across the entire episode, which we encourage you to listen to. We literally state that we understand why people may have felt triggered, upset or pained - especially when the reality of their experience doesn’t match up.
The tweet in question went viral, and received replies from tweeters across the globe, which went beyond the experience of race and class struggles in the United States. What we’re examining HERE is not the validity of these experiences, but the NEED and choice to the project these issues on a seemingly nonchalant tweet in a harmful way. Whilst we understand why people may feel this way, surely we must also examine the need to respond in such an unkind and quite insidious manner to a stranger on the internet. Especially when the tweet was simply praising something they enjoyed in their life in a way that wasn’t with intention to brag. So respectfully, we disagree with you.
Hope you do find our sentiments reflected in the rest of the episode, and wishing you a great rest of your day. ✨
@@tomysisters We can agree to disagree.
Shoutout to everyone who was at the live show🫶🏾 all the sisters were looking sweet🤍🤍🤍