Enter Your Badass Era Expert - How To END Manipulation & STOP Being Pushed Around! | Terri Cole
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- Опубліковано 22 бер 2022
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On Today's Episode:
So many women have problems with boundaries. If you are fortunate enough to have thought through what boundaries you should have in place, you may lack the skill and discipline you need to uphold them. Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and female empowerment expert. She is turning the conversation of boundaries on its head and revealing the key players running defense against your best efforts to create stronger and healthier boundaries. Whether your boundaries have been too laxed or too rigid, Terri is spotlighting the importance of your relationship with yourself and why boundaries have to start with knowing your preferences, your desires, and your limits. Boundaries are more about you than the people around you. If you’ve been struggling with boundaries, there’s a good chance you’re frustrated with the people you love, you’re feeling exhausted, unappreciated and overly sacrificing yourself and it’s making you resentful. Take a moment, sit down, and open up for some self-reflection time with Terri and Lisa.
Take Terri’s Boundary Quiz: boundaryquiz.com/
Check out Terri’s new book, Boundary Boss: www.amazon.com/Boundary-Boss-...
SHOW NOTES:
Assessing Boundaries | How corrupted boundaries affect you and ways to assess them [1:30]
Self-Abandoning | Prioritizing needs and wants of others over what's true and right for you [4:37]
Codependency | Terri on what high-functioning codependency looks like for women [5:26]
Awareness is Key | Why being radically curious without judgment is the key to boundaries [8:50]
Guilt-Free Boundaries | Why helping isn’t a help and how it hurts the one you love [13:57]
Obligation-Free | Terri shares how important it is to recognize boundary issues [17:52]
Boundary Violators | How to take small steps to uphold and honor your boundaries [20:40]
Know Yourself | Why it’s important to know your preferences, limits, and deal breakers [23:22]
Self-Love & Giving | Terri on what self-love is and how it’s a way of life not a feeling [26:10]
People Pleaser | Strategies to stop the automatic ‘yes’ and start healthy boundaries [30:10]
Type of Boundaries | Terri explains physical, material, emotional, & mental boundaries [33:49]
Rigid vs. Non-Negotiable | Understanding what deal breaker boundaries for you [39:35]
Boundary Consequences | Steps to take in relationships enforcing boundary violations [42:44]
Stay in Your Lane | Terri discusses importance of respecting other people’s boundaries [50:12]
Indecision | Terri reveals what indecisiveness really says about your situation [55:54]
QUOTES:
“Women have a tendency to over give, and let’s be honest about how we were raised, most of us were raised and praised for being self-abandoning [and] codependent.” [4:37]
“But, what is codependency? It is you being overly invested in the feeling states, the outcomes, the circumstances, the relationships of the people in your life to the detriment of your internal peace…” [7:05]
“It is wrong, emotionally, to think that we have the answers for others.” [15:58]
“Giving is love, over giving is dysfunctional.” Terri Cole quote read by Lisa Bilyeu [26:10]
“...it’s less of a feeling and more of a way of life that is evidenced in your relationships, your boundaries, your self-care, how well you negotiate for your own needs. That is what self love is.” [26:21]
“If you are not rocking this kind of self-love where you’re taking care of yourself first, you really don’t have that much to give to others because what we’re seeking from others they cannot provide because it’s an inside job.” [28:28]
“When you’re saying yes when you really want to say no, that isn’t being nice, that’s just being dishonest. So, how can anyone ever authentically love you if you never allow them to authentically know you.” [29:48]
“When you have healthy emotional boundaries you're not easily guilted by others. You also don’t blame others for your life, your choices, and what you’ve done.” [36:33]
“We don’t just learn how to say no, we learn how to accept someone else’s no and talk about that.” [51:09]
“No matter where you are stuck in your life, if you can reveal the unobvious gain you’re getting, unconsciously, by staying stuck, it makes it so much easier to get unstuck.” [57:37]
Follow Terri Cole:
Website: www.terricole.com/
UA-cam: / @terri_cole
Podcast: www.terricole.com/podcast/
Twitter: / terri_cole
Instagram: / terricole
Facebook: / terricolelcsw
How do you set boundaries in your own life?
I had to start with being self aware, what is causing me stress or triggering my anxiety. I struggled being a yes person and a people pleaser. I started saying let me get back to you and actually think about weather I want to do what they are asking. Take the time practicing say no, or go back and say yes. I’m getting to the point where I can say no in the moment.
By being honest, expressing them clearly and not delaying to communicate
You've got to do an assessment...an inventory of the people in your life. There are vampiric people who must be let go...I promise you, once you hold a boundary to these people, they will INDEED let you go...there will be no use for you. There are also people that have what I call "tire fires"...these people have unrelenting addictive drama...not trauma, but "drama". They are addicts to the incessant low vibratory scripts in thier life. All of your precious energy and wisdom will fall on deaf ears...these folks will not likely heal any time soon. In fact, the more you make company with them...the more your vagus nerve will become dysfunctional. Studies have shown that our autonomic nervous system syncs up with those we hang around..."co-regulation". This is detrimental to our physical health...we will indeed become physically sick. Do an assessment on your tribe...and always remember, NO is a complete sentence.
@@hola8406 A@
I just started this episode and I was getting a call from someone who I knew was calling with shit I didn't want to hear. Honestly I am in the middle of a video that's "NOT TOXIC TO MY MENTAL HEALTH" so I am not answering. Then she mentioned her sister and I'm blown away!
We shouldn't feel guilty for allowing people to sit and get clarity for themselves. We should actually feel guilty for ENABLING them to constantly stay stuck in their own life.
I'm really struck by the beauty of this woman. Her mannerisms, her voice, the kindness and gentleness and wisdom in her face and general elegance in her composure. She's a work of art.
Agreed!!!
I was thinking the same. You put it so beautifully. Elegance is so true all along with Grace and poise. Unless she is screaming at her husband about being ripped off and filing lawsuits, of course.
@@HopeWins777 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for those kind words ❤️
I agree, she is like smart velvet!
"When you're saying yes when you really wanna say no, that's not being nice, that's just being dishonest. How can anyone ever authentically love you if you never allow them to authentically know you?" Wow
Right?!? 🤯🤯🤯
Profound
Yep! And a this time I thought I was being authentic, generally speaking.
That statement really hit me too!
Wow, this is powerful!
Boundaries are hard to set with narcissists/individuals with narcissistic traits.They leave you feeling like you are the crazy one and they punish you. It's a mental challenge that seriously distorts your thinking. So having resources like your video are really helpful.
Staying away and maintaining no contact is the only way. Boundaries only fuel their rage
Yes I think it’s much more complicated in this arena. I’ve learnt the hard way.
When the other person is toying with your boundaries, when there is gaslighting going on, you need to get very clear before you decide the best action to take. Most boundary setting I did in an overt way, I regret. Now I first ask myself, who is this person? Are they capable of a reciprocal relationship, do they care about me? Only if I decide they genuinely care for me, do I explain my boundary, otherwise I just back away, because it’s mostly just been entering in to quicksand with those people.
@@carolinevdvlies6969 100% agree, best thing I ever did - just wish I'd had the courage 30 years ago!
@@mharrod258 I truly hope you are in a good place now💜
@@carolinevdvlies6969 my parents are a big part of my life so i cant distance myself.
Terri Cole is the calm, grounded and unapologetic badass I want to grow up to be!
Her voice is like a comforting, supportive hug that's raising you up to be the best You you can be
Yeah! I love how soft but strong her voice is. It's very calming and soothing to listen to. Not abrasive like some other people.
I agree but sometimes to me it also sounds like a robot voice, probably reminds me of GlaDOS sometimes
Be careful saying someone have none responsibility for what they have done to you. In a abuse relationship or bullying the abuser always have the responsibility. Its not our fault that people beat us or abuse us. We have a choice to leave, but they have no right to do that too someone else.
That was the just the thing which struck me. I agree🥺
Similar to having to get a restraining orders that that person doesn’t uphold continuous violating it, there’s no negotiation. What these two ladies are addressing are semi normal open parties who are willing to negotiate, be genuine and transparent. You’re never receive this behavior from toxic people and it does violate your boundaries, safety etc… very painful to get away. Once you do block and no contact forever. That’s a boundary.
To paraphrase one of the most powerful statements: “If you have something to say, silence is a lie.” 🎤 Mic drop. Wow. 🤯 The wisdom presented in this segment is simply invaluable; it may be the best explanation of boundaries and codependency I’ve ever heard. Terri brilliantly deconstructs codependency and illustrates the ways in which our attempts to “care” for others can be backhanded efforts to control them, and can be driven by fear rather than love. Fear of rejection, namely. That is, “giving is love; over giving is dysfunctional.” Further, she posits that self-love is not a feeling but a way of life, one that allows you to negotiate your own needs (as opposed to being obsessed with the needs of others). Terri presents her wisdom with much grace. Thank you for this wonderful conversation. And love to all who may read this or watch this talk. May we all grow into the best version of ourselves! 💕💕
🙏
I agree.....the information is gold.
Boundaries are so crucial.I learned about them much too late in life.Im on my late thirties and I am bitter as hell for allowing myself to be walked on.
I feel that AND that bitterness is taking more away from you than it is giving you. You are here- and it's not too late...you are right on time xo
Sending you hugs
Read about victim mentality
Hey, you are only in your late 30's???!! Dance in the streets honey, your best years are still to come! It took me 52 years!! ;-) You are doing GREAT! (And bitter is a pill that will only ever poison YOU, spit it out, look forward and enjoy the happy/strong pills coming your way!
Yup, learned later in my life too! But it's not too late: we do better when we know better.
This is one of the best interviews I've heard from women of impact probably because I needed to hear so many things she's mentioning I can totally resonate with it and I can see other people my life who had these issues as a mom how my kid is always trying to violate my boundaries as a parent about how where his bad words are and where mine are he's always trying to ask you a different way my mom over gives too much and I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to be with him anymore because of all the dysfunctional things that are happening and contradictions he still tries to ask me over or tries to talk to me and I'm weak because I'm lonely and he has my kid that we share and I want to be wanted
Revolutionary phenomenal TQ TQ TQ
Never ever get into a relationship if your hungry because then you end up with unhealthy because you are unhealthy.
Yes this is really so good I too can relate in the same way like you do
I put a boundary between me and my dad, he comments on my body negatively every time he sees me whether it’s my weight, my body hair, my clothes. It’s been like this since being small, and for the first time I stood up for myself with grace, compassion and maturity. It scared me but it felt like I was gaining power in that moment, and that is how I realised it was the right thing for me to do
A man should never comment on a woman's appearance in a negative or sarcastic way. It shows lack of training and immaturity. Always be tactful and tasteful.
Very good. I was always codependent.. a relationship is interdependence. I am learning.
Wow I needed this literally today. I (and my daughter) are co dependent. She is married to a full blown narcissist. She left him a couple months ago. I helped get her a place, and have talked to her for hours every night and watched tv with her every night with the hope that if she wasn’t lonely she wouldn’t go back. She spent the weekend with him and it sent me in a bit of a depression. Even though I knew she would. She basically ignored me the whole weekend I think out of guilt. I’m left wondering what more I can do. But it’s the effect on me that is startling. And hearing today that I’m doing a dis service to her by not allowing her to hit bottom is ironic. Because that’s exactly what I said to her about him. But it’s so true. I need to trust her to find her own way. She’s 24 and it’s so scary for us both. She needs to stand on her own ideas.
Hmm...you can't do anymore than you already have. It's very sad. I've been watching this s*** play out in my own family with my adult child who is legally attached to a narcissist who is a demonic abusive monster 👹.
Tell her to watch dr Ramani🤗dont push too hard anything we chase runs
@@evka24 I love her. Dr R is how is figured out what was going on with him. Sent her every video I could find with Dr R. I still watch her even though We know what’s going on
❤
@@tiffanycerasoli3540she has to find on own way & reflect.
This video is speaking to me. I am guilty of this, of carrying others’ pain that it made me lose respect for myself and for others, it turned me angry. Practicing every day to stop giving answers to others and keeping my space for my peace.
My mother has violated so many of my boundaries and so often shown lack of emotional intelligence that I had to distance from her.
I see you Renee and am witnessing your courage to choose you with so much compassion xo
@@terri_cole thank you so much. I absolutely love you and your work. Thanks for everything.
it is very triggering to be around a mother who lacks emotional intelligence and is expecting everyone to lsten or do as she wants.
@@lauraelk97 yes it is. The worst part is she actually built a relationship with the person who abused me and continues to fall for the charm/showmanship and she often gifts him things. She knows what happened and ignores it so she doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable. No consideration for her own child.
@@kellykimani3488 that’s basically telling someone to stay quiet and take the abuse bc there are shared genes. Very outdated and harmful to someone who has been through emotional abuse. Abuse is abuse and I don’t have to be around anyone who treats me like garbage. Contrary to popular belief, it’s the parents responsibility to become emotionally healthy in order to meet their child’s needs. The child of a parent who gave nothing, owes nothing.
I love how the host starts to really just nod so heavily holds her breath so to not blurt out and allow the speaker to finish its like we feel exactly how you feel girl 🤣🤣 its like wowwwww what a perspective or wow I really didn't understand it like that ... I just love to see her excitement and anxiousness to not blurt out and let the speaker finish 💜
Haha thanks so much!!! Yes she was blowing my mind and I just wanted her to keep going! 🥰
@@lisabilyeu8103 I agree that you are an AMAZING interviewer! So real, present, PREPARED (can i say that again??) curious and lit up about life. I felt like I knew you before because I LOVE your work and now I am grateful to know you IRL (can't wait to come to LA 🙌) Thanks again, pal xo
So true. One needs to feel the pain of their wrong choices themselves to propel themselves to course correct. Wow so empowering. Tks Terri Cole. Tks Lisa🤗🙏
The famous rock bottom
Wow so true !
As a Greek American Orthodox divorced woman with children struggling to build my life I need to say I APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOU LISA SO MUCH FOR MAKING THESE VIDEOS!
Deep respect now for martyrs like my mum... NOW i understand 🥺👐
Unsung heroes
What a freaking amazing interview! I have never heard talk someone about setting boundaries in such a clear and simple way. Beautiful!! I will pay even more attention to what Terri mentioned and I probably might still be doing. Oh my god, I can identify myself with so many things and it really doesn’t have to be that way 💪🏻💜🙏🏻
🙌🙌🙌
In summary: Although we cannot stop someone from being manipulative we can extract ourselves from their manipulativeness only inside of ourselves at first while extracting ourselves from their realm ONLY AFTER realizing that the person in front of us is being manipulative in a way at first which has nothing at all to do with us and everything to do with their manipulativeness like when they are scheming about their new kind of tricks to do on all of the people next whom they are targeting not always towards us. Not always obvious right away. Keep your eyes open about what people love to brag about most. That often gives lots of clues early on enough. Because none of us can get through life without experiencing some trauma. The difference is not letting that trauma experience convince us that we are somehow defective and so that is why we are continuing to be or were being traumatized. Only then can we find what it takes to, if at all possible, extricate ourselves from that kind of trickery filled situation to recover and thrive again. Make no mistake about it when realizing that others before you probable had it worse while going through the same and that none of it is about you.
I am speechless at how amazing this interview is. This was amazing
!!!!INCREDIBLE!!!! THANK YOU to all of you who made this video! I can't wait to read the book Boundary Boss!!! I wish I learned all this in kindergarten!!! This is such vital information for good relationships! I learned so much from this interview! Thank you so much Terri Cole for sharing such important information that can truly change the world for the better! If I had known about healthy boundaries when I was younger then I would have recognized when someone was crossing them. I would have been safer. I'm excited to see what the next generation will do with this knowledge. And a huge thank you to Lisa Bilyeu for shining your light!!! Lisa you are truly making this world a better place! I know that I am going to be more aware that I don't cross other people's boundaries and that I will be practicing making better boundaries that are not too rigid or not too loose. I think this will take a lot of practice. LOL And Lisa CONGRATULATIONS on your new book Radical Confidence!!!
I had this friend who reacted that way literally every time I would call her to hangout for coffee or anything at all when I have never been the type to ever talk about personal issues. I"M SORRY, but sometimes, people are delusional LOL. Sometimes, it's the other "friend"s" 'problem'...and I use quotation marks, because it can be exhausting to have to deal with someone who knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING of you, but firmly believes that they do, even though you've known each other for decades! I consider 'those people' "fake friends", because it reality, people who are dedicated to misunderstanding you will never change their wrong perception of you. I've had therapists who completely misread me and messed me up, SMASHING every single piece of progress I have ever made and DESTROYED my self-esteem/self-image! It felt like she was doing it ON PURPOSE over HER OWN ISSUES. I had to fire her! SHE BROKE MY TRUST! LOL! Sometimes, 'those therapists' LITERALLY RUIN LIVES!!! SHE HATED ME...possibly, because I have a lot of character and already had the confidence. Perhaps, I didn't need a therapist, but at $180/hour, I'm sure she didn't mind me paying her once a week. I now do this to anyone I want FAR AWAY FROM ME. I regret it shortly after, but life makes us bitter and cynical sometimes. Perhaps, I will grow to like people again someday and stop screaming GTFAFM every time a man approaches me. LOL! MEN! HAHAHA!
I have to be honest. I'm 27. I hadn't heard the word "boundaries " before much, like didn't really ever kept any, didn't know they had to be kept! Until just recently, I experienced a heartbreaking scenario through which I'm still trying to recover from, but only now, I learned this much "boundaries are supposed to be kept"! Now main question is, someone tell me or help me HOW TO KEEP BOUNDARIES
great question. I'm over 40 now & I've found some boundaries are similar from when I was in my 20's. but some have changed as my season of life is vastly different now. I think to myself what do I need now? what's essential? what matters to me? then with that in mind, I adapted to those values.
keep in mind those who took advantage of your lack of healthy boundaries will be very angry & frustrated. As you're harder to exploit than before. I keep in mind that it's not only laying boundaries with others, it's laying healthier boundaries with myself. & work on my side of the street. xxx
This is so rich! I mean the boundaries type, how you deal with to step by step, the boundaries quiz to test our own boundaries style is so amazing! Thank you so much for this interview! I love this video, thank you Lisa for inviting such powerful woman to teach us. Really appreciated!!❤️❤️❤️
I have a problem with boundaries in saying yes to my needs and feeling guilty for no good reason, like for example I feel guilty taking a day off work when I am sick. It sucks.
LOVED IT! thank you, I really needed this conversation. my head is popping up by new ideas and horizons!
This was amazing such a true fan! Your content is so spot on with the current trends in mental health awareness and empowerment! Thank you for standing in your authenticity and showing myself and others to do the same!
Setting boundaries and staying firm with people especially family has given me so much peace. My peace is non negotiable.
She’s amazing!! I absolutely love this episode.
I used to feel bad for setting the boundaries that I set for the people in my life who wanted me to solve their problems. I used to feel so drained. I am certainly not an expert on boundary setting mostly because I did not understand how unhealthy my growing up was until my teenage years and then again in my 30s/40s. This interview was so helpful. Thank you for this channel and for all the interviews you have on here. Much love and prayers for your continued success.
Thank you ladies y’all are so powerful and you both look so incredible today thank you for such a wonderful interview it’s taking me a lifetime to learn boundaries but I got it now thank you
My sister says my Mum raised me to be a doormat, and now I understand that it is co-dependency. Thank you for the clarification 💜
Thank you for this episode! It is such a good explanation for me about boundaries!!
This has been so enlightening. I’d love another deep dive!
This is so phenomenal! When you try to step in to stop the abuse you circumvent the abuser but you also circumvent the victim growing their own wings through the pain and separation, you confirm for them that they can’t be responsible for themselves so you (or the abuser) should ride in on a white horse and manage their lives for them - you allow them not to have to manage their own.
Amazing.
What do we get from staying involved in these problems? A sense of control over them, a sense of mastery or self importance or self righteousness?
Such valuable questions to ask - your therapist discussing that your sister’s relationship messed with your peace - so you needed to cut lose from the drama in her life - not from her or from caring for her - but from the pain it was causing *you*.
Such phenomenal insight. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this opportunity so many of us can learn from, Strong Ladies! Thank you! Women of substance, of depth, and reflection. Thank you!
I love Terri. Thanks Lisa for inviting Terri again
I'm so glad I found this today. I am barely hanging on and have been running on fumes while being asked to give more. I am left with rage that volcanos out daily. I feel very alone.
This is the most helpful explanation I've had to date. Thank you 💛
Read the book. Much needed resource in my life. Highly recommended
❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is the best talk about boundaries I've ever heard and I've just needed it today. I am aware of my codependency and trying to deal with it in the best possible way. On the other hand, I'm also surrounded by (so-called close) people who keep talking about keeping their boundaries and saying "no" to chose themselves... while they're actually very rigid and they can see only their own perspective as the right one. It's really hard to communicate from a place of love when you just keep getting virtual slap in the face whenever you try.
To conclude, I have to read your book. You're awesome 😎💖
What a wise woman!
Sometimes "ridged boundaries" is the only way to protect ourselves when others continue to act out in a hurtful way. I set a strict boundary for my New Years resolutions. Sent a group email to all parties, All Narcissistic Personalities. were emotional abusers in my life, and let them know, "I'm DONE",Claiming my life back, Don't bother me with family matters...HANDLE IT!
This took DECADES for me to implement. Yes, People use to your pleasing them are not going to be pleased when you STOP! TOOOOO BAD!
What you describe is a well-thought-out choice, not a rigid boundary. (You thought and decided- you did not REACT) And GO YOU!!! 🙌
OMG!! this episode was just mind blowing!! thank you thank you thank you
What a great episode! Thank you so much for making such amazing content, its really inspiring and helpful!
We are all born with free will and Lisa good for you! We all live our OWN lives!! You are such an encouragement and your guest also!! 💗
Really powerful and much needed conversation 💜
I love Terri and her work! She’s amazing and has so many healing nuggets! I had the great privilege of taking a workshop with her a few years back. How great she’s on your show and what a great interview!!! 👊😃💝
This was amazing!!!!!! Love you both for everything you are sharing!!!! Thank you!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
OMG I Love this channel so much. The title is 100% accurate. Soooo impactful and thank you so much for your courage and perseverance to make a change in this world. 🥺🥺 My heart feels so full. Thank you!
After listening this was so powerful and helpful. I am definitely getting your book!
I’m in love with Teri!! So awesome to hear this whole interview!! Thank you!!
What an amazing episode. 👏🏽 It totally opened my eyes regarding the codependency I've been working through without knowing it. I did know I had to work on me and not on fixing everything for others. Plus, stepping back and observing the situation and checking in with myself before reacting like I used to. I'm able now to better control my emotions and involvement. Especially when I know they just want a reaction to then blame me and act like the victim and manipulate the story for retelling later and paint themselves as the victim.
So much the best hour I've spent all day watching and learning this. Your voice is soothing and sure and straight to listen to
Absolutely brilliant interview! Thank you, Lisa ❤🤗
Wow! Lisa your videos are so empowering! Thank you! Lots of 💕
I love your channel. These are things most people need to learn and to heal themselves first before trying to help someone else. Kudos to start something like this. This is very helpful to me in my personal life as I always struggle to set boundaries.
This was so spot on in every way I’m gonna listen again and take notes and keep rehearsing in my thought processes moving forward!!! Thank you so much emotional blueprints wow and no more keeping file cabinets!!! S0 many golden nuggets of profound wisdom!!!!
I’m so excited, I’ve been waiting for Terri Cole to be on this show! She’s helped me so much especially during the pandemic
My favourite interview so far!🙌 Listen to you both so much, amazing to see you both together. Working on boundaries daily, it feels so unnatural to me but I'm seeing how beneficial it is to my wellbeing and happiness, as well as being better for others when I communicate my feelings more clearly! Thank you both some brilliant insights and love your energy together 🙏❤
This was so amazing!!
This conversation is fire! Love the openness, truth and self-awareness.
Subscriber for life.
This is right on time I needed this in my life after the hell I had went through allowing other people in my past relationships control me and break all my boundaries and I feel drained it has taken a toll on my body and peace of mind
Wow wow wow perfectly needed this after listening to my sis issue for hours
Thank you x 1 million for this episode!
I wish I could like this 100 times!!! Thank you. “If you can stop the immediate yes, it is so much easier to say no, if that’s what the answer is” 🙏
This is incredible...i really learned so much about myself from this ...thank you!
What’s in my basement around boundaries. Wow, I’m a little frightened about that. As an ENFJ-A type, I am both curious and frightened about that basement! Thank you Ms. Cole! I’m getting your books, several in fact, so I can share with my daughter, sisters and friends….
Great 😊 interview!!! I bought your book the minute I could ⭐️thank you Terry🥰you are absolutely great!!! AND A GREAT HELP!!!!
Amazing episode! Finally preordered ur book Lisa :) excited to support you in such a convenient way hehe. Thank u for all u do!
OMG wooohoooo!!!! Thanks so so much for the support!!!
Her voice is so calm and centered. Very soothing. And this content is game changing, wow! So happy I watched.
Its the PEACE OUT at the end which brings the most biggest smile on my face after every episode, Lisa!!! Thanks for this one, valuable information from Terri Cole and yourself, definitely one to watch again!
definitely will have to rewatch
Wow!!!! That was great and really hit home. Thank you!
I sought connection...support and help of others makes me feel more connected and I feel my best when I am able to give something to or help someone else with something. It makes life feel more meaningful - even if only temporary...
Omg!! This is me with my adult son who has been living with me for almost 2 yrs,want work verbally abusive etc. He will be 29 in April. My ex husband and father has told me to put him out for the longest but since he is my only child I have not be able to do it. Things are very toxic and have escalated especially since I've been in bad health from recovering from covid and covid pneumonia.
Give him the ultimatum a day after that day you change the locks. Tough love is needed. Tell him u love him but not the way he is. U will teach him respect and boundaries. He will respect u more.
What a wealth of knowledge and wisdom packed so neatly into one hour.
Thank you.
Perfect timing 👌🏻 ❤🍀❤
Oh my GOSH I watched 20 mins of this and it changed me and I feel like screaming it out to all women. Be kind, be nice then say I have given enough to yourself and go home ✨❤️
Best breakdown of how to establish boundaries and how to identify where you need boundaries. Thank you for this
This episode is life changing! She is brilliant and delivers such dense quality content with confidence and honesty. You know she is putting in the work in her own life and how inspiring! Thank you for sharing :)
I so needed this! Loved it all, thank you both!
Omg loved the advice
Specifically on family
This was so great and much needed for me. You both are truly appreciated Thank You!
This is brilliant! Thank you Lisa
Her voice is so soothing 🤗
Wowwwwwwww indecision really was so soothing
ThankYou! Just excellent info.
Lisa and Terri, this is exactly what I need to hear. Thank you for all you do.
Literally everything about Terri is so elegant and incredible wise, absolutely love her stuff.
Disorganized attachment and CPTSD have caused a lot issues and angst around boundaries. I always thought I was good at them, til I learned that I generally waited til I was angry and then issued ultimatums or canceled people altogether, leaving me with months (or years TBH) of resentment afterward. Setting up expectations in relationships with the little things can really prevent a lot of these breakdowns. I love what Brianna Macwilliam said in a video once: You can have unconditional regard [love] for people, but *relationships* are conditional. This is because we all have limited time, energy, and resources. So unlike a lot of New Age thought around boundaries, expectations, and unconditional love, it is absolutely appropriate to have specific standards about how we allocate those resources in our relationships and what we need to have in return. Thais Gibson's Integrated Attachment Theory model has also been of great help.
Thank you for this. I have worked on my boundaries for years now and cannot believe that I haven't seen Terri's work yet. She is excellent!!
Im trying not to cry bc this is exactly what i needed today! My lil sister is in a serious situation that her choices keep putting her in and i have to safe enough
Just loving it..needed to listen
Throwing this out to the community: I set a long overdue boundary with my two adult children to no longer give out money to them (they're in their 40's). Background: It was happening monthly. I'm a retiree living overseas on a fixed monthly income. So, I announced this gently, but firmly to each of them on the occasion of my last giving; that this would be the last, because they are adults, with good education and are healthy. My Daughter says I am a narcissist and convinced my son of the same. Neither of them have spoken or communicated with me in over two years. I love them and miss them. I have tried numerous times and ways to reach out to them, but other than a jumbled reply of blaming me for divorcing their father in 1973 when they were 3 and 8 years old respectively and he is now deceased... I can't make heads or tails out of what is the real story between us. Their father and I reconciled to being great friends for the last 15 years of his life. Okay-Any pertinent replies are appreciated.
Bad math... we married in 1974 and divorced 1983
I wish my mom would set boundaries I refuse to get money from her anymore n I think it shows u have trust they can figure it out and wil be ok 👌
Wow!!! 🤯 I heard myself telling my ex partner, “You’re not a trustworthy person!” And now realizing that I was not being trustworthy because I didn’t have good boundaries with him and was resentful towards HIM because of it! 😳😳😳
So mind blowing right?
Such an amazing episode, thank you Lisa! You ROCK!!! I purchased her book on Amazon after watching! Loved the boundary quiz online too! ✊️
terri cole is a godsend. love this woman!
Wow! Terrific pointers she provided. Thank you.
5:58 - Co-dependency is an overt or covert pursuit of control. 🤯
Loved every minute of this conversation! As a recovering codependent, 11:00 describes me accurately.