To try everything Brilliant has to offer-free-for a full 30 days, visit brilliant.org/SelfHelpShelf You’ll also get 20% off an annual premium subscription. This video is sponsored by Brilliant.
I am 46. I fondly remember celebrity culture before the internet. They were these enigmas, these strange humans who flew all over the world, always looked good, always had the right thing to say and their lives looked so glamorous. We truly believed they were the best. Then we got the internet and we realized they are just humans, well, just like us. Unfortunately the majority of them are intellectually challenged and they proof their lack of intellect on a daily basis to us. I sometimes miss life before the internet
I am also 46 and I feel blessed to be born before all of this nonsense. The internet is a valuable tool, but younger generations think being offended matters to anyone else but them. I love the fact that my favourite film/book/television program (blah blah blah) is not everyone else’s. In fact, I tend to dislike the major blockbusters. I couldn’t stand the well-known version of Titanic, I prefer the older black and white version. Ooh, that was a ramble, I am sorry, I just wanted to say I agree.
I think it is good that we now know they are just people. Humans should not be idolized or put on a pedalstal. Those days when they we seen as the best were not good because it allowed them to get away with horrible things.
@@the_fynethyme Honestly, same. It's a blessing that was always supposed to get revealed at some point. Yes, many of us feel disappointed or even outright upset or enraged. But it's better to know the truth instead of believing in mythical heroes or worse, upholding them as role models when they didn't really deserve it. On top of that, being idolized by everyone is not as fun as some believe either.
I've never understood this. I've always liked and disliked what I liked, regardless of what was popular. Yes, it's fun to watch and read things with friends and discuss them. In college in the 2000s, a friend told me that when I said I hated popular shows and movies, it made them feel less smart for loving them. I adjusted the way I talked about things--leaving it at "I don't like it" instead of nitpicking it. But I was surprised how personal it was to many people. Also, people project onto celebs so much, which you're saying here.
I love that you call twitter, twitter. Your friend should be glad you even read that book. Other peoples political opinions only matter in an oppressive society. In a society with liberty, they have no bearing on you.
This reminds me of a friend who's almost 40 and sometimes he cares way too much about stuff. If we have a disagreement, it's like he has to convince me that he's right, even when it's a matter of opinion and taste, we don't discuss complex societal issues or anything like that. He's been doing it much less lately, but it's like you said: he NEEDS that mirroring and gets upset when I don't mirror him the way he wishes I did
I remember when at university in the mid-2000s I said I don't like Harry Potter. My creative writing professor jumped at me demanding if I had actually read it or am I just "parroting". I was pretty taken aback by this behaviour from a professor but I replied with the truth, which was that I'd read the first four books but halfway through book five I realised I don't care in the slightest about the story or the characters so I put it down. My professor then went on this rant about "flaky readers" and "goldfish attention spans", in front of the group, making it very obviously about my dislike of Harry Potter and how she's disappointed in me. That was the moment I realised I never, ever want to be like that.
Thank you Cinzia agreed it is scary the severity of outrage and expectation of personalities whether they be celebrity, influencer or other public facing individuals. We are all human and especially on the internet it seems to be easier for that to be overlooked. Appreciate your thoughtful content as always.
Thank you for the well-presented discussion. Wanting to be liked is a toxic trait we all must work on. Sometimes it's important to remember not everything is personal. If someone doesn't like something I hold important does not mean it's against me.
Over reaction. But, that's just because she likes you so much and really value your opinion. The closer you are, the greater the disappointment about anything that are really important to the other party. 😺
There is arguably no such thing as an overreaction when we consider the-often painful-beliefs fueling a person's reaction, which although not absolutely or objectively real, are very real for that person. Every moment of disconnection is an opportunity for deepened connection. How we react or respond to some experienced disconnection can be impacted by any number of factors, including our beliefs, our bandwidth at the time, even the acidity of our diet. The most humanizing and nuanced understanding of others also humanizes and benefits us.
@@tvsmed I agree, my sister is the same with her music taste. She gets really nervous to share her favorite songs with me because she REALLY likes it, and she REALLY cares what I think, so it’s nerve-wracking for her to share that part of herself with me. If I don’t like it, it’s almost like I’m rejecting that part of her. So if I don’t end up liking a song she shared with me, I’ll let her down gently, and then refocus on the things we both do love. It all boils down to how much you care about each other. If you care enough to preserve the relationship, then be tactful and loving-but if you don’t, then by all means, crush their heart. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive
Thank you for putting into eloquent words what I've also been feeling. We seem to have lost so much empathy in communication, and it's creating such a divisiness fueled by anger that it makes it hard to even want to reach out. Maybe this is a big driver behind some of the "-core" we've been seeing lately too. Cottagecore, librarycore, hobbitcore - a lot of going inwards when the outside world is feeling increasingly judgmental and loud and telling us we can't like anything.
My level of caring about celebrity culture is so low. When my students are going on and on about these people I will never meet. I swear my eyes glaze over. Also finding differences in views is so exhausting when people realize. it shouldn't be this huge alienating thing. We should be able to learn from each other, and in turn more about ourselves as well. 😮💨
I also remember swapping books with my neighbour and wanted to connect. She called the book I gave her boring and she didn't get further than ten pages. I remember being really upset but hiding it because I read her book even though it wasn't really something for me. I stopped swapping books 😂 so I kind of get it. It's this really weird social thing of wanting others to make an effort to connect. I never said anything tho because I think I have good taste and she's valid for having another opinion. But it still made me hesitate to share any of the media I like with her. it's just not a good experience having someone shit on what I like.
We need to take nuance back into our consciousnes! I am missing it in so many places and it is hard even in real life to speak on certain topic you realized yourself not being on cutting edge one way or the other.
This is so good to hear, and I’m glad you said it. A few months ago, it seemed like most of the leftist youtubers I followed were suddenly making videos about the same influencer that I don’t even know, talking about backlash to a perceived problematic thing that she did. Each video started with “you may not know who she is, I didn’t…” and then a quick explanation that she IS famous though, this IS important, we DO need to care about it. And all I could think was “well it sounds very not important based on the fact that you don’t know her and I don’t know her.”
Thank you so much for this important video Cinzia. You are right, even though we won't all agree on everything, we somehow have to exist together on this planet and we won't be able to do that if we continue to live in such a polarized society. Though I must confess I find it hard to ignore it when celebrities post things that are harmful such as fake news/misinformation, advice that could be detrimental to your health, anything that could promote hate...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I've been thinking about this very topic for months now, and as a newer content creator I too have a lot of anxiety around expressing any sort of opinion publicly. That said, I grow more adamant every day that the solution is to become so secure in ourselves and our beliefs that we don't rely on that external mirroring and validation. The older I get, the less I care what any celebrity or public figure is doing, and the less I need strangers to like everything I say 😅
It’s refreshing to see this take on Chappell Roan as I’ve seen most of the discourse on her mention or analyse in detail the parasocial relationship(s) at hand very early on. If you ever decide to do a deep dive into parasocial relationships, I would be very interested to hear your take!
Thank you for this video! These exact thoughts have been on my mind a lot, especially recently. Like, why do I need to know all of this information about these people? Why do people get so riled up when a celebrity's views don't perfectly align with their own? It's really weird if you think objectively about it. Celebrity culture is so much more parasocial and invasive nowadays and definitely seems to be out of hand.
Yeah, a difference of an opinion over a book is not enough of a reason to end a friendship. You can always agree to disagree, especially when the disagreement is that it wasn't your "cup of tea", but it was still good. She must have been going through something to react like that. Friendship is about the person.
Thank you for this video. I think it's really brave have you to talk about such a topic on the internet and also about the insecurities regarding hateful comments.
If I got upset over everything I like that my wife doesn't, I would have been divorced years ago! It's strange that people need this mirroring, especially when it's celebrities. For instance, I don't particularly care for the beliefs of Clint Eastwood but I love many of his movies. And I've had many friends who I disagree with over various topics. But we are still friends because we can have a mature discussion and not get bent out of shape over it. It's a sad state of affairs that you have to think twice about giving what I think is a balanced opinion for fear of negative consequences. But as you said, there are people who seem to just live for the chance of tearing down others.
One comment for that sweet engagement, perhaps? Thank you for bringing this up. I find the conecept strange, because I don't think I'm doing much of that. I'd like to think that I find differences in people the mostinteresting thing there is. Maybe that's why many people trust me with lots of secrets? Some days I do wonder what or who I'd be if I wasn't self employed and in deep need of people not hating me (locally)... Also, while I'm sure you're aware of that person, I still really like re-watchin Contrapoints videos. On one hand there's a lot of humor in serious topics and on the other hand there's a lot of empathy for situations that often don't get any. Until next time and thank you again.
LOVED this video. so much better letting go and not minding if you disagree on certain aspects, if you can rub along with everything else! (Roan uses she/her btw, not she/they!!!)
Love your thoughts on this point. Who cares about my particular opinions … though they do drive my actions, in the broader scheme of things, they don’t really matter.
This was a brilliant video Cinzia- I love your just 'talks' as much as your scripted video essays. I do hope you feel less afraid of posting them in the future- you're very good at making your case and giving us things to consider. The idea 'promote what you love and don't bash what you hate' is just excellent- I myself do try to promote more than bash, but it's hard not to respond to dumba$$ery sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't. I have to work on that ;) And I really agree with the sentiment that sometimes people just can't win and that's terrible. It's like the WOPR from the great (old) movie War Games concludes- the only way to win is not to play the game, which is unfortunate. I wish I had an answer.
Instances such as this are an opportune reminder to take a breath and step back. Pausing and reflecting are powerful tools to put things into perspective; taking the time to appreciate the nuance not present in emotional, unconscious reactions. It is disappointing that people like you and myself feel like it is best to say nothing at all. I would like to try and reframe that, though: perhaps it is best for the greater good that more people keep some thoughts to themselves. The internet being such an open forum seems to have given many of us the illusory idea that someone is shoving a microphone in our faces, demanding we offer a hot take or an anecdote. We do not have to speak, though. There is so much more power in taking the time to listen and observe. Just something to consider; regardless, we should feel comfortable expressing our thoughts without fear of reprisal simply because others disagree.
I enjoyed listening to your thoughts on this subject. I agree. Imo, this is one of the drawbacks of "influencers" (who are low key driven by capitalism) being everywhere. Society worldwide has had lots of upheaval for various reasons and it seems like many people are looking for leadership and guidance albeit from the wrong people. There is a confusion between loyalty and valdiation from an influencer, political figure, celebrity, sports person, etc and old fashioned things like in-person community and being part of a collective. It seems as though parasocial relationships have taken precendence at the moment. Hopefully things will swing back the other way eventually.
I would say that Chapelle Roan is left leaning but a vote for Harris is neo-liberal, centered Right in its pro war and pro imperialism policies. She sees the problem of a party that is using identity politics as its main distinction from the Right but is in every other way identical to the Right, with pretension and decorum in full swing.
Not sure if you can compare not liking someone's favourite book and not liking someone's p*litics. The book is not tied to campaigns that are trying to creep into everybody's lives whereas p*litics are, to polarize people. As you suggested, "Promote what you love" is a good way to handle these kind of things. The internet is a great place to practice being the best person that you can be, regardless of the situation that you find yourself in in so-called real life. And yet, it is everyone's own decision if they want to do that and improve themselves doing that, or if they don't and merely want to use the internet as a cheap way to dump their aggression on whoever they encouter whilst hiding behind a screen name. The latter doesn't help with becoming a more balanced person whereas the former does because you will get more of what you busy yourself with. Again "Promote what you love" is so highly recommended. And nobody needs to care about what somebody else thinks to be their best self.
Oh no, I'm sorry, I wasn’t comparing politics to a book. I was comparing the act of hating and rejecting someone based on their personal positions because you’re offended they’re not exactly like your own. Like people saying they’re “disappointed” in people for not being “left enough” or for not being a massive fan of Kamala Harris despite that person still voting for Kamala.
In theory, one of the bright sides of the internet would be the texting part. Talking online, talking by texting, would give you time to think properly on the response. But the lack of self-control has become the norm in overall society, so we have crazy internet instead 🙃 Don't be afraid to make videos, Cinzia. I understand the worry. It is crazy internet, after all. But don't allow fear to rule over you. I'm pretty sure my worldview is the opposite of yours, but I still like your channels. Besides, is impossible even to agree 100% to your own opinions from 5 years ago, let alone agree perfectly, in everything, with someone else. 😅
If someone wanted to ruin a friendship over not liking the a book they like; they were not a real friend. It is very immature and if they were a REAL friend, there would be a back and forth discussion about it. I love loads of things my friends hate and hate things my friends love. My Fiancee absoluitely loves Pokemon and Final Fantasy 14. I hate both with a passion. We're not going to break up over it; people have their own joys and to each their own.
I couldn't agree more with this discussion. You've touched on a lot I've been thinking about, but been afraid to say. I'm fine with someone disagreeing with me, but am afraid of the people who take it to another level. A perfect example of this behaviour can be seen with a video game which released recently. The game has released to divided reviews, with critics adoring it and audience members hating it. My personal take on the game was that it was good, but flawed, but I've been afraid to leave a review because others who expressed this opinion - that they liked it, but had their notes - have been completely attacked. If you express any positive sentiment for this game, you'll get dozens of replies accusing you of being "paid to say that," of being "mentally ill," or that you're "ruining games." It's a video game, a fictional piece of media people could just choose not to buy, but those who hate the game are swearing at people, calling them names, and then saying the reviewer is the one with the problem. With people tearing each other apart for having different tastes in literature, movies, or games, it's not surprising how rough politics have gotten. I know for my part that I'm okay with someone not liking a book I did. However, I DO have a problem if that person turns their "review" into a personal attack on the writer or the fans, saying things like, "What idiots would enjoy this," or calling the creator names or villainizing them because...they didn't like a book.
I understand and agree with your point about it being problematic when we rigidly emotionally and psychologically require being perfectly mirrored by another person. I also see that being mirrored is a human need, and in cases where we perhaps were not mirrored in ways that supported our development of healthy self image and esteem, we continue to need that mirroring until we get it. There are ways of mirroring someone without abandoning our own preferences, experiences, and opinions. I think that could be our goal in our relationships: to choose to relate in a nuanced way by validating the other person's experience while holding our own personal truth as also valid and important. The rigidity, (termed 'black and white thinking' in the utterly useless field of psychiatry-not known for having a nuanced or humanizing understanding of any aspect of our humanity) comes from relational trauma. Trauma that occurs in the context of relationship must be healed in the context of relationship, specifically, relationship that meets our core unmet needs.
Hi! Love your videos, its always fun and interesting to hear your opinions on different topics! I must ask though, which breed is the puppy you have in your video? They are adorable ❤️
I think the book story maybe was less about wanting to be mirrored and more about the unspoken social pact that if someone gives you something you should pretend to like it even if you don’t, which is hard for neurotypical people
Brilliant discussion point! I happen to agree with you, but if I didn't- I believe that you would allow me to do that. Nuisance is something the press are currently attempting to eradicate.imo! 😊
Algorithm go! Because more people need to hear that only surrounding yourself with people who nod at every of your opinion like a bobblehead doll is indeed incredibly narcissistic
Pod casts / channels that aren't into celeb culture: Dr. Angela Pucca (Angela's Symposium), Dr. Justin Sledge (Esoterica), Let's Talk Religion, Dan Davis History, Fall of Civilizations Pod cast, tasting history with Matt Miller, Classic Ghost Stories Podcast by Tony Walker, Linfamy, Chubby Emu.
There are a couple of youtubers that inspire me to be brave and post on videos I know I will cop flak for. I'm just commenting. I'm not putting my face out there and exposing myself like this. I just find it incredibly brave. The other creator who inspires me I can recommend to you if you're looking for someone who makes a point of cutting through the politics to get to the truth. He faces a lot of backlash for that, yet he persevere because he believes as I do that the truth matters. He has a history channel called the Metatron. Thank you for your bravery, and I hope you keep posting.
This is such an interesting video. I have this tendency to feel bad when someone doesn't like what I like. But I never am rude to anyone and Im working on it. And I find celebrity culture so weirdddd as well. Can you maybe make a list of video essays podcast and youtubers you watch, I would love to expand my knowledge on them.
It's like having lunch/dinner with a friend... and ordering a pizza to eat half/half... and while MY half is a normal pizza... she ask for... PINEAPPLE. =P
This is reminding me of the Jreg song Agree With Me that is about fans wanting Jreg to share the same politics with them. This is both very understandable but also very not. What I mean is that politics are an indicator of some one’s desires and values. What they want the world to be like. So it makes sense to me that people would want to have communities with people are of similar minds. But Jreg is just one guy on UA-cam. He is neither going to be part of the fan’s real life communities nor is he able to bring systemic change to the world. So while an entertaining person he is just that. Entertainment with some educational value (educational is close enough but I don’t think it’s the right word). From my life I ended a friendship for many reasons. There were issues that weren’t being resolved but I loved this person. But I realized that my dream is so different from hers that in the long term we were not going to last. She belittled my dream as well. Whenever I started telling her my dream she would say something that implied she thinks that my well being/health is stupid and not worth pursing. And I ended it with her. Because I know if I still talked to her I might not pursue my desires because I felt so attached to her that I might end up abandoning my dream. So I burned that bridge.
I overly care because minding my own business and contributing to society and being nice and cordial and neighborly isn't enough -- Even though troublemakers are the minority their effect is considerable. They end jobs and livelihoods for reasons outside your personal realm requiring you to care and not just care because their faults are more deeply seeded than what general purpose caring can cover
Seeking validation from others isn't narcissistic. We all do it to varying degrees and it can of course cross into the territory of narcissism. I agree with almost everything said in this video but that seems like an unnecessarily harsh criticism of others when they look for validation from others.
It is not that black and white though. You can disagree on minor issues but if you disagree on things that can hurt people or the environment stuff like that then the person who is for the hurt deserves to be dropped. It's kind of a complicated issue. You can agree to disagree but when it comes to stuff like that no
You didn't care for the book, so what? Getting their knickers in a twist over this is ridiculous. I gave my friend a book I enjoyed - they didn't care for it. Okay. Not a big deal. We are still friends, we still give books to each other. They love seafood, I dislike it. We still have dinner together and we eat whatever we enjoy without getting upset. I guess we are grown-ups? 😅
the tsunami of frivolous, useless jabber about every one-off, d-list, jumped up "celebrity" is indeed rather enervating. so many articles, paragraphs, sentences, words, letters, ink and video electrons wasted! the info/gossip revolution is crowding out the useful and worthwhile real knowledge of the world and the universe. pet-peeve: wikipedia is being swamped with bios of every 2nd sring soccer player, wrestler, movie extra, wedding singer and olympic failure that ever existed.
I have a sneaking suspicion this is a more commonly occurring phenomenon with neurotypical people. As always, this was a wonderful and thoughtful video on a very interesting topic!
This os unfathomable to me. A couple of weeks ago a coleague from work got too excited about politics and started to attack me and tried to convince me to change my sympathies in that field, because in his opinion I'm too well read and educated to vote for "those simpletons". When I told him calmly we don't have to agree on this topic and returned to work he took it personally and became very distant from that point on. I'm 38, he's 49. It made me a bit angry but mostly I'm thankfull for 7 years of therapy and the ability to move on when someone narciaistic tries to bully me.
Don't know if it a generational thing (I remember the launch of the ZX80) or if it is just a 'me' thing but I don't give a stuff about the beliefs and personality of the creators of the thongs I consume. If I enjoy a book/song/performance I don't care if the creator is actually a bit of a knob. On a prima faci basis I have no interest in them as people. If their knobishness bleeds unpalatably into their creation it will be the creation I dislike. Equally I'm sure I dislike things produced by people who I would actually like as people. Don't get wrong I will develop a parasocial liking/dislike for creators, like yourself, who front up their own productions however it is the quality of your content that has kept me engaged for a number of years rather than the parasocial fondness that has developed. (No idea who that singer is btw)
Perhaps I am in the minority but I love those “celebrities” that I disagree with. I would love to sit and have a debate with them, not because I want to prove them wrong but because I think we do better by getting out of the echo chamber many like to be in. If you can sit with someone who has the opposite opinion of you and discuss, with respect for each other (it is possible), then things happen. It’s ok if I am the only one to have watched Beetlejuice (the first one) more than 1000 times over the years and is my favourite film and it’s also ok that I don’t want to see the new second one even though the country has gone nuts for it. All’s good in my world 😊
I don’t know, I saw a lot of very strong socialist and leftists who I follow who have done a lot of complaining about Roan, including writing blog posts and publishing podcast episodes because she “let down the left”
I think the extreme right-wingers are equally as immature - see: shooting cans of beer they bought because a trans woman appeared on an advert for said beer. People are just sadly immature
To try everything Brilliant has to offer-free-for a full 30 days, visit brilliant.org/SelfHelpShelf You’ll also get 20% off an annual premium subscription. This video is sponsored by Brilliant.
People bring their own experience to reading. I'm sorry this happened.
i've seen a meme that says: "i use to care what people thought, until i tried to pay my bills with their opinions."
It's basically immature. As I've got older, I am much less likely to feel hurt or angry over an opinion, even if it's a negative opinion of me.
That and it's exhausting to be annoyed at things- it's not worth the effort ;)
@@mattl3729 Indeed! A waste of energy.
That first story… wow. I give you infinite respect for not laughing at that ridiculous request.. I don’t think I would have been able to hold it in.
I am 46. I fondly remember celebrity culture before the internet. They were these enigmas, these strange humans who flew all over the world, always looked good, always had the right thing to say and their lives looked so glamorous. We truly believed they were the best. Then we got the internet and we realized they are just humans, well, just like us. Unfortunately the majority of them are intellectually challenged and they proof their lack of intellect on a daily basis to us. I sometimes miss life before the internet
It was a simpler time...
I am also 46 and I feel blessed to be born before all of this nonsense.
The internet is a valuable tool, but younger generations think being offended matters to anyone else but them.
I love the fact that my favourite film/book/television program (blah blah blah) is not everyone else’s. In fact, I tend to dislike the major blockbusters. I couldn’t stand the well-known version of Titanic, I prefer the older black and white version.
Ooh, that was a ramble, I am sorry, I just wanted to say I agree.
I think it is good that we now know they are just people. Humans should not be idolized or put on a pedalstal. Those days when they we seen as the best were not good because it allowed them to get away with horrible things.
@@the_fynethyme Honestly, same. It's a blessing that was always supposed to get revealed at some point. Yes, many of us feel disappointed or even outright upset or enraged. But it's better to know the truth instead of believing in mythical heroes or worse, upholding them as role models when they didn't really deserve it. On top of that, being idolized by everyone is not as fun as some believe either.
I've never understood this. I've always liked and disliked what I liked, regardless of what was popular. Yes, it's fun to watch and read things with friends and discuss them. In college in the 2000s, a friend told me that when I said I hated popular shows and movies, it made them feel less smart for loving them. I adjusted the way I talked about things--leaving it at "I don't like it" instead of nitpicking it. But I was surprised how personal it was to many people. Also, people project onto celebs so much, which you're saying here.
I love that you call twitter, twitter.
Your friend should be glad you even read that book.
Other peoples political opinions only matter in an oppressive society. In a society with liberty, they have no bearing on you.
This reminds me of a friend who's almost 40 and sometimes he cares way too much about stuff. If we have a disagreement, it's like he has to convince me that he's right, even when it's a matter of opinion and taste, we don't discuss complex societal issues or anything like that. He's been doing it much less lately, but it's like you said: he NEEDS that mirroring and gets upset when I don't mirror him the way he wishes I did
That dog is very cute.
He is exceptionally cute
I remember when at university in the mid-2000s I said I don't like Harry Potter. My creative writing professor jumped at me demanding if I had actually read it or am I just "parroting". I was pretty taken aback by this behaviour from a professor but I replied with the truth, which was that I'd read the first four books but halfway through book five I realised I don't care in the slightest about the story or the characters so I put it down. My professor then went on this rant about "flaky readers" and "goldfish attention spans", in front of the group, making it very obviously about my dislike of Harry Potter and how she's disappointed in me. That was the moment I realised I never, ever want to be like that.
02:30 civilly and respectfully, i think your colleague is stark mad for disrespecting your right to your own honest and fair opinion of a novel
Thank you Cinzia agreed it is scary the severity of outrage and expectation of personalities whether they be celebrity, influencer or other public facing individuals. We are all human and especially on the internet it seems to be easier for that to be overlooked. Appreciate your thoughtful content as always.
Thank you for the well-presented discussion. Wanting to be liked is a toxic trait we all must work on. Sometimes it's important to remember not everything is personal. If someone doesn't like something I hold important does not mean it's against me.
Over reaction. But, that's just because she likes you so much and really value your opinion. The closer you are, the greater the disappointment about anything that are really important to the other party. 😺
There is arguably no such thing as an overreaction when we consider the-often painful-beliefs fueling a person's reaction, which although not absolutely or objectively real, are very real for that person.
Every moment of disconnection is an opportunity for deepened connection. How we react or respond to some experienced disconnection can be impacted by any number of factors, including our beliefs, our bandwidth at the time, even the acidity of our diet.
The most humanizing and nuanced understanding of others also humanizes and benefits us.
🩵
@@tvsmed I agree, my sister is the same with her music taste. She gets really nervous to share her favorite songs with me because she REALLY likes it, and she REALLY cares what I think, so it’s nerve-wracking for her to share that part of herself with me. If I don’t like it, it’s almost like I’m rejecting that part of her. So if I don’t end up liking a song she shared with me, I’ll let her down gently, and then refocus on the things we both do love. It all boils down to how much you care about each other. If you care enough to preserve the relationship, then be tactful and loving-but if you don’t, then by all means, crush their heart. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive
Thank you for putting into eloquent words what I've also been feeling. We seem to have lost so much empathy in communication, and it's creating such a divisiness fueled by anger that it makes it hard to even want to reach out. Maybe this is a big driver behind some of the "-core" we've been seeing lately too. Cottagecore, librarycore, hobbitcore - a lot of going inwards when the outside world is feeling increasingly judgmental and loud and telling us we can't like anything.
yay, thank you for the video! go algorithm go!
Yay! Thank you!
Thanks for this wonderful video Cinzia!
Glad you liked it!
My level of caring about celebrity culture is so low. When my students are going on and on about these people I will never meet. I swear my eyes glaze over. Also finding differences in views is so exhausting when people realize. it shouldn't be this huge alienating thing. We should be able to learn from each other, and in turn more about ourselves as well. 😮💨
Happy Birthday Cinzia! May your new year on earth bring you clarity and make you feel empowered 💛
This is a wonderful video, Cinzia, thank you! ^^
Glad you liked it!
I also remember swapping books with my neighbour and wanted to connect. She called the book I gave her boring and she didn't get further than ten pages. I remember being really upset but hiding it because I read her book even though it wasn't really something for me. I stopped swapping books 😂 so I kind of get it. It's this really weird social thing of wanting others to make an effort to connect. I never said anything tho because I think I have good taste and she's valid for having another opinion. But it still made me hesitate to share any of the media I like with her. it's just not a good experience having someone shit on what I like.
We need to take nuance back into our consciousnes! I am missing it in so many places and it is hard even in real life to speak on certain topic you realized yourself not being on cutting edge one way or the other.
This is so good to hear, and I’m glad you said it. A few months ago, it seemed like most of the leftist youtubers I followed were suddenly making videos about the same influencer that I don’t even know, talking about backlash to a perceived problematic thing that she did.
Each video started with “you may not know who she is, I didn’t…” and then a quick explanation that she IS famous though, this IS important, we DO need to care about it. And all I could think was “well it sounds very not important based on the fact that you don’t know her and I don’t know her.”
Thank you so much for this important video Cinzia. You are right, even though we won't all agree on everything, we somehow have to exist together on this planet and we won't be able to do that if we continue to live in such a polarized society. Though I must confess I find it hard to ignore it when celebrities post things that are harmful such as fake news/misinformation, advice that could be detrimental to your health, anything that could promote hate...
This is a very timely topic, you are inspiring me to overcome this same fear I have (as much as I don't want to admit it). Thank you:)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I've been thinking about this very topic for months now, and as a newer content creator I too have a lot of anxiety around expressing any sort of opinion publicly. That said, I grow more adamant every day that the solution is to become so secure in ourselves and our beliefs that we don't rely on that external mirroring and validation. The older I get, the less I care what any celebrity or public figure is doing, and the less I need strangers to like everything I say 😅
It’s refreshing to see this take on Chappell Roan as I’ve seen most of the discourse on her mention or analyse in detail the parasocial relationship(s) at hand very early on. If you ever decide to do a deep dive into parasocial relationships, I would be very interested to hear your take!
Thank you for this video! These exact thoughts have been on my mind a lot, especially recently. Like, why do I need to know all of this information about these people? Why do people get so riled up when a celebrity's views don't perfectly align with their own? It's really weird if you think objectively about it. Celebrity culture is so much more parasocial and invasive nowadays and definitely seems to be out of hand.
Yeah, a difference of an opinion over a book is not enough of a reason to end a friendship. You can always agree to disagree, especially when the disagreement is that it wasn't your "cup of tea", but it was still good. She must have been going through something to react like that. Friendship is about the person.
Thank you for this video. I think it's really brave have you to talk about such a topic on the internet and also about the insecurities regarding hateful comments.
I love thus! You’ve helped me step back today and rethink a few things. Thank you! And please, keep sharing here
If I got upset over everything I like that my wife doesn't, I would have been divorced years ago! It's strange that people need this mirroring, especially when it's celebrities.
For instance, I don't particularly care for the beliefs of Clint Eastwood but I love many of his movies. And I've had many friends who I disagree with over various topics. But we are still friends because we can have a mature discussion and not get bent out of shape over it.
It's a sad state of affairs that you have to think twice about giving what I think is a balanced opinion for fear of negative consequences. But as you said, there are people who seem to just live for the chance of tearing down others.
Well said. It's a very strange world we've created. Thank you for your perspectives -- Best wishes!
I don't care what you think...
Unless you think I'm awesome, then in that case you are right and awesome too, carry on!!
I just had that thought 😂
that’s very generous of you, thank you x
One comment for that sweet engagement, perhaps?
Thank you for bringing this up. I find the conecept strange, because I don't think I'm doing much of that. I'd like to think that I find differences in people the mostinteresting thing there is. Maybe that's why many people trust me with lots of secrets?
Some days I do wonder what or who I'd be if I wasn't self employed and in deep need of people not hating me (locally)...
Also, while I'm sure you're aware of that person, I still really like re-watchin Contrapoints videos. On one hand there's a lot of humor in serious topics and on the other hand there's a lot of empathy for situations that often don't get any.
Until next time and thank you again.
LOVED this video. so much better letting go and not minding if you disagree on certain aspects, if you can rub along with everything else! (Roan uses she/her btw, not she/they!!!)
Love your thoughts on this point. Who cares about my particular opinions … though they do drive my actions, in the broader scheme of things, they don’t really matter.
Great video, lots of food for thought. Also, 7:40 doggie sniffing the books ❤❤❤
Cinzia, would you ever consider making videos about your fashion style? It looks very pretty ❤ greetings 👩🦳💅
This was a brilliant video Cinzia- I love your just 'talks' as much as your scripted video essays. I do hope you feel less afraid of posting them in the future- you're very good at making your case and giving us things to consider. The idea 'promote what you love and don't bash what you hate' is just excellent- I myself do try to promote more than bash, but it's hard not to respond to dumba$$ery sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't. I have to work on that ;) And I really agree with the sentiment that sometimes people just can't win and that's terrible. It's like the WOPR from the great (old) movie War Games concludes- the only way to win is not to play the game, which is unfortunate. I wish I had an answer.
Thank you, Matt!
@@SelfHelpShelf Most welcome- just promoting what I like ;)
Instances such as this are an opportune reminder to take a breath and step back. Pausing and reflecting are powerful tools to put things into perspective; taking the time to appreciate the nuance not present in emotional, unconscious reactions.
It is disappointing that people like you and myself feel like it is best to say nothing at all. I would like to try and reframe that, though: perhaps it is best for the greater good that more people keep some thoughts to themselves. The internet being such an open forum seems to have given many of us the illusory idea that someone is shoving a microphone in our faces, demanding we offer a hot take or an anecdote. We do not have to speak, though. There is so much more power in taking the time to listen and observe. Just something to consider; regardless, we should feel comfortable expressing our thoughts without fear of reprisal simply because others disagree.
I enjoyed listening to your thoughts on this subject. I agree. Imo, this is one of the drawbacks of "influencers" (who are low key driven by capitalism) being everywhere. Society worldwide has had lots of upheaval for various reasons and it seems like many people are looking for leadership and guidance albeit from the wrong people. There is a confusion between loyalty and valdiation from an influencer, political figure, celebrity, sports person, etc and old fashioned things like in-person community and being part of a collective. It seems as though parasocial relationships have taken precendence at the moment. Hopefully things will swing back the other way eventually.
I’m pretty conservative. I really appreciate you saying this.
I would say that Chapelle Roan is left leaning but a vote for Harris is neo-liberal, centered Right in its pro war and pro imperialism policies. She sees the problem of a party that is using identity politics as its main distinction from the Right but is in every other way identical to the Right, with pretension and decorum in full swing.
I love your channel, love books too but I believe that social media is the bane of human civilization
Not sure if you can compare not liking someone's favourite book and not liking someone's p*litics. The book is not tied to campaigns that are trying to creep into everybody's lives whereas p*litics are, to polarize people.
As you suggested, "Promote what you love" is a good way to handle these kind of things.
The internet is a great place to practice being the best person that you can be, regardless of the situation that you find yourself in in so-called real life.
And yet, it is everyone's own decision if they want to do that and improve themselves doing that, or if they don't and merely want to use the internet as a cheap way to dump their aggression on whoever they encouter whilst hiding behind a screen name. The latter doesn't help with becoming a more balanced person whereas the former does because you will get more of what you busy yourself with. Again "Promote what you love" is so highly recommended.
And nobody needs to care about what somebody else thinks to be their best self.
Oh no, I'm sorry, I wasn’t comparing politics to a book. I was comparing the act of hating and rejecting someone based on their personal positions because you’re offended they’re not exactly like your own. Like people saying they’re “disappointed” in people for not being “left enough” or for not being a massive fan of Kamala Harris despite that person still voting for Kamala.
@@SelfHelpShelf Thanks for clarifying.
@@SelfHelpShelf you shouldn't have felt you had to clarify your views in this video.
Great points and well said.
I am commenting here to support what I do support!! This was great and needs to be said again and again!!
In theory, one of the bright sides of the internet would be the texting part. Talking online, talking by texting, would give you time to think properly on the response. But the lack of self-control has become the norm in overall society, so we have crazy internet instead 🙃
Don't be afraid to make videos, Cinzia. I understand the worry. It is crazy internet, after all. But don't allow fear to rule over you. I'm pretty sure my worldview is the opposite of yours, but I still like your channels.
Besides, is impossible even to agree 100% to your own opinions from 5 years ago, let alone agree perfectly, in everything, with someone else. 😅
Great video! 💗
If someone wanted to ruin a friendship over not liking the a book they like; they were not a real friend. It is very immature and if they were a REAL friend, there would be a back and forth discussion about it. I love loads of things my friends hate and hate things my friends love. My Fiancee absoluitely loves Pokemon and Final Fantasy 14. I hate both with a passion. We're not going to break up over it; people have their own joys and to each their own.
I couldn't agree more with this discussion. You've touched on a lot I've been thinking about, but been afraid to say. I'm fine with someone disagreeing with me, but am afraid of the people who take it to another level. A perfect example of this behaviour can be seen with a video game which released recently. The game has released to divided reviews, with critics adoring it and audience members hating it. My personal take on the game was that it was good, but flawed, but I've been afraid to leave a review because others who expressed this opinion - that they liked it, but had their notes - have been completely attacked.
If you express any positive sentiment for this game, you'll get dozens of replies accusing you of being "paid to say that," of being "mentally ill," or that you're "ruining games." It's a video game, a fictional piece of media people could just choose not to buy, but those who hate the game are swearing at people, calling them names, and then saying the reviewer is the one with the problem.
With people tearing each other apart for having different tastes in literature, movies, or games, it's not surprising how rough politics have gotten. I know for my part that I'm okay with someone not liking a book I did. However, I DO have a problem if that person turns their "review" into a personal attack on the writer or the fans, saying things like, "What idiots would enjoy this," or calling the creator names or villainizing them because...they didn't like a book.
I understand and agree with your point about it being problematic when we rigidly emotionally and psychologically require being perfectly mirrored by another person. I also see that being mirrored is a human need, and in cases where we perhaps were not mirrored in ways that supported our development of healthy self image and esteem, we continue to need that mirroring until we get it.
There are ways of mirroring someone without abandoning our own preferences, experiences, and opinions. I think that could be our goal in our relationships: to choose to relate in a nuanced way by validating the other person's experience while holding our own personal truth as also valid and important.
The rigidity, (termed 'black and white thinking' in the utterly useless field of psychiatry-not known for having a nuanced or humanizing understanding of any aspect of our humanity) comes from relational trauma. Trauma that occurs in the context of relationship must be healed in the context of relationship, specifically, relationship that meets our core unmet needs.
Hi! Love your videos, its always fun and interesting to hear your opinions on different topics! I must ask though, which breed is the puppy you have in your video? They are adorable ❤️
your videos are excellent, thank you!
I think the book story maybe was less about wanting to be mirrored and more about the unspoken social pact that if someone gives you something you should pretend to like it even if you don’t, which is hard for neurotypical people
You gave me a lot to think about thank you very much.🌹
Brilliant discussion point! I happen to agree with you, but if I didn't- I believe that you would allow me to do that. Nuisance is something the press are currently attempting to eradicate.imo! 😊
Algorithm go! Because more people need to hear that only surrounding yourself with people who nod at every of your opinion like a bobblehead doll is indeed incredibly narcissistic
Pod casts / channels that aren't into celeb culture: Dr. Angela Pucca (Angela's Symposium), Dr. Justin Sledge (Esoterica), Let's Talk Religion, Dan Davis History, Fall of Civilizations Pod cast, tasting history with Matt Miller, Classic Ghost Stories Podcast by Tony Walker, Linfamy, Chubby Emu.
Thank you so so much!! Bar Esoterica, these are all new to me
good video and important topic to talk about, good job!
Thank you for posting another super interesting video! ❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
Great to see you again
She is pretty and smart!
Well said 👏 👌
Great video! Please do continue to speak non scripted and freely
I just found this channel and I love it!!
Welcome!!
There are a couple of youtubers that inspire me to be brave and post on videos I know I will cop flak for. I'm just commenting. I'm not putting my face out there and exposing myself like this. I just find it incredibly brave.
The other creator who inspires me I can recommend to you if you're looking for someone who makes a point of cutting through the politics to get to the truth. He faces a lot of backlash for that, yet he persevere because he believes as I do that the truth matters. He has a history channel called the Metatron.
Thank you for your bravery, and I hope you keep posting.
Great video! One for the algorithm
Appreciated!
This is such an interesting video. I have this tendency to feel bad when someone doesn't like what I like. But I never am rude to anyone and Im working on it. And I find celebrity culture so weirdddd as well. Can you maybe make a list of video essays podcast and youtubers you watch, I would love to expand my knowledge on them.
Great idea!
It's like having lunch/dinner with a friend... and ordering a pizza to eat half/half... and while MY half is a normal pizza... she ask for... PINEAPPLE. =P
i adore all of your content
Thank you so much!
This is reminding me of the Jreg song Agree With Me that is about fans wanting Jreg to share the same politics with them. This is both very understandable but also very not. What I mean is that politics are an indicator of some one’s desires and values. What they want the world to be like. So it makes sense to me that people would want to have communities with people are of similar minds. But Jreg is just one guy on UA-cam. He is neither going to be part of the fan’s real life communities nor is he able to bring systemic change to the world. So while an entertaining person he is just that. Entertainment with some educational value (educational is close enough but I don’t think it’s the right word).
From my life I ended a friendship for many reasons. There were issues that weren’t being resolved but I loved this person. But I realized that my dream is so different from hers that in the long term we were not going to last. She belittled my dream as well. Whenever I started telling her my dream she would say something that implied she thinks that my well being/health is stupid and not worth pursing. And I ended it with her. Because I know if I still talked to her I might not pursue my desires because I felt so attached to her that I might end up abandoning my dream. So I burned that bridge.
I overly care because minding my own business and contributing to society and being nice and cordial and neighborly isn't enough -- Even though troublemakers are the minority their effect is considerable. They end jobs and livelihoods for reasons outside your personal realm requiring you to care and not just care because their faults are more deeply seeded than what general purpose caring can cover
Happy belated birthday.🌹
Seeking validation from others isn't narcissistic. We all do it to varying degrees and it can of course cross into the territory of narcissism. I agree with almost everything said in this video but that seems like an unnecessarily harsh criticism of others when they look for validation from others.
It is not that black and white though. You can disagree on minor issues but if you disagree on things that can hurt people or the environment stuff like that then the person who is for the hurt deserves to be dropped. It's kind of a complicated issue. You can agree to disagree but when it comes to stuff like that no
I regard celebrities much in the same way that the Romans had regarded actors.
You might. I am not concerned.
You didn't care for the book, so what? Getting their knickers in a twist over this is ridiculous. I gave my friend a book I enjoyed - they didn't care for it. Okay. Not a big deal. We are still friends, we still give books to each other. They love seafood, I dislike it. We still have dinner together and we eat whatever we enjoy without getting upset. I guess we are grown-ups? 😅
Could at least tell us the title of the book haha.
the tsunami of frivolous, useless jabber about every one-off, d-list, jumped up "celebrity" is indeed rather enervating. so many articles, paragraphs, sentences, words, letters, ink and video electrons wasted! the info/gossip revolution is crowding out the useful and worthwhile real knowledge of the world and the universe. pet-peeve: wikipedia is being swamped with bios of every 2nd sring soccer player, wrestler, movie extra, wedding singer and olympic failure that ever existed.
I have a sneaking suspicion this is a more commonly occurring phenomenon with neurotypical people. As always, this was a wonderful and thoughtful video on a very interesting topic!
7:00
This os unfathomable to me. A couple of weeks ago a coleague from work got too excited about politics and started to attack me and tried to convince me to change my sympathies in that field, because in his opinion I'm too well read and educated to vote for "those simpletons". When I told him calmly we don't have to agree on this topic and returned to work he took it personally and became very distant from that point on. I'm 38, he's 49. It made me a bit angry but mostly I'm thankfull for 7 years of therapy and the ability to move on when someone narciaistic tries to bully me.
This should be required viewing before anyone is allowed to interact online.
Don't know if it a generational thing (I remember the launch of the ZX80) or if it is just a 'me' thing but I don't give a stuff about the beliefs and personality of the creators of the thongs I consume. If I enjoy a book/song/performance I don't care if the creator is actually a bit of a knob. On a prima faci basis I have no interest in them as people. If their knobishness bleeds unpalatably into their creation it will be the creation I dislike. Equally I'm sure I dislike things produced by people who I would actually like as people. Don't get wrong I will develop a parasocial liking/dislike for creators, like yourself, who front up their own productions however it is the quality of your content that has kept me engaged for a number of years rather than the parasocial fondness that has developed. (No idea who that singer is btw)
I consume things not thongs (gods how I despise auto correct)
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
💜💜💜
Perhaps I am in the minority but I love those “celebrities” that I disagree with. I would love to sit and have a debate with them, not because I want to prove them wrong but because I think we do better by getting out of the echo chamber many like to be in. If you can sit with someone who has the opposite opinion of you and discuss, with respect for each other (it is possible), then things happen. It’s ok if I am the only one to have watched Beetlejuice (the first one) more than 1000 times over the years and is my favourite film and it’s also ok that I don’t want to see the new second one even though the country has gone nuts for it. All’s good in my world 😊
Yet another person discovering Adler.
Leftists weren’t pissed with Chappell roan. Liberal centrists were.
I don’t know, I saw a lot of very strong socialist and leftists who I follow who have done a lot of complaining about Roan, including writing blog posts and publishing podcast episodes because she “let down the left”
@@SelfHelpShelf i guess it’s the old debate of who’s a real leftist vs who isn’t. In any case, great video Cinzia!
I get what you're saying, but if you vote for Trump I'm unsubscribing. 🤣 Not American? I'm voting for Kamala and I don't even live there.
Admitting to federal crimes publicly? Sure hope you don't live somewhere that has an extradition arrangement with the US.
I've lost many left-leaning friends over this. It is the political party of immaturity imho
I think the extreme right-wingers are equally as immature - see: shooting cans of beer they bought because a trans woman appeared on an advert for said beer. People are just sadly immature
@SelfHelpShelf you're not wrong. It is on both extremes. Most people are not like that though. At least I'd like to think so 😭
Wicked nontraversy is an indication of how bad that film is gonna be. That’s why people and especially fans care about that one.
Probably would have been better to not post this video..only for the reasons you just stated.