Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- I made pizza but I'm a pirate. that's literally it.
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In this episode of Cooking With Ted, Ted Nivison is Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate. This is the most excellent and informative cooking show. I made pizza homemade, utilizing yeast, dough, mozzarella, and all the other stuff that create a pizza. I feel glorious. I feel reborn. Why are you even looking at the bottom of the description what do you have to gain from reading this dude.
Every time i see the rum bottle in frame more seems to be missing from the bottle
First to comment
Yohoho and a bottle of slowly declining amounts of rum
It’s a pirates life for me
Q.
scrumpeh
“Why did I think that working with dough would work with a hook?”
Man you are not ready to learn about dough hooks
Shhhhh dont tell him
yes that’s what i was thinking the whole time
i’m sitting here in pain because of it
I was literally gonna say “he affixed his dough hook for this recipe”
To be fair he did only have a whisk attachment
Piracy is a crime, Ted. I hope you didn’t download that pizza without paying for it!
well consider me a criminal cause I just commited arson
This is true
I hate this
You wouldn't download a pizza, Would you?
My pirated pizza comes out my dvd player.
He now has an actual kitchen and not just a glass desk and oven
Here's another comment
Here’s another comment
14:38 i say that... never
Here's another comment
You don't even need the pirate costume, I'm honestly just impressed that you made everything from scratch
I recently revealed the genders of my two girlfriends. It got a lot of hate and now has 30 times more dislikes than likes. I am really sad that people can be so mean. Sorry for using your comment to talk about my problems, dear chese
@@AxxLAfriku if you’re getting a lot of hate and dislikes, you are probably doing something that people don’t want to see. That’s just logic. Also, no one likes a person who advertises on other people’s work. Maybe you can advertise a different way?
@@AxxLAfriku stfu
I acknowledge the opinion, I do not respect it though. The pirate costume is crucial to the pizza crafting process, it's as if you forgot the history lesson in the beginning.
@@AxxLAfriku Dude I Love your channel
the horror i felt when ted said “mixing paddle attachment” and then immediately used the beaters on a hand mixer is astounding
The irony that he needed a dough hook is not lost on me
Watching him peel that first tomato while screaming at my screen “just Blanche it! Just Blanche the tomatoes!!” Was more stressful than my finals.
@@poppycola1135 Yeah, I was like, "Don't you need to boil tomatoes to peel them? I'm pretty sure a potato peeler is too rough on a dainty tomatoe." I was also like, "If only he knew that you can use a dough hook to mix dough. And he's wearing one."
i genuinely think that ted is an excellent cook and he gives himself handicaps because the world isn’t ready for his unbridled cooking abilities
@MORE_ELZZZ piss pants
@@T---pc6tb yeah!
He peeled the tomatoes sara...
Hello tubbo stan
He mixed dough with an electric mixer :( maybe another of his handicaps
I can't believe Ted actually learned a real cooking technique. Blanching.
He lives up in a mansion
I was screaming the whole time up until then
@@briefgamerup and?
@@Adelaide_Spence No
As a cook, blanching is used for a few things. We use em for wings :/
Ted's going through food processors as fast as the high school weed smokers go through girlfriends
Smokers dont give girlfriends to their moms
@@mudkippl huh
@@mudkippl So.. do you?
@@mudkippl your English is confusing
I’m guessing ur a fan of a7x
“This is revolutionary” instantly pisses off 1000s of generations of Italian grandmas
Mama mia is mad.
Nah just grandma's in general
i love how ted just does worse when he removes the handicap
Ted cannot function without a handicap. He doesn't actually need glasses.
His full power is too much for his physical body to endure
*“Spread a thin layer of olive oil in a large bowl”*
*Ted: drowns the dough in olive oil*
Lol
just a shot of vodka
so... much... oil...
"two shots of vodka..."
I'm disgusted and disappointed that people subscribed to this comments channel
I like how unnecessarily long and detailed the burning pizza, dancing pirate intro was. Please make the next video’s animated intro longer. I want to feel like it will never end and then get strangely into it like an anime intro. Please, ted, I need this.
"Burning pizza, dancing pirate" is just a band name
Ted looks like he's in front of a green screen in his own home
Your so right lol
The lighting and his size are just too non proportional
I thought I was the only one who thought that
Haha!! For real 😁😁😁
Now I cant unsee it
I just realized that he started 6 in the afternoon and finished at 2 in the morning. holy shit it took him 8 hours to make that pizza...
I'm bringing you back to this video by force to tell you, woah
@@crazify_records im bringing you back to this video to tell you, hi.
@@emolady666 hello there :D
@@crazify_records :D
bro he took 5 hours in the ultimate nut butter video
I love how Ted either improvises with the recipes or gives himself a handicap, yet still makes actually good food
My man really held up "Crumbled Goat Cheese" and said FETA CHEESE
bruh i read that as futa cheese how am i high without smoking anything
Based on the microwave's clock, this video took almost 9 hours to make.
16:16
Someone once said that ted sounded like he learned how to project his voice in high school and then never stopped and I've never been able to stop thinking about that
I can confirm this is true
@@emilynivison8052 Ted wit extra sister?
He was a theatre kid and it shows
He sounds like he’s stuck in a different era, John Mulaney energy but in the opposite direction
"This is probably going worse than any video I've ever done"
*Flashbacks to the great gingerbread catastrophe*
Edit: guys calm down, it isn't their fault that they don't have taste buds.
@Sand Box what
@Sand Box what
@Sand Box what
@Sand Box what
@Sand Box what
The whole time, the only thing I could imagine, was Ted setting the pizza of fire and firefighters had to come. I think it would be fucking hilarious that they would find a grown man in a pirate costume trying to make a pizza at 12am.
I honestly didn’t think Ted was gonna ever know about blanching tomatoes.
Ted: I don’t have the proper attachment
Also ted: *wearing a dough hook on his left hand*
I was thinking the same thing
Me: y-you can peel a tomato by blanching it
Ted: *peels with a peeler*
Ted is a dad in that he doesn’t show up often, but the few moments that you see him are always either filled with primal fear or unbridled joy.
I feel this is just a broken coping mechanism, converted to mp4
How does this make so much sense and no sense at all?
OK ETHSN
Mechanism?
@@moonlight_frost_3682 I like to pretend english is my second language
@@warmfuzz no no you're right the word is mechanism
Watching Ted cook is like watching a Sim from Sims4 cook, it just doesn't make sense how it always ends up looking good.
Just wanted to say how funny this video was.
Well how funny was it?
@@verirrteskamel I assume he thought it was pretty funny
Ad: "Todays magic is tomorrows future."
Me: "wtf man, i just wanna watch a grown man in a pirate costume make the finest pizza ever.'
Ted: “I’m pretty sure that pizza has been used to assassinate at LEAST 5 high-ranking politicians, and don’t tell me I’m wrong, because I was one of the assassins.”
Me, after having seen the rest of his content: “Sounds about right”
BAAKSH I WAS ACTUALLY JUST THINKING THAT
Ted reminds me so much of a sims character and the fact that he dropped the pepper in the tomato sauce makes it even better
I saw no one talking about this and I was crying at it
"No video has ever taken me this long to make" *Laughs in Nut Butter*
To those of you who are confused : He's making pizza, but he's a pirate.
I hope this cleared things up a bit.
Thank you for the explanation. I was getting very confused
Holy shit thanks I was so confused
God bless, dude. I was honestly so confused. Have an awesome day
Ah, my savior. Thank you, I was so confused and scared.
My man walter out here putting pirate pizzas on roofs all day
Oh my god, I was watching your ”real history of Pizza” video, and felt like you had mentioned pizzabeard before. It was from this video!
Amazing lore, very continious and well planned, compliments to the chef
OH MY GOD that "thin" layer of olive oil KILLED me.
Thank you, me too!!! Agh
GOD SAME THIS IS AWFUL
“Why does it always work out?”-Theodore Roosevelt (but a pirate).
Alternate title: Ted makes pizza but slowly spirals into a depressive mania
Ted: "I feel like I'm in Gordon Ramsay's kitchen... but also it's in Hell"
Me: "So... Hell's Kitchen..."
Yeah, but also theres racisim everywhere
@@VVERNMUSIC so Hell’s Kitchen
@@VVERNMUSIC so Hell's Kitchen
@@ihatethisp1ace so Hell’s Kitchen NYC
Ted trained an AI to write 5000 video titles and this one just happened to utilize his pirate costume. Do NOT tell me I'm wrong.
@@vhaugn956 he really did it, what a madlad
@@vhaugn956 shit
You know, as an Italian who makes his own pizza about once a week, I gotta say your dough isn't too far off really.
Though a useful trick is to cover the bowl in which you put it with a couple of blankets while you wait for it to rise, so the warmth will make it raise better
the look on your face when William taught you about blanching the tomatoes and you’ve been using a potato peeler the entire time was damn priceless. thank you for the entertainment!
Seeing Ted's face slowly fade in from the center of a cheese pizza whilst a gang of jack sparrows dance aggressively, is probably the most terrifying thing I'll ever have to go through.
In all my years of making pizza (hasn’t been that long) I’ve discovered that if you put a truck load of mozzarella on pizza then bake it, if you take it out half way through and sprinkle Parmesan on then when it comes out it’s beryyyyyy cheesy and delicious
I also have a lot of other pizza tips lol
when ted started to PEEL those godforsaken tomatoes, i could feel my grandmother's spirit start to cringe. thank god he learned about blanching, I had to laugh so hard.
1:40 the bowling alley screens when you get a strike
15:54
Ted: “honestly this hook isn’t giving me a hard time yet”
Also Ted 2 seconds later: “WhY dID I ThINk a HoOK WOulD bE GoOd fOr DoUGh”
"Why does this always work? Is this a curse?" A perfect Ted description.
I've made bread so many times and seeing Ted use an electric mixer to mix dough is filling me with so much pain.
I’ve never made bread and it was painful for me as well
Im curious, why is that so bad?
@@neltednaka because you aren't supposed to mix it like that.
I think.
@@neltednaka I'm mainly worried that the machine will break cause it isn't really made to mix such dense doughs :/
@@neltednaka Because he isn't using a dough hook, so the dough wraps around the whisks, and it's dough so it's really hard to clean. Personally I like using a big spoon or even my hands to mix dough.
I just watched a man suffer in 10 different languages, neat.
I love how consistently surprised he is by the fact that things are more difficult when you’ve got a plastic hook over one hand
Good stuff Ted I just watched the whole thing.
Nice I also watched the whole thing.
@@reila1236 Nice, me too
I also watched the whole thing
I've already watched it twice
I watched it twice
How do you think Ted will feel when he finds out that a dough hook is a thing
Damn, I like that kitchen
"this is probably going worse than any video I've ever done."
*The Ultimate Milk*
But the nut butter episode
@@oncalledtobster3493 fucking took so long lol
Pog2020
I like how the tomatoes just made him give up on the hook. And then he dropped the pepper in the sauce even though he wasn't using the hook
13:04 I love how taken aback Ted is by his own sentence
another glorious video ted. from one theodore to another, i love all your content, and it never fails to make me smile :)
I love this channel, its criminal how underrated it is. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face during this chaotic year Ted.
Teacher: You can pick a partner for this assignment
Me looking at my friend: 15:34
This is the exact expression I make though
yeah
* wears pepperoni as an eyepatch *
Let's go me boys
I didn't even realise lol
@@ajpaj8799 r/rareinsults
Ted: "This is how they do it in New York City!"
Jschlatt is typing...
When you want that pizza pie but you gotta raid the Floridian coast.
"I always make food taste good whaT WRONG WITH ME THIS IS A CURSE"
No one:
Bowling alley screens when you get a strike: 1:35
“That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen.”
“So it would seem..”
Just reminding you of the video.😊
ted, we’re in the same boat about the blanching; i had no clue what it was and my grandparents grew tomatoes for 30 years-
Ted: moves across the country from Binging with Babish
Also Ted: “I want Binging with Babish to bring me on his show.”
Alternate title: 17 minutes of a pirate chef cursing the hook he was cured with
you 100% missed the opportunity to say "forget about jack sparrow, let's talk about jack sbarro"
“That’s a 10 inch”
-Ted, out of context
The scene at 1:35 is the most powerful thing I have ever seen. I will now live in constant fear of a dancing pirate with pizza.
First time? I’ve been living in fear for YEARS
I like how Ted asks you not to ask if the Cram Patties is FDA approved, not because he doesn't want you to know, but because he wants to tell you they aren't.
I’m a little worried that the first person Ted thought to call when he needed advice on peeling tomatoes was William “Fish Jello” Osman
So this is the legendary pizzabeard pre-toddler destruction.
Ted on who wants to be a millionaire: I'd like to phone a friend
The friend: 10:26
We all have that one friend
"what's up, theodore roosevelt"
The way he said "NO!" when he dropped the pepper into the pan- I'm crying and laughing at this monstrosity, and I enjoyed every bit of it! Thanks Ted
12:50 ever heard of Hell's Kitchen, Ted?
“because I was one of the assassins”
Ted confesses to committing atrocious crimes while making pizza & dressed as a pirate.
"Thin layer of olive oil" adds half the annual export of Greece's olive oil
I could watch that beginning intro all day
Imagine if the pizza caught on fire and the fire department showed up and Ted had to explain to them why he was making pizza in a pirate costume during the middle of the night
I was expecting Ted to say that he was making the cheese from scratch with milk from his own cow that he just bought.
13:14 Sims 4 characters be like
I like to imagine Ted has a separate room just for random Costumes
The life of a drama kid (man?)
I feel like this isn’t so much as a cooking video but the bloopers of one
It’s actually surprising how many of the problems in this video could have been solved if Ted had an actual hook instead of a cheap costume
I was hoping he'd use his hook, like ya know, a dough hook
"How long have you been peeling tomatoes?"
"..."
"..."
“..William I gotta go”
Him starting to peel the tomato’s with a speed peeler, the calling an engineer to help, then the engineers actually knowing what to do was the greatest part of this video
Ted: Makes good tomato sauce
Also Ted: "Is this a curse"
It’s not Ted Nivison
It’s “Captain Theodore Nivison...
Savvy?”
i wouldn’t be surprised if ted was actually working as a secret chef as a side gig for youtube
Ted:”3 cloves of garlic”
Actually Ted: chips 3 whole garlic heads
why has nobody else mentioned this, there was so much fucking GARLIC
@@mazarine_44 like Italian Chef Booaba Gownga once said
"there is never enough garlic"
It was probably better that way!
"thin layer of olive oil in bowl"
Ted: *proceeds to pour more than half the olive oil in the bottom of the bowl*
Same energy as "two shots of vodka..."
when William tells him to throw the tomatoes in boiling water and Ted turns and just looks melancholically at the stove
“why does it always work out? is this a curse?” why would that be a curse, isn’t that a good thing? 😂
“That’s a 10 inch thing”
Favourite Ted Nivison quote ever
In all seriousness it looks smaller than that. Probably because the fucker is like 6'4-6'5 with a body that rivals shreks in thickness.
Or maybe i am just short and afraid.
'Pizza pirate' sounds like a pizza chain that was discontinued in the mid 90s.
I’ve been cooking for 17 years and I have NEVER been able to make a good pizza from scratch. Yet Ted did it his first try whilst wearing a fucking pirate hook ._.
he’s such an upsettingly good chef