I think meeting someone online, you chat a little, get to know them and after some days of chatting you have to meet up and that's where the real dating starts. You have to meet up to date for real. If you just do virtual dating and no plans of meeting in person, then you're wasting your time.
It's usually a frustrating experience for guys but not for girls. I met my ex girlfriend on a dating app and she received over one thousand messages within 2 days after she opened an account.
@Peter Best Depressed from an ABUNDANCE of voices... guys get depressed on dating apps from how few matches they get, even if they are Chad. The most 5-6 woman gets HUNDREDS of men willing to screw them, but of course they want "$$omething more$$" than that, they want a connection with $$omeone SSpecial, seems the numbers tell the story, almost 100% of women want the top 5% of men in looks and economically. Depressed, from too much choice.
you don't need anyone to feel complete... being alone is a virtue or being unwanted, less people that can hurt you or disappointment you, oke being alone hurts but would you rather be in a highly likely bad dis-functional relationship or alone with your thoughts and freewill this is something you start to miss pretty quick when you are in one..
Infernovus well I think it sometimes just might have to do with hope. We’re raised, in some ways, on the romantic idea of finding someone that will make us happy and that we can reciprocate that with. For me, I’ve been single all of my life and it would be wonderful to fall in love because although I do find things to occupy myself with, I also sometimes feel that it’s to distract me from the pain and disappointments of life. I have a good job but, yes, that comes with a lot of pain, as well. I have two cats, who are my children, but even loving them comes with pain. I expect pain from a love relationship, as well, but I guess I’m looking for a buffer or a new dimension in my life, that isn’t simply the mere oscillation of me going to a job and going home, sometimes still thinking of my family of origin, whom I’ve had to part with, which has tremendous pain and disappointment attached to it. Seems that life is some dwindling dark hole of less and less life satisfaction where you often find yourself doing the things you must to survive but, none of what interests you and really gets you out of bed in the morning.
1st speaker: "Online dating is not a popularity contest, you need to find someone you can connect with." 2nd speaker: "unless you open up yourself, share more, be vulnerable, brave enough to accept rejection, you won't find something real" amazing lines and i learn so much from here. thank you for sharing
There are pros and cons in an online dating but I'm very thankful for it because I've met someone who's really been a good match to me. At first I was so hesitant to the idea of meeting someone from the online world but I'm so glad it turns out well and didn't experience the negative side of it.
I'm female, and here are some things that cause me to swipe left on male profiles. Terrible photos: hats, sunglasses, and faces in shadow. Sticking your tongue out. Making other crazy faces. Middle finger extended. Flexing. Dead fish. Blurry. Improperly oriented. Group photos. Photos that make you look angry/closed off, e.g., arms crossed, scowling, lips pressed in a hard line. Photos with your ex. Verbiage like "Later" (as in "I'll fill this out later") or "just looking" or "no crazy bitches" or "no drama" or "Work hard, play hard". Things that make me swipe right - At least one photo where I can see what you look like. Taking the time to write a little bit about yourself, so I can see who you really are. Actually filling out the prompts, instead of skipping almost everything so that I have zero idea if we might get along or not. Show me a profile where I feel like you actually cared while you were putting it together, and I'll be much more interested. (I'm sure this applies to men viewing female profiles as well, but I can't speak to that.)
@@garrettevans9193 I'm not surprised. Yeah, for me it just kinda feels like the person spent about 2 minutes in total and is throwing sh*t at the wall to see what sticks!
Its worse than the bar / club scene because its pointless convos that never lead to a meetup. At least in the real world you get to the point and see the person. Im just too lazy to go out lol
I’ve met nice people on certain websites and undesireable people too. But most of them were like me: hardworkers with limited time to go clubbing and meet new available people outside from work.
Not from my experience. In person just randomly approaching at social venues it was a tiring and hit or miss experience. I started going on various apps and ended up with more dates then I could actually handle.
I meet my girlfriend on Filipino cupid. We are honest with each other and we lift each other up socially and mentality. I am not perfect but I believe in us.
You have to craft your presentation for your audience. Since they are talented presenters they pretty much know the format TED listeners want to hear, a largely factual but light-hearted explanation of an unusual viewpoint (which ends in a call to arms). It's similar to a high school or college essay for English class, an argumentive style most people understand
What they concluded is actually the focus I've had for some time. Love, not fear, Faith, not doubt, Hope, not worry. Does this work? Yes, it sure does, and your focus will be right... you will meet other positive people who think the same. Isn't that what we want? Loving, faithful, hopeful partners?
So true about the women wanting the higher income man. True story that happened to me after being with a woman for a over a year. She told me at the end of the day she wanted somebody who could financially support her and I met her on a dating site. Imagine that
Hey guys not all women are like after the money, some are really looking for a good relationship too. But it's like finding the needle in the haystack.
@@janetarguelles1938 You're right, Janet, not all women, but MOST are. If men can't support them, starting a family would be hard, putting kids through school would be hard, toys, rent etc. girls love to travel and i'm sure you do too. travel isn't cheap, i'll just leave it at that. The needle in the haystack is the woman who is ok with a guy who doesn't have a steady income. The needle in the haystack for men is a man who is ok if the girl is not young and isn't attractive. I say this coming from my experience, 27 years of living.
iAlexZhang ALL women are Hypergamous by nature. It's in their DNA. That's why you will never see a Victoria's Secret Model married to a McDonald's employee or a female surgeon married to a janitor. That will never happen. Women will say, "Oh, you're a great guy! You'll find someone!" But will never date you or allow you to date their daughter if your income is less than theirs.
Adam Kallin yea if you aren't a 8/10 or better it's a better chance to try and make them laugh or something in person. The nature of online dating is shallow and superficial it's no wonder why many ppl feel let down by it
yeap....The only place I find have more honest people are straight hooking up sites....most of them eliminate the necessity of making you look very grand ....Human interaction is reduced to more raw attraction over more mainstream stuff like Tinder
Interesting. For me, the data presented make no surprising conclusions. Clearly those who use dating apps more casually and are not necessarily seeking a long-term partner will be less apt to spend time filling out a complete profile and sending long/frequent messages to their matches. Similarly, those seriously looking for a long-term partner will make the extra effort to complete a robust profile and exchange frequent and/or long messages with their matches. And who are the ones more likely to land a long-term partner ---- those using the app with the intention of finding one!
What then is the male rule for texting? Men tend to be very short with text and most would rather talk over the phone. I'm intrigued that you mention long texts; then again a long text is really just condensed on the screen & would probably take 2-3 minutes to actually say, certainly no more than 5.
also realized that people who go for online dating seem to get bored quite easily and would think they could do better and look for a new one immediately. When the spark is gone, when reality strikes in again, they go for a new one to go back to that honeymoon phase. Unfortunately, we're moving to this direction whether we like it or not but I also believe that there are more pleasing people somewhere who also choose to stay out of online dating so not all of the people in your app are your left options in real life.
@@tararoslee2022 So how do we know that your name represents who you are? Ive seen people from Central Africa misrepresent who they are, and Asian women routinely do that.
I used the app for about one month. Not one single match for me, which was super good for my self-esteem. I gave up entirely-if I don't magically bump into someone to like I will just have to learn to love being alone.
+Laura Bennett Patience. I will admit. When I first started I got no likes. It really made me bitter. I quit and few months went by and I came back. Updated my profile and I got a few likes. I realize then that I should update my profile/pics every month or so. I also get the opinions of my friends. Just keep at it.
Creepy? it was very common for a 40 year old man to marry 20 years olds, 80 years ago... a man wasn't established till around 40 years of age, and a 40 year old women was not a good choice to get pregnant and start a family with.... And Online, men have to send out 200 messages a day! To get one single reply!
5tonyvvvv Yeah why like someone only not reply to them after receiving a message? If women do get hundreds of matches, then they should sharpen the horizon by being more particular to whom theu like, that way they aren't bombarded with messages to narrow down who may be Mr. Right and also not wasting potential matches time, effort and energy.
World of No Borders wasting men's time and soaking up attention for validation IS why most women use the apps. Women don't need these apps beyond casting a wider net for rich men. Being rich is the only way to get women, basically.
I disagree with Dawoon's claim that men go after younger women. Men go after looks, not age. Whether a beautiful woman is 22 or 31 is immaterial. I promise you that most older men are not intentionally trying to hook up with a 22 year old. I believe that the majority of men actually prefer a significant other who is within their age range, but the problem is there's fewer prototypical physically available attractive women as age increases.
As an older woman looking 20 years younger than I am and regularly being complimented on my looks, I can tell you sir, you are mistaken. I could hardly cross the street without being literally harassed, 5, 10 times a day from the age of 11 ( 😩) to roughly 27. Then it subsided to everything other day. And my experience online is absolutely as they say. I set up another account where I am 26, same profile, just to see if there would be a difference. Well there is a difference and it is huge. Men do go for younger women.
@@carinecampier but if these men saw and met you in person, I believe they would recognize the beauty that you are still carrying as you've aged, and I feel that many would choose you over much younger girls
@@jamesselden5407 as we say in French, with IFs you can put Paris in a bottle. And again, my experience in real life has been different. It’s been 11 years now since I have been trying to find a new life partner, and, men my age who were perfectly happy dating me, literally said to my face that they wanted a younger woman to settle and have kids with. To. My. Face.
@@carinecampier I’m a 40 y/o physician who makes a good income and I only date women at least 10 years younger. Younger girls are hotter than women my own age. I can’t believe anybody says otherwise when it’s so obvious.
I think someone said it in the comment section. You can not completely trust a person you met online. Most of the people who I've heard are in relationships from online dating: one is very bossy and the other very passive. I think the bossy person was able to hide this trait for as long as possible and ended up in a relationship... It looks like singles are afraid of getting hurt so they are not putting much effort in. However some people are doing this on purpose because they are not that into you. I enjoyed this video ♡
Online dating is a way to meet people. I've been doing it for about 2.5 years....2 years of that has been during the pandemic, so.... It is a way to MEET people but of course the real MEETING is in person. Chatting is one thing, in person is another. Once the actual MEET takes place, it doesn't matter that you met online. Sadly, as I live in a small geographic area and don't want to move or drive for hours, my options have been limited. I have learned quite a bit about what I am looking for, and I remain optimistic...although my experience has been that 95% of the men I have met I am not interested in seeing again.
Online dating allows you the possibility of interacting with someone you would never meet otherwise for instance if they live in a foreign country or live far away from your home town.
I like the fact that on dating apps both people know each other's purpose. It's much easier to ask someone out which opens the door of further opportunities. If unfortunately you're rejected it's easy to move on.
For men it's called "Threshold of Creepiness," but for women it's simply "Cougar." You go girl! That's what women say when a 40 year old woman finds a 25 year old boy toy. My sister is dating a guy younger than her son. They met online. The hypocrisy is breathtaking.
In most women’s world the concept of a “2 way street” Simply doesn’t exist Everything is a ONE way street and we men are the ones being driven down that street We have become slaves to our dicks
Just advertising their product/service. Go out and talk to real people. Online dating is superficial, you miss the chemistry aspect of actually connecting with someone. Go out, live your life, and when the opportunity presents itself give it yourself:) much love peace.
wrong. Internit is the true face of the real life. People don't need to lie or be nice. Either in real life or on the internet a woman will reject a short guy. But in real life she will feel the need to reject him nicely or lie in order to not get punched.
@Dela Flowers Who cares how it looks. I know a couple where the wife is taller and as long as they're happy, what difference does it make how others view them.
@@daytonasixty-eight1354 Agreed. AI could help us to find a person that matches our personality. To seek the exact value outside could be hardly possible so it's good if we can seize the platform.
I think it’s important to say something I’ve found out during the past 2 years, although I have left my online profile as a somewhat lengthy one, despite this. I think that part of the reason for this fear, at least for some, is the growing problem of narcissistic abuse. I had to learn about narcissism the hard way, through my family of origin, which I am now mostly disassociated with, for my own wellbeing. But, I’ve heard that online dating is chock full of narcissists. The reality, in the way narcissism works, in part is that, when you tell someone about yourself and what you’re looking for, if you’re targeted by a narcissist and many of the other predators online, they will fit that profile for you - for the express purpose of getting into your life, sapping you dry and moving on to the next target. This is a very painful and lonely realization for me as, I’m now in my mid-fifties. There are no checks and balances and vetting by friends and family, as there would’ve been when I was younger. It is completely up to me to make the proper or deadly choice of evaluating a possible partner. There are people who feel that, where narcissism is concerned, all you need to do, if you find yourself with a predator is to leave and that you’d find out in short order, like a few weeks or a few months. But, the reality, such as in my mother’s case, is that it can take many years or decades to realize what you’re dealing with. Particularly when dealing with the most dangerous type of narcissist, which is vulnerable or covert. So, while some people may fear rejection, others actually fear meeting someone, despite being a members of dating sites and it isn’t always fear that their dreams may come true. It can be fear that they find themselves enmeshed in something that even law often fails to catch up with and acknowledge.
I'm mid 50's too. 27yrs and just found out my hubby is a covert. Has been a nightmare. Now I know what it is, it's hard to stay when u know they won't change. Every year he throws the divorce word around. I might call his bluff!
@@nicolamills8003 my mother died a few weeks ago. So, Chapter 1 is over. However the residuals immediately began with Chapter 2, dealing with a younger sister. I really try to use the word narcissist cautiously. It’s often become a term used by people who want to sound like they know WTF they’re talking about, yet don’t. HOWEVER, it has been such a roller coaster ride, since our mother’s death. She sent me an email saying our mother died, didn’t communicate for a week and I had to call the police, several churches, several funeral homes and the medical examiner 3 times and it was they who were worried she might be trying to represent herself as the only next of kin. Since that time, it’s been her seeming to feel she is making the decisions and asking if I intended to move into one of the 2 properties, as if her name is even on the one she may be living in. As soon as I let her know I filed probate, she lost it. I only want to ensure we BOTH get out due. But, in all likelihood, she’s losing her mind, because she probably cannot afford to live in one property, without renting or selling the one I was to receive - so the war is on. She has turned into a cornered animal, when I am not trying to hurt her at all as I feel we were BOTH hurt by our parents and we should end the pain. But she knows nothing, nor wants to know anything about that. I am trying to not call her a narcissist. Perhaps, she’s just in a frightened situation. But, I am smelling narcissism, in it’s multiple forms here. I hope you are well on your way out, even if emotionally. You DO NOT wish to grow old, with a narcissist in your midst!
@@privateprivate8366 oww, you poor thing. You always feel to tread carefully cos of the eggshells ay, but I've realised, no matter what u say.. There are ALWAYS egg shells. I wish you all the best with probate. If she can't afford it.. Tell her she needs a flat mate or sell and move. There r ways. Starting to heal with Dr ramani and Carter, being my daily therapy! He wants to sell and divorce, the next chapter will be one of no egg shells!! I'm in new Zealand, so at least it's a nice country... Good luck
@@nicolamills8003 there are. It seems continuous and I’ve had to learn to battle narcissism in the workplace and make ‘em run also. As of today, I don’t know what she can afford, based upon info from where my mother banked. They knew who my mother was, by name only, probably told me a bit too much and want to call me back for more info as, they didn’t know my mother died. But, I won’t be providing information. There’s possible trouble for her and I don’t want to worsen that for her. Apparently, she and my mother had a joint account, however, the bank may have some “concerns”. People shoot YT learning down and, no, it doesn’t give you a degree in psychology. But, it has saved my life. I would not even know this behavior had a name, let alone no cure and that I should run TF out of it as, there is no cure. Take care and get yourself out. The alternative is quite the poor plan.
A A Q I know right. It’s like a the women on there think they can find brad Pitt. They are on there cause they are picky. But most of the profiles are fake any way and full of bots.
Let's be honest, girls on dating sites don't even bother reading your bio unless they find you attractive. There is a huge pool of guys to choose from, they wont settle on a 5 or below.
@@luukvanbastenbatenburg395 They are out there. I am one of them and did meet my current guy on a dating site. He was the ONLY one who actually asked me out on a date, in person. The other dudes just texted forever. For the record, and to toot my own horn yes, he tells me 'I would not have believed that there are girls of your caliber on Tinder"
Online dating is a worst of time in energy.. I've heard some people say I'm not looking for anybody in particular I'm just here to waist time.. You can waist time on facebook,twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc.. Why would you come to a online dating platform and try to use it as a social media outlet...
Haha I'm a 20 year old girl and I actually did meet an engineer online and I liked him. He was smart and relaxed. I don't think he liked me back, but all I am trying to say is, there is still hope!
I can open my mind to all people, but most do not return the same favor. I will never go back to online dating because too many people lie. No relationship of trust can start with lies.
I've always been anti-dating apps b/c their only taking advantage of singles and their vulnerability. It's easy to create something that you expect to help so many people like an app but if you don't look at the center focus on why you're creating it then you hurt more people that are already broken. These apps only invite more predators, don't trust it.
The fact of the matter is, online dating sites give women the attention they crave. That's all it has ever been about. Sure people get lucky and make a connection, but online dating gives woman option overload. They get to feel their hypergamous oats to the max.
Most people online dating are looking for attention. Not even interested in dating. Some are looking for free meals. Most are looking for unicorns, A few are looking for realistic relationships. But wading through the majority of ghost and fake profiles, wasting time on people looking for flattery takes a lot of time in the hope of finding any serious profiles. It's a big waste of time.
Excellent lecture. In short, if you don’t explain who you are and what you want, you won’t find anyone that’s compatible! Tell us something about YOU....
But what about the part where men go after younger women and women go after higher salaries (personally I like engineers and scientists ); how does this relate to the premise that people need to be more open and share more?
Creepy? it was very common for a 40 year old man to marry 20 years olds, 80 years ago... a man wasn't established till around 40 years of age, and a 40 year old women was not a good choice to get pregnant and start a family with.... And Online, men have to send out 200 messages a day! To get one single reply!
Come on. This is so not true. I'm indeed among the one sending and receiving long novels on these apps. Witty comebacks, great banter but it doesn't work. People ghost on you. Sometimes you ghost on someone. It is indeed shallow and there comes a point of saturation.
Nirvaana CoffeeAddict just don’t try to hard though. Don’t be to funny, if a woman’s looking for something serious you need to balance the humour with deep open revelations. If you compliment her, don’t use cheesing lines or laugh it off, own it and mean it. Of course some humour is warranted but don’t make everything into a joke :) Also we tend to copy the behaviour of what people have done to us online. Don’t do this you end up being that person online you don’t like. Strike while the irons hot and follow things through. People get bored after 5 minutes, these days.
Nirvaana CoffeeAddict I hear what you are saying. I do not agree with what the presenter said about a lengthier profile being better. IMO, the stereotypes mentioned are more what online sites are about. Outside of those, it almost won't matter what you say and how revealing you are. I'm not saying you can't make a connection, but it is more the exception than the rule if and when you do. Online dating sites are superficial, not natural and are more akin to a job application. Also, one is giving much more info than they normally would to someone they've just met, let alone someone they haven't met. But, online you're giving that info to anyone and everyone who sees your profile, not just a potential love interest. Everyone is learning about you. Could be a co-worker stumbles across your profile or even your boss. It wasn't meant for them, but there it is. If you're out and about and you catch someone's eye and there seems to be an attraction, you are not going to walk over and give them the complete 411 on yourself and neither will they. You sense a mutual interest before you open your mouth. You ease your way into a conversation and decide what you're comfortable sharing. It won't be a bio right out of the gate and if you have a "great sense of humor and love to laugh," you won't have to TELL them, they will SEE it. Online dating is backwards; it's more the cart before the horse.
@@KofWands2QofCups Generally, 90% of the conversations I start that last at least a week die instantly and randomly for no reason. I'd assume they either found someone they think is more interesting or they are just using you for attention.
@@rachaelstanley7986 Wrong. You ask them any earlier than that and they say something like "we only just started talking". You can't really judge how long you can wait because some girls are extremely skittish to meet some guy offline in a public place. Which boggles my mind. It works sometimes. I've met girls the next day but most of the time it's a hard no.
@@rachaelstanley7986 Depends. Some only respond once a day. It can take 10 days to get all that information. I honestly think that most people just use online dating as a game or something to do when they are bored. You can have a decent convo with someone and then you ask them out and they disappear only to message you a week later. Then you ask them again and they disappear again.
Me dating someone my own age (currently 42): Date one: $100 dinner & drinks "All men are pigs." Date two: $100 dinner & drinks "All men are pigs." GHOSTED. Me not dating for 6-8 months.
Women complain that men likes women just for looks but at the same time, if we say we don't think they are that pretty but like them for their personality, then you wouldn't like it! Same is not true for how women who like men for money. If a women says to a man that she likes him for his personality and don't care about his money, he would love it! A lot of women don't understand how much they get away with because men are attracted to them physically/visually. If we don't like you for your looks, then you'd have to actually be nice to us and work a lot harder for us to like you. The truth is you want us to like you for your looks! so stop complaining about it! Also, different men have different tastes. There is a man out there who thinks you are physically attractive. It's just a matter of if you are willing to date them.
After many years of dating and being married, I think I have found the answer, find someone you hate and give her a house. Then move on to the next one.
Ara Cho Art So, how many times did you watch "Revenge of the Nerds?" Because what you're saying isn't true, it's a Hollywood fantasy. You know, "Make Believe!" 🤣🤣
This is a text book case on why "WOMEN DON'T GET IT" The biggest factor is missing: men do all the work... or as female dating couch Keiza Nobel says-- "when it comes to dating WOMEN DO NOTHING, NOTHING!
"threshold of creepiness." It's good to see she isn't judgemental. The irony of this "creepy" factor is that the statistics showed that younger women were more attracted to men with higher salaries (aka older men).
The first graph showed only women of what age men like the most. The second graph was about professions and income of men. Do you only read statistics about sugarbaies/sugardaddies? When it comes to serious relationships women mostly like guys their own age. However women in their 30s, 40s etc. actually like younger men. Men's physical prime is between 25 and 30.
I tried online dating once, it didn't work. So I tried it again, and before I knew it - I ended up married, middle aged and with more in number than we had - when we met. Now what do we do!??? When everyone swore "online dating didn't work", there was no way I was expecting all this, as an outcome!
I was about to reply at the beginning of this before they got into breaking down the data and say the people that are single are single because they aren’t truly open to the experience. I was really into someone for about a week and heavily exchanging messages back and forth. We set a date and I got all dressed up and then spent 2 hours waiting at the restaurant for them to show up. They then blocked me on everything. And of course I was hurt and I though I did something wrong even though just the night before we were laughing for hours on the phone. But they just weren’t ready. And two weeks later I met my now girlfriend and we’re now moving in together. Will it work out, I sure hope so but the important part is that we’re truly open with each other and to the relationship. Like things people usually hide for a while or permanently from a partner. And it’s been the best relationship I’ve had. And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been dating off and on through online dating for 7 years. This is my third relationship started through it. And some might see that as a failure but I had a relationship for almost 4 years with someone that I met online. At a certain people things don’t work out because of the people not because of the way they met. It works if you want it to and you’re open and your standards are true to who you want to find. Just some food for thought if you’re struggling with finding someone. It may be awhile but don’t be afraid to be open.
You can't generalize men's and women's experiences in online dating. A cute female will get massive attention, a decent looking man can get none. Women get tons of emails, men get very few. It's night and day.
Men like younger women because generally speaking after 30 women tend to hit the wall, what that means is that their looks start to decline.. especially Caucasian women.. that is a no brainier.
I remember her pitching an online dating deal, with two others that might have been her sisters, on "Shark Tank." Super smart woman! I'm pretty sure Mark Cuban offered to buy 100% of her Co. for 30 million.
What raises a smile with me is, women say 'Men only care about what a woman looks like', yet they universally refuse to respond to initiate contact with any man that doesn't include a picture of themselves. The men might have written the most interesting or appealing profile yet they won't even entertain the notion. I have seen many women upload photos with heavy make up, romantic blurring and outright photo-shopping. I would never consider having any contact with a woman no matter what if she 'mutilates' her own image in a publicly view-able space. I would also be wary of those who post overtly sexual or revealing pictures. Who exactly do they want to attract? The problem I encounter is, when I go out, I get approached by women in the 25 to 35 year age range. These I generally would consider too young. Yet when I have managed to meet and get to know women closer to my own age, they have all had a problem stating that when in public they feel slightly embarrassed to appear to have selected a man much younger than themselves. I was accused by one womans' family of being an obvious gold digger toy-boy, even though we both had the same job, the same income and I was 4 years older than the woman. I do agree a greater proportion of men than would be preferable go for women who are much younger than themselves, but generally women also prefer a man to be (and appear to be) around 7 to 10 years older than them too. I have used dating sites, mainly to get a sense of who uses them. I never upload a photograph for public view. My feeling is, if they won't even talk to a man because they don't know what he looks like, then I wouldn't want to know them anyway. In truth, generally most say I look much younger than my chronological age. I am fit healthy with a flat stomach in my mid 50's. Generally I get described as 'Not bad' with some thinking better than 'Good' because of my fair hair and blue eyes. I don't particularly like to go to drinking establishments to meet women, I really dislike the fact that women too often seem to need to drink heavily to overcome their reticence. It would matter to me how attractive a woman was, if she can hardly walk or talk in a public space due to alcohol use. I'm not interested and never would be, even if I later met them sober. I do read profiles and find some fascinating and appealing as someone I would enjoy getting to know generally. I have chatted with 'some' women on forums etc (not dating sites) and have even met a couple of women who I then had a 'longish' relationship with. In my view men are more open to meeting 'friends' online whereas though most women say they want friendship, they rarely if ever bother to respond to anyone they are not romantically interested in. They seem to lack the confidence to believe they could control the relationship after initial contact should it not become romantic, or less than rewarding for them. One thing I think would be more helpful in online dating sites is, not only to see the profile, but to see who they like and dislike. I think you would get more a sense of someone's personality that way. I think dating sites should organise online activities, so that just as in the real world you can get to know a group of people that way and then refine your choices. Virtual tours, talks and post talk discussions or simple games etc
I have replied to men that do not post a picture of themself because I liked what they had to say. Being compatible is very important to me having some shared interests and beliefs. I am in my early sixties and got a lot of messages. I do look 20 years younger than most of my age group yet know most men responded based on my looks never read my profile. Many were years younger and I prefer someone along the continuum along my life stage. I feel that I am selected just because of my looks and if I post no pictures no interest and of course being older is not ideal for getting a response. I will still try online dating and remain positive...need a mindmeld, please, Mr. Spock...it could happen.
Warning: below you will find people who aren't picking the right people on dating sites (and in real life) and then complaining about their past dates/matches. You have been warned.
Agreed, except that she summed it up with what she was told by people who had to defend their short profiles. So the answers concluded, "They were afraid". The people were not asked to study their actions or use any scientific approach to reach their conclusion. In my experience I have noticed that people asked to judge themselves often give themselves the excuse their ego can handle and an excuse that is easy to explain and have accepted. I think her summary is flawed.
I feel like your personal experience and the speakers summary actually go hand-in-hand. Why do you think people give themselves excuses their ego can handle? Because they are scared of confronting things thier ego cant handle.. like rejection.
@@nicoaa2522 I ditched online dating a few years ago. Started using it in the early 2000's when I left home as a way to meet people and for the last 5 years I didn't put any information other than the drop menu stuff and a few pictures. Was I scared or did I simply think, what's the point of writing a nice profile for a bunch of bots, scammers and abandoned profiles that all of these sites use to say "look how popular we are!". Now the FTC is suing the owners of Match and about 45 other dating sites for the fake and scam profiles they have been using to persuade users to upgrade to a paid membership to see or message the fake profiles. It's all been a scam for a good 10+ years now.
It's an ego boost. I know of women who are in relationships that use them for "I still got it" ego boosts, some even use it to set up their next bf before leaving their current.
I would think that the succes of online dating depends on the type of dating app you're using. If you go for "looks"-apps, and you're not a looker, you'll probably fail. Go for apps, where people write about themselves more. In the end, looks are not that important - it's the chemistry between you that counts.
My opinion online dating is only good if you're female. As a man there's no point in even trying online, the girls there are looking for someone perfect on biography, not what you're actually like in person. I'm not trying to be vain but I'd consider myself to be a really good looking dude, and I've tried online dating for 2 years now and it's damn struggle I have no idea what these girls are looking for online.
It depends on people and their needs. What they are looking for. I always wanted my person to be loyal to me and protect me. Stand by my side and aspire me to become what I want, to become the best version of me.with these little thoughts I when joined dive-soul matching app, and many matches appeared but the very first match I started talking to, he brought magic to my life, really. He is what I always wanted. My shining bright light of hope and love✨✨✨✨✨
if you are an average looking female or better, online dating is great. The sense of abundance and ongoing validation that even average women get from these sites must be wonderful.
A female friend consistently whipes right on Tinder for a day: 30 matches 23 messages. I do the same for a week , 7 matches, 3 messages. 3 look like Donkeys 🤷🏽♂️
The problem with online dating as most know is because there are so many liars out there! People with a narcissistic personality disorder posing is a nice people.
So, here is a harsh reality of dating and life. We start dating to find a friend, a companion, a lover in a person... But as any relationship gets serious and gearing towards marriage, finance do come into play as you both start managing your money together and eventually when you raise kids it's more important to manage money wisely. In my personal opinion a man and a woman should equally contribute to household. But there might be many people, who would stay at home for better upbringing of their children and since it's many a times woman's decision to do so, they naturally tend to seek men with higher income. This is my personal opinion and in no way intend to clash with people's personal opinion.
Pfft. I've done everything they recommended, been open, vulnerable, and reveal who i really am. and in 7 years, have had no success whatsoever. Some people are just unlovable
Was almost scientific until the end, when we suddenly take a bit of a guess and some anecdotal 'evidence' that people are 'scared'. If we're guessing, I reckon it's more to do with time invested and the return from that effort. Let's face it, the final deciding factor in dating isn't who wrote what and how. It's what you look like. Good-looking people don't have to try so hard to write fancy profiles. Women don't have to try as hard as men. Good-looking women know they don't have to try at all. Often their profile will be simply: 'Ask me', yet they will be inundated. Less attractive people soon learn that making a big effort with your profile and messages is a dodgy investment, so they stop bothering.
Back in 2019 I lived in a big city, got on PoF, had 5-6 different dates, found a girlfriend who actually lived a 90 minute drive from me. 2021 moved to smaller city, went on PoF, got one date and messaged at least 30-40 women and made zero progress. I think I'm going to move back to the bigger city. PoF can be a bit weird at times.
I feel I am attractive enough and have opened up on my profiles without getting overly lengthy, yet I never received the responses most women get. I stopped using online dating because I got tired of meeting duds, or worse. Every once in a while I will get an urge to try but only for a few days so never get to the point of actually meeting someone. It is just not for me and wasted too much time when I could be doing something fun or productive.
I have a lengthy profile and its all true and honest, every msg i send is thought out and spacific to the person, and i never bat out of my league.... and never even a hi back, nevermind a thoughtful response... oh and i genuinly want a relationship and profile reflects that
It is so true. I've only been doing this for a little while and I have come to the same conclusions as these two ladies. It is like a damn meat market. It is set up so you only see the pictures at first and then scroll down to the profile. So I'll be browsing and see someone that looks nice or has an interesting picture. If I scroll down and they only have a few words, 9 times out of 10 I will skip them.
Personally had a lot of success in real life, but way less online. That's simply a law of supply and demand, ECO 101. In real life, and assuming a balanced location (ie not the silicon valley), the supply and demand for men and women is pretty equal. Therefore, on average, a 6 will get a 6 and a 9 will get a 9. Online, the equilibrium point is very different. The demand for guys is lower due to women's higher standards than men. The demand for girls gets higher. The supply of women drops compared to men due to the fact that there are more men than women on dating sites. (2x more on Tinder). The result is a shortage of women and a surplus of men for a shifted equilibrium point to the right, where women become more valuable. In this new market, an 8, man would get a 6, women for instance. So if you're a dude just don't waste your time on a saturated market. There are plenty of places with a reverse logic! ;)
I think meeting someone online, you chat a little, get to know them and after some days of chatting you have to meet up and that's where the real dating starts. You have to meet up to date for real. If you just do virtual dating and no plans of meeting in person, then you're wasting your time.
Depends what you are looking for. I tried online dating for 3 months and it was the most depressed I've ever felt.
can we chat on whatsApp
try being a guy
@@Cymru1987 he's a guy
It's usually a frustrating experience for guys but not for girls. I met my ex girlfriend on a dating app and she received over one thousand messages within 2 days after she opened an account.
@Peter Best
Depressed from an ABUNDANCE of voices... guys get depressed on dating apps from how few matches they get, even if they are Chad. The most 5-6 woman gets HUNDREDS of men willing to screw them, but of course they want "$$omething more$$" than that, they want a connection with $$omeone SSpecial, seems the numbers tell the story, almost 100% of women want the top 5% of men in looks and economically. Depressed, from too much choice.
So many people in this world yet so many lonely people.
Very true
It's for women's egos only
you don't need anyone to feel complete... being alone is a virtue or being unwanted, less people that can hurt you or disappointment you, oke being alone hurts but would you rather be in a highly likely bad dis-functional relationship or alone with your thoughts and freewill this is something you start to miss pretty quick when you are in one..
Infernovus well I think it sometimes just might have to do with hope.
We’re raised, in some ways, on the romantic idea of finding someone that will make us happy and that we can reciprocate that with.
For me, I’ve been single all of my life and it would be wonderful to fall in love because although I do find things to occupy myself with, I also sometimes feel that it’s to distract me from the pain and disappointments of life. I have a good job but, yes, that comes with a lot of pain, as well. I have two cats, who are my children, but even loving them comes with pain. I expect pain from a love relationship, as well, but I guess I’m looking for a buffer or a new dimension in my life, that isn’t simply the mere oscillation of me going to a job and going home, sometimes still thinking of my family of origin, whom I’ve had to part with, which has tremendous pain and disappointment attached to it. Seems that life is some dwindling dark hole of less and less life satisfaction where you often find yourself doing the things you must to survive but, none of what interests you and really gets you out of bed in the morning.
It's called a social life for a reason
1st speaker: "Online dating is not a popularity contest, you need to find someone you can connect with."
2nd speaker: "unless you open up yourself, share more, be vulnerable, brave enough to accept rejection, you won't find something real"
amazing lines and i learn so much from here. thank you for sharing
There are pros and cons in an online dating but I'm very thankful for it because I've met someone who's really been a good match to me. At first I was so hesitant to the idea of meeting someone from the online world but I'm so glad it turns out well and didn't experience the negative side of it.
Dating is superficial in general , not just online dating . People are vain
Chances are you've been dating the wrong people.
@@miranda.cooper the majority are the "wrong" people. LMAO
Carol Baskin had entered the chat.
Truth.
I'm female, and here are some things that cause me to swipe left on male profiles. Terrible photos: hats, sunglasses, and faces in shadow. Sticking your tongue out. Making other crazy faces. Middle finger extended. Flexing. Dead fish. Blurry. Improperly oriented. Group photos. Photos that make you look angry/closed off, e.g., arms crossed, scowling, lips pressed in a hard line. Photos with your ex. Verbiage like "Later" (as in "I'll fill this out later") or "just looking" or "no crazy bitches" or "no drama" or "Work hard, play hard". Things that make me swipe right - At least one photo where I can see what you look like. Taking the time to write a little bit about yourself, so I can see who you really are. Actually filling out the prompts, instead of skipping almost everything so that I have zero idea if we might get along or not. Show me a profile where I feel like you actually cared while you were putting it together, and I'll be much more interested. (I'm sure this applies to men viewing female profiles as well, but I can't speak to that.)
I agree entirely.
exactly
Geeze, that surely would be helpful if I tried to date you.
@@garrettevans9193 I'm not surprised. Yeah, for me it just kinda feels like the person spent about 2 minutes in total and is throwing sh*t at the wall to see what sticks!
They call it online dating, but there are no dates - only profiles. A dating website is probably the worst possible place to find a date.
Anywhere to look for women is a trap.
Its worse than the bar / club scene because its pointless convos that never lead to a meetup. At least in the real world you get to the point and see the person. Im just too lazy to go out lol
Laborhours you are so RIGHT
I’ve met nice people on certain websites and undesireable people too. But most of them were like me: hardworkers with limited time to go clubbing and meet new available people outside from work.
Not from my experience. In person just randomly approaching at social venues it was a tiring and hit or miss experience. I started going on various apps and ended up with more dates then I could actually handle.
I meet my girlfriend on Filipino cupid. We are honest with each other and we lift each other up socially and mentality. I am not perfect but I believe in us.
Joshua Collins I hope it works out
count yourself as one of the lucky few..
@@Infernovus1 I wouldn't say he's lucky. More like seen as an easy plane ticket and magical walking ATM!
47 💀😂😂
She must be "Quality woman", unless divorce comes in which case she won't be....xD
Is it me, or do most of the TED presenters seem to learn the same presenting style? It's kind of the "new tech bubble entrepreneur style."
I believe that TED actually teaches them the 'house style'.
In all fairness, you have ten minutes in front of an audience to make points that also translate to being watched on video well.
haha yes
You have to craft your presentation for your audience. Since they are talented presenters they pretty much know the format TED listeners want to hear, a largely factual but light-hearted explanation of an unusual viewpoint (which ends in a call to arms). It's similar to a high school or college essay for English class, an argumentive style most people understand
The Onion does hilarious parodies of TED Talks in its 'Onion Talks' series, with titles like "Ducks Go Quack, Chickens Say Cluck".
What they concluded is actually the focus I've had for some time. Love, not fear, Faith, not doubt, Hope, not worry. Does this work? Yes, it sure does, and your focus will be right... you will meet other positive people who think the same. Isn't that what we want? Loving, faithful, hopeful partners?
Online dating is only getting a glimpse of the person behind the photo, it's so very empty cyberspace.
Hello Marie
How are you doing.
Hopefully well.
Just wanted to say hi.
Hope I can get a reply
So true about the women wanting the higher income man. True story that happened to me after being with a woman for a over a year. She told me at the end of the day she wanted somebody who could financially support her and I met her on a dating site. Imagine that
they want 4th wave feminism but still want 50s dating norms. you cant win.
Kirk V hypergamy and Briffaults law at its finest. A google search of those will explain everything.
Hey guys not all women are like after the money, some are really looking for a good relationship too. But it's like finding the needle in the haystack.
@@janetarguelles1938 You're right, Janet, not all women, but MOST are. If men can't support them, starting a family would be hard, putting kids through school would be hard, toys, rent etc. girls love to travel and i'm sure you do too. travel isn't cheap, i'll just leave it at that. The needle in the haystack is the woman who is ok with a guy who doesn't have a steady income. The needle in the haystack for men is a man who is ok if the girl is not young and isn't attractive. I say this coming from my experience, 27 years of living.
iAlexZhang ALL women are Hypergamous by nature. It's in their DNA. That's why you will never see a Victoria's Secret Model married to a McDonald's employee or a female surgeon married to a janitor. That will never happen.
Women will say, "Oh, you're a great guy! You'll find someone!" But will never date you or allow you to date their daughter if your income is less than theirs.
Online dating for men is a waste of time and damages their ego
Agreed, better put that energy into approaching in real life.
Adam Kallin yea if you aren't a 8/10 or better it's a better chance to try and make them laugh or something in person. The nature of online dating is shallow and superficial it's no wonder why many ppl feel let down by it
Adam Kallin how do you approach irl if women constantly glued to their iPhones and generally avoid talking to strangers?
As a man who's in the 80% 'bottom' tier, I can wholeheartedly attest to that
Dude better damn well be a dragon slayer, and a astronaut with bank to get even a hello back
Online dating is ravaging intimate human connection - in my humble opinion and experience.
yeap....The only place I find have more honest people are straight hooking up sites....most of them eliminate the necessity of making you look very grand ....Human interaction is reduced to more raw attraction over more mainstream stuff like Tinder
R u a bot? No subscribers and no content.
Short version of the video - fill your profiles, be brave and be more open. Open people attract more authentic relationships.
Interesting. For me, the data presented make no surprising conclusions. Clearly those who use dating apps more casually and are not necessarily seeking a long-term partner will be less apt to spend time filling out a complete profile and sending long/frequent messages to their matches. Similarly, those seriously looking for a long-term partner will make the extra effort to complete a robust profile and exchange frequent and/or long messages with their matches. And who are the ones more likely to land a long-term partner ---- those using the app with the intention of finding one!
This makes some serious sense
There are many guys who just want a casual relationship are good in writing up (or making up) their profile too.
Not always but to some extent I agree with you
What then is the male rule for texting? Men tend to be very short with text and most would rather talk over the phone. I'm intrigued that you mention long texts; then again a long text is really just condensed on the screen & would probably take 2-3 minutes to actually say, certainly no more than 5.
also realized that people who go for online dating seem to get bored quite easily and would think they could do better and look for a new one immediately. When the spark is gone, when reality strikes in again, they go for a new one to go back to that honeymoon phase.
Unfortunately, we're moving to this direction whether we like it or not but I also believe that there are more pleasing people somewhere who also choose to stay out of online dating so not all of the people in your app are your left options in real life.
Online dating overall is a scam and a great waste of time for men.
True
....and a waste of time for women ;-)
I love it 😘
Unless you are a good looking white male
@@oaklandsoldier8520 Women feel all wealthy men to be good-looking.
Since there's a threshold for creepiness, where's the gold digger threshold on the other graph?
Yes I was wondering why there was no comparable derogatory term for such women, after all the genders are equal no?
Dam right! Just another tactic to try to chop men down. Ageism
Someone feels call out!
@@tararoslee2022 So how do we know that your name represents who you are? Ive seen people from Central Africa misrepresent who they are, and Asian women routinely do that.
Why am I tagged in this?
I used the app for about one month. Not one single match for me, which was super good for my self-esteem. I gave up entirely-if I don't magically bump into someone to like I will just have to learn to love being alone.
+Laura Bennett Hang in there Laura!
+Laura Bennett Patience. I will admit. When I first started I got no likes. It really made me bitter. I quit and few months went by and I came back. Updated my profile and I got a few likes. I realize then that I should update my profile/pics every month or so. I also get the opinions of my friends. Just keep at it.
Creepy? it was very common for a 40 year old man to marry 20 years olds, 80 years ago... a man wasn't established till around 40 years of age, and a 40 year old women was not a good choice to get pregnant and start a family with.... And Online, men have to send out 200 messages a day! To get one single reply!
5tonyvvvv Yeah why like someone only not reply to them after receiving a message? If women do get hundreds of matches, then they should sharpen the horizon by being more particular to whom theu like, that way they aren't bombarded with messages to narrow down who may be Mr. Right and also not wasting potential matches time, effort and energy.
World of No Borders wasting men's time and soaking up attention for validation IS why most women use the apps. Women don't need these apps beyond casting a wider net for rich men. Being rich is the only way to get women, basically.
I disagree with Dawoon's claim that men go after younger women. Men go after looks, not age. Whether a beautiful woman is 22 or 31 is immaterial. I promise you that most older men are not intentionally trying to hook up with a 22 year old. I believe that the majority of men actually prefer a significant other who is within their age range, but the problem is there's fewer prototypical physically available attractive women as age increases.
As an older woman looking 20 years younger than I am and regularly being complimented on my looks, I can tell you sir, you are mistaken.
I could hardly cross the street without being literally harassed, 5, 10 times a day from the age of 11 ( 😩) to roughly 27. Then it subsided to everything other day. And my experience online is absolutely as they say. I set up another account where I am 26, same profile, just to see if there would be a difference. Well there is a difference and it is huge.
Men do go for younger women.
@@carinecampier but if these men saw and met you in person, I believe they would recognize the beauty that you are still carrying as you've aged, and I feel that many would choose you over much younger girls
@@jamesselden5407 as we say in French, with IFs you can put Paris in a bottle. And again, my experience in real life has been different. It’s been 11 years now since I have been trying to find a new life partner, and, men my age who were perfectly happy dating me, literally said to my face that they wanted a younger woman to settle and have kids with. To. My. Face.
@@carinecampier I’m a 40 y/o physician who makes a good income and I only date women at least 10 years younger. Younger girls are hotter than women my own age.
I can’t believe anybody says otherwise when it’s so obvious.
@@David-fw4ly You seem like a real catch. 😂
The other thing about online dating is that there a lot of fake profiles too. Over the seas people trying to rip you off- be careful. 😩
Thanks !!
I think someone said it in the comment section. You can not completely trust a person you met online. Most of the people who I've heard are in relationships from online dating: one is very bossy and the other very passive. I think the bossy person was able to hide this trait for as long as possible and ended up in a relationship...
It looks like singles are afraid of getting hurt so they are not putting much effort in. However some people are doing this on purpose because they are not that into you. I enjoyed this video ♡
welp that's scary
Online dating is a way to meet people. I've been doing it for about 2.5 years....2 years of that has been during the pandemic, so.... It is a way to MEET people but of course the real MEETING is in person. Chatting is one thing, in person is another. Once the actual MEET takes place, it doesn't matter that you met online. Sadly, as I live in a small geographic area and don't want to move or drive for hours, my options have been limited. I have learned quite a bit about what I am looking for, and I remain optimistic...although my experience has been that 95% of the men I have met I am not interested in seeing again.
heres the truth: theres nothing beautiful about online dating
😂😂😂
Online dating allows you the possibility of interacting with someone you would never meet otherwise for instance if they live in a foreign country or live far away from your home town.
Hy5 hy5
I like the fact that on dating apps both people know each other's purpose. It's much easier to ask someone out which opens the door of further opportunities. If unfortunately you're rejected it's easy to move on.
So that's why I've had such a wonderful experience with online dating. My one hard and fast rule: Must write in sentences.
It helps to write and speak in complete sentences.
For men it's called "Threshold of Creepiness," but for women it's simply "Cougar." You go girl! That's what women say when a 40 year old woman finds a 25 year old boy toy. My sister is dating a guy younger than her son. They met online. The hypocrisy is breathtaking.
In most women’s world the concept of a “2 way street”
Simply doesn’t exist
Everything is a ONE way street and we men are the ones being driven down that street
We have become slaves to our dicks
"Cougar" isn't a compliment. It's just another animalistic name for women. It just means an older, predatory woman.
Both are wrong, no need to get emotional
Just advertising their product/service. Go out and talk to real people. Online dating is superficial, you miss the chemistry aspect of actually connecting with someone. Go out, live your life, and when the opportunity presents itself give it yourself:) much love peace.
wrong. Internit is the true face of the real life. People don't need to lie or be nice. Either in real life or on the internet a woman will reject a short guy. But in real life she will feel the need to reject him nicely or lie in order to not get punched.
Couldnt agree more
@Dela Flowers Who cares how it looks. I know a couple where the wife is taller and as long as they're happy, what difference does it make how others view them.
@@daytonasixty-eight1354 Agreed. AI could help us to find a person that matches our personality. To seek the exact value outside could be hardly possible so it's good if we can seize the platform.
Online Dating is an instant open door that requires patience in waiting for the right one for you!
I think it’s important to say something I’ve found out during the past 2 years, although I have left my online profile as a somewhat lengthy one, despite this.
I think that part of the reason for this fear, at least for some, is the growing problem of narcissistic abuse.
I had to learn about narcissism the hard way, through my family of origin, which I am now mostly disassociated with, for my own wellbeing. But, I’ve heard that online dating is chock full of narcissists. The reality, in the way narcissism works, in part is that, when you tell someone about yourself and what you’re looking for, if you’re targeted by a narcissist and many of the other predators online, they will fit that profile for you - for the express purpose of getting into your life, sapping you dry and moving on to the next target.
This is a very painful and lonely realization for me as, I’m now in my mid-fifties. There are no checks and balances and vetting by friends and family, as there would’ve been when I was younger. It is completely up to me to make the proper or deadly choice of evaluating a possible partner. There are people who feel that, where narcissism is concerned, all you need to do, if you find yourself with a predator is to leave and that you’d find out in short order, like a few weeks or a few months. But, the reality, such as in my mother’s case, is that it can take many years or decades to realize what you’re dealing with. Particularly when dealing with the most dangerous type of narcissist, which is vulnerable or covert.
So, while some people may fear rejection, others actually fear meeting someone, despite being a members of dating sites and it isn’t always fear that their dreams may come true. It can be fear that they find themselves enmeshed in something that even law often fails to catch up with and acknowledge.
I'm mid 50's too. 27yrs and just found out my hubby is a covert.
Has been a nightmare.
Now I know what it is, it's hard to stay when u know they won't change.
Every year he throws the divorce word around. I might call his bluff!
@@nicolamills8003 my mother died a few weeks ago. So, Chapter 1 is over. However the residuals immediately began with Chapter 2, dealing with a younger sister.
I really try to use the word narcissist cautiously. It’s often become a term used by people who want to sound like they know WTF they’re talking about, yet don’t. HOWEVER, it has been such a roller coaster ride, since our mother’s death.
She sent me an email saying our mother died, didn’t communicate for a week and I had to call the police, several churches, several funeral homes and the medical examiner 3 times and it was they who were worried she might be trying to represent herself as the only next of kin.
Since that time, it’s been her seeming to feel she is making the decisions and asking if I intended to move into one of the 2 properties, as if her name is even on the one she may be living in. As soon as I let her know I filed probate, she lost it. I only want to ensure we BOTH get out due. But, in all likelihood, she’s losing her mind, because she probably cannot afford to live in one property, without renting or selling the one I was to receive - so the war is on.
She has turned into a cornered animal, when I am not trying to hurt her at all as I feel we were BOTH hurt by our parents and we should end the pain. But she knows nothing, nor wants to know anything about that. I am trying to not call her a narcissist. Perhaps, she’s just in a frightened situation. But, I am smelling narcissism, in it’s multiple forms here.
I hope you are well on your way out, even if emotionally. You DO NOT wish to grow old, with a narcissist in your midst!
@@privateprivate8366 oww, you poor thing.
You always feel to tread carefully cos of the eggshells ay, but I've realised, no matter what u say.. There are ALWAYS egg shells.
I wish you all the best with probate.
If she can't afford it.. Tell her she needs a flat mate or sell and move.
There r ways.
Starting to heal with Dr ramani and Carter, being my daily therapy!
He wants to sell and divorce, the next chapter will be one of no egg shells!!
I'm in new Zealand, so at least it's a nice country...
Good luck
And I've agreed.
I'm off.
Can't do it anymore.
@@nicolamills8003 there are. It seems continuous and I’ve had to learn to battle narcissism in the workplace and make ‘em run also.
As of today, I don’t know what she can afford, based upon info from where my mother banked. They knew who my mother was, by name only, probably told me a bit too much and want to call me back for more info as, they didn’t know my mother died. But, I won’t be providing information. There’s possible trouble for her and I don’t want to worsen that for her. Apparently, she and my mother had a joint account, however, the bank may have some “concerns”.
People shoot YT learning down and, no, it doesn’t give you a degree in psychology. But, it has saved my life. I would not even know this behavior had a name, let alone no cure and that I should run TF out of it as, there is no cure.
Take care and get yourself out. The alternative is quite the poor plan.
Everyone wants a rich, beautiful, glamorous movie star - but since when do people who fit that description use dating sites?
A A Q I know right. It’s like a the women on there think they can find brad Pitt. They are on there cause they are picky. But most of the profiles are fake any way and full of bots.
I've know people that did irl.
Let's be honest, girls on dating sites don't even bother reading your bio unless they find you attractive. There is a huge pool of guys to choose from, they wont settle on a 5 or below.
Would you?
I'm only a 3.2, so I guess that's why dating sites don't work for me.
@@LittleMissHoop yes
@@LittleMissHoop So where are the matching women who DO respond or initiate?
@@luukvanbastenbatenburg395 They are out there. I am one of them and did meet my current guy on a dating site. He was the ONLY one who actually asked me out on a date, in person. The other dudes just texted forever. For the record, and to toot my own horn yes, he tells me 'I would not have believed that there are girls of your caliber on Tinder"
Great talk!! I like how they gave us workable solutions and left us feeling hopeful and inspired. Great job!
online dating is for casual relations. a women will never fully trust a man that she met online.
Online dating is a worst of time in energy.. I've heard some people say I'm not looking for anybody in particular I'm just here to waist time.. You can waist time on facebook,twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc.. Why would you come to a online dating platform and try to use it as a social media outlet...
Many of are dating app users are not want to date..
They are just lonely &want to talk with someone stranger 😐
I am an engineer and was sad to hear about their data for us :(. anyone else out there feel the same?
+George Chiu I'm a software engineer, and it blew me away that there was no interest. I guess women on online dating don't care for sciences.
+Anthony Barrera their loss in my opinion.
Haha I'm a 20 year old girl and I actually did meet an engineer online and I liked him. He was smart and relaxed. I don't think he liked me back, but all I am trying to say is, there is still hope!
Thanks for the glimmer in the dark 👍
I wonder if that's also true for women occupations.
I can open my mind to all people, but most do not return the same favor. I will never go back to online dating because too many people lie. No relationship of trust can start with lies.
I've always been anti-dating apps b/c their only taking advantage of singles and their vulnerability. It's easy to create something that you expect to help so many people like an app but if you don't look at the center focus on why you're creating it then you hurt more people that are already broken. These apps only invite more predators, don't trust it.
So true, the apps main goal is to not work as its intended
Since when is it creepy for a 27 year old man to like a 21 year old woman?
The fact of the matter is, online dating sites give women the attention they crave. That's all it has ever been about.
Sure people get lucky and make a connection, but online dating gives woman option overload. They get to feel their hypergamous oats to the max.
What do you find threatening about women exploring their options of choice?
she can indulge her hypergamous oats as much as she wants,
but she's gonna taste my man porridge.
@@donaldfewell9929 He doesn't find it threatening, moron, he's saying they're wasting men's time by being attention whores and not going on dates.
I need to apply to be the damn audio engineer. There is such a huge amount of annoying feedback.
you might get paid a lot but women will not be attracted to you..
J
Jim Robert They’re unlikely to give that job to someone who doesn’t know the difference between feedback, and ground-loup hum.
frodev Good one! The track could have used some Dobly too.
Randy Fricke showing your age there haha 😉
Most people online dating are looking for attention. Not even interested in dating. Some are looking for free meals. Most are looking for unicorns, A few are looking for realistic relationships. But wading through the majority of ghost and fake profiles, wasting time on people looking for flattery takes a lot of time in the hope of finding any serious profiles. It's a big waste of time.
Excellent lecture. In short, if you don’t explain who you are and what you want, you won’t find anyone that’s compatible! Tell us something about YOU....
You do not need to spend much time to realise, that online dating sucks.
online dating is for the birds. leave it to them n the remaining alpha men. it'll improve the species in the end. evolutionarionary biology 101
Haha good one mate, only this video, which contrary to your statement uses actual data, proves the opposite.
I have a crazy idea. How about "don't do online dating". Especially if you're a man.
ah! how come women don't like Engineers and Scientists?
Amaranth Bliss can i get your number?
cuz they are the nerds and doctors lawyers and financial guys are the cool guys..
Unless they are engineers or scientists themselves?
They don't make nearly as much money as you think they would. And they are mostly nerds I would think .
I like intelligent men. Was married to an engineer.
But what about the part where men go after younger women and women go after higher salaries (personally I like engineers and scientists ); how does this relate to the premise that people need to be more open and share more?
Creepy? it was very common for a 40 year old man to marry 20 years olds, 80 years ago... a man wasn't established till around 40 years of age, and a 40 year old women was not a good choice to get pregnant and start a family with.... And Online, men have to send out 200 messages a day! To get one single reply!
I think those were the points to attract audience's attention and to give a sample data indicating their theory is valid and backed by data.
What about it? I prefer younger women with higher salaries. Check that. Younger women WITH MONEY
I like women between 35 and 55
Rectification : You like HOT engineers and CUTE scientists. Women tend to forget to tell the physical part comes before anything else.
Come on. This is so not true. I'm indeed among the one sending and receiving long novels on these apps. Witty comebacks, great banter but it doesn't work. People ghost on you. Sometimes you ghost on someone. It is indeed shallow and there comes a point of saturation.
Nirvaana CoffeeAddict just don’t try to hard though. Don’t be to funny, if a woman’s looking for something serious you need to balance the humour with deep open revelations. If you compliment her, don’t use cheesing lines or laugh it off, own it and mean it. Of course some humour is warranted but don’t make everything into a joke :) Also we tend to copy the behaviour of what people have done to us online. Don’t do this you end up being that person online you don’t like. Strike while the irons hot and follow things through. People get bored after 5 minutes, these days.
Nirvaana CoffeeAddict I hear what you are saying. I do not agree with what the presenter said about a lengthier profile being better. IMO, the stereotypes mentioned are more what online sites are about. Outside of those, it almost won't matter what you say and how revealing you are.
I'm not saying you can't make a connection, but it is more the exception than the rule if and when you do. Online dating sites are superficial, not natural and are more akin to a job application. Also, one is giving much more info than they normally would to someone they've just met, let alone someone they haven't met.
But, online you're giving that info to anyone and everyone who sees your profile, not just a potential love interest. Everyone is learning about you. Could be a co-worker stumbles across your profile or even your boss. It wasn't meant for them, but there it is.
If you're out and about and you catch someone's eye and there seems to be an attraction, you are not going to walk over and give them the complete 411 on yourself and neither will they.
You sense a mutual interest before you open your mouth. You ease your way into a conversation and decide what you're comfortable sharing. It won't be a bio right out of the gate and if you have a "great sense of humor and love to laugh," you won't have to TELL them, they will SEE it.
Online dating is backwards; it's more the cart before the horse.
@@KofWands2QofCups Generally, 90% of the conversations I start that last at least a week die instantly and randomly for no reason. I'd assume they either found someone they think is more interesting or they are just using you for attention.
@@rachaelstanley7986 Wrong. You ask them any earlier than that and they say something like "we only just started talking". You can't really judge how long you can wait because some girls are extremely skittish to meet some guy offline in a public place. Which boggles my mind. It works sometimes. I've met girls the next day but most of the time it's a hard no.
@@rachaelstanley7986 Depends. Some only respond once a day. It can take 10 days to get all that information. I honestly think that most people just use online dating as a game or something to do when they are bored. You can have a decent convo with someone and then you ask them out and they disappear only to message you a week later. Then you ask them again and they disappear again.
Heard a lot from women who have tried this online dating or men looking for women who own their houses. They want what you have. Be careful ladies.
Me dating someone my own age (currently 42):
Date one: $100 dinner & drinks "All men are pigs."
Date two: $100 dinner & drinks "All men are pigs."
GHOSTED.
Me not dating for 6-8 months.
Just do coffee dates.
Obviously. (Or perhaps not, for some men, apparently.)
Date younger women.
I shouldn't have to rely on technology to find the one
Women complain that men likes women just for looks but at the same time, if we say we don't think they are that pretty but like them for their personality, then you wouldn't like it! Same is not true for how women who like men for money. If a women says to a man that she likes him for his personality and don't care about his money, he would love it! A lot of women don't understand how much they get away with because men are attracted to them physically/visually. If we don't like you for your looks, then you'd have to actually be nice to us and work a lot harder for us to like you. The truth is you want us to like you for your looks! so stop complaining about it! Also, different men have different tastes. There is a man out there who thinks you are physically attractive. It's just a matter of if you are willing to date them.
Glad I finished the video before coming to a premature conclusion.
After many years of dating and being married, I think I have found the answer, find someone you hate and give her a house. Then move on to the next one.
Monetizing relationships is what I call the threshold of creepy
If you put their names together it means beautiful in Korean... Arum Dawoon (아름다운)
Looks like they're sisters... Amazing how their parents named them (Beautiful) Arum & Dawoon 😍
I think these aren't common names in Korea?
Exactly!
There are girls who are attracted to nerdines and intelligence!!
None near me...
not online lol
Ara Cho Art
So, how many times did you watch "Revenge of the Nerds?" Because what you're saying isn't true, it's a Hollywood fantasy. You know, "Make Believe!" 🤣🤣
Yes, there are.
@@squamish4244 🤣🤣🤣
This is a text book case on why "WOMEN DON'T GET IT"
The biggest factor is missing: men do all the work... or as female dating couch Keiza Nobel says-- "when it comes to dating WOMEN DO NOTHING, NOTHING!
Keith Moriyama Nobel is a con artist, dude.
There are apps where women make the first move.
"threshold of creepiness." It's good to see she isn't judgemental.
The irony of this "creepy" factor is that the statistics showed that younger women were more attracted to men with higher salaries (aka older men).
The first graph showed only women of what age men like the most. The second graph was about professions and income of men. Do you only read statistics about sugarbaies/sugardaddies? When it comes to serious relationships women mostly like guys their own age. However women in their 30s, 40s etc. actually like younger men. Men's physical prime is between 25 and 30.
@@yanadre9154 - justify the wall however you like...
I agree with one gents comment here. A man asking a woman how to get and keep a woman is like asking a prison guard the best way to escape.
Aww, this was so sweet! Thank you for this talk! It all makes so much more sense now :-)
I tried online dating once, it didn't work. So I tried it again, and before I knew it - I ended up married, middle aged and with more in number than we had - when we met. Now what do we do!??? When everyone swore "online dating didn't work", there was no way I was expecting all this, as an outcome!
I was about to reply at the beginning of this before they got into breaking down the data and say the people that are single are single because they aren’t truly open to the experience. I was really into someone for about a week and heavily exchanging messages back and forth. We set a date and I got all dressed up and then spent 2 hours waiting at the restaurant for them to show up. They then blocked me on everything. And of course I was hurt and I though I did something wrong even though just the night before we were laughing for hours on the phone. But they just weren’t ready. And two weeks later I met my now girlfriend and we’re now moving in together. Will it work out, I sure hope so but the important part is that we’re truly open with each other and to the relationship. Like things people usually hide for a while or permanently from a partner. And it’s been the best relationship I’ve had. And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been dating off and on through online dating for 7 years. This is my third relationship started through it. And some might see that as a failure but I had a relationship for almost 4 years with someone that I met online. At a certain people things don’t work out because of the people not because of the way they met. It works if you want it to and you’re open and your standards are true to who you want to find. Just some food for thought if you’re struggling with finding someone. It may be awhile but don’t be afraid to be open.
You can't generalize men's and women's experiences in online dating. A cute female will get massive attention, a decent looking man can get none. Women get tons of emails, men get very few. It's night and day.
Men like younger women because generally speaking after 30 women tend to hit the wall, what that means is that their looks start to decline.. especially Caucasian women.. that is a no brainier.
The only problem is when you never get like by anyone. So your just alone and cant message anyone.
I do those things and still have been single for years
Want an advice?
I remember her pitching an online dating deal, with two others that might have been her sisters, on "Shark Tank." Super smart woman! I'm pretty sure Mark Cuban offered to buy 100% of her Co. for 30 million.
What raises a smile with me is, women say 'Men only care about what a woman looks like', yet they universally refuse to respond to initiate contact with any man that doesn't include a picture of themselves. The men might have written the most interesting or appealing profile yet they won't even entertain the notion. I have seen many women upload photos with heavy make up, romantic blurring and outright photo-shopping. I would never consider having any contact with a woman no matter what if she 'mutilates' her own image in a publicly view-able space. I would also be wary of those who post overtly sexual or revealing pictures. Who exactly do they want to attract?
The problem I encounter is, when I go out, I get approached by women in the 25 to 35 year age range. These I generally would consider too young. Yet when I have managed to meet and get to know women closer to my own age, they have all had a problem stating that when in public they feel slightly embarrassed to appear to have selected a man much younger than themselves. I was accused by one womans' family of being an obvious gold digger toy-boy, even though we both had the same job, the same income and I was 4 years older than the woman. I do agree a greater proportion of men than would be preferable go for women who are much younger than themselves, but generally women also prefer a man to be (and appear to be) around 7 to 10 years older than them too.
I have used dating sites, mainly to get a sense of who uses them. I never upload a photograph for public view. My feeling is, if they won't even talk to a man because they don't know what he looks like, then I wouldn't want to know them anyway. In truth, generally most say I look much younger than my chronological age. I am fit healthy with a flat stomach in my mid 50's. Generally I get described as 'Not bad' with some thinking better than 'Good' because of my fair hair and blue eyes. I don't particularly like to go to drinking establishments to meet women, I really dislike the fact that women too often seem to need to drink heavily to overcome their reticence. It would matter to me how attractive a woman was, if she can hardly walk or talk in a public space due to alcohol use. I'm not interested and never would be, even if I later met them sober.
I do read profiles and find some fascinating and appealing as someone I would enjoy getting to know generally. I have chatted with 'some' women on forums etc (not dating sites) and have even met a couple of women who I then had a 'longish' relationship with. In my view men are more open to meeting 'friends' online whereas though most women say they want friendship, they rarely if ever bother to respond to anyone they are not romantically interested in. They seem to lack the confidence to believe they could control the relationship after initial contact should it not become romantic, or less than rewarding for them. One thing I think would be more helpful in online dating sites is, not only to see the profile, but to see who they like and dislike. I think you would get more a sense of someone's personality that way. I think dating sites should organise online activities, so that just as in the real world you can get to know a group of people that way and then refine your choices. Virtual tours, talks and post talk discussions or simple games etc
I have replied to men that do not post a picture of themself because I liked what they had to say. Being compatible is very important to me having some shared interests and beliefs. I am in my early sixties and got a lot of messages. I do look 20 years younger than most of my age group yet know most men responded based on my looks never read my profile. Many were years younger and I prefer someone along the continuum along my life stage. I feel that I am selected just because of my looks and if I post no pictures no interest and of course being older is not ideal for getting a response. I will still try online dating and remain positive...need a mindmeld, please, Mr. Spock...it could happen.
Warning: below you will find people who aren't picking the right people on dating sites (and in real life) and then complaining about their past dates/matches. You have been warned.
very good talk. straight to the point, interesting and supported by data. not just empty words you've heard before.
Agreed, except that she summed it up with what she was told by people who had to defend their short profiles. So the answers concluded, "They were afraid". The people were not asked to study their actions or use any scientific approach to reach their conclusion. In my experience I have noticed that people asked to judge themselves often give themselves the excuse their ego can handle and an excuse that is easy to explain and have accepted. I think her summary is flawed.
I feel like your personal experience and the speakers summary actually go hand-in-hand. Why do you think people give themselves excuses their ego can handle? Because they are scared of confronting things thier ego cant handle.. like rejection.
@@nicoaa2522 I ditched online dating a few years ago. Started using it in the early 2000's when I left home as a way to meet people and for the last 5 years I didn't put any information other than the drop menu stuff and a few pictures. Was I scared or did I simply think, what's the point of writing a nice profile for a bunch of bots, scammers and abandoned profiles that all of these sites use to say "look how popular we are!". Now the FTC is suing the owners of Match and about 45 other dating sites for the fake and scam profiles they have been using to persuade users to upgrade to a paid membership to see or message the fake profiles. It's all been a scam for a good 10+ years now.
Well I'm a 36 year old single woman who is online dating, guess I'm doomed 😒
Online dating is only about looks. Totally.
Yep, still doesn't work. I'm done with online dating. Doesn't work.
you make it sound so easy I've talked to over 3,000 people most of them fake
Great Video! Keep up the great work!
I know a lot of women who use online dating apps for popularity. That's why I quit
It's an ego boost. I know of women who are in relationships that use them for "I still got it" ego boosts, some even use it to set up their next bf before leaving their current.
So true, there are many women, and I'm sure men too that use it for ego
I would think that the succes of online dating depends on the type of dating app you're using. If you go for "looks"-apps, and you're not a looker, you'll probably fail. Go for apps, where people write about themselves more. In the end, looks are not that important - it's the chemistry between you that counts.
My opinion online dating is only good if you're female. As a man there's no point in even trying online, the girls there are looking for someone perfect on biography, not what you're actually like in person. I'm not trying to be vain but I'd consider myself to be a really good looking dude, and I've tried online dating for 2 years now and it's damn struggle I have no idea what these girls are looking for online.
theyre all trying to find that 6'6" guy so they can better their girlfriends. theyre all competing against their girlfriends
If they're mid-20s or older, looks aren't everything. Stable career, no kids, looking for something semi-serious are generally the minimum.
ChiCityLady So, basically money.
ChiCityLady what is said and what is done are two different things a lot of times, especially in (online) dating.
Jayson T Vanity upfront, financial security after that box is checked
It depends on people and their needs. What they are looking for. I always wanted my person to be loyal to me and protect me. Stand by my side and aspire me to become what I want, to become the best version of me.with these little thoughts I when joined dive-soul matching app, and many matches appeared but the very first match I started talking to, he brought magic to my life, really. He is what I always wanted. My shining bright light of hope and love✨✨✨✨✨
Very solid TED Talk. One of the best I've seen in years. Kudos 👏👏
if you are an average looking female or better, online dating is great. The sense of abundance and ongoing validation that even average women get from these sites must be wonderful.
Not really...
A female friend consistently whipes right on Tinder for a day:
30 matches 23 messages.
I do the same for a week , 7 matches, 3 messages.
3 look like Donkeys 🤷🏽♂️
You did well, I got 2 donkeys and 1 elephant from 6 months of relentless swiping
@@cocojumbo197 😂😂
When you describe people as animals, any sympathy goes out of the window. It's a shame you got ANY responses at all.
The problem with online dating as most know is because there are so many liars out there! People with a narcissistic personality disorder posing is a nice people.
all the couples at the end all looked like they had professional jobs all good looking ,not your average couple..
So, here is a harsh reality of dating and life. We start dating to find a friend, a companion, a lover in a person... But as any relationship gets serious and gearing towards marriage, finance do come into play as you both start managing your money together and eventually when you raise kids it's more important to manage money wisely. In my personal opinion a man and a woman should equally contribute to household. But there might be many people, who would stay at home for better upbringing of their children and since it's many a times woman's decision to do so, they naturally tend to seek men with higher income. This is my personal opinion and in no way intend to clash with people's personal opinion.
I never got anything out of CMB. I just use Okcupid...went on a whole bunch of dates and still single right now lol
+YP Liu I actually had the opposite happen. My CmB profile does so much better than OkCupid profile.
Yun I use both app but never seen you
I found Ok Cupid to be a washout.
Great talk. Love that everything was backed up with data. :)
Pfft. I've done everything they recommended, been open, vulnerable, and reveal who i really am. and in 7 years, have had no success whatsoever. Some people are just unlovable
The feels
Was almost scientific until the end, when we suddenly take a bit of a guess and some anecdotal 'evidence' that people are 'scared'. If we're guessing, I reckon it's more to do with time invested and the return from that effort. Let's face it, the final deciding factor in dating isn't who wrote what and how. It's what you look like.
Good-looking people don't have to try so hard to write fancy profiles. Women don't have to try as hard as men. Good-looking women know they don't have to try at all. Often their profile will be simply: 'Ask me', yet they will be inundated.
Less attractive people soon learn that making a big effort with your profile and messages is a dodgy investment, so they stop bothering.
So i opened up
Tried my hardest
Give all the love i can give
Years go by....
Now what?
Keep going.
Have to know when to hold them and when to fold them. Right now its folding time.Woman's love is easily broken today even for attractive men.
Back in 2019 I lived in a big city, got on PoF, had 5-6 different dates, found a girlfriend who actually lived a 90 minute drive from me. 2021 moved to smaller city, went on PoF, got one date and messaged at least 30-40 women and made zero progress. I think I'm going to move back to the bigger city. PoF can be a bit weird at times.
I feel I am attractive enough and have opened up on my profiles without getting overly lengthy, yet I never received the responses most women get. I stopped using online dating because I got tired of meeting duds, or worse. Every once in a while I will get an urge to try but only for a few days so never get to the point of actually meeting someone. It is just not for me and wasted too much time when I could be doing something fun or productive.
Hi Rita
Rita I hear you. I have met SO many duds!
I have a lengthy profile and its all true and honest, every msg i send is thought out and spacific to the person, and i never bat out of my league.... and never even a hi back, nevermind a thoughtful response... oh and i genuinly want a relationship and profile reflects that
It is so true. I've only been doing this for a little while and I have come to the same conclusions as these two ladies.
It is like a damn meat market. It is set up so you only see the pictures at first and then scroll down to the profile. So I'll be browsing and see someone that looks nice or has an interesting picture. If I scroll down and they only have a few words, 9 times out of 10 I will skip them.
Hate the dating apps that only give 3 prompts to make your profile diffrent.
Personally had a lot of success in real life, but way less online. That's simply a law of supply and demand, ECO 101. In real life, and assuming a balanced location (ie not the silicon valley), the supply and demand for men and women is pretty equal. Therefore, on average, a 6 will get a 6 and a 9 will get a 9. Online, the equilibrium point is very different. The demand for guys is lower due to women's higher standards than men. The demand for girls gets higher. The supply of women drops compared to men due to the fact that there are more men than women on dating sites. (2x more on Tinder). The result is a shortage of women and a surplus of men for a shifted equilibrium point to the right, where women become more valuable. In this new market, an 8, man would get a 6, women for instance. So if you're a dude just don't waste your time on a saturated market. There are plenty of places with a reverse logic! ;)
Excellent!!! Great job!
Okay so after 12 minutes and 12 seconds of this video my phone is finally charged enough to allow me turn the other way on my bed