I left my abusive husband November 11, 2012 ...I felt like a million dollars when I finally got the nerve to leave him. I lost who I was as a mother , a woman , a sister , a friend and most importantly a woman of God. I give all praise to my creator for giving me the strength to leave and to find myself all over again.
I am a very private,introverted person and I'd never overshare. Iyanla doesn't understand that it can also be a life saver for young people's lives...all those memes, pages, links...It starts with nasty ,bitter memes but it progresses to the nicer, hopeful ones untill it reaches fun and loving ones. In this journey , providing that you are a keen reader, you will find pathways to healing. Either through philosophy, eastern or western religions, gurus, preachers, psychologists, life coaches..they all 'advertise' themselves on social media, which is an awesome oppotunity if you ask me. Blessings can come from different sources, as long as you're willing to receive them,but so can the curses. Sharing your pain online and be opened for insensitive remarks is noth a path to healing,but it might be a path to understanding some things about the crowd surrounding you one day when you are finally healed.
I remember feeling like this at the end of a 10 year marriage 10 years ago. I adjusted and learned to accept the gift of a "good" bye. That acceptance set me free and gave me a new lease on life!!! Be ye encouraged 🙏🏽💝✨
A Harrison My journey ....I would say it took me roughly right at a year. Especially, once I found out they’d been together the last 5 years of my marriage and had a 1 yo child together. The queen in me, inherently understood he’d betrayed me long before and all the in-clings from my intuition were spot on, although he reasoned them away. I listened and cried daily to the MJB Growing Pains CD (mostly on my home from work) until I found my strength, until I no longer cried. ‘Just Fine’ became my anthem, I decided to eat better, worked on my revenge body and got to living MY BEST LIFE! I concentrated on ME (no man was allowed during my rediscovery period). Of course, they’re in love, married, overweight, he had a child on her (KARMA) and they’re the epitome of “struggle love”. In the beginning, it hurts like a mf, but honey let ME tell YOOOU, let that raggedy ish go and watch how the tables will turn. Your healing is in your release of not wanting someone who doesn’t honor nor deserve you. It will get better as SOON as you LET IT GO! She who laughs last, laughs best! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#BELIEVETHAT #WINNING
@@MegaMsLittle ok thanks. I'm at the MJB not gone cry and the car scene of waiting to exhale stage😂 but day by day I feel myself getting better. Just really trying to work on emotional regulation and how to not let myself get so wrapped up like the last time
A Harrison Ask yourself what does self love look/feel like to you? I started treating myself very well - I looked good for me, I traveled to the next city or next continent ALONE, I kept promises to myself, went back to school, received 2 degrees with honors, etc. You have to learn to trust, honor, depend on you, stop lying to yourself about things and situations. Can’t nobody treat YOU better than YOU! Once you figure out what that’s all about, you WILL NOT accept anything less from anyone else. You won’t be afraid to walk away from less than what you will do for yourself. I know it’s fresh, it’s tough but so is staying in unhealthy relationships and mindsets. I was wounded too, but I’m on the other side of through! The more whole you become, the more whole the next will be, because like attracts like. I encourage you to query self love affirmation and recite until it’s a belief for you. Say them, write them, look in the mirror and talk to yourself, you better spend more concentrating on the reality you want!!! That’s how you keep from getting caught up 👏🏽 “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time” ~Maya Angelou
@@MegaMsLittle Whew, yes Mam. Great points I am going to try those things. I promised myself that I would start doing meditation and I am going to try to learn a second language. I am going to set goals for myself with dates beside them, I am going to start focusing on the things that have been on my to do list for years. Thank you for your encouragement
I SO NEEDED THIS! I’m going through this NOW. I gave so much of myself to someone and they left and i feel broken, destroyed, depressed and just lost. I have no joy. This video was so ON TIME. Especially today because this morning i saw online that this person was with another person intimately yesterday for Xmas. It was like a gut punch to my soul. But i need to move on now, it’s been three months since the breakdown of this relationship and I’m tired of being tired! I just pray i have the strength to do it. Knowing they are happy while I’m miserable is so painful but i have to use that as motivation to take back what i gave to them so freely. It’s just so hard because i still love and miss them but the feeling isn’t mutual.
You are not alone hope this prayer can help you: God Thank you for promising to sweep away the ashes of my past and give me something beautiful in their place.I choose to give them up to you and receive your healing and restoration in my life.In Jesus Name Amen
your going to be just fine, yes it hurts an it hurts for a long time how ever in time your going to get true .try very hard not to go on social media to look at this persons post it would only set you back. remember its not how you fall but how you rise.which i could say more that wold make you happy now but i cant.just take your time getting over that person an look after your self. someday my friend karma going to fix things an you would have a front seat to the movie.just work on your self betterment .
Omg she is just soooo brilliant. This truly is her life’s calling....expressing difficult complicated feelings, history , damage .....her wisdom, compassion, intellect, wit, humour, energy are magic ✨💫✨💫
Just left a man 3 days B4 Xmas who was jealous, controlling, manipulative & possessive. I almost married him thank god I dodged that bullet! I seen the signs early. #SignsOfAbuse🚫
There are so many youtube videos out there that talk about this kind of thing, but NONE are as helpful as this. What a beautiful lesson! I will take every bit of it and use it. And omg your speaking and seeing you feels like a loving mom telling me what to do and supporting me. I have friends and a mom, but you talking to me in this video feels like a warm hug and coaching moment at the same time. I will watch this again. Thank you.
Thank you 🙏🏾 I needed to hear this, this morning.. This video is helping me so much that I promise to play this video everyday until it gets better. Pray for me, times right now are very hard. 😢
You are helping me so much during this heart break . You remind me of my grandmother ,God rest her soul, who I wish was here to comfort me thru this. Thank you so much for your words.
You look so pretty and youthful.😍Thank you for your love and honesty. It hurts at times to hear the truth from you but it's needed.... Thank you and keep it coming....
My favorite quote feels so appropriate for this video that I had to share it with you all after I too was recently in a LTR & abandoned, and never saw it coming. May it help you and heal you too as it does me everytime I think of it. " Let go or be dragged. " - Zen proverb
I ended a 7 year relationship on Christmas & now I really regret it because he doesn’t want to get back together. It’s really broken me up inside & this really helped. I still hope we will reconcile but I know I need to heal myself first before I make the same bad decision again.
I’ve done everything that you mentioned in regards to letting go, but my ex-husband is a narcissist and he took my soul. I’m slowly regaining it back by taking care of me. It’s been 2 1/2 years since I left him but I’m still grieving. I understand that healing from narcissistic abuse can be worse, but it’s like I take 10 steps forward and go 5 steps backwards. I use the "low contact" method since we share a child and I keep any communication brief, unemotional and to the point. In regards to social media, I blocked him everywhere. But, I’ve also found an online community of other survivors of narcissistic abuse and I realized that I wasn’t alone. So, I’ve made it one of my life’s missions to help those who aren’t aware that they’re being emotionally manipulated. So, the things I do post about my experience, though I may be addressing him in a way, are only to bring awareness to emotional abuse - and maybe to vent a little. (Gotta get it out, right?) Either way, I’ve done everything but get professional help in my healing. Mainly because I’m not in the financial comfort zone that I will be very soon. But also cause there aren’t very many therapists that are knowledgeable on narcissistic abuse. I'm having a hard time right now and I’m doing everything in my power to be positive. Over the past 2 years, I've done every single thing you mentioned. I take trips, do what I love; take care of me; all of the above. I got new bedding, changed my hair, erased his presence from my home, etc. On a consistent basis, I watch motivational videos from the biggest names in the community, I listen to brainwave music, I do breathing exercises, I meditate, I cleanse my mind, my home, and my spirit, I speak positive affirmations, I remember gratitude; you name it!!! It’s not getting better fast enough though. 😥💔 One thing you mentioned is giving yourself time to feel it, which I do. But, I never thought about putting boundaries on those thoughts. That’s a great idea! Cause once I start thinking about him, I can wallow in it for hours or days which can lead to months of unconscious depression. I’ll remember to put a boundary on my thoughts of him. Thank you.
Gracie Phoenix Way to go! Hope you’re thriving and enjoying your narc freedom. I googled the red flags and his odd behaviors and boom-there it was...Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)! Textbook! OMG, knowledge is Power. People with this disorder are master manipulators, the epitome of wolves in sheep clothing. They are ultra sensitive, envious, controlling and critical. They lack empathy and NEVER take accountability. Stay strong and don’t look back!
Try talking to God. Prayer is a very powerful thing . It’s brought me out of my darkest moment in my life last month. Before that I don’t even remember the last time I even prayed let alone went to church. Today I am stronger than ever and will continue to get stronger every day. God truly is a refuge!!!
Mother, i left a ten years marriage and to cope from the lost, i let myself fall back into another mistake that was serving as a distraction from it all. Its now a year later and i am now starting to feel the pains , the emptinesses and the depression feelings are really kicking in. I truly love stumbling on this message today in which has once again brought light and comfort. Thank you!
Thank you for your blessing, time, energy, and being a vessel. This video is and will continue to help me heal! Found out my children father, the man I married, been with for almost 10 years has been cheating on me, on top of being in prison! This is tuff I gave him all of me and sacrificed so much for him and our family. I was a virgin when we met been faithful to him and only him, because of my personal believes. It's like I'm not sad as much anymore, more so angry with myself for being so foolish allowing less than I deserve, putting up with abuse, and not paying attention to the signs. Looking past what was being given and going off of the potential I see, instead of going off of what is being given and shown. Gotta learn I can not fix anyone! I have to heal myself and save some of me for me, before loving anyone else.
Amen! When my marriage started to break down I got right off of social media. Just signed out of all platforms and removed them from all of my devices. Best thing I could have done. Still going through the darkness so thank you for sharing these tips Ms. Iyanla!
Thank you miss Iyanla. Just what I needed to hear at this exact moment. You may be far but you are so close to my heart right now. Love and light from New Zealand. XXX 🤗
I was left by a man I just started dating after two weeks but Ms. Ilanya he told me about your programme and I handle this break up in the best way ever because of your inspiration.
Life changing advice that i had to take notes on and will be following the advice. Regaining my self and my life, so addicted to Iyanla's videos best person to help me get myself back together. Thank God for Iyanla she has helped me and helped me on my new journey.
Gm, Iyanla I sabotage a loving relationship, in which he showed me honesty, love & commitment, I brought my PTSD of being molested by multiple partners at a very young age into it, I'm heart broken feeling I lost someone, because of my lying at every turn
I am at the 3-month mark from my spilt, the first 28 days I never left my bed I was only eating 1-2 x a week if someone cooked for me, he gave me no choice but to leave him(he still brought up his ex and would sexualise woman to me on a daily basis. Sadly also the local gossips got into my head and i doubted him because when i brought these thing up he would say "whatever think what you like " I put all my heartbreak on Social media, calling him, texting him, asking him why would he do all this to me I ended up abusing him... demanding to know why he used me.... I have totally come undone at 45 yrs old ......BUT Ive had enough I want my life back, also needing to love me again, I walk, ride my bike and started a new sport.... I started the breathing and change of thought pattern back to more positive things..... we did have some really good times together and I will always love him, but there has got to be better days ahead. THANK YOU , I AM SO GLAD IVE FOUND YOU.
Trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart from a relationship that is not good for me. I gave my heart to him on a silver platter. I fell in love with him because he showed me ...so I thought...unconditional love. The mistakes I made in the relationship was used as a weapon against me. He gives me the silent treatment all the time and say hurtful things to me. The pain of walking away is so painful.
Thank you for this !! I've been in this journey for 9 months and I feel now as if I'm surfacing into a better me ! Love you 😘 you're amazing I truly believe I will do better next time I will keep myself whole 🤗❤️
first, I cry when I talk to myself for one day then take a long bubble bath then look at all the signs that were given and the words because most times we are told but ignore the truth#
Ms. IYANLA, I feel like you have channeled exactly what I'm going through right now!! I needed this message more than I could ever put in words. And also, I just have to say every single episode this season of the "R Spot" has been a message directly related to what is going on in my life. Thank you so very much. What I have learned this time, this devastating break-up is that I do NOT keep ANYTHING for myself when in a relationship, I really need to work on that and I will. Thank you so much, you are a Godsend to me.
I going through the worst break up of my life. I'm 19. I'm scrolling through twitter, contemplating death and I see this. You're an angel Iyanla. You're and angel. You're an angel. I don't have any good advice like this and you really helped me. I'm still struggling of course but at least I have a catalyst for success now.
Going thru a break up right now. 11years, its been 4 days since she left and it was for the best but it doesnt stop my heart from hurting or missing her. I just want the pain to stop but i know it takes time and your wisdom is very needed. Thank you,Namaste.
Thanks for this. I will never date, let alone enter another relationship again. That is a promise to myself . I will live the rest of my life man free which means problem free and happy
I needed to hear this and apply this in my life because I was definitely allowing my breakup to define my future and path moving forward. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you 🙏
I was in love with this man... and he was telling me he was in love with me but then he fell for my best friend. I keep asking God why i never get choosen by anyone... why won't someone love me? I am so angry.
Thank you for this. My ex is in a psychiatric ward on an involuntary hold. I reached out to your team for fix my life last year and made it to the end then dropped the ball. My ex has mental health issues leading to our breakup. I held on for years and finally let go. I feel horrible. He called me and demanded that I go to his home the night he was committed. He was yelling and sounding off. I didn't go, because in the past when I'd go he would end up getting physical. I found out the next day he was committed. I feel drained yet like I abandoned him even though he left me. He has his mental decline on Facebook and Instagram. I have no real way to transition because I am asking myself if he was of sound mind to break up with me. His family won't address his mental health and addiction issues. I don't feel right moving on yet if I stay I am unfulfilled. I am overwhelmed. It is horrible to admit, I like that he is away. I know he is getting help and unable to harm anyone. Should I just leave him alone to heal and let him reach out later or never?
Beloved Erica, please forgive this public response but I don't know how else to reach out to you since your email is not public. I want to give you what I call a line-by-line because your sharing here is so intense. You wrote: I held on for years and finally let go. Beloved, holding on is more often than not, not a sign of love. It is a sign of fear. I encourage you to examine your fears that would motivate you to stay where you are unhappy You wrote: I feel horrible. Horrible is not a feeling. It is a judgment. Do you feel horrible about staying for so long? Or, about leaving when it felt like the right thing to do. There is such a thing as being loyal to a fault. This means that your loyalty to the other person or the idea of who the other person is will motivate you to stay in a relationship long at it is necessary, productive or loving to yourself. You wrote: He called me and demanded that I go to his home the night he was committed. He was yelling and sounding off. I didn't go, because in the past when I'd go he would end up getting physical. It sounds to me like you learned a powerful lesson from past experiences . . . protect yourself. You should celebrate this choice. You wrote: I found out the next day he was committed. I feel drained yet like I abandoned him even though he left me. This my beloved sounds like a pathology or behavior pattern you probably learned as a child. Stay because you cannot leave. Well, you are an adult now and you get to choose when to stay and when to go. I also sense, you are feeling drained because you abandoned a familiar pattern of not giving in to the demands of someone who does not treat your well. Yes, leaving old patterns behavior can feel draining. You wrote: He has his mental decline on Facebook and Instagram. I have no real way to transition because I am asking myself if he was of sound mind to break up with me. Why does it matter if he was of sound mind? He left and as you said above, you have moved on. It takes a great deal to be in relationship with someone who has mental health issues. If that is your choice then I would encourage you to get some help if you plan to get back into it. You wrote: His family won't address his mental health and addiction issues. Okay . . . mental health and addiction, Beloved why would you choose this for yourself? Do you have children together? Are you married? You wrote: I don't feel right moving on yet if I stay I am unfulfilled. What do you mean when you say I don't feel right? Do you mean you feel obligated to stay? Do you feel responsible to stay? Responsible for his condition? Do you feel obligated to him? Responsible for him? And, are these the elements upon which you are choosing to build a loving relationship? You wrote: I am overwhelmed. The spiritual definition of overwhelm is trying to convince yourself that you can do something you don't believe you can do; or trying to make yourself do something that you don't want to do. In either case the experience is overwhelm. Do you feel bad leaving him because you are unfulfilled? Or, do you feel bad leaving because he is mentally ill with addiction issues? Remember that love can only blossom among equals. Your needs are as important as your partner's needs. And, it is always your responsibility to get your needs handled. You wrote: It is horrible to admit, I like that he is away. I know he is getting help and unable to harm anyone. Should I just leave him alone to heal and let him reach out later or never? Well Beloved, after you respond to each f the inquiries I have offered, I suspect you will know the answer to this question for yourself, within yourself. What I can offer you is this . . . unless you are in this relationship or any relationship for the pure joy of it, the love of it, to share the best of who you are, with the best of who your partner is, chances are the relationship will not work. Staying in a relationship from a space of obligation, responsibility, fear or resignation probably is not going to turn out well for you. Hope this helps.
Thank you for the amazing teachings you have been beautifully passing on to us. You have both helped and enlightened me in an immense way. I'm grateful to you, Iyanla. God bless you!
Hi Iyanla, i wanna thank you for your videos so much. You help me understand me and my difficult relationship more. I feel like I’m getting strong again and finding myself. Merci
Thank you for your wise words and smiling face my marriage ended 3 months ago after 31 years. You have been such a help and inspiration to me bless you ♥
wow 31years mine was 18 years ended last month I'm 44 regretting all that time every moment and care that I gave to such a bad person who has sacked all happiness out of me!!!
Very beneficial. Funny thought. In an African home, you don’t “find yourself”. Such a foreign thing to do. So in one African movie, a young woman was moping around the house, her dad got fed up and told her to go out and do something with herself (like go get a job or something).., and she replied , “I need to find myself”... to which he puzzling looked at her, and exclaimed “There! I found you! Now go!” Lol.
You look radiant Miss Iyanla!!! I listen to absolutely all your advice whether its relevant to me or not just so that i can learn and share the links with my people. Big love!! And please come to South Africa for a tour soon too! ❤
Love you Iyanla! You're an angel. So needed to hear this right now. This is my very favorite of all your wonderful videos! Thank you so, so much!!! ❤️💕🙏💕
Damn , i did everything you told me not to do. And now I'm feeling the consequence. If only I could have got to this sooner. I'm learning still but taking it one step at a time.
Thank you ilyanla...right now I'm doing for me...I come first...look forward to reading your new book...you have been an inspiration to me for many years... absolutely love watching your videos...
I left my abusive husband November 11, 2012 ...I felt like a million dollars when I finally got the nerve to leave him. I lost who I was as a mother , a woman , a sister , a friend and most importantly a woman of God. I give all praise to my creator for giving me the strength to leave and to find myself all over again.
it is easier when looking at things and being truthful praise be to God #
STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! This is so huge. We Always use it as a place to vent and get others to validate us. After a breakup is such a bad time for it.
I am a very private,introverted person and I'd never overshare. Iyanla doesn't understand that it can also be a life saver for young people's lives...all those memes, pages, links...It starts with nasty ,bitter memes but it progresses to the nicer, hopeful ones untill it reaches fun and loving ones. In this journey , providing that you are a keen reader, you will find pathways to healing. Either through philosophy, eastern or western religions, gurus, preachers, psychologists, life coaches..they all 'advertise' themselves on social media, which is an awesome oppotunity if you ask me. Blessings can come from different sources, as long as you're willing to receive them,but so can the curses. Sharing your pain online and be opened for insensitive remarks is noth a path to healing,but it might be a path to understanding some things about the crowd surrounding you one day when you are finally healed.
I actually deleted all of my social media since my breakup
I remember feeling like this at the end of a 10 year marriage 10 years ago. I adjusted and learned to accept the gift of a "good" bye. That acceptance set me free and gave me a new lease on life!!! Be ye encouraged 🙏🏽💝✨
How long did it take you? 7 years married and 6.5 years together before that. I feel shocked and broken.
A Harrison My journey ....I would say it took me roughly right at a year. Especially, once I found out they’d been together the last 5 years of my marriage and had a 1 yo child together. The queen in me, inherently understood he’d betrayed me long before and all the in-clings from my intuition were spot on, although he reasoned them away. I listened and cried daily to the MJB Growing Pains CD (mostly on my home from work) until I found my strength, until I no longer cried. ‘Just Fine’ became my anthem, I decided to eat better, worked on my revenge body and got to living MY BEST LIFE! I concentrated on ME (no man was allowed during my rediscovery period). Of course, they’re in love, married, overweight, he had a child on her (KARMA) and they’re the epitome of “struggle love”. In the beginning, it hurts like a mf, but honey let ME tell YOOOU, let that raggedy ish go and watch how the tables will turn. Your healing is in your release of not wanting someone who doesn’t honor nor deserve you. It will get better as SOON as you LET IT GO! She who laughs last, laughs best! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#BELIEVETHAT #WINNING
@@MegaMsLittle ok thanks. I'm at the MJB not gone cry and the car scene of waiting to exhale stage😂 but day by day I feel myself getting better. Just really trying to work on emotional regulation and how to not let myself get so wrapped up like the last time
A Harrison Ask yourself what does self love look/feel like to you? I started treating myself very well - I looked good for me, I traveled to the next city or next continent ALONE, I kept promises to myself, went back to school, received 2 degrees with honors, etc. You have to learn to trust, honor, depend on you, stop lying to yourself about things and situations. Can’t nobody treat YOU better than YOU! Once you figure out what that’s all about, you WILL NOT accept anything less from anyone else. You won’t be afraid to walk away from less than what you will do for yourself. I know it’s fresh, it’s tough but so is staying in unhealthy relationships and mindsets. I was wounded too, but I’m on the other side of through! The more whole you become, the more whole the next will be, because like attracts like. I encourage you to query self love affirmation and recite until it’s a belief for you. Say them, write them, look in the mirror and talk to yourself, you better spend more concentrating on the reality you want!!! That’s how you keep from getting caught up 👏🏽 “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time” ~Maya Angelou
@@MegaMsLittle Whew, yes Mam. Great points I am going to try those things. I promised myself that I would start doing meditation and I am going to try to learn a second language. I am going to set goals for myself with dates beside them, I am going to start focusing on the things that have been on my to do list for years. Thank you for your encouragement
I wish she had a podcast.
I SO NEEDED THIS! I’m going through this NOW. I gave so much of myself to someone and they left and i feel broken, destroyed, depressed and just lost. I have no joy. This video was so ON TIME. Especially today because this morning i saw online that this person was with another person intimately yesterday for Xmas. It was like a gut punch to my soul. But i need to move on now, it’s been three months since the breakdown of this relationship and I’m tired of being tired! I just pray i have the strength to do it. Knowing they are happy while I’m miserable is so painful but i have to use that as motivation to take back what i gave to them so freely. It’s just so hard because i still love and miss them but the feeling isn’t mutual.
UniquelyMade I hope you get thru this. I know you will.
You are not alone hope this prayer can help you:
God Thank you for promising to sweep away the ashes of my past and give me something beautiful in their place.I choose to give them up to you and receive your healing and restoration in my life.In Jesus Name Amen
your going to be just fine, yes it hurts an it hurts for a long time how ever in time your going to get true .try very hard not to go on social media to look at this persons post it would only set you back. remember its not how you fall but how you rise.which i could say more that wold make you happy now but i cant.just take your time getting over that person an look after your self. someday my friend karma going to fix things an you would have a front seat to the movie.just work on your self betterment .
UniquelyMade I’m going through the same situation, blessings to you.
Wow reading this gives me hope..im going thru this right now,the same exact things,i haven't even watched the video yet.
Omg she is just soooo brilliant. This truly is her life’s calling....expressing difficult complicated feelings, history , damage .....her wisdom, compassion, intellect, wit, humour, energy are magic ✨💫✨💫
Just left a man 3 days B4 Xmas who was jealous, controlling, manipulative & possessive. I almost married him thank god I dodged that bullet! I seen the signs early. #SignsOfAbuse🚫
Mocha Delight praaaaise the lotd
Good for you hun.. THANK GOD FOR THAT BOMB PRESENT!! #GETOUTEARLYALIVE.. HAPPY FOR YOU& ALL THE GREAT THINGS COMING YOUR WAY IN 2018❤GOD BLESS YOU😘🙌🙏
MsSwag Mom. Thank you😉 my birthday is New Years Eve as well so I am leaving all that crazy in 2017!
Mocha Delight, don't look back
Mocha Delight good for you! Unfortunately, i learned the hard way. 💔😥
There are so many youtube videos out there that talk about this kind of thing, but NONE are as helpful as this. What a beautiful lesson! I will take every bit of it and use it. And omg your speaking and seeing you feels like a loving mom telling me what to do and supporting me. I have friends and a mom, but you talking to me in this video feels like a warm hug and coaching moment at the same time. I will watch this again. Thank you.
Thank you 🙏🏾 I needed to hear this, this morning.. This video is helping me so much that I promise to play this video everyday until it gets better. Pray for me, times right now are very hard. 😢
I'm very sad hearing truth. As I wipe my tears. I shall play this on repeat until it sink in.
Chicago love
I just don't want to care anymore. The ache is brutal. Thank you for this video I will try.
if you were the good one you will #
I know this is an old video, but I just found you and I so needed this!!! Thank you so much!! ❤️💔
You're the best. I'm in this journey now. Thank you so much, Iyanla. I would adopt you as my honorary aunt.
She spoke to my soul
me also #
I lost myself but I’m finding her now
You are helping me so much during this heart break . You remind me of my grandmother ,God rest her soul, who I wish was here to comfort me thru this. Thank you so much for your words.
I hang on to your words as if it were my last breath... I so needed to hear this right now.
You look so pretty and youthful.😍Thank you for your love and honesty. It hurts at times to hear the truth from you but it's needed.... Thank you and keep it coming....
iyanla this was for me in the now, and i dont have a wise elder to talk to me now so thank you
I like the advice :don’t make any decisions about the future when you are going through a breakup
My favorite quote feels so appropriate for this video that I had to share it with you all after I too was recently in a LTR & abandoned, and never saw it coming. May it help you and heal you too as it does me everytime I think of it. " Let go or be dragged. " - Zen proverb
I love me some Iyanlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. She is A HEALER. Breakups can be jobs, friendships , and relationships.
I ended a 7 year relationship on Christmas & now I really regret it because he doesn’t want to get back together. It’s really broken me up inside & this really helped. I still hope we will reconcile but I know I need to heal myself first before I make the same bad decision again.
I’ve done everything that you mentioned in regards to letting go, but my ex-husband is a narcissist and he took my soul. I’m slowly regaining it back by taking care of me. It’s been 2 1/2 years since I left him but I’m still grieving. I understand that healing from narcissistic abuse can be worse, but it’s like I take 10 steps forward and go 5 steps backwards. I use the "low contact" method since we share a child and I keep any communication brief, unemotional and to the point. In regards to social media, I blocked him everywhere. But, I’ve also found an online community of other survivors of narcissistic abuse and I realized that I wasn’t alone. So, I’ve made it one of my life’s missions to help those who aren’t aware that they’re being emotionally manipulated. So, the things I do post about my experience, though I may be addressing him in a way, are only to bring awareness to emotional abuse - and maybe to vent a little. (Gotta get it out, right?) Either way, I’ve done everything but get professional help in my healing. Mainly because I’m not in the financial comfort zone that I will be very soon. But also cause there aren’t very many therapists that are knowledgeable on narcissistic abuse. I'm having a hard time right now and I’m doing everything in my power to be positive. Over the past 2 years, I've done every single thing you mentioned. I take trips, do what I love; take care of me; all of the above. I got new bedding, changed my hair, erased his presence from my home, etc. On a consistent basis, I watch motivational videos from the biggest names in the community, I listen to brainwave music, I do breathing exercises, I meditate, I cleanse my mind, my home, and my spirit, I speak positive affirmations, I remember gratitude; you name it!!! It’s not getting better fast enough though. 😥💔 One thing you mentioned is giving yourself time to feel it, which I do. But, I never thought about putting boundaries on those thoughts. That’s a great idea! Cause once I start thinking about him, I can wallow in it for hours or days which can lead to months of unconscious depression. I’ll remember to put a boundary on my thoughts of him. Thank you.
Gracie Phoenix Way to go! Hope you’re thriving and enjoying your narc freedom. I googled the red flags and his odd behaviors and boom-there it was...Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)! Textbook! OMG, knowledge is Power. People with this disorder are master manipulators, the epitome of wolves in sheep clothing. They are ultra sensitive, envious, controlling and critical. They lack empathy and NEVER take accountability. Stay strong and don’t look back!
Keep up the good work long good byes are messy and you need to be stable
Try talking to God. Prayer is a very powerful thing . It’s brought me out of my darkest moment in my life last month. Before that I don’t even remember the last time I even prayed let alone went to church. Today I am stronger than ever and will continue to get stronger every day. God truly is a refuge!!!
Wow I got outOf a seven-year relationship it cut me like a knife but I knew it was god removing something
Mother, i left a ten years marriage and to cope from the lost, i let myself fall back into another mistake that was serving as a distraction from it all. Its now a year later and i am now starting to feel the pains , the emptinesses and the depression feelings are really kicking in. I truly love stumbling on this message today in which has once again brought light and comfort. Thank you!
This was the most beautiful msg for myself.Thank You so much Miss Iyanla 🌸♥️ from South Africa
Thank you for your blessing, time, energy, and being a vessel. This video is and will continue to help me heal! Found out my children father, the man I married, been with for almost 10 years has been cheating on me, on top of being in prison! This is tuff I gave him all of me and sacrificed so much for him and our family. I was a virgin when we met been faithful to him and only him, because of my personal believes. It's like I'm not sad as much anymore, more so angry with myself for being so foolish allowing less than I deserve, putting up with abuse, and not paying attention to the signs. Looking past what was being given and going off of the potential I see, instead of going off of what is being given and shown. Gotta learn I can not fix anyone! I have to heal myself and save some of me for me, before loving anyone else.
Godbless you #
Amen! When my marriage started to break down I got right off of social media. Just signed out of all platforms and removed them from all of my devices. Best thing I could have done. Still going through the darkness so thank you for sharing these tips Ms. Iyanla!
Did you find your happiness
Thank you miss Iyanla. Just what I needed to hear at this exact moment. You may be far but you are so close to my heart right now. Love and light from New Zealand. XXX 🤗
This new look is Beautiful on you...
I was left by a man I just started dating after two weeks but Ms. Ilanya he told me about your programme and I handle this break up in the best way ever because of your inspiration.
So motivating and inspiring, thank you so much!
Life changing advice that i had to take notes on and will be following the advice. Regaining my self and my life, so addicted to Iyanla's videos best person to help me get myself back together. Thank God for Iyanla she has helped me and helped me on my new journey.
Gm, Iyanla I sabotage a loving relationship, in which he showed me honesty, love & commitment, I brought my PTSD of being molested by multiple partners at a very young age into it, I'm heart broken feeling I lost someone, because of my lying at every turn
Your so smart I need that comment about your experience it has been like that for me too
I hear the lying were you ashamed at those moments
Queen I am going through this now! I hope you’re doing better. An update is lovely. If you see this💕💕
I am at the 3-month mark from my spilt, the first 28 days I never left my bed I was only eating 1-2 x a week if someone cooked for me, he gave me no choice but to leave him(he still brought up his ex and would sexualise woman to me on a daily basis.
Sadly also the local gossips got into my head and i doubted him because when i brought these thing up he would say "whatever think what you like "
I put all my heartbreak on Social media, calling him, texting him, asking him why would he do all this to me I ended up abusing him... demanding to know why he used me.... I have totally come undone at 45 yrs old ......BUT Ive had enough I want my life back, also needing to love me again, I walk, ride my bike and started a new sport....
I started the breathing and change of thought pattern back to more positive things..... we did have some really good times together and I will always love him, but there has got to be better days ahead.
THANK YOU , I AM SO GLAD IVE FOUND YOU.
Trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart from a relationship that is not good for me. I gave my heart to him on a silver platter. I fell in love with him because he showed me ...so I thought...unconditional love. The mistakes I made in the relationship was used as a weapon against me. He gives me the silent treatment all the time and say hurtful things to me. The pain of walking away is so painful.
Needed this so much
Thank you for this !! I've been in this journey for 9 months and I feel now as if I'm surfacing into a better me ! Love you 😘 you're amazing I truly believe I will do better next time I will keep myself whole 🤗❤️
first, I cry when I talk to myself for one day then take a long bubble bath then look at all the signs that were given and the words because most times we are told but ignore the truth#
Ms. IYANLA, I feel like you have channeled exactly what I'm going through right now!! I needed this message more than I could ever put in words. And also, I just have to say every single episode this season of the "R Spot" has been a message directly related to what is going on in my life. Thank you so very much. What I have learned this time, this devastating break-up is that I do NOT keep ANYTHING for myself when in a relationship, I really need to work on that and I will. Thank you so much, you are a Godsend to me.
I going through the worst break up of my life. I'm 19. I'm scrolling through twitter, contemplating death and I see this. You're an angel Iyanla. You're and angel. You're an angel. I don't have any good advice like this and you really helped me. I'm still struggling of course but at least I have a catalyst for success now.
Going thru a break up right now. 11years, its been 4 days since she left and it was for the best but it doesnt stop my heart from hurting or missing her. I just want the pain to stop but i know it takes time and your wisdom is very needed. Thank you,Namaste.
Thanks for this. I will never date, let alone enter another relationship again. That is a promise to myself . I will live the rest of my life man free which means problem free and happy
Thank you again
True advice from someone who has gone through this same journey
Iyanla - your message arrived just at the right time! Thank you for your words of wisdom!
Blessedbe
I needed to hear this and apply this in my life because I was definitely allowing my breakup to define my future and path moving forward. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you 🙏
good for you
This lovely lady is really helping me right now
This was timely and desperately needed. Thank you.
Here's my feeling right now. I love you Iyanla and bless your heart for all this valuable advice.
You look STUNNING!!!!
Dr. Venus she does!
This was so comforting, and much needed.
You’re hair and makeup 💄 are on point. Thank you for the message
This hit home for me 😭😭❤️❤️
I was in love with this man... and he was telling me he was in love with me but then he fell for my best friend. I keep asking God why i never get choosen by anyone... why won't someone love me? I am so angry.
Needed to hear this. Currently going through it .
By the way...Iyanla you look so healthy and happy!
Thank you for this. My ex is in a psychiatric ward on an involuntary hold. I reached out to your team for fix my life last year and made it to the end then dropped the ball. My ex has mental health issues leading to our breakup. I held on for years and finally let go. I feel horrible. He called me and demanded that I go to his home the night he was committed. He was yelling and sounding off. I didn't go, because in the past when I'd go he would end up getting physical. I found out the next day he was committed. I feel drained yet like I abandoned him even though he left me. He has his mental decline on Facebook and Instagram. I have no real way to transition because I am asking myself if he was of sound mind to break up with me. His family won't address his mental health and addiction issues. I don't feel right moving on yet if I stay I am unfulfilled. I am overwhelmed. It is horrible to admit, I like that he is away. I know he is getting help and unable to harm anyone. Should I just leave him alone to heal and let him reach out later or never?
Beloved Erica, please forgive this public response but I don't know how else to reach out to you since your email is not public. I want to give you what I call a line-by-line because your sharing here is so intense. You wrote: I held on for years and finally let go.
Beloved, holding on is more often than not, not a sign of love. It is a sign of fear. I encourage you to examine your fears that would motivate you to stay where you are unhappy You wrote: I feel horrible.
Horrible is not a feeling. It is a judgment. Do you feel horrible about staying for so long? Or, about leaving when it felt like the right thing to do. There is such a thing as being loyal to a fault. This means that your loyalty to the other person or the idea of who the other person is will motivate you to stay in a relationship long at it is necessary, productive or loving to yourself. You wrote: He called me and demanded that I go to his home the night he was committed. He was yelling and sounding off. I didn't go, because in the past when I'd go he would end up getting physical.
It sounds to me like you learned a powerful lesson from past experiences . . . protect yourself. You should celebrate this choice. You wrote: I found out the next day he was committed. I feel drained yet like I abandoned him even though he left me.
This my beloved sounds like a pathology or behavior pattern you probably learned as a child. Stay because you cannot leave. Well, you are an adult now and you get to choose when to stay and when to go. I also sense, you are feeling drained because you abandoned a familiar pattern of not giving in to the demands of someone who does not treat your well. Yes, leaving old patterns behavior can feel draining. You wrote: He has his mental decline on Facebook and Instagram. I have no real way to transition because I am asking myself if he was of sound mind to break up with me.
Why does it matter if he was of sound mind? He left and as you said above, you have moved on. It takes a great deal to be in relationship with someone who has mental health issues. If that is your choice then I would encourage you to get some help if you plan to get back into it. You wrote: His family won't address his mental health and addiction issues.
Okay . . . mental health and addiction, Beloved why would you choose this for yourself? Do you have children together? Are you married? You wrote: I don't feel right moving on yet if I stay I am unfulfilled.
What do you mean when you say I don't feel right? Do you mean you feel obligated to stay? Do you feel responsible to stay? Responsible for his condition? Do you feel obligated to him? Responsible for him? And, are these the elements upon which you are choosing to build a loving relationship? You wrote: I am overwhelmed.
The spiritual definition of overwhelm is trying to convince yourself that you can do something you don't believe you can do; or trying to make yourself do something that you don't want to do. In either case the experience is overwhelm. Do you feel bad leaving him because you are unfulfilled? Or, do you feel bad leaving because he is mentally ill with addiction issues? Remember that love can only blossom among equals. Your needs are as important as your partner's needs. And, it is always your responsibility to get your needs handled. You wrote: It is horrible to admit, I like that he is away. I know he is getting help and unable to harm anyone. Should I just leave him alone to heal and let him reach out later or never?
Well Beloved, after you respond to each f the inquiries I have offered, I suspect you will know the answer to this question for yourself, within yourself. What I can offer you is this . . . unless you are in this relationship or any relationship for the pure joy of it, the love of it, to share the best of who you are, with the best of who your partner is, chances are the relationship will not work. Staying in a relationship from a space of obligation, responsibility, fear or resignation probably is not going to turn out well for you.
Hope this helps.
Now this hairstyle is so beautiful on you. It softens you...I love it! Thank you for your wisdom...
Love this woman
Thank you for the amazing teachings you have been beautifully passing on to us. You have both helped and enlightened me in an immense way. I'm grateful to you, Iyanla. God bless you!
Hi Iyanla, i wanna thank you for your videos so much. You help me understand me and my difficult relationship more. I feel like I’m getting strong again and finding myself. Merci
Thank you, Iyanla!!
Thank you Iyanla. You have taught me well since we first me in the Stl in the 90s! Bless you. And how do you keep getting prettier and prettier?
Thank you Iyanla. I need to hear this
I am so thankful for your ministry.
I’m on this journey and I so appreciate this video and appreciate you more for sharing and given great advice.... thank you thank you thank you
Amazing... thank you so much I really needed to hear this today 😥
I appreciate the R-spot so very much. Thank you for saving me time and time again.
Perfect timing, and for the New Year. Thank you. I needed this more than you know.
This was a great message Iyanla. Thank you!
I need to honor and respect myself More.
Thank You For Sharing Your Wisdom!!! I really needed this : )
Thank you for your wise words and smiling face my marriage ended 3 months ago after 31 years. You have been such a help and inspiration to me bless you ♥
wow 31years mine was 18 years ended last month I'm 44 regretting all that time every moment and care that I gave to such a bad person who has sacked all happiness out of me!!!
Great video. I Love her insight.
Very beneficial. Funny thought. In an African home, you don’t “find yourself”. Such a foreign thing to do. So in one African movie, a young woman was moping around the house, her dad got fed up and told her to go out and do something with herself (like go get a job or something).., and she replied , “I need to find myself”... to which he puzzling looked at her, and exclaimed “There! I found you! Now go!” Lol.
You look radiant Miss Iyanla!!! I listen to absolutely all your advice whether its relevant to me or not just so that i can learn and share the links with my people. Big love!! And please come to South Africa for a tour soon too! ❤
Thank you SO very much❤️ you are incredible
👌🏽 u r AMAZING! I LOVE UR WISE WORDS! thank you 💖😘 love from the u.k❤
That was an amaaaazing video!! Thank u Iyanla so 😘😘 much!!!
Love you Iyanla! You're an angel. So needed to hear this right now. This is my very favorite of all your wonderful videos! Thank you so, so much!!! ❤️💕🙏💕
My angel Iyanla, thank you. You always help me. Have a brilliant 2018!
Fantastic advice!!!! I'm learning so much from you!!!!
I love your words ❤
You Always Help me. Thanks a bunch. I really need a Pick*Me*Up Lecture...
Thank you Iyanla.
😂😂😂 I tried to like this video 3 different times... it was so good. I know I cant do that.
Ah Hallelujah Moment... Gave all myself left nothing for myself in this marriage but God
Damn , i did everything you told me not to do. And now I'm feeling the consequence. If only I could have got to this sooner. I'm learning still but taking it one step at a time.
I really needed to hear this thank you!!
Wow!!! This helps me so much. Thank you!!
Thank you ilyanla...right now I'm doing for me...I come first...look forward to reading your new book...you have been an inspiration to me for many years... absolutely love watching your videos...
I loved this, just what I needed. Thank you iyanla x
My God! You are so awesome! Your words are on point!
This helped me out so much today
Thank you, I feel a little better❤
1st you look extra beautiful! Excellent excellent message.
You look so beautiful. You are working this look. Thank you for this message.
I love you Iyanla ,Thank you ❤️
This came right on time!! I mean right. On. Time.
Thank you so much Iyanla, this helps a lot