THE POWER OF NO

[@lornahayim-baker9749]

I actually came across this by accident and after receiving a link to a u-tube from my very first boy friend (since age 14 we have become forever friends) about how to stay safe from the Corona and after that they said press "watch" to see what to eat and not to eat if you have arthritis. I could not find that u-tube but while looking for it my daughter's business name popped up and then I saw a bit of her body and felt like I hit the jackpot. I do not spend time on social media so this was a nice surprise. Had I not been keen on finding out what this arthritis u-tube had to say, then I would never have seen "Well Necessities" pop up ( my husband has arthritic fingers that cause him to have a lot of pain so I was not giving up). I was really impressed with this u-tube video. I can really use Lisa's message in my private practice as an RLCSW and I specialize in couples/premarital/ marriage/family and substance abuse.
I find out so much about my daughter by accident. My dream was to be a nutritionist/registered dietician & things went awry and missed my opportunity. I am so proud that my daughter is living out my dream and because she is much more savvy with the computer than I am, she is able to a make a difference not only by using her degree but by also addressing real problems that I as a therapist address as well. Unfortunately my practice came to a halt with the Corona Virus because all my therapy took place in my office. After watching this U-tube, I realize at the ripe old age of .....?( Lisa is my youngest child and my oldest son is 13 years older than Lisa and we have a middle guy who is five years older than Lisa so that is why I wish to avoid mentioning my age. Thank goodness, as a therapist, as a therapist "being old" is a good thing to be because you have so much more life experience.l will just let let you guess my age)
After watching Lisa's U-tube video and it was not a recent one; but she specifically talked about why it is good to say "no" rather than always saying "yes" . I realized that I may not do it as much as she is doing it but I am direct, blunt and honest on my mandatory free 15 minute consultation which allows me to listen to why they are seeking therapy and I ask pertinent questions and I am usually right and successful with my patients because I screen them. I do not want to take anyone's time or money if I can not make a difference. My practice sees people who want to write raving reviews about me because I will not take more money for extra hours of service ( I invented "Marathon Therapy for Couples) and it is really effective since 45 minute sessions just do not work for people struggling with the types of complaints that I hear all day. Watching Lisa's u-tube gave me a lot of insight how to remake my business for people who are abiding by the order of "social distancing".
I literally learned so much from this u tube. We are all inclined to want to say "yes" to avoid ticking people off but I must say that what is unique about the mother/daughter thing right here is that my practice is based on saying "no" to all those potential couples and or individuals after a 15 minute free phone consultation because I instinctively know I can not help everyone. I want people walking out of my office feeling more hopeful after our long therapy sessions. I know after a 15 minute free phone consultation if I can help potential patients; and more often than not I give out a lot of information while turning them down. That is why my reviews are so good. I know to whom I should say yes and to whom I need to say 'no". Why should a I take peoples time and/or money if I will not be successful. I know who does not stand a chance, and therefore, I can not ethically accept the contracted fee.l I am blunt and to the point and tell it like it is and I hope my daughter can see that maybe she and I are more similar than either one of us ever thought and to embrace that which we have in common. One thing we differ completely on is what I am doing right now and I will probably get a lecture but I am "taking a risk since "No risk/no reward". My long responses (and I admit I do tend to put a lot of detail in my writing which takes up a lot of extra lines, but that is who I am) are exactly why her responses are much shorter and to the point.
I hope she reads this ( as all these words may scare her away). Just trying to be humorous while my very sensitive daughter is worrying about everyone in the world and she has a sadness to her because she cares so much! I care just as much but I try to inject humor wherever a little window opens; and I think it can get to the world without infecting anybody. if you think she will like this post put a like and if not write that this was way to long so I can hear it from the world! I can take criticism. Lisa gets to the point and uses context that is concise I may never even get to making a point (ha ha) because I do not do concise and to the point. I do that only when I say "No" to a client because I can not get them to a better place. Lisa and I spoke while she was driving with her husband back to D.C. a few days ago and I told her how lucky she is that her business is done on line because she can keep busy and helping people is what we also have in common. Lisa is very compassionate about helping people who reach out to her and that is another thing we have inn common.
That video made me do a lot of thinking and I have to become more savvy like my daughter (impossible as it is I am going to join the computer world so that my practice will survive. I am my practice and it is what I love doing so I have to figure out a way to see patients/couples on -line. I never realized how powerful these u-tubes can be. I stay away from social media and always compared myself to Betty White who said "I'm much too busy to be on "Facebook" but she has the power to attract everyone's attention wherever she shows up at 96 or 97 years old; and I basically felt that way too., but I am not 96 or 97 years old.!