Benny Bell - Noses Run in My Family, 1946

A slice of unabashed poetry from one of New York's leading (and most sarcastic, irony-laden) comedians within the Jewish diaspora. In the 1930's and 1940's, while the borders of Eastern Europe were redefined and its populations were under chaos, Benny Bell was carving himself a great comedic outlet through his own Bell Records label. He proved a meticulous music producer as well as a witty writer and skilled performer. His output consists largely of many rather lighthearted, cynical takes on Jewish life in the dense sprawl where cosmopolitan feelings ran high and a lot more music was truly independent. This is not one of them; rather, it's one of the singles made for sale to jukebox proprietors who wanted a library of lewd party songs for their buzzed and mostly middle-class audience.
Even Bell's more ethnic content is split oftentimes between the Yiddish and English languages, attributable to his desire to make art for both immigrants and the American-born like himself. It makes him more accessible nowadays, of course, to both non-Jewish audiences and the countless descendants of Ashkenazim in America, for whom a chance to acquire this language and all its nuances through their family dwindled two to three generations ago. Bell seems like a real mensch, one who'd have wanted many people from all backgrounds to appreciate this music well into the 21st century. All he really got to see was one of his old cocktail lounge singles (Shaving Cream) becoming a surprise chart-topper in the much later market of 1975, a time of enormous kitsch that no doubt just needed any old "cocktail party" song to give its hour to fret upon the stage.
Without much further comment, my transcription of the man's words, kosher or not:
My grandpa had a long one
It nearly touched his chin
My uncle has a small one
With hardly any skin
My daddy has a broad one
Just like a rolling pin
But mine is big and round and fat
It looks just like a baseball bat
You never saw a nose like mine before!
Noses, Noses, they run in my family
Some are big, some are small
Some you cannot see at all
Noses, Noses, for over a century
Now isn't it a shame?
There are no two the same
My cousin has a bent one
It really is a pit
My nephew has a short one
With freckles on the tip
His stepson has a thin one
Just like a horse's whip
But mine, I tell ya, beats the band
My sweetie thinks it's simply grand
You never saw a nose like mine before!
My brother has a big one
That's always in his way
My junior has a hard one
Just like a hunk of clay
My uncle has a cold one
That leaks all through the day
But mine's a peach, I'll tell you why
It really ought to win a prize
You never saw a nose like mine before!
(at this point our protagonist aggressively finishes)

[@lonneansekishoku8288]

Hilarious. Thanks for this gem.

[@TnseWlms]

In fourth grade I got into trouble for writing "Pick Your Nose" in pencil on the cover of my spelling workbook.

[@QuincyDisneyVegan]

Sorry to break it to ya, but he's not actually singing about his nose! 😂