How To Talk to Your Parents About Past Hurt
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- Опубліковано 30 кві 2024
- Check out the full episode here: • Parenting That Heals w...
Today I welcome back Erica Komisar, Psychoanalyst and Parent Coach, to pick up where we left off from our last conversation about the importance of being present to our children at their earliest stages. In today’s fascinating conversation we unpack more best practices for parents to support the development of their children in the most critical stages of adolescence. We also discuss the best way to pursue relationship with your teen, how to select the right school for your child, how to minimize your children’s trauma from divorce, and how to heal relationships with your parents as an adult. I also ask up some of your most burning questions for Erica from our last episode.
Check out Erica's Work: www.ericakomisar.com/
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I've struggled immensely trying to forgive my unforgiving mother and the abandonment of my father. I just surrended to God and said I can't on my own, please help me get through this and heal me, because I need to in order to see you on the day you call me to your presence. Every time a sad or hurtful memory comes to my mind, I remember who I am doing this for. If He loves them, I must at least forgive them, I have done nothing, just surrender. He's the one taking my missery as I go on. I feel much better after all this process, I trust that He holds me, He is my Father, Mother Mary is my mother. I haven't been more at peace in my entire life before any of this. Glory be to his Mercy 🥺 ❤️
Your approach is very beautiful and good. Thank you for sharing
Idk if I could ever have that convo with my mother. Im not comfortable with telling her how I really feel. She was never one to listen to me when it comes to serious stuff. My dad on the other hand is different. I had a sad childhood but my dad told me he was sorry for everything he put me through. Without me telling him to he apologized on his own. He changed as a person too, became a reborn Christian, and got help with his anger. Right before he died he finally told me he's proud of me. Ever since then, I could finally heal. Im not holding my breath for my mother to ever apologize to me cause she's still the same person.
Forgiving parents is important because God wants everybody to forgive. I forgave my parents for the mistakes they made. I’m no better, and I need forgiveness from The Lord. #ForgiveYourParents
Thank you so much for this video Lila and Erica. Me and my hubsand are blessed that we're gonna be parents and our child would be homeschool because we come from the Generation Z timeline born in 2000 and we don't want our child to go through this toxic culture like we did.
I know it as the chaptet to heal our souls.. Maybe AKA chaptet of Divine Wounds. I find it a very powerful prayer.
If parents and children could be fully transparent with one another, & fully try to understand one another & be honest I believe
There would be hope but we all know that seems impossible As for my mom I believe she just needs to be deliverance From Our lord 🙏🏼 I’ve come to peace knowing It’s not me & im trying to keep pushing trough The hurt she has caused by her always doing silent treatment/withholding Talking to me when I don’t do what she ask or don’t agree with her I always felt she walk out on me again & here I am in my Lower 30’s & she still acts the same never could rely on her to be in my life. Unfortunately & yet I still love her & wish nothing but the best for her.
As a parent of adult children that we shared a rough past together - if they want to speak with me about anything i am willing to admit my failures where appropriate and ask their forgiveness
I asked God recently if parents existed like this. We had a 23&me ordeal and found out my mom had been lying about who my father was. When I tried to ask her about it she insulted me, told me she should’ve thrown me in the garbage and that was 36 years old and didn’t need a father anymore. She told me that Christian’s don’t bring up the past.
I’ve forgiven her, but it’s definitely not the same between us. I respect her as a mother and in fact totally understand why she would be uncomfortable speaking about it. But lying for 36 year, I would’ve thought she would be relieved to not have to keep this secret. My bio father was also SO great at advising me to love her despite her harshness.
@@catformerlythomas500 I'm so very sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your family iny prayers. Know that the Lord sees you and knows your pain ❤️
That’s very beautiful
Idk I was able to fix my issues with my parents through my own intuition.
We don’t need all these deep discussions of psychoanalysis in our lives.
How about praying the serenity prayer daily…Learning the Bible doing the 10 Commandments!
Respecting and loving each other--following the virtues and all of that.
Sometimes God just gives us the answers and we need not to have these psychoanalysis discussions with every single situation.
We handled things pretty well, as long as we were crazy people and evil.
We might have thought that aunt Susie was a little crazy, but we kind of let it roll off your back’s and laughed and loved.
Well love Erica but she needs to get better glasses
We’re not crazy people! Oops
This is a fallacy. Most parents are old and have their share of trouble. Most parents will NOT accept the child’s take because they’ll be in denial. Absurd advice ‘truth will set you free’. More like nobility and letting go will set you free. You don’t always need to have conversations and therapise each other. This advise will leave most people devastated. Your parents will die soon try to make them laugh man and deal with your pain on your own. That’ll give you more self esteem
Parents who cannot live in reality and empathize with their children habe severe behavior disorders as a coping to being in a position of unconditional love. You cannot just gloss over that as a child in that dynamic. Hence the wanting to talk about the pain to move forward. Ignoring illness to save face is a childish coping mechanism to hurt and should not be encouraged. Hence the high rates of heart disease, obesity, porn addiction, alcoholic s, drug dependents, etc. These people are hurting from just glossing over the pain their parents dish out.....
@@louis-vd3ur I mean I get what you’re trying to say but if most of the time the parents aren’t responsive & let’s say it’s due to your claim of behavioral issues, then what? You can’t change your parents.. you can decide better for yourself and the virtues thing to do is accept your parents shortcomings. Might be sad but that will make you wiser as opposed to having expectations and wanting the relationship to be on your terms (even if your terms are healthier etc)
Jesus Christ of Nazareth..
There is no way to bring up the past and talk about how hurt you were by your parent without hurting the parent. And what good does it do? Most parents do the best they can at the time. There’s no point in drudging you the past unless it was outright abuse. Live in the present and love your parent for who they are. So what if you had hurts as a child? Who didn’t? Whose to say those hurts didn’t make you the strong person you are today with an empathetic heart? There is no way to change the past so move on and enjoy life
Sometimes, that may be the right answer. But for some, it just feels like there's that one thing no one can talk about. And it leaves a hidden tension that everyone feels. And when you can't be open and honest, it closes off intimacy and closeness because it shuns vulnerability.
My mom and I had a rocky relationship growing up. She was doing the best she could without adequate support from others. So I always knew she loved me, but also knew this really hurt. When I grew up, we started having more open conversations. And by the grace of God, I have a relationship with my mom I never thought possible. Not perfect, but we're way closer than we were when I was a kid.