Comment below and let us know in situations make you shy (if you do get shy)? Just note this is just a general awareness around this topic, which may not be applicable to everyone. We also made another video on the signs of an avoidant attachment style. Watch this next: ua-cam.com/video/nqlce10FyVU/v-deo.html
I feel like I'm not capable of genuinely loveing and being nice to other people and that everything I do is just for praise or something I hate feeling like this
Yeah... I get the feeling that I come off as a very cold person even as you get to know me. It's just a lot of people I talk to seem to just want to hear what they want to hear and disregard anything else. I'm not really sure how to talk to people in a way everyone in the conversation gets something out of it.
For 2, I would 100% avoid coworkers if I saw them while I was out🤣 I don’t have Avoidant Personality Disorder, I just don’t want to see coworkers outside of work. Lol
@@CrisOnTheInternet Same! I treat my family, friends & co workers as if they all exist in different worlds 😂 Gives me anxiety when the worlds collide. I don’t know who to be
"Dear you, you've forgotten yourself. You give everyone love but neglect the void you have in your heart. Focus on that. Heal first, then give." Malanda
@@R4GNAR0G Which is big cap. It doesn’t make sense to demand a drained individual to serve others. It’s like asking a dead phone to work without charging it first.
It’s hard to make friends when they either put in no effort or just use you to fill their social ego. I get called weird for being alone, but I don’t see any of my “friends” I’ve attempted to talk with hanging out with me or inviting me anywhere. I just haven’t found my tribe, and don’t feel as if need one to validate who I am. I avoid people, parties, and other social gatherings because it overwhelms me and some don’t realize I have personal boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s better to be alone to avoid the feeling of hurt, and value those who stayed around you 🤷🏽♀️
I know how you feel. 🥺 What’s fucking depressing to me is that I’ve lost two “best” friends in a month after my b-day. They ghosted me and left without a word. This experience has left me jaded and cynical about being open to anyone. The only friends I have are nonexistent ones in my subconscious. That’s not too depressing is it? 🥲
almost painful to watch, everything was 100% how i feel. I only talk to 3-4 people on the regular (my boyfriend, my sister, my daughter and sometimes my mom) i don't have irl friends. It affects every aspect of my life, i have to muster up the courage for HOURS (sometimes even days) to even ask my coworkers for the simplest things, and therefore i end up doing poorly at my job. I don't have any hobbies and i've been stuck in this job i don't like for the past 6 years because the thought of looking for a new job or having to learn a new set of skills and failing at it terrifies me. My mom calls me once every two weeks always asking if i'm angry at her because i don't reach out, truth is i'm also scared of talking to her. I just wished i could live a normal life, i'd love to have friends, i'd love to surprise-visit my mom sometimes, i'd love to go out and do things, i'd love to be able to find a job i like, i want my daughter to see me as a role model of someone healthy and happy, i'm so tired to live trapped inside my own mind
I can relate to this a lot. I just recently started a new job after being stuck at my old one for 2 years. It was so hard for me mentally, and I had the worst anxiety for the first 4 weeks or so. Taking the first steps towards finding a new job was hard for me to do, because I didn’t want to have to face the interviews and starting something new, not knowing what to do, and being around people that I don’t know, but I’m honestly so glad I’m not where I use to be anymore. I’m lucky to have a mom that understands me and is there to help me with these things. She is my support system and I don’t know what I would do without her. But, yes, I get scared to talk to everyone in my life- even her. I’m scared that one day, once i’m moved out and don’t see her everyday anymore, I’ll stop talking to her, too.
@@tayelisa3669 congrats on finding a new job! Living like this isn't easy but we must try to see the glass half-full; you were able to find a job and get past the anxiety of the first weeks,that is a great accomplishment. Glad that you have people supporting you, I also don't know what I would do without the support of my family.
@@SinisterScoundrel6562 i understand that some therapists that you've worked with have been pretty much useless but trust me theyre not all the same. there us cure, love. for example, it was Jesus for me. He got me out of a very dark phase
I've just kinda just given up on people in general. My closest friendships feel one sided and are only genuine on my part. I would just rather be alone at this point.
You won't always feel this way. I think people can be focused on just themselves sometimes instead of others but we all do that since we're living our own lives so its not such a bad thing I think.
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For me, I feel it’s much better to avoid. I’ve had enough of being criticized and looked down upon by family and peers growing up. I know I’m dumb and incompetent. I don’t want more people telling me.
Nobody’s dumb and incompetent bro, that’s an ego thing, nobody knows everything you might just not know as much as others, be honest with yourself and give yourself the chance to grow.
I’ve also had enough of people telling this as well. I’m not saying I’m dumb and incompetent in a self deprecating way, I’m saying it because it’s true. I have grown a lot. I’m very self aware self, and that’s how I know I’m a person who slow to get things, bad at school and people have made fun of me for it my whole life. I like getting constructive criticism, but it’s hardly ever been constructive from people in my experience. Teachers and tutors were a nightmare, My first job I was let go because I wasn’t good enough at it, I quit a job a couple months ago cause the manager and some servers were barely patient with teaching me things. My moms friend nicknamed me ‘Dory’ when I was a kid and my dad said he didn’t think I could make it into a school I wanted to get into. My mother said to me this same thing when she was showing me how to drive. I don’t think I’m completely dumb but it’s frustrating when people think this when it’s actually the complete opposite.
Same, I usually avoid a lot of people because every single time that I open up my insecurities to them I feel like I'm just being an attention seeking person. I'm also worried a lot of times that I may come off as a narcissistic since I usually can't handle criticism. I don't really know how to handle my problems sometimes and the only right way I know is to avoid it.
I think I can help people distinguish between Avpd and more typical introverted behavior. It doesn't have to be this extreme, but in my case it's not just avoiding coworkers in public, I can't hold down a job period because the slightest criticism just sends me into a major depressive suicidal episode. There is a complete lack of esteem and inability to keep yourself centered or build yourself back up.
Exactly. Every one feels at least a couple of these at some point in their lives. In order to be a clinical diagnosis, it’s about the intensity of the symptoms, more than one of these symptoms, AND the symptoms are pervasive across all aspects of a persons life.
It sucks that whenever I see any of these videos talking about AvPD, depression, anxiety or similar topics, I always feel identified with everything... everytime. In this case, every single point is exactly how I am... it's part of the reason why I've lived in isolation my whole life with no friends at all, not even online ones. Maybe my life might become "better" in some way if I was able to fix these problems I have, but I've grown so used to them that I can't see myself being different... not to mention that searching for a decent mental health proffesional can get so damn expensive due to how many suck at their job, that I'd need to be a millionaire before I can actually find the right person.
Same here. If you're like me, you'll never see this because the anxiety is so intense that the idea of reading a reply causes instant panic. Hopefully that's not the case. At least we gained another name to throw in the list of diagnoses. For me, this one will go at the head of the list. It's the most painful and severe of all of them. Being "forever alone" is worse than death. If only I had the courage to end this torment.
@@JB52520 now sure if i relate to what you guys said. but when i write comments on whatever topics utube vids are about i will check out replies if there are any. vivd example. last night when i was about to sleep i found i lost my student id card and i became panicking and somewhat depressed that i couldn't keep my own stuff. i then wrote some comments on one vid this channel made not far ago. basically writing about what i really thought after watching. and just less than 1 hour ago i saw one guy replied to that comment. that was sth discouraging and i just deleted my comment so i won't see his either. sadly i am now convinced that i have this avpd thing. sigh,
@@JB52520 Agreed. Although I know that this is a "public social environment", I still treat it as if it is a place to share a monologue with my perspective on things, and then run away hoping that I may have brought insights to someone and dreading if anyone would actually want to engage in further discussion; no matter how much doing so would likely benefit my own mental health. Heck, my username here was only ever meant to be a placeholder after they split Gmail from UA-cam accounts. I had no plans to have this side of me ever seen in 'reality'. As far as the diagnosis goes, for me, I'd say it is likely a co-morbidity to some other conditions of mine; most likely in that the symptoms themselves overlap rather than this specifically applying to me despite how much everything lines up. Having been 15 years since I've had true friends, and limited mingling with coworkers over that time, it is hard to suddenly stop and trust people with my vulnerabilities in a time of division. Doesn't help matters when a part of your last circle of friends went on to become now infamous criminals... But that's just my take. I am sure that there's a ton of people out there with more or less severe traumas associated with their avoidances that are equally valid in their hesitation. Here's hoping we can all find a place in the world that can slow down enough for us to comfortably reach up and fit in.
"Please reach out to a mental health professional" You should do a vid about that. The shopping around required plus the price barrier makes this not so easy a task.
I used to have lots of friends in highschool, but then I got bullied online and irl, and my self esteem went down, I had depression and anxiety, still do but it’s not as bad now. Now in college, I isolate myself and only focus on my studies instead of trying to make friends, because I don’t wanna be rejected and I don’t wanna be betrayed in the future
I feel you. I never had issues making friends when I was younger. Just went up to people and said "Hey, you're cool, do you wanna be my friend?" and that was it. Later I got bullied and school and from then on, everything just went downhill. Lost most of my friends, my self esteem just didnt exist anymore and trying to make friends became difficult and exhausting. I now only have two friends, both not really close. One I barely see and one I am starting to get a little closer to. I wish it would be easier but it just isnt. I constantly feel, like I have to act like someone else for people to accept me. And I am also sorry that you and so many other people have to feel the way I do. No one should have to deal with this, but sadly, its not that easy.
@@Shyress I completely agree, in order to have close connections, you gotta put in a ton of work, and I don’t have time for that when I literally have to put in a ton of work for my classes lmao
It's funny how Ive been the most shy introvert in the world but somehow always ended up the most popular with a ton of friends only to find out none of them were friends. I like being away from foolishness that comes in the form of people lol
And that honestly makes it even more likely I have it, because I USED to be a more open person, and just generally more social, then just got a bit more and more shy, and then had to stay at home for over a year and now I 100% fit all (or almost all) of these signs. I'm not trying to self diagnose, and, well, you can probably guess based on how many of these fit me that I'm honestly too nervous to talk about this with anyone, even if I really want to.
Me too i was bullied badly in my school life ,always being interupted during talks,had fake friend who used my innocence,this had lead to me where whenever i talk i cannot talk with any emotion
I love you guys. You're the only channel that when talking about avoidants, the comment section isn't toxic towards us. When other channels talk about it, to help others understand avoidants, the comments are so mean and toxic. I love what you guys do. This channel makes me feel safe and understood. I've been watching since my divorce in Feb 2024. You've been helping try to figure things out while seeing a therapist. I hope you continue the great work!
You can’t get rejected if you’re not close to anyone and always except being either ignored or laughed at I’m very social on a surface level, even though it’s extremely hard to notice 😂 Criticism stays with me for… forever 🤨 I want to please everyone, but I know I can’t so I know I’ll always be a failure 🙃 Just like perfectionism. It’ll never be perfect, so it’ll never be good enough 😑
On the perfectionism point, I agree it is hard to accept not being perfect. I still want to help everyone, and not leave people behind due to arbitrary things like "annual budgets". Just got into civil service myself, and the idea of telling people no to their face in regards to support programs just makes my gut wretch. It is painfully hard, but I've been told to take solace in the gratitude of those I can help. Might not be working for me just yet, but maybe thinking of perfectionism in that light might make you appreciate what can be done without being perfect? Good luck.
While our minds know social rejection won’t kill us in the modern day, our brain tends to think otherwise. Failure is a symptom of having normal fallback plans for rejection. Because when you can’t rely on deep social connections, you search inward. “Maybe I’m not good enough for them, but I’m good on my own.”
@@ChaosCorpse4tube I’m talking about perfectionism where being the best at a subject in school and feeling ashamed when the teacher praised me since I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I wasn’t wasn’t good enough to deserve it since my results weren’t 100% just very close to it. It’s a rather complex psychological issue that can have many causes, as well as cause severe issues for people, like how I eventually became anorexic since I should probably loose weight and then you just become fixated on that. Always something, and always a feeling of never being good enough as a person to deserve anything, overworking yourself so that you can make things perfect but since it’s impossible you’re doomed to fail from the start. It takes a lot of work to even try to change this kind of behaviour when a single spelling error in an entire essay ruined EVERYTHING, despite having found out that I’m severely dyslexic at sixteen. Why that long if it was so severe and obvious when getting diagnosed? The perfectionism. It was extremely hard to learn to read and write but I still did it, on my own, spending hours upon hours trying to make sense of these nonsensical scribbles that seemed so obvious to everyone else, I must be so STUPID because this feels impossible but I kept practicing, determined to not be a failure. Only to be continuously called lazy by teachers due to my poor spelling “for someone that reads as much as you do” over the following nine years further confirming that yes I’ll indeed never be good enough This is why psychologists and psychiatrists say that perfectionism isn’t a positive trait, it’s something that more often than not hinders people from achieving what they want in life due to “knowing” deep inside that they’re not good enough, because they’d have to be perfect and that’s impossible. It’s not always extreme, but it definitely can become in combination with other things, and you have to learn to compromise to even get things done. At some point exhaustion hits like a brick and it’ll just have to do, despite not being perfect and thus, rubbish, shouldn’t even be shown to others they’re going to hate it I have a whole bag of issues, perfectionism just happens to be one of them, but trauma specialist therapist is on my case now
I have this personality disorder and I'm fighting it on a regular basis.. The fear of rejection is really scary..i don’t talk to people that much,getting to know new people is a tough job for me..i had loved someone and after he had rejected me,i haven’t been able to like anyone else..the fear is so overpowering, it makes me feel that i will get rejected again for sure and that's why i don’t even try new things..depression is killing me inside.. Having Low self esteem is the worst..it makes me wonder why i was born in the first place..
I always thought I just struggled with social anxiety, but I fit every symptom of AVPD to a tee. I always felt like there was more to my struggles than just social anxiety and it’s nice to have a better understanding of my mental health. I’m so glad I discovered this.
I always thought that I was just an introvert. It's much deeper than that. I agree with you that it's not just social anxiety. It's much more complexed and more common than I thought.
I've been diagnosed with avpd this year and I can relate with every point. For me it's been really frustrating because i long for interpersonal contact with friends, family, etc... But most of the time I self-sabotaged all kind of interactions with people. Like Ive been thinking all my life I was introverted and socially anxious but its the lack of social interactions what makes me feel worse a lot of the time.
Aaaaand here we have Psych2go hitting the nail on the head once again... Why do I always relate to most of your videos?? Why you do this to me?? D: I feel so called out that it physically hurts D:
I always felt something was wrong with me. I can never connect with people and always feel far away from people around me like I want to be close to people but I just can't connect or get close to them I just constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong and I feel like people don't like me so I just disappear at the slightest sign of rejection. I think this is exactly what it is. Thank you I've never heard of this but now hopefully I can get diagnosed and get better.
Part of me loves the thought of sharing my live with a lovely girl...but at the same time I'm also perfectly comfortable not speaking to a living being for days.
Haha it's me. I haven't hanged with anyone for the past two years lol. I actively avoid meeting new people until I feel I'm ready (which takes a long time). Also idk if anyone feels this but when I know someone I know is around the same place I am (like a store), I get ready paranoid like I feel like I'm being watched or followed & really uncomfortable with the possibility of meeting them so I always want to leave & get away. Sometimes when I do hang with people I get so uncomfortable I wish I was at home. & Even with someone nice I always think am I saying the right things? Am I walking weird? I usually follow their facial expressions just in case I'm not reacting how they would like. Part of it is due to being deaf in one ear so I'm afraid I will mishear things & another part is I'm scared I won't know what to say. It gives me so much anxiety, it usually ends up being not worth it. & Sometimes when I do find someone I like, they just end up not talking to me anymore. Which isn't exactly great for my self-esteem & makes me feel like it's not worth the effort at all
Meeting people takes so much out of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm so stiff & hyperaware of everything I'm doing, how I'm talking, the way my mouth moves, the way I'm standing or sitting, where my hands are, etc that I can't even enjoy what's going on. & Usually just end up being really anxious & uncomfortable. There's only been a few times when the first time meeting someone has been really nice & I've felt quite comfortable. Most times I'm so uncomfortable, it's almost painful. & I always feel so anxious like I'm in danger.
Despite its biological consequences sibling marriages still take place in certain parts of the world. Spread this video to stop it ua-cam.com/video/v2wDriJxAxY/v-deo.html
I've never been diagnosed with it, but all the signs sound exactly like me. The trouble with seeking professional help is that you have to be much richer than I am to afford any of it. The price tag alone for any sort of treatment, even without the added strain of opening up to a stranger, however good their abilities and intentions, would stress me out to extremes, so it would do more harm than good.
Honestly I’m at the point where a lot of people in my life have treated me so poorly or stopped caring about me that I just don’t even take my chances with meeting new people. It often never goes well anyway but I keep my expectations low so I don’t get disappointed and just stick to the small circle of friends I have left. Keeps me humble and allows me to not get distracted in other areas of my life
You’re not alone man it breaks my heart. I’m an introvert I got tired of chatting with new acquaintances and it’s getting exhausting I just want them to become my friends I tried of this bull crap I don’t want to make new friends sometimes and I just prefer to make a small circle, like right now for example a female acquaintance admitted that she doesn’t like talking to me and it broke my heart plus it’s been months since I last talked to her and I miss her every day now she leaves my messages on delivered and she doesn’t even check on my social media stories anymore I still miss her and I honestly think the acquaintance became my crush even though she friend zoned me and now it’s been months since I talked to her
I just don't know what it is that I do wrong... But for some reason I'm always the one who gets left out in friendships... In every part literally... I never had a bff before because in my opinion it is unfair to separate friends into bff's or just "friends", all my friends are my friends and I never made a difference between any of them, no matter if I knew some longer than others... But now I just start to question myself... of what is happening at the moment... I guess I'm just not supposed to have friends... Recently I was very happy to meet new people, a girl and a boy, I thought we could be a perfect trio... but after only ONE week, both of them were already chilling together at their homes and were watching movies together, or doing other fun things... (Never asking me if I would like to come over too... I guess they even kinda live together now... I'm not surprised by anything anymore, they even know each others families... The third wheel...like always...the one who noone tells anything of what happens, but you'll find out everything by yourself eventually... I'M TIRED and I don't know why I'm even trying to hold onto friendships, it's draining...
this also happened to me. Idk why but I feel like I am not as close as my 2 other online friends are, like they would talk about someone they know and I would be the third wheel and just be silent in the call...
I can relate to this so much. I always am the only one who tries to keep friendships going and the one who cares more and if I don‘t to anything no one would ever text me or anything. I always am the least favorite of everyone and always feel like no one likes me no matter what I do. I don‘t even have friends and sometimes it makes me really sad but I don‘t know what to do anymore because I don‘t seem to find anyone who cares as much about me as I care about them or someone who would just appreciate me the way I am. But just like you I‘m so so tired of everything and I don’t even want to try anymore because it probably won’t work. and I‘m SO SO sorry for the long text
Maybe your two friends are in love no...? That would explain why they want to spend time only the two of them. Anyway, I hope you find true friends very soon ❤️
Same for me, it's tiring. I'm sorry you have to feel that pain. Honestly, I wish someone could care just for once for myself instead of leaving me behind.
Wow i can fully relate to this. You basically described me in this video. Btw thank you so much for this channel i find your videos very useful and i also learn from them a lot about myself. I love the illustrations too they are so cute💙🦋🫂
Thank you for making this video. Having AVPD is really a hell. You want to make friends, but also you are so scare of people rejection you and laugh at you, that at the end, you just avoid every social event. I also was so scare of answer the phone and being around when there were people in a discussion because i would get panic attacks.
I am diagnosided with AVPD (beyonds others) and relate to most of those. Some a little differently though. For example I can feel relatively comfortable with people as long as they don't know my "darkest secret" (mostly severe eating disorder). And completely loose it if I fear they may find or might have found out. I would be convinced that they have to hate, disdain, feel disgusted by me etc. when they know. I then can hardly face people which I really liked and socialised with before any more. On the other hand not telling them feels somehow like lying. And that they can only like me because they don't know. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for raising awareness of theat disorder. It can be really distressing, misunderstood (as sadly most mental health issues) and difficult to explain.
I dress and talk confidently but am usually shy to start conversation or take things to the next level. My shyness is not visibly obvious in a public environment
the first step i think is to accept that you are shy and introverted :) and a very important thing is that if you need your time than take your time - you have to learn to go home if you feel tired - i mean i am an introverted person and i always need my time to re-energize after meeting with someone when you do this i have learned that you have much more energy to talk and interact with people and you can give more - sometimes maybe you think that you might miss something if you go but before you realize that the meeting is dragging you down because you have no energy left you should go home and take your time and after that you will realize it is much easier to be around people ✨💫💕
Easy. Throw yourself into situations where you have to deal with people. Preferably in a healthy way, like for me I hate interacting with people. People are scary. And yet I work in retail where I have to interact with people every single day. Now how does this help with the confidence part? I have low self esteem and little to no confidence in just about anything I do, but because I enjoy camping and sell camping gear I feel very confident and comfortable talking about most things because I have a lot of experience. I hate the job… but at least I know what I’m doing. Put yourself in all sorts of social situations and level the field by controlling/choosing those situations and shift the topic to something that you have lots of experience with. That’s how I get by. If you don’t think you have a lot of experience in anything that’s probably a lie but even so just find something you can enjoy and gain that experience.
You need to be able to immerse yourself into something, whether its a skill based physical activity like skateboarding or playing piano, or even learning another language. It's hard for several years as you have to diligently put the work in to make something second nature before you can enjoy it and gain the benefits of confidence that come with it. This is the best advice I can give you as someone who's been there. Being introverted can actually be a strength in this case, you can channel your emotions into something that will always be there for you unlike another another person. There are many paths out, this was just the one for me.
sadly, many things are vicious circles. IF you are a highly sensitive person like I am, rejection makes you feel humiliated. Makes you want to run away and hide to avoid the embarrassment and feelings of shame. It tears down your self esteem. Each episode of rejection reinforces that perception and makes you more fearful, until you stop taking chances all together. As the saying goes, most people live lives of quiet desperation. Some, more desperate than others. I've seen a few people say the secret of their success was having a mentor, someone to encourage them and help them grow. I had the opposite as a child / young adult. People mocking me, telling me I WASNT good enough. So yes, fear of rejection and humiliation terrifies me to the point of giving up. Which, has caused me to become angry and bitter. I used tobe a nice guy and helped people. But, now,I am apathetic, I DONT care anymore. People were unkind to me, so why should Ihelp someone who would NOT do the same for me? Who would take some sort of perverse enjoyment at my misery. I have a weird joke, I'm not racist, I hate everyone.
This is a very good comment. I like the quote "As the saying goes most live lives of quiet desperation" wow well said. I can relate a lot with you. The only way is to challenge ourself. I think getting to know another good person with avpd can make a good teamwork to challenge your limits. Read all you can about people that can manage living with AVPD and then try to experiment with the things you have read. I promise you it's not over there is still hope. You have to alter your brain completely and to do so you have to challenge your limits or get medication to change your brain chemistry. Or do both at the same time. Changing your brain chemistry is not only about medications. The brain is a spiritual object and the outer world can change thoughts and feelings just as medication can.
This is just perfect timing. I’m currently making strides to speak to my crush and things like that and the fear of rejection and criticism is something that I have ALWAYS had and this is amplifying it.
i used to be so cheery and social as a kid but during ages 10-13 i suddenly became very quiet and anxious. luckily i made a good amount of friends who i felt comfortable around !! unfortunately at the time of writing this the majority of them have moved away and my relationship with those that stayed is slowly deteriorating and i get the feeling they don’t want to be my friend simply because our interests are so different now. im finding it really hard to make new friends. i could watch someone for days or weeks but not once ever get the courage to talk to them (im not a stalker, i don’t follow them home or take pictures of them, mostly i just take note of their interests for maybe a minute or two then move on with my day). im so awkward with everyone in my classes that sometimes i don’t want to go to school at all. i really have only like 2 real friends. yeah, i know, it’s pathetic. i have low self esteem, i think i always have, but it’s even worse nowadays bc my sister is in the same school as me and she’s so social and popular and has a ton of friends and she never has to worry about being alone like i do. i wish i could talk to people i want to talk to people i just can’t. so sorry for this huge paragraph :(
@@xdrazormon454 i’m really sorry you experienced this, and this may seem ironic coming from a person who wrote a whole paragraph about my issues with myself, but you’re worth so much and no other human can decide that except yourself. it really does get better even if it may seem it doesn’t, sometimes it takes a month and sometimes it takes 3 years. i still struggle with my mental health a lot but now i’m trying to be a lot more confident, even if i’m faking it. but it really does help to fake confindence, so while you may not be confident for real right now eventually you will start feeling more confident naturally. “fake it till you make it” haha. also, if you need someone to talk to, i’m always here:) if no one else in your life got you, know that this random internet stranger does! 🩷
i got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxious-avoiding personality disorder and dependent personality disordered, 2 years ago. since then i spent time in the psych ward, for 14 months („so long“ because of anorexia) and in therapy and no one explained me this as good as you guys do. thank you it helps me understanding myself better
Every single point in this video really hit the nail on the head for me... I am 23 now, and trying my best to work on my self esteem and force myself to reach out to people more in the hopes it will get better bit by bit. I'm happy I'm not the only one going through this.
You’re not alone I suffered from this my entire life I’m trying rxposure therapy and i think it helpe me slowly to rewire my brain again and to build confidence and even i go to do rejection exposure to see that I didn’t die because of rejection
@@hasansarhan9296 I'm glad you're getting exposure therapy and I really hope it will help you out! I recently figured out this may also be connected to my autism, so I'm staying strong and trying to challenge and put myself out there more as well. 😊 I wish you the best!!
I was diagnosed as AVPD.. It's very difficult to interact with others in a spontaneous way and also I 'm very afraid to fail so I prefer not to risk... I feel so different from the other students of my university (overall in Italy where people are extremely extroverted and loud 😂)fortunately I go to therapy and things are going better, I'm accepting myself and (most important thing) I'm learning to love myself... Unfortunately people like us weren't loved properly in their family so they don't take for granted to be accepted by society but we alway see ourselves under the judging eye of our criticism which impairs the expression of our personality 😢
I knew something is going on, its good to know it has a name. Thanks for the video. Basically everything makes me feel like I want to hide. I get blushed and red when people talk to me and them noticing that makes me feel more shy 😔😔😔 I thought I was a highly sensitive person, but this describes better when one decide to be away from people. Its good to know it can be improved.
I have had this disorder for around 8 years. I met an abusive teacher who thought calling my toxic father was a productive way to solve my problems cuz he would yell at me again and again (going to school late, being not able to complete the homework, sleeping at classes due to insomnia). Even though I was the one who gave her the reputation of “training an excellent student”, I was nearly figuring out everything on my own and didn’t seek help too often. Now I’m still suffering, I delete friends’ contacts randomly and have zero confidence in my job or relationships because I literally think I’m a big loser and nobody recognizes my strength.
Well I checked all those little boxes. Just had my third session with my therapist via zoom . Being able to do it this way has helped me tremendously , just not having to deal with going to an office and being in my own home in my P.Js . Just starting this journey of unraveling this mess I’ve become and watching videos like this channel is greatly appreciated . Thank you psych to go , you’ve helped more people than you will ever know .
I had AVPD in the past, and have been overcoming it with the help of a therapist. One of the hardest things for me was self-criticism, it got so intense at times.
You just articulated something that I could never explain or expound. Living a life with this baggage is so messed up but peaceful somehow. I just recently offered a promotion which I declined due to small voices murmuring in my ear. Saying that I'm incapable, not worthy, and should stay where I am. I think that I would do the same thing just in case that I found someone I possibly fallen in love with. I might push him away or just ignore him. That's why I never had any boyfriend in my 25 years of existence. I dream of having one. But I also got an unexplainable satisfaction imagining how I would break my happiness. It's scary but it is how it is. Sorry for my grammar. English is not my first language. Thanks
Wow I identified with almost everything in this video. I try to pretend that I'm confident in front of others but on the inside I'm terrified. I try not to approach people I don't know, I just don't want to be a burden to others. I've never been in a relationship (I'm 23) because I'm afraid of being rejected and I just don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. It's hard to get close to anyone because I feel like they don't care about me that much and maybe I'm wrong but idk.
@@YurenaRA same. Bullied because I showed potential in school, I'm from a low income area. I'm much more successful than my bullies but they continue to live in my head rent free
My family wasn't abusive at all. My parents were addicted to moving, however, and it made it impossible for me to form lasting friendships, as we moved an average of more than once per year, and didn't stay in the same place more than three years until I was in my teens. Also, while I got along great with most of my teachers, the other kids in some of the schools I went to were absolute hell spawn.
I know this is strange but avoiding people (actually, i see them as enemies) has helped me not only focusing on myself but also getting me out of depression
I have 4 out of 6 symptoms listed in this video and yes it makes me difficult to take some challenges in my life. I'm so mad at myself because of this. It's kind of obstacles that prevent me from giving myself a better life due to my fear of trying something new and rejection 😔
DX with this and BPD by forensic psychologist. Recent personal events have brought out all the wonderful suffering of these disorders. Rejection, fear of rejection, humiliation, fear of humiliation, abandonment, fear of abandonment, emotional lability, feeling worthless and made to feel worthless by others - especially by a trusted medical professional...... Feel like a complete failure with no future. Feeling people should stay away because I just mess things up anyway. Recent compounded complex trauma made depression the worst I've ever experienced (which is really saying something, believe me). Had paranoid psychotic disorder ten years ago, and honestly always fighting to not lose my grip on reality, which is hard with the dissociation elements of these disorders. Self harm and dark thoughts are frequent. Daily internal battle, and a very very lonely one at that. I have given up on health professionals. Trust is shattered. I've had enough.
I'd rather keep my AvPD head down and not participate in a world where the destroying of others is a game that gives its participants an enormous rush, thanks very much.
I never really bond with people anymore since i lost my best friend (she didnt die or something she just stopped talking to me because she found new friends) and some points in this video are def relatable to me
I am afraid because I am in all of these cases. I am always afraid that my friends will reject me, and I force myself to behave exactly like everyone else so as not to be different. I always feel like people would have a better life without me, and I feel like I'm missing everything and being good for nothing. sorry for the misspellings, english is not my mother tongue
With each video psych2go posts I learn alot about my self and why I have been like this. It helps me know that my difficulties are not solely based on one thing but different causes which combined to make my mental health affected. I hope they put videos on how we can to try and solve some things on out own because I don't know how to ask for help.
I never knew that this particular bundle of things had a name. Now I feel like this is the core of what bothers me and stresses me out about myself, and this is something tangible and concrete I can actually then take to a therapist. Thanks Psych2Go, this is one of those cases where being able to articulate exactly what the problem is is going to be the first step towards solving it I think.
I used to have a huge fear of rejection, I'm almost sure of that, don't ask me how it went away. I used to isolate myself at school, when others asked me out I'd say no, and I always felt left out. It felt very lonely. But didn't realize I left myself out. But I'm never really interested in others. I have never been, it's me and my little world.
I stopped having close relationships long time ago. Everyone that I was close with decided to hurt me in many ways, at this point I just don't want to know no one new, even through I feel a void and I wish someone would care for me for real. Now I only have 2 friends and both are distancing. I can't anymore, people make me feel mentally tired. It feels like I'll never be enough for everyone.
i am in the same boat, just like a quote from another Psych2Go video, "i rather be alone than abandoned" i am tired of having to deal with abandonment i no longer hope for something good to happen, just want the bad things to stop
I feel the exact same way. I don't want to get hurt anymore and I'm often misunderstood. So, what do I do? I put up these huge walls and don't let anyone in. I always feel like I'm flawed. (Not the right kind) My heart goes out to everyone who feel this way! So sad!
I feel like I'm never enough to satisfy my partners (or my parents, whom I no longer speak to). I am also sick of feeling this way. It hurts. And I never want to think or feel this way again. I'm sick of being hurt and betrayed.
i have the same feeling. i told about my feeling to my bf. and he said that he dont deserve my complain. and i dont want to tell aboit my feeling to him and i stopped tp tell my problems to anyone else. cause its not help at all. it seems no one cares to listen about my stupid problems too.
Thanks for the education. I have many disorders, and now I finally know the name of the worst of them. At this point, I'd do anything to fix my "forever alone" status, but it's too severe for hope. I can't even read replies to my comments. The loneliness is too painful to allow for any self esteem. Hopefully learning its name will reduce some of its destructive effects, and maybe someday free me from solitary confinement. Thanks again.
That was really good and thank you for making this video ; but it was really short and so fast to understand you. I think it was better if you gave your audience more time to think about it and understand you. The animations are awesome and voice is really peaceful. Thanks for being criticizable and helping people.
I got all the signs during pratically all my life. But for me It's not a disorder. I am INFJ. I can see the positive side on it. Intense fear of rejection : before yes. Now : No problem now if someone reject me, I know what I'm worth, and what people lose. Lack of close relationships : I actually don't have friends, but I have adorable, benevolent and nice coworkers. Avoiding Risk taking : Still but not as much as before, I take more risk now. Excessive Shyness : Only with people I really like, people I don't want to disappoint, wherever they think badly of me. Low Self-Esteem : Sometimes again, can feel shame or not confident. Avoids Conflict : Of course, why wanting conflit ?
I feel targeted. But here’s what I’m wondering, why would you wanna treat this? Rejection can be painful much like how getting stung by a bee can bee painful too. Avoiding bees is fine but avoiding people (cause people could find a way to hurt me) is not okay? Sure the isolation isn’t the greatest but I’d rather be in control. It’s better to say I’m sad cause I isolate myself from things that could help opposed to being sad because the fun things you thought would bring happiness only brought pain. Lonely is better than being disappointed or betrayed in my book.
I guess it depends on how use see. One reason you may want to 'treat it' (I don't think treating is the right word more like managing it) is because some poeple realize how amazing it is to find that special someone that isn't going to disappoint you, reject you, accept you you for who you are and be by your side. Yes, you could go through some disappoint and rejection from other poeple before you do find the special someone but in the end some people see it as worth it and that's why they go through it or want to learn how to manage it. I use to have a friend with AVPD (an extreme case of it he pretty much checked every box in this video). There was a group of us friends with him and I genuinely wanted to be a good friend of his and so did everyone else. But in the end it was own AVPD that cause him to loose out on it. He feared rejection so much, he avoided us and conflicts so much that it ended up causing his own rejection. We wanted to be his friend, we wanted to help him, but in the end he avoided everything so much that we realized that this was barely even a friendship anymore. If he had at least learn to manage it so he could speak with us sometimes or try not to avoid us, then the rejection may not happen in the first place. Of course we knew he had this disorder and it would take time for him to work on it, but he also didn't seem to want to get any help for it and at that point we knew any friendship would be impossible with him if he wasn't even willing to seek help. I think this could be said about a lot of poeple with AVPD. That they just don't seem to realize people do want to be friends with you but they end up causing their own rejections because they're so avoidant and by managing it you could get out of that cycle and find someone to connect with.
@@JayJayTay I’d like to state that 1. Being able to check off every sign doesn’t make it a sever case. I can relate to all of these signs but I wouldn’t say I’m that bad, I can be around people I just choose not to, there are people out there that actively make these choices and others who don’t, and the only person who can really tell is either ones self, or a doctor. The video was for informative purposes not diagnosis. 2. Just because you don’t chat with someone every day or hang out with them all the time doesn’t mean friendship is impossible. I hardly talk to people, I haven’t had a real conversation with my friends in like 6 or 7 months. Just because we don’t communicate doesn’t mean we’re not friends. Some people may just have a different definition of friendship, and if you think you can’t be friends over something like that then perhaps you shouldn’t be friends. And 3. Getting help is way more difficult than you’d imagine. It seems so simple and if it were that simple I’d have no issues whatsoever. So you can’t blame people for seemingly not wanting help, nor can you forcefully help them. You just have to have patience and be there when they’re ready, that’s how you could be a good friend. My apologies if that came off a little harsh, that wasn’t my intention.
I can understand and not at the same time. On paper this seems great, but being so scared of rejection that you cease most human contact is not okay. I say this as someone who avoids ppl. Dieing alone is honestly more painful than anything a person can do to you. IMO at least.
@@kaumahaakana6755 1. never said that checking off every sign definitely meant that it was sever. I knew he was diagnosed with it and I knew he was diagnosed with a sever case of it. I simply compared it to the video as that was the only thing I could compare it in which we both had knowledge of just so you could get a sense of where he was. 2. I also never said anything about needing to hang out every day or talk every day. Although it is partially my fault for not going into detail about how much he avoided us, it would be nice if such things weren't assumed to be so and then give an explanation off said assumption. But to give you a more detailed explanation of it so that there is no misunderstanding, he would avoid for months sometimes a year but it wasn't just avoiding, it was ignoring as well. We invited him to chat with us, invited him to hangout, tried to talk to him one on one, messages him to just see how he's doing, and we would pretty much be ignored. Of course we accepted this for awhile knowing that this was just how he was but it is hardly a friendship at that point. We did still consider him a friend but it did feel like he did not consider us one (whether this is true or not idk it's just what it felt like). But even then a frienship is 50/50 work effort. There is some type of effort we expect out of the other half. Maybe one side has to put in a little more but if there is no effort shown on the other than it has becomes more sided friendship if anything. Even if his only effort was to seek help, that would have at least shown us he cared about us enough to put in an effort. 3. I know it is difficult to get help sometimes (but I was aware his parents were trying to help by paying for his therapy) and I know sometimes it is difficult to ask for help, but if they don't try then nothing is going to change. You can't sit there and do nothing and expect things to get better or for people to just accept it and deal with it. It is a reality everyone has to face sometimes. Again, at least making that effort to get help will show friends that you are trying and true friends will be patient with you and wait for you and be there for you as you go through this journey. But it is unfair to the other party to carry the friendship while you refuse to change or try and get better or show an effort to friends you care enough about them to get better. A little more detail of how things ended, there was a friend in the friend group that stuck by his side for 3 yrs. She cared about him a lot, wanted him to get better, was there for him when he needed to talk, poured a lot of energy and love into the friendship, but she wasn't treated the same in that he ignored her a lot, avoided her and refused to talk with her at times. She was patient with him as she knew this was something he struggled with but after three years of seeing no effort to change (he would purposely skip out on his therapy) it really started to take a toll on her mentally. She was worn out, exhausted and had pretty much given up hope. Staying in that friendship anymore would've been bad for her own mental health so in the end, his avoidance and refusal to get help did cause her to reject the friendship in the end. We all discussed what happen as we were all sad that we lost him as a friend but we did come to the conclusion that if he just made any effort to get help we probably would've stayed there for him. But without that effort we didn't even know of he cared about us at all and of course because of his AVPD he never told us if we did mean anything to him. At least seeing him get help would've been a non-verbal way for him to communicated he cared. Of course this is just my experience, yours may be different with your friends. Maybe you have told your friends you care about them or made efforts to show they mean something to you. I also apologize if any of this came off harsh as well. I do hope though that this story about how someone with AVPD who caused his own rejection would help you in some way. I know it's not easy living with it, but it is good to try and manage it if possible. I know your freinds would appreciate it.
@@kaumahaakana6755 it sounds like your an avoidant lol they always rationalize things that are not normal and they usually dont think they have a real problem until they start to see it for themselves,they are also very sensitive to constructive criticism,your response is a classic avoidant response,it doesn't make you a bad person but most avoidants end up dying alone and end up regretting not seeing things for what they really are after it's too late,I hope you get the help that you need..avoidants are afraid of taking risks they see no point or value in that so I totally understand why you feel no need for change, you feel like everyones the same so what's the point of putting myself out there...this is a form of self sabotaging without realizing it, but these are your choices if you feel like nothing is wrong then who can say otherwise right?..Good luck...
Greetings Psych2Go! Now it appears that I have one more set of issues to consult with my therapist about. Thank you for posting these videos! Please have an excellent and awesome day! ☀️✨
well yeah that sums up my life pretty much because of my ADHD and highly emotional personality I literally became it shut in. got depressed gained weight and suffered in silence for year. all of that plus crippling anxiety just gave me hypertension🙁
I’m not shy; I can act out however I want around almost anyone if I really care to. However, I’m extremely avoidant of girls I like. Because I couldn’t bear being denied after everything I had planned in my mind. Sure I can talk to the ones I like but very briefly. But talking to a girl I’m not emotionally interested in is like night and day, I’ll act goofy and not care.
I don't even have any disorder or know anyone like that. But it's good to know nonetheless and the narrator's voice is so soothing, it's like balm for the mind to just listen. So relaxing!
I have AvPD and I'm autistic (to name a few). Probably developed AvPD because my autism was late diagnosed. Autism is also regularly misdiagnosed as AvPD or other personality disorders. Being autistic and living in a neurotipical world is traumatic for a lot of us, so the personality disorders are not always a misdiagnosis. They can co-occure with autism.
I have felt for a while that something was wrong with my brain, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was just always subtly afraid of growing closer to people other than the friends I already had. I just felt like I wasn't worth anyone's time. And then I got a girlfriend (sort of, its complicated), and that fear amplified a ton. I really had a feeling something was wrong, but I never talked about it or checked it out, because I was afraid of the possibilities. Then I saw this video, and I match up pretty well with all of those signs. Uh oh. I might want to get it checked out. Anyways, thanks for reading, have a good day.
This is too relatable for comfort. Every time I appear with a group of ppl, I have the sudden lack of desire to start any conversation. Even when I try to talk to ppl, I just get ignored often, which makes me feel like I'm annoying to them.
I'm 56 and suffer from this mental cancer but I'm very proud of myself......I've never been unemployed, I'm not on any kind of drugs or medication, live on my own and don't depend on anyone. I'm so blessed, God has taken care of me ❤❤❤
This is great information! I think it could appear I be lumped into this category. I have expectations of friends, therefore I am happy chillin by myself!
Comment below and let us know in situations make you shy (if you do get shy)? Just note this is just a general awareness around this topic, which may not be applicable to everyone. We also made another video on the signs of an avoidant attachment style. Watch this next: ua-cam.com/video/nqlce10FyVU/v-deo.html
Cool
With my crush.
With anybody that talks to me 🤩🚪🏃♀️
I can be very quiet around a lot of people sometimes I don't wanna be there
U are the best chanell
Intense fear of rejection: 1:07
Lack of close relationships: 1:50
Avoiding Risk taking: 2:35
Excessive Shyness: 3:10
Low Self-Esteem: 3:45
Avoids Conflict: 4:07
oh frick im all those
Thank you
AvDP was why I didn't enjoy my time in college and I really wish I could undo it
100%, I won this lottery guys, where's my price?
Oof
i just feel like people are better off not knowing me. i wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. avoiding people just feels right
This is exactly my thought. I dont want to dissapoint anyone.
Well to me i just want to talk to people.Its my thing which i do everyday.
I feel like I'm not capable of genuinely loveing and being nice to other people and that everything I do is just for praise or something
I hate feeling like this
Yeah... I get the feeling that I come off as a very cold person even as you get to know me. It's just a lot of people I talk to seem to just want to hear what they want to hear and disregard anything else. I'm not really sure how to talk to people in a way everyone in the conversation gets something out of it.
same, idk why but I have this fear of if people know what I like they would use it against me
For 2, I would 100% avoid coworkers if I saw them while I was out🤣 I don’t have Avoidant Personality Disorder, I just don’t want to see coworkers outside of work. Lol
Lol I have the strong belief that friends, coworkers and family shouldn't be mixed.
@@CrisOnTheInternet Same! I treat my family, friends & co workers as if they all exist in different worlds 😂 Gives me anxiety when the worlds collide. I don’t know who to be
It has the same vibe as seeing your teachers outside of school 😭😭😂
I would most likely avoid them as well, though if they come up to me I’ll greet them and chat a bit, then try to get back to what I was doing.
thats normal
"Dear you, you've forgotten yourself. You give everyone love but neglect the void you have in your heart. Focus on that. Heal first, then give."
Malanda
And then they call you "selfish" for it.
@@R4GNAR0G Which is big cap. It doesn’t make sense to demand a drained individual to serve others. It’s like asking a dead phone to work without charging it first.
15 years trying to heal. I'm a lost case and I gave up
Me at home: *Does not mind talking*
Me at school: *Stealth mission: Avoid everyone at all costs*
I agree with you man 👍 (it's happens to me)
This comment is relatable...
I've never seen anyone so like me 😫
Lol fr
Me at school: *current* *objective:* *SURVIVE*
1- Fear of rejection
2- Lack of close relationships
3- Avoiding risk-taking
4- Excessive shyness
5- Low self esteem
6- Avoiding conflict
Timestamps??
*Fear
I relate to all of these but I don't think I have Apd
Wait 2 weeks ago?
How did you comment this two weeks ago when the video came out an hour ago (from time of comment)
It’s hard to make friends when they either put in no effort or just use you to fill their social ego. I get called weird for being alone, but I don’t see any of my “friends” I’ve attempted to talk with hanging out with me or inviting me anywhere. I just haven’t found my tribe, and don’t feel as if need one to validate who I am. I avoid people, parties, and other social gatherings because it overwhelms me and some don’t realize I have personal boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s better to be alone to avoid the feeling of hurt, and value those who stayed around you 🤷🏽♀️
maybe you should try finding other people that truly appreciate your friendship
I agree
Finding your tribe is imperative! Once you do find people you can trust, the world would seem a lot brighter.
I agree too 💯🥲 almost my way of thinking
I know how you feel. 🥺
What’s fucking depressing to me is that I’ve lost two “best” friends in a month after my b-day. They ghosted me and left without a word. This experience has left me jaded and cynical about being open to anyone. The only friends I have are nonexistent ones in my subconscious.
That’s not too depressing is it? 🥲
almost painful to watch, everything was 100% how i feel. I only talk to 3-4 people on the regular (my boyfriend, my sister, my daughter and sometimes my mom) i don't have irl friends. It affects every aspect of my life, i have to muster up the courage for HOURS (sometimes even days) to even ask my coworkers for the simplest things, and therefore i end up doing poorly at my job. I don't have any hobbies and i've been stuck in this job i don't like for the past 6 years because the thought of looking for a new job or having to learn a new set of skills and failing at it terrifies me. My mom calls me once every two weeks always asking if i'm angry at her because i don't reach out, truth is i'm also scared of talking to her. I just wished i could live a normal life, i'd love to have friends, i'd love to surprise-visit my mom sometimes, i'd love to go out and do things, i'd love to be able to find a job i like, i want my daughter to see me as a role model of someone healthy and happy, i'm so tired to live trapped inside my own mind
I can relate to this a lot. I just recently started a new job after being stuck at my old one for 2 years. It was so hard for me mentally, and I had the worst anxiety for the first 4 weeks or so. Taking the first steps towards finding a new job was hard for me to do, because I didn’t want to have to face the interviews and starting something new, not knowing what to do, and being around people that I don’t know, but I’m honestly so glad I’m not where I use to be anymore. I’m lucky to have a mom that understands me and is there to help me with these things. She is my support system and I don’t know what I would do without her. But, yes, I get scared to talk to everyone in my life- even her. I’m scared that one day, once i’m moved out and don’t see her everyday anymore, I’ll stop talking to her, too.
@@tayelisa3669 congrats on finding a new job! Living like this isn't easy but we must try to see the glass half-full; you were able to find a job and get past the anxiety of the first weeks,that is a great accomplishment. Glad that you have people supporting you, I also don't know what I would do without the support of my family.
I feel you're pain girl 😔
hey guys, just wanted to say that im sorry this happens to you and that i wish u the best in life. also, u guys might try a therapist?
@@SinisterScoundrel6562 i understand that some therapists that you've worked with have been pretty much useless but trust me theyre not all the same. there us cure, love. for example, it was Jesus for me. He got me out of a very dark phase
I've just kinda just given up on people in general. My closest friendships feel one sided and are only genuine on my part. I would just rather be alone at this point.
Felt; I always feel like the "second choice friend"
@@j00nha That's exactly how I feel
So, you think, the problem is the other people?
@@trappart9209 Not really. I usually just assume it's me or something I did, and then try to improve.
You won't always feel this way. I think people can be focused on just themselves sometimes instead of others but we all do that since we're living our own lives so its not such a bad thing I think.
"According to the study you..."
That's literally my life =/
I had all of those things as a child and adolescent. I avoided conflict at all costs, which caused me to develop resentment and addictions.
@Marshmallow Kitty You'll eventually get better.
@@drinasun6984 Worst that can happen is you become a 49 yo virgin :lol:
Despite its biological consequences sibling marriages still take place in certain parts of the world. Spread this video to stop it ua-cam.com/video/v2wDriJxAxY/v-deo.html
I find it being easy to be manipulated when I avoid tension. So I’m agreeable all the time. Subject to narcissism etc
For me, I feel it’s much better to avoid. I’ve had enough of being criticized and looked down upon by family and peers growing up. I know I’m dumb and incompetent. I don’t want more people telling me.
God that’s me too. Seems like the more friends I would have the more of my flaws I’d expose to all of them and I’m fucking sick of that 🤦♂️
Nobody’s dumb and incompetent bro, that’s an ego thing, nobody knows everything you might just not know as much as others, be honest with yourself and give yourself the chance to grow.
I’ve also had enough of people telling this as well. I’m not saying I’m dumb and incompetent in a self deprecating way, I’m saying it because it’s true. I have grown a lot. I’m very self aware self, and that’s how I know I’m a person who slow to get things, bad at school and people have made fun of me for it my whole life. I like getting constructive criticism, but it’s hardly ever been constructive from people in my experience. Teachers and tutors were a nightmare, My first job I was let go because I wasn’t good enough at it, I quit a job a couple months ago cause the manager and some servers were barely patient with teaching me things. My moms friend nicknamed me ‘Dory’ when I was a kid and my dad said he didn’t think I could make it into a school I wanted to get into.
My mother said to me this same thing when she was showing me how to drive. I don’t think I’m completely dumb but it’s frustrating when people think this when it’s actually the complete opposite.
I liked this as i agree and feel the same. not to mock.
Same, I usually avoid a lot of people because every single time that I open up my insecurities to them I feel like I'm just being an attention seeking person. I'm also worried a lot of times that I may come off as a narcissistic since I usually can't handle criticism. I don't really know how to handle my problems sometimes and the only right way I know is to avoid it.
I think I can help people distinguish between Avpd and more typical introverted behavior.
It doesn't have to be this extreme, but in my case it's not just avoiding coworkers in public, I can't hold down a job period because the slightest criticism just sends me into a major depressive suicidal episode.
There is a complete lack of esteem and inability to keep yourself centered or build yourself back up.
Exactly. Every one feels at least a couple of these at some point in their lives. In order to be a clinical diagnosis, it’s about the intensity of the symptoms, more than one of these symptoms, AND the symptoms are pervasive across all aspects of a persons life.
It sucks that whenever I see any of these videos talking about AvPD, depression, anxiety or similar topics, I always feel identified with everything... everytime.
In this case, every single point is exactly how I am... it's part of the reason why I've lived in isolation my whole life with no friends at all, not even online ones.
Maybe my life might become "better" in some way if I was able to fix these problems I have, but I've grown so used to them that I can't see myself being different... not to mention that searching for a decent mental health proffesional can get so damn expensive due to how many suck at their job, that I'd need to be a millionaire before I can actually find the right person.
Same here. If you're like me, you'll never see this because the anxiety is so intense that the idea of reading a reply causes instant panic. Hopefully that's not the case. At least we gained another name to throw in the list of diagnoses. For me, this one will go at the head of the list. It's the most painful and severe of all of them. Being "forever alone" is worse than death. If only I had the courage to end this torment.
@@JB52520 now sure if i relate to what you guys said. but when i write comments on whatever topics utube vids are about i will check out replies if there are any. vivd example. last night when i was about to sleep i found i lost my student id card and i became panicking and somewhat depressed that i couldn't keep my own stuff. i then wrote some comments on one vid this channel made not far ago. basically writing about what i really thought after watching. and just less than 1 hour ago i saw one guy replied to that comment. that was sth discouraging and i just deleted my comment so i won't see his either. sadly i am now convinced that i have this avpd thing. sigh,
I'm 100% like this irl but on the internet I don't care coz nobody knows who I am irl so it dosnt matter what I say on here
1000000% this. It's a freaking nightmare!
@@JB52520 Agreed. Although I know that this is a "public social environment", I still treat it as if it is a place to share a monologue with my perspective on things, and then run away hoping that I may have brought insights to someone and dreading if anyone would actually want to engage in further discussion; no matter how much doing so would likely benefit my own mental health. Heck, my username here was only ever meant to be a placeholder after they split Gmail from UA-cam accounts. I had no plans to have this side of me ever seen in 'reality'.
As far as the diagnosis goes, for me, I'd say it is likely a co-morbidity to some other conditions of mine; most likely in that the symptoms themselves overlap rather than this specifically applying to me despite how much everything lines up. Having been 15 years since I've had true friends, and limited mingling with coworkers over that time, it is hard to suddenly stop and trust people with my vulnerabilities in a time of division. Doesn't help matters when a part of your last circle of friends went on to become now infamous criminals...
But that's just my take. I am sure that there's a ton of people out there with more or less severe traumas associated with their avoidances that are equally valid in their hesitation. Here's hoping we can all find a place in the world that can slow down enough for us to comfortably reach up and fit in.
"Please reach out to a mental health professional" You should do a vid about that. The shopping around required plus the price barrier makes this not so easy a task.
Yes!
Thanks for the feedback. Stay tuned!
I'm in England where the "Help" Is free and it's still done nothing for me over the last 25 years.
I used to have lots of friends in highschool, but then I got bullied online and irl, and my self esteem went down, I had depression and anxiety, still do but it’s not as bad now. Now in college, I isolate myself and only focus on my studies instead of trying to make friends, because I don’t wanna be rejected and I don’t wanna be betrayed in the future
I feel you. I never had issues making friends when I was younger. Just went up to people and said "Hey, you're cool, do you wanna be my friend?" and that was it. Later I got bullied and school and from then on, everything just went downhill. Lost most of my friends, my self esteem just didnt exist anymore and trying to make friends became difficult and exhausting. I now only have two friends, both not really close. One I barely see and one I am starting to get a little closer to.
I wish it would be easier but it just isnt. I constantly feel, like I have to act like someone else for people to accept me.
And I am also sorry that you and so many other people have to feel the way I do. No one should have to deal with this, but sadly, its not that easy.
Yea it's better to stay alone thab being with dramatic people's
@@Shyress I completely agree, in order to have close connections, you gotta put in a ton of work, and I don’t have time for that when I literally have to put in a ton of work for my classes lmao
It's funny how Ive been the most shy introvert in the world but somehow always ended up the most popular with a ton of friends only to find out none of them were friends. I like being away from foolishness that comes in the form of people lol
nobody is born with this, it is the result of repeated experiences.
And that honestly makes it even more likely I have it, because I USED to be a more open person, and just generally more social, then just got a bit more and more shy, and then had to stay at home for over a year and now I 100% fit all (or almost all) of these signs. I'm not trying to self diagnose, and, well, you can probably guess based on how many of these fit me that I'm honestly too nervous to talk about this with anyone, even if I really want to.
Yes! This!
I hope it's not just covid lockdown yet. I had AVPD like this, first depression second anxiety third it that. the hardship for killing you inside.😭
YES. Something some people don’t understand. I’ve been harshly criticized and made fun of my whole childhood.
Me too i was bullied badly in my school life ,always being interupted during talks,had fake friend who used my innocence,this had lead to me where whenever i talk i cannot talk with any emotion
I love you guys. You're the only channel that when talking about avoidants, the comment section isn't toxic towards us. When other channels talk about it, to help others understand avoidants, the comments are so mean and toxic. I love what you guys do. This channel makes me feel safe and understood. I've been watching since my divorce in Feb 2024. You've been helping try to figure things out while seeing a therapist. I hope you continue the great work!
You can’t get rejected if you’re not close to anyone and always except being either ignored or laughed at
I’m very social on a surface level, even though it’s extremely hard to notice 😂
Criticism stays with me for… forever 🤨
I want to please everyone, but I know I can’t so I know I’ll always be a failure 🙃
Just like perfectionism. It’ll never be perfect, so it’ll never be good enough 😑
On the perfectionism point, I agree it is hard to accept not being perfect. I still want to help everyone, and not leave people behind due to arbitrary things like "annual budgets". Just got into civil service myself, and the idea of telling people no to their face in regards to support programs just makes my gut wretch.
It is painfully hard, but I've been told to take solace in the gratitude of those I can help.
Might not be working for me just yet, but maybe thinking of perfectionism in that light might make you appreciate what can be done without being perfect?
Good luck.
While our minds know social rejection won’t kill us in the modern day, our brain tends to think otherwise. Failure is a symptom of having normal fallback plans for rejection. Because when you can’t rely on deep social connections, you search inward. “Maybe I’m not good enough for them, but I’m good on my own.”
@@jaykyuification fantastic insight
@@ChaosCorpse4tube I’m talking about perfectionism where being the best at a subject in school and feeling ashamed when the teacher praised me since I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I wasn’t wasn’t good enough to deserve it since my results weren’t 100% just very close to it. It’s a rather complex psychological issue that can have many causes, as well as cause severe issues for people, like how I eventually became anorexic since I should probably loose weight and then you just become fixated on that. Always something, and always a feeling of never being good enough as a person to deserve anything, overworking yourself so that you can make things perfect but since it’s impossible you’re doomed to fail from the start. It takes a lot of work to even try to change this kind of behaviour when a single spelling error in an entire essay ruined EVERYTHING, despite having found out that I’m severely dyslexic at sixteen. Why that long if it was so severe and obvious when getting diagnosed? The perfectionism. It was extremely hard to learn to read and write but I still did it, on my own, spending hours upon hours trying to make sense of these nonsensical scribbles that seemed so obvious to everyone else, I must be so STUPID because this feels impossible but I kept practicing, determined to not be a failure. Only to be continuously called lazy by teachers due to my poor spelling “for someone that reads as much as you do” over the following nine years further confirming that yes I’ll indeed never be good enough
This is why psychologists and psychiatrists say that perfectionism isn’t a positive trait, it’s something that more often than not hinders people from achieving what they want in life due to “knowing” deep inside that they’re not good enough, because they’d have to be perfect and that’s impossible. It’s not always extreme, but it definitely can become in combination with other things, and you have to learn to compromise to even get things done. At some point exhaustion hits like a brick and it’ll just have to do, despite not being perfect and thus, rubbish, shouldn’t even be shown to others they’re going to hate it
I have a whole bag of issues, perfectionism just happens to be one of them, but trauma specialist therapist is on my case now
I have this personality disorder and I'm fighting it on a regular basis..
The fear of rejection is really scary..i don’t talk to people that much,getting to know new people is a tough job for me..i had loved someone and after he had rejected me,i haven’t been able to like anyone else..the fear is so overpowering, it makes me feel that i will get rejected again for sure and that's why i don’t even try new things..depression is killing me inside..
Having Low self esteem is the worst..it makes me wonder why i was born in the first place..
Timestamps:
1:10 Intense fear of rejection
1:49 Lack of close relationships
2:36 Avoiding risk taking
3:11 Excessive shyness
3:45 Lack of self esteem
4:07 Avoids conflict
No
No
No
Yes
Yes
Yes
🥴
@@GouramiNatural same but I’m working on my self esteem now 😊👍
@@Luv4Jay1 yeah same. It's pretty important nowadays.
@ᴼˡˡⁱᵉ ' ᴾᵃʷ same
@@Luv4Jay1 Good luck with that!
I always thought I just struggled with social anxiety, but I fit every symptom of AVPD to a tee. I always felt like there was more to my struggles than just social anxiety and it’s nice to have a better understanding of my mental health. I’m so glad I discovered this.
I always thought that I was just an introvert. It's much deeper than that. I agree with you that it's not just social anxiety. It's much more complexed and more common than I thought.
I've been diagnosed with avpd this year and I can relate with every point. For me it's been really frustrating because i long for interpersonal contact with friends, family, etc... But most of the time I self-sabotaged all kind of interactions with people. Like Ive been thinking all my life I was introverted and socially anxious but its the lack of social interactions what makes me feel worse a lot of the time.
Aaaaand here we have Psych2go hitting the nail on the head once again...
Why do I always relate to most of your videos?? Why you do this to me?? D:
I feel so called out that it physically hurts D:
Same :(
Same...
I always felt something was wrong with me. I can never connect with people and always feel far away from people around me like I want to be close to people but I just can't connect or get close to them I just constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong and I feel like people don't like me so I just disappear at the slightest sign of rejection. I think this is exactly what it is. Thank you I've never heard of this but now hopefully I can get diagnosed and get better.
Part of me loves the thought of sharing my live with a lovely girl...but at the same time I'm also perfectly comfortable not speaking to a living being for days.
Your voice literally heal me, it feels like I've known you for a long time, I'm so relaxed and comfortable when I hear your voice. ❤️
Thank you! Amanda has an amazing voice :) - Cindy
I agree,it's sooooo relaxing and sweet
Haha it's me. I haven't hanged with anyone for the past two years lol. I actively avoid meeting new people until I feel I'm ready (which takes a long time). Also idk if anyone feels this but when I know someone I know is around the same place I am (like a store), I get ready paranoid like I feel like I'm being watched or followed & really uncomfortable with the possibility of meeting them so I always want to leave & get away. Sometimes when I do hang with people I get so uncomfortable I wish I was at home. & Even with someone nice I always think am I saying the right things? Am I walking weird? I usually follow their facial expressions just in case I'm not reacting how they would like. Part of it is due to being deaf in one ear so I'm afraid I will mishear things & another part is I'm scared I won't know what to say. It gives me so much anxiety, it usually ends up being not worth it. & Sometimes when I do find someone I like, they just end up not talking to me anymore. Which isn't exactly great for my self-esteem & makes me feel like it's not worth the effort at all
Meeting people takes so much out of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm so stiff & hyperaware of everything I'm doing, how I'm talking, the way my mouth moves, the way I'm standing or sitting, where my hands are, etc that I can't even enjoy what's going on. & Usually just end up being really anxious & uncomfortable. There's only been a few times when the first time meeting someone has been really nice & I've felt quite comfortable. Most times I'm so uncomfortable, it's almost painful. & I always feel so anxious like I'm in danger.
Despite its biological consequences sibling marriages still take place in certain parts of the world. Spread this video to stop it ua-cam.com/video/v2wDriJxAxY/v-deo.html
I kinda developed this mainly because situations that just destroyed my confidence and self esteem
I agree 💯
Everyday I learn I have a new disorder. I'm 20% water, 80% mental illness
year, same
Relatable
Ha just what I thought 🤣
Dont just assume m8 these vids aint diagnoses.
@@thomasshelby1172 Not assuming anything, I've been diagnosed with mental health issues, a hell lot of them :)
I've never been diagnosed with it, but all the signs sound exactly like me. The trouble with seeking professional help is that you have to be much richer than I am to afford any of it. The price tag alone for any sort of treatment, even without the added strain of opening up to a stranger, however good their abilities and intentions, would stress me out to extremes, so it would do more harm than good.
Sometimes you need to risk getting hurt in order to earn the people that deserve you.
i didnt even know this was a thing, but i relate to all 6 of the signs
Honestly I’m at the point where a lot of people in my life have treated me so poorly or stopped caring about me that I just don’t even take my chances with meeting new people. It often never goes well anyway but I keep my expectations low so I don’t get disappointed and just stick to the small circle of friends I have left. Keeps me humble and allows me to not get distracted in other areas of my life
This leads to being an incel though.
You’re not alone man it breaks my heart. I’m an introvert I got tired of chatting with new acquaintances and it’s getting exhausting I just want them to become my friends I tried of this bull crap I don’t want to make new friends sometimes and I just prefer to make a small circle, like right now for example a female acquaintance admitted that she doesn’t like talking to me and it broke my heart plus it’s been months since I last talked to her and I miss her every day now she leaves my messages on delivered and she doesn’t even check on my social media stories anymore I still miss her and I honestly think the acquaintance became my crush even though she friend zoned me and now it’s been months since I talked to her
I just don't know what it is that I do wrong...
But for some reason I'm always the one who gets left out in friendships...
In every part literally...
I never had a bff before because in my opinion it is unfair to separate friends into bff's or just "friends", all my friends are my friends and I never made a difference between any of them, no matter if I knew some longer than others...
But now I just start to question myself...
of what is happening at the moment...
I guess I'm just not supposed to have friends...
Recently I was very happy to meet new people, a girl and a boy, I thought we could be a perfect trio...
but after only ONE week, both of them were already chilling together at their homes and were watching movies together, or doing other fun things...
(Never asking me if I would like to come over too...
I guess they even kinda live together now...
I'm not surprised by anything anymore, they even know each others families...
The third wheel...like always...the one who noone tells anything of what happens, but you'll find out everything by yourself eventually...
I'M TIRED and I don't know why I'm even trying to hold onto friendships, it's draining...
this also happened to me. Idk why but I feel like I am not as close as my 2 other online friends are, like they would talk about someone they know and I would be the third wheel and just be silent in the call...
Same
I can relate to this so much. I always am the only one who tries to keep friendships going and the one who cares more and if I don‘t to anything no one would ever text me or anything. I always am the least favorite of everyone and always feel like no one likes me no matter what I do. I don‘t even have friends and sometimes it makes me really sad but I don‘t know what to do anymore because I don‘t seem to find anyone who cares as much about me as I care about them or someone who would just appreciate me the way I am. But just like you I‘m so so tired of everything and I don’t even want to try anymore because it probably won’t work. and I‘m SO SO sorry for the long text
Maybe your two friends are in love no...? That would explain why they want to spend time only the two of them. Anyway, I hope you find true friends very soon ❤️
Same for me, it's tiring. I'm sorry you have to feel that pain. Honestly, I wish someone could care just for once for myself instead of leaving me behind.
Wow i can fully relate to this. You basically described me in this video. Btw thank you so much for this channel i find your videos very useful and i also learn from them a lot about myself. I love the illustrations too they are so cute💙🦋🫂
Thank you for making this video.
Having AVPD is really a hell. You want to make friends, but also you are so scare of people rejection you and laugh at you, that at the end, you just avoid every social event.
I also was so scare of answer the phone and being around when there were people in a discussion because i would get panic attacks.
I am diagnosided with AVPD (beyonds others) and relate to most of those. Some a little differently though. For example I can feel relatively comfortable with people as long as they don't know my "darkest secret" (mostly severe eating disorder). And completely loose it if I fear they may find or might have found out. I would be convinced that they have to hate, disdain, feel disgusted by me etc. when they know. I then can hardly face people which I really liked and socialised with before any more. On the other hand not telling them feels somehow like lying. And that they can only like me because they don't know.
Anyway, I wanted to thank you for raising awareness of theat disorder. It can be really distressing, misunderstood (as sadly most mental health issues) and difficult to explain.
How can you be a confident person while being shy and introverted? Love to see your response!
I dress and talk confidently but am usually shy to start conversation or take things to the next level. My shyness is not visibly obvious in a public environment
ua-cam.com/video/oHPI5qWsIf0/v-deo.html .
the first step i think is to accept that you are shy and introverted :) and a very important thing is that if you need your time than take your time - you have to learn to go home if you feel tired - i mean i am an introverted person and i always need my time to re-energize after meeting with someone when you do this i have learned that you have much more energy to talk and interact with people and you can give more - sometimes maybe you think that you might miss something if you go but before you realize that the meeting is dragging you down because you have no energy left you should go home and take your time and after that you will realize it is much easier to be around people ✨💫💕
Easy. Throw yourself into situations where you have to deal with people. Preferably in a healthy way, like for me I hate interacting with people. People are scary. And yet I work in retail where I have to interact with people every single day. Now how does this help with the confidence part? I have low self esteem and little to no confidence in just about anything I do, but because I enjoy camping and sell camping gear I feel very confident and comfortable talking about most things because I have a lot of experience. I hate the job… but at least I know what I’m doing. Put yourself in all sorts of social situations and level the field by controlling/choosing those situations and shift the topic to something that you have lots of experience with. That’s how I get by.
If you don’t think you have a lot of experience in anything that’s probably a lie but even so just find something you can enjoy and gain that experience.
You need to be able to immerse yourself into something, whether its a skill based physical activity like skateboarding or playing piano, or even learning another language. It's hard for several years as you have to diligently put the work in to make something second nature before you can enjoy it and gain the benefits of confidence that come with it. This is the best advice I can give you as someone who's been there. Being introverted can actually be a strength in this case, you can channel your emotions into something that will always be there for you unlike another another person. There are many paths out, this was just the one for me.
sadly, many things are vicious circles. IF you are a highly sensitive person like I am, rejection makes you feel humiliated. Makes you want to run away and hide to avoid the embarrassment and feelings of shame. It tears down your self esteem. Each episode of rejection reinforces that perception and makes you more fearful, until you stop taking chances all together. As the saying goes, most people live lives of quiet desperation. Some, more desperate than others. I've seen a few people say the secret of their success was having a mentor, someone to encourage them and help them grow. I had the opposite as a child / young adult. People mocking me, telling me I WASNT good enough. So yes, fear of rejection and humiliation terrifies me to the point of giving up. Which, has caused me to become angry and bitter. I used tobe a nice guy and helped people. But, now,I am apathetic, I DONT care anymore. People were unkind to me, so why should Ihelp someone who would NOT do the same for me? Who would take some sort of perverse enjoyment at my misery. I have a weird joke, I'm not racist, I hate everyone.
This is a very good comment. I like the quote "As the saying goes most live lives of quiet desperation" wow well said. I can relate a lot with you. The only way is to challenge ourself. I think getting to know another good person with avpd can make a good teamwork to challenge your limits. Read all you can about people that can manage living with AVPD and then try to experiment with the things you have read. I promise you it's not over there is still hope. You have to alter your brain completely and to do so you have to challenge your limits or get medication to change your brain chemistry. Or do both at the same time. Changing your brain chemistry is not only about medications. The brain is a spiritual object and the outer world can change thoughts and feelings just as medication can.
This is just perfect timing. I’m currently making strides to speak to my crush and things like that and the fear of rejection and criticism is something that I have ALWAYS had and this is amplifying it.
i used to be so cheery and social as a kid but during ages 10-13 i suddenly became very quiet and anxious. luckily i made a good amount of friends who i felt comfortable around !! unfortunately at the time of writing this the majority of them have moved away and my relationship with those that stayed is slowly deteriorating and i get the feeling they don’t want to be my friend simply because our interests are so different now. im finding it really hard to make new friends. i could watch someone for days or weeks but not once ever get the courage to talk to them (im not a stalker, i don’t follow them home or take pictures of them, mostly i just take note of their interests for maybe a minute or two then move on with my day). im so awkward with everyone in my classes that sometimes i don’t want to go to school at all. i really have only like 2 real friends. yeah, i know, it’s pathetic. i have low self esteem, i think i always have, but it’s even worse nowadays bc my sister is in the same school as me and she’s so social and popular and has a ton of friends and she never has to worry about being alone like i do.
i wish i could talk to people
i want to talk to people
i just can’t.
so sorry for this huge paragraph :(
Same situation been bullied, hated on, and rejected has made me become just like you it sucks I’m an introvert myself
@@xdrazormon454 i’m really sorry you experienced this, and this may seem ironic coming from a person who wrote a whole paragraph about my issues with myself, but you’re worth so much and no other human can decide that except yourself. it really does get better even if it may seem it doesn’t, sometimes it takes a month and sometimes it takes 3 years. i still struggle with my mental health a lot but now i’m trying to be a lot more confident, even if i’m faking it. but it really does help to fake confindence, so while you may not be confident for real right now eventually you will start feeling more confident naturally. “fake it till you make it” haha. also, if you need someone to talk to, i’m always here:)
if no one else in your life got you, know that this random internet stranger does! 🩷
i got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxious-avoiding personality disorder and dependent personality disordered, 2 years ago. since then i spent time in the psych ward, for 14 months („so long“ because of anorexia) and in therapy and no one explained me this as good as you guys do. thank you it helps me understanding myself better
Every single point in this video really hit the nail on the head for me... I am 23 now, and trying my best to work on my self esteem and force myself to reach out to people more in the hopes it will get better bit by bit. I'm happy I'm not the only one going through this.
You’re not alone I suffered from this my entire life I’m trying rxposure therapy and i think it helpe me slowly to rewire my brain again and to build confidence and even i go to do rejection exposure to see that I didn’t die because of rejection
@@hasansarhan9296 I'm glad you're getting exposure therapy and I really hope it will help you out! I recently figured out this may also be connected to my autism, so I'm staying strong and trying to challenge and put myself out there more as well. 😊 I wish you the best!!
@@belsong thank you which you the best
I was diagnosed as AVPD.. It's very difficult to interact with others in a spontaneous way and also I 'm very afraid to fail so I prefer not to risk... I feel so different from the other students of my university (overall in Italy where people are extremely extroverted and loud 😂)fortunately I go to therapy and things are going better, I'm accepting myself and (most important thing) I'm learning to love myself... Unfortunately people like us weren't loved properly in their family so they don't take for granted to be accepted by society but we alway see ourselves under the judging eye of our criticism which impairs the expression of our personality 😢
The list of things I need to get tested for just keeps expanding
I knew something is going on, its good to know it has a name. Thanks for the video. Basically everything makes me feel like I want to hide. I get blushed and red when people talk to me and them noticing that makes me feel more shy 😔😔😔 I thought I was a highly sensitive person, but this describes better when one decide to be away from people. Its good to know it can be improved.
I have had this disorder for around 8 years. I met an abusive teacher who thought calling my toxic father was a productive way to solve my problems cuz he would yell at me again and again (going to school late, being not able to complete the homework, sleeping at classes due to insomnia). Even though I was the one who gave her the reputation of “training an excellent student”, I was nearly figuring out everything on my own and didn’t seek help too often. Now I’m still suffering, I delete friends’ contacts randomly and have zero confidence in my job or relationships because I literally think I’m a big loser and nobody recognizes my strength.
Well I checked all those little boxes. Just had my third session with my therapist via zoom . Being able to do it this way has helped me tremendously , just not having to deal with going to an office and being in my own home in my P.Js . Just starting this journey of unraveling this mess I’ve become and watching videos like this channel is greatly appreciated . Thank you psych to go , you’ve helped more people than you will ever know .
I had AVPD in the past, and have been overcoming it with the help of a therapist. One of the hardest things for me was self-criticism, it got so intense at times.
How did you overcome it ?
You just articulated something that I could never explain or expound. Living a life with this baggage is so messed up but peaceful somehow. I just recently offered a promotion which I declined due to small voices murmuring in my ear. Saying that I'm incapable, not worthy, and should stay where I am. I think that I would do the same thing just in case that I found someone I possibly fallen in love with. I might push him away or just ignore him. That's why I never had any boyfriend in my 25 years of existence. I dream of having one. But I also got an unexplainable satisfaction imagining how I would break my happiness. It's scary but it is how it is. Sorry for my grammar. English is not my first language. Thanks
Wow I identified with almost everything in this video. I try to pretend that I'm confident in front of others but on the inside I'm terrified. I try not to approach people I don't know, I just don't want to be a burden to others. I've never been in a relationship (I'm 23) because I'm afraid of being rejected and I just don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. It's hard to get close to anyone because I feel like they don't care about me that much and maybe I'm wrong but idk.
I think people who tend to have APD is caused by
abusive parents or family members and hostile teachers.
This is true, my mums ex was very abusive towards me and i did have two hostile teachers. Its no fun
Abusive family and bullied in school here 🙋🏽♀️
@@YurenaRA same. Bullied because I showed potential in school, I'm from a low income area. I'm much more successful than my bullies but they continue to live in my head rent free
My family wasn't abusive at all. My parents were addicted to moving, however, and it made it impossible for me to form lasting friendships, as we moved an average of more than once per year, and didn't stay in the same place more than three years until I was in my teens. Also, while I got along great with most of my teachers, the other kids in some of the schools I went to were absolute hell spawn.
Exactly
I know this is strange but avoiding people (actually, i see them as enemies) has helped me not only focusing on myself but also getting me out of depression
Good for u.
Me too, i dont have to be around anyone!👍
Same. I feel much calmer alone.
Woah i actually feel sad for you tho.
That was kinda the same case for me as well but i feel sad for you, that really sucks
"Are you sensitive to criticism?"
* scratches head*
I've been rarely ever criticised
I have 4 out of 6 symptoms listed in this video and yes it makes me difficult to take some challenges in my life. I'm so mad at myself because of this. It's kind of obstacles that prevent me from giving myself a better life due to my fear of trying something new and rejection 😔
DX with this and BPD by forensic psychologist. Recent personal events have brought out all the wonderful suffering of these disorders. Rejection, fear of rejection, humiliation, fear of humiliation, abandonment, fear of abandonment, emotional lability, feeling worthless and made to feel worthless by others - especially by a trusted medical professional...... Feel like a complete failure with no future. Feeling people should stay away because I just mess things up anyway. Recent compounded complex trauma made depression the worst I've ever experienced (which is really saying something, believe me). Had paranoid psychotic disorder ten years ago, and honestly always fighting to not lose my grip on reality, which is hard with the dissociation elements of these disorders. Self harm and dark thoughts are frequent. Daily internal battle, and a very very lonely one at that. I have given up on health professionals. Trust is shattered. I've had enough.
I'd rather keep my AvPD head down and not participate in a world where the destroying of others is a game that gives its participants an enormous rush, thanks very much.
So well drawn!! And thank you for telling us this!
I never really bond with people anymore since i lost my best friend (she didnt die or something she just stopped talking to me because she found new friends) and some points in this video are def relatable to me
Same thing happened to me. hope you’re ok! Three years later and my trust issues still going strong 😓
Your voice only can heal everyone😍
I am afraid because I am in all of these cases. I am always afraid that my friends will reject me, and I force myself to behave exactly like everyone else so as not to be different. I always feel like people would have a better life without me, and I feel like I'm missing everything and being good for nothing. sorry for the misspellings, english is not my mother tongue
With each video psych2go posts I learn alot about my self and why I have been like this. It helps me know that my difficulties are not solely based on one thing but different causes which combined to make my mental health affected. I hope they put videos on how we can to try and solve some things on out own because I don't know how to ask for help.
Thanks for this 😄
I never knew that this particular bundle of things had a name. Now I feel like this is the core of what bothers me and stresses me out about myself, and this is something tangible and concrete I can actually then take to a therapist.
Thanks Psych2Go, this is one of those cases where being able to articulate exactly what the problem is is going to be the first step towards solving it I think.
Omggg this is me 😭😭😭Please pray for me. I even avoid working and going to school. And I just live with my parents
You got this!
Thank you so much for this channel, I didn't realize how messed up my life is and have just been kind of going with it
I used to have a huge fear of rejection, I'm almost sure of that, don't ask me how it went away. I used to isolate myself at school, when others asked me out I'd say no, and I always felt left out. It felt very lonely. But didn't realize I left myself out. But I'm never really interested in others. I have never been, it's me and my little world.
Do u have Avpd?
I stopped having close relationships long time ago. Everyone that I was close with decided to hurt me in many ways, at this point I just don't want to know no one new, even through I feel a void and I wish someone would care for me for real. Now I only have 2 friends and both are distancing. I can't anymore, people make me feel mentally tired. It feels like I'll never be enough for everyone.
i am in the same boat, just like a quote from another Psych2Go video, "i rather be alone than abandoned"
i am tired of having to deal with abandonment
i no longer hope for something good to happen, just want the bad things to stop
I feel the exact same way. I don't want to get hurt anymore and I'm often misunderstood. So, what do I do? I put up these huge walls and don't let anyone in. I always feel like I'm flawed. (Not the right kind) My heart goes out to everyone who feel this way! So sad!
I feel like I'm never enough to satisfy my partners (or my parents, whom I no longer speak to). I am also sick of feeling this way. It hurts. And I never want to think or feel this way again. I'm sick of being hurt and betrayed.
i have the same feeling. i told about my feeling to my bf. and he said that he dont deserve my complain. and i dont want to tell aboit my feeling to him and i stopped tp tell my problems to anyone else. cause its not help at all. it seems no one cares to listen about my stupid problems too.
Praying that everyone falls asleep quickly and has a peaceful sleep. Hope you all wake up happy and well rested 🍊🍅😘😍
Thanks for the education. I have many disorders, and now I finally know the name of the worst of them. At this point, I'd do anything to fix my "forever alone" status, but it's too severe for hope. I can't even read replies to my comments. The loneliness is too painful to allow for any self esteem.
Hopefully learning its name will reduce some of its destructive effects, and maybe someday free me from solitary confinement. Thanks again.
Watching my entire life pass
That's what I've done for 54 years now. It will never get better for me.
That was really good and thank you for making this video ; but it was really short and so fast to understand you.
I think it was better if you gave your audience more time to think about it and understand you.
The animations are awesome and voice is really peaceful.
Thanks for being criticizable and helping people.
Thanks for sharing. Glad it was helpful!
I feel like my entire life has just been condensed into a 6 minute video...
I wonder why some parents want their kids to be quiet, ashamed, withdraw rather than be explorers, creative and opinionated
Much of AVPD is really just a byproduct of CPTSD… So, biggest important thing is to treat the underlying trauma that prompts it.
I got all the signs during pratically all my life. But for me It's not a disorder. I am INFJ.
I can see the positive side on it.
Intense fear of rejection : before yes. Now : No problem now if someone reject me, I know what I'm worth, and what people lose.
Lack of close relationships : I actually don't have friends, but I have adorable, benevolent and nice coworkers.
Avoiding Risk taking : Still but not as much as before, I take more risk now.
Excessive Shyness : Only with people I really like, people I don't want to disappoint, wherever they think badly of me.
Low Self-Esteem : Sometimes again, can feel shame or not confident.
Avoids Conflict : Of course, why wanting conflit ?
mbti is pseudoscience
I think i have a intense fear of failure not rejection.
This channel means a lot too me. Thank you.
I feel targeted. But here’s what I’m wondering, why would you wanna treat this? Rejection can be painful much like how getting stung by a bee can bee painful too. Avoiding bees is fine but avoiding people (cause people could find a way to hurt me) is not okay?
Sure the isolation isn’t the greatest but I’d rather be in control. It’s better to say I’m sad cause I isolate myself from things that could help opposed to being sad because the fun things you thought would bring happiness only brought pain. Lonely is better than being disappointed or betrayed in my book.
I guess it depends on how use see. One reason you may want to 'treat it' (I don't think treating is the right word more like managing it) is because some poeple realize how amazing it is to find that special someone that isn't going to disappoint you, reject you, accept you you for who you are and be by your side. Yes, you could go through some disappoint and rejection from other poeple before you do find the special someone but in the end some people see it as worth it and that's why they go through it or want to learn how to manage it.
I use to have a friend with AVPD (an extreme case of it he pretty much checked every box in this video). There was a group of us friends with him and I genuinely wanted to be a good friend of his and so did everyone else. But in the end it was own AVPD that cause him to loose out on it. He feared rejection so much, he avoided us and conflicts so much that it ended up causing his own rejection. We wanted to be his friend, we wanted to help him, but in the end he avoided everything so much that we realized that this was barely even a friendship anymore. If he had at least learn to manage it so he could speak with us sometimes or try not to avoid us, then the rejection may not happen in the first place. Of course we knew he had this disorder and it would take time for him to work on it, but he also didn't seem to want to get any help for it and at that point we knew any friendship would be impossible with him if he wasn't even willing to seek help.
I think this could be said about a lot of poeple with AVPD. That they just don't seem to realize people do want to be friends with you but they end up causing their own rejections because they're so avoidant and by managing it you could get out of that cycle and find someone to connect with.
@@JayJayTay I’d like to state that 1. Being able to check off every sign doesn’t make it a sever case. I can relate to all of these signs but I wouldn’t say I’m that bad, I can be around people I just choose not to, there are people out there that actively make these choices and others who don’t, and the only person who can really tell is either ones self, or a doctor. The video was for informative purposes not diagnosis.
2. Just because you don’t chat with someone every day or hang out with them all the time doesn’t mean friendship is impossible. I hardly talk to people, I haven’t had a real conversation with my friends in like 6 or 7 months. Just because we don’t communicate doesn’t mean we’re not friends. Some people may just have a different definition of friendship, and if you think you can’t be friends over something like that then perhaps you shouldn’t be friends.
And 3. Getting help is way more difficult than you’d imagine. It seems so simple and if it were that simple I’d have no issues whatsoever. So you can’t blame people for seemingly not wanting help, nor can you forcefully help them. You just have to have patience and be there when they’re ready, that’s how you could be a good friend.
My apologies if that came off a little harsh, that wasn’t my intention.
I can understand and not at the same time. On paper this seems great, but being so scared of rejection that you cease most human contact is not okay. I say this as someone who avoids ppl. Dieing alone is honestly more painful than anything a person can do to you. IMO at least.
@@kaumahaakana6755 1. never said that checking off every sign definitely meant that it was sever. I knew he was diagnosed with it and I knew he was diagnosed with a sever case of it. I simply compared it to the video as that was the only thing I could compare it in which we both had knowledge of just so you could get a sense of where he was. 2. I also never said anything about needing to hang out every day or talk every day. Although it is partially my fault for not going into detail about how much he avoided us, it would be nice if such things weren't assumed to be so and then give an explanation off said assumption. But to give you a more detailed explanation of it so that there is no misunderstanding, he would avoid for months sometimes a year but it wasn't just avoiding, it was ignoring as well. We invited him to chat with us, invited him to hangout, tried to talk to him one on one, messages him to just see how he's doing, and we would pretty much be ignored. Of course we accepted this for awhile knowing that this was just how he was but it is hardly a friendship at that point. We did still consider him a friend but it did feel like he did not consider us one (whether this is true or not idk it's just what it felt like). But even then a frienship is 50/50 work effort. There is some type of effort we expect out of the other half. Maybe one side has to put in a little more but if there is no effort shown on the other than it has becomes more sided friendship if anything. Even if his only effort was to seek help, that would have at least shown us he cared about us enough to put in an effort. 3. I know it is difficult to get help sometimes (but I was aware his parents were trying to help by paying for his therapy) and I know sometimes it is difficult to ask for help, but if they don't try then nothing is going to change. You can't sit there and do nothing and expect things to get better or for people to just accept it and deal with it. It is a reality everyone has to face sometimes. Again, at least making that effort to get help will show friends that you are trying and true friends will be patient with you and wait for you and be there for you as you go through this journey. But it is unfair to the other party to carry the friendship while you refuse to change or try and get better or show an effort to friends you care enough about them to get better.
A little more detail of how things ended, there was a friend in the friend group that stuck by his side for 3 yrs. She cared about him a lot, wanted him to get better, was there for him when he needed to talk, poured a lot of energy and love into the friendship, but she wasn't treated the same in that he ignored her a lot, avoided her and refused to talk with her at times. She was patient with him as she knew this was something he struggled with but after three years of seeing no effort to change (he would purposely skip out on his therapy) it really started to take a toll on her mentally. She was worn out, exhausted and had pretty much given up hope. Staying in that friendship anymore would've been bad for her own mental health so in the end, his avoidance and refusal to get help did cause her to reject the friendship in the end. We all discussed what happen as we were all sad that we lost him as a friend but we did come to the conclusion that if he just made any effort to get help we probably would've stayed there for him. But without that effort we didn't even know of he cared about us at all and of course because of his AVPD he never told us if we did mean anything to him. At least seeing him get help would've been a non-verbal way for him to communicated he cared.
Of course this is just my experience, yours may be different with your friends. Maybe you have told your friends you care about them or made efforts to show they mean something to you.
I also apologize if any of this came off harsh as well. I do hope though that this story about how someone with AVPD who caused his own rejection would help you in some way. I know it's not easy living with it, but it is good to try and manage it if possible. I know your freinds would appreciate it.
@@kaumahaakana6755 it sounds like your an avoidant lol they always rationalize things that are not normal and they usually dont think they have a real problem until they start to see it for themselves,they are also very sensitive to constructive criticism,your response is a classic avoidant response,it doesn't make you a bad person but most avoidants end up dying alone and end up regretting not seeing things for what they really are after it's too late,I hope you get the help that you need..avoidants are afraid of taking risks they see no point or value in that so I totally understand why you feel no need for change, you feel like everyones the same so what's the point of putting myself out there...this is a form of self sabotaging without realizing it, but these are your choices if you feel like nothing is wrong then who can say otherwise right?..Good luck...
Greetings Psych2Go!
Now it appears that I have one more set of issues to consult with my therapist about.
Thank you for posting these videos!
Please have an excellent and awesome day! ☀️✨
well yeah that sums up my life pretty much because of my ADHD and highly emotional personality I literally became it shut in. got depressed gained weight and suffered in silence for year. all of that plus crippling anxiety just gave me hypertension🙁
ua-cam.com/video/oHPI5qWsIf0/v-deo.html .
this makes so much sense omg !!! i have always thought i have something up with me socially but i didn’t think i had social anxiety
I’m not shy; I can act out however I want around almost anyone if I really care to. However, I’m extremely avoidant of girls I like. Because I couldn’t bear being denied after everything I had planned in my mind. Sure I can talk to the ones I like but very briefly. But talking to a girl I’m not emotionally interested in is like night and day, I’ll act goofy and not care.
I don't even have any disorder or know anyone like that. But it's good to know nonetheless and the narrator's voice is so soothing, it's like balm for the mind to just listen. So relaxing!
I love the new art style! :)
Yay, thank you! It's one of our new animators :)
I have AvPD and I'm autistic (to name a few). Probably developed AvPD because my autism was late diagnosed. Autism is also regularly misdiagnosed as AvPD or other personality disorders. Being autistic and living in a neurotipical world is traumatic for a lot of us, so the personality disorders are not always a misdiagnosis. They can co-occure with autism.
I swear I’m one mental mess with the number of issues I’ve been diagnosed with . God definitely has favourites
ua-cam.com/video/oHPI5qWsIf0/v-deo.html .
I have felt for a while that something was wrong with my brain, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was just always subtly afraid of growing closer to people other than the friends I already had. I just felt like I wasn't worth anyone's time. And then I got a girlfriend (sort of, its complicated), and that fear amplified a ton. I really had a feeling something was wrong, but I never talked about it or checked it out, because I was afraid of the possibilities. Then I saw this video, and I match up pretty well with all of those signs. Uh oh. I might want to get it checked out.
Anyways, thanks for reading, have a good day.
If someone is accusing you of being something, either you are that or you are a mirror in which they are seeing their own reflection
This is too relatable for comfort. Every time I appear with a group of ppl, I have the sudden lack of desire to start any conversation. Even when I try to talk to ppl, I just get ignored often, which makes me feel like I'm annoying to them.
Me having all of these: 🙃
(except for the first usually, and i avoid risk taking for different reasons usually)
This feels impossible to overcome, the anxiety is just too strong.
Let's be honest, we all can relate to all of these signs.
I'm 56 and suffer from this mental cancer but I'm very proud of myself......I've never been unemployed, I'm not on any kind of drugs or medication, live on my own and don't depend on anyone. I'm so blessed, God has taken care of me ❤❤❤
Ok basically I have every illnesses ever existed,nice
This is great information! I think it could appear I be lumped into this category. I have expectations of friends, therefore I am happy chillin by myself!
This shit is absolutely crippling. I don't want to exist with this. This isn't a humane way to live
I’m kinda like this! Of course on a milder level. I love how much you explain it, and the cute style of the drawings!