I don't want to say I'm autistic until I'm diagnosed because I get the impression from those around me that nothing I say about myself is taken seriously unless I have a diagnosis
The hardest thing in life for someone whos different is being trusted, believed, or understood. So much in human life is automated; and so few ppl have a properly developed brain with a properly developed hemispheric partition. They cant show their reasoning our way and the burden of connection depends on us showing our reasoning their way; or its 'the garbage tip for you' - so to speak. (Although a harsh metaphor, in most instances the reality is so much worse than that; just a fact). That's why we tend to focus on our strengths; but without human connection there's no motivation to conquer/overcome; or even keep trying to connect, or even 'keep trying' at anything. There's a reason so many autistic children go all out in the hunt for verbosity or give up on speech altogether. I was the former. And even still have trouble communicating in real time. But the work put in payed off incrementally until a few major leaps where thing started cascading into place around ages 22, 28, and especially here in my 30's. And communication (or at least writing) is my main personal area of focused expertise [& tho my life has so very often resembled a total hell hole, my soul dry-reaches to imagine what hell hole I'd be trapped rotting in if it wasn't]. I don't have any sure advice for anyone else. But the words 'Overcome', 'Emigrate', and 'Jesus'. And, when in danger, step out of your own head and take control of play from an above perspective; and practice EVERYTHING, like an actor. Because you are seen as the enemy, for being smart and yet not following suit. The broken will always want to break you. And burn you when they can't. Be many steps ahead, and yet (without malice) be able to baby them the way they expect. All of this is maybe not for everyone. ..And all nearly impossible tasks. ...Or maybe just hard for me; given a disagreeable nature and a supposed low IQ.
Same! I also get the impression of that too, especially because people didn't take my anxiety concerns seriously. One person told me I couldn't say I had problems with anxiety because I wasn't diagnosed by a doctor. As well, some people only take it seriously if they can tell, and your problems become externalized for whatever reason... These observations lead me to believe telling other people I suspect I may be autistic would be chaos. People would be saying I can't be, or even that I'm not, regardless of how well they know me. In the end, I know myself better than others do. So far, I've received acceptance and the hope of everything turning out okay as I find myself. :) :) :) but I still have concerns.
In my case, I'll try it because it might work. I have told my son that I am pretty sure I am on the spectrum and that he is too. He didn't accept it, so I am hoping to bolster my credibility. I can see why he is sensitive on the topic. It's a lot to realize and accept. It was for me. I believe that the knowledge could make his life easier, though.
A statement I've found quite helpful in response to people that have said either they don't wanna see me that way or that I don't seem autistic is: Knowing I'm on the spectrum should change your view of autism, not your view of me - I am who I am.
When I explained that I had autism to friends and family, I said “I’m obviously still me, nothing much will change for you but everything just changed for me - A small step for humanity but a giant one for myself”
@@footg6090 Hi! Just letting you know I got diagnosed with ADHD and it feels so amazing that someone believed me! My life is already starting to change since. I highly recommend going for a diagnoses. I know its hard and expensive but bro it's worth it.
Me too. In my contry there are some benefits for disabled people and I fear that psychologusts and doctors assume that I'm just trying to fit my weirdnes in the spectrum to get that benefits and stuff like that. It's been 3 months that I'm obsessed with autism, I hope it worth at the end of this mentally painful journey
My mother recently told me exactly that, "I never noticed you doing this (stimming), why are you doing it now?" And then she suggested I am putting on a show. Very irritating, but I couldn't explain to her that it had to do with the mask coming down ( I didn't realise, I just know that I allow myself to be more free in the things I do and that includes stimming). Thanks for mentioning it in this video :)
My parents raised me under extreme pressure. I never felt allowed to be 'strange', and the few times I did I got mocked or punished. So I heavily masked as a child. I can't explain this to my mom though without her getting defensive and dismissing the conversation after that.
Wow this blows my mind cause the last few years I’ve been pulling away the mask more and more it’s confusing to some close to me also in certain ways your comment helped me understand more why recently why some things they asked me or responded some way happened.
Same here. Even though she’ll turn around and tell someone how my dad used to call me Thumper because if I was tired I would think my leg on the bed until I fell asleep or rock myself back and forth until I either fell over or he picked me up and rocked for me. It’s crazy how they remember or don’t remember.
Now that I think I'm autistic I'm expressing more my dislike for smells and I feel a little skeptical about myself, but it helps a lot reading these comments and realizing that it's common
Just called the VA crisis line. I’m tired of struggling. I’m 58 and am confident I am autistic in part because I just found out two weeks ago I was diagnosed as autistic when I was young but they thought I was intelligent enough and had a strong enough personality that I would adapt okay. I’m here to say I did not and I’m freaking exhausted. Would I have been better off knowing earlier? I have no way of knowing. So now I get to meet the man behind the mask and it’s kind of scary! Who am I? At least I can relax knowing the gov’t is sending help(sarcasm). I need a dog.
Hope you got a dog or emotional support animal of some kind. Or even a teddy bear or fidget toy. There is a video out there about how Gifted students are actually special needs students. Not sure if that applies to you, but they found that kids in smart classes need help in other areas of life. Book smarts isn't enough
Glad to hear things didn't go completely downhill. You were clearly a bit distressed in that original comment. I hope things look up for you man! In my opinion, considering how poorly the medical establishment treated autistic kids back then, maybe it was for the better.
Sure I support you at least with my writing, fellow. I'm tired too. Peru is a petty society that only want to be "emprendedor" with money. Meanwhile education is nothing. We destroy foolishly our moral and the goverment is a several-century abuse and corruption.
"I need a dog". I had two sisters cats over 20 years. they saved my soul... Cats are somehow aspie too.. "self-centered" but were my masters in "Body-Language"-communication, we had common sensory channels.
I actually realized I was autistic when my PhD advisor told me to be empathic, open-hearted and understanding of my autistic lab mate, put his needs before mines, put yourself into his shoes because he has Asperger's Syndrome (ultimately lead to my advisor trying to get me to do my lab mate's experiments so he can graduate from my efforts). I mentally locked up from that "advice" (being told to be empathic is overwhelming for me, like flashing lights into my eyes) and decided to learn about Asperger's Syndrome to understand my lab mate my way...only to realize that I share a lot of his behaviors (that I get scolded for, but my lab mate has grace from the advisor, ironic). I've been masking my conditions and was perceived as "normal" whereas my lab mate told about his diagnosis. It's time for me to be up front about my own condition.
You see how masking sets the bar higher for yourself though? Your lab mate was getting a second class education by leaning on the identity. I look at younger kids and wonder if they're being pandered to rather than educated. It's good that they don't have to experience the same anxieties but they might suffer different anxieties by making themselves fragile to others.
I'm pretty sure I'm autistic but I am also very empathic, almost to a fault. I put myself in others shoes, even at funerals when I didn't know the person and I cry so bad from the grief that I'm emotionally drained for weeks
your story ! Wow! From it i get a very special lesson (there are so much lessons, but its mine here) ...no matter whether autist, "normie", borderline, anxious, depressed persons, ADHD, impulsiv personalities, hyper-smart, limited, over-logical, artistic or traumatized minds: this is wise not to put my needs before the ones of others, whose issues might be as big, wise and helpful to look out for a middle line, each one making half of the distance. This said, this is me expecting help or attention, compliance to my conditions from others who are struggling as much as I: colleagues or siblings for ex. This might explain some rejections i suffered from my siblings: they drew a line to protect themselves. It remains painful but it is as it is. Ironically now i suspect they are traumatized aspies too. A very good story.
I have chosen to not pursue a clinical diagnosis any further. Previous attempts have been scuttled before they began by professionals who immediately disqualified me due to my ability to survive independently, and in some aspects of life, even thrive. I know myself, and have done the work, so I don’t require someone from the outside to tell me who I am. I still live in an autism closet, because the lack of societal understanding and negative viewpoints of my Neurodivergent state, creates barriers and becomes a disqualifier for some of the things I want for my life. I have sought help for my co-morbid anxiety, which is the worst aspect of my situation, since it attenuates the positive aspects of autism, a drives me to shutdown. With my anxiety well controlled, I have been able to perform the research and self-evaluation to a degree that someone from the outside could never do. I still lack the observational aspects of a clinical diagnosis, but those can be inferred from life experiences and reactions from those I have engaged with on this planet. I have learned to advocate for my own accommodations, even without a clinical diagnosis. It has been a long road to get to a point of understanding and self-acceptance. I could lament the years of struggle, but I choose to look forward to better future, now with the improved knowledge of who I am. I AM autistic. I don’t view it as a “disorder”, but rather a divergence, which once understood and given the right environmental conditions, can be harnessed to create a good life.
Have watched 3 of your videos and I am in tears.. I've never heard my thoughts out loud from someone else before. You articulate inner experiences I have been trying desperately to articulate.. Thank you so much.
Me too.. for the first time in my life I don't feel alone. I've never heard someone explain word for word what I try to articulate to people close to me, and I never knew why no one around me could understand my mannerisms and perspectives.. this is the first time I've ever not felt crazy or like I was just not good enough for people to truly bond with me for non-selfish reasons. It's like a huge weight lifting off my chest
When I was 14, my baby nephew (2y/o) was diagnosed with autism. At the time, I didn’t know much about the condition, so I tried to learn more. 2yrs later, while getting help for depression, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At one point I was told “I would say you have autism, but only boys have autism. So it’s probably just your ADHD.” I kinda just dismissed it cause I had more important concerns. If only I knew back then……
People tell me I don’t look autistic and I think that is very strange because what are we supposed to look like? I also find many of the doctors here in the states don't know much about adult autism, especially women with autism. There are a lot of resources for children on the spectrum and no support for adults. I am trying to learn a way around that and form a circle of help in each area. For example, I need help in employment and need a mentor at school and suffer from depression at times and need counseling so I am going to try to out a team of people who can support me so I don't do what I usually do which is get into a really deep depression and shut down for long periods of time.
I had a new therapist one time. Within the first 3 minutes of meeting me, he told me I didn’t “look” like I had a mental disability. He said people with mental disabilities had a certain “look”! Needless to say I did not go back!
There are a bunch of channels for autistic females. Have a look. This guy is brilliant but sometimes I need the female perspective too. ESPECIALLY with parenting.
I'm 19 and while I had some autistic traits growing up, I have even more now. Its really weird for me. I have high perception, extreme social anxiety, auditory sensory issues (the sound of scratching jeans or certain materials really really bothers me and I can't explain why, as well as I'll hear a high pitched noise when no one else can, [yes there is a sound] and background sounds that others don't even register.) Odd behaviors and ticks, (like my stimming is wiggle my right foot like a dogs tail, and finger tapping.) I've talked to other autistic people. They can tell by watching me. I have a thing about numbers, and hyperfixate on TV and games and know everything about a lot of random things, as I compulsively research random things that spark my interest momentarily. And of course I usually remember what I learn. I know I see things in different ways than most people. I like to think I'm a bit philosophical and I am self aware. I also like making sorts of info chains, where the first and last things have nothing to do with each other but everything is relevant to what is before after it. Also a game where I can pick an idea and find why any given random object in all existence benefits from that idea. Like why sleep benefits pencils: when we sleep we don't use it, so it doesn't break, so we don't sharpen it, so it doesn't get shorter, so it doesn't become unusable. Porkchops: when we sleep we aren't hungry, so we don't eat, so we don't have to cook them, so we can cook them later, so we don't have to buy more for later, so thats more porkchops in the store, so someone else can use them for THEIR dinner, so another pig isn't slaughtered to have the same amount of porkchops that there were originally. People also say im a bit behind in development compared to others my age. At first thats how my mother told me she thinks I'm autistic, but I have a little bit of trouble reading between the lines, and she had to explain later that thats what she meant. Luckily, she doesn't think I'm putting on a show or faking. She's the one who brought up autism to start with. I was definitely different from other kids in my behavior. I looked different from other kids due to extreme eczema, so I couldn't really afford to be unusual. So I went through school watching the neurotypical kids and behaving as what i thought seemed normal. I had a few friends here and there, but never had a group until high-school. And even then I kinda watched how they act and masked my real self. I find it hard to text anyone, including friends and parents. I know how to do it, and even think about texting. But for whatever reason I have trouble with it. Ialso have a weird phone thing where, unless its a video call, I have to keep in mind that the person on the phone is the same person they are when I see them face to face. I kinda forget that and it messes me up, and I have to remember how to talk to them and stuff. Its also hard to tell if I'm supposed to talk yet and accidentally interrupt them. I have to watch myself for a habit of overexplaining things (I love explaining things out loud even if it is just to myself) and infor dumping. Some things I have done/still do make a lot more sense though now that I know. The phone thing, the stimming, the hyperfixating, the little details. And some things I thought only I did: randomly walking on my tiptoes, making weird sounds such as clicking when im looking for something or thinking, and squeaks/animal sounds when I get startled. I love patterns and number sequences. Like there's a semi trucks I saw awhile back that had 4131 written on it and it makes me happy. The 41 is 10 more than 31. Every other number is a one, and the other numbers are in order of themselves. Its satisfying. Dates, too, like 5/5/25 because 5×5=25 or 11/12/13. Edit: this took a whole hour to write 😅
I completely understand your phone issue. Complex thoughts about the nature of reality arise from digital communication and phones. It's hard to talk on phones but I do it without people noticing. When I've explained it I suspect it sounds like I'm larping. It sounds like something someone would do to be quirky and imaginative. I think it's helpful to understand it's something of a privilege to experience such odd dramas over nothing. Ordinary ... neurotypical consciousness seems like it would be drab. It's the gift that's also a curse.
This was so interesting to read! Thanks for taking the time to write it. So much better than smalltalk!! I really like how you find numbers fascinating and find patterns, I see messages in license plates sometimes, I won't notice most of them but when I'm stopped behind someone, I'll notice their plates and where they're from, make words out of the letters or make it into an acronym for something silly, create dates from the numbers and create a whole story about them by the time my light is green. Or sometimes it'll be like the universe is sending me a message. Also enjoyed your bit about how sleep benefits other things. I have done something similar but more morbid. Came across something a long time ago that made it seem like almost everything is or can be deadly. At least it seemed that way to me. I have a morbid sense of curiosity so I took it further, and tried to think of any random object and imagine how it could be deadly. Like a drop of water, it's not enough to drown in, but if it went down the wrong pipe... then I think about a cotton ball, or a blade of grass or anything and try to figure out how it could be deadly When I say I have a morbid curiosity it's of a more scientific curiosity. Found a dead rat in my yard a cat had killed. I wanted to see how long it took to decompose, si I decided to photograph it each day while it decomposed and observe the process. Started day one by making a chalk outline around the body so I could see if it was moved as time went on, to be able to measure bloating or shrinkage, etc. I got the idea because earlier i had found a half skeleton of a dead rat partially hidden under a car. In general when I come across dead animals, roadkill, and so on, I'll take a picture of it. I'm still upset about the time I saw a dead deer on the side of the road, it was pretty fresh, bloated and legs in the air. I was excited to stop and my kids objected. Grrrr... only dead deer opportunity I ever had!! I can easily talk about medical things at the dinner table, my kids were used to it but my husband objected. I am able to separate the food I'm eating from the conversation, I guess he couldn't.
Oh my god, the first half of your comment describes me EXACTLY. I didn’t know there was someone on this planet that had such a similar experience as mine
I love this! Thank you for taking the time to write this comment. I laughed at how much I relate to this. You are very self aware and communicate it beautifully. I loved reading this.
For me, it's mostly the first one, understanding myself better. But I also want to be able to answer people properly when they ask "why are you like that?" or "why do you do that?" If you say you are on the spectrum, people are going to push back and ask if you're actually diagnosed, and if you aren't, they will generally reject your claim outright.
Other people make unsubstantiated claims all the time, why Must we always have written proof? And even so, they'd probably find fault with the person who documented it. I was with a co-worker once and talking to a customer. Somehow the subject of reading came up. My coworker told the customer something like "Did you know that only 10% of people actually read books?" After the customer left, I asked my coworker if that was true and where did they hear that. And he said he Just made it up!!! 😵 I said you can't just make up statistics and pass them off as facts. But he was able to make the customer feel good, smart and superior to others who don't read, then they'll probably go repeat the made up fact...sigh.
No idea why, but your comment brought tears out for me. I'd like to know in the hope people realise I struggle with society, I'm not nasty, I just struggle to understand human society (it's so cruel). So much so, I only hang out with one person for the last 5 or 6 years. I totally withdrew because it was all too much. Increasing sensitivities to stimuli is also really distressing to my brain. I'm not sure what to do. I'd just like a little more kindness.
I Got my Autisum diagnosis yesturday at 58 years old. it was an exhausting, emotionally draining process but with a positive outcome that will take a while to process. I am so glad that I have this community with me to celebrate with and share the next part of my self discovery journey with.
I was diagnoses in college. I was being tested for dyslexia. At that time, the dr. in english said, " In addition to being severely dyslexic you also have asperger's syndrome.". It was such a releif for me. I was 24 years old at that time. I never knew why i had such a hard time making friends and or understanding stand up comedians. Now, i just value the friends i do have that much more. Now days, I just don't bother with comedy clubs. A walk in nature is much more fun for me.
I "get" humour. Its just that it's dark ironic humour. I think I'm really funny. But other people don't. Or people laugh at what I say & I don't realise I'm funny. I think sarcastic blunt humour is hilarious. Zero filter. People have a hard time working out wether I'm serious or joking - droll. Poker face.
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 lmao. Sounds like me. Telling jokes tends to be more for my own amusement than other people's. I have gotten strange looks on social media because of it. Oh well, I'm cool with it lol.
I’m nearing 37 and after about 10 years of suspecting Asperger, this week I finally took a couple of self tests for Asperger/Autism and scored rather high on them both, those tests along with taking a moment to think about my life both now and when younger, I’ve gone from suspecting I might be on the spectrum, to be 99% certain that I am on the spectrum and have just been a bit too good at masking and for too long. The first person I reached out to is a friend who is formally diagnosed with Asperger, and he also knows that I had been suspecting being on the spectrum myself. You could say that it’s been an interesting week after scoring high on the self tests and realizing that a lot of the stuff I do and the routines I have around a lot of things, my issues with how materials feel, textures and flavors of food and drink, light and sound sensitivity, feeling sensory overload (usually followed by extreme fatigue) when I’m in triggering environments where there’s a lot of people talking (the Nobel feast is a dream for many, for me it would be an absolute nightmare!), things I used to do, things I still do… It’s just autistic as all heck, I’ve just been good at masking it and hence, functioning pretty well in society without people around me suspecting that I’m different. Seeing I’m not formally diagnosed (yet) with autism, I do however feel hesitant to say that I’m autistic, but because I want people around me to have patience with me, I did add Neurodivergent to my Twitch channel profile earlier, that way people watching my streams will hopefully have a bit more understanding, and hopefully that will make me feel more relaxed and not feel the need to mask as much (because masking is exhausting…)
I’m still not at the point where I’ve told any friends or family that I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. The only person I’ve talked to about it is my psychologist. However, I feel like explaining it to others will be mostly the same as coming to terms with it myself; the way of thinking about it that made it not seem like a bad thing is to think about it not as "autism" but rather as "neurodiversity." Maybe it’s different for younger people (I’m in my 50s), but the word "autism" is so loaded with negative stereotypes for me. Finding a different way of thinking about it really helped me understand how I fit on the spectrum.
Look to Wallstreetbets subreddit. Autism now has frequently positive connotations in society. Just continue to try to be the best version of yourself you can be! Always improve and learn! Never let a diagnosis of any kind be an excuse.
Sadly, I tried doing things as you suggested. I'm in the USA. It's different everywhere, but I have tried to get the help. I was told to just get over it. It obviously isn't that easy. I tried to overcome my struggles for my entire life. If I was going to be able to "just get over it" I would have already.
@@recoveringsoul755 I have hEDS. Neurodivergence commonly occurs with it. Sadly it took until I was 40 to get a hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis. It has been a few years since but sadly still not being taken seriously.
@@MrsTikiGod heard of EDS but not hEDS. Something with the joints? I've been told I'm double jointed in passing by my son's doctor, as he was demonstrating on my arm how my son had broken his.
@@recoveringsoul755 EDS includes 13 different subtypes. Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is abbreviated as hEDS. The simplistic description is stretchy inside and out over my whole body. I'm not double jointed but I do have joints pop out, partly and fully.
I love the pace that you talk. I don't know if it is an autitisc thing, but you sound like you are making the most of every second, and every phrase. I hate when people talks slowly, because I'm always anxious to know whats coming next.
I talk slowly because I need to think about what I am saying and choose the right word, it's almost like I need to have the thought of what I want to say, picture the sentence in my head and make sure it makes sense, then speak. But I can't picture a whole paragraph so I pause and make more words. UA-cam let's you play videos faster, up to double speed, if you need to get it faster though
This is something I have recently realized. My sister, and my nephew (who has worked with autistic children in Special Education) told me point blank that I am likely on the spectrum. I have suspected the same thing for a while, so I have been reading and watching videos, and joined a couple of Facebook groups for older adults on the spectrum. I also took a few internet tests. Everything adds up. And I have also been remembering incidents from my past, showing that I have always been this way.
My main behavioral and mental problems are due to narcissistic abuse. However, I have some characteristics of autism, so I took the test that you indicated in the last video. I scored 32 points and, as far as I can remember, this is the upper limit for "traits of autism". I must separate what is C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from what is autism. In my case I think a diagnosis is needed.
I grew up in an abusive household: NPD dad, BPD mom. I got a degree in psych and have kept up on cluster B disorders for my own regulation. Autism was the missing peice. I think the disorders are just enduring results of not knowing you're autistic (Dad def is, Mom might be) and reacting poorly and interalizing others' shitty interpretations of your behavior. Just a hypothesis though.
@@lufia1624 I changed my mind about the need for a diagnosis. I don't need one, I'm definitely on the autistic spectrum. In my family, my mother was an evil covert narcissist, my father, however, I'm not sure. He had some borderline traits and also some autistic traits. Both were toxic and embarrassing people. I went no contact, 23 yeas ago.
You can separate these out by doing therapies to heal from the trauma and then once that is gone if you still have "traits" then you are autistic.ot is hard work and takes a long time but oh boy it is worth it
Issues with Narcissistic abuse also, not as a child, but in dating or marriage later. Most boyfriends were great, just a couple ruin everything. After researching narcissists obsessively for several years and growing frustrated because there's nothing I can do about them, I shifted my focus. Asked what is it about ME that predators target me! And then went down the empath, highly sensitive person, autism path. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy at age 14, had several instances of selective mutism, and scored 39 on the AQ in the most recent try.
Same situation but my mother was borderline (my diagnose), without help and rather ignorant: she acted out! How to tease out cPTSD from presumed autistic conditions (with high impulsivity by me)? Yesterday in the evening i coined this on my path of self-discovery "Innate or acquired neuro-divergence" This reflect the deep intertwining between early childhood trauma and neuro-developmental condition, bc the very early trauma (at birth by me) impaired heavily the normal development of the child. I was pondering about the deep severe trauma of the self and the inability to get out of self-centeredness (obsessional? ?) the huge lack of basic safety and therefore the inability to interact with others normally... What stuff to learn out of. ✨ I do want to open my mind to others, conquer mental s.p.a.c.e.
I'm in my mid 50s and was recently diagnosed. It's a long story I'll submit to your blog. Overall having the diagnosis is positive. It answers a lot of longstanding questions I've had about myself and why most people, especially groups of people, make little sense to me. It also explains the anxiety I've struggled with throughout my life, and the career and social difficulties I've experienced despite a professional degree and an IQ in the top 2%. I've suspected I was on the spectrum for 10 years after taking an online test, but I didn't take it seriously until finding this channel and some of Dr. Tony Attwood's videos. I've seen over a dozen mental health professionals over the years, and ALL of them missed it. I had to advocate for myself. I knew something very important was missing from their assessments of what was troubling me. Now that I know how I'm wired, at least I have the right starting point for dealing with the challenges that come with autistic neurodivergence. Importantly, I can let ho of the shame associated with experiencing so many failures in life despite my gifts. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it's truly not my fault - or anyone else's. That last part is a bitter pill, because one of my survival strategies was to blame neurotypical people for not accepting me, bullying me, and taking advantage of me. While none of that feels good, I now have some basis for compassion towards them, and understand that I must seem quite strange and threatening to them - through no fault of my own. It's been quite difficult coming to terms with this aspect - especially the knowledge that I'll always be different, and might never gain the acceptance of most people for being myself - especially in group settings.
It's good to know that a diagnosis has provided you with peace in your life. In regards to other health professionals missing these traits, I think it depends on the health professional academic level e.g. a therapist may not directly point to Asperger's because they may not know much about it but notice behavioral traits related to it but a psychiatrist would be more likely to mention Asperger's related traits as mine did.
I also think it helps to watch these videos and other videos about people with autism in order to understand myself better and learn how to cope. For example, I just got a part time job and I usually get upset in retail jobs and run out one day and never go back. So, I took a job in the back of the store and only made myself available for four hours a day because I find eight hours in public is just way too stimulating for me. I hope this will work out but I think it is about being kinder to yourself and not trying to be like everybody else and it is ok to be different and have different needs to make it in life. I am still trying to discover how to find a good fit in employment but at least this is a first step. I am also applying for a masters degree because for some reason, I am really good at school and there is a lot of built in support for being a student. You have access to quiet libraries and free counseling services etc and you can focus in on your special interest and people encourage you to do that. I wish I could be a full time student for the rest of my life.
I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome when I was 8. I'm 32 now and over the last couple of years I've been learning more about Autism. The more I learn the more I realize I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. It doesn't come as a surprise though since there's a high probability of having Autism with Tourette's.
My Moms told my siblings that I am autistic but not myself until she was about to go home to Creator. She said that for the early part of my life I stood on my tippytoes and had trouble learning to speak until my grandfather's took me out behind our house and taught me our ancestral languages. Through my research and talking to people about my early childhood that a key feature of autism is standing on your tippytoes among other things.
I feel like you just made this video for me, great message, I think our emotional journey has been very similar. I think you'll find this interesting, when I was a young teenager, maybe earlier, I read the book Clan of the Cave Bear, it's a historical fiction book about ice age peoples. The girl in this story had language and the people that raised her didn't, she had to learn to speak in body language, facial expression and primal sounds. I am now 44 and I've only been learning about autism in the couple years because of my kids and autism explains my life. I find it so strange and awesome realizing why that book had so much impact on my life 🙏
@@JeffCaplan313 Many times I have thought that my hearing, which is beyond the ability of most hearing-testing devices to measure, must be some aspect of evolution. From the past or in the future. Or both. Curious what's coming out soon!
I'm 74, and have decided I really don't need an official diagnosis, and I don't want to go through all the testing and expense. It's enough for me to understand myself better, understand my triggers, and know how to work with technology and organization skills more.
@@afrovarangian Totally forgot this comment. Well, I got an "ADD in childhood" diagnosis with it not being prevalent anymore. Nvm that neurodiversity isn't something that can "go away." It's how one's brain works differently and the only things to "cover it up" would be trauma and masking. I'm doing the latter basically constantly. And yes, it's exhausting. I also know that while ADD fits to some degree, considered it before even, it isn't the full story. I even withheld some answers that might've changed it in hindsight. Well, I did get a recommendation for antidepressants with it because a big part of it was "where does my depression end and where does my normal brain start?" Starting that was a revelation in itself too. I felt knots loosening that had been there for decades and I'm now far more in tune with my self. Still struggling hard with that executive function though because change is difficult. P.S.: Germany still makes the distinction between ADD and ADHD for some bizarre reason. I also noticed how much autistic behaviors are often normalised. Some of our stereotypes fit well haha
@@nestrior7733 In South Africa, where I live, they only recently started removing ADD as a diagnosis. I got diagnosed with it at a young age and I'm uncertain if I should get another one. I also see myself as a heavy masker, I went to a psychologist when I had a meltdown and she said I had depression caused by social anxiety so told me I had to learn social skills to cope. It kind of helped in the sense that others saw me as less strange and I could talk to people easier but all that really did was kick the can down the road. I became very tired, retreating into video games and sleeping a lot. Eventually I broke down again because of exhaustion, news of a family member's death and getting yelled at at work (I was sent home for the day afterwards). My sister seems to obviously be on the spectrum, she hand flaps, stims, avoids eye contact, loves math and lines all her toys in a row. This had me wondering if I had the same experience as a child and apparently we are very similar. I've been researching markers since then and I'm convinced that I'm the same. My father, grandmother and aunt do not seem to agree though and say the typical, "but you can talk to people," "you have friends" and "you did very well in school" stuff. I've tried to be adamant that I think that I'm on the spectrum but now they berate me by saying the casual, "I like routines as well, does that make me autistic?" and that I don't look ill. We aren't particularly well off and down want to be disappointed so I'm scared that I'd want to schedule an appointment, wait for a long time, spend a bunch of money and then have nothing come of it. Damn I really wrote a novel 😅.
Almost found out through psychiatry but it was too stressful to continue, then through cbt I finally got an ASD diagnosis, along with dyspraxia (no wonder I'm so clumsy).
Sister! lol We could do a fist bump, but it would be dangerous. Did you find out yourself after psychiatry got too hard or did someone in mental health notice? I was put into mental health services when I was a little and found out it's autism last year after watching a talk by Sarah Henrickx which made me look deeper. The mental health team all agreed but said they'd of never of even looked for it to rule it out because it's not a mental illness and so not their job. I got my diagnosis results finally on the 8th of Jan at the age of 38, over 25 years after they'd started treating me for acting autistic. lol... life. I knew I had dyspraxia since I was diagnosed at the age of 8. But my Mum said at my autism assessment that I was diagnosed with that when I was a couple of months old too, but she never thought of saying. So I got diagnosed with that one twice.
@@sallybaddeley6060 my mum noticed I was depressed at 13 (I had no clue because I didn't even know what it was) so I got referred to psychiatry. I went once or twice a week I think and it got to a point where I had locked myself in my room after a session that my mum knew I couldn't do it anymore. They had already suspected Autism, but it didn't really get any further than that due to stress. Then going through cbt at 20 I asked if I could have an autism assessment because cbt was just making me worse and I knew I was 'different'. I did the assessment, my specialist nurse mentioned dyspraxia but never told me she had diagnosed me with it along with my ASD, no wonder I spill everything on myself xD XD we'd have to do a very soft fist bump with lots of focus lol I'm sad that there are not a lot of services now regarding ASD. My dad denies that I'm even autistic.
@@B33st1ng It sucks how many of us their are out there misdiagnosed and mistreated. I like you at first was told I was depressed but didn't feel it. That quickly changed though with therapy reinforcing the narrative. Therapy is awful and I found the more ill they made me the angrier everyone was at me for being anxious so it was a massive vicious circle. I could never tell the difference between CBT and being convinced to mask in a way of the therapists choosing to be honest. I'm glad you got out of that. I too found it too much. Yeh the lack of services regarding ASD are a nightmare, I hope that improves in our lifetimes. We still live in a time where not much is known in society about autism and I think there needs to be a lot more awareness of what it is. Your Dad I'm sure has his reasons for not wanting to see autism in you, but I hope he comes around sooner rather than later. Take care B33st 1ng. Thanks for your reply and I hope things improve massively for you soon.
I am convinced that I have asperges / autistic or on the spectrum. I hit almost all the traits of female symptoms. I just tell people I have it, if needed. Once c19 is under control, I will get a proper test, but so far, I can not find any test centre in my country. My thoughts, feeling, problems, troubles, issues, meltdowns and obsessions are things I can deal with much, much better now, knowing why behave the way I do. I always felt 'different' but many people feel that way. Now I know why. I have still succeeded in life due to my autism: my obsession with grammar and languages has built me a career! My love life is a horrific mess and I am child-like in that, but I have a cat and I hope to find a fellow aspie in the future :)
There's one thing especially that I have not yet found a solution to. How do I explain to someone my social exhaustion? How can I tell them that I need to be left alone, that I can't stand any company for a while? People who don't know this particular feeling will always be hurt, no matter how carefully and detailed I try to explain how this kind of exhaustion works, and no matter how much I like the person and generally cherish their company, I just can't have that for a while.
I would empathise that if you are seeking an assessment, do consider the possibility throughout that you might not recieve a diagnosis, and how you might process and manage this. There are many things that can appear and present as looking akin to autism (such as developmental trauma). It can be hard when waiting a long time for an assessment whilst reading about autism and creating a strong identity of yourself as autistic and it can lead to a huge upheaval and distress if you differences are indicated to be explained by other factors
Absolutely. I have coined this term, reflecting how far i am on my self-discovery "Innate or acquired neuro-divergence" True in any case and, sustaining further discovery without forcing my person within a standardized label... Personally i prefer avoid an official diagnose as i have got help for cPTSD already. I've got enough input from my therapeut, assessing and helping by dysfunctional behaviors (means impairments in my life) without labelling me.
This is a great video,, I'm not autistic but I work as an autism practitioner/ support worker. IL be honest I have learned everything working one on one with autistic adults. From allover the spectrum. A problem I have noticed and heard from friends from the clinical side of things is so many people are abusing the system and making it tougher for people actually on the spectrum to get support. Yes I mean chancers claiming to be autistic to claim benefits. It's increased ten folds. It's horrible to think people will do that but they do. My friend has been refused testing because they don't think it will impact his life. Basically to him that's saying oh just get on with it. Even though ADHD diagnosis was done yrs ago. I know he's on the spectrum but he's struggling with the refusal he keeps recieving. I just pray the clinical people catch up with the real world and chancers stop being chancers. Great vid 👍
Long time ago I have been psychologically evaluated, and psychiatrist just told me with a smile I'm completely "healthy and normal", just "too smart". My detailed report was full of many problematic things but mostly anxiety and social issues, and it even said I had "autistic fantasies", which I still don't understand what it meant. But she said its all okay when someone is "so smart like me". And that I don't have disorder, rather it's just my personality and there's nothing much I can do about it. Seemed really hopeless!!! And invalidating since I didn't have a name of it, just felt like a loser. A guy I like told me that I have some "autistic behaviors". I am not sure if a real diagnosis would even do me anything good in an ignorant environment.. I'll have to think about it. Felt like sharing, anyway thanks for your cool videos, makes me feel like maybe I'm not alone.
I love his videos. At 37 my life finally makes sense. I started watching yesterday and have barely slept. Lots of tears and outbursts of laughter along the way and alot more to come. What I've learnt in just 24 hours I've already been able to apply and it has made a profound difference in a relationship I had ruined. My world isn't upside down anymore, just leaning to one side a bit now. The comments on each video are so valuable too. I can't stop watching until I've seen them all now. I'm so excited and optimistic for my future now. I haven't been diagnosed and probably won't bother with it. Just understanding has taken away so much confusion and the non stop anxiey that comes with it.
I was blown away when I first saw a Ted talk about women on the spectrum. I knew immediately that this was myself and my mother. With further research I realized that my son and daughter were likely also there though my second son was extremely NT. What was really fun was that when I brought the subject up with my kids they all said “uh, yeah? We knew that!” lol. It has since been an amazing journey for my entire family. We were already very close but this has opened up possibilities and explained past problems to a point where all of us have become soo much more comfortable in our own skins. I’m still working on convincing my mom that she too lies on the spectrum but at 70 years old it has taken many articles and videos. Thank you Paul! Your work has opened her eyes to the possibility! I guess my main point is that if you can find the courage to open up to those who know you best, go in with the information that caught your attention. You’ll be surprised how many people in your life say something like “Oh! That explains a lot!” Or “So that is why you’re so weird?” And will support you through this process. I thank you, Paul, again for your hard work. It means so much. And I wish the rest of you many blessings in your journey. This can be such a positive experience if you know how to approach it.
Omfg. I didn't even realise I masked until I stopped doing it. Then I started to realise I stim and have been more free to do so in daily life. After figuring out I was on the spectrum it's like my mind was free to just be and not worry if I'm functioning correctly or not. Because I now understand that I'm perfectly okay. Thank you for all these videos, they're an incredibly valuable resource
Thanks for your advice. I unfortunately have had mental and medical health professionals immediately invalidate me when bringing up autism. I feel like the 39 years that I've developed masking skills has been more to my detriment at this point in life.
Im afraid of bringing it up with professionals and they end up making some subconscious barrier. Like them start thinking that everything I say is exaggerated just to get towards the diagnosis and they stop validating my symptoms
@@tmorelli1982 it was people within the autistic community that encouraged me to get a diagnosis because I AM actually autistic. It's doctors who are unaware of what autism actually looks like that dismissed me. I've since been diagnosed. And even outside of that, there are wait lists sometimes for several years and it can cost thousands of dollars. You sound incredibly ignorant.
I have been using earplugs to sleep for 14 years now including a cloth tied around my eyes to keep out morning light. My reason for seeking a diagnosis is to get help and prove to others that there is a real problem. The problems are rooted in the conventions of society's systems based on how neurotypicals think. My consultant therapist says I have Asperger's traits such as obsessional paranoia and personalizing things that have prevented me from making progress in many areas of my life such as work, social life, and family. I always score high on Asperger's tests. I have tried masking throughout my life but when changes occurred in my life and I stopped modeling on my role model in 2008 life started to become even more difficult and that is when I started using earplugs. Life is very difficult but I find comfort in belonging in the community you have created here on UA-cam Paul. Thank you.
Thank you very much for your videos. It helps me a lot. I just learned a month ago that I must be on the spectrum. Your videos is what made me see it. And I do have a 5-years old son who I believe is on the spectrum as well. We are just starting to take the first steps towards an official diagnosis for us both. ☺️ I am 43 years old and it's a huge relief to find out this. It explains so many things throughout my life, and it's really overwhelming to find out this. When telling my wife about it she was kind of overwhelmed too and asked several questions like: "Is that why...?" She actually believed my instantly. For other people around me it's been various reactions from "it can't be true" to "it makes perfect sense". Thanks again for making these videos. ☺️
Tried getting diagnosed but they said my symptoms weren’t “negatively impacting” my life enough...which is just 😤 Gonna try again sometime in the future but now I know I really gotta hone in on how hard it’s been existing as myself and these “quirks”
@Truman Thing is, some of us give way too much eye contact, I think. Like, there were comments with quite a few of us saying we had to learn to break the eye contact because it makes others awkward.
Hi, my name is Steven. I am writing this message because for the past few years I have realized I am different from my peers. When I say different I mean communicating and my behavior when I’m around others and myself including. I noticed other people look at me in a unsettling way and eventually they move away. This hurts because I was unsure of why until recently when I started to pay attention to how I look and act in public and I really surprised myself. I wasn’t aware that I would move around in a different way that others do around me, people always tell me to relax and chill when I felt okay but the thing is I was uncomfortable without knowing I was and I also feel like I lost my words for everything which is unpleasant. Something else that caught my attention is I will literally walk around my room all day and not notice it, for hours just repeating words or songs in my head. I’m unsure if I have Autism because I have never been diagnosed and I also want to mention the show Atypical really opened doors for me about ASD that I never knew before and Sam’s behavior physically and mentally mirrored my body actions and mind and this has confirmed my thoughts about being autistic. Still I would like to get a diagnosis or a second opinion on this would love your feedback thank you.
At my job, my supervisors took advantage of my manic work focus spurts to request me to work 70 hours per week, which I could do for several weeks, sometimes for six weeks in a row, but then I would burn out severely. That went on for many years. After a big push, my supervisors would not let me take days off to recover when I needed to recover (not a scheduled "vacation"). I never understood that I was doing it to myself - on a roll, kept the focus, to accomplish a big task at work - then burned out - so I kept thinking that I should just be able to handle it; I didn't realize that I really needed the days off. The ups and downs became more extreme over time. At first I was a rising star, but then after the first five years, the company started to marginalize me more and more. After the first 20 years, I decided to move away and only work by telecommuting. That way I could take time off when I needed to. I had to go to part time without benefits 8 years ago because I couldn't meet deadlines with multiple projects at the same time when other stressors popped up. I realized 3 years ago that I am likely Asperger's. I told HR at work, and now they want to know how to help me - after I have worked for them for 35 years and have other health issues. Too late to help me work by emphasizing what I am good at, and allowing for my burn out, or helping me to not burn out in the first place. The issue that most people had with my work is that I wanted it to be scientifically accurate, and I was stubborn about that, even if I had to work days of unpaid overtime (on salary) to be sure I got it right. So diagnosis early in one's career is probably much better than diagnosis at age 65 after your career tanked for reasons you couldn't understand at the time.
I totally resonate with this. I was working 3 jobs bar tending and wouldn’t say no to shifts because it was the only way interacting with people was an experience I could handle. Mostly because I was enjoying the ability to work fast with 100% focus on work. I ended up working 100+ hours a week and I was everyone’s favorite bartender because getting peoples drinks was all I cared about. Small talk and I don’t get along, so I would never stop to talk. I was immediately bouncing from one customer to the next and could retain as many drink orders in my head as people could shout out and not forget or miss a single one on the bill. Eventually this constant inability to say no to working lead to me shutting down and losing all 3 jobs. I haven’t worked since. Sorry I have trouble realizing when enough information is enough and before I know it I’ve typed a biography. Don’t know how to end this rant, so yeah...
I did the professional superhero/burnout cycle for years. Not sure I know how to go back to the workforce. It's been years now. Old co-workers sent me an AQ test. Got a 45. Don't know what to do with that either.
I was diagnosed at 17/18 years old. I don’t remember exactly, but I was almost done in high school, and my Philosophy teacher recommended to my parents that I should be assessed, and they agreed. I wasn’t against having an assessment done, but I didn’t think anything was going to be found. yeah I was different, I excelled in maths and struggled more with language, and I took my time to make sure every answer was perfect, and that hurt my performance on a few timed quizzes in the assessment, but they also allowed me to finish the quizzes afterwards to my liking and everything went well. after several sessions of doing these tests and chatting with the psychologist a few times, they diagnosed me with being on the autism spectrum. I still have absolutely no idea what it all means, it doesn’t change who I am because I am who I was. I suppose the only thing this gave to me was a bit more understanding of myself, but also something to point at and say to others, this is why ‘x’ is so challenging, and there is either no way to get around it, or a very specific set of steps that need to be followed to get around it. but I’m still not sure what my experience being autistic means. I don’t have anything to compare it to, because I’m me and I’ve always been me and no one else.
Trying to be a perfectionist is also a trait that I have. It places pressure on me and takes a lot of my time and energy. Currently, this manifests in an endless amount of research for many years on topics of my interests. This self-infested occupation interferes with many areas of my life, particularly my concentration. It seems I am detail orientated in my own way rather than how most people would expect an aspie to be detail orientated because I have created my own methods and systems of research which may have no value to the conventional systems of society based on neurotypical thinking.
I was diagnosed with bipolar until my sister had a child who was diagnosed with autism then they realized I didn't have bipolar but I was actually a high functioning autistic person
thank you so much for this video it is precisely what i needed to hear. you came up on my recommendations because i watch other youtubers with psychological issues and i've watched some autism things before. it has recently started clicking i might be autistic and i don't know how to bring it up to a GP (I'm in the UK so a lot of health care is funded including mental health). However i am already in with psychologists due to depression and anxiety and the reason autism has started to click with me was because i've come to realise how different i have felt from others all my life and if i am on the spectrum it would explain so much. it resonates with me to a point i get emotional in a relief kind of way because it would explain so much and help the people who love me understand me better. i am not worried about my family i am lucky that way. i have already talked to one of my sisters a bit about it and she said she has thought about it with me before. I am 27 years old and i think it would really help if i can understand myself better this way
These videos of yours have shed a lot of light on my experiences having not yet been diagnosed, as of this viewing I finally understand why I get a tired/exhausted feeling listening to music that I felt like listening to just 1-2 minutes prior. Ding! Makes sense hearing your comment on that concept.
Dear Paul, how wonderful it sounds to hear you say...let's bridge the gap to our friends who need to understand what it means to be autistic. Let's bridge the gap with empathy and understanding.
My kids therapists have asked if my kids do something or commented on what they do and I’ve actually said “doesn’t everyone?” Because it’s a trait or behaviour I do too.
Sounds like good advice. Thank you for it. On a side note, did you also do a video on what NOT to do when you think you're on the spectrum, or even have a diagnosis? I say this because I knew someone before and after diagnosis, and noticed something that I think was negative about it. The way I see it he used the diagnosis as an excuse to misbehave. I really think of him as lazy to stop making an effort that others are making, just because the effort he had to make got a name. In this particular case it has to do with the mask dropping. He was doing pretty well before the diagnosis process. But during the process, and especially after the diagnosis, he refused to mask in any situation. It cost him his job and a relation. For his relation I can really imagine dropping the mask is for the better. "acting" your way through a relation sounds like a bad idea, as you need to act at moments you shouldn't be. If a partner can't deal with you the way you are, he/she may not be a good partner. Better move on. But for a job that's a different thing. He was doing fine with his masking. He was weird, but good and respected at his job. After the diagnosis he flat out refused to do the masking that he was pretty good at. The result was that he made his position at work impossible, and he lost his job. Even though his colleagues were willing to help to make things easier for him by facilitating solutions for situations when the masking was hard. I was like "Dude, you know how to behave. It's important here that you behave. And others (even the "normal" ones) are making an effort to behave themselves here. So, behave!". And he was like "I'm autistic, suck it up. I shouldn't learn to live with it, the rest of the world should learn how to live with me." Well, the world didn't learn. The world he was in spat him out. Not because he was autistic, but because of his attitude.
Thank you for this salient comment. A diagnosis can work as a shock wave, bringing a turmoil in mind and identity for a while. If you then sack, it can have high costs. My reaction to a diagnosis in the past: As i was diagnosed for a trauma and not for being crazy, i was SO relieved. "They did me harm, i am wounded, not crazy ! Their fault" "Mother! you are the culprit. Shame on you. I am an innocent victim.." (I had been. Actually. As a baby. but: she too. How ambiguous.) I had to go through that. Now i guess how overwhelmed and suffering my mother had been, a life long without help or an ear to listen... Suffering is highly contagious... (In fact I had been wounded AND i was what they called in the 70ies "crazy" mean now neuro-divergent. (In fact my impulsivity was conspicuous first of all. Genetic seems. Now I do a tone of Yoga) Mother acted out her F.e.a.r. Autism could be a similar story as in if one struggle with one's own autism, the "normies" must struggle too: with the autism of this other. Help both.
Thank you for sharing this! The most helpful video I have been able to find since I realized I have ASD. Very comforting to me after last six months of despair, frustration and extremely unhealthy isolation
I've mentioned the possibility yesterday that I think I could be and my family members actually said they've believed the same for many years but didn't know how to approach me about it. Not really sure how to feel about that.
Word to your grandmother! She's so right nothing wrong with you or me or anyone else on the spectrum. 💖 thank you for these videos sir. I been hanging on them. And they've really helped me to know I'm not alone.
I am afraid of my doctor's visit tomorrow, because I am scared that he/she will say that I don't have Aspergers, despite me checking off the list of symptoms.I can pull off faking being a normal person, but it takes so much effort and it is SO exhausting! I was diagnosed with social phobia, anxiety, depression, and have OCD. I have just recently had a couple of people in my life who were knowledgeable (and brave enough) to tell me that I probably have some sort of autism, but on a lower spectrum. I really want to get my mental health together, as I have been diagnosed with these things over the past 15 years, and wonder when I am ever going to find my identity and a solution to my life, in order to make it more enjoyable. I can only hope and pray that I get some REAL answers tomorrow, because I am often skeptical about doctor's at Walk-In Clinics (especially after misdiagnosing my mother, not bothering to test her for cancer, until it was too late).
The Blog tipp was great! I googled and added ADHD, cause I have that and am unsure if I am also autistic... lots of blogs popped right up! :) Also, I really like your videos, you have many easy to understand metaphors and explanations that can be used with non-autistic people to get them to understand better what neuro-diverse experiences are like. Thank you for your hard work!
After I found info about what Asperger's was, and found that I related to it more than I have ever related to anything, I started to notice that people I have great relationships with, also share these characteristics. So I straight up asked my friends, if they were diagnosed with Asperger's. The answer I got was classic. Just a simple text back, "yes". And that alone confirmed it in itself. I started to think a lot of people were on the spectrum, and that worried me that I was not understanding autism correctly. That and the many who didn't really think I was on to something... Turns out most of my friends are autistic and that's because they don't misunderstand and abandon thier friendship with me. The people who I ended friendships with, had assumed the worst things about me and either attack me or just go MIA. When they attack me for their misinterpretation of me, I just do my best to explain and it generally has never helped. I hate being autistic and it is because the world around me doesn't understand it nor believes me. I'm 37 and I'm exhausted with life. I'm ready to leave this pathetic annoying body and existance. Just waking up here is enough to want to never wake up again. I don't care how I go, but I want it to be soon. This isn't somewhere I can enjoy, it's somewhere I suffer and watch others suffer and it's not ok.
Recently diagnosed at age 27. Wasn’t necessarily looking for this diagnosis but I definitely knew something about me was very different and I needed help understanding. My psychologist referred me to a neurologist to get a diagnosis. I took tests all day for about 7-8 hours and got my answer in the mail a couple weeks later. I also am diagnosed ADHD, Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and somatoform disorder. I still believe I am also OCD but not sure if that is just part of my ASD.
I really appreciate your channel and how you explain autism in an understandable way. I was also diagnosed as an adult, and by linking to your videos, people around me more easily understand what it's all about. Thanks! Greetings from Norway
Has anyone else who is not diagnosed felt like they shouldn't talk about it to anyone else or feel like they cant go see anyone because you are afraid of the response?
I had numerous sessions with .My pshiolgist and a 3 hour one w ith anither lady earlier this year to get my diagnosenese of Austim. I've just received good news of been given help with NDIS I live in Melbourne Australia I'm.in my late 40s 🙂
Like so many other commenters on your videos, I've found so many lightbulb moments watching your videos. Things I thought were just my weird personality quirks make so much more sense when put into the context of autism. I'm still not sure if I'll seek a diagnosis but the main thing I want is to learn to improve my quality of life and help people close to me understand why I do certain things. Thank you for your videos, I feel like I'm on the start of a journey that will make a huge difference in my life
Bloody hell the background of your blog is freaking me out! :-) Alien like, but for someone like me who has a hole phobia (trypophobia) it's a bit too much. Thanks for your videos I have found them very interesting. I've got an appointment in August for myself to get an Autism diagnosis, a bit late at 47yo, but I think it explains a lot about me
You could try headphones and not looking at the video. I’m not sure if you need visual cues from the video though. If you find that it could help, then great.
I’m finding your videos extremely interesting. I started out as a youngster wondering what was wrong with other people, then I realised that it was I who was different. Having spent many years looking for what might be the reason, about 25 years ago I discovered something about myself psychologically that seemed to explain it but now could just be another symptom. As I approach 64 years old, I’ve learned to live with the idiosyncrasies that I can’t control (hoping that I don’t upset too many people) and I’m wondering if learning what condition I have (if any at all) would be of any consequence. Thanks for your insights.
preached to to just WORK HARDER from earliest childhood. At 35 The "full search" to understand the "problem" began. at 51 urged to get "benefits" all the while "THEY" are still saying JUST WORK harder 5+ YEARS OF THERAPY from " the system" at 56 FINALLY after ALL THAT AND sooo much MORE THE DIAGNOSIS.
I've just subscribed to your wonderful channel. Many thanks for this video and all of your others, which I have binge watched because they are so informative and enormously helpful.
Autism as supplanted bipolar as the new celebrity must have fashionable diagnostic accessory, I feel so up to the minute with my diagnosis. Upside, my diagnosis made sense of the car crash that was my life up to my diagnosis at aged 62. The sackings, the fights, depression, anxiety, ostracisation, relationship disasters, not fitting in, disruptive, being thought weird or strange and everything else, etc etc. The relief that normal for me was not the same as the general populous, I cried for my younger self who had endured all the aforementioned and more. I finally don’t care or even try to fit in, it was great to finally ditch my various masks and just be myself.
Thanks for the advice about the autistic behaviors that I have, this would be a huge help when I find a specialist to see if I do have autism and where I would be placed on the spectrum.
this may be an old video but your channel is by far the best, some of the things you’ve said i related to so much, not saying i AM autistic however i remember you saying about you doing a shoulder movement because they never feel comfortable which is similar since i do the same thing with my neck but only started it 4 months ago
I'm 55, I think I'm autistic, waiting on a actual diagnosis possibly early next year. I love your videos. I don't really have the mental energy or the want to verbally or physically meet up with similar people. After work and life, I don't have the mental strength to do that. Plus I think I have anxiety and shyness and stuff so just thinking about it stresses me out.
I'm 38 years old and l'll have my diagnosis appointment in about 4 weeks..on one hand, I can't wait because I desperately wait for the moment when I will have "official" certitude but on the other hand, I'm sooo afraid.. I feel like I would have to somehow persuade the psychiatrist that I'm an Aspie (already had a diagnosis 8 years ago, Psy telling me I can't be on the spectrum as I had long-term relationships and am able to look at one's eyes..as we know now, these are not criterias anymore)..I always feel like a fraud.. do you have any advice for that? I would be deeply thankful...as I am already for your wonderful channel and videos! Kind regards from Germany
You'll have your assessment in four weeks--lucky you! I'm scheduled to see a specialist at the end of July! From what I understand, there are only two facilities in Germany which offer assessment RE adult Asperger's--one in Heppenheim, the other in Berlin?
Same thing here, i went to the appointment, it was useless as they didn’t tell me anything and after few days i phoned up my GP who said i received the letter from the phycologist who said they don’t see evidence to investigate Autism! I am more depressed than ever as i am 100% positive i am Autistic
In Freiburg ( university clinic, psychiatry) you can get an assessment as well. And they are experienced enough in diagnosing women on the spectrum, even pretty "competent maskers" 😊
@@g.osiris1615 Can you get an appointment with someone else? Don't give up! I've been trying to get assessed for about five years before finally getting somewhere.
I like the clothing analogy - don't run naked through the shopping mall, but (additionally) don't feel you have to wear a burka... NTs tend to spend time on shaping their image with their clothing, we need to spend some time discovering what our "social clothing" should look like, avoiding both total nakedness and total masking burka...
Different area, but very important: If you think about getting a diagnosis (no other mental health diagnosis yet) check if you need or want a insurance for health issues before. In Germany it is called „Berufsunfähigkeit“. If there are issues that hinder you to work this insurance pay the gap between what you get as social help and your salary. But with a diagnosis you will not get one. Inform yourself how your country handle these things and check if you want or need a insurance before pursuing a diagnosis.
Hi. I went to psychological testing and went to multiple doctors, counselors, psychologist and psychiatrist wow. it is a long story I think I might make a new vid about it.
Read this stuff below. Theres a lot of being fearful of what others might think. As in other areas of my life, Registered Blind (I have some sight so not "black" blind) I transfer the so called "problem" to the sighted or with my Aspergers to the neurotypicals. I'm proud to be a Aspie (diagnosed at 65) so frankly, I don't give a damn! McIntyre
It will take about 18 months before I can get my appointment scheduled and then it could be another several months before the actual evaluation. Then I’ll need to pay about $2,200 for it. I don’t think I can do it.
I understand. I wouldn't have been able to do it either but here in the UK, we are fortunate enough to be funded by the government health service called the National Health Service NHS but not everyone gets the funding approved.
Hello, my name is Justice Brown and I'm a 19 (almost 20) year old male. Before I go into myself, I wanna give a little bit of context or background. My mom has a neurological disorder called neuropathy. She was worried her kids have had some hereditary issues from that, plus some warning signs she's noticed. She got her youngest daughter screened (7yo) and she came up positive for autism. I can't remember to what degree. Anyways, I started being retrospective and noticed that I've never really been normal. At recess I'd just walk laps around the playground rather than play even if I wasn't in trouble. Hell, most punishments in school almost seemed like a reward to me. In school suspension? Yay I get to sleep. Out of school suspension? Yay no people. Anyways, I decided to take the AQ test cuz after I watched more and more videos from Paul (I think that's his name, SORRY) the more it sounded like he was describing me. Now, I do miss some social ques but I get along relatively well with people. That part of your brain that tells you to blend in with society still works for me. Kinda? I scored a 32 out of 50, saying that I might have asp but honestly I have no idea whether I'm self identifying with autism because I'm blending in with what I'm seeing or if that's me. And healthcare is expensive so I'll probably have no answers for awhile
Bridging the gap was a good idea. Rather than trying to explain how different you are, explaining something that's different but in a way others can relate to.
I’ve felt really bad since coming to drill cuz I don’t know how to socialize, I got told by a Sgt who’s been harping on me that it’s cuz I look hard and unhappy and negative, like a rock, but I don’t know how to change it cuz I’m relaxed, I’m a loner cuz I’m not sure how to interact, it’s even in the way I talk cuz I think in precise steps, so I’m used to breaking things down out loud, I’m not trying to shrug responsibility or anything, or make excuses, I just THINK in reasoning, but other people don’t seem to do that and it puts them off, and I like using sign language cuz I get overwhelmed by… everything, it’s like my brains trying to process 5 different emotions or senses at one time and I can’t seem to function so I write or sign, I feel really different. I really do have hyper interests, like marijuana and it’s growth, reading or anime, I almost obsess on it, and music, hydroponics as well. I know it sounds stupid but I really do, and there’s allot of things I do when I’m alone, from ticking to hating cold things, allot of little things, I always get in my head about it cuz I feel alienated from people and weird. But watching your videos, I actually feel allot better, I understand a bit more. after my roommate kept saying I remind him of his older autistic dad and brother I wanted to learn more and I feel a bit less depressed because I understand a bit more. I don’t wanna claim it, but it’s making sense to the point I’m ready to see if I really am on the spectrum. Thank you cuz your videos have helped me allot throughout my at home station with the army, like, it’s weird to say it but I feel understood somehow
I don't want to say I'm autistic until I'm diagnosed because I get the impression from those around me that nothing I say about myself is taken seriously unless I have a diagnosis
The hardest thing in life for someone whos different is being trusted, believed, or understood. So much in human life is automated; and so few ppl have a properly developed brain with a properly developed hemispheric partition. They cant show their reasoning our way and the burden of connection depends on us showing our reasoning their way; or its 'the garbage tip for you' - so to speak. (Although a harsh metaphor, in most instances the reality is so much worse than that; just a fact). That's why we tend to focus on our strengths; but without human connection there's no motivation to conquer/overcome; or even keep trying to connect, or even 'keep trying' at anything. There's a reason so many autistic children go all out in the hunt for verbosity or give up on speech altogether. I was the former. And even still have trouble communicating in real time. But the work put in payed off incrementally until a few major leaps where thing started cascading into place around ages 22, 28, and especially here in my 30's. And communication (or at least writing) is my main personal area of focused expertise [& tho my life has so very often resembled a total hell hole, my soul dry-reaches to imagine what hell hole I'd be trapped rotting in if it wasn't]. I don't have any sure advice for anyone else. But the words 'Overcome', 'Emigrate', and 'Jesus'. And, when in danger, step out of your own head and take control of play from an above perspective; and practice EVERYTHING, like an actor. Because you are seen as the enemy, for being smart and yet not following suit. The broken will always want to break you. And burn you when they can't. Be many steps ahead, and yet (without malice) be able to baby them the way they expect. All of this is maybe not for everyone. ..And all nearly impossible tasks. ...Or maybe just hard for me; given a disagreeable nature and a supposed low IQ.
Same! I also get the impression of that too, especially because people didn't take my anxiety concerns seriously. One person told me I couldn't say I had problems with anxiety because I wasn't diagnosed by a doctor.
As well, some people only take it seriously if they can tell, and your problems become externalized for whatever reason...
These observations lead me to believe telling other people I suspect I may be autistic would be chaos. People would be saying I can't be, or even that I'm not, regardless of how well they know me. In the end, I know myself better than others do.
So far, I've received acceptance and the hope of everything turning out okay as I find myself. :) :) :) but I still have concerns.
I am in the same boat I feel like it must be official to even be brought up
In my case, I'll try it because it might work. I have told my son that I am pretty sure I am on the spectrum and that he is too. He didn't accept it, so I am hoping to bolster my credibility. I can see why he is sensitive on the topic. It's a lot to realize and accept. It was for me. I believe that the knowledge could make his life easier, though.
I'm the same boat
A statement I've found quite helpful in response to people that have said either they don't wanna see me that way or that I don't seem autistic is:
Knowing I'm on the spectrum should change your view of autism, not your view of me - I am who I am.
Wow, so well said!
I loved this comment so much Im saving this
I am so thankful you posted this advice. Great way of putting this across to people. 💚💙💜
When I explained that I had autism to friends and family, I said “I’m obviously still me, nothing much will change for you but everything just changed for me - A small step for humanity but a giant one for myself”
Beautifully said, thanks for that positive thought
I really want a diagnosis so bad but I'm so afraid of not being believed and/or invalidated. :/
Same man
@@footg6090 Hi! Just letting you know I got diagnosed with ADHD and it feels so amazing that someone believed me! My life is already starting to change since. I highly recommend going for a diagnoses. I know its hard and expensive but bro it's worth it.
@@Keithf441 Epic B)
Me too. In my contry there are some benefits for disabled people and I fear that psychologusts and doctors assume that I'm just trying to fit my weirdnes in the spectrum to get that benefits and stuff like that. It's been 3 months that I'm obsessed with autism, I hope it worth at the end of this mentally painful journey
your channel is recontextualizing my whole life.
Me also it’s been very eye opening to not only understanding myself also others in a profound way!
Fantastic, PigMonkey 👏👏👏
Seriously
Me too. It's very welcome, and extremely exhausting.
Stg, things started clicking in my head and boom, I realized something is off and ended up here
My mother recently told me exactly that, "I never noticed you doing this (stimming), why are you doing it now?" And then she suggested I am putting on a show. Very irritating, but I couldn't explain to her that it had to do with the mask coming down ( I didn't realise, I just know that I allow myself to be more free in the things I do and that includes stimming). Thanks for mentioning it in this video :)
My parents raised me under extreme pressure. I never felt allowed to be 'strange', and the few times I did I got mocked or punished. So I heavily masked as a child. I can't explain this to my mom though without her getting defensive and dismissing the conversation after that.
Thank you for this. I’ve noticed that I rock and do other, similar movements. At almost 79, it is a relief to know that it is an okay behavior for me.
Wow this blows my mind cause the last few years I’ve been pulling away the mask more and more it’s confusing to some close to me also in certain ways your comment helped me understand more why recently why some things they asked me or responded some way happened.
Same here. Even though she’ll turn around and tell someone how my dad used to call me Thumper because if I was tired I would think my leg on the bed until I fell asleep or rock myself back and forth until I either fell over or he picked me up and rocked for me. It’s crazy how they remember or don’t remember.
Now that I think I'm autistic I'm expressing more my dislike for smells and I feel a little skeptical about myself, but it helps a lot reading these comments and realizing that it's common
Just called the VA crisis line. I’m tired of struggling. I’m 58 and am confident I am autistic in part because I just found out two weeks ago I was diagnosed as autistic when I was young but they thought I was intelligent enough and had a strong enough personality that I would adapt okay. I’m here to say I did not and I’m freaking exhausted. Would I have been better off knowing earlier? I have no way of knowing. So now I get to meet the man behind the mask and it’s kind of scary! Who am I? At least I can relax knowing the gov’t is sending help(sarcasm). I need a dog.
Hope you got a dog or emotional support animal of some kind. Or even a teddy bear or fidget toy. There is a video out there about how Gifted students are actually special needs students. Not sure if that applies to you, but they found that kids in smart classes need help in other areas of life. Book smarts isn't enough
@@recoveringsoul755 in the process of adopting a 2 y.o. female black German Shepherd. Very excited about this step.
Glad to hear things didn't go completely downhill. You were clearly a bit distressed in that original comment. I hope things look up for you man!
In my opinion, considering how poorly the medical establishment treated autistic kids back then, maybe it was for the better.
Sure I support you at least with my writing, fellow. I'm tired too. Peru is a petty society that only want to be "emprendedor" with money. Meanwhile education is nothing. We destroy foolishly our moral and the goverment is a several-century abuse and corruption.
"I need a dog".
I had two sisters cats over 20 years. they saved my soul... Cats are somehow aspie too.. "self-centered" but were my masters in "Body-Language"-communication, we had common sensory channels.
I actually realized I was autistic when my PhD advisor told me to be empathic, open-hearted and understanding of my autistic lab mate, put his needs before mines, put yourself into his shoes because he has Asperger's Syndrome (ultimately lead to my advisor trying to get me to do my lab mate's experiments so he can graduate from my efforts). I mentally locked up from that "advice" (being told to be empathic is overwhelming for me, like flashing lights into my eyes) and decided to learn about Asperger's Syndrome to understand my lab mate my way...only to realize that I share a lot of his behaviors (that I get scolded for, but my lab mate has grace from the advisor, ironic). I've been masking my conditions and was perceived as "normal" whereas my lab mate told about his diagnosis. It's time for me to be up front about my own condition.
This is so familiar it hurts!
You see how masking sets the bar higher for yourself though? Your lab mate was getting a second class education by leaning on the identity. I look at younger kids and wonder if they're being pandered to rather than educated. It's good that they don't have to experience the same anxieties but they might suffer different anxieties by making themselves fragile to others.
I'm pretty sure I'm autistic but I am also very empathic, almost to a fault. I put myself in others shoes, even at funerals when I didn't know the person and I cry so bad from the grief that I'm emotionally drained for weeks
your story ! Wow! From it i get a very special lesson (there are so much lessons, but its mine here)
...no matter whether autist, "normie", borderline, anxious, depressed persons, ADHD, impulsiv personalities, hyper-smart, limited, over-logical, artistic or traumatized minds: this is wise not to put my needs before the ones of others, whose issues might be as big, wise and helpful to look out for a middle line, each one making half of the distance.
This said, this is me expecting help or attention, compliance to my conditions from others who are struggling as much as I: colleagues or siblings for ex.
This might explain some rejections i suffered from my siblings: they drew a line to protect themselves. It remains painful but it is as it is.
Ironically now i suspect they are traumatized aspies too.
A very good story.
I have chosen to not pursue a clinical diagnosis any further. Previous attempts have been scuttled before they began by professionals who immediately disqualified me due to my ability to survive independently, and in some aspects of life, even thrive. I know myself, and have done the work, so I don’t require someone from the outside to tell me who I am. I still live in an autism closet, because the lack of societal understanding and negative viewpoints of my Neurodivergent state, creates barriers and becomes a disqualifier for some of the things I want for my life.
I have sought help for my co-morbid anxiety, which is the worst aspect of my situation, since it attenuates the positive aspects of autism, a drives me to shutdown. With my anxiety well controlled, I have been able to perform the research and self-evaluation to a degree that someone from the outside could never do. I still lack the observational aspects of a clinical diagnosis, but those can be inferred from life experiences and reactions from those I have engaged with on this planet.
I have learned to advocate for my own accommodations, even without a clinical diagnosis.
It has been a long road to get to a point of understanding and self-acceptance. I could lament the years of struggle, but I choose to look forward to better future, now with the improved knowledge of who I am.
I AM autistic. I don’t view it as a “disorder”, but rather a divergence, which once understood and given the right environmental conditions, can be harnessed to create a good life.
Have watched 3 of your videos and I am in tears.. I've never heard my thoughts out loud from someone else before. You articulate inner experiences I have been trying desperately to articulate.. Thank you so much.
Same reaction here! Wow.
Ikr. I laugh cried.
same here
Me too.. for the first time in my life I don't feel alone. I've never heard someone explain word for word what I try to articulate to people close to me, and I never knew why no one around me could understand my mannerisms and perspectives.. this is the first time I've ever not felt crazy or like I was just not good enough for people to truly bond with me for non-selfish reasons. It's like a huge weight lifting off my chest
I didn’t cry but yes I agree so very much.
When I was 14, my baby nephew (2y/o) was diagnosed with autism. At the time, I didn’t know much about the condition, so I tried to learn more. 2yrs later, while getting help for depression, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At one point I was told “I would say you have autism, but only boys have autism. So it’s probably just your ADHD.” I kinda just dismissed it cause I had more important concerns. If only I knew back then……
😮
Sad story...
People tell me I don’t look autistic and I think that is very strange because what are we supposed to look like? I also find many of the doctors here in the states don't know much about adult autism, especially women with autism. There are a lot of resources for children on the spectrum and no support for adults. I am trying to learn a way around that and form a circle of help in each area. For example, I need help in employment and need a mentor at school and suffer from depression at times and need counseling so I am going to try to out a team of people who can support me so I don't do what I usually do which is get into a really deep depression and shut down for long periods of time.
His New Life We don’t like anything. We look normal.
Plenty of ppl (hopefully not doctors) don't know/believe that females can have ASD.
I had a new therapist one time. Within the first 3 minutes of meeting me, he told me I didn’t “look” like I had a mental disability. He said people with mental disabilities had a certain “look”! Needless to say I did not go back!
@@janablang Aspergers is not a mental disability or illness.
There are a bunch of channels for autistic females. Have a look. This guy is brilliant but sometimes I need the female perspective too. ESPECIALLY with parenting.
I'm 19 and while I had some autistic traits growing up, I have even more now.
Its really weird for me. I have high perception, extreme social anxiety, auditory sensory issues (the sound of scratching jeans or certain materials really really bothers me and I can't explain why, as well as I'll hear a high pitched noise when no one else can, [yes there is a sound] and background sounds that others don't even register.)
Odd behaviors and ticks, (like my stimming is wiggle my right foot like a dogs tail, and finger tapping.) I've talked to other autistic people. They can tell by watching me.
I have a thing about numbers, and hyperfixate on TV and games and know everything about a lot of random things, as I compulsively research random things that spark my interest momentarily. And of course I usually remember what I learn.
I know I see things in different ways than most people. I like to think I'm a bit philosophical and I am self aware. I also like making sorts of info chains, where the first and last things have nothing to do with each other but everything is relevant to what is before after it. Also a game where I can pick an idea and find why any given random object in all existence benefits from that idea.
Like why sleep benefits pencils: when we sleep we don't use it, so it doesn't break, so we don't sharpen it, so it doesn't get shorter, so it doesn't become unusable. Porkchops: when we sleep we aren't hungry, so we don't eat, so we don't have to cook them, so we can cook them later, so we don't have to buy more for later, so thats more porkchops in the store, so someone else can use them for THEIR dinner, so another pig isn't slaughtered to have the same amount of porkchops that there were originally.
People also say im a bit behind in development compared to others my age. At first thats how my mother told me she thinks I'm autistic, but I have a little bit of trouble reading between the lines, and she had to explain later that thats what she meant.
Luckily, she doesn't think I'm putting on a show or faking. She's the one who brought up autism to start with. I was definitely different from other kids in my behavior.
I looked different from other kids due to extreme eczema, so I couldn't really afford to be unusual. So I went through school watching the neurotypical kids and behaving as what i thought seemed normal. I had a few friends here and there, but never had a group until high-school. And even then I kinda watched how they act and masked my real self.
I find it hard to text anyone, including friends and parents. I know how to do it, and even think about texting. But for whatever reason I have trouble with it. Ialso have a weird phone thing where, unless its a video call, I have to keep in mind that the person on the phone is the same person they are when I see them face to face. I kinda forget that and it messes me up, and I have to remember how to talk to them and stuff. Its also hard to tell if I'm supposed to talk yet and accidentally interrupt them.
I have to watch myself for a habit of overexplaining things (I love explaining things out loud even if it is just to myself) and infor dumping.
Some things I have done/still do make a lot more sense though now that I know.
The phone thing, the stimming, the hyperfixating, the little details.
And some things I thought only I did: randomly walking on my tiptoes, making weird sounds such as clicking when im looking for something or thinking, and squeaks/animal sounds when I get startled.
I love patterns and number sequences. Like there's a semi trucks I saw awhile back that had 4131 written on it and it makes me happy. The 41 is 10 more than 31. Every other number is a one, and the other numbers are in order of themselves. Its satisfying. Dates, too, like 5/5/25 because 5×5=25 or 11/12/13.
Edit: this took a whole hour to write 😅
I completely understand your phone issue. Complex thoughts about the nature of reality arise from digital communication and phones. It's hard to talk on phones but I do it without people noticing. When I've explained it I suspect it sounds like I'm larping. It sounds like something someone would do to be quirky and imaginative. I think it's helpful to understand it's something of a privilege to experience such odd dramas over nothing. Ordinary ... neurotypical consciousness seems like it would be drab. It's the gift that's also a curse.
This was so interesting to read! Thanks for taking the time to write it. So much better than smalltalk!! I really like how you find numbers fascinating and find patterns, I see messages in license plates sometimes, I won't notice most of them but when I'm stopped behind someone, I'll notice their plates and where they're from, make words out of the letters or make it into an acronym for something silly, create dates from the numbers and create a whole story about them by the time my light is green. Or sometimes it'll be like the universe is sending me a message. Also enjoyed your bit about how sleep benefits other things. I have done something similar but more morbid. Came across something a long time ago that made it seem like almost everything is or can be deadly. At least it seemed that way to me. I have a morbid sense of curiosity so I took it further, and tried to think of any random object and imagine how it could be deadly. Like a drop of water, it's not enough to drown in, but if it went down the wrong pipe... then I think about a cotton ball, or a blade of grass or anything and try to figure out how it could be deadly
When I say I have a morbid curiosity it's of a more scientific curiosity. Found a dead rat in my yard a cat had killed. I wanted to see how long it took to decompose, si I decided to photograph it each day while it decomposed and observe the process. Started day one by making a chalk outline around the body so I could see if it was moved as time went on, to be able to measure bloating or shrinkage, etc. I got the idea because earlier i had found a half skeleton of a dead rat partially hidden under a car. In general when I come across dead animals, roadkill, and so on, I'll take a picture of it. I'm still upset about the time I saw a dead deer on the side of the road, it was pretty fresh, bloated and legs in the air. I was excited to stop and my kids objected. Grrrr... only dead deer opportunity I ever had!! I can easily talk about medical things at the dinner table, my kids were used to it but my husband objected. I am able to separate the food I'm eating from the conversation, I guess he couldn't.
Oh my god, the first half of your comment describes me EXACTLY. I didn’t know there was someone on this planet that had such a similar experience as mine
@@jam13rocks same here
I love this! Thank you for taking the time to write this comment. I laughed at how much I relate to this. You are very self aware and communicate it beautifully. I loved reading this.
For me, it's mostly the first one, understanding myself better. But I also want to be able to answer people properly when they ask "why are you like that?" or "why do you do that?" If you say you are on the spectrum, people are going to push back and ask if you're actually diagnosed, and if you aren't, they will generally reject your claim outright.
YEP. So, like everything else we do, we have to come up with "acceptable" answers for the narrow minded and blind.
Ask them why do fish swim?
Other people make unsubstantiated claims all the time, why Must we always have written proof? And even so, they'd probably find fault with the person who documented it. I was with a co-worker once and talking to a customer. Somehow the subject of reading came up. My coworker told the customer something like "Did you know that only 10% of people actually read books?" After the customer left, I asked my coworker if that was true and where did they hear that. And he said he Just made it up!!! 😵 I said you can't just make up statistics and pass them off as facts. But he was able to make the customer feel good, smart and superior to others who don't read, then they'll probably go repeat the made up fact...sigh.
No idea why, but your comment brought tears out for me. I'd like to know in the hope people realise I struggle with society, I'm not nasty, I just struggle to understand human society (it's so cruel).
So much so, I only hang out with one person for the last 5 or 6 years. I totally withdrew because it was all too much.
Increasing sensitivities to stimuli is also really distressing to my brain. I'm not sure what to do.
I'd just like a little more kindness.
I've been crying all morning after my realization, but at the same time I'm so happy, thanks internet
I Got my Autisum diagnosis yesturday at 58 years old. it was an exhausting, emotionally draining process but with a positive outcome that will take a while to process.
I am so glad that I have this community with me to celebrate with and share the next part of my self discovery journey with.
I was diagnoses in college. I was being tested for dyslexia. At that time, the dr. in english said, " In addition to being severely dyslexic you also have asperger's syndrome.". It was such a releif for me. I was 24 years old at that time. I never knew why i had such a hard time making friends and or understanding stand up comedians. Now, i just value the friends i do have that much more. Now days, I just don't bother with comedy clubs. A walk in nature is much more fun for me.
I "get" humour. Its just that it's dark ironic humour. I think I'm really funny. But other people don't. Or people laugh at what I say & I don't realise I'm funny. I think sarcastic blunt humour is hilarious. Zero filter. People have a hard time working out wether I'm serious or joking - droll. Poker face.
@Deus Vult. I was about to ask that as well
It would help if most comedians were actually funny
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 lmao. Sounds like me.
Telling jokes tends to be more for my own amusement than other people's. I have gotten strange looks on social media because of it. Oh well, I'm cool with it lol.
I’m nearing 37 and after about 10 years of suspecting Asperger, this week I finally took a couple of self tests for Asperger/Autism and scored rather high on them both, those tests along with taking a moment to think about my life both now and when younger, I’ve gone from suspecting I might be on the spectrum, to be 99% certain that I am on the spectrum and have just been a bit too good at masking and for too long.
The first person I reached out to is a friend who is formally diagnosed with Asperger, and he also knows that I had been suspecting being on the spectrum myself.
You could say that it’s been an interesting week after scoring high on the self tests and realizing that a lot of the stuff I do and the routines I have around a lot of things, my issues with how materials feel, textures and flavors of food and drink, light and sound sensitivity, feeling sensory overload (usually followed by extreme fatigue) when I’m in triggering environments where there’s a lot of people talking (the Nobel feast is a dream for many, for me it would be an absolute nightmare!), things I used to do, things I still do… It’s just autistic as all heck, I’ve just been good at masking it and hence, functioning pretty well in society without people around me suspecting that I’m different.
Seeing I’m not formally diagnosed (yet) with autism, I do however feel hesitant to say that I’m autistic, but because I want people around me to have patience with me, I did add Neurodivergent to my Twitch channel profile earlier, that way people watching my streams will hopefully have a bit more understanding, and hopefully that will make me feel more relaxed and not feel the need to mask as much (because masking is exhausting…)
I’m still not at the point where I’ve told any friends or family that I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. The only person I’ve talked to about it is my psychologist. However, I feel like explaining it to others will be mostly the same as coming to terms with it myself; the way of thinking about it that made it not seem like a bad thing is to think about it not as "autism" but rather as "neurodiversity." Maybe it’s different for younger people (I’m in my 50s), but the word "autism" is so loaded with negative stereotypes for me. Finding a different way of thinking about it really helped me understand how I fit on the spectrum.
Look to Wallstreetbets subreddit. Autism now has frequently positive connotations in society.
Just continue to try to be the best version of yourself you can be! Always improve and learn! Never let a diagnosis of any kind be an excuse.
Sadly, I tried doing things as you suggested. I'm in the USA. It's different everywhere, but I have tried to get the help. I was told to just get over it. It obviously isn't that easy. I tried to overcome my struggles for my entire life. If I was going to be able to "just get over it" I would have already.
I hear you. I'm 58 soon and only just been realizing this year that I am autistic and now my life is starting to make sense. I do need help though.
Oh dear that's what the US is like? I wonder if the fact I have Epilepsy will help me since it can be comorbid with autism
@@recoveringsoul755 I have hEDS. Neurodivergence commonly occurs with it. Sadly it took until I was 40 to get a hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis. It has been a few years since but sadly still not being taken seriously.
@@MrsTikiGod heard of EDS but not hEDS. Something with the joints? I've been told I'm double jointed in passing by my son's doctor, as he was demonstrating on my arm how my son had broken his.
@@recoveringsoul755 EDS includes 13 different subtypes. Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is abbreviated as hEDS. The simplistic description is stretchy inside and out over my whole body. I'm not double jointed but I do have joints pop out, partly and fully.
I love the pace that you talk. I don't know if it is an autitisc thing, but you sound like you are making the most of every second, and every phrase. I hate when people talks slowly, because I'm always anxious to know whats coming next.
I talk slowly because I need to think about what I am saying and choose the right word, it's almost like I need to have the thought of what I want to say, picture the sentence in my head and make sure it makes sense, then speak. But I can't picture a whole paragraph so I pause and make more words. UA-cam let's you play videos faster, up to double speed, if you need to get it faster though
This is something I have recently realized. My sister, and my nephew (who has worked with autistic children in Special Education) told me point blank that I am likely on the spectrum. I have suspected the same thing for a while, so I have been reading and watching videos, and joined a couple of Facebook groups for older adults on the spectrum. I also took a few internet tests. Everything adds up. And I have also been remembering incidents from my past, showing that I have always been this way.
My main behavioral and mental problems are due to narcissistic abuse. However, I have some characteristics of autism, so I took the test that you indicated in the last video. I scored 32 points and, as far as I can remember, this is the upper limit for "traits of autism". I must separate what is C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from what is autism. In my case I think a diagnosis is needed.
I grew up in an abusive household: NPD dad, BPD mom. I got a degree in psych and have kept up on cluster B disorders for my own regulation. Autism was the missing peice. I think the disorders are just enduring results of not knowing you're autistic (Dad def is, Mom might be) and reacting poorly and interalizing others' shitty interpretations of your behavior. Just a hypothesis though.
@@lufia1624 I changed my mind about the need for a diagnosis. I don't need one, I'm definitely on the autistic spectrum. In my family, my mother was an evil covert narcissist, my father, however, I'm not sure. He had some borderline traits and also some autistic traits. Both were toxic and embarrassing people. I went no contact, 23 yeas ago.
You can separate these out by doing therapies to heal from the trauma and then once that is gone if you still have "traits" then you are autistic.ot is hard work and takes a long time but oh boy it is worth it
Issues with Narcissistic abuse also, not as a child, but in dating or marriage later. Most boyfriends were great, just a couple ruin everything. After researching narcissists obsessively for several years and growing frustrated because there's nothing I can do about them, I shifted my focus. Asked what is it about ME that predators target me! And then went down the empath, highly sensitive person, autism path. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy at age 14, had several instances of selective mutism, and scored 39 on the AQ in the most recent try.
Same situation but my mother was borderline (my diagnose), without help and rather ignorant: she acted out!
How to tease out cPTSD from presumed autistic conditions (with high impulsivity by me)?
Yesterday in the evening i coined this on my path of self-discovery
"Innate or acquired neuro-divergence"
This reflect the deep intertwining between early childhood trauma and neuro-developmental condition, bc the very early trauma (at birth by me) impaired heavily the normal development of the child.
I was pondering about the deep severe trauma of the self and the inability to get out of self-centeredness (obsessional? ?) the huge lack of basic safety and therefore the inability to interact with others normally...
What stuff to learn out of. ✨
I do want to open my mind to others, conquer mental s.p.a.c.e.
I got myself some Spalding high bounce balls because it looked immensely satisfying when you were bouncing. Answer: They are immensely satisfying.
I'm in my mid 50s and was recently diagnosed. It's a long story I'll submit to your blog. Overall having the diagnosis is positive. It answers a lot of longstanding questions I've had about myself and why most people, especially groups of people, make little sense to me. It also explains the anxiety I've struggled with throughout my life, and the career and social difficulties I've experienced despite a professional degree and an IQ in the top 2%. I've suspected I was on the spectrum for 10 years after taking an online test, but I didn't take it seriously until finding this channel and some of Dr. Tony Attwood's videos. I've seen over a dozen mental health professionals over the years, and ALL of them missed it. I had to advocate for myself. I knew something very important was missing from their assessments of what was troubling me. Now that I know how I'm wired, at least I have the right starting point for dealing with the challenges that come with autistic neurodivergence. Importantly, I can let ho of the shame associated with experiencing so many failures in life despite my gifts. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it's truly not my fault - or anyone else's. That last part is a bitter pill, because one of my survival strategies was to blame neurotypical people for not accepting me, bullying me, and taking advantage of me. While none of that feels good, I now have some basis for compassion towards them, and understand that I must seem quite strange and threatening to them - through no fault of my own. It's been quite difficult coming to terms with this aspect - especially the knowledge that I'll always be different, and might never gain the acceptance of most people for being myself - especially in group settings.
It's good to know that a diagnosis has provided you with peace in your life. In regards to other health professionals missing these traits, I think it depends on the health professional academic level e.g. a therapist may not directly point to Asperger's because they may not know much about it but notice behavioral traits related to it but a psychiatrist would be more likely to mention Asperger's related traits as mine did.
I also think it helps to watch these videos and other videos about people with autism in order to understand myself better and learn how to cope. For example, I just got a part time job and I usually get upset in retail jobs and run out one day and never go back. So, I took a job in the back of the store and only made myself available for four hours a day because I find eight hours in public is just way too stimulating for me. I hope this will work out but I think it is about being kinder to yourself and not trying to be like everybody else and it is ok to be different and have different needs to make it in life. I am still trying to discover how to find a good fit in employment but at least this is a first step. I am also applying for a masters degree because for some reason, I am really good at school and there is a lot of built in support for being a student. You have access to quiet libraries and free counseling services etc and you can focus in on your special interest and people encourage you to do that. I wish I could be a full time student for the rest of my life.
I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome when I was 8. I'm 32 now and over the last couple of years I've been learning more about Autism. The more I learn the more I realize I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. It doesn't come as a surprise though since there's a high probability of having Autism with Tourette's.
My Moms told my siblings that I am autistic but not myself until she was about to go home to Creator. She said that for the early part of my life I stood on my tippytoes and had trouble learning to speak until my grandfather's took me out behind our house and taught me our ancestral languages.
Through my research and talking to people about my early childhood that a key feature of autism is standing on your tippytoes among other things.
I feel like you just made this video for me, great message, I think our emotional journey has been very similar. I think you'll find this interesting, when I was a young teenager, maybe earlier, I read the book Clan of the Cave Bear, it's a historical fiction book about ice age peoples. The girl in this story had language and the people that raised her didn't, she had to learn to speak in body language, facial expression and primal sounds. I am now 44 and I've only been learning about autism in the couple years because of my kids and autism explains my life. I find it so strange and awesome realizing why that book had so much impact on my life 🙏
Heather Eckert Clan of the Cave Bear! Yes!
Autism is related to Neanderthal DNA and is probably even a little bit more special than that. More info should be coming out soon... 😉
@@JeffCaplan313 Many times I have thought that my hearing, which is beyond the ability of most hearing-testing devices to measure, must be some aspect of evolution. From the past or in the future. Or both. Curious what's coming out soon!
@@brainmaker4495 check out Stan Gooch for starters. ✌️
Jeff Caplan Thank you, I will.
I didn’t know other people masked. I thought I was just weird. Even masking I couldn’t fit in too good. Thanks for the videos!
I'm 74, and have decided I really don't need an official diagnosis, and I don't want to go through all the testing and expense. It's enough for me to understand myself better, understand my triggers, and know how to work with technology and organization skills more.
Already excited to see what "mistakes" I might have made. Regardless, 4 more days will either give me the answer or a clear indication.
Any update?
@@afrovarangian Totally forgot this comment. Well, I got an "ADD in childhood" diagnosis with it not being prevalent anymore. Nvm that neurodiversity isn't something that can "go away." It's how one's brain works differently and the only things to "cover it up" would be trauma and masking. I'm doing the latter basically constantly. And yes, it's exhausting.
I also know that while ADD fits to some degree, considered it before even, it isn't the full story. I even withheld some answers that might've changed it in hindsight.
Well, I did get a recommendation for antidepressants with it because a big part of it was "where does my depression end and where does my normal brain start?" Starting that was a revelation in itself too. I felt knots loosening that had been there for decades and I'm now far more in tune with my self. Still struggling hard with that executive function though because change is difficult.
P.S.: Germany still makes the distinction between ADD and ADHD for some bizarre reason. I also noticed how much autistic behaviors are often normalised. Some of our stereotypes fit well haha
@@nestrior7733 In South Africa, where I live, they only recently started removing ADD as a diagnosis. I got diagnosed with it at a young age and I'm uncertain if I should get another one.
I also see myself as a heavy masker, I went to a psychologist when I had a meltdown and she said I had depression caused by social anxiety so told me I had to learn social skills to cope. It kind of helped in the sense that others saw me as less strange and I could talk to people easier but all that really did was kick the can down the road.
I became very tired, retreating into video games and sleeping a lot. Eventually I broke down again because of exhaustion, news of a family member's death and getting yelled at at work (I was sent home for the day afterwards).
My sister seems to obviously be on the spectrum, she hand flaps, stims, avoids eye contact, loves math and lines all her toys in a row.
This had me wondering if I had the same experience as a child and apparently we are very similar.
I've been researching markers since then and I'm convinced that I'm the same.
My father, grandmother and aunt do not seem to agree though and say the typical, "but you can talk to people," "you have friends" and "you did very well in school" stuff. I've tried to be adamant that I think that I'm on the spectrum but now they berate me by saying the casual, "I like routines as well, does that make me autistic?" and that I don't look ill.
We aren't particularly well off and down want to be disappointed so I'm scared that I'd want to schedule an appointment, wait for a long time, spend a bunch of money and then have nothing come of it.
Damn I really wrote a novel 😅.
Almost found out through psychiatry but it was too stressful to continue, then through cbt I finally got an ASD diagnosis, along with dyspraxia (no wonder I'm so clumsy).
Sister! lol We could do a fist bump, but it would be dangerous. Did you find out yourself after psychiatry got too hard or did someone in mental health notice? I was put into mental health services when I was a little and found out it's autism last year after watching a talk by Sarah Henrickx which made me look deeper. The mental health team all agreed but said they'd of never of even looked for it to rule it out because it's not a mental illness and so not their job. I got my diagnosis results finally on the 8th of Jan at the age of 38, over 25 years after they'd started treating me for acting autistic. lol... life. I knew I had dyspraxia since I was diagnosed at the age of 8. But my Mum said at my autism assessment that I was diagnosed with that when I was a couple of months old too, but she never thought of saying. So I got diagnosed with that one twice.
@@sallybaddeley6060 my mum noticed I was depressed at 13 (I had no clue because I didn't even know what it was) so I got referred to psychiatry. I went once or twice a week I think and it got to a point where I had locked myself in my room after a session that my mum knew I couldn't do it anymore. They had already suspected Autism, but it didn't really get any further than that due to stress.
Then going through cbt at 20 I asked if I could have an autism assessment because cbt was just making me worse and I knew I was 'different'. I did the assessment, my specialist nurse mentioned dyspraxia but never told me she had diagnosed me with it along with my ASD, no wonder I spill everything on myself xD
XD we'd have to do a very soft fist bump with lots of focus lol
I'm sad that there are not a lot of services now regarding ASD.
My dad denies that I'm even autistic.
@@B33st1ng It sucks how many of us their are out there misdiagnosed and mistreated. I like you at first was told I was depressed but didn't feel it. That quickly changed though with therapy reinforcing the narrative. Therapy is awful and I found the more ill they made me the angrier everyone was at me for being anxious so it was a massive vicious circle. I could never tell the difference between CBT and being convinced to mask in a way of the therapists choosing to be honest. I'm glad you got out of that. I too found it too much.
Yeh the lack of services regarding ASD are a nightmare, I hope that improves in our lifetimes. We still live in a time where not much is known in society about autism and I think there needs to be a lot more awareness of what it is.
Your Dad I'm sure has his reasons for not wanting to see autism in you, but I hope he comes around sooner rather than later.
Take care B33st 1ng. Thanks for your reply and I hope things improve massively for you soon.
I am convinced that I have asperges / autistic or on the spectrum. I hit almost all the traits of female symptoms. I just tell people I have it, if needed. Once c19 is under control, I will get a proper test, but so far, I can not find any test centre in my country. My thoughts, feeling, problems, troubles, issues, meltdowns and obsessions are things I can deal with much, much better now, knowing why behave the way I do. I always felt 'different' but many people feel that way. Now I know why. I have still succeeded in life due to my autism: my obsession with grammar and languages has built me a career! My love life is a horrific mess and I am child-like in that, but I have a cat and I hope to find a fellow aspie in the future :)
The cat will suffice
@@Tommy_2_Smooth if not she can always get more cats.. I have 3
@@missbrokendreams True, I have a dog he's not registered emotional support but he does the job
@@Tommy_2_Smooth dogs are great, they’re better than cats at being goofy... they always make me laugh
There's one thing especially that I have not yet found a solution to. How do I explain to someone my social exhaustion? How can I tell them that I need to be left alone, that I can't stand any company for a while? People who don't know this particular feeling will always be hurt, no matter how carefully and detailed I try to explain how this kind of exhaustion works, and no matter how much I like the person and generally cherish their company, I just can't have that for a while.
My family doesn't think I'm crazy; they think I'm faking for attention, or I'm trying to get away with unacceptable behavior.
I would empathise that if you are seeking an assessment, do consider the possibility throughout that you might not recieve a diagnosis, and how you might process and manage this. There are many things that can appear and present as looking akin to autism (such as developmental trauma). It can be hard when waiting a long time for an assessment whilst reading about autism and creating a strong identity of yourself as autistic and it can lead to a huge upheaval and distress if you differences are indicated to be explained by other factors
Absolutely. I have coined this term, reflecting how far i am on my self-discovery
"Innate or acquired neuro-divergence"
True in any case and, sustaining further discovery without forcing my person within a standardized label...
Personally i prefer avoid an official diagnose as i have got help for cPTSD already. I've got enough input from my therapeut, assessing and helping by dysfunctional behaviors (means impairments in my life) without labelling me.
This is a great video,, I'm not autistic but I work as an autism practitioner/ support worker. IL be honest I have learned everything working one on one with autistic adults. From allover the spectrum. A problem I have noticed and heard from friends from the clinical side of things is so many people are abusing the system and making it tougher for people actually on the spectrum to get support. Yes I mean chancers claiming to be autistic to claim benefits. It's increased ten folds. It's horrible to think people will do that but they do. My friend has been refused testing because they don't think it will impact his life. Basically to him that's saying oh just get on with it. Even though ADHD diagnosis was done yrs ago. I know he's on the spectrum but he's struggling with the refusal he keeps recieving. I just pray the clinical people catch up with the real world and chancers stop being chancers. Great vid 👍
Long time ago I have been psychologically evaluated, and psychiatrist just told me with a smile I'm completely "healthy and normal", just "too smart". My detailed report was full of many problematic things but mostly anxiety and social issues, and it even said I had "autistic fantasies", which I still don't understand what it meant. But she said its all okay when someone is "so smart like me". And that I don't have disorder, rather it's just my personality and there's nothing much I can do about it. Seemed really hopeless!!! And invalidating since I didn't have a name of it, just felt like a loser. A guy I like told me that I have some "autistic behaviors". I am not sure if a real diagnosis would even do me anything good in an ignorant environment.. I'll have to think about it. Felt like sharing, anyway thanks for your cool videos, makes me feel like maybe I'm not alone.
I love his videos. At 37 my life finally makes sense. I started watching yesterday and have barely slept. Lots of tears and outbursts of laughter along the way and alot more to come. What I've learnt in just 24 hours I've already been able to apply and it has made a profound difference in a relationship I had ruined. My world isn't upside down anymore, just leaning to one side a bit now. The comments on each video are so valuable too. I can't stop watching until I've seen them all now. I'm so excited and optimistic for my future now. I haven't been diagnosed and probably won't bother with it. Just understanding has taken away so much confusion and the non stop anxiey that comes with it.
I was blown away when I first saw a Ted talk about women on the spectrum. I knew immediately that this was myself and my mother. With further research I realized that my son and daughter were likely also there though my second son was extremely NT. What was really fun was that when I brought the subject up with my kids they all said “uh, yeah? We knew that!” lol. It has since been an amazing journey for my entire family. We were already very close but this has opened up possibilities and explained past problems to a point where all of us have become soo much more comfortable in our own skins. I’m still working on convincing my mom that she too lies on the spectrum but at 70 years old it has taken many articles and videos. Thank you Paul! Your work has opened her eyes to the possibility! I guess my main point is that if you can find the courage to open up to those who know you best, go in with the information that caught your attention. You’ll be surprised how many people in your life say something like “Oh! That explains a lot!”
Or “So that is why you’re so weird?” And will support you through this process. I thank you, Paul, again for your hard work. It means so much. And I wish the rest of you many blessings in your journey. This can be such a positive experience if you know how to approach it.
Omfg. I didn't even realise I masked until I stopped doing it. Then I started to realise I stim and have been more free to do so in daily life.
After figuring out I was on the spectrum it's like my mind was free to just be and not worry if I'm functioning correctly or not. Because I now understand that I'm perfectly okay.
Thank you for all these videos, they're an incredibly valuable resource
Thanks for your advice. I unfortunately have had mental and medical health professionals immediately invalidate me when bringing up autism. I feel like the 39 years that I've developed masking skills has been more to my detriment at this point in life.
Vienna Day this happened to me 😫
Im afraid of bringing it up with professionals and they end up making some subconscious barrier. Like them start thinking that everything I say is exaggerated just to get towards the diagnosis and they stop validating my symptoms
@@brendielahooha I'm having this same fear
It's not hard to get an autism diagnosis if you're actually autistic.
@@tmorelli1982 it was people within the autistic community that encouraged me to get a diagnosis because I AM actually autistic. It's doctors who are unaware of what autism actually looks like that dismissed me. I've since been diagnosed. And even outside of that, there are wait lists sometimes for several years and it can cost thousands of dollars. You sound incredibly ignorant.
I have been using earplugs to sleep for 14 years now including a cloth tied around my eyes to keep out morning light. My reason for seeking a diagnosis is to get help and prove to others that there is a real problem. The problems are rooted in the conventions of society's systems based on how neurotypicals think. My consultant therapist says I have Asperger's traits such as obsessional paranoia and personalizing things that have prevented me from making progress in many areas of my life such as work, social life, and family. I always score high on Asperger's tests. I have tried masking throughout my life but when changes occurred in my life and I stopped modeling on my role model in 2008 life started to become even more difficult and that is when I started using earplugs. Life is very difficult but I find comfort in belonging in the community you have created here on UA-cam Paul. Thank you.
Your Grandma’s example is just the cutest, sweetest, warmest and it healed me lil bit! Thank you🙏✨
You are an excellent teacher Paul, thank you so much for your logical, calm explanations ❤️🙏🏼✨❤️🙏🏼✨❤️
Thank you very much for your videos. It helps me a lot. I just learned a month ago that I must be on the spectrum. Your videos is what made me see it. And I do have a 5-years old son who I believe is on the spectrum as well. We are just starting to take the first steps towards an official diagnosis for us both. ☺️ I am 43 years old and it's a huge relief to find out this. It explains so many things throughout my life, and it's really overwhelming to find out this. When telling my wife about it she was kind of overwhelmed too and asked several questions like: "Is that why...?" She actually believed my instantly.
For other people around me it's been various reactions from "it can't be true" to "it makes perfect sense".
Thanks again for making these videos. ☺️
Tried getting diagnosed but they said my symptoms weren’t “negatively impacting” my life enough...which is just 😤 Gonna try again sometime in the future but now I know I really gotta hone in on how hard it’s been existing as myself and these “quirks”
@Truman Thing is, some of us give way too much eye contact, I think. Like, there were comments with quite a few of us saying we had to learn to break the eye contact because it makes others awkward.
Hi, my name is Steven. I am writing this message because for the past few years I have realized I am different from my peers. When I say different I mean communicating and my behavior when I’m around others and myself including. I noticed other people look at me in a unsettling way and eventually they move away. This hurts because I was unsure of why until recently when I started to pay attention to how I look and act in public and I really surprised myself. I wasn’t aware that I would move around in a different way that others do around me, people always tell me to relax and chill when I felt okay but the thing is I was uncomfortable without knowing I was and I also feel like I lost my words for everything which is unpleasant. Something else that caught my attention is I will literally walk around my room all day and not notice it, for hours just repeating words or songs in my head. I’m unsure if I have Autism because I have never been diagnosed and I also want to mention the show Atypical really opened doors for me about ASD that I never knew before and Sam’s behavior physically and mentally mirrored my body actions and mind and this has confirmed my thoughts about being autistic. Still I would like to get a diagnosis or a second opinion on this would love your feedback thank you.
At my job, my supervisors took advantage of my manic work focus spurts to request me to work 70 hours per week, which I could do for several weeks, sometimes for six weeks in a row, but then I would burn out severely. That went on for many years. After a big push, my supervisors would not let me take days off to recover when I needed to recover (not a scheduled "vacation"). I never understood that I was doing it to myself - on a roll, kept the focus, to accomplish a big task at work - then burned out - so I kept thinking that I should just be able to handle it; I didn't realize that I really needed the days off. The ups and downs became more extreme over time. At first I was a rising star, but then after the first five years, the company started to marginalize me more and more. After the first 20 years, I decided to move away and only work by telecommuting. That way I could take time off when I needed to. I had to go to part time without benefits 8 years ago because I couldn't meet deadlines with multiple projects at the same time when other stressors popped up. I realized 3 years ago that I am likely Asperger's. I told HR at work, and now they want to know how to help me - after I have worked for them for 35 years and have other health issues. Too late to help me work by emphasizing what I am good at, and allowing for my burn out, or helping me to not burn out in the first place. The issue that most people had with my work is that I wanted it to be scientifically accurate, and I was stubborn about that, even if I had to work days of unpaid overtime (on salary) to be sure I got it right. So diagnosis early in one's career is probably much better than diagnosis at age 65 after your career tanked for reasons you couldn't understand at the time.
I totally resonate with this. I was working 3 jobs bar tending and wouldn’t say no to shifts because it was the only way interacting with people was an experience I could handle. Mostly because I was enjoying the ability to work fast with 100% focus on work. I ended up working 100+ hours a week and I was everyone’s favorite bartender because getting peoples drinks was all I cared about. Small talk and I don’t get along, so I would never stop to talk. I was immediately bouncing from one customer to the next and could retain as many drink orders in my head as people could shout out and not forget or miss a single one on the bill. Eventually this constant inability to say no to working lead to me shutting down and losing all 3 jobs. I haven’t worked since. Sorry I have trouble realizing when enough information is enough and before I know it I’ve typed a biography. Don’t know how to end this rant, so yeah...
I did the professional superhero/burnout cycle for years. Not sure I know how to go back to the workforce. It's been years now. Old co-workers sent me an AQ test. Got a 45. Don't know what to do with that either.
I was diagnosed at 17/18 years old. I don’t remember exactly, but I was almost done in high school, and my Philosophy teacher recommended to my parents that I should be assessed, and they agreed. I wasn’t against having an assessment done, but I didn’t think anything was going to be found. yeah I was different, I excelled in maths and struggled more with language, and I took my time to make sure every answer was perfect, and that hurt my performance on a few timed quizzes in the assessment, but they also allowed me to finish the quizzes afterwards to my liking and everything went well. after several sessions of doing these tests and chatting with the psychologist a few times, they diagnosed me with being on the autism spectrum. I still have absolutely no idea what it all means, it doesn’t change who I am because I am who I was. I suppose the only thing this gave to me was a bit more understanding of myself, but also something to point at and say to others, this is why ‘x’ is so challenging, and there is either no way to get around it, or a very specific set of steps that need to be followed to get around it. but I’m still not sure what my experience being autistic means. I don’t have anything to compare it to, because I’m me and I’ve always been me and no one else.
Trying to be a perfectionist is also a trait that I have. It places pressure on me and takes a lot of my time and energy. Currently, this manifests in an endless amount of research for many years on topics of my interests. This self-infested occupation interferes with many areas of my life, particularly my concentration. It seems I am detail orientated in my own way rather than how most people would expect an aspie to be detail orientated because I have created my own methods and systems of research which may have no value to the conventional systems of society based on neurotypical thinking.
I was diagnosed with bipolar until my sister had a child who was diagnosed with autism then they realized I didn't have bipolar but I was actually a high functioning autistic person
I have Aspergers OCD I live with it.
yeah..me either. Really exhausting
thank you so much for this video it is precisely what i needed to hear. you came up on my recommendations because i watch other youtubers with psychological issues and i've watched some autism things before. it has recently started clicking i might be autistic and i don't know how to bring it up to a GP (I'm in the UK so a lot of health care is funded including mental health). However i am already in with psychologists due to depression and anxiety and the reason autism has started to click with me was because i've come to realise how different i have felt from others all my life and if i am on the spectrum it would explain so much. it resonates with me to a point i get emotional in a relief kind of way because it would explain so much and help the people who love me understand me better. i am not worried about my family i am lucky that way. i have already talked to one of my sisters a bit about it and she said she has thought about it with me before. I am 27 years old and i think it would really help if i can understand myself better this way
These videos of yours have shed a lot of light on my experiences having not yet been diagnosed, as of this viewing I finally understand why I get a tired/exhausted feeling listening to music that I felt like listening to just 1-2 minutes prior. Ding! Makes sense hearing your comment on that concept.
Dear Paul, how wonderful it sounds to hear you say...let's bridge the gap to our friends who need to understand what it means to be autistic. Let's bridge the gap with empathy and understanding.
My kids therapists have asked if my kids do something or commented on what they do and I’ve actually said “doesn’t everyone?” Because it’s a trait or behaviour I do too.
Sounds like good advice. Thank you for it.
On a side note, did you also do a video on what NOT to do when you think you're on the spectrum, or even have a diagnosis?
I say this because I knew someone before and after diagnosis, and noticed something that I think was negative about it. The way I see it he used the diagnosis as an excuse to misbehave. I really think of him as lazy to stop making an effort that others are making, just because the effort he had to make got a name.
In this particular case it has to do with the mask dropping. He was doing pretty well before the diagnosis process. But during the process, and especially after the diagnosis, he refused to mask in any situation. It cost him his job and a relation. For his relation I can really imagine dropping the mask is for the better. "acting" your way through a relation sounds like a bad idea, as you need to act at moments you shouldn't be. If a partner can't deal with you the way you are, he/she may not be a good partner. Better move on.
But for a job that's a different thing. He was doing fine with his masking. He was weird, but good and respected at his job. After the diagnosis he flat out refused to do the masking that he was pretty good at. The result was that he made his position at work impossible, and he lost his job. Even though his colleagues were willing to help to make things easier for him by facilitating solutions for situations when the masking was hard.
I was like "Dude, you know how to behave. It's important here that you behave. And others (even the "normal" ones) are making an effort to behave themselves here. So, behave!". And he was like "I'm autistic, suck it up. I shouldn't learn to live with it, the rest of the world should learn how to live with me." Well, the world didn't learn. The world he was in spat him out. Not because he was autistic, but because of his attitude.
Thank you for this salient comment.
A diagnosis can work as a shock wave, bringing a turmoil in mind and identity for a while. If you then sack, it can have high costs.
My reaction to a diagnosis in the past:
As i was diagnosed for a trauma and not for being crazy, i was SO relieved. "They did me harm, i am wounded, not crazy ! Their fault"
"Mother! you are the culprit. Shame on you. I am an innocent victim.."
(I had been. Actually. As a baby. but: she too. How ambiguous.)
I had to go through that. Now i guess how overwhelmed and suffering my mother had been, a life long without help or an ear to listen...
Suffering is highly contagious...
(In fact I had been wounded AND i was what they called in the 70ies "crazy" mean now neuro-divergent. (In fact my impulsivity was conspicuous first of all. Genetic seems. Now I do a tone of Yoga)
Mother acted out her F.e.a.r.
Autism could be a similar story as in
if one struggle with one's own autism, the "normies" must struggle too: with the autism of this other. Help both.
Thank you Paul!!! It's such a gift for us to have you!
Thank you for sharing this! The most helpful video I have been able to find since I realized I have ASD. Very comforting to me after last six months of despair, frustration and extremely unhealthy isolation
I have been masking all my life I appreciate this video immensely
I've mentioned the possibility yesterday that I think I could be and my family members actually said they've believed the same for many years but didn't know how to approach me about it. Not really sure how to feel about that.
Word to your grandmother! She's so right nothing wrong with you or me or anyone else on the spectrum. 💖 thank you for these videos sir. I been hanging on them. And they've really helped me to know I'm not alone.
I am afraid of my doctor's visit tomorrow, because I am scared that he/she will say that I don't have Aspergers, despite me checking off the list of symptoms.I can pull off faking being a normal person, but it takes so much effort and it is SO exhausting! I was diagnosed with social phobia, anxiety, depression, and have OCD. I have just recently had a couple of people in my life who were knowledgeable (and brave enough) to tell me that I probably have some sort of autism, but on a lower spectrum. I really want to get my mental health together, as I have been diagnosed with these things over the past 15 years, and wonder when I am ever going to find my identity and a solution to my life, in order to make it more enjoyable. I can only hope and pray that I get some REAL answers tomorrow, because I am often skeptical about doctor's at Walk-In Clinics (especially after misdiagnosing my mother, not bothering to test her for cancer, until it was too late).
How did the diagnosis go?
I’ve got a diagnosis coming up in a few weeks. Sounds like I’ve got something to look forward to.
Me too! I hope it goes well for you
@@nattybunny03 Cheers! Same to you!
The Blog tipp was great! I googled and added ADHD, cause I have that and am unsure if I am also autistic... lots of blogs popped right up! :)
Also, I really like your videos, you have many easy to understand metaphors and explanations that can be used with non-autistic people to get them to understand better what neuro-diverse experiences are like. Thank you for your hard work!
After I found info about what Asperger's was, and found that I related to it more than I have ever related to anything, I started to notice that people I have great relationships with, also share these characteristics. So I straight up asked my friends, if they were diagnosed with Asperger's. The answer I got was classic. Just a simple text back, "yes". And that alone confirmed it in itself. I started to think a lot of people were on the spectrum, and that worried me that I was not understanding autism correctly. That and the many who didn't really think I was on to something... Turns out most of my friends are autistic and that's because they don't misunderstand and abandon thier friendship with me. The people who I ended friendships with, had assumed the worst things about me and either attack me or just go MIA. When they attack me for their misinterpretation of me, I just do my best to explain and it generally has never helped. I hate being autistic and it is because the world around me doesn't understand it nor believes me. I'm 37 and I'm exhausted with life. I'm ready to leave this pathetic annoying body and existance. Just waking up here is enough to want to never wake up again. I don't care how I go, but I want it to be soon. This isn't somewhere I can enjoy, it's somewhere I suffer and watch others suffer and it's not ok.
Recently diagnosed at age 27. Wasn’t necessarily looking for this diagnosis but I definitely knew something about me was very different and I needed help understanding. My psychologist referred me to a neurologist to get a diagnosis. I took tests all day for about 7-8 hours and got my answer in the mail a couple weeks later. I also am diagnosed ADHD, Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and somatoform disorder. I still believe I am also OCD but not sure if that is just part of my ASD.
This channel is changing my life!!
I'm learning about the Austim.through you Paul.i thoroughly enjoy your blog on Utube I got diagnosied earlier this year 💜🙂
I really appreciate your channel and how you explain autism in an understandable way. I was also diagnosed as an adult, and by linking to your videos, people around me more easily understand what it's all about.
Thanks! Greetings from Norway
Thank you so much for this video.
Has anyone else who is not diagnosed felt like they shouldn't talk about it to anyone else or feel like they cant go see anyone because you are afraid of the response?
What a sweet grandmother you have! "You can't be autistic, there's nothing wrong with you."
That's amazing she feels that way about you!
I had numerous sessions with .My pshiolgist and a 3 hour one w ith anither lady earlier this year to get my diagnosenese of Austim. I've just received good news of been given help with NDIS I live in Melbourne Australia I'm.in my late 40s 🙂
Like so many other commenters on your videos, I've found so many lightbulb moments watching your videos. Things I thought were just my weird personality quirks make so much more sense when put into the context of autism. I'm still not sure if I'll seek a diagnosis but the main thing I want is to learn to improve my quality of life and help people close to me understand why I do certain things. Thank you for your videos, I feel like I'm on the start of a journey that will make a huge difference in my life
Bloody hell the background of your blog is freaking me out! :-) Alien like, but for someone like me who has a hole phobia (trypophobia) it's a bit too much.
Thanks for your videos I have found them very interesting. I've got an appointment in August for myself to get an Autism diagnosis, a bit late at 47yo, but I think it explains a lot about me
You could try headphones and not looking at the video. I’m not sure if you need visual cues from the video though. If you find that it could help, then great.
@@endorolfgreenwolf5265 its just his blog not the videos which are fine. Sorry if my comment was confusing.
I’m finding your videos extremely interesting. I started out as a youngster wondering what was wrong with other people, then I realised that it was I who was different. Having spent many years looking for what might be the reason, about 25 years ago I discovered something about myself psychologically that seemed to explain it but now could just be another symptom.
As I approach 64 years old, I’ve learned to live with the idiosyncrasies that I can’t control (hoping that I don’t upset too many people) and I’m wondering if learning what condition I have (if any at all) would be of any consequence.
Thanks for your insights.
preached to to just WORK HARDER from earliest childhood. At 35 The "full search" to understand the "problem" began. at 51 urged to get "benefits" all the while "THEY" are still saying JUST WORK harder 5+ YEARS OF THERAPY from " the system" at 56 FINALLY after ALL THAT AND sooo much MORE
THE DIAGNOSIS.
What about people who want/need accommodations at work/school? Someone who is struggling to gain independence, but who was never diagnosed as a child?
I've just subscribed to your wonderful channel. Many thanks for this video and all of your others, which I have binge watched because they are so informative and enormously helpful.
Autism as supplanted bipolar as the new celebrity must have fashionable diagnostic accessory, I feel so up to the minute with my diagnosis. Upside, my diagnosis made sense of the car crash that was my life up to my diagnosis at aged 62. The sackings, the fights, depression, anxiety, ostracisation, relationship disasters, not fitting in, disruptive, being thought weird or strange and everything else, etc etc. The relief that normal for me was not the same as the general populous, I cried for my younger self who had endured all the aforementioned and more.
I finally don’t care or even try to fit in, it was great to finally ditch my various masks and just be myself.
Thanks for the advice about the autistic behaviors that I have, this would be a huge help when I find a specialist to see if I do have autism and where I would be placed on the spectrum.
this may be an old video but your channel is by far the best, some of the things you’ve said i related to so much, not saying i AM autistic however i remember you saying about you doing a shoulder movement because they never feel comfortable which is similar since i do the same thing with my neck but only started it 4 months ago
I'm 55, I think I'm autistic, waiting on a actual diagnosis possibly early next year. I love your videos. I don't really have the mental energy or the want to verbally or physically meet up with similar people. After work and life, I don't have the mental strength to do that. Plus I think I have anxiety and shyness and stuff so just thinking about it stresses me out.
The RAADS-R test is a great tool.
Thank you Paul. Your videos have really helped me understand myself. 🙂👍
I'm 38 years old and l'll have my diagnosis appointment in about 4 weeks..on one hand, I can't wait because I desperately wait for the moment when I will have "official" certitude but on the other hand, I'm sooo afraid.. I feel like I would have to somehow persuade the psychiatrist that I'm an Aspie (already had a diagnosis 8 years ago, Psy telling me I can't be on the spectrum as I had long-term relationships and am able to look at one's eyes..as we know now, these are not criterias anymore)..I always feel like a fraud.. do you have any advice for that? I would be deeply thankful...as I am already for your wonderful channel and videos! Kind regards from Germany
You'll have your assessment in four weeks--lucky you! I'm scheduled to see a specialist at the end of July!
From what I understand, there are only two facilities in Germany which offer assessment RE adult Asperger's--one in Heppenheim, the other in Berlin?
Same thing here, i went to the appointment, it was useless as they didn’t tell me anything and after few days i phoned up my GP who said i received the letter from the phycologist who said they don’t see evidence to investigate Autism! I am more depressed than ever as i am 100% positive i am Autistic
In Freiburg ( university clinic, psychiatry) you can get an assessment as well. And they are experienced enough in diagnosing women on the spectrum, even pretty "competent maskers" 😊
@@tinamuller-schewe3580 Good to know--thanks! 👍
@@g.osiris1615 Can you get an appointment with someone else? Don't give up! I've been trying to get assessed for about five years before finally getting somewhere.
I like the clothing analogy - don't run naked through the shopping mall, but (additionally) don't feel you have to wear a burka... NTs tend to spend time on shaping their image with their clothing, we need to spend some time discovering what our "social clothing" should look like, avoiding both total nakedness and total masking burka...
Like eyelids for our 3rd eye.
Different area, but very important: If you think about getting a diagnosis (no other mental health diagnosis yet) check if you need or want a insurance for health issues before. In Germany it is called „Berufsunfähigkeit“. If there are issues that hinder you to work this insurance pay the gap between what you get as social help and your salary. But with a diagnosis you will not get one. Inform yourself how your country handle these things and check if you want or need a insurance before pursuing a diagnosis.
Hi. I went to psychological testing and went to multiple doctors, counselors, psychologist and psychiatrist wow. it is a long story I think I might make a new vid about it.
Read this stuff below. Theres a lot of being fearful of what others might think. As in other areas of my life, Registered Blind (I have some sight so not "black" blind) I transfer the so called "problem" to the sighted or with my Aspergers to the neurotypicals. I'm proud to be a Aspie (diagnosed at 65) so frankly, I don't give a damn! McIntyre
"Your NOT crazy!" If that statement stands alone, it explains my whole life!
It will take about 18 months before I can get my appointment scheduled and then it could be another several months before the actual evaluation. Then I’ll need to pay about $2,200 for it. I don’t think I can do it.
I understand. I wouldn't have been able to do it either but here in the UK, we are fortunate enough to be funded by the government health service called the National Health Service NHS but not everyone gets the funding approved.
Hello, my name is Justice Brown and I'm a 19 (almost 20) year old male. Before I go into myself, I wanna give a little bit of context or background. My mom has a neurological disorder called neuropathy. She was worried her kids have had some hereditary issues from that, plus some warning signs she's noticed. She got her youngest daughter screened (7yo) and she came up positive for autism. I can't remember to what degree. Anyways, I started being retrospective and noticed that I've never really been normal. At recess I'd just walk laps around the playground rather than play even if I wasn't in trouble. Hell, most punishments in school almost seemed like a reward to me. In school suspension? Yay I get to sleep. Out of school suspension? Yay no people. Anyways, I decided to take the AQ test cuz after I watched more and more videos from Paul (I think that's his name, SORRY) the more it sounded like he was describing me. Now, I do miss some social ques but I get along relatively well with people. That part of your brain that tells you to blend in with society still works for me. Kinda? I scored a 32 out of 50, saying that I might have asp but honestly I have no idea whether I'm self identifying with autism because I'm blending in with what I'm seeing or if that's me. And healthcare is expensive so I'll probably have no answers for awhile
Could you do an update version for young people and or young adults?
Bridging the gap was a good idea. Rather than trying to explain how different you are, explaining something that's different but in a way others can relate to.
I was teased a lot in elementary school
I feel I completely understand. My school experience also still bothers me.
I’ve felt really bad since coming to drill cuz I don’t know how to socialize, I got told by a Sgt who’s been harping on me that it’s cuz I look hard and unhappy and negative, like a rock, but I don’t know how to change it cuz I’m relaxed, I’m a loner cuz I’m not sure how to interact, it’s even in the way I talk cuz I think in precise steps, so I’m used to breaking things down out loud, I’m not trying to shrug responsibility or anything, or make excuses, I just THINK in reasoning, but other people don’t seem to do that and it puts them off, and I like using sign language cuz I get overwhelmed by… everything, it’s like my brains trying to process 5 different emotions or senses at one time and I can’t seem to function so I write or sign, I feel really different. I really do have hyper interests, like marijuana and it’s growth, reading or anime, I almost obsess on it, and music, hydroponics as well. I know it sounds stupid but I really do, and there’s allot of things I do when I’m alone, from ticking to hating cold things, allot of little things, I always get in my head about it cuz I feel alienated from people and weird. But watching your videos, I actually feel allot better, I understand a bit more. after my roommate kept saying I remind him of his older autistic dad and brother I wanted to learn more and I feel a bit less depressed because I understand a bit more. I don’t wanna claim it, but it’s making sense to the point I’m ready to see if I really am on the spectrum. Thank you cuz your videos have helped me allot throughout my at home station with the army, like, it’s weird to say it but I feel understood somehow
Thank you...Just found this channel. Lots of answers to questions that needed them for a very long time
In country where I live now they give you with the diagnose a handicap paper . What you will do in this case ?