One aspect of solitude I've had to come to terms with - feeling guilt over the fact that I simply don't enjoy spending extended time with family members, even the safe ones. (By safe, I mean people I can be myself around, up to a point.) I love them, but I need to love them from a distance. The peace and privacy of an empty house is such a relief. I know that sounds terrible to those who insist that people require the company of other people for health and happiness, but no - the truth is, many of us are healthier and happier without it.
I can understand that. The days of guilt are gone for me. Instead I offer my reasoning unprompted. I did that with my mum for example when I finally decided I wasn't doing Christmas day anymore. I could feel guilty for not spending the day with a little older lady, but I don't spend every other day with her either, and that's not a problem. When something is an event, it hits so much harder, so I told her I'm not doing it again, and we need to find an unrelated day near the time to catch up when there is no pressure, no gift unwrapping, no other family members around, no waiting on a big dinner etc. I felt bad at first, but I look forward to the day now, spending it in solitude and avoiding it, and my mum actually enjoys avoiding it too. I give everyone what they need all the time, so much so that they don't notice 99% of it just so the status quo can be maintained. So when I need 'me' things, it's happening! And without guilt 👍🏻
"The peace and privacy of an empty house.." - yes!! - What a relief. What a sense of freedom from any pressure, even just the subtle pressure of other people's presence in the house.
@AdultwithAutism That's great about the address! I recently had to have a plumber in my house for several days and a furnace repair person a couple of days. I absolutely could not relax the whole time, even in the evening when they were gone if I knew they were coming back the next day. I have learned to repair many things just because I'd rather not have people in my house. It's getting more difficult to find this kind of help, so I'm glad I can do it myself and actually enjoy the feeling of completing such a job. I like to work with my hands, anyway..
Being female and in my early 50’s having just figured out that I am autistic has been both a relief in many ways and a genuine surprise. I appreciated hearing that you defend yourself when someone calls you “weird” because although I mask much too well for anyone to have ever called me weird, I certainly have been attacked in other ways especially in the family system. For being “too intense” or caring too much about something or someone and when this has happened, I haven’t felt like I had the right to defend myself. Their words have been hurtful and unfair and I have been labeled as “too sensitive” for my entire life. Well, I now know I’m experiencing things differently than they are and I will defend myself for my own valid, genuine experiences. Because when you said, “I will kill the mood of a room to defend myself” I realized that I was constantly sacrificing my own mood and feelings to everyone else’s. They could kill my expression by shutting me up instantly with the accusation that I “cared too much”. Wow, what a sin I’ve been committing! Well, maybe they should care a little more. Because my mood and feelings are certainly just as important as theirs. And I’m no longer willing to accept the label of “too sensitive”.
I agree, I like being alone, I don't have a problem with it. Going out ANYWHERE is a LOT of EXTRA for me personally. Your content, for me, is the best I have come across on the Internet. Thank you Paul for sharing your experience in such a clear and relatable way. It is very reassuring to hear it is okay to acknowledge and adjust myself to not being guilty for not being able to make my entire life 100% for others and disregarding how it'll affect ME, possibly being triggered and maybe even a meltdown or burnout.
Thank you for your kind words, I really do appreciate them. Leaving the house is like completing a script for a show. I don't have the freedom of auto-pilot. Everything must have attention paid to it, so I know the feeling you talk of.
I know what you mean. It has only gotten more 'taxing' on me as I get older to go out and deal with the world. It seems cresting "over the hill" has worsened my ability to prevent a meltdown, the sensory strain of age can be hard on autism. My body is falling apart, I'm 54 dx at 33. And the rough part is, at this age, a meltdown only comes off as "grumpy old man". Most do not even consider autism to be a factor in older people, most still assume it's a kids thing. Let alone understand how it can get rough with later age. I'm too afraid of the embarrassment to go anywhere. Supposed to be "grown up" at this age.
When I was a kid I changed my personality entirely to try and fit into the norms of junior high school- unfortunately for me that high level of masking kind of overtook my ability to just be normal or how I actually am or when I do try and be myself I now feel guilty because the character I made that people liked is who people really want to see and even if I am in my home I know neighbors and others are looking for that character rather than who I am. When I have indulged myself off and on over the years the lack of social norms in my regular self I always come away feeling guilty because at the end of the day me being myself prevents me from progressing in the normal world. Not necessarily because of the opinion of others (though that is a factor as much as I have tried to get rid of that) but rather I know that I need a certain level of income and progress in order to live a good life in general. If I were to be myself I would live in abject poverty- I think a lot of people are homeless because of their unorthodox thinking so no matter what I have to do some level of masking if I don't want that. (there is much less support in America especially for adults than over the pond and the support that exists is not enough for anyone to be helped by it + there is the moral quandary of such.)
There isn't support for Autistic Adults in the UK unless you fall into a 'supported' category. But for that, you need to be not deemed as independent. It's the same for me, I have that choice to make. Keep pretending to the world and being false to myself in order to 'blend in' and work a job like I do and put on a front. Or be true to myself and as you say, live in poverty. I wouldn't have my house, car, or animals as I wouldn't be able to afford them. So to have what I want, I have to play pretend. The mask gers heavier, the effort gets harder, and the understanding by others never improves because they're too busy experimenting on Zebrafish and Mice to try to uncode Autism than to talk to Autistic Adults. I don't see unmasking as a viable option for me, so don't consider it. But I do try and look at everything else to see what I can do once the power swings back to my favour on my free time. It others have to 'suffer' because I don't fit their mould at that point, then its too bad for them 👍🏻
In addition to when it's needed to earn a living, there are other times fitting social norms is safer and less exhausting. Dealing with any bureaucracy, for instance. With the "healthcare" system this is often the case, where there's no real help to be had. I even tried an online autistic support group (once). It was highly regulated/structured. Run by some funded agency. You could tell it was anti-human. The people in it were autistic people masking in a different way, to fit in to that structure. A lot of alone time is healthier.
I am still waiting for diagnosis but because of you I already know the outcome. I am so similar to you. Your reasons are my reasons. I spent decades wondering why everybody else was different, and now I know, it's easier. Thankyou.
I relate to your videos so much. Diagnosed at 54, last year. Burnout but releuved to fully understand what I'm working with. 🎉❤😊your delivery is calm and easy to understand, spot on!
it's interesting that when I hear you explain how you've experienced judgment and mockery, it really resonates with every reason why I developed Avoidant PD alongside aspergers. You're not allowed to draw your boundaries or people make you feel like something's wrong with you, so you develop anxiety and you begin to avoid people just to avoid their bulldozing demands. You try to hide your interests and hobbies, because "really, is that all you're into?" 'Cause god forbid you're a huge introvert. You just grow up learning that every little thing is wrong about you.. now that I've learned I got aspergers, my AvPD makes so much sense. I always wondered, why can't I be like everybody else? Why am I so sensitive? Why can't I be interested in what they're interested in? Why does NO ONE understand me? And they still don't. I still fight to set boundaries at my age, and I am almost 36 and people talk to me like I am an ignorant child. Because they all 'just' do A, B, or C, but in my world, those things result in overwhelm, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. And nobody gets it. None. And ugh, relate to the childhood friend who just used me to compete with. I've been wanting to let go of my friend, too, it's just hard if you can't find new and healthy friends.. and it seems whenever you think you can trust someone, it's just a matter of time and they turn on you, in one way or another. Not the most positive comment, but I really feel this right now. I can't imagine the peace it brings once I get my diagnosis. Even though I know it's no guarantee anyone will take you seriously. And having AvPD.. just means setting boundaries are near impossible.
That is what caused me to say goodbye to the world around me and focus on one of my own...but guess what? Then you get called selfish for looking out for yourself. You can't win!
Interesting, in that there were indeed things that it was beneficial and possible to change in your life, off the back of your diagnosis. I have just read a PhD thesis about high functioning autism in the over-50s. People who had autism but were undiagnosed for most of their lives have coped in very different ways. Only a few remained single like you and me. Most, it seems, got married and had children, and the scope for significant change in the light of their belated diagnoses was almost nothing. It just provided understanding of why they had always had friction with spouses and other immediate family members, and why they had always been considered difficult and weird, even by their own reckoning. There was no need or scope for me to change anything about my life post diagnosis because I had always been wilful in the extreme about doing my own thing and insulating myself from the herd, quite irrespective of understanding why my preferences were so unusual relative to the norm.
It's good you were always like that. I wasn't, not at all. I always just wanted everyone to be okay, and would break myself trying to achieve it. Then alongside that, hoping I could stay under the radar enough to not stand out, even before I knew I was Autistic. The diagnosis allowed me the acceptance to look after myself, thankfully things got better once that happened.
I can relate to having your hobbies being viewed as childish. I'm a gamer too and I've loved Pokémon since I was a kid. Currently playing Pokémon Violoet for the Switch i got for my birthday tomorrow. I love the Bioshock series and sunk a TON of hours into Skyrim. I've also loved Batman since I was a kid and read comic books. I used to be embarrassed about the things I liked. Now my special interests are kinda trendy so that's annoying too lol. Great video Paul, thanks for sharing your experiences!
Haha, I know that feeling! I've had a beard since I left the Fire Service, BEFORE Hipsters started with them. Then all of a sudden, I get called a Hipster before I even knew what one was. I had a beard before they were a trend, and I'll still have one when it's passed. How dare people think I want to be trendy 😂
I was riveted by every word you said. I’m in Australia and I’ve just been diagnosed. I was feeling lost. I’ve listened to dozens and dozens of videos on autism and none has impacted me like yours has. It’s like I have a “self respect map” that gives me guidelines on how to proceed. Thank you so much. Judy 🙏🌻
I have never felt so understood in my life! It's like we've lived the same life. I'm perfectly content to spend time with myself. I don't need people to entertain me or keep me company. When I'm alone I feel safe to be me. Not many people understand that it's ok to be by yourself. I need silence. I can't tolerate people that won't stop talking or just making some sort of noise. You're right. Don't ask me what I like if you're going to get offended. I didn't ask you to ask me that question. Just because my answer isn't cookie cutter doesn't mean that it's not enjoyable. Thank you so much for your videos!
So, at 41 I am just now realizing that I am on the autistic spectrum... after yrs of misdiagnosis. I can relate to having many lives in one trying to find where I can fit and survive, like I have not met anyone else that has said that before... and i always got weird looks saying that. Thank you for making these videos... they are helping me know what to do to get out of and prevent autistic burnout and be able to accept my need for solitude and hobbies... like before i just though of them as quirks and wasted my energy on the mask... thinking i had depression and needed to socialize and fit in more... which results in never having a charged battery. Anyways thanks again... going on a hyperfixation dive on more of your videos while sculpting in studio today😊❤
I recently found out I am autistic, today was one of the first days in a long time that I left the house to go to a social event, the actual travel part wasn't so bad. I stayed for a few hours and I was very chatty, afterwards I felt so tired/exhausted I felt almost ill, when I got home I had a while to recharge and process and now I'm feeling quite good.
I like your summation: "I gained by losing". I have felt that many times when I've looked back & realized the trouble I have saved myself when I didn't continue a 'friendship' because it wasn't actually benefitting me in any way, only the other person. I also really get your acceptance of a life of solitude. Me too - the peace & quiet of mind!
I wish more people could find their contentment with themselves. It removes the need for others to be a requirement, and instead becomes a bonus. A supplement, not mandatory 👍🏻
Another great video Paul. Thank you for sharing your valuable experiences. I often find myself wondering how on Earth you can verbalize exactly what I am thinking… it’s totally uncanny and even shocking. So much of what you reveal is identical to my own thought process or reality, and I understand you so sincerely. You have a distinct and eloquent way of describing your life, and I appreciate the time it takes you to record these moments for everyone to enjoy. Glad to see you recording again!
Thank you Rebecca. I appreciate that. It's always good to know others relate too, as when I do videos, I've no idea if it's just me who feels that way half the time.
Just found your channel, Paul, and have subscribed. Am now going to binge-listen; this video was so relatable, especially what you said about friends and your idea of friendship. I was diagnosed at 56 this summer, it's been huge relief and I am in the process of re-evaluating everything and cutting out the crap. On to part 2...
Great video Paul. My office is filled with toys, I have 6 Rubik’s cubes that I solve daily, and have been playing Nintendo since it was invented. I am obsessed with elephants. I didn’t have many friends as a kid but I have a few amazing life long friends now. I do like my alone time but I do go out with friends sometimes. I have also had to let go of friends for similar reasons. I have also said that I embrace wired but if I am treated badly because of it I will defend. Lastly, the shoes are awesome! Great collection. Looking forward to part two!
Elephants? I never knew! I've got 5 Super Nintendo consoles (the mini version) in a cupboard. I bought them to sell on in years to come...but then they kept making them instead of them being collectors items. So now I'm just the oddball who looks like he collects Super Nintendo consoles 😂
Omg my main man, my boy. SoB, i can't believe your story about the process to go for a hike. I've explained this exact thing to people, no one gets it and look at me dumbfounded. I'm actually currently trying to move closer to the mountains here in NC. I'm about an hour away, but that pretty much means i put off spending time there 9 out of ten times i have the inclination. I need to get the trip to less than 20 minutes to trail. Trail running is one of my favorite things, i don't believe i have much time left in my legs for it maybe at 38 now.
"I've got something on that night..." 😂 Oh, man...my favoritest shoes ever were dark green Gazelles with white stripes and laces. I wore them till they fell apart. (There are a few things I miss in this life...a 12 string El Degas I pawned to pay rent, a lot of dead cats and a few dead friends, most non-meat foods, and those shoes. 😭) One of the greatest gifts you give us is that you show us that it's ok (imperative, really) to take care of ourselves and our needs. I alway went along to get along, doing what was expected out of fear, obligation and guilt, and it was killing me trying to be "normal" all my life. I personally don't mind the word weird. The Chili Peppers' Nobody Weird Like Me used to be my theme song. 😜 I bet a lot of older folks, who have bumbled through life not knowing what they were struggling with all along, would really resonate with what you share. I'd be surprised if the big number didn't keep growing. Congrats! 😸🧡
I was 38 when someone suggested i might be autistic and asked a few questions and it just hit me, this explains so much of my life and my struggles. It took me till 40 to find someone to formally diagnose me due to a few reasons. One being afraid that they would say I wasn't autistic and get the rug pulled out from under me and left with the crushing feeling of no explanation for why I am the way I am. I think I got by in life with less issues because I embraced I was weird/different and I didn't think much about it because I was happy being "myself". But in the back of my head I'd wonder why I didn't have a life even close to a typical high schooler when I had part the equation like being the captain of the football team. The few friends I had loved me and accepted me as the goofy, smart, friendly guy who was just a little off. That got me a long way. But the older i got the more I panicked and told myself I just need one more life accomplishment and it would come together. Go to colllege, get my engineering degree, become a soldier, do a deployment, see combat, get a girlfriend, get an engineering job, get a house.... I accomplished a lot but I didn't get a life I expected or a life people expected I'd have. Finally I stopped chasing what people expect my life to be and stop judging my life to "normal" people's lifes. I found a person who loves the autistic me and doesn't care what special interests I have. Doesn't mind when I info dumb about a passion I have because they know it makes me happy or how I just need to talk about it to get it out of me. I embrace what makes me happy and give myself time to recover from losing all my spoons at work or from a social event. I eat my safe foods and don't beat myself over it or let people bully me over it.
I had a chuckle at the dream part, that's my experience all over. Especially if I do a two day fast; the dreams on the second night are absolutely nuts and so visceral.
@@AdultwithAutism it depends on the mindset, you can either focus on not eating, which is horrible, or simply forget to eat and that's faily easy with a few shorter fasts as practice. By the way, not sure which part of Greater Manchester you're from (I'd guess Bury from the accent, but I'm crap with accents) but if you like getting out for a walk, Rivington pike is a nice area and I generally seem to have success with parking there, but I do avoid peak times.
Originally from South Manchester, Wythenshawe. My accent on the videos is toned down a lot so people outside of Manchester can understand me. But I moved from Manchester years ago.
Im a 50 year old female. I had a mental breakdown in 2019 and could no longer leave my home. I was diagnosed as autistic, with CPTSD, in March this year (2024) The NHS didn't care. Nobody seemed to care at all. I eventually started getting some help this year. I never get bored or lonely I play PC games. I play games like Anno 1800 (settlement management) Car mechanic simulator ( I know nothing about cars and have no interest in the them, but I like putting them together in this game, its relaxing) GW2 (there is a lot to do and I can play alone) Planet crafter (because it's relaxing and I can be alone) Many other games too. I like creating things with my hands. small things for dioramas, from the worlds i have created in my head (i have hyperphantasia) I watch UA-cam videos that show you how to make things, or use a specific crafting material, or how to connect tiny LED's, or how to use certain crafting tools, etc, I watch them for hours everyday. I find it soothing and I like learning new things. I like to take things apart, especially electronics, and use those pieces to make other things. I don't dream, I nightmare, so I take medication to make me go to sleep and stay asleep (doesn't always work) I don't watch "western" (our tv or films) because I detest propaganda, so I switched to watching Korean and Chinese tv series (their propaganda is designed for them, and I can just ignore it) I use an ad blocker because I hate adverts. Let's not talk about a company that had no ads before, now forcing ads on you, unless you are willing to pay not to see those ads. Neurotypicals are weird. They are like NPC's, that are all connected to a main PC and they get "new" information input from the main PC, and then that is their "truth". They don't seem to have access to any sort of "search engine", or the ability to research outside of the "approved research". So, the data that has been input are just accepted as "fact and truth". And when someone tries to show them that their data is corrupt, they attack that person, as if it's a virus. They cannot accept new data, unless it's from the main PC. They seem incapable of seeing anything unless they have been "updated" with new data, which always seems to be corrupted.
I can totally relate. I'm 54, dx at 33, I had my breakdown about 7 years ago now. haven't gone much anywhere or done much of anything since. I melt down too much when I go out. My problem is, I relied to heavily on the computer based stuff, don't mix in enough off computer activities, I see you have, keep that balance! My back, hips, neck, shoulders,arms, everything hurts because I haven't gotten up from this computer enough. Even if I don't go out, i still need to get up and move around. I did get a guitar recently! I am making a change. And i love it! It's a new stim, a sensory playgroud. AND... it gets me up from the computer. I have not been as positive in my isolation though. My creativity has suffered. I used to do graphic art, but I worked in it and money spoils art. careful to those perusing a career in commercial art.... Maybe music is what I need? It is helping after just a week. And OF COURSE! ad blockers are fundamental to use of the internet. And if it's normal broadcast tv, that mute button always get's hit as soon as the commercial starts! But I have grown weary of media culture. Spent a lot of time around the entertainment industry, I know too much, it's just all so fake. and hasn't been worth anything in quite a while. haven't had cable since 2006. Stopped going to movies in 2015. I don't even stream them. I'm just done with all that fantasy land everyone is trapped in. Glorified toy commercials.
I think they don't do that because they don't know. Autism is governed by non Autistic people, which is why they consistently act like they couldn't find their way out of a wet paper bag. Once Autism belongs to Autistic people, we'll soon have it sorted 👍🏻
Best time is alone, mate. Isn't it strange? I'm fun and funny for myself, I like myself, I like my hobbies, I like my free time, I like my interests, I like the flow.🤷♀️ I find 'oddity' interesting and 'normal' just so boring...🤦♀️
I struggle so much with people. I have a service dog and I have to put myself in difficult situations by taking my dog out in the middle of the night to avoid people but there are still always people around and because I have a dog they always want to pet the dog and talk to me. I hate it. I get so anxious talking to people I don't know and I just want to be left alone.
@gillb9222 me too 99.9% of the time. I always have earphones in to avoid talking to people. Most of the time, there isn't anything being played. It's just as a visual deterrent for others 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I totally get that. I wear them too and listen to the same album on repeat whenever I go out. I find it so soothing and calming to just have something that I am familiar with. And it keeps people from talking to you
Hey, Paul, very interesting video, again. About solitude, I have found it is much lonelier to be with people and feel alone, than it is to be at home on one's own, doing one's own thing without having to think about the impact we might have on someone else. The only times I feel really zen is in my studio, music blasting, painting, door locked, shutter down or after midnight, playing Ark or Eco or making stuff. Oh and I'm an old lady and I love computer games. Age is irrelevant. When someone has commented on my playing games on the computer, I have said "well, it's cheaper than going there on a holiday, right?" That's what computer games are: a holiday, but without the hassle of dealing with travel and hotels and whatnot. I do love taking trains but eventually you do get to your destination, unless you're on Snowpiercer.... and that seems a little cramped.
I can related so much! I listen to a ton of autistic youtubers... the trajectory of your life really mirrors mine incredibly close. More importantly I completely relate to your views through time and your views now. Incredible feeling to hear someone explain (what sounds like) YOUR life.
I just turned 42 today. I recently stumbled upon researching Autism and basically like a tidal wave feel like I finally found the magic word that explains this F'd experience of life that I have been trying to navigate all my life. I am trying to get things sorted to get a diagnosis and I guess find some closure. I can go on for days about the details. The information would seem so scatterbrained and unorganized to an outsider. I guarantee it. I'll save you that read. I just want to say, Paul, I swear you are my long lost brother or something. All your videos hit so on point with me. Everything you said in this video is like you are talking to me about myself. I know you probably dont want to hear this, but you are a hero to me. Not many people understand how much courage it takes to accept being different and especially defending your right to be. I watch your videos like what I imagine people watch historically inspirational speeches of US Presidents like Lincoln or JFK or Reagan. I'm an American, in case you were wondering... I honestly can't understand why you don't have 7 billion followers. Anyway, your videos are very helpful to me and give me such great value as inspiration to accept myself for who I am and not to be brought down by people who are probably not worth a drop of the energy I let them take from me. I'm not even exactly sure what I want to post in this comment. I'm feeling very overthinky about it. It's my birthday though, so I will post it because I want to. If ever this world granted me an opportunity to choose one person on the entire planet to get to have a couple hours just to sit and BS with, I would pick you, hands down. Not trying to be weird, just honest. Anyway. I hope you are doing well Paul. Take care.
People don't appreciate us and I'm like you Paul I give my all to a good friendship, I value my friends. Unfortunately you don't always get it back what you give and I've found that a lot in life and it actually hurts. But I like your spin on it that you let go of negativity. That's how I try to look at it as I've got older and over people. Keep well.
I loved the part about the shoes, since I do something similar. I only wear one brand, in different colors and different models since they change them and I try to find something close to the precious. Partly these are the only shoes that don't hurt my feet, partly though I have different colors, designs. I always buy them on sale and have some in reserve that I will wear when needed. They are what you call trainers on your side of the Atlantic. Thanks for articulating about losing friends. I've done this with a couple of people in the past few years. Some people cross a line that can't be walked back. In those cases, I don't wish them ill, but can't have them in my life due to how damaging they were and didn't see it or perhaps didn't care. When I told a family member that I'm autistic he said "no, you're not" reflexively. But during the heated conversation he said I was odd. My thought later was that I'm not odd, I'm normal, normally autistic. That's the first time I knew I could feel proud of who I am instead of feeling shame. Autistic people are more interesting I think, at least to me. I'm not minimizing the very difficult things. I have always felt a connection with autistic people (diagnosed previously as Asperger's) before I ever knew I was autistic. Your description of not letting people "diss" you for being weird, etc. was right on! I also had the thought that in previous generations there were family members people referred to as "eccentric." I now see they were autistic. The word "eccentric" strikes me as more respectful than "weird" or "odd" and it connotes that they were in some ways more interesting. I am aware of how these people in my lineage suffered, too. I feel fortunate to live in a time when they are coming to understand autism, even though it came late in my life.
Yep. I'm grateful I know about my Autism, and in this time I'm in. I got to avoid a lot of whats actually deeply unhelpful, and got enough life experience to manage it the way I need to 👍🏻
my hands literally went in the air when you said you like watching wrestling LOL that was one of my hobbies that I gave up when masking to make my ex-husband happy. I still have all of my Chris Jericho and Chyna memorabilia in a tote in the basement. I have been so thankful to have found your channel and have enjoyed watching you the last few weeks. On the rare occasion I've disagreed on something, I find myself doing so with a smile, none-the-less. I appreciate you sharing yourself on here, I feel you are a very kindred spirit. Many thanks and well wishes to you and George
What an absolute gem of a channel you have here. Feels very relatable, most of it anyways as im still finding about new stuff about myself after 20 years of trying to live up to society's expectation. Thanks for the content!
I watched this a year ago and liked it. Now, re-watching after sitting with my late diagnosis during this time, your point about embracing our own interests without shame or apology is really helpful. I've also been more honest with myself and others about enjoying my own company in my own space 😊
I've taken so much away from this video, both for my newly-diagnosed self and my young adult autistic step-son. Thabk you! Your comments about watching wrestling as a brain dump particularly resonated for me. This is why I love Tony Robinson shows like Time Team and the walking Britain onr: - we're digging up this field to see what artifacts we find. That's it, that's the show. - I'm going on a long walk and Im telling you about thr history and geography of the area I'm passing through. That's it. That's the show. Nothing sudden or unexpected, no hidden motives or stuff to figure out, just doing a thing and telling me about the thing he's doing
I had a test to see if I was autistic and the test didn’t tick all the bixes to say I was ‘officially’ autistic but it did say I have some of the traits. I know I am defo Neuro divergent because I have messsed up lots of my friendships. Every time it makes me feel I don’t deserve to be loved
You're the first to explain watching wrestling as a hobby to me in a way I understand. From autist to autist - thank you. I feel like I know my friends better. I also love Adidas shoes and mass buy anything comfortable. I dig that you've made utility into an art installation. I'll also have to look for Gazelle's Losing friendships as an adult is tricky business. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much! I stumbled on your channel yesterday and I have already watched quite a few videos (you have a very nice voice and accent). I also liked hearing that you now defend yourself. It’s only fair to include yourself when it comes to kindness and compassion. I’m thirty three and I haven’t got a diagnosis but I think I may be autistic because I have a really hard time with things that a lot of people don’t seem to think much about: like leaving the house, or going to sleep or waking up etc. and I usually have to recover for a long time if I socialize. I’ve also always had slightly random interests: when I was a child I taught myself Morse code and semaphore and all the names of the parts of sailboats even though I don’t live near the sea and have never had a boat myself. These days I’m interested in astrology (even though a lot of people think it’s nonsense) and tarot reading. I’ll watch loads of tarot readings on UA-cam, not because I necessarily think they predict my future, but just because I find it kind of pleasant and soothing to imagine the different scenarios. I also like learning about exercise, fitness, and nutrition even though I’m not athletic and I’ve always struggled with eating disorders since I was a teenager. One of the reasons why it’s taken a long time for me to think I might have autism is that I’ve always been quite sheltered. I was mostly homeschooled, a lot of people in my family are kind of unusual (perhaps they also have autism or adhd), and most of them will be quite nice when I rattle on and on about something I’m interested in. Also I don’t really have an issue with eye contact unless I’m super upset or overwhelmed, and my persona is very friendly and warm (it’s just kind of tiring to sustain). The problem is that I find it very hard to work, manage money, and be around other people. Also it’s very hard to change my habits and routines, and since a big part of that is having bulimia, I’m not in the best shape. Thanks for sharing your experience. I like your not so glossy way of talking about things. Anyways, sorry this comment is so long. All the best to you! 🙏
I just discovered your videos. Thank you for doing this. I am waiting to get a diagnosis. I get what you say. I laughed when you commented about statistics, I actually thought it was a bird course in University. Who knew 😂 Keep up the good work, I certainly appreciate it. ❤ Michele
Thabk you so much for this video. It sounds like we are in a similar little corner of the spectrum, I relate so much to everything you said especially the bit about getting out of the house
Hi Paul I found your channel a few weeks ago and I’m already about 20 videos in. I always resonate with you and I love the way you explain stuff. I’m undiagnosed but defo on the spectrum. I’ve lived a similar life to you too with the drink and the friendships, and working away. I always get something from every video and I’m so glad to have found someone who speaks what to me is the truth and has such integrity. Legend mate
Thanks for allowing me tk be ok embracing my weirdness and the fact I like myself better than others. I'm obsessed with buy shoes they so pretty but I have sensory issues and I don't like wearing them. I think my meltdown is because I'm tired of masking. I just saw a video that a therapist advertised the ASD person to play video game on off days even if is for 8 hours to regulate the work week. I stopped for few years now because I thought I was doing something wrong. Funny neurotypcal people get high with drugs and alcohol all the time and no one criticized them. Weird how much more compassionate, understanding than neurotycal yet we are labeled as having social issues, not being able to understand others.
I play video games constantly, it is how I recharge. People say I should get out more, find something else to do, it isn't productive etc...but they miss the point. WHY do I play them? It is because I exhaust myself being someone for others BECAUSE they don't accept differences. So if I have to do what I need to so I can recharge from that, I am doing. It doesn't impact work or anything I need to do, so there is no harm being done. People just need to mind their business 👍🏻
Ooo Paul, well I like Chelsea boots the same as you like Reebok gazelles 😀👍 and I have not seen anyone else in East Texas that wears them lol and I don't care ❤
@@AdultwithAutism I am sorry I got that wrong, I don't even know how that happened because I had Adidas in my brain lol I didn't even obviously realize I typed Reebok 😂
All my life I remember Nguyen called me weird, I said, I’m not weird I’m normal everyone else is weird. I didn’t realize how true that was until I started watching the hive mindlessness around me. They’re like collectivist insects, buzzing around aimlessly- guided only by what their social order dictates to them. I wouldn’t be surprised if future historians find that THEY are the disordered ones. Wish I could travel to the future to observe or era through the eyes of historians.
I don't get why people try to gate keep other people's harmless interests! 🙄 I have zero interest in wrestling, but I also have zero interest in what other people watch if it's not hurting anyone or any animals! So I'd just say cool and ask a few questions because it's so much more unteresting to learn about something new (even if you don't like it!) than to crap on someone else!
I feel divided. I like being alone but i also would like to have an husband. None of my relationships turned out okay. Im 34 and an only child. My parents never pressured me...but im afraid i will regret not having a spouse and/or children. I was always the "fun one" in groups. Now i dont care anymore.
I will be one of those people downloading because a) I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman (51!) with adhd and b) you have one of the nicest voices to fall asleep to!
One aspect of solitude I've had to come to terms with - feeling guilt over the fact that I simply don't enjoy spending extended time with family members, even the safe ones. (By safe, I mean people I can be myself around, up to a point.) I love them, but I need to love them from a distance. The peace and privacy of an empty house is such a relief. I know that sounds terrible to those who insist that people require the company of other people for health and happiness, but no - the truth is, many of us are healthier and happier without it.
I can understand that. The days of guilt are gone for me. Instead I offer my reasoning unprompted. I did that with my mum for example when I finally decided I wasn't doing Christmas day anymore. I could feel guilty for not spending the day with a little older lady, but I don't spend every other day with her either, and that's not a problem.
When something is an event, it hits so much harder, so I told her I'm not doing it again, and we need to find an unrelated day near the time to catch up when there is no pressure, no gift unwrapping, no other family members around, no waiting on a big dinner etc. I felt bad at first, but I look forward to the day now, spending it in solitude and avoiding it, and my mum actually enjoys avoiding it too.
I give everyone what they need all the time, so much so that they don't notice 99% of it just so the status quo can be maintained. So when I need 'me' things, it's happening! And without guilt 👍🏻
"The peace and privacy of an empty house.." - yes!! - What a relief. What a sense of freedom from any pressure, even just the subtle pressure of other people's presence in the house.
I can't relax or be myself with someone in my house. So much so, no one I know is aware of my address 😂
@AdultwithAutism That's great about the address! I recently had to have a plumber in my house for several days and a furnace repair person a couple of days. I absolutely could not relax the whole time, even in the evening when they were gone if I knew they were coming back the next day. I have learned to repair many things just because I'd rather not have people in my house. It's getting more difficult to find this kind of help, so I'm glad I can do it myself and actually enjoy the feeling of completing such a job. I like to work with my hands, anyway..
Same, I’ve just driven out ALONE on Mother’s Day! I needed some quiet time, now I feel like a bad person, the guilt is real with this 😢
Being female and in my early 50’s having just figured out that I am autistic has been both a relief in many ways and a genuine surprise. I appreciated hearing that you defend yourself when someone calls you “weird” because although I mask much too well for anyone to have ever called me weird, I certainly have been attacked in other ways especially in the family system. For being “too intense” or caring too much about something or someone and when this has happened, I haven’t felt like I had the right to defend myself. Their words have been hurtful and unfair and I have been labeled as “too sensitive” for my entire life. Well, I now know I’m experiencing things differently than they are and I will defend myself for my own valid, genuine experiences. Because when you said, “I will kill the mood of a room to defend myself” I realized that I was constantly sacrificing my own mood and feelings to everyone else’s. They could kill my expression by shutting me up instantly with the accusation that I “cared too much”. Wow, what a sin I’ve been committing! Well, maybe they should care a little more. Because my mood and feelings are certainly just as important as theirs. And I’m no longer willing to accept the label of “too sensitive”.
❤
I can so relate to this!
I agree, I like being alone, I don't have a problem with it. Going out ANYWHERE is a LOT of EXTRA for me personally. Your content, for me, is the best I have come across on the Internet. Thank you Paul for sharing your experience in such a clear and relatable way. It is very reassuring to hear it is okay to acknowledge and adjust myself to not being guilty for not being able to make my entire life 100% for others and disregarding how it'll affect ME, possibly being triggered and maybe even a meltdown or burnout.
Thank you for your kind words, I really do appreciate them. Leaving the house is like completing a script for a show. I don't have the freedom of auto-pilot. Everything must have attention paid to it, so I know the feeling you talk of.
I know what you mean. It has only gotten more 'taxing' on me as I get older to go out and deal with the world.
It seems cresting "over the hill" has worsened my ability to prevent a meltdown, the sensory strain of age can be hard on autism. My body is falling apart, I'm 54 dx at 33.
And the rough part is, at this age, a meltdown only comes off as "grumpy old man". Most do not even consider autism to be a factor in older people, most still assume it's a kids thing. Let alone understand how it can get rough with later age.
I'm too afraid of the embarrassment to go anywhere. Supposed to be "grown up" at this age.
When I was a kid I changed my personality entirely to try and fit into the norms of junior high school- unfortunately for me that high level of masking kind of overtook my ability to just be normal or how I actually am or when I do try and be myself I now feel guilty because the character I made that people liked is who people really want to see and even if I am in my home I know neighbors and others are looking for that character rather than who I am. When I have indulged myself off and on over the years the lack of social norms in my regular self I always come away feeling guilty because at the end of the day me being myself prevents me from progressing in the normal world. Not necessarily because of the opinion of others (though that is a factor as much as I have tried to get rid of that) but rather I know that I need a certain level of income and progress in order to live a good life in general. If I were to be myself I would live in abject poverty- I think a lot of people are homeless because of their unorthodox thinking so no matter what I have to do some level of masking if I don't want that. (there is much less support in America especially for adults than over the pond and the support that exists is not enough for anyone to be helped by it + there is the moral quandary of such.)
There isn't support for Autistic Adults in the UK unless you fall into a 'supported' category. But for that, you need to be not deemed as independent.
It's the same for me, I have that choice to make. Keep pretending to the world and being false to myself in order to 'blend in' and work a job like I do and put on a front. Or be true to myself and as you say, live in poverty. I wouldn't have my house, car, or animals as I wouldn't be able to afford them.
So to have what I want, I have to play pretend. The mask gers heavier, the effort gets harder, and the understanding by others never improves because they're too busy experimenting on Zebrafish and Mice to try to uncode Autism than to talk to Autistic Adults.
I don't see unmasking as a viable option for me, so don't consider it. But I do try and look at everything else to see what I can do once the power swings back to my favour on my free time. It others have to 'suffer' because I don't fit their mould at that point, then its too bad for them 👍🏻
In addition to when it's needed to earn a living, there are other times fitting social norms is safer and less exhausting. Dealing with any bureaucracy, for instance. With the "healthcare" system this is often the case, where there's no real help to be had. I even tried an online autistic support group (once). It was highly regulated/structured. Run by some funded agency. You could tell it was anti-human. The people in it were autistic people masking in a different way, to fit in to that structure. A lot of alone time is healthier.
I'm still looking for an accepting Autism Community.
I am still waiting for diagnosis but because of you I already know the outcome. I am so similar to you. Your reasons are my reasons. I spent decades wondering why everybody else was different, and now I know, it's easier. Thankyou.
No problem Graham 👍🏻
I relate to your videos so much. Diagnosed at 54, last year. Burnout but releuved to fully understand what I'm working with. 🎉❤😊your delivery is calm and easy to understand, spot on!
Really glad you can relate.
❤
it's interesting that when I hear you explain how you've experienced judgment and mockery, it really resonates with every reason why I developed Avoidant PD alongside aspergers. You're not allowed to draw your boundaries or people make you feel like something's wrong with you, so you develop anxiety and you begin to avoid people just to avoid their bulldozing demands. You try to hide your interests and hobbies, because "really, is that all you're into?" 'Cause god forbid you're a huge introvert. You just grow up learning that every little thing is wrong about you.. now that I've learned I got aspergers, my AvPD makes so much sense. I always wondered, why can't I be like everybody else? Why am I so sensitive? Why can't I be interested in what they're interested in? Why does NO ONE understand me? And they still don't. I still fight to set boundaries at my age, and I am almost 36 and people talk to me like I am an ignorant child. Because they all 'just' do A, B, or C, but in my world, those things result in overwhelm, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. And nobody gets it. None. And ugh, relate to the childhood friend who just used me to compete with. I've been wanting to let go of my friend, too, it's just hard if you can't find new and healthy friends.. and it seems whenever you think you can trust someone, it's just a matter of time and they turn on you, in one way or another. Not the most positive comment, but I really feel this right now. I can't imagine the peace it brings once I get my diagnosis. Even though I know it's no guarantee anyone will take you seriously. And having AvPD.. just means setting boundaries are near impossible.
That is what caused me to say goodbye to the world around me and focus on one of my own...but guess what? Then you get called selfish for looking out for yourself. You can't win!
Interesting, in that there were indeed things that it was beneficial and possible to change in your life, off the back of your diagnosis.
I have just read a PhD thesis about high functioning autism in the over-50s. People who had autism but were undiagnosed for most of their lives have coped in very different ways. Only a few remained single like you and me. Most, it seems, got married and had children, and the scope for significant change in the light of their belated diagnoses was almost nothing. It just provided understanding of why they had always had friction with spouses and other immediate family members, and why they had always been considered difficult and weird, even by their own reckoning.
There was no need or scope for me to change anything about my life post diagnosis because I had always been wilful in the extreme about doing my own thing and insulating myself from the herd, quite irrespective of understanding why my preferences were so unusual relative to the norm.
It's good you were always like that. I wasn't, not at all. I always just wanted everyone to be okay, and would break myself trying to achieve it. Then alongside that, hoping I could stay under the radar enough to not stand out, even before I knew I was Autistic. The diagnosis allowed me the acceptance to look after myself, thankfully things got better once that happened.
I can relate to having your hobbies being viewed as childish. I'm a gamer too and I've loved Pokémon since I was a kid. Currently playing Pokémon Violoet for the Switch i got for my birthday tomorrow. I love the Bioshock series and sunk a TON of hours into Skyrim. I've also loved Batman since I was a kid and read comic books. I used to be embarrassed about the things I liked. Now my special interests are kinda trendy so that's annoying too lol. Great video Paul, thanks for sharing your experiences!
Haha, I know that feeling! I've had a beard since I left the Fire Service, BEFORE Hipsters started with them. Then all of a sudden, I get called a Hipster before I even knew what one was. I had a beard before they were a trend, and I'll still have one when it's passed. How dare people think I want to be trendy 😂
I was so embarraced that I, an adult wanted to build a snowman, that I only built a small one, in a hidden corner.
I was riveted by every word you said. I’m in Australia and I’ve just been diagnosed. I was feeling lost. I’ve listened to dozens and dozens of videos on autism and none has impacted me like yours has. It’s like I have a “self respect map” that gives me guidelines on how to proceed. Thank you so much. Judy 🙏🌻
Thank you Judy. I appreciate your kind words 👍🏻
I have never felt so understood in my life! It's like we've lived the same life. I'm perfectly content to spend time with myself. I don't need people to entertain me or keep me company. When I'm alone I feel safe to be me. Not many people understand that it's ok to be by yourself. I need silence. I can't tolerate people that won't stop talking or just making some sort of noise.
You're right. Don't ask me what I like if you're going to get offended. I didn't ask you to ask me that question. Just because my answer isn't cookie cutter doesn't mean that it's not enjoyable.
Thank you so much for your videos!
So, at 41 I am just now realizing that I am on the autistic spectrum... after yrs of misdiagnosis. I can relate to having many lives in one trying to find where I can fit and survive, like I have not met anyone else that has said that before... and i always got weird looks saying that. Thank you for making these videos... they are helping me know what to do to get out of and prevent autistic burnout and be able to accept my need for solitude and hobbies... like before i just though of them as quirks and wasted my energy on the mask... thinking i had depression and needed to socialize and fit in more... which results in never having a charged battery. Anyways thanks again... going on a hyperfixation dive on more of your videos while sculpting in studio today😊❤
Hope my videos have useful moments 👍🏻
I recently found out I am autistic, today was one of the first days in a long time that I left the house to go to a social event, the actual travel part wasn't so bad. I stayed for a few hours and I was very chatty, afterwards I felt so tired/exhausted I felt almost ill, when I got home I had a while to recharge and process and now I'm feeling quite good.
I like your summation: "I gained by losing". I have felt that many times when I've looked back & realized the trouble I have saved myself when I didn't continue a 'friendship' because it wasn't actually benefitting me in any way, only the other person. I also really get your acceptance of a life of solitude. Me too - the peace & quiet of mind!
I wish more people could find their contentment with themselves. It removes the need for others to be a requirement, and instead becomes a bonus. A supplement, not mandatory 👍🏻
Another great video Paul. Thank you for sharing your valuable experiences.
I often find myself wondering how on Earth you can verbalize exactly what I am thinking… it’s totally uncanny and even shocking. So much of what you reveal is identical to my own thought process or reality, and I understand you so sincerely.
You have a distinct and eloquent way of describing your life, and I appreciate the time it takes you to record these moments for everyone to enjoy. Glad to see you recording again!
Thank you Rebecca. I appreciate that.
It's always good to know others relate too, as when I do videos, I've no idea if it's just me who feels that way half the time.
Just found your channel, Paul, and have subscribed. Am now going to binge-listen; this video was so relatable, especially what you said about friends and your idea of friendship. I was diagnosed at 56 this summer, it's been huge relief and I am in the process of re-evaluating everything and cutting out the crap. On to part 2...
Thanks for the subscribe, and hope it continues to be a good watch 👍🏻
Congratulations on 30K downloads! 🎉You are reaching lots of people! Thank you for advocating for us! ❤
I'll keep talking my nonsense should anyone want to listen in 👍🏻
Great video Paul. My office is filled with toys, I have 6 Rubik’s cubes that I solve daily, and have been playing Nintendo since it was invented. I am obsessed with elephants. I didn’t have many friends as a kid but I have a few amazing life long friends now. I do like my alone time but I do go out with friends sometimes. I have also had to let go of friends for similar reasons. I have also said that I embrace wired but if I am treated badly because of it I will defend. Lastly, the shoes are awesome! Great collection. Looking forward to part two!
Elephants? I never knew!
I've got 5 Super Nintendo consoles (the mini version) in a cupboard. I bought them to sell on in years to come...but then they kept making them instead of them being collectors items. So now I'm just the oddball who looks like he collects Super Nintendo consoles 😂
the different lives and still not fining the one... THAT hit hard
Omg my main man, my boy. SoB, i can't believe your story about the process to go for a hike. I've explained this exact thing to people, no one gets it and look at me dumbfounded. I'm actually currently trying to move closer to the mountains here in NC. I'm about an hour away, but that pretty much means i put off spending time there 9 out of ten times i have the inclination. I need to get the trip to less than 20 minutes to trail. Trail running is one of my favorite things, i don't believe i have much time left in my legs for it maybe at 38 now.
Get the most out of your legs. My knee is gone, so those wants are over for me, and I miss jogging a lot.
"I've got something on that night..." 😂
Oh, man...my favoritest shoes ever were dark green Gazelles with white stripes and laces. I wore them till they fell apart. (There are a few things I miss in this life...a 12 string El Degas I pawned to pay rent, a lot of dead cats and a few dead friends, most non-meat foods, and those shoes. 😭)
One of the greatest gifts you give us is that you show us that it's ok (imperative, really) to take care of ourselves and our needs. I alway went along to get along, doing what was expected out of fear, obligation and guilt, and it was killing me trying to be "normal" all my life. I personally don't mind the word weird. The Chili Peppers' Nobody Weird Like Me used to be my theme song. 😜
I bet a lot of older folks, who have bumbled through life not knowing what they were struggling with all along, would really resonate with what you share. I'd be surprised if the big number didn't keep growing. Congrats! 😸🧡
Can't beat Gazelles! My main outdoor pair are walking off before I do they're that worn, but they're at their comfiest.
I love my own company. I feel bad for the folks that need others for entertainment. Lol
I was 38 when someone suggested i might be autistic and asked a few questions and it just hit me, this explains so much of my life and my struggles. It took me till 40 to find someone to formally diagnose me due to a few reasons. One being afraid that they would say I wasn't autistic and get the rug pulled out from under me and left with the crushing feeling of no explanation for why I am the way I am.
I think I got by in life with less issues because I embraced I was weird/different and I didn't think much about it because I was happy being "myself". But in the back of my head I'd wonder why I didn't have a life even close to a typical high schooler when I had part the equation like being the captain of the football team.
The few friends I had loved me and accepted me as the goofy, smart, friendly guy who was just a little off. That got me a long way. But the older i got the more I panicked and told myself I just need one more life accomplishment and it would come together. Go to colllege, get my engineering degree, become a soldier, do a deployment, see combat, get a girlfriend, get an engineering job, get a house.... I accomplished a lot but I didn't get a life I expected or a life people expected I'd have.
Finally I stopped chasing what people expect my life to be and stop judging my life to "normal" people's lifes. I found a person who loves the autistic me and doesn't care what special interests I have. Doesn't mind when I info dumb about a passion I have because they know it makes me happy or how I just need to talk about it to get it out of me.
I embrace what makes me happy and give myself time to recover from losing all my spoons at work or from a social event. I eat my safe foods and don't beat myself over it or let people bully me over it.
I'm glad you're looking out for your best interests these days 👍🏻
I had a chuckle at the dream part, that's my experience all over. Especially if I do a two day fast; the dreams on the second night are absolutely nuts and so visceral.
A two day fast? That takes some focus!
@@AdultwithAutism it depends on the mindset, you can either focus on not eating, which is horrible, or simply forget to eat and that's faily easy with a few shorter fasts as practice.
By the way, not sure which part of Greater Manchester you're from (I'd guess Bury from the accent, but I'm crap with accents) but if you like getting out for a walk, Rivington pike is a nice area and I generally seem to have success with parking there, but I do avoid peak times.
Originally from South Manchester, Wythenshawe. My accent on the videos is toned down a lot so people outside of Manchester can understand me. But I moved from Manchester years ago.
Im a 50 year old female. I had a mental breakdown in 2019 and could no longer leave my home. I was diagnosed as autistic, with CPTSD, in March this year (2024)
The NHS didn't care. Nobody seemed to care at all. I eventually started getting some help this year.
I never get bored or lonely
I play PC games.
I play games like Anno 1800 (settlement management)
Car mechanic simulator ( I know nothing about cars and have no interest in the them, but I like putting them together in this game, its relaxing)
GW2 (there is a lot to do and I can play alone)
Planet crafter (because it's relaxing and I can be alone)
Many other games too.
I like creating things with my hands. small things for dioramas, from the worlds i have created in my head (i have hyperphantasia)
I watch UA-cam videos that show you how to make things, or use a specific crafting material, or how to connect tiny LED's, or how to use certain crafting tools, etc,
I watch them for hours everyday. I find it soothing and I like learning new things.
I like to take things apart, especially electronics, and use those pieces to make other things.
I don't dream, I nightmare, so I take medication to make me go to sleep and stay asleep (doesn't always work)
I don't watch "western" (our tv or films) because I detest propaganda, so I switched to watching Korean and Chinese tv series (their propaganda is designed for them, and I can just ignore it)
I use an ad blocker because I hate adverts. Let's not talk about a company that had no ads before, now forcing ads on you, unless you are willing to pay not to see those ads.
Neurotypicals are weird. They are like NPC's, that are all connected to a main PC and they get "new" information input from the main PC, and then that is their "truth". They don't seem to have access to any sort of "search engine", or the ability to research outside of the "approved research".
So, the data that has been input are just accepted as "fact and truth". And when someone tries to show them that their data is corrupt, they attack that person, as if it's a virus. They cannot accept new data, unless it's from the main PC. They seem incapable of seeing anything unless they have been "updated" with new data, which always seems to be corrupted.
Anno is a great game
Really relate to NTs being like NPCs who can't accept new data. That's how they always appeared to me as well.
I can totally relate. I'm 54, dx at 33, I had my breakdown about 7 years ago now. haven't gone much anywhere or done much of anything since. I melt down too much when I go out.
My problem is, I relied to heavily on the computer based stuff, don't mix in enough off computer activities, I see you have, keep that balance! My back, hips, neck, shoulders,arms, everything hurts because I haven't gotten up from this computer enough. Even if I don't go out, i still need to get up and move around.
I did get a guitar recently! I am making a change. And i love it! It's a new stim, a sensory playgroud.
AND... it gets me up from the computer.
I have not been as positive in my isolation though. My creativity has suffered. I used to do graphic art, but I worked in it and money spoils art. careful to those perusing a career in commercial art....
Maybe music is what I need? It is helping after just a week.
And OF COURSE! ad blockers are fundamental to use of the internet. And if it's normal broadcast tv, that mute button always get's hit as soon as the commercial starts!
But I have grown weary of media culture. Spent a lot of time around the entertainment industry, I know too much, it's just all so fake. and hasn't been worth anything in quite a while. haven't had cable since 2006. Stopped going to movies in 2015. I don't even stream them. I'm just done with all that fantasy land everyone is trapped in. Glorified toy commercials.
I think alongside the diagnosis they should help you understand the condition and how to navigate this mad world with it.
I think they don't do that because they don't know. Autism is governed by non Autistic people, which is why they consistently act like they couldn't find their way out of a wet paper bag. Once Autism belongs to Autistic people, we'll soon have it sorted 👍🏻
Best time is alone, mate. Isn't it strange? I'm fun and funny for myself, I like myself, I like my hobbies, I like my free time, I like my interests, I like the flow.🤷♀️ I find 'oddity' interesting and 'normal' just so boring...🤦♀️
Ditto 👍🏻
Yeah chaos is a no no and that's all that most people bring
It's tough for people to understand that chaos is unnecessary. Planning, forethought, and consideration are pretty good blockers 👍🏻
I struggle so much with people. I have a service dog and I have to put myself in difficult situations by taking my dog out in the middle of the night to avoid people but there are still always people around and because I have a dog they always want to pet the dog and talk to me. I hate it. I get so anxious talking to people I don't know and I just want to be left alone.
@gillb9222 me too 99.9% of the time. I always have earphones in to avoid talking to people. Most of the time, there isn't anything being played. It's just as a visual deterrent for others 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I totally get that. I wear them too and listen to the same album on repeat whenever I go out. I find it so soothing and calming to just have something that I am familiar with. And it keeps people from talking to you
@gillb9222 yep. It's not being rude, it's just keeping yourself to yourself 👍🏻
Diagnosed ASD at 44 this month(and adhd). This is wild but, I see it as an opportunity. Good vid. This is the 2nd of yours I watched. Subbed.
Welcome to the Tism Gang, and thanks for the sub!
Hey, Paul, very interesting video, again.
About solitude, I have found it is much lonelier to be with people and feel alone, than it is to be at home on one's own, doing one's own thing without having to think about the impact we might have on someone else. The only times I feel really zen is in my studio, music blasting, painting, door locked, shutter down or after midnight, playing Ark or Eco or making stuff. Oh and I'm an old lady and I love computer games. Age is irrelevant. When someone has commented on my playing games on the computer, I have said "well, it's cheaper than going there on a holiday, right?" That's what computer games are: a holiday, but without the hassle of dealing with travel and hotels and whatnot. I do love taking trains but eventually you do get to your destination, unless you're on Snowpiercer.... and that seems a little cramped.
I can related so much! I listen to a ton of autistic youtubers... the trajectory of your life really mirrors mine incredibly close.
More importantly I completely relate to your views through time and your views now.
Incredible feeling to hear someone explain (what sounds like) YOUR life.
I'm really glad you can resonate 👍🏻
I just turned 42 today. I recently stumbled upon researching Autism and basically like a tidal wave feel like I finally found the magic word that explains this F'd experience of life that I have been trying to navigate all my life. I am trying to get things sorted to get a diagnosis and I guess find some closure. I can go on for days about the details. The information would seem so scatterbrained and unorganized to an outsider. I guarantee it. I'll save you that read. I just want to say, Paul, I swear you are my long lost brother or something. All your videos hit so on point with me. Everything you said in this video is like you are talking to me about myself. I know you probably dont want to hear this, but you are a hero to me. Not many people understand how much courage it takes to accept being different and especially defending your right to be. I watch your videos like what I imagine people watch historically inspirational speeches of US Presidents like Lincoln or JFK or Reagan. I'm an American, in case you were wondering... I honestly can't understand why you don't have 7 billion followers. Anyway, your videos are very helpful to me and give me such great value as inspiration to accept myself for who I am and not to be brought down by people who are probably not worth a drop of the energy I let them take from me. I'm not even exactly sure what I want to post in this comment. I'm feeling very overthinky about it. It's my birthday though, so I will post it because I want to. If ever this world granted me an opportunity to choose one person on the entire planet to get to have a couple hours just to sit and BS with, I would pick you, hands down. Not trying to be weird, just honest. Anyway. I hope you are doing well Paul. Take care.
I WANT THOSE SHOES They are sooooooo pretty and vibrant - I didn't know about those .
People don't appreciate us and I'm like you Paul I give my all to a good friendship, I value my friends. Unfortunately you don't always get it back what you give and I've found that a lot in life and it actually hurts. But I like your spin on it that you let go of negativity. That's how I try to look at it as I've got older and over people. Keep well.
Thank you, you too 👍🏻
I loved the part about the shoes, since I do something similar. I only wear one brand, in different colors and different models since they change them and I try to find something close to the precious. Partly these are the only shoes that don't hurt my feet, partly though I have different colors, designs. I always buy them on sale and have some in reserve that I will wear when needed. They are what you call trainers on your side of the Atlantic.
Thanks for articulating about losing friends. I've done this with a couple of people in the past few years. Some people cross a line that can't be walked back. In those cases, I don't wish them ill, but can't have them in my life due to how damaging they were and didn't see it or perhaps didn't care.
When I told a family member that I'm autistic he said "no, you're not" reflexively. But during the heated conversation he said I was odd. My thought later was that I'm not odd, I'm normal, normally autistic. That's the first time I knew I could feel proud of who I am instead of feeling shame. Autistic people are more interesting I think, at least to me. I'm not minimizing the very difficult things. I have always felt a connection with autistic people (diagnosed previously as Asperger's) before I ever knew I was autistic. Your description of not letting people "diss" you for being weird, etc. was right on! I also had the thought that in previous generations there were family members people referred to as "eccentric." I now see they were autistic. The word "eccentric" strikes me as more respectful than "weird" or "odd" and it connotes that they were in some ways more interesting. I am aware of how these people in my lineage suffered, too. I feel fortunate to live in a time when they are coming to understand autism, even though it came late in my life.
Not "precious" but "previous."
Yep. I'm grateful I know about my Autism, and in this time I'm in. I got to avoid a lot of whats actually deeply unhelpful, and got enough life experience to manage it the way I need to 👍🏻
Listening to you 2 weeks before my Autism assessment I feel like I've been seen and you've described yourself like you were describing me
Hope it helps 👍🏻
I hope you get yourself a telescope - you deserve good things!
Haha, I'll see what Santa brings 👍🏻
my hands literally went in the air when you said you like watching wrestling LOL that was one of my hobbies that I gave up when masking to make my ex-husband happy. I still have all of my Chris Jericho and Chyna memorabilia in a tote in the basement. I have been so thankful to have found your channel and have enjoyed watching you the last few weeks. On the rare occasion I've disagreed on something, I find myself doing so with a smile, none-the-less. I appreciate you sharing yourself on here, I feel you are a very kindred spirit. Many thanks and well wishes to you and George
You did right giving up the husband to get the wrestling back! If I gave that up, that would be 50% of my hobbies gone!
@@AdultwithAutism stay true to yourself, the right people will always appreciate you for you. Im still learning that lesson.
@boking1108 they sure will. I've always said that good people, understand 👍🏻
I had a crush on the Undertaker 😂😂😂😂
What an absolute gem of a channel you have here. Feels very relatable, most of it anyways as im still finding about new stuff about myself after 20 years of trying to live up to society's expectation. Thanks for the content!
Thank you 😁
I watched this a year ago and liked it. Now, re-watching after sitting with my late diagnosis during this time, your point about embracing our own interests without shame or apology is really helpful. I've also been more honest with myself and others about enjoying my own company in my own space 😊
I've taken so much away from this video, both for my newly-diagnosed self and my young adult autistic step-son. Thabk you!
Your comments about watching wrestling as a brain dump particularly resonated for me. This is why I love Tony Robinson shows like Time Team and the walking Britain onr:
- we're digging up this field to see what artifacts we find. That's it, that's the show.
- I'm going on a long walk and Im telling you about thr history and geography of the area I'm passing through. That's it. That's the show.
Nothing sudden or unexpected, no hidden motives or stuff to figure out, just doing a thing and telling me about the thing he's doing
Such a good talk. Awareness leads to set acceptance and therefore self care. Such a win win!!! 😊
A win win sounds pretty decent to me 👍🏻
I had a test to see if I was autistic and the test didn’t tick all the bixes to say I was ‘officially’ autistic but it did say I have some of the traits.
I know I am defo Neuro divergent because I have messsed up lots of my friendships.
Every time it makes me feel I don’t deserve to be loved
If you're a good person, you deserve good things.
Thank you for sharing with us your stories. This is probably my favorite video from you.
No problem 👍🏻
I agree!
You're the first to explain watching wrestling as a hobby to me in a way I understand. From autist to autist - thank you. I feel like I know my friends better.
I also love Adidas shoes and mass buy anything comfortable. I dig that you've made utility into an art installation. I'll also have to look for Gazelle's
Losing friendships as an adult is tricky business. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you
Thanks so much! I stumbled on your channel yesterday and I have already watched quite a few videos (you have a very nice voice and accent). I also liked hearing that you now defend yourself. It’s only fair to include yourself when it comes to kindness and compassion. I’m thirty three and I haven’t got a diagnosis but I think I may be autistic because I have a really hard time with things that a lot of people don’t seem to think much about: like leaving the house, or going to sleep or waking up etc. and I usually have to recover for a long time if I socialize. I’ve also always had slightly random interests: when I was a child I taught myself Morse code and semaphore and all the names of the parts of sailboats even though I don’t live near the sea and have never had a boat myself. These days I’m interested in astrology (even though a lot of people think it’s nonsense) and tarot reading. I’ll watch loads of tarot readings on UA-cam, not because I necessarily think they predict my future, but just because I find it kind of pleasant and soothing to imagine the different scenarios. I also like learning about exercise, fitness, and nutrition even though I’m not athletic and I’ve always struggled with eating disorders since I was a teenager. One of the reasons why it’s taken a long time for me to think I might have autism is that I’ve always been quite sheltered. I was mostly homeschooled, a lot of people in my family are kind of unusual (perhaps they also have autism or adhd), and most of them will be quite nice when I rattle on and on about something I’m interested in. Also I don’t really have an issue with eye contact unless I’m super upset or overwhelmed, and my persona is very friendly and warm (it’s just kind of tiring to sustain). The problem is that I find it very hard to work, manage money, and be around other people. Also it’s very hard to change my habits and routines, and since a big part of that is having bulimia, I’m not in the best shape. Thanks for sharing your experience. I like your not so glossy way of talking about things. Anyways, sorry this comment is so long. All the best to you! 🙏
Thanks for sharing, and thank you
@@AdultwithAutism Sure thing. Thanks for replying 😊
I am told I am weird, I say I love the world live in.
Exactly. They're the weird ones who have a problem with it 👍🏻
I just discovered your videos. Thank you for doing this. I am waiting to get a diagnosis. I get what you say.
I laughed when you commented about statistics, I actually thought it was a bird course in University. Who knew 😂
Keep up the good work, I certainly appreciate it.
❤ Michele
❤
I hear you. We're surprisingly similar with these fixations and interests
Thabk you so much for this video. It sounds like we are in a similar little corner of the spectrum, I relate so much to everything you said especially the bit about getting out of the house
I'm glad you could relate 👍🏻
I know exactly how you feel, I have just had a diagnosis of autism at the age of 60. I am beginning to take the journey of unmasking.
Take your time to unpick the mask, you'll be surprised what you learn about yourself along the way 👍🏻
Great to see you back! Related to so much of this, thanks so much for the content 🙃🌻
No worries. I think part 2 of this is set for today.
Hi Paul I found your channel a few weeks ago and I’m already about 20 videos in.
I always resonate with you and I love the way you explain stuff. I’m undiagnosed but defo on the spectrum.
I’ve lived a similar life to you too with the drink and the friendships, and working away. I always get something from every video and I’m so glad to have found someone who speaks what to me is the truth and has such integrity.
Legend mate
Ah brilliant! I might waffle a lot of nonsense, but I am glad there is something useful amongst them!
Thanks for allowing me tk be ok embracing my weirdness and the fact I like myself better than others. I'm obsessed with buy shoes they so pretty but I have sensory issues and I don't like wearing them. I think my meltdown is because I'm tired of masking. I just saw a video that a therapist advertised the ASD person to play video game on off days even if is for 8 hours to regulate the work week. I stopped for few years now because I thought I was doing something wrong. Funny neurotypcal people get high with drugs and alcohol all the time and no one criticized them. Weird how much more compassionate, understanding than neurotycal yet we are labeled as having social issues, not being able to understand others.
I play video games constantly, it is how I recharge. People say I should get out more, find something else to do, it isn't productive etc...but they miss the point. WHY do I play them? It is because I exhaust myself being someone for others BECAUSE they don't accept differences. So if I have to do what I need to so I can recharge from that, I am doing. It doesn't impact work or anything I need to do, so there is no harm being done. People just need to mind their business 👍🏻
I've loved this video and can't thank you enough for reflecting my autistic experience. Thank you.
Thank you
I like your shoes. I love the colors!
Many thanks
Those are really satisfying shoes to look at
😊😊😊 great video
Many thanks 👍🏻
Ooo Paul, well I like Chelsea boots the same as you like Reebok gazelles 😀👍 and I have not seen anyone else in East Texas that wears them lol and I don't care ❤
Adidas Gazelles! Reebok Gazelles...if they exist, would not be a welcome addition to my shelves 👍🏼
@@AdultwithAutism I am sorry I got that wrong, I don't even know how that happened because I had Adidas in my brain lol I didn't even obviously realize I typed Reebok 😂
thank you for this🤍
All my life I remember Nguyen called me weird, I said, I’m not weird I’m normal everyone else is weird. I didn’t realize how true that was until I started watching the hive mindlessness around me. They’re like collectivist insects, buzzing around aimlessly- guided only by what their social order dictates to them.
I wouldn’t be surprised if future historians find that THEY are the disordered ones. Wish I could travel to the future to observe or era through the eyes of historians.
With everything that is going on in the world today...the last thing I feel is weird anymore 👍🏻
I don't get why people try to gate keep other people's harmless interests! 🙄
I have zero interest in wrestling, but I also have zero interest in what other people watch if it's not hurting anyone or any animals! So I'd just say cool and ask a few questions because it's so much more unteresting to learn about something new (even if you don't like it!) than to crap on someone else!
Exactly. Hobbies are personal...people shouldn't take it personally if they don't share them 👍🏻
Thank you!❤🤗
Welcome!
Wow. I am so much like you it's scary.
Hopefully not too scary, I'm not that bad 😂
@@AdultwithAutism noo I find you very comforting actually 😁
Can't argue with that 👍🏻
Wythenshawe-ite here with an upcoming autism assessment who has telescopes! 🔭
Hope Wythenshawe is being good to you if you're still there 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I am mate. Got my assessment on 1st July….sooo many thoughts flying around at the minute 😬
This is great.
Thank you
I feel divided. I like being alone but i also would like to have an husband. None of my relationships turned out okay. Im 34 and an only child. My parents never pressured me...but im afraid i will regret not having a spouse and/or children. I was always the "fun one" in groups. Now i dont care anymore.
I hope whatever you do, it's the right decision for you. Nobody else 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism thank you. Trying to figure everything out. Adult life isnt easy 😅
Have you shown your dog? Can we see them play?
Only on Patreon I'm afraid 👍🏻
There’s nothing weird about what you like . Get the telescope . Who the hell cares what people say.
Life is short. Go buy a telescope!!!😊
Haha, true 👍🏻
Feeling these pro telescope vibes 😂
I'm going to get a microscope one day because that fascinates me... Far things are your jam so go for it!!
I will be one of those people downloading because a) I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman (51!) with adhd and b) you have one of the nicest voices to fall asleep to!
Haha, good to know my voice is boring enough to fall asleep to 🤣